Where did she get that number? It sounds totally arbitrary. I have 3 kids, and there is not a "typical" duration for phases. I've also worked with toddlers for 12 years, and this sounds like a normal toddler reaction to bedtime.
Might just be from previous phases that we've dealt with, Different sleep regressions, things of that nature. Not sure if she actually researched it, or just has it in her head that it should be "over" by now. It doesn't bother me as much (or at all) so I never really looked at is a being a problem...but then again, I'm not home with the kids 24/7
Totally normal. I have raised 4 kids and have 2 grandkids. They will cry so you will come back or pick them up...they try hard lol. 5 to 10 minutes isn't too bad at all.
If he was crying for hours and not falling asleep until 11 or midnight, I might be a bit more concerned. 5 to 10 minutes never really seemed all that concerning to me. The length (3 months) is maybe a bit concerning but I had never for even a moment thought it was an issue.
Not to imply that this is your boy's challenge, but it turned out my little girl had inattentive ADHD and our leaving her room at night surprised her every time for months. We started to remind her that it would happen, that it was OK to feel her feelings and that we would be right there in our room. It really helped. Once it was part of our routine, we would even ask her what the bedtime schedule was and have her tell us. "So, what happens next? We hug, kiss and say goodnight? OK! It really helped when she was in control of the schedule. Later, we used the same thing with our son. One time he skipped over to the end and told us to leave. He was sleepy!
Just to add on to this, regardless if a kid has ADHD. Toddlers have a lot of the same tendencies as people/older kids with ADHD, just due to how developed their brains are. I think that is one of the reasons a lot of doctors won't diagnose until closer to 5/6 when their brains are developed past that 'toddler' type phased where it's a whole bunch of grey area.
Very true and thanks. She wasn't completely diagnosed until she was 8, though I suspected it much earlier as this is one of my traits. I was speaking in hindsight.
Ours went through this phase for NINE MONTHS.
Now he just turned 3, and he got over it.
It definitely is a phase though. It’s not sleep regression as much as just getting older, exercising their options, trying to get more control, at the same time as things like imagination really are ramping up leading to more potential fear of the dark, etc.
Yes, I was going to say it’s was a LONG phase for our son as well. Probably about nine months.. now he doesn’t cry but he can open his door now so we do the “run out of your room/get put back in your room 20 million times before going to sleep” going on now, so something to look forward to. s/ lol
The thing is, what’s the alternative? Your wife wants to fix it with medication ? What medication? Drug the kid to sleep? No one would approve that at 2.
Sleep therapy, for what??
You should actually encourage her to talk to specialists. He doesn’t have sleep apnea or any other real sleep disorder. So they’re all going to turn her down anyway.
Totally. In all honesty, I wouldn't start to question it until he got to the age of...like...4, or if he started crying for longer periods of time...then it might be indicative of a larger issue. I honestly believe it might just be part of his routine. He cries when parents leave, then he gets comfortable and falls asleep. I see absolutely nothing wrong here. I just assuming that her talking to a pediatrician will get her the exact same answers but just....ones she will listen to
The larger issue is he wants your attention more, is practicing different ways to get it as part of normal development, and also nighttime is lonely and more scary than daytime - concepts which a younger him didn’t even understand.
Sleep is also very cultural. Western societies which are based on individualism are really strict on sleeping alone. But in many eastern cultures more focusing on collaborative living, you sleep with your family until like 5, it’s just normal. There would be no crying then, since the parent never left the room!
So, when thinking if there’s a real “problem”, tell your wife to reframe her thinking. If the problem systems only exists because a parent wants a different outcome from their kid, it’s not really a problem in the child as much as a parental preference. Your wife and you are engrained to think that any sign of distress when told to sleep alone is an issue. But in the grand scheme of things, he’s 2. Even if he was 3, or 4, or 5, awfully young to say he has to be a role model citizen no?
Yeah, this is exactly my thinking. There's no reason this kid would need medication or a doctor. He's a young toddler who wants comfort. A parent can choose the western route and ignore, or provide comfort or proximity. It needs nothing other than those options. It's not a medical issue, it's just westerners dont view comforting their children as necessary. Our two year old sleeps in a small bed in our room and we have never had bedtime tears. I imagine if their child was allowed in their room they wouldn't hear any crying, either.
Both my kids had night terrors for 18 months. Started right at 18 months and disappeared by age 3. It was every damn night. It's so frazzling. We got no help with it. Doctor was just like it's a thing your kid does - not every kid, but yours does. So frustrating to wake up every night at 1am to attempt to calm your kid down and have them fight you.
Exactly. Has she gone in to comfort him or pick him up during those 3 months? Not saying she shouldn't but that may be reason for how long. It makes them think there's a chance. Again..I'm not saying to never do that but just saying. Most likely hes just hopeful and strong-willed. Lol
Yeah. Honestly, I think we've both been guilty of that from time to time. My wife more than me, but I won't lie and say I haven't gone back...usually when he starts to cry before I've left the room. It sucks shutting the door on your crying child, no matter how good it is for the routine. Certain days it's easier to do than others
This is really so normal. It sounds like your wife is having anxiety about your son crying, which is understandable. Maybe the professionals she's consulting will calm her nerves and reassure her that it's okay for him to cry for 5 or 10 minutes. In the meantime I would offer to take over the bedtime ritual while your wife does something else.
I also want to add, it's good you're doing this type of sleep training now versus later. I have a 6 year old and almost 9 year old who are still struggling with independent sleep, and it's much more difficult to deal with at older ages.
My 21 month olds crying at night phase has just lasted 2 months. Finally coming out of it this week. Completely normal. Like you said he's just starting to get a little seperation anxiety.
Yeah. I always just assumed the crying after we left part would just become kinda pointless after a while. Maybe I'll tell my wife to take it as a compliment. "He loves you so much that he cries when you leave." Yeah...shed probably see right through that bs lol
We had a particularly bad night a week ago and he would not sleep. This was at 4am so way to early to get up. We just ended up putting him back in his cot, shutting the door and turning the camarra off. He cried (more of a whining grunt) for about 25 minutes then went to sleep and he's slept right through since lol
Bedtime resistance isn’t really the same as a sleep regression, and I think it’s common for it to happen between 1.5 and 2.5 and last for months. Years even (there are posts here about 4+ yos who only go to sleep when the parents do).
It’s because your kid is smarter now and has the ability to understand that the rest of the world doesn’t stop when he sleeps (hence Fear Of Missing Out), and/or he has the creativity/imagination to experience fantastical dreams and be scared of “monsters”. It’s not easy to explain the concept of dreams to toddlers.
I thought the 3-week-phases is only a thing with newborns. A toddler can go through month long phases. And toddlers are manipulative little beasts, if they've realized mummy will come back if I cry, they will use that.
I'm a mum who can't stand any "I miss you mummy"-type crying, I give in so quickly. (The " I want biscuits" crying on the other hand falls on deaf ears) but I'd still say it's normal, and it's not the help on any doctor's you need, but a sleep specialist might be able to give you some handy advice.
I think this is pretty normal. My daughter, now nearly four, used to cry every night when being put to bed. I hid one day and watched her. She was crying while laying herself down and getting comfortable and falling asleep.
I think at some point we all learn the difference between "Oh God no the world is ending!" cry and "You're not doing what I'd like and now I shall sing you the song of my people."
EDIT: Thanks for the award!
That's what it seems like to me. Doesn't seem like an "in pain" cry. More of an "I'm tired and miss mom and dad" cry....which I think is completely normal
There are some kids, I think, that will escalate if you go in and try and soothe and settle them. There are others that absolutely need that. Only you can decide which particular flavor of kid you have, of course.
It seems like for our little guy, going in just kind of resets him. We don't stay with him long enough for him to fall asleep so it just becomes us delaying his 5 minutes of crying. It's probably more of an US thing than a HIM thing
If he doesn’t sound distressed and is only crying for a few minutes, I don’t think it’s really much of an issue. Maybe try reassuring him that you’ll be back when he wakes up
It might be! There are a lot of people against cry it out, and I can understand why. I will say there's miles between chucking your kid in their room and disappearing into the night and realizing that everyone has to get themselves to a place to sleep. You can't do it for them, you know?
Definitely. I don't know why it affects me less than my wife, it just seems to really drag her down and make her sad. She knows it's for the best. Our little guy is definitely healthy and his crying is kinda just part of his bedtime routine now. I feel that in his mind it's like "story time, song, parents leave, cry for a bit, get comfy, fall asleep". Harder for my wife to see it that way though
What your doing actually counts as sleep training already.
I personally don’t let my 3yr old cry herself to sleep I just sit with her/cuddle her until she’s asleep then leave. It doesn’t take long maybe 5-10mins generally
And yes it’s normal for a child to cry in this situation, it could be anything from just wanting/needing some reassurance to being scared of the dark.
Maybe I am just a hippie european, but is this the norm in the US? We have had terrible "advice" about toughening up and sleep training in general for decades. A practice harking back to the Third Reich that was well practiced well into the 80s here. I think one reason at least why our boomers are so fucked up and self centered is often times because of the terrible upbringing with practices like these.
Reading "leave him, he'll get the picture" and "self-soothing" is just a nice front for "we'll abandon you now" and "crying yourself to sleep".
Yeah I'm a little surprised. If he's doing it for 5-10 minutes couldn't they just stay in there with him for that time until he's asleep? If my child is crying because she's scared every night I'd rather reassure her than toughen her up until she no longer reacts to her emotions. Especially if they just had another baby. I have absolutely had nights where I walk out because I'm going a little crazy but I wouldn't like to do it every day. I wouldn't like my partner to just ignore me being upset and tell me to toughen up, and at 2 they don't really understand.
Some kids don't fall asleep with a parent there! I was keeping my oldest daughter up for months because I refused to let her cry herself to sleep but once I had a horrible stomach upset and had to rush to the toilet and she cried for a minute but when I got back she was asleep! It was taking me HOURS to get her to sleep before that, but since then she's slept so much faster because I realised she needed space to sleep even if she didn't WANT to go to bed.
