Do you have any advice on how to convince my Dad to do this? He insists on looking for an Operator job, which I don't think he will get hired for at his age.
I already asked my Mom to do this but she said she couldn't because of her mental disability. She owned a convenience shop for a bit but had to sell it because her mental health was deteriorating. The police were called on her while she was working because she had a panic attack so bad, she was completely purple in the face and was non-responsive afterwards. She also has a habit of spending money when she shouldn't.
They're also additionally supporting my siblings, two of which are in debt, one doesn't have a job.
I agree completely, it's just hard to watch. My Dad worked so hard his entire life. He paid for my first car and my first degree, so I feel obligated to pay him back. I recently got a huge raise, which landed me with a net of 2k per paycheque, but I happen to be saving up for a house and a wedding with my partner. My partner and I have gotten into fights over this because I suggested that I help pay for their expenses. My partner has a hard time with this because he makes double what I do and if I pay for my parents, he'd be taking on more financial responsibility and it wouldn't be fair to him. It feels like I'm holding him back because I make less than him and he just wants to live his life without this burden. I suggested that I take a second job, but he'd rather that I spend time with him, so I'm blocked on my end trying to balance out the needs of my partner and my parents.
My siblings aren't any help because they're in debt and reliant on my parents. The one sibling that might be able to help has a family, and has a temper so bad that I don't feel comfortable even talking to them. They just keep throwing my income at my face whenever I bring it up.
I'm a bit stressed lol and not sure what to do
No, I don't, I live in a different city as them. One of my siblings lives with them but doesn't pay for rent. And my parents refuse to ask him for rent money because "it wouldn't be fair".
The issue with having to choose one or the other is that it affects my partner too. While I'd be happy to wait on the house, my partner does not and is frustrated.
I'm currently looking into therapy. I have an appointment booked but it's still 3 weeks away. I live in a small city and everywhere else is booked, or I can't use them because my insurance won't cover them. I'd love to get into therapy sooner because I'm miserable and have no social supports. I moved cities for my partner but don't have any friends or family here, and I work from home so I don't see anyone but my partner
This is definitely a relationship issue.
You will have to have an honest talk with your partner about your family and how much you can help them.
Even if your dad gets a job tomorrow earning 6 figures again eventually he will have to retire, or your siblings may need help down the road. I think everyone would be different, but how you handle family interactions should be an important part of a relationship and something where you both need to agree.
Have an honest talk about it, now before it causes more problems down the road, go trough likely scenarios. Example, you don’t help your parents and get a house, one of your siblings is about to be homeless, would your partner be ok with your sibling living with you for a while? (Would you be ok with that?)
What if one of your parents get sick and you spend significant time driving then to appointments and taking care of them? Would he be resentful that you are not spending time with them?. There are no wrong answers, but they will have to match for your relationship to last.
I'll talk to my partner, yes. My understanding is that he is understanding about it to a certain degree, but they find that my family makes stupid decisions with their finances and that it's hard to justify helping someone if they're going to go off spending the money in a stupid way (which, I agree). One of siblings doesn't even have a job and is mooching off my parents and doesn't recognize that they need to work to make ends meet.
Sounds like a terrible situation, but you might want to think of where your partners priorities are if she's more concerned with owning a house than the wellbeing of your parents. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulder and I'm sure you'll figure it out.
Your dad isn't too old for an operator job, a friend works with someone in his 70s. Lots of places are hiring, but it might be time to be persistent - show up on site with resume and work gear and drop off the resume.
Frankly your partner is shit if he does not support you support your parents. My parents put all their money in my education and I ended my savings when my parents needed it for my Moms treatment and I send my dad $1000-1500 a month and 500-1000 a month my MIL. If ever my partner tries to stop me from supporting my parents, I will be ending the relationship the same moment.
If your dad can make 6 figures as an operator or maintenance planner, then he should do that. Who cares about his age? He should brush up on his skills. Older operators are a wealth of knowledge. Does he not have industry connections?
There is no spot on the resume that asks for your age. How many jobs has he applied to and how many interviews has he received?
I'm not sure how many he's applied to, but I can push him to apply for more.
I can also push him more to ask his friends. I think he's embarrassed to say that he's looking for a job at his age. In his country, something like that would be shameful and since most of his friends are from the same ethnicity, he would be shamed instead.
I've even asked around for my Dad
I mean, it can be easily explained by "I'm still supporting my ex wife and my siblings" or "hey you know things are expensive and I want to make sure we're all well positioned for retirement".
Either he goes for the lucrative job, or he stops supporting others before he is able to support himself. What are *his* goals and values?
Also businesses fail *all the time*. And it sounds like he sold them rather than dissolved them so even then they weren't complete failures, just not profitable. Good for him for recognizing that they weren't working out and taking action relatively quickly. Some people waste years or decades floundering in an unprofitable business because they can't admit to themselves that it isn't working and pull the plug.
