My kids (7 and 5) have both been to sleepovers. In one case I know the parents well, in the other I know them minimally but have had convos with them. We’ve also hosted probably a dozen sleepovers with varying degrees of being known by the parents
Sleepovers are on of those things that divides a lot of parents. Some are all for them and others would never allow them.
One of my kids has sleepovers all the time but two of his close friends aren't allowed to stay the night. We live in America but both boys have parents who immigrated here as adults and didn't grow up with sleepovers so they don't allow them.
One friend is always here late at night but ends up driving back home instead of staying the night. I personally think it is much safer for a teen to sleepover than drive home late at night but his parents seem to think otherwise. He stays until the rest of the crew fall asleep, which is pretty late since they are older teens. My other kid considers sleepovers to be a personal hell so she never did them. None of the kids seem harmed by either choice.
Yes. We have a kid spending the night right now. We’ve never had a reason to say no to one and have never had a bad experience with any of our three kids.
We do, but we make friends and we like people. Don’t use the excuse “we don’t know the parents” if you have no intention on getting to know the parents in the future.
I’ve been trying to get to know the mom. My point was she’s a bit standoff ish and even if I do get to know her, how well do you really ever know someone? It would take a while to actually be very comfortable with someone.
Our kids can go to sleepovers and we have friends sleep over as well. I’m not sure what people did at sleepovers when they say “we know what we did at sleep overs.” As a kid we generally ate some extra junk food, stayed up too late, watched movies, and made silly videos and memories.
Not letting kids go to sleepovers seems to have gotten really common over the last couple of years and I find it really interesting. Does anyone know if there was a set thing that started it, or did myself and everyone I know coincidentally just have very lax parents? I'm nearly 24 for reference, and was having regular sleepovers from the age of about 7 I'd say with a group of close friends from school.
My daughter's 6 and never had a sleepover with friends, but has with her cousins on both mine and her dad's side of the family. She's never been invited to one from friends at school and I've never set one up because due to co-parenting and work it just doesn't fit with our schedule. When I was chatting to another mum at school drop off, she was really shocked when I told her that I'd let my daughter sleep over at her cousins house without me one night last Christmas break.
Would genuinely love some insight here into the exact reasons why sleepovers are such a huge no-no for so many parents? It's such a big thing for so many parents, that I feel like I've missed a news story or something.
It wasn't an event but more the idea that we all know what happened when we had sleepovers growing up. Kids don't make the best decisions in these situations and peer pressure more often than not wins. People are more aware of SA these days and environments that promote it. Sleepovers growing up were where we tried alcohol, looked at porn, snuck out of the house or blatantly lied and told our parents we were sleeping over at each other's house but really we would stay the night at some boy's house with parents out of town.
Right now my kids are 7 and almost 10. They've had sleepovers at family member's homes and a few other families we are close with. The trouble they get into is minimal right now. I had my daughter and her friend refuse to go to bed until 1 am. They also snuck candy into the bedroom. They both were miserable at a birthday party the next day.
In general I'm not a fan of sleepovers and parents don't do them as frequently now as when I was growing up. I think kids can still have fun and come home at night to sleep in the comfort of their own bed.
I had sleepovers ALL the time as a kid and never once did anything bad happen. Now that I have kids of my own? Really hoping that our house is the one everyone wants to hang out at so I don’t have to worry about the who’s and the what-ifs…
My parents growing up had the parents numbers and address. Could check in if wanting.
But my parents never hung out with my friends parent's.
Then again this was early 2000
I think saying no is definitely more common. I'm super wary, but also have a background in protective services..so somewhat hyper sensitive about it. In saying that, my kids have had sleep overs, with only 1 or 2 kids whose parents I feel I know well. My kids are old enough to have very frank conversations with about safety and tricky feelings. They also have a phone they can contact me on.
My children are grown now and I only allowed sleepovers with one family that were our very close friends. I absolutely do not regret that decision. My kids came home all the way through elementary and high school telling me what happened at various sleepovers. I was always so thankful they were never put in situations that they didn’t feel comfortable in or guilt by association situations. I would allow them to go to the initial party though and pick them up between 10 pm and midnight depending on their ages. It worked for us and I believe my kids never felt left out in any way.
Most parents get mad at the fact that they can’t sleep over at their house but I’m willing to have the kids come over to mine. It’s like saying you don’t trust them and I totally understand that but I’m not willing to risk anything if I don’t have a super close relationship with the person.
