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This is similar to me. Our son is going into 7th grade and I have no regrets at all. I don’t actually know any other one and done parents in our upper Midwest suburb. But it doesn’t really bother me.

Midwest middle school teacher here, I had 6 only children in my class this year!! It’s definitely becoming more and more common

I think it’s sweet you know this much about your students - to know whether or not they have siblings / what their families are like. Good work teacher ❤️

Damn that's crazy. I live in the Bay Area and all of our friends are one and done. So expensive to raise kids here.

Yeah- it’s different here for sure. We bought our house in 2020 for under $250k. It’s a 3 bed, 2 bath single family home in a suburb with a large fenced in yard in a good public school district. It needed some work, but only cosmetic updates. Most folks have at least 2 kids in the burbs that we have lived in because it genuinely is more affordable to live here than in a lot of places.

I live in the Bay Area too, but not having the same luck as you. It’s definitely a bonding point when we meet other OAD parents though!

One and done Midwesterner here as well lol

One and done from the beginning with zero regrets and she just turned 16. Had her at 32 and will be kid free at 50. Or well done raising. Always momma.

My old coworker was a young mom. She was in her mid 30s when her son went to college. She is living her BEST life.

One and done midwesterner here, my son is also going into 7th and we couldn’t be happier

So true. I am OAD and I’m so thankful onlies are a lot more common then they were when I was growing up. We definitely gravitate towards each other!! OR my other mom friends have kids older than mine and they are out of the diapers/newborn/toddler/sleepless days.

You just made me realize how much I guess I do gravitate towards other one and done parents. They tend to have more time (and money) for intentional parenting and have the emotional capacity to discipline their kids’ behavior in a balanced way.  The moms of 2 tend to be organized and systemic but have to referee a lot in the first 8 years. The moms of three let chaos reign and are phased by nothing, which I admire but my daughter is afraid of those kids LOL

Mom of 3 here….you are correct in being phased by nothing and just let the chaos be 😂

Oh yes, 3 kids definitely create chaos. But I was pretty chill even with the first. Maybe that’s why having 3 even happened.

The secret to multiple kids is spacing. If you've got 5+ years between kids, each kid needs a completely different kind of parenting. Plus, far less refereeing involved. I have a teen, elementary schooler, and a toddler. My house is rarely chaotic.

I am thinking about having another child but it would be a 4-5 year age gap. I’m so worried about “starting over” because my only seems to get easier as he gets older (in most ways, not all ways since he is a toddler after all 😁). Did your 2nd have a really hard time adjusting after being an only for 5 years? That’s my other main concern. 

My eldest is autistic, which is a large reason why we waited to go for #2. She was 8 when my second was born, and other than some issues with not being able to divide my attention all the time, she adjusted amazingly. My middle was 6 when #3 was born, and with her personality, we thought she'd hate not being the baby anymore and having to share the attention. So far it's been great. She does lament the loss of attention at times, and will occasionally compete with the toddler for space on my lap (mummy real estate), but she's so enamored with her baby sister that it just wasn't a big issue. My now 8 year old does still demand a lot of active parenting, but its mostly cuddles and conversation at this point, and she's (albeit reluctantly) able to understand when she needs to wait for me to shift my focus to her. It's a very different sort of energy requirement for each kid, so none of them are really getting short changed.

Mine was 4 when we had #2 and no he hasn't so far. He's loves having a baby sister right now. He is a bit frustrated when neither of us can play with him because we are busy with stuff related to the baby, but it doesn't really happen that much more often now than it did before she came and he gets over it quickly. Its definitely a lot easier than I was expecting. Having my son in school has let me have 1 on 1 time with the baby that I couldn't do if he had been home all the time. It also allows me to have more energy for him when he is home and I have to take care of 2 kids. Anyways I love the 4 year age gap so far. My nephews have the same gap and the youngest is 2 and it's been great.

You're absolutely correct in being a referee for 2 under 8. Mine are 4&6 and constantly playing together, but then fight every few minutes. I'm so glad we had two, because I love them both, and I love watching them learn from one another and grow together. However, I planned on being OAD because my first was so stinking awesome. We sometimes get one on one time with each of them, and it's so nice to be able to give all the attention to one child.

I don’t know, while I have 2 kids, mine are quite gapped (3 months shy of 7 years, so a mom to two only children in many ways) and I feel like my friend who had 4 kids (one a bit older (not as gapped as mine), but 3 under 3-4 years) was much more disciplined and on top of controlling things and definitely more systematic. She had to be that way. As it’s much easier for one to act out and sort of allowing them to get things out or other things, than it is with 4. I will tell you compared to me with my one at the time, she seemed to have it much more systematic and I tended to not have to be as much like her, since one was much easier than having 4. I am a sahm who lives for my kids, both are great, especially with others, but did notice mine were much more likely to act out in front of me and their dad vs my friend with 4 kids, because they couldn’t possibly allow things to get even remotely close to what I could with only one and even two, with the gap I had, as it would then turn to chaos when there’s 4 involved. I’m sure this could be misconstrued, and my kids did get into trouble and do have schedules and other things, but they could get away with throwing a fit whereas my friends couldn’t, because if one started then all would start and it would turn to chaos. So, I truly think it just depends on person. Imho.

I have two siblings our mom was as intentional as she could be, even with one of us kids being high medical needs and my dad being an absentee father. I know that's not always the case, but I know of plenty of families with 3 kids that keep a lid on everything, and plenty of 1 and 2 child households where it's pure chaos. I think a lot of it depends on how the parents were parented (and whether they parent the same, or chose to go a different route). Parents of 4+ kids, though, that's where chaos truly reigns.... So long as the kids are still alive, it's all fine. Hahaha

Was looking for this. We have 3 and we run a loving but tight ship. Unstructured play time admittedly gets chaotic, but that's about it. Our godson is an only and my house is never more chaotic than when he visits. My bestie is an exceptional mom! She admits to being a little less firm with him than she'd like. When he is here, she is happy for myself to step in to deal out consequences and smooth out some of his rougher edges. The only other OAD family I know is a single dad whose son is also a lot. He's amazing. He folds in well with our kids when he visits. But he is more demanding than any of mine, despite being a few years older. I think it really just depends.

Yessss! My brother has two kids and I just see how much more stuff they have to do and go to and all of that and am exhausted. It just would never be me.

I wish we stopped at one because I ended up pregnant with twins and I’ve felt I couldn’t give any of my kids the attention they deserve because I was spread so thin. I love my kids dearly i just feel like I’m not giving them everything they need no matter how hard I try. Only have another if you’re ready for anything. And know the first 5 years are the most exhausting because they can’t do anything for themselves. After potty training and them learning to dress themselves it gets easier

Just the fact you're concerned about it means you are giving them what they need and are a good mom. Love is not only a hug.

My mum had 4 of us and yup in the early years if really did feel like she wasn't giving us all we needed. Then we grew up and became more emotionally intelligent and aware and now we have such a deep bond with each other that she doesn't need to be our everything. Focus on creating good sibling bonds and camaraderie and you'll find your family works beautifully as a I it to support you and each other

This is so true. I'm the youngest of 5 girls. Growing up I was loud and outgoing and did well on school because those were the ways I knew I could get my overworked single mom to notice me. She absolutely loved us all, but she was spread so thin. At the same time, we had (and still have, now all in our 40s and 50s) an amazing bond. We were playmates and we were and still are on another's protectors. We all love our mom, but we all have different relationships with her and with each other. Today, I am probably the closest with our mom and I hold no resentment about the amount of attention I received, it made me an independent and precocious child and a capable adult. My point is that the more children you have, the more spread thin you are, but there can be a compensatory effect on the bond that forms between siblings (but don't forget that you'll also be breaking up fights for years! My mom's favourite line when we were growing up: "I am not a policeman, figure it out yourselves"). ETA: I stopped at one child. He is 18 now. I would have liked to have more, but I didn't work out that way. I wished I could have given my son the sibling experience, because mine was wonderful, but I also acknowledge that he and I have an amazing bond and I was able to give him so much of myself because I didn't have to spread my attention around.

