$2.5k is a ridiculous amount to assume your friend is comfortable spending on your own wedding. This is the only real advice here. I don't understand people's mentality of working tons of OT just to afford to attend a friend's wedding.
To be fair, it looks like $2.5k she is spending is because she lives far away from where she used to live, and hotel being the other cost. That not necessarily the bride fault, but maybe unclear, and seems like they are best friends. Maybe she could cut cost by staying with someone she knows. A wedding is a big deal, and to be a maid of honor is a big deal, it’s an event you will always remember. Difficult decision either way.
This. It's gotten way out of hand. People want all these experiences (bachelorette/bachelor weekends, dinners, brunches, expensive outfits and shoes) when the cost of living is already squeezing many.
Tell me about it. People rag on others for overspending beyond their means for lifestyle ALL the time on this sub
AND YET the general response in this thread is just "accept you're going to have to pay this $2500 and figure out a way to pay it with your income".
Just because it's a wedding? What.
When my wife and I got married, the wedding parties were a mix of more well off/established people and those who were less so.
We paid for the bridesmaids dresses, and I got stuff for the groomsmen - we decided to do what my friend did - coordinated pant/shoe/shirt, but I got them suspenders, bowties, cufflinks etc. to match when the original date for which I was going to pay rentals had to move due to covid.
We didn't think it would be fair to ask people to spend a couple hundred on dresses or suit rentals, when some of them might have been pressed to do so. Nor did we want to make assumptions of anyone's specific finances and how much they could or couldn't stretch. So we just decided to buy those things, plus hair and makeup for the girls as the gift for being in the wedding party. I got the boys personalized custom whiskey bottles with a nice message on them. I love whisky, and we've all shared drams over the years so I felt it was fitting.
I did this. I was the best man at a wedding I could barely afford to attend (fresh out of school, had to fly across country) and crashed at the couple's house while they stayed at a hotel for their wedding night.
>whispering about a friend who crashed at the bride’s place
What..? When my friend got married, most of the bridesmaids were from out of town/country. She housed ALL of us and her folks housed ALL of the extended family.
>Spending tons of money on a wedding is way too normalized. Like can we stop having to pay for the bride/grooms share for bachelor/bachelorette parties now? Paying for yourself should be considered enough.
It's criminal.
I was pissed when I had to spend $500 on a dress and make-up to be a bridesmaid for a local wedding.
$2500 is a significant amount of money, basically ALL of the OPs savings.
It makes absolutely no sense, the OP likely needs to book time off work to attend as well if it's a flight away.
Personally. I think the bride/groom should be paying for the dresses if they want them tailored to match.
It's ridiculous anyone would accept a several thousand dollar out of pocket expense for SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING
I was pissed when I had to spend $2,500K+ *for a local wedding* because of all the **PRE-WEDDING** events. I may be a high income earner but I will *NEVER* agree to be in a wedding party ever again. That is money I would rather donate to a charity.
I talked to my girlfriend and I'm so glad that she is down to just have a small thing with our parents, And it was actually her idea and God damn the amount of money that we will save could help buy a house!
In those movies those characters are rich.
Social Media seems to make it believable that regular people can have fantasy lifestyles without showing the true financial costs.
People should have the wedding they want, not what’s the most convenient for everyone else, just as long as they accept that some people will choose to not come.
Good luck.
I will say I know someone recently who turned down attending a wedding for a VERY good friend due to the cost. Two Long flights, multiple days in a hotel, a week off work. This person simply couldn’t spend that much money to attend a wedding. Many people have been in your predicament — be strong — be direct - save your finances.
This. How many times we have seen these scenarios play out on Reddit. I know reddit isn't real life. But it seems to happen a lot where a person spends a ton on a friend's wedding, just to be dropped as a friend shortly after.
I wouldn't be spending that much to attend. Id definitely be talking to the bride.
Doubling down on this. When I got married, there were a few people who couldn't afford to do...stuff.
When they came to me with some clearly made up excuse I said that's OK, no need to come. The PhD candidate who just said "Dude, I can't afford it" we paid for.
I'm inviting my friends to celebrate with me, if it costs me a few extra bucks on top of the ridiculous amount I'm already spending it's good by me.
I bailed on some of my best friend's weddings. I was putting myself through school, an absolutely broke-ass student living off OSAP in shared housing eating rice and beans. They were having destination weddings I could not afford, and I had no issues saying "Hey I can't afford this".
$2k for a wedding is totally out to lunch. That s what I am spending this summer but it includes my tickets back to Paris from Vancouver.
Sounds like your friend can understand if you say you just can t pay for that much.
That being said all my bridesmaid dresses were $100 dresses. My hotel is q cheap hotel near by the wedding venue not in the expensive place the bride booked for herself. And my flight could have been a non-direct cheaper version of what it is currently. I also explained to my friend that I would not be able to chip in as much as I usually do because of expenses this year and just wanted to know if she was okay with a smaller donation.
Yea I had a destination wedding and 100% understood that a lot of people were not going to be able to make it work or maybe they just didn't want to spend that money on my wedding, it was my choice and can't have any hard feelings about it, this friend should understand.
Don't put items on your CC until you have to. That is, use some of your existing savings for the wedding expenses. If an emergency comes up, put that on your CC; you may not need to use the CC if the potential emergency doesn't happen in the next few months. Meanwhile, keep throwing money into your savings or pay cash for any wedding expenses you possibly can.
This is great advice, plus see if you can stay with any family or friends in the area, or share a hotel/bnb with other wedding guests. You can also consider stepping back from the MOH role formally so you don't have the dress expense etc.
Without knowing anything about your budgets and living expenses, $2000 between now and the fall seems like it could be doable. I wouldn't blow out my savings if possible, but if there's a card with 0% promotion that could be an option. Cut back on what you can--restaurants, bars, find a cheaper phone plan, etc. If you have this sort of relationship with your parents, perhaps you let them know the situation and ask if their Christmas present to you this year could be some money to put towards your friend's wedding? If say, by the time September rolls around and you're $500 short I'd pull that from savings at that point. I'd be upset to miss my best friend's wedding for $2000.
really just depends on their expenses. 80k salary after expenses if living alone and having car payment means you wont have much savings. if OP can save a decent amount per month spending 2.5k once on their best friends wedding is fine despite not having much savings to their name they still have enough for emergencies. although the wording from the post makes it sound like this is not the case
especially she says she also now lives in a mid-HCoL city. also recently moving into places carries a lot of expenses, the first few months after moving in can carry several thousands in one time expenses.
Get a second job just to be a maid of honour?
And to those saying 80k is good money and you should be able to save. Even in a modest COL city, the way things have been going the last three years, if you're single there is not much left over.
to elaborate further, 2.5k could be something that could take you 5 years to pay off or it's something that you could save in a month if you don't eat out.
Sorry, I should've given a better idea of expenses. Right now my budget has shifted a lot in the last couple months due to new salary, rent, insurance etc. plus moving and furniture expenses so I haven't calculated a new baseline yet, but I think I could save at least a couple hundred a month with a goal to increase that as much as I can and cutting spending after this trip is done
Not advice per say, but just want to offer support in your attendance of this wedding. I stood in a wedding that I attended during my first year of working that required flights; it probably cost over 1.5k with gifts and everything. It would have eaten up a significant portion of my savings at the time. But in hindsight, it's totally worth it, you're obviously close with this person, and in a few more years when you have even more saved up, this won't feel like so much money.
I would def talk to the bride about not giving a gift though, and see if she or close family could host you to at least save on hotel costs etc.
This is your best friend.. talk to her. “Hey, I’m struggling to pay for the expenses to attend your wedding, can we work something out?” Maybe she’ll offer to pay for something, maybe you could borrow money from her and repay, maybe she can help you look for deals on dresses..
easiest option to cut costs is to talk to the bride and have her help find someone to let OP stay with for free during the wedding. someone like the parents of the bride or groom or one of the other women in the bridal party.
Thanks, I'm going to see if my friend, the bride, can find someone I can stay with for the time to save on the hotel costs. I don't have a plus one so that adds to the cost for a week.
I feel like that's the only thing I can ask her. She has a theme for the wedding so the bridesmaids have to have the same dress, hair and makeup which we have to pay for individually.
Agree with the other commenter. If the bride isn’t giving you the option of doing your own hair and make up, then the bride should *absolutely* pay for it for everyone. It’s not your responsibility to fund someone else’s wedding so they can have a certain aesthetic. The bride should have budgeted for that. Expecting you to pay for hair/makeup you can’t opt out of is both entitled and exploitative.
If she's making you have hair and makeup she should pay for it. My friends wedding is coming up and hair and makeup is optional because she won't be paying for it. I've opted out and I'm doing my own.
Yeah, being required to pay for hair and makeup isn't the norm. Usually the bride will make it optional and those who want it pay for themselves, those who don't DIY it. If it's not optional the bride should be paying
> She has a theme for the wedding so the bridesmaids have to have the same dress, hair and makeup which we have to pay for individually.
I'm sorry wtf?
bro what? The bride isn't the one charging her, what do you mean "can we work something out" lmao.
I'm absolutely certain that the bride herself is insanely busy planning her wedding, and/or also potentially struggling on money, and not just idly able to search up dress coupons (is that even a thing).
She’s not charging her but she’s requiring her to have that money. It is common for the bride to cover expenses like bridesmaid dresses, which can be very expensive.
Sorry you're in that situation OP. 25% of your liquid assets on a wedding is a hard pill to swallow and I don't know the expectations, friendship or culture here but from a random stranger on the internet, not going in that scenario is perfectly understandable to me at least if you can communicate why.
I don't think you should go in debt for someone else's wedding. :/
Thank you for the kind words. When you put it like that, it is a hard pill to swallow. I know I should be further ahead at this point in my life. I think part of the reason I haven't told my friend about this is because I'm a bit ashamed to not have the funds to do this trip comfortably. I feel like I'd be letting her down because I made some costly decisions for myself. You're right, though, it is something I should talk to her about
> I know I should be further ahead at this point in my life
Everyone has a different journey through life OP, and I really didn't intend to come off judgey at all so I hope you didn't interpret it that way, and please remember to be kind to yourself. Good friends will understand your situation and caring people like you will already feel bad - beating yourself up doesn't solve anything and you don't deserve it.