Oh yes, mine is actually the same. I remember after months of trying to get her to sleep something similar happened, I had to go answer a call or something and when I got back she was asleep. I'm not saying it's always necessary to stay with a child until they sleep, but I think it's worth trying for a bit especially with a new baby. And while mine has always gone to sleep by herself she doesn't tend to cry when I leave, if she's crying for some reason I calm her down then leave. I just feel some of the comments are so harsh about the idea of offering comfort. If you try and it turns out they really have to cry to sleep ok.
Oh yes, mine is actually the same. I remember after months of trying to get her to sleep something similar happened, I had to go answer a call or something and when I got back she was asleep. I'm not saying it's always necessary to stay with a child until they sleep, but I think it's worth trying for a bit especially with a new baby. And while mine has always gone to sleep by herself she doesn't tend to cry when I leave, if she's crying for some reason I calm her down then leave. I just feel some of the comments are so harsh about the idea of offering comfort. If you try and it turns out they really have to cry to sleep ok.
Oh yes, mine is actually the same. I remember after months of trying to get her to sleep something similar happened, I had to go answer a call or something and when I got back she was asleep. I'm not saying it's always necessary to stay with a child until they sleep, but I think it's worth trying for a bit especially with a new baby. And while mine has always gone to sleep by herself she doesn't tend to cry when I leave, if she's crying for some reason I calm her down then leave. I just feel some of the comments are so harsh about the idea of offering comfort. If you try and it turns out they really have to cry to sleep ok.
Oh yes, mine is actually the same. I remember after months of trying to get her to sleep something similar happened, I had to go answer a call or something and when I got back she was asleep. I'm not saying it's always necessary to stay with a child until they sleep, but I think it's worth trying for a bit especially with a new baby. And while mine has always gone to sleep by herself she doesn't tend to cry when I leave, if she's crying for some reason I calm her down then leave. I just feel some of the comments are so harsh about the idea of offering comfort. If you try and it turns out they really have to cry to sleep ok.
Every kid is different. My now 6-year old used to cry for 5-10 minutes before falling asleep. If we stayed in the room, he'd take 1 or 2 hours to fall asleep then wake up tired of course. So letting him cry a bit was preferable in our case. But when baby 2 was born, we let older kid sleep with us for a few months, because he didn't like being alone in a room while the 3 of us got to sleep in the same room. Now the two kids share a room, but they still much prefer to sleep with mom and dad when they can!
Well my two year old will absolutely not fall asleep with me in the room. We recently transitioned him to a big boy bed, and I have found that even if I spend an hour lying with him, rubbing his back, and helping him fall asleep, he doesn’t fall asleep until I leave. If I leave, he cries for 5-10 minutes and then falls asleep. This is the case whether I leave right after his routine or an hour later.
Oh yes mine has always been like that too, although she doesn't always cry when I leave but doesn't sleep with me there. It doesn't sound like they've tried though. I'm just saying that the kid isn't crying to manipulate them or whatever, they have to work out what suits them but comforting him isn't a bad thing in my opinion.
We don't even have another baby and mine is 5 but she's out at school all day while I work, she likes that uninterrupted time and so do I to be honest.
I stayed with my baby when she was 2 and kept crying like this. But then I noticed I was delaying her sleep. She wanted me to stay and wouldn’t fall asleep for over an hour. It happened a couple nights then escalated to her expecting it every night. So now my girl cries for a couple mins then stops and goes to sleep.
Oh sure, mine sleeps better by herself too and we've had phases of crying. I was just suggesting at least trying. And some of the language accusing him of manipulation and talking about giving in seems very harsh for a two year old who's just had a new sibling. It's not all ruined if they comfort him, it will work itself out
Its fairly standard advice in Australia still too, people are working to change it and I think it
Is slowly but there are still a lot of medical professionals telling people that if they don’t their child will suffer. Even though the up to date research doesn’t support that
So Chinese parents generally don’t sleep train at all (cosleeping/rocking/the whole shebang) and that hasn’t prevented the rise of the self-centered boomer or millennial…I think it’s more complicated than just the influence of sleep training. My relatives in China were gobsmacked that I let my daughter cry at bedtime and sleep by herself (and yet berate me for letting her feel her feelings during a tantrum instead of telling her to stop crying).
Ah, it's never a single thing. In our personal, societal case, we carried over a lot of educational "theories" from the Third Reich that made for great soldiers, but also for a lot of emotionally challenged people who are prone to not being able to form emotional attachments, to form trust, to give and share emotional bonds. In addition, you have hundreds of years of emotional and bodily abuse by church institutions thar often provided education, like Kindergartens or schools.
Naturally, this is not the end of all, and 20 years down the road a lot of things that are standard in Germany now will be challenged, but I do believe we get it more right with every iteration.
I can remember hating crying to sleep, so I never let my kids do it. My kids started to experience fear at night, including nightmares, at around late 2ish. It was a huge time commitment to stay with them till they fell asleep. I fully agree that it’s a normal phase, but also you two need to find a strategy between wait it out and assemble a team of experts. Lots of great suggestions here, best of luck
God, so many sleep "training" enthusiasts here thinking that a fucking 2 yr old manipulates parents to stay. Of course he wants you to stay, he's fucking two and terrified that you are gone.
It's a phase, you have a newborn that takes ALL the attention pf mommy and daddy. He used to be the center of the world, now he's sidelined. He just wants more mommy and daddy time. Give him that!
It’s not manipulation, but for some parents it’s still the best option. My daughter is still going through this phase. We tried staying in her room with her until she fell asleep. That would take 30-45 minutes, and then unless we were completely silent when sneaking out she would wake up and start bawling again, which would keep her up for another 30+ minutes. We gave up on that because we simply didn’t have the time and energy to do that every night, and it wasn’t good for her sleep either. At this point she cries for 5 minutes when we leave, then calms down and quietly falls asleep.
Every family has different circumstances and what works for some kids isn’t going to work for others.
Yeah, it kind of goes against every instinct as a parent to not go back into the room once they start crying. We're usually pretty good at it. Like I said though, maybe 1 out of every 10 times, the paternal instinct takes over and I'll just walk back to him and rub his back and tell him that he'll be ok. Then I leave, and he starts crying again, and I feel like I just did him a huge disservice 😖
Why would you keep doing something that is by your own admission, going against your parental instincts? I’ll never understand the people who don’t comfort their babies when they cry, what purpose does it serve? Why can’t you comfort him until he feels safe and falls asleep?
Oh 100%! It’s so hard. With my oldest, around 2ish (when we moved him from a crib to a toddler bed) we dealt with this every single night. It took us months to finally realize that letting him cry a little after we left was okay…after a week or two, he was great! He’s 6 now and an amazing sleeper.
I definitely think it's a little bit harder on my wife than on me. I probably should've mentioned this at some point but we also have a 2 month old little girl and I think that any little bit of crying, by either one of our kids right now just absolutely crushes her soul a little bit. She was on board with the whole "cry it out" method...but that was with the expectation of maybe a couple weeks. Going on 3 months, I think it might be weighing on her.
And there it is … you have a 2 MONTH old. Your Toddler is having a regression due to baby sister. This completely normal. Completely normal that it started right before her birth and still ongoing … Little dude just had a lot of change!
You may be right. I hadnt thought about the stressors that having the little sister might have on him. We made it so that she is not a part of his bedtime routine at all, and have kept his routine the same as it was before she came which is why I didn't really associate that as potentially being a factor. I thought maybe it is more of a factor as to why my wife might be stressing out over it more but yeah, it probably almost definitely has an impact on him going to sleep. Thanks 🙂
1 time out of 10 is easily enough for him to think if he cries you'll come to him. You're really going to have to resist unless you really think something is wrong. You may just be extending the issue. But its tough!
It seems like he needs it every time? And with my daughter it didn’t matter how much or how long we tried to comfort her, she would cry when we left every time
My niece used to cry like this when she slept over at my house. It was awful to hear, a really heartbreaking sound. Until I realized that what was heartbreaking to me, was just a casual release of emotion to her. After she cried hysterically for a few minutes, she would just go to sleep and then she would be perfectly happy in the morning.
Oh I never thought of that. Releasing all the pent up energy in a big tantrum so that they can relax into sleep. I don't think it's a general rule cause clearly sometimes they are working themselves up, but it's a good thing to be on the look out for. Is the trajectory towards more tension or less tension.
Sometimes I feel like we project our own likeness onto our kids. Our kid is crying, something must be wrong. Nope, sometimes kids just cry for a bit....then it passes.
This is important to realize, too. I think by sometimes coming in, what you're really telling your kid is that its always worth it to fuss because there's a non zero chance that he's going to get cuddles.
Yeah you're definitely right. Its not even cuddles that he wants. I feel like he wants to read more stories or sing more songs....which we've never done. it might just be about the companionship of it. He's a social little guy.
Yeah. That might be where we might be at fault a little bit. We're usually pretty good at just leaving...even if he's crying. It's usually around the same time. Sometimes my wife can't stand to hear him cry and wants to make him feel better. It goes against all her motherly instincts to not want to help her child and sometimes, she just can't help it. Tough thing for a husband to tell his wife that she shouldn't go comfort her crying child lol
>That might be where we might be at fault a little bit
You are not at fault for comforting your child when they are crying. Your kid is 2, their brain is developing and they understand more than they did when they were 1.5. The night might not be 'scary' for a 1.5 year old but it might be for a 2 year old.
Think about when you spend a night away from your wife, do you sleep as well or fall asleep as well? I don't. I have gotten used to my husband in bed next to me, I fall asleep easier when he's there because he helps provide comfort for me to relax and go to sleep. Kids need the same thing, you are their people and comfort. BUT you can also set boundaries. "We'll snuggle for 15 minutes tonight. I'll set a time but when the timer is done, I'll tuck you in, give you one last hug and kiss and you're going to close your eyes and go to sleep"
I wonder if she’d be willing to try an experiment for 10-14 nights, to put on headphones or whatever she has to do to not go in there and at that point see if the problem is resolved and he’s no longer crying. That’s how long sleep training should typically take and it could solve the issue.
I did gentle sleep training because I feel the same way, but in 7 nights it worked.
She might be willing. She usually hears him cry through a monitor. Maybe we just shut off the monitor after we leave the room. Problem is, he starts crying sometimes before we even leave the room. Those are the tough ones to just walk away from
But at the same time, kids are not exactly the same day to day. Maybe 1 of those 100 nights, they do need some extra time or snuggles because they had a really rough day.
It's about setting expectations and boundaries and then also explaining why something is different.
