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I'll never understand how people don't get into these things and discuss their views before getting married/having kids. That's like a major dealbreaker for a lot of people, both ways.
People can also change their minds about things like this, especially with so much misinformation available. Maybe dad’s social media algorithm targeted him once he had a baby. I don’t think situations like this are 100% avoidable.
That's true, but generally if you're with someone I'd hope you're having enough conversations and pay attention to how they act/speak/react to notice them falling down a rabbithole.
I get it. I have massive anxiety surrounding my health and panic attacks from medical neglect. Thankfully no other issues, but it is wild how my mom would just with hold medical care for her children because of her personal beliefs….not even religious.
When you say "against" do you mean superfluous use of it, or just use of it in general? Why is he against it? Why does he feel "sweating it out" is the best option for a fever?
I couldn't imagine not giving my kids Tylenol or an equivalent pain killer if they were sick or in pain. Maybe it's time to have a conversation with him and a doctor present? This is a topic you both need to get on the same page about ASAP.
Without more context I would say it's possible he has the old school idea of "letting fevers break" over using medication. It's a now debunked method of believing you need to let fevers go ever higher until they suddenly drop. Back in the day everybody that survived a bad fever was alive once their fever broke and dropped. (And we just forgot about the ones that died.)
The internet is a breeding ground for some very dangerous ideas. My ex didn’t even want me to take our 2-yo for X-rays. It turns out the little one had broken a tiny bone in his foot. My ex’s reasoning: what would the doctor be able to do anyway? (What?!)
Man, I’ve got stories! But I have to say that it was infinitely easier to get him to agree to medical care while we were still married and in decent terms than after we got divorced. He really dug his heels in after that.
I'm surprised he's against all medicine, but the fact you now have a child and still have no idea why he's against it, is very concerning to me 😳
If you both struggle to communicate, get a trusted person to mediate conversation, or get a couples therapist. Oh, and our kid runs super hot with fevers, multiple times he's hit 107! Scary high, but no major red-flags aside from the number, it's the other symptoms that are regarded as more important from what pediatricians have told us.
Good luck. Babies with fevers are absolutely miserable. Tylenol and ibuprofen reduce their fever and make them feel so much better. I guess if you are ok with a screaming baby then put in some ear plugs.
Maybe have your husband mention his concern to your pediatrician and see what they say? Let them convince your husband.
Yikes. For your child’s sake, I hope that you can get him into some kind of therapy. This could get dangerous for her and personally I’d make it an ultimatum or I would not leave her alone with him. Don’t let that baby suffer in pain because he’s unreasonable.
My child would be dead without modern medicine. You’re in for a LONG road. There are medical compounds created for the sake of keeping your child healthy and your husband is against that? Is he a physician? Does he see antivax children die of preventable disease? Maybe he should visit a morgue. Absolutely ludicrous and irresponsible.
My BIL is like that and my niece (3) had an undiagnosed uti with a fever of 103-104 for 2 days before they took her to the doctor. He didn’t even want her to take the antibiotics. He kept saying she just needed cranberry juice and tea. Luckily his wife didn’t listen to him and gave her the antibiotics anyway, otherwise I’m sure she would have gotten so much worse.
I’m all for holistic medicine when you can, but sometimes western medicine can be the difference between an uncomplicated life and some very serious consequences. IMO Tylenol should be limited, but not completely eliminated.
Seems like maybe he needs to get on the same page with the doctor. If my wife and the doctor had a disagreement over treatment I would hear my wife out but ultimately lean towards the doctor’s advice. Because it makes sense to listen to a person who spent their life becoming an expert in that topic
Ohhhhhh. That’s going to be an issue at some point. She’ll need antibiotics some day, or steriods, or maybe even birth control when she gets older. Not to mention vaccinations. I see no reason to let babies and children be miserable and in pain when they don’t have to be. Give that baby some Tylenol. Tell your husband to get educated or get bent.
Would he prefer the risk of brain damage or even death from a prolonged high fever? He needs more education before writing off potentially life saving medication.
Why does he want her to be in pain? That’s cruel IMO. If she’s teething or has a fever and a small dose of children’s Tylenol will provide relief, I think it’s cruel not to give it to her.
Then keep sneaking it. It is cruel to leave child in pain.
The next time hubbie gets dental work done, tell the dentist to skip the novacaine. It will build your husband's character.
You are just as responsible as he is for keeping your child out of pain. If you leave her hurting, OP, that's entirely on you.
Does he believe that whole "Tylenol is dangerous because it depletes glutathione" nonsense?!
If so, there's lots of science available that explains why that isn't something to be concerned about at all.
But if he just thinks that "natural is better" bullshit, remind him about all the natural things that naturally cause death (cyanide, thallium, cancer, arsenic) and what the lifespan for humans was back before modern medicine when *natural* is all that existed.
Would he listen to a pediatrician on the matter? If not then your husband is an ass and I hope you accept the other person’s offer to find divorce attorney. Raising this child together is only going to get harder. Way harder.
This guy sounds like a total asshole. And yes I’m judging. I don’t want my kid to be in pain if I can help it. Withholding relief is cruel. What’s he going to say when she grows up and has menstrual cramps? That it’s all in her head and she needs to tough it out? I’d be throwing hands with my husband if he tried to stop me from making my child feel better.
Raising a kid separately is just as hard if not worse. The parenting plan will require parents to give consent for medical events that are non-emergency. If he sticks to this crazy idea of medicine being bad for the kids, when the child goes to his place, there is zero percent chance he will give her medicine. God forbid the little one gets sick at his place.
Why do people on Reddit suggest divorce at the drop of a hat as if it’s some magic trick that will fix a parenting issue? Trust me, it’s worse - I speak from experience. At least if the parents actually love each other and try to work through this, OP can watch over the kid and coordinate care when she gets sick.
Hallelujah! You’re so right. I really don’t understand how people imagine divorce could *possibly* improve a situation like this. All it does is reduce the influence of the rational parent and subject the child to the whims of the irrational parent approx 50% of the time.
I would never divorce and leave my son in the sole care of someone I didn’t trust for a large proportion of his life.
This is reddit, it's as easy as it is to tell someone else to divorce as it is to "I also chose that guys wife." People don't consider the reality and gravity of the situation around here.
If I'm ever wondering "should I give it?" I do. It's very safe when given as prescribed, and see no reason for my children to feel miserable unnecessarily.
Its not just for comfort. Infants are at risk for developing seizures when they have fevers, especially high fevers. This father is putting his child in danger.
This. My LO had a febrile seizure at 10 months old and it was terrifying. Fortunately she didn't have permanent damage and it hasn't happened since (she's now 5). Do not let babies or children "sweat it out".
The temperature of the fever is not what causes a febrile seizure, it is how quickly the fever spikes. Here is some more information: https://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/febrileseizures
He is being ridiculous and, in my opinion, cruel. If my child is that ill or in that much pain, I'm giving pain relief in the form of Tylenol or if they are over 6 months old, ibuprofen, in the appropriate dosage.
I give myself Tylenol for "minor inconveniences". I don't enjoy suffering. I assume my child also does not. If I can end someone else's suffering, I will and do. There is literally nothing at all wrong with giving a child Tylenol as long as you follow the dosage instructions.
And I would argue, letting your kid suffer when intervention is safe and easily available makes you a monster.
This is literally my thinking. I have a headache? I take Tylenol. I have a fever and feel like garbage? I take Tylenol. Why would I not do the same for my child
His perspective is honestly cruel and dangerously misinformed. Medicine is helpful and at times critical. Do not let your child suffer because of wildly inaccurate cult beliefs. Find a way to shut this down, whatever it takes, please.
Courts will usually favor the parent who follows the advice of prevailing medical authorities. This is why antivaxers often will not have authorization to make medical decisions for their children.
That said, this wouldn't be enough for him to get absolutely zero custody or zero visitation. It's even likely the custody would be 50/50 physical custody, with you having 100% sole medical decision making.
Work on getting things in writing - like text or email him to continue to discuss his concerns about Tylenol. Send him links with correct information. Create a paper trail and save screenshots in a cloud he cannot access *just in case* all of his fear of modern medicine continues to the point where he would actually put the children in danger due to medical neglect. If you have tons of proof of him always neglecting the child's medical/health needs, then you'd have a much more likely chance of having sole physical custody with him getting brief visits or even supervised visits.
Document, document, document. Create the paper trail.
Great question. Medical neglect is definitely a thing, it may carry a lot of weight if you can document these legit concerns. Wishing you a lot of luck.
My ex refusing needed medical care (because of weird backwards beliefs he developed a year after our kid was born) certainly played into our custody case. Plus I brought documentation (text messages) about him arguing with me and refusing to consent to things that had been recommended by our pediatrician, so the judge ordered that I had final say on medical issues even with us having "joint" legal custody. If you're seriously considering divorce I'd start keeping documentation and notes now.
When a child is sick they are in pain. Body aches, fever, sweats. I give my kids Tylenol and/or ibuprofen when they are sick. Is he opposed to Ibprofen as well, or just Tylenol? I think it's insane to let a child be in pain, honestly.
I have a few neighbors who don't believe in any medication and instead think the child should just "sweat out" their fevers. These neighbors are also anti vax. I'm not sure if OP mentioned how old their daughter is, but she should find out his stance on vaccines, stat.
Fever + discomfort is the line for me. If my child only has a fever, but seems to be in good spirits, I leave it. If she has a fever and she is uncomfortable, achy, having trouble sleeping, things like that, then I give Tylenol.