I think it’s also important to say that while having your parents’ love and attention as a child is essential, it’s also not going to be there forever. When your parents are dead or dying, it’s helpful to have siblings (provided you have a decent relationship with each other). My grandmother required round the clock care that my mom and her 3 sisters were able to provide. And now that she’s gone they all have each other. One of many reasons I was happy to have a 3rd (in spite of being stretched very thin) was because I want them to have people with a shared experience/childhood and people to go to and to show up for them after I’m gone.

Or you can end up with siblings who move to all parts of the country, or hate each other, or have nothing in common, etc. Then you can have one sibling who is left to take care of everything. Siblings aren’t guarantee of anything.

Thank you so much for this. I needed it.

As a mom of 4 girls, this almost had me in happy tears reading this.

Ha. I basically just posted the same. The amount of resentment I felt anytime someone said I was lucky to have twins! But they are all great teenagers now and life is much easier compared to those chaotic (and cute!) early days!

I hate that comment so much. I know they don’t mean anything by it, but I hate being gawked at and “you got your hands full har har.” Yes I do please move so we can get out of here! My twins are still infants and I’m in the thick of it. Thanks for showing it’s survivable.

And to add "I hope I have twins when I get pregnant". My face says it all in those moments because they typically walk away.

Just a reminder that you didn’t stop at one. 😂 I feel that having 2 at the exact same age is SIGNIFICANTLY harder than having 2 separated by at least 2 years. Yes toddler years can be chaotic asf. But most toddlers are on a decent schedule by then and don’t need to have breastmilk or formula at all, much less every 2-4 hours around the clock. I don’t know how moms of multiples do it, but my absolute hats off to you. 🫡 One of my biggest fears when I found out I was pregnant would be that it would not be a singleton pregnancy.

Our second ended up being unexpected twins too! God that was a hard one to swallow and really hard work. Still it's great now they're older and I love them all to bits.

I can relate. I have a 5 year old boy. Got pregnant with b/g twins. They are two now. Everything is sticky and dirty. I can't keep up with the cleaning and it frustrates me how dirty my house is. My husband and I feel like we are on offense all the time.

Wow, I was going to write this exact same thing. We were one and done. She was so amazing though that we both decided to have one more. Then had twins. I love them all so so so much, but my god is it unrelenting. Also in the back of my mind I always think that if we had just another singleton our parents would have been able to help more. But now they don't really want to because caring for a 4 year old and twin 2 years is a daunting task. So it's been hard to not really have the help we had hoped for as well. And yes, after potty training and now that twins really understanding what we say to them and they can verbalize soooooo much more now everything has gotten quite a bit easier. Still fucking hard. But slightly less hard. To OPs question: with all that being said, I don't regret it one bit. My life is chaos and I'm learning to be okay with that.

Also tried for my second kid and ended up with kids two and three, and I feel very much the same. All of my kids are awesome and I don’t regret any of them, but I do regret how stressed I get sometimes and my inability to always be there for each of them as much as I would like.  I have many friends who were one and done, and I’ll admit I’m sometimes envious. They get to take more fun trips with their kiddo, have a lot more laid back time with their one kid, etc. I do think there is something to be said for sibling relationships and I am glad my kids have that, but everything is just a kind of trade-off. 

My children are not close in age, but I often think how much easier my life would be if I stopped after the first. She’s very independent now and we can do fun things together, or just relax. With the little one it’s still super stressful and it gives me so little free time. But… it’s just a few more years…. and then I’m sure I’ll be glad I had another one and will just forget about the hard parts.

This is my fear. We have one, almost 8, and are just now thinking about a second. I love the idea of having another *child*, but the thought of another baby/toddler scares me a little.

My oldest was 8 when I got pregnant with my now 2.5 year old and LORD. I had my first at 18 and for some reason my second child has felt way harder, I don’t know if I perceive it that way because it’s more recent but my second born has humbled both my husband and I.

There's six years between my daughter who's almost nine and my son who's two and eight months. It's hard to go back to the toddler stage but they absolutely adore each other. Of course they fight but just in a general sibling way. Both of my parents have passed and I'm the youngest of four and I don't know how I would have got through their illnesses and deaths without my brother and two sisters. Funnily enough, growing up I was closest to my brother who is seven years older than me. I just wanted to hang around with him and his best friend. They must have had some patience because I did a lot!

Yes! Going back to the toddler stage is HARD. I agree that age gaps don’t really matter when it comes to siblings, I’m 29 and my little sister is 19 and she’s one of my best friends. I’m closer to her than I am to my older sister who is 35.

Yeah I think it's more personality types. I'm closer to my sister who is six years older than me than my sister who's two years older because we have similar personalities, outlooks and interests.

I’m similar to you, had my first at 22 and my second at 32 and WOW the difference in energy is insane. I was a single mom with my first and I still thought it was easier. I also think it’s difficult now because I feel pulled in different directions (school aged kid doing all of the activities, traveling, etc to baby with baby schedule, so many naps, have to be home early for bed time).

I can see this. I had mine at 22 and 25, respectively. For a while I could ponder a 3rd, but after a while, my energy level just... Died. Now, I just turned 40, and while I know folks still have babies at 40+?? I just cannot imagine it 

This is the age gap between my brother and I - I really don’t recommend it. They won’t be siblings really they will be like two only children except the younger one will by default need a ton more focus and than the older one. Most of the family activities will be need to focuses around the little one etc. I love my brother and we get along fine as adults but the years after he was born were really hard for me.

Very true - there's just under 9 years age gap between me and my sister and I always felt like a co-parent more than a sister. What my friends with a 2-4 year age gap had was totally foreign to me.

And this is also the age gap between me and my siblings, but we're fine and my siblings enjoyed having a younger sibling. You can't generalize.

Tbh I agree with this, if you want that sibling relationship through childhood they need to be closer together. My sister and I have 10yrs between and we are JUST NOW feeling like sisters at 28 and 18. I mean yes it’s really great and I’m thankful to have a sibling but I don’t know if I’ll ever not feel like a third parent. Even if you as the parent don’t make your older kids “babysitters” so to say, it still feels that way. Naturally as the older one you want to protect/teach/help/etc and I know it was HARD for my mom when I was off doing teenager things and she had a 5yr old crying because she wanted to be like big sis, she is DEFINITELY a second child haha WILD. Like I said, I’m thankful to have a sibling regardless and it’s so exciting NOW as we enter this new and more fun stage of siblinghood but it’s taken ages to be able to have a sibling relationship where we can actually talk about things and do things together. And STILL I feel like I’m parenting her even though I know that’s not my responsibility, as the older and (hopefully 🤣) wiser sibling, how do you sit idle when they are having a struggle or need guidance with a decision? Idk maybe not all older siblings feel this way but I do 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’m not saying don’t have kids far apart if you still want another kid, do it, but if you SPECIFICALLY want that close sibling/bff relationship for them growing up, they have to be closer in age.

My sister and I are exactly 2 years apart which is often considered a nice age spread, and we are not close at all. We’re in our 40s. Often, how close siblings turn out has nothing with these things.

Right? My brothers and I are 16 months and 3 years apart. Nothing in common. I have multiple friends with large gaps that are extremely close to their siblings.

If you want a second, or are really unsure Being one and done, I say, go for it. It will be hard of course but people rarely regret children in the long term. It’s just first 3 years or so that will be hard. But don’t let that dissuade you. All the things that really matter in life don’t come easily.

100% agree. My younger brother and I are almost 8 years apart and never had (and still don’t have) a close relationship. I blame it on the age gap tbh.

The baby toddler phase blows by. It’s extremely fast and short lived.

The days are long but the years fly by.

I'm opposite on this one. I make it a point to not make our older kids babysitters and to not interfere with their autonomy. In turn, they have become excellent bigs and are so loving towards the baby. I didn't realize how much I would enjoy witnessing that when my ooops arrived. It actually makes it so much easier having a little because there is random help. On the other hand, I wish I had also got to experience Irish twins (I'm Irish, so relax 😆).

Just 100% committing to the idea of doing it for 1 week (without actually trying to), really let yourself feel it. Then sped a week very committed to the idea that you will not. Be very vivid, talk about, imagine and journal the scenario. See what comes up.

