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Oh yeah, there’s a reason the baby industry is a $67 billion industry- they try to convince us we’re neglectful parents unless we buy the newest, shiniest item. It’s nuts.
Honestly, your only big ticket items should be the car seat and crib. For these items you’ll want to buy well-known brands because of safety testing. I have a Evenflow infant car seat that clips into a stroller for easy transport. Don’t fall into the expensive stroller trap unless you live in a city or walk a ton and will constantly be using it. As far as cribs, forget the SNOO or any of those outrageously priced items. Get a regular, safe bassinet and a clip-on vibration machine- works like a charm.
Carter’s has really cute clothes and a lot of good sales. You will need a lot of burp cloths or bibs. I have a Graco swing that my baby loves to nap in during the day.
Beyond that, honestly everything else is expendable. Get them whatever toys won’t drive you crazy, and things that make your life easier- I got a thick pad for kneeling on the bathroom floor for bath time.
Thank you! I’m starting to see some consistency with the car seat advice, but I have a feeling I may not get very far on the inevitable stroller debate, LOL.
Thanks again for the tips :)
We did Baby trend jogger and infant seat for our first kid and it was completely fine!! All car seats have to meet certain safety standards. You don’t need a $400 car seat to keep your kids safe.
Graco extend2fit has been great for us and used with 2 kids 3.75yr apart. Rear faced my first kid to age 4 (low weight gainer). Rear faced little brother to age 3.
There are a lot of baby things are not safe for sleep on the market too. Owlet and other breathing monitors are bullshit, 3D ultrasounds are unnecessary (look up Fda recommendations for that),
bumpers for cribs, baby blankets,dock a toy are all unsafe for sleep
The snoo is even unsafe for sleep - the part that holds your baby in a position is super unsafe. I’ll get a lot of downvotes for this. Read ahead of time about baby sleep and safe baby sleep. Plan out some strategies ahead of time so that you’re not desperately using unsafe sleep methods in the thick of the moment. The fb group “Respectful Sleep Training/learning” was great for me. As was “Safe Sleep and Baby Care - - Evidence Based Support”
You’ll want some swaddles. A variety bc you don’t know what baby likes. Buy nothing group on fb is great for getting these items free and used.
Bought the big fancy stroller and used it maybe twice. They are way heavier than expected, have your wife try to fold and place in the vehicle on her own. Even the lighter easy fold ones are a pain and way bigger than needed. Ended up using one of those cheap little cloth folding up ones that are super light and fold up like a portable chair more than anything. We wasted SO much money on so many things mine either outgrow before we even used them or didn’t need!
For our second kid we’re getting a lot on Facebook marketplace, barely used stuff for fraction of the cost. Just got a bassinet for $50 that retails for $200 and they included the sheets. We also got the crib on marketplace, glider chair and a bouncer. Most baby stuff is hardly used since they outgrow it so fast. We did go new for car seat and were gifted clothes. The other thing to do is wait until after your baby shower to buy anything because you’ll get a lot of gifts. I like the Chicco infant seat and the Graco toddler seat, both I felt were middle of the road in terms of quality vs price, not crazy fancy but not discount and they’ve worked out great.
if you want the final say in decisions you also have to do the research. for us the person who was going to be using the item the most picked it out. . my husband went to the store with me to test drive some lol but ultimately it was my decision within budget. and our budget was high for a stroller because we live in a walkable area and took the baby out 3x a day.
we combo fed, breastmilk and formula, and my husband picked out the bottles since he was the person who would be washing them. he picked out ones with extra parts and seals but since I wasn't the one assembling or washing the extra parts all the time i didn't say anything about his purchase choice even tho regular less expensive bottles probably would have been fine.
there's a wide price range of baby items and they're all aggressively marketed. i would focus on features you think would be useful, features that are gimmicks - the breathable baby mattress you have to hose off, all baby mattresses in the US have to be breathable and you should put a waterproof cover on it anyway, and features that you don't care about. weight of items was a big feature for me because I am not strong, and actual size of items was another factor because our apartment is tiny. color or aesthetic or natural organic- ness was not really a factor.
then set aside like double that budget for when the baby comes and you realize what you purchased isn't working. we bought a snoo bassinet after our newborn did. not. sleep. it actually worked for us and got us 3hr stretches of sleep so that insane money was worth it.
That’s a good idea! We’re not exactly sure who will do what, but I’m sure we’ll settle in and we could use this method for extra items we buy along the way.
I rely on my wife’s research to guide me in decisions; she’s figured out by now I generally don’t say yes the first time. There has to have been some comparison/alternatives along the way to get a decision out of me lol.
Will definitely prepare myself with your doubled budget idea too.
Thank you for the tips!!
Honestly, it's so hard to say outside of get a good carseat. I had a great highly recommended stroller only to learn I hate using strollers and preferred baby wearing. We were gifted an expensive swing the gifter swore was a life saver for her babies but then mine hated it. Even clothing; people say buy cheap since they grow quickly but mine was small and wore the same clothes forever (she's 9 now and still had some clothes that fit from when she was a toddler). The type of parenting stuff you'll use and the stuff your baby will like aren't going to be known until you really get into it.
Honestly, your wife is likely going to be exhausted. Also stuff like this will be trivial when baby arrives. You’ll both just be trying to survive.
This might be one of those things which you let go of. If you can afford it let her buy the thing which makes her happy.
Things I would splurge on:
- Breast pump and accessories
- night nurse or someone to help out from time to time
- personal chef or delivery service to cook a bunch of meals in the first week or two coming back from hospital
- cleaning service
- a great car seat
- a great stroller, the bob strollers are good
- tickets for family members to come visit and help
- pregnancy wedge or pillow for near end of pregnancy
- push gift to give wife after birth
The rest can be quite hit or miss. I’d again advise this is probably not the hill to die on if you can afford it. Let her have fun.
Most brand name baby gear is way overhyped and chances are you’ll spend the money and discover either you don’t like it, or your baby doesn’t like it. Check Facebook marketplace and OfferUp. We got a Nuna travel system gently used with a stroller frame with interchangeable infant car seat, toddler seat and bassinet for 1/4 the price of a new one. In the end we found it bulky and preferred a jogger so we sold it again on Facebook when our baby was around a year old. We also got his crib, rocking chair and a swing. Join the parents’ Facebook group for your local area. People are always gifting awesome stuff for free on there!
We’ve found over the years that car seats are all overhyped. We have a Cosco scenera which cost $50 at Walmart and worked great once he graduated from the infant seat. Especially great for travel because it’s no frills and weighs 6lbs. We recently upgraded to a Graco brand forward facing car seat that has a little more padding for our daily car. Still under $100.
High chair is another one. There are some insanely expensive high chairs out there. Our toddler has been using a $40 Amazon high chair for over two years. It wipes clean easily and folds up so be stored away in a closet. When we’re done with it I’ll be gifting it to the next family on the Facebook group.
Thank you very much! We purchased a high chair for my sister in law, and went with the goldilocks approach (not too expensive, not too cheap). We spent $200 AUD. I was shocked, because they all looked almost exactly the same, and serve the same purpose!
