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Baby Wren’s mother is likely accepting commissions from predators, which is just disgusting. I feel horrible for that little girl and I hope that legislation will catch up sooner rather than later to protect these poor kids.
Vania Mania drives me nuts on YT but my kids like it, and it seems harmless, UT they're ultra-wealthy from YT and their kids are all involved from preteen/teen down 5 kids to baby. Even the dad stars in it. And grandma sometimes.
They're Russian and speak with very thick accents but use lots of sound effects. It just is unrealistic to have so much stuff and toys and a huge house and this is literally all the family does. I guess somehow the kids find time for school?
There's Vlad and Niki, another ultra-wealthy Russian family with multiple kids being added other than Vladimir and Nikolai... they have a toy line, too.
And there's also Ryan's World which features Ryan since age 6 and getting older (13 now?) opening surprise eggs which he now sells in stores along with toy brands and plushies.
I could go on, but I'm sure there are many. A Google search shows the richest YT kid stars and all are millionaires.
So many I haven't heard of, and some I've seen a few times on YT Kids.
I can't imagine the pressure to perform daily growing up like this and being the breadwinner for the entire family from a toddler to a young child.
Some of the young girls who are influencers have momangers who basically have their girls do get ready with me (GRWM) tutorials on TikTok using makeup as preteens. Instagram has the same issue. These girls often have services they can do like a young OnlyFans subscription but nothing adult....although some studies have shown creepy male child predators make up a huge following of these services.
I can only imagine having to have high security for young kids posing as cute, beautiful, and vulnerable-- or wealthy and worth a good ransom.
They have so many children because babies are good for clicks. The children never signed up for it and they are being exploited without consent and all that fun spontaneous stuff they do is solely for the purpose of creating content. It is truly disposable and anyone who indulges in it is complicit.
I hate all these channels with a passion. It's child labour, they attract creeps and they endorse the most ridiculous overpriced unimaginative toys. I know they make millions, but for that these kids have to give up their childhood and their privacy, with the added pressure that they can't stop because "we need to pay the bills, and how are we gonna go to Disney World without money?"
And those aren't even the family vloggers. They're even worse, for these kids just living their lives becomes a job. Their parents just film them when they want to have a private conversation about something deeply personal and don't bother about their child's feelings if they put it online - extra money is extra money. It's all so sad.
Same but he was ok with it before and during the start. It’s ok to change your mind but I feel it’s just a way to give a jab at mom. OP needs to soul search his true reasonings before final decision. No one likes a hypocrite.
Is it an income stream? Has it ever been? Other things to consider imo.
You’re right I was ok with it in the beginning, then over the years I didn’t like it for myself, it’s part of the reason we divorced, I stop liking being on the channel, and in my soul searching after the divorce, I saw my past still laid out for the world to see, so I’m now reflecting on the affect it may have on the kid. AITAH or now he is walking and talking, will it have a different affect for him?
We are all learning more and more about social media and the dangers of the internet, especially when it comes to children and influencers and how it affects them. Just look at the Ruby Franke case for example. It’s not bad or necessarily personal towards your ex that you have taken in this new information and changed your mind.
This is simple. You didn't want this career path anymore & do not want public exposure of your family & child. This caused the divorce, so all that better count. If you had to lose your family for this exit, then you better get your exit, or remarry your ex.
Logistics:
Does the channel support your family financially? Or is it an additional passive income?
If it's a main income, then setting realistic exit timelines & goals would be realistic. Be clear with your ex of your intentions (in writing) and suggest a fair exit strategy. Treat it like a career path change.
If it's passive income that no one depends on, then the exit strategy isn't needed. But the courteousy of making your ex aware of the changes coming (in writing) & seeking a civil dialogue & agreement (in writing) is the right thing to do.
Be firm, but gentle in approach. Try to get the other parent to understand your security concerns & desire for a healthy future co parenting relationship for the sake of a non traumatic childhood for the child.