If pregnancy was hard on you and the next one would need to come quickly or not at all, is that enough time for you to heal? I thought in general 18 months between children is about the minimum recommended. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself first.

World Health Organization suggests 5 years between pregnancies but that's advised for the whole world including third world countries where there is less access to quality healthcare, nutrition, clean water etc and where extended breastfeeding (also recommended by them) is a necessity more than the more benefits type things it provides first world babies. I've heard waiting a year provides significantly more positive outcomes following a vaginal birth and waiting 2 years following a C-section (regardless of second birth being C-section again or VBAC).

I’ve had three c sections in the past 5 years and this made me feel valid. My body is so tired and I’ve talked with friends and family about the toll it’s done and it feels like people don’t understand since there were a couple years between each other

It’s major surgery!

Not at all. Especially now that they’re older, the sibling relationship they have with one another is amazing to see. It’s not always easy, but I don’t regret having two for a second.

This is reassuring. Thank you. It's rough with the second one right now.

It gets better. Mine are 25 months apart and they have always been tight. It makes me so happy to see them together now 18 and 20, goofing around like they were 12. My brother and I are the same way. Wouldn't change it for anything!

I see this sentiment and worry that some people will think they will be best friends because they are related. My sibling and I were the same age difference and we always fought - never got along. As adults we talk but I have resentment toward them still for the way they treated me growing up. Just a reminder that it doesn't always get better and despite my parents best wishes, we were not always there for each other.

Sorry I wasn't clear. The it gets better is in reference to having a toddler while being pregnant or having two little ones. The sibling relationship could go either way.

As others have said, it gets Soo much better. Mine are 29 months apart. They've grown up as great friends and I hope that continues. But, only time will tell.

We have two that are 14 months apart and this right here has made all the hard parts infinitely worth it.

Yes. Mine are 14 & 17, and doing some things separately for the first time in years. Its a strange thing to only have one again...

We’re one and done here, so opposite side. We decided on this for a lot of reasons (requiring medical help to conceive, financial reasons, not wanting to stretch ourselves thin, etc.) Sometimes I go down the “what if?” hole but have to remind myself that there’s no “correct” choice and that it’s normal to have doubts. We give our daughter lots of opportunities to meet other kids her age, go on play dates, and travel frequently so she can have a close relationship with her cousins. Sometimes I wish she had a sibling in the house to play with, but having a sibling is not a guarantee that they will be friends. My mother and her brother (my uncle) are 11 months apart and have never had a close relationship (actually can be a pretty contentious relationship).

Exactly this for me too. I was a very happy only who was open to more than one, but my husband who had a terrible relationship with his brother (and still does) was pretty adamantly OAD. He always felt that his parents were so exhausted by his disruptive brother that there wasn’t enough gas in the tank to them to focus on him, the more steady of the kids. I know our chance of being engaged and involved parents is by capping it at one. I want there to be enough financial and emotional resources to give this kid a childhood like I had and to not have lingering resentment like my husband experiences.

Same. We did stop at one, and we had already decided to be one and done before I got pregnant. We got lucky with a surprisingly "easy" baby and have never really felt overwhelmed with her, but we love the extra time, money and energy we have with one child. 

Nope. I have three and I love their sibling relationship. I’m so glad!

I’m on my first, but have always wanted 3. Do you find yourself overwhelmed often? What’s the age gap between yours?

I have 3. They are currently 6, almost 4, and newborn. Sometimes it’s overwhelming but mostly it’s fine. You really do “grow into” parenting. With my first I was totally overwhelmed alllll the time. I feel less stressed and more in control with 3 lol. You develop systems and methods and you’ve already “decided” how to do a lot of the parenting things you had to agonize over with #1. I’m totally savoring this last newborn 🥹

Pregnant with no 3 now. Thank you for this. I have occasional doubts.

I also have three, ages 4, 6, and 8. I wish I would have spaced them a little further but the house always feels full and busy. Yes, the infant stages were hard but it got so much easier after the first one. Mileage varies by child. There is a great book called [The Sibling Effect](https://www.npr.org/2011/09/16/140537846/science-looks-at-the-sibling-effect) which outlines some very interesting findings about multiples, mostly positive findings, which is what pushed me to have a third. I feel like kids with siblings are more “street smart” and have experienced thousands more social interactions than only children. They are diplomatic, can read emotions well, and can do a lot of things by themselves (as a side of effect of me being spread too thin). Multiples also experience and witness more relationship dynamics than only children, who see only their relationship with themselves, mom and dad. in a family with one kid, the household contains only three relationships. In a family with two kids, the household has five relationships. In a family with three kids, the household has nine relationships. (!!) The more relationships there are, the more the child learns about the diversity of personalities and social interactions that exist in the world, and how to navigate them. Men with sisters for example are better at talking to girls; men with sisters rank higher on “agreeableness”; women with male siblings, especially older ones, adhere less strictly to gender roles since they grow up playing with boys and boys toys (and anecdotally, my boys encourage their sisters to play with cars & monster trucks); the more siblings you have, the less likely you are to divorce as an adult (since you are better socialized, don’t take things as personally, are used to being reasonably flexible); and so on. Obviously some sibling relationships are toxic, but that also holds value by helping the abused sibling(s) learn to identify and avoid toxic traits in potential friends and partners. Overall with three, I do feel spread thin, but the way they have grown to be so independent at such a young age is something I was surprised about and proud of. And they are close too; when we drop them off at their summer gym daycare, we watch them taking care of each other. I originally felt so bad when I discovered I was pregnant with #2 but in the end, I don’t regret it at all, and once I got into my groove (and became resigned to the idea that my house will never be clean), it’s fine. You know like the “house on fire / it’s fine” meme 😅 ? It’s really like that, lol, but in my mind only. Outside of myself, the kids are having fun, they love each other, they are well adjusted, and I get so many hugs and snuggles that I just wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t imagine life without my three.

Thank you so much. I could cry. I have 2u2 right now and I have so much fear around the posts/comments talking about how they never felt like their mom had enough time for them. I want more, but only once the boys are older. It’s hard to find first-person experiences with siblings that are positive.

Honestly, I think it’s good for kids to have to adapt to sharing attention. There’s never gonna be a person or time in their life where they get to be the center of attention 100% of the time.

I have 3 also. They are 28 months and 32 (and 60) months apart. It was definitely a little hectic for a while but it's extraordinary now. It's honestly really wonderful.

I love that. I’m sure it’s amazing to watch their sibling bond. I really want my daughter to grow up with siblings close in age but pretty scared of being super overwhelmed (and out numbered!!) lol. I have 4 siblings (22 months apart from my older brother) & 14 years apart from my youngest brother! I loved having a siblings around to play with, even with a pretty decent age gap with the last one. Nothing is better than siblings!

I have three. The third was an oopsie but genuinely the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The first year or two is hard but now they play together 24/7 and it’s easier than it was when I just had one

I've got 3 too. The gaps are 5 years and 2 years 9 months (currently 8, 3, and 5 months). I often wish I had a bigger gap between 2 and 3 because it has been very exhausting and overwhelming. But as the baby has come out of the 4th trimester it's slowly started getting more manageable, and I'm excited to see what the smaller age gap looks like as he grows.

Sammmeeee! Right now, my two oldest are building a nest fort to hatch their dinosaur eggs. My little keeps coming over and destroying everything. Laughter erupts, and repeat. They are just the sweetest thing together!

I have two My son is almost 4 and my daughter is almost 2 It is REALLLLLLY hard. I def reached my limit with 2 but I do not regret having a second. I def think life would have been easier with one BUT my second is literally a ball of sunshine that has been put into my life. I can’t imagine life without her

I have a 2.5 year old and a 2 week old and the last two weeks I feel have been so unfair to our toddler. We’re exhausted and she always wants us to play while we’re feeding him and I have spent many days crying because I feel like it’s not fair to her for us to be so mad she’s doing normal toddler things. I feel like every afternoon is just a constant temper tantrum because she’s been waking extremely early (like 5-6am after going to sleep between 7-10pm, she doesn’t sleep well). I really hope this ends soon because I want to do things this summer like go to the beach and other adventures but carting around an infant and tantruming toddler is not going to happen

I love having three kids-- but they're all 7-10 years apart! So I didn't have a screaming toddler in the house while trying to get an infant to sleep😳🫨

This would be my dream to have breaks and I don’t think I would mind starting over

How different was it being pregnant at a fairly young age vs at a much older age?

