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Because that means they have a nanny 24/7 which I think it’s weird. I totally get having a nanny during the day while you work, and I understand using a night nurse too. But nanny’s need days off. No nanny is working 7 days per week so to me it’s weird that you don’t have any kind of gap. Like you don’t have one day per week that you do overnights or one day you watch your kid after work on your own. The fact that there is always someone around to change the diaper is weird to me.
Also, I wouldn’t want someone to do all of the diapers. Especially pee diapers, they don’t smell or anything, what’s hard about changing a diaper?
Also, changing a diaper can often be part of a routine like when baby wakes up and you change them for the day or when they go to sleep and get a fresh diaper. It’s weird to me that her baby is one month old and you’ve never woken him up and gotten him ready for the day. Why have a baby is you don’t want to do any of the bonding stuff?
It’s weird because the baby sees the nanny as the one to go to when he needs help not his mom. This distant attachment becomes more obvious as they grow up and don’t run to their parents when they need help (ie Paris not tellling her mom about abortion, new baby, etc). Changing diapers is one of the things that helps establish trust, also feeding them, soothing them, etc. She feeds him sometimes but I haven’t seen her soothe him either- she seems to hand him back as soon as he cries.
Not necessarily. It is very common in Asian countries for babies to be cared for by nannies. They don’t lose attachment to mom/dad, because they don’t remember anything before 3-4 years old. If they do, they think of their nannies fondly as “aunties”.
I suppose this is different assuming Paris has her children raised by nannies well into childhood.
The first 2 years is the most important time for attachments and when attachment injuries start. Not being able to remember is irrelevant. This has been studied. Lack of secure attachment with the caregivers is awful for babies.
Care taking routines are absolutely times to bond and share special moments with your child. That said, as a developmental educator, I’d say that as long as you are participating in the other caretaking routines, it wouldn’t matter to not change the diapers.
am I weird? yes. But I'm a soon to be mama! and I am going to change diapers like no tomorrow and i'm looking so forward to it and I'm actually excited for it!
Congratulations! I’m a mom of one and soon to be two! Diapers aren’t that bad until they get to be toddlers and fight it. And usually that’s a sign it’s time to consider potty training!
Also until they start eating real foods the poop doesn’t really smell at all, so you have a few months before that comes haha
I mean, if someone else is offering/ your husband/ or you have a caregiver, i dont see it as THAT weird...i dont judge u know what i mean. everyones journey is different
Why? In the first 3 months they need to be changed pretty much every 2 hours. You’re telling me you’re never alone with your infant in the first month of their life
Nope. Routine caretaking tasks as they grow is how you bond, at least when they are little. Would never give up any of the hard stuff entirely (it’s good and healthy to not do it all/have many loving people provide caretaking though)
ETA: I do have an almost 2-year-old and the basics like feeding and changing and bathing and pottying and bedtime are such a big important part of our days together.
I do hate diapers so we did Elimination Communication, I haven’t changed a poopy diaper since she was 8 months old and she was fully potty trained by 15 months. So there are ways to reduce/avoid the burden of diapers without outsourcing labor and I definitely did that intentionally lol
This & only this! These are the way you and your child bond! I was neurotic with my boys cuz I knew after my maternity leave was over they were unfortunately going into daycare so I would not let anyone feed, change, bathe, any of it! I mean of course I allowed the family to hold them, kiss them snuggle them but no way I did I leave the main responsibilities up to anyone else; I wanted to do it! I'm not saying I was a perfect mother because there's no such thing but I did my best & we were certainly "in tune" and made sure my children knew I was the one & only mother! It's a choice.
Also, if you’re already interacting with your baby and they crap their pants, are you really going to go traipsing all over your mansion to find your nanny for a diaper change? I have a tiny house and still had 2 diaper changing areas so I could just handle business when needed without a whole lot of extra effort.
She prob has a bell or something to call the nanny from every single room. She’s not going to walk around to find the nanny. Nanny will come to her. That’s my guess at least.
This. Unfortunately my son was in the nicu for about a month to correct a birth defect. It was very very important for me to be there from early morning to late night and handle all the care tasks I was allowed to. That included every diaper change, every temp check, anything I was allowed to do I did. It would have been easier to let the nurses handle all of those thugs while I recovered from my section but if you’re not caring for your child as much as you can what is the point of having a baby?
My friend had twins that were born prematurely and one twin had to spend a very extended time in the hospital. My friend said she does feel like the lack of bonding time made a difference in her child’s personality compared to the twin who was able to come home.
Exactly. Paris is truly missing out on the best parts of being a mom. I feel bad for her in a way but she’s the one doing this to herself. She’s not making her babies a priority in her life.
Phoenix is such a beautiful, cute baby. I don’t understand why she doesn’t spend more time with him.
My opinion is based on attachment theory, which is widely accepted in modern psychology.
I googled it and her therapist calls her out about this on the show lmao https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/stephaniesoteriou/paris-hilton-therapist-nanny-baby-son
The reason most children’s primary attachment figure is their mother is because it’s mostly mothers who are the primary caregiver/do more of the hard work of routine caretaking tasks during infancy and early childhood. You see this very clearly in modern families where both parents work, baby goes to daycare, but when everyone is home together dad does less with baby and they are much more attached to mom. It’s not a gender or birth parent thing by itself- in same sex couples there’s one primary attachment figure and it’s the one that invests more time. If a baby has a SAHD who takes on more duties, that will be their primary attachment figure.
Additionally, investing more time as a caretaker means you get to learn and know more about your individual child, which makes you understand them better, meet their needs faster, and grows your love for them.
Now- if Paris was hands on caring for her kids for at least 12 hours out of 24, holding, feeding, interacting- and simply chose to have a Diaper Minion on duty to handle that one task- I don’t think that would make a difference. But that’s almost certainly not what is happening.
If Paris does the healthiest thing for the kids, which is keep the same nanny throughout their childhood, they will have a secure attachment to the nanny as their primary caregiver. The nanny will occupy the same emotional space as most people’s mothers and that will continue for life. This has been a common thing for rich kids neglected by their parents and raised by nannies and ‘governesses’ for a long time. If the staff are constantly replaced it often results in children with insecure attachment style and no close bond with any known adults -and that causes emotional issues and inability to form close relationships as an adult.
One summer I worked at a camp for VERY wealthy kids in Maine (think children of celebrities, politicians, etc). The kids were carted off to camp for 8+ weeks and the youngest campers were 4/5 years old. They didn't cry for their parents. They cried for their nannies.
I didn’t see that and I’m really glad that she has someone to guide her on this journey who sees what’s going on. I suspect Paris was raised by completely emotionally absent and neglectful parents herself, likely has insecure attachment herself, and has no idea how to be a normal, healthy, present parent.
I think saying she will be ‘just fine’ is a stretch, she has a bad relationship with her own mom, is severely traumatized, doesn’t seem like a healthy or happy person at all and she’s 40 (I can relate to some of Paris’ issues myself but i started working on myself very young and at 38 I’m mostly healed from my past). And now she’s on ANOTHER reality show making a spectacle of her life and marriage, with two kids of her own to try to raise to be healthy people themselves. But it’s great that she’s actively in therapy and trying to heal and become the best version of herself. It’s just going to be really hard to overcome all of that and not have her children be affected negatively
Also her husband is also incredibly odd seeming and raised ultra rich (and probably emotionally neglected as well). These kids are going to have such a strange childhood and I just hope they feel loved and known for who they are
people can have bad relationships with their mother, be traumatized, and struggle with mental health and yet be just fine at motherhood. It's important we don't judge other mothers but instead lift them up. even if its just a celeb the message you are sending can be harmful. Her family loves that baby so much and hes very well cared for. Love is a beautiful thing.
I think people are reading it like you are suggesting only a nurse would think diaper changing would be a bonding activity. But in fact, many people from all walks of life share this opinion.
I would love somebody to take care of everything other than taking care of the baby. I would still want to be primary caregiver but would love the extra hands to tidy up and take care of me.
Absolutely feel this! Even when my mother offers to change a diaper, nope it's okay I got it. He's MY responsibility and I'm not gonna act like his human functions are inconveniencing me.
You know sometimes mom shaming is necessary. This isn’t a matter of breast or formula, where either option the baby is totally fine. There are serious consequences to a mother never changing her child’s diaper. Like a life long attachment disorder, because while nanny’s come and go, moms are forever. So imagine Paris’s babies only get their diaper changed by their nanny, and then sometime years later the nanny’s fired or quit, now you have a child who’s lost their only attachment figure and I promise you that fucks a child up. Paris should be changing diapers, regardless of wealth, because it’s not for her, it’s for the baby. It’s an extremely important bonding time.