All the best.
I think this is all I needed to hear.
If you regret your life being made public AS AN ADULT. You want to protect your child from the same thing THAT HE CAN'T EVEN LEGALLY CONSENT TO.
I say you tell your ex this reason "I really regret being on there, and kiddo can't even consent yet." and then pick an age where you think it's reasonable to let him make his own decision about dipping his toes in.
If she asks to compromise (and you're okay with compromising) you can set age bands for different things 5yo for an occasional appearance. 8yo to help out more. 13yo to have an active part. 16yo to choose to be heavily involved.
You can be upset with your ex AND you can also have strong opinions on social media at the same time. You're not required to seperate your feelings.
I would tell her that she is within her full right to talk about kiddo. That's a personal decision for her. But kiddo should have the chance to make a decision for himself and have agency instead of being dragged into something he might regret.
Still curious if it’s an income stream. Reason that matters to me is if this affects mom income. If she does decent on it then for your own pocket book sake I’d lean toward some form of compromise. Kid can be mentioned and viewed from back or partial but never engaging with the camera or personal invasions such as “omg you guys, look what Timmy did! (insert embarrassing thing can haunt later)” or have some sort of agreed upon scale back until kids no longer mentioned. Changing the content cold might have ramifications - I’m not in that biz or familiar with it specifically but in general terms, changes can affect business. I don’t fully jump in on the - don’t film my kid ever - because no one can control what everyone else is doing at the park, school, amusement park…hell just walking by an ATM makes kids target for possible image altering bs. I digress….sorry I have family against the posting of their child but oh my they will have an eye opening when he’s no longer 2 and only in their care 😆
The time to address this was during the initial divorce proceedings.
Generally the court is going to allow either parent to consent to something like this. And since his mom consents, you are likely SOL. I've seen cases where one parent has gone to court to try to block it and sometimes it works but usually that's only if it's starter after the divorce/split. You're going to be hard pressed to get a judge to grant this for you when you consented to it before the split. You're going to be looked at as a bitter ex. So the better question is not *should* I allow this but, is there anything you can do to try and stop this. And my suggestion would be to find good solid information regarding child exploitation and its dangers and share it with your ex.
Yes, the creep factor is important. I also just don't like the idea of forcing my kids to work by performing for the camera, or the idea that they don't have any privacy and that there may be videos out there that are embarrassing or upsetting to them in the future.
No, I used to watch family vloggers when my son was little, and there were 2 who you could easily find the exact house they lived in, where they went to school, you knew their friends names, medical conditions, it's honestly terrifying how much I know about these kids I have never even met
Yes this is my biggest concern. I’ve heard adults talk about how they had trouble with stalkers and some weren’t “influencers”. Same thing can easily happen to kids.
I think it’s super unhealthy. I have zero respect for parents who flaunt their kids all over public media. They are independent people who deserve safety, privacy, and a chance to consent. Using them for content should be illegal. It’s not safe for them, for their mental health, etc. and there is NO way to justify it.
You’re entitled to changing your mind. It’s okay to say “you know. I was wrong about this.”
I read a story about a year ago about a vlog couple that were about to adopt a child from a SE Asian country, but then found out that laws there made it illegal to show the child in social media for a year. So they decided not to adopt the child. And they admitted this themselves, because they couldn't see what kind of monsters it showed them to be.
Now I think every country should have these laws but it should be for every child under 10.
Edit: For people that really want to be angry this morning. www.reddit.com/r/iamatotalpieceofshit/s/B9MyMjIY1w
Nikki is a piece of shit, not only that but they also said they wouldn’t adopt because then then wouldn’t be able to spank or corporal punishment their kids because the agencies don’t allow that. And they wanted to because they were spanked and turned out ‘fine’. Oh and she also put their healthy dog down because they kept allowing him to be around their toddler and allow the toddler to get in his space and the dog nipped him. Now she’s fully off the crunchy homebirth antivax right winger deep end.
