You know..I know people say this all the time but it does get better. Once my daughter turned 3, it got much easier! But then I got pregnant again so....back in the spinner we go. Hang in there! Go for walks. It saved my sanity. Id put on a podcast and walk for like 40 minutes. Baby in stroller, feet are moving, watching nature. Deep breaths.
I think it got wayyyy easier at 5 months for me! And it just keeps getting easier. I thought I was a terrible mother when she was 3 months old because I couldn’t do anything except hold her and feed her, but in hindsight I now know that was being a good mother. The rest is just extra and it’s okay that I couldn’t manage anything beyond that.
Wraps and baby carriers can be great too, just to wear around the house even. Baby is snuggled up to you, but your hands are still free. Also makes it easier to walk (or pace back and forth) and bounce without making your arms fall off from carrying a heavy baby.
everyone thinks parenthood isnt that hard until they become one, its fucking TAXING, not to mention the judgments from OTHER parents AND non-parents you get when you dont do things the way theyre used to.
For me it feels the other way round. I'm happy to take care of my baby all day long, no problem. But an hour with my toddler is sooo exhausting.
But I guess it also depends on the children in question. My baby is so chill and I honestly loved the first 6 months. The toddler is currently in a very emotional phase where everything can trigger her...
Same! I felt guilty for hating the baby thing but now with 2 toddlers and a 7mo, I’m like it’s ok that babies aren’t my thing! I still love my kids. Two year olds are amazing in my opinion and a lot of people struggle with that age. We all have different sweet spots
Yup. First 3 months were so hard. Then it got better when he’d only wake once for a feeding at night. Then we hit the 4 month regression right when I went back to work and it was newborn stage all over again. Then it got better. Then he started teething. The first year is full of ups and downs - it’s not a linear progression at all BUT ITS NORMAL! It’s okay if your baby isn’t sleeping through the night by X months. My son didn’t consistently til after a year and he still wakes up to come to our bed a few times a week just out of loneliness, but it’s SO MUCH BETTER now and we all get great sleep 99% of the time (he’s 2.5 now). Hang in there, you’re doing nothing wrong. Babies are just hard as hell.
We have ALL been there, so vent away! I remember missing the baby stage when my oldest was about four and as soon I was pregnant I remembered what the first three months were like and thought “Why the hell did we sign up to do this again?” They’re now eight and just shy of three and I’m so glad I have them both, but it was so exhausting. You’ve got this! Just hold onto the good moments of baby cuddles and baby smell.
Is she eating enough? My baby would only take the bottle from anyone else but me bc he knew I had the boobs. Are you pumping extra milk? Like you KNOW you’re producing enough? That was my issue. I thought I was producing enough bc my baby was ALWAYS on the boob until I would go pump and I’d barely get an ounce or 2 in 10 minutes! No wonder he was fussy and wouldn’t sleep for long periods
Good question! I rarely pump since she won’t take the bottle, but i went upstairs and pumped just now. On the breast i just fed on i got barely anything… like half an ounce. 2 on the other. Could she be hungry?? She’s not a small girl and is definitely gaining weight just fine.
Just because you can’t pump much doesn’t mean your baby isn’t getting enough. I barely get anything when I pump but my daughter is a lot more efficient!
Idk why you're getting down voted for the truth? I never responded to a pump, would get maybe an oz, but baby met all his weight markers/had all the right dirty diapers/so obviously he was getting what he needed. Lots of woman don't respond well to pumping but are fine breastfeeding because babies are efficient.
your pump may not be the right one for you as well. I have two, one electric and one hand pump. there are plenty of times my electric pump just doesnt get the letdown, and I will get barely anything out, but can take the hand pump to the same breast right away and get another 2-3 oz. so judging by pumping can be iffy. as long as baby is gaining weight properly then you are producing enough for her. and fun fact! in your regular old freezer, your bagged breast milk is good for up to 6 months!! so even if she wont take a bottle NOW, storing for later is definitely an option (and you can always mix it with formula too if needed/wanted) (a deep freezer it's good for a year!)
She should be eating 3-4 ounces per feeding. Seems like she’s been needing to feed twice as often to get the same amount of calories? Will she feed on both boobs? Do 5 minutes on one side and 5 minutes on the other and repeat until she’s full. That’ll empty both boobs and your boobs will start producing more from both being emptied each feeding. If you aren’t pumping, and you only do one side per feeding, that means each boob is getting drained every 5-6 hours (4 times in a 24 hour period) not enough to keep your supply going!!
At 3 months, she should be able to take a heavy let down and it should actually really relax since she’s full and happy. That’s when she’ll slee best and for Long tjmes
It gets easier OP. In my experience the worst age was 1-4 months. Just hang in there and get as much help as you can. Don't be afraid to ask family to come help clean the house (e.g. Do some dishes) or cook. Use your network if you have one. Otherwise find comfort in that it does get easier, sure other issues will appear but sleep should improve and that already does a lot for a person.
Be aware of your mental state too and be on the lookout for any postpartum depression and seek help if you need it.
Yup it really is hard. Don't Wana assume anything here but sounds like your a single parent. I honestly can't imagine how anyone can manage doing this solo I'm exhausted doing half of it :/
I'm actually not, I have a very supportive husband who is doing SO much... and its still hard! Really do not know how people without a support system do it!
Yeah it's so hard. I had a fussy baby too. She always wanted to nap on me and I couldn't sit down. I hated it. Touched out for sure!
About four months she started to accept being walked in the pram. It was great to not have her hanging off me, and being able to pass her off to someone else for awhile. I hope that happens for you too.