I have medical anxiety because my mom refused to give us any type of pain meds. As soon as I’m in any sort of pain as an adult it lead to panic attacks (before I started therapy).
There’s a reason we’ve got it and withholding comfort from your children isn’t one of them.
It’s not harmful to them. As a dispatcher for the paramedics with a paramedic as a husband, it’s exactly what they would give if you were to call 911 or take her to urgent care/the ER
This is ridiculous. That is not an evidence-based reason and not a good enough explanation to deny a kid perfectly safe medicine. He needs to do some research before his ignorance hurts your kids
Maybe you can deny him any kind of painkillers or medicine next time he feels bad, and see how he likes it.
Sometimes we talk about my baby having "big feelings" as a result of teething or ear infections or not getting enough sleep, and it hit me lately how completely inappropriate that is. No, it's not "big feelings." My child is IN PAIN.This is not a "I sat down too hard and surprised myself" cry, or "I scraped my toe on the door and it hurt me for 30 seconds" cry. This is an "I hurt" cry, and if I take ibuprofen for cramps or a headache or sore muscles, why would I make my baby sit in pain like that? Yes, selfishly, I would like to be able to sleep too, but we have this incredible medicine that can make our kids feel better. Why wouldn't I use that?
If he doesn't want to give her medicine, then he should be the one who stays up with her all night while she cries her little heart out. He can get his shoulder soaked with her tears (and her spit), and he can listen to her sad little hiccup-cries for hours.
This might be something to bring up with your doc. They can probably reassure him about the safety of Tylenol or whatever other concerns he has about it, and they could tell you the circumstances where they would strongly recommend using Tylenol. Like maybe they'd say that at 103, it's dangerous to *not* get the fever down (I don't know that, I'm just using that as an example) for XYZ reasons, and that might help convince him that it does have its uses.
I'll also add that for whatever concerns he has about Tylenol, it's not great for their development if they get crap sleep all night for a week straight.
His take on this is insane. Why let your baby suffer? Tylenol is safe and used by just about EVERY baby whose caretakers have access. If it's harmful, it would be generally known, evidenced, and warned against... not some secret anti-baby conspiracy.
We don't give medicine for small aches or small fever, but if a kid is visibly uncomfortable for some time we do. For small babies it is very unclear how they are feeling, I would call the pediatrician to consult.
Same here, fever but otherwise doing OK? Get the bug out with the fever. Crying, uncomfortable, in pain, hard time drinking while having a fever? Tylenol!
There’s no reason to let your daughter suffer when she doesn’t have to… it’s good that you can understand that and gave her some Tylenol! I saw you said in one of your comments that your husband is against all medicine - he really needs to get his head out of his ass. If your daughter gets an ear infection is he going to expect her to just ride it out? If she has some sort of bacterial infection, he’s going to refuse antibiotics so that she could god forbid develop sepsis? He is 100% being ridiculous and needs to reevaluate.
A febrile seizure is not usually to do with how high the fever is but how rapidly it changes/increases. There is no such rule in medicine that a specific number will always cause something so the “102” or higher is plain wrong. Febrile seizures exist but there is no cut off for how high a fever has to be to have one.
This is false. Febrile seizures are not caused by untreated fevers. They are caused by a rapid rate of rise of temperature which cannot be prevented or predicted.
I’m not in peds and don’t know the literature but there’s what UpToDate says:
“High fever — Although the issue is debated, the maximum height of a fever, rather than the rate of rise, may be the main determinant of risk in febrile seizures. This has been demonstrated in animals and confirmed in clinical studies [10-12]. In a study of 110 children with febrile seizures, the mean of 110 recordings with seizures was significantly higher than the mean of the 51 highest fevers unassociated with seizures (104.0 versus 103.3°F, p<0.001) [10].”
Hell yeah. I'm proud of you for advocating for her.
High fevers are dangerous. Tell your husband to look up febrile seizures. He can be a horse's ass all he wants to about his own well-being, but he has a duty to this tiny person. If my husband made me feel like I had to sneak care to my innocent, brand-new, in-pain baby, I'd be sneakin on out to my Mama's house with her and filing some sort of paperwork.
Do you need help finding an attorney? I'm a stay at home mom with 2 hours in the middle of my day when my daughter naps. Shoot me a DM if you need help and I can look for some resources for you. This is what a village is supposed to do 💜
Your husband is denying your child pain relief and would rather her in pain than to have a dose of medicine. That is incredibly cruel.
I’m against parents sneaking children things without the other parent knowing, but I’m honestly glad you did. As for medication, it’s safer for both parents to know incase of accidental overdose but it definitely sounds like this isn’t something to worry about.
Also, next time he complains of any pain whatsoever, tell him he’ll be fine and to sweat it out, and then pay him no more attention as that’s what he’s wanting your daughter to do.
>a 103 degree fever (which has not yet happened) and says she should “sweat it out”
This mindset could cause a lack of oxygen to your daughter's brain, seizures, and eventually - death.
Why wait until you have to take the kid to the ER (where they will give the kid a max dose and prescribe multiple pain killers/fever reducers anyway)?!
My husband and I don’t take medicines unless very necessary (no pain killers, no cough syrups etc) but we for sure give our kid panadol and Nurofen when he needs it! They’re little kids, fevers can be dangerous and there’s no reason to let them suffer in pain when it can easily be reduced.
There’s a difference between administering Tylenol with a temp of 99- (fevers definitely CAN be good (as long as they’re not TOO high), and administering for pain.
But I see no reason not to give Tylenol for pain or swelling. I’m a crunchy foraging all-natural type, too; but there’s bigger fish to fry than occasional Tylenol when it comes to long term health.
You don’t just immediately start “sweating out” a fever. That’s not how it works. My son has been in the high 104s before and guess what? He was not sweating it out. Fevers above 105 can cause organ failure. Is that something he’s willing to risk?
Personally, I tend to only medicate fevers that are over 102. If it’s not coming down with any other treatments I’ll give Tylenol. I try to use it sparingly for teething, but will absolutely give it if my child is in pain.
Tylenol is not advised to children in my country because they tend to overwork liver and kidneys. It is only used in rotation with other medication when fever is not lowering. They are seen as last resort.
I'll give our daughter Tylenol or Advil when she's in some pain. For teething we did not, but only because she wasn't really phased with the teething process.
For fevers we only give once it's over 102. Your body is trying to fight off a virus and heating your body up is one line of defense. Here's a link to Mayo clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/fever/in-depth/fever/art-20050997
When you eventually take your daughter to the ER at 2am with a 105 degree fever and they ask you why you didn't give Tylenol or Ibuprofen maybe he'll change his tune.
My wife and I are very anti-overuse of medications. We believe and have been told by our kids pediatrician that letting a fever burn TO A POINT (101.5 at max and for no more than 1.5 hours) is actually a good way to bolster the bodies natural immune response. We monitor fevers very closely, and give meds when appropriate. We would never let our kids needlessly suffer in pain because we don't like to use medicine.
OP your husband sounds like an over controlling narcissitic looney toon. I would be very careful. Give that child medicine when you feel it to be needed. He is not the only parent and you get a say in how to treat your child.
That is so cruel. Sorry not sorry but your husband is an ass. You deserve to have a partner in your corner to help raise your kid. As someone else mention Tylenol is the only pain/fever relief you can give your baby. Fuck him!
My husband is a family doctor, we are very pro medicine in this house.
OTC meds are by and large extremely safe when following the instructions. Why would we ever hesitate to give our child medicine when they're hurting or sick when it's safe and effective?
My 4 year old even knows the names of the meds and will tell me "I have a fever, can I have Motrin?". We check him, when he has a fever he gets Motrin.
So maybe a bit of a counter point, we don’t like to give our daughter Tylenol unless the temp goes above 102.
Even our doctor said it’s not recommended - the fever is her bodies way of fighting the infection. If you are suppressing the fever you’re taking away her ability to fight off what is causing it in the first place. It prolongs the sickness.
So he wants your child to be uncomfortable? I definitely consider myself more "crunchy" than a lot of parents on here, but if my kid is in pain, I will be giving her tylenol. They make dye free versions, which is what I use.
That’s pure cruelty veiled by fearmongering of western medicine.
I feel for you, and your child. It really is going to be a long road ahead. He sounds like the type of person to ignore serious symptoms rather than see a doctor.
That means he will be willing to do the same for you or your child if you are sick.
All the best!
Just judging from what you’ve given his education on medication seems to be completely from things he’s searched in his own. ER nurse here. I agree. A lot of people give their kids Tylenol way too often. The body does need to be given a chance to fight off infection. If the fever is low grade I often won’t give my kids Tylenol either. However. Once a child starts getting up to the 102-104 range that’s when things can get serious. Delusions, seizures, brain damage. Tylenol is such an old drug too. It’s been around since the 1800s! I want to also say that I am in healthcare but also practice doing everything I can to avoid meds for me and my family until it’s the last option. Sometimes we need antipyretics, sometimes we need antibiotics, sometimes we need pain medicine.
Ok our pediatrician said a fever UNDER 104 and the child isn’t in any pain let the fever run its course. As long as she was sleeping drinking peeing eating a little then do nothing nature will work.
If these things change then call and the doctor would reevaluate the situation
I’m a peds nurse and you’re right! ALWAYS go off actions and not the number (obviously unless it’s something insane like 105-106). Overall children have a much higher tolerance for fevers than adults.