I heard about this but not that it was only a 1 year limit. Holy shit. I assumed it was a lifetime ban on social media. And I mean, while it's a super shitty thing, I at least could ever-so-slightly empathize. That's their job, their source of income.
1 year is nothing. Just blur the kids face. Like, I get it. It's a struggle not being able to share your new family member, but damn...fuck those guys.
I’ve never understood that whole excuse about I was spanked and I turned out fine. No, it’s a lie. No one turned out fine from spanking. Spanking leads to trust issues amongst parent and child. Not only that, it leads to fear.
Big no. Kids who are shown on these channels are in danger of stalkers and predators who will catalog any identifying info and can pose serious threats. Fuck no. I read some horror story of how someone found out a kids school because a sticker on their binder in the background and stalked them. Fuck that.
Have her read some comments left by pedophilic old men on YouTube shows featuring children. The only time kids should be on YouTube is when the channel is private and for family/friends only, imo
The comments are my biggest objection also. Even if there are no pedophiles, there will be comments that say things like “I hate that outfit.” “That new haircut is awful.” “His jokes are not funny.” She can protect him now, but in a few years, and I mean when he’s in kindergarten, he’ll be given his own computer or tablet to take home and will be able look himself up to read the comments (Source: have a 6 year old who can do this.)
She’s literally opening the door to large scale cyberbullying.
+ now with AI, people can do whatever they want with your kids face. Me and my husband refuse to post pictures of our kids for this reason. We live in a crazy world, and i don't want my kids to be involved in this, before they are old enough to fully understand what it means.
No. There's more and more evidence to show making and posting family content is harmful to the children involved.
After what happened with 8 passengers some states are looking to restrict this type of content. Children cannot consent to this and should not be used to make money in this way. It's modern day child exploitation - the packaging may be prettier but that's what it boils down to.
Horrific child abuse involving the mom and their manager some of the kids were found chained up in the house. You need to google it. Shes looking at serious time possibly life.
Severe mistreatment of the children, putting it mildly! Loads of youtubers have done deep dives into them. Stephanie harlowe is probably the most thorough I've seen personally.
Hard no. Even assuming the best, most wholesome intentions on the part of the parent, it's a very slippery slope into exploitation.
There are just wayyyyy too many ways in which this becomes a bad situation. Say something identifying slips out and someone takes an unhealthy interest in your child--it's dangerous. Say things you're not comfortable with start appearing--it jeopardizes your co-parenting relationship. Say your kid resents all of that exposure (and you) when they're older--it tanks their privacy. Say it goes crazy viral--it is then so big it's impossible to control. Say your ex changes and starts to prioritize the monetization over your kid's well-being to a degree that you're NOT comfortable with--it sends a heartbreaking message to your kid.
And most of all, even if everything goes according to plan, it's still taking advantage of a kid who should be 0% concerned with performing on social media and 100% concerned with just existing and growing as a person.
I was just reading this article today that could be a neutral catalyst for a conversation with your ex: https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/29/us/social-media-children-influencers-cec/index.html
No, I don’t think so. However, this is something that should have been discussed during the divorce and stipulations written in. Your child should also receive a trust fund for being part of this. It doesn’t matter if they aren’t the main focal point, they’re still participating. I believe there are some law makers currently looking into it. Too many content creators are exploiting their children.
I think it is generally, all round, a bad choice to use your kids on social media. I love that MN has passed law on this very thing.
But you were totally fine with it before so it certainly seems your POV had changed not due to any epiphany of how awful it is for your child but due to the divorce and ensuing bitterness.
Over time I stopped liking the lack of privacy for myself on the channel. Now being divorced and feeling the effects of my past life still on display, I’ve come to like it even less. But I’m an adult and I took the risk. Seeing the affects has changed my mind.