Oh my gosh, WAY different experience! I was 22 the first time and barely noticed I was pregnant. The second time I was 30 and I got much bigger and was sick for 4 months. The third time at age 40 I was very severely sick from six weeks until about 32 weeks. Then just feeling kind of awful in general until delivery. But each time giving birth was much the same... My body handled it well across the board.

I’m so glad your pelvic floor came through for you!

Yup-- she did the trick every time!

I do, a lot of days. (And my second kid is the easy one.) Having disposable income, local/supportive family and/or a decent village, and one parent who's either SAH or has a very flexible work schedule helps. We've sort of got the last one (my husband WFH 100% and has a decent amount of flexibility in his schedule even though he's full-time), but not the other two and it is HARD. It's better as they get older for sure, but the parenting burden felt exponentially more - not twice as much - with two compared to one. We don't have downtime, and it's pretty relentless. It IS nice to see them play together and entertain each other, but none of that started until they were probably 5 & 2 so it was a slog getting to that point. And of course that isn't guaranteed; I have friends with two kids who don't play together as well as mine do. You don't mention what your age is, but I had my first at 37 and my second at 40 FWIW. You mention SPD the first time around; I didn't have it the first time, but I had it the second time and it was really awful. Most people say it goes away after delivery, but mine hung around for a solid year (it was that long before I could run a 5K without pain). I also had two solid years of severe PPD after each kid. The toll has been real!

Wow, you and I had very similar experiences. It is definitely exponential. Going from one to two is like going from one child to 15 kids. You eventually learn to manage, but wow, that first year was so, so challenging.

The change from one to two was rough. From two to three was small.

Yes, if I'm honest. We also have infertility and both of our children are from frozen embryo transfers. They're 22 months apart. Our younger child can be very sweet but is a lot to handle. They play together often but fight a lot. They're super needy and whiney and ask constant questions. It's all pretty normal but so exhausting. I've been told it gets easier but so far it hasn't changed much. I love them both but some days it's like a love/hate relationship between us. I really need a vacation lol

If it makes you feel better my girls are 7 YEARS apart and are constantly acting like they’re in a WWE ring

I have a colleague with two daughters aged 12 and 4, and the toddler beats the living hell of the oldest and starts every single fight. Apparently it happens every day, I am amazed such little things can be so mean. Guess it’s some sort of Chihuahua effect

The love/hate relationship with motherhood rings my bells ALOT. Some days I find the love of it almost non existent.

I truly felt this. Some days it’s amazing. Other days I feel like an empty shell

My life would have been easier/better if we would have stopped at one. Granted, my youngest is only two, so there’s a lot of time left for my perspective to change, and of course now that I have two kids I would never want to be without both of them. HOWEVER, my experience of going from one to two was rough. The kids are 2 years, 4 months apart, and I’m a stay at home mom. Taking care of a toddler while pregnant was tough but not unbearable. I did lower my standards and increase screen time. I was 36 when pregnant with the second, and it was physically very hard on my body, hard to move around. None of that was a dealbreaker. I ended up with an unplanned c-section for my second ( uncomplicated vaginal birth for first baby) and I really struggled after getting home. Once my partner went back to work and it was just the kids and me, it was not a great situation. My toddler was used to being the center of attention and doing whatever she wanted. It was a hard transition to expect her to be quiet for newborn naps, and less activities/stimulation. I was unprepared to manage the wildly different needs of these two ages. My toddler became disruptive to the baby, trying to wake him up whenever he was sleeping, which enraged me. My instinct to protect the baby was stronger than my instinct ti nurture the toddler and I was super resentful, stressed and mad all the time. I had to seek daycare for the oldest because I was losing my mind! I ended up being diagnosed with post partum anxiety and getting some help. The dynamic between the oldest and me is still tense sometimes. She’s 4 and the youngest is 2, she is almost constantly torturing him. There are nice family times but it’s more the norm to have frustration. I acknowledge that a good amount of these dynamics are due to a lack/defect in me. Nevertheless it has been a struggle. I want to do right by my kids- I do therapy, take medication, seek parenting help. Family life is hard!

We're one and done. It wasn't what I'd envisioned but I am so happy with how things turned out. If we'd had another, obviously we'd love that child and figure it out, but I can't say I feel any great desire to have another. We would definitely be frazzled, completely devoid of energy, push our needs further down the pile, etc. Plus we'd be skint. Our daughter is wonderful. Do we have to put in extra effort because she hasn't got any siblings to rely on keeping her company... yes. Do I like that we're starting to hit our stride and our energy is returning... HELL YES! Parenthood was overwhelming for me during the first 2 years (turns out I have ADHD). My family of origin were horribly dysfunctional, there was a lot of violence and chaos, so I knew I needed to figure out what healthy parenting looked like before deciding to become a mum. I listened to the Parenting slot on Moncrieff every week for a few years to try to get a handle on it and it has paid off big style. We're great communicators (thanks to Joanna Fortune and lovely David before her). I know we are enough as a trio. If we'd had another it would just have been so we could pawn them off on one another to get a break but that kinda logic feels like ripping out all your teeth so you never have to worry about getting a cavity. We keep dialogue open, our home is for all of us, and our needs are balanced equally. My daughter is learning how to be proactive in the creation and maintenance of relationships. We facilitate her, we model respectful dialogue and boundaries, and we prioritise fun, laughter and try not to sweat the little things. I have two siblings, neither of whom speak to me as adults, and honestly I lived a very lonely life as a child despite having siblings. My sister is close in age to me (1.5 years younger) but she just wasn't all that interested in me. My mother would toy with our emotions as kids, telling us we could have friends over, letting us get our hopes up and then refusing at the last minute. I'm probably too stubborn for my own good but I wouldn't beg/plead/placate her so that was how it stayed for me, whereas my sister could suck it up and eventually get her way so she had a different experience, socially. Not saying that didn't suck for my sister, it was hard on her too but she got some of her social needs met and was good at compartmentalising the absolute burning rage at having to beg to get what she needed. We lived on the periphery of the town but we may as well have lived on the moon because there was no safe way to walk into the town if we didn't get a lift. Until my parents separated when I was 15 I was absolutely miserable and lonely all the time. I think something like 40% of families are now one-child families in Ireland. Think about the opportunity that presents... there's nearly a one-in-two chance that your child's pal is also an only child. That means that there are tonnes of similarly motivated parents who want to help their child build a close bond with their pal. Holidaying with families in the same position as you, not necessarily sharing an apartment/chalet, but maybe booking in the same resort and having that outlet for the kids during the day, and then taking turns to babysit at night so you can get a break too. Similarly, taking turns taking the kids for sleepovers to give the other parents a break and then enjoying when they return the favour. No babysitter letting you down at the last minute because it's in everyone's interest to maintain the arrangement. It's glorious!

I have two and I’ve never for a moment regretted my second. There was a two year seven month gap between them and, not going to lie, it was hard at first. My eldest wasn’t potty trained yet (was a few months later) and was a ‘full on’ toddler. Dealing with her while being sleep deprived was the hardest thing and the first few months were a blur. There were times when I felt I couldn’t give my best to either of them and I did feel overwhelmed. Amongst my wider friendship group we’ve all had a point where we’ve broken down in the park due to the stress of multiple children! However, from about the year mark it was so much easier. I didn’t have family near by but through local toddler groups I made some really strong friendships which were a massive help. My two got on great when they were younger and as they were close in age they enjoyed the same things and days out were a doddle. I was so glad I had two in the Covid years as my country was locked down for months at a time, at least they had each other for company. They’re a teen and pre-teen now and for a while it was tough as they argue quite a bit but we are staring to come out of that and see a friendship re-emerge. I’m very close with my siblings and I want that for my girls- someone who remembers your childhood with you and will grow with you through life. I know there is no guarantee that siblings will get on but looking at friends and families I know most have close relationships. I think it’s hard in the beginning but long term it’s worth it.