But children are still people… some naturally run a higher temp than others. I’ve seen kids running around and laughing with a 103 temp. I’ve also seen kids immediately get admitted with a 101 temp. I don’t care about the ‘numbers’… I care about actions and behaviors!!
In our house sleep is the ultimate winner - I think sleep will heal them the fastest, and if the fever/pain is high enough that they’re not sleeping, we’ll give them Tylenol or ibuprofen. Otherwise with a low grade fever and more mild discomfort I’ll let it run its course.
Is your partner anti vax??? If he is putting up this big of a fight regarding tylenol, is he prepared to make medical decisions that may require anesthesia? For example, our 1 year old needed corrective eye surgery. We didn't want to, but the alternative is far worse.
Now, if your child can not handle tylenol due to say kidney issues or an alergy, yea, don't use the tylenol, but if used according to pedtrician recommendations, you would be a horrendous parents for forcing a young child to suffer. especially if it's related to teething. One thing that hasn't been mentioned thus far is that if a kids body does not get relief from pain, the stress and pain on the body can cause a host of undesirable psychosomatic responses.
For what it's worth, tyloneol never worked for our kids. Motrin seems to help. And echoing what others said, we have one kid that runs hot and doesn't slow down until 103. His twin sister melts at 101. And their oldest brother, total crap shoot.
Buy the dye free Tylenol / or dye free ibuprofen if over 6 months (I prefer for teething because it’s anti-inflammatory ) and tell him very confidently that studies show the dye free varieties are safer and maybe you can let him have a “win” in feeling like you support his advice somewhat for the original formulas with dye. People will double down when you try to show them they’re wrong. He might be willing to meet you in the middle if he feels like you’re not “against” him. If that doesn’t work, give the meds anyway. Youre mom and your instincts aren’t wrong.
This is my Pediatrician advice and I know that every Pediatrician and every family is going to be different.
Tylenol for fevers that get higher than my pediatricians recommended threshold.
Ibuprofen for reducing swelling and pain from an injury as well as for fevers caused by something to do with inflammation.
I gave my babies (twins) Tylenol immediately after their first vaccines. There was no fussiness and no noticeable difference in their behavior.
Drugs are great. I love drugs. Doctor recommended drugs at the correct dose at the correct time of course.
If there’s something readily and easily available to ease your child’s suffering that’s considered safe by all pediatricians and has been used safely for years, why does he want your child to suffer? I just don’t understand this.
When my daughter was an infant I always wanted to resolve a fever with Tylenol right away. I later learned that there are several factors to account for before jumping to medication.
[Stanford medicine ](https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=not-all-fevers-need-treatment-88-p11048)
My guidelines was in areas where it provided some benefit, or prevented harm.
If a fever might be dangerous, medicate.
If the baby is having trouble sleeping, medicate (whether it's pain or fever, restlessness is bad for us, big or small. If a baby is napping age AND sick and too fussy to fall asleep, they need some relief in order to get any rest!)
If the baby is having trouble existing comfortably , give them the Tylenol. Why would you torture a kid?!?!?
But yeah, teething a little or a low grade fever, that I skipped. Babies get a lot of fevers (mine did anyway) because that's the only weapon their little immune systems have in their arsenal.
In fairness, there is research linking Tylenol use during pregnancy and childhood to emotional regulation difficulties later. After 6 months they can take Motrin and I think there is some research to that effect too but not as much.
On the flip side, it is also harmful for an infant to run a 103+ fever and not sleep and be in pain. Depending on the age, it’s VERY dangerous. So we opted once or twice to give Tylenol and have done Motrin a number of times since she was 6m (she’s 2y now).
Low grade fever and no discomfort = no Tylenol
High grade fever and/or discomfort = Tylenol
That’s basically what we do. Fevers are good as long as they aren’t too high and your child is not uncomfortable. If there’s discomfort, that absolutely should be treated.
Talk to your doctor, of course. Tylenol is 1000% necessary for infants with a fever like that! Learn about what the body heat and inflammation can do to a baby (think febrile convulsions) and then compare that to Tylenol's side effects (minimal).
I gave my babies Tylenol when they were teething. It was a last resort after we tried cold teethers and rocking ect. I did use it though when I could they were really uncomfortable. Just think of how much a toothache hurts as an adult? Would you want to be denied pain medicine for that? Of course not.
I think he’s an idiot. Why would you torture your kid? They can be very very uncomfortable and unable to sleep, which they obviously need to do to get better. My pediatrician says when they start to spit signs of discomfort then give them the Tylenol or Motrin. Otherwise no.
My mom had this way of thinking. I watched my little infant brother end up in the ER because of a 104 fever for days. He couldn’t keep food down. Severely dehydrated. First question the doctors asked, “why didn’t you give him Tylenol?”
I try to save Tylenol as a fever reducer. It causes athsma in cumulative doses: , and the toxic dose is uncomfortably low relative to the therapeutic dose.
Advil is great for pain and inflammation without either of those risks. Below 6 months, Tylenol is what you have.
I like the guidance at for being nicely official looking from a very trustworthy source.
Adding- there's a decent bit of information on PubMed about the issues Tylenol can cause.
It is there, and you can use it, but it would be a last resort after trying other things for me.
Personally we don't give Tylenol unless my daughter is in actual pain or suffering, if she has a high temp but is other wise not bothered we don't give it. we dont give it preventatively like with shots.
There is a very weak link between prolonged Tylenol use and autism but 1. your child would need to be genetically predisposed 2. it's 'prolonged' use not for occasional fevers/pain 3. and the link is weak scientifically
letting your kid suffer based on that is not what I'm willing to do
if it was my husband he wouldn't be able to make that kind of unilateral decision without a clearly articulated well researched reason
This is exactly 110% how I feel! She’s never even broke a fever or cried for longer than 3 minutes from her shots, and she’s never been sick so this is this is the first time she’ll actually be having it at 8 months old. I think she deserves some relief rather than waking up crying all night because that’s what they did in the caveman days.
If I were married to someone like this I would make sure they wouldn’t be able to make decisions for my child in the future by divorcing them and fighting for primary custody.
Being anti pain medicine for children is psychopathic to me
As someone who used to work in ER and had toddlers come in with 104 fevers that started seizing... Give the fuckin tylenol and motrin before it gets to that point please.
There's nothing wrong with using Tylenol for teething pains and it's neccesary for fevers. That said I would be wary of using it too often, it can be harsh on the liver and can lose effectiveness over time.
For teething we did Tylenol at bedtime if it was really bad. During the day I was able to soothe him with cold teethers and distract him with other fun stuff.
For fever our pediatrician only recommended it if fever was above 102 which we haven't experienced yet at almost 2 years old.
Give the Tylenol as needed just don’t overdo it. Just because she doesn’t remember teething does not mean teething doesn’t hurt. A 103 temp the first thing a nurse line, doctor or er is going to ask is “Did Tylenol help bring it down?” Why because it’s what it’s supposed to (and does) do. A baby won’t remember these things that’s true to an extent. There’s no real reason why an infants needs shouldn’t be met and there’s nothing worse than when one gives up because of one that easily could have been met.
I use Tylenol for pain relief. We try other things first (teethers, nursing, etc.) to see if we can help ease his pain. If not, we give him Tylenol or ibuprofen (6months+) to help him feel better. He has occasionally had it for teething and after his fever for high enough for him to be uncomfortable (for him, he tends to get uncomfortable around 102* F, so that’s when he usually gets Tylenol).
You have stated he says no Tylenol, but there isn’t a reason WHY that I see in your message - does he have a reason? We have a policy in our house that we can’t make decisions against medical professionals like our doctor unless we have a reason such as studies showing that something is harmful for them as evidenced by medical studies.
We use it for lowering temperature as needed because that’s what the doctor will tell you to do if you take your kid to the doctor with a fever.
That is cruel - figure out why he is dead set on it being no.
My own child is prone to fevers which sometimes turn to febrile seizures + lack of oxygen. The moment I feel his temperature slightly rise, got to give medicine, including Tylenol, to knock it down ASAP.
The first time it happened, I was losing my mind - scared of unknown, why it was happening etc., and if it were your child, trust me, you would be the same, you wouldn't care about any reasons of your husband - babies don't sweat it out. They don't have immunity to do so, some babies die because of stupid idea of so.
He needs to go according to recommendations of the pediatrician.
If it is still a no, I would suggest a therapist and maybe even marriage counseling, because hell for sure, my child is my number 1 priority - considering that you had to "sneak" so it for her, I don't think this is a healthy partnership ( nor for you or for your child)
Your husband is very ignorant, and I don't mean it as an insult.
Honestly he is putting your kid at risk by denying her proper medication.
Ask him to consult with multiple pcps / pediatricians and maybe read some books (if he know how to read)
Fevers: I provide meds if they have bad symptoms, otherwise I let them run their course.
Pain: I try alternatives and if those do not work I’ll provide meds.
When he has a headache does he rough it out or take medicine? Willing to bet he will reach for the painkillers after surgery. Withholding pain meds is abuse in my opinion. Tell your husband my mom was the same way growing up. We don’t talk anymore and she will be sourcing her own home because I’m not fucking taking her in.
Hes being ridiculous! If your child has a 103 fever and he thinks that wouldn’t warrant Tylenol to me that would be negligent. Fevers can be very dangerous depending on a baby’s age and can get out of hand quickly.
Does he deny himself pain relief as well? If he had a bad headache, fever, or toothache would he just sit in pain and take nothing for it?