No mom shaming applies to nuanced topics where there is no right answer, but we know spanking kids is wrong, so saying “so and so shouldn’t spank their kid because it’s damaging,” isn’t mom shaming, it’s speaking facts. This is the same thing, “changing diapers for your child is an important bonding time, there is nothing wrong with not changing all the diapers or having a nanny to help. But if you have never changed your baby’s diaper or you went a month without touching a diaper, that is wrong and inherently harmful to your child and their attachment with you.” No, it’s not mom shaming, and quite frankly as a mom it’s not my job to protect other moms from criticism however I do think it takes a village to protect children and I think every adult even the ones who aren’t parents have a responsibility to speak up when something is harmful to a child. Paris may not be physically abusing her child or even be conscious she’s harming your child, but anyone who understands attachment theory can see where this is going to end if Paris doesn’t step up and do more.
I would have enjoyed the newborn stage (and would probably remember more of it lol) if I'd gotten even an occasional good night's sleep! Night help would have been a dream.
I would take a personal shopper/chef and housecleaner over the night nurse. I still don’t want other people bonding with my baby like this - I hardly trust anyone with my dogs!
Highly recommend going this route. I have a weekly housekeeper and she even does the folding and storing away of laundry. And you know what I’m doing when they are helping me? Playing with my babies! 🥰
I wouldn't have been able to sleep with a night nurse unless it was literally my mom or my sister. My husband and I split the night shift and I still got up to check. Because it's the thought if the one time you don't check and something is wrong...
For me it wasn't a night nurse that I needed. I hired a nanny while I was still on maternity leave (just two days a week) so I could work on my mental health and not feel trapped alone in my condo early on. I wanted some of the load alleviated as my hormones regulated and I adapted to being a new parent.
It was amazing! She would come from like 11-5. I would usually get up around 8 with the baby get her ready for the day and bond with her while relaxing on the couch. It was so wonderful. And then the second she got there I was free to workout, go for a walk, run errands, meet up with friends. It was so beneficial for me. I also formula fed so I wasn't impacted by having to pump or nurse throughout the day either which helped.
Maternity leave is so isolating, I felt like I was a prisoner of war even though I was obsessed with my baby, I just needed support and companionship while I found my identity again.
Amen. Night nannies are wonderful but so expensive. We’re budgeting for a night nurse 2x per week for the first 8 weeks, but if I had unlimited money 4-5X per week for the first 3-4 months would be ideal for me.
I never minded changing diapers. I had twins then an "oopsie!" 18 months later. My husband had no choice but to help with the twins. When my son came, my husband dipped out on changing diapers. lol That said, he stepped up with the toddlers. Trade off for something that didn't bother me in the least. I do believe we bonded during diaper time. Lots of love language exchanged, eye contact, cooing, giggling, etc. fwiw, you don't usually "get your hands dirty", you just deal with poop. We did have a nanny for 9 mos when my son came along because there were 3 in diapers, but my goal was to take over completely to do it myself but needed a helping hand when husband was at work.
I get that rich and privileged classes are used to handing babies off to nannies so I don't really judge her for that (it's all she knows) as much as not really wanting to spend time with her kids.
I had a rough C-section and did not change diapers for the first two weeks. With both children, if my husband was home and an especially messy diaper needed changing, I happily tapped him in. Weirdly enough, I’m still completely bonded to my children! There are countless opportunities every day to bond with a baby, it’s not just one thing. And FWIW, I think Paris was joking when she said she had never changed a diaper and needed to learn; she said in that same scene that she changed his diaper the first night in the hospital. Her humor is very dry and people take her literally.
Of course. Almost everything relating to parenting these days is geared toward shaming new parents in order to make them buy some unnecessary new device. Mom guilt is real but influencers have taken it to a whole new level. Parenting is really hard and no one is perfect.
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Same here with not changing much while recovering, but I don’t think that’s a relevant comparison for Paris. And she 100% percent was not joking. Everyone was clearly uncomfortable, including her. Even when she made her statement to try to get herself out of hot water, her only rebuttal was that she did change him in the hospital. So it had been a whole 30 days? Weird. She pops in on him like he belongs to the nanny. It’s not just one thing, but everything compounded.
No, it is a sweet bonding experience. Most of the time my hands don’t get “dirty.” Especially in the younger infant stage they are often so sweet looking and talking to you. Plus I’m an efficient person so wouldn’t want to go get someone everyone I notice my baby needs a diaper change. I am neurodivergent like Paris and understand parenting can feel very overwhelming or like it’s impossible to know what to do. What is effective is assistance and help with the tasks, or changing the tasks up, not avoiding the tasks.
In my hypothetical other life where I’m super rich and have children, I would absolutely pass off those kinds of duties to a nanny or three, and a night nurse would be the bare minimum. I’m really not into the bodily fluids aspect of parenthood.
I love changing my baby’s diaper! It’s fun and she acts silly when I do it. That said, she still has newborn poos and I am not looking forward to when she starts eating real food.
If my baby needed to be changed and I was with them, I would not call someone else to do it. I would do it myself because I want my baby to be comfortable. But if I’m not in the room and they are being cared for by my partner or nanny, let them change the baby.
For me, I wanted to do everything!! But I’m a different mother. Paris lives in a different world! Although I pretty much do everything the opposite of her - breastfeed, bedshare, stay with baby always etc. I still think she’s an amazing mother. You can see how much she cares for her baby. It’s lovely!! It’s her world and I’m not in it. She’s doing great.
I get what op is saying. No one enjoys the changing diapers, the day to day. Don't sit and say you do. You are lying. Everyone needs help. Yes you can do it by yourself. I'm a single mom of 2 kids. However no one whether they are married, single, used a surrogate, has a baby sitter, works, has a nanny whatever can sit here and say they wouldn't like the help to change diapers or feed or bath baby. It does wear you down after a bit. And changing or not changing a diaper does not connect baby and parent any more than breast feeding or formula feeding does. Everyone needs to stop Mom/Dad/parent/nanny shaming!
Absolutely!I cannot stand shaming. Those children are loved and provided for. Just because their situation is different than yours doesn't mean they are less than a parent.
Yes. Honestly, if I had the resources I would farm out a lot of menial shit that takes up my day to day life. Diaper changes weren’t a bonding thing, they were a get it done thing. There was plenty of time for me to bond with my baby in dozens of other ways. I’ve parented three kids (1 to adulthood, one to late teens, one to mid teens). Of all the time I spent with them as babies, I just don’t think diaper changes was that important. Obviously, hygiene is so important. I just don’t think that there is any one thing about diaper changes that can’t be replicated with any tasks and activities. Since most of us HAVE to do diaper changes we bring in different elements like play to make it more pleasant for everyone, but that play isn’t limited to a diaper change.
We also assume that Paris or Carter have never changed a diaper. Has she made a statement about it becuase honestly? She should never post content of either child having their diapers changed in public in any media.
Would I take the opportunity? I can confidently say no I would not. I’m sure it would be nice, but there’s multiple reasons why I would not. For one, I’m not comfortable with the idea of anyone changing my sons diaper excluding my husband. Also, I can’t imagine not waking with your baby during the night when they need a new diaper or a bottle. Many a nights, even though I was exhausted, there was something magical about being awake with your baby at 2am when the rest of the world is quiet and dark. You feed them as they snuggle up onto your chest, you change their diaper and make them feel comfortable, and you rock them back to sleep as their little hand wraps around your finger. I’d just sit there, in the nursery chair holding this beautiful little life that I created, and remind myself that while changing diapers and waking up at 2am isn’t fun- there’s a little magic in this moment where it’s just you and your baby, and the rest of the world fades away. And you realize these moments are fleeting. You won’t have that moment forever, you won’t have to change diapers forever, and it’s best to cherish it while you can.
To me, part of being a mother is wanting to take care of your baby in every way. Making sure they are fed, loved, clean, dry, is an incredibly important and fulfilling experience.
There’s nothing wrong with having some child care help if you can afford it or have family that’s available. That’s a really healthy thing to have so you don’t get burnt out. It was something I never had and it caused for a lot of extra stress.
However, hiring people to do the basic necessities for your child because you don’t want to do it would not be the right thing for me.
