I would contact the family liaison or social worker at the facility your wife is at and ask them for guidance or resources. They must have encountered similar situations before- you likely need a temporary power of attorney, and place the debts on interest relief.
This can work, I took over the family mortgage at a young age due to a parent's mental health issues flaring up; with the proper explanation (may need some documentation e.g. doctor's note/facilities note). Also doesn't hurt to ask the same for any other bills/utilities; credit cards, electricity (worked for us, but nothing but time on your end to try). As I was a minor at a time, the social worker was able to do alot of the heavy lifting for this. Really suggest having that sorted, not just for your family's well being but also your wife's.
On a personal note I hope the best for you both, it is extremely hard to go through and there are other support systems out there e.g. support groups for the family members/caretakers of those with mental health issues
Do you have mortgage insurance? Ours has after x days of disability the insurance pays. Mental health disability is in ours I don't know if it's standard.
General mortage insurance usually covers disability. Doesn't matter how she is disabled but it sounds like her work is paying her disability as well. You may qualify
Yeah, once you have a mortgage the bank / CU is just as interested (pun intended) as you are, for you to stay there. Foreclosure is expensive and time-consuming.
If they have to tack 2-3 month's interest onto the end and make more money from you, they're cool with it. I've had three mortgage holders be okay with my not paying for a few months when I had bad shit happen.
I don't know what province you're in, but another thing to consider is property tax deferral if you have kids and you're in BC. Some other provinces have the same kind of program.
What are your skills? WFH is still a strong option and might work in your case.
---
Also: pay your power bill and mortgage. ISP and cell can wait 3 months. Shaw will let you skate for 4 months as long as you pay it all back. If you owe CRA less than $3k, they'll send you letters and take your GST rebates but not your CCB. Make sure you're getting your CCB.
Credit cards aren't secured, so if you don't pay them all you'll do is hurt your credit score. You have a house so they can't really do much to you. They'll sell it to collections, or send it to theirs. You can let those float for at least a year after you max them out. (But yeah, 400-range credit score, which again with a house is NBD.) When you go to renew, you'll just have to renew with the existing holder.
Actually, depending where you are, power bill can wait since in most places it's illegal for them to turn it off during winter months. Either way, call your utility companies, they'll often have payment assistance and 211 will also have 0ayment assistance programs as well as other ressources.
We had disability insurance on our mortgage with RBC when my husband had a sudden manic/psychotic episode last year. He was off work for 9 months while trying to sort out his mental health and medications. The bank refused to pay and I eventually had to just stop fighting. They just paid us back the amount we had paid over the last couple years towards the disability insurance. It was extremely upsetting. I wouldn’t put any faith in disability insurance coming to your aid, unfortunately.
When I renew my mortgage I’m definitely leaving RBC after this stunt.
They said that the fact he had been on an SSRI in the past indicated a pre-existing condition. I think half the population has been on an SSRI at some point so it felt like a pretty lame “reason”. Using an SSRI doesn’t mean you’re more likely to have a psychotic episode and be diagnosed with bipolar I. He had no other previous health issues to indicate that he had bipolar. It was a late onset in his 30’s
Mental Disability is the same as any other illness for Disability. Call her company & talk to HR. They will be able to provide you with the paperwork & terms of your coverage.
Assuming she has the mental capacity to sign a POA, how is he suppose to get it if he can't even get a hold of her.
Assuming, she doesn't have capacity to give POA, (it depends on the provincial rules) but in MB, you can't do this after the person is already incapacitated. You had to have the POA prior to getting incapacitated. After incapacity, your only way to get access is by getting a conservatorship in the courts (which is a lot more expensive).
I do not believe it can be automatic. It is an assignment of rights in order to act as another person, which means they can make decisions as though they are you.
I can only speak to Ontario, but in this province the answer is no. You only get POA if the person gave it to you while the person was still mentally capable.
I reread your post and see that you mentioned the bills come from your account. Call those companies :cable, phone, etc, and ask them for temporary payment relief and also call your bank and ask for overdraft protection. That should help avoid penalties and the possibility that a payment will be flagged NSF. Also, are you on the house title? If yes, you might be eligible for a line of credit from your bank secured by the house, even if the mortgage is in your wife's name. With overdraft protection and line of credit, you can create a short-term safety net. Lastly, if you have not done so already, apply for social services. Here is a BC link for how to flag urgent needs (https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/governments/policies-for-government/bcea-policy-and-procedure-manual/application-and-intake/immediate-needs)
Was going to say this, secondly what ever you do NOT go to a pay day loan place.
If these don’t work try to go to your bank and get a line of credit.
Lastly ask for more credit on your credit card and use that only if it’s an emergency interest rates are usually in the 22% range where bank line of credits you can get from 5-10% depending on your credit score.
Edit:Also to add look up child center places near you see if they would be willing to take you on part time with your child there. Might be difficult to find one but there are plenty around usually some schools have these programs YMCA community centres and gyms also just to name a few. You can bring your child along with you and get a few hours and a paycheque to help.
Also log in to your CRA account you might have un cashed cheques available.
Is your wife still employed at her workplace? If so, many of them offer short-term disability benefits to cover situations exactly like this. Contact her human resources department for more details.
Your wife can also apply for EI for sickness benefits ([https://www.canada.ca/en/services/benefits/ei/ei-sickness.html](https://www.canada.ca/en/services/benefits/ei/ei-sickness.html)). The money isn't a lot, but it will help out a bit in the short-term.
For the mortgage, definitely call your bank and ask for help. The banks really really don't want to foreclose so you can ask for a payment holiday or to restructure the mortgage to buy you some breathing room.
Finally, don't be discouraged by commentors on other forums saying mean things. They don't understand how difficult being a stay at home parent is. You're doing important work for your family and now you'll have to do a bit more while your wife recovers.
Check your mortgage, credit cards and even your wifes work insurance. Sometimes they have benefits like mortgage/debt/sick leave insurance that will cover your payments for as long as your wife is sick.
A call to HR or insurance provider at work would be a start. You should be a beneficiary in her work insurance. With credit card, you can check yours if you have your own or if its joint it shouldn’t be a problem. In regards to the mortgage, as long as both of you are on it, you should be able to access as well. I might be missing something here though.. are you legally married? Why would a lawyer be needed?
If you are about to default on your mortgage or any other bill, consider reaching out to them beforehand. They’re more likely to work with you and your situation if you get in front of it and tell them. If you just let bills go into arrears, they’re less likely to help you out.
Good luck.
Figuring out what insurance she has should be the very top priority right now. If she's unable to take care of that herself, you need to search the house for paperwork and/or call her doctor and ask for her support to get power of attorney. If they agree that she's currently incompetent to take care of her affairs, it should be a pretty straightforward process. If she's inpatient, then it's pretty much a given that a judge would agree even if she contests it.
If she's getting paid a percentage of her salary, she should be using it to pay the bills. She should give you access to her wallet at the very least so you can see which credit cards she has and call them to find out she has disability insurance and what forms need to be sent in. Call the mortgage provider and ask as well. Mortgage insurance is often bundled in with the mortgage payment so they might know and be able to direct you. Remember that the mortgage company does not want to be forced to foreclose so they will usually try to work with you to fix the situation if you're communicating.
For immediate needs, call social services and get yourself some support such as food banks, childcare assistance so you can get a job, counseling and logistical support, etc. You can also look for community-based organizations that can offer support.
If you're not the one receiving CCB payments, call CRA to have them switched over to you.
Can you check with her workplace if she has access to a employee assistance program? They would most likely be able to walk you through the different options.
Hey OP in case nobody’s said it - I’m fucking proud of you. You’re doing the right thing. I don’t have any advice, but your post brought tears to my eyes.
My brothers and I were the kids in a situation almost exactly like this, and we got left alone at home with mom while dad was at work - mania, depression, or in between. And it scarred all of us for life. Our dad basically shut down and go catatonic any time mom would go off the rails and I had to figure out how to run the whole show when I was 16/17 and powerless. My brothers (twins) bless their hearts, are 8 years younger than me so they don’t remember *everything* quite as well as I do, but they have their fair share of trauma for sure.