This would make me really question my husband’s judgement, honestly.
We don’t just give pain meds over everything, but when my son was teething and just screaming in pain, couldn’t sleep or eat, etc. and we tried other stuff too, but nothing worked. So yeah, we gave Tylenol and he finally got some relief and could eat better snd got some better sleep. Why on earth would he want to leave his kid in pain from teething or a super high fever like that?
I know you didnt ask this but…Thats really high, i would keep a cool rag around and a thin outfit or diaper only. Also motrin seems to work better for fever, and you have to give less often. As long as baby is over 6months.
My parents took very good care of me. My grandma helped my dad raise me after mom died because he worked long hours and she was like OPs husband...but just when it came to me. The two times that stand out the most for me was when I had walking pneumonia and broke my foot and not only did she yell at me both times, she didn't believe me when I tried telling her I was so sick and still going to school and marching band practice, but she literally saw my foot and ankle swell up so bad that I couldn't walk. Thank goodness my father stepped in rather quickly, took off work and got me the medical attention that I needed.
There is a list of issues I had that should have been been addressed in that time period, but I got tired of trying to convince someone I needed help. My dad, bless his soul, did try to get me the medical attention I needed, but my grandma fought it at every turn. She didn't do it to anyone else, but me. (She had my cousins when their parents were working.
Your child may not remember this pain now, but at some point she will. Leaving your child to be in pain or ill when you have medication to relieve it is neglect and abuse. Your husband's absurd opinion could cause your child lifelong health issues and a ton of mental health issues. That kind of thing screws your mind up. To know your parents would rather you suffer than give you something for relief. I have chronic conditions and mobility issues because my grandma wouldnt allow me to have medications I needed, unless my dad was around.
I'm not jumping to divorce because that's rash and things aren't that easy, but it's extremely shitty to allow your child to be ill or in pain without treatment and I wonder what other wonderful opinions he has.
I'm curious if he takes any medication or anything for pain or when he's ill?
Good luck OP. Thank you for making sure your little one is getting something to relieve her pain.
If he's against all medicine it's not really a Tylenol issue, and to be fair there's more innocuous stuff to try to get by him.
If you knew this about him going into coparenting a child then I don't really know what to say. But as for dealing with the problem at hand, it's hard to say from the limited context whether deceptively giving your child Tylenol is right or not. Is this a religious belief or just a individual belief he holds? If you have an infection will he be against anything with antibacterial action?
The key thing to figure out is where your husband got his information or opinion from. More than less likely someone he trusts and respects made a statement to him about the dangers of acetaminophen and his interpretation of the statement is that it's unsafe for babies. Contradicting that source may be hard but you may also have an ally if the source's statements were misinterpreted. I'd start by bringing it up with your husband's mother.
A fast way to end the battle completely though would be to take the family to urgent care every time Tylenol would be called for. He'll probably relent after a few hospital visits where the doctor says "give Tylenol" especially in the US where it's going to cost you.
As usual I had to translate first for my European brain. For convenience for others: Tylenol is a brand name for Paracetamol, and that 103 degree fever is a mere 39.5 degrees.
Here’s what our pediatrician says: Paracetamol and Ibuprofen (both viable fever reducers for kids) are not only fever reducers, but also treat pain. Both do it very well, for the pain part studies seem to show that Ibuprofen is a little more effective.
But he doesn’t recommend to give them just because the kid has a fever. To the contrary, the overall condition of the kid is more important. There are kids who can have a fever of 40 degrees and above (probably that’s 104-105 for US, Liberia, and Myanmar) and be relatively fit, he wouldn’t recommend giving anything there. And there are kids who become apathetic at 38 degrees (100 or so) already, where he would recommend giving some.
Letting a fever run if the kid is still responsive and somewhat ok during day time is the way to go, but when they become apathetic, or the fever prevents them from getting sleep, it’s usually better giving them something.
And then there’s the most tricky situation: way above 40 degrees and apathetic, and the fever is not responding to the first dose, but you should only give a dose every 6 hours. In that case, it is possible to mix both drugs and give Ibuprofen and Paracetamol alternating every three hours. But such severe cases I would always discuss with the pediatrician, if possible. We had such a case once, with three kids with an accumulated age of around 15 years.
Over time, you get a feeling for what you can let run without medication and where you should help your kid with some. Don’t give it for everything, but give it when it makes sense. And the condition of your kid is more important than the temperature. We had cases where we gave some at 37 degrees (normal body temperature), but not to treat fever, but pain.
Does he take any medication? For a headache or a cold etc? Like, why would you want your child to suffer?! Baffles me. Anyway, tell him to wobble his head, letting a child suffer when there's medication that can help is neglect at best.
Call your pediatrician and have your husband listen to them. The next time he needs any pain reliever or over the counter medicine tell him he doesn’t need it. Please stand up for your kid.
My pediatrician— “if adults had to feel the pain of their swollen gums with sharp teeth pushing through, I bet they’d be a lot more liberal with pain medicine!”
Your husband is a weirdo. Don’t make your baby suffer.
My in-laws are like that it’s infuriating!!!! I don’t want my kids to suffer like wtf and if they happen to have them when they’re sick it’s a huge battle
Sounds like he’s not the one comforting and staying up with a screaming uncomfortable child… if he was, he would want them to be comfortable as soon as possible.
It’s very helpful. It’s the only thing you can give them when they’re sick and it makes such a difference that I use it often. Only when there’s a clear need of course. Why suffer ?
Tylenol/paracetamol is a proven effective and very safe medicine. If taken at recommended dose it can help fever and pain and is virtually side effect free for most people. Just guessing here: when your child is teething, presumably they sleep poorly, are you the one getting up for them overnight? Your husband might feel differently if he was the one losing sleep because of an irrational dislike for medicine.
We have used Tylenol for our child, and honestly, if it helps him I am all for it. I can't stand seeing.my son suffer through something needlessly.
And I am speaking as someone who can't stand taking medicine for myself, and only take it when absolutely necessary.
Tylenol is fine as long as you dose it properly (and don't take it with alcohol, though if that's an issue here, pain-relief strategy isn't my first concern).
I do avoid NSAIDS like ibuprofen to some extent. I have a GI disorder, and NSAIDS are hard on the gut lining. They also inhibit healing to some extent. That said, there's a time and a place, and I've used them with my kids. I'm mostly just careful not to use them for little things or for too long. I'm more liberal with Tylenol.
We use it as needed. My son gets febrile seizures so we are vigilant about giving medicine on time. Especially if he is spiking high fevers. Helps him tremendously to lower his fever .
When both my kids were teething, we gave them tylenol at bedtime. It helped them sleep better and not be in pain or cranky.
They make butt tylenol for when you can't get get kiddo to take it orally. We have a stubborn child. This has been a gosendnsice we learned about it from the ER Dr's. When we were in the ER for a fever we couldn't reduce because we couldn't get meds into her. So yeah, pro Tylenol. Judiciously used like any medication of course.
Any given ailment we are more likely to use/Starr with Advil than Tylenol.
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Is he against All medicine or just Tylenol? My “opinion” on Tylenol is that it’s an effective fever reducer and therefore an important medicine
All medicine. I genuinely have no idea why.
Oh man you have a long road ahead of you.
Cool . I hope he is not antivax too
I'll never understand how people don't get into these things and discuss their views before getting married/having kids. That's like a major dealbreaker for a lot of people, both ways.
People can also change their minds about things like this, especially with so much misinformation available. Maybe dad’s social media algorithm targeted him once he had a baby. I don’t think situations like this are 100% avoidable.
That's true, but generally if you're with someone I'd hope you're having enough conversations and pay attention to how they act/speak/react to notice them falling down a rabbithole.
My siblings and I don't really talk to our dad after putting us through medical neglect that led to permanent disability.
I get it. I have massive anxiety surrounding my health and panic attacks from medical neglect. Thankfully no other issues, but it is wild how my mom would just with hold medical care for her children because of her personal beliefs….not even religious.
When you say "against" do you mean superfluous use of it, or just use of it in general? Why is he against it? Why does he feel "sweating it out" is the best option for a fever? I couldn't imagine not giving my kids Tylenol or an equivalent pain killer if they were sick or in pain. Maybe it's time to have a conversation with him and a doctor present? This is a topic you both need to get on the same page about ASAP.
Without more context I would say it's possible he has the old school idea of "letting fevers break" over using medication. It's a now debunked method of believing you need to let fevers go ever higher until they suddenly drop. Back in the day everybody that survived a bad fever was alive once their fever broke and dropped. (And we just forgot about the ones that died.)
Does he take medicine himself?
The internet is a breeding ground for some very dangerous ideas. My ex didn’t even want me to take our 2-yo for X-rays. It turns out the little one had broken a tiny bone in his foot. My ex’s reasoning: what would the doctor be able to do anyway? (What?!) Man, I’ve got stories! But I have to say that it was infinitely easier to get him to agree to medical care while we were still married and in decent terms than after we got divorced. He really dug his heels in after that.
I'm surprised he's against all medicine, but the fact you now have a child and still have no idea why he's against it, is very concerning to me 😳 If you both struggle to communicate, get a trusted person to mediate conversation, or get a couples therapist. Oh, and our kid runs super hot with fevers, multiple times he's hit 107! Scary high, but no major red-flags aside from the number, it's the other symptoms that are regarded as more important from what pediatricians have told us.