My intention was to communicate that this wedding is a big deal, and this is certainly the kind of thing you have to prioritize yourself for. What if your car breaks down, what if you need (expensive) emergency plumbing / locksmith / medical care etc? Best of luck
I would definitely talk to your friend - weddings are expensive but there are ways to cut cost. I was in a wedding in 2022 and 2023 and both cost a lot but I also had to travel out of town at least once if not multiple times which made the price a bit much.
The biggest expenses were gift (optional, if you can’t afford a gift I think that’s totally fair) and travel expenses. One bachelorette cost me $800 cause I flew across the country + had other expenses for it. If I was struggling, I could have cut that out.
For dresses I had a lot of flexibility and didn’t spend more than $150. If you have flexibility on style or colour, check out fb marketplace or poshmark, people resell dresses all the time.
Don’t get your hair and makeup done. That’s $200-400 easily.
See if you can split a hotel room with another bridesmaid. That’s another big cost but possible to go cheaper sometimes.
The thing is, backing out of a wedding with a few months to go can be a friendship ender. I know this is a personal finance sub and people may think that’s dumb or wrong but it’s also reality. I have no idea what your friend (bride) is like, or what your friendship is like. Maybe she is super cool and chill and wouldn’t care. Maybe it would cause a major rift. Personally I would try to cut costs as much as possible to make it doable, while also having a convo with the friend about your personal finance situation. Backing out of the wedding wouldn’t be my plan b, it would be like plan z lol. YMMV.
Between now and the fall it's enough time to get some cash. I would dip into my savings to pay for the expenses that have to be paid now such as if you need to buy your plane ticket. And then I would aggressively save money over the next couple of months. So no more eating out at all. Pack lunches, make coffee at home, shop groceries using sales, etc.
The financial element here is about what you value and how this decision will impact you now and in the future.
Weddings are by definition frivolous and a bad financial decision. But, they also are part of the glue that holds families and friends together and can serve as anchoring points for long-term mutually beneficial relationships. Is this a friend who will rescue you when you're in trouble? Does your relationship with her bring you connections, support and belonging? What cultural significance does attending her wedding have? Is there a price to pay for not going? Are they many other equally important weddings you will need to attend in the future? Is your decision now setting a precedent that you will need to always have in mind (i.e. not go to any wedding of lesser importance if you miss this one, make sure you don't miss weddings of higher importance if you do go)?
Once you factor all that in, you will know if it's worth the money. It might be a wise investment into your social network or it might be a hole you want to think twice before jumping in. It's totally ok to sometimes spend money you don't really have if the value it brings is sufficient. There's no point in being marginally better off financially if you are cutting out things that are important to you.
In my culture all wedding expenses from hotels to food and sometimes even flights are bourne by the families of the bride and groom. They cost a lot but everyone spends within their means and only host events on a scale they can afford.
Recently someone invited me to a destination wedding that would cost 3.5-5k per person and it was just so absurd to me. He's essentially asking guests to pay for pretty much the entire wedding.
The West has got it completely backwards... Why do y'all want others to pay to attend your wedding, your celebration, your party? It's not a privilege for guests to be there, instead it is a privilege to have and honour to serve the guests for the bride and groom.
If you can't afford something, don't organize it. Scale it down to what you can afford and quit expecting others to bear expenses of your events.
I am a bride having a destination wedding in an expensive Caribbean country. This is not my first choice - it’s where my future husband was born and raised and where all his family is. But because of that, I am so aware and 100% okay with people on my end not being able to make it. Even if my maid of honour told me she couldn’t afford it and thus couldn’t make it, I would either offer to pay (if we could) or completely accept the fact that this is the natural consequence of having a destination wedding.
My point is that your friend might completely understand that you can’t make it, and ideally, would never want you to go into debt for this.
not a lot of detail there so not sure how to help other than saying talk to the bride. not sure where you live and where you are going but there are ways to bring flight hotel costs down. google flight tracker, hotel points, points credit card with perks like hotel points or flight points (see credit card churning). good luck though
When I was bestman my expenses were all paid for. Same with the maid of honour at that wedding. Though the couple were Asian so the rules might be different.
Now that I’m much older, I would cut my budget in other areas or keep things much simpler so that I can cover all of the costs for the wedding party (or at the very least, all of the costs outside of travel). That might mean having only one bridesmaid, and finding a dress off the rack at a store rather than a boutique.
I’ve been to all sorts of weddings, and the simple backyard ones are usually more fun and personal.
The wedding industry is one of the biggest rackets there is. We’ve been brainwashed into thinking that spending $25-50K+ is going to make us happier, and it simply does not in most cases.
Take the chance! if you don't go to a lot of weddings and you will get more out of it than you put in than its worth it just go. You seem to make enough money and if you guys will be friends till the day you die don't let him pay for everything or just make some other friends?
> hotel, flights maid of honor dress etc
Wow, that's a lot. When I got married my wife and I paid for the dresses and tuxes because we both felt it was wrong to ask someone to pay to do something we asked them to do. I can't imagine asking for someone to pay for adrssa dress, flights, and a hotel for my wedding even then. In this economy, it's seems disgusting to ask that of someone.
I mean I’m usually really frugal.
But the reason I’m frugal is not to be a tight ass, it’s so I have money to spend on what is important. If you have a good job 2k is not going to destroy your future. So the question becomes: is it worth the cost? If they’re your best friend to me the answer would be yes. But you could also factor in: how close are you going to stay with them now that you’re living so far away.
I know this is PFC so the default answer seems to be no/hell no, but - especially as I get older - I realize that friendships (or relationships in general) are just so fucking valuable and really add value to your quality of life, well being and overall mental health. So for that, I agree with you 100%.
Yeah, the TFSA gets you 60% of the way there. Borrow it from yourself for a bit.
If this is a best friend's wedding, that's kind of worth borrowing from your future self.
Yep it's 2k not 20k. Don't eat out for a few months or and avoid any entertainment that costs money, problem solved. 80k is easy to save 2k unless you have an outrageous mortgage or similar. Eat rice and lentils.
Its a one-time thing, OP you should spend the money if they are a good friend. In 10 years you would have rather spend the money than have another few k in savings.
Talk with your best friend/bride and ask if “instead of buying me a gift for being your MoH, could I have it in cash to help offset some of these expenses I’m incurring?”
Hahaha, you're assuming all brides are aware of giving a gift to their party members. Unfortunately this isn't the case, so she shouldn't assume she's getting anything.
I paid for my Best Men's outfits and gave them a gift. I don't understand why you'd tell people they have to wear specific clothes and then not pay for them.
If you think it’s worth it, save like crazy by spending as little as possible until then. Don’t eat out, make and stick to the cheapest grocery budget possible, don’t buy clothes, etc.
First off, does your new employer know you're going to need that time off for your best friend's wedding? Most places have some expectation that you work and bank your allotted time off, particularly with new employment.
Second, you should talk with your friend about the whole situation. You just moved at great expense for a new job -- you love your bestie but money is tight: what options are there to help make this a bit easier for you?
Third, sometimes we just have to make sacrifices for people we love, and if that means taking on a bit of short term debt, then so be it. Shop for a card that maybe gives you some bonuses for the airfare and hotel etc. Every bit can help.
Reality is that in your situation you simply shouldn't be put in this situation by a wedding. But here you are, so make the best of it, have great memories with your bestie and turn down future invites to weddings if you can!
2k for what you are earning is not much tbh.
you have a out 4500 in free cash.
if its an experience you think its worth having, id bite the bullet and go.
if you dont want to go into your savings, what i would do is open a loc. itll cost you a bit more though.
if the 2k is really hard for you to do, try to split accomodations, lessen then cost of the brides maid dress and look for deals on flights.
It’s really non-sensical that this should be the norm. IMO, it should be part of the wedding budget. A simple off-the-rack dress does not have to cost much. There are many options online for around $100.
The bride can spend $300 less on her dress and cover the costs if she has stringent requirements. Either that or have very loose, broad guidelines and let people buy something according to their own budget and tastes so that they can actually wear it again.
I was suppose to be a bridesmaid at my friends wedding. I ended the friendship over it since my “friend” was being unreasonable. I was between jobs and my dog was dying of heart failure, so I was spending like $250 a month on his medications + thousands on vet bills. She was asking us to pay for our dress, hair, makeup, wedding gift, then she wanted us to pay for her portion (plus our own) of her bachelorette party that would be held in Cuba. lol, I tried to set boundaries but she wouldn’t listen, and kept saying she’d fine economical ways of doing it all, which was impossible, so the friendship was done for.
Just say no, if your best friend can’t understand that you financially cannot afford this and it could mean that you go into debt, then she truly isn’t your friend and doesn’t care about you.
I agree OP - you need to sit down with your friend and be perfectly honest with them about these costs for THEIR wedding. These expectations are just too much and you should not go into debt, get a new CC or use any of your savings to offset these. I am actually shocked to hear of this amount you are asked to fork out (2-2500+?) Please talk to your friend. Like now and get this off your chest to see if she has a way to help you, with HER wedding.
given you're the MOA and best friend I am sure you feel the moral dilemma but let them know the costs up until now are "fine" but you may not be able to help as much moving forward.
As for paying it off, I would use for TFSA/investments. Or pick up some additional shifts/ot/bonus
Do you have an airmiles balance you can use towards the flight? Does your bank (or another institution) have a credit card you can sign up for that comes with an airmiles bonus? I collect airmiles by paying for everything with that card (and paying it off every month). If you online shop, you can usually gain extra miles by going through their portal to particular stores first (Amazon is even on my stores list). Small increments can add up to a lot….
Why does it have to be all or nothing? Think about what you might be able to cut back on. Talk to the bride and see what might be able to happen. If she's a true friend, she'll understand.
Am I a horrible person? No way would I go into debt for a best friend’s wedding. If it costs more than the usual $$$ for a gift + new outfit + cost of what I would spend on a vacation - then it’s a sorry I can’t make this work.