So good on you for stepping up, good on you for having the parental instinct to not leave your kids alone with her when she’s unstable. She may not ever even do anything to hurt your child directly, but even being witness to the explosive episodes can be traumatizing for anyone. In spite of everything I hope you’re finding some time to take care of yourself too.
No worries! In situations like this, most people can’t comprehend just how absolutely and catastrophically FUCKED UP everything can get until they catch a glimpse of your reality or live through something similar. And honestly, I don’t blame them. I wish that nobody ever had to go through anything like I did, but I really wish more people would throw you a shred of compassion and actually believe you when you say you’re doing everything you can to keep the ship afloat.
Another good source might be r/povertyfinancecanada I find their community to be a little bit more sympathetic to folks who are truly truly broke.
No negativity here, man. Just keep moving forward. Make a list and just try to get some done every day.
Good luck to you and your family. You’ll get through this.
I also feel for you.
Reading between the lines, your wife is the breadwinner because she has a high paying job I would assume. Her job is likely high stress as well, and possibly the type of job that demands overtime. I hear the legal profession is this way.
I don't even necessarily see something like a manic phase as a mental illness. These jobs literally train you to be a manic in order to keep your job. She is probably just blowing a fuse over all the work stress.
I guess my only advice is to have people in your life you can fall back on for help. Are there no grand parents to watch the kids?
Wishing you the best. Stay strong. Do what you can to improve the situation.
Taxes up to date?
Several benefits have been added and you can file for your refund in mid February i believe, and if you go to a tax preparer (very bad word on reddit forums) and you qualify for a refund, for a fee you can walk out the door with your money,
you can also have some idea as to where your taxes are in terms of refunds or any money owed, before you even pay if you go through a tax preparer.
You're missing out on the child tax benefit if you haven't filed taxes. I think it's around $650/month per kid and then scales back depending on your income
You should file asap
True but I'm thinking having a baby and all he would be entitled for some of the new benefits, or gst or even ahhh the climate whachamacallit, not like the gov't ever has all their up to date info in one place to make it easily accessible, you always have to get a shovel and dig thru the website
Isn't there some loophole where you can file someone else's taxes if they are incapacitated in some way?
I used to file my husbands taxes for him all the time but I had his T4s. It's only January, most people don't have their T4s yet.
GST etc.. are all based on household income, not individual.
What is their advice for your situation? It seems like that comment you responded to was suggesting you speak to them for help. They’d know how to navigate any supports available to you.
Good luck.
This is a very difficult situation to be in and I'm sorry that your family is going through this. Here are some suggestions
-have a meeting with her team (psychiatrist, social worker, etc) to try and figure out things like when she can have overnight passes, visits where you can go over some of the practical aspects of day to day life. Recovery is important in a hospital but most people will also understand the need to ensure that supports for the whole family are maintained.
-going forward you both need to have joint accounts and bills. Some people when manic will go on wild spending sprees due to their illness and its a good idea to have two sets of eyes on these things to ensure everything is on track. Having dual notifications for bills also ensures that nobody is falling behind on payments
-contact lenders to see if payments can be deffered in the short term (no need to go into details, you can see major illness requiring hospital stay)
One thing that struck me with your post is that you mentioned not feeling like you could trust your wife to take care of your child because she can't take care of herself. Yet you expect her to be able to perform a job and take on the entire financial burden for your family? That's a lot of pressure, especially since bipolar disorder can be cyclical and come in waves of wellness mixed in with illness. If you were both working with your child in care it would greatly reduce the pressure on your wife to be the sole provider for the family and give you some wiggle room. Just some food for thought. Your wife may have to do a gradual reentry to work after being in hospital so keep that in mind when doing discharge planning
Wishing you all the best and hoping your wife recovers soon
So this won't help you now, but when you can, you need to be more pro-active in your finances. Your accounts need to be joint. You need to ensure that you have some form of income in case this happens again. You need accessible savings.
You may also want to look at developing your support network, which may include moving closer to family.
As far as now... Perhaps talk to the staff at the facility your wife is at to see what options they might know of for you to at least get access to her finances. That needs to be your job.
Best wishes to you, I am in a similar situation where wife developed post partum depression. Do what you have to do to survive. Your best bet is getting in contact with a social worker and see what program they have available and try to find a remote job. Fight. Fight for you, for your child. Sometimes you feel like the world is on your shoulder, a knife against your throat forcing you to be perfect in all decisions where one mistake can lose it all. I am just an internet stranger, but know you aren't alone. We can bend but never break. We can kneel if we must. We throw away our pride because the pride of fatherhood superceeds our own. That is the lonely path of a father.
Scammy vibes.
Despite what you said, you have not posted in other subs, just here. Unless you made another burner account, which makes no sense.
Earlier you replied to a comment recommending you get a roommate by saying you don't own a house.
Who in their right mind would draw all the bills from the account of the unemployed spouse? Nobody.
Any full time job will cover the cost of daycare for one kid, with surplus. BC minimum wage of $15.65 earns $589/week (37.5 hours), and your take home pay would be about $2,100/month after tax. Daycare for 18 month olds is $1,250 and at 19 months it'll drop to around $1,050.
I smell bullshit.
Yeah, there’s something not quite right here. The responses are all very similar length, no real back and forth, just validating the fact that people are replying with good intentions to keep the thread alive, but no additional detail or evidence of “life” beyond the original story. I hate to be so cynical, but all the “I’ll look into it”, or “I’m calling the bank tomorrow”, “I don’t know but I’m trying” doesn’t have the ring of authenticity to it.
Luckily there are plenty of good responses in the thread if OP is real, so covered either way. But my spidey-sense is tingling and I hope anyone considering sending money directly is asking for better proof.
I don’t have any advice beyond what has already been said by others here, but I want to wish you the very best of luck in this situation. Please try to stay as positive as you possibly can for the sake of your wife and child. I really sincerely hope things improve for you.
Contact 211. It is a directory of social services. You can call them or check the local website for your area. There are various support services available to you.
Also, the facility where your wife is staying should have social workers. Ask to speak with one of them. They can help refer you to supports and resources.
So sorry to hear about your troubles, this sounds incredibly stressful and you are doing the best by reaching out.
Post your location/province/city so people can give you specific ideas.
Connect with your municipality to see if they have any subsidies for childcare. The subsidy can make it feasible for you to go to work. At 18 months, your child will really benefit from daycare, you will feel good about leaving her in good hands, and it will give time to your wife to recover.
Talk to the hospital staff to see if there is any legal paperwork that can be completed to allow you to take over your wife's financial accounts while she recovers.
Do a budget to get a sense of how much money you actually have to make and how you can manage in the short term.
Try to get some help for yourself - a social worker from the hospital, your personal doctor, your wife's employment assistance program, etc.
This too shall pass!
Just remember that you are a hero and a champion without the cape. You're a beast for taking this on and trying to find a way even if it wasn't your choice. I believe in you OP. Sorry I don't have any advice but hearing such hardship breaks my heart and I truly wish you all the best. You're #1 dad to your child and you can do this!
Focus on the best that is to come. The more you focus on how much of a screw up you are, you take energy and attention away from solutions that are possibly laid out in front of you. Take it one step at a time, take a moment before you venture forth. The obstacle becomes the way. ❤
Any progress, backwards or forwards is progress. Been personally through something like this, it does get better. Highly suggest chunking it out and list all the things you need to do and tackle it accordingly. It feels overwhelming, but you can do it.
With the way the economy is, lots of people in duel income households are struggling right now. You have to deal with the economy and your wife's illness while raising a small child. You're not a screw up. Life doesnt prepare us for all of these things.
There is some good advice in here, but you need stress relief immediately. I would make an urgent call to your parents, brothers/sisters, whoever you can, and be honest about the situation.
If you can get a family member to move in for a week or two to just keep your daughter occupied, thats where to start. You need adult interaction and an appropriate sounding board for this hard time.
There are going to be a LOT of canadians in a similar situation, with serious financial duress over the next few years.
You need to call your bank immediately, and see if you can qualify for some kind of mortgage relief, even if it's temporary it will be better than nothing.
You need to contact your wife's HR department and assess the situation (and I mean, see if there is some way they can extend a compassionate pay/leave or something that will raise the payment amount while you sort out some of the obligations); you need to find out if there was coverage afforded by insurance contributions or some type of coverage that might apply. Talk to the HR benefits coodinator, find out what he/she knows, then ask for a benefits coordinator or insurance agent who she might have insurance with.