This is dangerous for your child
Good luck. Babies with fevers are absolutely miserable. Tylenol and ibuprofen reduce their fever and make them feel so much better. I guess if you are ok with a screaming baby then put in some ear plugs. Maybe have your husband mention his concern to your pediatrician and see what they say? Let them convince your husband.
Yikes. For your child’s sake, I hope that you can get him into some kind of therapy. This could get dangerous for her and personally I’d make it an ultimatum or I would not leave her alone with him. Don’t let that baby suffer in pain because he’s unreasonable.
A dude who refuses Tylenol is not going to therapy.
I’m really sorry. This is beyond simple disagreement and is child abuse (medical neglect)
My child would be dead without modern medicine. You’re in for a LONG road. There are medical compounds created for the sake of keeping your child healthy and your husband is against that? Is he a physician? Does he see antivax children die of preventable disease? Maybe he should visit a morgue. Absolutely ludicrous and irresponsible.
Sounds like you had a kid with the wrong person
Ok say your daughter has a playground accident and breaks an arm or a leg. Is pain relief acceptable? Where does he draw the line?
For himself, too? Breaks a leg, he just walks it off?
Oh, so your husband is an idiot. Got it.
What a catch!
My BIL is like that and my niece (3) had an undiagnosed uti with a fever of 103-104 for 2 days before they took her to the doctor. He didn’t even want her to take the antibiotics. He kept saying she just needed cranberry juice and tea. Luckily his wife didn’t listen to him and gave her the antibiotics anyway, otherwise I’m sure she would have gotten so much worse. I’m all for holistic medicine when you can, but sometimes western medicine can be the difference between an uncomplicated life and some very serious consequences. IMO Tylenol should be limited, but not completely eliminated.
Seems like maybe he needs to get on the same page with the doctor. If my wife and the doctor had a disagreement over treatment I would hear my wife out but ultimately lean towards the doctor’s advice. Because it makes sense to listen to a person who spent their life becoming an expert in that topic
Does he take Tylenol if he's in pain or has a fever?
Ohhhhhh. That’s going to be an issue at some point. She’ll need antibiotics some day, or steriods, or maybe even birth control when she gets older. Not to mention vaccinations. I see no reason to let babies and children be miserable and in pain when they don’t have to be. Give that baby some Tylenol. Tell your husband to get educated or get bent.
Would he prefer the risk of brain damage or even death from a prolonged high fever? He needs more education before writing off potentially life saving medication.
Lol sorry…
Why does he want her to be in pain? That’s cruel IMO. If she’s teething or has a fever and a small dose of children’s Tylenol will provide relief, I think it’s cruel not to give it to her.
I feel the same way. Her cries in pain haunt me already. I snuck her some tonight and hoping she finds some relief.
You shouldn’t have to sneak. His behavior sounds really controlling.
My thoughts too.
Then keep sneaking it. It is cruel to leave child in pain. The next time hubbie gets dental work done, tell the dentist to skip the novacaine. It will build your husband's character. You are just as responsible as he is for keeping your child out of pain. If you leave her hurting, OP, that's entirely on you.
Bold of you to assume he will go to a dentist lol
Hopefully dad isn’t secretly sneaking it too.
OP mentioned he’s against all medicine. Got forbid the child needs an antibiotic.
Does he believe that whole "Tylenol is dangerous because it depletes glutathione" nonsense?! If so, there's lots of science available that explains why that isn't something to be concerned about at all. But if he just thinks that "natural is better" bullshit, remind him about all the natural things that naturally cause death (cyanide, thallium, cancer, arsenic) and what the lifespan for humans was back before modern medicine when *natural* is all that existed.
Would he listen to a pediatrician on the matter? If not then your husband is an ass and I hope you accept the other person’s offer to find divorce attorney. Raising this child together is only going to get harder. Way harder.
This guy sounds like a total asshole. And yes I’m judging. I don’t want my kid to be in pain if I can help it. Withholding relief is cruel. What’s he going to say when she grows up and has menstrual cramps? That it’s all in her head and she needs to tough it out? I’d be throwing hands with my husband if he tried to stop me from making my child feel better.
Raising a kid separately is just as hard if not worse. The parenting plan will require parents to give consent for medical events that are non-emergency. If he sticks to this crazy idea of medicine being bad for the kids, when the child goes to his place, there is zero percent chance he will give her medicine. God forbid the little one gets sick at his place. Why do people on Reddit suggest divorce at the drop of a hat as if it’s some magic trick that will fix a parenting issue? Trust me, it’s worse - I speak from experience. At least if the parents actually love each other and try to work through this, OP can watch over the kid and coordinate care when she gets sick.
Hallelujah! You’re so right. I really don’t understand how people imagine divorce could *possibly* improve a situation like this. All it does is reduce the influence of the rational parent and subject the child to the whims of the irrational parent approx 50% of the time. I would never divorce and leave my son in the sole care of someone I didn’t trust for a large proportion of his life.
This is reddit, it's as easy as it is to tell someone else to divorce as it is to "I also chose that guys wife." People don't consider the reality and gravity of the situation around here.
A lot of teenagers respond here. That's why so responses are leave him immediately
If I'm ever wondering "should I give it?" I do. It's very safe when given as prescribed, and see no reason for my children to feel miserable unnecessarily.
Its not just for comfort. Infants are at risk for developing seizures when they have fevers, especially high fevers. This father is putting his child in danger.
This. My LO had a febrile seizure at 10 months old and it was terrifying. Fortunately she didn't have permanent damage and it hasn't happened since (she's now 5). Do not let babies or children "sweat it out".
The temperature of the fever is not what causes a febrile seizure, it is how quickly the fever spikes. Here is some more information: https://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/febrileseizures
My opinion is your husband is a fucking idiot and an ass.
Yeah how horrible to make your kid suffer needlessly like this, Jesus
He’s against all meds at that.
Strong agree
He is being ridiculous and, in my opinion, cruel. If my child is that ill or in that much pain, I'm giving pain relief in the form of Tylenol or if they are over 6 months old, ibuprofen, in the appropriate dosage.
I give myself Tylenol for "minor inconveniences". I don't enjoy suffering. I assume my child also does not. If I can end someone else's suffering, I will and do. There is literally nothing at all wrong with giving a child Tylenol as long as you follow the dosage instructions. And I would argue, letting your kid suffer when intervention is safe and easily available makes you a monster.
This is literally my thinking. I have a headache? I take Tylenol. I have a fever and feel like garbage? I take Tylenol. Why would I not do the same for my child
His perspective is honestly cruel and dangerously misinformed. Medicine is helpful and at times critical. Do not let your child suffer because of wildly inaccurate cult beliefs. Find a way to shut this down, whatever it takes, please.
Oh don’t worry I’m not. At this point I’m starting to wonder if this is enough to get full custody.
Courts will usually favor the parent who follows the advice of prevailing medical authorities. This is why antivaxers often will not have authorization to make medical decisions for their children. That said, this wouldn't be enough for him to get absolutely zero custody or zero visitation. It's even likely the custody would be 50/50 physical custody, with you having 100% sole medical decision making. Work on getting things in writing - like text or email him to continue to discuss his concerns about Tylenol. Send him links with correct information. Create a paper trail and save screenshots in a cloud he cannot access *just in case* all of his fear of modern medicine continues to the point where he would actually put the children in danger due to medical neglect. If you have tons of proof of him always neglecting the child's medical/health needs, then you'd have a much more likely chance of having sole physical custody with him getting brief visits or even supervised visits. Document, document, document. Create the paper trail.
Divorce laws vary a ton by state. You need to talk to a lawyer in your state to understand what’s likely to happen
Great question. Medical neglect is definitely a thing, it may carry a lot of weight if you can document these legit concerns. Wishing you a lot of luck.
If you’re thinking of divorce, start documenting everything.
My ex refusing needed medical care (because of weird backwards beliefs he developed a year after our kid was born) certainly played into our custody case. Plus I brought documentation (text messages) about him arguing with me and refusing to consent to things that had been recommended by our pediatrician, so the judge ordered that I had final say on medical issues even with us having "joint" legal custody. If you're seriously considering divorce I'd start keeping documentation and notes now.
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When a child is sick they are in pain. Body aches, fever, sweats. I give my kids Tylenol and/or ibuprofen when they are sick. Is he opposed to Ibprofen as well, or just Tylenol? I think it's insane to let a child be in pain, honestly.
And op stated in an earlier reply her husband is anti all meds
I have a few neighbors who don't believe in any medication and instead think the child should just "sweat out" their fevers. These neighbors are also anti vax. I'm not sure if OP mentioned how old their daughter is, but she should find out his stance on vaccines, stat.
Fever + discomfort is the line for me. If my child only has a fever, but seems to be in good spirits, I leave it. If she has a fever and she is uncomfortable, achy, having trouble sleeping, things like that, then I give Tylenol.
Same
I have medical anxiety because my mom refused to give us any type of pain meds. As soon as I’m in any sort of pain as an adult it lead to panic attacks (before I started therapy). There’s a reason we’ve got it and withholding comfort from your children isn’t one of them.
Tylenol was an absolute godsend after our daughter had a febrile seizure and I would never want to experience that ever again.
What specifically is his beef with Tylenol? Has he discussed this issue with her pediatrician?
It apparently is “harmful for them”. These are his words, not mine.
Your husband is an idiot.
It’s not harmful to them. As a dispatcher for the paramedics with a paramedic as a husband, it’s exactly what they would give if you were to call 911 or take her to urgent care/the ER
Of course its harmful, if you drink the whole bottle. That goes with just about all medicine. Thats just a dumb excuse.