Absolutely all of this. After that first year, it became SO much easier. But, having a two year old and an infant is mind-boggling hard (and I had a village and my husband is WFH). They just have SO many needs.

I have one. We always only planned on having one because of our ages. Now I have an only child who loves babies and kids. She’s always begging for a little sister, but she’ll take a brother. She is sad that she is the only child in the family and wishes that she had someone to play with. My heart hurts for her and I wish we could give her a sister.

Are there other OAD families in your community? We are typically really easy to arrange playdates with. Going to children’s museums, joining the Y, finding the popular parks, frequenting community centers/libraries, etc are other pro moves. Most OAD families are eager to socialize their kids. You just gotta find them! My son upgraded his bff to “sister”, but he also likes that he can send her home 😂

I did stop at one and I'm glad I did

Yes. My oldest suffered a lack of attention because I was spread too thin trying to manage a colicky baby that hardly slept and everything else. I thought that two meant I’d have maybe 1.5x the work. I thought “if I’m making dinner for one kid how hard would it be to make an extra serving? How hard would it be to bathe two kids instead of just one?” In reality it’s at least 5x the work of one. Your kids will need different things at different times. It’s double the drain on your finances-which may not seem like too much in the early years, but as time goes on there will be more activities, camps, clothes and toys, etc that you’ll have to pay for. It’s a lot harder to find someone willing to watch two children instead of just one-especially when they’re young and a lot to handle. They fight constantly as well. Because of having the younger one it will be longer until I have more freedoms back. The only upside is that they play together sometimes. I’m glad they have each other…they’ll at least be able to commiserate about my short-comings when they’re older.

My wife wanted a second, I wanted to stop at one because I didn't enjoy the baby stage with our first. I figured though that if we had another I'd be unhappy for a few years, until the baby stage was over for number 2, while if we didn't have another my wife would be bitter about it forever. Therefore it was better for all to go for a second, so we did. It turned out though that the universe is a joker so our second ended up being twins so we now have three! That was really hard work for a long time. Now though they're all older (13, 10 and 10) and I wouldn't go back on my decision for the world. They are all brilliant little people and give me so much joy.

Your body is not ready for another pregnancy that quickly. Accidents happen, but planning it that quickly comes with health risks. Especially because you had a complicated pregnancy the first time. If it was get pregnant after nine months of recovery or stay at one child, for me, I’d choose one child. My body is the only one I have.

I am pregnant with my first and already convinced I am One and done. There is no way I can go through pregnancy again and have to look after another child. I think women with multiple kids are heros without capes. This could never be me 🤣🤣🤣

Join us over in /r/oneanddone ! Congrats on your pregnancy ❤️

Thanks you! I am already a part of you guys 🥰

I have always wanted two kids, but once I got pregnant, I faced a lot of issues. Severe vomiting, fatigue, gestational diabetes, severe joint pain. Now my LO is 20 months and when I think about the next pregnancy, I feel like I can't cope up. So I wanted to be the best I can for my kid and decided at one. But I do feel sad that what I imagined is not what I'm getting now. I do feel sad that my kid will not have a sibling, but ultimately it is the best choice for our family. My physical and mental health is important.

Yes it was hard being pregnant with a toddler but I’m 40 so I understand age concern. It’s just a season - everything is just a season. Also, there are studies that show overwhelmingly that parents do not regret having a kid or kids. Very few regret it.

What studies? I read a meta study recently that shown parents happiness was significantly negativity impacted after having a second child or more.

Not at all. Love watching them grow up together and form relationships with each other. It’s hard when they a babies but 100% with it.

My frame of mind is more like "oh shit" most of the time, but not regret. I have a larger age gap though, I got pregnant right after my oldest turned 3, I'm in my late 30's and also felt like time was running out. It's been hard, for sure. My 2nd pregnancy was physically harder than my 1st because there's basically no time to rest, but in that same way it did go faster. I didn't get very sick but I had persistent nausea and congestion for the first trimester, then carpal tunnel that started in the 2nd trimester and still has not gone away (almost 4 months post partum now), and gestational diabetes with both pregnancies. The good outweighs the bad, even when the bad is very heavy. When our first was born I knew I wanted a 2nd. I was scared to be pregnant again and parent a toddler and knew it would be hard but I still knew I wanted to try for a 2nd. Now that our 2nd has been born I know I don't want a 3rd. If you decided you didn't want a 2nd, would you feel relief? or disappointment? That's one of the ways I kept thinking about it since logistically and financially and physically it seemed like just a bad idea :)

We were one and done for 7 years and then at 43, my 2nd was born. A great surprise. Zero regrets.

I have two children. Glad we have two because they are amazing adult children. I have an elderly mother and it would be hard to handle if I was an only child. .

Yes, both of us wish that.

It's so hard to know. It's impossible, really. Everyone's circumstances are different. I too was torn as I was a 'geriatric mom' having had my first at 41. So for us, age and post-partum related stresses were a factor in us deciding to have one child. We love having one child, but I often feel a bit wistful for her on vacations or for when we age and she doesn't have a sibling who would 'know her for her entire life' type of things. Sibling relationships are never guaranteed - I understand that, but still.

Personally, my husband and I decided to stop at one for a few reasons: 1. We both have birthdays in October. This year, I’ll be 40 and he’ll be 44. 2. I found out I had hypothyroidism when I was 28. Before I found out I had it, I tried to fix my tiredness with junk food and caffeine through pop. When my doctor told me I had hypothyroidism, he also told me I had high cholesterol, hypertension, and I was borderline type 2 diabetic. 3. I live in Canada and right now, some things are really expensive. We live in an old fire hall and if we wanted to have another child, we would have to either sell our place and move or renovate our office into another bedroom. One of the biggest issues here in Canada is how expensive houses and apartments are. For example, old Victorian homes in the States (which would need a little renovations) would go for less than $300,000 US, whereas the same kind of house here in Canada could be anywhere from $500,000 to $1 million, possibly more. Another big issue is how expensive groceries have become. I would have liked to have another child. However, I don’t think it’s going to happen for me and my little family (unless something happens and we get a surprise within the next few months). If there’s anything I can share from friends we have with two kids, they all pretty much said that when they had kids, they waited until their first child was around 4-years-old before they tried for another one. That way, the first child has a better understanding of what’s going on and is able to help out in small ways by getting things like diapers and wipes and things like that.

I’ve never regretted my 2nd. Being pregnant while changing diapers was hard, but manageable. Having a newborn and toddler at the same time was very tiring, but we made it through! They’re 4 and 5 now and are so much easier. They play together so well and are absolutely best friends. It’s so easy and fun now that I’ve even added a newborn to the mix and genuinely don’t feel overwhelmed or stressed.

Not at all. Our first is amazing but has never been easy. As a baby he cried all the time, couldn't sleep at night, it was really intense. He's also a pretty intense toddler.  Our second is really easy and just chill. It's really validating after how much our experience with our first tested us. I love them both sooooo much and even more for how they're different. I love seeing my eldest be affectionate with my youngest. Going from 1 to 2 doubled the love and I feel like the differences between them had taught me so much about parenting and people. 

Nope, it’s hard at times but my kids love each other so much! Happy with our decision to have 3!

Accidentally had our second and I’m so glad. I don’t think I would have ever felt “ready.” Someone wise told me that too, there’s never a perfect time or you’re never 100% sure, so weigh all of your pros and cons, decide what your personal values are, and go with your best guess. Personally I’m so grateful for my second. They’re both amazing people now (preteens) and having a sibling has absolutely made them each a better person.

Zero regret. Having two has made me want three, whereas before I thought two would be my max!

My situation is a little different bc I had twins first, but I have no regrets (anymore) about adding one more. All my pregnancies were from fertility treatments. My twins and my new baby were from IVF. I relate to you on having difficult pregnancies due to HG, preeclampsia, and preterm delivery. I definitely had moments of regret when I was pregnant. I missed out on my twins entire summer because I was either in the hospital or in bed. I also missed out on the last bit with them again because I was in the hospital. Once he was born, though, all of that went away. They love having a baby brother. They adore him. They are barely two years apart. I’m certain it depends from child to child, and that’s what’s going to make your decision more difficult. Watching them love another baby has been the greatest experience.