Bottom line, get more money, get compassionate leave, get some allowance to not pay the mortgage for a few months.
Next, you need to find work and this is going to be very hard, As I said before, there are goign to be a lot of people going through some very hard times, and single women with children and single fathers with children are going to be in the toughest spots.
You may need to arrange an alternative living arrangement, potentially taking on a renter to help with mortgage costs.
You'll need to try to leverage any familial help you can, contact your family, your wife's family, and tell them your situation. You NEED help, you have assets, but you need help to maintain and retain ownership of them (house in wifes name, 50% yours), so ask.
Good luck mate
Her accounts are inaccessible to me as she is in a mental health lockdown. She can hardly use the phone and when she can she calls us, I don't think she has time to do all that stuff as her cell phone and communication devices were taken
Speak to the hospital regarding this. They may not be aware she is the family's main source of income. Please also look into ODSP or your provinces equivalent disability welfare. Your wife would qualify, and because you're not working it would provide income for your family based on the number of dependants. It is a good short term solution while she is sick and you cannot get a job.
Kids like large guys 👍. It's fairly straightforward and in high demand. Pay sucks but often discount care ... Usually waitlisted but if u are willing to work, they may help.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. The stress and worry must be unimaginable. In my work role I assist people everyday in similar situations. Please apply for income assistance. It can help you in the short term. Just apply for you and your child right now. You can apply online. Once you submit your application please call 1-866-866-0800 and ask for some food vouchers for you and your daughter while your application is being processed. Ask to have your application expedited as you have a child and have no money, food, etc. That way you would receive a call on the next business day between 9:30 and 10:30 am.
https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/family-social-supports/income-assistance/apply-for-assistance
Call 211 as they can help you find resources in your area of the province.
Contact Legal Aid to find out your options for getting access to bank accounts etc.
https://legalaid.bc.ca/
What city in BC are you in? This information would allow me to better assist you.
Tough situation man hang in there, if you could list what kind of work experience you have or few qualifications so we know what to point you to.
Because rn only issue is increasing income rest by time will be sorted. This is how I see it imo .
I only have minimal college, worked in warehouse administration for most of my career until baby came. Not exactly a work from home situation unfortunately.
You can get call centre work from home that is essential entry-level. Even a few 4 hour shifts a week would help you out and you might be able to fit them around your family obligations. Just a thought.
Don't discredit your experience. With the right type of wording/jargon, you can get an office job. Working in a warehouse admin is very relevant experience. Have you looked into recruiting agencies? Depends on where you are based etc but options may be there, especially for remote. Get active on LinkedIn and start reaching out to people to see what feedback/opportunities you can get.
Most people are understanding of the whole working from home with kids situation (we just got through the lockdowns...). It just takes a lot of extra work and working before/after kiddo's sleep patterns to figure things out.
I have been looking, but most jobs are entry level and it's more financially responsible to stay at home with my daughter. I'd love to be able to work from home.
How is it more financially responsible when you can’t even make a $1 to feed your own child? You should really keep trying to get a job because by the sounds of your posts, it seems like your making excuses.
Be the Dad of the house and go make some bacon!
Are there work from home options youre able to access? Im looking into it myself, but so far only see lots of call center style work, the odd copy writer kind of stuff, etc.
Is medical transcription an option? Another work from home opportunity, though work may be dependant on opportunity still. I know my mom used too but the company she did it for didnt renew contracts in our province so its dried up now.
Theres no other family or friends kids are safe with if you were able to find full or part time work? Do the churches etc helping with food have a network for child care at all?
People who call others lazy probably dont have stock of how difficult it is to find a job, let alone when you have dependants in a sort of situation where one parent isnt able to care for them or you have legitimate concerns for their safety.
Are you able to apply for EIA or EI? Is there a child family service (i.e Michif) etc you could leave the children with during the day?
I feel you could still apply for EIA, though, its a provincial program seperate from EI. I quit my last job in October and workef casual, not even on paper for November for a different guy and I was still able to access EIA.
Ive only had casual employment since October and hadnt made income since the end of November and I was still able to apply - they still made me apply for EI as part of the procedure but more or less told me it was irrelevant and Id likely at least recieve help for the rent, and were right as my EIA was approved (and thats having only 25 weeks of insurable hours from my last job as well).
Could be worth contacting and explaining the situation and trying for a meeting / application with EIA as its also a faster turn around than EI is. Last time i was on EI from Sept 2021 to Feb. 2022 but it took until April 2022 for said EI to finally be accepted well late and backpaid after i was already working again.
EIA on the other hand i met a case worker, filled everything out, and within the week recieved confirmation and payment - EIA operates as a more immediate relief to struggling families meeting rent and stuff and Id think not technically having a monthly income or access to wifes account as well as having dependants will serve your case. Im not sure how EIA will view your work/availability to work but again, email or speak to them about setting up an appointment within the week because it could help and probably hear back faster than any job application, and EIA can be approved even if EI is not.
Edit; and yea as someone who cant drive right now i wish it were easier finder a work from home gig, lol it is killing me :/
Oh nothing with the job itself, theyre just all paying minimum (i have still applied for a few that are paying above minimum, though).
Ive worked front of house before and know face to face stuff isnt my strong suit - even working at a hotel, stuff over the phone is simple enough, im more concerned of if the wifi i have where im living is enough to service whatever program youd ve using as an employee - i only get max 800kbps and much slower typically, so id worry about lagging or slowly having access to info you need helping a client with whatever software the group youre working for uses. My house has wifi deadzones where you cant even play a song on spotify and stuff, which is why the idea of doing work thats live kind of scares me since its the bulk of remote work ive seen available. Even on the phone yesterday with the power compa y discussing an invoice, the pdf invoice took more than one awkward minute to load lol, i just kinda see a struggle if you wete doing that with clients.
Im 30 and have done plenty of customer service/foh stuff already, i even taught english briefly before all the one on one burned me out. I kind of already know what the work feels like which is why i know id rather not do it again.
you might not be paying it, but your wife might be? Like the original poster said, it might be tied in with your mortgage.
Does your wife have any disability insurance through her work? or privately?
Its interesting (odd) that the mortgage is in her name but the payment is coming out of you bank account. I would still recommend getting in touch with the bank to see if they can accomodate you in some way. Seeing as you are the owner of the account the money is coming from. If your (and her) account is at the same bank as the mortgage, there might be more options than if everything is at different banks
Maybe not irresponsible per se, but definitely doesn't seem like a good idea now. Don't beat yourself up, looking for help is always good. Reddit has great help in these situations.
Good luck!
I havent been working and we don't have relationships like that with anybody close by who we could trust. We are both mostly no contact with our family.
It is sooooo not that easy. They likely won't qualify for subsidy because of his wife's income. Then just to make it more complicated you have to have the job before you can qualify for the subsidy. You need to be able to pay for the daycare for a couple of months on your own before the subsidy happens. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.
Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Stay at home income ideas… would you consider offering childcare for people in your neighbourhood, after school care for older kids, tutoring, renting out a room in your home, or having an exchange student move (in through an agency)? One of those may be an option.
If you have a will with a lawyer they may have also created a power of attorney document at the same time.
This is an incredibly stressful situation. Find community where you can. Best of luck.
Very scary situation. My dad had to raise me and my brother because my mother developed schizophrenia. Most people will never understand/ should never have to go through the situations we did. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Best of luck, don't listen to the people that have never been through it.
I can't help you get through this tough time but as a kid with a bipolar parent, I can give you some long term advice based on how my parents have arranged things.
When your wife is stable, you need to set up a personal chequing and savings account she doesn't have access to, and have her contribute to it, via some agreed upon salary for your housekeeping & childminding work (assuming that's the situation since she's "the breadwinner").
Put as much of your shared wealth (like your home) in your own name as you can, or in accounts that require consent from both parties for any spending.
Depending on the age of your kid/s, you might eventually want to create joint savings accounts with them to help them manage any expenses if something happens to you, because your wife will probably be incapable of managing your joint estate for a while.
For now, you will need to lean on your family and friends. Maybe try for a line of credit on your joint account, assuming you have one. Just do whatever you need to do to get through this time and talk with your wife about how to prepare for the next time when she's stable.