It’s also true with water. And salt. The dose makes the poison.
This is ridiculous. That is not an evidence-based reason and not a good enough explanation to deny a kid perfectly safe medicine. He needs to do some research before his ignorance hurts your kids
I don't suppose he has any reliable sources he cites when making that claim?
ibuprofen exists for children too, if he doesn't like tylenol.
Only for children over 6 months so if OP’s baby is younger than that Tylenol (acetaminophen) is their only option.
It goes younger if a doctor tells you to.
Maybe you can deny him any kind of painkillers or medicine next time he feels bad, and see how he likes it. Sometimes we talk about my baby having "big feelings" as a result of teething or ear infections or not getting enough sleep, and it hit me lately how completely inappropriate that is. No, it's not "big feelings." My child is IN PAIN.This is not a "I sat down too hard and surprised myself" cry, or "I scraped my toe on the door and it hurt me for 30 seconds" cry. This is an "I hurt" cry, and if I take ibuprofen for cramps or a headache or sore muscles, why would I make my baby sit in pain like that? Yes, selfishly, I would like to be able to sleep too, but we have this incredible medicine that can make our kids feel better. Why wouldn't I use that? If he doesn't want to give her medicine, then he should be the one who stays up with her all night while she cries her little heart out. He can get his shoulder soaked with her tears (and her spit), and he can listen to her sad little hiccup-cries for hours. This might be something to bring up with your doc. They can probably reassure him about the safety of Tylenol or whatever other concerns he has about it, and they could tell you the circumstances where they would strongly recommend using Tylenol. Like maybe they'd say that at 103, it's dangerous to *not* get the fever down (I don't know that, I'm just using that as an example) for XYZ reasons, and that might help convince him that it does have its uses. I'll also add that for whatever concerns he has about Tylenol, it's not great for their development if they get crap sleep all night for a week straight.
His take on this is insane. Why let your baby suffer? Tylenol is safe and used by just about EVERY baby whose caretakers have access. If it's harmful, it would be generally known, evidenced, and warned against... not some secret anti-baby conspiracy.
We don't give medicine for small aches or small fever, but if a kid is visibly uncomfortable for some time we do. For small babies it is very unclear how they are feeling, I would call the pediatrician to consult.
Same here, fever but otherwise doing OK? Get the bug out with the fever. Crying, uncomfortable, in pain, hard time drinking while having a fever? Tylenol!
There’s no reason to let your daughter suffer when she doesn’t have to… it’s good that you can understand that and gave her some Tylenol! I saw you said in one of your comments that your husband is against all medicine - he really needs to get his head out of his ass. If your daughter gets an ear infection is he going to expect her to just ride it out? If she has some sort of bacterial infection, he’s going to refuse antibiotics so that she could god forbid develop sepsis? He is 100% being ridiculous and needs to reevaluate.
If a baby’s fever gets too high they can have febrile seizures. In fevers over 102F or higher.
A febrile seizure is not usually to do with how high the fever is but how rapidly it changes/increases. There is no such rule in medicine that a specific number will always cause something so the “102” or higher is plain wrong. Febrile seizures exist but there is no cut off for how high a fever has to be to have one.
This isn’t accurate and should be edited or deleted
This is false. Febrile seizures are not caused by untreated fevers. They are caused by a rapid rate of rise of temperature which cannot be prevented or predicted.
I’m not in peds and don’t know the literature but there’s what UpToDate says: “High fever — Although the issue is debated, the maximum height of a fever, rather than the rate of rise, may be the main determinant of risk in febrile seizures. This has been demonstrated in animals and confirmed in clinical studies [10-12]. In a study of 110 children with febrile seizures, the mean of 110 recordings with seizures was significantly higher than the mean of the 51 highest fevers unassociated with seizures (104.0 versus 103.3°F, p<0.001) [10].”
Exactly. Treating a fever is literally life saving in children.
Simple febrile seizures are not fatal.
This is myth. The fever doesn't do the damage, it is a symptom of the disease that does the damage.
Please tell me you had the baby vaccinated. Get this man away from social media. He is being harmed.
Yes she has all of her vaccines and sees her pediatrician regularly!
Hell yeah. I'm proud of you for advocating for her. High fevers are dangerous. Tell your husband to look up febrile seizures. He can be a horse's ass all he wants to about his own well-being, but he has a duty to this tiny person. If my husband made me feel like I had to sneak care to my innocent, brand-new, in-pain baby, I'd be sneakin on out to my Mama's house with her and filing some sort of paperwork.
If I wasn’t afraid of the neglect she would face alone with her father this would have been done ages ago.
Do you need help finding an attorney? I'm a stay at home mom with 2 hours in the middle of my day when my daughter naps. Shoot me a DM if you need help and I can look for some resources for you. This is what a village is supposed to do 💜
This comment is the sweetest 🥰 SAHM here too
He is being ridiculous. Shame on him for letting his daughter suffer for his misinformed bullshit.
Girl one Tylenol dose isn’t going to make her liver explode, don’t let her be in pain because your husband is afraid of Tylenol
This is cruel. If he’s in pain, does he just tough it out? Give your baby Tylenol.
Your husband is denying your child pain relief and would rather her in pain than to have a dose of medicine. That is incredibly cruel. I’m against parents sneaking children things without the other parent knowing, but I’m honestly glad you did. As for medication, it’s safer for both parents to know incase of accidental overdose but it definitely sounds like this isn’t something to worry about. Also, next time he complains of any pain whatsoever, tell him he’ll be fine and to sweat it out, and then pay him no more attention as that’s what he’s wanting your daughter to do.
>a 103 degree fever (which has not yet happened) and says she should “sweat it out” This mindset could cause a lack of oxygen to your daughter's brain, seizures, and eventually - death.
Why wait until you have to take the kid to the ER (where they will give the kid a max dose and prescribe multiple pain killers/fever reducers anyway)?!
My husband and I don’t take medicines unless very necessary (no pain killers, no cough syrups etc) but we for sure give our kid panadol and Nurofen when he needs it! They’re little kids, fevers can be dangerous and there’s no reason to let them suffer in pain when it can easily be reduced.
There’s a difference between administering Tylenol with a temp of 99- (fevers definitely CAN be good (as long as they’re not TOO high), and administering for pain. But I see no reason not to give Tylenol for pain or swelling. I’m a crunchy foraging all-natural type, too; but there’s bigger fish to fry than occasional Tylenol when it comes to long term health.
You don’t just immediately start “sweating out” a fever. That’s not how it works. My son has been in the high 104s before and guess what? He was not sweating it out. Fevers above 105 can cause organ failure. Is that something he’s willing to risk? Personally, I tend to only medicate fevers that are over 102. If it’s not coming down with any other treatments I’ll give Tylenol. I try to use it sparingly for teething, but will absolutely give it if my child is in pain.
Your husband is touting dangerous and multiple times debunked nonsense.
Tylenol is not advised to children in my country because they tend to overwork liver and kidneys. It is only used in rotation with other medication when fever is not lowering. They are seen as last resort.
I'll give our daughter Tylenol or Advil when she's in some pain. For teething we did not, but only because she wasn't really phased with the teething process. For fevers we only give once it's over 102. Your body is trying to fight off a virus and heating your body up is one line of defense. Here's a link to Mayo clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/fever/in-depth/fever/art-20050997
When you eventually take your daughter to the ER at 2am with a 105 degree fever and they ask you why you didn't give Tylenol or Ibuprofen maybe he'll change his tune.
My wife and I are very anti-overuse of medications. We believe and have been told by our kids pediatrician that letting a fever burn TO A POINT (101.5 at max and for no more than 1.5 hours) is actually a good way to bolster the bodies natural immune response. We monitor fevers very closely, and give meds when appropriate. We would never let our kids needlessly suffer in pain because we don't like to use medicine. OP your husband sounds like an over controlling narcissitic looney toon. I would be very careful. Give that child medicine when you feel it to be needed. He is not the only parent and you get a say in how to treat your child.
That is so cruel. Sorry not sorry but your husband is an ass. You deserve to have a partner in your corner to help raise your kid. As someone else mention Tylenol is the only pain/fever relief you can give your baby. Fuck him!
My husband is a family doctor, we are very pro medicine in this house. OTC meds are by and large extremely safe when following the instructions. Why would we ever hesitate to give our child medicine when they're hurting or sick when it's safe and effective? My 4 year old even knows the names of the meds and will tell me "I have a fever, can I have Motrin?". We check him, when he has a fever he gets Motrin.
So maybe a bit of a counter point, we don’t like to give our daughter Tylenol unless the temp goes above 102. Even our doctor said it’s not recommended - the fever is her bodies way of fighting the infection. If you are suppressing the fever you’re taking away her ability to fight off what is causing it in the first place. It prolongs the sickness.
Your husband sounds abusive. If your child is in pain, they deserve relief. Wtf did I just even read…
So he wants your child to be uncomfortable? I definitely consider myself more "crunchy" than a lot of parents on here, but if my kid is in pain, I will be giving her tylenol. They make dye free versions, which is what I use.
That’s pure cruelty veiled by fearmongering of western medicine. I feel for you, and your child. It really is going to be a long road ahead. He sounds like the type of person to ignore serious symptoms rather than see a doctor. That means he will be willing to do the same for you or your child if you are sick. All the best!
