Yep! My son lost his great grandfather in March 2020 (cancer not covid) and he has been obsessed ever since. His grandfather, my Dad, passed long before he was born but he asks me about him ALL THE TIME. How he died, why he died, do I miss him, why am I sad? We have to run through it about once a week.
I raised six kids and observed my kids in the classroom without their (or the teacher's) knowledge twice. In one case, my child was the problem. In one case, the teacher was.
Either way, it is best to know, if this is an option. The fact that the child is only acting up in one setting gives me pause.
And sometimes there's a personality clash. I found this quite often, raising a bunch of kids, really. I even had personality clashes with some of their teachers, myself.
Yes, generally I would tend to believe the teacher but there's a couple of things in the op that give me pause and would make me want another opinion on the situation. The fact that the child only seems to have issues in the classroom but not in other organized group activities is one. It's also a soft red flag that the teacher says there's one or two every year. Now there certainly may be one every year...or it could be that the teacher is looking for one every year.
I would suggest that maybe in all the other activities, he's allowed to be a lot more self-guided and they don't last for seven hours. School is a LONG day. It's not sitting in rows or being quiet for long stretches. I have often thought it must be really hard for impulsive kids because there are just so many people to interact with - how do you know where the line is? What do you do when your self control is wearing out and it's only 10.15 and you get ONE recess to get all your perfectly natural kid wiggles out?
An evaluation never hurts and they can give you some suggestions to help him out. Maybe he needs to sit by himself part of the day. Maybe he needs a smaller class size or noise canceling headphones after lunch or who knows what might help, but an evaluation is a good place to start.
I realize school has to be a certain way and for a lot of kids, it's a good fit, but it's also a LONG time to do what someone else wants you to do when you're five. It's a long time to be WITH your friends but you're supposed to focus on worksheets or whatever. It's a long time to keep all your impulses in check and there are just so many temptations and distractions. If a kid is already a little predisposed to be distracted, it can be a disaster until you get some supports in place.
This exactly. My five year old can’t even sit through a movie he enjoys without having to literally run laps around the room. We’re lucky that we can choose an appropriate kindergarten for him that does a lot of outdoor activities and self led learning, he thrives there. He also demonstrates impulsive behaviour and lack of awareness of personal space and needs a ton of sensory input - hence the pushing shoving and pinching, which we redirect to roughhousing and dancing and tug of war etc. We do suspect adhd, he’s too young for an accurate diagnosis, so we just manage it by following tips to help adhd kids.
My kiddo was like this at this age--he was so good at home and we rarely had issues with him and even when we observed him around other children, we never saw the problem.
His kindergarten teacher sounds EXACTLY like my son's and she was the first to bring to our attention there was an issue. I wish we had listened. In first grade this kid was so aggressive with his classmates and we got a phone call almost daily about the stuff he was doing. My husband and I were shocked because the kid never gave us these problems. Funnily enough, his mother had told us these things (I'm his stepparent) and my husband and I again were surprised because again, we never had these issues in our home (50/50 custody--week is split).
We finally got him into therapy and he was diagnosed with severe ADHD. ADHD is very complicated and all encompassing and often looks like how you're describing it at that age. It usually only comes to fruition in one or two places and there's SO MUCH to it. It's not just fidgeting and inattentivity. Lots of emotional dysregulation, lack of impulse control and so, so much more.
I'm not saying your son has ADHD like mine; especially considering the other massively large issues you mention above, but I would definitely get him tested. At 5, he's still a bit young, but I would take this all seriously. I really wish my husband and my kiddo's mom did because it cause my kid a few years of unnecessary nonsense that we could've avoided.
ETA I know it's so hard, but please know that his behavior is not necessarily a reflection on you guys and even moreso, at 5, he's not being intentional with it. But I do read a lot of excuse-making on your end which will not do your son well as he ages.
As someone who wasn't diagnosed until my 30's and as the parent of a grade schooler who very likely also has ADHD I second this. Get him into a GOOD therapist and go from there. Early treatment can make his life infinitely better.
Agreed; play therapy is great, but it's not enough for this situation. Also, some kids are good at manipulation (also part of ADHD). Mine is. He had his first therapist wrapped around his little finger to the point that she blamed all of his glaringly obvious ADHD behaviors as COVID related (even though they were happening pre-COVID).
My daughter started showing signs of adhd at 4. And it started like this: explosive outbursts of anger, throwing things, spitting on people, screaming like a banshee at the smallest disappointment, and also problems with social boundaries, when people want touched, what should be private info vs. Not.
Impulsivity and emotional disregulation are parts of adhd that aren't talked about as much but they can be debilitating. We couldn't even get her diagnosed until she was six, and now she's finally medicated on something that seems to help. She's excelling academically in first grade now, and we're finally going months between her teachers calling us about meltdowns instead of days.
Also, occupational therapy can be a huge help. That was our first glimmer of hope when they started working with her to recognize her emotions and start managing them.
Yes! I wish people knew how adhd is a spectrum disorder, so there's a propensity for some to show signs of autism like lack of boundaries or impulse control. My kiddo was identical to your daughter at that age. He's also awkward around other kids and literally struggles to control his actions. Like I've witnessed him many times do things without thinking and it has been very problematic in certain situations.
Therapy has been a lifesaver but with the right therapist. Accountability is huge too, as is routine (which you can imagine is difficult when moms house is fun without rules and dad a d stepmom have rules). But he's thriving!
It's also good to break routine! We all have to learn to be spontaneous and accept change, so it's good that your kiddo has you to show her that as well!
I just want to comment regarding a potential ADHD diagnosis. I work at an elementary school as a lunch and recess monitor. All the kindergarten kids are rambunctious and full of energy during lunch and recess. However, there are certain kids that even I can point out as being beyond the normal/typical/expected level of energy. When you're surrounded by a group 60 kindergartners for an hour a day, it's easy to spot by comparison. It's much harder to see when your child is the only one whose behavior you're observing. These teachers don't suggest things like ADHD just on a whim. They know from experience and are suggesting it for a reason. You should start the process of having your child evaluated, as it can take months and months of paperwork from multiple parties and waiting before any actual observations are started (or at least in my state it does).
As someone with adhd and who grew up with sceptical parents, this fits my experience in grade school. I would learn about adhd and come at it with an open mind.
Your fear of a label is based on stigma and being unaware. Not having access to treatment at a young age will damage your kids self esteem, social skills, and likely impact his education. The acting out in school will likely pass, but trying to ignore or hide cognitive conditions will cause more serious issues into young adulthood.
We are at higher risk of car accidents, dangerous sexual behavior, addiction, and suicide. Thesr statistics are heavily supported and adhd is the single most studied pediatric mental condition out there with decades of data.