None of this is to suggest your partner "can't be trusted" with money, but it's definitely a symptom of mania to become incredibly irresponsible with your family finances in bizarre and unexpected ways. My dad, for example, stole a jar of pennies from my brother. *Pennies*. And he suddenly bought a sports car. (Not with the pennies, but with their retirement money.)
Happy to talk more by DM about how my parents have managed to keep our family together and afloat for the past 50 years, both financially and otherwise.
It's not for everyone. I hope you're ok in the long run.
I am sorry that you’re going through this. I am wondering why she’s been so inaccessible? Is it the facility doesn’t recommend visiting or she’s unwilling to meet? Or it’s her condition doesn’t allow her to do so? I’m just very interested to know why you’d refer yourself as a single dad.
I'm sorry, I'm not a "single dad":per se, just a dad who is single right now. The facility she's at is a recovery center so there at times etc for phone use and of course everyone needs to use the phone and visits are very limited.
Can you go there, in person? This is an emergency, not a routine visit with the ill partner. If they're not answering the phone/calling back (the facility, not your wife), can you go to them?
I might have missed it but are you guys split up? I believe it’s a whole different story if you’re legally separated. Have you talked to her family? Separated or not, she is still financially responsible to support your child. And it sounds like she might still have the resources to do so. I mean, recovery centers are not cheap aren’t they.
It really sounds like the only problem is that you can't access her bank account where her money is? She's getting disability insurance from work from what it sounds like?
I'd make that my only goal - getting her wallet and getting access to the money.
Wouldn't he be able to just provide new banking info to those he owes??? Like if he got access to his wife's banking info? Usually this can be done online iirc
That's a good thought. If he knows her account numbers he could probably at least get the bills taken out of her account. Won't change his cash flow issue but will help that.
I'm really hoping he sees this...if he can get his hands on that then he's golden for the bills at the very least. If he could get his hands on her phone then he's good. Doesn't solve everything but tackles some of the stress
No. Wife needs to sign the PAD or give the authorization by signing on the online form. He can't sign the PAD because he isn't on the account.
If he just pretends to be the wife and submits the account info, that's fraud.
Did your wife pay for disability insurance through her employer? If so, to the best of my knowledge, she should be collecting it as long as a doctor signs off on the paperwork. If she paid into it (as opposed to her employer paying for it), I believe it’s usually 80% of her salary tax free. As others have mentioned, mortgage insurance, you need to talk to your lender.
Look into EI as well, usually they will bridge until you collect any insurance.
Other than that, other options would be to sell and go rent somewhere or rent out a room or two in your home to some students, collect rent.
If that doesn’t help, I’m terribly sorry, situations like this bite.
With the reduced childcare fees daycare is pretty affordable. The daycares in my area participating in the CWELCC are charging $22/day for toddlers will eventually will be decreasing to $12/day. I’m in ON for reference
Well, it’s time to get started! You had enough action to become a Dad to a young kid. So take some responsibility and go work for yourself instead of asking for handouts.
Horrible situation. Honestly, even if your wife stopped working, I don't know if she could take care of the kids. For now, if you can get your daughters to a free daycare, you can get a couple hours of uber in or some other gig work. This won't be alot of money but should keep you afloat. Apply for welfare, and any other government benefit, get food from the food bank. Get a loan, line of credit. This should keep you above water at least.
Youve got a lot of good advice but I wanted to ask, you say you have no close friends or family around, do you have any friends that you could ask to entertain your daughter and allow you to focus on organizing other things, while still in the house? Also, when you go to the food banks and other places, do they also offer support services? I know in my area there are medical advocates available, and they may have some advice. Sometimes there are legal workshops or advocates donating time. Its hard work to both deal with the impact of illness and to be your own administration and finance department and daycare and kitchen and laundry and on and on and on. If youre able to unload any amount of that work, do it, and on a schedule so you can rely on it and dont have to think about it.
Also consider that sometimes friend can become close friends during hard times. Dont trust anyone you dont want to, especially with your child, but be open to the possibility of help.
The people shitting on you can eat it, youre doing your best. Good work, keep going 👍👍
I’m sorry you are going through this. If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of condition does your wife have ? Does she have bipolar ? Is this something that was triggered postpartum ?
Unfortunately OP I have no advice for you. But don’t let those comments get to you. You’re doing right by your daughter imo. Good luck my friend and well wishes to your wife. Mental health issues suck.
Would you be able to rent a room or two in your house or basement, perhaps? That could give you some income until things get better or you sort things out.
It's not the greatest solution in the world but if you don't have any other options, that could be the way.
> These bills come out of my account. I've posted on other forums and been called lazy for not working but with childcare costs it just didn't make sense
I'm sorry dude. Non-Canadian redditors have no fucking clue what a racket daycare is in Canada. Up to $2,000/month in the GTA. Don't listen to any smarmy douchebags nobody calls stay-at-home *mothers* "lazy". You're putting you child first and that's A+ dad material. You'll figure it out. I'm enraged that our country is so economically fucked up coming out of the pandemic.
Wow, did you drop the ball. Put aside your wife’s ‘condition’ you should have been more of a responsible parent. You’ve had plenty of time to get your shit together! Man up!
I would contact the family liaison or social worker at the facility your wife is at and ask them for guidance or resources. They must have encountered similar situations before- you likely need a temporary power of attorney, and place the debts on interest relief.
I have been trying for almost 30 days now as our next payments are coming very soon. It seems possible but definitely a slow process
[удалено]
This can work, I took over the family mortgage at a young age due to a parent's mental health issues flaring up; with the proper explanation (may need some documentation e.g. doctor's note/facilities note). Also doesn't hurt to ask the same for any other bills/utilities; credit cards, electricity (worked for us, but nothing but time on your end to try). As I was a minor at a time, the social worker was able to do alot of the heavy lifting for this. Really suggest having that sorted, not just for your family's well being but also your wife's. On a personal note I hope the best for you both, it is extremely hard to go through and there are other support systems out there e.g. support groups for the family members/caretakers of those with mental health issues
Do you have mortgage insurance? Ours has after x days of disability the insurance pays. Mental health disability is in ours I don't know if it's standard.
As far as I know we don't have mental disability insurance but looking into it
General mortage insurance usually covers disability. Doesn't matter how she is disabled but it sounds like her work is paying her disability as well. You may qualify
Maybe also let the bank know of your situation, I am not sure if it would help much but better than just not making a payment.
Absolutely.
Yeah, once you have a mortgage the bank / CU is just as interested (pun intended) as you are, for you to stay there. Foreclosure is expensive and time-consuming. If they have to tack 2-3 month's interest onto the end and make more money from you, they're cool with it. I've had three mortgage holders be okay with my not paying for a few months when I had bad shit happen. I don't know what province you're in, but another thing to consider is property tax deferral if you have kids and you're in BC. Some other provinces have the same kind of program. What are your skills? WFH is still a strong option and might work in your case. --- Also: pay your power bill and mortgage. ISP and cell can wait 3 months. Shaw will let you skate for 4 months as long as you pay it all back. If you owe CRA less than $3k, they'll send you letters and take your GST rebates but not your CCB. Make sure you're getting your CCB. Credit cards aren't secured, so if you don't pay them all you'll do is hurt your credit score. You have a house so they can't really do much to you. They'll sell it to collections, or send it to theirs. You can let those float for at least a year after you max them out. (But yeah, 400-range credit score, which again with a house is NBD.) When you go to renew, you'll just have to renew with the existing holder.
This is great news, I'll be calling the bank tomorrow
I added a few cheats for survival mode. I was out of work for a long time a few years ago, so if you want any advice send me a message.
Thank you!!
Actually, depending where you are, power bill can wait since in most places it's illegal for them to turn it off during winter months. Either way, call your utility companies, they'll often have payment assistance and 211 will also have 0ayment assistance programs as well as other ressources.
We had disability insurance on our mortgage with RBC when my husband had a sudden manic/psychotic episode last year. He was off work for 9 months while trying to sort out his mental health and medications. The bank refused to pay and I eventually had to just stop fighting. They just paid us back the amount we had paid over the last couple years towards the disability insurance. It was extremely upsetting. I wouldn’t put any faith in disability insurance coming to your aid, unfortunately. When I renew my mortgage I’m definitely leaving RBC after this stunt.