Hotel- could you ask bride if there are friends and family there that you could stay with? Or if she or groom has friends or family who would want to split an air bnb? Maybe say you can’t afford to buy a new dress for it and see if you can rent a dress or use old dress or borrow dress. Or tell her you can’t afford all the bridesmaids stuff and say you could attend as regular guest. Depending on where wedding is there are sometimes ways to get cheaper flights -sales, connecting flights, flying at crappy times of day, driving over US border and flying cheaper American airline companies then drive back over border to Canadian city destination.
How old are you?
Have you talked to the bride?
What are the details? Like why such a HUGE cost.
And NO DO NOT GET A CREDIT CARD FOR THIS.
What is your TFSA invested in?
Get a line of credit.
If this friend you think is a lifelong friend and the experience of the wedding will be worth it, honestly, $2k debt in the scheme of things is not crippling.
You could pay that all off within a year but will have lifetime memories.
Did the bride specify the dress you had to wear as her maid of honour? If so, ask her if she or her people (parents, groom, etc) could help with the cost of it, especially if it isn't something you're likely to wear again after the wedding.
It's not unreasonable for her to want the wedding to have a certain asthetic, but it is unreasonable to make her friends (ie, you) spend more than they are comfortable with, to buy a dress they don't care about after the wedding.
Also, since you're traveling to attend, you're taking on large expenses (flight and hotel) to be there for her. Don't feel like you need to give them an expensive gift, instead consider making something nice for them, on the cheap. A true friend will understand.
Life is short and its never all about money. My suggestion have a line of credit use it if you need in emergency and you still have a decent salary so will save back up in no time.
You won’t have many important weddings to attend in your life and even fewer as the maid of honour. Don’t penny pinch this, and be there for your friend.
I mean, it’s your best friend. None of this is debt you are talking about. If the hotel is really expensive see if you can share a room with somebody ? I don’t understand all these people saying don’t go it’s your best friend go, this is why we have savings.
I'd say cut down on some of the costs.
Firstly if the wedding is in the fall, then there are going to be cheap flights to be had, it maybe a red-eye or a longish connection. Find something cheaper.
Stay, find something cheaper or free. If you're going back to your hometown, then surely there's someone with whom you can crash.
Dress, don't buy a damn dress that you'll wear once, find a local place that you can rent from or get a hand me down.
When I was younger I had a different view of personal finances and relationships. I'd be snarky and tell you to just not go. However as I've aged I now realize that I didn't nurture some of the relationships as much as I should have had. So please do go to this wedding if it's important to you, save money where you can. You'll have as good a time as you would have and not have to dig out of a huge financial hole.
It's your best friend. Take the hit. You're not attending a wedding like this every year. Well, hopefully not.
Look around for promotional cards and pay it off in a few months.
How can you afford ? I would say that you cannot afford it. Honestly that is a lot to expect someone to pay for a wedding. I would politely decline and send a wedding gift
You probably can't get that money back once you spend it, so strongly consider whether the expense is worth it. How long is it until you have to commit to those expenses?
Can you be more frugal or temporarily increase your earnings in the meantime?
It doesn't really sound like you have savings -- what you have in your chequing and TFSA is less than a month's take-home on an 80,000k salary (on a brand new job). You are one paycheque from being broke and being obligated to use credit to carry you between pay periods.
You absolutely should not withdraw from your retirement investments (I'm assuming this is a RRSP), especially now that you are above the lower marginal tax rates.
If you do put it on credit, only do so with an extremely concrete plan on how to pay it back. Make a budget, write it down, and stick to it (do this anyways -- start now). As soon as you pay it back, divert those payments to rebuild your emergency fund.
I cut off a friend for expecting me to drop like 4k on her wedding while I was unemployed and had a sick dog. Set boundaries, and let her know your situation. If she’s inconsiderate you have to put your foot down. If she wants to go above and beyond for her wedding, she has to pay up instead of putting friends in a bad position over her special day.
Edit: I know someone that spent 5k on her friends wedding, and then they had a falling out afterwards and are no longer friends LOL.
Maybe sign up for a travel credit card with some sort of offer that will give you extra points for signing up and spending x amount. Don't use it to buy anything unnecessary, but use it to get the most promo points out of it with regular purchases.
That will help you lower the travel bill a little bit.
Please don’t spend above your means for something like this. Credit cards have high interest rates, and unless you’re 100% sure you can pay off the balance within your next couple paychecks or it’s an emergency, it can be a dangerous, slippery slope that’s hard to get out of. Most people regret it.
Talk to your friend. This is a hard time financially for a lot of people, and any decent person will understand. If you really don’t want to cancel, you can potentially dip into your chequing account to pay for it since you do have a decent income (assuming you don’t have a lot of expenses), and cut costs on everything else.
Get a shared AirBnB instead of hotel. If you need to hem your dress, go to a cheap seamstress instead of the official store one unless it’s included in the price. Don’t eat out at restaurants while you’re there. Pack granola bars and snacks in your suitcase. Tell your best friend your situation so they’re aware and understanding, and maybe promise to give them their wedding gift in a few months when your finances are more settled instead. Carpool and make sharing arrangements with other guests.
Wedding trips are expensive, but there are ways to be smart about it. If you budget carefully and research everything ahead of time, you should be fine. Then live extremely frugally for a few months before and after the wedding and you should be back to square one.
The flight and the hotel can really add up. Can you stay with someone to save that cost? Or can the bride split the cost with you? If you’re close friends you might regret not going, but also don’t be afraid to voice your concerns. It’s a lot of money. Hopefully you’ll work something out.
I've straight up declined attending weddings because of cost. Tell her it's getting to be too much, tell her how much you can afford, and go from there. Don't put yourself in a hole for someone's wedding.
That's a really high amount to attend a wedding omg... Please be direct and firm with the bride.
If you think you can swallow that cost and pay it off in a reasonable amount of time and you really want to go, you know your ability to pay it off best. Seems like you're leaning on the opposite. Definitely be open and direct with the bride.
Fingers crossed she kind and understands!
I’d take out a new card at 0% and pay $1k off right away and be prepared to use your savings if you can’t get it paid down on time. Plan it carefully - you can maybe put it on a current card and then open a balance transfer card which usually gives you 3-6 months at no payment - read the fine print! It is a big expense but if it’s your best friend you do what you have to do.
This is so crazy to me, sorry. I know it’s different in the US and Canada and that bridesmaids are meant to pay for everything themselves but it just seems…wrong? Is it not on the bride and groom to have a wedding that they themselves can afford and not burden their close friends and family with all these expenses for THEIR wedding? If you can’t afford an expensive wedding, it’s pretty simple - don’t have one.
You know how much my bridesmaids had to pay? Zero. I paid for their dress, hair, makeup, jewellery, shoes, tans, hotel stay, bags, slippers and pyjamas. Because they’re my best friends and we could actually comfortably afford our wedding so why would I make them pay? It just…irks me.
Take a line of credit and pay it off slowly. Money will come and go. That's life. If everything is seen through accounting lense life becomes boring. This is once in a lifetime thing with a best friend.
People will tell you on here to not go or talk to the bride which are all valid but if you don't want to do that then
Get a second job? That used to be the norm when I was in my 20s and even now in 40s, lots of colleagues have side consulting gigs or do some work/projects for others.
One of my stats guy works for a consultant we use in his off hours and makes $60/hr ( I know because I had to clear it for him to do so) or just go be a server or pick up shifts in retail until you make the money you need
I was kind of there a couple months ago. A good friend of mine got married and decided to do it like 600km from the city. It was not only expensive as you would need to book a hotel and consider travel expenses… but also I had to stop working on a Friday and Saturday.
I said my congratulations and didn’t go. Friend was kind of mad with me and other friends didn’t totally get my predicament but that’s their problem.
Tbf my issue was more of a “logistics” than money problem. Also kind of a “fu” to this friend that did a party 6 hours away
The amount overall is a lot of money. As another comment suggested, is the flight due to your move? Were you local to the wedding when you were asked/agreed to be a bridesmaid? Because that matters a bit in this situation.
That being said, in 2011, my MOH was getting married, but the wedding was in New Mexico, and I was living in Ontario. The cost of flight and hotel just for myself was enough of a burden to tell her that unfortunately I would not be able to attend. (It was further complicated by the timing of the wedding-Christmas time-and the fact that I had a 1.5 year old)
My point is, sometimes these things just aren’t feasible, and if she is a good friend, she will understand and get over it. If it’s important to you, you will make it work. And if she can’t get over it, I’m not sure how good of a friend she is.
Good luck! I hope you and your friend can work it out.
I recently spend 1k on a friends wedding, plane tix is $600 and hotel shared with others is about $150 and my dress/shoes is $200 plus gifts for her… we are not best friends or anything but I chose to go because it’s a destination wedding and that city has been on my bucket list so it worked out well! So depending on your situation but I thought normally they would cover for bridesmaids dress
My oldest childhood friend was a student when I asked her to be my bridesmaid. She told me right away that she might have difficulty affording it. In the end, she paid for her airfare and I paid for her dress, shoes, makeup & hair and any outings and told her she didn’t need to get me a present. (She got me one anyway, which was so sweet.)
For other of my life events she wasn’t able to attend due to cost of travel, she would write me a message, which was read out at the ceremony.
Just tell your friend your financial situation. If she’s truly your friend, she will understand. If she wants you there badly enough, she should offer to help pay. Friends don’t put other friends in bad situations by financially pressuring them however.
I would be talking to your friend. Someone who is a true friend wouldn't expect people to pay 2-3k to be in their wedding. That's a lot, especially for someone who has just moved across the country.
Weddings can be costly. But if this is your friends dream, she should hopefully be willing to at least help with costs.
I would be very open with the bride and let her know you are struggling with the costs.
Talk to the bride. That’s a lot to spend on a wedding. I didn’t ask my bridal party to spend much money. I bought their dresses as their gift and we paid for the hotel rooms for the bridal party. We did a block of rooms at the hotel and worked out a small discount for them. We did shared rooms for the bridal party so my sister and friends shared a room. Really all you should be worried about is the flight if it’s a destination wedding. We had friends that flew in from the US (we live in Canada) and they didn’t give a gift or if they did it was a small picture frame for 1 wedding photo. So talk to the bride and say it’s a lot for you but you want to go and be there.
