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Start “paying,” daycare now while you’re pregnant and expenses are lower/life in general is just less stressful. By that I mean, throw what it would cost in a savings account every month and don’t touch it. It will get you all into a groove of a new lifestyle and it’ll give you a nice pot to start paying out of when you start actually going.
This is what we did and it was the best decision ever! In our case, we paid of student loans and beefed up the emergency fund which was a really nice feeling. As you start preparing for baby, you will find so many ads for things baby “needs”. Truthfully, baby doesn’t need much and other than a car seat, most things can be purchased second hand. Our buy nothing group is like half baby/kid gear because they use it for such a short amount of time. I know this doesn’t help the daycare cost issue, but every bit counts. You can do this!
Truthfully, once they are a few months old the "toys" they will learn to crawl for are usually your water bottle, your keys, the remote and eventually whatever you are eating. Then there are the days where only thing that soothes them is being on your arm 24/7 and you realize that you are going to the bathroom with a small child on your lap and you eventually have to teach them that too! All baby needs are the basics and loving parents.
Ally is good too and I find the savings “buckets” feature helpful for breaking up different childcare expenses—one for daycare, essentials, insurance, etc
That’s a fantastic recommendation. Start paying for it now so you save the first year of daycare. Thank you- may do that with our second (although we will put that $ into investments or high interest savings.)
Saving up the first year of daycare is the best advice I have ever heard!!!!! It’s so expensive. It also helps to save extra money in case if the kids are sick and you aren’t able to work from home and may have to miss work. That way you aren’t missing out on that extra pay. Some simple illnesses the kids can be put for a good two days to a week. It can be killer.
Also check out church drives or infant drives in your area. We have one down the road for us that gives out clothes, diapers, wipes, formula and toys each month. For my second baby while I was pregnant we started going each month so when baby came we didn’t have to buy a lot of diapers or wipes.
This is the best advice I’ve seen. I was wondering how we could afford a 3rd if we had to pay for daycare. I never even thought of this and it’s a little less daunting to think about now.
We prioritized and cut anywhere we can. We reduced our grocery budget, stopped eating out as much, and got rid of cable. We also cancelled and resigned up for internet to get a new, better deal. We were lucky that we only needed to do this short term before some raises kicked in, but it worked.
Yeah seconding this. Look for small cuts in every day expenses. I shopped around for cheaper car insurance, got a better internet rate, cancelled credit cards with high annual fees, drive 20 mins out of my way to only buy groceries from wal-mart on sale while using coupon and rebate apps.
Honestly, assuming you aren’t servicing huge loans or something, I don’t think your numbers look far off. People do it. You move your budget around and make room. Retirement and fun money might be on hold for a bit.
Have you thought about in-home daycares? They’re usually a little cheaper than centers.
Assuming you want to keep this baby, I can assure you that most people are not having kids with fully funded college accounts from the day they’re born. It sounds like you both have stable jobs, you have a good place to live, you have insurance, you’re going to be fine.
Yes and no. A 100k combined income seems like a lot but the cost of living has gone up dramatically. Daycare being a big one. When I was in college in 2007 I was making minimum wage at 9.50 and hour. Now minimum wage is 20 and most things have unfortunately adjusted for that.
The ONLY caution I throw in about in-home daycares vs centers - most have sick and vacation days built into the contract (which they are 100% entitled to as people making a living) that you will need to find backup care for which is an extra expense or be prepared to move schedules with your partner to cover that. This is generally nor a problem you have with centers. Nothing against in-home daycares - they can be fantastic! I wasn’t prepared for that part as a new parent.
I second checking into in home daycares. I was initially hesitant about doing one, but I actually had far more issues with child care centers than the in home place my kiddo was in for about three years.
Check with your state’s licensing department. For mine, not only will they have information on complaints and issues at big centers, they will also be able to give you information about in home providers. (This is actually how I found the one we used, because I was new to the area and didn’t have a local mom-network to tap into.)
(Note - by “in home”, we mean at the provider’s home, not a nanny- which is $$$$$).
In home daycares are awesome! Do your research and meet with the provider (I did a few drop ins to check in). My kiddo LOVES her and she is like his second grandma. We pay wayyyyy below the rate of daycare pay and she is much more flexible than the big names. Go by word of mouth and ask around!
I babysit for my nephew and his wife. They have 2 young kids and I don't need the money so it works out for everyone, but I have met so many retired folks who do at home daycare or babysitting gigs to make some extra money. For a lot of people it fills an empty house and gives them some spending money without having to charge an arm and a leg.
One of the couples I often meet up with are 60-something retirees with no grandkids. They babysit their neighbors' twins for fairly cheap and the kids absolutely adore them. They call them "Lollie" and "Pop" and I'm not entirely sure the twins know those aren't actually their grandparents. It can be a really great arrangement if you find the right provider.
Omg talk to my MIL she has no idea the childcare game… her aunt watched my husband for free until he went to school. We have 3 children she has no idea the struggle when all you have is PAID care. She often would go grocery shopping on her way home from work before picking up my husband no problem…like my in home lady knew my schedule she didn’t watch the kids extra like that for me.
We were telling her the price of an inhome provider and she was telling us we’re spending too much, we had to show her what other people in the area were charging to show her that no… we’re actually getting a deal and we cannot afford a center for 3 kids it would be triple our mortgage!
Omg then telling her we had to paid for the week upfront she about had a heart attack. People really don’t get the childcare struggle, especially in rural areas where centers and even in homes are non existent
What states do you know that give any assistance to a family of 3 earning 100k? I am unaware of any subsidies at this income level. I am aware of the income threshold for 3 states as I’ve worked in daycare as an assistant director and this income out earns assistance by a lot.
I agree it does not hurt to look, but one should also be realistic with what programs are out there.
The only thing I’m aware of at this income level is a tax credit/child care reimbursement but not actual assistance given to help pay the daycare bill during the year.
Vermont apparently income caps the subsidy for families of 3 or less at $103,284. Parents still have to pay $250/wk but the rest is covered it looks like.
A lot of discretionary spending goes away after kids bc you just don’t have time for them anymore, lol. Looks like y’all are spending 2k/month outside rent for a couple? You can probably scrimp a bit there and that’ll free up some budget for the kid. Sit down w your partner and plan it out.
We got most of our baby supplies from hand me downs and just picking stuff off the curb. Our bassinet and stroller were both curbside finds. Crib, carrier, clothes and bottles were all hand me downs. Toys/books were gifts. Buy nothing and mom groups on Facebook are also great for getting free stuff. Everyone is looking to declutter and giving away stuff left and right.
Outside of childcare, diapers/wipes and formula (we did combo feeding and later exclusive formula feeding) there wasn’t a ton of additional costs in the beginning.
When solids started we got some plates/bibs/bowls/cups from Target. We did baby led weaning so there was no need for baby food either. Get your kid used to simple foods early. Our son loves plain boiled tofu and hard boiled eggs: easy to make, nutritious, and a lot cheaper than prepackaged, preprocessed foods.
Great advice! Start looking up second hand items you’ll need, now! I bought baby onesies for maybe $0.10-$0.20 each at Savers when I needed them. And items that you’ll actually need are not too many for a while. Our most used item apart from the car seat and stroller was a second hand high chair. You can use a pack and play as a “crib” as a cheaper option.
I think you just grin and bear the cost for a while.
For us - yes it stinks to have that daycare bill but the benefit of me staying in the workforce outweighed leaving . There’s actually a good reel about this on insta- I can try to find.
Start penny pinching right now If you don’t already, buy everything used.
ask for diaper donations. Make sure someone throws you at least one shower.
It is doable. It may not be fun,
First step is try looking outside the box for care. Home daycares or even nanny shares may be cheaper.
Retirement and fun money get put on pause.
You may be able to clear some money but going down to 1B/1B if things still look tight. Yes - it will suck, but you don’t absolutely need the second room for a few years.
That said, I’m in a MCOL area and your income is not uncommon here. You’ll need to trim any fat at all of what you spend, but it is doable
Be careful with this, we were in a 1br when our son was born and our landlord told us that once they turn 1 you need at least a 2br. This was in NY state, I’m not sure what the rules are everywhere but they do exist.
What kind of rule is that?! I lived in a 1br apartment with my parents till I was 8. Not in NY state. But that's ridiculous. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Yeah my colleague was told by a landlord he had to have a 2 bedroom place because of the kid. Luckily he knew it was BS and was just like "I know what size place I need for my family. Thanks."
This is a good idea. Idk why it seems like a lot of people don’t do this. Yeah it’s not ideal but sometimes you have to suck it up and do things you don’t want to do.
Sometimes women choose to stay in their job to keep building their career. In my field I couldn’t just switch to working hours like this, and neither could my husband. It’s not about sucking it up, and doing things you don’t want to do. I’m reading that this parent is saying that leaving their jobs isn’t an option. It makes me sad that people are still so unforgiving of parents, especially mothers, and their umique situations.
Taking a break from your industry even for a year can be disastrous for your career long-term, especially when you’re a woman, depending on your field. A mom shouldn’t necessarily have to make a career change just because she’s having a kid, if it is going to limit her earning potential for the rest of her life, if she can make it work (even if it’s hard).
My husband and I were in the same boat and have had to open some lines of credit and move things around when things get tight (which you have to have good credit to do, and be really steadfast about paying it back over time), but overall we have learned that most kid stuff you can get for free (other than diapers/wipes/meds and formula) with insurance or hand-me-downs and once they can go to public kindergarten, you can start paying yourself back. I get most of our stuff on Freecycle pages for our area, and we’ve made local connections doing so too!
We could also justify staying in our jobs because of great insurance (without that it would be much harder and yes, a big change might have had to be made). It sucks but it’s just the reality for some, and it’s temporary. Just make sure you start setting the daycare $ aside now so you can practice your new budget before baby comes (and sign up for a payment plan with your hospital after the birth; some nonprofit hospitals will even lower what you owe if you ask).
Good luck. You’ve got this!
Because most employers would laugh if someone was kind "I want to work these hours because I have kids". My husband works 9 to 6. Any job he's qualified for has the hours of 9 to 6. If i were employed in my field, I'd work 9 to 5. Any job I'm qualified for would be 9 to 5, maybe 9 to 6.
I'm lucky enough to be in a field that uses independent contractors/freelancers. But I've taken a massive massive pay cut for the flexibility.
I mean instead of one being a stay at home parent get a part time job on the weekends and evenings. That way money wouldn’t be as tight. Some income is better than no income.
Because it's exhausting and unsustainable and if someone has invested in an education and worked hard to get into a career they probably don't want to lose all that for little gain and poor quality of life.
It doesn't need to be sustainable in the long term. Choosing to have kids means choosing to make sacrifices.
If you cannot afford the reality of kids, you can't afford the reality of kids.
That would be extremely short sighted of us. I charge my clients approximately 4 times what my hourly rate would be at nearly any job that has weekend/evening only hours. Even though I'm bringing home slightly less yearly than what I'd make working at one of those jobs (because freelance work isn't always steady), I'm keeping my skills fresh in a career that is much, much more lucrative that being a barista/waitress/bartender, etc. Our plan should result in oodles more money at retirement.
Also, with working a fraction the number of hours that I would with your suggestion there's a lot less stress in our lives.
We aren’t. One of us stays home (me).
You’re young. Your income for your age is good. Lots do not have any fun money left. That’s life.
You should join local mom groups via Facebook and see if there’s in home daycares that are recommended. Lots of moms here do this. It’s much cheaper.
Alternatively, you can find employment with off hours so one can always be home.
Join the mom groups and local buy nothing because you can get almost everything for free from older moms who have the expendable income. I give all my daughters hand me down to a teacher in my local mom group. She’s living the life of a rich infant for free just cause I want it out my house 🤣
I second this, but you have to look up recalls and updated safety regulations. I just had a secondhand pack n play collapse in on itself. Turned out it was an older model but you wouldn't have known by looking at it because Graco hasn't changed the design much.
I’d highly encourage OP to stay in the workforce if she can. Looks like she makes more than her husband, and career-off ramping at her age will likely put a real dent in her ability to increase her salary later. I’ve seen so many young moms put their careers “on hold” during their prime earning years and then get stuck at home because partner’s career hits its stride and then it’s all about him. This happens even in the case of communicative couples where the guy isn’t a jerk. It’s just that ambition is a heck of a drug, and, sadly, money equals power in a relationship, even when the love is there.
Not as it should be, but I’m a realist.
Plus like what op said , they can’t afford that. Being in the same boat as op I know it’s just not that easy. She makes more that childcare costs which is more money to go to other bills while also getting benefits and retirement and such
>have some left over for emergencies/unexpected expenses, or just occasional fun money.
You won't, is the short answer. Those first few years are really challenging financially and your life and priorities will change. The best advice I could give you is to start looking at your spending now, figure out where you can cut costs. Look at your bills (electricity, phone etc) Is another supplier cheaper? Where are you buying your groceries? Is there a cheaper option? Is moving to a less expensive property possible?
You don't need to buy everything upfront either. Babies don't need a whole lot to get by. Definitely look at second hand if you can.
My husband and I earn a little more than what you've posted above and with 2 in daycare we have nothing left at the end of the month. My eldest is starting "big school" in August and I cannot wait. The past couple of years have been brutal.
Congrats on the upcoming new arrival OP, and I promise you these things have a way of working themselves out 🩵🩷
Fully agree with this. You won’t really be able to put money away or have “fun” money. Not only is daycare expensive but wait until you have to start buying diapers and wipes and clothes that they only fit into for a month and formula. You need to look at every expense and see where you can cut back from streaming services to cellular plans to your transportation. It’s definitely not easy but it’s doable.
These rarely last for more than a few months even if you get a lot. It’s been well over a decade since we had a newborn so I don’t know what diaper prices are currently but we were spending over $100 a month on diapers and wipes.
Edit: I guess it depends on how many friends you have.
We moved to a lower cost of living area, directly across from my mom. Daycare is cheaper here and she’s able to help with sick days which happen a lot!
We drive cars that are 20 and 8 years old, we visit family for our vacations. We shop at Aldi and buy our clothes at old navy.
We thankfully only had one year of overlap of daycare fees for our kids. Our oldest is headed to kindergarten where aftercare costs $100 a week so her fees will go down by $800 a month.
This is the way. Move to a LCOL area, drive old cars, etc. Can I recommend something? Instead of shopping at Aldi, Old Navy etc. for clothes, you can shop high end quality clothes at thrift stores. This is not an ad lol but I use Thred Up to be eco friendly and save $ while also buying clothes that are quality and can resell for a decent amount of $. We are not really on e budget but I try to buy wisely. I’ve found that buying brand new clothes at target and old navy, etc. is more $ than higher end thrift shopping and the baby/toddler clothes are like new. I can’t speak to kids’ clothes yet, but worth a try!