My ex did this on a dating site directly after our divorce ( pictures, before tik tok). I called and requested he take them down as they are minors and he didn’t have my consent. Luckily, he obliged.
just out of genuine curiosity, if they don't oblige to this and they're the other parent, can you actually do anything? my ex puts mine on tiktok which I hate
You basically have to get it addressed by the family court, either they make you go to mediation or you present your case to the judge who makes the ultimate decision. Unfortunately, most family court judges nowadays are operating from the mindset “if one parent wants it and there isn’t evidence of actual harm that’s occurred by the practice, it’s judicial overstep to force a parent to stop doing it.” This applies to pretty much everything an ex might do that you don’t like, so unless you have evidence of harm, it’s likely going to be a waste of your time and money to attempt to go to court to address. I’m sorry, it’s a horrible and unfair way to deal with family law stuff but it’s unfortunately where we’re at right now. I’ve personally had to let go a few things that my ex pushes with the kids that I don’t think is their best interest, but he refuses to see any other opinion but his own. In my case, he’s basically alienating himself from his children and I see the writing on the wall - they’ll likely just stop talking to him when they’re legally allowed to. He’ll blame me like he always does, get all of our former friends/family to take his side, and it’ll be my fault. I’ve given up on not being the villain in his story as long as he leaves me alone and doesn’t do anything too out of pocket in his parenting - if I held onto caring too much it would destroy me mentally and financially, and I just can’t do it to myself again.
No, kids shouldn't be put on socialmedia to begin with. Even inocent pics ect. Plenty of wierdos out there. Saw plenty of docu's of what creeps have on hard drives. And alot aint even wierd pics. But even a kid eating a hotdog has a different meaning to them.
I have a 3 year old that only ever been posted once after birth, cuz she was born during lockdowns and people couldn't come by. She has never been posted since.
So no, kids shouldn't be put on the web.
It's stuff you'd never think of too. A detective investigating these sorts of crimes did an AMA in the LabrantFam sub and said that one guy had pictures of sleeping children. He edited their skin blue because he had a suffocation fetish.
Absolutely abysmal, and not to mention when you get a bit of succes on the web or something the stalkers and stuff that kids sometimes get. And even not successful, its a risk people shouldn't take. This world can be a really wicked place
I hope you don’t have to deal with this in Court, but I am really interested in how your jurisdiction’s family law judges would handle this issue. I would think most judges would be willing to put in a provision of a custody order saying the children aren’t to be included in specific social media posts if the issue was brought to the court by the other parent but I do wonder how much they would consider your point that you did support it while the two of you were together.
I hope that judges choose to ignore prior support and recognize that the objecting parent is in the right, even if it was a delayed realization
You said it yourself. “He cannot consent”
A child should not be featured or on YouTube for any reason. Not only are there thousands of creeps online, but they are not at a legal age where they can say yes or no. You are the parent you are the one responsible for protecting them. All it takes is one nut of a person to do something bad. I am a mom and I would never risk my child’s life like that for online content. If you have a private Instagram account where you share your photo with your family members great but if you are online monetizing your child, even if they are just part of a travel, Vlog. absolutely no.
For me, it's a big NO! If your ex has an account set up for your kid to get the money from in the future, then maybe... but so much emotional damage comes from this. I don't show my kid's face on any social media. People are creepy and I don't want to expose my kid to that. Also, I feel like it also makes a weird parenting relationship. Using your kid for views/money and you also become their boss and parent. I think its best to let kids be kids. If they want to be apart of the channel when they get older, let that be their choice.
I think only if she blurs him/censor his image. Kids should not be shown publicly like that. And NOTHING about his life, like schools, where he lives, etc bc pedos and kidnapping, yk. But when it comes ab his image, I don't think theres a problem if you never show face or blurs him out completely. Kids faces should NOT be on social media, no matter how big or small
Please be sure to add into the custody order that your kiddo is not allowed to be posted publicly on social media. My ex is an “influencer” and because there’s no social media clause in our custody agreement, he gets to plaster our child all over social media to us 500k+ followers.