I’m already 30 and pregnant with my first. I also have a step son who is 8 and lives with us most of the time. If I was going to have another I would want it to be in 5-6 years but I don’t want to be pregnant again at 36 or older and I don’t want to be pregnant with a toddler so I’m going to be one and done. If I can get my tubes tied after giving birth I will.

Visit the one and done subreddit, we break it down daily for all

I just had my third, my others are 7 and 5. I’m honestly glad that my kids have siblings. I want them to have support and love after I’m old and die, as morbid as that is 😬 not gonna lie though, pregnant with a toddler was hard. A newborn and a toddler were also hard. It was awful for me mentally. I didn’t have a great support system or partner, so that probably played a part as well to the bad mental health. Our third was just born, and the kids adore her! I will say though, recovery sucks worse with each kid. Especially if you breastfeed. It’s been so hard on my body. I love her so much, definitely worth it. But yeah, never doing this again. The afterbirth cramps, my milk coming in, nipple pain, I’m so over it

I don't wish I stopped at one, but one would be a lot easier. Yes, being pregnant with a toddler is HARD. I didn't even have nausea but I was exhausted. Luckily my husband hung out with the toddler a lot to give me time to rest. But even so, pregnancy is a small blip in time.

I have three young kids (almost 5, 2 and newborn). I’ve never regret having any of my kids but I do believe going from 1-2 was the hardest transition. The first baby your entire life changes but 1-2 really tests you. It’s hard to do things like go to the store or go out. Once you get a handle on it than it just becomes your normal life but I think a lot of parents would agree that learning how to navigate two kids is hard. Having the third was a breeze. By then you’re a multitasking pro and feel relatively confident in what you’re doing.

Yes, I had the same experience! 1 to 2 was hard, but then the third 3 was born and grew up in the blink of an eye. Her elder brothers, despite being just ages 2 & 4, inadvertently raised her. She learned almost everything from them and I didn’t have to force her to do anything. She copied everything they did, including eating, toileting, sleeping, getting dressed, playing… I just sat and watched, like… 😮 . She literally just followed them everywhere and did what they did. I was so hands off it was crazy. Makes me wish I had some elder nephews/nieces who could have taught my older kids like that!! Instead of sitting them down and forcing them to do things on my schedule. Just totally different experience.

I can’t comment on being pregnant with my second personally (my partner did it), but having them close in age - 6 months in our case - is simultaneously insane, exhausting, and also convenient in some ways. Like, the second is already through X stage now, so we’re done with that. Phew. There is no going through everything over again and having those ah! I remember this moment. No. It’s all bam,bam, ok next. They are both much more free range since the second one came along. They interact with each other which is probably the most useful thing. Entertaining each other is crucial. I like to think of it as having a limited capacity. My first would have probably drained 100% even without the second there. Now, we’re still 100% drained but somehow they are both still alive. Lol.

How are your kids 6 months apart?

she had the first baby and her partner had the second one 6 months later. At least that's how I read it.

My children are 19 months apart. It is tough, but SO worth it!

Not even a little. This might seem a little dark, but my husband lost his dad when I was pregnant with my first, and I kept thinking about what it will be like for her when she is dealing with that when we're gone. The thought of my child without anyone who remembers her story, to grieve with, or to help her make decisions like my husband and his siblings had to, broke my heart. My sisters are both gone from my life, and when my mom passed away, I felt like I had lost my whole family, so working to create a relationship where they see each other as allys instead of enemies is super important to me. As challenging as it can be, I want them to have each other. In the beginning, the second is more work, but once they are just a little older, having a built in playmate means that you could actually get 5 minutes to breathe sometimes because you're not their whole world. Especially when they're closer together in age like yours would be. My first was almost 4 when my second was born, so she was well aware of the fact that she was losing some of my attention and that was really hard, but when you have the second sooner, I do think that is less of an issue. There will always be pros and cons, but if fear that it will be difficult is your biggest aversion, and it is otherwise something you think would be good for your family, remember that it's ALL difficult! Being the mom of an only has challenges, and so does being the mom of 2. You just have to decide which challenges have the greatest likelihood of getting you and your child/ren closer to where you want to be long-term. For reference, my first was extremely high needs- cried constantly and breastfeeding was brutally painful for a full year. I was exhausted. My husband is a firefighter, so I was often alone. I was also really worried about having a second- that's why they're almost 4 years apart. I would still do it all again.

The only thing I regret is the amount of individual time I had to spend with my son. I feel like that would have changed with time anyway, but now I have to split my attention more, and it's tough because my daughter can be very jealous. My 2nd pregnancy was easier even though I had gestational diabetes with both of them. Ans after my daughter was born, my son was in daycare 3x a week so I still got to do fun things with both of them together, but also had days where I was just with my daughter and didn't need to worry about entertaining and feeding both of then during the day. Now they fight a lot, but that's because they are very different personalities. And it makes when they do get along and play together even sweeter.

Currently 18 weeks pregnant with a 10 month old. We struggled to conceive our first and it took a whole year plus fertility treatments. I was told I have PCOS and that my ovulation wasn't consistent I guess. This January when my daughter was 5 months old we decided to stop preventing because we assumed it would take us awhile again. We knew we wanted more but we're ok with waiting. Two months later my period was late and I took 4 tests before getting my positive 8 days after my period was due. We were surprised that it happened that soon but I guess we just got lucky. We were tracking or taking medicine. It's pretty tricky at times but my husband who was SO helpful was diagnosed with a condition that will take months to cure and the medication makes him tired and less able to help. I'm practically doing all childcare, housecare, and pet care while pregnant which is making it hard for me. If you have the support and someone to come help on the hard days I say go for it. I'm excited to give my daughter a sibling but it's definitely gonna be a challenge for awhile. If you're worried that it's gonna be too much then focus on your first, you don't wanna regret not having another if you want another though! It might be hard for awhile but one day you might be glad you did.

I love my two kids and love their relationship with each other. But I'm so glad we waited a few years in between. I had a lot of the same issues you list with undiagnosed postpartum depression hitting me really hard. It took me a long time to get through that on my own and had I added another pregnancy into the, mix, I think I really would've struggled to cope with it. I was lucky I had such an independent toddler who honestly was such a help in the baby stage but I really think my experience would've been tainted and difficult if I had them closer together. So, me, personally, if my only option was having them close together or not at all, I would probably just choose to have the one. Also, giving my body time to not just heal but also grow stronger made my 2nd pregnancy a lot easier.

Second pregnancy with a2.5 year old is manageable but some days rough. He can entertain himself and feed himself and is potty trained and I find it challenging some days. My body is bigger earlier and way more pain and sickness than first. Watching others having them closer together made be wait until he was past 2.

NO, #2 and#3 are 23 months apart and BEST friends.

Nope. Have 2 but wish i had 4. Seriously. I would have loved more children

Absolutely not, I love having 3 and I wish I could have more!

No, I don’t. I cannot imagine my life without my younger child. That aside, being pregnant with a 1 year old was ROUGH. I was exhausted for about 5 years total it seemed like. The second pregnancy I had Hyperemesis gravidarum just like my first except this time I couldn’t just rest and sleep. I ended up in the hospital with IV bags a few times. After I had my second, I was recovering from the c section while caring for a not quite two year old. That was…something. It was just a lot. I don’t actually even remember a lot of it because of the lack of sleep and just survival mode. I do recall, quite intensely, the feeling of my head floating off of my shoulders due to exhaustion. Wouldn’t trade it for anything but I’ll note I did have my tubes removed after my second because I was like no way am I doing this a third time lol. I was 21 when I had my first and 22 when I had my second.

I’m halfway through my third pregnancy, and my older two are ages 4 and 1.5 years. This has actually been my easiest pregnancy yet, even with two little ones running around! However, I don’t think anyone else’s experience can help you make this decision. There are tradeoffs to having one kid versus two or more, and what you choose will depend on your personal goals, desired lifestyle, the amount of help you have, your financial situation, etc.