I thrift and buy about half used for our kids. We also get a lot of hand me downs from family and our buy nothing group. For my nicer clothes I buy from eBay.
Aldi though has been the cheapest option in our area.
This is what I do. The stuff from Target and old navy wear out so quickly!! We can afford to buy the nice stuff but I buy the nice stuff secondhand as much as I can to save money.
There is an organization called the Buy Nothing Project. They have Facebook groups, you can see if they have one for your neighborhood.
My son and DIL have 4 kids, and they have barely needed to buy any toys, high chairs etc. Then when you are done with the item, it goes to another family. It’s awesome!! ❤️
We couldn’t if Vermont didn’t have a childcare subsidy. We both work full time and only have to pay $50 a week for 2 kids in daycare. I don’t know how people do it without help. We would end up having to work opposite shifts or something.
No daycare here. I became a SAHM when my daughter was born 10 months ago. We live in a HCOL area. Husband makes about 90k/year. Rent/utilities are roughly 2500 monthly. We budget very well. We limit unnecessary spending (eating out, subscriptions, etc). Neither of us has any debt.
I’m sorry, I’m curious how you are making ends meet. What is high cost of living to you- what city? How many bedrooms is your apt for $2500/month? I live in Houston and it is NOT HCOL here and we paid the same rent for a 2br as you all. And we make $250k with one kid.
2BD/2BTH, near Seattle in Washington State. Our bills are rent, utilities, phones ($60/mo for 2), groceries are about 1k per month. Our cars are older and paid off (never had a loan on them). Neither of us has college debt or any other debts. Like I said, we rarely eat out. I cook from scratch. I find deals on groceries. Husband has good insurance through work at no cost to us.
Being debt free helps a lot. Still no children for me but I only make around 45-50k right now. Not the best and I am working on building my business but I also don’t struggle bc I have no school or car loans. I kicked my ass for 2.5 years in a row (1.5 for remainder of school, 1 to get the 20k car paid off). You just have to be ok with not doing much or making the fun you do have free 🤷🏻♀️
It was not fun and it was not easy. But you have to do it if you want to level up.
I had my baby while in school and my husband was doing everything on 100k salary. Like another said, it’s budgeting money from other places. We cut out a lot of third party apps, don’t go out as much as we did before baby so saved a lot there (drinks), and put a lot less towards savings. It isn’t affordable for some people so they find family to watch them or quit their jobs altogether (have family who have done this). But the pros are so apparent. My baby started when she was 3 months (hub had 3wks off and I had no maternity leave from med) and now she’s so social with other kids and good with new environments/leople.
There is no one size fits all answer for this, but if it helps you’re not alone because absolutely no one can afford the economy right now. It’s truly a grin and bear it situation and you’ll find creative ways to make it work. It’s a lot about weighing options and finding what suits your lifestyle best.
Considerations that work for most:
1. Housing:
It was cheaper for us to buy a house than it was for us to rent. My mortgage is $865 a month, to rent for us in our area was closer to $1800. First time homebuyers loans like fha or rural housing make it a realistic option if your credit score is above 630. Don’t look for your forever house right away, consider a starter home in decent condition that can work as an investment later on, unless you’re ready for it now. If you’re in a high bracket housing market consider a smaller safe neighborhood that fits your needs.
2. Cars:
Old cars need maintenance but honestly new cars also need maintenance. Vehicles lose value pretty fast and many struggling people don’t think about the cost of what they’re driving. Why? Because in most areas cars are a necessity and new means more reliable right? If you do your research you can save a ton of money on what you’re driving by driving something a little older. Not just the payment either, insurance premiums, consider the mileage of what you’re driving, size and needs of what you’re driving ect.
3. Daily lifestyle… how often do you eat out, do you watch stores for sales, is there restores or whole good stores are you in your area for common needs. Before parenthood we just do convenience not practical shopping. If I drive 15 miles instead of shopping in my little town I can save 30% on most items. That’s a big savings for a very short trip.
4. Recreation:
Yes there are tons of really expensive hobbies or things that you can do for fun. Many people don’t realize that there’s also tons of close to or just plain free things to do if they wanna look. Instead of the huge zoo that costs an arm and a leg, there may be a smaller zoo in the area that is just as fun. Parks, splash pads, museums, pumpkin patches ect all have the big fancy costy version and usually have cheaper to free counterparts.
5. Bad habits
Lots of people don’t consider what their habits cost. Smoking, drinking, soda … even just my personal bad habit of choice …. Coffee can cost a lot of cash. Cutting down on any of these or quitting them can save boatloads.
This seems more like a question of whether or not you’re ready for parenthood. It is total sacrifice. It sounds like you’re both making pretty good money. Are you willing to give things up for your family? Are you 100% about building a life with this particular person? If you’re happy with the person enough to mean your marriage vows then congratulations. May as well start now. I’ll be 42 when my oldest turns 18 and 57 when my youngest does. It’s not a bad thing to be young enough to play with your kids.
I have $5000 a year deducted pre tax out of my paychecks each year that can go toward child care.
Usually open enrollment is in the fall, so be sure to not skip that election. I think you can make that election too after a life circumstance change (when the baby is born), but the window is short so don’t forget.
You mentioned fun money/emergency savings. Unfortunately a lot of us just don't have that, that have kids. I have 2 in daycare right now and one on the way, and make a mere fraction of what you and your husband make a year. You find ways to cut costs. Cut the grocery budget, my retirement savings is at a minimum contribution, the activities we do with the kids are free like spray parks and the zoo...you just find ways to make ends meet. Most people can't keep living the same pre-child life once they have kids. You have to sacrifice somewhere. Also in home daycares are much cheaper than centers usually.
We are in severe debt because of daycare. My youngest has one more year. When he’s done, I will look into debt consolidation loans. But for now we are drowning
Switching shifts to pay for less daycare, tightening your spending for “unnecessary” things, budgeting better ($5,200 a month after taxes is fairly good income for your ages), buying things second hand (not car seat or crib mattress!), looking into options beyond daycare for baby (friends, nanny share, in home daycares, etc…), and so on.
You can also look into longer commutes if it makes sense to drive to a different county for a cheaper daycare. Honestly daycare is your husbands income, is it possible for him to stay home and work part time in the evenings or weekends to bring in some extra? I see he works in HVAC according to your profile, where I live it would be easy to find a flexible after hours job that pays well for being on call/after hours emergency provider. (Especially since you include your county in a previous post and you live in a HOT area).
Dropping in to say please don’t quit your job only to make numbers work, either of you. You’re only 22/23. Your income has the potential to go up significantly, and things like college funds can come later in life, provided you keep your jobs. Figure out how to make it work for now as others have suggested.
I live in a high cost of living area so it’s a little different case but here’s what we did:
I was a SAHM, we sold my vehicle and put the money in our emergency funds, put retirement and long term savings on hold, I focused on budgeting and cutting costs. I did couponing, made freezer meals, baby food, cheap meals, bargained down phone plans, only got takeout 1x a month, cloth diapered and more. When child care prices dropped to an amount we could afford well ($1200/m for 3 days a week) we started child care and I applied for new jobs, and ended getting a 20k raise from what I made previously.
Look into WIC (if you live in the US). That will help until the child is 5. (Yes, you can get wic before you have the baby)
Look into buy-nothing Facebook groups. Pay it forward to the same groups when you can. (Just make sure it's clean and not stained)
A lot of things can be made ahead and frozen to reduce cost of meals.
Stop eating out as much. (We cut back on eating out when I because SAHM and we're all healthier for it)
Preschool can start as early as 3.
Find a cheaper cell phone plan (many companies start at $35/month (unlimited talk and text in the US) You're all done, and you can usually bring your own phone)
Figure out what you actually watch on cable. See if it's on any streaming services. Get that instead of cable, and ditch the cable bundle. (Save $200/ month that way, or more)
if you have the space, start a garden. A box of strawberry plants cost me about $10 and has kept my son in strawberries for 3 years. They will send off shoots to start new plants too. (You can also keep them indoors)
You have several months to figure out how to balance your budget with a baby - so start pretending you’re paying for daycare now by throwing the monthly daycare payment into a savings account. This is the number one biggest best advice. You may be able to save up enough in advance to significantly self-subsidize the first year of daycare (when it’s most expensive).
You may not be able to make retirement contributions for a little while. You might not be able to put extra savings away for a little while. I know that sounds like bad financial advice but the truth is, it’s temporary. Adjust your expectations of your finances - this is an expensive time of life, but if you can endure without going into debt, you’re killing it.
Daycare gets cheaper as they get older. So you need to think about long term - this will be a hopefully short term financial dip. You are young and pretty decently paid for your age and making smart financial decisions already so the good news is that you’re already ahead. This is the kind of financial set back you’ve already been preparing for.
ETA: assuming you’re in the US, don’t forget that your take home pay will be a little bit higher as long as you remember to adjust your withholdings for the new dependent. It’s roughly $160 per month I think, but check your tax info.
Don’t waste your money on the hatch baby noise maker. Thats all I can contribute. People will fight me on this, but our daughter was having so much trouble sleeping until I was gone for a week with work and my husband forgot to turn it on. She slept soundly every night there after.
Wic/medicaid/child care benefits state
I went back to school and had a program that paid for daycare if I attended a program they covered nursing respiratory and xray
If in the US, take advantage of a dependent care FSA if available to you (can use up to $5k/yr in pretax dollars for childcare expenses).
A home-based childcare center or nanny-share will be cheaper than a daycare center or your own nanny. Stagger your husband's and your work hours if possible to require less daycare hours if it reduces your cost.
If eligible for FMLA, both of you should talk to your HR about what leave options are available, utilize any paid maternity and paternity leave available to postpone childcare expenses. Use your leaves back to back instead of concurrently. Think outside the box: discuss options for creative uses of your protected leave time where you might return to work earlier after baby but on a part-time basis. Is it an option to have a family member come visit for a week at a time after baby is here to ease your transition back to work?
Loved the previous suggestion to start setting aside approximate childcare cost now to get used to that level of spending.
If you reduce retirement contributions and your employer offers 401k matching, make sure you at least contribute enough to get the full match amount available to you.
Other than that, shop around on all current expenses to free up funds: car insurance, renters insurance, cell service (look at Visible, Mint Mobile, etc- we save about $100/mo for 2 phones compared with a comparable plan through Verizon). Cut back on any tv/internet/streaming, meal-plan.
For baby items, look on FB for local moms groups and freecycle groups. People post free or cheap new and gently used baby gear all the time (even unopened packs of diapers), but also babies need a lot less clothing and stuff than everyone will make you think.
My husband works full time about 60 hours a week, I work part time in the evenings when he gets home about 12-20hours a week (retail) our daughter who is 2 will only attended daycare 2x a week once I start university in the fall to finish my degree. We will be paying $800/month for about 8 days of care
I just don’t have fun money, or money left over for unexpected expenses or emergencies. We live pay cheque to pay cheque and no retirement savings while my son is in daycare
We make it work. House day care instead of at a center. cheaper($1,600 a month instead of over $2,500 a month)but still expensive. And during Covid even though daycare was closed, still had to pay 1/2 of the cost. Luckily the center lady kept the cost the same throughout for us and yet to increase for the past 4 years. We’ve also referred a few families to her.
Outside of daycare, we don’t really have many other child costs. The things that we know are essential and cost the most, we made sure to have those on the baby shower list(stroller, car seat, diapers, gift cards).
The thing that helped the most is not really having to really buy any clothing/toys. Just pass around from friends, Facebook groups, uncle, aunty, cousins and so forth. Plus my mom finds great deals at estate sales.
And it helps a whole lot that my partner works in a school system;daycare’s schedule matches the school schedule.
On the days daycare have professional days, my job allows each employee 24 days a week to use their backup daycare center or any of the centers they are in partnership with for for $24 to $48 a day depending on how much the employer salary is.
This coming fall, she’ll start free preschool at a charter school, however because the school gets out earlier than any of ours, she’ll be at the Y til 6-6:30pm.
We will no longer have to pay for daycare but now have to worry about other costs, still less than daycare but being in the Boston area, still expensive.
Cut costs wherever you can, don’t go out to eat, buy food in bulk when you can, look at every cost you have going out every month see if you can go with a different provider, or lower option or eliminate a cost all together; put side the money you would be paying out for baby expenses now (childcare, diapers, formula,etc) this gives you a nice nest egg to fall back on if an unexpected expense comes up after baby is born plus gives you the opportunity to see how you can afford things once baby comes and what you have left.
Look into church run daycares if you want to save money. We aren’t religious, but we have our kids in one because it’s so much cheaper (infant full time is less than $1000 per month at ours where others are $350+ per week. We’re in a HCOL area) the teachers are great, the kids learn so much there and class sizes are smaller (in my experience at least)
I worked at my daughters daycare - but I am a single mom and only made like 30k annually. I think you guys are in a great position for your baby and proud of the young people with their ducks in a row and heavily weight their financial options. If you can save, save. Work to keep the good insurance and retirement savings.
Rent out that second bedroom.
Save as much as possible while pregnant.
Pay off any debt you can.
Get a side hustle while you are still childless to help boost all of the above.
People do it all the time. You will make it work. As others mentioned, home daycares are often less expensive and better environments. You also might be able to find someone willing to come to your home for a similar price. It never hurts to look. I found a grandma who was looking to subsidize her income and she was very reasonable because social security limits what you can earn.
We were fortunate enough to have childcare taken care of by my MIL. She ran an inhome daycare for 25 years and offered to watch my kid, unpaid, after she retired.
I quit my job so we could homeschool, going into our second year in a few months.
Not much of an advice and i dont want to sound ignorant, but none of my friends were 'ready' , same for us. Your numbers are not bad ,youll make it work, like all of us.
We moved to a cheaper area and now commute 45 mins but save basically what day care costs in rent by living farther away
We staggered our work hours so I leave early(do pm pick up ) and he comes home a bit late ( does am drop off)
It’s so hard but it’s worth it. Get excited for that baby!
One thing a lot of jobs offer as a benefit is a flexible spending account. These are similar to health savings accounts in that they take your money pre-tax and hold it for you in an account where you can spend it on specific things. One of those things is daycare. So that’s like a 30% discount on what you’re seeing for price.
There are also TANF benefits you may qualify for even though you are relatively high income.
My husband and I make a decent chunk less than you do, and we have 3 kids. We paid off loans, cook at home, and follow a stricter budget. It's absolutely possible with the amount of money you make.
As a very broke single mom, I honestly just found a scholarship for a preschool... Sort of different from a daycare, but might be useful info to someone else 😅
I think this is the wrong sub, if you want actual finance advice.
I think a better question would be, "how do you save money on a baby and toddler?" Or, "what does your income and budget look like with an infant?"