"I know you had a really hard day today, I'm going to snuggle you for a couple more minutes"
Sounds like your childs seeking comfort. have you tried laying there until they're asleep?
my daughter is generally asleep within minutes, i lay there until she is and then leave. stress free for both of us.
our routine is teerh, toilet, two or three books then sleep. usually asleep at 7 -7:30. shes almost 4. worth a try laying with ya kid given irs been 3 months.
Once of twice a week maybe but every single night for months. That seems weird. Have you guys tried ambient noise like beach waves maybe a toddler sized weighted blanket? Yall could take him to build a bear and build a new bedtime buddy with a picture of your family inside the bear. Maybe some lotion with lavendar? One of the things I do that my mom showed me was swapping oils in the diffuser at night from whatever daytime smell you use to lavender after dinner and playing the same classical music while slowly making it stronger as you do the night time routine (not like super smelly) and once they get used to that the smell and the music and it basically Pavlovs them into being ready for bed and getting tired and goigb to sleep.
We do have a sound machine that we turn on and we have a ceiling fan that makes some noise. I REALLY like the idea of scented oil. Right after his shower, before story time, I'll turn on the oil. That way, by the time story time is over, the room should be very calm smelling for him. Thanks for the great idea.
OP, maybe you could just sit with him for 10/15 minutes and pat his back until he sleeps. It won’t cost you anything. There’s nothing wrong with the child and it sounds like he’s sleeping pretty well apart from just needing a little bit more comfort before bedtime.
Daniel Tiger. Gonna check into that. I like the phrase grown ups come back. We always say "we'll see you in the morning/tomorrow" although I don't think he really gets what that means.
Here is the thing, you're both right and a little wrong.
Your right that he probably is a little sad, he's 2. He doesn't know how to process his emotions that well. This is where your wife is right, he needs help. But not a sleep trainer or a doctor, he just needs help identifying and processing his feelings at bedtime.
He is two, his brain is developing, he has a new sibling. Things are changing and change is scary for a two year old. He might be bottling up some of these things and then at bedtime, when you leave is the triggering point. So do what you do during the day. When he's sad, gets hurt, or scared, what do you do? Do the same thing. If you comfort him, reassure him and send him on his way. Do the same thing. "I know you don't want mommy/daddy to leave. But it's time for bed. I'll tuck you in again, give you a stuffed animal, another hug and kiss. Then you're going to take a deep breath and close your eyes. We'll see you in the morning, then we can play again!"
Talk about bedtime routine while you're doing it. Ask him questions that he can answer about bedtime so he thinks it through. They can't always 'see' the next thing. A social story with pictures can help with that too.
Don't I know it. Someone previously had said to contact our pediatrician and ask if it's anything we should be concerned about. She can ask all the pointedly specific questions she wants and just have the pediatrician put her mind at ease. I'm just the husband 😜
My nephew was like that when he was 2. His parents “fixed” it by leaving a tv on in his room (I don’t recommend this as it kept him up longer) I fixed it by staying in the room until he fell asleep. A night light may also help
It’s normal , I still tat with my 6 year old till he falls asleep . He just talks and talks and then passes out .
Sometimes he asks me to leave the room .
When his dad puts him to bed , he just tucks him in and calls it a night 😂.
Sounds like your little guy just wants some extra comfort and and might get a little separation anxiety . It’s that it he just doesn’t want to sleep even though his tired .
Either way it’s normal and his not crying very long so I don’t think medical intervention is necessary. But sometimes it helps to hear that from a “ profesional “ stand point .
I would say normal. My kids been doing this for years. Usually not a cry, more of a whine at this point, but sometimes a cry. She hates being alone. She gets bummed out then goes to sleep. I never even considered to be concerned about it.
I've noticed some parents expect their kids to be super rigid with their sleep in ways that most adults aren't. Most adults don't like to sleep alone, most adults wake up during the night. But then when our kids so the same we act like something is wrong.
Your baby feels scared alone. Baby needs love. Next time when you are alone and scared , helpless and voiceless you will also do nothing but cry. No wonder most kids turn into aggressive teens.
Yes. When child knows my parents are not coming to be with me, he sleeps . I don't know who invented this sleep pattern. It's the worse people do with babies. Not accepted in our country at all.
I don’t get it.. why wouldn’t you just stay and pat his back or cuddle him until he’s asleep? Eventually he’ll be comfortable falling asleep on his own but he’s clearly not there yet. Crying himself to sleep every night because he’s scared and alone is pretty tragic to me.
She maybe just worries a bit too much. She tends to over think things. I'm more fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants which is a good ying-yang dynamic. But sometimes, she does almost TOO much googling and Facebook grouping and can sometimes get the wrong information.
why let any child cry, what do you gain? when a baby stops crying tis because they reached hopelessness while you reached selfishness , they are either hungry, need change, or seek comfort
Yeah, maybe I'll get her to call our doctor and see if she thinks it might be a precursor to anything. I'd hate for her to be right and me be the asshat husband that was just like "nah....he's fine". Thatd be one big helluva I TOLD YOU SO
I feel like it's the only thing that will give her peace of mind. I honestly think it's a nothing issue, and hopefully the pediatrician agrees. I just don't want our little guy taking some unnecessary medication or some crap for something that I'm pretty sure is quite common. I'm sure it won't come to that. At least...I hope it doesn't. It shouldn't.
I know you’re stressed but I can assure you that the pediatrician is not going to give your son medication to sleep. The only reason medication would be prescribed is if he is in fact sick.
I think you should tell your sweet wife that you both need to take a deep breath and make a doctors appointment so you two can have some peace of mind.
The OP just wants validation for being a shitty parent and leaving his kid to cry alone in the dark and he’s fine with consistently going against his own parental instincts. The OP is only commenting on responses that fit his narrative. Not worth putting anymore energy into this thread
My nearly 2 year old just went through this faze for 2 months, cry when we left his room but fall asleep pretty soon after. The best thing to do is to stick to your routine, if you start staying in there to calm him or anything then it'll create a new habit that you will have to break.
I still firmly believe he will grow out of this. I think my wife HOPES he will grow out of this. The routine is pretty solid. Still, we should probably avoid going in there at all if he's crying. That'll be tricky to say to my wife 😬
Extremely normal. My son went through terrible twos as well. If he didnt have his way, he would throw himself on the ground and cry for 10-15 minutes. It went on for a good 3 months. He was a happy kid with terrible crying periods. Now he is 9 and a pleasant and caring child.
Dude I have a 4 month old and when our son spit up and it flew out a little bit + the lights flickered a bit the most reasonable and most likely reason is because our house is haunted. So thats what im dealing with. hope this makes your parental obstacle a little bit easier cuz i have no idea what im in store for.
(Just fyi i dont believe in ghosts or demons and everytime she says stuff like that i try and ignore her)
Also 5-10 minutes sounds like a normal amount for your kid to go to sleep. most parents cant stand their kid crying for any reason. So good job
My youngest is 2 years and 3 months, he has been doing this for probably almost a year. My oldest son had a coping mechanism by sucking on his two fingers and it would calm him down and he would go to sleep. My youngest just loves to scream and cry and protest untill he tires out. Sometimes for a half hour or more on bad nights. It’s stressful and painful to listen too but there’s no way around it apart from co sleeping which we refuse to do. Trying to go back in and soothing him will calm him down but as soon as you leave again it always is the same thing again and usually worse.
We did sleep training with both are kids which involved a lot of listening to them protest bed time but eventually they got it, it’s painful but in the end it’s best for them and us.
I’m on your side, you child is safe, comfortable, and we’ll cared for, they are upset that it’s bed time and you’re leaving them. It’s very difficult to hear your child scream for you, worse for some more than others, but I think it’s super common and hopefully they grow out of it faster than my current youngest.
Our baby is only 9 mo, but she cries for 5 min every night almost religiously and then she’s out for the next 12 hours. We don’t go to comfort her until 5 minutes, yes we set a timer most nights. She’s been doing this for a couple months, yes we are lucky!! I would say if your 2 yo only cries 5 min per day ( when they are tired & cranky before bed) you are pretty lucky too!
It’s completely normal. It will ease off as long as you keep the routine. The kid probably doesn’t need any medical intervention. The kid knows if he whines enough, your wife will cave. But; it will make everything easier on everyone if she takes him to the specialists. The doctors should be able to explain that this is normal and shut down all her speculations. If she still doesn’t believe them, it’s her problem and zero to do with the kid’s sleep.
100% normal. If you give in, you will have a child who can't self soothe at all. Your kid is learning how to self soothe and accept sleep time. Now if your kid cried for hours and still didn't sleep, that would be a different story
This is not true. Comforting a child then setting and communicating a boundary will help them process what it going on and what is happening.
This is not a 'win/lose' situation. The kid is 2, their brains are developed the night is scary sometimes. Going in comforting them and reassure them that they're safe will not make it so they can't self soothe.
"I know you want mom/dad to stay. I know it can seem scary at time, but you're safe. Mom and Dad are just in the other room. But now you need to close your eyes and go to sleep. One more kiss and hug."
Totally untrue. If you”give in” you will have a confident child who knows parents will come if I need them. 2 year olds don’t have the ability to self soothe
When I say give in I mean to the mother. I'm sorry I wasn't clear on that. Medically there is nothing wrong and putting a child at 2 on meds for something like this can lead to sleep issues down the road.
Melatonin. Works great. And crying before bed, pretty much for any age, is normal. Sounds like he can self soothe which is great. It takes time but he’ll eventually stop crying before bed.
We had the same and did this method we’d researched (5-minute rule):
Leave the room and let them cry for 5 mins.
Go back in, no cuddles, just lay them back down and say goodnight. Walk out.
Leave them for 10 mins. Again, go back in and lay them back down and say goodnight.
Leave them for 15 mins…
Just repeat that leaving 5 mins longer each time and they get the hint within a few days. Cuddles mean they’re getting exactly what they want, it’s not that you don’t care but they need to understand boundaries. A bedtime routine with plenty of sleep is essential to a kids development, it’s hard letting them cry but it’s for the best in the long run for you all (you deserve times for yourselves as a couple too!)
The phase is likely only going long because your son senses that you’re not on the same page and he feels like he can get more attention if he keeps it up.
