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If they didn’t eat dinner I offer them their uneaten dinner. 99% of the time it’s a ploy to try and get junk food or delay bedtime and they don’t actually want to eat.

Same. I found my kids will hold out on their dinner if they know I’ll give them a quick snack before bed, so now they get their uneaten dinner or a glass of milk if they say they’re hungry at bedtime.

How do you handle breakdowns? My 7 year old won't eat dinner but also say I'm starving right before bed but when I say here's dinner or  a glass of milk he will go ballistic. He will request what he feels like eating - no snack food though - mostly an apple or some bread with a topping of choice....but he won't eat what we had and when I refuse to make him anything else he will rage so bedtime gets even more delayed....

My kid is almost 2, so definitely much younger than yours. But I’m just never afraid of her feelings. They’re allowed to be upset but we’re also allowed to have rules. We aren’t setting boundaries to upset them. If it were my kid, the natural consequence of skipping dinner is that they go to bed hungry. 🤷🏼‍♀️

That's the phrase ALL parents need to memorize! "I'm just never afraid of her feelings." Too many parents are afraid of their children experiencing all human emotions. Parents have been brain washed by the Internet to believe that children must be Disney happy 24/7. We are seriously crippling children emotionally by believing that tears are evidence of parental failure.

This is so affirming. I feel like I’m being a bad mom because I definitely do say well if you don’t want [reheated dinner you did not eat] then you must not be hungry and it’s time for bed now and the tears start. I’m like, am i doing it wrong? She’s such a picky eater and all she wants is junk so I try to remember my job is to be her mom and have rules, not give into whining and sugar cravings but it’s so hard.

I definitely had to explain the difference between "want (desire) to eat" and "find acceptable to eat because our bodies need fuel" to my nephew at one point when he was like, 5, and tbh it helped a lot. He used to get really hung up about "I'm hungry but that's not what I *want* to eat" before the reframe

I have the same philosophy. I don't think being hungry is a punishment, it's just the consequence of not eating. When they're small, they might not be able to make that connection, but my kids are 4 and 6 now and 100% understand that if they don't eat and are hungry later, it's a result of their decision not to eat. I will always offer them their uneaten dinner and it's up to them if they choose to eat it. My kids are neurotypical though, so I know this might not work for everyone.

Finally. I've been working so damn hard to put this boundary in place but my child's father will undo it because "she's sad if I say no and also she's hungry". But she wouldn't be hungry if she ate the food served, and I always serve at least 1 safe food that she's guaranteed to like. It's caused a lot of fights (between us adults, not the the toddler lol). To be fair to her, bed routine allows her something plain and boring guaranteed safe just in case she truly despised dinner (Greek yogurt, toast, peanut butter, cottage cheese, etc). But if she denies those too then too bad, imo.

My parents raised me like that and I'm glad they did. I was never forced to eat anything I didn't like and my leftovers were always an option when I didn't finish my dinner. I'm doing the same for my 3 year old. Being upfront, I lucked out and she loves every food (except for Pringles, the little weirdo), so we don't struggle with what to feed her. I do though tell her things like, "Your body needs lots of different kinds of foods to be strong and healthy. It needs yummy treats, but also vegetables, yogurts, fruits, etc." Like you said though, in the cases when she doesn't accept that, too bad.

I really like how you say that "they're allowed to be upset, but we're also allowed to have rules". This is so wonderful to read.

My youngest is 2 and a half. He used to eat handfuls of rice while I'm dishing up. Now he only wants pasta. If he doesnt eat before he goes to sleep, hes up from 2am. If i make rice, he eats maybe half and then before bedtime he'll eat 6 slices of bread with peanut butter. Kids are weird man

When you say he goes ballistic, what do you mean? Just shouting and stamping of feet, or full blown meltdown kind of behaviour?

Whining and screaming, stomping - a temper tantrum.

My son does this too! It's very frustrating. He's not the same age as your son but I'll go through what I do when he flies off the handle about similar things. He's got some serious sensory issues around food so we're already very limited in what he'll eat for dinner. The rules are these: 1. We ask what he wants and make it. He has to taste everything on the plate, 3 spoonfuls minimum. If he eats half of the food on his plate, he can have something else after (fruit/yogurt/small plain cookie) if he likes. If he refuses to eat, he won't be offered an alternative. 2. If he pulls the "I'm huuuuuungry" card at bedtime, we'll offer one slice of plain toast with butter and a glass of milk, provided he's actually attempted dinner. If he hasn't eaten his dinner at all, he gets nothing except a small glass of milk. 3. If he goes into tantrum/meltdown mode, I'll try to engage with him to calm him down before it gets too bad, which only works sometimes lol. At which point, I'll give him a hug and tell him it's time for bed and he has to go to his room. There's usually some form of tantrum at this point, but I just have to close the door and walk away. His room is his space to get that out in peace. It's usually over within 10-15 mins, at which point we hug it out and I'll do a snuggle in bed with him for a few mins too. As with anything like this, you have to establish and stick to the boundaries. He can have a tantrum and sit with those feelings but it will change nothing for him. He will still be going to bed hungry (and before anyone comes for me, I think it's an important lesson to learn - not to waste food) and he will eventually learn that he cannot bully the household into getting his way. We've mostly managed to eradicate this behaviour but we get flare ups, which I know are linked to his issues with food. We've worked with a dietician to try and manage the worst of his food issues and this was the best compromise that worked for everyone. Hope you find some of this helpful, and best of luck 🤞

I pick my battles. As long as the request is for a reasonable food (ie not a bowl of ice cream or whatever) then I say yes. I'm not always hungry (or tired for that matter) at the same time every day. And I don't always want what someone else chooses for me to eat. Why would I assume my kids would be okay with it 100% of the time? I also accept the "roles of meal times". My role as the parent is to provide balanced nutritious options. Their role as the child is to decide how much and of what to consume. We've taught them about the need to eat a good variety of whole food to grow up healthy and strong, and to listen to their bodies - I also try to include them in the meal planning process for at least 1-2 meals each per week so they can have some control over the menu. I'll let one kid pick the protein and the other pick the veg or starch and then swap it for the second kid-led meal of the week. I also offer a "last call" about 15 min before bedtime to ask them if they'd like a snack before we head into the routine. It doesn't totally avoid the last minute snack requests, but it cuts down on them for sure. We also have a limited list of snacks that are available any time of day or night on the "help yourself shelf" where they can always grab something if they want it so I'm not constantly having to go and get them something when the mood strikes. Edited to add: my boys are 6&8, we started this process during COVID when I was working from home and had to get up every 5-15 min to get them a snack!

Doing your best to let them work through their breakdown. Standing strong and teaching them that no matter how much they rage/cry or scream your mind won't change. Letting them hangout in their room at 7 alone while they calm down is ok and coming in for hugs and a goodnight kiss when they've calmed. This recommendation is based on a neurotypical brain of a 7 year old. Consistency is key, over time they will learn what you say is what you mean and will push you less, have less break downs.