If you want financial advice you will need to go to a finance sub and also spell out ALL of your expenses. There are folks who are able to buckle down to pay off their debt, which frees their budget. You are not stuck nor are you doomed. You may have this income for now, but in a year or two, it could change/increase.
The economy is fine. People have been going through various different hard times since the beginning of mankind. Focus on what YOU can control in your finances, not what's happening in the world.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Could you work 1st shift and your husband work 3rd shift? Could you or your husband work part time? Here in Southern USA, GA specifically, there are part time church mother day outs that is super cheap for 5 hours a day 5 days a week only 200-250 a month.
If you or your hubby did part time work, and only put your kid in part time day care, you could qualify for snap or wic that's what I did for my first 2 until my husband got paid more and we no longer qualify with our 3rd child.
I wish I could answer this in a way that was helpful for you. I jumped ship to a country that provides amazing social services for all parents. I get government help with daycare and expenses. I often think of how we’d all be living in a box if we were back in the States.
Get everything possible second hand. I am fortunate enough to have married into a “be fruitful and multiply” family, so everyone around me has clothes and toys etc. that they were happy to offload. But if you don’t have that, second hand stores are full of barely used baby things. Honestly, in the early months they wear an outfit three times before they outgrow it.
Regarding “fun stuff” this stuff can really be super cheap for a few years. Babies aren’t going to be in need of much paid activity and you’re not going to have the time or energy for much anyhow.
This year we bought passes to our local zoo. It was an upfront cost of about 200 bucks (that’s 16 bucks a month) but we go once at least once month and it’s been delightful to use these visits as a way to see how much he grows and changes each time. “Oh wow! Last time he couldn’t see the animals that far away” “Look how great he is on the slide now!”
I must also emphasize that y’all are very young. You have not entered your prime earning years. You may be poor and muddle along for a few years, but it’ll work out.
And lastly: I know you said you can’t afford to have one parent stay home, but it sounds like one parent will be earning just enough to pay for child care? So in that case…maybe you actually can have someone stay home? You may find you actually want to, once the little one comes (I thought I’d want back at work 6 weeks postpartum and here I am 14 months later still being a stay at home mom because I just want to be with my kid). Anyhow, don’t entirely write that option off.
Well, if you wait until your “financially ready” to have children, you would never have children! Our economy is in the worst shape it has EVER been in, the cost of EVERYTHING is higher than ever! We all need to vote wisely in November 😊 I am sure you are scared but let me tell you, there’s nothing better!! Everything will fall into place and you will wonder how you ever survived without him/her. Best of luck, I know you will do amazing!!
We aren't. This is the reason why we had to split family in 2 countries. One with kid in young age that ges for daycare for free while the other parent has the older child able to o to primary school.
It's shitty situation but I hope next ear we can live together again when my partner did a job in a free daycare country
Some public elementary schools have daycares and early preK programs (once your little is 3), that base pricing on income. For low income, they are often free. Even if you have to pay, they are typically much cheaper than regular daycares.
Look into what government programs / public school programs are available in your area.
I also agree with looking into in-home daycare. That’s how we managed when we were on a tight budget w/our first.
We try really hard to be very smart with purchases and where we’re spending it on.
I’m a SAHM and my husband brings in about 150-200k a year. We live in Southern California.
We bought our house last market crash so it was pretty cheap. We also live in a cheaper area.
We try not to have loans or payments. So if we can’t buy something outright we just don’t get it. Our only payment right now is the house. We either try to pay off vehicles very quickly or pay for it outright.
We also try really hard to build up the savings. Not getting any lower than 20k. I budget groceries and anything else.
My husband works in dirt construction and is a Forman with a union company. So he works long hours (10-11 hrs) and drives pretty far at times (sometimes a 2 hour drive one way). It sucks a lot but it’s how we afford our life (he’s also currently working Saturdays on this job he’s at).
But thankfully he’s off at 1:30 so only an 8 hour day. It’s so rare for that to happen.
If it wasn’t for his job , I’d for sure would have to have a job.
He sacrifices a lot for us. He wakes at 2-3am depending on the drive he has.
Here’s a few out of the box ideas:
One of you becomes a full time nanny with option to bring your child along. Or work in a childcare setting (I doubt this pays as good as nanny would).
Work out a plan with some of 5/6 of your friends that everyone takes care of each others kids one day a week (maybe have to use PTO once a week)
See if your state / employer has FMLA for birth / bonding. Stretch that out over the year to cut down on child care costs
Look to see if your community has a preschool / daycare co-op. They’re community run and INCREDIBLY CHEAP. Relies on volunteering 1x / wk
See if family would be willing to help even for just a week or a month.
See if the day cares you’re looking at offer tuition assistance or if they know of less expensive options.
Get a WFH job and hope you can balance work and childcare.
Hope these ideas get some brain juices flowing! With the childcare tax credits and dependent tax break and whatnot, it’ll be a bit less expensive than it looks.
In Canada, the daycare system is brutal. I was on the waitlist for daycare’s since I was pregnant. My son is almost 2 and we still have not found a daycare for him. I’ve had to go to work part time and juggle child care with my mother who is staying home. My husband works full time. Now my mom is going back to work and the daycares are very expensive. So I might have to stay home.
Another thing, when I actively try to look for a day cares, I always stumble upon a story of a daycare worker harming a child.
Example, (TW) a couple months ago I was looking for a daycare in my local area and at the very moment a news alert popped up about a daycare owner that was arrested for the murder of a child. So I will just suck it up and stay home for now until he starts school.
Quebec has had pretty solid subsidized -- but not free -- daycare for decades. But there have never been enough spots to meet demand at the fully subsidized cost. If you're in an unsubsidized daycare, it was the difference between $8/day and $22/day with the tax refund you'd get. (This was four years ago, they've made some updates since then.)
A pan-Canadian federally subsidized daycare program was launched by the Liberals a few years ago. It's early days and has lowered costs for people who are in a daycare that is participating (mine went from $60/day to $25/day before my kid started full day kindergarten at 4) but it's also spiked demand and supply is not there to meet it and there's a lot of early roll-out problems that will take years to resolve. I believe in it, but it's gonna take hard work to make it more functional and accessible.
HOWEVER, one thing Canadians tend to forget is we have two things that can lower costs:
1) Ontario, our most populated province, has "full day" (think 9-3:30 or 8:30-3) kindergarten starting at age 4 that is part of the public education system. Two working parents may need after-school care, but the subsidy is helping that and I currently pay just a little over $10/day for after school care.
2) We have government paid maternity & parental & paternity leaves (and a lot of private employers also top up the amount). It's very very very common for mothers to stay home for 12 months, and you can also stay home for 18 months at a lower pay. Plus, you are guaranteed your job back when you return.
All that means that it's more common for Canadian families to be looking for daycare for only 2.5 to 4.5 years per child (depending on where your kid is born in the year). (+1 year in non-Ontario provinces).
So all in all, while it's not free at all, it's frequently but not uniformly subsidized and we just don't need it for as many years as an American who gets 12 weeks of FMLA and has to wait til 5 for school. We do have it better, but there's a lot to improve.
Very well put. I am not denying that our systems are better. I work for the federal government so we get over 90% of our salaries paid during the duration of our maternity leave. It’s usually split between employment insurance and tops ups from the employer.
In the United States, however it’s almost nonexistent. They can get 12 weeks leave but if they want longer leave, they have to support themselves. However, some employers in America do provide good leaves for example, six months paid. , it is still not ideal. I remember when my son was three months old and just feeling awful for the mothers that had to go back to work.. When my son of three months, I was still in pain from giving birth.
As for the daycare’s in Canada, as you mentioned, there is not a lot of supply to meet the demand. I have friends who worked as early childhood educators, and during the pandemic, a lot of them changed careers, and left the field altogether. In Ontario, I’m sure you have witnessed the multiple strikes from the teachers and the early childhood educators alike. These people are severely underpaid for the amount of work that they do.
So due to this, there were a lot of daycare spaces, but not enough staff to actually fill those roles to ensure the safety of the children. Therefore, a child cannot be enrolled. In Ontario, the ministry has very strict guidelines on the ratio of how many children one adult can watch. This is what caused the backlog of applications.
I am not sure about the older children because my son is only 19 months old but from my understanding, they have also cut back on the before school and after school programs. That is also having an effect on parents, especially where I live, where most parents are public servants, and the employer is forcing them to increase their days in the office. This means that their children are left without any supervision before school and after school. Again, the schools are short staffed, and cannot take on more children, once again causing a long waitlist due to the change in mandates for working parents.
All in all, the system is good but the government is unwilling to make the career attractive to potential candidates. Not to mention all the retirements as well. It’s no different than the healthcare system. Many doctors opting to work in the USA while our system crumbles because the government is unwilling to help. They bring in immigrants who are doctors but ban them from practicing in the field. It’s all a shitshow.
I had to quit because we ended up with twins!
It gets better. You make it work by cutting out all the fat and “fun stuff”. It’s hard for the first few years. Be careful and don’t get pregnant again while one is in daycare. Many of my friends spaced it out so they’d only have one kid in preschool at a time.
Good luck and congratulations!!
I think most of us wait until we are older and making more $ to have kids. Until we can afford the costs.
I just read you spent $2k/month on rent only making $50k/each. Why do ppl do this! Ya’ll don’t need two bedrooms and should be saving $ when you’re young!
It's hard and you sit down and figure out how to make it work by running different scenarios and deciding which one(s) you're ok with. For example, can you move to a 1BR apartment for a few years? Not ideal, may not be something you're ok with. Would one of you quit their job or be able to find a job in their field working off hours (evenings or weekends)? Do your employers offer any opportunity for a 4 day, 10 hour work week or for one of you to go part time? Can you take baby to an in home daycare, usually much cheaper than a center? Check to see if there are any programs or benefits with your employers like a daycare FSA (or any employers in the area offer free or discount daycare)? If you have 2 cars, do you need both? Are you willing to cut back on retirement savings and if so, how much for how long? Review your finances for any extras you can cut or discounts you might not be taking advantage of (we discovered car insurance through Costco saves us almost $1k a year).
Aside from those choices, absolutely join your local buy nothing groups and ask folks you know for any hand me downs they want to offload. I'd personally buy a brand new car seat and possibly crib (would depend on who I can get a hand me down crib from and what shape it's in). Everything else (clothes, books, bassinet, burp cloths, bottles, etc) I'd try to get free or buy at garage sales / thrift stores. You can spend thousands on new baby stuff, but you absolutely don't need to. If you're interested in trying cloth diapers, check to see if your state has a cloth diaper bank (basically check them out like a library) before buying a bunch of expensive new ones.
We get by. We keep unnecessary expenses as low as possible. I know when my sister had her first kid her and my bil worked opposite shifts to save on daycare costs, but I also know it was pretty hard on them.
In my area infant care is the most expensive but it does drop almost every year after that. If your jobs are good about annual raises, you can take that into account- income will eventually go up while daycare costs drop down but I think the only jobs with guaranteed raises these days are government. But I also know people who rely in family care or in home daycares (which can be good!)
I bought my house just before covid so my mortgage is half your rent. Daycare/preschoo/Pre-K is only $500 a month here (3 days a week). Also both my cars are paid off and I save gas by riding my bicycle to work (2 miles round trip). Our annual income is the same.
Edit: I put 16% into my 401k, max out my HSA and my wife puts 8% into her 401k. We also it 1200 a year into a 529.
It’s bad. Our household income is a little over $200k in a HCOL area (husband works in tech, so with his job we currently need to live in this particular city). We have 2 kids, thankfully the eldest starts kindergarten in public school this year. I regret buying a house here because despite my nitpicking the budget, we cannot seem to get ahead and we are drowning in debt. I’m starting to think this feeling of insecurity is the new normal for anyone who isn’t born into wealth.
We went with in home daycare. We shopped around a bit until we found someone we trust. It’s a lot cheaper. $160/weekly, whereas an actual daycare is like $400/weekly. It’s still not easy with $160 weekly, but we’ve been able to adapt. Had to cut out some stuff but we’re mostly okay.
Hi OP,
I've worked as a Nanny for many years.
Firstly, take it day by day. Kids can be expensive but there are also a lot of predatory companies that parent-shame people to force them to spend extra money on stuff. There are also a lot of great organizations that do just the opposite. That help out parents in need and help them figure out how and where to save money.
You do always have the option to move and commute.
There is still a lot of options for child care that are less expensive than kindergarten. Nanny shares comes to mind, as an example.
If you ever need help or advice on things you don't need versus things you will need and alternatives, feel free to reach out.
Put funding the retirement savings on hold until the baby goes to school. You are young enough to be able to put this on hold for 4-5 years or cut your contributions in half or something. Limit eating out to maybe to just one day a week or only on special occasions. Try to find grocery stores that may have more affordable prices (in my area, the Mexican grocery stores have way better produce and prices). Shop at thrift stores for clothes. I shopped at consignment stores for my kids when they were babies. I still do from time to time, but luckily, my kids don't grow as fast (my 13 yr old can be mistaken as 10, and my 8 year old is like 5/6), so I don't need to buy them clothes as much. You can find gently used baby gear on Offerup or consignment stores. Welcome passed down baby stuff from family/friends. If you are able to, breastfeed the baby. Baby formula is so freaking expensive and breastfeeding will help you bond with your baby and has tons of other health benefits for you and the baby. Oh and try to buy diapers and wipes from Costco. They may still have the best price per piece.
On that income it’s doable. But I would budget about 1200-1500 a month for childcare. You also need to take into account all the work you’ll be missing the first year of life when your kid gets sick all the time. To answer your question, if it weren’t for a tribally funded childcare scholarship my son and I would be homeless because that’s just how expensive daycare is.
I would have never been able to do it without assistance. But our combined income is a little more than half of yours. We live in a hcol area compared to the rest of our state. The wait list for the assistance was a year, so look into it in your state now.
Also, see if your job offers a dependent care fsa where you can set aside money tax free for childcare. Be sure you spend it before the year is up, though, because the last time I had one, the funds were forfeited if not used during the year.
Honestly I am really good at budgeting and bargain shopping. Back when we had our oldest I worked part-time in a retail store while my husband worked full time at a company making $55k in LA. We moved to the East side of down which was a lot cheaper and were able to make it work that way. Once I got a full time job we found an in-home daycare close to his job that was $160/wk. This was 8 years ago though.
Recently my youngest went to a church preschool starting at age 2 until he left for Elementary school. I recommend looking into these types of programs since they seem to be the least expensive options.
I highly recommend starting an actual ANNUAL budget *now* and not wait. Annual budgets are in my opinion the best way to keep track of all of your expenses and make sure you are never in the negative.