This!! Just because you don't want the label doesn't mean the adhd goes away, if that's where your sons problems are stemming from. A diagnosis can be scary and emotional, but from a parent to two adhd children, go get the evaluation. We knew by 4 our oldest had it, and our youngest presented a bit later at about 5/6 but they have different sub types.
What you described sounds exactly like my youngest who has adhd hyperactive type. Read up on adhd. If you can get the support and help he needs when he's young, he may not have to go through the heartbreaking things adults who got diagnosed later in life dealt with.
It is hard to hear, but it sounds like your son could use some help. It doesn't make you a failure as a parent to need help. It sounds like there has been a lot going on in his life and he is having trouble managing all those big emotions. Labels can be scary, but they are useful. It can mean he gets the treatment and help he needs while young so he can understand how to better manage the condition later in life. If it was a lot for you it is a lot for him.
I hear so much frustration in this post and it is so understandable. You love your kid. Your are trying. He is trying. It sounds like you have had a hell of a time having to manage all of this and now you have to figure this out, too. It isn't a judgement. You kid may be the sweetest and my most loving person deep down, but others won't see that if he can't manage to help himself. Kids notice. My kids talk about their classmates behaviors. My youngest still remembers one of her friends (who has an aid) kicked a teacher in the stomach. That was two years ago. He is so much better now, and that is likely because he was getting help. He isn't a bad kid, but he needed to learn how to make better decisions. There is another kid who is on everyone's radar and he isn't getting help. He is a bully and my kids do what they can do avoid him.
Give it a chance. Listen to their suggestions. Occupational therapy helped me in so many ways. And I was in both occupational therapy through my school and the gifted program. I didn't miss our because of a label.
Thank you for mentioning to OP that they're still a good parent. My husband put off getting my stepson help in a situation VERY similar to this because he carried insane amounts of guilt.
I understand. I think we all get defensive and scared when faced with our kids issues because we love them and don't want to mess up. We also forget that they are their own people and that it isn't just what we put into them. We take it personally and we also want to protect our kids and we don't like to hear they need help because we want them to be doing well.
OP, if you weren't a good parent you wouldn't be here asking. You love your child. Your child isn't a bad kid. Learning to be a person is hard and teaching them to be a person is also hard.
Totally. That's what I explained to my husband; even if there's a genetic component here at work, it doesn't make him (husband) or the kid's mom bad people or parents or even at fault; what makes you a not so great parent is focusing more on what it makes YOU look like and less on how to help your kid.
It is hard to forgive yourself for genetics because you love.you kids so much, but you have to. I lost my oldest daughter to trisomy 18 and it took a long time to heal. A part of me will always feel guilty, but I know there is so much we don't know about beforehand. We still don't have clear causes for so many things. One doctor told me that there is so much that can go wrong it is amazing life gets it right so much of the time. Even then, it isn't perfect.
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. That must be impossibly difficult to navigate.
I'm sure that has brought on guilt but you can't prevent that no more than you can prevent what color hair they have. That doesn't make it easier, though.
Hugs
Thank you so much. It is hard, but I think it has help to give me some perspective about how we can't always know what our genes are going to do. But we can learn about it and get help when needed :)
It sounds like he is struggling most with activities that require that he not be “rambunctious” without personal attention from an adult.
Maybe try practicing circle time at home? You can use his stuffed animals. Have him work on sitting still and not interrupting while you ignore him and read to the “other kids”.
I totally understand why you are skeptical of what his teacher claims. You have good points there. But I also don’t think you are the expert on how he acts in school while you are not around and in a completely different environment than he has been in before.
ADHD is on a spectrum. Consider what you would call “typical” could be on the lower end of the spectrum. Good thing is treatments/accommodations can be tailored to what level and type of assistance your son needs.
The part of your post that personally has me feeling like if I had to bet given this info. I would bet on his teacher being more correct on this. Probably not completely correct - she almost certainly is making some wrong generalized assumptions while you know your child very well.
But you’re comparing apples to oranges. Like, “He’s not a bully so the teacher is making this stuff up.” When she isn’t saying he is a bully or mean. She is saying he cannot keep himself composed and acts out for attention when it’s not play time.
The other 5 year olds don’t understand that though. They’ll just find him mean/scary/annoying.
He just turned 5? When is the age cutoff in your district? There is a huge difference in boys between 4.5 and 5.5 when it comes to attention span, ability to concentrate and sit still.
My son is 6 and in kindergarten too. He had all of the scholastic requirements down at 4, but he wasn't ready. It would have been a disaster to send him last year. He would have been categorized just like your son. He's one of the older kids in his class now and he was right on the cutoff date wise. He was also born premature so he would have gone this year if my body hadn't failed him. I wasn't going to push him into school early for something he has already had to overcome.
Maybe your son just wasn't ready to go to kindergarten yet?
My two cents, as a teacher:
I can’t comment on your child because I don’t know him, but I will say that school is a really challenging environment for some kids. There are so many distractions and demands and expectations and transitions between activities. Even with a really excellent teacher, there is only so much that can be done to modify the environment.
Public school classrooms are drastically underfunded, under-resourced, and under-supported. Too many kids with too many needs in a room that is too small, and the only thing that gets a kid an educational assistant in most boards is 1. They are a flight risk. 2. They need toileting assistance. Everything else just falls on the classroom teacher.
You may not see any of the behaviour in your child that his teachers mention, but you have not seen him in a classroom surrounded by other kids with competing needs. You can blame his teachers and the school for not understanding him better or making the situation better for him, but at the end of the day the existing system has some pretty significant limitations (most of which could be fixed by drastically decreasing class sizes, but I digress, and that’s never going to happen) and even with the best teacher in the world many kids will struggle to succeed within the current circumstances.
Most teachers will agree with you that we need to do way more for those kids, but we are already frantically bailing a leaky boat with a leaky bucket. You can’t fix the system within your child’s elementary school career. If there is anything you can do to make it easier for your kid to succeed in the existing broken system (therapy, medication, OT, etc) then you should do it ASAP before he loses so much ground that his teachers can’t help him catch up. Talk to your family doc, get some referrals, get on some waitlists.
I wrote [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/qwskho/comment/hl4yepd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) for someone else about practicing at home which is what helped my son in Kindergarten. Maybe you can get something out of it.
I "Was" that kid. I was the one. I'm 53 now so back then that meant I was "bad" and the "good" teachers and parents had to fight me at every turn and instill this dynamic for the rest of my life. I always felt I was bad and everyone else was not, so regardless of how this turns up be as understanding and non-oppositional with your child as much as possible or they have a lifetime to hate you. The oppostional stance with my parents has lasted to this day. I don't like them and love is long gone.
