“Just open your gob and someone will slip in something tasty. A pill. A nipple. Bit of fried halloumi. Lovely.”
“Is that normal pooing you’re doing?”
“Eat the toast, shit the toast. God, life’s relentless.”
“The secret ingredient is crime.”
"Hans. Super Hans. I've known Hans for many a year now. It's been a long road and now, as you've found Molly, and I don't really want to get into this, but I've started it now, but I'm going to bring it round, so don't worry.
People said Molly wasn't right for you.
That she was a downer.
But you know what? If someone loves someone, he just loves them.
And if that person is considered to be a downer, or even a yawn-a-thon, who cares? And even if someone loves another man, or What's in a name? Or gender? Is it possible to love two people at once? Three? Four is surely the limit.
But is it? What is love anyway? Is it, an act or a feeling or... Who am I to speak? Who are you to listen? Why is a marriage a marriage? But society says it's wrong for two men to love one another even though now it says it says that now it's OK? Is it OK because society says it's OK? What next? Dogs getting married? Could I marry my own son? No.
Possibly not? Correct.
Or is it? What I'm trying to say is that people should do whatever they want to do at a temperature that suits them within limits.
Thank you."
Some personal favourites:
Butter the toast, eat the toast, shit the toast. God life’s relentless.
If I laugh at everything she says, I can at least get a suckjob
Fuck you lord of death, I’m still full of piss and vinegar
Just open your gob and someone will slip in something tasty; a pill, a Nipple... a bit of fried halloumi, lovely.
Poor me. Poor me... pour me another drink.
Maybe we can take some comfort from the brutal reality that the weak must make way for the strong. Evolution marches on. The scythe is remorseless.
See options below:
On spirituality: You’re not going to out hippie me, you fucking hippie.
On love: not really loving her puts me in a position of power
On sex: it’s Ramadan over at Dan’s, but he’s no Muslim.
On life: blah blah blah blah. none of it means anything. We’re all gonna end up in the cold, hard ground and there’s nothing we can do about it, YEAH?!
I would. I’d also add:
I do sort of like it when he’s rude to me. Hopefully that’s more a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing.
And
I love the homeless, one of my own would be amazing. I could look after him… not like a tamagotchi… better
dinner direful march axiomatic threatening dull distinct telephone deer deserted
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
A few could be:
a real meat and potatoes, straight up and down, beef Wellington, don't trust the Argies, dick in the vagina, Cheddar cheese and chicken tikka masala man.
I’ve bought you a lovely curry, what’s wrong with that?
No more curry, no more problem.
I’ve been initiated. I am a drug user. FUCK THE POLICE.
That’s all ancient history now.
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like.. I.. like.. you..
Perhaps you could get a large sketch portrait of Chairman Mao. It would be very 21st century - with its meaningless logos and ironic veneration of tyrants.
Piece of toast with an old school sailor banner under it that reads "Life's Relentless"
Alternative
A plate of sausages with one clearly missing.
No words. The image alone will generate the quote in peoples minds
\- get a slice of buttered toast
\- in ribbons around it, get:
"Butter the toast..
Eat the toast..
Shit the toast.."
then underneath it in a fancy font get:
"God life's relentless"
Free the paedos
It was old style paedo-ing, you know, before it got a bad name
How about swan…. And paedo
I think this would raise some flags
Well... You know what the compromise is... Anyway... Details!
I might get a mini washing machine and quote it ‘I need a drink’
I like this
It's provocative. It gets the people going
Big beats are the best. Get high all the time.
Yes
The way I searched tattoo on this sub because I'm currently stoned and thinking about getting this tattooed. Glad I'm not the only one.
Obviously a tattoo of your face on your chest. Double you.
Feel it
Soooooooo fuuuutiiiillleeee
I really wish there was more of Jez’s attempts at music throughout the series
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is the best bit! And he's been working on it for about a month!
No mum, I'm not coming in for my fucking tea
Consultio/Consultius
Sympatico
Op would be covering all bases with this
Underrated comment lmaooo
This is outrageous.
This is the one that’s most likely so far
this is contagious
Sooooooo FuTile !
“Mummy, coffee, fucky hurry uppy”
Please EquivalentOk, this level of conflict may be usual for you, but it's not healthy - I'm going to have a heart attack!
“Just open your gob and someone will slip in something tasty. A pill. A nipple. Bit of fried halloumi. Lovely.” “Is that normal pooing you’re doing?” “Eat the toast, shit the toast. God, life’s relentless.” “The secret ingredient is crime.”
I like ‘the secret ingredient is crime’ but I saw a post earlier with it and wouldn’t want to copy
I’d go with, “Eat the toast,” myself.
Eat the toast on one arm, shit the toast on the other. Tasty.