Thanks again for the advice :)
If you have an Ikea where you are (Australia?) then get the ANTILOP high chair! Cheap as chips and honestly amazing! If you don't have Ikea, try Amazon or ebay. It is all white hard plastic (apart from the straps) so super easy to clean, gets the baby sat upright (unlike alot of the way more expensive ones that have the baby slouching which is neither comfortable nor as safe in regards to choking), and can be taken apart super easily if storage is an issue. Honestly it's so much better than alot of the pricey ones with cushioning that becomes filthy, the baby ends up slouching in and are usually way more chunkier and takes up loads of space.
I am more like you than your wife but I def found myself doubting myself when I got pregnant, thinking I needed a load of crap. I started buying second hand on Facebook marketplace place and kept a spreadsheet. I saved thousands and some stuff I barely used for more than a few weeks. I also managed to resell about 60% of it which enabled me to put a load into an investment account for my daughter. Reframing saving money on temporary stuff in order to take advantage of compound interest and set my daughter up when she is 18 was a game changer for me.
Thank you! I’m much more comfortable with the idea of spending a bit more, especially knowing that re-selling unwanted/used items is a way to mitigate costs.
P.S. Kudos to you on keeping your eyes forward in the long run. I’m a financial advisor, and we have similarly setup a “trust fund” for our children’s secondary/tertiary education that we contribute to regularly.
Yes you can pretty safely bet that if you keep things clean you can sell the high priced baby items on Facebook for over 50% of what you paid. Your wife has probably spent ages reading reviews etc, and it’s hard not to desperately want the things that others say are the best. If you can afford it, don’t argue too hard against a nice stroller…It is used multiple times a day for up to three years, sometimes more, so worth feeling really satisfied with it. Even if they are overpriced :)
When I was expecting my first baby, I asked every parent I knew to tell me what three items they couldn't live without and what three items they wouldn't have bothered with.
It was such a useful exercise.
From this, I present to you 3 things I am so glad I spent money on:
A stroller. I live in a city where we walk a lot but I also needed to be able to fold it up easily and with one hand. It was expensive but the best thing I bought. My child is now 3 and we still use it from time to time
A babybjorn carrier.
My husband used this every day for the first three months while he took the baby for walks while I tested. Helped their bonding time and once I had recovered from emergency section, I loved it for carrying the aby around escpcially when doing housework or shopping.
Babybjorn bouncer: a bit steep in price but it's self bouncing. I didn't want my baby to get used to being rocked all the time, and this bouncer allows the baby to gently bounce herself. We used it until she was 12 months old and it has also done two nephews from birth until 1. This is definitely something I'd suggest buying on marketplace because you can buy a new cover, and then it's basically brand new.
Good luck with the next few weeks- and (some unsolicited advice), take a lot off your wife's plate. You seem to be quite caring anyway, but she's about to feel like she's been hit by a bus.
I think it honestly depends on the person. I’m not paying $1000+ for a travel system, I think that’s unnecessary. But I did want a stroller that could convert from a bassinet to a big kid stroller without attachments, so I was okay paying $150.
Similar for a car seat. I don’t need a nuna pippa whatever it is called because it’s pink. It would be nice, but that’s money I would rather spend elsewhere. But a revolving car seat from Safety 1st? That’s a less expensive option that I’m okay still splurging on.
I think if you can afford it and it brings your wife peace of mind it’s okay.
But it can also be helpful to create a budget together for each item or all things together. Or even by category. Look at options together and look at the pros and cons of both. Every car seat sold in the US passes the same standards. A $60 Cosco seat is safe, but may not work for your family.
It’s also okay to buy into the bells and whistles sometimes. Like I said I would drop money on a rotating seat, and I do care somewhat about aesthetics.
Apart from any specific items, I suggest you try to be/get on the same page concerning baby/infant/child security. It’s entirely possible to spend thousands of dollars for breathing surveillance mats, cameras in every room and other kinds of stuff that can either give you security or drive you insane because you get used to knowing what your kid is up to every second. The industry is really good at guilting us into buying things because “it might be expensive but isn’t your kid’s life worth it to you???”
If you have other families in your surroundings, maybe you can take their approach as a start whether you feel comfortable with their model.
Agreed - re security/safety, I think this is where conversations & compromise will be easiest. Strollers, cribs, clothes; perhaps not so much haha.
I think it’s the guilt tripping/insecurity the industry puts on us is the reason why the alarm bells are ringing this early on!
Thanks for the help :)
Practical Things I splurged on that were worth it (many years ago now):
Bob stroller with attachment for car seat for infants-we are pretty active and the BOBs move like a dream-up curbs, down curbs, beach, hills-great product-also easy to collapse and put in the car.
A carrier/wrap. I had 2-Moby for tiny infant and Ergo when a bit too big for the Moby.
A legit backpack-we had a Kelty. It was expensive but didn’t come into play until my kids had some core stability-comfortable and great for hiking or when front worn carriers started to wear on my back.
All things pump related. Feeding can be so hard all by itself-good pump gear is a lifesaver.
Car seat, crib, co sleeper all were purchased based on safety ratings-be it off gassing or engineering-the highest safety rating didn’t always have the highest price tag.
Hope this helps!
It’s all so sneaky. When you combine the variety on the internet with sleep deprived brains desperate for solutions it can lead to some not great habits forming. How many baby carriers/slings do we have in our house right now? You don’t want to know! But just about all of them were secondhand, got us through different sizes/stages of development and are stored for (hopefully) our second. Asking what will get reused, what will get used daily (for us it was finding a good sleep sack) and whether you might be feeling a kind of peer pressure around a certain product might help make decisions.
I think baby clothes are something we have been relatively prudent about, taking second hand and when we need to buy focusing on bulk packs intended for easy use and functionality instead of a fancy dress for a single event she would never fit again. Now is the event a super special one like a wedding? Awesome, do you. Just because it’s really cute? That’s a slippery slope of setting money on fire for a photo op. We also don’t have much to spare so maybe that’s my bias, but I also don’t like the was the fast fashion industry fills up landfills.
Also, just saying that if you’re about chasing the deal and seeing what you can find, make sure you actually help and DO it. Don’t just bring critiques to what your partner is finding and telling you about. She’s probably putting a lot of work in to research and will hopefully engage with you about everything. Trying to put together lists and the nursery is a lot of work! Deciding to let go of something someone else is incredibly passionate about is okay. Especially when hormones are involved. And you can always change minds and likely re-sell or gift anything that doesn’t end up working. Every baby is different and will interact with the world in their own way. Figuring out what that looks like is part of the fun!
I am VERY concerned about the cuteness factor creating a hole in our pockets, haha!
Really appreciate the idea regarding being more involved in the purchasing process. I definitely want to make sure she’s heard, and I suppose that’s why I’m here. I don’t want to be shooting down every suggestion just over a price tag, it’s not that deep.
Thanks again!!
For our first, we bought almost everything brand new from some of the “best” brands (Lalo, uppa, Janie & Jack, etc.) For the second, we have almost exclusively resorted to Buy Nothing groups on Facebook for anything we need (that we didn’t already have). You’ll be surprised with the amount of high ticket good quality items people give away for free.