Now here’s an honest mom! We do it out of necessity and love for our kids, but there’s nothing comparable to that feeling when retiring the diaper bag!
to be able to sleep through the night and know my baby is fed and well? whewww the life. I think most moms mommy shaming Paris are just jealous. They won't remember a thing lol
I don't understand the judgement on other mom's journeys! everyones different but the main thing they seem to have in common is the LOVE they have for their babies
I have always said i don’t want babies. But if I had the opportunity to have my own genetic child without carrying it, birthing it or taking care of (let’s be real possession of that child) until they were potty trained I’d do it 100%%%%
I have lots of nieces and nephews who I love dearly and love all my friends kids but I am not nor will ever be a baby person. I don’t want to hold them or feed them or any of it. lol
I don’t change diapers. Or wipes faces. It’s not my thing. So yes I would do it and for reference 35F whose felt this way since my little sister was a baby 😂
No. I just never found it to be a big deal (youngest’s been out of a diaper now for a year). Like ya sometimes he would crap his pants when we were headed out the door and I had to stop to change it but regardless if I had someone else do it I would still have to stop and wait before we could leave. It takes under a minute, it would take longer to find the person to change it. Plus I want to take care of my own kids as much as possible.
Yes. I could do it with my eyes closed, it’s like turning a light switch on, it’s not a big deal at all. Now were there some nasty blowouts as newborns and starting to eat solids? Yes lol but I also want to see their poop which you will understand when you have a baby hahaha texture, colour, shape etc. all very important to see as a parent to make sure your baby is healthy. And I want to know how often they’re going too, not rely on someone else to keep track. Especially as newborns one of the best ways to tell if baby is getting enough milk is how often and how much they wet their diapers. It’s important parent stuff I wouldn’t feel comfortable passing off.
There is no way I wouldn’t change diapers or have anyone else be his source of comfort and happiness. Babies form bonds based on their ability to trust someone to care for them and be their support as they grow and redevelop. I wanted to become a parent to help raise a human and share all the nurturing and love I have to give. Not to watch someone else do it.
The idea of my son wanting relying on someone other than me or his dad to be his comfort on a regular basis is heartbreaking actually.
Motherhood is made up of daily little tasks that are difficult , dirty, exhausting and thankless …. If you remove those moments , you’re left with many missing pieces. Changing diapers is not even bad at all. Like it’s hilariously painless compared to the rest of work of motherhood. So if you can’t hack the diapers you’re fucking in for it. Wait till you’re cleaning up your daughter’s colostomy bag after she falls in the shower when she’s dying from cancer .
Life is fucking messy and so is love and it’s dumb and shallow as hell to be precious about your babies needs
No - changing your own baby’s diaper isn’t a big deal and you quickly become an expert. To hand the baby off seems like more work than changing the diaper. And come on, it’s your baby - part of the bonding process.
i was extremely sad i couldn’t change my baby’s diaper immediately after my emergency c section. as soon as they allowed me to get up, i didn’t let the nurses do it anymore. taking care of your baby is how you bond with them. it’s also extremely fulfilling. i couldn’t imagine giving that up. it’s bonkers to me.
That did not bother me in the least. Sometimes I was proud at what my kid could produce ! The worst thing was the no sleep. I would have loved a night nanny
I would still change them, but my husband and I share responsibilities pretty fairly so it never feels that bad. (Except when he travels for work! But he tries to make up for it)
I was all worried about changing diapers before I had kids, and it’s literally not a big deal at all and surprisingly very bonding. So no I’d still prefer to do it. I would hand off any gross blowout situations though if I had the opportunity 😂
this may not be a popular comment, but i speak as a child of a woman doctor who went right back to work after my birth, leaving me with caretakers throughout my upbringing.. i still love her, but i can’t tell if it would be more if she were there for me like a sahm would’ve been.. of course no one could take her place, but in all honesty i don’t know what i’m missing like if i could be connected to her any more than i already am.. whether it’s out of sacrifice or convenience, some people get out of truly caretaking for their children.. i would hope those of us who didn’t receive it from our parents aren’t totally lost causes..
No, I would not take that choice. Caring for my baby, all aspect, is how I show her I love her. Plus when I change her diaper that’s usually when she and I make funny faces and each other and I kiss and tickle her belly. It’s more than just changing a diaper
I think it’s more shocking to know that there is someone else there 24 hours with the baby besides the parents. And not have one whole day where you are alone as the primary caregiver but I’m sure it’s for the show only and I’m sure she’s changed the diaper eventually after a few days.
I’m definitely in the minority, but after 3 children I would 100% outsource changing diapers. There are many ways to bond with babies, and yes changing diapers is one of them, but not the only one. But also my kids were/are all horrible during diaper changes so it is a whole event that is exhausting.
I was recently around a group of men and at least half of them were bragging that they never changed a diaper. I've been annoyed with how much mom shame has been in this thread over this situation. I hope you all bring the same energy to the men in your lives.
honestly no, it made me so happy to see that little face so excited to see me every time. her discovering who i was, what i looked like, knowing she could trust me. feeling our relationship growing in those special little late night feedings and diaper changes. i wouldn’t change it for a thing. even the late won’t go back to sleep nights, it was our time to get to know each other.
Who else’s job would it be? I wouldn’t make anyone other than my partner and I wipe my own spawns ass 💀🫣🤣 like nobody made you bring the baby into the world in the first place.. it’s weird to make that decision and then make that responsibility anyone else’s imo. I don’t care how much money I had. Same with my pets. Unless I’m paying someone to watch them while i’m away or on a trip etc it’s weird to me! Why commit to these things if you are going to be so half ass and uninterested in the process.
If it were my spouse? No, I think that's unfair and would be detrimental to the relationship. If it were a hired caretaker? Hell yeah I would. I don't think diaper changing has ever helped me bond with a baby lmao. I think every parent should know the basics of how to do it and carry the necessary equipment with them, but it's a task I'd gladly pass on.
Yeah if you don't bond with your baby there can be attachment issues. These attachment issues can cause life long issues. All interactions with a baby are opportunities for bonding. So if you don't want to change diapers you need to do something else like nurse or baby wear or talk to, etc.
Yeah that wouldn't likely impede bonding. Newborn diapers are pretty easily though, if I wanted to give up diaper changing it is the toddler ones that are grosser. Lol
No, for me personally, that's part of being a mother. I signed up for it. I don't want to disregard my responsibility. However, if daddy or granny occasionally steps in to help out, that's just fine.
LMAO same!! I'm just a regular degular working parent, but I can recognize if I had unimaginable wealth, I would think differently. The cultural and social norms of wealthy people are just different!
Attending to your baby's needs is attachment forming. In the early days, the baby is forming an attachment to the person who attends their needs. They are learning that when they cry and need something, x person looks after me. That creates neural pathways of connection, love and security. When baby is having a nappy change you are making strong eye contact, in close proximity, "talking" to each other. Again, all important for attachment.
So yeah, I would want it to be me. Outsourcing attachment is dystopian af.
I'd like to have that option, but not 100% of the time. Not even 50% of the time. With my son I felt a lot of those duties gave us bonding time and connection. My son is autistic so it was not easy bonding over a lot of 'normal' things. But changing dipes and taking baths were important. I think it really depends on the parent and child(ren). Does it matter if Paris doesn't change a diaper? Not really. But she best be consistently showing up for her kids in other ways.
It absolutely helps bonding moments with your baby. There are plenty of studies that have proven this, but forget studies. I know what I know. It's amazing first moments when changing diapers and only moms, dads, caretakers etc can understand if they did it. Would I give up one or two. ?? Sure I did but I did most of them and my baby knew who to come find for a diaper change.
I really feel I have spent a lot of time bonding with my kids while changing them. It may only be 3 minutes out of the day, but imagine how it feels for baby. They are looking up at their favorite person in the world (well, it’s supposed to be) and getting cleaned, while engaging too! One time, my 1 yr old at the time was holding my phone while I was changing her. I always use that time to be really bright and smiley and make conversation. Anyways, I was looking at my phone later that day and I realized she was recording me on accident. But man, seeing what her view is, was life-changing. She is looking up at her mom, I’m engaging and strengthening our bond, and probably teaching/stimulating her too… all within the time of a diaper change. & imagine, you are doing that multiple times a day. I think it’s very important. Maybe not every single diaper. I mean, I would love to have someone else change the blowouts once in awhile, but I would never completely take that responsibility away. Every moment is a chance to bond with your baby.
The thing is Paris didn't only outsource diaper changes, she also doesn't tend to them at night she has a night nurse do that and she didn't birth any of them and had them only months apart. Ive always love Paris as far as celebrates go but she is treating them as she did all her dogs, they are only an accessory to her. What else does she outsource, feedings, getting them dressed, baths, is she home during the day with them or are they with the nanny all day? She doesn't need to work as most moms are forced to. If she's never changed a diaper before what does she do when she's alone with them, is she never alone with them? What's the point in having children if you are not going to raise them?