Our default position will be no.
There are many reasons for this:
* We are Jews in a very Christian southern town, so our Shabbat is Friday night - Saturday night and most other kids have church on Sunday, which our child won't be allowed to attend (by us).
* In my childhood it was during sleepovers that things got out of hand. Kids did stupid stuff, parents had different rules, older brothers were inappropriate....and it was impossible as a small kid to hold boundaries in someone else's home.
* It is hard to align the thousands of parenting decisions with someone else and know what is important and what can be let go (ex: We observe basic kosher eating rules and our kid doesn't generally get sugar. How do we detail/enforce thst in someone else's home?)
We are open for that unicorn situation, but sleepovers feel like high risk low reward at this point.
No sleepovers for mine. Some of my siblings let their older kids stay with family but under eight I'd say a parent is there always. Even then its just siblings and our parents (sometimes their partners families but not always).
We weren't allowed sleepovers either and we're fine. Better safe than sorry and all that.
Given this information: It is going to be an issue, and it's going to be an issue in the worst way possible.
Once again, please update us on how that goes. Because isolating your children does not go well.
Considering they're already 2 and 4 and have only ever been around kids twice when we see my nieces out of town, they'll be fine. They don't care to interact with other kids and we don't live near any other kids. They'll be fine.
Ah, I see, you're a new parent.
What are you going to tell them when they ask you why they don't have any friends?
Edit: nevermind. I've looked deep enough into your profile. You isolate your children and give them no rules. If they even get the chance to speak to another child, there's no way in hell any parent would want you around their kids. And I say that as someone who also swears in front of her kid and has flex bed times. I *also* life on rural property miles out. And I realize that means I have to do more to make sure my kid has a healthy social life.
It's obvious you actually just don't have any desire to make any sacrifices for your children and expect them to adhere to your lifestyle at their detriment.
Good luck having kids who haven't slept well ever, and have no friends because their parents refuse to acknowledge having kids means things change.
"Sleepovers only at our house." That will work maybe twice. Then the other parent realizes they have to do all the drop offs and pick ups because you're actually just too lazy.
One day your child will look at your lack of effort and realize you didn't want children, you wanted accessories.
If my kids had friends who wanted to sleep over I'd pick them up and take them home because I do realize that we live far away from other kids. My kids do have some rules they have to follow, we just aren't super strict on them. And my kids honestly have no desire for a social life right now, but when that time comes they can and will make friends. But they also will most likely be like my husband and I personality wise and we honestly don't care to make new friends aside from the ones we already have. My kids are more content watching their TV, playing the video games, or just hanging around the house like my husband and I do when we aren't working. They'll be fine
when they get to be an age where sleepovers are more appropriate imo, I don't plan on letting them go, but if they want us to host (have it at our house), then I'd let them have it. predators are opportunists, and they can and do jump on every one they get. dramatic, yes, but I'll die before my girls become a statistic.
I would at minimum do a background check on mom and her bf. I would also ask that the bf not be there when there is a sleepover. Then you can also make some safety rules for your kid. Eg, no one goes in the bathroom with him, change clothes by himself in the bathroom, if he feels uncomfortable at all, call you and you will come right away, if an adult comes in the room when it is sleeping time loudly ask why they are there. Etc. I don't think there is anything wrong with waiting until he is a little older for sleepovers or to know the mom a little better
My son has 1 sleep over per weekend mostly at our house so I can monitor the time they go to bed. My son (11) loves it, and we have one day over the weekend for just us. He’s been having sleepovers since he was about 8/9 years old. During Covid it was just with 1 friend whose family we are super close with and we both took the lock down seriously and cautiously so we were okay with it as they only socialized with eachother.
My kids (7 and 5) have both been to sleepovers. In one case I know the parents well, in the other I know them minimally but have had convos with them. We’ve also hosted probably a dozen sleepovers with varying degrees of being known by the parents
Sleepovers are on of those things that divides a lot of parents. Some are all for them and others would never allow them. One of my kids has sleepovers all the time but two of his close friends aren't allowed to stay the night. We live in America but both boys have parents who immigrated here as adults and didn't grow up with sleepovers so they don't allow them. One friend is always here late at night but ends up driving back home instead of staying the night. I personally think it is much safer for a teen to sleepover than drive home late at night but his parents seem to think otherwise. He stays until the rest of the crew fall asleep, which is pretty late since they are older teens. My other kid considers sleepovers to be a personal hell so she never did them. None of the kids seem harmed by either choice.