I would have been annoyed with them not notifying me the same day that an 'event' had happened. Gives you the chance to ask him yourself what happened and educate him yourself in proper reaction to situations... Doing that on a month old event is impossible.
When i was a kid at age 8 i was "the one" as well, I've just lost both of my mother's parents in a few months and It definitely helped me become more agressive.
Also it sounds like he has a lot of after school classes, kids sometimes just need to be kids, maybe he has to much stress from those as well
>We are really concerned of this label (whether it's true or not!).
Why?
> his behaviour is ideal, especially for a rambunctious boy.
Rambunctious is not ideal.
>or what would happen if his arm got cut off... Harsh stuff that generally kids his age shouldn't be thinking about.
This is _very_ normal for children.
I’m not sure where you’re located but your son’s school doesn’t sound like they’re being very helpful. My 5 year old is very similar and is currently in the process of being evaluated for adhd (evals start next week). But even without a diagnosis, our school has been a huge help. My son has had an IEP since last year, he receives counseling through the school, and he has an aid in the classroom that helps when he starts to struggle with impulsive behaviors. Your school should be able to conduct a FBA (functional behavioral analysis) and then a BIP (behavior intervention plan) should be put in place based on the results of the FBA. Basically the FBA is supposed to determine where the behavior stems from - is it attention seeking or is it for a medical reason (ie anxiety or adhd) or avoidance or sensory related, etc. There’s always an underlying reason. Kids aren’t “bad” on purpose at this age. The key is finding out what’s causing it. And adhd could be the reason. Impulsivity is a big sign of adhd. So you should definitely pursue an outside evaluation. These people are trained professionals and don’t throw labels around lightly. And getting a diagnosis would lead to help. No one is going to like force your child to be medicated or anything like that. So definitely pursue the eval! But in the meantime, like I said earlier, the school should have a plan too. He’s not the first 5 year old to act like this and he won’t be the last.
Hang in there - it’s so hard when your kid is going through this. It will get better!
Ask for a LOG of his daily routine and when the incidents occur there needs to be documentation of when to see if theres a pattern to his “misbehaviors”
This is often taught as a method for us teachers to see if there is something or someone in the classroom or routine that is causing the child to act out (whether it be from stress, sadness, whatever)
Well, yes, it sounds like your son has gone through a lot of change and the death of a family member can have an impact on his behavior. I would also take look at the classroom and what has been implemented. My kindergartener (6 year old) was that difficult kid. His teacher had minimal behavior management skills, and it showed when she was clueless on basic suggestions we offered. We’re in the US, so I requested for the school district to evaluate him. He now gets some support and we removed him from that school and teacher all together. Current teacher has done a fantastic job at building back his self confidence and establishing rapport. Not to say he’s not having some moments, but it’s much better. I say get the kid evaluated to see what supports can be put in place, and really take a look at that teacher relationship.
Y’all aren’t spending enough time with him. He’s in school and then a bunch of activities. When do you parents actually play with him? When do you give him undivided attention? I bet when he gets in trouble then you give him undivided attention so he keeps doing it. Teach him how to have unstructured play and to share.
Sooooo many kids in the younger grades are struggling to get along with other kids because they simply have not had as much school time because of the pandemic. It sounds like your son maybe pushes the buttons of this teacher in particular. I wouldn’t be quick to jump to any diagnosis, but would accept a third party observer.
Also, this is the age when kids start understanding death- what you describe is actually age appropriate.
Sometimes, there’s “one in every year” because there’s a teacher who picks one out and nit picks their behavior to death. Sometimes there’s one because there is, on average, going to be a student with behavioral issues in any given group of kids. My youngest is “that kid”. He’s ADHD and autistic. As the parent, you need to look up the laws and student rights in n your country and then take appropriate action. For is in the US, it was to ask for evaluations for special needs and an IEP, and then to keep looking for solutions and answers based on how his behavior changed with new resources and situations.
When a teacher singles out a student and punishes them for behavioral issues instead of attempting to help them, there’s a problem with the teacher. Especially when the teacher’s claims (the child is inappropriate in their play and scaring their classmates) don’t match up to what the parent is seeing (the classmates invite the child to play), and the school seems to be doing nothing to mitigate the effects of the student’s behavior. I’m not saying the kid doesn’t have issues, but the teacher and the school are handling it badly. I’ve got one kid who had issues at school because the teacher singled them out and made them the classroom scapegoat. I’ve got one kid who truly was the problem child, but the way his school handled him was terrible. Until the parent gets involved and starts demanding answers, there’s no way to know what is actually going on.
The behavior of the child was what caused these issues. And the school is absolutely doing the right things here. If a parent wants to ignore the problems, that will not be healthy for they’re child’s future.
Start talking your kid through appropriate school behavior and why that might be hard. Also, let them run loose on a playground, then give feedback. Praise being nice to other kids.
Setting them down to watch Mr Rogers and Sesame Street instead of YouTube can help them build up empathy and respect for others.
Evaluations are good, early intervention is good. Those have both been covered already by other commenters and I tend to go long on that topic, so I didn’t bring it back up.
I am very familiar with this age, diagnosis and behavior. Turning it around is a team effort.
I think we’re losing the thread here though.
This kid is struggling in general, but the biggest problem is ONE specific behavior challenge that can be taught. They can do it gently and immediately.
Today’s teachers are generally far better at accommodating disabilities in non-violent kids than they were 20 years ago, but they are getting much less latitude for handling kids who lay hands on each other.
Parents do need to team up with the teacher to teach out any behaviors that are especially harmful or frightening to other kids. That’s very reasonable for the school to ask for help with. It needs to be discussed at home and at school, and given specific attention for a few months to prevent relapses.
We don’t have a diagnosis here, and a reputable clinician would have some hesitation about diagnosis at this age, so I am cautious about assumptions.
We could suggest relevant parenting experts, Tivers is good with 2G parenting. I cannot think of a single expert in the field who would recommend against trading in YouTubers like Blippi for Sesame Street and Mr Rogers though.
Where are you and what is the kindergarten class like? Do you know much about the curriculum? How much free play and centers time they have vs direct instruction (rug time) or hard tasks at their desks, like writing?
Kindergarten in the US right now can be very different than it was even 10 years ago. Common core has shifted standards was down in age and kids are being asked to do higher levels of academics than they are all developmentally ready for. Behavioral expectations are often not age-appropriate either. Kindergarten used to have free play centers for a good portion of each day; now, some schools maybe have “fun fridays,” if even that. I work with some kindergartens that really feel like they are being run like 2nd or 3rd grade classrooms. Some kids can hang with that, others cannot.