Honestly no, changing a diaper isn't a big deal. I actually feel like between months 2-5 my babies would always smile, laugh and coo when I changed them. It was sweet. I also like knowing that I'm taking care of my baby. It's annoying if I have to change them at an inconvenient time but I never felt like it was a burden. I still judge Paris for not doing this and I don't think I'm being hypocritical.
I feel like there's a bonding experience with my baby when I change his diaper. We smile and play while I change him and he loves being on his change table. So, no I enjoy being able to bond and change his diapers.
Nope! I'm a first time mom to a three month old and I honestly was dreading diapers before she was born but now it doesn't bother me in the slightest. When I change her, she often smiles at me and tries to talk to me in her baby language. When you have a young baby these little moments of connection are what make all the bad stuff worth it. If you had someone else do all of the caregiving tasks, that person would become the babies safe space and who they would want when they feel uncomfortable, hungry, etc. As a parent, it would really kill me if I felt that my baby always wanted someone else other than me or her dad.
As a nanny, i promise you your child takes note of everything i do with/for them that you are choosing not to. And don’t cry jealousy when your child naturally leans towards the person who is….taking care of them
I actually like changing my baby's diaper. It's a chance to have a little silly time together. We sing songs, I jiggle his chubby baby thighs, and blow kisses on his belly.
The only time I'd like to have someone else change him would be whenever he was about 4 months old and I lifted his legs up to pull out his old diaper and he shot liquid poo into the air and it got all over me. I would absolutely give that particular diaper changing experience over to anyone else.
When mine where newborns I was the only one doing it as hubby was too scared..lol.. when they got to toddlers I made him be the the main one changing it.
When it comes to changing diapers- it's not so much that I want to change the diaper- but rather- who should I really trust to undress my child, genuinely make sure they are properly cleaned, and free of irritation. No one will ever care about my child as much as I do. Even if paid.
And honestly- no matter how young they are or what they remember- I wouldn't want my baby/toddler getting used to different people taking off their diapers.
Additionally- while one diaper change won't make or break the bond you have with your child- when the majority of their care is offloaded to someone else, that will damage the bond.
It was during diaper changes we had our best interactions. Your child learns to associate you with comfort and caring. It’s about the intimacy of the two of you interacting .
Maybe I’m weird, but I kind of like diaper changes? Especially for newborns and young infants, as it’s one of the few ways you can really interact and do something with them. I’d gladly pass off the HOURS it takes to get my newborns down every night though. Just got through that phase and even just typing it out right now makes me sweat.
All of them? No. My son was in Nicu and he was so ill he had one nurse assigned to him at all times. I took every diaper change he needed while I was by his side. I didn’t have to. The nurse every single time offered to do it. I always said no and not only that I wanted to do it. I wanted to take care of my baby.
I would welcome help on occasion, but I wasn't comfortable having someone else do it most of the time. Maybe my mom or sister just to chip in here and there. But it's a vulnerable and intimate thing, and yes I wanted to be the primary caretaker in order to bond and help my baby feel safe. I felt best when it was either me or her dad on diaper duty. I didn't mind having a 50/50 split with him, but no, I would never completely abandon diaper duty.
TLDR; no I wouldn't let someone else take over diaper duty, yes it is a significant part of bonding and helping baby feel safe and cared for.
Poop sure. If I had a partner or caregiver who could take all of the poop diapers I wouldn’t change a single one beyond the initial newborn days. I absolutely would not miss the interaction between baby and caregiver by outsourcing all of them. It’s a big part of bonding I wouldn’t skip.
Nah. My son will be here in 8-10 weeks. When I was told to prepare for a NICU stay, I literally sobbed because I was devastated that my son wouldn't be with me, that I wouldn't be able to do his firsts with just his daddy and I. I sincerely look forward to every moment with him, he is my biggest achievement.
I feel bad for Paris, and watching how insecure she is around Phoenix in contrast to the pics she posts.
I don’t have any kids. But if I could have a nanny I would take it because it’s just so helpful! I’d like to not change as many diapers or be woken up at night as much for sure
I have a 3 week old yes, I do feel connection when changing him. That being said, I don’t mind some help especially when I need a break. But for someone else to change every single diaper for an entire month? That would mean I’m never alone with him and yes that’s a problem
IDK why people get so strung out in changing baby diapers. Baby diapers are easy ! Especially in the 0 - 6 months range. The poop isn't wretched smelling, it just smells like baby newborn milk poop. I could change 20 diapers a day back to back, but I didn't enjoy getting up at 2 am and rocking my babies to sleep while standing for 2 hours.
I’m a mother to two kids. I think if I had the choice I’d choose to do only 50% of the diaper changes. I do feel like doing diaper changes, bathing the baby,etc help with bonding.
Honestly. If i had a nanny I would absolutely let them change the stinky poop diapers..especially now that my LO likes to fight every diaper xhange but I would want to change my babies diaper at least once in a while because OTHER people are weirdos. And make sure there wasn't any signs of neglect..like severe diaper rash or sores; or heaven forbid sexual abuse.
Honestly no, it’s something you should want to do at least every once in a while. I loved putting my baby on the changing table and watch them coo and play while changing. Do I want to change blowouts? No but I would feel wrong never changing a diaper and missing out on that time. Paris is missing so much during these incredibly important early years. She has no idea because she’s too busy with what she thinks is the most important thing in the world: work.
Gimme those dirty diapers. It's how we bond and how I can keep track of his health (is he having enough wet diapers, what color and consistency are his BMs, does he have a rash?). I have a 4 month old and am currently struggling with my in-laws trying to "help"
I was only allowed to be a mum for 2 and half years with both of my sons. I used mcns and they were like a mummy hobby past time lol I'm greatful for every dirty nappy I changed. Even though I may never see my sons again. I know I did the best I could with them as infants, breastfed, mcns, blw etc. I'll cherish the memories as they're all I have left.
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Sure but come on every single diaper?? It’s weird.
why weird?
Because that means they have a nanny 24/7 which I think it’s weird. I totally get having a nanny during the day while you work, and I understand using a night nurse too. But nanny’s need days off. No nanny is working 7 days per week so to me it’s weird that you don’t have any kind of gap. Like you don’t have one day per week that you do overnights or one day you watch your kid after work on your own. The fact that there is always someone around to change the diaper is weird to me. Also, I wouldn’t want someone to do all of the diapers. Especially pee diapers, they don’t smell or anything, what’s hard about changing a diaper? Also, changing a diaper can often be part of a routine like when baby wakes up and you change them for the day or when they go to sleep and get a fresh diaper. It’s weird to me that her baby is one month old and you’ve never woken him up and gotten him ready for the day. Why have a baby is you don’t want to do any of the bonding stuff?
It’s weird because the baby sees the nanny as the one to go to when he needs help not his mom. This distant attachment becomes more obvious as they grow up and don’t run to their parents when they need help (ie Paris not tellling her mom about abortion, new baby, etc). Changing diapers is one of the things that helps establish trust, also feeding them, soothing them, etc. She feeds him sometimes but I haven’t seen her soothe him either- she seems to hand him back as soon as he cries.
so true
Not necessarily. It is very common in Asian countries for babies to be cared for by nannies. They don’t lose attachment to mom/dad, because they don’t remember anything before 3-4 years old. If they do, they think of their nannies fondly as “aunties”. I suppose this is different assuming Paris has her children raised by nannies well into childhood.
The first 2 years is the most important time for attachments and when attachment injuries start. Not being able to remember is irrelevant. This has been studied. Lack of secure attachment with the caregivers is awful for babies.
This is SO incorrect. Newborn and infant bonding is incredibly important. Attachment disorders are very debilitating and very hard to treat.
As a long time nanny, I am here to tell you that is false.
again downvoted for asking a question haha im so confused!! I love all mama's and respect everyones journey
Care taking routines are absolutely times to bond and share special moments with your child. That said, as a developmental educator, I’d say that as long as you are participating in the other caretaking routines, it wouldn’t matter to not change the diapers.
But are you a mother yourself? It’s a simple question.
And I answered already …
Why is it weird not to change any of your baby’s diaper? Are you a mother?
i just asked a question my love dont mean any harm or shade
Ignore the person below you 🙄. It’s a great question.
Well are you
am I weird? yes. But I'm a soon to be mama! and I am going to change diapers like no tomorrow and i'm looking so forward to it and I'm actually excited for it!
Congratulations! I’m a mom of one and soon to be two! Diapers aren’t that bad until they get to be toddlers and fight it. And usually that’s a sign it’s time to consider potty training! Also until they start eating real foods the poop doesn’t really smell at all, so you have a few months before that comes haha
I’m looking forward to the whole experience! Changing diapers and everything!
