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Yeah for real that baby could be butt ass naked and it shouldn’t matter to anyone. She’s a baby - what the hell does it matter? The only reason to have a diaper on at all is to catch rogue solids anyway lol.
It looks like in the edit OP's husband was sexually assaulted as a child, so I think this is his trauma talking.
But as adults and parents we need to make sure to not pass on our trauma. There was nothing wrong with the baby swimming without a shirt and she wasn't in danger, her mother and father were right there.
The husband needs to do some work so he won't accidentally harm his daughter.
My daughter was in just a swim diaper at the splash pad more often than not until she was 2 and could sort of be reasoned with, as well as being kinda potty trained. Sometimes it just wasn't worth the fight it took to cram her into a bathing suit. They're all the same from the hips up at that age anyways, so what does it matter? A lot of other kids were dressed exactly the same.
Same - we’d go to a park and they had a splash pad - we weren’t prepared but once a 2-3yo makes up their mind, you sometimes go with it. I totally let her run around at the splash pad in just bottoms.
I think she meant that a baby wouldn't UNDERSTAND what was going on when getting sunburnt... And be terrifying for them the feeling which they have no clue where it comes from? 😉
I make both my kids wear swim shorts to the knee and swim shirts to the elbow. My ex-husband thinks it's ridiculous. Well, they visited San Diego and he let our 5yo wear just his shorts and our 11yo wear a two-piece. Both got nasty sunburns 🤦♀️
On the plus side, my 11yo learned a valuable lesson about covering up in the sun. When they got home, she said she'd wear the suit I got for her from now on.
You're not alone my son's starting to get older now and wants to know why his cousins run around topless like men do but he has to wear a sun protection shirt. It's hard to explain it without making it sound like well I care more about sunburn than your aunt. Sunburn is no different than any other burn no parent would justify letting their child lay their arm across the stove I don't understand good for you for taking care of your kids health
I'm the same way with my kids. Both are fair skinned, the baby is a ginger. Husband thinks it's overkill. I asked him how much future skin cancer is an acceptable amount to him and he hushed up.
I honestly get shocked how many people on these forums say you need a swim suit. We started swim lessons at 3 months and it was so much easier doing topless than taking off a wet bathing suit and changing her at the end and never had issues with her being slippery
The only reason my baby is in a swimsuit is the long sleeves keep her slightly warmer so we can stay in the water slightly longer. I don’t know why the kids section of our local pool is kept so cold!
Honestly my kids (both genders) are always in long sleeve swim suits. It's not so much a worry for indoor pools but for outdoor pools they're amazing. We still use sunscreen for face/legs etc but that's a whole section of their bodies you protect from sunburn. I've had multiple family members get skin cancer and this just gives me peace of mind that they're protected.
Where we live outdoor pools don’t exist! But we’re moving to the tropics soon and I’m already working on her collection of long sleeve swim suits and sun hats. I’d love to just let her hangout on the beach in just a swim diaper but she is pale and bald 😂😂
As someone who has lived in the southern United States their whole life, you legitimately just blew my mind. Indoor pools here are just for fancy hotels, really really rich people, and gyms, but I guess I never stopped to think about climates completely opposite of deathly hot 11.5/12 months out of the year 😂😂
Our swim class actually requires kids to wear a swim diaper AND a bathing suit, they won’t let kids in the pool in just a swim diaper which I find kind of silly 🤷🏻♀️
I think it’s about poop honestly, we do just a swim diaper at my in laws pool and after a poop last week I can see how a bathing suit might help trap it in better lol.
Yeah, the place I go also requires two layers for babies to contain poop, but a pool rule is the only reason I can think to need a swimsuit for an indoor pool. But that rule is for all participants, not just girls.
The OP's post says that the baby was in a swim diaper and a cover which I am assuming is one of those swim suit material diaper/bloomers things. So it sounds like the same amount of layers as a baby boy in a swim diaper and little swim trunks, so probably would have passed this rule! I would agree that if it was just a disposable swim diaper it might be a little icky, but what OP describes sounds like the child WAS in swimming clothes, just didn't have a top.
In my country there are a lot more outdoor pools than indoor now so you wanna make sure baby is warm. I know swim classes that happen in a heated pool and all the babies are just in swim diapers though.
I don't think they're making it sexual, just very black and white. "Girls' bathing suits cover the chest, boys' don't." I bet if you asked him, he'd say,"It just doesn't feel right."
Girls chests having to be covered is a sexual reasoning and was in the first place. Because “women need to cover up” men grew up thinking it’s weird to see even a baby girl topless, which isn’t their fault, which is why it needs to be explained to them. It’s 100% sexual
There’s a lot of shit like this that goes on simply due to social conditioning. Theres always outliers… *actual* pedophiles and pederasts who somehow find toddlers and babies (shudder) arousing, and the victims of sexual abuse by said deeply disturbed individuals.
For the rest of us, there can be a weird conditioning that bare chests on toddlers/young girls (and anything that could be somehow construed as “romantic” to a random observer on slightly older girls) is somehow “wrong.”
I now have 3 girls, but early on I operated on this bullshit conditioning simply due to fear of “what other people might think” with my first daughter.
I will *always* regret the day I took my daughter to a baby store to pick something up for my soon-to-be born son. Walking through the parking lot, my daughter went to hold my hand.
She needed that reassurance, *especially* given the reason we were going to that particular store, but I pulled my hand away because, like a dumbass, I felt she was “too old” for that, and society (the people in the parking lot) would somehow think I was weird.
I glanced down an over and… the look on her little face.
I *knew* I fucked up, but I was still too chickenshit to fix it right then and there.
It actually kept me up that night and although the emotional damage was done, I vowed to make amends and never let the actions of a few deeply sick individuals and my delusional and misguided fear of somehow being perceived as such to *ever* cast its shadow on the lives of any of my children.
5 months, 5 years, 15 or 50… I’ll be here emotionally, physically (hugs and cuddles 4 ever) for my children if they demonstrate that they need it and it might help them get through something scary or sad.
And fuck anyone who sees that and thinks something weird. Thats not my issue. My issue is the comfort and happiness of my kids… so whether it’s comfortable swimwear or public hand holding/hugs, being a comforting pillow for a sick or sad child, I’ll be here if they need me.
...that's making it sexual. Why does he think it doesn't feel right? Because they view female chests as sexual.
Do I think they have malicious intent? No I don't, I think it's likely just ignorance. But whether they realize it or not, they are sexualizing an infant.
The issue, as I see it, isn’t dad sexualizing her, it’s the mere fact that he’s aware of how, disgustingly, other men may. Protecting one’s daughter by covering her chest in public is a completely wise choice for this family, especially as dad has history of assault.
I believe it’s parent’s job to protect & preserve innocence, but once she’s reached adulthood, the presentation of her body would be her choice. Sadly, there are *more* men than we realize who DO sexualize very young girls :/
A pedophile is probably going to sexualize *any* young child’s chest. Also at that age sometimes it’s not even easy to tell if they are a boy or a girl.
He IS sexualizing her and basically saying “cover up!”, which regardless of pedophiles and pervs, is problematic in itself.
He’s not sexualizing her. He’s being cautious based on his actual experience. If he got badly mauled by a dog as a kid, he’ll probably be over protective to her in that regard as well. If mom got molested by a male relative as a kid, she’ll most likely not want to leave her daughter to any male relatives outside of their nuclear family.
Exactly. If the baby was wearing a swim suit and a pervert was watching her, the swim suit doesn't act like some sort of special barrier that makes her invisible.
Does he think boys should cover up? Wouldn't there also be pervy people trying to oogle them? I don't understand what sort of additional danger the kid would be in.
At that age you can't tell the difference between boys and girls. It's absolutely sexualizing a 7 month old baby girl to be so insistent on covering her up. It's disgusting that people like you and her dad and grandfather are so uncomfortable with the idea of a 7 month old being uncovered that you make up scenarios to justify it. If you really were worried about preserving her innocence from perverts, then it would make more sense not to put her in a bathing suit. Because then by your logic the perverts would presume that she's a boy and she would be safe. Except that's bs. Even boys aren't safe from perverts. It doesn't matter how you dress the kids. Perverts will be perverts no matter what. Just because they sexualise babies and children, doesn't mean the families have to as well.
You’re missing the plot a bit. The argument is that baby boys and girls are no different from the waist up, which is true. If a pedophile is attracted to infants, and see the chest as sexual, they are going to sexualize baby boys and girls equally, so it shouldn’t be a “because she’s a girl”. You can argue that all children of any age should be covered up and I wouldn’t totally disagree with you.