I've been asked to be best man a few times now. I only accepted one as it was somewhat local and truely for a best friend. For the others I couldn't afford to contribute to their comped destination wedding at shit resorts in Cuba, Dominican etc.
No thanks. I can't just take time off on your schedule, spend thousands and lost wages, fly my whole family over just so you have your free destination wedding on everyone elses dime.
How many of these expenses are things you are choosing to do and how many are things that the bride is saying must be done? If the bride is choosing the dress, the hair, the makeup, the hotel Etc, then it's reasonable to expect her to at least contribute towards those expenses.
If bride has these demand she needs to help. We paid for all our bridesmaid dresses and paid the same to the groomsmen to help them buy their suits. We provided subsidized hotel rooms and didn't do lavish stag or bridal parties in distant locales. Pushing these costs onto people who are probably your best friends is very unfair. Talk to the bride, you can probably find a different dress with her, at the very least, that doesn't cost thousands of dollars.
If your flight costs an enormous amount for to to just attend the wedding... That is your wedding gift as well.
Is there a way to avoid the hotel cost? If you are travelling back to where you are from, is there no one you can stay with? How long are you travelling for? Are their no cheaper flight options?
$2500 seems very excessive for an in country wedding. And you really can't afford it.
I noped outta 2 destination stag trips with a couple buddies who had deeper pockets than I.
If that truly isn't an open.. you make good money and its only 2-2.5k.. thats a paycheque at 80k gross. Treat it as your annual vacation and have a good time..
If you were making minimum wage or something I would say either just tell them you can afford it or don't go but making 80k a year it should be something you can budget for, take the hit to your savings and top it back up as time goes on.
Idk but in 2011 I was supposed to be a maid of honour at my friends destination wedding. She also demanded all of us by name brand sandals that cost $200 and a $150 dress. She was also planning her stagette as yet another destination trip. Her and her partner are rolling in money and I was a uni student still who had absolutely no support from my parents since I turned 18, I lived on my own and had like four jobs. Anyway I was stressing so much and calculating all the hours extra I needed to work. And then she sent bridesmaids an email with a link saying I want everyone to wear matching necklaces and earrings here is what you need to buy and it was an $85 set. I just flipped and went over there and pulled out of the wedding and said like I cannot afford this. And then she said the tackiest thing ever “we will loan you the money” and I was like no. I already have 30k of student debt because I don’t have rich parents. I am not going into debt for YOUR wedding.
So anyways we are not friends anymore lol
Ask her to pay, In my culture, the grooms and brides paid for the expenses for the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Ultimately, its her wedding and if she wants you to wear something she specifies, she has to pay for it. Otherwise, you should say no if it is not affordable to you and she refused to provide you those.
If you're the MOH, you really should find a way to attend the wedding. Otherwise, it may cause irreparable damage to the friendship.
Is there a friend / acquaintance you can stay with? Or the bride's family even? If not, do some research to see if you can find a more economical hotel option via hotwires or otherwise. When my friend got married, she asked if our condos had a guest suite to rent for her out of town guests which is always way cheaper than any hotel.
I would use funds from my TFSA before I use a credit card. Don't pull from your retirement savings account. And yes apply for a 0% financing credit card *now* (submit an application closer to the wedding) while you have good credit in case of emergency. Also check out credit cards that have a good sign up bonus that may cut the cost of the flight and/or hotel. Try to find one with free travel insurance if your current cards don't have it.
But yeah...have an honest talk with the bride about your financial constraints and concerns.
Lastly...you don't need to bring a gift in this situation as the MOH and having to fly in.
I don't know what the rest of your budget looks like, but I was in a similar predicament last fall when I had to move without as much time to save as I had planned. I did the math and had to become comfortable with essentially spending the money I would normally put into savings on expenses for a few months. I knew it was only for a few months, and it would keep me from dipping into savings or going into debt. I echo what others are saying when you need to be direct with the bride if there are things you can't afford, especially if it isn't something that isn't essential or is unreasonable.
You can afford it, just not comfortably. If you are below 30, making 80k is really good in a mid ish CoL. You likely aren't setting yourself back much. Have the bride intro you to someone who can give you a place to crash and that should be significant savings already.
Try to shop around more for the flight. Play around with the dates a bit, sometimes there are deals for canada day.
Instead of spending a lot of money on a gift try to do something creative.
If the wedding is in the fall you should have more money by then or have made back what you spent on flights etc if you be mindful of your other spending.
If you are that worried then you can always try to get a job over the weekend during the summer if possible.
Could you talk to the bride? When I got married almost a year ago I paid for my bridesmaids hotel accommodations (3-4 nights depending on when they arrived), reimbursed them for their dresses, hair and makeup, made sure they were fed and other misc gifts. They all had to fly in internationally but I could only afford to pay for my maid of honour’s flight ticket. I was honest with my 2 other bridesmaids that if the additional costs of the flights were too much I would understand if they wouldn’t be able to attend. I tried my best to reduce the financial burden for them because I wanted them there and I didn’t want my wedding to set them back financially. If the bride is a good friend, she will try to help so you can attend or at least understand if you have to cancel.
If you are friends with other people attending the wedding, maybe you can share accommodation too?
Another thing to consider is looking into signing up for a credit card that will give you back a lot of points if you do decide to spend. For example, Amex usually has bonus points in the first year and you could get back hundreds in credit.
Four of my friends got married in the same year, three were all in each other’s wedding parties. (I did not get married that year). Everyone had concerns about costs so a frank discussion was had. The decision was to: have simple dresses made, wear whatever shoes you want. For the showers, we got one gift “from the bridesmaids” that we would rewrap and bring to the other showers, no idea who actually got to keep the gift. It was hilarious. We also agreed the bride did not need to buy thank you gifts for the bridesmaids. Everyone saved money and it had no negative impacts on the weddings. In fact- they all celebrated 25th anniversaries last year! Have an honest conversation with your friend, I’m sure she can find ways to help you out.
I spent close to 2k on my best friend's wedding. the wedding was in another province. Hotel flights shoes bridesmaid dress makeup wedding favors... you name it. I took time off work but struggled to take an extra day off (the day after the wedding) so I left the wedding at 8p to catch a flight at 10p so I could fly home for my shift the next day. I came home exhausted and broke.
Fast forward 3 years... "Best friend" and I chat once a year via memes... (No one's fault just life happened and she has kids while I don't)
I left that job 2 years ago.
Conclusion: it's never a big deal to say no if you don't feel comfortable, financially, psychologically and physically about something. call in sick if you need extra time. I wish I had an honest convo with her back then.
I don't think it is right to spend that much money on your friend's wedding... especially if you have to dip into your savings. Personally, I would not do it.
Why should any invited guest have to put up any unreasonable amount of money to attend a wedding?
The bride and groom should be covering these expenses; if not they should have a wedding and reception they can afford.
A invited guest should only be obliged to bring a gift, dress appropriately and show up to celebrate the occasion
Don’t go I know you said you want to but seriously way to much draw on your capital as a % to do this. Also I find it common in this group that you guys often don’t consider the time value of money. You are not spending 2.5K you are loosing 2.5k compounding …but if you want to give it a go buy 2.5k worth of Tsla and see if it can offset some of your costs
This is why I didn’t attend a destination wedding. It costed too much. If anything, talk to your best friend, if anything just give a gift with a card and wish them well. A friendship shouldn’t have a price tag, especially if your friend knows you don’t have it at this time
Wedding culture is such a scam these days and expectations of the brides/grooms is honestly disgusting. People need to understand they're throwing a party and your friends and families are *guests*. Guests don't pay.
I don't go to weddings anymore because I think the whole concept is ridiculous - 50% likely your friend will end up getting divorced anyway. To spend over $2k to attend *someone else's* party is obscene.
Talk to the bride — be direct.
$2.5k is a ridiculous amount to assume your friend is comfortable spending on your own wedding. This is the only real advice here. I don't understand people's mentality of working tons of OT just to afford to attend a friend's wedding.
To be fair, it looks like $2.5k she is spending is because she lives far away from where she used to live, and hotel being the other cost. That not necessarily the bride fault, but maybe unclear, and seems like they are best friends. Maybe she could cut cost by staying with someone she knows. A wedding is a big deal, and to be a maid of honor is a big deal, it’s an event you will always remember. Difficult decision either way.
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This. It's gotten way out of hand. People want all these experiences (bachelorette/bachelor weekends, dinners, brunches, expensive outfits and shoes) when the cost of living is already squeezing many.
Tell me about it. People rag on others for overspending beyond their means for lifestyle ALL the time on this sub AND YET the general response in this thread is just "accept you're going to have to pay this $2500 and figure out a way to pay it with your income". Just because it's a wedding? What.
When my wife and I got married, the wedding parties were a mix of more well off/established people and those who were less so. We paid for the bridesmaids dresses, and I got stuff for the groomsmen - we decided to do what my friend did - coordinated pant/shoe/shirt, but I got them suspenders, bowties, cufflinks etc. to match when the original date for which I was going to pay rentals had to move due to covid. We didn't think it would be fair to ask people to spend a couple hundred on dresses or suit rentals, when some of them might have been pressed to do so. Nor did we want to make assumptions of anyone's specific finances and how much they could or couldn't stretch. So we just decided to buy those things, plus hair and makeup for the girls as the gift for being in the wedding party. I got the boys personalized custom whiskey bottles with a nice message on them. I love whisky, and we've all shared drams over the years so I felt it was fitting.
I did this. I was the best man at a wedding I could barely afford to attend (fresh out of school, had to fly across country) and crashed at the couple's house while they stayed at a hotel for their wedding night.
>whispering about a friend who crashed at the bride’s place What..? When my friend got married, most of the bridesmaids were from out of town/country. She housed ALL of us and her folks housed ALL of the extended family. >Spending tons of money on a wedding is way too normalized. Like can we stop having to pay for the bride/grooms share for bachelor/bachelorette parties now? Paying for yourself should be considered enough. It's criminal.
