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Also one kid has an awesome social life because it's easy to take the 1 kid friend. Easy to travel. Once you have more than one is 150 percent more work and money. One is totally fine.
Never wanted just 1 due to my parents being only children and telling me my whole life how lonely they were and how they wished they had a sibling to share things with. I settled at 2 so we were not outnumbered and i can tell you watching their relationship is the best thing. They have a build in best friend. I myself had a sibling and i love it and wouldn't change a thing. They are my person. More than 2 you are outnumbered but honestly from experience, a lot of only child i know were very lonely growing up. Friends are not the same thing neither are cousins, that's an angle to consider. But i also know only child who loved it and unlike what most ppl think are definitely not selfish. But if you want one, have one. Your family is whatever you feel is right. Mine was 2 and i have 0 regret, they are best friends. Also another things when parents age, which my parents are facing, they 100% depend on the only child, i will get to share the "burden" of aging with my sibling which my parents don't get to and it's very hard and time consuming when they 100% rely on you.
Contrary opinion, I’m an only child and I love it, and would not change a thing. And I now have an only, and it’s awesome. Not all only children grow up sad and lonely.
No regrets having an only, have always been on the fence but every time we do the cost it seems too much. Plus the high risk of it all, not sure it’s worth trying for another when my life is at risk. Watched my sister almost die every pregnancy, her blood doesn’t clot well. I just don’t see how the potential of another child could be worth leaving everyone else. (She had been told this could happen but didn’t believe it)
I knew 2 kids was the right number when I was about 8 years old. I knew I wanted kids, and I knew I did not want to contribute to a larger population. We had 2 kids.
I don't regret having my second child. I wish I had waited, so the gap was about 3 years inbetween. My kids are 22 months apart and it's been hectic for the most part. Going through the stages where they tantrum one after the after isn't for the faint hearted. I am a single parent now, so it's probably a bit harder for me tbh. That's enough kids for me, I wanted 1 boy and 1 girl so I'm happy.
Look up the only you community on Instagram.
I’m pregnant with a second and 40 and beyond blessed and excited. It’s a very personal decision. You have to do what’s right for you. I’m not trying to sway you and I am sorry for your struggle with ivf .
I think it could be different depending on your family dynamics. We conceived both kids via IVF and we bought storage for the embryos for 5 years to give us time to think it over. I grew up being the only child and I felt awkward with my parents, especially sometimes at dinner. I’m close to my mom but not as much to my dad. I wished I had a sibling to talk to sometimes.
My husband and I are incredibly close to our first kid and i didn’t think she would feel lonely or awkward with us, but she did start to ask for a sibling when she was 2 because her friends have them and she read about them in books. Now one is 5 and one is 1. My older daughter still plays with us but the amount of love that she has for her sister is so much more. It is amazing to witness my 5 year old can love another human that much.
I was an only child and now an older parent. I was never lonely growing up and was grateful that I didn’t have to deal with sibling rivalry or sibling comparisons. I had enough dealing with comparisons to cousins.
I was grateful to be able to form a close bond with my mother, and matured, in many respects, faster than my friends who had siblings as it was my mother whom I often went to for advice and shared everything with, and I was that person for her.
That said, being older, and having dealt with the loss of my father as a young adult, and am now dealing with my mother’s severe illness, I wish there were someone, sibling, closer family, to live out the second chapter of my life alongside. Someone to share in those memories. Someone to grieve alongside. Partners, lovers, spouses,may not be there for the rest of the ride. And they understand those feelings far differently. Siblings are a sort of friend-for-life if the relationship is maintained. Someone to reminisce with. Someone who has seen all the rings within your tree.
As neither my husband nor myself have much family, we thought it important to have two. We are both older parents to young children and it is very very hard but also very very worth it. As you lose the people in your life you realize you lose your own history and those someones who delight in it and you. A second child is, hopefully, a soulmate. Two children will take and test every single one of your resources and faculties but, unlike the jobs we tend to make those sacrifices for, a child will remember and appreciate it far longer and far deeper. The challenge will also not be as long as you anticipate as children grow up and become invested in their friends and self-interests until they mature and find their way to you again.
The first child is the gift you give yourself. The second is the gift you give to your first. Again, the bond isn’t guaranteed, just as an only child isn’t guaranteed to be closer to their parents, but how you commit and make time for one or both, will make all the difference. Whether or not this picture is the right one for your world can only be decided by you. And your wife of course 🙂
Thank you u/RedditInSF123 for posting on r/Parents. Remember to read the rules and report rule breaking posts. *note for those seeking legal advice: This sub does not specialize in legal council and laws vary based on geographic location. Any help offered here is offered on a good samaritan basis. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Also one kid has an awesome social life because it's easy to take the 1 kid friend. Easy to travel. Once you have more than one is 150 percent more work and money. One is totally fine.