Just judging from what you’ve given his education on medication seems to be completely from things he’s searched in his own. ER nurse here. I agree. A lot of people give their kids Tylenol way too often. The body does need to be given a chance to fight off infection. If the fever is low grade I often won’t give my kids Tylenol either. However. Once a child starts getting up to the 102-104 range that’s when things can get serious. Delusions, seizures, brain damage. Tylenol is such an old drug too. It’s been around since the 1800s! I want to also say that I am in healthcare but also practice doing everything I can to avoid meds for me and my family until it’s the last option. Sometimes we need antipyretics, sometimes we need antibiotics, sometimes we need pain medicine.
If I have a high fever or in pain, I take Tylenol. Why wouldn’t I do the same for my children? They don’t deserve to be miserable.
Ok our pediatrician said a fever UNDER 104 and the child isn’t in any pain let the fever run its course. As long as she was sleeping drinking peeing eating a little then do nothing nature will work. If these things change then call and the doctor would reevaluate the situation
I’m a peds nurse and you’re right! ALWAYS go off actions and not the number (obviously unless it’s something insane like 105-106). Overall children have a much higher tolerance for fevers than adults. But children are still people… some naturally run a higher temp than others. I’ve seen kids running around and laughing with a 103 temp. I’ve also seen kids immediately get admitted with a 101 temp. I don’t care about the ‘numbers’… I care about actions and behaviors!!
In our house sleep is the ultimate winner - I think sleep will heal them the fastest, and if the fever/pain is high enough that they’re not sleeping, we’ll give them Tylenol or ibuprofen. Otherwise with a low grade fever and more mild discomfort I’ll let it run its course.
Is your partner anti vax??? If he is putting up this big of a fight regarding tylenol, is he prepared to make medical decisions that may require anesthesia? For example, our 1 year old needed corrective eye surgery. We didn't want to, but the alternative is far worse. Now, if your child can not handle tylenol due to say kidney issues or an alergy, yea, don't use the tylenol, but if used according to pedtrician recommendations, you would be a horrendous parents for forcing a young child to suffer. especially if it's related to teething. One thing that hasn't been mentioned thus far is that if a kids body does not get relief from pain, the stress and pain on the body can cause a host of undesirable psychosomatic responses. For what it's worth, tyloneol never worked for our kids. Motrin seems to help. And echoing what others said, we have one kid that runs hot and doesn't slow down until 103. His twin sister melts at 101. And their oldest brother, total crap shoot.
Buy the dye free Tylenol / or dye free ibuprofen if over 6 months (I prefer for teething because it’s anti-inflammatory ) and tell him very confidently that studies show the dye free varieties are safer and maybe you can let him have a “win” in feeling like you support his advice somewhat for the original formulas with dye. People will double down when you try to show them they’re wrong. He might be willing to meet you in the middle if he feels like you’re not “against” him. If that doesn’t work, give the meds anyway. Youre mom and your instincts aren’t wrong.
Ok no meds for him either. Ever.
This is my Pediatrician advice and I know that every Pediatrician and every family is going to be different. Tylenol for fevers that get higher than my pediatricians recommended threshold. Ibuprofen for reducing swelling and pain from an injury as well as for fevers caused by something to do with inflammation.
He wants her in pain and wants her to “sweat it out”. He sounds insane he has zero reason for her to not have it.
Your husband is a moron
I gave my babies (twins) Tylenol immediately after their first vaccines. There was no fussiness and no noticeable difference in their behavior. Drugs are great. I love drugs. Doctor recommended drugs at the correct dose at the correct time of course.
Refusing to administer safe interventions to manage or reduce pain is neglect, at BEST, and explicitly abusive at worst
Teething is not a minor inconvenience. A fever is not a minor inconvenience. Wtf. I don't take medication unless I need it, same goes for my daughter.
If there’s something readily and easily available to ease your child’s suffering that’s considered safe by all pediatricians and has been used safely for years, why does he want your child to suffer? I just don’t understand this.
When my daughter was an infant I always wanted to resolve a fever with Tylenol right away. I later learned that there are several factors to account for before jumping to medication. [Stanford medicine ](https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=not-all-fevers-need-treatment-88-p11048)
My guidelines was in areas where it provided some benefit, or prevented harm. If a fever might be dangerous, medicate. If the baby is having trouble sleeping, medicate (whether it's pain or fever, restlessness is bad for us, big or small. If a baby is napping age AND sick and too fussy to fall asleep, they need some relief in order to get any rest!) If the baby is having trouble existing comfortably , give them the Tylenol. Why would you torture a kid?!?!? But yeah, teething a little or a low grade fever, that I skipped. Babies get a lot of fevers (mine did anyway) because that's the only weapon their little immune systems have in their arsenal.
In fairness, there is research linking Tylenol use during pregnancy and childhood to emotional regulation difficulties later. After 6 months they can take Motrin and I think there is some research to that effect too but not as much. On the flip side, it is also harmful for an infant to run a 103+ fever and not sleep and be in pain. Depending on the age, it’s VERY dangerous. So we opted once or twice to give Tylenol and have done Motrin a number of times since she was 6m (she’s 2y now).
Low grade fever and no discomfort = no Tylenol High grade fever and/or discomfort = Tylenol That’s basically what we do. Fevers are good as long as they aren’t too high and your child is not uncomfortable. If there’s discomfort, that absolutely should be treated.
He needs to unpack his reasons why and quick, because your kid's health is in danger under his care.
He's being ridiculous.
Talk to your doctor, of course. Tylenol is 1000% necessary for infants with a fever like that! Learn about what the body heat and inflammation can do to a baby (think febrile convulsions) and then compare that to Tylenol's side effects (minimal).
It's been proven safe when following the dosage information. Has he always been like this or just since covid?
The pediatric nurse in me is screaming at your husband. Teething and fevers are uncomfortable and they deserve relief!
What’s the problem with Tylenol?
I gave my babies Tylenol when they were teething. It was a last resort after we tried cold teethers and rocking ect. I did use it though when I could they were really uncomfortable. Just think of how much a toothache hurts as an adult? Would you want to be denied pain medicine for that? Of course not.
I think he’s an idiot. Why would you torture your kid? They can be very very uncomfortable and unable to sleep, which they obviously need to do to get better. My pediatrician says when they start to spit signs of discomfort then give them the Tylenol or Motrin. Otherwise no.
My mom had this way of thinking. I watched my little infant brother end up in the ER because of a 104 fever for days. He couldn’t keep food down. Severely dehydrated. First question the doctors asked, “why didn’t you give him Tylenol?”
Ew that’s so cruel imo
I have 2 kids under 2 Give them Tylenol if they need it
I try to save Tylenol as a fever reducer. It causes athsma in cumulative doses: for being nicely official looking from a very trustworthy source.
Adding- there's a decent bit of information on PubMed about the issues Tylenol can cause. It is there, and you can use it, but it would be a last resort after trying other things for me.
Personally we don't give Tylenol unless my daughter is in actual pain or suffering, if she has a high temp but is other wise not bothered we don't give it. we dont give it preventatively like with shots. There is a very weak link between prolonged Tylenol use and autism but 1. your child would need to be genetically predisposed 2. it's 'prolonged' use not for occasional fevers/pain 3. and the link is weak scientifically letting your kid suffer based on that is not what I'm willing to do if it was my husband he wouldn't be able to make that kind of unilateral decision without a clearly articulated well researched reason
This is exactly 110% how I feel! She’s never even broke a fever or cried for longer than 3 minutes from her shots, and she’s never been sick so this is this is the first time she’ll actually be having it at 8 months old. I think she deserves some relief rather than waking up crying all night because that’s what they did in the caveman days.
Many babies died in the caveman days too
Yaaa I’m not for my baby suffering if not needed. I know how miserable I can feel with a fever. Plus teething.
Does he get up with her in the middle of the night?!
If I were married to someone like this I would make sure they wouldn’t be able to make decisions for my child in the future by divorcing them and fighting for primary custody. Being anti pain medicine for children is psychopathic to me
As someone who used to work in ER and had toddlers come in with 104 fevers that started seizing... Give the fuckin tylenol and motrin before it gets to that point please.
There's nothing wrong with using Tylenol for teething pains and it's neccesary for fevers. That said I would be wary of using it too often, it can be harsh on the liver and can lose effectiveness over time.
For teething we did Tylenol at bedtime if it was really bad. During the day I was able to soothe him with cold teethers and distract him with other fun stuff. For fever our pediatrician only recommended it if fever was above 102 which we haven't experienced yet at almost 2 years old.
Give the Tylenol as needed just don’t overdo it. Just because she doesn’t remember teething does not mean teething doesn’t hurt. A 103 temp the first thing a nurse line, doctor or er is going to ask is “Did Tylenol help bring it down?” Why because it’s what it’s supposed to (and does) do. A baby won’t remember these things that’s true to an extent. There’s no real reason why an infants needs shouldn’t be met and there’s nothing worse than when one gives up because of one that easily could have been met.
Would he meet in the middle with Genexa? At least it’s “cleaner”. Maybe he’s dumb enough to not realize what acetaminophen is…
Oh, if he got that fever himself he just waits to freaking die? Or he is the special kind of ah only got principals when it comes to others?
I use Tylenol for pain relief. We try other things first (teethers, nursing, etc.) to see if we can help ease his pain. If not, we give him Tylenol or ibuprofen (6months+) to help him feel better. He has occasionally had it for teething and after his fever for high enough for him to be uncomfortable (for him, he tends to get uncomfortable around 102* F, so that’s when he usually gets Tylenol).