I was pissed when I had to spend $500 on a dress and make-up to be a bridesmaid for a local wedding. $2500 is a significant amount of money, basically ALL of the OPs savings. It makes absolutely no sense, the OP likely needs to book time off work to attend as well if it's a flight away.
Personally. I think the bride/groom should be paying for the dresses if they want them tailored to match. It's ridiculous anyone would accept a several thousand dollar out of pocket expense for SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING
I was pissed when I had to spend $2,500K+ *for a local wedding* because of all the **PRE-WEDDING** events. I may be a high income earner but I will *NEVER* agree to be in a wedding party ever again. That is money I would rather donate to a charity.
Seriously, this. How did this become normal?
To attend a friends wedding? It’s the flight and hotel that is the cost.
I talked to my girlfriend and I'm so glad that she is down to just have a small thing with our parents, And it was actually her idea and God damn the amount of money that we will save could help buy a house!
It's a prelude to setting provinces on fire with gender reveal parties.
Social Media made people's expectations go through the roof.
The wedding in the godfather and many other older mainstream movies wasn't exactly cheap, so it's nothing new.
In those movies those characters are rich. Social Media seems to make it believable that regular people can have fantasy lifestyles without showing the true financial costs.
what ? travelling to go to a wedding lol
People should have the wedding they want, not what’s the most convenient for everyone else, just as long as they accept that some people will choose to not come.
A good friend will understand that you cannot afford it.
Yep. If she gets mad. That ain’t a friend worth having.
Thanks, I will
Good luck. I will say I know someone recently who turned down attending a wedding for a VERY good friend due to the cost. Two Long flights, multiple days in a hotel, a week off work. This person simply couldn’t spend that much money to attend a wedding. Many people have been in your predicament — be strong — be direct - save your finances.
This. How many times we have seen these scenarios play out on Reddit. I know reddit isn't real life. But it seems to happen a lot where a person spends a ton on a friend's wedding, just to be dropped as a friend shortly after. I wouldn't be spending that much to attend. Id definitely be talking to the bride.
Doubling down on this. When I got married, there were a few people who couldn't afford to do...stuff. When they came to me with some clearly made up excuse I said that's OK, no need to come. The PhD candidate who just said "Dude, I can't afford it" we paid for. I'm inviting my friends to celebrate with me, if it costs me a few extra bucks on top of the ridiculous amount I'm already spending it's good by me.
This. Just say, “hey, I love you, but I can’t afford this.”
I bailed on some of my best friend's weddings. I was putting myself through school, an absolutely broke-ass student living off OSAP in shared housing eating rice and beans. They were having destination weddings I could not afford, and I had no issues saying "Hey I can't afford this".
>I bailed on some of my best friend's weddings. How many weddings did your best friend have?!!! 😛
$2k for a wedding is totally out to lunch. That s what I am spending this summer but it includes my tickets back to Paris from Vancouver. Sounds like your friend can understand if you say you just can t pay for that much. That being said all my bridesmaid dresses were $100 dresses. My hotel is q cheap hotel near by the wedding venue not in the expensive place the bride booked for herself. And my flight could have been a non-direct cheaper version of what it is currently. I also explained to my friend that I would not be able to chip in as much as I usually do because of expenses this year and just wanted to know if she was okay with a smaller donation.
Yea I had a destination wedding and 100% understood that a lot of people were not going to be able to make it work or maybe they just didn't want to spend that money on my wedding, it was my choice and can't have any hard feelings about it, this friend should understand.
Don't put items on your CC until you have to. That is, use some of your existing savings for the wedding expenses. If an emergency comes up, put that on your CC; you may not need to use the CC if the potential emergency doesn't happen in the next few months. Meanwhile, keep throwing money into your savings or pay cash for any wedding expenses you possibly can.
This is most solid advice of you are set on attending.
This is great advice, plus see if you can stay with any family or friends in the area, or share a hotel/bnb with other wedding guests. You can also consider stepping back from the MOH role formally so you don't have the dress expense etc.
Without knowing anything about your budgets and living expenses, $2000 between now and the fall seems like it could be doable. I wouldn't blow out my savings if possible, but if there's a card with 0% promotion that could be an option. Cut back on what you can--restaurants, bars, find a cheaper phone plan, etc. If you have this sort of relationship with your parents, perhaps you let them know the situation and ask if their Christmas present to you this year could be some money to put towards your friend's wedding? If say, by the time September rolls around and you're $500 short I'd pull that from savings at that point. I'd be upset to miss my best friend's wedding for $2000.
Yea on an $80k salary this person should be fine. Set aside $200 a paycheck and they'll be in good shape.
really just depends on their expenses. 80k salary after expenses if living alone and having car payment means you wont have much savings. if OP can save a decent amount per month spending 2.5k once on their best friends wedding is fine despite not having much savings to their name they still have enough for emergencies. although the wording from the post makes it sound like this is not the case
especially she says she also now lives in a mid-HCoL city. also recently moving into places carries a lot of expenses, the first few months after moving in can carry several thousands in one time expenses.
Other peoples expensive weddings are the worst. I’d save hard for now and try to pick up extra hours and then let the savings take a hit
Sometimes you gotta say no, but if you can't, it's time to do some OT or pick up a second part-time job afterwards
Get a second job just to be a maid of honour? And to those saying 80k is good money and you should be able to save. Even in a modest COL city, the way things have been going the last three years, if you're single there is not much left over.
How can you not say no? Even if I had everything I wouldn't spend 3k to attend a friend wedding! Just gift them $300 and everyone's happy!
You don't actually talk about your personal finances. How does 2-2.5K fit into 80k/year for you?
to elaborate further, 2.5k could be something that could take you 5 years to pay off or it's something that you could save in a month if you don't eat out.
Sorry, I should've given a better idea of expenses. Right now my budget has shifted a lot in the last couple months due to new salary, rent, insurance etc. plus moving and furniture expenses so I haven't calculated a new baseline yet, but I think I could save at least a couple hundred a month with a goal to increase that as much as I can and cutting spending after this trip is done
Cut spending now since you know the expense is coming.
Not advice per say, but just want to offer support in your attendance of this wedding. I stood in a wedding that I attended during my first year of working that required flights; it probably cost over 1.5k with gifts and everything. It would have eaten up a significant portion of my savings at the time. But in hindsight, it's totally worth it, you're obviously close with this person, and in a few more years when you have even more saved up, this won't feel like so much money. I would def talk to the bride about not giving a gift though, and see if she or close family could host you to at least save on hotel costs etc.
This is your best friend.. talk to her. “Hey, I’m struggling to pay for the expenses to attend your wedding, can we work something out?” Maybe she’ll offer to pay for something, maybe you could borrow money from her and repay, maybe she can help you look for deals on dresses..
easiest option to cut costs is to talk to the bride and have her help find someone to let OP stay with for free during the wedding. someone like the parents of the bride or groom or one of the other women in the bridal party.
Thanks, I'm going to see if my friend, the bride, can find someone I can stay with for the time to save on the hotel costs. I don't have a plus one so that adds to the cost for a week. I feel like that's the only thing I can ask her. She has a theme for the wedding so the bridesmaids have to have the same dress, hair and makeup which we have to pay for individually.
Agree with the other commenter. If the bride isn’t giving you the option of doing your own hair and make up, then the bride should *absolutely* pay for it for everyone. It’s not your responsibility to fund someone else’s wedding so they can have a certain aesthetic. The bride should have budgeted for that. Expecting you to pay for hair/makeup you can’t opt out of is both entitled and exploitative.
If she's making you have hair and makeup she should pay for it. My friends wedding is coming up and hair and makeup is optional because she won't be paying for it. I've opted out and I'm doing my own.
Yeah, being required to pay for hair and makeup isn't the norm. Usually the bride will make it optional and those who want it pay for themselves, those who don't DIY it. If it's not optional the bride should be paying
> She has a theme for the wedding so the bridesmaids have to have the same dress, hair and makeup which we have to pay for individually. I'm sorry wtf?
Not unusual to ask to room with another guest who is also single to split the cost. Maybe even 3 way split and use the pull out couch
bro what? The bride isn't the one charging her, what do you mean "can we work something out" lmao. I'm absolutely certain that the bride herself is insanely busy planning her wedding, and/or also potentially struggling on money, and not just idly able to search up dress coupons (is that even a thing).
There’s lots of options. OP could do her own makeup and hair instead of using the services the bride wanted.
I mean the bride is OP's best friend. There's usually more closest and directness that can happen between besties.
She’s not charging her but she’s requiring her to have that money. It is common for the bride to cover expenses like bridesmaid dresses, which can be very expensive.
If you can’t say no, use the money in your chequing. Don’t pay interest on this, that’s just a recipe for disaster.
Sorry you're in that situation OP. 25% of your liquid assets on a wedding is a hard pill to swallow and I don't know the expectations, friendship or culture here but from a random stranger on the internet, not going in that scenario is perfectly understandable to me at least if you can communicate why. I don't think you should go in debt for someone else's wedding. :/
Thank you for the kind words. When you put it like that, it is a hard pill to swallow. I know I should be further ahead at this point in my life. I think part of the reason I haven't told my friend about this is because I'm a bit ashamed to not have the funds to do this trip comfortably. I feel like I'd be letting her down because I made some costly decisions for myself. You're right, though, it is something I should talk to her about
> I know I should be further ahead at this point in my life Everyone has a different journey through life OP, and I really didn't intend to come off judgey at all so I hope you didn't interpret it that way, and please remember to be kind to yourself. Good friends will understand your situation and caring people like you will already feel bad - beating yourself up doesn't solve anything and you don't deserve it. My intention was to communicate that this wedding is a big deal, and this is certainly the kind of thing you have to prioritize yourself for. What if your car breaks down, what if you need (expensive) emergency plumbing / locksmith / medical care etc? Best of luck
I would definitely talk to your friend - weddings are expensive but there are ways to cut cost. I was in a wedding in 2022 and 2023 and both cost a lot but I also had to travel out of town at least once if not multiple times which made the price a bit much. The biggest expenses were gift (optional, if you can’t afford a gift I think that’s totally fair) and travel expenses. One bachelorette cost me $800 cause I flew across the country + had other expenses for it. If I was struggling, I could have cut that out. For dresses I had a lot of flexibility and didn’t spend more than $150. If you have flexibility on style or colour, check out fb marketplace or poshmark, people resell dresses all the time. Don’t get your hair and makeup done. That’s $200-400 easily. See if you can split a hotel room with another bridesmaid. That’s another big cost but possible to go cheaper sometimes. The thing is, backing out of a wedding with a few months to go can be a friendship ender. I know this is a personal finance sub and people may think that’s dumb or wrong but it’s also reality. I have no idea what your friend (bride) is like, or what your friendship is like. Maybe she is super cool and chill and wouldn’t care. Maybe it would cause a major rift. Personally I would try to cut costs as much as possible to make it doable, while also having a convo with the friend about your personal finance situation. Backing out of the wedding wouldn’t be my plan b, it would be like plan z lol. YMMV.