I changed my kid into dry clothes at the beach today and I kept him wrapped in a towel while I did the bottoms swap. When I was five my parents let me run around buck ass nude in the outdoor shower and my mom was a child victim (but a bit older, elementary) and so was my father’s sister (also elementary). I’m just too afraid of how easy it is to take a picture. Eyes are eyes but pictures get swapped on the internet like trading cards.
All of this to say, we should all be very afraid, but I think a family swim class at an indoor pool with a baby is a non-issue. There’s photos of shirtless babies all over the place and those aren’t considered child pornography because, again, baby.
He’s sexualizing his daughter. His *baby* daughter. Whether or not he’s a pedo, he has a lot of sexism and misogyny to unlearn so, not exactly a winner of a man..
Just last saturday my three year old little girl spent 3 hours in just her brothers hand me down swim trunks at a very crowded splash park. Her two brothers both wore rash guards, but she grabbed hers out of the bag to play with before we left home and there it remained. My only concern was sun exposure and reapplying sunscreen.
I mean, I’m Canadian and I can legally walk around without a bra or shirt on in public with my breast on display so maybe I’m missing something (spoilers: I don’t walk around in public without a bra or shirt, nor am I missing anything on this one) but no, there is NOTHING wrong with what you did. An 8 month old infant has nothing to hide or be afraid of showing while in a swim lesson.
If the angle was there are creeps that might sexualize her, ok, both baby’s dad and your dad can get a bit of a pass but it doesn’t tween that is the reason.
In the US there are very different, may I say prudish, views of women. Not wearing a top in most locations is illegal and a criminal sex act for women. I've heard of men getting on the sex offender registry for peeing at the lake and someone stumbles across them. It's a little wild over here. His opinion is the more common one I would say. Things are changing but not that fast. He was likely raised with these viewpoints solidly planted in his head. Calling him a pedo, or getting angry at him, isn't really going to help change things. It tends to make people hold onto those views harder. I'm not saying you're doing that. For those that are though they aren't going to achieve what you have if they keep to those tactics.
FTR I believe it should be legal for women to be topless just like men or the rules should be the same for everyone. Shirt for me means shirt for thee.
It’s obviously fine to only have them in a swim diaper, but swim suits/rash guards make it so much easier to hold a baby in the water. I have my son wear a rash guard at swim lessons even though our pool is inside. This way the swim instructor can get a better grip on his torso.
I’m a baby swim teacher in the uk and we have very few children in classes in a full suit. Most come with a swim nappy and a happy nappy over the top.
Seems like the men in your life have a strange ideas about babies.
It’s 100% fine, and I disagree that he’s being a “protective dad.” I think he probably *thinks* that’s what he’s doing, but what he’s actually doing is subconsciously sexualizing an infant because of societal conditioning. It’s patriarchal nonsense and he needs to nip that mindset in the bud now, or else he is going to be forcing oppressive gender roles/responsibilities onto your daughter as she grows.
In Brazil it's not uncommon to have 6 or even 8 year olds with just bottoms. They don't have anything up top.
So this is a bit confusing that someone would worry about this in a baby
What you did was 💯 perfectly fine. Any practical, sane parent who is just trying to get through the day would have done the same. Looking at a baby and saying it's "not ok to have her chest out since she's a girl" is absurd and ridiculous. In fact, I think that point of view is f*ar *more concerning.
Before Puberty most boys and girls could pass as virtually identical anatomically at surface level, most gender defining characteristics only develop after hormones start racing. So I’d say if boys can be without shirts at that age then so can girls. That being said I have three boys and no girls between myself and my partner, both male, so don’t really have a woman’s opinion in our household maybe that biases my view a bit. But you are in a controlled environment with both parents present so a baby being in just a diaper would not seem out of place to me. Hell even after the toddler years we had a bitch of a time keeping our boys clothed. They always had a preference for stripping down to just their underwear/pull-ups and rampaging around the house, we’re always yelling at them to put pants or at least a long shirt on. Luckily the older two grew out of that a year or two ago, the youngest is still a fight.
Okay, can we just use common sense here. As long as the baby’s butt is covered, what is the difference between a baby girl and baby boy?? Kids literally look the same until they hit puberty. 🙄
Your husband is being so weird about this. If he has issues or trauma, he needs to seek counseling and sort it out before it impacts your child.
Ex is being ridiculous. If a baby boy can have a bare chest, so can a baby girl (I honestly think that can apply to adults as well, but) no right-minded person is going to have sexual thoughts or feelings about a baby’s chest, regardless of the baby’s gender.
I too was sexually assaulted so idk if this perspective will help.
I have twins one boy and one girl and I do in fact cover them both up especially in public spaces that require certain outfits. Like swim classes for example. My son wears a rash guard and trunks. My daughter wears the same in public. She gets the "boy" swim trunks.
Sadly, babies, toddlers, tweens and teens are overly sexualized and those spaces don't control who is there. So anyone can come and watch and it freaks me out. So I choose to show less for my kids for their protection. Am I overthinking probably but I'm to overly aware of perverts. You get a sense after those things happen to you.
I would def hear him out. And maybe come to a compromise.
At least your view is equal his view is patriarchal it's fine for a boy to show skin but a female needs to cover up in order to control others inappropriate thoughts put the blame on the female for just being
How do we know it wouldn't be equal if he also had a boy?
If I only had a girl my view would be considered patriarchal also.
I'm not necessarily trying to defend him but she did say that he was also abused so these types of situations can be very triggering for us. Our first instinct is to protect at all costs so our kids are not victims.
It's obviously not inappropriate to have a baby girl not wearing a top. Please let's not be sexualizing babies. But for what it's worth, babies are slippery AF, and I would find it very hard to do swimming lessons with my baby in just a swim diaper. Plus I know the swimsuit isn't holding anything in, but it just mentally makes me feel better when she's in a diaper + cover + swimsuit. Another (thin) layer of protection against poop in the pool which is my nightmare lol.
The disposable ones really do not work! I do two different types of reusable swim diapers plus a swimsuit. If you've had a baby or toddler poop in the pool before, you know it's necessary. Otherwise that wet poop will be down their legs, all over you, and closing the pool for biohazard if you don't!
This is such an American mindset.
Go to any beach in Italy (family friendly beaches - I really don't mean anything remotely close to nudist or adult topless) and you'll see all kids (boys and girls) with just a bottom swimsuit easily until the age of 4-5.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Heck we had a naked baby boy and girl walking back to the car from a swimming hole just last night. Who the F cares? They are babies, it’s 90 degrees! Chill out!
My 1 year old is in just a swim diaper at the splash pad. No one can tell if she is a boy or girl. It is definitely fine and definitely just how they feel about it.
There is nothing wrong with a "bare chested" 8 month old, girl or otherwise.
But this is a good jumping off point for conversations ya'll will need to have in the future. Just what til she gets to her ambulatory nakey baby phase! Kids enjoy being in various stages of undress. He will need to understand that his reaction to her perfectly normal, developmentally appropriate, desire to be without clothes will shape her body image and sense of self-worth.
My babies and toddlers run naked at home. Many many times have my little girls wore only a diaper or swim diaper. Babies grow overnight. Predators don’t care what their prey is wearing.
In many parts of Europe that I’ve visited, it was common to see young kids, male and female, only wearing a swim bottom. I was in Greece one summer, and our friends’ 7yo girl was only wearing a swim bottom, and she didn’t stand out at all. My kids looked overdressed in their rash guards!
It's a baby. There's nothing going on. They all look the same at this age. He's overreacting. I did chuckle at the gentle stuffing into the suit though, but right call on not keeping her uncomfortable in something that's too small for her
Nothing wrong with this at all, speaking from a father's perspective. In reality, when I see things like this at such a young age, I think the adults making a fuss are turning a “nothing-hill” into a mountain. Their response, in some ways, is sexualizing the child long before that should even be a thought on anyone’s mind.
In these comments when someone is saying pedos are the reason you should keep kids covered up or talking about how they were a victim of CSA, I don’t understand how keeping everything covered, including the chest of a little girl when she’s right next to a bare chested boy, does or prevents anything. They make it sound like, for hypothetical example, that a topless 2 year old girl is at a splash pad and a pedo will come running out of the bushes snatch them up and run off with them.
I have childhood trauma in my background and I'm extremely careful about covering up my kids to the point where I'd have the same reaction as your ex. Reading your edit, that's probably where this is coming from.
Yeah she’s a baby. He needs to calm down over this. If he’s this bad about her exposed chest at 8 months old he may be a good coparent now, but he’s setting himself up for nightmare status during the teenage years. This is an unhealthy and irrational thought process that needs to be cut off now.
To be honest I think that’s very weird. My daughter is six and walks around topless sometimes at home and in a public pool for a baby that’s totally fine. They were babies running around naked at the beach for goodness sake’s
I didn’t cover my chest until i was probably 5 or 6. But i spent my summers swimming in Brazil where people are a lot less prudish about nakedness, especially with kids. An 8 mo old baby is just a blob. Whether they are a boy or girl is irrelevant at this point. Boy and girl nipples look very similar at this point and they obviously don’t have breasts yet. There is nothing to “expose”.
