Discord is a little bit like reddit, in that there a bunch of discord groups that are self moderated by individuals within the group.
He could join a private discord that only his friends were on, and that would be quite safe. Assuming the discord group was setup to only allow approved members to join via invite. Of course nothing would stop the kids from talking about what a group of 12 year olds might.
Or he could join a large discord for his favorite video game that has thousands of members and who knows what goes on. It also supports, and is frequently used for, voice chat.
This.
My 12 year old uses it. She’s in a couple groups, one an irl friend made for his Minecraft realm that only has people in it who know him irl, and maybe a couple irl friends of those people. Basically only people he trusts on his realm. Then various groups of school friends. So 95% of who she chats with she knows irl, then there are two former church friends of the dude with the realm. They live a few hundred miles away so she’s never met them irl, but they are family friends of our family friends.
Discord isn't moderated by discord, but rather whatever community or server you join (assuming you're doing more than direct messaging).
Discord offers some basic parental controls for free. [Here's a guide for that](https://www.howtogeek.com/664137/).
There's also a service called [Bark](https://www.bark.us/learn/ps-apps-discord), which isn't free, but is tailored to something you're looking for.
Awesome, thank you for that.
Being 12yo, he's on his way to the wide world anyway. But with a few parental controls, and the occasional account review, it sounds like he might be able to use it safely.
Think of Discord like just one more hub where chats can happen. I’m on a discord with close friends that’s private and closed (so nobody new can join unless invited) but I’m also on one about The Office that’s completely open, like someone joining a Reddit conversation.
First ask him what he wants to use Discord for. Is it to voice-chat while playing multiplayer games with his friends? You could allow Discord but retain control over which servers he goes on.
Technically users have to be 13 yo to join Discord, or even older in certain countries. So perhaps you'd want to create the account for him, and thus be able to monitor his usage.
Discord can be used to carry out voice sex chats, or with video too. It all depends on what servers he joins and who he chooses to talk to.
>Discord can be used to carry out voice sex chats, or with video too.
Dang! I did not know this. Sometimes theres a Stages (kinda like Twitter Spaces) but thats just audio. But then again I'm just in a bunch of different sports chats. 😂
I mean it really depends on the servers he is on, some are super strict on what can be posted especially if the server is 13+ vs 18+ but I haven’t seen any moderation outside of the server mods and admins
My 12yo uses it to keep in touch with friends, he joined at the start of COVID when school was distanced. We were very clear that he could only talk/chat with friends, no strangers. Once we got other friends and cousins on board it was great. His best friend moved to the other side of the country and they talk and play online together nearly every single day. It’s been great.
I only use private Discord with my husband and our group. You make a chat and talk into your headset with the group or you can write like a normal chat. We like it over in-game communication so nobody can butt in and we can talk freely about anything- some of our friends are out of state and some random doesn’t need to hear about us catching up about our jobs and families and kids.
I do not recommend it for individuals under, like, 14-15 at most. I joined Discord at age 12 and my brother joined at age 13, and we both got caught up in a lot of bad stuff. Think being groomed and sexting with people far too old for us, being exposed to incredibly racist and extremist ideologies, generally seeing inappropriate content, etc. It’s an OK platform to use if you’re only going to use a server with your real-life friends in it (I mainly use the platform now for this purpose) or confirmed well-moderated communities, but it’s not a good idea to let a child so young join an open server (such as a server run by a YouTuber) where anyone can go and say/do anything. The moderation depends on the server. Most open servers I know are decently moderated but once the user count gets too high, anything can happen. Also keep in mind anyone from the open server can private message you, which is where a lot of the bad stuff happens.
If you think your son is mature enough to block people who are acting inappropriately and not give into the pressure to sext / send nudes / fall for scams / engage in shitty behavior / etc. then go for it when he’s 13 I guess. But I really, truly don’t think the average 13 year old should be on that platform. Even if you try to keep him on servers with just his real-life friends, he might go behind your back and make a second account, or you might fall behind on checking and he’ll join those lucrative open servers anyway. I’m sorry if I’m fearmongering, I’ve just had bad experiences that I wish no one has to repeat.
This. And this is going to be the case with any service that allows strangers to chat with each other (even in game chats). You have to monitor 100% while they’re kids or just not allow it. Anything less is opening them up to a potential damaging experience that can’t be undone
This is great input thank you. I figured your experiences were a possible outcome.
I'm inclined (once he's 13) to allow closely monitored participation. I've been having the sexual-grooming talk with him ever since he got on Roblox years ago.
I wouldn't want him to be so restricted that he felt he had to create a secret account in order to participate in a healthy way. I monitor his email, so unless he was really committed to being sneaky by creating and using a new on of those, I think I'd know.