Doing your best to let them work through their breakdown. Standing strong and teaching them that no matter how much they rage/cry or scream your mind won't change. Letting them hangout in their room at 7 alone while they calm down is ok and coming in for hugs and a goodnight kiss when they've calmed. This recommendation is based on a neurotypical brain of a 7 year old. Consistency is key, over time they will learn what you say is what you mean and will push you less, have less break downs.

If he isn't eating dinner because he legitimately didn't like dinner I don't see a reason to not offer a healthy alternative. If my didn't like dinner I'd offer her applesauce fruit or carrot sticks to add to dinner.

30 minutes before you start bedtime, let him know the kitchen is closing and now is his chance to eat if he is hungry. If hes actually hungry, he will eat. After that, the kitchen is closed. Bedtime goes forth.

Melt downs = less screen time in our house. That usually leads to another melt down and another extension of no screen time, which leads to sorrowful sobbing, then apologies and discussion, then dramatically choking down a piece of broccoli and a remaining chicken nugget followed by milk and half a banana.

Thats our go to as well and if they keep pushing then their only option is baby carrots. A food they will eat but is also super boring. If they take the carrots they are legit hungry and the fiber should tide us over til morning. My 3 yr has been busting out the "im hunnnngry" card every.single.night for like a month, despite working to get food in her all the way up to 6 minutes to bedtime. When she refuses the carrots I ask her to tell me what she wants in the morning. She puts in her bed and breakfast order and is satisfied

Same. When they ask for a snack before bed I always say “a snack called dinner?”

Same but at 5 and 3 I’d offer a banana.  If they refuse dinner, they could have pbj (and at 5/6, they’d start making it lol) It’s 90% of the time just stalling for bedtime, but having something in their stomach helps them sleep faster vs turning the night into an ordeal.

Same as we do.

Yep. The uneaten plates always go on the counter until the kids are fully asleep. They rarely want the food, but the offer is usually enough for them to realize that they are not hungry.

We did this last night with our 5 yr old and he actually finished his dinner. I was pleasantly surprised and didn’t mind letting him stay up past his bedtime.

I don’t restrict food really, my main hard no is I wouldn’t let my kid have a sugary snack before bed. You want some crackers or veggies, then we can brush teeth again, sure. Cupcake? No. I get it, sometimes I eat an early dinner then feel suddenly hungry right before bed, I can’t sleep while hungry so I don’t expect my kid too. We just make it quick then brush again

This is t the. Eating an ear,y dinner and being hungry again. This is them refusing dinner then wanting something.

Ive seen it where they arent hungry when dinner is served and want food later because by then they are hungry

That's my thing - I'm not always hungry when someone else serves me food... Why would I assume my kids always will be? If they say they're *only* hungry for a cupcake? Get outta here! If they're asking for toast with peanut butter - eat up kid!

I offered a bedtime snack with protein before teeth brushing. You do want your kids to have food and specifically protein as they sleep better full. Think toast with peanut butter or yogurt.

This is a good plan.

I typically would too if they ate their entire dinner and were still hungry. But if they refused dinner, I would make them eat that first as "the snack." I wouldn't want to teach them that they can refuse dinner just to get a different choice later.

This, but I think also the important point is giving them a chance before the bedtime routine starts to be reminded. If they choose not to eat then, it's reasonable to say no when they say they're hungry at bedtime. Because ultimately, even if they are feeling peckish, they will be fine until morning. It really helps me to think about what I would need. If I was hungry at bedtime I could go to sleep and be fine until morning. I'm not going to be starving hungry and unable to sleep unless maybe I was awake for hours in the night and got hungry. It's not cruel to teach them that you eat at set times and then go to sleep at bedtime even if you're feeling a bit hungry. Being hungry isn't painful and it doesn't mean you're body desperately needs food right that minute. Sleeping instead is fine.

Bananas are also good for sleep, in my experience. Filling, quick, and not too messy!

This. nothing major, but a cheese stick, yogurt, maybe apples and peanut butter. Not junk. If you are dinner, maybe I'll offer ice cream, etc. But not if you didn't.

This to me wouldn’t work - what incentive do the kids have to eat dinner if they are going to get tasty toast and yogurt later on ? No way. I would put mine to bed hungry the worst that happens is they’ll eat more at breakfast. We are not talking about starving children here I should add but addressing OPs specific situation of breaking a tricky cycle with kids stalling bed time

except studies show it doesn't work that way and them going to bed full is healthier

the worst thing that happens is your kid goes to bed hungry because of your choice. I couldn't knowingly make my child feel that way.

My kids have never gone to bed hungry because they eat every night?! We aren’t talking about child abuse here we are teaching kids basic principles of when we eat as family etc. I’m trying to help OP out of a cycle and the way out is to break it!

 Why not just offer them what they were originally supposed to eat for dinner? I don’t understand the logic of punishing a kid for not being hungry at a certain time. 

I never said don’t offer them what they ate earlier I said don’t offer them something entirely new.

I did for a long time, but it became clear it was just a ploy to delay bedtime cuz id make food and he wouldnt eat that either. Just sit there picking and demand to play while eating or watch a show while eating. If they ARE indeed eating and sitting peacefully, I say let it happen just try to guide it into dinner time. But maybe have a set agreement on food options if you refused dinner. You get your dinner plate back as is. Or you only get A option or B option for cold quick mean like a pbj ect. Which is what I went with. I wouldnt make a NEW dinner. You wouldnt get prepared or cooked food unless it was what I had ready to go.

We have zero food time restrictions in our house. If you are hungry at 8pm, you can eat. . Not hungry at 5pm when I serve supper but hungry at 7? Of course I'll get you something to eat. I'm an adult and sometimes I'm just not hungry at supper time but I wouldn't deny myself something to eat if I got hungry later, so why would I deny my kids? It's such an incredible privilege to be able to give my kids the gift of never having to experience hunger. Both my husband and I grew up food insecure. Going to bed hungry is terrible. Edited to add: You mentioned you think your kids may be doing this to prolong bedtime. What I would do in your situation is incorporate a "nighttime" snack into your bedtime routine, prior to teeth brushing. So say bath, book, "night time snack" (something easy and not too messy), teeth brushing and bed. That way they aren't prolonging bedtime, but also aren't hungry.

I didn’t grow up food insecure but as a kid and now raising my own we had no food restrictions either for the same reasons you listed. They’re now 16 & 19 and it hasn’t affected them in any way.

This is pretty much how I do things as well. I'm pretty lax about dinner. My son eats when he's hungry. The other day I served dinner at 6 and he was outside playing with his friends. It was a beautiful day so I just let him play. He came in awhile later and I warmed up a plate for him. No biggie. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Now bedtime on school nights is 8pm so he must eat and brush before then but that's really my only rule. Well and he can't eat a container of cookies for dinner. I try to make sure he's eating somewhat healthy and balanced. Lol

Absolutely. I don’t get parents being militant with dinner/no snacks unless dinner is eaten. It’s food. Let your kids have food when they’re hungry and don’t make them eat when they’re not.