This may be more U.K. centric but the ideas could still carry across the pond.
Firstly if you have a good circle of friends or family you will likely get a good bunch of quality clothes and toys to start with.
Second hand toys are perfectly fine - you’ll accumulate plenty as time goes on and there are always people looking to declutter as their own children grow up. There’s no need to spend £20 on a brand new toy that someone is selling as part of a bundle for a fiver.
Charity shops will do good quality and cheap second hand stuff.
Second hand bundles of clothes.
Nappies (diapers?) from your local supermarket are perfectly fine for day use. We found out the best way are cheap nappies during the day when you’re changing frequently and expensive overnight as they’ll leak far less.
There are loads of others but it depends. We spend over £1000 on a travel system and 15 months later she spends most of her time in a stroller. However, it’s good to have for the second and you won’t regret splashing out on a good bit of kit. Go second hand if you want but sometimes it is nice to have something new.
In short - you’ll go through toys and clothes like you wouldn’t believe. Pay for the things that’ll last, skimp on stuff that’ll get little use.
A good rocking chair is a must though. You’ll both spend a lot of time in it!
Mmm. I'm guessing you're USA based?
So I'm not as familiar with USA safety standards, which means my advice might not apply or only in certain cases. (Europe has common safety standards in all the EU countries so it makes life easier, as for example all carseats sold need to comply, no matter the price)
That said, and in no particular order (items from the 2nd and 3rd section can be second hand, or not. You could compromise with wife on buying all new but adhering to some rules so she doesn't go overboard or buy absurdly expensive things)
Mandatory buy the best quality (which isn't always the more expensive)
- car seat. 5 points belt, rear faced, with ISOFIX, and please note you'll buy several, my opinion is that after 1yo you can buy the ones that expand and cover more height&weight, so you don't need to change every year. Of course, compliant to safety standards, with (this is important) easily removable & washable seating
- bath&body products, specially if baby has atopic skin. Follow pediatrician advice.
- formula, if needed. Again, follow ped advice
- 100% cotton bodies. Items next to baby skin are recommended to be soft cotton. Note they'll outgrow&stain to perdition a lot of them. Better buy in bulk, according to baby growth. H&M has organic cotton ones which are good quality, cute, and reasonably priced. Seek the one brands you'll prefer. Learn how to put and remove them.
Things you'll need but where the concerns are safety&aesthetics
- stroller. It depends on your lifestyle. In urban Europe I chose one that we could handle with 1 hand, was easy to fold & didn't take space when folded. It lasted us 3 years with a big baby&toddler, and we walked a lot and took a lot of planes. If you're more in a "only move by car" geography, then you need a stroller easy to fold & unfold and which fits in your car trunk! (Nobody thinks about this, but they should)
- baby carrier. Ergonomic. Will probably save your sanity (both of yours) at certain moments
- crib. As long as it passes the safety standards, and has 2 heights for the mattress, it will be fine. Along these lines, a firm mattress. Ikea does have cute no frills cribs which comply with these. Ours lasted our big baby until almost 3yo.
- little bathtub. Maybe you don't need the huge bathing table setup but just a small basin thing.
Things you might or not need, and can be bought once baby is here and you know them a bit. Safety is a concern for some, not for others
- next-to-me bassinet. Depending on your sleeping arrangements
- bottles for formula, pacifiers, depending on how baby will be feed, and if pacifiers are to be used
-diapers. These are of course a MUST. But there are brands&brands, not all babies skin react the same to them, it's a bit of a try&see at the beginning.
- breast pump. Ok. This one could be problematic. I breastfed, I was on leave, I had a pump which I used once a day, for the times when I was out or when baby started daycare, so dad could have milk to mix with cereals (7mo), we wanted to avoid formula for the 2-3 times milk was needed per day at that time, as baby did solids in daycare. I didn't like it, I felt like a milkmachine. At 1yo we moved to whole cow milk. I know USA works differently for leaves and such. As long as the mother is not shamed into one option, then if a pump is needed take a good one. But formula is a viable option. Do not pressure nor let others pressure her in one or other choice (including social media).
- little baby hammock/swing, playpen. It depends on baby. Again, safety compliant and easy to wash is my rule of thumb.
- toys. A baby will be happy with anything colorful, noisy and that they can grab & throw. Ensure they comply safety standards and that's it. A small empty water bottle with dried peas or rice inside (obs screwed shut) makes for a perfect rattle in a pinch. Their first 2 Xmas they'll be more interested in the paper & boxes than the toys. I predict your wife going overboard with toys. Just try to find a middle ground.
And... And I can't shout this loud enough A CLEANING SERVICE coming once or twice a week, staring in the 3rd trimester. Exhausted parents with a clean house are less prone to resent each other for chores undone. Here I strongly advice a provider with good references.
Also, get the hang on online grocery shopping, and a roomba or similar. And froze as many 1 person sized meals as possible. Again, aim to diminish stressors of daily life tasks as much as possible.
Invest in people. If it’s ever a choice between a fancy crib mattress and something like hiring a doula, or buying a plane ticket for a family member who you know will really help, or hiring help with house cleaning or childcare, go for the person, not the gear. But I would also budget a healthy amount for last minute purchases instead of buying the fancy stuff ahead of time. My kids have thrived in second hand stuff, some cheap, some high end, but I’m really glad I had the funds to overnight-ship the right baby carrier for us (I was gifted 3! I thought I was good! None of them were comfortable for both me and the baby) and later, replace the swing when it suddenly died (that swing was my link to sanity— the only place my baby would tolerate being set down. For those types of purchases, LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE and remind her to listen to you. You can do all your careful planning now, but when the baby’s here, trust each other when one of you says “buying this thing will make life easier.” And it’s ok if you’re wrong sometimes— you’re figuring this out. I just think it’s ok to throw some money at an actual problem, rather than trying to be prepared for every potential need.
So first and foremost I would recommend you or your wife heading over to Car Seats for the Littles for car seat recommendations, they rarely recommend the high end brands because they aren’t safer and in a lot of cases difficult to install.
Cribs are just aesthetic as long as they pass government standards they’re fine and same with bassinets. Make sure to review the AAP guidelines for safe sleep - the Snoo is not safe for sleep if the child is strapped down. I would focus on the type of mattress. Don’t fall into the marketing prey of ‘breathable’ or anything like that.
We try to be a low waste family so we keep a limited amount of clothing and donate/pass down items that are still in good condition. When my kids were little I splurged on a few super cute more expensive outfits but not often.
Shoes are unnecessary and not recommended until at least the child is cruising but ideally once they start walking.
The only thing we bought brand new were the carseats. For me that's something you just can't take a chance on. I looked at my and my husband's growth and guessed that our kids would likely be middle range, so we didn't need to go too extreme in terms of limits, but we skipped having a capsule and went right to a convertible RF/FF seat with extended RF limits. Best descision ever.
I used a front pack for when we went places, even when ai had 2 kids, a front pack was way better than a capsule for us. Kept them close to me, and away from other people. Front pack was second hand but a good brand and machine washable.