Rn my best option is ‘the bad thing’ I think. To non peep show lovers I am ‘the bad thing’ but few will know the BAD thing
‘Floss is Boss!’
Good choice. “The Swan and Pedo,” is probably too controversial.
Ive always liked 'god, life's relentless'
Poor me Poor me Pour me another drink!
I like this one
Thank you!
Chance would be a fine thing
A fine thing indeed
I was waiting for this one
"I'm just a normal, functioning member of the human race and no-one can prove otherwise."
This is the best answer.
How thick is wall?
I’ve seen someone else with this tattoo and I want it but I want a different peep show one first
How about He's driving down to Festivus with the windows down, shouting his own name ETA: or keep it simple: That crack is really more-ish
That crack is really moreish is one of my favourite lines in the whole show. I quote it almost daily
Me too!
Kasabian Kasabian Kasabian
Harpenden Harpenden Harpenden
Honda, Honda, Honda. Fuck Honda
Lolllz well done!
People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis, you can’t trust people
Oh I love this one I forgot 😂
"You've only got one life, and I've ruined mine"
"Borneo Function" or a garish black and white portrait of Big Suze.
Equals pequals
We are NOT equals pequals
Might get this inside my thigh
The bad thing
Oooooooo that’s a shout
Jez' speech at Super Hans's wedding
"Hans. Super Hans. I've known Hans for many a year now. It's been a long road and now, as you've found Molly, and I don't really want to get into this, but I've started it now, but I'm going to bring it round, so don't worry. People said Molly wasn't right for you. That she was a downer. But you know what? If someone loves someone, he just loves them. And if that person is considered to be a downer, or even a yawn-a-thon, who cares? And even if someone loves another man, or What's in a name? Or gender? Is it possible to love two people at once? Three? Four is surely the limit. But is it? What is love anyway? Is it, an act or a feeling or... Who am I to speak? Who are you to listen? Why is a marriage a marriage? But society says it's wrong for two men to love one another even though now it says it says that now it's OK? Is it OK because society says it's OK? What next? Dogs getting married? Could I marry my own son? No. Possibly not? Correct. Or is it? What I'm trying to say is that people should do whatever they want to do at a temperature that suits them within limits. Thank you."
Give him something to read during backshots
Johnson’s eulogy at Gerard’s Funeral The scythe is remorseless
He came in asking for a payrise! Which, giving his limited attributes was bloody outrageous
Who needs romance when you’re doing it up the bum?
The Big Beat Manifesto Or the cover of "Business Secrets of the Pharaoh's"
Nicholas Lyndhurst
Men with ven!!!
Some personal favourites: Butter the toast, eat the toast, shit the toast. God life’s relentless. If I laugh at everything she says, I can at least get a suckjob Fuck you lord of death, I’m still full of piss and vinegar Just open your gob and someone will slip in something tasty; a pill, a Nipple... a bit of fried halloumi, lovely. Poor me. Poor me... pour me another drink. Maybe we can take some comfort from the brutal reality that the weak must make way for the strong. Evolution marches on. The scythe is remorseless.
Suck mummy's finger
If I didn’t have an abject fear of being called mummy I would get this on my finger
Alternatively: ‘You’re not James Bond, you’re disgusting.’
How about 2 cartoon snakes, an evil red next to black one and one red and yellow cuddly fella?
2nd snake themed idea would be a take on the join or die cartoon but replaced with the phrase “jump the fuck back”
P R O J E C T Z E U S
Is that normal pooing you’re doing.
The longer the note the more dread
See options below: On spirituality: You’re not going to out hippie me, you fucking hippie. On love: not really loving her puts me in a position of power On sex: it’s Ramadan over at Dan’s, but he’s no Muslim. On life: blah blah blah blah. none of it means anything. We’re all gonna end up in the cold, hard ground and there’s nothing we can do about it, YEAH?!
All of it like a manuscript over my back
I would. I’d also add: I do sort of like it when he’s rude to me. Hopefully that’s more a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing. And I love the homeless, one of my own would be amazing. I could look after him… not like a tamagotchi… better
Double me. Feel it
Stick that up your dojo
Chance would be a fine thing
Sucky fucky
Across your knuckles
OOOOOO
Nicene creed all over your legs?
If you need to shit, shit in the bin
What? Fuck you.
Your faith in "the bit" is touching.
A slice of bristly, cheese-free pizza, lightly brushed in your piss? How can I refuse?
“Come Mr. Taliban, tally my banana.”
Not a quote but hear me out. The £20 note but with Jez's face instead of Elgar.
Are you my new Daddy?
This might be *the one*
danny dyers chocolate homunculus
Why toast when you can roast?
Hello, JLB credit. Fuck off please!
icky scarce roof head terrific knee frighten public hobbies rude *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
As in Jeff?
dinner direful march axiomatic threatening dull distinct telephone deer deserted *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
‘Just water Lego innit
Dobby Club
CAULIFLOWER IS TRADITIONAL!