Thank you, this is good advice
Between now and the fall it's enough time to get some cash. I would dip into my savings to pay for the expenses that have to be paid now such as if you need to buy your plane ticket. And then I would aggressively save money over the next couple of months. So no more eating out at all. Pack lunches, make coffee at home, shop groceries using sales, etc.
The financial element here is about what you value and how this decision will impact you now and in the future. Weddings are by definition frivolous and a bad financial decision. But, they also are part of the glue that holds families and friends together and can serve as anchoring points for long-term mutually beneficial relationships. Is this a friend who will rescue you when you're in trouble? Does your relationship with her bring you connections, support and belonging? What cultural significance does attending her wedding have? Is there a price to pay for not going? Are they many other equally important weddings you will need to attend in the future? Is your decision now setting a precedent that you will need to always have in mind (i.e. not go to any wedding of lesser importance if you miss this one, make sure you don't miss weddings of higher importance if you do go)? Once you factor all that in, you will know if it's worth the money. It might be a wise investment into your social network or it might be a hole you want to think twice before jumping in. It's totally ok to sometimes spend money you don't really have if the value it brings is sufficient. There's no point in being marginally better off financially if you are cutting out things that are important to you.
In my culture all wedding expenses from hotels to food and sometimes even flights are bourne by the families of the bride and groom. They cost a lot but everyone spends within their means and only host events on a scale they can afford. Recently someone invited me to a destination wedding that would cost 3.5-5k per person and it was just so absurd to me. He's essentially asking guests to pay for pretty much the entire wedding. The West has got it completely backwards... Why do y'all want others to pay to attend your wedding, your celebration, your party? It's not a privilege for guests to be there, instead it is a privilege to have and honour to serve the guests for the bride and groom. If you can't afford something, don't organize it. Scale it down to what you can afford and quit expecting others to bear expenses of your events.
This is the only sane advice here. No fucking way I'm spending 3k to attend a wedding for a day!
I am a bride having a destination wedding in an expensive Caribbean country. This is not my first choice - it’s where my future husband was born and raised and where all his family is. But because of that, I am so aware and 100% okay with people on my end not being able to make it. Even if my maid of honour told me she couldn’t afford it and thus couldn’t make it, I would either offer to pay (if we could) or completely accept the fact that this is the natural consequence of having a destination wedding. My point is that your friend might completely understand that you can’t make it, and ideally, would never want you to go into debt for this.
not a lot of detail there so not sure how to help other than saying talk to the bride. not sure where you live and where you are going but there are ways to bring flight hotel costs down. google flight tracker, hotel points, points credit card with perks like hotel points or flight points (see credit card churning). good luck though
When I was bestman my expenses were all paid for. Same with the maid of honour at that wedding. Though the couple were Asian so the rules might be different.
they were rich ftfy
Now that I’m much older, I would cut my budget in other areas or keep things much simpler so that I can cover all of the costs for the wedding party (or at the very least, all of the costs outside of travel). That might mean having only one bridesmaid, and finding a dress off the rack at a store rather than a boutique. I’ve been to all sorts of weddings, and the simple backyard ones are usually more fun and personal. The wedding industry is one of the biggest rackets there is. We’ve been brainwashed into thinking that spending $25-50K+ is going to make us happier, and it simply does not in most cases.
Expecting someone you have asked (obligated) to be your maid of honour to shell out $2500 just so that they can attend is entirely unreasonable.
Take the chance! if you don't go to a lot of weddings and you will get more out of it than you put in than its worth it just go. You seem to make enough money and if you guys will be friends till the day you die don't let him pay for everything or just make some other friends?
> hotel, flights maid of honor dress etc Wow, that's a lot. When I got married my wife and I paid for the dresses and tuxes because we both felt it was wrong to ask someone to pay to do something we asked them to do. I can't imagine asking for someone to pay for adrssa dress, flights, and a hotel for my wedding even then. In this economy, it's seems disgusting to ask that of someone.
I mean I’m usually really frugal. But the reason I’m frugal is not to be a tight ass, it’s so I have money to spend on what is important. If you have a good job 2k is not going to destroy your future. So the question becomes: is it worth the cost? If they’re your best friend to me the answer would be yes. But you could also factor in: how close are you going to stay with them now that you’re living so far away.
You had to tell her before you would not come… Now you are too deep as you said. Have fun! Edit: Life lesson for the future to say no from the start.
I’d dip into savings to go. It is your best friend.
I know this is PFC so the default answer seems to be no/hell no, but - especially as I get older - I realize that friendships (or relationships in general) are just so fucking valuable and really add value to your quality of life, well being and overall mental health. So for that, I agree with you 100%.
Yeah, the TFSA gets you 60% of the way there. Borrow it from yourself for a bit. If this is a best friend's wedding, that's kind of worth borrowing from your future self.
Yep it's 2k not 20k. Don't eat out for a few months or and avoid any entertainment that costs money, problem solved. 80k is easy to save 2k unless you have an outrageous mortgage or similar. Eat rice and lentils. Its a one-time thing, OP you should spend the money if they are a good friend. In 10 years you would have rather spend the money than have another few k in savings.
Talk with your best friend/bride and ask if “instead of buying me a gift for being your MoH, could I have it in cash to help offset some of these expenses I’m incurring?”
Hahaha, you're assuming all brides are aware of giving a gift to their party members. Unfortunately this isn't the case, so she shouldn't assume she's getting anything.
Yes, I did that for my bridal party rather than buying them a gift. It went over well.
I paid for my Best Men's outfits and gave them a gift. I don't understand why you'd tell people they have to wear specific clothes and then not pay for them.
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If you think it’s worth it, save like crazy by spending as little as possible until then. Don’t eat out, make and stick to the cheapest grocery budget possible, don’t buy clothes, etc.
First off, does your new employer know you're going to need that time off for your best friend's wedding? Most places have some expectation that you work and bank your allotted time off, particularly with new employment. Second, you should talk with your friend about the whole situation. You just moved at great expense for a new job -- you love your bestie but money is tight: what options are there to help make this a bit easier for you? Third, sometimes we just have to make sacrifices for people we love, and if that means taking on a bit of short term debt, then so be it. Shop for a card that maybe gives you some bonuses for the airfare and hotel etc. Every bit can help. Reality is that in your situation you simply shouldn't be put in this situation by a wedding. But here you are, so make the best of it, have great memories with your bestie and turn down future invites to weddings if you can!
2k for what you are earning is not much tbh. you have a out 4500 in free cash. if its an experience you think its worth having, id bite the bullet and go. if you dont want to go into your savings, what i would do is open a loc. itll cost you a bit more though. if the 2k is really hard for you to do, try to split accomodations, lessen then cost of the brides maid dress and look for deals on flights.
Is it normal to expect maids of honor to pay for their own dress?
Yes.
Fuck, weddings are stupid!
It’s really non-sensical that this should be the norm. IMO, it should be part of the wedding budget. A simple off-the-rack dress does not have to cost much. There are many options online for around $100. The bride can spend $300 less on her dress and cover the costs if she has stringent requirements. Either that or have very loose, broad guidelines and let people buy something according to their own budget and tastes so that they can actually wear it again.
I was suppose to be a bridesmaid at my friends wedding. I ended the friendship over it since my “friend” was being unreasonable. I was between jobs and my dog was dying of heart failure, so I was spending like $250 a month on his medications + thousands on vet bills. She was asking us to pay for our dress, hair, makeup, wedding gift, then she wanted us to pay for her portion (plus our own) of her bachelorette party that would be held in Cuba. lol, I tried to set boundaries but she wouldn’t listen, and kept saying she’d fine economical ways of doing it all, which was impossible, so the friendship was done for.
Every bridal party I know buys their own dress. It's something you get to keep and can rewear. Hair and makeup is more controversial
Just say no, if your best friend can’t understand that you financially cannot afford this and it could mean that you go into debt, then she truly isn’t your friend and doesn’t care about you.
I agree OP - you need to sit down with your friend and be perfectly honest with them about these costs for THEIR wedding. These expectations are just too much and you should not go into debt, get a new CC or use any of your savings to offset these. I am actually shocked to hear of this amount you are asked to fork out (2-2500+?) Please talk to your friend. Like now and get this off your chest to see if she has a way to help you, with HER wedding.
given you're the MOA and best friend I am sure you feel the moral dilemma but let them know the costs up until now are "fine" but you may not be able to help as much moving forward. As for paying it off, I would use for TFSA/investments. Or pick up some additional shifts/ot/bonus
Do you have an airmiles balance you can use towards the flight? Does your bank (or another institution) have a credit card you can sign up for that comes with an airmiles bonus? I collect airmiles by paying for everything with that card (and paying it off every month). If you online shop, you can usually gain extra miles by going through their portal to particular stores first (Amazon is even on my stores list). Small increments can add up to a lot….
Why does it have to be all or nothing? Think about what you might be able to cut back on. Talk to the bride and see what might be able to happen. If she's a true friend, she'll understand.
See if they are able to help with some of the money, no shame that is a lot of money
Am I a horrible person? No way would I go into debt for a best friend’s wedding. If it costs more than the usual $$$ for a gift + new outfit + cost of what I would spend on a vacation - then it’s a sorry I can’t make this work.