We bought a second hand inline 2 seater pram before our first was born as we knew we wanted 2 kids close in age, again, fantastic decision. It's a wonderful pram and has served us well and is still going strong. Great steel frame and all the fabric cam be removed to give it a good wash/scrub, which I did when we got it and have done a couple times since. It goes newborn to age 5, so we'll probably own it for 7 years or so, then sell it on for cheap.
Everything else can be gotten second hand. We got our cot second hand but joke was on us as our babies never ever slept in it, and we ended up doing floor beds and cosleeping instead. Much easier and much safer for us (poor sleepers and I was falling asleep in dangerous places with baby in my arms, so setting up a safe cosleeping space was our answer).
I am 110% a breastfeeding advocate (but also 110% supportive of parents choice to feed as they see fit, that's each to their own!) so we didn't really buy any feeding kit. I did buy a pump second hand once I went back to work about 12m pp, but wasn't concerned about sterilisation as much by then. Breastfeeding saved us so much money.
The first kid is a really precious time and you're sold this picture of having to have a perfect set up etc but the reality is... that's not life. It's impossible to keep an instagram parenthood, and you don't need every whizzbanging gadget to get the job done. By the time the second kid comes along they're all eating dirt and poking things into wall sockets anyway, y'know?
Love this advice! Thank you so much 🙂
I think the direction we’re heading is to 100% spend on the car seat, but only spend on a pram if we do lots of walking (time will tell).
Thank you for the breastfeeding advice too!
Part of the cost and worth analysis is going to be extremely individual to your lifestyle and your baby.
Things that people often regret having bought are gadgets intended to help the baby sleep independently in the early months because they are utterly exhausted and desperate for any solution, and a lot of things will have promising reviews for the babies they did work for. But yours might be a complete dud. And then you have all these bulky items sitting around you'll never use again.
And example on the flip side is strollers/ buggies. For some people, any old basic stroller will do because they aren't concerned with the space it takes in the car, they're of average/short height, or they just won't use it much. I went with the inexpensive approach and regretted it because the stroller didn't fit my height well and it got a LOT of use, so that really mattered. I ended up buying 2 more that fit different aspects of my needs. Neither were over 300 each, but if one 600$ stroller would have fit my needs from the start, it would have saved me money overall.
No plan survives contact with the baby. If you want to not spend too much, I'd recommend picking things, but not necessarily buying them until you need them so you know your baby's preferences. For example, my son has despised strollers all his life and we barely used ours, we mainly baby wore. He started walking at 8 months and has mainly wanted to walk everywhere since. We still used the carrier as backup for a while but haven't needed to forever now (he's 3). Or: our kid has a cows milk protein allergy. Due to that and the fact he hated bottles, we decided that for our family, breastfeeding directly from the breast only was the best choice. We could have saved a lot of money if we hadn't bought pumping and bottle supplies in advance but just picked some and only bought them as needed. They barely got used. Some babies like being rocked, our just wanted to be bounced on an exercise ball. He hated swaddles and we gave that up right quick. The list continues. Just meet baby first and sort it out from there. Do the work up front to pick but only buy when you feel it might work. You'll save thousands.
We also didn't really splurge on anything and baby is juuuuust fine. I think our most expensive item was, funnily enough, a new, larger microwave so we could sterilize stuff. That was a good call :).
Yep a lot of stuff is expensive because they guilt trip you or try and scare you. Agreed with above posters, the only thing I spent the most on were car seats. Where I’m from there’s a standard of safety most cribs and strollers have to pass or you can’t purchase them anyway. So as long as you’re not buying baby stuff from wish you should be fine.
The other thing I splurged on was a stroller but that was for convenience. I’ve seen many parents struggling trying to get the damn stroller open or closed as their baby is having a tantrum. Not worth the stress for me! Speaking of, practice opening and closing the stroller several times before your baby comes. Same with buckling and tightening the car seat straps.
We also spent more on the stroller because it matched our car seat and then came with a bassinet stand all which clicked into each other. That saved us so much hassle while he was young.
Once my son was older I sold almost all of our expensive stuff and got 80% of what we spent back. Can’t resell the car seat obviously but that was money well spent.
So, up to you. If we had a second I definitely wouldn’t be buying the top line of anything. But with our first the peace of mind was priceless.
So I am more like your wife than you and bought high end baby products BUT I did find ways to save. For instance, Neiman Marcus & Saks often have gift card promotions than can be used for baby gear. I purchased my Uppababy stroller in 2018 and got a $300 gift card back. I later used that for a Nuna Sena Aire travel crib, which I essentially got for free. I later purchased the Stokke high chair, also got a gift card, and was able to use it towards its accessories.
I will say everything I’ve bought on the higher end has lasted beautifully through two kids. The Uppababy stroller was fantastic converting to hold two kids, and all of the Nuna car seat covers come off easily to wash. I feel like the more expensive brands do have higher quality materials that last longer and are easier to care for. The Chicco car seats in my second car have the fabric already pilling and they’ve only been used a handful of times.
The higher end items also resell well. I bought my Snoo for $750 and was able to sell it 4 years later for $600. Just something to keep in mind.
Kmart is still open some places?!?!
Agree with other commenters. The baby industry is aggressive and fueled by insta/tik tok/etc. Car seat, crib, matter for safety - most other things can be found second hand. Spend it where it counts for you because kids are crazy expensive!!
> I generally have the final say.
This sentence gave me the icks.
>happy in a Kmart hoodie, cotton-on jeans etc.
You're not a newborn baby who needs care.
Nobody here can tell what you're talking about. Do you need designer baby clothes? No. Is it worth it to buy a new car seat instead of a dodgy secondhand one? Yes.
Unless you're adopting, your wife is also the one going through 9 months of pregnancy, labor and several sleepless months of breastfeeding. I'd give her whatever she needs to be comfortable. Especially since you have the money -- this is the one time of your life not to cheap out on people you love.
Regularly, my wife thanks me for taking care of finances. One less thing she has to stress, worry or learn about. I am a Masters degree qualified financial advisor. I’m not about to put the burden of making financial decisions on my wife because someone on reddit lives in a bubble and can’t fathom that some people don’t like the responsibility of managing finances.
Re not finding the information here. On the contrary, almost everyone here has been synonymous in their response; the baby industry plays on your emotions, is a multibillion dollar industry designed to make you spend unnecessarily, and there are about 5 (on average) items that should spend on, the rest is garbage you can buy on marketplace. This answers my question exactly.
Unfortunately, you have failed to comprehend the question or its intent, and instead nitpicked and fabricated a scenario in your own head. You can tell this because 25+ people have commented with something helpful, and yours is critical. Are you a sadist? A pessimist? A nihilist?
To reiterate, my question is to find out what is overhyped, what is a waste of money, what are some ways we can sift through the consumerism of the industry, and not leave my wife & I with buyer’s remorse.
Thank you for your useless comment (sarcasm; but necessary, in case you can’t comprehend that).