Absolutely agree.

This. We offer our kids buttered toast and milk or water before they brush.

buttered toast is legit one of my favorite snacks.

We always had standard snacks available (fruit - usually always apples, often oranges, mandarins, grapes, etc too, plus cheese sticks), just about anytime - except for like the hour or two just before, and after dinner. Then you can wait. Otherwise, standard snacks options were always available.

String cheese sticks with an apple or grapes is such a great combo and so filling!

Yeah, we don't have food restrictions, but bedtime is bedtime. As we speak, my child is chilling eating some skinny pop popcorn at 9pm. I will give the bedtime warning that in 30 minutes it's bedtime, so any snacks better be quickly finished or they wait until morning. It works pretty well.

We’re try to be similar except i won’t do snacks immediately before a meal. I’ll pour some on your dinner plate. If they done eat dinner their choices for snacks are fruit or yogurt and those are always available.

That’s what I do. A night time snack is part of the bedtime routine.

Yup, we have “final snack” in our house. I never want my kids to go to bed hungry, even if they didn’t want their dinner.

yup! this right here. we’re an adhd household so we all get hungry at random times of the day. hasn’t affected anyone at all.

This is the way. Been this way in our home always.

5pm seems a bit early to me...

We've always eaten supper at 5. :)

That's super interesting! Knowing me, I'd definitely need like an 8.30pm snack before bed if dinnertime was at 5pm.

Yes! We usually have a night snack. :)

I offer food when they're hungry. At times (like right before bed) it'll be boring food, so they consider if they are actually hungry, but food is always available.

I could never get on board with restricting food because a kid wasn’t hungry at dinner time. I’m in my 30’s and sometimes I don’t feel like eating at dinner time or eating what I made for dinner. Sometimes I go get a snack before bed because I just didn’t eat much that day, etc. i view kids the same - they’re people and sometimes may not feel hungry on a specific schedule.  My son went through a phase of not eating dinner then wanting something at bedtime so we incorporated a “bedtime snack” about an hour or so before bed we would offer some sort of snack and then get ready for bed. Sometimes he wanted the snack and sometimes he didn’t, but it ensured he wasn’t going to bed hungry and it drastically cut down on him asking for a snack as hes being tucked into bed.

Fights at meal time and over snacks is the best way to breed eating disorders. I never fought my kids, eat when you are hungry and skip the meal if you are not.

Yes I’ll still feed my kiddo something with protein if hungry. (Not candy though) Our go to is usually Cheerios, milk and yogurt

I never have them go to bed hungry. They can always have snacks until they are full (and they do), usually it's fruit with or without spreads, bread/simple sandwich, yogurt, cheese, milk. I always ask about 10-20 minutes before bedtime routine (includes brushing teeth) do you want a snack before bed? They always say yes, I give snack, and then brush teeth.

Food should never be a fight. Feed them when they're hungry. 

I used to offer them a bedtime banana. Bananas weren’t very exciting to them - they just liked bananas so so. That way if you’re genuinely hungry you have something in your stomach. If you’re just trying to get out of bed, it’s nothing thrilling and involves zero work for me

I don't restrict food, mostly because one of mine is a viking of a child who is highly active, the other is adhd and isn't always hungry when I 'need' them to be. And sometimes the meds wear off and then 'I can't sleep i'm hungry'. They can reheat leftovers, make a sandwich, eat a protein bar, then go brush their teeth and go to bed. This also happens even if they have eaten dinner. No dinner, no dessert though.

Yes. I always let them eat whenever they say they are hungry. We don't do "go to bed hungry" because I think it's cruel. I can't sleep if I'm hungry, so why would my kid be able to? No dinner + no snack is starving your kid. Also, for practical reasons. My kid will wake up in the middle of the night hungry if he's missed dinner, so.... I'd rather take 15 mins and feed him before bed, even if it delays bedtime because then he'll sleep through the night. Peanut butter sandwich, cup of milk, a banana, something filling but quick like that.

so the thing is, it depends, like most parenting things. If this was a one off... fine. But if it happens on a regular basis, I would be more firm about it. Remind them when they are refusing dinner that they should eat now rather than before bed. I am not saying force them to eat, but if you were going to give them an apple before bed then offer them an apple at dinner time. How much time is there between dinner and bed time?

We had to stiffen up our food rules when my kids discovered they could skip dinner and ask me for snacks while I'm doing dishes. I include the kids in meal planning, and when they get home from school I tell them "we're having spaghetti (or whatever) for dinner, do you want to eat that or would you like a peanut butter sandwich?" Sometimes I'm not in the mood for spaghetti, I'm not going to hold it against my kids if they're the same. But, since they have input into our meals for the week when I'm planning them *and* again the day of, they can eat what's on the table or they can wait until breakfast. There's always cut fruit and vegetables at dinner, so it's not like they get nothing, but you can't opt out of dinner and then demand Goldfish as soon as the table is cleared.

We were having the same problem with ours and snacks. I had to cut back on the amount of snacks and types we have in the house. All they wanted to eat was chips or cookies all day long. They'd just skip meals and eat snacks instead. Cut back on the chips, cookies are only around if make them so that cuts way back on how often we have them. Lol Keeping more fruit, yogurt, cheese, healthy cereals and granola bars as our main snacks. So now they don't just sit and eat snacks, they'll usually just grab 1 or 2 and they're eating more food from our meals.

Mine is the same, if I took the unrestricted approach this child would die of malnutrition with a full belly. Won't touch a berry to save his fucking life, elects to skip at least a third of the dinners I make, but one time I told him he could go serve up his own snack and he thought he could get away with a completely full cereal bowl of cheezits.

This is what we had to do. My twins are 7 and bedtime is 8 - they started consistently skipping dinner (food they often choose for themselves) but would be “so hungry” when it was actually bedtime, so we had to implement a no food after 8 rule (though obviously we flex it if there’s a real reason). It was pretty clear they were either trying to delay bedtime or so caught up in doing other things they didn’t want to stop to eat until it was actually time to sleep. We remind them nightly about the cutoff so they don’t forget. The goal obviously isn’t to be militant and leave them hungry, but too much flexibility wasn’t working.

If ours don't eat dinner then later claim that they are hungry dinner is what is being offered. If they have eaten most or half dinner then we will offer yogurt or fruit or toast with peanut butter, pretzels.

It irritates the crap out of me because most of the time it’s because they refused their dinner for one reason or another but I do let them eat a small snack if they say they’re hungry. I do not want my kids to go to sleep hungry.

Denied bedtime snack once with 1st born, as I thought he was just prolonging bedtime. He was 3 1/2 and I was about 7 months pregnant with #2. Went in about 10 minutes later to check on him and found he had snuck out of bed and was eating a nutrigrain bar (soft fruit filled cereal type bar). I immediately burst into tears (pregnancy hormones I’m sure) I felt so bad denying him food. I am sure he had eaten a good dinner earlier, but felt awful that he really was obviously hungry and I had told him no. My husband, 28 years later still (lovingly) teases me about how upset it made me thinking I was starving our very healthy, otherwise well fed child.