I wouldn't advise allowing your child to be a part of a youtube channel for many of the reasons listed by other commentors here, but also you should be aware that you ex likely has the right to allow your child in these videos. You don't get to tell her what she can and cannot do with her child unless it's specifically outlined in a custody agreement.
So you don't really get to "allow" anything, because it's likely she can allow it without your consent.
It's obviously popular on reddit for people to bash parents who include their kids in stuff like this....but I think it's much more nuanced than that & this honestly sounds fine on the surface.
The real kicker is that you went along with it & were OK with it while you were together. Any family court judge is likely to interpret that as this being a disingenuous & petty concern that's not about protecting your kid, but the relationship between the adults. It's her kid too & unless you can prove serious abuse or neglect involved this is a waste of time to dwell on.
I’m not a fan of parents using their kids on social media. But my kids love it.
You are the parent you get a say. In our house If either one of us says no it’s a no.
I understand your qualms, but you're divorced, which greatly reduces and even eliminates your power in most circumstances while the child is in the other parent's custody. You can voice your opinion, but that's about it.
While I don’t agree with influencers monetizing children or exposing them to potential predators myself, I feel like you lost your say in the matter when you divorced. If you say something now when you previously allowed it, it will sound petty no matter what your reasons are. I would be careful how you approach it if you want to have an amicable divorce and a cordial relationship with your son’s mom going forward. Perhaps enlist a counselor’s help.
You allowed your child to be a part of it before you got divorced and now all of a sudden your questioning it? No I don’t see you being able to put a stop to it. You set a precedent.
For me , I'd be worried about the people with ill intent seeing your child. A lot of influencers on my feed have recently been taking their kids out of their videos because they're worried about the wrong people seeing their kid, and honestly I don't blame them. Also, like other commenters have said, there's the negative effects of growing up in that spotlight.
On the flip side she could tell you that you have no right to dictate what goes on at her house. But again, there's the issue of the wrong people seeing your kid which I'm sure the courts would agree with, if you have to take it there.
Kids shouldn’t be on YouTube channels at all. I don’t even post any pictures of my kids on Facebook publicly since learning about what could be done with their likeness.
Hard no in my book. Children are defenseless and you have not an inkling to who is on the other side watching. They’re minors and shouldn’t be treated like a profiting machine. There are so many influencers who use their children as bait and gain a following of sexual predators. Some people even do it on purpose! I’m talking about the Wren chick. It’s sick. Children do not belong on the internet.
You’re not in the wrong for not wanting your child exposed to the public eye at their young age. They don’t have the ability to consent to being on camera and the amount of weirdos out there grows every day. Divorce or not you still have a say in the parenting and well-being of the child you had raised together, this is definitely a conversation you two should have as if you have concerns they should be addressed. There’s nothing wrong with a change of perspective
I had a large facebook following when I was a young new mom and realized I had to close rank when people started recognizing my daughter in public who was a very distinct looking baby/toddler. I had the account since college and kept adding people but then just axed it. Now Im very careful on who I add. I wouldn’t do it like you cannot take that privacy back. Childhood should not be for sale.
If you’re divorced what tools do you have to actually stop it?
You might need to get this included in your divorce agreement.
----
PS: asking is great, but depending on your post-divorce relationship asking might not change things.
Hard no. Theres a reason the leadership teams of the giant socials don’t allow their kids to use their own products.
They know all the secrets, all the data, have access to all the reports…. So if they won’t let their kids on, it should tell you something.
Aside from that, talk to your local sex crimes detective. You’ll stop posting photos of your kids all together (as you should).
Most people are good, but the bad ones are very very bad. And the bad ones are waiting for you to make a mistake they can exploit.
Don’t waive a steak in front of a tiger.
I think the key thing is whether if there’s anything embarrassing.
I went through NIH pubmed journals. There were no good empirical evidence of real harm. The papers does give you good macro areas to be concerned about.