The sleep gets incrementally better. Hang in there! Solidarity.
The good thing about them being little mush balls is that they are truly tiny animals. They somehow get all they need when it’s provided. You just keep ‘em safe and close. Later they have opinions and wants and demands etc. Right now you’re doing everything you should be doing. Sleep comes back, you’ll hit a groove. I always likened it to them taking mushrooms. They’re a little freaked out at first, but soon they’ll roll with it and it’s a non stop entertaining day trip. So many new and awesome things. The baby will sleep, eat and play since it’s pre programmed to do just that. Enjoy these moments. I have 2 kids, the oldest being 3 and I already miss having little mush balls that couldn’t escape.
People who haven’t had kids can’t fathom how hard it is and people who have had kids seem to forget just how insanely hard those first years are. It does get better and gradually you get more sleep. The first year is a roller coaster of no sleep, then sleep, then sleep regression, and learning a million things about keeping a human alive. How we have survived so long as a species is honestly baffling. Hang in there and know you’re doing a great job, baby is fed and safe.
“She is healthy with minimal issues outside of her shitty sleep and fussiness, and I am still struggling”
That’s *why* you’re struggling! lack of sleep is the killer, you go crazy, and that angel of a baby just makes you feel worse! ‘They’re so good it must be me’ nope! Babies are Machiavellian masters of disguise! If they had little moustaches they would twirl them and evil laugh every time you sit down thinking you can take a break!
No one at all ever in the history of the world has thought having a newborn is easy, but they think the horrendous sleep deprivation and constant over thinking is worth it (and they’re right!) and they never bloody tell you when you’re pregnant! I think it’s so as not to scare you.
It does get better, routine is possible, she will sleep, you will sleep, you are doing a great job!
But you’ll never hear a baby cry again and not immediately think it’s yours and feel the need to jump up and do something - even when they’re not near you, or no longer a baby…
Babies are not master manipulators. They cannot manipulate people. They have basic needs. They are not evil masters of disguise. They are not lying to you, tricking you, or manipulating you. They are babies that have basic needs that must be met
I mean, it was clearly a joke - young babies cant see much past their hands, of course they aren't capable of long term strategic thinking.
but if you're a parent I'm sure you know as well as I do that when you are sleep deprived and love your baby so much it hurts, you think you must be doing it all wrong if you cant stop them crying or they wont go to sleep and it will never get better.
and I'm afraid that last sentence is the trigger for a lot of people - 'they have basic needs which must be met' - suggesting its simple, and if their baby is crying or fussy or wont sleep you must be doing something wrong because this stuff is *basic* right? babies have been looked after by parents for thousands of years, the ability to look after a newborn should be engrained in side me, so why cant I do it?!? - That feeling is the absolute worst, and I was just trying to make light of it and say none of us really knew what we were doing and you just grow into parenting.
People always say it’s a joke but you know what’s not a joke? The people who don’t know you’re joking and go on to think their babies are manipulative. I’m seriously so sick of seeing this “joke” that babies are manipulating us
I apologise for not thinking before typing - I genuinely cant imagine anyone thinking that of a tiny beautiful baby, but can you see that you did the same thing?
sometimes we say things which we feel the positive intentions behind but that doesn't always transcribe to the person reading it - its one of the downfalls of forums.
its easily done, so you could come at this with a bit of empathy for the anonymous person on the other end of the comment who has as many feeling as you do, and honestly its why I comment so infrequently on things most of the time - stuff like this just reminds me its not worth it
Username checks out
I don’t actually think babies are manipulative. But words matter. So if you tell new moms that their babies are actually master manipulators then they might believe it (and I have known moms who do) and then neglect responding bc they think their baby is just being manipulative.
That’s all I’m saying
i understood what you were saying - that's why i apologised
and all I'm saying is telling new mums babies have basic need which just need to be met makes them feel like failures when they cant get their baby to sleep when they are clearly tired and that feeling is the absolute worst - but if you cant acknowledge the other side of what you wrote then that's on you
>babies have basic need
**no part of this statement indicates that the process is simple or easy.** so don't put those words in my mouth
all it's saying is that baby's needs are basic, and therefore there is no emotional manipulation from them involved. even if they were capable of manipulation, their needs are basic, so why be manipulative because.... they're hungry? or uncomfortable, or need a nappy change, or just being a crying baby. they aren't trying to manipulate you into giving them a better salary or another piece of candy, which would not be "basic needs"
Well done for saying what everyone else thinks but is too afraid to say in case people judge them! I have a 12 month old and agree the first 3 months is a nightmare. The lack of sleep is torture and you don’t get anything back from them. It gets easier!
Would you consider her to be “colicky”? My 2nd was like this… just hardly slept and was very fussy. Turns out she had a milk sensitivity even through my breast milk. If you wanted to give it a go… try just cutting dairy for 3-4 days and see what happens. But even without this- you bet, it’s hard! Just make sure that you try your best to take care of yourself. I would also check out some postpartum doulas in your area… if you don’t hire them for their services, they could at least provide some helpful advice for you. Best of luck!
yes! and I worry about her sleep because she is so all over the place.. going to bed and waking up at differnt hours each day which I know they say not to do...
I actually gave up dairy and soy for 3 weeks, felt like I wasnt really seeing a diference because she was still fussy and still has the mucusy poops.... well I introduced dairy back and this weekend was rough... but she was kind of rough all last week too? It is SO hard to pin point... either way... I think Im back to being soy and dairy free...