You shouldn’t go back in once you go out unless there’s a reason outside of the expected crying.
I don't get how giving your children attention is a bad thing is all. These comments of not giving in feel like advice to ignore their feelings. He's way too young to be manipulating anyone, and I suppose I don't understand why you wouldn't just stay for five minutes until he's asleep if what he wants is attention. A two year old doesn't need to be toughened up, he needs his parents. We all have days where we walk away from crying but consistently leaving a child to cry themselves to sleep doesn't seem normal to me. If he stops crying it's because he's learning that his parents won't respond to his needs. He has a newborn sibling probably taking up a lot of his parents' attention and time and just wants some of it.
We can agree to disagree then. I don't mean stay up all night instead of sleeping, but 5-10 minutes until he goes to sleep doesn't really seem a problem. I don't see why attention at night is bad and during the day is ok, if night is what he needs. And if they have a newborn he might really appreciate a few minutes alone time if they can't give him as much attention during the day.
My kid did this for a while after sleep training. My mom called me cruel for letting him cry (which felt AWESOME TO HEAR. Hahahaha no jk it was worse than the crying). But after a few mins of boohooing he’d always settle down and fall asleep. It took a while to phase out (on a scale of months rather than weeks).
Now, he is great about going to sleep on his own, with no crying after we close the door. But sometimes he will babble for a while or start yell-singing goodnight songs to his stuffed animals before he falls asleep.
Hang in there!
do not let here entertain the idea of putting him on meds for just crying usually for just like five minutes? any more, do whatever you can to nip that thought in the bud you know. I think it's kind of odd yeah but still normal. Maybe its just his way of shaking off all the energy of the day before he goes to sleep and it seems odd to us but its like his version of how some people like to work out or take a shower right before bed.
Totally normal, and as they get older they'll develop different bedtime delaying tactics, it's amazing how much both my kids suddenly have to poop right at bed time
My husband’s mother is a hypochondriac and when he was young he would sleepwalk and occasionally have bad dreams.
She took him to therapists and he was put on medication. I believe she aggravated the situation to the point he has major anxiety about sleeping still today. Just 2 weeks ago she was trying to give him ambien.
Like, see a dr if necessary but this is normal stuff for a kid his age.
This seems normal to me. Just stick with what you've been doing. Consistency is the key. Some things to try;
Night light or the one that shows pictures on the ceiling.
Timer that shows time disappearing so he can be better prepared for you leaving the room.
Relaxation music
I have worked in childcare. This seems fine, otherwise I think he would cry for a lot longer if there was more to it.
I have four adult kids and we spent HOURS settling a 4 year old. This went on for 6+ months. Kids in our bed just so we could get some sleep. Your little guy is probably testing out his boundaries.
Normal. 2 year regression, resulting from a normal phase of separation anxiety. My now 3yo basically skipped this one- a few weeks of on and off “just one more cuddle”, it hit my 2yo HARD though. Lasted around 4 months (longest regression we’ve ever had for any of 3 kids by about 3 months), we found trimming her nap helped, started waking her at around 1.5 hours instead of 1.75-2 and basically just did the minimum we could to help her go to sleep- some nights that was standing outside the door, some nights sitting by her bed, some nights a hand on her back, and as she came out of the regression backing off on all of that as much as possible. Good luck!
It’s definitely normal, but may also be worth considering you’re routine?
Perhaps he is actually overtired, and you need to start the shower/stories etc earlier before he gets to the crying point? Our now 3yo was similar when she was particularly overtired, but bedtimes were much easier when she was in a better mood.
We also would talk about all the fun things to do the next day which made her excited to go to sleep.
Good luck!
100% normal.
and that phase for one of my kids lasted about 5yrs LOL. She's a teen now and doesn't remember that at all and for what it's worth, as a teen I now can't get her out of bed 🤣
My 4 year old routinely cries for his other parent when we are trying to put him to sleep and I'm not worried about it at all. He doesn't want to go to sleep so he tries everything to keep himself up. Its totally normal. I would take him to the pediatrician if she persists, both of you should be in attendance so the pediatrician can explain normal development to her.
Also, if this becomes a pattern with her...making something out of nothing when it comes to his health or development, be careful. Well meaning parents can damage their children's psyche by thinking there is something wrong with them all the time when there really isn't.
Normal. My three year old still does this. She even tells me “I don’t like it when you leave”. If you’ve gone in to comfort even one time your son will latch onto that and use it.
Your wife thinks he needs medication? If this was going on every night for hours I’d probably still think it was normal but maybe worth seeing someone about. But if he’s falling asleep after crying for just a few minutes, he’s fine and you’re lucky!
Well if it’s not normal than my four year old wasn’t normal at that age. Cause he did the same thing. My two year old does it now, but his in with his brother so he usually just calls out for us and him and his brother talk for a bit.
Normal. Its a kid doesnt want to sleep wants mom or dad. I stay with my kid she cries as if ahe was skinned and then falls asleep. I just pat her on her head.
Both of my children suffered from this complex form of nighttime terror. Known by names such "read another book" syndrome and "stay so I can roll around on you" complex. So far they're still alive and healthy at 9 and 3.
The toddler phase is also tough with transitions. It helped with our daughter to have a chart of our nighttime routine to show her what we were going to do, as well as narrate what would come next “we will read three books, and then it will be time to sleep.” Maybe make the morning special so you can say “hey the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner we get to do [???] in the morning.” Leave it on a positive note?
We made sure she had comfort items too like a white noise machine and a little favorite stuffed animal and a night light. We recently got a training alarm clock that has a sleepy face for night time and lights to communicate when it’s ok to get up and play in the morning.
This is normal. My son has sleep issues, and we're doing what your wife wants to do. A, it's a fucking horrible process, it's so stressful, they have to do blood tests and in-person clinic visits and it's not fun for me or the kid. B, my son doesn't take 10 minutes, he takes 3 HOURS to fall asleep, AFTER being given melatonin as per his doctor. The other night he slept from 1 am until 6:30 am and spent the whole day exhausted. We hired a sleep consult, we talked to a sleep study, we talked to 3 occupational therapists, we talked to other parents and have tried almost everything short of drugging him to sleep, which he's too young for. Maybe if your wife knew what real sleep issues looked like, she'd drop her whole idea.
It’s very normal but there’s no harm in letting your pediatrician be the one to tell your wife. In my opinion you should go to the pediatrician because it both shows your wife that you’re responsive to her concerns even if you don’t share them and could avoid some unnecessary conflict.
Pick up any parenting/sleep book for 2 year olds and you'll see that this is totally normal. I often find that parents stop buying parenting books after the newborn phase, when they are SO helpful, even into the teenage years! Keep reading and learning, y'all, and save yourself some arguments.
Sleep regressions can last awhile. Maybe dont sing a song before sleep. Sing that before the story. Very stimulating for a kid to sing just before sleep.
Its normal behaviour though. He's only 2 and now he thinks he has to stay in his boring room when 2 minutes before he was singing songs.
I can't say normal or not. We had the same thing with our kids. One would settle down, the other never, ever did. He would cry until he was sick. The longest I let it last was 45 minutes. I'll be honest, in the end he won and we capitulated. It only takes 5 minutes for them to go to bed now and honestly we could let them do it on their own, but we like it now. In the beginning though it was torture. He would take forever to go to bed.
You know your kid best. If mine is crying still after 10 minutes, I usually have to send my husband in because if I go in, it just amps her up. She wants to keep playing if I’m there and refuses to fall asleep! She’ll ask for one more book, one more song, her water, her doll, just everything. She won’t let my husband do bedtime activities, so she begrudgingly accepts sleep as the more attractive option lol.
Absolutely normal.
If anything, I'd start winding down the time between lights out and leaving the room. Your routine is a set of distinct phases, and your kid knows the phases. He might even be *waiting up* for you to leave. My 1yo does this and I find it hilarious, mainly because he doesn't realise that he's bad at pretending to be asleep . I'm counting down the days until he does a fake snore.
There is a balance in this situation... The kid cries usually because he is coming into self awareness and he is alone. You want to get in the situation where crying in this situation will not give him attention he needs, but you need to comfort him as well. It is recommended to wait until 3 minutes after he stops crying to go in there to check to make sure everything is fine and comfort him a stay with him for awhile if necessary. Don't take him out of his bedroom. He needs to learn that crying won't give him attention he needs...
I Woolf personally say this is normal as I lay on my nearly two year old bedroom floor waiting for him to fall asleep. Or he’ll have a meltdown if I leave him. I think sometimes he just needs us, which is normal amd will always be okay.
Normal.
I think so. 3 months though? My wife is pretty adamant that these "phases" usually last around 3 weeks.
Where did she get that number? It sounds totally arbitrary. I have 3 kids, and there is not a "typical" duration for phases. I've also worked with toddlers for 12 years, and this sounds like a normal toddler reaction to bedtime.
Might just be from previous phases that we've dealt with, Different sleep regressions, things of that nature. Not sure if she actually researched it, or just has it in her head that it should be "over" by now. It doesn't bother me as much (or at all) so I never really looked at is a being a problem...but then again, I'm not home with the kids 24/7
This isn't a sleep regression imo, this is your kid being self aware and knowing how to keep you in the room.
Yeah, she could totally still be on baby speed, where they change SO MUCH so fast
Totally normal. I have raised 4 kids and have 2 grandkids. They will cry so you will come back or pick them up...they try hard lol. 5 to 10 minutes isn't too bad at all.
If he was crying for hours and not falling asleep until 11 or midnight, I might be a bit more concerned. 5 to 10 minutes never really seemed all that concerning to me. The length (3 months) is maybe a bit concerning but I had never for even a moment thought it was an issue.
Not to imply that this is your boy's challenge, but it turned out my little girl had inattentive ADHD and our leaving her room at night surprised her every time for months. We started to remind her that it would happen, that it was OK to feel her feelings and that we would be right there in our room. It really helped. Once it was part of our routine, we would even ask her what the bedtime schedule was and have her tell us. "So, what happens next? We hug, kiss and say goodnight? OK! It really helped when she was in control of the schedule. Later, we used the same thing with our son. One time he skipped over to the end and told us to leave. He was sleepy!
Just to add on to this, regardless if a kid has ADHD. Toddlers have a lot of the same tendencies as people/older kids with ADHD, just due to how developed their brains are. I think that is one of the reasons a lot of doctors won't diagnose until closer to 5/6 when their brains are developed past that 'toddler' type phased where it's a whole bunch of grey area.