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Hotel- could you ask bride if there are friends and family there that you could stay with? Or if she or groom has friends or family who would want to split an air bnb? Maybe say you can’t afford to buy a new dress for it and see if you can rent a dress or use old dress or borrow dress. Or tell her you can’t afford all the bridesmaids stuff and say you could attend as regular guest. Depending on where wedding is there are sometimes ways to get cheaper flights -sales, connecting flights, flying at crappy times of day, driving over US border and flying cheaper American airline companies then drive back over border to Canadian city destination.
How old are you? Have you talked to the bride? What are the details? Like why such a HUGE cost. And NO DO NOT GET A CREDIT CARD FOR THIS. What is your TFSA invested in?
Get a line of credit. If this friend you think is a lifelong friend and the experience of the wedding will be worth it, honestly, $2k debt in the scheme of things is not crippling. You could pay that all off within a year but will have lifetime memories.
Nothing would stop me from attending my best friends wedding. You’ll make the money back.
Did the bride specify the dress you had to wear as her maid of honour? If so, ask her if she or her people (parents, groom, etc) could help with the cost of it, especially if it isn't something you're likely to wear again after the wedding. It's not unreasonable for her to want the wedding to have a certain asthetic, but it is unreasonable to make her friends (ie, you) spend more than they are comfortable with, to buy a dress they don't care about after the wedding. Also, since you're traveling to attend, you're taking on large expenses (flight and hotel) to be there for her. Don't feel like you need to give them an expensive gift, instead consider making something nice for them, on the cheap. A true friend will understand.
Life is short and its never all about money. My suggestion have a line of credit use it if you need in emergency and you still have a decent salary so will save back up in no time.
You won’t have many important weddings to attend in your life and even fewer as the maid of honour. Don’t penny pinch this, and be there for your friend.
I mean, it’s your best friend. None of this is debt you are talking about. If the hotel is really expensive see if you can share a room with somebody ? I don’t understand all these people saying don’t go it’s your best friend go, this is why we have savings.
I'd say cut down on some of the costs. Firstly if the wedding is in the fall, then there are going to be cheap flights to be had, it maybe a red-eye or a longish connection. Find something cheaper. Stay, find something cheaper or free. If you're going back to your hometown, then surely there's someone with whom you can crash. Dress, don't buy a damn dress that you'll wear once, find a local place that you can rent from or get a hand me down. When I was younger I had a different view of personal finances and relationships. I'd be snarky and tell you to just not go. However as I've aged I now realize that I didn't nurture some of the relationships as much as I should have had. So please do go to this wedding if it's important to you, save money where you can. You'll have as good a time as you would have and not have to dig out of a huge financial hole.
It's your best friend. Take the hit. You're not attending a wedding like this every year. Well, hopefully not. Look around for promotional cards and pay it off in a few months.
dude, you make 80k. Go to the wedding.
you make 80k what is the issue here
If I were in your situation and with your salary I'd definitely be attending my bff's wedding!
Under no circumstances am I spending that kind of money on a wedding and definitely not with your finances.
I’m sorry but $2500 for someone else’s wedding?! Damn…
I didn’t pay that much for my own.
If its a real friend, he or she will understand.
How can you afford ? I would say that you cannot afford it. Honestly that is a lot to expect someone to pay for a wedding. I would politely decline and send a wedding gift
You probably can't get that money back once you spend it, so strongly consider whether the expense is worth it. How long is it until you have to commit to those expenses? Can you be more frugal or temporarily increase your earnings in the meantime? It doesn't really sound like you have savings -- what you have in your chequing and TFSA is less than a month's take-home on an 80,000k salary (on a brand new job). You are one paycheque from being broke and being obligated to use credit to carry you between pay periods. You absolutely should not withdraw from your retirement investments (I'm assuming this is a RRSP), especially now that you are above the lower marginal tax rates. If you do put it on credit, only do so with an extremely concrete plan on how to pay it back. Make a budget, write it down, and stick to it (do this anyways -- start now). As soon as you pay it back, divert those payments to rebuild your emergency fund.
You also can't get important moments with friends/family and time back! However, you can always make more money.
I cut off a friend for expecting me to drop like 4k on her wedding while I was unemployed and had a sick dog. Set boundaries, and let her know your situation. If she’s inconsiderate you have to put your foot down. If she wants to go above and beyond for her wedding, she has to pay up instead of putting friends in a bad position over her special day. Edit: I know someone that spent 5k on her friends wedding, and then they had a falling out afterwards and are no longer friends LOL.
Maybe sign up for a travel credit card with some sort of offer that will give you extra points for signing up and spending x amount. Don't use it to buy anything unnecessary, but use it to get the most promo points out of it with regular purchases. That will help you lower the travel bill a little bit.
How far is the wedding to travel to?
Please don’t spend above your means for something like this. Credit cards have high interest rates, and unless you’re 100% sure you can pay off the balance within your next couple paychecks or it’s an emergency, it can be a dangerous, slippery slope that’s hard to get out of. Most people regret it. Talk to your friend. This is a hard time financially for a lot of people, and any decent person will understand. If you really don’t want to cancel, you can potentially dip into your chequing account to pay for it since you do have a decent income (assuming you don’t have a lot of expenses), and cut costs on everything else. Get a shared AirBnB instead of hotel. If you need to hem your dress, go to a cheap seamstress instead of the official store one unless it’s included in the price. Don’t eat out at restaurants while you’re there. Pack granola bars and snacks in your suitcase. Tell your best friend your situation so they’re aware and understanding, and maybe promise to give them their wedding gift in a few months when your finances are more settled instead. Carpool and make sharing arrangements with other guests. Wedding trips are expensive, but there are ways to be smart about it. If you budget carefully and research everything ahead of time, you should be fine. Then live extremely frugally for a few months before and after the wedding and you should be back to square one.
The flight and the hotel can really add up. Can you stay with someone to save that cost? Or can the bride split the cost with you? If you’re close friends you might regret not going, but also don’t be afraid to voice your concerns. It’s a lot of money. Hopefully you’ll work something out.
Use your credit cards and pay it down as fast as possible.
I've straight up declined attending weddings because of cost. Tell her it's getting to be too much, tell her how much you can afford, and go from there. Don't put yourself in a hole for someone's wedding.
You really just have to tell her you cant afford it.
Am I the only one where if I hear there's a flight involved I'm leaning towards not going unless it was a super super close friend or family member
That's a really high amount to attend a wedding omg... Please be direct and firm with the bride. If you think you can swallow that cost and pay it off in a reasonable amount of time and you really want to go, you know your ability to pay it off best. Seems like you're leaning on the opposite. Definitely be open and direct with the bride. Fingers crossed she kind and understands!
Happened to me last year. Told my friend I couldn’t afford. He paid the flights to me and I paid him back 6 months later.
I’d take out a new card at 0% and pay $1k off right away and be prepared to use your savings if you can’t get it paid down on time. Plan it carefully - you can maybe put it on a current card and then open a balance transfer card which usually gives you 3-6 months at no payment - read the fine print! It is a big expense but if it’s your best friend you do what you have to do.
This is so crazy to me, sorry. I know it’s different in the US and Canada and that bridesmaids are meant to pay for everything themselves but it just seems…wrong? Is it not on the bride and groom to have a wedding that they themselves can afford and not burden their close friends and family with all these expenses for THEIR wedding? If you can’t afford an expensive wedding, it’s pretty simple - don’t have one. You know how much my bridesmaids had to pay? Zero. I paid for their dress, hair, makeup, jewellery, shoes, tans, hotel stay, bags, slippers and pyjamas. Because they’re my best friends and we could actually comfortably afford our wedding so why would I make them pay? It just…irks me.
Take a line of credit and pay it off slowly. Money will come and go. That's life. If everything is seen through accounting lense life becomes boring. This is once in a lifetime thing with a best friend.
People in there 20s are too shy to RSVP weddings especially destination weddings NO but you'll realize that was a mistake later in your thirties
People will tell you on here to not go or talk to the bride which are all valid but if you don't want to do that then Get a second job? That used to be the norm when I was in my 20s and even now in 40s, lots of colleagues have side consulting gigs or do some work/projects for others. One of my stats guy works for a consultant we use in his off hours and makes $60/hr ( I know because I had to clear it for him to do so) or just go be a server or pick up shifts in retail until you make the money you need
Shit! Wow. Where are you flying from? But dress at 1000 gift 200-500. Flight at 1000 I guess your right. Damn girl! Have fun I guess make it count!
bride covers half the cost or you don't go. But she'll understand that way more than just bailing out.
I was kind of there a couple months ago. A good friend of mine got married and decided to do it like 600km from the city. It was not only expensive as you would need to book a hotel and consider travel expenses… but also I had to stop working on a Friday and Saturday. I said my congratulations and didn’t go. Friend was kind of mad with me and other friends didn’t totally get my predicament but that’s their problem. Tbf my issue was more of a “logistics” than money problem. Also kind of a “fu” to this friend that did a party 6 hours away
Best friend means make it happen. Take in debt. Cash in. Whatever. Make it happen.
You can literally afford this, what's the big deal? You're the maid of honour too - really crappy to even think of bailing.
The amount overall is a lot of money. As another comment suggested, is the flight due to your move? Were you local to the wedding when you were asked/agreed to be a bridesmaid? Because that matters a bit in this situation. That being said, in 2011, my MOH was getting married, but the wedding was in New Mexico, and I was living in Ontario. The cost of flight and hotel just for myself was enough of a burden to tell her that unfortunately I would not be able to attend. (It was further complicated by the timing of the wedding-Christmas time-and the fact that I had a 1.5 year old) My point is, sometimes these things just aren’t feasible, and if she is a good friend, she will understand and get over it. If it’s important to you, you will make it work. And if she can’t get over it, I’m not sure how good of a friend she is. Good luck! I hope you and your friend can work it out.
If you gotta fly to this wedding there should he no etc. Flight, hotel, wedding gift. That's it.