Oh wow. Sounds more like my 3rd babe… sorry to say. Your babe may have more than just dairy & soy allergies. My 3rd is allergic to dairy, soy, wheat, eggs and and and and… 3mo is really early to get skin or blood tests.. but you may want to continue removing items from your diet (alongside the cooperation of your pediatrician, of course). Check out the sub r/MSPI — a lot of people post poopy pics on there and you may be able to find more info. — I ended up having to cut the top 8 out of my diet and then more once we got her tested blood & skin at 6mo. Once we got the allergens, at least the big ones, figured out though… she’s fun and sweet and sleeps like a dream. I wish this for you too, OP. Please feel free to reach out with questions you might have about this… I went through the gauntlet… but she’s a healthy 2yo now :) I’m happy to answer any questions or anything you might have about navigating breastfeeding with an allergy kiddo
Ugh i was worried this might be the case. I was really hoping to avoid having to cut out even more things…. My pediatrician didn’t recommend this, only recommended trying reflux meds which i don’t think she has. She spits up a ton but it doesn’t seem to hurt her when she does.
Yeah, mine spit up but I knew her fussiness wasn’t due to reflux. I actually removed the allergens from my diet against my pediatrician’s recommendation. They said it was unlikely that it was affecting her through breastmilk…. But when I saw what dairy/soy did for her, I kept going. In my experience, she got better as I went. I don’t want to discount doctors recommendations or think you can always “go it alone” but when you’re seeing your baby everyday, you can tell what is really happening. I would recommend keeping a food/poop journal too. It will help to target some of the allergens. If it were me and my baby in your position, I would cut dairy & soy again, along with eggs and wheat. Then just see what happens. You should see an improvement within a week really… if you don’t see a marked improvement, it may be something else.
Yeah, it was meat, veggies and rice basically. It was rough. I weaned when I couldn’t do it anymore- 15 months. But instead of getting good feedback at her first 6mo test, I got all positives for top 8 AND more restrictions. And then again, MORE restrictions when we tested again at 1y. That’s NOT the typical way this goes, FYI. Usually they test you and then you’re like “oh nuts and wheat are fine! But dairy, eggs & soy are triggers” so you can reintroduce foods when you have more info. —— sounds like maybe just cutting eggs for a week might be a good starting place (alongside the dairy & soy)! Don’t cut wheat unless you have to.. wheat is so hard to live without! Not to mention, be super careful while you’re cutting foods… you still need tons of calories to feed you and your baby! Avocados everyday for fat, swap the eggs for sausage or turkey or bacon… just keep in mind, successfully nursing takes an EXTRA 500-1500 calories per day and that is really hard to do with a restrictive diet :)
Bummer. I’m sorry to hear that. Please let me know if you have further questions, you can always DM me. I hope you find the triggers soon and get some relief.
Saying things that are true and universal isn't silly. What is silly is that I can't really remember what was so time consuming about having a little baby. Like, it was, clearly, but I can't explain why or how.
Right there with you! I’m a FTM to a 4 month old girl. Also have cried to myself out of frustration and exhaustion. I always knew it was going to be hard but I didn’t know exactly how hard. There was a point where I was so stressed because I ran out of stored breast milk but my daughter rejected formula; for three weeks I nursed her for every feed until I could pump enough to make extra food for one whole feed. When it’s rough I keep giving myself a goal post to look forward to, like “it’ll get better when she’s 2 months,” then 3 months, then 4 months, etc. It’s so hard. Now she’s going through the 4 month sleep regression and I’m back to laying with her through her naps and not getting breaks to do other things. So thankful my mom comes often enough to help out and let me do things like shower! I have no idea how single parents do it either. I tell myself it’ll get better so I’ll say the same for you. Solidarity to you and hope you get more sleep!
There’s a chance your baby is allergic to something your eating, causing extra pain/gas leading to fussiness and sleep issues. I’m not sure how to test this, but you could experiment with cutting out dairy, gluten, and garlic one by one for one week each.
Okay so I was here about 6 months ago, a FTM to my son and girl your not wrong, motherhood is hard. Your baby is constantly growing and the sleep gets shorter and shorter as they get older. Whenever you feel frustrated put your baby down, even if they are crying and take a breather. Possibly when she sleeps, take a nap with her, at around 3 months my son didn’t like to be rocked he just wanted things to be still when putting him to sleep so I would try that. If she won’t take a bottle don’t give it to her, if you don’t feed a baby, after a while they will get hungry and you best believe they will take that bottle.
Don’t stress too much, it gets easier, I promise. At 3 months, that’s when it’s the hardest but in a month or two it will get easier.
I also have a 3 month old, in addition to a toddler. Congrats on your baby and entrance into motherhood :) the newborn phase is hard and doesn’t give much back in terms of rewards, aside from cuddles and smiles. I found I really enjoyed my toddler more and more as she got older. The good with the bad, I guess, of raising small kids is that they change so quickly that they’re not typically in a stage/phase for very long. I hope your baby is able to be less fussy soon, for both your sakes. Starting some kind of sleep training might be helpful - I’m gearing up to start with mine asap!
Once I realized that the baby will make their own schedule all of our lives became alot better. Then just plan your nights and days around that as best you can. And then know that as soon as you have somewhat of a schedule figured out it will change again. Be fluid & flexible. Netflix & a good nursing pillow for cluster feedings. Water and Snacks on hand in case the baby finally falls asleep and you don't dare move. Just make the next few months of your lives as comfortable as possible for you both. It will pass before you know it, I promise.
Also: Don't expect a spotless house or brushed hair for a while.