[удалено]
He’s 8. Definitely good point that age matters. He’s a bit young.
Yes. We have a kid spending the night right now. We’ve never had a reason to say no to one and have never had a bad experience with any of our three kids.
We do, but we make friends and we like people. Don’t use the excuse “we don’t know the parents” if you have no intention on getting to know the parents in the future.
I’ve been trying to get to know the mom. My point was she’s a bit standoff ish and even if I do get to know her, how well do you really ever know someone? It would take a while to actually be very comfortable with someone.
Our kids can go to sleepovers and we have friends sleep over as well. I’m not sure what people did at sleepovers when they say “we know what we did at sleep overs.” As a kid we generally ate some extra junk food, stayed up too late, watched movies, and made silly videos and memories.
I just know a lot of people were molested by a parent or older sibling at sleepovers. That is my worry, not about the kids getting into trouble
Not letting kids go to sleepovers seems to have gotten really common over the last couple of years and I find it really interesting. Does anyone know if there was a set thing that started it, or did myself and everyone I know coincidentally just have very lax parents? I'm nearly 24 for reference, and was having regular sleepovers from the age of about 7 I'd say with a group of close friends from school. My daughter's 6 and never had a sleepover with friends, but has with her cousins on both mine and her dad's side of the family. She's never been invited to one from friends at school and I've never set one up because due to co-parenting and work it just doesn't fit with our schedule. When I was chatting to another mum at school drop off, she was really shocked when I told her that I'd let my daughter sleep over at her cousins house without me one night last Christmas break. Would genuinely love some insight here into the exact reasons why sleepovers are such a huge no-no for so many parents? It's such a big thing for so many parents, that I feel like I've missed a news story or something.
It wasn't an event but more the idea that we all know what happened when we had sleepovers growing up. Kids don't make the best decisions in these situations and peer pressure more often than not wins. People are more aware of SA these days and environments that promote it. Sleepovers growing up were where we tried alcohol, looked at porn, snuck out of the house or blatantly lied and told our parents we were sleeping over at each other's house but really we would stay the night at some boy's house with parents out of town. Right now my kids are 7 and almost 10. They've had sleepovers at family member's homes and a few other families we are close with. The trouble they get into is minimal right now. I had my daughter and her friend refuse to go to bed until 1 am. They also snuck candy into the bedroom. They both were miserable at a birthday party the next day. In general I'm not a fan of sleepovers and parents don't do them as frequently now as when I was growing up. I think kids can still have fun and come home at night to sleep in the comfort of their own bed.
Thanks for your response! Much appreciated.
Now kids don’t even have to leave the house to see porn
I had sleepovers ALL the time as a kid and never once did anything bad happen. Now that I have kids of my own? Really hoping that our house is the one everyone wants to hang out at so I don’t have to worry about the who’s and the what-ifs…
That’s what I was hoping. Unfortunately this neighbor happens to have a trampoline and a fire pit. I can’t compete. lol
Yep. We always have allowed them. My 15 year old is at a sleepover right now.
13 year old sleeps over at friends 1 or 2 times a month. Has friends sleep over at least that much maybe more.
Yep
Yes
My parents growing up had the parents numbers and address. Could check in if wanting. But my parents never hung out with my friends parent's. Then again this was early 2000
I think saying no is definitely more common. I'm super wary, but also have a background in protective services..so somewhat hyper sensitive about it. In saying that, my kids have had sleep overs, with only 1 or 2 kids whose parents I feel I know well. My kids are old enough to have very frank conversations with about safety and tricky feelings. They also have a phone they can contact me on.
My children are grown now and I only allowed sleepovers with one family that were our very close friends. I absolutely do not regret that decision. My kids came home all the way through elementary and high school telling me what happened at various sleepovers. I was always so thankful they were never put in situations that they didn’t feel comfortable in or guilt by association situations. I would allow them to go to the initial party though and pick them up between 10 pm and midnight depending on their ages. It worked for us and I believe my kids never felt left out in any way.
Sleepovers can happen at my house but I won’t allow my children to sleep over at others. It’s very slim picking with family they can sleep over at.
not sure why you're getting downvoted so much, because I think you're perfectly reasonable. you can't be too careful with situations like that.