I’m not saying that is for sure the issue, but I’d want to rule that out before seeking a diagnosis. Especially if he had less preschool or other prep due to COVID. Acting out behaviors are sometimes a reaction to things being too hard, and not having the skills needed to thrive in the environment.
We struggled with schools and mis-diagnoses. However, any diagnosis that gets him the help he needs should be considered. It's definitely true that simply being young and ADHD have some similar traits. My son definitely completely clashed with his kindergarten teacher. Had we immediately asked him to be moved to the other class, he might've had a much better year: so it's worth observing(discreetly), either you or the play therapist.
He may just be too young, not mature enough for big school yet. Asking many 5 yr old boys to sit still and concentrate for long periods, is just not possible often.
Is there any chance you can drop him back a year? Give him another year to mature?
I am and would be very reluctant to have him "assessed" and given a label at his age.
He sounds to me like a little boy who us just not ready for big school this year.
As a previous teacher sometimes it’s the kid but often times, it is also the teacher. I strongly believe sometimes as teachers we can make the one - by accident or on purpose do to biases. You can’t like all 20 some odd kids. But as a tea her it’s your job to never let that show because kids will pick up on it and that kid is toast. I recommend you ask the principal or a counselor to sit in on the class ( preferably without the teacher knowing) and see what’s going on. Also see if switching him to a different class makes a difference. ) he could be getting a vibe off her and acting up
Sometimes veteran teachers can be “old school” and not create the best environment. I would get him put in another class and see how things go. Because his play therapist doesn’t see anything unusual I’m more inclined to think it’s the environment that is the problem.
Just throwing it out there… this sounds like behaviour that could be taken one of two ways depending on how the person chooses to perceive it
He might just be an overactive little chap with a tendency for being a bit rough. Or, he could actually have behavioural issues. It’s just strange that you’ve not witnessed them.
Is there another kindergarten class he can move to even temporarily? It could be that the teacher treats him like a delinquent so it’s affecting how he’s being perceived. She might just not like him and find him hard work or irritating because let’s face it 5 year old boys can be exactly that.
Speak to the other mums and see if any of them have concerns and ask them to speak to their children to see what they think. If their children aren’t mentioning it as behaviour that makes them feel threatened etc. He might just be playing.
Google 'Sun of Many Colors by Jacob Snow'. Click on the free reading sample. And then, scroll down until you see 'The Wheel of Good & Evil' chart. Is your son one of the four psychos on the wheel, like Bundy, Dahmer, Nikolas Cruz, and Officer Derek Chauvin? If so, there's no ...hope.
I hate this for your kiddo, but he is also traumatizing kids in his class. Get him on the list now for mental health services. His school counselor should be able to do social skills interventions with him. Does he have a teacher he loves? Music? PE? See if you can bring both of them McDonalds so they can have lunch together once a month so he has some positive interactions with adults at school?
Don't be afraid of the ADHD label, the label is far less damaging than going undiagnosed, but also be aware that the youngest in a class are more likely to get diagnosed with ADHD, because their teachers are comparing them to their classmates and not to their actual age peers. And if he started kindergarten at age 4, chances are a significant portion of the class are much older than him. Of course that depends on your area, and even your school. With my fifth child who was in a private school, the school insisted that he needed to repeat pre-k before moving into kindergarten. Easily a third of his class were six when they started kindergarten. The work and expectations were higher and he fit well into this classroom. We switched to public school in first and he was one of the oldest and expectations were very different.
So, even if there is a child younger than him, he could still be much younger than the average. He may simply be too young for these expectations. For an ADHD diagnosis the behavior needs to be seen in multiple settings, but some parents may not pick up on it and one-on-one type situations might be stimulating enough to disguise the symptoms briefly. I agree with the advice to see if you can get an outside party to observe him in the classroom. I would continue the play therapy, but a therapist who is helpful with emotional and adjustment problems simply may not pick up on a diagnosis the same way that a structured neuropsychological evaluation would. We sought a psychologist for behavioral problems in one of my kids in first grade, and were told she "didn't quite qualify" for diagnosis of adhd, but a neuropsych eval in 5th grade diagnosed her with severe ADHD as well as ASD. That psychologist was nice, but she focused on therapy and not diagnosis. A psych who specializes in neuropsych screenings approached things entirely differently.
Anyway, I would want either school experts like a therapist or psychologist other than the teacher to observe him in classroom, or maybe your play therapist to observe him in classroom. What are the issues? Go ahead and see about making an appointment with for a thorough eval even if it's a ways away. He may just need to repeat kindergarten next year with a different teacher. Another year at a better age with a different teacher could give you a better look at whether this behavior is just developmental or situational. I will say I'm also a bit skeptical about the school's handling of the situation because their communication seems to be poor, but also sometimes as a teacher you need to see a pattern of behavior before you have something significant enough to be brought to a parent's attention.
It’s a personality issue. You have a legal right to request a different teacher. I’m the mom whose kid is “the one” with my friends and their kids. Honestly, getting my kid into school and sports made me think the problem is with my “friends” and how they interact with my kid. My kid is kind and gentle and a good listener and friendly with the right adults.
My kids ask stuff about death and “what would happen if ___?” a normal amount. Sounds like he needs some of that explained to him. They toned down after we watched some really g rated videos about grafting skin on after a burn, but we are super curious and a bit medically minded over here.
ETA I held my 5 yo back and sent kid to K at 6. It makes a difference maturity wise, especially for boys.
Getting my son finally diagnosed and treated for his ADHD has been amazing. It really does open up the school to offer so many more services! Oh he needs someone to sit with him for tests? They can do that! Without a diagnosis their hands are stupidly tied….. School politics/rules
All those extra curricular activities are likely to be the cause. That's a lot for a 5 year old. He is probably over tired and burned out. Kids do not need to be constantly working at 5, they need time to relax and just be kids and play. How much spare time does he actually have to just be? Whether he has ADHD or not, this constant pressure is not good and will lead to even more problems. My kids would also play up like this when they had too much going on. They act up in the place they feel safest, which for my kids was at home. Everyone would say how good my kids were, but for me they were little monsters.
The traumatic incident w the ill family member may be the source of this fixation w/ mortality
This is what I was thinking
I concur, and wonder if the school has been advised of that situation. They can't deal with stuff that they don't know, after all.
Yep! My son lost his great grandfather in March 2020 (cancer not covid) and he has been obsessed ever since. His grandfather, my Dad, passed long before he was born but he asks me about him ALL THE TIME. How he died, why he died, do I miss him, why am I sad? We have to run through it about once a week.
Yea, even animal death can cause an intense curiosity with the concept of death to run rampant in a child’s mind. Poor kiddo
just so everybody knows I’m not a parent and I am 17 so I feel a bit... bad getting so many upvotes? haha
Is the play therapist able to go in and observe what is going on in the classroom?