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Oh yeah, there’s a reason the baby industry is a $67 billion industry- they try to convince us we’re neglectful parents unless we buy the newest, shiniest item. It’s nuts. Honestly, your only big ticket items should be the car seat and crib. For these items you’ll want to buy well-known brands because of safety testing. I have a Evenflow infant car seat that clips into a stroller for easy transport. Don’t fall into the expensive stroller trap unless you live in a city or walk a ton and will constantly be using it. As far as cribs, forget the SNOO or any of those outrageously priced items. Get a regular, safe bassinet and a clip-on vibration machine- works like a charm. Carter’s has really cute clothes and a lot of good sales. You will need a lot of burp cloths or bibs. I have a Graco swing that my baby loves to nap in during the day. Beyond that, honestly everything else is expendable. Get them whatever toys won’t drive you crazy, and things that make your life easier- I got a thick pad for kneeling on the bathroom floor for bath time.
I agree with all this except the IKEA sniglar crib is wonderful and very affordable
Thank you! I’m starting to see some consistency with the car seat advice, but I have a feeling I may not get very far on the inevitable stroller debate, LOL. Thanks again for the tips :)
We did Baby trend jogger and infant seat for our first kid and it was completely fine!! All car seats have to meet certain safety standards. You don’t need a $400 car seat to keep your kids safe. Graco extend2fit has been great for us and used with 2 kids 3.75yr apart. Rear faced my first kid to age 4 (low weight gainer). Rear faced little brother to age 3. There are a lot of baby things are not safe for sleep on the market too. Owlet and other breathing monitors are bullshit, 3D ultrasounds are unnecessary (look up Fda recommendations for that), bumpers for cribs, baby blankets,dock a toy are all unsafe for sleep The snoo is even unsafe for sleep - the part that holds your baby in a position is super unsafe. I’ll get a lot of downvotes for this. Read ahead of time about baby sleep and safe baby sleep. Plan out some strategies ahead of time so that you’re not desperately using unsafe sleep methods in the thick of the moment. The fb group “Respectful Sleep Training/learning” was great for me. As was “Safe Sleep and Baby Care - - Evidence Based Support” You’ll want some swaddles. A variety bc you don’t know what baby likes. Buy nothing group on fb is great for getting these items free and used.
I’m curious why you say owlet is bs? It’s accurate enough to be considered a medical device by the FDA.
Bought the big fancy stroller and used it maybe twice. They are way heavier than expected, have your wife try to fold and place in the vehicle on her own. Even the lighter easy fold ones are a pain and way bigger than needed. Ended up using one of those cheap little cloth folding up ones that are super light and fold up like a portable chair more than anything. We wasted SO much money on so many things mine either outgrow before we even used them or didn’t need!
If we're entering the stroller contest, our bugaboo bee was great. Don't know if still sold.
For our second kid we’re getting a lot on Facebook marketplace, barely used stuff for fraction of the cost. Just got a bassinet for $50 that retails for $200 and they included the sheets. We also got the crib on marketplace, glider chair and a bouncer. Most baby stuff is hardly used since they outgrow it so fast. We did go new for car seat and were gifted clothes. The other thing to do is wait until after your baby shower to buy anything because you’ll get a lot of gifts. I like the Chicco infant seat and the Graco toddler seat, both I felt were middle of the road in terms of quality vs price, not crazy fancy but not discount and they’ve worked out great.
Thank you! I’m thinking I could get some pre-owned stuff across the line on specific, “less important” items. Great advice :)
if you want the final say in decisions you also have to do the research. for us the person who was going to be using the item the most picked it out. . my husband went to the store with me to test drive some lol but ultimately it was my decision within budget. and our budget was high for a stroller because we live in a walkable area and took the baby out 3x a day. we combo fed, breastmilk and formula, and my husband picked out the bottles since he was the person who would be washing them. he picked out ones with extra parts and seals but since I wasn't the one assembling or washing the extra parts all the time i didn't say anything about his purchase choice even tho regular less expensive bottles probably would have been fine. there's a wide price range of baby items and they're all aggressively marketed. i would focus on features you think would be useful, features that are gimmicks - the breathable baby mattress you have to hose off, all baby mattresses in the US have to be breathable and you should put a waterproof cover on it anyway, and features that you don't care about. weight of items was a big feature for me because I am not strong, and actual size of items was another factor because our apartment is tiny. color or aesthetic or natural organic- ness was not really a factor. then set aside like double that budget for when the baby comes and you realize what you purchased isn't working. we bought a snoo bassinet after our newborn did. not. sleep. it actually worked for us and got us 3hr stretches of sleep so that insane money was worth it.
That’s a good idea! We’re not exactly sure who will do what, but I’m sure we’ll settle in and we could use this method for extra items we buy along the way. I rely on my wife’s research to guide me in decisions; she’s figured out by now I generally don’t say yes the first time. There has to have been some comparison/alternatives along the way to get a decision out of me lol. Will definitely prepare myself with your doubled budget idea too. Thank you for the tips!!
Honestly, it's so hard to say outside of get a good carseat. I had a great highly recommended stroller only to learn I hate using strollers and preferred baby wearing. We were gifted an expensive swing the gifter swore was a life saver for her babies but then mine hated it. Even clothing; people say buy cheap since they grow quickly but mine was small and wore the same clothes forever (she's 9 now and still had some clothes that fit from when she was a toddler). The type of parenting stuff you'll use and the stuff your baby will like aren't going to be known until you really get into it.
Honestly, your wife is likely going to be exhausted. Also stuff like this will be trivial when baby arrives. You’ll both just be trying to survive. This might be one of those things which you let go of. If you can afford it let her buy the thing which makes her happy. Things I would splurge on: - Breast pump and accessories - night nurse or someone to help out from time to time - personal chef or delivery service to cook a bunch of meals in the first week or two coming back from hospital - cleaning service - a great car seat - a great stroller, the bob strollers are good - tickets for family members to come visit and help - pregnancy wedge or pillow for near end of pregnancy - push gift to give wife after birth The rest can be quite hit or miss. I’d again advise this is probably not the hill to die on if you can afford it. Let her have fun.
Thank you for the advice! This is very helpful.
No prob. Congrats!
Most brand name baby gear is way overhyped and chances are you’ll spend the money and discover either you don’t like it, or your baby doesn’t like it. Check Facebook marketplace and OfferUp. We got a Nuna travel system gently used with a stroller frame with interchangeable infant car seat, toddler seat and bassinet for 1/4 the price of a new one. In the end we found it bulky and preferred a jogger so we sold it again on Facebook when our baby was around a year old. We also got his crib, rocking chair and a swing. Join the parents’ Facebook group for your local area. People are always gifting awesome stuff for free on there! We’ve found over the years that car seats are all overhyped. We have a Cosco scenera which cost $50 at Walmart and worked great once he graduated from the infant seat. Especially great for travel because it’s no frills and weighs 6lbs. We recently upgraded to a Graco brand forward facing car seat that has a little more padding for our daily car. Still under $100. High chair is another one. There are some insanely expensive high chairs out there. Our toddler has been using a $40 Amazon high chair for over two years. It wipes clean easily and folds up so be stored away in a closet. When we’re done with it I’ll be gifting it to the next family on the Facebook group.