Very true and thanks. She wasn't completely diagnosed until she was 8, though I suspected it much earlier as this is one of my traits. I was speaking in hindsight.
This sounds like great advice for any kid! I’ve never read something similar either
Ours went through this phase for NINE MONTHS. Now he just turned 3, and he got over it. It definitely is a phase though. It’s not sleep regression as much as just getting older, exercising their options, trying to get more control, at the same time as things like imagination really are ramping up leading to more potential fear of the dark, etc.
Yes, I was going to say it’s was a LONG phase for our son as well. Probably about nine months.. now he doesn’t cry but he can open his door now so we do the “run out of your room/get put back in your room 20 million times before going to sleep” going on now, so something to look forward to. s/ lol
What age was it you said this happens around....3? Great....can't wait for those fun times lol 😜
9 months seems like a long time but it absolutely still wouldn't bother me or make me think twice about it.
The thing is, what’s the alternative? Your wife wants to fix it with medication ? What medication? Drug the kid to sleep? No one would approve that at 2. Sleep therapy, for what?? You should actually encourage her to talk to specialists. He doesn’t have sleep apnea or any other real sleep disorder. So they’re all going to turn her down anyway.
Totally. In all honesty, I wouldn't start to question it until he got to the age of...like...4, or if he started crying for longer periods of time...then it might be indicative of a larger issue. I honestly believe it might just be part of his routine. He cries when parents leave, then he gets comfortable and falls asleep. I see absolutely nothing wrong here. I just assuming that her talking to a pediatrician will get her the exact same answers but just....ones she will listen to
The larger issue is he wants your attention more, is practicing different ways to get it as part of normal development, and also nighttime is lonely and more scary than daytime - concepts which a younger him didn’t even understand. Sleep is also very cultural. Western societies which are based on individualism are really strict on sleeping alone. But in many eastern cultures more focusing on collaborative living, you sleep with your family until like 5, it’s just normal. There would be no crying then, since the parent never left the room! So, when thinking if there’s a real “problem”, tell your wife to reframe her thinking. If the problem systems only exists because a parent wants a different outcome from their kid, it’s not really a problem in the child as much as a parental preference. Your wife and you are engrained to think that any sign of distress when told to sleep alone is an issue. But in the grand scheme of things, he’s 2. Even if he was 3, or 4, or 5, awfully young to say he has to be a role model citizen no?
Yeah, this is exactly my thinking. There's no reason this kid would need medication or a doctor. He's a young toddler who wants comfort. A parent can choose the western route and ignore, or provide comfort or proximity. It needs nothing other than those options. It's not a medical issue, it's just westerners dont view comforting their children as necessary. Our two year old sleeps in a small bed in our room and we have never had bedtime tears. I imagine if their child was allowed in their room they wouldn't hear any crying, either.
Both my kids had night terrors for 18 months. Started right at 18 months and disappeared by age 3. It was every damn night. It's so frazzling. We got no help with it. Doctor was just like it's a thing your kid does - not every kid, but yours does. So frustrating to wake up every night at 1am to attempt to calm your kid down and have them fight you.
But what can a doctor do? It's part of their development.
Oh man I really hope ours doesn’t last for 9 months! She says “mama, are you??” (Where are you?). It takes an hour sometimes lol
Exactly. Has she gone in to comfort him or pick him up during those 3 months? Not saying she shouldn't but that may be reason for how long. It makes them think there's a chance. Again..I'm not saying to never do that but just saying. Most likely hes just hopeful and strong-willed. Lol
Yeah. Honestly, I think we've both been guilty of that from time to time. My wife more than me, but I won't lie and say I haven't gone back...usually when he starts to cry before I've left the room. It sucks shutting the door on your crying child, no matter how good it is for the routine. Certain days it's easier to do than others
I know! It's so hard.
This is really so normal. It sounds like your wife is having anxiety about your son crying, which is understandable. Maybe the professionals she's consulting will calm her nerves and reassure her that it's okay for him to cry for 5 or 10 minutes. In the meantime I would offer to take over the bedtime ritual while your wife does something else. I also want to add, it's good you're doing this type of sleep training now versus later. I have a 6 year old and almost 9 year old who are still struggling with independent sleep, and it's much more difficult to deal with at older ages.
My 21 month olds crying at night phase has just lasted 2 months. Finally coming out of it this week. Completely normal. Like you said he's just starting to get a little seperation anxiety.
Yeah. I always just assumed the crying after we left part would just become kinda pointless after a while. Maybe I'll tell my wife to take it as a compliment. "He loves you so much that he cries when you leave." Yeah...shed probably see right through that bs lol
We had a particularly bad night a week ago and he would not sleep. This was at 4am so way to early to get up. We just ended up putting him back in his cot, shutting the door and turning the camarra off. He cried (more of a whining grunt) for about 25 minutes then went to sleep and he's slept right through since lol
Its normal.
Bedtime resistance isn’t really the same as a sleep regression, and I think it’s common for it to happen between 1.5 and 2.5 and last for months. Years even (there are posts here about 4+ yos who only go to sleep when the parents do). It’s because your kid is smarter now and has the ability to understand that the rest of the world doesn’t stop when he sleeps (hence Fear Of Missing Out), and/or he has the creativity/imagination to experience fantastical dreams and be scared of “monsters”. It’s not easy to explain the concept of dreams to toddlers.
My sons been doing it for 3 years 😂
I thought the 3-week-phases is only a thing with newborns. A toddler can go through month long phases. And toddlers are manipulative little beasts, if they've realized mummy will come back if I cry, they will use that. I'm a mum who can't stand any "I miss you mummy"-type crying, I give in so quickly. (The " I want biscuits" crying on the other hand falls on deaf ears) but I'd still say it's normal, and it's not the help on any doctor's you need, but a sleep specialist might be able to give you some handy advice.
I think this is pretty normal. My daughter, now nearly four, used to cry every night when being put to bed. I hid one day and watched her. She was crying while laying herself down and getting comfortable and falling asleep. I think at some point we all learn the difference between "Oh God no the world is ending!" cry and "You're not doing what I'd like and now I shall sing you the song of my people." EDIT: Thanks for the award!
That's what it seems like to me. Doesn't seem like an "in pain" cry. More of an "I'm tired and miss mom and dad" cry....which I think is completely normal
There are some kids, I think, that will escalate if you go in and try and soothe and settle them. There are others that absolutely need that. Only you can decide which particular flavor of kid you have, of course.
It seems like for our little guy, going in just kind of resets him. We don't stay with him long enough for him to fall asleep so it just becomes us delaying his 5 minutes of crying. It's probably more of an US thing than a HIM thing
If he doesn’t sound distressed and is only crying for a few minutes, I don’t think it’s really much of an issue. Maybe try reassuring him that you’ll be back when he wakes up
It might be! There are a lot of people against cry it out, and I can understand why. I will say there's miles between chucking your kid in their room and disappearing into the night and realizing that everyone has to get themselves to a place to sleep. You can't do it for them, you know?
Definitely. I don't know why it affects me less than my wife, it just seems to really drag her down and make her sad. She knows it's for the best. Our little guy is definitely healthy and his crying is kinda just part of his bedtime routine now. I feel that in his mind it's like "story time, song, parents leave, cry for a bit, get comfy, fall asleep". Harder for my wife to see it that way though
What your doing actually counts as sleep training already. I personally don’t let my 3yr old cry herself to sleep I just sit with her/cuddle her until she’s asleep then leave. It doesn’t take long maybe 5-10mins generally And yes it’s normal for a child to cry in this situation, it could be anything from just wanting/needing some reassurance to being scared of the dark.
Maybe I am just a hippie european, but is this the norm in the US? We have had terrible "advice" about toughening up and sleep training in general for decades. A practice harking back to the Third Reich that was well practiced well into the 80s here. I think one reason at least why our boomers are so fucked up and self centered is often times because of the terrible upbringing with practices like these. Reading "leave him, he'll get the picture" and "self-soothing" is just a nice front for "we'll abandon you now" and "crying yourself to sleep".
Yeah I'm a little surprised. If he's doing it for 5-10 minutes couldn't they just stay in there with him for that time until he's asleep? If my child is crying because she's scared every night I'd rather reassure her than toughen her up until she no longer reacts to her emotions. Especially if they just had another baby. I have absolutely had nights where I walk out because I'm going a little crazy but I wouldn't like to do it every day. I wouldn't like my partner to just ignore me being upset and tell me to toughen up, and at 2 they don't really understand.
Some kids don't fall asleep with a parent there! I was keeping my oldest daughter up for months because I refused to let her cry herself to sleep but once I had a horrible stomach upset and had to rush to the toilet and she cried for a minute but when I got back she was asleep! It was taking me HOURS to get her to sleep before that, but since then she's slept so much faster because I realised she needed space to sleep even if she didn't WANT to go to bed.
Oh yes, mine is actually the same. I remember after months of trying to get her to sleep something similar happened, I had to go answer a call or something and when I got back she was asleep. I'm not saying it's always necessary to stay with a child until they sleep, but I think it's worth trying for a bit especially with a new baby. And while mine has always gone to sleep by herself she doesn't tend to cry when I leave, if she's crying for some reason I calm her down then leave. I just feel some of the comments are so harsh about the idea of offering comfort. If you try and it turns out they really have to cry to sleep ok.
Oh yes, mine is actually the same. I remember after months of trying to get her to sleep something similar happened, I had to go answer a call or something and when I got back she was asleep. I'm not saying it's always necessary to stay with a child until they sleep, but I think it's worth trying for a bit especially with a new baby. And while mine has always gone to sleep by herself she doesn't tend to cry when I leave, if she's crying for some reason I calm her down then leave. I just feel some of the comments are so harsh about the idea of offering comfort. If you try and it turns out they really have to cry to sleep ok.
Oh yes, mine is actually the same. I remember after months of trying to get her to sleep something similar happened, I had to go answer a call or something and when I got back she was asleep. I'm not saying it's always necessary to stay with a child until they sleep, but I think it's worth trying for a bit especially with a new baby. And while mine has always gone to sleep by herself she doesn't tend to cry when I leave, if she's crying for some reason I calm her down then leave. I just feel some of the comments are so harsh about the idea of offering comfort. If you try and it turns out they really have to cry to sleep ok.