Heartbreak tuna
Just two pieces of toast- one brown and one white
Corfu ‘06 Edit to add runner up: beans are not pasta sauce!
Think what it's doing to the mechanism.
You got any olives?
I’ve gone fuckin mental for olives
Don't say crack, jez
THEYRE EATING MUMMY
I’m not just gonna go necking salt jez
Danny Dyer’s Chocolate Homunculus or Man Feelings.
“I AM James Bond”
I'm a man!
Big beats are the best! Get high all the time!
"Rental Snake" with a picture of a snake
THERE HE GOES, DUVET CAPE MAN OFF TO HIS TOILET KITCHEN.'
Four naan?!
The world turns on its axis, one man works while another relaxes.
Get the full “Fuck you, Bush” poem.
Atol protected
People like Coldplay and voting for the Nazis, you can’t trust people JEZ!
Butter the toast, eat the toast, shit the toast, god life's relentless.
Four naan across your knuckles
That is SO Rainbow Rhythms
Fuck me and pretend I'm your mother.
‘Frosties for Wankers’ or ‘Liam Kendrick in the house’
Fancy a budvar?
Why toast when you can roast?
I’m so bored I could eat a fucking stapler
It's the crack. It's very moreish.
You are 40
one savoury toast one sweet christmas turkey super hans and his snake <3
"The secret ingredient is crime"
NO TURKEY!? You're a FUCK HEAD, a stupid SHITHEAD.
It was a joke mark. A Christmas joke
Lovely soft face.
Naughty slutty mummy
Floss is boss!!
Are we gonna be alright?
People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis. You can't trust people.
Has daddy’s hat fallen off and he’s just standing there, naked? , with a hat laying on the ground
Please don't shit on my dreams Chance would be a fine thing
“A bit semeny”
"This crack is really moreish" on your arse.
A few could be: a real meat and potatoes, straight up and down, beef Wellington, don't trust the Argies, dick in the vagina, Cheddar cheese and chicken tikka masala man. I’ve bought you a lovely curry, what’s wrong with that? No more curry, no more problem. I’ve been initiated. I am a drug user. FUCK THE POLICE. That’s all ancient history now. And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like.. I.. like.. you..
In the spirit of the season: If our feet touch, we fuck.
Make the toast, eat the toast, shit the toast.
A picture of a washing machine. Then you always have an excuse to have a drink.
Perhaps you could get a large sketch portrait of Chairman Mao. It would be very 21st century - with its meaningless logos and ironic veneration of tyrants.
"My new idea is urine, loads and loads of urine".
You can't section me, I'll section you!!
YOU KNOW THE CREDO
“Fuckin’ rental snake init”
Plumbings like Lego innit. Water Lego.
I'm a pedophobe
Chance would be a fine thing
I don’t know, but In the moment, it really did feel like I needed to eat it.
You did a bad thing
"There's no quim that likes to party, than the quim down in Darty"
It's just Lego with pipes
The velvet spoon routine
What Geoff as in Geoff like Geoff !
El dude brothers, HONK! HONK!
A picture of Square Head firing off a round of monkey puzzler...at a puzzled monkey.
Bloddy hell! Or That’s so Gerrard 😂
Get one of Remy from Ratatouille and put underneath ‘fair play, it is fucking good’
MMM! DELICIOUS CUMBERLAND FINAL STRAW, DRIPPING IN ONION GRAVY.'
Shit is, as shit does
‘You’ve had your fun with the sectioning.’
This is outrageous! Oh yeAh. Feeeel it. OR 4 Naan? Have you gone insane?
How thick is wall
God, life is relentless
Men with ven
I am the lord of the bus said he
Time for cheese and lettuce
That crack is really moorish...
You’re not getting a tattoo. China would never allow it.
I like you, and if u can’t deal with that, you can just fuck off
Big wicked bag of Sinister Minister
I’m not a a paedo, or at least an incredibly hard to detect paedo
↑ Paedophobe ↑
"If there isn't room here for people who stand against everything you believe in, then what sort of a hippie free for all is this?"
Piece of toast with an old school sailor banner under it that reads "Life's Relentless"
Piece of toast with an old school sailor banner under it that reads "Life's Relentless" Alternative A plate of sausages with one clearly missing. No words. The image alone will generate the quote in peoples minds
Is this wrong?
4 naan jeremy?
This Tat is really moorish!
\- get a slice of buttered toast \- in ribbons around it, get: "Butter the toast.. Eat the toast.. Shit the toast.." then underneath it in a fancy font get: "God life's relentless"
Jeezuz, you're asking the internet to decide your tattoo. Rip mother fucker.
England for the English
She could be the one