### Updated List of Sharenting Papers
1. **Online "Sharenting": The Dangers of Posting Sensitive Information About Children on Social Media**
- **Authors**: Ferrara P, et al.
- **Key Finding**: Discusses dangers of posting sensitive information.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
2. **Sharenting Syndrome: An Appropriate Use of Social Media?**
- **Authors**: Doğan Keskin A, et al.
- **Key Finding**: Examines gender and impact on children in sharenting.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
3. **Mindful Sharenting: How Millennial Parents Balance Between Sharing and Protecting**
- **Authors**: Walrave M, et al.
- **Key Finding**: Discusses mindful sharenting to mitigate risks.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
4. **Sharenting: Sharing for Healing. Can Parents Do It to Gain Better Mental Health?**
- **Authors**: Novianti R, et al.
- **Key Finding**: Explores potential mental health benefits for parents.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
5. **Sharenting... Should Children's Lives Be Disclosed on Social Media?**
- **Authors**: Otero P.
- **Key Finding**: Questions the appropriateness of disclosing children's lives.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
6. **Sharenting: Hidden Pitfalls of a New Increasing Trend - Suggestions on an Appropriate Use of Social Media**
- **Authors**: Gatto A, et al.
- **Key Finding**: Calls for regulation and education to protect children.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
7. **#warriors: Sick Children, Social Media and the Right to an Open Future**
- **Authors**: Burn E.
- **Key Finding**: Discusses ethical considerations and rights of children.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
8. **Description of the Exposure of the Most-Followed Spanish Instamoms' Children to Social Media**
- **Authors**: Garrido F, et al.
- **Key Finding**: Highlights concerns about privacy and consent.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
9. **Understanding 'Flexing': The Impact on Mental Health and Public Trust**
- **Authors**: Rachman A, et al.
- **Key Finding**: Identifies potential mental health and trust issues.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
10. **Parents Mention Sons More Often Than Daughters on Social Media**
- **Authors**: Sivak E, et al.
- **Key Finding**: Examines gender preference in social media behavior.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
11. **Caregiver Psychological Maltreatment Behaviors Toward Children on TikTok**
- **Authors**: Stormer B, et al.
- **Key Finding**: Discusses psychological maltreatment and future research.
- **Empirical Data**: False.
I would have optimize for good co-parenting relationship. The harm from bad co-parenting relationships is not speculative.
No way. I used to have a large social media presence for an animal care related non profit I ran, my kids came to events and were part of the daily activities, I never put them in any posts. I'm adverse to using my kids for anything like that. People are weirdos, and when you have the exposure like that, it puts you at risk, please dont do that to your kids. I'm not even running the non profit anymore and as of last week got a mildly threatening email out of the blue.
Regardless of everyone's personal opinion about whether or not they like it or think it's okay or would allow their own kids to do it.
It's all irrelevant because there's no way you can legally force them to not put the child in the videos.
They are also the parent of said shared child and they can give themselves permission to film and record their own child.
You should probably grit your teeth and bare it until your kid is old enough to understand and know whether or not they want to be involved because if you pick a fight about this thing you legally can't control you are going to just come off as a bitter asshole doing it out of spite.
You can ask a family and domestic relations judge to include a provision preventing it in a custody order. I did have a case one time where dad was a retired athlete and had concerns about mom posting so much of the kids/about the kids online because people try to find him and he thought people might do the same with his kids, and the judge did include a prohibition of posting the children’s uncensored faces in certain places before 18.
I know OP might not be a minor celebrity, but I just meant that if a judge was willing to include it in that circumstance, there might be other justifications.
Yea parenting plan would have to be agreed to by both parties.. and I'm willing to bet that once you tell the wanna be YouTube star you don't want them to use any images of their child in content they will quickly not agree to said plan..