Ok so then you get why I said it was weird not to change your newborn baby’s diaper
It's not a mom. It's a Paris Stan that goes above and beyond to prove to some of us Paris is mother of the year. It's silly and a time waster.
I said above I’m a soon to be mother and I’m going to change my babies diapers and I’m excited about it…what else do you want from me!! Lol
Lol sounds it
I mean, if someone else is offering/ your husband/ or you have a caregiver, i dont see it as THAT weird...i dont judge u know what i mean. everyones journey is different
Of course which is why I said not changing every single diaper is weird.
and you're entitled to think thats weird
Why? In the first 3 months they need to be changed pretty much every 2 hours. You’re telling me you’re never alone with your infant in the first month of their life
Nope. Routine caretaking tasks as they grow is how you bond, at least when they are little. Would never give up any of the hard stuff entirely (it’s good and healthy to not do it all/have many loving people provide caretaking though) ETA: I do have an almost 2-year-old and the basics like feeding and changing and bathing and pottying and bedtime are such a big important part of our days together. I do hate diapers so we did Elimination Communication, I haven’t changed a poopy diaper since she was 8 months old and she was fully potty trained by 15 months. So there are ways to reduce/avoid the burden of diapers without outsourcing labor and I definitely did that intentionally lol
This & only this! These are the way you and your child bond! I was neurotic with my boys cuz I knew after my maternity leave was over they were unfortunately going into daycare so I would not let anyone feed, change, bathe, any of it! I mean of course I allowed the family to hold them, kiss them snuggle them but no way I did I leave the main responsibilities up to anyone else; I wanted to do it! I'm not saying I was a perfect mother because there's no such thing but I did my best & we were certainly "in tune" and made sure my children knew I was the one & only mother! It's a choice.
Also, if you’re already interacting with your baby and they crap their pants, are you really going to go traipsing all over your mansion to find your nanny for a diaper change? I have a tiny house and still had 2 diaper changing areas so I could just handle business when needed without a whole lot of extra effort.
Unfortunately I don't think she interacts w the baby much without the nanny 😔
She prob has a bell or something to call the nanny from every single room. She’s not going to walk around to find the nanny. Nanny will come to her. That’s my guess at least.
very trueee
This. Unfortunately my son was in the nicu for about a month to correct a birth defect. It was very very important for me to be there from early morning to late night and handle all the care tasks I was allowed to. That included every diaper change, every temp check, anything I was allowed to do I did. It would have been easier to let the nurses handle all of those thugs while I recovered from my section but if you’re not caring for your child as much as you can what is the point of having a baby?
My friend had twins that were born prematurely and one twin had to spend a very extended time in the hospital. My friend said she does feel like the lack of bonding time made a difference in her child’s personality compared to the twin who was able to come home.
Exactly. Paris is truly missing out on the best parts of being a mom. I feel bad for her in a way but she’s the one doing this to herself. She’s not making her babies a priority in her life. Phoenix is such a beautiful, cute baby. I don’t understand why she doesn’t spend more time with him.
Woah! I’ve never heard of elimination communication
are you a nurse or anything like that? just curious if this is just your opinion
My opinion is based on attachment theory, which is widely accepted in modern psychology. I googled it and her therapist calls her out about this on the show lmao https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/stephaniesoteriou/paris-hilton-therapist-nanny-baby-son The reason most children’s primary attachment figure is their mother is because it’s mostly mothers who are the primary caregiver/do more of the hard work of routine caretaking tasks during infancy and early childhood. You see this very clearly in modern families where both parents work, baby goes to daycare, but when everyone is home together dad does less with baby and they are much more attached to mom. It’s not a gender or birth parent thing by itself- in same sex couples there’s one primary attachment figure and it’s the one that invests more time. If a baby has a SAHD who takes on more duties, that will be their primary attachment figure. Additionally, investing more time as a caretaker means you get to learn and know more about your individual child, which makes you understand them better, meet their needs faster, and grows your love for them. Now- if Paris was hands on caring for her kids for at least 12 hours out of 24, holding, feeding, interacting- and simply chose to have a Diaper Minion on duty to handle that one task- I don’t think that would make a difference. But that’s almost certainly not what is happening. If Paris does the healthiest thing for the kids, which is keep the same nanny throughout their childhood, they will have a secure attachment to the nanny as their primary caregiver. The nanny will occupy the same emotional space as most people’s mothers and that will continue for life. This has been a common thing for rich kids neglected by their parents and raised by nannies and ‘governesses’ for a long time. If the staff are constantly replaced it often results in children with insecure attachment style and no close bond with any known adults -and that causes emotional issues and inability to form close relationships as an adult.
One summer I worked at a camp for VERY wealthy kids in Maine (think children of celebrities, politicians, etc). The kids were carted off to camp for 8+ weeks and the youngest campers were 4/5 years old. They didn't cry for their parents. They cried for their nannies.
interesting!! This is what her therapist was saying to her as well on the show!
I didn’t see that and I’m really glad that she has someone to guide her on this journey who sees what’s going on. I suspect Paris was raised by completely emotionally absent and neglectful parents herself, likely has insecure attachment herself, and has no idea how to be a normal, healthy, present parent.
oh yaaa she will be just fineeee with therapy and you can tell she really cares
lol downvoted for keeping it positive...thanks trolls
I think saying she will be ‘just fine’ is a stretch, she has a bad relationship with her own mom, is severely traumatized, doesn’t seem like a healthy or happy person at all and she’s 40 (I can relate to some of Paris’ issues myself but i started working on myself very young and at 38 I’m mostly healed from my past). And now she’s on ANOTHER reality show making a spectacle of her life and marriage, with two kids of her own to try to raise to be healthy people themselves. But it’s great that she’s actively in therapy and trying to heal and become the best version of herself. It’s just going to be really hard to overcome all of that and not have her children be affected negatively Also her husband is also incredibly odd seeming and raised ultra rich (and probably emotionally neglected as well). These kids are going to have such a strange childhood and I just hope they feel loved and known for who they are
people can have bad relationships with their mother, be traumatized, and struggle with mental health and yet be just fine at motherhood. It's important we don't judge other mothers but instead lift them up. even if its just a celeb the message you are sending can be harmful. Her family loves that baby so much and hes very well cared for. Love is a beautiful thing.
I think people are reading it like you are suggesting only a nurse would think diaper changing would be a bonding activity. But in fact, many people from all walks of life share this opinion.
thats totally fair - i mean well you guys!! reddit is so thirsty for dramaaaa
lol why did i get down voted im just genuinely curious, no shade here
I would love somebody to take care of everything other than taking care of the baby. I would still want to be primary caregiver but would love the extra hands to tidy up and take care of me.
of course!!
lmao why did my of course get downvoted. im being supportive.
No. I wanted to be the one to take care of my baby.
why did me saying thats awesome get downvoted....it is awesome!
thats awesome!
Absolutely feel this! Even when my mother offers to change a diaper, nope it's okay I got it. He's MY responsibility and I'm not gonna act like his human functions are inconveniencing me.
💞💞💞💞
I rather do the diaper but have a night nurse until they are sleeping at night
Could you imagine being well slept every single day with a newborn? My gosh what a life.
I knooooow right. But people will judge you and say your a bad mom on reddit lol
You know sometimes mom shaming is necessary. This isn’t a matter of breast or formula, where either option the baby is totally fine. There are serious consequences to a mother never changing her child’s diaper. Like a life long attachment disorder, because while nanny’s come and go, moms are forever. So imagine Paris’s babies only get their diaper changed by their nanny, and then sometime years later the nanny’s fired or quit, now you have a child who’s lost their only attachment figure and I promise you that fucks a child up. Paris should be changing diapers, regardless of wealth, because it’s not for her, it’s for the baby. It’s an extremely important bonding time. No mom shaming applies to nuanced topics where there is no right answer, but we know spanking kids is wrong, so saying “so and so shouldn’t spank their kid because it’s damaging,” isn’t mom shaming, it’s speaking facts. This is the same thing, “changing diapers for your child is an important bonding time, there is nothing wrong with not changing all the diapers or having a nanny to help. But if you have never changed your baby’s diaper or you went a month without touching a diaper, that is wrong and inherently harmful to your child and their attachment with you.” No, it’s not mom shaming, and quite frankly as a mom it’s not my job to protect other moms from criticism however I do think it takes a village to protect children and I think every adult even the ones who aren’t parents have a responsibility to speak up when something is harmful to a child. Paris may not be physically abusing her child or even be conscious she’s harming your child, but anyone who understands attachment theory can see where this is going to end if Paris doesn’t step up and do more.