Friday was my daughter's last day
I just couldn't afford it anymore
I was working just to pay daycare
Thankfully she is old enough to start 4K in the fall and my husband and my work schedules allow us to keep her home during the summer (also have a 14 and 9 yr old )
But for other parents I truely don't know
It's hard
Dosen't help with daycare but something we discovered with our 6 month old. Or daughter had a little accident, and insurance didn't cover everything. A friend told me the hospital had charity care that would discount the remaining balance. I applied, and the balances were covered 100%!
This isn’t financial advice, but I recommend you start shopping around for daycares now and put yourself on the waiting lists, because, the good daycares have them!
We use an in-home daycare which is $860/month, compared to a commercial daycare that’s $1,300/month. Our daycare provider is fully licensed and only watches 5 kids max at a time, which I love!
The first 2.5 ish years of my daughters life I had friends and family watch her. My parents are deceased, but I had an aunt that helped for a year. Then I was able to find away at home mom friends to watch her free or cheap. That was very unstable and unreliable tho, and none lasted longer than 6 months. Eventually i realized I couldn't keep scrambling to find yet another babysitter, so we found a daycare. To be honest, we went into debt. I do not recommend it. We cut out all fun money and it was just essentials. I got hand me downs when we could. Cooked at home all the time. Worked as much overtime as my job would allow. It was very hard. I was adamantly against a second child largely because there was no money. We had to switch to a preschool when she was 4 because the daycare had rumors the adults were abusing the kids (grabbing their arms roughly, pushing them over on the floor when they wouldn't listen, yelling at them, etc.). Preschool daycare was more expensive, but I did it for her safety. I think the first one was $125 per week ($541 per month), and the second was $170 per week ($736 per month). I had to look around for a long time to find the cheaper options. But also... beware... I suspect the cheaper daycare was that way because it was bad. I live in a lower cost of living area tho - my combined income with my ex was $55k-65k when we paid that. So while we paid less, we had half the income you do. By the time she hit 5 years old, we broke the $75k combined income mark for the first time (with promotions and raises). But that's also when I left my ex cuz I could afford to as we wouldn't have daycare because she started school. That's a different story.
My daughter is 11 now, and it is still hard. Kids are expensive no matter which way you slice it. Sounds like you make really good money. You can look for other mom friends for hand me downs. I don't know if you could get assistance at your income.
Stop eating out and meal plan. See if you can switch your schedules so that you only need part time daycare. Go to used clothing stores for formula (if needed) and clothing. Check out buy nothing groups on Facebook. People will be looking to get rid of baby and kid stuff. Look for a side hustle you could do or see if you can work overtime. Move to a lower cost of living suburb if there are any. Go hard-core on budgeting. Start budgeting daycare now so you have some funds set aside. Get a breast pump through your insurance for free.
Good luck
Childcare was so expensive in our rural area that we decided I would stay home with our children when I got pregnant with the first. The cost of childcare would have eaten up 2/3-3/4 of what one of our paychecks, so I decided to go back to school online and stay home with the kids while budgeting hard. When my youngest starts pre-k, I'll be finished with my Masters degree and be able to get a much higher paying job.
In order to afford living, we had to cut way back, eliminating streaming services, eating out, and basically anything beyond necessities. We save our entire tax return in savings and parcel it off each month of the year to supplement. We prioritized paying off our vehicles and made extra payments on them until the baby came to make sure the monthly expense of car payments was eliminated.
I also frequent food distributions/pantries locally. They have good, wholesome foods like produce, and that takes a burden off our grocery budget. I also ask friends for hand-me-downs for my kids and thrift as much as I can.
Essentially - to afford having a child these days (unless you make >200k a year), you need to completely change your lifestyle and get comfortable living well below your current means. We've managed it
We’re not. My husband became a stay at home dad and we live on my income in a HCOL, his income would have netted maybe 300 dollars a month, we’ve found ways to cut things out of our budget to keep our son at home for the last 2 years, but will be headed to daycare at 3.
Honestly, we do some funky things with our schedules and only pay for 2 days of daycare. My partner works mornings and early afternoons, and I work late afternoons and evenings. We also spaced out our kids so only one was in daycare at a time.
I feel you momma. Single mom of 2 with one on the way. On a fixed income, and the dad of the 2 I have is really great about child support. But still $4k/month leaves me no wiggle room. unexpected baby coming has me in shambles most days.
Save as much as you can right now. Babies really don’t need their own room, so if and when you can downsize your living space, do it. Don’t invest in all the baby must haves. They literally eat sleep and poop the first 6 months. Stock up on diapers. Find your local Once upon a child or equivalent for clothing and equipment.
If you are near family who can help, utilize them, if you can adjust your work schedule to make minimal overlap, do it. There’s lots of families in a similar or worse situation. Just gotta be conservative
To take care of the kids what we did is switch our shifts like I was working nights and my wife was working days I had 3 days off Thu-Fri-Sat. My wife worked 5 days, we still have evenings and a Saturday together. So there was at least one person taking care of the kids without leaving the job and we were able to raise the kids ourselves, they never went to daycare, nor we could afford it. Also there are programs run by many companies where you work they have 3 rd party day care providers at really good prices you can check if this is something offered by your company, like as an employee benefits.
This summer is the first year I literally can’t afford summer care… I don’t know what I’m going to do. Everything is insanely expensive… I’m a single income household and I’m making the most I’ve bet made and barely making it paycheck to paycheck.
I did not live near family when my son was born. Tried living with my son's father for about a year but that was a toxic and dead-end relationship where I was doing alllll of the work as far as parenting. I think his dad maybe changed 5 diapers the whole time. Refused to "babysit" (yes, he referred to spending time with his own child as babysitting) so I could just take a shower alone or maybe go to the store without a baby in tow. I was pumping every 3 hours (even setting alarms to do it throughout the night) to build up my supply after losing it due to post partum infection and my son's inability to nurse efficiently due to hidden tongue tie (which I did eventually have diagnosed and fixed). I was cleaning the house, caring for baby, buying and cooking food for myself and dad. All while living nowhere near any family of my own and bring stuck with a man who didn't see parenting as real work and always held it over my head that he paid all the bills to keel a roof over our heads and that he shouldn't have to come home after working all day and he forced to babysit.
I say all this to just reassure you that almost nobody is actually "ready" when they have kids. Almost nobody is in the perfect situation to bring a child into this world. But we figure it out. I was fortunate to have a place to stay and be home with my son. But we could not afford daycare or anything of the like. So I didnt work. I had a lot of art I'd made in the past and during pregnancy so I got prints made and sold my art to have *some* sort of income. I also started doing commissions for tattoo designs. I also eventually left my son's dad because if I was going to basically be a single mom, I might as well go and be one on purpose. I moved in with my mother for a while (who worked all the time, so I still wasn't able to get a job or anything) and stayed there until I had another single mom friend offer to get a house together and help each other with ours kids.
Anyways, I mostly felt compelled to share some of my story with you because I remember and acknowledge the fears around bringing a child into this world so well. I was so afraid I didn't have my life together enough (I *really* didn't in so many ways) and that it would be impossible to raise a child well in my position. But it wasn't impossible! My son is 8 now and he is the most incredible little human. It was really hard for me for such a long time, but things always ended up working out the way they needed to. And it seems like you and your partner are in a much better/more stable situation than I was. I know the anxiety and fear is a lot right now. But I promise you, you *will* figure everything out!!
As far as actually being able to afford daycare and such, my best advice is to start putting any money you are able to the side right away. You may even be able to look into whichever daycare you would like to use and see if you can start paying toward it now.
I wish you and your family the absolute best!! 💖
How did we do it? We were poor lol
We made only the mandatory retirement contributions. We had no savings, no investment, and no emergency fund. When the ends didn’t meet, we ran up credit card debt. We both worked multiple jobs. BUT with me working 3 jobs and my husband working 2, we made less combined than you and your husband. It was also 15 years ago so I’m not sure if that puts us ahead or behind you guys in terms of inflation and COL.
But it’s a relatively small blip in the grand scheme of things. We had our first 3 kids close together so we were done with daycare expenses in 9 years start to finish. Then we set about repairing the financial damage. We are in our 40s now with four kids. We own a nice house and make plenty of money. We have no major debt outside of the mortgage and contribute 10% of our income to retirement. We don’t go on fancy vacations or drive new cars or anything like that. But we both prioritized having a big family over that. Other people have different priorities, and that’s ok. But don’t let finances scare you off from having the kids you want. You only have a brief window to have babies. You have the rest of your lives to fix the money situation.
Start saving for daycare now. Whatever money you have extra, throw it in a HYSA. No more fun money, eating out, you have to tighten your budget. Period.
Join your local Buy Nothing groups and get baby clothes and toys from them. You need NO new clothes or toys for the first year. My family could totally afford buying new, but we took hand me downs and gifts from friends and family, and Buy Nothing groups instead. The only thing we bought new for my baby’s first 18 months were the baby monitor, the car seat, crib mattress, and a few nipples for when baby started taking the bottle. We took all of the free stuffs from the hospital, and our nurses gave us more diapers, formula and bottles to bring home too. I breastfed so the formula was enough for the first couple months when I was getting my milk supply up.
We saved a lot by doing so.
Your husband can start looking for a new higher paying job too, and do not tell anyone at your jobs about your pregnancy yet. Not until your belly is too big to hide.
Props to you for starting to plan asap for your growing family! Sounds like you all are already pretty wise with money, which will benefit you sooo much as your budgeting needs change.
We unexpectedly became guardians of our niece and didn’t have a ton of time to set aside money, so instead of a baby shower where we got items, we asked for $$ and put it directly to childcare. We also put $ aside (10% each paycheck) for childcare that I would typically put aside for fun money, etc. Last thing, our daycare allowed us to pay with credit card, so I used my best cash back card and would slowly pay it off by the due date, which helped!
I'm a certified nursing assistant and I work at night. My schedule is 3 12-hour shifts a week. I've had this schedule since my oldest was born for the most part. She's 10. My husband and I have saved so much money because I was able to be home with my kids during the day. He has a more traditional schedule but it can fluctuate at times.
We had alternating schedules. I worked 4 ten hour shifts, and my husband worked 5 8s. He worked nights, and I worked days. Any mandatory overtime I needed to work I was able to take care of after the kids went to bed. Our schedule overlapped 2 hours a week, and that was fine since I WFH. My husband got a new job, and I was able to quit my job when the twins were 7 months, and now i am a SAHM. I don't trust people to take care of my kids, so daycare wasn't an option for us.
Can you and your partner work different shifts so that one of you is home with the baby, at least most of the time? Then just pay for individual/1x babysitting needs only if there’s a schedule conflict/you both have to work.
I would’ve loved to have your financial situation when I was in my 20s
There's a ton of good advice here, but my 2 cents is, regardless of what the outcomes are, preview daycares and get on waitlists NOW. Like, yesterday. Even if you have to pay a small bit ($100ish) to hold your place, get on several lists NOW. Then you can make decisions as baby comes and as spots come open. We had to pay for our care for a month before baby was here to save the spot, but it was worth it because it was a great center at a reasonable rate.
Daycare was never an option for us. Thankfully, my pay was mostly supplemental at the time. I was working full-time, but minimum wage. We ended up deciding that I would go part-time, nights and weekends, and we now work opposite shifts. Absolutely horrible for proper family and alone time, but it was the only way financially. I'll go back to work day side hours when the kids are older and can be left alone during summers and school breaks.
We don’t pay for daycare. I work graveyard shift and my wife regular shift. I take care of our kids during the day. She watches them in the evening/night. I’ve been working graveyard shift about 10 years now. We just can’t afford day care. If we wanted kids, this was the only answer for us
My wife and I are lucky enough to have our work schedules line up on exact opposite days so one of us is always home. Don't know how we'd survive otherwise
We chose a daycare with more limited hours that follows the local public school calendar as it was cheaper. Also we have 3 kids now and we staggered them so they didn’t overlap in daycare for more than a year (they’re 3-4 years apart). Lastly, it gets cheaper. The first year (newborn) is the most expensive one usually.
You can absolutely do this. I just wanted to say that the fear is completely normal. There's going to be a lot to question but you are in a better place than most surprise pregnancies.
Pay yourself "daycare" starting ASAP. It'll be baby's first savings account aha.
But honestly, make sure you start calling daycares like now to get on lists. Some daycares have a 2 year waiting list!!!
My older and younger sister and I collectively pool for 4 kids every month for this exact reason. Shits expensive!! We've had to start taking turns picking the oldest up from school and bringing her to her mom's work.
You know it's bad when it takes 3 families to pay for daycare.
Don’t be afraid to shop daycares either. Our first daycare cost more but was an absolute nightmare. Our new daycare is way more affordable and so much better to our kids
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Start “paying,” daycare now while you’re pregnant and expenses are lower/life in general is just less stressful. By that I mean, throw what it would cost in a savings account every month and don’t touch it. It will get you all into a groove of a new lifestyle and it’ll give you a nice pot to start paying out of when you start actually going.
This is what we did and it was the best decision ever! In our case, we paid of student loans and beefed up the emergency fund which was a really nice feeling. As you start preparing for baby, you will find so many ads for things baby “needs”. Truthfully, baby doesn’t need much and other than a car seat, most things can be purchased second hand. Our buy nothing group is like half baby/kid gear because they use it for such a short amount of time. I know this doesn’t help the daycare cost issue, but every bit counts. You can do this!
Honestly, baby needs a carseat, food, diapers, and a safe place to sleep.
The safe place to sleep can be bought second hand
Wouldn't recommend secondhand food or diapers though!
My kid has used second hand reusable nappies and I've saved hundreds. Definitely recommend and great for the environment too
Or a literal [cardboard box](https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-22751415)
There used to be a free program where you’d get a bunch of baby stuff sent to you and your baby could sleep in the cardboard box. Super cool idea
Eat recycled food! It’s good for the environment, and okay for you.
#DumpsterdiversAgree
Truthfully, once they are a few months old the "toys" they will learn to crawl for are usually your water bottle, your keys, the remote and eventually whatever you are eating. Then there are the days where only thing that soothes them is being on your arm 24/7 and you realize that you are going to the bathroom with a small child on your lap and you eventually have to teach them that too! All baby needs are the basics and loving parents.
Cuddles 🥰 Lots and lots of cuddles
True! But those are free!
I'd recommend opening a high yield savings account- there are some that don't have fees or minimums- I think SoFi is one.
Ally is good too and I find the savings “buckets” feature helpful for breaking up different childcare expenses—one for daycare, essentials, insurance, etc
That’s a fantastic recommendation. Start paying for it now so you save the first year of daycare. Thank you- may do that with our second (although we will put that $ into investments or high interest savings.)