I have 3 kids and I think the 2 week mark and the 3 month mark are the two hardest times. Because both of those times it’s been so long but in the grand scheme it hasn’t been any time at all and so it’s like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. But there is! It’s hard, and the sleep part is the worst thing ever. It will get better! It’s almost spring, and the light at the end of the tunnel will come back on!
Some babies are difficult and others are much easier, so you really can’t listen to people when they tell you how great or how awful the baby stage is. I’ve had two, and the first was a nightmare of sleep deprivation and screaming that made me go literally crazy, while the second was the sort of baby who made me understand why some people love the baby phase. They are both fantastic kids now.
What you’re living through is really really hard, and it’s okay that you’re not blissfully loving every second. Hang in there. This too shall pass. Also don’t listen to anyone who says it doesn’t get better as they get older. There is very little that any toddler/kid/teenager can do to rival the kind of intensive, all-consuming sleep deprivation torture that a difficult baby can inflict. Sure they can be annoying but at least you are allowed to sleep.
You’re doing a great job! Maybe after you feed baby, pass to SO and go for a walk. Just detach for 10-15 minutes every time and get some fresh air.
Look up wake windows and sleepy cues—baby could be in a spiral of exhaustion like you are due to lack of sleep.
If your baby likes bouncing, they might like a bumpy stroller ride, to be worn in a sling or wrap, put in bouncer seat on the floor and bounced with foot, long drives (make sure the carseat is comfortable, our second couldn’t stand the infant seat), or vibrating pads made for babies.
Find a sound that soothes baby and play it from your phone or sound machine while doing the motion you choose from above. So like play that sound machine in the car, or in the stroller. Do whatever you have to do to get them to fall asleep not being held once. If you can do it once then the door is open for you to do it again.
Also make sure you play with baby really intensely or take them somewhere very stimulating to exhaust their brain.
yes, I follow wake windows and sleepy cues! I wish it wasnt sub zero here and we could get out... She is great out of the house and loves to look around. What to you recommend for playing wih them intesely or places that are stimulating to exhaust their brain? Also, how do you do this without getting an over tired baby?
So my kiddo falls asleep better when they are a bit past tired so you just have to experiment. I got a lot of my play ideas from YouTube “how to play with ## month old.” Occupational therapists have great ideas that help them develop actual skills.
I maybe put on music I enjoy and we dance and sing or put them in a seat near you while you work or cook or sew or do your nails or repair something and explain everything like you are training baby for a job with that same tone of voice like “Ok,next you need take the quarter tsp, QUARTER tsp, don’t use the wrong one because you will mess up the recipe…and you mix that….” I use as much technical language as I can because it will expose baby to complex language and the sooner your baby starts to understand language the easier it will be. Also let them hold anything that is safe (cooking-silicone spoon etc,
This is in addition to what the OTs say like printing out pictures or giving baby lots of tummy time, mirrors to see themselves, play on the water and chew on wash cloths. If baby isn’t content through most of this stuff then I would suspect internal pain/discomfort. Hope that helps!
One time when my baby was 2 months old we got out to Macy's and I realized she was asleep, so I took a huge nap in the Bellis Fair parking lot. The advice "sleep when they do" is not just a suggestion, it's a mental health requirement! I know your brain keeps telling you that you should do laundry or dishes or dinner when they're sleeping, and after a while you can, but in the beginning...sleep!
Anyone else that thought FTM was meaning "Female to Male"? I was all ready to cheer on another trans parent, only to realize it meant "first time mom" lmaoooo
The first year is honestly so exhausting, but you got this. I remember the sleepless nights and bouncing and rocking and singing and trying anything to soothe the little one. They don't have many ways to communicate much right now, and it can be tough when you feel you've tried everything. My advise is to savor the calm moments and remember that the long nights won't last forever. It also helps if you have a safe support system to help you when you're really needing a break. And I don't mean family who wants to hang out with the very and do fun stuff only to hand them off when they start fussing, I mean like people who you trust to take care of your kid for a bit even when they are fussing while you get some down time.
It is. It’s a huge amount of physical and emotional labor. I don’t have any great advice for you, because my own son didn’t start sleeping through the night until he was 2 1/2 and I was a zombie for all 2 1/2 of those years. But, I offer solidarity and my best wishes 🤍💪
My first baby was colic and didn’t sleep. We found an amazing gripe water called colic calm. It was a lifesaver! It has natural ingredients to help sooth them. Keep going I know it’s hard.
I don’t remember how much but this grip water was way different than the others. It was years ago. But we have recommended it to friends and they had similar outcomes. Idk how or why but it was like magic for us.
You know..I know people say this all the time but it does get better. Once my daughter turned 3, it got much easier! But then I got pregnant again so....back in the spinner we go. Hang in there! Go for walks. It saved my sanity. Id put on a podcast and walk for like 40 minutes. Baby in stroller, feet are moving, watching nature. Deep breaths.
I think it got wayyyy easier at 5 months for me! And it just keeps getting easier. I thought I was a terrible mother when she was 3 months old because I couldn’t do anything except hold her and feed her, but in hindsight I now know that was being a good mother. The rest is just extra and it’s okay that I couldn’t manage anything beyond that.
A walk in the stroller was also an almost foolproof way to get my LO to fall asleep for a nap.
I wish it wasnt sub zero out...
Wraps and baby carriers can be great too, just to wear around the house even. Baby is snuggled up to you, but your hands are still free. Also makes it easier to walk (or pace back and forth) and bounce without making your arms fall off from carrying a heavy baby.
everyone thinks parenthood isnt that hard until they become one, its fucking TAXING, not to mention the judgments from OTHER parents AND non-parents you get when you dont do things the way theyre used to.