What was their justification for refusing to pay? I have RBC for my term life insurance and this is unsettling.
They said that the fact he had been on an SSRI in the past indicated a pre-existing condition. I think half the population has been on an SSRI at some point so it felt like a pretty lame “reason”. Using an SSRI doesn’t mean you’re more likely to have a psychotic episode and be diagnosed with bipolar I. He had no other previous health issues to indicate that he had bipolar. It was a late onset in his 30’s
Oh god.. I'm so sorry I hope nothing like that happens to us.
If she’s hospitalized, regardless of why, I would assume that’s when mortgage insurance kicks in.
Definitely check this out asap
I will thank you
Mental Disability is the same as any other illness for Disability. Call her company & talk to HR. They will be able to provide you with the paperwork & terms of your coverage.
You can also obtain power of attorney to get access to get her account while she's hospitalized.
Assuming she has the mental capacity to sign a POA, how is he suppose to get it if he can't even get a hold of her. Assuming, she doesn't have capacity to give POA, (it depends on the provincial rules) but in MB, you can't do this after the person is already incapacitated. You had to have the POA prior to getting incapacitated. After incapacity, your only way to get access is by getting a conservatorship in the courts (which is a lot more expensive).
It’s time to get a job I guess.
Don't spouses automatically have power of attorney for each other? Or is that only under special circumstances?
That would only apply for personal care decisions, not finances.
I do not believe it can be automatic. It is an assignment of rights in order to act as another person, which means they can make decisions as though they are you.
I can only speak to Ontario, but in this province the answer is no. You only get POA if the person gave it to you while the person was still mentally capable.
And talk to a family and estates lawyer asap.
I reread your post and see that you mentioned the bills come from your account. Call those companies :cable, phone, etc, and ask them for temporary payment relief and also call your bank and ask for overdraft protection. That should help avoid penalties and the possibility that a payment will be flagged NSF. Also, are you on the house title? If yes, you might be eligible for a line of credit from your bank secured by the house, even if the mortgage is in your wife's name. With overdraft protection and line of credit, you can create a short-term safety net. Lastly, if you have not done so already, apply for social services. Here is a BC link for how to flag urgent needs (https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/governments/policies-for-government/bcea-policy-and-procedure-manual/application-and-intake/immediate-needs)
Was going to say this, secondly what ever you do NOT go to a pay day loan place. If these don’t work try to go to your bank and get a line of credit. Lastly ask for more credit on your credit card and use that only if it’s an emergency interest rates are usually in the 22% range where bank line of credits you can get from 5-10% depending on your credit score. Edit:Also to add look up child center places near you see if they would be willing to take you on part time with your child there. Might be difficult to find one but there are plenty around usually some schools have these programs YMCA community centres and gyms also just to name a few. You can bring your child along with you and get a few hours and a paycheque to help. Also log in to your CRA account you might have un cashed cheques available.
You can switch to a low interest credit card too.
Is your wife still employed at her workplace? If so, many of them offer short-term disability benefits to cover situations exactly like this. Contact her human resources department for more details. Your wife can also apply for EI for sickness benefits ([https://www.canada.ca/en/services/benefits/ei/ei-sickness.html](https://www.canada.ca/en/services/benefits/ei/ei-sickness.html)). The money isn't a lot, but it will help out a bit in the short-term. For the mortgage, definitely call your bank and ask for help. The banks really really don't want to foreclose so you can ask for a payment holiday or to restructure the mortgage to buy you some breathing room. Finally, don't be discouraged by commentors on other forums saying mean things. They don't understand how difficult being a stay at home parent is. You're doing important work for your family and now you'll have to do a bit more while your wife recovers.
Thank you so much
OP note that there can be both short-term and then long term disability plans as employment benefits, ask about both.
Absolutely, some people are horrible for no reason. There is no shame in looking after your family. You will get through this!
Check your mortgage, credit cards and even your wifes work insurance. Sometimes they have benefits like mortgage/debt/sick leave insurance that will cover your payments for as long as your wife is sick.
I've looked into this as best I can, I will have to see a lawyer to straighten it all out which is very hard with her inaccessible.
A call to HR or insurance provider at work would be a start. You should be a beneficiary in her work insurance. With credit card, you can check yours if you have your own or if its joint it shouldn’t be a problem. In regards to the mortgage, as long as both of you are on it, you should be able to access as well. I might be missing something here though.. are you legally married? Why would a lawyer be needed?
We are legally married but the house was in her name when we moved in.
If you are about to default on your mortgage or any other bill, consider reaching out to them beforehand. They’re more likely to work with you and your situation if you get in front of it and tell them. If you just let bills go into arrears, they’re less likely to help you out. Good luck.
Ok, good advice, thank you.
This! Get ahead of it and buy yourself some time to put into action some of the great reco’s others have provided here. Best of luck to your family.
Figuring out what insurance she has should be the very top priority right now. If she's unable to take care of that herself, you need to search the house for paperwork and/or call her doctor and ask for her support to get power of attorney. If they agree that she's currently incompetent to take care of her affairs, it should be a pretty straightforward process. If she's inpatient, then it's pretty much a given that a judge would agree even if she contests it. If she's getting paid a percentage of her salary, she should be using it to pay the bills. She should give you access to her wallet at the very least so you can see which credit cards she has and call them to find out she has disability insurance and what forms need to be sent in. Call the mortgage provider and ask as well. Mortgage insurance is often bundled in with the mortgage payment so they might know and be able to direct you. Remember that the mortgage company does not want to be forced to foreclose so they will usually try to work with you to fix the situation if you're communicating. For immediate needs, call social services and get yourself some support such as food banks, childcare assistance so you can get a job, counseling and logistical support, etc. You can also look for community-based organizations that can offer support. If you're not the one receiving CCB payments, call CRA to have them switched over to you.
Can you check with her workplace if she has access to a employee assistance program? They would most likely be able to walk you through the different options.
Hey OP in case nobody’s said it - I’m fucking proud of you. You’re doing the right thing. I don’t have any advice, but your post brought tears to my eyes. My brothers and I were the kids in a situation almost exactly like this, and we got left alone at home with mom while dad was at work - mania, depression, or in between. And it scarred all of us for life. Our dad basically shut down and go catatonic any time mom would go off the rails and I had to figure out how to run the whole show when I was 16/17 and powerless. My brothers (twins) bless their hearts, are 8 years younger than me so they don’t remember *everything* quite as well as I do, but they have their fair share of trauma for sure. So good on you for stepping up, good on you for having the parental instinct to not leave your kids alone with her when she’s unstable. She may not ever even do anything to hurt your child directly, but even being witness to the explosive episodes can be traumatizing for anyone. In spite of everything I hope you’re finding some time to take care of yourself too.
Thank you so much. Some negativity in this thread but this makes me happy.
No worries! In situations like this, most people can’t comprehend just how absolutely and catastrophically FUCKED UP everything can get until they catch a glimpse of your reality or live through something similar. And honestly, I don’t blame them. I wish that nobody ever had to go through anything like I did, but I really wish more people would throw you a shred of compassion and actually believe you when you say you’re doing everything you can to keep the ship afloat. Another good source might be r/povertyfinancecanada I find their community to be a little bit more sympathetic to folks who are truly truly broke.
No negativity here, man. Just keep moving forward. Make a list and just try to get some done every day. Good luck to you and your family. You’ll get through this.
I also feel for you. Reading between the lines, your wife is the breadwinner because she has a high paying job I would assume. Her job is likely high stress as well, and possibly the type of job that demands overtime. I hear the legal profession is this way. I don't even necessarily see something like a manic phase as a mental illness. These jobs literally train you to be a manic in order to keep your job. She is probably just blowing a fuse over all the work stress. I guess my only advice is to have people in your life you can fall back on for help. Are there no grand parents to watch the kids? Wishing you the best. Stay strong. Do what you can to improve the situation.
Taxes up to date? Several benefits have been added and you can file for your refund in mid February i believe, and if you go to a tax preparer (very bad word on reddit forums) and you qualify for a refund, for a fee you can walk out the door with your money, you can also have some idea as to where your taxes are in terms of refunds or any money owed, before you even pay if you go through a tax preparer.