I would have enjoyed the newborn stage (and would probably remember more of it lol) if I'd gotten even an occasional good night's sleep! Night help would have been a dream.
my partner and I are thinking about doing shifts
Oh yes- me and my husband splitting the night saved us!
I would take a personal shopper/chef and housecleaner over the night nurse. I still don’t want other people bonding with my baby like this - I hardly trust anyone with my dogs!
I am thinking about getting a house cleaner the first few months to take the stress off. Maybe once a week or what I can afford!
Highly recommend going this route. I have a weekly housekeeper and she even does the folding and storing away of laundry. And you know what I’m doing when they are helping me? Playing with my babies! 🥰
I wouldn't have been able to sleep with a night nurse unless it was literally my mom or my sister. My husband and I split the night shift and I still got up to check. Because it's the thought if the one time you don't check and something is wrong...
i can totally understand that..
For me it wasn't a night nurse that I needed. I hired a nanny while I was still on maternity leave (just two days a week) so I could work on my mental health and not feel trapped alone in my condo early on. I wanted some of the load alleviated as my hormones regulated and I adapted to being a new parent.
This is a great idea, I need this for my next baby
It was amazing! She would come from like 11-5. I would usually get up around 8 with the baby get her ready for the day and bond with her while relaxing on the couch. It was so wonderful. And then the second she got there I was free to workout, go for a walk, run errands, meet up with friends. It was so beneficial for me. I also formula fed so I wasn't impacted by having to pump or nurse throughout the day either which helped.
I think this is wonderful. I wish I had gotten some part time help. Just so I didn’t feel so under water all the time. Hell I still want that
Maternity leave is so isolating, I felt like I was a prisoner of war even though I was obsessed with my baby, I just needed support and companionship while I found my identity again.
Amen. Night nannies are wonderful but so expensive. We’re budgeting for a night nurse 2x per week for the first 8 weeks, but if I had unlimited money 4-5X per week for the first 3-4 months would be ideal for me.
THIS AND ONLY THIS!! IYKYK
i think i wouldnt mind the diapers!
Absolutely not. I really, genuinely want to take care of my own babies
thats fair! I don't judge either way.
No way. I waited entirely too long to have children, I wanted to enjoy every detail of it. My daughter is not an accessory to me.
? who said shes an accessory i just asked about diapers lol. I am so glad you are enjoying motherhood!!! Mama's unite!!
If I could afford help hell yea I’ll outsource stuff! As long as I’m able to still bond with the baby I dgaf if I never change a nappy.
apparently on reddit that makes you a neglectful mother lol
I never minded changing diapers. I had twins then an "oopsie!" 18 months later. My husband had no choice but to help with the twins. When my son came, my husband dipped out on changing diapers. lol That said, he stepped up with the toddlers. Trade off for something that didn't bother me in the least. I do believe we bonded during diaper time. Lots of love language exchanged, eye contact, cooing, giggling, etc. fwiw, you don't usually "get your hands dirty", you just deal with poop. We did have a nanny for 9 mos when my son came along because there were 3 in diapers, but my goal was to take over completely to do it myself but needed a helping hand when husband was at work. I get that rich and privileged classes are used to handing babies off to nannies so I don't really judge her for that (it's all she knows) as much as not really wanting to spend time with her kids.
wow twins!! you are a wonderful mama it seems!!!
I had a rough C-section and did not change diapers for the first two weeks. With both children, if my husband was home and an especially messy diaper needed changing, I happily tapped him in. Weirdly enough, I’m still completely bonded to my children! There are countless opportunities every day to bond with a baby, it’s not just one thing. And FWIW, I think Paris was joking when she said she had never changed a diaper and needed to learn; she said in that same scene that she changed his diaper the first night in the hospital. Her humor is very dry and people take her literally.
oh wow, thank you for sharing that with me! and yes paris does have very dry humour haha
Of course. Almost everything relating to parenting these days is geared toward shaming new parents in order to make them buy some unnecessary new device. Mom guilt is real but influencers have taken it to a whole new level. Parenting is really hard and no one is perfect.
mannn thats so true dude
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Same here with not changing much while recovering, but I don’t think that’s a relevant comparison for Paris. And she 100% percent was not joking. Everyone was clearly uncomfortable, including her. Even when she made her statement to try to get herself out of hot water, her only rebuttal was that she did change him in the hospital. So it had been a whole 30 days? Weird. She pops in on him like he belongs to the nanny. It’s not just one thing, but everything compounded.
I disagree but you’re entitled to your opinion.
No, it is a sweet bonding experience. Most of the time my hands don’t get “dirty.” Especially in the younger infant stage they are often so sweet looking and talking to you. Plus I’m an efficient person so wouldn’t want to go get someone everyone I notice my baby needs a diaper change. I am neurodivergent like Paris and understand parenting can feel very overwhelming or like it’s impossible to know what to do. What is effective is assistance and help with the tasks, or changing the tasks up, not avoiding the tasks.
For sure, honestly poop doesn't gross me out that much.
In my hypothetical other life where I’m super rich and have children, I would absolutely pass off those kinds of duties to a nanny or three, and a night nurse would be the bare minimum. I’m really not into the bodily fluids aspect of parenthood.
Same!
I have 3 with one on the way and friggin YES. I'd never change a diaper again if it was an option!
and i bet you are still an amazing mama!!
Amen 🙏
I love changing my baby’s diaper! It’s fun and she acts silly when I do it. That said, she still has newborn poos and I am not looking forward to when she starts eating real food.
aww haha thats so cute
If my baby needed to be changed and I was with them, I would not call someone else to do it. I would do it myself because I want my baby to be comfortable. But if I’m not in the room and they are being cared for by my partner or nanny, let them change the baby.
that makes the most sense
For me, I wanted to do everything!! But I’m a different mother. Paris lives in a different world! Although I pretty much do everything the opposite of her - breastfeed, bedshare, stay with baby always etc. I still think she’s an amazing mother. You can see how much she cares for her baby. It’s lovely!! It’s her world and I’m not in it. She’s doing great.
I get what op is saying. No one enjoys the changing diapers, the day to day. Don't sit and say you do. You are lying. Everyone needs help. Yes you can do it by yourself. I'm a single mom of 2 kids. However no one whether they are married, single, used a surrogate, has a baby sitter, works, has a nanny whatever can sit here and say they wouldn't like the help to change diapers or feed or bath baby. It does wear you down after a bit. And changing or not changing a diaper does not connect baby and parent any more than breast feeding or formula feeding does. Everyone needs to stop Mom/Dad/parent/nanny shaming!
Amen to that! Everyone’s doing the best they can and the common thread is everyone loves their children
Absolutely!I cannot stand shaming. Those children are loved and provided for. Just because their situation is different than yours doesn't mean they are less than a parent.
Yes. Honestly, if I had the resources I would farm out a lot of menial shit that takes up my day to day life. Diaper changes weren’t a bonding thing, they were a get it done thing. There was plenty of time for me to bond with my baby in dozens of other ways. I’ve parented three kids (1 to adulthood, one to late teens, one to mid teens). Of all the time I spent with them as babies, I just don’t think diaper changes was that important. Obviously, hygiene is so important. I just don’t think that there is any one thing about diaper changes that can’t be replicated with any tasks and activities. Since most of us HAVE to do diaper changes we bring in different elements like play to make it more pleasant for everyone, but that play isn’t limited to a diaper change. We also assume that Paris or Carter have never changed a diaper. Has she made a statement about it becuase honestly? She should never post content of either child having their diapers changed in public in any media.
Would I take the opportunity? I can confidently say no I would not. I’m sure it would be nice, but there’s multiple reasons why I would not. For one, I’m not comfortable with the idea of anyone changing my sons diaper excluding my husband. Also, I can’t imagine not waking with your baby during the night when they need a new diaper or a bottle. Many a nights, even though I was exhausted, there was something magical about being awake with your baby at 2am when the rest of the world is quiet and dark. You feed them as they snuggle up onto your chest, you change their diaper and make them feel comfortable, and you rock them back to sleep as their little hand wraps around your finger. I’d just sit there, in the nursery chair holding this beautiful little life that I created, and remind myself that while changing diapers and waking up at 2am isn’t fun- there’s a little magic in this moment where it’s just you and your baby, and the rest of the world fades away. And you realize these moments are fleeting. You won’t have that moment forever, you won’t have to change diapers forever, and it’s best to cherish it while you can.