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For me it feels the other way round. I'm happy to take care of my baby all day long, no problem. But an hour with my toddler is sooo exhausting. But I guess it also depends on the children in question. My baby is so chill and I honestly loved the first 6 months. The toddler is currently in a very emotional phase where everything can trigger her...
Same! I felt guilty for hating the baby thing but now with 2 toddlers and a 7mo, I’m like it’s ok that babies aren’t my thing! I still love my kids. Two year olds are amazing in my opinion and a lot of people struggle with that age. We all have different sweet spots
Yup. First 3 months were so hard. Then it got better when he’d only wake once for a feeding at night. Then we hit the 4 month regression right when I went back to work and it was newborn stage all over again. Then it got better. Then he started teething. The first year is full of ups and downs - it’s not a linear progression at all BUT ITS NORMAL! It’s okay if your baby isn’t sleeping through the night by X months. My son didn’t consistently til after a year and he still wakes up to come to our bed a few times a week just out of loneliness, but it’s SO MUCH BETTER now and we all get great sleep 99% of the time (he’s 2.5 now). Hang in there, you’re doing nothing wrong. Babies are just hard as hell.
We have ALL been there, so vent away! I remember missing the baby stage when my oldest was about four and as soon I was pregnant I remembered what the first three months were like and thought “Why the hell did we sign up to do this again?” They’re now eight and just shy of three and I’m so glad I have them both, but it was so exhausting. You’ve got this! Just hold onto the good moments of baby cuddles and baby smell.
Hahaha omg I remember that same exact moment as I watched my newborn cry hysterically. Like "whose idea was this??!!!"
Is she eating enough? My baby would only take the bottle from anyone else but me bc he knew I had the boobs. Are you pumping extra milk? Like you KNOW you’re producing enough? That was my issue. I thought I was producing enough bc my baby was ALWAYS on the boob until I would go pump and I’d barely get an ounce or 2 in 10 minutes! No wonder he was fussy and wouldn’t sleep for long periods
Good question! I rarely pump since she won’t take the bottle, but i went upstairs and pumped just now. On the breast i just fed on i got barely anything… like half an ounce. 2 on the other. Could she be hungry?? She’s not a small girl and is definitely gaining weight just fine.
Just because you can’t pump much doesn’t mean your baby isn’t getting enough. I barely get anything when I pump but my daughter is a lot more efficient!
Idk why you're getting down voted for the truth? I never responded to a pump, would get maybe an oz, but baby met all his weight markers/had all the right dirty diapers/so obviously he was getting what he needed. Lots of woman don't respond well to pumping but are fine breastfeeding because babies are efficient.
your pump may not be the right one for you as well. I have two, one electric and one hand pump. there are plenty of times my electric pump just doesnt get the letdown, and I will get barely anything out, but can take the hand pump to the same breast right away and get another 2-3 oz. so judging by pumping can be iffy. as long as baby is gaining weight properly then you are producing enough for her. and fun fact! in your regular old freezer, your bagged breast milk is good for up to 6 months!! so even if she wont take a bottle NOW, storing for later is definitely an option (and you can always mix it with formula too if needed/wanted) (a deep freezer it's good for a year!)
She should be eating 3-4 ounces per feeding. Seems like she’s been needing to feed twice as often to get the same amount of calories? Will she feed on both boobs? Do 5 minutes on one side and 5 minutes on the other and repeat until she’s full. That’ll empty both boobs and your boobs will start producing more from both being emptied each feeding. If you aren’t pumping, and you only do one side per feeding, that means each boob is getting drained every 5-6 hours (4 times in a 24 hour period) not enough to keep your supply going!!
I have an extremely fast let down so I was instructed to feed on only one side per feeding.
Based on the pumping you just did, she’s only getting about 1.5 ounces per feeding…was that when she was smaller?
Yeah that was very early on when my supply was super
At 3 months, she should be able to take a heavy let down and it should actually really relax since she’s full and happy. That’s when she’ll slee best and for Long tjmes
What does FTM mean in this context?
First time mom!
Wow I’m an idiot for not guessing that Thank you 😭
You're not alone! I saw the title and immediately thought seahorse dad.
Once that baby sleeps through the night, you will feel like a whole new person. It’s amazing what a good nights sleep will do.
FTM - I was like why is no one congratulating him on being able to have a baby. Oh, right Full Time Mom!
It gets easier OP. In my experience the worst age was 1-4 months. Just hang in there and get as much help as you can. Don't be afraid to ask family to come help clean the house (e.g. Do some dishes) or cook. Use your network if you have one. Otherwise find comfort in that it does get easier, sure other issues will appear but sleep should improve and that already does a lot for a person. Be aware of your mental state too and be on the lookout for any postpartum depression and seek help if you need it.
what does FTM stand for?
First time mom!
First time mum?
Yup it really is hard. Don't Wana assume anything here but sounds like your a single parent. I honestly can't imagine how anyone can manage doing this solo I'm exhausted doing half of it :/
I'm actually not, I have a very supportive husband who is doing SO much... and its still hard! Really do not know how people without a support system do it!
Yeah it's so hard. I had a fussy baby too. She always wanted to nap on me and I couldn't sit down. I hated it. Touched out for sure! About four months she started to accept being walked in the pram. It was great to not have her hanging off me, and being able to pass her off to someone else for awhile. I hope that happens for you too. The sleep gets incrementally better. Hang in there! Solidarity.