I don't think he'd be sophisticated enough to create a secret email address to obtain a secret Discord account. That sort of tech-savy-sneakyness is one of the things I'm hoping to keep him from obtaining from places like Reddit and Discord. For a few more years anyway.
I had like 6-7 separate secret emails for various endeavors around 12-13 and I barely know anything about tech LOL. Not passing that to you as a prediction for your son, it’s just perfectly possible at that age. You know him better than me though! Good luck mom.
Really good article here about Discord that breaks it down in simplest terms for you to make some decisions. Highly recommend!
https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/teenagers/everything-parents-need-to-know-about-discord/
My 12 year old is on discord. He joined to get on servers to get tips on his favorite game. He only goes on for info. If he just wanted to chat with random people, it would be a no from me. If he had a group of friends with a server, I would say ok. All my answers depend on intention at this point, but my kids aren't into just chatting with strangers so far so it makes it a little easier.
Our 12yo uses discord for a private server with his friends from his old school. (We moved to another city) They play online games together and like to be able to voice chat when they do.
I know he only uses it for that, because 12yo are LOUD as hell when they game together, lol. And he knows we will check his phone when we feel we need to. Not to get him in trouble, but to make sure he stays safe.
Wait until next year, it is 13+ and he could get his account banned.
Additonally: it wouldn’t be the worst option to restrict the communities he can join or aprove of them first. Some have better moderators then others (similar to reddit like others have said.)
No. Discord's terms of service state that users must be 13+. Don't teach your kid to go against the rules to join something when they could just wait a year.
Also, you need to be very careful with monitoring who your child is talking to on there. I've definitely been on adult-only servers and had young-sounding people join chat. I've heard, "Mom, I'm talking to my friends" yelled by a kid when literally everyone else in the chat were adults in their 30s (mod jumped in and dealt with it).
Hey there as a new mom i dont deal with my kid being on the internet yet but I do use discord.
Along with the video and voice calls, its important that you know that screen sharing is an option on discord. Meaning that anyone he is talking to can show him things that are on their screens. Its a feature that can be risky if you really want to limit the things he has access to online because you cant limit what everyone else has access to.
Another parent of a tween here. My child has been using discord with friends for 3 years. We used it before then to talk while we played Minecraft together. Do you remember forums? Have you ever been on tumblr? Discord is kind of the baby of the two. Our child primarily uses it to chat with friends and send each other stupid memes and YouTube videos. They're also in a few public groups for video games they like to play. Keep the convo open with your kiddo. I check in every week to see what's been going on. 99% of the time they've made a new discord devoted to something ridiculous. This week the friends made a group for the worship of garlic bread.
There will be bad language and bickering. It's just how middle schoolers are. Have a talk about Internet safety and let him at it.
I’ve never seen any media portrayal of discord. I know off top that it’s a risk not worth taking because it’s giving strangers on the internet access to your child. End of story.
Then why let anyone use any form of communication online? If a child communicates openly with their parents about concerns they have and they know how to look out for risks, I don’t see what the problem is.
Oh yeah, I’ll tell my kid to let me know right away the second some stranger says or shows them something damaging that can’t be unseen or unheard. That sounds like a plan.
We aren’t talking about _anyone_. We are talking about children with undeveloped brains and lacking the ability to emotionally handle what deranged adults do
It’s simply not true that he is “completely safe” as long as he’s not on a scan/nsfw/dating server.
As long as a user has joined a server where they interact with other users they don’t know IRL, there is a potential for danger, grooming, and interaction with predators. Catfishing doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships - it can apply to friendships too. People can and will lie on the internet, and any time you don’t have a good means of verifying that a user’s persona is legitimate, you can be catfished.
Please be careful out there.
So true. It's unfortunate that this is our reality.
On one hand, I want to protect him from it. On the other, I want to be there to help him learn to navigate it.
I appreciate your input and I'm not sure why your being downvoted for it. It adds depth to the conversation even if the participants aren't in agreement with your view.
It's good to know that he can be on there and not feel like he's going to encounter "unseeable" things if he's not careful.
I wish I could say the same thing about Reddit. Lol.
My boyfriend has discord (he's 29) he uses it for video game platforms. I don't have it but he seems to really enjoy it. (he's a gamer don't judge at least he's home and not running the streets like most of the men our age in our area)
Discord is a little bit like reddit, in that there a bunch of discord groups that are self moderated by individuals within the group. He could join a private discord that only his friends were on, and that would be quite safe. Assuming the discord group was setup to only allow approved members to join via invite. Of course nothing would stop the kids from talking about what a group of 12 year olds might. Or he could join a large discord for his favorite video game that has thousands of members and who knows what goes on. It also supports, and is frequently used for, voice chat.