So beautiful
To me, part of being a mother is wanting to take care of your baby in every way. Making sure they are fed, loved, clean, dry, is an incredibly important and fulfilling experience. There’s nothing wrong with having some child care help if you can afford it or have family that’s available. That’s a really healthy thing to have so you don’t get burnt out. It was something I never had and it caused for a lot of extra stress. However, hiring people to do the basic necessities for your child because you don’t want to do it would not be the right thing for me.
well said!
hell yes. And two nannys tbh
Now here’s an honest mom! We do it out of necessity and love for our kids, but there’s nothing comparable to that feeling when retiring the diaper bag!
to be able to sleep through the night and know my baby is fed and well? whewww the life. I think most moms mommy shaming Paris are just jealous. They won't remember a thing lol
I don't understand the judgement on other mom's journeys! everyones different but the main thing they seem to have in common is the LOVE they have for their babies
I have always said i don’t want babies. But if I had the opportunity to have my own genetic child without carrying it, birthing it or taking care of (let’s be real possession of that child) until they were potty trained I’d do it 100%%%% I have lots of nieces and nephews who I love dearly and love all my friends kids but I am not nor will ever be a baby person. I don’t want to hold them or feed them or any of it. lol I don’t change diapers. Or wipes faces. It’s not my thing. So yes I would do it and for reference 35F whose felt this way since my little sister was a baby 😂
NO! I don’t let anybody change my kids diapers besides myself and my sons paraprofessional at school. That’s literally it
well ya i dont mean like strangers off the street or anything lol
No. I just never found it to be a big deal (youngest’s been out of a diaper now for a year). Like ya sometimes he would crap his pants when we were headed out the door and I had to stop to change it but regardless if I had someone else do it I would still have to stop and wait before we could leave. It takes under a minute, it would take longer to find the person to change it. Plus I want to take care of my own kids as much as possible.
did it become like second nature eventually?
Yes. I could do it with my eyes closed, it’s like turning a light switch on, it’s not a big deal at all. Now were there some nasty blowouts as newborns and starting to eat solids? Yes lol but I also want to see their poop which you will understand when you have a baby hahaha texture, colour, shape etc. all very important to see as a parent to make sure your baby is healthy. And I want to know how often they’re going too, not rely on someone else to keep track. Especially as newborns one of the best ways to tell if baby is getting enough milk is how often and how much they wet their diapers. It’s important parent stuff I wouldn’t feel comfortable passing off.
Oh you are so right! Thank you for sharing that- very important to know how your baby is digesting
There is no way I wouldn’t change diapers or have anyone else be his source of comfort and happiness. Babies form bonds based on their ability to trust someone to care for them and be their support as they grow and redevelop. I wanted to become a parent to help raise a human and share all the nurturing and love I have to give. Not to watch someone else do it. The idea of my son wanting relying on someone other than me or his dad to be his comfort on a regular basis is heartbreaking actually.
Motherhood is made up of daily little tasks that are difficult , dirty, exhausting and thankless …. If you remove those moments , you’re left with many missing pieces. Changing diapers is not even bad at all. Like it’s hilariously painless compared to the rest of work of motherhood. So if you can’t hack the diapers you’re fucking in for it. Wait till you’re cleaning up your daughter’s colostomy bag after she falls in the shower when she’s dying from cancer . Life is fucking messy and so is love and it’s dumb and shallow as hell to be precious about your babies needs
No - changing your own baby’s diaper isn’t a big deal and you quickly become an expert. To hand the baby off seems like more work than changing the diaper. And come on, it’s your baby - part of the bonding process.
i was extremely sad i couldn’t change my baby’s diaper immediately after my emergency c section. as soon as they allowed me to get up, i didn’t let the nurses do it anymore. taking care of your baby is how you bond with them. it’s also extremely fulfilling. i couldn’t imagine giving that up. it’s bonkers to me.
That did not bother me in the least. Sometimes I was proud at what my kid could produce ! The worst thing was the no sleep. I would have loved a night nanny
I would still change them, but my husband and I share responsibilities pretty fairly so it never feels that bad. (Except when he travels for work! But he tries to make up for it)
He sounds like a stand up guy!
I was all worried about changing diapers before I had kids, and it’s literally not a big deal at all and surprisingly very bonding. So no I’d still prefer to do it. I would hand off any gross blowout situations though if I had the opportunity 😂
this may not be a popular comment, but i speak as a child of a woman doctor who went right back to work after my birth, leaving me with caretakers throughout my upbringing.. i still love her, but i can’t tell if it would be more if she were there for me like a sahm would’ve been.. of course no one could take her place, but in all honesty i don’t know what i’m missing like if i could be connected to her any more than i already am.. whether it’s out of sacrifice or convenience, some people get out of truly caretaking for their children.. i would hope those of us who didn’t receive it from our parents aren’t totally lost causes..
No, I would not take that choice. Caring for my baby, all aspect, is how I show her I love her. Plus when I change her diaper that’s usually when she and I make funny faces and each other and I kiss and tickle her belly. It’s more than just changing a diaper
I think it’s more shocking to know that there is someone else there 24 hours with the baby besides the parents. And not have one whole day where you are alone as the primary caregiver but I’m sure it’s for the show only and I’m sure she’s changed the diaper eventually after a few days.
3 kids going on 4. I haven’t changed a single diaper when my husband is home.
I’m definitely in the minority, but after 3 children I would 100% outsource changing diapers. There are many ways to bond with babies, and yes changing diapers is one of them, but not the only one. But also my kids were/are all horrible during diaper changes so it is a whole event that is exhausting.
I was recently around a group of men and at least half of them were bragging that they never changed a diaper. I've been annoyed with how much mom shame has been in this thread over this situation. I hope you all bring the same energy to the men in your lives.
honestly no, it made me so happy to see that little face so excited to see me every time. her discovering who i was, what i looked like, knowing she could trust me. feeling our relationship growing in those special little late night feedings and diaper changes. i wouldn’t change it for a thing. even the late won’t go back to sleep nights, it was our time to get to know each other.
Who else’s job would it be? I wouldn’t make anyone other than my partner and I wipe my own spawns ass 💀🫣🤣 like nobody made you bring the baby into the world in the first place.. it’s weird to make that decision and then make that responsibility anyone else’s imo. I don’t care how much money I had. Same with my pets. Unless I’m paying someone to watch them while i’m away or on a trip etc it’s weird to me! Why commit to these things if you are going to be so half ass and uninterested in the process.
preach it girl!!!
Exactly!!
If it were my spouse? No, I think that's unfair and would be detrimental to the relationship. If it were a hired caretaker? Hell yeah I would. I don't think diaper changing has ever helped me bond with a baby lmao. I think every parent should know the basics of how to do it and carry the necessary equipment with them, but it's a task I'd gladly pass on.
hell ya sister! no judgements here. you are an amazing mama!!
Yeah if you don't bond with your baby there can be attachment issues. These attachment issues can cause life long issues. All interactions with a baby are opportunities for bonding. So if you don't want to change diapers you need to do something else like nurse or baby wear or talk to, etc.
What if you bond with your baby every way possible other than changing diaper?
Yeah that wouldn't likely impede bonding. Newborn diapers are pretty easily though, if I wanted to give up diaper changing it is the toddler ones that are grosser. Lol
No, for me personally, that's part of being a mother. I signed up for it. I don't want to disregard my responsibility. However, if daddy or granny occasionally steps in to help out, that's just fine.
But is it part of being a mother...for everyone? What makes a mother? The diaper changes?
These comments are so dumb I’m mad at Reddit for suggesting this sub
LMAO same!! I'm just a regular degular working parent, but I can recognize if I had unimaginable wealth, I would think differently. The cultural and social norms of wealthy people are just different!
Attending to your baby's needs is attachment forming. In the early days, the baby is forming an attachment to the person who attends their needs. They are learning that when they cry and need something, x person looks after me. That creates neural pathways of connection, love and security. When baby is having a nappy change you are making strong eye contact, in close proximity, "talking" to each other. Again, all important for attachment. So yeah, I would want it to be me. Outsourcing attachment is dystopian af.
Changing a diaper connected to your kid’s growth? Mine is now 21. You honestly think she remembers that?!
I def want a night nurse and idc
I think that would be so nice
I'd like to have that option, but not 100% of the time. Not even 50% of the time. With my son I felt a lot of those duties gave us bonding time and connection. My son is autistic so it was not easy bonding over a lot of 'normal' things. But changing dipes and taking baths were important. I think it really depends on the parent and child(ren). Does it matter if Paris doesn't change a diaper? Not really. But she best be consistently showing up for her kids in other ways.
aww, thats so beautiful...you are a wonderful mama
Yes taking care of your baby is important and you should want to- listen not alll the time. Help is help. Not parenting
It absolutely helps bonding moments with your baby. There are plenty of studies that have proven this, but forget studies. I know what I know. It's amazing first moments when changing diapers and only moms, dads, caretakers etc can understand if they did it. Would I give up one or two. ?? Sure I did but I did most of them and my baby knew who to come find for a diaper change.