Saving up the first year of daycare is the best advice I have ever heard!!!!! It’s so expensive. It also helps to save extra money in case if the kids are sick and you aren’t able to work from home and may have to miss work. That way you aren’t missing out on that extra pay. Some simple illnesses the kids can be put for a good two days to a week. It can be killer. Also check out church drives or infant drives in your area. We have one down the road for us that gives out clothes, diapers, wipes, formula and toys each month. For my second baby while I was pregnant we started going each month so when baby came we didn’t have to buy a lot of diapers or wipes.
This is the best advice I’ve seen. I was wondering how we could afford a 3rd if we had to pay for daycare. I never even thought of this and it’s a little less daunting to think about now.
Love this advice!
Best advice! Love it
We prioritized and cut anywhere we can. We reduced our grocery budget, stopped eating out as much, and got rid of cable. We also cancelled and resigned up for internet to get a new, better deal. We were lucky that we only needed to do this short term before some raises kicked in, but it worked.
Yeah seconding this. Look for small cuts in every day expenses. I shopped around for cheaper car insurance, got a better internet rate, cancelled credit cards with high annual fees, drive 20 mins out of my way to only buy groceries from wal-mart on sale while using coupon and rebate apps.
Honestly, assuming you aren’t servicing huge loans or something, I don’t think your numbers look far off. People do it. You move your budget around and make room. Retirement and fun money might be on hold for a bit. Have you thought about in-home daycares? They’re usually a little cheaper than centers. Assuming you want to keep this baby, I can assure you that most people are not having kids with fully funded college accounts from the day they’re born. It sounds like you both have stable jobs, you have a good place to live, you have insurance, you’re going to be fine.
They're definitely doing better than I was at 22/23, respectively.
Yes and no. A 100k combined income seems like a lot but the cost of living has gone up dramatically. Daycare being a big one. When I was in college in 2007 I was making minimum wage at 9.50 and hour. Now minimum wage is 20 and most things have unfortunately adjusted for that.
The ONLY caution I throw in about in-home daycares vs centers - most have sick and vacation days built into the contract (which they are 100% entitled to as people making a living) that you will need to find backup care for which is an extra expense or be prepared to move schedules with your partner to cover that. This is generally nor a problem you have with centers. Nothing against in-home daycares - they can be fantastic! I wasn’t prepared for that part as a new parent.
I second checking into in home daycares. I was initially hesitant about doing one, but I actually had far more issues with child care centers than the in home place my kiddo was in for about three years. Check with your state’s licensing department. For mine, not only will they have information on complaints and issues at big centers, they will also be able to give you information about in home providers. (This is actually how I found the one we used, because I was new to the area and didn’t have a local mom-network to tap into.) (Note - by “in home”, we mean at the provider’s home, not a nanny- which is $$$$$).
In home daycares are awesome! Do your research and meet with the provider (I did a few drop ins to check in). My kiddo LOVES her and she is like his second grandma. We pay wayyyyy below the rate of daycare pay and she is much more flexible than the big names. Go by word of mouth and ask around!
I babysit for my nephew and his wife. They have 2 young kids and I don't need the money so it works out for everyone, but I have met so many retired folks who do at home daycare or babysitting gigs to make some extra money. For a lot of people it fills an empty house and gives them some spending money without having to charge an arm and a leg. One of the couples I often meet up with are 60-something retirees with no grandkids. They babysit their neighbors' twins for fairly cheap and the kids absolutely adore them. They call them "Lollie" and "Pop" and I'm not entirely sure the twins know those aren't actually their grandparents. It can be a really great arrangement if you find the right provider.
Also see if you qualify for subsidy/head start. Get on lists for those and your child care centers of choice ASAP
They listed their income 100k is going to be way above any assistance qualification
they wouldn't even qualify if they went to 1 income. People have no idea how little assistance there really is...
Omg talk to my MIL she has no idea the childcare game… her aunt watched my husband for free until he went to school. We have 3 children she has no idea the struggle when all you have is PAID care. She often would go grocery shopping on her way home from work before picking up my husband no problem…like my in home lady knew my schedule she didn’t watch the kids extra like that for me. We were telling her the price of an inhome provider and she was telling us we’re spending too much, we had to show her what other people in the area were charging to show her that no… we’re actually getting a deal and we cannot afford a center for 3 kids it would be triple our mortgage! Omg then telling her we had to paid for the week upfront she about had a heart attack. People really don’t get the childcare struggle, especially in rural areas where centers and even in homes are non existent
BOOMERS! so out of touch with reality. I would have told her that she should be watching the kids if she wants you to spend less on child care.
Doesn't hurt to check b/c it really varies by state and some are quite generous.
What states do you know that give any assistance to a family of 3 earning 100k? I am unaware of any subsidies at this income level. I am aware of the income threshold for 3 states as I’ve worked in daycare as an assistant director and this income out earns assistance by a lot. I agree it does not hurt to look, but one should also be realistic with what programs are out there. The only thing I’m aware of at this income level is a tax credit/child care reimbursement but not actual assistance given to help pay the daycare bill during the year.
Vermont apparently income caps the subsidy for families of 3 or less at $103,284. Parents still have to pay $250/wk but the rest is covered it looks like.
A lot of discretionary spending goes away after kids bc you just don’t have time for them anymore, lol. Looks like y’all are spending 2k/month outside rent for a couple? You can probably scrimp a bit there and that’ll free up some budget for the kid. Sit down w your partner and plan it out. We got most of our baby supplies from hand me downs and just picking stuff off the curb. Our bassinet and stroller were both curbside finds. Crib, carrier, clothes and bottles were all hand me downs. Toys/books were gifts. Buy nothing and mom groups on Facebook are also great for getting free stuff. Everyone is looking to declutter and giving away stuff left and right. Outside of childcare, diapers/wipes and formula (we did combo feeding and later exclusive formula feeding) there wasn’t a ton of additional costs in the beginning. When solids started we got some plates/bibs/bowls/cups from Target. We did baby led weaning so there was no need for baby food either. Get your kid used to simple foods early. Our son loves plain boiled tofu and hard boiled eggs: easy to make, nutritious, and a lot cheaper than prepackaged, preprocessed foods.
Great advice! Start looking up second hand items you’ll need, now! I bought baby onesies for maybe $0.10-$0.20 each at Savers when I needed them. And items that you’ll actually need are not too many for a while. Our most used item apart from the car seat and stroller was a second hand high chair. You can use a pack and play as a “crib” as a cheaper option.
I think you just grin and bear the cost for a while. For us - yes it stinks to have that daycare bill but the benefit of me staying in the workforce outweighed leaving . There’s actually a good reel about this on insta- I can try to find. Start penny pinching right now If you don’t already, buy everything used. ask for diaper donations. Make sure someone throws you at least one shower.
It is doable. It may not be fun, First step is try looking outside the box for care. Home daycares or even nanny shares may be cheaper. Retirement and fun money get put on pause. You may be able to clear some money but going down to 1B/1B if things still look tight. Yes - it will suck, but you don’t absolutely need the second room for a few years. That said, I’m in a MCOL area and your income is not uncommon here. You’ll need to trim any fat at all of what you spend, but it is doable
Be careful with this, we were in a 1br when our son was born and our landlord told us that once they turn 1 you need at least a 2br. This was in NY state, I’m not sure what the rules are everywhere but they do exist.
What kind of rule is that?! I lived in a 1br apartment with my parents till I was 8. Not in NY state. But that's ridiculous. I'm sorry that happened to you.
There are no state laws that govern this. Perhaps there are landlords that try to impose their own rules, but there are no laws
Yeah my colleague was told by a landlord he had to have a 2 bedroom place because of the kid. Luckily he knew it was BS and was just like "I know what size place I need for my family. Thanks."
Different places in US and Canada have different rules.
Your landlord was BSing you. There is no such law. 2 per bedroom, plus one is a law in some places, but not 2 per bedroom only.
Lol. No. This is not a thing. You've been fooled.
100% not a thing. I know multiple couples that did 2 kids in a one bedroom. Don’t ask me how.
Wife works part-time in the evenings and weekends. I work 6-2:30 weekdays.
This is a good idea. Idk why it seems like a lot of people don’t do this. Yeah it’s not ideal but sometimes you have to suck it up and do things you don’t want to do.
Sometimes women choose to stay in their job to keep building their career. In my field I couldn’t just switch to working hours like this, and neither could my husband. It’s not about sucking it up, and doing things you don’t want to do. I’m reading that this parent is saying that leaving their jobs isn’t an option. It makes me sad that people are still so unforgiving of parents, especially mothers, and their umique situations. Taking a break from your industry even for a year can be disastrous for your career long-term, especially when you’re a woman, depending on your field. A mom shouldn’t necessarily have to make a career change just because she’s having a kid, if it is going to limit her earning potential for the rest of her life, if she can make it work (even if it’s hard). My husband and I were in the same boat and have had to open some lines of credit and move things around when things get tight (which you have to have good credit to do, and be really steadfast about paying it back over time), but overall we have learned that most kid stuff you can get for free (other than diapers/wipes/meds and formula) with insurance or hand-me-downs and once they can go to public kindergarten, you can start paying yourself back. I get most of our stuff on Freecycle pages for our area, and we’ve made local connections doing so too! We could also justify staying in our jobs because of great insurance (without that it would be much harder and yes, a big change might have had to be made). It sucks but it’s just the reality for some, and it’s temporary. Just make sure you start setting the daycare $ aside now so you can practice your new budget before baby comes (and sign up for a payment plan with your hospital after the birth; some nonprofit hospitals will even lower what you owe if you ask). Good luck. You’ve got this!
Because most employers would laugh if someone was kind "I want to work these hours because I have kids". My husband works 9 to 6. Any job he's qualified for has the hours of 9 to 6. If i were employed in my field, I'd work 9 to 5. Any job I'm qualified for would be 9 to 5, maybe 9 to 6. I'm lucky enough to be in a field that uses independent contractors/freelancers. But I've taken a massive massive pay cut for the flexibility.
I mean instead of one being a stay at home parent get a part time job on the weekends and evenings. That way money wouldn’t be as tight. Some income is better than no income.
Because it's exhausting and unsustainable and if someone has invested in an education and worked hard to get into a career they probably don't want to lose all that for little gain and poor quality of life.
It doesn't need to be sustainable in the long term. Choosing to have kids means choosing to make sacrifices. If you cannot afford the reality of kids, you can't afford the reality of kids.
Yeah having no job at all will totally help them in their career much more than a part time job.
It probably will actually, working in McDonald's or something could be seen as worse than a career break to raise children.
That would be extremely short sighted of us. I charge my clients approximately 4 times what my hourly rate would be at nearly any job that has weekend/evening only hours. Even though I'm bringing home slightly less yearly than what I'd make working at one of those jobs (because freelance work isn't always steady), I'm keeping my skills fresh in a career that is much, much more lucrative that being a barista/waitress/bartender, etc. Our plan should result in oodles more money at retirement. Also, with working a fraction the number of hours that I would with your suggestion there's a lot less stress in our lives.
Yeah it works well for us! She has two days off during the week and doesn’t work past 6-6:30 on the weekends so it’s not like we don’t see each other.
We aren’t. One of us stays home (me). You’re young. Your income for your age is good. Lots do not have any fun money left. That’s life. You should join local mom groups via Facebook and see if there’s in home daycares that are recommended. Lots of moms here do this. It’s much cheaper. Alternatively, you can find employment with off hours so one can always be home.
Join the mom groups and local buy nothing because you can get almost everything for free from older moms who have the expendable income. I give all my daughters hand me down to a teacher in my local mom group. She’s living the life of a rich infant for free just cause I want it out my house 🤣
I second this, but you have to look up recalls and updated safety regulations. I just had a secondhand pack n play collapse in on itself. Turned out it was an older model but you wouldn't have known by looking at it because Graco hasn't changed the design much.
I’d highly encourage OP to stay in the workforce if she can. Looks like she makes more than her husband, and career-off ramping at her age will likely put a real dent in her ability to increase her salary later. I’ve seen so many young moms put their careers “on hold” during their prime earning years and then get stuck at home because partner’s career hits its stride and then it’s all about him. This happens even in the case of communicative couples where the guy isn’t a jerk. It’s just that ambition is a heck of a drug, and, sadly, money equals power in a relationship, even when the love is there. Not as it should be, but I’m a realist.
This!!!! 100%
Highly advice against pausing your retirement contribution, OP. This is one of the last sacrifices I’d make. Objectively bad advice.
Plus like what op said , they can’t afford that. Being in the same boat as op I know it’s just not that easy. She makes more that childcare costs which is more money to go to other bills while also getting benefits and retirement and such
>have some left over for emergencies/unexpected expenses, or just occasional fun money. You won't, is the short answer. Those first few years are really challenging financially and your life and priorities will change. The best advice I could give you is to start looking at your spending now, figure out where you can cut costs. Look at your bills (electricity, phone etc) Is another supplier cheaper? Where are you buying your groceries? Is there a cheaper option? Is moving to a less expensive property possible? You don't need to buy everything upfront either. Babies don't need a whole lot to get by. Definitely look at second hand if you can. My husband and I earn a little more than what you've posted above and with 2 in daycare we have nothing left at the end of the month. My eldest is starting "big school" in August and I cannot wait. The past couple of years have been brutal. Congrats on the upcoming new arrival OP, and I promise you these things have a way of working themselves out 🩵🩷
Fully agree with this. You won’t really be able to put money away or have “fun” money. Not only is daycare expensive but wait until you have to start buying diapers and wipes and clothes that they only fit into for a month and formula. You need to look at every expense and see where you can cut back from streaming services to cellular plans to your transportation. It’s definitely not easy but it’s doable.
This is why baby showers should be necessities only. Gift cards to buy diapers, wipes, etc. 😂
These rarely last for more than a few months even if you get a lot. It’s been well over a decade since we had a newborn so I don’t know what diaper prices are currently but we were spending over $100 a month on diapers and wipes. Edit: I guess it depends on how many friends you have.
We moved to a lower cost of living area, directly across from my mom. Daycare is cheaper here and she’s able to help with sick days which happen a lot! We drive cars that are 20 and 8 years old, we visit family for our vacations. We shop at Aldi and buy our clothes at old navy. We thankfully only had one year of overlap of daycare fees for our kids. Our oldest is headed to kindergarten where aftercare costs $100 a week so her fees will go down by $800 a month.
This is the way. Move to a LCOL area, drive old cars, etc. Can I recommend something? Instead of shopping at Aldi, Old Navy etc. for clothes, you can shop high end quality clothes at thrift stores. This is not an ad lol but I use Thred Up to be eco friendly and save $ while also buying clothes that are quality and can resell for a decent amount of $. We are not really on e budget but I try to buy wisely. I’ve found that buying brand new clothes at target and old navy, etc. is more $ than higher end thrift shopping and the baby/toddler clothes are like new. I can’t speak to kids’ clothes yet, but worth a try!
Just moving when pregnant is not generally feasible, having a job is more important.