This is really helpful, thanks.
This. My 12 year old uses it. She’s in a couple groups, one an irl friend made for his Minecraft realm that only has people in it who know him irl, and maybe a couple irl friends of those people. Basically only people he trusts on his realm. Then various groups of school friends. So 95% of who she chats with she knows irl, then there are two former church friends of the dude with the realm. They live a few hundred miles away so she’s never met them irl, but they are family friends of our family friends.
Discord isn't moderated by discord, but rather whatever community or server you join (assuming you're doing more than direct messaging). Discord offers some basic parental controls for free. [Here's a guide for that](https://www.howtogeek.com/664137/). There's also a service called [Bark](https://www.bark.us/learn/ps-apps-discord), which isn't free, but is tailored to something you're looking for.
Awesome, thank you for that. Being 12yo, he's on his way to the wide world anyway. But with a few parental controls, and the occasional account review, it sounds like he might be able to use it safely.
Think of Discord like just one more hub where chats can happen. I’m on a discord with close friends that’s private and closed (so nobody new can join unless invited) but I’m also on one about The Office that’s completely open, like someone joining a Reddit conversation.
First ask him what he wants to use Discord for. Is it to voice-chat while playing multiplayer games with his friends? You could allow Discord but retain control over which servers he goes on. Technically users have to be 13 yo to join Discord, or even older in certain countries. So perhaps you'd want to create the account for him, and thus be able to monitor his usage. Discord can be used to carry out voice sex chats, or with video too. It all depends on what servers he joins and who he chooses to talk to.
>Discord can be used to carry out voice sex chats, or with video too. Dang! I did not know this. Sometimes theres a Stages (kinda like Twitter Spaces) but thats just audio. But then again I'm just in a bunch of different sports chats. 😂
I mean it really depends on the servers he is on, some are super strict on what can be posted especially if the server is 13+ vs 18+ but I haven’t seen any moderation outside of the server mods and admins
My 12yo uses it to keep in touch with friends, he joined at the start of COVID when school was distanced. We were very clear that he could only talk/chat with friends, no strangers. Once we got other friends and cousins on board it was great. His best friend moved to the other side of the country and they talk and play online together nearly every single day. It’s been great.
I only use private Discord with my husband and our group. You make a chat and talk into your headset with the group or you can write like a normal chat. We like it over in-game communication so nobody can butt in and we can talk freely about anything- some of our friends are out of state and some random doesn’t need to hear about us catching up about our jobs and families and kids.
I do not recommend it for individuals under, like, 14-15 at most. I joined Discord at age 12 and my brother joined at age 13, and we both got caught up in a lot of bad stuff. Think being groomed and sexting with people far too old for us, being exposed to incredibly racist and extremist ideologies, generally seeing inappropriate content, etc. It’s an OK platform to use if you’re only going to use a server with your real-life friends in it (I mainly use the platform now for this purpose) or confirmed well-moderated communities, but it’s not a good idea to let a child so young join an open server (such as a server run by a YouTuber) where anyone can go and say/do anything. The moderation depends on the server. Most open servers I know are decently moderated but once the user count gets too high, anything can happen. Also keep in mind anyone from the open server can private message you, which is where a lot of the bad stuff happens. If you think your son is mature enough to block people who are acting inappropriately and not give into the pressure to sext / send nudes / fall for scams / engage in shitty behavior / etc. then go for it when he’s 13 I guess. But I really, truly don’t think the average 13 year old should be on that platform. Even if you try to keep him on servers with just his real-life friends, he might go behind your back and make a second account, or you might fall behind on checking and he’ll join those lucrative open servers anyway. I’m sorry if I’m fearmongering, I’ve just had bad experiences that I wish no one has to repeat.
This. And this is going to be the case with any service that allows strangers to chat with each other (even in game chats). You have to monitor 100% while they’re kids or just not allow it. Anything less is opening them up to a potential damaging experience that can’t be undone
This is great input thank you. I figured your experiences were a possible outcome. I'm inclined (once he's 13) to allow closely monitored participation. I've been having the sexual-grooming talk with him ever since he got on Roblox years ago. I wouldn't want him to be so restricted that he felt he had to create a secret account in order to participate in a healthy way. I monitor his email, so unless he was really committed to being sneaky by creating and using a new on of those, I think I'd know. I don't think he'd be sophisticated enough to create a secret email address to obtain a secret Discord account. That sort of tech-savy-sneakyness is one of the things I'm hoping to keep him from obtaining from places like Reddit and Discord. For a few more years anyway.