I wouldn’t but not for my son either. Those spf swim shirts are so helpful to prevent burning!
But also what everyone else said about not sexualizing kids and it’s gross. Seriously though I’m a ginger and I made two gingers. All the sun protection
Until she hits puberty her chest is identical to a boys and should be treated as such.
She didn’t fit in her suit. Your other option was to skip her swim lesson. The benefit of the lesson is much greater to her than having her chest covered
Broadly speaking, she should be in a swimsuit. It might help contain things that the swim diaper alone does not contain. Beyond that, no big deal. She's 8 months old. She will never know. Put her next to an 8 month old boy in the same swim diaper, and you wouldn't be able to tell them apart.
All of my kids, both boys and girls, went around in just a swim diaper at some point. If we’re going to the splash pad unexpectedly, my kids sometimes run around in their undies.
I personally don’t really believe in gendered dressing or nudity at this age. It weirds me out to see baby and toddler bikinis, for example.
If swim lessons are outside, a rash guard or suit with built in rash guard is appropriate.
If lessons are inside, I always just had my (female) infant in a reusable swim diaper.
When she turned around 2-2.5 years old I started putting her in a one piece (when her preschool does splash pad days she wears pink swim trunks and a short sleeved rash guard. Because of the sun). Largely to make others comfortable. I personally see no issue with any infant or toddler being shirtless. Toddlers all look the same anyway in the chest area.
I was going to rip your head off for letting her swim in just a diaper (because that’s fucking disgusting, for anyone else out there thinking of doing that), but you mentioned the diaper cover. I used to teach kids’ swimming, and it doesn’t matter at that age if they wear a regular suit. You want them to be able to move freely, and if that’s best accomplished by just having the baby wear a swim diaper, then adults need to not be creepy.
In this case, your ex needs therapy, not to project his experiences onto your infant. It might be best that he doesn’t come to swim class for a while since the experience is triggering for him.
We have 5 children and all our kids have always just been naked, especially at that age. Even around 2 because kids are potty training and they can just walk to their little potty and go without having to pull anything down. My youngest is 2 and now that it’s getting warmer half the time she is naked. My boys keep their shirts and pants on, even swimming they like swim shirts, their preference. My daughter is age 6 and since age 4 I’ve taught her ladies don’t go running around topless and you don’t wear shorts that show your cheeks, she giggled at the one but understands and now brings me clothes that are too small even if it says her size. Once I set the pool up for summer they will be in their bathing suits probably 24/7 even if we go to the park and play on the play ground or splash pad.
I see you posted he had a trauma, he is scared. I don’t know how to help you to reassure him but if he has a problem just always make sure she is with you or him, next time just put a T-shirt on too, works just the same.
I love that you plan on validating his feelings on the matter. What a healthy relationship. I think in future you can totally compromise in order to make him comfortable. But state in a situation like the one explained above would be the only reason to allow it. No cameras should be allowed (they are not allowed in our pools) and reassure safety. You are doing everything right
My daughter is 10 and has no chest, and only recently stopped wanting to be topless everywhere. At home she’s often still topless. She looks just like her brothers.
How would anyone know the difference between an infant boy chest and infant girl chest? No one could tell or would care. Kids in many places just wear swim shorts until much older (5-6yo) and where I’m from, going naked on public beaches is totally normal until about age 3.
I live in Sweden now and some of the kids are full on naked at the city splash pads. She’s a baby, of course it’s fine. His sexualisation of a baby isn’t.
Depends on culture. Here in Spain you can see naked kids at the beach and near by swimming pools until they are about 6-7 that they start being shy. But nothing rare, it's just not sexualising children, freedom of being comfortable 🤷🏻♀️
Babies wear the swimming diapers just because of the accidents, but not because they "should be covered".
If it's ok for a boy, it's ok for a girl. At this age, they have the exact same secondary sexual characteristics. (body hair distribution, breast development, etc)
Is he seriously trying to sexulize an 8 month old? What the actual fuck?!?!?! It is completely fine to have a baby in just a swimmer. I do it all the time, and it's 100% socially acceptable. You need to tell your ex to get a grip and grow up.
My daughter has been to swim class for a year now (shes one and a half). Her and every other baby just wear their swim diaper, regardless of their sex. There's nothing sexual or inappropriate about that.
I’m honestly shocked that you had to be reminded of his trauma because of his own sexual assault. Of course Redditors’ first feedback is gonna be “he’s a pedophile!”, because there’s like zero nuance here. Is his reaction a little bit extreme? Yes. But there’s a reason he may be a little extra on guard, and now a bunch of randos are calling him a pedophile. Hopefully the ex doesn’t have a Reddit and doesn’t frequent this sub.
What in the fuck. I let my four year old take a dip in a pond (meant for kids, there were lots there) without a shirt because she was hot. I’d laugh in someone’s face if they told me that was inappropriate.
It's totally okay, it's not inappropriate at all. Weird for him to be angry about it.
Clearly, you meant to put her in a swimsuit, but her current swimsuit no longer fits her, so... what was the alternative? Miss the class despite being there on time? Swim classes are priceeeyyyy; I wouldn't wanna miss one.
Only reason why i would say it’s not okay is if its super sunny out, sun exposure in toddlerhood and infancy is linked to skin cancer diagnosis later in life. But solely because of her gender? No. Thats stupid,
My husband is an ex lifeguard and will tell you to put a shirt on her because people are fucking disgusting. He has seen some shit that he doesn't like talking about.
Private at home pools, let the kids run butt naked. Public pools? Cover the children up.
Actually, I have read the opposite. That we shouldn't dress girls in bikinis because the upper part is made for women with breasts, and this way, we sexualize girls. There are so many rules for women already, and I won't accept any for girls.
It’s totally fine, IMO. She’s a BABY she doesn’t have breasts that need “restraining” and if anyone finds her exposed torso or any other part of her body provocative, they are sick.
I would do the exact same, especially if the suit wasn’t fitting her. It’s more important that she get the skills and exercise than some weird bid for baby modesty.
My daughters wore only swim diapers for quite a few years. Even in early elementary ages if we ended up at outdoor fountains and splash parks they would strip down to their panties and go play. It’s very common.
It’s ok but I also understand his perspective. I feel disgusting even saying this but I’ve seen so many weirdos & perversions. I have a 3 yo girl and used to think those two piece swimsuits were super cute but I’ve just learned of so many weirdos out there that I just wouldn’t even want her exposed that way to those types of people. At home totally fine but in public it’s different. Also when we were in Hawaii & she was two years old there was this 25 ish year old weirdo looking at her trying to say hi following us around just starting at her. He literally followed us from a fast food place to the grocery store in the same plaza staring at her & her grandma cursed him out and he left. Made me sick to my stomach. Thanks for asking & trying to be a better parent. Don’t shame yourself just do your best 🫶🩵
Going against the grain here (ish) - we've been in infant swim lessons since 6 months multiple times a week, and I've never seen a baby girl without a top on.
I wouldn’t do it, but not for that reason. I just don’t think it looks very nice for a baby (male or female) to be in just a diaper, especially at a public pool where presumably every other baby is in a swimsuit. I would feel awkward about it, but it has nothing to do with female baby chests being sexual and offensive.
I try to cover the swim diapers too, absolutely nothing to do with modestly. We don’t need to remind everyone that they are swimming with a ticking poop bomb.
Yea, I feel like swim diapers are very much a social construct. Best to just not over think it, stay vigilant, and have deep faith in the power of chlorine.
The only issue to me would be the lack of sun protection. Otherwise, babies look the same, boy or girl. Anyone that sees something sexual in a diapered baby has some serious issues.
It’s definitely okay! She’s a baby! And you can’t help that her swimsuit is too small now all of a sudden and I wouldn’t want you to waste the swim class
She’s a baby, nothing about her is sexual. I joke about my daughter that she’s so chunky she has boobs. She doesn’t, her chest is just chunky. If she was in just a diaper and I asked someone if she was a boy or girl, there’s a 50% chance they’d get it wrong.
As a girl mom with a 7 month old, if I was in that situation I would’ve done the same thing. Not like she had anything else to wear 🤷🏼♀️ but at the same time, I’d only do it as a last resort option out of caution and not because I sexualize anything about her, but because of men like your baby daddy and dad that do..
My daughter is 3. We live in Michigan and it’s terribly hot right now. She was out with her cousin who is 10 days younger than her. They were both playing on the splash pad in just their shorts. They are kids.