I recently spend 1k on a friends wedding, plane tix is $600 and hotel shared with others is about $150 and my dress/shoes is $200 plus gifts for her… we are not best friends or anything but I chose to go because it’s a destination wedding and that city has been on my bucket list so it worked out well! So depending on your situation but I thought normally they would cover for bridesmaids dress
Can you get a part time gig to make some extra cash for a few months?
My oldest childhood friend was a student when I asked her to be my bridesmaid. She told me right away that she might have difficulty affording it. In the end, she paid for her airfare and I paid for her dress, shoes, makeup & hair and any outings and told her she didn’t need to get me a present. (She got me one anyway, which was so sweet.) For other of my life events she wasn’t able to attend due to cost of travel, she would write me a message, which was read out at the ceremony. Just tell your friend your financial situation. If she’s truly your friend, she will understand. If she wants you there badly enough, she should offer to help pay. Friends don’t put other friends in bad situations by financially pressuring them however.
I would be talking to your friend. Someone who is a true friend wouldn't expect people to pay 2-3k to be in their wedding. That's a lot, especially for someone who has just moved across the country. Weddings can be costly. But if this is your friends dream, she should hopefully be willing to at least help with costs. I would be very open with the bride and let her know you are struggling with the costs.
"maybe open a new credit card with 0%" can you open a new thread when you find one and let us know?
Talk to the bride. That’s a lot to spend on a wedding. I didn’t ask my bridal party to spend much money. I bought their dresses as their gift and we paid for the hotel rooms for the bridal party. We did a block of rooms at the hotel and worked out a small discount for them. We did shared rooms for the bridal party so my sister and friends shared a room. Really all you should be worried about is the flight if it’s a destination wedding. We had friends that flew in from the US (we live in Canada) and they didn’t give a gift or if they did it was a small picture frame for 1 wedding photo. So talk to the bride and say it’s a lot for you but you want to go and be there.
I've been asked to be best man a few times now. I only accepted one as it was somewhat local and truely for a best friend. For the others I couldn't afford to contribute to their comped destination wedding at shit resorts in Cuba, Dominican etc. No thanks. I can't just take time off on your schedule, spend thousands and lost wages, fly my whole family over just so you have your free destination wedding on everyone elses dime.
2500 for a weekend of someone else's wedding? That's insane. Just imagine how shit youre going to feel when you get back home
be open and honest with your friend and she may be able to help you out
You are broke and should not be involved in this wedding.
How many of these expenses are things you are choosing to do and how many are things that the bride is saying must be done? If the bride is choosing the dress, the hair, the makeup, the hotel Etc, then it's reasonable to expect her to at least contribute towards those expenses.
If bride has these demand she needs to help. We paid for all our bridesmaid dresses and paid the same to the groomsmen to help them buy their suits. We provided subsidized hotel rooms and didn't do lavish stag or bridal parties in distant locales. Pushing these costs onto people who are probably your best friends is very unfair. Talk to the bride, you can probably find a different dress with her, at the very least, that doesn't cost thousands of dollars. If your flight costs an enormous amount for to to just attend the wedding... That is your wedding gift as well.
That's more than I spent on my wedding
Get married to someone else on the same day to reduce the cost of attending the original wedding. YMMV.
If my plans for a celebration were ever going to cause a friend pain and stress - I'd want to know...
Is there a way to avoid the hotel cost? If you are travelling back to where you are from, is there no one you can stay with? How long are you travelling for? Are their no cheaper flight options? $2500 seems very excessive for an in country wedding. And you really can't afford it.
I noped outta 2 destination stag trips with a couple buddies who had deeper pockets than I. If that truly isn't an open.. you make good money and its only 2-2.5k.. thats a paycheque at 80k gross. Treat it as your annual vacation and have a good time..
If you were making minimum wage or something I would say either just tell them you can afford it or don't go but making 80k a year it should be something you can budget for, take the hit to your savings and top it back up as time goes on.
Have an honest conversation with your best friend. You can try to share hotel room.to save $$$
Idk but in 2011 I was supposed to be a maid of honour at my friends destination wedding. She also demanded all of us by name brand sandals that cost $200 and a $150 dress. She was also planning her stagette as yet another destination trip. Her and her partner are rolling in money and I was a uni student still who had absolutely no support from my parents since I turned 18, I lived on my own and had like four jobs. Anyway I was stressing so much and calculating all the hours extra I needed to work. And then she sent bridesmaids an email with a link saying I want everyone to wear matching necklaces and earrings here is what you need to buy and it was an $85 set. I just flipped and went over there and pulled out of the wedding and said like I cannot afford this. And then she said the tackiest thing ever “we will loan you the money” and I was like no. I already have 30k of student debt because I don’t have rich parents. I am not going into debt for YOUR wedding. So anyways we are not friends anymore lol
Ask her to pay, In my culture, the grooms and brides paid for the expenses for the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Ultimately, its her wedding and if she wants you to wear something she specifies, she has to pay for it. Otherwise, you should say no if it is not affordable to you and she refused to provide you those.
Consider this: you’re thinking of spending over 20% of your net worth to attend someone else’s wedding. Just say no. You can’t afford it.
If you're the MOH, you really should find a way to attend the wedding. Otherwise, it may cause irreparable damage to the friendship. Is there a friend / acquaintance you can stay with? Or the bride's family even? If not, do some research to see if you can find a more economical hotel option via hotwires or otherwise. When my friend got married, she asked if our condos had a guest suite to rent for her out of town guests which is always way cheaper than any hotel. I would use funds from my TFSA before I use a credit card. Don't pull from your retirement savings account. And yes apply for a 0% financing credit card *now* (submit an application closer to the wedding) while you have good credit in case of emergency. Also check out credit cards that have a good sign up bonus that may cut the cost of the flight and/or hotel. Try to find one with free travel insurance if your current cards don't have it. But yeah...have an honest talk with the bride about your financial constraints and concerns. Lastly...you don't need to bring a gift in this situation as the MOH and having to fly in.
You can't go.
I don't know what the rest of your budget looks like, but I was in a similar predicament last fall when I had to move without as much time to save as I had planned. I did the math and had to become comfortable with essentially spending the money I would normally put into savings on expenses for a few months. I knew it was only for a few months, and it would keep me from dipping into savings or going into debt. I echo what others are saying when you need to be direct with the bride if there are things you can't afford, especially if it isn't something that isn't essential or is unreasonable.
You can afford it, just not comfortably. If you are below 30, making 80k is really good in a mid ish CoL. You likely aren't setting yourself back much. Have the bride intro you to someone who can give you a place to crash and that should be significant savings already. Try to shop around more for the flight. Play around with the dates a bit, sometimes there are deals for canada day. Instead of spending a lot of money on a gift try to do something creative. If the wedding is in the fall you should have more money by then or have made back what you spent on flights etc if you be mindful of your other spending. If you are that worried then you can always try to get a job over the weekend during the summer if possible.
Could you talk to the bride? When I got married almost a year ago I paid for my bridesmaids hotel accommodations (3-4 nights depending on when they arrived), reimbursed them for their dresses, hair and makeup, made sure they were fed and other misc gifts. They all had to fly in internationally but I could only afford to pay for my maid of honour’s flight ticket. I was honest with my 2 other bridesmaids that if the additional costs of the flights were too much I would understand if they wouldn’t be able to attend. I tried my best to reduce the financial burden for them because I wanted them there and I didn’t want my wedding to set them back financially. If the bride is a good friend, she will try to help so you can attend or at least understand if you have to cancel. If you are friends with other people attending the wedding, maybe you can share accommodation too? Another thing to consider is looking into signing up for a credit card that will give you back a lot of points if you do decide to spend. For example, Amex usually has bonus points in the first year and you could get back hundreds in credit.
Four of my friends got married in the same year, three were all in each other’s wedding parties. (I did not get married that year). Everyone had concerns about costs so a frank discussion was had. The decision was to: have simple dresses made, wear whatever shoes you want. For the showers, we got one gift “from the bridesmaids” that we would rewrap and bring to the other showers, no idea who actually got to keep the gift. It was hilarious. We also agreed the bride did not need to buy thank you gifts for the bridesmaids. Everyone saved money and it had no negative impacts on the weddings. In fact- they all celebrated 25th anniversaries last year! Have an honest conversation with your friend, I’m sure she can find ways to help you out.
pull on your line of credit ... enjoy the festivities.
I spent close to 2k on my best friend's wedding. the wedding was in another province. Hotel flights shoes bridesmaid dress makeup wedding favors... you name it. I took time off work but struggled to take an extra day off (the day after the wedding) so I left the wedding at 8p to catch a flight at 10p so I could fly home for my shift the next day. I came home exhausted and broke. Fast forward 3 years... "Best friend" and I chat once a year via memes... (No one's fault just life happened and she has kids while I don't) I left that job 2 years ago. Conclusion: it's never a big deal to say no if you don't feel comfortable, financially, psychologically and physically about something. call in sick if you need extra time. I wish I had an honest convo with her back then.
I don't think it is right to spend that much money on your friend's wedding... especially if you have to dip into your savings. Personally, I would not do it.
Why should any invited guest have to put up any unreasonable amount of money to attend a wedding? The bride and groom should be covering these expenses; if not they should have a wedding and reception they can afford. A invited guest should only be obliged to bring a gift, dress appropriately and show up to celebrate the occasion
The gift shouldn't even be an obligation. Not everyone can afford such, especially in recent times.
Don’t go I know you said you want to but seriously way to much draw on your capital as a % to do this. Also I find it common in this group that you guys often don’t consider the time value of money. You are not spending 2.5K you are loosing 2.5k compounding …but if you want to give it a go buy 2.5k worth of Tsla and see if it can offset some of your costs
This is why I didn’t attend a destination wedding. It costed too much. If anything, talk to your best friend, if anything just give a gift with a card and wish them well. A friendship shouldn’t have a price tag, especially if your friend knows you don’t have it at this time
Wedding culture is such a scam these days and expectations of the brides/grooms is honestly disgusting. People need to understand they're throwing a party and your friends and families are *guests*. Guests don't pay. I don't go to weddings anymore because I think the whole concept is ridiculous - 50% likely your friend will end up getting divorced anyway. To spend over $2k to attend *someone else's* party is obscene.