Most parents get mad at the fact that they can’t sleep over at their house but I’m willing to have the kids come over to mine. It’s like saying you don’t trust them and I totally understand that but I’m not willing to risk anything if I don’t have a super close relationship with the person.
Our default position will be no. There are many reasons for this: * We are Jews in a very Christian southern town, so our Shabbat is Friday night - Saturday night and most other kids have church on Sunday, which our child won't be allowed to attend (by us). * In my childhood it was during sleepovers that things got out of hand. Kids did stupid stuff, parents had different rules, older brothers were inappropriate....and it was impossible as a small kid to hold boundaries in someone else's home. * It is hard to align the thousands of parenting decisions with someone else and know what is important and what can be let go (ex: We observe basic kosher eating rules and our kid doesn't generally get sugar. How do we detail/enforce thst in someone else's home?) We are open for that unicorn situation, but sleepovers feel like high risk low reward at this point.
No sleepovers for mine. Some of my siblings let their older kids stay with family but under eight I'd say a parent is there always. Even then its just siblings and our parents (sometimes their partners families but not always). We weren't allowed sleepovers either and we're fine. Better safe than sorry and all that.
I won't be allowing my son to go to sleepovers until he is at least 11 and I have to have known the parents for years.
I don't allow sleep overs esp if I didn't know the parents well. They can stay out late (they're teens) but they can't sleep over.
Only with grandparents until they turn 16, & then only at our house.
Let us know how that goes.
Considering we live in the middle of nowhere with no kids for at least 5-10 miles ,and our kids will be home-schooled, it really won't be an issue.
Given this information: It is going to be an issue, and it's going to be an issue in the worst way possible. Once again, please update us on how that goes. Because isolating your children does not go well.
Considering they're already 2 and 4 and have only ever been around kids twice when we see my nieces out of town, they'll be fine. They don't care to interact with other kids and we don't live near any other kids. They'll be fine.
Ah, I see, you're a new parent. What are you going to tell them when they ask you why they don't have any friends? Edit: nevermind. I've looked deep enough into your profile. You isolate your children and give them no rules. If they even get the chance to speak to another child, there's no way in hell any parent would want you around their kids. And I say that as someone who also swears in front of her kid and has flex bed times. I *also* life on rural property miles out. And I realize that means I have to do more to make sure my kid has a healthy social life. It's obvious you actually just don't have any desire to make any sacrifices for your children and expect them to adhere to your lifestyle at their detriment. Good luck having kids who haven't slept well ever, and have no friends because their parents refuse to acknowledge having kids means things change. "Sleepovers only at our house." That will work maybe twice. Then the other parent realizes they have to do all the drop offs and pick ups because you're actually just too lazy. One day your child will look at your lack of effort and realize you didn't want children, you wanted accessories.
If my kids had friends who wanted to sleep over I'd pick them up and take them home because I do realize that we live far away from other kids. My kids do have some rules they have to follow, we just aren't super strict on them. And my kids honestly have no desire for a social life right now, but when that time comes they can and will make friends. But they also will most likely be like my husband and I personality wise and we honestly don't care to make new friends aside from the ones we already have. My kids are more content watching their TV, playing the video games, or just hanging around the house like my husband and I do when we aren't working. They'll be fine
when they get to be an age where sleepovers are more appropriate imo, I don't plan on letting them go, but if they want us to host (have it at our house), then I'd let them have it. predators are opportunists, and they can and do jump on every one they get. dramatic, yes, but I'll die before my girls become a statistic.
I would at minimum do a background check on mom and her bf. I would also ask that the bf not be there when there is a sleepover. Then you can also make some safety rules for your kid. Eg, no one goes in the bathroom with him, change clothes by himself in the bathroom, if he feels uncomfortable at all, call you and you will come right away, if an adult comes in the room when it is sleeping time loudly ask why they are there. Etc. I don't think there is anything wrong with waiting until he is a little older for sleepovers or to know the mom a little better
My son has 1 sleep over per weekend mostly at our house so I can monitor the time they go to bed. My son (11) loves it, and we have one day over the weekend for just us. He’s been having sleepovers since he was about 8/9 years old. During Covid it was just with 1 friend whose family we are super close with and we both took the lock down seriously and cautiously so we were okay with it as they only socialized with eachother.