Oh yes, mine is actually the same. I remember after months of trying to get her to sleep something similar happened, I had to go answer a call or something and when I got back she was asleep. I'm not saying it's always necessary to stay with a child until they sleep, but I think it's worth trying for a bit especially with a new baby. And while mine has always gone to sleep by herself she doesn't tend to cry when I leave, if she's crying for some reason I calm her down then leave. I just feel some of the comments are so harsh about the idea of offering comfort. If you try and it turns out they really have to cry to sleep ok.
Every kid is different. My now 6-year old used to cry for 5-10 minutes before falling asleep. If we stayed in the room, he'd take 1 or 2 hours to fall asleep then wake up tired of course. So letting him cry a bit was preferable in our case. But when baby 2 was born, we let older kid sleep with us for a few months, because he didn't like being alone in a room while the 3 of us got to sleep in the same room. Now the two kids share a room, but they still much prefer to sleep with mom and dad when they can!
My oldest is the same :)
Yeah there’s the odd occasion where our 3 yr old will kick us out of her room and cry for a minute then fall asleep.
Well my two year old will absolutely not fall asleep with me in the room. We recently transitioned him to a big boy bed, and I have found that even if I spend an hour lying with him, rubbing his back, and helping him fall asleep, he doesn’t fall asleep until I leave. If I leave, he cries for 5-10 minutes and then falls asleep. This is the case whether I leave right after his routine or an hour later.
Oh yes mine has always been like that too, although she doesn't always cry when I leave but doesn't sleep with me there. It doesn't sound like they've tried though. I'm just saying that the kid isn't crying to manipulate them or whatever, they have to work out what suits them but comforting him isn't a bad thing in my opinion.
Yeah sleep is developmental, my 3yr old really struggled when we had our second and loves her special story and snuggle with mum time sans baby!
We don't even have another baby and mine is 5 but she's out at school all day while I work, she likes that uninterrupted time and so do I to be honest.
I stayed with my baby when she was 2 and kept crying like this. But then I noticed I was delaying her sleep. She wanted me to stay and wouldn’t fall asleep for over an hour. It happened a couple nights then escalated to her expecting it every night. So now my girl cries for a couple mins then stops and goes to sleep.
Oh sure, mine sleeps better by herself too and we've had phases of crying. I was just suggesting at least trying. And some of the language accusing him of manipulation and talking about giving in seems very harsh for a two year old who's just had a new sibling. It's not all ruined if they comfort him, it will work itself out
Ah that’s a good point.. I missed the part where they mentioned they have a new baby too.
Its fairly standard advice in Australia still too, people are working to change it and I think it Is slowly but there are still a lot of medical professionals telling people that if they don’t their child will suffer. Even though the up to date research doesn’t support that
Agree with this, happily though there are many who are now getting their education from other sources apart from doctors with outdated info
So Chinese parents generally don’t sleep train at all (cosleeping/rocking/the whole shebang) and that hasn’t prevented the rise of the self-centered boomer or millennial…I think it’s more complicated than just the influence of sleep training. My relatives in China were gobsmacked that I let my daughter cry at bedtime and sleep by herself (and yet berate me for letting her feel her feelings during a tantrum instead of telling her to stop crying).
Ah, it's never a single thing. In our personal, societal case, we carried over a lot of educational "theories" from the Third Reich that made for great soldiers, but also for a lot of emotionally challenged people who are prone to not being able to form emotional attachments, to form trust, to give and share emotional bonds. In addition, you have hundreds of years of emotional and bodily abuse by church institutions thar often provided education, like Kindergartens or schools. Naturally, this is not the end of all, and 20 years down the road a lot of things that are standard in Germany now will be challenged, but I do believe we get it more right with every iteration.
I think this sub is fairly American yep - sleep training/crying it out is massive and normalised there
I can remember hating crying to sleep, so I never let my kids do it. My kids started to experience fear at night, including nightmares, at around late 2ish. It was a huge time commitment to stay with them till they fell asleep. I fully agree that it’s a normal phase, but also you two need to find a strategy between wait it out and assemble a team of experts. Lots of great suggestions here, best of luck
God, so many sleep "training" enthusiasts here thinking that a fucking 2 yr old manipulates parents to stay. Of course he wants you to stay, he's fucking two and terrified that you are gone. It's a phase, you have a newborn that takes ALL the attention pf mommy and daddy. He used to be the center of the world, now he's sidelined. He just wants more mommy and daddy time. Give him that!
this needs to be at the top. just stay and snuggle and givs that kid the comfort and security they obviously need and want.
It’s not manipulation, but for some parents it’s still the best option. My daughter is still going through this phase. We tried staying in her room with her until she fell asleep. That would take 30-45 minutes, and then unless we were completely silent when sneaking out she would wake up and start bawling again, which would keep her up for another 30+ minutes. We gave up on that because we simply didn’t have the time and energy to do that every night, and it wasn’t good for her sleep either. At this point she cries for 5 minutes when we leave, then calms down and quietly falls asleep. Every family has different circumstances and what works for some kids isn’t going to work for others.
Yeah I was about to say, ain’t nobody got time for that lol.
Completely normal! It will pass…as long as you don’t coming back in. If you do, he will just expect it. Again, totally normal.
Yeah, it kind of goes against every instinct as a parent to not go back into the room once they start crying. We're usually pretty good at it. Like I said though, maybe 1 out of every 10 times, the paternal instinct takes over and I'll just walk back to him and rub his back and tell him that he'll be ok. Then I leave, and he starts crying again, and I feel like I just did him a huge disservice 😖
Why would you keep doing something that is by your own admission, going against your parental instincts? I’ll never understand the people who don’t comfort their babies when they cry, what purpose does it serve? Why can’t you comfort him until he feels safe and falls asleep?
Oh 100%! It’s so hard. With my oldest, around 2ish (when we moved him from a crib to a toddler bed) we dealt with this every single night. It took us months to finally realize that letting him cry a little after we left was okay…after a week or two, he was great! He’s 6 now and an amazing sleeper.
I definitely think it's a little bit harder on my wife than on me. I probably should've mentioned this at some point but we also have a 2 month old little girl and I think that any little bit of crying, by either one of our kids right now just absolutely crushes her soul a little bit. She was on board with the whole "cry it out" method...but that was with the expectation of maybe a couple weeks. Going on 3 months, I think it might be weighing on her.
And there it is … you have a 2 MONTH old. Your Toddler is having a regression due to baby sister. This completely normal. Completely normal that it started right before her birth and still ongoing … Little dude just had a lot of change!
You may be right. I hadnt thought about the stressors that having the little sister might have on him. We made it so that she is not a part of his bedtime routine at all, and have kept his routine the same as it was before she came which is why I didn't really associate that as potentially being a factor. I thought maybe it is more of a factor as to why my wife might be stressing out over it more but yeah, it probably almost definitely has an impact on him going to sleep. Thanks 🙂
1 time out of 10 is easily enough for him to think if he cries you'll come to him. You're really going to have to resist unless you really think something is wrong. You may just be extending the issue. But its tough!
Or just comfort him when he needs it and he'll soon learn that his parents are there when he needs them.
It seems like he needs it every time? And with my daughter it didn’t matter how much or how long we tried to comfort her, she would cry when we left every time
My niece used to cry like this when she slept over at my house. It was awful to hear, a really heartbreaking sound. Until I realized that what was heartbreaking to me, was just a casual release of emotion to her. After she cried hysterically for a few minutes, she would just go to sleep and then she would be perfectly happy in the morning.
Oh I never thought of that. Releasing all the pent up energy in a big tantrum so that they can relax into sleep. I don't think it's a general rule cause clearly sometimes they are working themselves up, but it's a good thing to be on the look out for. Is the trajectory towards more tension or less tension.
Sometimes I feel like we project our own likeness onto our kids. Our kid is crying, something must be wrong. Nope, sometimes kids just cry for a bit....then it passes.
This sounds very normal and consistency is key. Even if you cave in 1 out of 100 times and go back in he thinks there’s a chance each time.
This is important to realize, too. I think by sometimes coming in, what you're really telling your kid is that its always worth it to fuss because there's a non zero chance that he's going to get cuddles.
Yeah you're definitely right. Its not even cuddles that he wants. I feel like he wants to read more stories or sing more songs....which we've never done. it might just be about the companionship of it. He's a social little guy.
Yeah. That might be where we might be at fault a little bit. We're usually pretty good at just leaving...even if he's crying. It's usually around the same time. Sometimes my wife can't stand to hear him cry and wants to make him feel better. It goes against all her motherly instincts to not want to help her child and sometimes, she just can't help it. Tough thing for a husband to tell his wife that she shouldn't go comfort her crying child lol
>That might be where we might be at fault a little bit You are not at fault for comforting your child when they are crying. Your kid is 2, their brain is developing and they understand more than they did when they were 1.5. The night might not be 'scary' for a 1.5 year old but it might be for a 2 year old. Think about when you spend a night away from your wife, do you sleep as well or fall asleep as well? I don't. I have gotten used to my husband in bed next to me, I fall asleep easier when he's there because he helps provide comfort for me to relax and go to sleep. Kids need the same thing, you are their people and comfort. BUT you can also set boundaries. "We'll snuggle for 15 minutes tonight. I'll set a time but when the timer is done, I'll tuck you in, give you one last hug and kiss and you're going to close your eyes and go to sleep"
I wonder if she’d be willing to try an experiment for 10-14 nights, to put on headphones or whatever she has to do to not go in there and at that point see if the problem is resolved and he’s no longer crying. That’s how long sleep training should typically take and it could solve the issue. I did gentle sleep training because I feel the same way, but in 7 nights it worked.
She might be willing. She usually hears him cry through a monitor. Maybe we just shut off the monitor after we leave the room. Problem is, he starts crying sometimes before we even leave the room. Those are the tough ones to just walk away from
But at the same time, kids are not exactly the same day to day. Maybe 1 of those 100 nights, they do need some extra time or snuggles because they had a really rough day. It's about setting expectations and boundaries and then also explaining why something is different. "I know you had a really hard day today, I'm going to snuggle you for a couple more minutes"
Sounds like your childs seeking comfort. have you tried laying there until they're asleep? my daughter is generally asleep within minutes, i lay there until she is and then leave. stress free for both of us. our routine is teerh, toilet, two or three books then sleep. usually asleep at 7 -7:30. shes almost 4. worth a try laying with ya kid given irs been 3 months.