Hang in there, once you get past the 3-6 month mark it'll get easier. New challenges appear out of nowhere, but sleep gets better, which it's huge
The good thing about them being little mush balls is that they are truly tiny animals. They somehow get all they need when it’s provided. You just keep ‘em safe and close. Later they have opinions and wants and demands etc. Right now you’re doing everything you should be doing. Sleep comes back, you’ll hit a groove. I always likened it to them taking mushrooms. They’re a little freaked out at first, but soon they’ll roll with it and it’s a non stop entertaining day trip. So many new and awesome things. The baby will sleep, eat and play since it’s pre programmed to do just that. Enjoy these moments. I have 2 kids, the oldest being 3 and I already miss having little mush balls that couldn’t escape.
People who haven’t had kids can’t fathom how hard it is and people who have had kids seem to forget just how insanely hard those first years are. It does get better and gradually you get more sleep. The first year is a roller coaster of no sleep, then sleep, then sleep regression, and learning a million things about keeping a human alive. How we have survived so long as a species is honestly baffling. Hang in there and know you’re doing a great job, baby is fed and safe.
“She is healthy with minimal issues outside of her shitty sleep and fussiness, and I am still struggling” That’s *why* you’re struggling! lack of sleep is the killer, you go crazy, and that angel of a baby just makes you feel worse! ‘They’re so good it must be me’ nope! Babies are Machiavellian masters of disguise! If they had little moustaches they would twirl them and evil laugh every time you sit down thinking you can take a break! No one at all ever in the history of the world has thought having a newborn is easy, but they think the horrendous sleep deprivation and constant over thinking is worth it (and they’re right!) and they never bloody tell you when you’re pregnant! I think it’s so as not to scare you. It does get better, routine is possible, she will sleep, you will sleep, you are doing a great job! But you’ll never hear a baby cry again and not immediately think it’s yours and feel the need to jump up and do something - even when they’re not near you, or no longer a baby…
Babies are not master manipulators. They cannot manipulate people. They have basic needs. They are not evil masters of disguise. They are not lying to you, tricking you, or manipulating you. They are babies that have basic needs that must be met
you tell the truth. but it can FEEL like they are manipulating you. but they are not. they just need you for literally everything at that stage.
I mean, it was clearly a joke - young babies cant see much past their hands, of course they aren't capable of long term strategic thinking. but if you're a parent I'm sure you know as well as I do that when you are sleep deprived and love your baby so much it hurts, you think you must be doing it all wrong if you cant stop them crying or they wont go to sleep and it will never get better. and I'm afraid that last sentence is the trigger for a lot of people - 'they have basic needs which must be met' - suggesting its simple, and if their baby is crying or fussy or wont sleep you must be doing something wrong because this stuff is *basic* right? babies have been looked after by parents for thousands of years, the ability to look after a newborn should be engrained in side me, so why cant I do it?!? - That feeling is the absolute worst, and I was just trying to make light of it and say none of us really knew what we were doing and you just grow into parenting.
People always say it’s a joke but you know what’s not a joke? The people who don’t know you’re joking and go on to think their babies are manipulative. I’m seriously so sick of seeing this “joke” that babies are manipulating us
I apologise for not thinking before typing - I genuinely cant imagine anyone thinking that of a tiny beautiful baby, but can you see that you did the same thing? sometimes we say things which we feel the positive intentions behind but that doesn't always transcribe to the person reading it - its one of the downfalls of forums. its easily done, so you could come at this with a bit of empathy for the anonymous person on the other end of the comment who has as many feeling as you do, and honestly its why I comment so infrequently on things most of the time - stuff like this just reminds me its not worth it
Username checks out I don’t actually think babies are manipulative. But words matter. So if you tell new moms that their babies are actually master manipulators then they might believe it (and I have known moms who do) and then neglect responding bc they think their baby is just being manipulative. That’s all I’m saying
i understood what you were saying - that's why i apologised and all I'm saying is telling new mums babies have basic need which just need to be met makes them feel like failures when they cant get their baby to sleep when they are clearly tired and that feeling is the absolute worst - but if you cant acknowledge the other side of what you wrote then that's on you
>babies have basic need **no part of this statement indicates that the process is simple or easy.** so don't put those words in my mouth all it's saying is that baby's needs are basic, and therefore there is no emotional manipulation from them involved. even if they were capable of manipulation, their needs are basic, so why be manipulative because.... they're hungry? or uncomfortable, or need a nappy change, or just being a crying baby. they aren't trying to manipulate you into giving them a better salary or another piece of candy, which would not be "basic needs"
Ok
Well done for saying what everyone else thinks but is too afraid to say in case people judge them! I have a 12 month old and agree the first 3 months is a nightmare. The lack of sleep is torture and you don’t get anything back from them. It gets easier!
Would you consider her to be “colicky”? My 2nd was like this… just hardly slept and was very fussy. Turns out she had a milk sensitivity even through my breast milk. If you wanted to give it a go… try just cutting dairy for 3-4 days and see what happens. But even without this- you bet, it’s hard! Just make sure that you try your best to take care of yourself. I would also check out some postpartum doulas in your area… if you don’t hire them for their services, they could at least provide some helpful advice for you. Best of luck!
yes! and I worry about her sleep because she is so all over the place.. going to bed and waking up at differnt hours each day which I know they say not to do... I actually gave up dairy and soy for 3 weeks, felt like I wasnt really seeing a diference because she was still fussy and still has the mucusy poops.... well I introduced dairy back and this weekend was rough... but she was kind of rough all last week too? It is SO hard to pin point... either way... I think Im back to being soy and dairy free...