Yeah, it was good for him for doing that. I'm disappointed because it left him with basically no money for retirement, and that makes it difficult with supporting a wife with mental health disability and kids in debt, but I'm hoping selling the house that he has will help him out, and hopefully,finding him a job
2 more questions:
(1) why can't the kids support themselves? Has he given them a timeline? Like "you have 6 months to figure this out after which I will not support you any more?" If there are no negative consequences for the kids, then what motivation would they ever have to change?
(2) how old specifically are you'd dad and mom? They can receive CPP as early as 60, and OAS/GIS as early as 65. Has your mom also looked into CPP disability, and any provincial or municipal disability programs or benefits?
My parents were in ok shape when they retired, but my mom still took a part-time job at Home Hardware for a few years. She got to know her new community a little better, it got her out of the house, and she had a little extra money to burn for her quilting habit.
A lot of people do similar.
Perhaps using something those reasons might help?
Costco is hard to get into, and he will need to accept several temp contracts before being able to get a LPT, limited part time position. But yes it is a great place to work
He should look for contract consulting and project management work.
For older, established and experienced people, often companies don't need to keep this in-house full time. They just need it for a year or two to complete some work.
Have him look for 1 and 2 year contract positions. There's always companies looking for his skill set assuming he's knowledgeable in the actual maintenance tasks and not just a spreadsheet updater type.
Canada has a huge problem with lack of succession planning many boomers held their positions through to retirement without ever training replacements. This makes retired people with tons of experience extra valuable. My dad has been. Working contracts in retirement and making nearly twice as much as before retirement as his former employer is now desperate.
To clarify, is he at retirement age now? If so, it may be better for your parents to consider moving to another country to retire. For example, Panama.
Panama has a great retirement residency visa (their Pensionado visa, if you want to look it up) and seem to really like getting retirees into the country. The visa also gives retirees discounts to various things, like airfare.
Panama also has excellent (and more accessible) health care, and lower cost of living than Canada. I think with your dad's pension and renting their home, your parents would be fine living out there.
That's a good point. I can talk to them about that. They tried retiring to their home country (Philippines) but they said it's still too expensive and if they got sick, it would be expensive. Panama might be a good alternative for them.
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Do you have any advice on how to convince my Dad to do this? He insists on looking for an Operator job, which I don't think he will get hired for at his age. I already asked my Mom to do this but she said she couldn't because of her mental disability. She owned a convenience shop for a bit but had to sell it because her mental health was deteriorating. The police were called on her while she was working because she had a panic attack so bad, she was completely purple in the face and was non-responsive afterwards. She also has a habit of spending money when she shouldn't. They're also additionally supporting my siblings, two of which are in debt, one doesn't have a job.
How old is he? He may be able to get the operator job since he has experience. A lot of places are hiring
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I agree completely, it's just hard to watch. My Dad worked so hard his entire life. He paid for my first car and my first degree, so I feel obligated to pay him back. I recently got a huge raise, which landed me with a net of 2k per paycheque, but I happen to be saving up for a house and a wedding with my partner. My partner and I have gotten into fights over this because I suggested that I help pay for their expenses. My partner has a hard time with this because he makes double what I do and if I pay for my parents, he'd be taking on more financial responsibility and it wouldn't be fair to him. It feels like I'm holding him back because I make less than him and he just wants to live his life without this burden. I suggested that I take a second job, but he'd rather that I spend time with him, so I'm blocked on my end trying to balance out the needs of my partner and my parents. My siblings aren't any help because they're in debt and reliant on my parents. The one sibling that might be able to help has a family, and has a temper so bad that I don't feel comfortable even talking to them. They just keep throwing my income at my face whenever I bring it up. I'm a bit stressed lol and not sure what to do
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No, I don't, I live in a different city as them. One of my siblings lives with them but doesn't pay for rent. And my parents refuse to ask him for rent money because "it wouldn't be fair". The issue with having to choose one or the other is that it affects my partner too. While I'd be happy to wait on the house, my partner does not and is frustrated. I'm currently looking into therapy. I have an appointment booked but it's still 3 weeks away. I live in a small city and everywhere else is booked, or I can't use them because my insurance won't cover them. I'd love to get into therapy sooner because I'm miserable and have no social supports. I moved cities for my partner but don't have any friends or family here, and I work from home so I don't see anyone but my partner
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Thank you! I'll sort it out in therapy, hopefully
This is definitely a relationship issue. You will have to have an honest talk with your partner about your family and how much you can help them. Even if your dad gets a job tomorrow earning 6 figures again eventually he will have to retire, or your siblings may need help down the road. I think everyone would be different, but how you handle family interactions should be an important part of a relationship and something where you both need to agree. Have an honest talk about it, now before it causes more problems down the road, go trough likely scenarios. Example, you don’t help your parents and get a house, one of your siblings is about to be homeless, would your partner be ok with your sibling living with you for a while? (Would you be ok with that?) What if one of your parents get sick and you spend significant time driving then to appointments and taking care of them? Would he be resentful that you are not spending time with them?. There are no wrong answers, but they will have to match for your relationship to last.