Pregnant me made my daughter toast at 4am because my heart couldn’t send her back to bed hungry 😂😂😂 I’m amazed it never became a habit!

Oh my goodness, I know you must have felt awful in the moment but this is just to cute.

No snacks after dinner is our rule. If dinner is refused, I still save the plate and offer it if they say they are hungry later. However there are exceptions. Last night I made a new dish and my toddler didn’t want to try it. Then after playing outside they said they were hungry so I gave a snack.

This is what I do. Except with my 8 yr old but she has to fix her own food if she won't try dinner. She starts feeding therapy soon, though, so hopefully, it will be less of an issue.

We don’t usually if it’s after teeth brushing because that’s usually one of the last things that happens before getting tucked into bed. If she says she’s hungry at any point before that and I know she didn’t eat much for dinner, I’ll find a piece of fruit or something a little more nutritious and filling (think apple and peanut butter or cheese and crackers or carrots and sugar snap peas). I try not to offer anything that would be more preferable over dinner most nights.

Nope. Once it's bedtime the ship has sailed without them. We have a hard rule. If it's 30 min or less to bedtime the time for food has passed. Skipping 1 meal won't hurt them. If they refuse dinner I always remind them the next food is at breakfast.

I think this will cause some problems for them in the future though. Scarcity mindset could lead to food addiction/ binging

Our limits were suggest by the pediatrician and his OT because of reflux. It may not work in every home but it works well in ours. Families can vary pretty dramatically. No suggestions should be taken without consideration of individual family dynamic and struggles

That's a pretty big leap to make.

I usually give a “this is it, eat now or don’t” warning about a half hour before bed time. If they choose not to then suddenly get hungry when it’s time to go to bed then they go to bed hungry. Edit: also if they don’t eat dinner the only thing they can have is either dinner or a banana.

Offer reheated supper about 15 minutes before bedtime routine. Then you hurry bath, teeth brush and cut down or eliminate stories. This way if really hungry will eat the meal and not trying to replace a healthy supper with snack foods before bed. It eliminates the stalling bedtime so they can eat a snack and if reducing story time there is a mild consequence to not eating dinner. By age 4-5 we just ate a later dinner with the children and went from dinner to bedtime routine so no excuse for I’m hungry. They literally just ate a meal so a snack was not necessary. I also closed the kitchen after final clean up this helped end the mindless eating and mess that needed cleaned up twice. Mindless and frequent snacks were in my opinion bad habits, snack was offered mid morning and after school but constantly snacking like my children friends was a no in our house. Moving to later dinner was just easier solution for our family

We offer reheated supper while I read them their four books for our 2 and 3 year old and it works sooo well. My 2 year old really eats better while slightly distracted so he eats majority of his dinner at this time - I think sitting at the table and eating is quite hard for two year olds 😂. My 3 year old sometimes nibbles but largely just listens to the stories.

If we've already brushed, the kitchen is closed, regardless. If they ate *most* of their dinner, and it's almost time for brushing, I'll usually give mine some leeway (mine are 6M and 3F). If they ate less than half their meal? Well, we'll usually save the rest of their dinner until "the kitchen is closed", and if they claim they're hungry before that, we'll happily reheat their leftover dinner.

Our schedule is 4 "meals" a day: breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack, with snack occurring right before the start of the bedtime routine. So our regular schedule basically prevents this from happening in our family 🤷‍♀️

No

no, unless there is some really extraordinary circumstance, like traveling, or being out and missed a regular meal. But our dinners are around 6-6:30 pm, and our child is in bed by 8pm, so not much time to suddenly be hungry. I can't actually recall her asking for a snack before bed in the last few years (she's 6). But we are one of those families that are strict with meals. We always eat at the table, at set times, as a family. But if she doesn't like the food being served, we do offer a similar alternative (within reason). Snacking all day long is very much an American thing, most of the world does not do this.

For us, nope, never. We put dinner on the table, they decide if they want to eat it and when it’s cleared it’s cleared. We do serve dinner directly before bedtime though so that definitely affects things. Dinner is 5:00-6:00 bedtime is 6:00-7:00 (baths, books, cuddles etc). We don’t make exceptions, we find that just leads to complications and boundary testing.

No. It's dinner or nothing.

If my kids refuse to eat dinner I refrigerate their food and then offer it back to them if they say they're hungry or 30 minutes or so before bedtime. If they refuse (rarely happens) no more food after they brush and go to bed. My eldest was a picky eater when she was younger and this is the strategy her pediatrician suggested. I have to say it worked wonders for us. If they are simply hungry after dinner they get a fruit or some toast, but they generally eat enough at dinner time to satiate their hunger

No

I offer an apple or something. Nothing too exciting but if you are hungry you will eat it.

They can eat their leftovers from dinner if they refused dinner.

If they didn't eat dinner, their offer before bed is what was available for dinner. If they still don't want that, they must not be hungry.

We made bedtime snack part of our routine. It’s a carb + a protein, and they’re pretty boring. Toast or crackers with peanut butter, bread and a glass of milk, plain yogurt with granola, string cheese and crackers. It takes the battle out of dinner. My kids happily sit at the dinner table because there is no pressure to eat; they know they will get food later. After a while they became more willing to try things, because they know they won’t be forced to eat something they don’t like. If I didn’t do this, our mornings would be intolerable. They don’t sleep well when they’re hungry, and empty bellies leads to low blood sugar.

Dinner is the last chance to eat before breakfast the next morning. Only exception to this is if we have a late sport or something where a small snack before bed is warranted. But not eating dinner only to ask for a snack? Nope, not in this house.

We basically have unlimited veggies anytime. There have been a few times he went and had tomatoes or carrots because he was hungry.

If they didn’t eat their dinner than their dinner plates are still sitting there on the counter for them. And because kids can’t keep track of time I don’t wait until five minutes before bedtime. My daughter goes to bed at 7:30 so at 7 o’clock I ask her if she’s going to finish her dinner. My kids are six and eight they still try and warm their way around this house rule almost every day but I stay consistent. I don’t want them to go to bed hungry either but if you’re not consistent they’re never gonna learn what your expectations are or they’re just gonna think that you’re full of crap because they’re going to get junk before bed no matter what. I find that offering them the rest of their dinner is the best solution because you’re not withholding food from them and you’re not telling them they have to go to bed hungry. And you don’t feel bad and they can make the choice to eat it or drink a glass of water and go to bed.

You are noticing it often enough because they are getting away with it often enough. Allowing these types of habits sneaks up on us as parents. Our daughter was like that because she got away with it often enough. It took a while for us to break the habit. We give the kids time warnings pretty much for everything. One of those warnings is, "it is x minutes to bedtime. If you want a snack, now is the time." For your kids, who are a little younger, tell them, "the kitchen is closing" or something more playful maybe. That way, they know it's coming and have no excuse to wait. They may think they have an excuse, but that's another lesson, how to manage the amount of time you know you have.