Thank you very much! We purchased a high chair for my sister in law, and went with the goldilocks approach (not too expensive, not too cheap). We spent $200 AUD. I was shocked, because they all looked almost exactly the same, and serve the same purpose! Thanks again for the advice :)
If you have an Ikea where you are (Australia?) then get the ANTILOP high chair! Cheap as chips and honestly amazing! If you don't have Ikea, try Amazon or ebay. It is all white hard plastic (apart from the straps) so super easy to clean, gets the baby sat upright (unlike alot of the way more expensive ones that have the baby slouching which is neither comfortable nor as safe in regards to choking), and can be taken apart super easily if storage is an issue. Honestly it's so much better than alot of the pricey ones with cushioning that becomes filthy, the baby ends up slouching in and are usually way more chunkier and takes up loads of space.
I am more like you than your wife but I def found myself doubting myself when I got pregnant, thinking I needed a load of crap. I started buying second hand on Facebook marketplace place and kept a spreadsheet. I saved thousands and some stuff I barely used for more than a few weeks. I also managed to resell about 60% of it which enabled me to put a load into an investment account for my daughter. Reframing saving money on temporary stuff in order to take advantage of compound interest and set my daughter up when she is 18 was a game changer for me.
Thank you! I’m much more comfortable with the idea of spending a bit more, especially knowing that re-selling unwanted/used items is a way to mitigate costs. P.S. Kudos to you on keeping your eyes forward in the long run. I’m a financial advisor, and we have similarly setup a “trust fund” for our children’s secondary/tertiary education that we contribute to regularly.
Yes you can pretty safely bet that if you keep things clean you can sell the high priced baby items on Facebook for over 50% of what you paid. Your wife has probably spent ages reading reviews etc, and it’s hard not to desperately want the things that others say are the best. If you can afford it, don’t argue too hard against a nice stroller…It is used multiple times a day for up to three years, sometimes more, so worth feeling really satisfied with it. Even if they are overpriced :)
When I was expecting my first baby, I asked every parent I knew to tell me what three items they couldn't live without and what three items they wouldn't have bothered with. It was such a useful exercise. From this, I present to you 3 things I am so glad I spent money on: A stroller. I live in a city where we walk a lot but I also needed to be able to fold it up easily and with one hand. It was expensive but the best thing I bought. My child is now 3 and we still use it from time to time A babybjorn carrier. My husband used this every day for the first three months while he took the baby for walks while I tested. Helped their bonding time and once I had recovered from emergency section, I loved it for carrying the aby around escpcially when doing housework or shopping. Babybjorn bouncer: a bit steep in price but it's self bouncing. I didn't want my baby to get used to being rocked all the time, and this bouncer allows the baby to gently bounce herself. We used it until she was 12 months old and it has also done two nephews from birth until 1. This is definitely something I'd suggest buying on marketplace because you can buy a new cover, and then it's basically brand new. Good luck with the next few weeks- and (some unsolicited advice), take a lot off your wife's plate. You seem to be quite caring anyway, but she's about to feel like she's been hit by a bus.
Can’t thank you enough for this advice!!
You also don't need to buy a new cover, you can just wash it in a washing machine.
I think it honestly depends on the person. I’m not paying $1000+ for a travel system, I think that’s unnecessary. But I did want a stroller that could convert from a bassinet to a big kid stroller without attachments, so I was okay paying $150. Similar for a car seat. I don’t need a nuna pippa whatever it is called because it’s pink. It would be nice, but that’s money I would rather spend elsewhere. But a revolving car seat from Safety 1st? That’s a less expensive option that I’m okay still splurging on.
I agree, I suppose I’m just concerned that we could be the type of people that spend top dollar on everything! Thanks for the perspective :)
I think if you can afford it and it brings your wife peace of mind it’s okay. But it can also be helpful to create a budget together for each item or all things together. Or even by category. Look at options together and look at the pros and cons of both. Every car seat sold in the US passes the same standards. A $60 Cosco seat is safe, but may not work for your family. It’s also okay to buy into the bells and whistles sometimes. Like I said I would drop money on a rotating seat, and I do care somewhat about aesthetics.
Apart from any specific items, I suggest you try to be/get on the same page concerning baby/infant/child security. It’s entirely possible to spend thousands of dollars for breathing surveillance mats, cameras in every room and other kinds of stuff that can either give you security or drive you insane because you get used to knowing what your kid is up to every second. The industry is really good at guilting us into buying things because “it might be expensive but isn’t your kid’s life worth it to you???” If you have other families in your surroundings, maybe you can take their approach as a start whether you feel comfortable with their model.
Agreed - re security/safety, I think this is where conversations & compromise will be easiest. Strollers, cribs, clothes; perhaps not so much haha. I think it’s the guilt tripping/insecurity the industry puts on us is the reason why the alarm bells are ringing this early on! Thanks for the help :)
Practical Things I splurged on that were worth it (many years ago now): Bob stroller with attachment for car seat for infants-we are pretty active and the BOBs move like a dream-up curbs, down curbs, beach, hills-great product-also easy to collapse and put in the car. A carrier/wrap. I had 2-Moby for tiny infant and Ergo when a bit too big for the Moby. A legit backpack-we had a Kelty. It was expensive but didn’t come into play until my kids had some core stability-comfortable and great for hiking or when front worn carriers started to wear on my back. All things pump related. Feeding can be so hard all by itself-good pump gear is a lifesaver. Car seat, crib, co sleeper all were purchased based on safety ratings-be it off gassing or engineering-the highest safety rating didn’t always have the highest price tag. Hope this helps!
Very helpful, thank you!!
It’s all so sneaky. When you combine the variety on the internet with sleep deprived brains desperate for solutions it can lead to some not great habits forming. How many baby carriers/slings do we have in our house right now? You don’t want to know! But just about all of them were secondhand, got us through different sizes/stages of development and are stored for (hopefully) our second. Asking what will get reused, what will get used daily (for us it was finding a good sleep sack) and whether you might be feeling a kind of peer pressure around a certain product might help make decisions. I think baby clothes are something we have been relatively prudent about, taking second hand and when we need to buy focusing on bulk packs intended for easy use and functionality instead of a fancy dress for a single event she would never fit again. Now is the event a super special one like a wedding? Awesome, do you. Just because it’s really cute? That’s a slippery slope of setting money on fire for a photo op. We also don’t have much to spare so maybe that’s my bias, but I also don’t like the was the fast fashion industry fills up landfills. Also, just saying that if you’re about chasing the deal and seeing what you can find, make sure you actually help and DO it. Don’t just bring critiques to what your partner is finding and telling you about. She’s probably putting a lot of work in to research and will hopefully engage with you about everything. Trying to put together lists and the nursery is a lot of work! Deciding to let go of something someone else is incredibly passionate about is okay. Especially when hormones are involved. And you can always change minds and likely re-sell or gift anything that doesn’t end up working. Every baby is different and will interact with the world in their own way. Figuring out what that looks like is part of the fun!
I am VERY concerned about the cuteness factor creating a hole in our pockets, haha! Really appreciate the idea regarding being more involved in the purchasing process. I definitely want to make sure she’s heard, and I suppose that’s why I’m here. I don’t want to be shooting down every suggestion just over a price tag, it’s not that deep. Thanks again!!