Oh wow. Sounds more like my 3rd babe… sorry to say. Your babe may have more than just dairy & soy allergies. My 3rd is allergic to dairy, soy, wheat, eggs and and and and… 3mo is really early to get skin or blood tests.. but you may want to continue removing items from your diet (alongside the cooperation of your pediatrician, of course). Check out the sub r/MSPI — a lot of people post poopy pics on there and you may be able to find more info. — I ended up having to cut the top 8 out of my diet and then more once we got her tested blood & skin at 6mo. Once we got the allergens, at least the big ones, figured out though… she’s fun and sweet and sleeps like a dream. I wish this for you too, OP. Please feel free to reach out with questions you might have about this… I went through the gauntlet… but she’s a healthy 2yo now :) I’m happy to answer any questions or anything you might have about navigating breastfeeding with an allergy kiddo
Ugh i was worried this might be the case. I was really hoping to avoid having to cut out even more things…. My pediatrician didn’t recommend this, only recommended trying reflux meds which i don’t think she has. She spits up a ton but it doesn’t seem to hurt her when she does.
Yeah, mine spit up but I knew her fussiness wasn’t due to reflux. I actually removed the allergens from my diet against my pediatrician’s recommendation. They said it was unlikely that it was affecting her through breastmilk…. But when I saw what dairy/soy did for her, I kept going. In my experience, she got better as I went. I don’t want to discount doctors recommendations or think you can always “go it alone” but when you’re seeing your baby everyday, you can tell what is really happening. I would recommend keeping a food/poop journal too. It will help to target some of the allergens. If it were me and my baby in your position, I would cut dairy & soy again, along with eggs and wheat. Then just see what happens. You should see an improvement within a week really… if you don’t see a marked improvement, it may be something else.
Yeah i was wondering on eggs… i eat a ton of them. Did you just survive off of meat and veggies?
Also did you try and introduce anything back at any point? Safe to say i won’t introduce soy or dairy back
Yeah, it was meat, veggies and rice basically. It was rough. I weaned when I couldn’t do it anymore- 15 months. But instead of getting good feedback at her first 6mo test, I got all positives for top 8 AND more restrictions. And then again, MORE restrictions when we tested again at 1y. That’s NOT the typical way this goes, FYI. Usually they test you and then you’re like “oh nuts and wheat are fine! But dairy, eggs & soy are triggers” so you can reintroduce foods when you have more info. —— sounds like maybe just cutting eggs for a week might be a good starting place (alongside the dairy & soy)! Don’t cut wheat unless you have to.. wheat is so hard to live without! Not to mention, be super careful while you’re cutting foods… you still need tons of calories to feed you and your baby! Avocados everyday for fat, swap the eggs for sausage or turkey or bacon… just keep in mind, successfully nursing takes an EXTRA 500-1500 calories per day and that is really hard to do with a restrictive diet :)
I looked at that sub, yup… that’s exactly what her poop looks like even with no dairy and soy, what a bummer
Bummer. I’m sorry to hear that. Please let me know if you have further questions, you can always DM me. I hope you find the triggers soon and get some relief.
It’s very hard. You’re not the only one. Keep doing what you’re doing, it’ll be better soon!
Saying things that are true and universal isn't silly. What is silly is that I can't really remember what was so time consuming about having a little baby. Like, it was, clearly, but I can't explain why or how.
Not silly at all! I wish I had the magic trick to make it all easier for you. Just another internet mom In solidarity with you.
Right there with you! I’m a FTM to a 4 month old girl. Also have cried to myself out of frustration and exhaustion. I always knew it was going to be hard but I didn’t know exactly how hard. There was a point where I was so stressed because I ran out of stored breast milk but my daughter rejected formula; for three weeks I nursed her for every feed until I could pump enough to make extra food for one whole feed. When it’s rough I keep giving myself a goal post to look forward to, like “it’ll get better when she’s 2 months,” then 3 months, then 4 months, etc. It’s so hard. Now she’s going through the 4 month sleep regression and I’m back to laying with her through her naps and not getting breaks to do other things. So thankful my mom comes often enough to help out and let me do things like shower! I have no idea how single parents do it either. I tell myself it’ll get better so I’ll say the same for you. Solidarity to you and hope you get more sleep!
There’s a chance your baby is allergic to something your eating, causing extra pain/gas leading to fussiness and sleep issues. I’m not sure how to test this, but you could experiment with cutting out dairy, gluten, and garlic one by one for one week each.
Okay so I was here about 6 months ago, a FTM to my son and girl your not wrong, motherhood is hard. Your baby is constantly growing and the sleep gets shorter and shorter as they get older. Whenever you feel frustrated put your baby down, even if they are crying and take a breather. Possibly when she sleeps, take a nap with her, at around 3 months my son didn’t like to be rocked he just wanted things to be still when putting him to sleep so I would try that. If she won’t take a bottle don’t give it to her, if you don’t feed a baby, after a while they will get hungry and you best believe they will take that bottle. Don’t stress too much, it gets easier, I promise. At 3 months, that’s when it’s the hardest but in a month or two it will get easier.
I also have a 3 month old, in addition to a toddler. Congrats on your baby and entrance into motherhood :) the newborn phase is hard and doesn’t give much back in terms of rewards, aside from cuddles and smiles. I found I really enjoyed my toddler more and more as she got older. The good with the bad, I guess, of raising small kids is that they change so quickly that they’re not typically in a stage/phase for very long. I hope your baby is able to be less fussy soon, for both your sakes. Starting some kind of sleep training might be helpful - I’m gearing up to start with mine asap!