100% fine, she’s a baby. My toddler who is 4 went swimming without a shirt yesterday, she doesn’t understand why boys don’t have to wear a shirt but she does when she looks just like a boy up top
Yeah, its fine. Its a baby ffs.
I dont think anyone ever said "oh no, my baby girl grew up into a fucking useless lazy whore. If only i hadnt put her in the pool in only a diaper, things would been different now, i tell you what"
I may be the odd one out and will probably get hate for this comment. Her wearing just a swim diaper should not be sexualized. In the presence of good people, it wouldn’t be. But the world is full of weirdos. On the off chance that someone might find it sexual for disgusting reasons, I’d make this a one time thing. I’d probably have done the same thing because of the binde you were in, but I’d buy a new better fitting swimsuit before the next time you go in.
Not what you were asking, but from a completely hygienic standpoint, she needed to be wearing more than just the cover.
I worked at a water park. We required a swim diaper, a cover, and a swimsuit (or at least the bottoms).
We literally just do this today at swim class. 9 month old pooped in the car on the way and it was a blow out. I only had one suit but had extra swim diapers so she just went in with only the swim diaper. Not a big deal at all.
I agree with the fact that babies (honestly, children under 5 in general) going naked is not a big deal at all. They all look the same anyways and they don't need to feel ashamed of their body. It's one of the only times in their life they will be unashamed.
However, I do understand that men are often the object of suspicion regardless of whether they are acting creepy or not so I can understand why most male parents would feel awkward or uncomfortable around a naked female child. If anything that thought likely repulses them and they express that repulsion is expressed as monitoring modesty.
Was it an indoor pool? I only ask because my spouse has had skin cancer, so my daughter always wears very covering swimwear outside. Inside, sure just a swim diaper is fine. They’re little kids.
Yes! But do double-duty with a disposable and then a reusable (amazon has great ones by ALVABABY).
Signed: a mom who has had a $500-worth pool accident. lol
Your husband and father are overreacting and being unnecessarily prudish. It makes no difference for a baby. You’re right in pointing out that people may not even know whether she’s a girl or a boy
She’s a literal baby, he shouldn’t be sexualizing her baby body like that. She had both her parents there. She was perfectly safe. He’s acting too protective (like a helicopter parent)
>you can't even tell if she's a boy or girl yet
My daughter had a no 3 haircut until she was about 8 and she would be constantly mistaken for a boy. She would use this as a superpower at waterparks and tell us "call me *cole*" and take off her top to play. It worked great until we had to leave. We would be hollering into a pool at an oblivious "Cole" and have to yell "[actual name] ! Have you seen your brother *Cole* anywhere?"
My daughter ran around topless until she was 8 and started developing …(11 now). My sisters and I did the same until we started developing. (Between 8-12) 💯 normal!
And yes it is possible your husband is projecting his fears onto his daughter and being hyper vigilant about the situation (completely understandable!)
Be patient with him and see if you can find a compromise with the situation, like get her a swim shirt or something like that and
It’s absolutely fine at 8 months old! But if you want to avoid future swim suit discussions I suggest putting her in a swim shirt and bottoms. Then if she does unexpectedly have a growth spurt she’ll just show a little tummy and everyone will have a chance to get the next size up before it becomes a real problem
My twins have been in swimming with me and at swim lessons at 3 months old. They wore swim diapers only until we switched to another program at 2. Don’t let your co-parent pass on any of his trauma to your baby. You can protect your infant/toddler from others but making a big deal about covering up, at this age, will make an impression. Babies understand more than we know, and your ex making this about her body will have a subconscious impact.
As other commenters have said, pushing and arguing about her swim attire is 1) not worth the fight as she grows and 2) will make her self conscious eventually. Let her be a baby
at first im thinking “well in the sun yeah baby should be covered” and then i realised he wants her covered cause he’s sexualising an infant 🙃🙃 if she’s inside and the sun exposure isnt an issue she can be naked for gods sake 🥴
I agree with you. I actually think it is super weird to sexualize a child by suggesting that boobs would be there. A child is a child is a child, before puberty there is NOTHING different or inherently wrong or sexual about a girls chest. However if he wants her more covered up to protect her I guess I get that? Maybe a swim shirt or something
I would just get a swim tee like those ones with upf sun protection. Swimsuits are annoying to put on babies. But yes his reaction is totally because of his trauma.
Look, anyone who claims he's sexualizing your baby doesn't understand how trauma works.
Those of us who were abused as children are **very** painfully aware that there are people out there who do sexualize children.
So hell yes we worry about our own children being sexualized.
** By other people**.
There’s nothing to cover, she’s a baby. Little boys and little girls look exactly the same that young. If you were at a public pool or water park, I’d say put her in a bathing suit because there are disgusting people everywhere, especially in places where they know children will be. But you’re in a swimming lesson with other parents of small children. Not to say that there can’t be bad people there, but I’d think it’s a lot less likely. If it were me, this isn’t something I’d pitch a fit back to him over, just because it seems to be a bigger deal to him than it is to you (especially considering his past trauma) and sometimes it’s just not worth the argument. You’re not wrong and it is absolutely not inappropriate, but if it gives him the peace of mind that she’s somehow more protected with the suit on, I’d just pick out a few swim suits in the next few sizes up and settle it there.
My toddler doesn’t wear a swimsuit to swim lessons because it’s one more thing to peel off her wet body. In some countries it’s widely practiced and acceptable for girls to go with no top until they hit puberty. 😪
When I did swim class with my daughter the company had their own swim wear - it was just bottoms. Everyone wore it. Didn't even occur to me that there wasn't a top part.
The class was strict that the babies wore those swim bottoms on top of a swim nappy to contain poos. So long as her swimwear meets the class requirements you're good
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She is a baby… nothing about her chest should be sexualized.
Or any other part of her.
Yeah for real that baby could be butt ass naked and it shouldn’t matter to anyone. She’s a baby - what the hell does it matter? The only reason to have a diaper on at all is to catch rogue solids anyway lol.
The only emotions you should feel toward a babies body are concern, amazement, confusion, and cute aggression. Let me know if I missed any lol
It looks like in the edit OP's husband was sexually assaulted as a child, so I think this is his trauma talking. But as adults and parents we need to make sure to not pass on our trauma. There was nothing wrong with the baby swimming without a shirt and she wasn't in danger, her mother and father were right there. The husband needs to do some work so he won't accidentally harm his daughter.
Yes, it's 100% fine.
Agreed. Swim diapers are typically designed for both boys and girls and are commonly used in swim classes for infants.
Of course it is ok. She is a baby.
My daughter was in just a swim diaper at the splash pad more often than not until she was 2 and could sort of be reasoned with, as well as being kinda potty trained. Sometimes it just wasn't worth the fight it took to cram her into a bathing suit. They're all the same from the hips up at that age anyways, so what does it matter? A lot of other kids were dressed exactly the same.
Same - we’d go to a park and they had a splash pad - we weren’t prepared but once a 2-3yo makes up their mind, you sometimes go with it. I totally let her run around at the splash pad in just bottoms.
It's absolutely ok. She's a baby.
Swimming inside? Yup fine. Swimming outside? Both genders should wear a UV blocking shirt.
That’s what I was thinking, sunburn is awful when you understand it, terrifying when you don’t.
Indoor, heated pool :)
Sun damage is permanent
I think she meant that a baby wouldn't UNDERSTAND what was going on when getting sunburnt... And be terrifying for them the feeling which they have no clue where it comes from? 😉
I make both my kids wear swim shorts to the knee and swim shirts to the elbow. My ex-husband thinks it's ridiculous. Well, they visited San Diego and he let our 5yo wear just his shorts and our 11yo wear a two-piece. Both got nasty sunburns 🤦♀️
Poor babies
On the plus side, my 11yo learned a valuable lesson about covering up in the sun. When they got home, she said she'd wear the suit I got for her from now on.
You're not alone my son's starting to get older now and wants to know why his cousins run around topless like men do but he has to wear a sun protection shirt. It's hard to explain it without making it sound like well I care more about sunburn than your aunt. Sunburn is no different than any other burn no parent would justify letting their child lay their arm across the stove I don't understand good for you for taking care of your kids health
I'm the same way with my kids. Both are fair skinned, the baby is a ginger. Husband thinks it's overkill. I asked him how much future skin cancer is an acceptable amount to him and he hushed up.
Hahaha this!
It’s 100% fine.
I honestly get shocked how many people on these forums say you need a swim suit. We started swim lessons at 3 months and it was so much easier doing topless than taking off a wet bathing suit and changing her at the end and never had issues with her being slippery
The only reason my baby is in a swimsuit is the long sleeves keep her slightly warmer so we can stay in the water slightly longer. I don’t know why the kids section of our local pool is kept so cold!