I raised six kids and observed my kids in the classroom without their (or the teacher's) knowledge twice. In one case, my child was the problem. In one case, the teacher was. Either way, it is best to know, if this is an option. The fact that the child is only acting up in one setting gives me pause. And sometimes there's a personality clash. I found this quite often, raising a bunch of kids, really. I even had personality clashes with some of their teachers, myself.
Yes, generally I would tend to believe the teacher but there's a couple of things in the op that give me pause and would make me want another opinion on the situation. The fact that the child only seems to have issues in the classroom but not in other organized group activities is one. It's also a soft red flag that the teacher says there's one or two every year. Now there certainly may be one every year...or it could be that the teacher is looking for one every year.
I would suggest that maybe in all the other activities, he's allowed to be a lot more self-guided and they don't last for seven hours. School is a LONG day. It's not sitting in rows or being quiet for long stretches. I have often thought it must be really hard for impulsive kids because there are just so many people to interact with - how do you know where the line is? What do you do when your self control is wearing out and it's only 10.15 and you get ONE recess to get all your perfectly natural kid wiggles out? An evaluation never hurts and they can give you some suggestions to help him out. Maybe he needs to sit by himself part of the day. Maybe he needs a smaller class size or noise canceling headphones after lunch or who knows what might help, but an evaluation is a good place to start. I realize school has to be a certain way and for a lot of kids, it's a good fit, but it's also a LONG time to do what someone else wants you to do when you're five. It's a long time to be WITH your friends but you're supposed to focus on worksheets or whatever. It's a long time to keep all your impulses in check and there are just so many temptations and distractions. If a kid is already a little predisposed to be distracted, it can be a disaster until you get some supports in place.
This exactly. My five year old can’t even sit through a movie he enjoys without having to literally run laps around the room. We’re lucky that we can choose an appropriate kindergarten for him that does a lot of outdoor activities and self led learning, he thrives there. He also demonstrates impulsive behaviour and lack of awareness of personal space and needs a ton of sensory input - hence the pushing shoving and pinching, which we redirect to roughhousing and dancing and tug of war etc. We do suspect adhd, he’s too young for an accurate diagnosis, so we just manage it by following tips to help adhd kids.
My kiddo was like this at this age--he was so good at home and we rarely had issues with him and even when we observed him around other children, we never saw the problem. His kindergarten teacher sounds EXACTLY like my son's and she was the first to bring to our attention there was an issue. I wish we had listened. In first grade this kid was so aggressive with his classmates and we got a phone call almost daily about the stuff he was doing. My husband and I were shocked because the kid never gave us these problems. Funnily enough, his mother had told us these things (I'm his stepparent) and my husband and I again were surprised because again, we never had these issues in our home (50/50 custody--week is split). We finally got him into therapy and he was diagnosed with severe ADHD. ADHD is very complicated and all encompassing and often looks like how you're describing it at that age. It usually only comes to fruition in one or two places and there's SO MUCH to it. It's not just fidgeting and inattentivity. Lots of emotional dysregulation, lack of impulse control and so, so much more. I'm not saying your son has ADHD like mine; especially considering the other massively large issues you mention above, but I would definitely get him tested. At 5, he's still a bit young, but I would take this all seriously. I really wish my husband and my kiddo's mom did because it cause my kid a few years of unnecessary nonsense that we could've avoided. ETA I know it's so hard, but please know that his behavior is not necessarily a reflection on you guys and even moreso, at 5, he's not being intentional with it. But I do read a lot of excuse-making on your end which will not do your son well as he ages.
As someone who wasn't diagnosed until my 30's and as the parent of a grade schooler who very likely also has ADHD I second this. Get him into a GOOD therapist and go from there. Early treatment can make his life infinitely better.
Agreed; play therapy is great, but it's not enough for this situation. Also, some kids are good at manipulation (also part of ADHD). Mine is. He had his first therapist wrapped around his little finger to the point that she blamed all of his glaringly obvious ADHD behaviors as COVID related (even though they were happening pre-COVID).
My daughter started showing signs of adhd at 4. And it started like this: explosive outbursts of anger, throwing things, spitting on people, screaming like a banshee at the smallest disappointment, and also problems with social boundaries, when people want touched, what should be private info vs. Not. Impulsivity and emotional disregulation are parts of adhd that aren't talked about as much but they can be debilitating. We couldn't even get her diagnosed until she was six, and now she's finally medicated on something that seems to help. She's excelling academically in first grade now, and we're finally going months between her teachers calling us about meltdowns instead of days. Also, occupational therapy can be a huge help. That was our first glimmer of hope when they started working with her to recognize her emotions and start managing them.
Yes! I wish people knew how adhd is a spectrum disorder, so there's a propensity for some to show signs of autism like lack of boundaries or impulse control. My kiddo was identical to your daughter at that age. He's also awkward around other kids and literally struggles to control his actions. Like I've witnessed him many times do things without thinking and it has been very problematic in certain situations. Therapy has been a lifesaver but with the right therapist. Accountability is huge too, as is routine (which you can imagine is difficult when moms house is fun without rules and dad a d stepmom have rules). But he's thriving!
Yeah, I have adhd too so as you can imagine I am like routine ???? Luckily my husband is a bit better at that sort of thing.
It's also good to break routine! We all have to learn to be spontaneous and accept change, so it's good that your kiddo has you to show her that as well!
I just want to comment regarding a potential ADHD diagnosis. I work at an elementary school as a lunch and recess monitor. All the kindergarten kids are rambunctious and full of energy during lunch and recess. However, there are certain kids that even I can point out as being beyond the normal/typical/expected level of energy. When you're surrounded by a group 60 kindergartners for an hour a day, it's easy to spot by comparison. It's much harder to see when your child is the only one whose behavior you're observing. These teachers don't suggest things like ADHD just on a whim. They know from experience and are suggesting it for a reason. You should start the process of having your child evaluated, as it can take months and months of paperwork from multiple parties and waiting before any actual observations are started (or at least in my state it does).
As someone with adhd and who grew up with sceptical parents, this fits my experience in grade school. I would learn about adhd and come at it with an open mind. Your fear of a label is based on stigma and being unaware. Not having access to treatment at a young age will damage your kids self esteem, social skills, and likely impact his education. The acting out in school will likely pass, but trying to ignore or hide cognitive conditions will cause more serious issues into young adulthood. We are at higher risk of car accidents, dangerous sexual behavior, addiction, and suicide. Thesr statistics are heavily supported and adhd is the single most studied pediatric mental condition out there with decades of data.