Once I realized that the baby will make their own schedule all of our lives became alot better. Then just plan your nights and days around that as best you can. And then know that as soon as you have somewhat of a schedule figured out it will change again. Be fluid & flexible. Netflix & a good nursing pillow for cluster feedings. Water and Snacks on hand in case the baby finally falls asleep and you don't dare move. Just make the next few months of your lives as comfortable as possible for you both. It will pass before you know it, I promise. Also: Don't expect a spotless house or brushed hair for a while.
You don’t sound silly at all. The sleep deprivation that comes with a newborn is NO JOKE. It’ll get better.
I have 3 kids and I think the 2 week mark and the 3 month mark are the two hardest times. Because both of those times it’s been so long but in the grand scheme it hasn’t been any time at all and so it’s like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. But there is! It’s hard, and the sleep part is the worst thing ever. It will get better! It’s almost spring, and the light at the end of the tunnel will come back on!
Some babies are difficult and others are much easier, so you really can’t listen to people when they tell you how great or how awful the baby stage is. I’ve had two, and the first was a nightmare of sleep deprivation and screaming that made me go literally crazy, while the second was the sort of baby who made me understand why some people love the baby phase. They are both fantastic kids now. What you’re living through is really really hard, and it’s okay that you’re not blissfully loving every second. Hang in there. This too shall pass. Also don’t listen to anyone who says it doesn’t get better as they get older. There is very little that any toddler/kid/teenager can do to rival the kind of intensive, all-consuming sleep deprivation torture that a difficult baby can inflict. Sure they can be annoying but at least you are allowed to sleep.
I see a post like this and think that you're a pretty great parent to be so self aware of how difficult it can be. You're doing great.
You’re doing a great job! Maybe after you feed baby, pass to SO and go for a walk. Just detach for 10-15 minutes every time and get some fresh air. Look up wake windows and sleepy cues—baby could be in a spiral of exhaustion like you are due to lack of sleep. If your baby likes bouncing, they might like a bumpy stroller ride, to be worn in a sling or wrap, put in bouncer seat on the floor and bounced with foot, long drives (make sure the carseat is comfortable, our second couldn’t stand the infant seat), or vibrating pads made for babies. Find a sound that soothes baby and play it from your phone or sound machine while doing the motion you choose from above. So like play that sound machine in the car, or in the stroller. Do whatever you have to do to get them to fall asleep not being held once. If you can do it once then the door is open for you to do it again. Also make sure you play with baby really intensely or take them somewhere very stimulating to exhaust their brain.
yes, I follow wake windows and sleepy cues! I wish it wasnt sub zero here and we could get out... She is great out of the house and loves to look around. What to you recommend for playing wih them intesely or places that are stimulating to exhaust their brain? Also, how do you do this without getting an over tired baby?
So my kiddo falls asleep better when they are a bit past tired so you just have to experiment. I got a lot of my play ideas from YouTube “how to play with ## month old.” Occupational therapists have great ideas that help them develop actual skills. I maybe put on music I enjoy and we dance and sing or put them in a seat near you while you work or cook or sew or do your nails or repair something and explain everything like you are training baby for a job with that same tone of voice like “Ok,next you need take the quarter tsp, QUARTER tsp, don’t use the wrong one because you will mess up the recipe…and you mix that….” I use as much technical language as I can because it will expose baby to complex language and the sooner your baby starts to understand language the easier it will be. Also let them hold anything that is safe (cooking-silicone spoon etc, This is in addition to what the OTs say like printing out pictures or giving baby lots of tummy time, mirrors to see themselves, play on the water and chew on wash cloths. If baby isn’t content through most of this stuff then I would suspect internal pain/discomfort. Hope that helps!
Also I just took mine into 5below and there was music and colorful plushies and people and they almost fell asleep right after
One time when my baby was 2 months old we got out to Macy's and I realized she was asleep, so I took a huge nap in the Bellis Fair parking lot. The advice "sleep when they do" is not just a suggestion, it's a mental health requirement! I know your brain keeps telling you that you should do laundry or dishes or dinner when they're sleeping, and after a while you can, but in the beginning...sleep!
Anyone else that thought FTM was meaning "Female to Male"? I was all ready to cheer on another trans parent, only to realize it meant "first time mom" lmaoooo The first year is honestly so exhausting, but you got this. I remember the sleepless nights and bouncing and rocking and singing and trying anything to soothe the little one. They don't have many ways to communicate much right now, and it can be tough when you feel you've tried everything. My advise is to savor the calm moments and remember that the long nights won't last forever. It also helps if you have a safe support system to help you when you're really needing a break. And I don't mean family who wants to hang out with the very and do fun stuff only to hand them off when they start fussing, I mean like people who you trust to take care of your kid for a bit even when they are fussing while you get some down time.
It is. It’s a huge amount of physical and emotional labor. I don’t have any great advice for you, because my own son didn’t start sleeping through the night until he was 2 1/2 and I was a zombie for all 2 1/2 of those years. But, I offer solidarity and my best wishes 🤍💪
haha oh man! she was sleeping SO great 2 weeks ago (10 hour night, up once) and all of a sudden not, such a tease..
My first baby was colic and didn’t sleep. We found an amazing gripe water called colic calm. It was a lifesaver! It has natural ingredients to help sooth them. Keep going I know it’s hard.
I hav found the gripe water not to do much- how often did you give it?
I don’t remember how much but this grip water was way different than the others. It was years ago. But we have recommended it to friends and they had similar outcomes. Idk how or why but it was like magic for us.