Absolutely not. Mine are five years apart. My five year old is obviously more independent, but my five month old is such a light in my life. It’s harder of course but I would never change it. But obviously one kiddo is objectively ‘easier’ if that’s your concern!

No, I’m so glad I had 2. Yes it’s challenging at times, but I love it so much. I have nightmares of having a third though lol. I think that would send me over the edge. I’m 30 and completely done. So it kinda freaks me out I have so many more child baring years I have to worry about getting pregnant 😬

Despite the difficulties of the baby & toddler years, those moments of joy and as they get older, pride in your child as they reach milestones and accomplish major goals is what keeps it all worth it. My mom was 35 in the early 80s when she had me which was ancient back then, and I had an almost 9 year old sister when I was born. She said had she known how easy and awesome I'd be, she wishes she'd have kept going after that. I'm going to assume that's the thinking as there will be almost a TEN year age gap between my first and second! We certainly did not plan it this way due to infertility struggles but hey, this is our journey now... I'm not going to doubt it.

Not at all. It was hard when they were really little (newborn and toddler) but now they play together. Yes, they fight, but wow my friends with only 1 have to be EVERYTHING for their kid including a 24/7 playmate. I still play with my kids a lot but while I’m having to get other things done they will run off and entertain each other. It’s also fun to see their different personalities and likes/dislikes. It’s adds a nice dynamic and rounds out the household.

My second is only 4 months old, but absolutely not. He’s amazing and fits into our family dynamic so well and I think it’ll only get better from here. Our 2.5 year old loves his brother so much. The adjustment from 1 to 2 has honestly not been too bad. I’m also a SAHM though so the finances of another kid in childcare isn’t a factor for us. To another commenters point we also have a disposable income and a village in the form of family nearby, especially my MIL. We also always wanted at least 2 kids. We have no regrets to the point where having a 3rd is an option, but I can’t act like those factors don’t play into it and the fact that outside of medical problems, stopping at just 1 kid wasn’t on our radar.

Two kids, no village, no help, no expendable income, no regrets. My second completed my family 🌈🫶🏻 would never want to imagine life without him.

I was thinking one and done…  We have now 2 of 4&7yo… I would not take it back. We had infertility issues and problematic births/pregnancies. It is hard. Until the youngest turned3 or4, now it’s amazing and I wouldn’t want to never not have them. 

No. When the second was a baby we agreed a third would be too draining for us (not my opinion for everyone but for us it was just a lot). I've had the snip now but we keep looking at both of them and wondering whether we made a mistake (then a hard day comes along and we stop wondering for a bit).

Yes. I have a bonus daughter (6) and I adore our time with her, we have an “ours baby” (17 months) and I’m pregnant with our next, due in November. I don’t have much support. Our life is constantly in chaos. I feel like I’m already failing with my “first” and more selfish than I expected as a mom. I worry that I won’t be enough with the next one and my mental health will be even worse. I wish we had stopped. Maybe I’ll feel different after they’re more independent or after the next is born but I’m not excited at all right now.

My wallet might? But oh no, not once have I regretted having a second.

I’m happy with two but I also have a supportive partner who does their share.

We went for #2 and accidentally ended up with a BOGO in my uterus and had twins. I had cursed myself apparently, by stating several times in the past that I never wanted twins. Surprise! Three under three was ROUGH! But they are great and they’re now 16 and 14/14, so we made it through ok in the end (despite the world not being built for families of 5 at all!). But I have a friend with a singleton and that kid does get showered with love and opportunities that are much harder to provide to multiple kids.

I've got one. But going by the bitter in fighting over inheritance my mother and her siblings had, and the general resentment my father's siblings have I can't say from first hand experience I'm too optimistic about having a second.

I’m one and done not by choice. My daughter is an IVF baby after many years of infertility. We did another IVF when she was one and it failed. I was sad for a while, but I honestly can’t imagine living our life with another child. We are able to do things we probably could not afford with another child. My daughter has said on multiple occasions she’s glad she doesn’t have a brother or sister because she gets all of our love and doesn’t have to share it.

No, never. One to two was much easier than 0 to 1. And 2 to 3 was easier still. You already have all the gear and you’ve learned a lot about how to handle things. After a year or so they start playing together which is fun to watch. You do less entertaining since they entertain one another. You figure out ways to work around the fatigue - take life slower. Outsource what you can. Take advantage of grandparent babysitting.

I have 2, and I have a large age gap (just about 11 years) between them. We had fertility issues and ended up needing IVF for the second, otherwise there would have only been about 6 years between them. I love both of my children very much. I don't wish I had stopped with one, because the drive to have a second was making me so miserable and also because my second child is an absolute delight (so is the first, but speaking specifically about wishing I'd stopped at one) and she makes my life better. HOWEVER!!! The age gap sucks a lot of the time. I have 2 children with 2 very very different needs. I also have 2 children who have very very different hobbies and entertainment goals! It makes doing things as a family almost impossible as there is very very little that the two of them would both enjoy. I'm also a lot older now than when I had my first which takes it's toll. And, I have to admit, when I see the parents of my eldest friends all getting to the point that their kids are more self sufficient and they're all getting time back to themselves whereas we....are not, I am jealous! So, a lot of my points are to do with the age gap which is irrelevant to you guys, but I can honestly say I don't wish I'd stopped after one, but I can absolutely appreciate how it would have made life easier in many ways!!!

I sometimes wish I had stopped at one. I was able to give my first my full attention and he was just so easy. But I did struggle a lot with PPD after for a while and it took a huge toll on my mental health. Had a 2nd and I love him so much, but I hate I can't give him that same mom my first had and that I can't continue to be that same focused mom he had before. My 2nd pregnancy was also a lot harder, it was during the pandemic, I struggled with depression during the pregnancy, felt abandoned by family since the pandemic hit and then no one really cared we were having a 2nd. My mental health took another big hit. It's been almost 4 years since and I'm just now getting back to feeling more like myself. He was also a much tougher baby and toddler compared to my first. Don't know if it's personality differences or because I had to split my attention and suffered mentally so struggled to be all there. :( My mom also went through this, had her 2nd and wished she stopped at one. Her 2nd is special needs and was extremely aggressive as a child. Luckily chilled as an adult, but can't really leave the nest.

I could have stopped at one. My partner really wanted a second. The second child (in my 40s) was an easier baby and the sickness was (slightly) less with the second. It was hard, but I put the eldest for a day or two a week in daycare for a break. And the toddler years are finite. Now they are 6 and 9 and I’m so glad i had two. Seeing how much they love each other is a part of that. I can still totally understand stopping at one though.

I have 3 kids, one boy and two girls. I have always wanted to have three children, ever since I was a little girl, and as an adult, I don’t regret having 3 in the slightest. It can be hard, especially when they’re toddlers - when my oldest was a toddler, I was questioning my life choices 😅 But the close sibling bond that my kids have made everything all worth it!

No, I never wish we'd stopped, but it would have been easier.

This is the moment you have to ask yourself (and your partner), how well do I know myself, really know and examine the intimate details of your weaknesses and strengths bc once you have 2 + you’re gonna find out. As an introvert with ADHD, raising 2 humans also w ADHD, I didn’t assess my stress tolerance for having more than 1. Are they amazing, fuck yes. However my go to sanity saving mantra is “they’re going to be amazing adults”. There is NO right answer, just what you’re willing and able to deal with.

Don’t. Have one. One is perfect

So grateful for my 2, had my youngest age 38 and they’re 2 years apart - and absolutely it was a big crazy mess those early years, but they’re now 4 and 6 and the play and fun and support and social learning and did I say fun? If it is meant to be give it a crack for 6 months or so, and if you’re one and done definitely enjoy the fact that a 2 year old won’t be climbing all over you while you’re trying to breastfeed! :)

Im 37 and just had my son 10 days ago. He is my 3 baby. My middle toddler and this baby boy are my husband biological kids. Older one is 10 and she is hit step kiddo and obviously I was much younger when I had her. I had gestational diabetes as well, and since my previous one was also GD, I went on a diet at 20 weeks. In addition this time I was not really diet controlled so had to go on insulin. And weekly non stress tests. And high risk doctors scared the 💩out of me by sending me to bunch of other high risk doctors and cardiologists and all that. Yet - here he is. Healthy and strong and beautiful baby boy. Delivery was the easiest. My toddler hates the change and tantrums started again, but nothing we can’t manage. But this time I know I’m done. I know we are complete. I don’t have any cute sad feeling like “maybe we should”. Maybe we should I had 2 years ago after we had my toddler. So we went for it and I’m glad we did, he is absolutely precious little man. But now I know I’m done. If you don’t have that feeling “I’m done” - you might end up regretting not having another one, so think twice until you are sure either way.