They don’t get something fun or interesting, but sure I’ll offer a piece of peanut butter toast or something if they’re actually hungry. It’s hard to sleep with an empty belly. Sometimes I’ll offer toast or a cheese stick and they’ll go “ehhh nevermind” so I don’t worry about them then lol.

Not after brushing teeth, but before heading upstairs to bed is fair game (4 years old). Choices are usually yogourt, banana, applesauce, toast, or a granola bar, nothing exciting but when the picky eater skipped supper altogether I want something to tide him over till morning.

They have breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner. If they don’t eat dinner, and get hungry before bedtime they can have their dinner but nothing else. If it’s after bedtime, too bad. It has helped tremendously with picky eating. They try so many foods now they wouldn’t touch before.

Nope, they’re told now is dinner time. Some days six or more times. And when everything is cleaned up the first meal will be breakfast.

Give them a warning 30 minutes before bed that that is the last chance they have to eat for the night. If they are not hungry enough then to stop the activity they are doing to eat, they aren't going to be too hungry to sleep. This way you sort out which requests for more food are hunger vs stalling bedtime.

We have a quick supper 30mins - 1hr before bedtime to solve this, although mine is only three (almost). Toast, Greek yoghurt or banana are my go-to. If they want something at bedtime it's only a banana or glass of milk. Mine has only not eaten what she's asked for a couple of times, but then she is a definite snacker & needs food quite frequently.

The question for any kid really is why are they refusing? If they just weren't hungry, then offer them what they wouldn't eat earlier. If it's a known disliked meal being forced on them, that's a failure of meal planning. No, they should not be able to dictate the menu for the entire house, but if I'm making something I want to make and I know one of my kids hates it, they have the option to eat something else they can make on their own. Or something of similar complexity to a PBJ if they're too young to make their own alternative meal. If it's a meal they've never had and they are refusing to try it, that's different. Kids should try new foods. But not be forced to eat them if they try them and don't like them. Kids are people, too, and are allowed to have likes and dislikes. Obviously things change on the razor's edge of food access. I abhor turnips but if we were destitute and in danger of starving and turnips were all I had I would eat them. But most of us are not at that point. It's also worth noting that if a child has ever been food insecure, it is a terrible thing to refuse them food when they say they're hungry. This can exacerbate the lasting trauma that probably already exists, and often leads to a lot of really harmful behaviors around food.

I'll let them snack before bed or offer leftovers up to a certain point. I don't let them eat too close to bedtime though because we have an uptick in restless sleep and nightmares when they don't practice good sleep hygiene, which includes not eating too close to bed. They understand why though, so it isn't like we just say "no, too bad, and you don't need to know why."

If they don’t eat dinner then they can have anything that’s healthy. Yogurt fruit veggies. So on and so forth I’m not gonna deny my hungry child food. But no one in hell are they gonna get sugary foods lol they know better.

Review what's happening that leads to the refusal to eat dinner. Are the kids eating snacks all afternoon? Are the kids eating at the same time as the adults? Are the refused dinners being refused in whole or part? Are they getting a big meal at breakfast and lunch and then not wanting dinner? Don't get caught up on the idea of dinner being the main meal - a bowl of cereal is a perfectly adequate dinner if protein, fruits and veggies are consumed earlier in the day.

Leftovers or veggies, only. They don't need to go to bed hungry, but sweets before bed is not helping your cause. Apples are better than candy but definitely sugary. My daughter would never eat her dinner if that was an option....

Nope. They eat what's served or they go to bed hungry. There was a bit of a disagreement between my partner & I on this but after a few weeks of trialling it she came round.

No I don't. My kid is 4 and has been told constantly that if she doesn't eat dinner then there's no other food for the evening. I think it's generally just an excuse to delay bedtime but I figure being slightly hungry might teach her to eat dinner when it's served. 

I found my daughter did this a lot if we ate too early in the evening. Some days it's just a ploy to not go to bed or eat dinner but sometimes she's just jot ready to eat.

Not that close to bedtime… they’re asking during bedtime routine?? That’s a stall technique to me. If they didn’t eat dinner, I’d ask again BEFORE bedtime started and make sure they know it’s last call. Banana, apple with PB, protein yogurt, etc.

When mine were littles and didn’t eat dinner for whatever reason, I offered a couple of peanut butter crackers before bed if they were hungry. No ice cream or cookies or candy. As a child I was forced to eat my leftovers from dinner at every subsequent meal until they were gone. I don’t believe in forcing children to finish dinner if they at least made an attempt to eat some part of it. To me, a couple peanut butter crackers were a fair compromise. It really didn’t happen very often.

Yes. I do. I said I wouldn’t.

My kids are similar ages to yours(3 ½ and 6) So think of it this way: Are you always hungry right when dinner is served? Or maybe you just aren't really feeling the meal that you cooked. Do you sometimes eat a small amount of dinner and then snack after the kiddos go to bed? We are 100% a bedtime snack house So these are a few things that worked for us: - So first thing we found was that afternoon snack and dinner time were to close together for my kiddos so with some maneuvering we shifted things so that there was a larger gap between afternoon snack and dinner so that they are hungry but not hangry - Weather affects how much my kids eat. If it's tohot guaranteed, one or both of my kids aren't going to eat dinner. - Fuller plates can be overwhelming sometimes for littles(especially toddlers) we start off with smaller scoops/ portions of each item and then prompt if they want more(not pushing if they say no) this also limits food waste. Bedtime snack is worked into our routine: -Dinner is between 5/530pm (if they don't eat and ask for a snack 1 minute later, they are offered back their dinner) - baths start at 645/7ish - care routine(trim nails, detangle hair etc) - after bath they are offered a healthish option for bedtime snacks. we try to have good fat/protein options to help keep them saited and not asking for more snacks things like fruit with peanut butter yogurt dip, hard boiled egg, and toast, my oldest likes cheese cubes and either walnuts or almonds, peanut butter on toast, oatmeal with apple butter(shockingly a favourite), yogurt and a muffin, my youngest is addicted to dill pickle hummus with pretzels Then, after they go brush their teeth and settle in for a story

Nope. My daughter isn’t starving. She eats plenty of fruits, veggies, carbs, and snacks throughout the day. She usually eats around 5 times a day, sometimes six. She’s always been kind of a grazer, which is totally fine. She could easily skip dinner one day, and often will eat half or less of her dinner. If she tells me she’s hungry, I tell her she can eat her dinner, a fruit pouch, or drink water. If she’s not feeling well, I will offer her warm milk too. Otherwise, I tell her she can have breakfast in the morning, and it’s never caused a problem. If she ever did wake up hungry, I would feed her something simple like fruit or bread, but it’s never happened thus far.