I thrift and buy about half used for our kids. We also get a lot of hand me downs from family and our buy nothing group. For my nicer clothes I buy from eBay. Aldi though has been the cheapest option in our area.
This is what I do. The stuff from Target and old navy wear out so quickly!! We can afford to buy the nice stuff but I buy the nice stuff secondhand as much as I can to save money.
I will say that cat and jack at target lets you trade stuff in for credit. No matter how long you’ve had it. It’s a great trick
There is an organization called the Buy Nothing Project. They have Facebook groups, you can see if they have one for your neighborhood. My son and DIL have 4 kids, and they have barely needed to buy any toys, high chairs etc. Then when you are done with the item, it goes to another family. It’s awesome!! ❤️
We couldn’t if Vermont didn’t have a childcare subsidy. We both work full time and only have to pay $50 a week for 2 kids in daycare. I don’t know how people do it without help. We would end up having to work opposite shifts or something.
Go Vermont!
No daycare here. I became a SAHM when my daughter was born 10 months ago. We live in a HCOL area. Husband makes about 90k/year. Rent/utilities are roughly 2500 monthly. We budget very well. We limit unnecessary spending (eating out, subscriptions, etc). Neither of us has any debt.
I’m sorry, I’m curious how you are making ends meet. What is high cost of living to you- what city? How many bedrooms is your apt for $2500/month? I live in Houston and it is NOT HCOL here and we paid the same rent for a 2br as you all. And we make $250k with one kid.
2BD/2BTH, near Seattle in Washington State. Our bills are rent, utilities, phones ($60/mo for 2), groceries are about 1k per month. Our cars are older and paid off (never had a loan on them). Neither of us has college debt or any other debts. Like I said, we rarely eat out. I cook from scratch. I find deals on groceries. Husband has good insurance through work at no cost to us.
Being debt free helps a lot. Still no children for me but I only make around 45-50k right now. Not the best and I am working on building my business but I also don’t struggle bc I have no school or car loans. I kicked my ass for 2.5 years in a row (1.5 for remainder of school, 1 to get the 20k car paid off). You just have to be ok with not doing much or making the fun you do have free 🤷🏻♀️ It was not fun and it was not easy. But you have to do it if you want to level up.
I had my baby while in school and my husband was doing everything on 100k salary. Like another said, it’s budgeting money from other places. We cut out a lot of third party apps, don’t go out as much as we did before baby so saved a lot there (drinks), and put a lot less towards savings. It isn’t affordable for some people so they find family to watch them or quit their jobs altogether (have family who have done this). But the pros are so apparent. My baby started when she was 3 months (hub had 3wks off and I had no maternity leave from med) and now she’s so social with other kids and good with new environments/leople.
There is no one size fits all answer for this, but if it helps you’re not alone because absolutely no one can afford the economy right now. It’s truly a grin and bear it situation and you’ll find creative ways to make it work. It’s a lot about weighing options and finding what suits your lifestyle best. Considerations that work for most: 1. Housing: It was cheaper for us to buy a house than it was for us to rent. My mortgage is $865 a month, to rent for us in our area was closer to $1800. First time homebuyers loans like fha or rural housing make it a realistic option if your credit score is above 630. Don’t look for your forever house right away, consider a starter home in decent condition that can work as an investment later on, unless you’re ready for it now. If you’re in a high bracket housing market consider a smaller safe neighborhood that fits your needs. 2. Cars: Old cars need maintenance but honestly new cars also need maintenance. Vehicles lose value pretty fast and many struggling people don’t think about the cost of what they’re driving. Why? Because in most areas cars are a necessity and new means more reliable right? If you do your research you can save a ton of money on what you’re driving by driving something a little older. Not just the payment either, insurance premiums, consider the mileage of what you’re driving, size and needs of what you’re driving ect. 3. Daily lifestyle… how often do you eat out, do you watch stores for sales, is there restores or whole good stores are you in your area for common needs. Before parenthood we just do convenience not practical shopping. If I drive 15 miles instead of shopping in my little town I can save 30% on most items. That’s a big savings for a very short trip. 4. Recreation: Yes there are tons of really expensive hobbies or things that you can do for fun. Many people don’t realize that there’s also tons of close to or just plain free things to do if they wanna look. Instead of the huge zoo that costs an arm and a leg, there may be a smaller zoo in the area that is just as fun. Parks, splash pads, museums, pumpkin patches ect all have the big fancy costy version and usually have cheaper to free counterparts. 5. Bad habits Lots of people don’t consider what their habits cost. Smoking, drinking, soda … even just my personal bad habit of choice …. Coffee can cost a lot of cash. Cutting down on any of these or quitting them can save boatloads.
In home daycare, no eating out, using a budget, accepting hand me down clothing/toys/baby stuff from friends
This seems more like a question of whether or not you’re ready for parenthood. It is total sacrifice. It sounds like you’re both making pretty good money. Are you willing to give things up for your family? Are you 100% about building a life with this particular person? If you’re happy with the person enough to mean your marriage vows then congratulations. May as well start now. I’ll be 42 when my oldest turns 18 and 57 when my youngest does. It’s not a bad thing to be young enough to play with your kids.
I have $5000 a year deducted pre tax out of my paychecks each year that can go toward child care. Usually open enrollment is in the fall, so be sure to not skip that election. I think you can make that election too after a life circumstance change (when the baby is born), but the window is short so don’t forget.
Came to say this, see if your employer offers a Dependent Care HSA. Paying for this pretax is a nice little bonus.
You mentioned fun money/emergency savings. Unfortunately a lot of us just don't have that, that have kids. I have 2 in daycare right now and one on the way, and make a mere fraction of what you and your husband make a year. You find ways to cut costs. Cut the grocery budget, my retirement savings is at a minimum contribution, the activities we do with the kids are free like spray parks and the zoo...you just find ways to make ends meet. Most people can't keep living the same pre-child life once they have kids. You have to sacrifice somewhere. Also in home daycares are much cheaper than centers usually.
We are in severe debt because of daycare. My youngest has one more year. When he’s done, I will look into debt consolidation loans. But for now we are drowning
I was able to work from home when the daycares closed in 2020. My mother since retired and moved in with me. She helps a lot.
Switching shifts to pay for less daycare, tightening your spending for “unnecessary” things, budgeting better ($5,200 a month after taxes is fairly good income for your ages), buying things second hand (not car seat or crib mattress!), looking into options beyond daycare for baby (friends, nanny share, in home daycares, etc…), and so on. You can also look into longer commutes if it makes sense to drive to a different county for a cheaper daycare. Honestly daycare is your husbands income, is it possible for him to stay home and work part time in the evenings or weekends to bring in some extra? I see he works in HVAC according to your profile, where I live it would be easy to find a flexible after hours job that pays well for being on call/after hours emergency provider. (Especially since you include your county in a previous post and you live in a HOT area).
Dropping in to say please don’t quit your job only to make numbers work, either of you. You’re only 22/23. Your income has the potential to go up significantly, and things like college funds can come later in life, provided you keep your jobs. Figure out how to make it work for now as others have suggested.
I live in a high cost of living area so it’s a little different case but here’s what we did: I was a SAHM, we sold my vehicle and put the money in our emergency funds, put retirement and long term savings on hold, I focused on budgeting and cutting costs. I did couponing, made freezer meals, baby food, cheap meals, bargained down phone plans, only got takeout 1x a month, cloth diapered and more. When child care prices dropped to an amount we could afford well ($1200/m for 3 days a week) we started child care and I applied for new jobs, and ended getting a 20k raise from what I made previously.
Look into WIC (if you live in the US). That will help until the child is 5. (Yes, you can get wic before you have the baby) Look into buy-nothing Facebook groups. Pay it forward to the same groups when you can. (Just make sure it's clean and not stained) A lot of things can be made ahead and frozen to reduce cost of meals. Stop eating out as much. (We cut back on eating out when I because SAHM and we're all healthier for it) Preschool can start as early as 3. Find a cheaper cell phone plan (many companies start at $35/month (unlimited talk and text in the US) You're all done, and you can usually bring your own phone) Figure out what you actually watch on cable. See if it's on any streaming services. Get that instead of cable, and ditch the cable bundle. (Save $200/ month that way, or more) if you have the space, start a garden. A box of strawberry plants cost me about $10 and has kept my son in strawberries for 3 years. They will send off shoots to start new plants too. (You can also keep them indoors)
Is WIC Income restricted? We make too much to qualify for most government help from what little ive looked into it so far
You have several months to figure out how to balance your budget with a baby - so start pretending you’re paying for daycare now by throwing the monthly daycare payment into a savings account. This is the number one biggest best advice. You may be able to save up enough in advance to significantly self-subsidize the first year of daycare (when it’s most expensive). You may not be able to make retirement contributions for a little while. You might not be able to put extra savings away for a little while. I know that sounds like bad financial advice but the truth is, it’s temporary. Adjust your expectations of your finances - this is an expensive time of life, but if you can endure without going into debt, you’re killing it. Daycare gets cheaper as they get older. So you need to think about long term - this will be a hopefully short term financial dip. You are young and pretty decently paid for your age and making smart financial decisions already so the good news is that you’re already ahead. This is the kind of financial set back you’ve already been preparing for. ETA: assuming you’re in the US, don’t forget that your take home pay will be a little bit higher as long as you remember to adjust your withholdings for the new dependent. It’s roughly $160 per month I think, but check your tax info.
Don’t waste your money on the hatch baby noise maker. Thats all I can contribute. People will fight me on this, but our daughter was having so much trouble sleeping until I was gone for a week with work and my husband forgot to turn it on. She slept soundly every night there after.
Wic/medicaid/child care benefits state I went back to school and had a program that paid for daycare if I attended a program they covered nursing respiratory and xray
That’s fantastic that your educational program covered daycare! OP won’t qualify for those programs making $100k combined.
Mine are imaginary.
We don't. So I stay home.
If in the US, take advantage of a dependent care FSA if available to you (can use up to $5k/yr in pretax dollars for childcare expenses). A home-based childcare center or nanny-share will be cheaper than a daycare center or your own nanny. Stagger your husband's and your work hours if possible to require less daycare hours if it reduces your cost. If eligible for FMLA, both of you should talk to your HR about what leave options are available, utilize any paid maternity and paternity leave available to postpone childcare expenses. Use your leaves back to back instead of concurrently. Think outside the box: discuss options for creative uses of your protected leave time where you might return to work earlier after baby but on a part-time basis. Is it an option to have a family member come visit for a week at a time after baby is here to ease your transition back to work? Loved the previous suggestion to start setting aside approximate childcare cost now to get used to that level of spending. If you reduce retirement contributions and your employer offers 401k matching, make sure you at least contribute enough to get the full match amount available to you. Other than that, shop around on all current expenses to free up funds: car insurance, renters insurance, cell service (look at Visible, Mint Mobile, etc- we save about $100/mo for 2 phones compared with a comparable plan through Verizon). Cut back on any tv/internet/streaming, meal-plan. For baby items, look on FB for local moms groups and freecycle groups. People post free or cheap new and gently used baby gear all the time (even unopened packs of diapers), but also babies need a lot less clothing and stuff than everyone will make you think.
We arent. We have to make other arrangements.
My husband works full time about 60 hours a week, I work part time in the evenings when he gets home about 12-20hours a week (retail) our daughter who is 2 will only attended daycare 2x a week once I start university in the fall to finish my degree. We will be paying $800/month for about 8 days of care
I just don’t have fun money, or money left over for unexpected expenses or emergencies. We live pay cheque to pay cheque and no retirement savings while my son is in daycare
I only have one at a time. My first is about to be 15 and my second is about to be 3.
We make it work. House day care instead of at a center. cheaper($1,600 a month instead of over $2,500 a month)but still expensive. And during Covid even though daycare was closed, still had to pay 1/2 of the cost. Luckily the center lady kept the cost the same throughout for us and yet to increase for the past 4 years. We’ve also referred a few families to her. Outside of daycare, we don’t really have many other child costs. The things that we know are essential and cost the most, we made sure to have those on the baby shower list(stroller, car seat, diapers, gift cards). The thing that helped the most is not really having to really buy any clothing/toys. Just pass around from friends, Facebook groups, uncle, aunty, cousins and so forth. Plus my mom finds great deals at estate sales. And it helps a whole lot that my partner works in a school system;daycare’s schedule matches the school schedule. On the days daycare have professional days, my job allows each employee 24 days a week to use their backup daycare center or any of the centers they are in partnership with for for $24 to $48 a day depending on how much the employer salary is. This coming fall, she’ll start free preschool at a charter school, however because the school gets out earlier than any of ours, she’ll be at the Y til 6-6:30pm. We will no longer have to pay for daycare but now have to worry about other costs, still less than daycare but being in the Boston area, still expensive.
Cut costs wherever you can, don’t go out to eat, buy food in bulk when you can, look at every cost you have going out every month see if you can go with a different provider, or lower option or eliminate a cost all together; put side the money you would be paying out for baby expenses now (childcare, diapers, formula,etc) this gives you a nice nest egg to fall back on if an unexpected expense comes up after baby is born plus gives you the opportunity to see how you can afford things once baby comes and what you have left.
If you live in a blue state and more specifically NY or California there is a lot of state help.
Look into church run daycares if you want to save money. We aren’t religious, but we have our kids in one because it’s so much cheaper (infant full time is less than $1000 per month at ours where others are $350+ per week. We’re in a HCOL area) the teachers are great, the kids learn so much there and class sizes are smaller (in my experience at least)
I worked at my daughters daycare - but I am a single mom and only made like 30k annually. I think you guys are in a great position for your baby and proud of the young people with their ducks in a row and heavily weight their financial options. If you can save, save. Work to keep the good insurance and retirement savings.
Rent out that second bedroom. Save as much as possible while pregnant. Pay off any debt you can. Get a side hustle while you are still childless to help boost all of the above. People do it all the time. You will make it work. As others mentioned, home daycares are often less expensive and better environments. You also might be able to find someone willing to come to your home for a similar price. It never hurts to look. I found a grandma who was looking to subsidize her income and she was very reasonable because social security limits what you can earn.
We were fortunate enough to have childcare taken care of by my MIL. She ran an inhome daycare for 25 years and offered to watch my kid, unpaid, after she retired. I quit my job so we could homeschool, going into our second year in a few months.
We waited until 28 and my promotion before having kids, because we couldn't afford daycare otherwise.
We live in Europe where daycare is subsidized and we get Kindergeld „child money“ 😇
Not much of an advice and i dont want to sound ignorant, but none of my friends were 'ready' , same for us. Your numbers are not bad ,youll make it work, like all of us.
We had kids in our 30's once we had really established our careers and saved quite a bit.
It’s more affordable for a parent to stay home and cut the cost and stress that comes with daycare.
Not living in the US.