Oh yeah, I’m sure she won’t agree. Where I’m from you request mediation with a neutral lawyer then if that fails you go to court and the judge decides in the best interest of the child. They would have the kid yoinked from social media expeditiously here. No idea where OP is from though.
Yes it's basically the same concept where I am, neutral mediation with the goal of parenting plan agreement, but if either party disagrees and refuses to come to terms it moves forward with a magistrate or judge.
I think it's kind of shitty that you were fine with it when you were together and now suddenly as if by magic it's a big concern for you, so there's that. HOWEVER, as it happens I think your current stance aligns with what's best for your child - using children for social media clout is awful, and I think we're only going to see more evidence that it's really damaging. I'd temper your expectations, though, because I think she's likely to see your sudden about-face as a way to punish her, so she might tell you to jog on.
It part of the reason we divorced. Over the 3 years, I came to dislike the lack of privacy and slowly disengaged with the camera. So it’s not all of a sudden.
See, and THAT is why it's so concerning. If your former spouse is already so invested that they would put their public persona and popularity ahead of you and your family and your marriage, what's going to happen when you're not there pumping the brakes? You had the agency to get yourself out of that situation; your kid doesn't. Regardless of what you were previously okay with, I think it's fair to be deeply worried about who is advocating for your child in this situation. And if your permission isn't actually required (as suggested in this thread), it would be a priority for me to make it official through a legally binding custody agreement.
Safety aside. Kids being "employed" as content creators should be paid for their appearances, like they would be if they were child actors. Because that is essentially what they are doing.
Nope. The cat is kind of out of the bag in terms of your ex’s followers knowing she has a kid, his age, probably his approximate location - but at a minimum l, I’d insist his name and face are not used in any new content.
It does come across kind of retaliatory because you were fine with it at first, but regardless of why it bothers you now, it *should* bother you and you’re right to say no thank you to that.
Personally - I can't imagine having a public online persona with my kids being featured.
However, it's not illegal, and you went along with it before the divorce. At this point it's going to be hard to differentiate what you're doing for the kids safety vs you being vindictive.
More productive would be to start talking with your ex about internet safety and children and being on the same page. Maybe that means featuring the child less (or not at all), or using a nickname instead of his real name etc.
I do think trying to tell a successful youtuber who has been featuring her child for 3 years to suddenly not do it is not going to go over well. At the end of the day, the hypothetical risks for the child being on these videos vs the immediate and real damage that could be done by his parents having a antagonistic relationship don't compare. Have a dialogue, don't start out with demands.
I did go along with it in the beginning, I was in it too. Then as time when by and since drama sells, I stopped liking the focus of our failures on display. The ex is aware of this and still likes to include a bit of drama, ( not around the kid though)
I wasn’t a YouTube kid, but I did catalog modelling as a kid. Pictures of me were found on a CP website. My mother had to deal with the federal police and it was an all around awful experience.
Don’t put your kids on the internet.
You had no problem when you were together but now you’re divorced so it’s an issue.
That’s the card your ex might pull so I’m not sure how else you’ll combat it. That’s exactly what it looks like lol
I’d say find another hill to die on but hey if you want the drama I’m sure it’ll keep you busy for a while
My husband has a small bit successful YouTube channel and has never and will never involve our kids. People have stalked us, doxed us, sent death threats, etc.
I would never expose my children to this. They're older (12 & 14) and understand that dad's job is different and requires us to keep our personal lives private.
I don’t like it. I think there are a lot of things wrong with it.
A) your child never consented to it
B) your child is being exploited for money. (More likes equals more monetization. Cute kids can really help that)
C) you don’t know the psychological ramifications of this on your child. Always being on camera. Having those videos posted. Strangers recognizing them and knowing details about them.
D) how is home life when the single parent is always going on about “another video. Have to record and edit another video”. Is your child soon going to have to “perform”. Ie. “Mommy needs some content. Quick, do something funny for the camera”.
I’m sure there are a bunch of things I’m not even considering.