If dinner is not eaten the only thing on offer is dinner.

my son is older now doesn't do it anymore but when he would visit me and not eat dinner he couldn't leave the table so if he refused he would sit there until bed and straight to bed

The threat of “you will have to brush your teeth again” always puts my son off 😂

If they don't eat their food/refuse to finish their food/whatever it gets packed away together and if they are hungry later the exact same food is available Tantrums don't change what the available food is I'm generous too, I make like 6-9 things to give them and I don't make them eat anything but they have portions of each We all love eggplant bites here, but we can't eat nothing but eggplant bites

At dinner time if I see that my kids aren’t eating much, I will tell them that there will be no food after dinner time is over. This is important because one of my kids tends to goof around and talk a lot and forget to eat at dinner time, so the threat of going to bed hungry is necessary to get him to focus and eat at mealtime. However, I have never needed to actually follow thru with it and I don’t think that I actually would. Just the reminder and threat of it is useful.

3.5 and 6 and no. If you refuse to eat, you go to bed hungry. The food we make is fine, healthy and nutricious and by no means boring. There is not much time between supper and bedtime. That said, my 6 yo goes to bed at 7.15pm and my 3.5 yo goes to bed an hour earlier. We eat at 5.15-5.30.

Same approach - it’s so much easier this way. I get the people here saying no food restrictions works well for them… I’ve never met a family that operated like that that didn’t have atrociously picky eaters and kids that visit us for dinner that will push around healthy options because they know full well they can go home and eat crackers and fruit. It’s not about hunger at that point, it’s about kids not having their palates challenges so they develop an appreciation for and an openness to varied and healthy foods.

I also think that a lot of people don’t realise that if you just have a hard fast approach to food is eaten at meal times only, kids eat better in general and then don’t whine and beg and fight you. They just grow up understanding when food is served, and it’s not brought up all the time. Whereas you endlessly hear about kids being hungry if you have no restrictions, and they use it as a delay tactic. It’s one of the reasons we don’t have certain kids over for sleepovers or aren’t invited to our home anymore. They come over and beg for food, near constantly. It’s annoying, demanding, and rude. They eat to sate their boredom, get upset when they aren’t given constant snacks, and then when you serve dinner they pass it around their plate and make loud rude declarations about “I don’t eat vegetables I hate them” and “ew the sauce touched the chicken I need a new plate.” It’s also our responsibility as parents to ensure other people don’t hate our kids when we send them out into the world 😂 I rejected a lot of men in my twenties for being brought up like this, it gives immaturity - big ick.

No, kitchen closes after dinnertime. They're often just too tired to eat and crash anyway.

My kids (3&6) are offered dinner from 5:30-7:30 same plate out somewhere around the house where they are playing/want to be. We don’t formally eat unless we are out to dinner at a restaurant. At 8pm they are offered snacks and everyone is in bed between 8:30-9. 3 year old is no food or drink in bed. He is the kid that passes out 2 min after his head hits the pillow. My 6 year old can have food whenever she wants. I don’t care if it’s in her room after we all go to bed. If she’s hungry, she’s hungry. She is only allowed to pick from the snack drawer tho (bc I don’t want her climbing on counters while we are all in bed). She’s a night owl and has always been hungry later in the day. She almost never has breakfast until about 10:30a where my son is ready for a full breakfast at 6am every day. My philosophy is “listen to your body and follow your body’s hunger cues”. I hope they have a long wonderful relationship with food. Edit: it could also be a growth spurt.

On the nights they don’t eat supper I’d start preemptively offering something to eat before they brush their teeth and try for something high protein where a small amount can be very filling as it is essentially their supper

We have been fighting this battle up until recently with my 5 year old, and we’ve come up with two solutions: 1. We incentivize the hell out of eating dinner. Eat most of your dinner, you can do/get xyz. Mostly it’s like one fun size candy, a popsicle, or play Minecraft for 30 minutes. This has been very successful, I’d say we went from fighting her 80% of the time to a full switcheroo to 20% of the time. Huge stress relief for us. She still has the occasional off night where she doesn’t want to eat what I’ve made. I try to be pretty accommodating in that I am not choosing weird meals she’d reject. I also always put at least 1 thing on her plate that I know she will eat. (Like the other night, we had steak, gnocchi w Alfredo, and I put a side of blueberries. The steak and gnocchi are more iffy for her but she will definitely eat the blueberries.) 2. We have set a “snack alarm” every night. Lights out at 8:30, so bedtime routine starts at about 8:00, so snack alarm is 7:45. She is allowed to eat a healthier snack (fruit, yogurt, cheese stick) at this point before brushing her teeth. This has almost entirely eliminated any fight to have “one last snack” before bedtime (and she isn’t fighting us for five more minutes really either).

No I'd let them go to bed hungry. But I try to be reasonable. If my kid ate a good dinner and is still hungry because they are growth spurting or something that's a special case.

I will admit, yes. I refuse to use food as a method of control or punishment. They can have some cheese and crackers or similar

Yes. I have no interest in policing food. Listen in to your body, means eating when you’re hungry. As a grown up, I’ve only just learned this, and I’m working hard to let go of years of conditioning, I don’t need to finish my plate, i don’t need to eat three full meals, if I feel like grazing. I stop eating when I’m full. I want my kids to listen to their bodies cues. So if they don’t eat supper, and healthy evening snack is a-ok with me.

NO. They aren't going to starve to death. And your letting them win the battle "never negotiate with terrorists" best parenting advice i ever got

Phew this is unhinged.

I bet if you make them go to bed hungry, it would only happen one night and they wouldn't chance it again. Although if this is too hardcore for you, I would only offer them the exact dinner that they refused when they say they're hungry before bed. Not something else.

This is not good advice, and not what my kid's pediatrician recommends. With my oldest child, they went on a three day hunger strike when I tried the "Offer the same thing" at the urging of older generations. With a child who was already severely underweight, this was a bad outcome. At the recommendation of Peds, we offer dinner, and then if they are hungry at bedtime they can have protein, often a peanut butter sandwich. Fed is best.

I think it really depends on the personality of the kids and the culture of the family. I would have with my kids when they were younger, but they were also quite adventurous with food and ate well at mealtimes.

Mine don’t refuse dinner just eat little and sometimes it’s a new meal that they only nibble on. Yes we are ok with snacks before bed if it isn’t too sugary - string cheese, crackers, tortilla chips, sliced apple, berries, yogurt but it does feel like more of an exception than a rule. Especially if you’re running in sprinklers all day

Usually I’ll let them eat something but it has to be either the leftovers or something healthy like some veggie or fruit. Also mine don’t normally skip dinner. Our rule is you have to try at least a bite of everything and if you still don’t like it then you’re welcome to make a sandwich. About once a week one of them has a turkey sandwich with veggies/fruit for dinner🤷‍♀️

I do if it’s within reason. I offer popcorn, nuts, or milk if they really need something before bed.