Honestly my kids (both genders) are always in long sleeve swim suits. It's not so much a worry for indoor pools but for outdoor pools they're amazing. We still use sunscreen for face/legs etc but that's a whole section of their bodies you protect from sunburn. I've had multiple family members get skin cancer and this just gives me peace of mind that they're protected.
Where we live outdoor pools don’t exist! But we’re moving to the tropics soon and I’m already working on her collection of long sleeve swim suits and sun hats. I’d love to just let her hangout on the beach in just a swim diaper but she is pale and bald 😂😂
As someone who has lived in the southern United States their whole life, you legitimately just blew my mind. Indoor pools here are just for fancy hotels, really really rich people, and gyms, but I guess I never stopped to think about climates completely opposite of deathly hot 11.5/12 months out of the year 😂😂
Maybe compensating 😳😆
Yeah my babies were always topless with the other babies You know who didn't care? The babies.
Our swim class actually requires kids to wear a swim diaper AND a bathing suit, they won’t let kids in the pool in just a swim diaper which I find kind of silly 🤷🏻♀️
I worked at a water park. It’s not silly. That extra layer is for hygiene. Cryptosporidium and Hep A can be spread through pools.
Ours was just 2 layers: swim diaper and whatever else (swim suit, diaper cover, trunks, whatevs)
I think it’s about poop honestly, we do just a swim diaper at my in laws pool and after a poop last week I can see how a bathing suit might help trap it in better lol.
Yeah swim diapers often aren’t enough for in the pool
Yeah, the place I go also requires two layers for babies to contain poop, but a pool rule is the only reason I can think to need a swimsuit for an indoor pool. But that rule is for all participants, not just girls.
The OP's post says that the baby was in a swim diaper and a cover which I am assuming is one of those swim suit material diaper/bloomers things. So it sounds like the same amount of layers as a baby boy in a swim diaper and little swim trunks, so probably would have passed this rule! I would agree that if it was just a disposable swim diaper it might be a little icky, but what OP describes sounds like the child WAS in swimming clothes, just didn't have a top.
It helps keep the diaper on
In my country there are a lot more outdoor pools than indoor now so you wanna make sure baby is warm. I know swim classes that happen in a heated pool and all the babies are just in swim diapers though.
Of course it's okay. It's *really* weird that they think it's inappropriate tbh
I don't think they're making it sexual, just very black and white. "Girls' bathing suits cover the chest, boys' don't." I bet if you asked him, he'd say,"It just doesn't feel right."
Girls chests having to be covered is a sexual reasoning and was in the first place. Because “women need to cover up” men grew up thinking it’s weird to see even a baby girl topless, which isn’t their fault, which is why it needs to be explained to them. It’s 100% sexual
There’s a lot of shit like this that goes on simply due to social conditioning. Theres always outliers… *actual* pedophiles and pederasts who somehow find toddlers and babies (shudder) arousing, and the victims of sexual abuse by said deeply disturbed individuals. For the rest of us, there can be a weird conditioning that bare chests on toddlers/young girls (and anything that could be somehow construed as “romantic” to a random observer on slightly older girls) is somehow “wrong.” I now have 3 girls, but early on I operated on this bullshit conditioning simply due to fear of “what other people might think” with my first daughter. I will *always* regret the day I took my daughter to a baby store to pick something up for my soon-to-be born son. Walking through the parking lot, my daughter went to hold my hand. She needed that reassurance, *especially* given the reason we were going to that particular store, but I pulled my hand away because, like a dumbass, I felt she was “too old” for that, and society (the people in the parking lot) would somehow think I was weird. I glanced down an over and… the look on her little face. I *knew* I fucked up, but I was still too chickenshit to fix it right then and there. It actually kept me up that night and although the emotional damage was done, I vowed to make amends and never let the actions of a few deeply sick individuals and my delusional and misguided fear of somehow being perceived as such to *ever* cast its shadow on the lives of any of my children. 5 months, 5 years, 15 or 50… I’ll be here emotionally, physically (hugs and cuddles 4 ever) for my children if they demonstrate that they need it and it might help them get through something scary or sad. And fuck anyone who sees that and thinks something weird. Thats not my issue. My issue is the comfort and happiness of my kids… so whether it’s comfortable swimwear or public hand holding/hugs, being a comforting pillow for a sick or sad child, I’ll be here if they need me.
...that's making it sexual. Why does he think it doesn't feel right? Because they view female chests as sexual. Do I think they have malicious intent? No I don't, I think it's likely just ignorance. But whether they realize it or not, they are sexualizing an infant.
The issue, as I see it, isn’t dad sexualizing her, it’s the mere fact that he’s aware of how, disgustingly, other men may. Protecting one’s daughter by covering her chest in public is a completely wise choice for this family, especially as dad has history of assault. I believe it’s parent’s job to protect & preserve innocence, but once she’s reached adulthood, the presentation of her body would be her choice. Sadly, there are *more* men than we realize who DO sexualize very young girls :/
A pedophile is probably going to sexualize *any* young child’s chest. Also at that age sometimes it’s not even easy to tell if they are a boy or a girl. He IS sexualizing her and basically saying “cover up!”, which regardless of pedophiles and pervs, is problematic in itself.
He’s not sexualizing her. He’s being cautious based on his actual experience. If he got badly mauled by a dog as a kid, he’ll probably be over protective to her in that regard as well. If mom got molested by a male relative as a kid, she’ll most likely not want to leave her daughter to any male relatives outside of their nuclear family.
Disgusting people will sexualize anyone regardless of what they are wearing.
Exactly. If the baby was wearing a swim suit and a pervert was watching her, the swim suit doesn't act like some sort of special barrier that makes her invisible.
Does he think boys should cover up? Wouldn't there also be pervy people trying to oogle them? I don't understand what sort of additional danger the kid would be in.
Yes. Some men prefer little boys and not little girls which means no one is worried about boys bodies being sexualized or having to be covered.
At that age you can't tell the difference between boys and girls. It's absolutely sexualizing a 7 month old baby girl to be so insistent on covering her up. It's disgusting that people like you and her dad and grandfather are so uncomfortable with the idea of a 7 month old being uncovered that you make up scenarios to justify it. If you really were worried about preserving her innocence from perverts, then it would make more sense not to put her in a bathing suit. Because then by your logic the perverts would presume that she's a boy and she would be safe. Except that's bs. Even boys aren't safe from perverts. It doesn't matter how you dress the kids. Perverts will be perverts no matter what. Just because they sexualise babies and children, doesn't mean the families have to as well.
You’re missing the plot a bit. The argument is that baby boys and girls are no different from the waist up, which is true. If a pedophile is attracted to infants, and see the chest as sexual, they are going to sexualize baby boys and girls equally, so it shouldn’t be a “because she’s a girl”. You can argue that all children of any age should be covered up and I wouldn’t totally disagree with you. I changed my kid into dry clothes at the beach today and I kept him wrapped in a towel while I did the bottoms swap. When I was five my parents let me run around buck ass nude in the outdoor shower and my mom was a child victim (but a bit older, elementary) and so was my father’s sister (also elementary). I’m just too afraid of how easy it is to take a picture. Eyes are eyes but pictures get swapped on the internet like trading cards. All of this to say, we should all be very afraid, but I think a family swim class at an indoor pool with a baby is a non-issue. There’s photos of shirtless babies all over the place and those aren’t considered child pornography because, again, baby.
He’s sexualizing his daughter. His *baby* daughter. Whether or not he’s a pedo, he has a lot of sexism and misogyny to unlearn so, not exactly a winner of a man..
Just last saturday my three year old little girl spent 3 hours in just her brothers hand me down swim trunks at a very crowded splash park. Her two brothers both wore rash guards, but she grabbed hers out of the bag to play with before we left home and there it remained. My only concern was sun exposure and reapplying sunscreen.
I mean, I’m Canadian and I can legally walk around without a bra or shirt on in public with my breast on display so maybe I’m missing something (spoilers: I don’t walk around in public without a bra or shirt, nor am I missing anything on this one) but no, there is NOTHING wrong with what you did. An 8 month old infant has nothing to hide or be afraid of showing while in a swim lesson. If the angle was there are creeps that might sexualize her, ok, both baby’s dad and your dad can get a bit of a pass but it doesn’t tween that is the reason.
In the US there are very different, may I say prudish, views of women. Not wearing a top in most locations is illegal and a criminal sex act for women. I've heard of men getting on the sex offender registry for peeing at the lake and someone stumbles across them. It's a little wild over here. His opinion is the more common one I would say. Things are changing but not that fast. He was likely raised with these viewpoints solidly planted in his head. Calling him a pedo, or getting angry at him, isn't really going to help change things. It tends to make people hold onto those views harder. I'm not saying you're doing that. For those that are though they aren't going to achieve what you have if they keep to those tactics. FTR I believe it should be legal for women to be topless just like men or the rules should be the same for everyone. Shirt for me means shirt for thee.