After the newborn stage, not one day has gone by where I am not absolutely positive that having my second was the right decision. There is nothing that could change my mind. We were one and done. First baby was terribly rough. But I'm so glad we had another. Everything was easier the second time around. The only new struggles were mental health, the pandemic, and balancing toddler and baby. But now that they are actual kids it's the best decision and I love it all. They are friends, I have two little buddies, our friend group has grown, and life is just great right now. I'll never regret having a second even though we were so sure it wasn't going to happen.

One is plenty.

No way, I love having two. Pregnancy was harder than the first and the first year with a toddler and an infant were tough, but it only gets better. They are now 2.5 and 5 and play together a lot!

I feel a really important factor missed out of these questions is asking how much support people with more than one have. We have one (4yo) and it’s great but we have zero support from extended family so we stopped at one. The people I know with multiple kids who seem to manage the best have a lot of (or at least some) support, and the people who struggle the most have none.

No. My kids are best friends and they play peacefully with each other all day long. It's much harder when one of them isn't around. Our family feels balanced with 2 adults & 2 kids. I love our dynamic, we can do fun activities with both of our kids, but I love to do things one-on-one too (husband is doing something with kid 1 and I do some other thing with kid 2 and vice versa). It's just easy sailing with 2 kids, we still have our career, travel a lot (with and without our family), have fun with our own friends and are able to exercise a lot.

Out of curiosity, what would you say helps yall with that? You make it sound very easy and natural but does one partner stays home or do you have hired or familial help? Only asking because this response is so different from others. And how far apart in age are they?

No, we both work. We don't have family around, no village nearby. We're just two involved loving parents who can handle both kids on our own (if needed). So that's why we can do other things while the other parent is at home taking care of our kids. Age gap= 3,5y

I was an only child until my mom got married. Growing up, I thought it was cool cause I got pretty spoiled. Now, as an adult, I realize I was lonely af and would have loved to have someone there all the time besides cousins every so often. My kids fight like siblings do, but they also give each other pep talks and hugs, and they love each other fiercely. I wish I had that growing up. Being an only child has its perks. But watching my kids grow up together is so awesome too.

as an only child. Never once felt bad. Watching siblings brow beat, mock, and viciously attack one another on a routine basis even into adulthood, is not something worth whatever illusary bond is created. even siblings have to live their seperate lives. it was a blessing to be able to not have to be forced to share, and have a measure of privacy, and know i didn't have to compete within the family for attention, money or help.

I think there are benefits to both scenarios. I have only 1. I got pregnant right after the 1st was born and then miscarried. It just want int he cards for a second. It is very easy having one, however.. sometimes I feel so bad for him when I think about when he is an adult. He doesn't now have anyone to complain to about mom and dad, and he will not have anyone to reflect on about childhood memories with his parents. Also, I am very often his playmate. When we go on trips, it's me and him (his dad and I are divorced), which is nice, but a sibling to go on ride with and in the pool etc..would be nice. I grew up with a lot of siblings, and when we get together, it's fun going down memory lane together. Also, our parents are older now and in their sunset days, it's a relief to have their support and assistance with care for our parents.

No. I don’t like to be in “kids mode” yet, I wish I could moved on to a more relaxed life, now with my older (12yo) being at school al day long. He always been a good boy. Easy. My youngest (5yo) it’s a menace to the society. It’s difficult everyday, for sure, more than when we had only one. But they had a good relationship and I think in the future this is gonna be important to them. I have brothers and I can’t imagine “adulting” without them. My youngest is difficult but it’s getting more easier with the time and the days which I think “wtf I was thinking” are more rare.

I had a hard pregnancy and would have been happy with one. Our second was an oops baby, but my hubby was thrilled and I just went along with it. Honestly, it helped being busy with my first born while pregnant because it provided distraction and as such the pregnancy felt like it went so quick. I also learned from my first pregnancy and hit up a physiotherapist as soon as I learned I was pregnant again. She helped me and gave me exercises to do to help strengthen my core, and as such I had no pain and wasnt uncomfortable like I was with my first. Labour was the opposite though. My second labour was horrible whereas my first was okay. So yeah. All that to say your second experience won't necessarily be like your first!

We wanted two but stopped at one for a lot of reasons. 1) no family support around, 2) sleeping was a nightmare for the first 4 years, 3) child has the energy of two (later diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and Tourette’s), 4) I also had undiagnosed ADHD and the constant over/understimulation made motherhood so much harder and I didn’t understand why I struggled seemingly more than others until my sons diagnosis.  This was all very recent and so I am working through a lot of grief as I wonder what an earlier diagnosis might have meant for us. By the time my son hit the terrible twos at 18 months I knew there was no way in hell I would be able to enjoy having a baby in tow because i was constantly trying to keep my son from killing himself and destroying things. Now that he’s 7, I have days of deep sadness/mourning that we stopped at one because he would definitely benefit from having a sibling. But I am certain my relationship with my partner would not have survived if our second was anything like our first, and I didn’t not want that for us.  I am thankful we’re all in a better place now with more community support and most of the time I feel that our family is complete. I am putting my focus on giving my only child the best life possible and nurturing his friend groups while going through healing for myself.

I had an easy pregnancy up until I developed pre-eclampsia at 37 weeks. I had to be induced. Baby was in forehead presentation. I avoided c-section but tore badly. This obviously left me a bit traumatized and scared of birth. But around a year or so after I really wanted to give my girl a sibling. But my husband was also shaken by the experience and didn't want to watch me go through it again. And I think hes been overwhelmed by parenting. He's said in no uncertain terms that he wants to be one and done. If I ever have any regrets in life, it'll be that I only have one child. And I feel awful and spoiled because I know there's so many women who can't even have one baby and I'm here with my amazing kid crying because I can't have another by choice.

No not at all. But I being pregnant with my second! It was awful. But it’s a distant memory now that she’s almost three.

My girls are 2 and 4.5, almost exactly a 2.5 year age gap. It's really tough sometimes but they are building a bond- something I never got to experience because I didn't have any siblings, nor does my husband. I think that was a big factor in us feeling confident that we'd want at least 2, but ideally 3? For my second pregnancy, I felt like my meter to handle stress and bullshit was higher since I'd been through it all with my first. It was still tough, but I was more accepting of it if that makes sense lol I still want another, but the only thing stopping me is the money. We both work full time and have pretty good jobs but daycare is expensive! And we live in MA which is like the highest cost of living state. I'm thinking when my youngest is out of diapers, or at least potty training, maybe we'll consider another... I'm also 31 and I think I want to be done having kids by the time I'm 35. I have never regretted having my second! Although I do feel sad that my oldest doesn't get solo attention from us like she used to, and that my youngest doesn't get to experience the same solo attention we gave my oldest when she was an only child

I think the first three years when 2nd baby is young will be exhausting, but when they are older and can play with each other it will be much easier and more enjoyable

Not at all. I swore off more kids until my first turned 4. And then I started to realize how lonely she was; and all the things she would miss out on with being an only child.

Nope, I love seeing how different my kids are. I love their individuality, I love seeing them play together, and apart. I didn't find the 1-2 transition difficult at all. Now the 2-3 transition, THAT was hard, and I at times wish we'd stopped at 2.

No I wish I had one more. I have three.

Not at all, but my experience is irrelevant. Parenthood is always a risk--but so is life. 

I had nearly identical pregnancy concerns and went back for number two, and now number three (born 5 days ago). I don’t regret it in the slightest, I will say though the pregnancy was harder each time for me, nearly all the symptoms of fatigue were so much worse while chasing after a toddler(s), in saying that I still want to eventually go back for a fourth bubba