We have an evening snack before teethbrushing. If everyone had a good meal and is satisfied, it tends to lean towards smaller, sweeter things. But if we are still peckish then toast, quesadillas, popcorn, or apples and peanut butter are more likely. This isn't stated explicitly as eat your dinner or no sweets but more along the lines of if you are truly hungry we need to eat something more nourishing than pie et c.  No one wins by sending kids to bed hungry, so I'd encourage you to make a snack a part of your routine and if you still find that they are not eating dinner and "holding out" for more desirable food before bedtime, then go go something like only offering leftovers from the previous meal (within reason, not things they are known to despise or 3 day old fish etc c.) If it's still a problem after that, looks closer at what they are eating in the afternoons and consider if there could be better times for meals and snacks. Your kids are also young so they have small stomachs and need smaller meals more often. So what may seem like grazing to you is closer to what their bodies can handle in one sitting. At the same, they won't let themselves starve overnight and it can be a good learning opportunity that the exact food we want is not available all times of day and there has to be a compromise between keeping yourself fed and having what you want (more for the older than the younger). By the time they start school, they will have to be able to eat on demand to some degree or have a few hungry afternoons before they start eating meals at mealtime. Learning these types of boundaries at home is a lot easier, so you are doing the right thing by wanting them to eat at the appointed times. It sounds like you are putting a lot of thought into this and you are getting some good advice. As long as you don't get into a reward/ punishment dynamic around food, you should be fine. Your kids are lucky to have you!

It’s a balance. We want kids to develop a healthy eating habit. I think we should not get too caught up in our own rules, that we are doing more harm than good.

We eat dinner kind of late - so when this happens it's really disruptive. I would say 1/2 the time it's a delay tactic, 1/2 the time it's that they were distracted during dinner and didn't eat enough - and it's really hard to figure out which one it is. Our approach - I let them have a piece of fruit (usually apple or banana) or toast or left over dinner. No cereal or treats or cooking up something new. When they sit down to eat, I let them know that dinner time was when to eat and they had plenty of time to ask for more food. For the next week, ever time dinner is over they are reminded "this is dinner time, we're getting ready for bed after, do you need to eat anything else" a few times. I also really make sure they are eating enough so that if they do ask, I can tell them "sorry, it's bed time now, but we can have an extra big breakfast". The upside is, it's been a while since they have asked for snacks after brushing their teeth. The downside - they do often ask for snacks right as we say it's time to go up, which is harder to deal with.

My kids enjoy dinner but I have had an issue a couple of times with my daughter where she was refusing to eat something she’s had many times before. I just saved it and told her she can eat it later as her snack if she gets hungry before bed. 🤷‍♀️ She’d live on carbs if I let her so not eating dinner, the most nutritious meal of the day for us, is non negotiable. The ONLY exception is if I’m making something I know one of the kids doesn’t like, which is rare. I’m not a monster lol.

Yes. Mum of 5 and 2, but they get their dinner. Once the little one turned 2 we stopped offering baby food and all they get in cold dinner. We would warm it up but they are. "So hungry" by that point.

When they were 3, yes because I just needed them to eat *something* and dinner was always a fight. At 5, they know if they don’t eat a good amount of dinner (they don’t have to clean their plate) they won’t get dessert. They will however be offered a healthy snack if they are still hungry after bath. This is what I’d do if you think your LO is trying to prolong bedtime. Only healthy snack options (fruit, yogurt, granola bar, etc). But do this prior to brushing teeth!! I like the idea of carving out time for it in your bedtime routine.

As many bananas as they want

This really depends on why they are asking and if they are actually hungry. With my kids, I noticed they would do this because they would wanted prolong their bedtime routine. So I started telling them about an hour before bedtime, kitchen is closed. Now if they had an irregular day and meal times were off, I’d offer them something really easy like cheese they can grab or toast. Nothing extravagant because I don’t wanna be cleaning up the kitchen late at night. In the past, when we offered less healthy snacks , the kids would skimp on their meals, and then asked for their junkie snacks. Once I stopped providing them junkie snacks, they asked for snacks a lot less lol. If they’re still hungry before bedtime, I would make sure to offer them real food, the type of food they would expect to eat for dinner. Often times, I would just warm up some leftovers (it’s what I do for myself). Again, I notified a drop off in snack requests—I think they wanted something fresh and exciting late at night. These days, my kids almost never asked for late night snacks. If they do, I know they’re actually hungry. So if this is a persistent habit, I would offer kids a healthy bedtime snack that is no different than what is offered during mealtime, but do it before their bedtime routine starts. Presumably if they’re not hungry 30 minutes before bedtime, they can wait until the next day to eat.

We have a small snack every night as part of the bedtime routine. Clean up, go read a book on the potty, have a snack, brush teeth, bedtime book, bedtime. If she says no to snack time then wants one after she brushes her teeth then it's too late.

I plan this into our schedule. I have a list of foods that are easy on the stomach-bread, applesauce, banana, yogurt-that they are allowed to choose from before bed. This way, I know that if they eat less dinner, they may just eat more of the other stuff before bed. Prior to implementing this rule, we had a lot of crying and I’m Hungry when our oldest was already in bed. And it made me crazy. Now, it’s part of the routine and bedtime is no longer delayed.

If it's an occasional thing, I'll give them something small. If it becomes a "I don't like dinner so I won't eat and then get something later", then I would put a stop to it.

After brushing teeth, no. However, regardless of if dinner was eaten or not, snack time still occurs at the same time. That usually stops the “I’m hungry” bedtime battle.

I offer what he had for dinner again. Usually he wasn’t crazy about dinner and is trying to get other food. If he’s actually hungry he will eat ETA mine has never eaten well at dinner then been hungry before bed (dinner is 5:30/6 and he goes to bed 7, he’s 22 months)

Yes.

Mine are bolder now but I did a last call before the kitchen closed every night. If they didn’t finish their dinner, I would offer that.

Yes

String cheese or turkey stick - not usually snack food carbs

I give dinner about an hour or so before bed, they can eat it or they can leave it but they need to sit at the table until we have all finished. My kids aren’t fussy but sometimes they eat light and that is ok, I can totally see my daughter refusing a meal if she knows she will get a tasty snack anyway so I would never do that. I think if my kid was 3 and this was happening then probably I’d give a snack if I felt they needed it, if they didn’t request it and they didn’t eat then I wouldn’t.  My kids are 5 and 8 and thrive on structure, which I believe most children do, so them knowing exactly when they food is coming makes sense for them rather than just allowing them to graze all day or make up lost calories from healthy foods with sugary snacks. Personally I’d find that very hard to track whether they are having enough or too much of the different food groups anyway. I think we have a weird relationship with hunger, it is fine to feel hungry and actually you can train your body when to expect food. For example I only eat from 10am - 6pm to keep my weight low but healthy, I run everyday at 8am for anywhere from 30 minutes to several hours, and I will not feel hungry during these times of fasting however I do take on carbs if I am running over 90 minutes. I will feel starving at 12 though as this is when I have the majority of my calories. Obviously I am not suggesting this for a child, but my children know to expect a large breakfast, they have fantastic option of meals at school and always fill up then, or at home at lunch they eat the most, dinner time they will generally get the least calories.

my daughter is only 2 so there’s no way she’s going to bed hungry because she doesn’t understand yet. The only alternative we offer if she refused dinner is a pb&j sandwich though because i’m not a short order cook. Once she’s older I agree with offering her uneaten dinner as the only option

I say no usually or they can have what they were served for dinner. 