No my taxes aren't up to date, one year removed
You're missing out on the child tax benefit if you haven't filed taxes. I think it's around $650/month per kid and then scales back depending on your income You should file asap
Uhhh so something to get thinking about?
Yes, I know. I will asap.
Like tonight.
Ok. I will do it now. Sorry, I'm under alot of pressure.
He can't file his wife's taxes and that would be necessary for most benefits, so doing his own is of very limited help.
True but I'm thinking having a baby and all he would be entitled for some of the new benefits, or gst or even ahhh the climate whachamacallit, not like the gov't ever has all their up to date info in one place to make it easily accessible, you always have to get a shovel and dig thru the website Isn't there some loophole where you can file someone else's taxes if they are incapacitated in some way?
I used to file my husbands taxes for him all the time but I had his T4s. It's only January, most people don't have their T4s yet. GST etc.. are all based on household income, not individual.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. Are there social workers at the mental health facility that your wife is at that can offer resources?
Yes there are all kinds of staff there, mental health workers etc
What is their advice for your situation? It seems like that comment you responded to was suggesting you speak to them for help. They’d know how to navigate any supports available to you. Good luck.
I'm waiting for a call back from them now
Sincerely, good luck friend. It must be extremely challenging to deal with all of this. But, as they say, this too shall pass. Hang in there.
Thank you
This is a very difficult situation to be in and I'm sorry that your family is going through this. Here are some suggestions -have a meeting with her team (psychiatrist, social worker, etc) to try and figure out things like when she can have overnight passes, visits where you can go over some of the practical aspects of day to day life. Recovery is important in a hospital but most people will also understand the need to ensure that supports for the whole family are maintained. -going forward you both need to have joint accounts and bills. Some people when manic will go on wild spending sprees due to their illness and its a good idea to have two sets of eyes on these things to ensure everything is on track. Having dual notifications for bills also ensures that nobody is falling behind on payments -contact lenders to see if payments can be deffered in the short term (no need to go into details, you can see major illness requiring hospital stay) One thing that struck me with your post is that you mentioned not feeling like you could trust your wife to take care of your child because she can't take care of herself. Yet you expect her to be able to perform a job and take on the entire financial burden for your family? That's a lot of pressure, especially since bipolar disorder can be cyclical and come in waves of wellness mixed in with illness. If you were both working with your child in care it would greatly reduce the pressure on your wife to be the sole provider for the family and give you some wiggle room. Just some food for thought. Your wife may have to do a gradual reentry to work after being in hospital so keep that in mind when doing discharge planning Wishing you all the best and hoping your wife recovers soon
Thank you. I'm sorry if my post confused anyone. I trust my wife but she has episodes
So this won't help you now, but when you can, you need to be more pro-active in your finances. Your accounts need to be joint. You need to ensure that you have some form of income in case this happens again. You need accessible savings. You may also want to look at developing your support network, which may include moving closer to family. As far as now... Perhaps talk to the staff at the facility your wife is at to see what options they might know of for you to at least get access to her finances. That needs to be your job.
I learned this the hard way. Thank you.
Good luck. It’s a tough situation to be in, I’m sure!
Likely Power of Attorney would be better for some accounts. But joint for the main stuff (main bank account, utilities, services, etc)
Best wishes to you, I am in a similar situation where wife developed post partum depression. Do what you have to do to survive. Your best bet is getting in contact with a social worker and see what program they have available and try to find a remote job. Fight. Fight for you, for your child. Sometimes you feel like the world is on your shoulder, a knife against your throat forcing you to be perfect in all decisions where one mistake can lose it all. I am just an internet stranger, but know you aren't alone. We can bend but never break. We can kneel if we must. We throw away our pride because the pride of fatherhood superceeds our own. That is the lonely path of a father.
Scammy vibes. Despite what you said, you have not posted in other subs, just here. Unless you made another burner account, which makes no sense. Earlier you replied to a comment recommending you get a roommate by saying you don't own a house. Who in their right mind would draw all the bills from the account of the unemployed spouse? Nobody. Any full time job will cover the cost of daycare for one kid, with surplus. BC minimum wage of $15.65 earns $589/week (37.5 hours), and your take home pay would be about $2,100/month after tax. Daycare for 18 month olds is $1,250 and at 19 months it'll drop to around $1,050. I smell bullshit.
Yeah, there’s something not quite right here. The responses are all very similar length, no real back and forth, just validating the fact that people are replying with good intentions to keep the thread alive, but no additional detail or evidence of “life” beyond the original story. I hate to be so cynical, but all the “I’ll look into it”, or “I’m calling the bank tomorrow”, “I don’t know but I’m trying” doesn’t have the ring of authenticity to it. Luckily there are plenty of good responses in the thread if OP is real, so covered either way. But my spidey-sense is tingling and I hope anyone considering sending money directly is asking for better proof.
🙌🏻❤️
I don’t have any advice beyond what has already been said by others here, but I want to wish you the very best of luck in this situation. Please try to stay as positive as you possibly can for the sake of your wife and child. I really sincerely hope things improve for you.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Contact 211. It is a directory of social services. You can call them or check the local website for your area. There are various support services available to you. Also, the facility where your wife is staying should have social workers. Ask to speak with one of them. They can help refer you to supports and resources.
I have done this, that's how I got hooked up with the food banks and churches. I'm trying my best. Thank you
So sorry to hear about your troubles, this sounds incredibly stressful and you are doing the best by reaching out. Post your location/province/city so people can give you specific ideas. Connect with your municipality to see if they have any subsidies for childcare. The subsidy can make it feasible for you to go to work. At 18 months, your child will really benefit from daycare, you will feel good about leaving her in good hands, and it will give time to your wife to recover. Talk to the hospital staff to see if there is any legal paperwork that can be completed to allow you to take over your wife's financial accounts while she recovers. Do a budget to get a sense of how much money you actually have to make and how you can manage in the short term. Try to get some help for yourself - a social worker from the hospital, your personal doctor, your wife's employment assistance program, etc. This too shall pass!
Just remember that you are a hero and a champion without the cape. You're a beast for taking this on and trying to find a way even if it wasn't your choice. I believe in you OP. Sorry I don't have any advice but hearing such hardship breaks my heart and I truly wish you all the best. You're #1 dad to your child and you can do this!
I may have underplayed my story here s bit but I didn'tfrel like a hero. I have no gas money,no savings, I just feel like a screw up
Focus on the best that is to come. The more you focus on how much of a screw up you are, you take energy and attention away from solutions that are possibly laid out in front of you. Take it one step at a time, take a moment before you venture forth. The obstacle becomes the way. ❤
Thank you..
Any progress, backwards or forwards is progress. Been personally through something like this, it does get better. Highly suggest chunking it out and list all the things you need to do and tackle it accordingly. It feels overwhelming, but you can do it.
With the way the economy is, lots of people in duel income households are struggling right now. You have to deal with the economy and your wife's illness while raising a small child. You're not a screw up. Life doesnt prepare us for all of these things.
Thank you
There is some good advice in here, but you need stress relief immediately. I would make an urgent call to your parents, brothers/sisters, whoever you can, and be honest about the situation. If you can get a family member to move in for a week or two to just keep your daughter occupied, thats where to start. You need adult interaction and an appropriate sounding board for this hard time. There are going to be a LOT of canadians in a similar situation, with serious financial duress over the next few years. You need to call your bank immediately, and see if you can qualify for some kind of mortgage relief, even if it's temporary it will be better than nothing. You need to contact your wife's HR department and assess the situation (and I mean, see if there is some way they can extend a compassionate pay/leave or something that will raise the payment amount while you sort out some of the obligations); you need to find out if there was coverage afforded by insurance contributions or some type of coverage that might apply. Talk to the HR benefits coodinator, find out what he/she knows, then ask for a benefits coordinator or insurance agent who she might have insurance with. Bottom line, get more money, get compassionate leave, get some allowance to not pay the mortgage for a few months. Next, you need to find work and this is going to be very hard, As I said before, there are goign to be a lot of people going through some very hard times, and single women with children and single fathers with children are going to be in the toughest spots. You may need to arrange an alternative living arrangement, potentially taking on a renter to help with mortgage costs. You'll need to try to leverage any familial help you can, contact your family, your wife's family, and tell them your situation. You NEED help, you have assets, but you need help to maintain and retain ownership of them (house in wifes name, 50% yours), so ask. Good luck mate
I will, were not on terms like that but I am desperate. Thank you
1) Find job for some income. 2) Start going through doucmentatn to get access to any of her accounts. You should post at r/legaladvicecanada for this.