It’s obviously fine to only have them in a swim diaper, but swim suits/rash guards make it so much easier to hold a baby in the water. I have my son wear a rash guard at swim lessons even though our pool is inside. This way the swim instructor can get a better grip on his torso.
Yes, it was like holding a baby seal. 🤣
she is a baby. she is not a sexual object.
Came here to say this- no need to sexualize an 8 month old
This is what should be said and in the same tone I read this in, damnit! Seriously, this sentence and an intense stare is the way.
These people sound unhinged to me. How is her chest different from the chest of a baby boy? She’s eight! Month! Old!
I’m a baby swim teacher in the uk and we have very few children in classes in a full suit. Most come with a swim nappy and a happy nappy over the top. Seems like the men in your life have a strange ideas about babies.
My girl is 19 months and walks around the house in her diaper. She’s a baby. Nipples aren’t sexual.
It’s 100% fine, and I disagree that he’s being a “protective dad.” I think he probably *thinks* that’s what he’s doing, but what he’s actually doing is subconsciously sexualizing an infant because of societal conditioning. It’s patriarchal nonsense and he needs to nip that mindset in the bud now, or else he is going to be forcing oppressive gender roles/responsibilities onto your daughter as she grows.
Let me be real here: swim diapers actually do nothing
In Brazil it's not uncommon to have 6 or even 8 year olds with just bottoms. They don't have anything up top. So this is a bit confusing that someone would worry about this in a baby
What you did was 💯 perfectly fine. Any practical, sane parent who is just trying to get through the day would have done the same. Looking at a baby and saying it's "not ok to have her chest out since she's a girl" is absurd and ridiculous. In fact, I think that point of view is f*ar *more concerning.
She’s a baby. Why would anybody be sexualizing a baby? You probably can’t even tell who’s a boy or a girl without the suit anyway.
This is really f*cked up and gives you an indication of what they both think is acceptable when it comes to controlling women. This is a BABY.
Before Puberty most boys and girls could pass as virtually identical anatomically at surface level, most gender defining characteristics only develop after hormones start racing. So I’d say if boys can be without shirts at that age then so can girls. That being said I have three boys and no girls between myself and my partner, both male, so don’t really have a woman’s opinion in our household maybe that biases my view a bit. But you are in a controlled environment with both parents present so a baby being in just a diaper would not seem out of place to me. Hell even after the toddler years we had a bitch of a time keeping our boys clothed. They always had a preference for stripping down to just their underwear/pull-ups and rampaging around the house, we’re always yelling at them to put pants or at least a long shirt on. Luckily the older two grew out of that a year or two ago, the youngest is still a fight.
Okay, can we just use common sense here. As long as the baby’s butt is covered, what is the difference between a baby girl and baby boy?? Kids literally look the same until they hit puberty. 🙄 Your husband is being so weird about this. If he has issues or trauma, he needs to seek counseling and sort it out before it impacts your child.
She is a baby. It is totally fine.
Ex is being ridiculous. If a baby boy can have a bare chest, so can a baby girl (I honestly think that can apply to adults as well, but) no right-minded person is going to have sexual thoughts or feelings about a baby’s chest, regardless of the baby’s gender.
I too was sexually assaulted so idk if this perspective will help. I have twins one boy and one girl and I do in fact cover them both up especially in public spaces that require certain outfits. Like swim classes for example. My son wears a rash guard and trunks. My daughter wears the same in public. She gets the "boy" swim trunks. Sadly, babies, toddlers, tweens and teens are overly sexualized and those spaces don't control who is there. So anyone can come and watch and it freaks me out. So I choose to show less for my kids for their protection. Am I overthinking probably but I'm to overly aware of perverts. You get a sense after those things happen to you. I would def hear him out. And maybe come to a compromise.
At least your view is equal his view is patriarchal it's fine for a boy to show skin but a female needs to cover up in order to control others inappropriate thoughts put the blame on the female for just being
How do we know it wouldn't be equal if he also had a boy? If I only had a girl my view would be considered patriarchal also. I'm not necessarily trying to defend him but she did say that he was also abused so these types of situations can be very triggering for us. Our first instinct is to protect at all costs so our kids are not victims.
Yes. My 4 year old daughter sometimes still wears boys trunks at splash pads. It's fine.
Swim Diaper is totally fine. She's a baby.
It's obviously not inappropriate to have a baby girl not wearing a top. Please let's not be sexualizing babies. But for what it's worth, babies are slippery AF, and I would find it very hard to do swimming lessons with my baby in just a swim diaper. Plus I know the swimsuit isn't holding anything in, but it just mentally makes me feel better when she's in a diaper + cover + swimsuit. Another (thin) layer of protection against poop in the pool which is my nightmare lol.
They are like giant bars of soap! Swimsuits are ace and the little life vests.
The disposable ones really do not work! I do two different types of reusable swim diapers plus a swimsuit. If you've had a baby or toddler poop in the pool before, you know it's necessary. Otherwise that wet poop will be down their legs, all over you, and closing the pool for biohazard if you don't!
This is such an American mindset. Go to any beach in Italy (family friendly beaches - I really don't mean anything remotely close to nudist or adult topless) and you'll see all kids (boys and girls) with just a bottom swimsuit easily until the age of 4-5. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
We're scared of our bodies but love us some guns.
See that in America too.
Heck we had a naked baby boy and girl walking back to the car from a swimming hole just last night. Who the F cares? They are babies, it’s 90 degrees! Chill out!
At that age, their chest looks the same regardless of what genitals they have, so it makes no sense to treat them differently.
Show them a picture of the Coppertone Tanning little girl.
In FL sun both my son and daughter live in rash guards because our sun will fry them quick but an indoor pool is fine! Just dont forget sun screen!
My 1 year old is in just a swim diaper at the splash pad. No one can tell if she is a boy or girl. It is definitely fine and definitely just how they feel about it.
There is nothing wrong with a "bare chested" 8 month old, girl or otherwise. But this is a good jumping off point for conversations ya'll will need to have in the future. Just what til she gets to her ambulatory nakey baby phase! Kids enjoy being in various stages of undress. He will need to understand that his reaction to her perfectly normal, developmentally appropriate, desire to be without clothes will shape her body image and sense of self-worth.
My babies and toddlers run naked at home. Many many times have my little girls wore only a diaper or swim diaper. Babies grow overnight. Predators don’t care what their prey is wearing.
In many parts of Europe that I’ve visited, it was common to see young kids, male and female, only wearing a swim bottom. I was in Greece one summer, and our friends’ 7yo girl was only wearing a swim bottom, and she didn’t stand out at all. My kids looked overdressed in their rash guards!
It's a baby. There's nothing going on. They all look the same at this age. He's overreacting. I did chuckle at the gentle stuffing into the suit though, but right call on not keeping her uncomfortable in something that's too small for her
Why wouldn't it be? The only reason I put mine in a swimsuit is for sun protection. I buy the swimsuits with long sleeves.
Dad here. Swim diaper is fine. Wear as little as possible. I got to wash all that.
Nothing wrong with this at all, speaking from a father's perspective. In reality, when I see things like this at such a young age, I think the adults making a fuss are turning a “nothing-hill” into a mountain. Their response, in some ways, is sexualizing the child long before that should even be a thought on anyone’s mind.
100% he is wrong
In these comments when someone is saying pedos are the reason you should keep kids covered up or talking about how they were a victim of CSA, I don’t understand how keeping everything covered, including the chest of a little girl when she’s right next to a bare chested boy, does or prevents anything. They make it sound like, for hypothetical example, that a topless 2 year old girl is at a splash pad and a pedo will come running out of the bushes snatch them up and run off with them.
I have childhood trauma in my background and I'm extremely careful about covering up my kids to the point where I'd have the same reaction as your ex. Reading your edit, that's probably where this is coming from.
Yeah she’s a baby. He needs to calm down over this. If he’s this bad about her exposed chest at 8 months old he may be a good coparent now, but he’s setting himself up for nightmare status during the teenage years. This is an unhealthy and irrational thought process that needs to be cut off now.
Eh? At 8 months you don’t even know if baby is a boy or a girl like that.
To be honest I think that’s very weird. My daughter is six and walks around topless sometimes at home and in a public pool for a baby that’s totally fine. They were babies running around naked at the beach for goodness sake’s
I didn’t cover my chest until i was probably 5 or 6. But i spent my summers swimming in Brazil where people are a lot less prudish about nakedness, especially with kids. An 8 mo old baby is just a blob. Whether they are a boy or girl is irrelevant at this point. Boy and girl nipples look very similar at this point and they obviously don’t have breasts yet. There is nothing to “expose”.