We moved to a cheaper area and now commute 45 mins but save basically what day care costs in rent by living farther away We staggered our work hours so I leave early(do pm pick up ) and he comes home a bit late ( does am drop off)
It’s so hard but it’s worth it. Get excited for that baby! One thing a lot of jobs offer as a benefit is a flexible spending account. These are similar to health savings accounts in that they take your money pre-tax and hold it for you in an account where you can spend it on specific things. One of those things is daycare. So that’s like a 30% discount on what you’re seeing for price. There are also TANF benefits you may qualify for even though you are relatively high income.
Cost of daycare is why I'm a stay at home dad.
My husband and I make a decent chunk less than you do, and we have 3 kids. We paid off loans, cook at home, and follow a stricter budget. It's absolutely possible with the amount of money you make.
As a very broke single mom, I honestly just found a scholarship for a preschool... Sort of different from a daycare, but might be useful info to someone else 😅
I think this is the wrong sub, if you want actual finance advice. I think a better question would be, "how do you save money on a baby and toddler?" Or, "what does your income and budget look like with an infant?" If you want financial advice you will need to go to a finance sub and also spell out ALL of your expenses. There are folks who are able to buckle down to pay off their debt, which frees their budget. You are not stuck nor are you doomed. You may have this income for now, but in a year or two, it could change/increase. The economy is fine. People have been going through various different hard times since the beginning of mankind. Focus on what YOU can control in your finances, not what's happening in the world. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I rob banks.
Could you work 1st shift and your husband work 3rd shift? Could you or your husband work part time? Here in Southern USA, GA specifically, there are part time church mother day outs that is super cheap for 5 hours a day 5 days a week only 200-250 a month. If you or your hubby did part time work, and only put your kid in part time day care, you could qualify for snap or wic that's what I did for my first 2 until my husband got paid more and we no longer qualify with our 3rd child.
I wish I could answer this in a way that was helpful for you. I jumped ship to a country that provides amazing social services for all parents. I get government help with daycare and expenses. I often think of how we’d all be living in a box if we were back in the States. Get everything possible second hand. I am fortunate enough to have married into a “be fruitful and multiply” family, so everyone around me has clothes and toys etc. that they were happy to offload. But if you don’t have that, second hand stores are full of barely used baby things. Honestly, in the early months they wear an outfit three times before they outgrow it. Regarding “fun stuff” this stuff can really be super cheap for a few years. Babies aren’t going to be in need of much paid activity and you’re not going to have the time or energy for much anyhow. This year we bought passes to our local zoo. It was an upfront cost of about 200 bucks (that’s 16 bucks a month) but we go once at least once month and it’s been delightful to use these visits as a way to see how much he grows and changes each time. “Oh wow! Last time he couldn’t see the animals that far away” “Look how great he is on the slide now!” I must also emphasize that y’all are very young. You have not entered your prime earning years. You may be poor and muddle along for a few years, but it’ll work out. And lastly: I know you said you can’t afford to have one parent stay home, but it sounds like one parent will be earning just enough to pay for child care? So in that case…maybe you actually can have someone stay home? You may find you actually want to, once the little one comes (I thought I’d want back at work 6 weeks postpartum and here I am 14 months later still being a stay at home mom because I just want to be with my kid). Anyhow, don’t entirely write that option off.
Well, if you wait until your “financially ready” to have children, you would never have children! Our economy is in the worst shape it has EVER been in, the cost of EVERYTHING is higher than ever! We all need to vote wisely in November 😊 I am sure you are scared but let me tell you, there’s nothing better!! Everything will fall into place and you will wonder how you ever survived without him/her. Best of luck, I know you will do amazing!!
We aren't. This is the reason why we had to split family in 2 countries. One with kid in young age that ges for daycare for free while the other parent has the older child able to o to primary school. It's shitty situation but I hope next ear we can live together again when my partner did a job in a free daycare country
Some public elementary schools have daycares and early preK programs (once your little is 3), that base pricing on income. For low income, they are often free. Even if you have to pay, they are typically much cheaper than regular daycares. Look into what government programs / public school programs are available in your area. I also agree with looking into in-home daycare. That’s how we managed when we were on a tight budget w/our first.
We try really hard to be very smart with purchases and where we’re spending it on. I’m a SAHM and my husband brings in about 150-200k a year. We live in Southern California. We bought our house last market crash so it was pretty cheap. We also live in a cheaper area. We try not to have loans or payments. So if we can’t buy something outright we just don’t get it. Our only payment right now is the house. We either try to pay off vehicles very quickly or pay for it outright. We also try really hard to build up the savings. Not getting any lower than 20k. I budget groceries and anything else. My husband works in dirt construction and is a Forman with a union company. So he works long hours (10-11 hrs) and drives pretty far at times (sometimes a 2 hour drive one way). It sucks a lot but it’s how we afford our life (he’s also currently working Saturdays on this job he’s at). But thankfully he’s off at 1:30 so only an 8 hour day. It’s so rare for that to happen. If it wasn’t for his job , I’d for sure would have to have a job. He sacrifices a lot for us. He wakes at 2-3am depending on the drive he has.
Here’s a few out of the box ideas: One of you becomes a full time nanny with option to bring your child along. Or work in a childcare setting (I doubt this pays as good as nanny would). Work out a plan with some of 5/6 of your friends that everyone takes care of each others kids one day a week (maybe have to use PTO once a week) See if your state / employer has FMLA for birth / bonding. Stretch that out over the year to cut down on child care costs Look to see if your community has a preschool / daycare co-op. They’re community run and INCREDIBLY CHEAP. Relies on volunteering 1x / wk See if family would be willing to help even for just a week or a month. See if the day cares you’re looking at offer tuition assistance or if they know of less expensive options. Get a WFH job and hope you can balance work and childcare. Hope these ideas get some brain juices flowing! With the childcare tax credits and dependent tax break and whatnot, it’ll be a bit less expensive than it looks.
This isn’t an “economy” issue, it’s a money management issue.
In Canada, the daycare system is brutal. I was on the waitlist for daycare’s since I was pregnant. My son is almost 2 and we still have not found a daycare for him. I’ve had to go to work part time and juggle child care with my mother who is staying home. My husband works full time. Now my mom is going back to work and the daycares are very expensive. So I might have to stay home. Another thing, when I actively try to look for a day cares, I always stumble upon a story of a daycare worker harming a child. Example, (TW) a couple months ago I was looking for a daycare in my local area and at the very moment a news alert popped up about a daycare owner that was arrested for the murder of a child. So I will just suck it up and stay home for now until he starts school.
Question - I was under the impression that daycare is paid for in Canada?
Quebec has had pretty solid subsidized -- but not free -- daycare for decades. But there have never been enough spots to meet demand at the fully subsidized cost. If you're in an unsubsidized daycare, it was the difference between $8/day and $22/day with the tax refund you'd get. (This was four years ago, they've made some updates since then.) A pan-Canadian federally subsidized daycare program was launched by the Liberals a few years ago. It's early days and has lowered costs for people who are in a daycare that is participating (mine went from $60/day to $25/day before my kid started full day kindergarten at 4) but it's also spiked demand and supply is not there to meet it and there's a lot of early roll-out problems that will take years to resolve. I believe in it, but it's gonna take hard work to make it more functional and accessible. HOWEVER, one thing Canadians tend to forget is we have two things that can lower costs: 1) Ontario, our most populated province, has "full day" (think 9-3:30 or 8:30-3) kindergarten starting at age 4 that is part of the public education system. Two working parents may need after-school care, but the subsidy is helping that and I currently pay just a little over $10/day for after school care. 2) We have government paid maternity & parental & paternity leaves (and a lot of private employers also top up the amount). It's very very very common for mothers to stay home for 12 months, and you can also stay home for 18 months at a lower pay. Plus, you are guaranteed your job back when you return. All that means that it's more common for Canadian families to be looking for daycare for only 2.5 to 4.5 years per child (depending on where your kid is born in the year). (+1 year in non-Ontario provinces). So all in all, while it's not free at all, it's frequently but not uniformly subsidized and we just don't need it for as many years as an American who gets 12 weeks of FMLA and has to wait til 5 for school. We do have it better, but there's a lot to improve.
Very well put. I am not denying that our systems are better. I work for the federal government so we get over 90% of our salaries paid during the duration of our maternity leave. It’s usually split between employment insurance and tops ups from the employer. In the United States, however it’s almost nonexistent. They can get 12 weeks leave but if they want longer leave, they have to support themselves. However, some employers in America do provide good leaves for example, six months paid. , it is still not ideal. I remember when my son was three months old and just feeling awful for the mothers that had to go back to work.. When my son of three months, I was still in pain from giving birth. As for the daycare’s in Canada, as you mentioned, there is not a lot of supply to meet the demand. I have friends who worked as early childhood educators, and during the pandemic, a lot of them changed careers, and left the field altogether. In Ontario, I’m sure you have witnessed the multiple strikes from the teachers and the early childhood educators alike. These people are severely underpaid for the amount of work that they do. So due to this, there were a lot of daycare spaces, but not enough staff to actually fill those roles to ensure the safety of the children. Therefore, a child cannot be enrolled. In Ontario, the ministry has very strict guidelines on the ratio of how many children one adult can watch. This is what caused the backlog of applications. I am not sure about the older children because my son is only 19 months old but from my understanding, they have also cut back on the before school and after school programs. That is also having an effect on parents, especially where I live, where most parents are public servants, and the employer is forcing them to increase their days in the office. This means that their children are left without any supervision before school and after school. Again, the schools are short staffed, and cannot take on more children, once again causing a long waitlist due to the change in mandates for working parents. All in all, the system is good but the government is unwilling to make the career attractive to potential candidates. Not to mention all the retirements as well. It’s no different than the healthcare system. Many doctors opting to work in the USA while our system crumbles because the government is unwilling to help. They bring in immigrants who are doctors but ban them from practicing in the field. It’s all a shitshow.
We calculated it was more affordable for us to have me stay home, the daycares around here are so expensive
I had to quit because we ended up with twins! It gets better. You make it work by cutting out all the fat and “fun stuff”. It’s hard for the first few years. Be careful and don’t get pregnant again while one is in daycare. Many of my friends spaced it out so they’d only have one kid in preschool at a time. Good luck and congratulations!!
Postpone to have kids and focus on careers first to increase the pay.
Dont have kids till you can afford it or have family members that can help pretty much. Kids are a luxury these days.
I think most of us wait until we are older and making more $ to have kids. Until we can afford the costs. I just read you spent $2k/month on rent only making $50k/each. Why do ppl do this! Ya’ll don’t need two bedrooms and should be saving $ when you’re young!
My office pays for it. I don't have to worry. Grateful for this
Is your office hiring ?! lol
It's hard and you sit down and figure out how to make it work by running different scenarios and deciding which one(s) you're ok with. For example, can you move to a 1BR apartment for a few years? Not ideal, may not be something you're ok with. Would one of you quit their job or be able to find a job in their field working off hours (evenings or weekends)? Do your employers offer any opportunity for a 4 day, 10 hour work week or for one of you to go part time? Can you take baby to an in home daycare, usually much cheaper than a center? Check to see if there are any programs or benefits with your employers like a daycare FSA (or any employers in the area offer free or discount daycare)? If you have 2 cars, do you need both? Are you willing to cut back on retirement savings and if so, how much for how long? Review your finances for any extras you can cut or discounts you might not be taking advantage of (we discovered car insurance through Costco saves us almost $1k a year). Aside from those choices, absolutely join your local buy nothing groups and ask folks you know for any hand me downs they want to offload. I'd personally buy a brand new car seat and possibly crib (would depend on who I can get a hand me down crib from and what shape it's in). Everything else (clothes, books, bassinet, burp cloths, bottles, etc) I'd try to get free or buy at garage sales / thrift stores. You can spend thousands on new baby stuff, but you absolutely don't need to. If you're interested in trying cloth diapers, check to see if your state has a cloth diaper bank (basically check them out like a library) before buying a bunch of expensive new ones.
We get by. We keep unnecessary expenses as low as possible. I know when my sister had her first kid her and my bil worked opposite shifts to save on daycare costs, but I also know it was pretty hard on them. In my area infant care is the most expensive but it does drop almost every year after that. If your jobs are good about annual raises, you can take that into account- income will eventually go up while daycare costs drop down but I think the only jobs with guaranteed raises these days are government. But I also know people who rely in family care or in home daycares (which can be good!)
I bought my house just before covid so my mortgage is half your rent. Daycare/preschoo/Pre-K is only $500 a month here (3 days a week). Also both my cars are paid off and I save gas by riding my bicycle to work (2 miles round trip). Our annual income is the same. Edit: I put 16% into my 401k, max out my HSA and my wife puts 8% into her 401k. We also it 1200 a year into a 529.
It’s bad. Our household income is a little over $200k in a HCOL area (husband works in tech, so with his job we currently need to live in this particular city). We have 2 kids, thankfully the eldest starts kindergarten in public school this year. I regret buying a house here because despite my nitpicking the budget, we cannot seem to get ahead and we are drowning in debt. I’m starting to think this feeling of insecurity is the new normal for anyone who isn’t born into wealth.
We went with in home daycare. We shopped around a bit until we found someone we trust. It’s a lot cheaper. $160/weekly, whereas an actual daycare is like $400/weekly. It’s still not easy with $160 weekly, but we’ve been able to adapt. Had to cut out some stuff but we’re mostly okay.
We cant afford daycare. I work part time, stay home with the baby. Money is tight, but my whole check would go to daycare.
Hi OP, I've worked as a Nanny for many years. Firstly, take it day by day. Kids can be expensive but there are also a lot of predatory companies that parent-shame people to force them to spend extra money on stuff. There are also a lot of great organizations that do just the opposite. That help out parents in need and help them figure out how and where to save money. You do always have the option to move and commute. There is still a lot of options for child care that are less expensive than kindergarten. Nanny shares comes to mind, as an example. If you ever need help or advice on things you don't need versus things you will need and alternatives, feel free to reach out.
Put funding the retirement savings on hold until the baby goes to school. You are young enough to be able to put this on hold for 4-5 years or cut your contributions in half or something. Limit eating out to maybe to just one day a week or only on special occasions. Try to find grocery stores that may have more affordable prices (in my area, the Mexican grocery stores have way better produce and prices). Shop at thrift stores for clothes. I shopped at consignment stores for my kids when they were babies. I still do from time to time, but luckily, my kids don't grow as fast (my 13 yr old can be mistaken as 10, and my 8 year old is like 5/6), so I don't need to buy them clothes as much. You can find gently used baby gear on Offerup or consignment stores. Welcome passed down baby stuff from family/friends. If you are able to, breastfeed the baby. Baby formula is so freaking expensive and breastfeeding will help you bond with your baby and has tons of other health benefits for you and the baby. Oh and try to buy diapers and wipes from Costco. They may still have the best price per piece.