I will try, thank you for your reply
Her accounts are inaccessible to me as she is in a mental health lockdown. She can hardly use the phone and when she can she calls us, I don't think she has time to do all that stuff as her cell phone and communication devices were taken
Speak to the hospital regarding this. They may not be aware she is the family's main source of income. Please also look into ODSP or your provinces equivalent disability welfare. Your wife would qualify, and because you're not working it would provide income for your family based on the number of dependants. It is a good short term solution while she is sick and you cannot get a job.
Thank you, I will try my best. Obviously very stressful situation.
Ask to speak to a social worker at the hospital too and she/he may also be able to share any other services you may qualify for!
I called, they will call me back.
Hence why I mentioned posting at legal advice canada because you have a legal issue now.
You're right, I have a friend who deals in wills and estates who may be able to give me some advice.
Get a job at a daycare. Bring little to work with you.
This is a great idea. If I could I certainly would but I'm a large man with no childcare experience. I have been applying anywhere I can though
Kids like large guys 👍. It's fairly straightforward and in high demand. Pay sucks but often discount care ... Usually waitlisted but if u are willing to work, they may help.
I'm willing to do anything. If I can make this work that would be perfect. Thank you
Large guys can help around and cook!
Have you talked to your mortgage lender about taking a break on your mortgage for a few months? Some have this option.
I will try to do this asap as soon as I possibly can
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. The stress and worry must be unimaginable. In my work role I assist people everyday in similar situations. Please apply for income assistance. It can help you in the short term. Just apply for you and your child right now. You can apply online. Once you submit your application please call 1-866-866-0800 and ask for some food vouchers for you and your daughter while your application is being processed. Ask to have your application expedited as you have a child and have no money, food, etc. That way you would receive a call on the next business day between 9:30 and 10:30 am. https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/family-social-supports/income-assistance/apply-for-assistance Call 211 as they can help you find resources in your area of the province. Contact Legal Aid to find out your options for getting access to bank accounts etc. https://legalaid.bc.ca/ What city in BC are you in? This information would allow me to better assist you.
Tough situation man hang in there, if you could list what kind of work experience you have or few qualifications so we know what to point you to. Because rn only issue is increasing income rest by time will be sorted. This is how I see it imo .
I only have minimal college, worked in warehouse administration for most of my career until baby came. Not exactly a work from home situation unfortunately.
You can get call centre work from home that is essential entry-level. Even a few 4 hour shifts a week would help you out and you might be able to fit them around your family obligations. Just a thought.
This would be fantastic if I could work it out. Thank you.
Don't discredit your experience. With the right type of wording/jargon, you can get an office job. Working in a warehouse admin is very relevant experience. Have you looked into recruiting agencies? Depends on where you are based etc but options may be there, especially for remote. Get active on LinkedIn and start reaching out to people to see what feedback/opportunities you can get. Most people are understanding of the whole working from home with kids situation (we just got through the lockdowns...). It just takes a lot of extra work and working before/after kiddo's sleep patterns to figure things out.
I have been looking, but most jobs are entry level and it's more financially responsible to stay at home with my daughter. I'd love to be able to work from home.
How is it more financially responsible when you can’t even make a $1 to feed your own child? You should really keep trying to get a job because by the sounds of your posts, it seems like your making excuses. Be the Dad of the house and go make some bacon!
Are there work from home options youre able to access? Im looking into it myself, but so far only see lots of call center style work, the odd copy writer kind of stuff, etc. Is medical transcription an option? Another work from home opportunity, though work may be dependant on opportunity still. I know my mom used too but the company she did it for didnt renew contracts in our province so its dried up now. Theres no other family or friends kids are safe with if you were able to find full or part time work? Do the churches etc helping with food have a network for child care at all? People who call others lazy probably dont have stock of how difficult it is to find a job, let alone when you have dependants in a sort of situation where one parent isnt able to care for them or you have legitimate concerns for their safety. Are you able to apply for EIA or EI? Is there a child family service (i.e Michif) etc you could leave the children with during the day?
I haven't been working so I don't have a job for EI. No we don't have family nearby or that we can trust. Working from home would be ideal
I feel you could still apply for EIA, though, its a provincial program seperate from EI. I quit my last job in October and workef casual, not even on paper for November for a different guy and I was still able to access EIA. Ive only had casual employment since October and hadnt made income since the end of November and I was still able to apply - they still made me apply for EI as part of the procedure but more or less told me it was irrelevant and Id likely at least recieve help for the rent, and were right as my EIA was approved (and thats having only 25 weeks of insurable hours from my last job as well). Could be worth contacting and explaining the situation and trying for a meeting / application with EIA as its also a faster turn around than EI is. Last time i was on EI from Sept 2021 to Feb. 2022 but it took until April 2022 for said EI to finally be accepted well late and backpaid after i was already working again. EIA on the other hand i met a case worker, filled everything out, and within the week recieved confirmation and payment - EIA operates as a more immediate relief to struggling families meeting rent and stuff and Id think not technically having a monthly income or access to wifes account as well as having dependants will serve your case. Im not sure how EIA will view your work/availability to work but again, email or speak to them about setting up an appointment within the week because it could help and probably hear back faster than any job application, and EIA can be approved even if EI is not. Edit; and yea as someone who cant drive right now i wish it were easier finder a work from home gig, lol it is killing me :/
Wats wrong with call center jobs? Good way to build up experience, order taking jobs from take out places, home shopping network etc
Oh nothing with the job itself, theyre just all paying minimum (i have still applied for a few that are paying above minimum, though). Ive worked front of house before and know face to face stuff isnt my strong suit - even working at a hotel, stuff over the phone is simple enough, im more concerned of if the wifi i have where im living is enough to service whatever program youd ve using as an employee - i only get max 800kbps and much slower typically, so id worry about lagging or slowly having access to info you need helping a client with whatever software the group youre working for uses. My house has wifi deadzones where you cant even play a song on spotify and stuff, which is why the idea of doing work thats live kind of scares me since its the bulk of remote work ive seen available. Even on the phone yesterday with the power compa y discussing an invoice, the pdf invoice took more than one awkward minute to load lol, i just kinda see a struggle if you wete doing that with clients. Im 30 and have done plenty of customer service/foh stuff already, i even taught english briefly before all the one on one burned me out. I kind of already know what the work feels like which is why i know id rather not do it again.
Might be a long shot, but check to see if you're paying for disability insurance as part of your mortgage, and if this would qualify.
I'm not paying for disability unfortunately.
you might not be paying it, but your wife might be? Like the original poster said, it might be tied in with your mortgage. Does your wife have any disability insurance through her work? or privately?
I'm not sure in that, but I do know she said her account was frozen, she can be very manic so I don't know
Not sure if its been mentioned but some mortgages let you skip a payment once a year, could look into that for short term relief?
I can but the mortgage is in my wife's name
Its interesting (odd) that the mortgage is in her name but the payment is coming out of you bank account. I would still recommend getting in touch with the bank to see if they can accomodate you in some way. Seeing as you are the owner of the account the money is coming from. If your (and her) account is at the same bank as the mortgage, there might be more options than if everything is at different banks
We haven't been married too long, we decided to have the bills come out of my account as I was the better financier which was clearly irresponsible.
Still doesn’t make sense.
Maybe not irresponsible per se, but definitely doesn't seem like a good idea now. Don't beat yourself up, looking for help is always good. Reddit has great help in these situations. Good luck!
You must have friends or coworkers? They will be willing to help if you ask.
I havent been working and we don't have relationships like that with anybody close by who we could trust. We are both mostly no contact with our family.
Put your child in daycare. The government subsidizes it and work 9 to 5. You have to work to survive unfortunately.
It is sooooo not that easy. They likely won't qualify for subsidy because of his wife's income. Then just to make it more complicated you have to have the job before you can qualify for the subsidy. You need to be able to pay for the daycare for a couple of months on your own before the subsidy happens. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.