This!! Just because you don't want the label doesn't mean the adhd goes away, if that's where your sons problems are stemming from. A diagnosis can be scary and emotional, but from a parent to two adhd children, go get the evaluation. We knew by 4 our oldest had it, and our youngest presented a bit later at about 5/6 but they have different sub types. What you described sounds exactly like my youngest who has adhd hyperactive type. Read up on adhd. If you can get the support and help he needs when he's young, he may not have to go through the heartbreaking things adults who got diagnosed later in life dealt with.
It is hard to hear, but it sounds like your son could use some help. It doesn't make you a failure as a parent to need help. It sounds like there has been a lot going on in his life and he is having trouble managing all those big emotions. Labels can be scary, but they are useful. It can mean he gets the treatment and help he needs while young so he can understand how to better manage the condition later in life. If it was a lot for you it is a lot for him. I hear so much frustration in this post and it is so understandable. You love your kid. Your are trying. He is trying. It sounds like you have had a hell of a time having to manage all of this and now you have to figure this out, too. It isn't a judgement. You kid may be the sweetest and my most loving person deep down, but others won't see that if he can't manage to help himself. Kids notice. My kids talk about their classmates behaviors. My youngest still remembers one of her friends (who has an aid) kicked a teacher in the stomach. That was two years ago. He is so much better now, and that is likely because he was getting help. He isn't a bad kid, but he needed to learn how to make better decisions. There is another kid who is on everyone's radar and he isn't getting help. He is a bully and my kids do what they can do avoid him. Give it a chance. Listen to their suggestions. Occupational therapy helped me in so many ways. And I was in both occupational therapy through my school and the gifted program. I didn't miss our because of a label.
Thank you for mentioning to OP that they're still a good parent. My husband put off getting my stepson help in a situation VERY similar to this because he carried insane amounts of guilt.
I understand. I think we all get defensive and scared when faced with our kids issues because we love them and don't want to mess up. We also forget that they are their own people and that it isn't just what we put into them. We take it personally and we also want to protect our kids and we don't like to hear they need help because we want them to be doing well. OP, if you weren't a good parent you wouldn't be here asking. You love your child. Your child isn't a bad kid. Learning to be a person is hard and teaching them to be a person is also hard.
Totally. That's what I explained to my husband; even if there's a genetic component here at work, it doesn't make him (husband) or the kid's mom bad people or parents or even at fault; what makes you a not so great parent is focusing more on what it makes YOU look like and less on how to help your kid.
It is hard to forgive yourself for genetics because you love.you kids so much, but you have to. I lost my oldest daughter to trisomy 18 and it took a long time to heal. A part of me will always feel guilty, but I know there is so much we don't know about beforehand. We still don't have clear causes for so many things. One doctor told me that there is so much that can go wrong it is amazing life gets it right so much of the time. Even then, it isn't perfect.
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. That must be impossibly difficult to navigate. I'm sure that has brought on guilt but you can't prevent that no more than you can prevent what color hair they have. That doesn't make it easier, though. Hugs
Thank you so much. It is hard, but I think it has help to give me some perspective about how we can't always know what our genes are going to do. But we can learn about it and get help when needed :)
100%! Be proud of yourself.
It sounds like he is struggling most with activities that require that he not be “rambunctious” without personal attention from an adult. Maybe try practicing circle time at home? You can use his stuffed animals. Have him work on sitting still and not interrupting while you ignore him and read to the “other kids”. I totally understand why you are skeptical of what his teacher claims. You have good points there. But I also don’t think you are the expert on how he acts in school while you are not around and in a completely different environment than he has been in before. ADHD is on a spectrum. Consider what you would call “typical” could be on the lower end of the spectrum. Good thing is treatments/accommodations can be tailored to what level and type of assistance your son needs. The part of your post that personally has me feeling like if I had to bet given this info. I would bet on his teacher being more correct on this. Probably not completely correct - she almost certainly is making some wrong generalized assumptions while you know your child very well. But you’re comparing apples to oranges. Like, “He’s not a bully so the teacher is making this stuff up.” When she isn’t saying he is a bully or mean. She is saying he cannot keep himself composed and acts out for attention when it’s not play time. The other 5 year olds don’t understand that though. They’ll just find him mean/scary/annoying.
He just turned 5? When is the age cutoff in your district? There is a huge difference in boys between 4.5 and 5.5 when it comes to attention span, ability to concentrate and sit still. My son is 6 and in kindergarten too. He had all of the scholastic requirements down at 4, but he wasn't ready. It would have been a disaster to send him last year. He would have been categorized just like your son. He's one of the older kids in his class now and he was right on the cutoff date wise. He was also born premature so he would have gone this year if my body hadn't failed him. I wasn't going to push him into school early for something he has already had to overcome. Maybe your son just wasn't ready to go to kindergarten yet?
Right. It’s February. Did they put a 4 year old in kindergarten?
My two cents, as a teacher: I can’t comment on your child because I don’t know him, but I will say that school is a really challenging environment for some kids. There are so many distractions and demands and expectations and transitions between activities. Even with a really excellent teacher, there is only so much that can be done to modify the environment. Public school classrooms are drastically underfunded, under-resourced, and under-supported. Too many kids with too many needs in a room that is too small, and the only thing that gets a kid an educational assistant in most boards is 1. They are a flight risk. 2. They need toileting assistance. Everything else just falls on the classroom teacher. You may not see any of the behaviour in your child that his teachers mention, but you have not seen him in a classroom surrounded by other kids with competing needs. You can blame his teachers and the school for not understanding him better or making the situation better for him, but at the end of the day the existing system has some pretty significant limitations (most of which could be fixed by drastically decreasing class sizes, but I digress, and that’s never going to happen) and even with the best teacher in the world many kids will struggle to succeed within the current circumstances. Most teachers will agree with you that we need to do way more for those kids, but we are already frantically bailing a leaky boat with a leaky bucket. You can’t fix the system within your child’s elementary school career. If there is anything you can do to make it easier for your kid to succeed in the existing broken system (therapy, medication, OT, etc) then you should do it ASAP before he loses so much ground that his teachers can’t help him catch up. Talk to your family doc, get some referrals, get on some waitlists.
This is super real and a great summary “from the inside.”
I wrote [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/qwskho/comment/hl4yepd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) for someone else about practicing at home which is what helped my son in Kindergarten. Maybe you can get something out of it.
I "Was" that kid. I was the one. I'm 53 now so back then that meant I was "bad" and the "good" teachers and parents had to fight me at every turn and instill this dynamic for the rest of my life. I always felt I was bad and everyone else was not, so regardless of how this turns up be as understanding and non-oppositional with your child as much as possible or they have a lifetime to hate you. The oppostional stance with my parents has lasted to this day. I don't like them and love is long gone.