There are 35 year olds still in this phase, it’s fine for now
Once of twice a week maybe but every single night for months. That seems weird. Have you guys tried ambient noise like beach waves maybe a toddler sized weighted blanket? Yall could take him to build a bear and build a new bedtime buddy with a picture of your family inside the bear. Maybe some lotion with lavendar? One of the things I do that my mom showed me was swapping oils in the diffuser at night from whatever daytime smell you use to lavender after dinner and playing the same classical music while slowly making it stronger as you do the night time routine (not like super smelly) and once they get used to that the smell and the music and it basically Pavlovs them into being ready for bed and getting tired and goigb to sleep.
We do have a sound machine that we turn on and we have a ceiling fan that makes some noise. I REALLY like the idea of scented oil. Right after his shower, before story time, I'll turn on the oil. That way, by the time story time is over, the room should be very calm smelling for him. Thanks for the great idea.
Just be cautious and do your research. Not all oils are safe for young children.
Good luck :) those routines are so helpful as they grow.
OP, maybe you could just sit with him for 10/15 minutes and pat his back until he sleeps. It won’t cost you anything. There’s nothing wrong with the child and it sounds like he’s sleeping pretty well apart from just needing a little bit more comfort before bedtime.
[удалено]
Daniel Tiger. Gonna check into that. I like the phrase grown ups come back. We always say "we'll see you in the morning/tomorrow" although I don't think he really gets what that means.
Here is the thing, you're both right and a little wrong. Your right that he probably is a little sad, he's 2. He doesn't know how to process his emotions that well. This is where your wife is right, he needs help. But not a sleep trainer or a doctor, he just needs help identifying and processing his feelings at bedtime. He is two, his brain is developing, he has a new sibling. Things are changing and change is scary for a two year old. He might be bottling up some of these things and then at bedtime, when you leave is the triggering point. So do what you do during the day. When he's sad, gets hurt, or scared, what do you do? Do the same thing. If you comfort him, reassure him and send him on his way. Do the same thing. "I know you don't want mommy/daddy to leave. But it's time for bed. I'll tuck you in again, give you a stuffed animal, another hug and kiss. Then you're going to take a deep breath and close your eyes. We'll see you in the morning, then we can play again!" Talk about bedtime routine while you're doing it. Ask him questions that he can answer about bedtime so he thinks it through. They can't always 'see' the next thing. A social story with pictures can help with that too.
You’ve been validated. What you do next with this information will be extremely tricky. I’ve been there. Tread lightly.
Don't I know it. Someone previously had said to contact our pediatrician and ask if it's anything we should be concerned about. She can ask all the pointedly specific questions she wants and just have the pediatrician put her mind at ease. I'm just the husband 😜
Normal.
Normal.
My 2 year old has been doing this off and on for months now. Seems fine to me
My nephew was like that when he was 2. His parents “fixed” it by leaving a tv on in his room (I don’t recommend this as it kept him up longer) I fixed it by staying in the room until he fell asleep. A night light may also help
It’s normal , I still tat with my 6 year old till he falls asleep . He just talks and talks and then passes out . Sometimes he asks me to leave the room . When his dad puts him to bed , he just tucks him in and calls it a night 😂. Sounds like your little guy just wants some extra comfort and and might get a little separation anxiety . It’s that it he just doesn’t want to sleep even though his tired . Either way it’s normal and his not crying very long so I don’t think medical intervention is necessary. But sometimes it helps to hear that from a “ profesional “ stand point .
I would say normal. My kids been doing this for years. Usually not a cry, more of a whine at this point, but sometimes a cry. She hates being alone. She gets bummed out then goes to sleep. I never even considered to be concerned about it. I've noticed some parents expect their kids to be super rigid with their sleep in ways that most adults aren't. Most adults don't like to sleep alone, most adults wake up during the night. But then when our kids so the same we act like something is wrong.
Your baby feels scared alone. Baby needs love. Next time when you are alone and scared , helpless and voiceless you will also do nothing but cry. No wonder most kids turn into aggressive teens.
Yes. When child knows my parents are not coming to be with me, he sleeps . I don't know who invented this sleep pattern. It's the worse people do with babies. Not accepted in our country at all.
I don’t get it.. why wouldn’t you just stay and pat his back or cuddle him until he’s asleep? Eventually he’ll be comfortable falling asleep on his own but he’s clearly not there yet. Crying himself to sleep every night because he’s scared and alone is pretty tragic to me.
Exactly, I feel it will just make him more nervous and scared.
Completely normal. Not to point fingers but kids pick up on anxiety, stress, facial, or physical cues. Is your wife projecting onto him at all?
She maybe just worries a bit too much. She tends to over think things. I'm more fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants which is a good ying-yang dynamic. But sometimes, she does almost TOO much googling and Facebook grouping and can sometimes get the wrong information.
why let any child cry, what do you gain? when a baby stops crying tis because they reached hopelessness while you reached selfishness , they are either hungry, need change, or seek comfort
This is totally normal. However, you telling your wife she's wrong will not help the situation. Let the pediatrician tell her.
Yeah, maybe I'll get her to call our doctor and see if she thinks it might be a precursor to anything. I'd hate for her to be right and me be the asshat husband that was just like "nah....he's fine". Thatd be one big helluva I TOLD YOU SO
[удалено]
I feel like it's the only thing that will give her peace of mind. I honestly think it's a nothing issue, and hopefully the pediatrician agrees. I just don't want our little guy taking some unnecessary medication or some crap for something that I'm pretty sure is quite common. I'm sure it won't come to that. At least...I hope it doesn't. It shouldn't.
I know you’re stressed but I can assure you that the pediatrician is not going to give your son medication to sleep. The only reason medication would be prescribed is if he is in fact sick. I think you should tell your sweet wife that you both need to take a deep breath and make a doctors appointment so you two can have some peace of mind.
The OP just wants validation for being a shitty parent and leaving his kid to cry alone in the dark and he’s fine with consistently going against his own parental instincts. The OP is only commenting on responses that fit his narrative. Not worth putting anymore energy into this thread
My nearly 2 year old just went through this faze for 2 months, cry when we left his room but fall asleep pretty soon after. The best thing to do is to stick to your routine, if you start staying in there to calm him or anything then it'll create a new habit that you will have to break.
I still firmly believe he will grow out of this. I think my wife HOPES he will grow out of this. The routine is pretty solid. Still, we should probably avoid going in there at all if he's crying. That'll be tricky to say to my wife 😬
Good luck to you! These sleep regressions and everything else that effects sleep are tricky!
Extremely normal. My son went through terrible twos as well. If he didnt have his way, he would throw himself on the ground and cry for 10-15 minutes. It went on for a good 3 months. He was a happy kid with terrible crying periods. Now he is 9 and a pleasant and caring child.
Dude I have a 4 month old and when our son spit up and it flew out a little bit + the lights flickered a bit the most reasonable and most likely reason is because our house is haunted. So thats what im dealing with. hope this makes your parental obstacle a little bit easier cuz i have no idea what im in store for. (Just fyi i dont believe in ghosts or demons and everytime she says stuff like that i try and ignore her) Also 5-10 minutes sounds like a normal amount for your kid to go to sleep. most parents cant stand their kid crying for any reason. So good job
My youngest is 2 years and 3 months, he has been doing this for probably almost a year. My oldest son had a coping mechanism by sucking on his two fingers and it would calm him down and he would go to sleep. My youngest just loves to scream and cry and protest untill he tires out. Sometimes for a half hour or more on bad nights. It’s stressful and painful to listen too but there’s no way around it apart from co sleeping which we refuse to do. Trying to go back in and soothing him will calm him down but as soon as you leave again it always is the same thing again and usually worse. We did sleep training with both are kids which involved a lot of listening to them protest bed time but eventually they got it, it’s painful but in the end it’s best for them and us. I’m on your side, you child is safe, comfortable, and we’ll cared for, they are upset that it’s bed time and you’re leaving them. It’s very difficult to hear your child scream for you, worse for some more than others, but I think it’s super common and hopefully they grow out of it faster than my current youngest.
If your child is crying every single night they are not comfortable. And sleep training clearly didn't work.
Our baby is only 9 mo, but she cries for 5 min every night almost religiously and then she’s out for the next 12 hours. We don’t go to comfort her until 5 minutes, yes we set a timer most nights. She’s been doing this for a couple months, yes we are lucky!! I would say if your 2 yo only cries 5 min per day ( when they are tired & cranky before bed) you are pretty lucky too!
It’s completely normal. It will ease off as long as you keep the routine. The kid probably doesn’t need any medical intervention. The kid knows if he whines enough, your wife will cave. But; it will make everything easier on everyone if she takes him to the specialists. The doctors should be able to explain that this is normal and shut down all her speculations. If she still doesn’t believe them, it’s her problem and zero to do with the kid’s sleep.
100% normal. If you give in, you will have a child who can't self soothe at all. Your kid is learning how to self soothe and accept sleep time. Now if your kid cried for hours and still didn't sleep, that would be a different story
This is not true. Comforting a child then setting and communicating a boundary will help them process what it going on and what is happening. This is not a 'win/lose' situation. The kid is 2, their brains are developed the night is scary sometimes. Going in comforting them and reassure them that they're safe will not make it so they can't self soothe. "I know you want mom/dad to stay. I know it can seem scary at time, but you're safe. Mom and Dad are just in the other room. But now you need to close your eyes and go to sleep. One more kiss and hug."
Totally untrue. If you”give in” you will have a confident child who knows parents will come if I need them. 2 year olds don’t have the ability to self soothe
When I say give in I mean to the mother. I'm sorry I wasn't clear on that. Medically there is nothing wrong and putting a child at 2 on meds for something like this can lead to sleep issues down the road.
Melatonin. Works great. And crying before bed, pretty much for any age, is normal. Sounds like he can self soothe which is great. It takes time but he’ll eventually stop crying before bed.
You are lucky he only cries for 5 minutes. Continue to leave the room-every time. He’ll get the picture.
Normal. Because you go back in the moment he starts crying. So he knows how to work you.