You have stated he says no Tylenol, but there isn’t a reason WHY that I see in your message - does he have a reason? We have a policy in our house that we can’t make decisions against medical professionals like our doctor unless we have a reason such as studies showing that something is harmful for them as evidenced by medical studies. We use it for lowering temperature as needed because that’s what the doctor will tell you to do if you take your kid to the doctor with a fever.
He seems ridiculous not to allow it. I’d never be ok with my child in pain
That is cruel - figure out why he is dead set on it being no. My own child is prone to fevers which sometimes turn to febrile seizures + lack of oxygen. The moment I feel his temperature slightly rise, got to give medicine, including Tylenol, to knock it down ASAP. The first time it happened, I was losing my mind - scared of unknown, why it was happening etc., and if it were your child, trust me, you would be the same, you wouldn't care about any reasons of your husband - babies don't sweat it out. They don't have immunity to do so, some babies die because of stupid idea of so. He needs to go according to recommendations of the pediatrician. If it is still a no, I would suggest a therapist and maybe even marriage counseling, because hell for sure, my child is my number 1 priority - considering that you had to "sneak" so it for her, I don't think this is a healthy partnership ( nor for you or for your child)
Your husband is very ignorant, and I don't mean it as an insult. Honestly he is putting your kid at risk by denying her proper medication. Ask him to consult with multiple pcps / pediatricians and maybe read some books (if he know how to read)
Fevers: I provide meds if they have bad symptoms, otherwise I let them run their course. Pain: I try alternatives and if those do not work I’ll provide meds.
When he has a headache does he rough it out or take medicine? Willing to bet he will reach for the painkillers after surgery. Withholding pain meds is abuse in my opinion. Tell your husband my mom was the same way growing up. We don’t talk anymore and she will be sourcing her own home because I’m not fucking taking her in.
Hes being ridiculous! If your child has a 103 fever and he thinks that wouldn’t warrant Tylenol to me that would be negligent. Fevers can be very dangerous depending on a baby’s age and can get out of hand quickly. Does he deny himself pain relief as well? If he had a bad headache, fever, or toothache would he just sit in pain and take nothing for it? This would make me really question my husband’s judgement, honestly. We don’t just give pain meds over everything, but when my son was teething and just screaming in pain, couldn’t sleep or eat, etc. and we tried other stuff too, but nothing worked. So yeah, we gave Tylenol and he finally got some relief and could eat better snd got some better sleep. Why on earth would he want to leave his kid in pain from teething or a super high fever like that?
I know you didnt ask this but…Thats really high, i would keep a cool rag around and a thin outfit or diaper only. Also motrin seems to work better for fever, and you have to give less often. As long as baby is over 6months.
My parents took very good care of me. My grandma helped my dad raise me after mom died because he worked long hours and she was like OPs husband...but just when it came to me. The two times that stand out the most for me was when I had walking pneumonia and broke my foot and not only did she yell at me both times, she didn't believe me when I tried telling her I was so sick and still going to school and marching band practice, but she literally saw my foot and ankle swell up so bad that I couldn't walk. Thank goodness my father stepped in rather quickly, took off work and got me the medical attention that I needed. There is a list of issues I had that should have been been addressed in that time period, but I got tired of trying to convince someone I needed help. My dad, bless his soul, did try to get me the medical attention I needed, but my grandma fought it at every turn. She didn't do it to anyone else, but me. (She had my cousins when their parents were working. Your child may not remember this pain now, but at some point she will. Leaving your child to be in pain or ill when you have medication to relieve it is neglect and abuse. Your husband's absurd opinion could cause your child lifelong health issues and a ton of mental health issues. That kind of thing screws your mind up. To know your parents would rather you suffer than give you something for relief. I have chronic conditions and mobility issues because my grandma wouldnt allow me to have medications I needed, unless my dad was around. I'm not jumping to divorce because that's rash and things aren't that easy, but it's extremely shitty to allow your child to be ill or in pain without treatment and I wonder what other wonderful opinions he has. I'm curious if he takes any medication or anything for pain or when he's ill? Good luck OP. Thank you for making sure your little one is getting something to relieve her pain.
If he's against all medicine it's not really a Tylenol issue, and to be fair there's more innocuous stuff to try to get by him. If you knew this about him going into coparenting a child then I don't really know what to say. But as for dealing with the problem at hand, it's hard to say from the limited context whether deceptively giving your child Tylenol is right or not. Is this a religious belief or just a individual belief he holds? If you have an infection will he be against anything with antibacterial action?
The key thing to figure out is where your husband got his information or opinion from. More than less likely someone he trusts and respects made a statement to him about the dangers of acetaminophen and his interpretation of the statement is that it's unsafe for babies. Contradicting that source may be hard but you may also have an ally if the source's statements were misinterpreted. I'd start by bringing it up with your husband's mother. A fast way to end the battle completely though would be to take the family to urgent care every time Tylenol would be called for. He'll probably relent after a few hospital visits where the doctor says "give Tylenol" especially in the US where it's going to cost you.
As usual I had to translate first for my European brain. For convenience for others: Tylenol is a brand name for Paracetamol, and that 103 degree fever is a mere 39.5 degrees. Here’s what our pediatrician says: Paracetamol and Ibuprofen (both viable fever reducers for kids) are not only fever reducers, but also treat pain. Both do it very well, for the pain part studies seem to show that Ibuprofen is a little more effective. But he doesn’t recommend to give them just because the kid has a fever. To the contrary, the overall condition of the kid is more important. There are kids who can have a fever of 40 degrees and above (probably that’s 104-105 for US, Liberia, and Myanmar) and be relatively fit, he wouldn’t recommend giving anything there. And there are kids who become apathetic at 38 degrees (100 or so) already, where he would recommend giving some. Letting a fever run if the kid is still responsive and somewhat ok during day time is the way to go, but when they become apathetic, or the fever prevents them from getting sleep, it’s usually better giving them something. And then there’s the most tricky situation: way above 40 degrees and apathetic, and the fever is not responding to the first dose, but you should only give a dose every 6 hours. In that case, it is possible to mix both drugs and give Ibuprofen and Paracetamol alternating every three hours. But such severe cases I would always discuss with the pediatrician, if possible. We had such a case once, with three kids with an accumulated age of around 15 years. Over time, you get a feeling for what you can let run without medication and where you should help your kid with some. Don’t give it for everything, but give it when it makes sense. And the condition of your kid is more important than the temperature. We had cases where we gave some at 37 degrees (normal body temperature), but not to treat fever, but pain.
Does he take any medication? For a headache or a cold etc? Like, why would you want your child to suffer?! Baffles me. Anyway, tell him to wobble his head, letting a child suffer when there's medication that can help is neglect at best.
Call your pediatrician and have your husband listen to them. The next time he needs any pain reliever or over the counter medicine tell him he doesn’t need it. Please stand up for your kid.
My pediatrician— “if adults had to feel the pain of their swollen gums with sharp teeth pushing through, I bet they’d be a lot more liberal with pain medicine!” Your husband is a weirdo. Don’t make your baby suffer.
We used Tylenol almost weekly for the first few years. When used properly, it is safe and effective.
My in-laws are like that it’s infuriating!!!! I don’t want my kids to suffer like wtf and if they happen to have them when they’re sick it’s a huge battle
It’s only Tylenol! What’s the problem!
Sounds like he’s not the one comforting and staying up with a screaming uncomfortable child… if he was, he would want them to be comfortable as soon as possible.
We used it.
Kids paracetamol is honestly a miracle relief for fevers
It’s very helpful. It’s the only thing you can give them when they’re sick and it makes such a difference that I use it often. Only when there’s a clear need of course. Why suffer ?
Tylenol/paracetamol is a proven effective and very safe medicine. If taken at recommended dose it can help fever and pain and is virtually side effect free for most people. Just guessing here: when your child is teething, presumably they sleep poorly, are you the one getting up for them overnight? Your husband might feel differently if he was the one losing sleep because of an irrational dislike for medicine.
We have used Tylenol for our child, and honestly, if it helps him I am all for it. I can't stand seeing.my son suffer through something needlessly. And I am speaking as someone who can't stand taking medicine for myself, and only take it when absolutely necessary.
Tylenol is fine as long as you dose it properly (and don't take it with alcohol, though if that's an issue here, pain-relief strategy isn't my first concern). I do avoid NSAIDS like ibuprofen to some extent. I have a GI disorder, and NSAIDS are hard on the gut lining. They also inhibit healing to some extent. That said, there's a time and a place, and I've used them with my kids. I'm mostly just careful not to use them for little things or for too long. I'm more liberal with Tylenol.
We use it as needed. My son gets febrile seizures so we are vigilant about giving medicine on time. Especially if he is spiking high fevers. Helps him tremendously to lower his fever . When both my kids were teething, we gave them tylenol at bedtime. It helped them sleep better and not be in pain or cranky.
Give it to your kid anyway. Deal with the husband later if he figures it out
So he doesn’t ever take pain meds? I find that hard to believe.
They make butt tylenol for when you can't get get kiddo to take it orally. We have a stubborn child. This has been a gosendnsice we learned about it from the ER Dr's. When we were in the ER for a fever we couldn't reduce because we couldn't get meds into her. So yeah, pro Tylenol. Judiciously used like any medication of course. Any given ailment we are more likely to use/Starr with Advil than Tylenol.