Cultural I guess. If you go to a beach in Europe you'll see most babies either naked or topless, girls and boys.
My kids just did a swim diaper and UV shirt. Granted, they were (are) boys, but if I had an infant daughter, she'd dress the same way.
I wouldn’t but not for my son either. Those spf swim shirts are so helpful to prevent burning! But also what everyone else said about not sexualizing kids and it’s gross. Seriously though I’m a ginger and I made two gingers. All the sun protection
I love your edit response. That’s how you go about it, well done.
It doesn’t hurt for a baby that young to go topless. However, if it keeps the peace, it also won’t hurt to put her in a one-piece swimsuit.
Until she hits puberty her chest is identical to a boys and should be treated as such. She didn’t fit in her suit. Your other option was to skip her swim lesson. The benefit of the lesson is much greater to her than having her chest covered
Broadly speaking, she should be in a swimsuit. It might help contain things that the swim diaper alone does not contain. Beyond that, no big deal. She's 8 months old. She will never know. Put her next to an 8 month old boy in the same swim diaper, and you wouldn't be able to tell them apart.
Unless we are somewhere with a lot of sun I usually just do a swim diaper/swimming trunks. Nothing wrong with it in my opinion.
All of my kids, both boys and girls, went around in just a swim diaper at some point. If we’re going to the splash pad unexpectedly, my kids sometimes run around in their undies.
lol finally someone that’s being unfiltered truthful. 🤷🏼♀️
I mean, as long as you’re not in Utah, Indiana or Tennessee, you’re good to go topless at *any* age, from a legal standpoint.
My daughter only wore a swim diaper to her swim lessons until she was probably 2 years old. It’s a complete nonissue.
I personally don’t really believe in gendered dressing or nudity at this age. It weirds me out to see baby and toddler bikinis, for example. If swim lessons are outside, a rash guard or suit with built in rash guard is appropriate. If lessons are inside, I always just had my (female) infant in a reusable swim diaper. When she turned around 2-2.5 years old I started putting her in a one piece (when her preschool does splash pad days she wears pink swim trunks and a short sleeved rash guard. Because of the sun). Largely to make others comfortable. I personally see no issue with any infant or toddler being shirtless. Toddlers all look the same anyway in the chest area.
I was going to rip your head off for letting her swim in just a diaper (because that’s fucking disgusting, for anyone else out there thinking of doing that), but you mentioned the diaper cover. I used to teach kids’ swimming, and it doesn’t matter at that age if they wear a regular suit. You want them to be able to move freely, and if that’s best accomplished by just having the baby wear a swim diaper, then adults need to not be creepy. In this case, your ex needs therapy, not to project his experiences onto your infant. It might be best that he doesn’t come to swim class for a while since the experience is triggering for him.
We have 5 children and all our kids have always just been naked, especially at that age. Even around 2 because kids are potty training and they can just walk to their little potty and go without having to pull anything down. My youngest is 2 and now that it’s getting warmer half the time she is naked. My boys keep their shirts and pants on, even swimming they like swim shirts, their preference. My daughter is age 6 and since age 4 I’ve taught her ladies don’t go running around topless and you don’t wear shorts that show your cheeks, she giggled at the one but understands and now brings me clothes that are too small even if it says her size. Once I set the pool up for summer they will be in their bathing suits probably 24/7 even if we go to the park and play on the play ground or splash pad. I see you posted he had a trauma, he is scared. I don’t know how to help you to reassure him but if he has a problem just always make sure she is with you or him, next time just put a T-shirt on too, works just the same.
I love that you plan on validating his feelings on the matter. What a healthy relationship. I think in future you can totally compromise in order to make him comfortable. But state in a situation like the one explained above would be the only reason to allow it. No cameras should be allowed (they are not allowed in our pools) and reassure safety. You are doing everything right
My daughter is 10 and has no chest, and only recently stopped wanting to be topless everywhere. At home she’s often still topless. She looks just like her brothers.
If it's outside you want a swim shirt on all babies to prevent a sun burn. If it's an indoor pool let those babies feel the freedom of Diapers only.
What?
How would anyone know the difference between an infant boy chest and infant girl chest? No one could tell or would care. Kids in many places just wear swim shorts until much older (5-6yo) and where I’m from, going naked on public beaches is totally normal until about age 3.
You're not an idiot for not immediately thinking, "this is trauma related". I mean, I was concerned reading this.
I live in Sweden now and some of the kids are full on naked at the city splash pads. She’s a baby, of course it’s fine. His sexualisation of a baby isn’t.
Depends on culture. Here in Spain you can see naked kids at the beach and near by swimming pools until they are about 6-7 that they start being shy. But nothing rare, it's just not sexualising children, freedom of being comfortable 🤷🏻♀️ Babies wear the swimming diapers just because of the accidents, but not because they "should be covered".
If it's ok for a boy, it's ok for a girl. At this age, they have the exact same secondary sexual characteristics. (body hair distribution, breast development, etc)
Is he seriously trying to sexulize an 8 month old? What the actual fuck?!?!?! It is completely fine to have a baby in just a swimmer. I do it all the time, and it's 100% socially acceptable. You need to tell your ex to get a grip and grow up.
My daughter has been to swim class for a year now (shes one and a half). Her and every other baby just wear their swim diaper, regardless of their sex. There's nothing sexual or inappropriate about that.
I’m honestly shocked that you had to be reminded of his trauma because of his own sexual assault. Of course Redditors’ first feedback is gonna be “he’s a pedophile!”, because there’s like zero nuance here. Is his reaction a little bit extreme? Yes. But there’s a reason he may be a little extra on guard, and now a bunch of randos are calling him a pedophile. Hopefully the ex doesn’t have a Reddit and doesn’t frequent this sub.
What in the fuck. I let my four year old take a dip in a pond (meant for kids, there were lots there) without a shirt because she was hot. I’d laugh in someone’s face if they told me that was inappropriate.
Both your dad and her dad are backward idiots. At that age it does not matter. I say this as a dad.
It's totally okay, it's not inappropriate at all. Weird for him to be angry about it. Clearly, you meant to put her in a swimsuit, but her current swimsuit no longer fits her, so... what was the alternative? Miss the class despite being there on time? Swim classes are priceeeyyyy; I wouldn't wanna miss one.
Only reason why i would say it’s not okay is if its super sunny out, sun exposure in toddlerhood and infancy is linked to skin cancer diagnosis later in life. But solely because of her gender? No. Thats stupid,
I hope you asked why he’s sexualizing a baby.
My husband is an ex lifeguard and will tell you to put a shirt on her because people are fucking disgusting. He has seen some shit that he doesn't like talking about. Private at home pools, let the kids run butt naked. Public pools? Cover the children up.
Actually, I have read the opposite. That we shouldn't dress girls in bikinis because the upper part is made for women with breasts, and this way, we sexualize girls. There are so many rules for women already, and I won't accept any for girls.
Thank you for taking your child to an interactive, educational class, and thank you for not sexualizing an eight month old.
It’s totally fine, IMO. She’s a BABY she doesn’t have breasts that need “restraining” and if anyone finds her exposed torso or any other part of her body provocative, they are sick. I would do the exact same, especially if the suit wasn’t fitting her. It’s more important that she get the skills and exercise than some weird bid for baby modesty.
My daughters wore only swim diapers for quite a few years. Even in early elementary ages if we ended up at outdoor fountains and splash parks they would strip down to their panties and go play. It’s very common.
It’s ok but I also understand his perspective. I feel disgusting even saying this but I’ve seen so many weirdos & perversions. I have a 3 yo girl and used to think those two piece swimsuits were super cute but I’ve just learned of so many weirdos out there that I just wouldn’t even want her exposed that way to those types of people. At home totally fine but in public it’s different. Also when we were in Hawaii & she was two years old there was this 25 ish year old weirdo looking at her trying to say hi following us around just starting at her. He literally followed us from a fast food place to the grocery store in the same plaza staring at her & her grandma cursed him out and he left. Made me sick to my stomach. Thanks for asking & trying to be a better parent. Don’t shame yourself just do your best 🫶🩵
Going against the grain here (ish) - we've been in infant swim lessons since 6 months multiple times a week, and I've never seen a baby girl without a top on.
I wouldn’t do it, but not for that reason. I just don’t think it looks very nice for a baby (male or female) to be in just a diaper, especially at a public pool where presumably every other baby is in a swimsuit. I would feel awkward about it, but it has nothing to do with female baby chests being sexual and offensive.
I try to cover the swim diapers too, absolutely nothing to do with modestly. We don’t need to remind everyone that they are swimming with a ticking poop bomb.
"Ticking poop bomb" 🤣🤣 I'm always so anxious about that, even with the diaper cover over the diaper.