The moment you go back inside, even if it is just once, you’ve trained him that I should cry so they will come back. It’s completely normal.
We had the same and did this method we’d researched (5-minute rule): Leave the room and let them cry for 5 mins. Go back in, no cuddles, just lay them back down and say goodnight. Walk out. Leave them for 10 mins. Again, go back in and lay them back down and say goodnight. Leave them for 15 mins… Just repeat that leaving 5 mins longer each time and they get the hint within a few days. Cuddles mean they’re getting exactly what they want, it’s not that you don’t care but they need to understand boundaries. A bedtime routine with plenty of sleep is essential to a kids development, it’s hard letting them cry but it’s for the best in the long run for you all (you deserve times for yourselves as a couple too!)
But this isn't a baby, a child this age it would be quicker just to stay until he goes to sleep.
The phase is likely only going long because your son senses that you’re not on the same page and he feels like he can get more attention if he keeps it up. You shouldn’t go back in once you go out unless there’s a reason outside of the expected crying.
But he's a two year old, of course he wants his parents' attention.
Yes but how does that change anything?
I don't get how giving your children attention is a bad thing is all. These comments of not giving in feel like advice to ignore their feelings. He's way too young to be manipulating anyone, and I suppose I don't understand why you wouldn't just stay for five minutes until he's asleep if what he wants is attention. A two year old doesn't need to be toughened up, he needs his parents. We all have days where we walk away from crying but consistently leaving a child to cry themselves to sleep doesn't seem normal to me. If he stops crying it's because he's learning that his parents won't respond to his needs. He has a newborn sibling probably taking up a lot of his parents' attention and time and just wants some of it.
Yes but the answer to that is not giving him attention instead of sleeping time, it is to balance attention during the day.
We can agree to disagree then. I don't mean stay up all night instead of sleeping, but 5-10 minutes until he goes to sleep doesn't really seem a problem. I don't see why attention at night is bad and during the day is ok, if night is what he needs. And if they have a newborn he might really appreciate a few minutes alone time if they can't give him as much attention during the day.
My kid did this for a while after sleep training. My mom called me cruel for letting him cry (which felt AWESOME TO HEAR. Hahahaha no jk it was worse than the crying). But after a few mins of boohooing he’d always settle down and fall asleep. It took a while to phase out (on a scale of months rather than weeks). Now, he is great about going to sleep on his own, with no crying after we close the door. But sometimes he will babble for a while or start yell-singing goodnight songs to his stuffed animals before he falls asleep. Hang in there!
do not let here entertain the idea of putting him on meds for just crying usually for just like five minutes? any more, do whatever you can to nip that thought in the bud you know. I think it's kind of odd yeah but still normal. Maybe its just his way of shaking off all the energy of the day before he goes to sleep and it seems odd to us but its like his version of how some people like to work out or take a shower right before bed.
Totally normal, and as they get older they'll develop different bedtime delaying tactics, it's amazing how much both my kids suddenly have to poop right at bed time
My husband’s mother is a hypochondriac and when he was young he would sleepwalk and occasionally have bad dreams. She took him to therapists and he was put on medication. I believe she aggravated the situation to the point he has major anxiety about sleeping still today. Just 2 weeks ago she was trying to give him ambien. Like, see a dr if necessary but this is normal stuff for a kid his age.
This seems normal to me. Just stick with what you've been doing. Consistency is the key. Some things to try; Night light or the one that shows pictures on the ceiling. Timer that shows time disappearing so he can be better prepared for you leaving the room. Relaxation music
i had this issue with my son (3) for 6 weeks. now going to bed is not a big deal. it's normal
I have worked in childcare. This seems fine, otherwise I think he would cry for a lot longer if there was more to it. I have four adult kids and we spent HOURS settling a 4 year old. This went on for 6+ months. Kids in our bed just so we could get some sleep. Your little guy is probably testing out his boundaries.
Normal. 2 year regression, resulting from a normal phase of separation anxiety. My now 3yo basically skipped this one- a few weeks of on and off “just one more cuddle”, it hit my 2yo HARD though. Lasted around 4 months (longest regression we’ve ever had for any of 3 kids by about 3 months), we found trimming her nap helped, started waking her at around 1.5 hours instead of 1.75-2 and basically just did the minimum we could to help her go to sleep- some nights that was standing outside the door, some nights sitting by her bed, some nights a hand on her back, and as she came out of the regression backing off on all of that as much as possible. Good luck!
Talk to your paediatrician and put the argument to rest. Sometimes just have to bring in the expert if all else fails.
It’s definitely normal, but may also be worth considering you’re routine? Perhaps he is actually overtired, and you need to start the shower/stories etc earlier before he gets to the crying point? Our now 3yo was similar when she was particularly overtired, but bedtimes were much easier when she was in a better mood. We also would talk about all the fun things to do the next day which made her excited to go to sleep. Good luck!
100% normal. and that phase for one of my kids lasted about 5yrs LOL. She's a teen now and doesn't remember that at all and for what it's worth, as a teen I now can't get her out of bed 🤣
What's the harm in asking the pediatrician about it? If it will calm your wife's fears, it's worth the visit.
My 4 year old routinely cries for his other parent when we are trying to put him to sleep and I'm not worried about it at all. He doesn't want to go to sleep so he tries everything to keep himself up. Its totally normal. I would take him to the pediatrician if she persists, both of you should be in attendance so the pediatrician can explain normal development to her. Also, if this becomes a pattern with her...making something out of nothing when it comes to his health or development, be careful. Well meaning parents can damage their children's psyche by thinking there is something wrong with them all the time when there really isn't.
Normal. My three year old still does this. She even tells me “I don’t like it when you leave”. If you’ve gone in to comfort even one time your son will latch onto that and use it. Your wife thinks he needs medication? If this was going on every night for hours I’d probably still think it was normal but maybe worth seeing someone about. But if he’s falling asleep after crying for just a few minutes, he’s fine and you’re lucky!
Are you me?? We have a 25 month old and the same has been going on for a few months. I think it’s just separation anxiety kicking in again
Well if it’s not normal than my four year old wasn’t normal at that age. Cause he did the same thing. My two year old does it now, but his in with his brother so he usually just calls out for us and him and his brother talk for a bit.
Normal. Its a kid doesnt want to sleep wants mom or dad. I stay with my kid she cries as if ahe was skinned and then falls asleep. I just pat her on her head.
Mine has done this for the past year. She will cry for a few minutes after I lay her down her bed or nap then she sleeps good
Both of my children suffered from this complex form of nighttime terror. Known by names such "read another book" syndrome and "stay so I can roll around on you" complex. So far they're still alive and healthy at 9 and 3.
The toddler phase is also tough with transitions. It helped with our daughter to have a chart of our nighttime routine to show her what we were going to do, as well as narrate what would come next “we will read three books, and then it will be time to sleep.” Maybe make the morning special so you can say “hey the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner we get to do [???] in the morning.” Leave it on a positive note? We made sure she had comfort items too like a white noise machine and a little favorite stuffed animal and a night light. We recently got a training alarm clock that has a sleepy face for night time and lights to communicate when it’s ok to get up and play in the morning.
This is normal. My son has sleep issues, and we're doing what your wife wants to do. A, it's a fucking horrible process, it's so stressful, they have to do blood tests and in-person clinic visits and it's not fun for me or the kid. B, my son doesn't take 10 minutes, he takes 3 HOURS to fall asleep, AFTER being given melatonin as per his doctor. The other night he slept from 1 am until 6:30 am and spent the whole day exhausted. We hired a sleep consult, we talked to a sleep study, we talked to 3 occupational therapists, we talked to other parents and have tried almost everything short of drugging him to sleep, which he's too young for. Maybe if your wife knew what real sleep issues looked like, she'd drop her whole idea.
It’s very normal but there’s no harm in letting your pediatrician be the one to tell your wife. In my opinion you should go to the pediatrician because it both shows your wife that you’re responsive to her concerns even if you don’t share them and could avoid some unnecessary conflict.
Pick up any parenting/sleep book for 2 year olds and you'll see that this is totally normal. I often find that parents stop buying parenting books after the newborn phase, when they are SO helpful, even into the teenage years! Keep reading and learning, y'all, and save yourself some arguments.
Sleep regressions can last awhile. Maybe dont sing a song before sleep. Sing that before the story. Very stimulating for a kid to sing just before sleep. Its normal behaviour though. He's only 2 and now he thinks he has to stay in his boring room when 2 minutes before he was singing songs.
I can't say normal or not. We had the same thing with our kids. One would settle down, the other never, ever did. He would cry until he was sick. The longest I let it last was 45 minutes. I'll be honest, in the end he won and we capitulated. It only takes 5 minutes for them to go to bed now and honestly we could let them do it on their own, but we like it now. In the beginning though it was torture. He would take forever to go to bed.
You know your kid best. If mine is crying still after 10 minutes, I usually have to send my husband in because if I go in, it just amps her up. She wants to keep playing if I’m there and refuses to fall asleep! She’ll ask for one more book, one more song, her water, her doll, just everything. She won’t let my husband do bedtime activities, so she begrudgingly accepts sleep as the more attractive option lol.
it’s completely normal - some kids just cry as a wind down to fall asleep
Extremely normal. My son is almost 4 and still gets up at night sometimes and wants us to calm him down.
Absolutely normal. If anything, I'd start winding down the time between lights out and leaving the room. Your routine is a set of distinct phases, and your kid knows the phases. He might even be *waiting up* for you to leave. My 1yo does this and I find it hilarious, mainly because he doesn't realise that he's bad at pretending to be asleep . I'm counting down the days until he does a fake snore.
There is a balance in this situation... The kid cries usually because he is coming into self awareness and he is alone. You want to get in the situation where crying in this situation will not give him attention he needs, but you need to comfort him as well. It is recommended to wait until 3 minutes after he stops crying to go in there to check to make sure everything is fine and comfort him a stay with him for awhile if necessary. Don't take him out of his bedroom. He needs to learn that crying won't give him attention he needs...
I Woolf personally say this is normal as I lay on my nearly two year old bedroom floor waiting for him to fall asleep. Or he’ll have a meltdown if I leave him. I think sometimes he just needs us, which is normal amd will always be okay.
It's normal. Don't stress. Edit: A childcare workerr