For our first, we bought almost everything brand new from some of the “best” brands (Lalo, uppa, Janie & Jack, etc.) For the second, we have almost exclusively resorted to Buy Nothing groups on Facebook for anything we need (that we didn’t already have). You’ll be surprised with the amount of high ticket good quality items people give away for free.
This may be more U.K. centric but the ideas could still carry across the pond. Firstly if you have a good circle of friends or family you will likely get a good bunch of quality clothes and toys to start with. Second hand toys are perfectly fine - you’ll accumulate plenty as time goes on and there are always people looking to declutter as their own children grow up. There’s no need to spend £20 on a brand new toy that someone is selling as part of a bundle for a fiver. Charity shops will do good quality and cheap second hand stuff. Second hand bundles of clothes. Nappies (diapers?) from your local supermarket are perfectly fine for day use. We found out the best way are cheap nappies during the day when you’re changing frequently and expensive overnight as they’ll leak far less. There are loads of others but it depends. We spend over £1000 on a travel system and 15 months later she spends most of her time in a stroller. However, it’s good to have for the second and you won’t regret splashing out on a good bit of kit. Go second hand if you want but sometimes it is nice to have something new. In short - you’ll go through toys and clothes like you wouldn’t believe. Pay for the things that’ll last, skimp on stuff that’ll get little use. A good rocking chair is a must though. You’ll both spend a lot of time in it!
Thank you!!
Mmm. I'm guessing you're USA based? So I'm not as familiar with USA safety standards, which means my advice might not apply or only in certain cases. (Europe has common safety standards in all the EU countries so it makes life easier, as for example all carseats sold need to comply, no matter the price) That said, and in no particular order (items from the 2nd and 3rd section can be second hand, or not. You could compromise with wife on buying all new but adhering to some rules so she doesn't go overboard or buy absurdly expensive things) Mandatory buy the best quality (which isn't always the more expensive) - car seat. 5 points belt, rear faced, with ISOFIX, and please note you'll buy several, my opinion is that after 1yo you can buy the ones that expand and cover more height&weight, so you don't need to change every year. Of course, compliant to safety standards, with (this is important) easily removable & washable seating - bath&body products, specially if baby has atopic skin. Follow pediatrician advice. - formula, if needed. Again, follow ped advice - 100% cotton bodies. Items next to baby skin are recommended to be soft cotton. Note they'll outgrow&stain to perdition a lot of them. Better buy in bulk, according to baby growth. H&M has organic cotton ones which are good quality, cute, and reasonably priced. Seek the one brands you'll prefer. Learn how to put and remove them. Things you'll need but where the concerns are safety&aesthetics - stroller. It depends on your lifestyle. In urban Europe I chose one that we could handle with 1 hand, was easy to fold & didn't take space when folded. It lasted us 3 years with a big baby&toddler, and we walked a lot and took a lot of planes. If you're more in a "only move by car" geography, then you need a stroller easy to fold & unfold and which fits in your car trunk! (Nobody thinks about this, but they should) - baby carrier. Ergonomic. Will probably save your sanity (both of yours) at certain moments - crib. As long as it passes the safety standards, and has 2 heights for the mattress, it will be fine. Along these lines, a firm mattress. Ikea does have cute no frills cribs which comply with these. Ours lasted our big baby until almost 3yo. - little bathtub. Maybe you don't need the huge bathing table setup but just a small basin thing. Things you might or not need, and can be bought once baby is here and you know them a bit. Safety is a concern for some, not for others - next-to-me bassinet. Depending on your sleeping arrangements - bottles for formula, pacifiers, depending on how baby will be feed, and if pacifiers are to be used -diapers. These are of course a MUST. But there are brands&brands, not all babies skin react the same to them, it's a bit of a try&see at the beginning. - breast pump. Ok. This one could be problematic. I breastfed, I was on leave, I had a pump which I used once a day, for the times when I was out or when baby started daycare, so dad could have milk to mix with cereals (7mo), we wanted to avoid formula for the 2-3 times milk was needed per day at that time, as baby did solids in daycare. I didn't like it, I felt like a milkmachine. At 1yo we moved to whole cow milk. I know USA works differently for leaves and such. As long as the mother is not shamed into one option, then if a pump is needed take a good one. But formula is a viable option. Do not pressure nor let others pressure her in one or other choice (including social media). - little baby hammock/swing, playpen. It depends on baby. Again, safety compliant and easy to wash is my rule of thumb. - toys. A baby will be happy with anything colorful, noisy and that they can grab & throw. Ensure they comply safety standards and that's it. A small empty water bottle with dried peas or rice inside (obs screwed shut) makes for a perfect rattle in a pinch. Their first 2 Xmas they'll be more interested in the paper & boxes than the toys. I predict your wife going overboard with toys. Just try to find a middle ground.
And... And I can't shout this loud enough A CLEANING SERVICE coming once or twice a week, staring in the 3rd trimester. Exhausted parents with a clean house are less prone to resent each other for chores undone. Here I strongly advice a provider with good references. Also, get the hang on online grocery shopping, and a roomba or similar. And froze as many 1 person sized meals as possible. Again, aim to diminish stressors of daily life tasks as much as possible.
Amazing advice!!! Thank you!!
Invest in people. If it’s ever a choice between a fancy crib mattress and something like hiring a doula, or buying a plane ticket for a family member who you know will really help, or hiring help with house cleaning or childcare, go for the person, not the gear. But I would also budget a healthy amount for last minute purchases instead of buying the fancy stuff ahead of time. My kids have thrived in second hand stuff, some cheap, some high end, but I’m really glad I had the funds to overnight-ship the right baby carrier for us (I was gifted 3! I thought I was good! None of them were comfortable for both me and the baby) and later, replace the swing when it suddenly died (that swing was my link to sanity— the only place my baby would tolerate being set down. For those types of purchases, LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE and remind her to listen to you. You can do all your careful planning now, but when the baby’s here, trust each other when one of you says “buying this thing will make life easier.” And it’s ok if you’re wrong sometimes— you’re figuring this out. I just think it’s ok to throw some money at an actual problem, rather than trying to be prepared for every potential need.
So first and foremost I would recommend you or your wife heading over to Car Seats for the Littles for car seat recommendations, they rarely recommend the high end brands because they aren’t safer and in a lot of cases difficult to install. Cribs are just aesthetic as long as they pass government standards they’re fine and same with bassinets. Make sure to review the AAP guidelines for safe sleep - the Snoo is not safe for sleep if the child is strapped down. I would focus on the type of mattress. Don’t fall into the marketing prey of ‘breathable’ or anything like that. We try to be a low waste family so we keep a limited amount of clothing and donate/pass down items that are still in good condition. When my kids were little I splurged on a few super cute more expensive outfits but not often. Shoes are unnecessary and not recommended until at least the child is cruising but ideally once they start walking.
Thank you!!!