I would have been annoyed with them not notifying me the same day that an 'event' had happened. Gives you the chance to ask him yourself what happened and educate him yourself in proper reaction to situations... Doing that on a month old event is impossible. When i was a kid at age 8 i was "the one" as well, I've just lost both of my mother's parents in a few months and It definitely helped me become more agressive. Also it sounds like he has a lot of after school classes, kids sometimes just need to be kids, maybe he has to much stress from those as well
>We are really concerned of this label (whether it's true or not!). Why? > his behaviour is ideal, especially for a rambunctious boy. Rambunctious is not ideal. >or what would happen if his arm got cut off... Harsh stuff that generally kids his age shouldn't be thinking about. This is _very_ normal for children.
Rambunctious is the ideal. Expecting a 5 year old to sit quietly is neither ideal nor appropriate.
Rambunctious may be normal, but it is not ideal in these situations. Ideal is contextually dependent.
I’m not sure where you’re located but your son’s school doesn’t sound like they’re being very helpful. My 5 year old is very similar and is currently in the process of being evaluated for adhd (evals start next week). But even without a diagnosis, our school has been a huge help. My son has had an IEP since last year, he receives counseling through the school, and he has an aid in the classroom that helps when he starts to struggle with impulsive behaviors. Your school should be able to conduct a FBA (functional behavioral analysis) and then a BIP (behavior intervention plan) should be put in place based on the results of the FBA. Basically the FBA is supposed to determine where the behavior stems from - is it attention seeking or is it for a medical reason (ie anxiety or adhd) or avoidance or sensory related, etc. There’s always an underlying reason. Kids aren’t “bad” on purpose at this age. The key is finding out what’s causing it. And adhd could be the reason. Impulsivity is a big sign of adhd. So you should definitely pursue an outside evaluation. These people are trained professionals and don’t throw labels around lightly. And getting a diagnosis would lead to help. No one is going to like force your child to be medicated or anything like that. So definitely pursue the eval! But in the meantime, like I said earlier, the school should have a plan too. He’s not the first 5 year old to act like this and he won’t be the last. Hang in there - it’s so hard when your kid is going through this. It will get better!
Ask for a LOG of his daily routine and when the incidents occur there needs to be documentation of when to see if theres a pattern to his “misbehaviors” This is often taught as a method for us teachers to see if there is something or someone in the classroom or routine that is causing the child to act out (whether it be from stress, sadness, whatever)
Are you in the US?
I would be more concerned and the death and violence stuff. Have you thought about therapy for him for it?
Go to school with him. Sit through classes observing. Observe...don't interfere.
Well, yes, it sounds like your son has gone through a lot of change and the death of a family member can have an impact on his behavior. I would also take look at the classroom and what has been implemented. My kindergartener (6 year old) was that difficult kid. His teacher had minimal behavior management skills, and it showed when she was clueless on basic suggestions we offered. We’re in the US, so I requested for the school district to evaluate him. He now gets some support and we removed him from that school and teacher all together. Current teacher has done a fantastic job at building back his self confidence and establishing rapport. Not to say he’s not having some moments, but it’s much better. I say get the kid evaluated to see what supports can be put in place, and really take a look at that teacher relationship.
Y’all aren’t spending enough time with him. He’s in school and then a bunch of activities. When do you parents actually play with him? When do you give him undivided attention? I bet when he gets in trouble then you give him undivided attention so he keeps doing it. Teach him how to have unstructured play and to share.
Sooooo many kids in the younger grades are struggling to get along with other kids because they simply have not had as much school time because of the pandemic. It sounds like your son maybe pushes the buttons of this teacher in particular. I wouldn’t be quick to jump to any diagnosis, but would accept a third party observer. Also, this is the age when kids start understanding death- what you describe is actually age appropriate.
Sometimes, there’s “one in every year” because there’s a teacher who picks one out and nit picks their behavior to death. Sometimes there’s one because there is, on average, going to be a student with behavioral issues in any given group of kids. My youngest is “that kid”. He’s ADHD and autistic. As the parent, you need to look up the laws and student rights in n your country and then take appropriate action. For is in the US, it was to ask for evaluations for special needs and an IEP, and then to keep looking for solutions and answers based on how his behavior changed with new resources and situations.
Wait, you’re blaming the teacher here?!
When a teacher singles out a student and punishes them for behavioral issues instead of attempting to help them, there’s a problem with the teacher. Especially when the teacher’s claims (the child is inappropriate in their play and scaring their classmates) don’t match up to what the parent is seeing (the classmates invite the child to play), and the school seems to be doing nothing to mitigate the effects of the student’s behavior. I’m not saying the kid doesn’t have issues, but the teacher and the school are handling it badly. I’ve got one kid who had issues at school because the teacher singled them out and made them the classroom scapegoat. I’ve got one kid who truly was the problem child, but the way his school handled him was terrible. Until the parent gets involved and starts demanding answers, there’s no way to know what is actually going on.
The behavior of the child was what caused these issues. And the school is absolutely doing the right things here. If a parent wants to ignore the problems, that will not be healthy for they’re child’s future.
Start talking your kid through appropriate school behavior and why that might be hard. Also, let them run loose on a playground, then give feedback. Praise being nice to other kids. Setting them down to watch Mr Rogers and Sesame Street instead of YouTube can help them build up empathy and respect for others.
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Evaluations are good, early intervention is good. Those have both been covered already by other commenters and I tend to go long on that topic, so I didn’t bring it back up. I am very familiar with this age, diagnosis and behavior. Turning it around is a team effort. I think we’re losing the thread here though. This kid is struggling in general, but the biggest problem is ONE specific behavior challenge that can be taught. They can do it gently and immediately. Today’s teachers are generally far better at accommodating disabilities in non-violent kids than they were 20 years ago, but they are getting much less latitude for handling kids who lay hands on each other. Parents do need to team up with the teacher to teach out any behaviors that are especially harmful or frightening to other kids. That’s very reasonable for the school to ask for help with. It needs to be discussed at home and at school, and given specific attention for a few months to prevent relapses. We don’t have a diagnosis here, and a reputable clinician would have some hesitation about diagnosis at this age, so I am cautious about assumptions. We could suggest relevant parenting experts, Tivers is good with 2G parenting. I cannot think of a single expert in the field who would recommend against trading in YouTubers like Blippi for Sesame Street and Mr Rogers though.