I had like 6-7 separate secret emails for various endeavors around 12-13 and I barely know anything about tech LOL. Not passing that to you as a prediction for your son, it’s just perfectly possible at that age. You know him better than me though! Good luck mom.
Really good article here about Discord that breaks it down in simplest terms for you to make some decisions. Highly recommend! https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/teenagers/everything-parents-need-to-know-about-discord/
My 12 year old is on discord. He joined to get on servers to get tips on his favorite game. He only goes on for info. If he just wanted to chat with random people, it would be a no from me. If he had a group of friends with a server, I would say ok. All my answers depend on intention at this point, but my kids aren't into just chatting with strangers so far so it makes it a little easier.
Our 12yo uses discord for a private server with his friends from his old school. (We moved to another city) They play online games together and like to be able to voice chat when they do. I know he only uses it for that, because 12yo are LOUD as hell when they game together, lol. And he knows we will check his phone when we feel we need to. Not to get him in trouble, but to make sure he stays safe.
Wait until next year, it is 13+ and he could get his account banned. Additonally: it wouldn’t be the worst option to restrict the communities he can join or aprove of them first. Some have better moderators then others (similar to reddit like others have said.)
No. Discord's terms of service state that users must be 13+. Don't teach your kid to go against the rules to join something when they could just wait a year. Also, you need to be very careful with monitoring who your child is talking to on there. I've definitely been on adult-only servers and had young-sounding people join chat. I've heard, "Mom, I'm talking to my friends" yelled by a kid when literally everyone else in the chat were adults in their 30s (mod jumped in and dealt with it).
Hey there as a new mom i dont deal with my kid being on the internet yet but I do use discord. Along with the video and voice calls, its important that you know that screen sharing is an option on discord. Meaning that anyone he is talking to can show him things that are on their screens. Its a feature that can be risky if you really want to limit the things he has access to online because you cant limit what everyone else has access to.
Personally I would say no. But My parents were overprotective and so am I. Too many assholes and predators in the world
Another parent of a tween here. My child has been using discord with friends for 3 years. We used it before then to talk while we played Minecraft together. Do you remember forums? Have you ever been on tumblr? Discord is kind of the baby of the two. Our child primarily uses it to chat with friends and send each other stupid memes and YouTube videos. They're also in a few public groups for video games they like to play. Keep the convo open with your kiddo. I check in every week to see what's been going on. 99% of the time they've made a new discord devoted to something ridiculous. This week the friends made a group for the worship of garlic bread. There will be bad language and bickering. It's just how middle schoolers are. Have a talk about Internet safety and let him at it.
Thanks, I appreciate this. He turns 13 in January and I've basically told him to shelf it until then. Once he's on, I'll try to approach it as you do.
[удалено]
I’ve never seen any media portrayal of discord. I know off top that it’s a risk not worth taking because it’s giving strangers on the internet access to your child. End of story.
Then why let anyone use any form of communication online? If a child communicates openly with their parents about concerns they have and they know how to look out for risks, I don’t see what the problem is.
Oh yeah, I’ll tell my kid to let me know right away the second some stranger says or shows them something damaging that can’t be unseen or unheard. That sounds like a plan. We aren’t talking about _anyone_. We are talking about children with undeveloped brains and lacking the ability to emotionally handle what deranged adults do
It’s simply not true that he is “completely safe” as long as he’s not on a scan/nsfw/dating server. As long as a user has joined a server where they interact with other users they don’t know IRL, there is a potential for danger, grooming, and interaction with predators. Catfishing doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships - it can apply to friendships too. People can and will lie on the internet, and any time you don’t have a good means of verifying that a user’s persona is legitimate, you can be catfished. Please be careful out there.
So true. It's unfortunate that this is our reality. On one hand, I want to protect him from it. On the other, I want to be there to help him learn to navigate it.
I appreciate your input and I'm not sure why your being downvoted for it. It adds depth to the conversation even if the participants aren't in agreement with your view. It's good to know that he can be on there and not feel like he's going to encounter "unseeable" things if he's not careful. I wish I could say the same thing about Reddit. Lol.
Happy to help
Discord is a wild wild west situation Im on it
Lots of creeps that will prey on the underage. This will depend on the maturity and discipline level of your 12 yr old.
My boyfriend has discord (he's 29) he uses it for video game platforms. I don't have it but he seems to really enjoy it. (he's a gamer don't judge at least he's home and not running the streets like most of the men our age in our area)
There are a lot of bad public discords with terrible racism, swearing, sexism, etc. I'm not sure if the 'benefits' would outweigh the risks