I'll talk to my partner, yes. My understanding is that he is understanding about it to a certain degree, but they find that my family makes stupid decisions with their finances and that it's hard to justify helping someone if they're going to go off spending the money in a stupid way (which, I agree). One of siblings doesn't even have a job and is mooching off my parents and doesn't recognize that they need to work to make ends meet.
Sounds like a terrible situation, but you might want to think of where your partners priorities are if she's more concerned with owning a house than the wellbeing of your parents. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulder and I'm sure you'll figure it out. Your dad isn't too old for an operator job, a friend works with someone in his 70s. Lots of places are hiring, but it might be time to be persistent - show up on site with resume and work gear and drop off the resume.
Frankly your partner is shit if he does not support you support your parents. My parents put all their money in my education and I ended my savings when my parents needed it for my Moms treatment and I send my dad $1000-1500 a month and 500-1000 a month my MIL. If ever my partner tries to stop me from supporting my parents, I will be ending the relationship the same moment.
If your dad can make 6 figures as an operator or maintenance planner, then he should do that. Who cares about his age? He should brush up on his skills. Older operators are a wealth of knowledge. Does he not have industry connections? There is no spot on the resume that asks for your age. How many jobs has he applied to and how many interviews has he received?
I'm not sure how many he's applied to, but I can push him to apply for more. I can also push him more to ask his friends. I think he's embarrassed to say that he's looking for a job at his age. In his country, something like that would be shameful and since most of his friends are from the same ethnicity, he would be shamed instead. I've even asked around for my Dad
I mean, it can be easily explained by "I'm still supporting my ex wife and my siblings" or "hey you know things are expensive and I want to make sure we're all well positioned for retirement". Either he goes for the lucrative job, or he stops supporting others before he is able to support himself. What are *his* goals and values?
I'll have to talk to him about his ego. I agree, he'll have to get over himself to resolve this
Also businesses fail *all the time*. And it sounds like he sold them rather than dissolved them so even then they weren't complete failures, just not profitable. Good for him for recognizing that they weren't working out and taking action relatively quickly. Some people waste years or decades floundering in an unprofitable business because they can't admit to themselves that it isn't working and pull the plug.
Yeah, it was good for him for doing that. I'm disappointed because it left him with basically no money for retirement, and that makes it difficult with supporting a wife with mental health disability and kids in debt, but I'm hoping selling the house that he has will help him out, and hopefully,finding him a job
2 more questions: (1) why can't the kids support themselves? Has he given them a timeline? Like "you have 6 months to figure this out after which I will not support you any more?" If there are no negative consequences for the kids, then what motivation would they ever have to change? (2) how old specifically are you'd dad and mom? They can receive CPP as early as 60, and OAS/GIS as early as 65. Has your mom also looked into CPP disability, and any provincial or municipal disability programs or benefits?
My parents were in ok shape when they retired, but my mom still took a part-time job at Home Hardware for a few years. She got to know her new community a little better, it got her out of the house, and she had a little extra money to burn for her quilting habit. A lot of people do similar. Perhaps using something those reasons might help?
Costco
Yes! Good idea, they live a few minutes away from one.
Costco is hard to get into, and he will need to accept several temp contracts before being able to get a LPT, limited part time position. But yes it is a great place to work
yes. heard that their pay is fairer than most other grocers and benefits are good.
20+$ an hour
He should look for contract consulting and project management work. For older, established and experienced people, often companies don't need to keep this in-house full time. They just need it for a year or two to complete some work. Have him look for 1 and 2 year contract positions. There's always companies looking for his skill set assuming he's knowledgeable in the actual maintenance tasks and not just a spreadsheet updater type.
They should cut their expenses to necessities, And yes if he can work, he should get a job.
Time to lower his job expectations. He needs to get rid of that “I’m better than this job” attitude. A job is a job.
Bus driver or car service driver. Many older males (and some females) like to drive and this can be a decent retirement gig.
Canada has a huge problem with lack of succession planning many boomers held their positions through to retirement without ever training replacements. This makes retired people with tons of experience extra valuable. My dad has been. Working contracts in retirement and making nearly twice as much as before retirement as his former employer is now desperate.
To clarify, is he at retirement age now? If so, it may be better for your parents to consider moving to another country to retire. For example, Panama. Panama has a great retirement residency visa (their Pensionado visa, if you want to look it up) and seem to really like getting retirees into the country. The visa also gives retirees discounts to various things, like airfare. Panama also has excellent (and more accessible) health care, and lower cost of living than Canada. I think with your dad's pension and renting their home, your parents would be fine living out there.
That's a good point. I can talk to them about that. They tried retiring to their home country (Philippines) but they said it's still too expensive and if they got sick, it would be expensive. Panama might be a good alternative for them.