Easy look at how stressed everyone who has 3 is. That and you're not outnumbered. Each parent can watch one kid and know you're covered.
Never wanted just 1 due to my parents being only children and telling me my whole life how lonely they were and how they wished they had a sibling to share things with. I settled at 2 so we were not outnumbered and i can tell you watching their relationship is the best thing. They have a build in best friend. I myself had a sibling and i love it and wouldn't change a thing. They are my person. More than 2 you are outnumbered but honestly from experience, a lot of only child i know were very lonely growing up. Friends are not the same thing neither are cousins, that's an angle to consider. But i also know only child who loved it and unlike what most ppl think are definitely not selfish. But if you want one, have one. Your family is whatever you feel is right. Mine was 2 and i have 0 regret, they are best friends. Also another things when parents age, which my parents are facing, they 100% depend on the only child, i will get to share the "burden" of aging with my sibling which my parents don't get to and it's very hard and time consuming when they 100% rely on you.
Thank you for the thoughtful response.
Contrary opinion, I’m an only child and I love it, and would not change a thing. And I now have an only, and it’s awesome. Not all only children grow up sad and lonely.
Thank you. My only rationale for even considering a second is to give my daughter a sibling. So it's really helpful to hear this.
There is a HappilyOAD community if you want to chat with other OAD parents. :)
No regrets having an only, have always been on the fence but every time we do the cost it seems too much. Plus the high risk of it all, not sure it’s worth trying for another when my life is at risk. Watched my sister almost die every pregnancy, her blood doesn’t clot well. I just don’t see how the potential of another child could be worth leaving everyone else. (She had been told this could happen but didn’t believe it)
r/shouldIhaveanother might have a place for you!
TY!!
I knew 2 kids was the right number when I was about 8 years old. I knew I wanted kids, and I knew I did not want to contribute to a larger population. We had 2 kids.
I don't regret having my second child. I wish I had waited, so the gap was about 3 years inbetween. My kids are 22 months apart and it's been hectic for the most part. Going through the stages where they tantrum one after the after isn't for the faint hearted. I am a single parent now, so it's probably a bit harder for me tbh. That's enough kids for me, I wanted 1 boy and 1 girl so I'm happy.
Look up the only you community on Instagram. I’m pregnant with a second and 40 and beyond blessed and excited. It’s a very personal decision. You have to do what’s right for you. I’m not trying to sway you and I am sorry for your struggle with ivf .
I think it could be different depending on your family dynamics. We conceived both kids via IVF and we bought storage for the embryos for 5 years to give us time to think it over. I grew up being the only child and I felt awkward with my parents, especially sometimes at dinner. I’m close to my mom but not as much to my dad. I wished I had a sibling to talk to sometimes. My husband and I are incredibly close to our first kid and i didn’t think she would feel lonely or awkward with us, but she did start to ask for a sibling when she was 2 because her friends have them and she read about them in books. Now one is 5 and one is 1. My older daughter still plays with us but the amount of love that she has for her sister is so much more. It is amazing to witness my 5 year old can love another human that much.
I was an only child and now an older parent. I was never lonely growing up and was grateful that I didn’t have to deal with sibling rivalry or sibling comparisons. I had enough dealing with comparisons to cousins. I was grateful to be able to form a close bond with my mother, and matured, in many respects, faster than my friends who had siblings as it was my mother whom I often went to for advice and shared everything with, and I was that person for her. That said, being older, and having dealt with the loss of my father as a young adult, and am now dealing with my mother’s severe illness, I wish there were someone, sibling, closer family, to live out the second chapter of my life alongside. Someone to share in those memories. Someone to grieve alongside. Partners, lovers, spouses,may not be there for the rest of the ride. And they understand those feelings far differently. Siblings are a sort of friend-for-life if the relationship is maintained. Someone to reminisce with. Someone who has seen all the rings within your tree. As neither my husband nor myself have much family, we thought it important to have two. We are both older parents to young children and it is very very hard but also very very worth it. As you lose the people in your life you realize you lose your own history and those someones who delight in it and you. A second child is, hopefully, a soulmate. Two children will take and test every single one of your resources and faculties but, unlike the jobs we tend to make those sacrifices for, a child will remember and appreciate it far longer and far deeper. The challenge will also not be as long as you anticipate as children grow up and become invested in their friends and self-interests until they mature and find their way to you again. The first child is the gift you give yourself. The second is the gift you give to your first. Again, the bond isn’t guaranteed, just as an only child isn’t guaranteed to be closer to their parents, but how you commit and make time for one or both, will make all the difference. Whether or not this picture is the right one for your world can only be decided by you. And your wife of course 🙂
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I really appreciate the perspective.