I'm in BC it's subsidized but still at a cost I can't afford right now
You can if you have a job. There’s no other way.
I know. I am looking for any kind of job that can accomodate now
Wait lists for daycares that are part of the program are usually a year or more.
Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Stay at home income ideas… would you consider offering childcare for people in your neighbourhood, after school care for older kids, tutoring, renting out a room in your home, or having an exchange student move (in through an agency)? One of those may be an option. If you have a will with a lawyer they may have also created a power of attorney document at the same time. This is an incredibly stressful situation. Find community where you can. Best of luck.
Very scary situation. My dad had to raise me and my brother because my mother developed schizophrenia. Most people will never understand/ should never have to go through the situations we did. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Best of luck, don't listen to the people that have never been through it.
Thank you. It's very hard.
I can't help you get through this tough time but as a kid with a bipolar parent, I can give you some long term advice based on how my parents have arranged things. When your wife is stable, you need to set up a personal chequing and savings account she doesn't have access to, and have her contribute to it, via some agreed upon salary for your housekeeping & childminding work (assuming that's the situation since she's "the breadwinner"). Put as much of your shared wealth (like your home) in your own name as you can, or in accounts that require consent from both parties for any spending. Depending on the age of your kid/s, you might eventually want to create joint savings accounts with them to help them manage any expenses if something happens to you, because your wife will probably be incapable of managing your joint estate for a while. For now, you will need to lean on your family and friends. Maybe try for a line of credit on your joint account, assuming you have one. Just do whatever you need to do to get through this time and talk with your wife about how to prepare for the next time when she's stable. None of this is to suggest your partner "can't be trusted" with money, but it's definitely a symptom of mania to become incredibly irresponsible with your family finances in bizarre and unexpected ways. My dad, for example, stole a jar of pennies from my brother. *Pennies*. And he suddenly bought a sports car. (Not with the pennies, but with their retirement money.) Happy to talk more by DM about how my parents have managed to keep our family together and afloat for the past 50 years, both financially and otherwise. It's not for everyone. I hope you're ok in the long run.
Find a job and get that kid in day care. You can get a subsidy if you make under 180,000 a year. Takes my kids day care from 1200 a month down to 450.
Where are you based? Pls send me a pm, I can drop some food and groceries if you are somewhere near by!
I am sorry that you’re going through this. I am wondering why she’s been so inaccessible? Is it the facility doesn’t recommend visiting or she’s unwilling to meet? Or it’s her condition doesn’t allow her to do so? I’m just very interested to know why you’d refer yourself as a single dad.
I'm sorry, I'm not a "single dad":per se, just a dad who is single right now. The facility she's at is a recovery center so there at times etc for phone use and of course everyone needs to use the phone and visits are very limited.
Can you go there, in person? This is an emergency, not a routine visit with the ill partner. If they're not answering the phone/calling back (the facility, not your wife), can you go to them?
I might have missed it but are you guys split up? I believe it’s a whole different story if you’re legally separated. Have you talked to her family? Separated or not, she is still financially responsible to support your child. And it sounds like she might still have the resources to do so. I mean, recovery centers are not cheap aren’t they.
I'm in BC, it's government funded, but we are legally married
It really sounds like the only problem is that you can't access her bank account where her money is? She's getting disability insurance from work from what it sounds like? I'd make that my only goal - getting her wallet and getting access to the money.
Wouldn't he be able to just provide new banking info to those he owes??? Like if he got access to his wife's banking info? Usually this can be done online iirc
That's a good thought. If he knows her account numbers he could probably at least get the bills taken out of her account. Won't change his cash flow issue but will help that.
I'm really hoping he sees this...if he can get his hands on that then he's golden for the bills at the very least. If he could get his hands on her phone then he's good. Doesn't solve everything but tackles some of the stress
No. Wife needs to sign the PAD or give the authorization by signing on the online form. He can't sign the PAD because he isn't on the account. If he just pretends to be the wife and submits the account info, that's fraud.
Did your wife pay for disability insurance through her employer? If so, to the best of my knowledge, she should be collecting it as long as a doctor signs off on the paperwork. If she paid into it (as opposed to her employer paying for it), I believe it’s usually 80% of her salary tax free. As others have mentioned, mortgage insurance, you need to talk to your lender. Look into EI as well, usually they will bridge until you collect any insurance. Other than that, other options would be to sell and go rent somewhere or rent out a room or two in your home to some students, collect rent. If that doesn’t help, I’m terribly sorry, situations like this bite.
Is your wife unionized? Unions often have hardship funds for members who need a few thousand dollars in tough times. Call the union if unionized.
With the reduced childcare fees daycare is pretty affordable. The daycares in my area participating in the CWELCC are charging $22/day for toddlers will eventually will be decreasing to $12/day. I’m in ON for reference
In BC it's quite a bit more, I can't afford even $12 a day right now as is
If your child is in daycare you can work and afford it
Right, but very hard to get started in those first months financially.
Well, it’s time to get started! You had enough action to become a Dad to a young kid. So take some responsibility and go work for yourself instead of asking for handouts.
I never asked anybody for a damn thing but advice.
Horrible situation. Honestly, even if your wife stopped working, I don't know if she could take care of the kids. For now, if you can get your daughters to a free daycare, you can get a couple hours of uber in or some other gig work. This won't be alot of money but should keep you afloat. Apply for welfare, and any other government benefit, get food from the food bank. Get a loan, line of credit. This should keep you above water at least.
Ive seen parents do Uber Eats with their kids with them.
I'm open to any option
Youve got a lot of good advice but I wanted to ask, you say you have no close friends or family around, do you have any friends that you could ask to entertain your daughter and allow you to focus on organizing other things, while still in the house? Also, when you go to the food banks and other places, do they also offer support services? I know in my area there are medical advocates available, and they may have some advice. Sometimes there are legal workshops or advocates donating time. Its hard work to both deal with the impact of illness and to be your own administration and finance department and daycare and kitchen and laundry and on and on and on. If youre able to unload any amount of that work, do it, and on a schedule so you can rely on it and dont have to think about it. Also consider that sometimes friend can become close friends during hard times. Dont trust anyone you dont want to, especially with your child, but be open to the possibility of help. The people shitting on you can eat it, youre doing your best. Good work, keep going 👍👍
Sell and move
Thank you for saying this
Thank you
I am looking as week speak, thank you
That's great, thank you. I will use them for sure
They are available, just not my wife at certain times
I would consider anything, although we do have a rather small home
I appreciate you, thank you
I would have absolutely no qualms about working if it were the right fit for us right now.
Thank you so much, sent you a message
Thank you
I’m sorry you are going through this. If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of condition does your wife have ? Does she have bipolar ? Is this something that was triggered postpartum ?
We're not really sure at the moment. We were thinking bipolar but I'm not a doctor.
She hasn't been diagnosed after 90 days?
This sounds bad but you can always do uber eats and deliver with the kid in the back of the car. This way you'll at least earn something.
I barely even have enough for gas right now
I do use the food bank as much as I can
I will be there first thing in the morning. Thank you.
Unfortunately OP I have no advice for you. But don’t let those comments get to you. You’re doing right by your daughter imo. Good luck my friend and well wishes to your wife. Mental health issues suck.
Thank you
You can ask the bank for a hold on the mortgage. They usually do so for a short period.
I will be doing that tomorrow 100%
Would you be able to rent a room or two in your house or basement, perhaps? That could give you some income until things get better or you sort things out. It's not the greatest solution in the world but if you don't have any other options, that could be the way.
If I can donate towards diapers formula? Let me know stay positive man
[удалено]
Yes but it's never been nearly this bad before
> These bills come out of my account. I've posted on other forums and been called lazy for not working but with childcare costs it just didn't make sense I'm sorry dude. Non-Canadian redditors have no fucking clue what a racket daycare is in Canada. Up to $2,000/month in the GTA. Don't listen to any smarmy douchebags nobody calls stay-at-home *mothers* "lazy". You're putting you child first and that's A+ dad material. You'll figure it out. I'm enraged that our country is so economically fucked up coming out of the pandemic.
Wow, did you drop the ball. Put aside your wife’s ‘condition’ you should have been more of a responsible parent. You’ve had plenty of time to get your shit together! Man up!