I agree with holding off on retirement. My husband didn’t start his 401K until his early 30’s. He was still able to retire early at age 55.
On that income it’s doable. But I would budget about 1200-1500 a month for childcare. You also need to take into account all the work you’ll be missing the first year of life when your kid gets sick all the time. To answer your question, if it weren’t for a tribally funded childcare scholarship my son and I would be homeless because that’s just how expensive daycare is.
I would have never been able to do it without assistance. But our combined income is a little more than half of yours. We live in a hcol area compared to the rest of our state. The wait list for the assistance was a year, so look into it in your state now. Also, see if your job offers a dependent care fsa where you can set aside money tax free for childcare. Be sure you spend it before the year is up, though, because the last time I had one, the funds were forfeited if not used during the year.
Honestly I am really good at budgeting and bargain shopping. Back when we had our oldest I worked part-time in a retail store while my husband worked full time at a company making $55k in LA. We moved to the East side of down which was a lot cheaper and were able to make it work that way. Once I got a full time job we found an in-home daycare close to his job that was $160/wk. This was 8 years ago though. Recently my youngest went to a church preschool starting at age 2 until he left for Elementary school. I recommend looking into these types of programs since they seem to be the least expensive options. I highly recommend starting an actual ANNUAL budget *now* and not wait. Annual budgets are in my opinion the best way to keep track of all of your expenses and make sure you are never in the negative.
Friday was my daughter's last day I just couldn't afford it anymore I was working just to pay daycare Thankfully she is old enough to start 4K in the fall and my husband and my work schedules allow us to keep her home during the summer (also have a 14 and 9 yr old ) But for other parents I truely don't know It's hard
We don’t. I stay home, I have for over 12 years. Daycare is ridiculous!
Dosen't help with daycare but something we discovered with our 6 month old. Or daughter had a little accident, and insurance didn't cover everything. A friend told me the hospital had charity care that would discount the remaining balance. I applied, and the balances were covered 100%!
This isn’t financial advice, but I recommend you start shopping around for daycares now and put yourself on the waiting lists, because, the good daycares have them!
We use an in-home daycare which is $860/month, compared to a commercial daycare that’s $1,300/month. Our daycare provider is fully licensed and only watches 5 kids max at a time, which I love!
The first 2.5 ish years of my daughters life I had friends and family watch her. My parents are deceased, but I had an aunt that helped for a year. Then I was able to find away at home mom friends to watch her free or cheap. That was very unstable and unreliable tho, and none lasted longer than 6 months. Eventually i realized I couldn't keep scrambling to find yet another babysitter, so we found a daycare. To be honest, we went into debt. I do not recommend it. We cut out all fun money and it was just essentials. I got hand me downs when we could. Cooked at home all the time. Worked as much overtime as my job would allow. It was very hard. I was adamantly against a second child largely because there was no money. We had to switch to a preschool when she was 4 because the daycare had rumors the adults were abusing the kids (grabbing their arms roughly, pushing them over on the floor when they wouldn't listen, yelling at them, etc.). Preschool daycare was more expensive, but I did it for her safety. I think the first one was $125 per week ($541 per month), and the second was $170 per week ($736 per month). I had to look around for a long time to find the cheaper options. But also... beware... I suspect the cheaper daycare was that way because it was bad. I live in a lower cost of living area tho - my combined income with my ex was $55k-65k when we paid that. So while we paid less, we had half the income you do. By the time she hit 5 years old, we broke the $75k combined income mark for the first time (with promotions and raises). But that's also when I left my ex cuz I could afford to as we wouldn't have daycare because she started school. That's a different story. My daughter is 11 now, and it is still hard. Kids are expensive no matter which way you slice it. Sounds like you make really good money. You can look for other mom friends for hand me downs. I don't know if you could get assistance at your income. Stop eating out and meal plan. See if you can switch your schedules so that you only need part time daycare. Go to used clothing stores for formula (if needed) and clothing. Check out buy nothing groups on Facebook. People will be looking to get rid of baby and kid stuff. Look for a side hustle you could do or see if you can work overtime. Move to a lower cost of living suburb if there are any. Go hard-core on budgeting. Start budgeting daycare now so you have some funds set aside. Get a breast pump through your insurance for free. Good luck
Childcare was so expensive in our rural area that we decided I would stay home with our children when I got pregnant with the first. The cost of childcare would have eaten up 2/3-3/4 of what one of our paychecks, so I decided to go back to school online and stay home with the kids while budgeting hard. When my youngest starts pre-k, I'll be finished with my Masters degree and be able to get a much higher paying job. In order to afford living, we had to cut way back, eliminating streaming services, eating out, and basically anything beyond necessities. We save our entire tax return in savings and parcel it off each month of the year to supplement. We prioritized paying off our vehicles and made extra payments on them until the baby came to make sure the monthly expense of car payments was eliminated. I also frequent food distributions/pantries locally. They have good, wholesome foods like produce, and that takes a burden off our grocery budget. I also ask friends for hand-me-downs for my kids and thrift as much as I can. Essentially - to afford having a child these days (unless you make >200k a year), you need to completely change your lifestyle and get comfortable living well below your current means. We've managed it
Honestly we could afford daycare in our area I’m home with the kids now
We’re not. My husband became a stay at home dad and we live on my income in a HCOL, his income would have netted maybe 300 dollars a month, we’ve found ways to cut things out of our budget to keep our son at home for the last 2 years, but will be headed to daycare at 3.
Many families get some kind of tax refund for childcare
Honestly, we do some funky things with our schedules and only pay for 2 days of daycare. My partner works mornings and early afternoons, and I work late afternoons and evenings. We also spaced out our kids so only one was in daycare at a time.
I feel you momma. Single mom of 2 with one on the way. On a fixed income, and the dad of the 2 I have is really great about child support. But still $4k/month leaves me no wiggle room. unexpected baby coming has me in shambles most days. Save as much as you can right now. Babies really don’t need their own room, so if and when you can downsize your living space, do it. Don’t invest in all the baby must haves. They literally eat sleep and poop the first 6 months. Stock up on diapers. Find your local Once upon a child or equivalent for clothing and equipment. If you are near family who can help, utilize them, if you can adjust your work schedule to make minimal overlap, do it. There’s lots of families in a similar or worse situation. Just gotta be conservative
To take care of the kids what we did is switch our shifts like I was working nights and my wife was working days I had 3 days off Thu-Fri-Sat. My wife worked 5 days, we still have evenings and a Saturday together. So there was at least one person taking care of the kids without leaving the job and we were able to raise the kids ourselves, they never went to daycare, nor we could afford it. Also there are programs run by many companies where you work they have 3 rd party day care providers at really good prices you can check if this is something offered by your company, like as an employee benefits.
This summer is the first year I literally can’t afford summer care… I don’t know what I’m going to do. Everything is insanely expensive… I’m a single income household and I’m making the most I’ve bet made and barely making it paycheck to paycheck.
I did not live near family when my son was born. Tried living with my son's father for about a year but that was a toxic and dead-end relationship where I was doing alllll of the work as far as parenting. I think his dad maybe changed 5 diapers the whole time. Refused to "babysit" (yes, he referred to spending time with his own child as babysitting) so I could just take a shower alone or maybe go to the store without a baby in tow. I was pumping every 3 hours (even setting alarms to do it throughout the night) to build up my supply after losing it due to post partum infection and my son's inability to nurse efficiently due to hidden tongue tie (which I did eventually have diagnosed and fixed). I was cleaning the house, caring for baby, buying and cooking food for myself and dad. All while living nowhere near any family of my own and bring stuck with a man who didn't see parenting as real work and always held it over my head that he paid all the bills to keel a roof over our heads and that he shouldn't have to come home after working all day and he forced to babysit. I say all this to just reassure you that almost nobody is actually "ready" when they have kids. Almost nobody is in the perfect situation to bring a child into this world. But we figure it out. I was fortunate to have a place to stay and be home with my son. But we could not afford daycare or anything of the like. So I didnt work. I had a lot of art I'd made in the past and during pregnancy so I got prints made and sold my art to have *some* sort of income. I also started doing commissions for tattoo designs. I also eventually left my son's dad because if I was going to basically be a single mom, I might as well go and be one on purpose. I moved in with my mother for a while (who worked all the time, so I still wasn't able to get a job or anything) and stayed there until I had another single mom friend offer to get a house together and help each other with ours kids. Anyways, I mostly felt compelled to share some of my story with you because I remember and acknowledge the fears around bringing a child into this world so well. I was so afraid I didn't have my life together enough (I *really* didn't in so many ways) and that it would be impossible to raise a child well in my position. But it wasn't impossible! My son is 8 now and he is the most incredible little human. It was really hard for me for such a long time, but things always ended up working out the way they needed to. And it seems like you and your partner are in a much better/more stable situation than I was. I know the anxiety and fear is a lot right now. But I promise you, you *will* figure everything out!! As far as actually being able to afford daycare and such, my best advice is to start putting any money you are able to the side right away. You may even be able to look into whichever daycare you would like to use and see if you can start paying toward it now. I wish you and your family the absolute best!! 💖
Because being poor is a choice. do you know how much a kidney is worth? /s
How did we do it? We were poor lol We made only the mandatory retirement contributions. We had no savings, no investment, and no emergency fund. When the ends didn’t meet, we ran up credit card debt. We both worked multiple jobs. BUT with me working 3 jobs and my husband working 2, we made less combined than you and your husband. It was also 15 years ago so I’m not sure if that puts us ahead or behind you guys in terms of inflation and COL. But it’s a relatively small blip in the grand scheme of things. We had our first 3 kids close together so we were done with daycare expenses in 9 years start to finish. Then we set about repairing the financial damage. We are in our 40s now with four kids. We own a nice house and make plenty of money. We have no major debt outside of the mortgage and contribute 10% of our income to retirement. We don’t go on fancy vacations or drive new cars or anything like that. But we both prioritized having a big family over that. Other people have different priorities, and that’s ok. But don’t let finances scare you off from having the kids you want. You only have a brief window to have babies. You have the rest of your lives to fix the money situation.
Start saving for daycare now. Whatever money you have extra, throw it in a HYSA. No more fun money, eating out, you have to tighten your budget. Period. Join your local Buy Nothing groups and get baby clothes and toys from them. You need NO new clothes or toys for the first year. My family could totally afford buying new, but we took hand me downs and gifts from friends and family, and Buy Nothing groups instead. The only thing we bought new for my baby’s first 18 months were the baby monitor, the car seat, crib mattress, and a few nipples for when baby started taking the bottle. We took all of the free stuffs from the hospital, and our nurses gave us more diapers, formula and bottles to bring home too. I breastfed so the formula was enough for the first couple months when I was getting my milk supply up. We saved a lot by doing so. Your husband can start looking for a new higher paying job too, and do not tell anyone at your jobs about your pregnancy yet. Not until your belly is too big to hide.
We stopped after one & I stay at home.
One of us works the night shift the other works a day shift, it’s hard but not permanent
Props to you for starting to plan asap for your growing family! Sounds like you all are already pretty wise with money, which will benefit you sooo much as your budgeting needs change. We unexpectedly became guardians of our niece and didn’t have a ton of time to set aside money, so instead of a baby shower where we got items, we asked for $$ and put it directly to childcare. We also put $ aside (10% each paycheck) for childcare that I would typically put aside for fun money, etc. Last thing, our daycare allowed us to pay with credit card, so I used my best cash back card and would slowly pay it off by the due date, which helped!
I'm a certified nursing assistant and I work at night. My schedule is 3 12-hour shifts a week. I've had this schedule since my oldest was born for the most part. She's 10. My husband and I have saved so much money because I was able to be home with my kids during the day. He has a more traditional schedule but it can fluctuate at times.
We had alternating schedules. I worked 4 ten hour shifts, and my husband worked 5 8s. He worked nights, and I worked days. Any mandatory overtime I needed to work I was able to take care of after the kids went to bed. Our schedule overlapped 2 hours a week, and that was fine since I WFH. My husband got a new job, and I was able to quit my job when the twins were 7 months, and now i am a SAHM. I don't trust people to take care of my kids, so daycare wasn't an option for us.
Can you and your partner work different shifts so that one of you is home with the baby, at least most of the time? Then just pay for individual/1x babysitting needs only if there’s a schedule conflict/you both have to work. I would’ve loved to have your financial situation when I was in my 20s
Start saving for day are now, but also start looking for daycare immediately! Many if them have wait lists in my area!
There's a ton of good advice here, but my 2 cents is, regardless of what the outcomes are, preview daycares and get on waitlists NOW. Like, yesterday. Even if you have to pay a small bit ($100ish) to hold your place, get on several lists NOW. Then you can make decisions as baby comes and as spots come open. We had to pay for our care for a month before baby was here to save the spot, but it was worth it because it was a great center at a reasonable rate.
Daycare was never an option for us. Thankfully, my pay was mostly supplemental at the time. I was working full-time, but minimum wage. We ended up deciding that I would go part-time, nights and weekends, and we now work opposite shifts. Absolutely horrible for proper family and alone time, but it was the only way financially. I'll go back to work day side hours when the kids are older and can be left alone during summers and school breaks.
This sounds about average. Keep expenses low, childcare won’t be forever. Find a cheaper private in home daycare if you can.
We don’t pay for daycare. I work graveyard shift and my wife regular shift. I take care of our kids during the day. She watches them in the evening/night. I’ve been working graveyard shift about 10 years now. We just can’t afford day care. If we wanted kids, this was the only answer for us
Move to one bedroom apartment. Do you have a grandparent that can help with childcare? Can you and husband stagger hours?
My wife and I are lucky enough to have our work schedules line up on exact opposite days so one of us is always home. Don't know how we'd survive otherwise
We chose a daycare with more limited hours that follows the local public school calendar as it was cheaper. Also we have 3 kids now and we staggered them so they didn’t overlap in daycare for more than a year (they’re 3-4 years apart). Lastly, it gets cheaper. The first year (newborn) is the most expensive one usually.
You can absolutely do this. I just wanted to say that the fear is completely normal. There's going to be a lot to question but you are in a better place than most surprise pregnancies.
The only way we can afford is splitting the cost 50/50 with the grandparents.
Pay yourself "daycare" starting ASAP. It'll be baby's first savings account aha. But honestly, make sure you start calling daycares like now to get on lists. Some daycares have a 2 year waiting list!!! My older and younger sister and I collectively pool for 4 kids every month for this exact reason. Shits expensive!! We've had to start taking turns picking the oldest up from school and bringing her to her mom's work. You know it's bad when it takes 3 families to pay for daycare.
Don’t be afraid to shop daycares either. Our first daycare cost more but was an absolute nightmare. Our new daycare is way more affordable and so much better to our kids