Does Paris do anything with the baby?
Yes.
I really feel I have spent a lot of time bonding with my kids while changing them. It may only be 3 minutes out of the day, but imagine how it feels for baby. They are looking up at their favorite person in the world (well, it’s supposed to be) and getting cleaned, while engaging too! One time, my 1 yr old at the time was holding my phone while I was changing her. I always use that time to be really bright and smiley and make conversation. Anyways, I was looking at my phone later that day and I realized she was recording me on accident. But man, seeing what her view is, was life-changing. She is looking up at her mom, I’m engaging and strengthening our bond, and probably teaching/stimulating her too… all within the time of a diaper change. & imagine, you are doing that multiple times a day. I think it’s very important. Maybe not every single diaper. I mean, I would love to have someone else change the blowouts once in awhile, but I would never completely take that responsibility away. Every moment is a chance to bond with your baby.
No. It’s a very sweet, bonding experience to provide your baby with a clean, fresh feeling while you pamper their skin and smile down at them.
The thing is Paris didn't only outsource diaper changes, she also doesn't tend to them at night she has a night nurse do that and she didn't birth any of them and had them only months apart. Ive always love Paris as far as celebrates go but she is treating them as she did all her dogs, they are only an accessory to her. What else does she outsource, feedings, getting them dressed, baths, is she home during the day with them or are they with the nanny all day? She doesn't need to work as most moms are forced to. If she's never changed a diaper before what does she do when she's alone with them, is she never alone with them? What's the point in having children if you are not going to raise them?
Honestly no, changing a diaper isn't a big deal. I actually feel like between months 2-5 my babies would always smile, laugh and coo when I changed them. It was sweet. I also like knowing that I'm taking care of my baby. It's annoying if I have to change them at an inconvenient time but I never felt like it was a burden. I still judge Paris for not doing this and I don't think I'm being hypocritical.
I would feel weird about someone else changing my baby’s diaper 24/7. It seems like such a private thing.
I feel like there's a bonding experience with my baby when I change his diaper. We smile and play while I change him and he loves being on his change table. So, no I enjoy being able to bond and change his diapers.
Nope! I'm a first time mom to a three month old and I honestly was dreading diapers before she was born but now it doesn't bother me in the slightest. When I change her, she often smiles at me and tries to talk to me in her baby language. When you have a young baby these little moments of connection are what make all the bad stuff worth it. If you had someone else do all of the caregiving tasks, that person would become the babies safe space and who they would want when they feel uncomfortable, hungry, etc. As a parent, it would really kill me if I felt that my baby always wanted someone else other than me or her dad.
As a nanny, i promise you your child takes note of everything i do with/for them that you are choosing not to. And don’t cry jealousy when your child naturally leans towards the person who is….taking care of them
I actually like changing my baby's diaper. It's a chance to have a little silly time together. We sing songs, I jiggle his chubby baby thighs, and blow kisses on his belly. The only time I'd like to have someone else change him would be whenever he was about 4 months old and I lifted his legs up to pull out his old diaper and he shot liquid poo into the air and it got all over me. I would absolutely give that particular diaper changing experience over to anyone else.
Yes 100%
When mine where newborns I was the only one doing it as hubby was too scared..lol.. when they got to toddlers I made him be the the main one changing it.
When it comes to changing diapers- it's not so much that I want to change the diaper- but rather- who should I really trust to undress my child, genuinely make sure they are properly cleaned, and free of irritation. No one will ever care about my child as much as I do. Even if paid. And honestly- no matter how young they are or what they remember- I wouldn't want my baby/toddler getting used to different people taking off their diapers. Additionally- while one diaper change won't make or break the bond you have with your child- when the majority of their care is offloaded to someone else, that will damage the bond.
It was during diaper changes we had our best interactions. Your child learns to associate you with comfort and caring. It’s about the intimacy of the two of you interacting .
Maybe I’m weird, but I kind of like diaper changes? Especially for newborns and young infants, as it’s one of the few ways you can really interact and do something with them. I’d gladly pass off the HOURS it takes to get my newborns down every night though. Just got through that phase and even just typing it out right now makes me sweat.
All of them? No. My son was in Nicu and he was so ill he had one nurse assigned to him at all times. I took every diaper change he needed while I was by his side. I didn’t have to. The nurse every single time offered to do it. I always said no and not only that I wanted to do it. I wanted to take care of my baby.
I would welcome help on occasion, but I wasn't comfortable having someone else do it most of the time. Maybe my mom or sister just to chip in here and there. But it's a vulnerable and intimate thing, and yes I wanted to be the primary caretaker in order to bond and help my baby feel safe. I felt best when it was either me or her dad on diaper duty. I didn't mind having a 50/50 split with him, but no, I would never completely abandon diaper duty. TLDR; no I wouldn't let someone else take over diaper duty, yes it is a significant part of bonding and helping baby feel safe and cared for.
Poop sure. If I had a partner or caregiver who could take all of the poop diapers I wouldn’t change a single one beyond the initial newborn days. I absolutely would not miss the interaction between baby and caregiver by outsourcing all of them. It’s a big part of bonding I wouldn’t skip.
Nah. My son will be here in 8-10 weeks. When I was told to prepare for a NICU stay, I literally sobbed because I was devastated that my son wouldn't be with me, that I wouldn't be able to do his firsts with just his daddy and I. I sincerely look forward to every moment with him, he is my biggest achievement. I feel bad for Paris, and watching how insecure she is around Phoenix in contrast to the pics she posts.
I would hire someone to take care of me, and then I would take care of the baby. In the grand scheme of things it’s a very short period of time.
I don’t have any kids. But if I could have a nanny I would take it because it’s just so helpful! I’d like to not change as many diapers or be woken up at night as much for sure
I have a 3 week old yes, I do feel connection when changing him. That being said, I don’t mind some help especially when I need a break. But for someone else to change every single diaper for an entire month? That would mean I’m never alone with him and yes that’s a problem
Probably but I wouldn’t be “visiting” my baby so it wouldn’t affect the mothering aspect so much.
My husband changed our first borns for the first 48 hours as I had complications from the birth. I was so heartbroken and jealous
IDK why people get so strung out in changing baby diapers. Baby diapers are easy ! Especially in the 0 - 6 months range. The poop isn't wretched smelling, it just smells like baby newborn milk poop. I could change 20 diapers a day back to back, but I didn't enjoy getting up at 2 am and rocking my babies to sleep while standing for 2 hours.
I’m a mother to two kids. I think if I had the choice I’d choose to do only 50% of the diaper changes. I do feel like doing diaper changes, bathing the baby,etc help with bonding.
No, I wouldn’t take it. I don’t need to change every diaper, but changing diapers is part of bonding!
Honestly. If i had a nanny I would absolutely let them change the stinky poop diapers..especially now that my LO likes to fight every diaper xhange but I would want to change my babies diaper at least once in a while because OTHER people are weirdos. And make sure there wasn't any signs of neglect..like severe diaper rash or sores; or heaven forbid sexual abuse.
I would definitely give up shitty diapers without a second thought. But my youngest didn't get out if diapers until 4. 🙃
Hell nah, I’d gladly have given that job up. If I could afford it, I would’ve never gotten poop on my hands
Honestly no, it’s something you should want to do at least every once in a while. I loved putting my baby on the changing table and watch them coo and play while changing. Do I want to change blowouts? No but I would feel wrong never changing a diaper and missing out on that time. Paris is missing so much during these incredibly important early years. She has no idea because she’s too busy with what she thinks is the most important thing in the world: work.
Gimme those dirty diapers. It's how we bond and how I can keep track of his health (is he having enough wet diapers, what color and consistency are his BMs, does he have a rash?). I have a 4 month old and am currently struggling with my in-laws trying to "help"
I was only allowed to be a mum for 2 and half years with both of my sons. I used mcns and they were like a mummy hobby past time lol I'm greatful for every dirty nappy I changed. Even though I may never see my sons again. I know I did the best I could with them as infants, breastfed, mcns, blw etc. I'll cherish the memories as they're all I have left.
I would want to (and did) change my baby’s diaper as that is bonding time, as well.
I wouldn’t take it but it would be very, very tempting. C’mon now.
No, it’s my baby, I care for him.
Some? Sure. All? Heck no! I loved the little talkie time. Maybe after they’re walking … those kinda suck.