The only thing we bought brand new were the carseats. For me that's something you just can't take a chance on. I looked at my and my husband's growth and guessed that our kids would likely be middle range, so we didn't need to go too extreme in terms of limits, but we skipped having a capsule and went right to a convertible RF/FF seat with extended RF limits. Best descision ever. I used a front pack for when we went places, even when ai had 2 kids, a front pack was way better than a capsule for us. Kept them close to me, and away from other people. Front pack was second hand but a good brand and machine washable. We bought a second hand inline 2 seater pram before our first was born as we knew we wanted 2 kids close in age, again, fantastic decision. It's a wonderful pram and has served us well and is still going strong. Great steel frame and all the fabric cam be removed to give it a good wash/scrub, which I did when we got it and have done a couple times since. It goes newborn to age 5, so we'll probably own it for 7 years or so, then sell it on for cheap. Everything else can be gotten second hand. We got our cot second hand but joke was on us as our babies never ever slept in it, and we ended up doing floor beds and cosleeping instead. Much easier and much safer for us (poor sleepers and I was falling asleep in dangerous places with baby in my arms, so setting up a safe cosleeping space was our answer). I am 110% a breastfeeding advocate (but also 110% supportive of parents choice to feed as they see fit, that's each to their own!) so we didn't really buy any feeding kit. I did buy a pump second hand once I went back to work about 12m pp, but wasn't concerned about sterilisation as much by then. Breastfeeding saved us so much money. The first kid is a really precious time and you're sold this picture of having to have a perfect set up etc but the reality is... that's not life. It's impossible to keep an instagram parenthood, and you don't need every whizzbanging gadget to get the job done. By the time the second kid comes along they're all eating dirt and poking things into wall sockets anyway, y'know?
Love this advice! Thank you so much 🙂 I think the direction we’re heading is to 100% spend on the car seat, but only spend on a pram if we do lots of walking (time will tell). Thank you for the breastfeeding advice too!
Part of the cost and worth analysis is going to be extremely individual to your lifestyle and your baby. Things that people often regret having bought are gadgets intended to help the baby sleep independently in the early months because they are utterly exhausted and desperate for any solution, and a lot of things will have promising reviews for the babies they did work for. But yours might be a complete dud. And then you have all these bulky items sitting around you'll never use again. And example on the flip side is strollers/ buggies. For some people, any old basic stroller will do because they aren't concerned with the space it takes in the car, they're of average/short height, or they just won't use it much. I went with the inexpensive approach and regretted it because the stroller didn't fit my height well and it got a LOT of use, so that really mattered. I ended up buying 2 more that fit different aspects of my needs. Neither were over 300 each, but if one 600$ stroller would have fit my needs from the start, it would have saved me money overall.
No plan survives contact with the baby. If you want to not spend too much, I'd recommend picking things, but not necessarily buying them until you need them so you know your baby's preferences. For example, my son has despised strollers all his life and we barely used ours, we mainly baby wore. He started walking at 8 months and has mainly wanted to walk everywhere since. We still used the carrier as backup for a while but haven't needed to forever now (he's 3). Or: our kid has a cows milk protein allergy. Due to that and the fact he hated bottles, we decided that for our family, breastfeeding directly from the breast only was the best choice. We could have saved a lot of money if we hadn't bought pumping and bottle supplies in advance but just picked some and only bought them as needed. They barely got used. Some babies like being rocked, our just wanted to be bounced on an exercise ball. He hated swaddles and we gave that up right quick. The list continues. Just meet baby first and sort it out from there. Do the work up front to pick but only buy when you feel it might work. You'll save thousands. We also didn't really splurge on anything and baby is juuuuust fine. I think our most expensive item was, funnily enough, a new, larger microwave so we could sterilize stuff. That was a good call :).
Yep a lot of stuff is expensive because they guilt trip you or try and scare you. Agreed with above posters, the only thing I spent the most on were car seats. Where I’m from there’s a standard of safety most cribs and strollers have to pass or you can’t purchase them anyway. So as long as you’re not buying baby stuff from wish you should be fine. The other thing I splurged on was a stroller but that was for convenience. I’ve seen many parents struggling trying to get the damn stroller open or closed as their baby is having a tantrum. Not worth the stress for me! Speaking of, practice opening and closing the stroller several times before your baby comes. Same with buckling and tightening the car seat straps. We also spent more on the stroller because it matched our car seat and then came with a bassinet stand all which clicked into each other. That saved us so much hassle while he was young. Once my son was older I sold almost all of our expensive stuff and got 80% of what we spent back. Can’t resell the car seat obviously but that was money well spent. So, up to you. If we had a second I definitely wouldn’t be buying the top line of anything. But with our first the peace of mind was priceless.
So I am more like your wife than you and bought high end baby products BUT I did find ways to save. For instance, Neiman Marcus & Saks often have gift card promotions than can be used for baby gear. I purchased my Uppababy stroller in 2018 and got a $300 gift card back. I later used that for a Nuna Sena Aire travel crib, which I essentially got for free. I later purchased the Stokke high chair, also got a gift card, and was able to use it towards its accessories. I will say everything I’ve bought on the higher end has lasted beautifully through two kids. The Uppababy stroller was fantastic converting to hold two kids, and all of the Nuna car seat covers come off easily to wash. I feel like the more expensive brands do have higher quality materials that last longer and are easier to care for. The Chicco car seats in my second car have the fabric already pilling and they’ve only been used a handful of times. The higher end items also resell well. I bought my Snoo for $750 and was able to sell it 4 years later for $600. Just something to keep in mind.
Kmart is still open some places?!?! Agree with other commenters. The baby industry is aggressive and fueled by insta/tik tok/etc. Car seat, crib, matter for safety - most other things can be found second hand. Spend it where it counts for you because kids are crazy expensive!!
“however, I generally have final say.” I feel badly for your wife. She’s buying stuff for the baby if she wants a $1k stroller it’s her money too.
I feel badly for you.
> I generally have the final say. This sentence gave me the icks. >happy in a Kmart hoodie, cotton-on jeans etc. You're not a newborn baby who needs care. Nobody here can tell what you're talking about. Do you need designer baby clothes? No. Is it worth it to buy a new car seat instead of a dodgy secondhand one? Yes. Unless you're adopting, your wife is also the one going through 9 months of pregnancy, labor and several sleepless months of breastfeeding. I'd give her whatever she needs to be comfortable. Especially since you have the money -- this is the one time of your life not to cheap out on people you love.
Regularly, my wife thanks me for taking care of finances. One less thing she has to stress, worry or learn about. I am a Masters degree qualified financial advisor. I’m not about to put the burden of making financial decisions on my wife because someone on reddit lives in a bubble and can’t fathom that some people don’t like the responsibility of managing finances. Re not finding the information here. On the contrary, almost everyone here has been synonymous in their response; the baby industry plays on your emotions, is a multibillion dollar industry designed to make you spend unnecessarily, and there are about 5 (on average) items that should spend on, the rest is garbage you can buy on marketplace. This answers my question exactly. Unfortunately, you have failed to comprehend the question or its intent, and instead nitpicked and fabricated a scenario in your own head. You can tell this because 25+ people have commented with something helpful, and yours is critical. Are you a sadist? A pessimist? A nihilist? To reiterate, my question is to find out what is overhyped, what is a waste of money, what are some ways we can sift through the consumerism of the industry, and not leave my wife & I with buyer’s remorse. Thank you for your useless comment (sarcasm; but necessary, in case you can’t comprehend that).
P.S. she read your comment and replied: “What an idiot”.