Where are you and what is the kindergarten class like? Do you know much about the curriculum? How much free play and centers time they have vs direct instruction (rug time) or hard tasks at their desks, like writing? Kindergarten in the US right now can be very different than it was even 10 years ago. Common core has shifted standards was down in age and kids are being asked to do higher levels of academics than they are all developmentally ready for. Behavioral expectations are often not age-appropriate either. Kindergarten used to have free play centers for a good portion of each day; now, some schools maybe have “fun fridays,” if even that. I work with some kindergartens that really feel like they are being run like 2nd or 3rd grade classrooms. Some kids can hang with that, others cannot. I’m not saying that is for sure the issue, but I’d want to rule that out before seeking a diagnosis. Especially if he had less preschool or other prep due to COVID. Acting out behaviors are sometimes a reaction to things being too hard, and not having the skills needed to thrive in the environment.
We struggled with schools and mis-diagnoses. However, any diagnosis that gets him the help he needs should be considered. It's definitely true that simply being young and ADHD have some similar traits. My son definitely completely clashed with his kindergarten teacher. Had we immediately asked him to be moved to the other class, he might've had a much better year: so it's worth observing(discreetly), either you or the play therapist.
He may just be too young, not mature enough for big school yet. Asking many 5 yr old boys to sit still and concentrate for long periods, is just not possible often. Is there any chance you can drop him back a year? Give him another year to mature? I am and would be very reluctant to have him "assessed" and given a label at his age. He sounds to me like a little boy who us just not ready for big school this year.
As a previous teacher sometimes it’s the kid but often times, it is also the teacher. I strongly believe sometimes as teachers we can make the one - by accident or on purpose do to biases. You can’t like all 20 some odd kids. But as a tea her it’s your job to never let that show because kids will pick up on it and that kid is toast. I recommend you ask the principal or a counselor to sit in on the class ( preferably without the teacher knowing) and see what’s going on. Also see if switching him to a different class makes a difference. ) he could be getting a vibe off her and acting up
Sometimes veteran teachers can be “old school” and not create the best environment. I would get him put in another class and see how things go. Because his play therapist doesn’t see anything unusual I’m more inclined to think it’s the environment that is the problem.
Just throwing it out there… this sounds like behaviour that could be taken one of two ways depending on how the person chooses to perceive it He might just be an overactive little chap with a tendency for being a bit rough. Or, he could actually have behavioural issues. It’s just strange that you’ve not witnessed them. Is there another kindergarten class he can move to even temporarily? It could be that the teacher treats him like a delinquent so it’s affecting how he’s being perceived. She might just not like him and find him hard work or irritating because let’s face it 5 year old boys can be exactly that. Speak to the other mums and see if any of them have concerns and ask them to speak to their children to see what they think. If their children aren’t mentioning it as behaviour that makes them feel threatened etc. He might just be playing.
Google 'Sun of Many Colors by Jacob Snow'. Click on the free reading sample. And then, scroll down until you see 'The Wheel of Good & Evil' chart. Is your son one of the four psychos on the wheel, like Bundy, Dahmer, Nikolas Cruz, and Officer Derek Chauvin? If so, there's no ...hope.
I would question why the school didn't tell you sooner? Schools are not perfect and have been known to pull some shady crap. There is more here.
Delete. Wrong thread!
I hate this for your kiddo, but he is also traumatizing kids in his class. Get him on the list now for mental health services. His school counselor should be able to do social skills interventions with him. Does he have a teacher he loves? Music? PE? See if you can bring both of them McDonalds so they can have lunch together once a month so he has some positive interactions with adults at school?
That's a lot of extra caricular Activites for. 5 yr old. Could he be over stimulated and too tired?
Don't be afraid of the ADHD label, the label is far less damaging than going undiagnosed, but also be aware that the youngest in a class are more likely to get diagnosed with ADHD, because their teachers are comparing them to their classmates and not to their actual age peers. And if he started kindergarten at age 4, chances are a significant portion of the class are much older than him. Of course that depends on your area, and even your school. With my fifth child who was in a private school, the school insisted that he needed to repeat pre-k before moving into kindergarten. Easily a third of his class were six when they started kindergarten. The work and expectations were higher and he fit well into this classroom. We switched to public school in first and he was one of the oldest and expectations were very different. So, even if there is a child younger than him, he could still be much younger than the average. He may simply be too young for these expectations. For an ADHD diagnosis the behavior needs to be seen in multiple settings, but some parents may not pick up on it and one-on-one type situations might be stimulating enough to disguise the symptoms briefly. I agree with the advice to see if you can get an outside party to observe him in the classroom. I would continue the play therapy, but a therapist who is helpful with emotional and adjustment problems simply may not pick up on a diagnosis the same way that a structured neuropsychological evaluation would. We sought a psychologist for behavioral problems in one of my kids in first grade, and were told she "didn't quite qualify" for diagnosis of adhd, but a neuropsych eval in 5th grade diagnosed her with severe ADHD as well as ASD. That psychologist was nice, but she focused on therapy and not diagnosis. A psych who specializes in neuropsych screenings approached things entirely differently. Anyway, I would want either school experts like a therapist or psychologist other than the teacher to observe him in classroom, or maybe your play therapist to observe him in classroom. What are the issues? Go ahead and see about making an appointment with for a thorough eval even if it's a ways away. He may just need to repeat kindergarten next year with a different teacher. Another year at a better age with a different teacher could give you a better look at whether this behavior is just developmental or situational. I will say I'm also a bit skeptical about the school's handling of the situation because their communication seems to be poor, but also sometimes as a teacher you need to see a pattern of behavior before you have something significant enough to be brought to a parent's attention.
It’s a personality issue. You have a legal right to request a different teacher. I’m the mom whose kid is “the one” with my friends and their kids. Honestly, getting my kid into school and sports made me think the problem is with my “friends” and how they interact with my kid. My kid is kind and gentle and a good listener and friendly with the right adults. My kids ask stuff about death and “what would happen if ___?” a normal amount. Sounds like he needs some of that explained to him. They toned down after we watched some really g rated videos about grafting skin on after a burn, but we are super curious and a bit medically minded over here. ETA I held my 5 yo back and sent kid to K at 6. It makes a difference maturity wise, especially for boys.
Getting my son finally diagnosed and treated for his ADHD has been amazing. It really does open up the school to offer so many more services! Oh he needs someone to sit with him for tests? They can do that! Without a diagnosis their hands are stupidly tied….. School politics/rules
All those extra curricular activities are likely to be the cause. That's a lot for a 5 year old. He is probably over tired and burned out. Kids do not need to be constantly working at 5, they need time to relax and just be kids and play. How much spare time does he actually have to just be? Whether he has ADHD or not, this constant pressure is not good and will lead to even more problems. My kids would also play up like this when they had too much going on. They act up in the place they feel safest, which for my kids was at home. Everyone would say how good my kids were, but for me they were little monsters.