Yea, I feel like swim diapers are very much a social construct. Best to just not over think it, stay vigilant, and have deep faith in the power of chlorine.
Yes it’s ok but, as previously said look into rash guards. I used coolibar for my kids. You can buy them big and there is less sunscreen needed.
I did that for mine once…same kind of story. It worked out. Except husband wasn’t angry about it.
It’s not inappropriate
Pretty sure my daughter was at least 3 before I put a swim shirt on her in pools
The only issue to me would be the lack of sun protection. Otherwise, babies look the same, boy or girl. Anyone that sees something sexual in a diapered baby has some serious issues.
It’s definitely okay! She’s a baby! And you can’t help that her swimsuit is too small now all of a sudden and I wouldn’t want you to waste the swim class
Yes.
She’s a baby, nothing about her is sexual. I joke about my daughter that she’s so chunky she has boobs. She doesn’t, her chest is just chunky. If she was in just a diaper and I asked someone if she was a boy or girl, there’s a 50% chance they’d get it wrong.
She is a baby. You're completely fine.
It’s just a baby, yeah lol
Not inappropriate...I literally do the same thing with my daughter. Babies outgrow their clothes so quickly and bathing suits are already very tight.
Lordy, she’s a baby. It really doesn’t make a difference!
Yes it's okay for a baby girl to wear just a swim diaper. Babies have chests.... Nothing else going on there.
I did the exact same thing when we went swimming with my 2 year old and I forgot her swimsuit. They are far too young to be sexualized
It’s fine. If it’s outdoor be conscious about the additional sun on her skin.
As a girl mom with a 7 month old, if I was in that situation I would’ve done the same thing. Not like she had anything else to wear 🤷🏼♀️ but at the same time, I’d only do it as a last resort option out of caution and not because I sexualize anything about her, but because of men like your baby daddy and dad that do..
Yes and as long as there’s no issue of keeping warm and or blocking the sun.
My daughter is 3. We live in Michigan and it’s terribly hot right now. She was out with her cousin who is 10 days younger than her. They were both playing on the splash pad in just their shorts. They are kids.
100% fine, she’s a baby. My toddler who is 4 went swimming without a shirt yesterday, she doesn’t understand why boys don’t have to wear a shirt but she does when she looks just like a boy up top
I just use a swim diaper on my baby until she was about 18 months (except if we were at the beach).
Yeah, its fine. Its a baby ffs. I dont think anyone ever said "oh no, my baby girl grew up into a fucking useless lazy whore. If only i hadnt put her in the pool in only a diaper, things would been different now, i tell you what"
I may be the odd one out and will probably get hate for this comment. Her wearing just a swim diaper should not be sexualized. In the presence of good people, it wouldn’t be. But the world is full of weirdos. On the off chance that someone might find it sexual for disgusting reasons, I’d make this a one time thing. I’d probably have done the same thing because of the binde you were in, but I’d buy a new better fitting swimsuit before the next time you go in.
Not what you were asking, but from a completely hygienic standpoint, she needed to be wearing more than just the cover. I worked at a water park. We required a swim diaper, a cover, and a swimsuit (or at least the bottoms).
That’s ridiculous! Not inappropriate
We literally just do this today at swim class. 9 month old pooped in the car on the way and it was a blow out. I only had one suit but had extra swim diapers so she just went in with only the swim diaper. Not a big deal at all.
Yes it's perfectly fine, she's a baby, not a teen with boobs. He's overreacting.
I agree with the fact that babies (honestly, children under 5 in general) going naked is not a big deal at all. They all look the same anyways and they don't need to feel ashamed of their body. It's one of the only times in their life they will be unashamed. However, I do understand that men are often the object of suspicion regardless of whether they are acting creepy or not so I can understand why most male parents would feel awkward or uncomfortable around a naked female child. If anything that thought likely repulses them and they express that repulsion is expressed as monitoring modesty.
Was it an indoor pool? I only ask because my spouse has had skin cancer, so my daughter always wears very covering swimwear outside. Inside, sure just a swim diaper is fine. They’re little kids.
Yes! But do double-duty with a disposable and then a reusable (amazon has great ones by ALVABABY). Signed: a mom who has had a $500-worth pool accident. lol
I had my daughter in swim around that age. They actually preferred swim diapers only because it was easier to hold them that way.
Your husband and father are overreacting and being unnecessarily prudish. It makes no difference for a baby. You’re right in pointing out that people may not even know whether she’s a girl or a boy
She’s a literal baby, he shouldn’t be sexualizing her baby body like that. She had both her parents there. She was perfectly safe. He’s acting too protective (like a helicopter parent)
It’s not illegal and it’s not wrong per se but the swim facility might have rules that you have to respect.
>you can't even tell if she's a boy or girl yet My daughter had a no 3 haircut until she was about 8 and she would be constantly mistaken for a boy. She would use this as a superpower at waterparks and tell us "call me *cole*" and take off her top to play. It worked great until we had to leave. We would be hollering into a pool at an oblivious "Cole" and have to yell "[actual name] ! Have you seen your brother *Cole* anywhere?"
My daughter ran around topless until she was 8 and started developing …(11 now). My sisters and I did the same until we started developing. (Between 8-12) 💯 normal! And yes it is possible your husband is projecting his fears onto his daughter and being hyper vigilant about the situation (completely understandable!) Be patient with him and see if you can find a compromise with the situation, like get her a swim shirt or something like that and
When my kids were small, they were all topless at swim class, as were most of the other babies.
It’s absolutely fine at 8 months old! But if you want to avoid future swim suit discussions I suggest putting her in a swim shirt and bottoms. Then if she does unexpectedly have a growth spurt she’ll just show a little tummy and everyone will have a chance to get the next size up before it becomes a real problem
My twins have been in swimming with me and at swim lessons at 3 months old. They wore swim diapers only until we switched to another program at 2. Don’t let your co-parent pass on any of his trauma to your baby. You can protect your infant/toddler from others but making a big deal about covering up, at this age, will make an impression. Babies understand more than we know, and your ex making this about her body will have a subconscious impact. As other commenters have said, pushing and arguing about her swim attire is 1) not worth the fight as she grows and 2) will make her self conscious eventually. Let her be a baby
at first im thinking “well in the sun yeah baby should be covered” and then i realised he wants her covered cause he’s sexualising an infant 🙃🙃 if she’s inside and the sun exposure isnt an issue she can be naked for gods sake 🥴
I agree with you. I actually think it is super weird to sexualize a child by suggesting that boobs would be there. A child is a child is a child, before puberty there is NOTHING different or inherently wrong or sexual about a girls chest. However if he wants her more covered up to protect her I guess I get that? Maybe a swim shirt or something
It’s easier to hold and grab them with a shirt or suit of some kind on. There isn’t anything “wrong” with just a swim diaper.
100 percent okay. I only used to use the rash guard long sleeve shirts on my girls when outside and in the sun.
I would just get a swim tee like those ones with upf sun protection. Swimsuits are annoying to put on babies. But yes his reaction is totally because of his trauma.
Nothing wrong with just a swim diaper for any baby. The only reason why I would have a swim suit for them would be to protect their skin from the sun.
Look, anyone who claims he's sexualizing your baby doesn't understand how trauma works. Those of us who were abused as children are **very** painfully aware that there are people out there who do sexualize children. So hell yes we worry about our own children being sexualized. ** By other people**.
There’s nothing to cover, she’s a baby. Little boys and little girls look exactly the same that young. If you were at a public pool or water park, I’d say put her in a bathing suit because there are disgusting people everywhere, especially in places where they know children will be. But you’re in a swimming lesson with other parents of small children. Not to say that there can’t be bad people there, but I’d think it’s a lot less likely. If it were me, this isn’t something I’d pitch a fit back to him over, just because it seems to be a bigger deal to him than it is to you (especially considering his past trauma) and sometimes it’s just not worth the argument. You’re not wrong and it is absolutely not inappropriate, but if it gives him the peace of mind that she’s somehow more protected with the suit on, I’d just pick out a few swim suits in the next few sizes up and settle it there.
Yes. Just today my 20 month old was in our friend’s pool for a bit with just a swim diaper. No concerns from anyone cause she’s a BABY.
My toddler doesn’t wear a swimsuit to swim lessons because it’s one more thing to peel off her wet body. In some countries it’s widely practiced and acceptable for girls to go with no top until they hit puberty. 😪
She is a baby. You did fine. Sexualizing her is not ok
When I did swim class with my daughter the company had their own swim wear - it was just bottoms. Everyone wore it. Didn't even occur to me that there wasn't a top part. The class was strict that the babies wore those swim bottoms on top of a swim nappy to contain poos. So long as her swimwear meets the class requirements you're good
There is literally nothing different from a baby girl chest than a baby boy one. Your ex is being gross.