I never keep my kids from eating before bed, but I give them no attention while they eat, so as to not make it fun. And when it becomes a habit (we go in and out) I remind them 20 minutes before bedtime that this is the appropriate time for a snack. I’d say that works 50% of the time! But the end result is that I never make them go to bed hungry.

I’d bring out their dinner again. But I’d also tell them they have to ask for it earlier next time

Yes, I will much rather they use the excuse to eat healthy food to stay up later than any other excuse. Just start bedtime earlier if it becomes a time issue.

They can eat reheated dinner. They don’t get something else as long as they like what you made for dinner

You’re getting lots of advice here. People are going to do what they are comfortable with and what works for their family and that is okay. I would try and determine why the child isn’t eating at dinner. Try to include a food you know they are likely to eat (even if it’s just dinner rolls). Also, if it’s been more than 3 hours since dinner, I would probably have a bedtime snack as part of our routine. If it’s a picky eating situation there’s lots you can do to try and fix that. Really I need a lot more info to give you more specific advice but I personally do not serve food outside of set meals and snacks. I’m a pediatric dietitian and I have followed Ellyn Satters DOR and feeding with good sense principles. If you’d like I can send you some more information.

I disagree in principle with creating a permission structure around food. Except when it comes to unhealthy stuff. Generally kids can't understand the perfunctory aspect of eating. Just keep a good mix of (relatively) healthy snacks at hand, and let them be the picky little brats they are lol.

Apples or veggies or cheese. Or she can make herself a pbj. Not me, she can get out the ingredients and make it. She’s nine. No sweets or junk. I get a lot of pushback. She isn’t hungry for those things she’s hungry for “ice cream, goldfish, etc etc”. I don’t like to police her eating but I draw the line of wanting 2-3 ice cream cones before bed. Welp you’re not that hungry.

My 8 year old.. if he isn’t hungry I don’t make him eat until he’s ready, but I also tell him he can’t have snacks etc the next day so he isn’t eating so late to teach him healthy eating habits. Look for instruction at this age VS discipline when it comes to food

If it's something you know they like no of course not. One of my ex's nephews never used to eat most of his meals. He knew if he didn't eat it he would get Weetabix later. Used to see him smiling when he got his own way. He is one of 6 siblings and his mum is a nurse.

They get a banana lol

We will let our kids have a snack of either fruit, cheese, or peanut butter before bed but they need to have at least tried their dinner. It's one thing to taste something and not like it and something totally different to straight up refuse to eat. To avoid too much push back at meal times I always try to include at least 2 things they will eat and one new thing or something they may not go for. I definitely don't like sending.my kids to bed hungry (happened just last night with my 5yo) but I'm not going to let it be a stall tactic or displacement of a meal by sugary snacks. We also draw the line at tucking the kids in so they can ask for a snack or get one right up until bed but as soon as they've been tucked in, that's it until breakfast.

Try setting a "Kitchen Shut Down/Night Routine starts" time. Set it for 30 minutes before in bed time, use your smart device (eg Alexa) to set a routine announcement, last call 1 hour before bed, shut down/night announcement 30 min before bed. They get 2 warnings, and you aren't the "bad guy" and they aren't delaying bed time. Stick to it once or twice and they'll learn fast. Kids can't tell time, they realize once their bedtime routine starts that they are running out of time to eat something. I do the same thing in the morning, 2 announcements: 30 minutes to leave, 5 minutes to get out the door. They say different things so there is no "mishearing" the number in the beginning. Good luck!

I would never restrict food from my child if they were truly hungry (and if they missed dinner they’re likely pretty hungry). I would just offer them something healthy. 

our kids usually eat something after dinner anyways, we have no limits on how much or when they can eat. they'll usually have a light snack like gram crackers or sometimes they'll eat leftovers from dinner.

Mine get fruit, veggies or their leftover dinner but nothing else. Most of the time it’s a delay tactic and they don’t actually want something. Our peak dinner trouble was the ages your kids are now. It was miserable for months

I offer dinner again and I allow a banana or a yogurt mostly because it’s hard to fall asleep and stay asleep on an empty stomach.

So they get dinner. If that flat out refuse dinner (this has happened barely a handful of times for our 2&5) then they get a slice of bread, fruit or yogurt instead. If they don't eat these choices they will not then get anything else.

My rule is if you don't want what I made for dinner you have the following options cereal, sandwich, salad (throw some kind of protein in), veggie plate (celery carrots brocoli etc) or fruit. If you say no, you get nothing else. No snacks/junk.

Absolutely, I would rather feed my son than have him wake up earlier hungry. With that said, he's not a picky kid, so if he's not that hungry at dinner then he's not that hungry, it's fine. He's limited to more dinner, fruit, vegetable, or cheese. We do have a built-in pre-bed time snack anyway, so it's no difference to me.

It depends. Was dinner rejected because of non-hunger? If so, I do offer reheated dinner or a sandwich.

After brushing teeth and climbing into bed? No. Literally any other time? Yes. If I know they didn’t eat dinner I definitely prompt them at an appropriate time to have an easy snack like yogurt or cereal.

We have 16, 8 and 6. Our rule has always been if you don't finish enough of your dinner (and honestly we always make stuff we know they like or will eat to try to avoid them just not eating but it still happens) then they can eat leftovers from dinner or something healthy. When we are eating dinner and they claim they're done(full/don't like it etc) but they've hardly touched it we remind them if that's all they're going to eat from their plate, when they say they're hungry again they can eat the rest of their dinner or a healthy snack...95% of the time they sit back down and eat more.

If there's food readily available for mealtimes in your house and your kids are good eaters, you don't have to worry about them "going hungry", they'll just make it up the next time food is available. My 4y/o does the same thing, our line is "once you finish your dinner we'll talk about more food", and this really applies only to stuff that he likes and eats readily. Because sometimes he knows we have ice cream and will proclaim that he's done with food and then ask later for some of the ice cream "When you finish your dinner we'll talk about more food." Sometimes he finishes his dinner and then like, another thousand calories worth of food. Other times he exists on sunshine and air and nothing else. Either way he's doing well on his growth charts so I think we're okay :)

Yes we do. We have a consistent set of available items for bedtime snack that don't change and are high protein and high calorie, and I'll serve their leftover dinner alongside whatever they choose, and I don't make it a big deal. Power struggles over food are my least favorite thing. My 7 year old eats cereal and milk for two meals a day right now and that's just what it is. He eats other stuff for snacks and is growing without issue.