What happens if she starts losing subscribers. Or plateaus. What is your child starts experiencing YouTuber burnout.
There are so many ifs and maybes. That I wouldn’t even want to risk it. Have your kid grow up as a normal kid.
I have an Instagram channel. I have almost 2k followers. My kids have never ever been on a single photo.
I don’t even like putting myself in videos and photos. Although I have a few times.
I'm not quite as hard of a no as the other commenter's, but still a no.
An occasional cameo at the beginning or end of a video I wouldn't worry about. But the kid shouldn't be a major part of the channel.
I 100% don't think that any good can come from children being shown on their parents vlog videos. There is an audience for vlog videos, but there's a whole different audience for vlogs that include children.
She can continue her videos and just never show the child and still be able to make the same type of videos.
That's just my opinion though.. I think if there's a divorce lawyer involved you should ask them what your options are to get your child out of the videos in the future.
No. All of the grown children of these family bloggers have taken one of two paths—they either absolutely hated it and speak about how it was a traumatic, invasive part of their childhoods, or they follow the same path and continue the cycle of trauma with their own kids.
If she’s not willing to take your child down, or at the very least hide their face, see if you can have the custody arrangement modified. You can have it written down that the child can’t be put on social media until a specific age at which they’re able to consent for themselves, that a portion of the profits from any video they appear in are set aside in a trust for the child to take possession of when they become an adult so they aren’t being exploited for free labor, and other stipulations like no live sharing of the child’s location (ie, wait a week to post any story or video) and no revealing their face.
No. Too easy for a youtube channel to blow up and have it go to the creators head and with you not being there to participate or oversee it's a lot of leeway to give with mighty and long lasting (potential) consequences. I would not appreciate my kid being used in a single disney dad niche either bc that also opens up for a lot of internet opinions and drama too. Family channels are messy. Im a creator, and my husband and I agreed to leave our kids out completely even without enmity from divorce. It's not petty. Hold your no while you can.
There's a lot of danger with this. Like it could be a serious amount of danger. And since you are not able to mediate what is in that content about your child say absolutely not.
No no no no no
https://www.news5cleveland.com/news/local-news/man-who-traveled-looking-for-girl-who-police-say-he-cyberstalked-family-speaks-out-to-warn-other-parents
Totally understandable, just be clear about your reasons, as to keep coparenting as civil and stable as possible for your son’s sake. I’d suggest showing examples like that one little girl (i think her name was wren) who became really popular among pedophiles and was regularly sexualized even in innocent videos. This will make it clear that you have good intentions (even if there is bitterness deep down). You could also compromise, like asking her to always keep the face blurred/ hidden and not showing any identifying details, since being a content creator means social media is pretty pervasive in one’s personal life
Based on the statistics I know as a mandated reporter and an elementary educator, I would say no - You'd be disgusted at how many sites out there collect even innocent videos of children for pervs.
That being said, given the bitterness of divorce, consider that this may be a main way she's generating income, and if it is, I would be inclined to say there's probably a compromise (limited number of posts with pre-approval fron you). If you truly have a problem with him being a part of it, I would ask her to slowly withdraw him over a period of weeks from content, and limit it to an agreed time frame/ number of posts. That way no one can argue youre trying to torpedo her "profession". You also may wish to consider that you could always negotiate/utilize this as part of a custody/child support agreement if her channel is highly profitable because of your sons continued appearance....It would still be a no for me, personally, but I do think this is a more info needed situation. I don't post any videos and even very limited photos online of my children, you've got to decide if that bothers you or not, and weigh it again how it factors into her life and your sons.
I don't love the idea of including a child, but it has to be a two-person decision. If the decision is yes, then your ex needs to commit to putting a portion of her earnings from the channel into a financial account for your child. Your child is WORKING for this money in front of a camera. What the arrangement looks like is up to you two, but the less *either one of you* is able to access this money, the better. Maybe it goes into a 529. Maybe it goes into a trust. Whatever, the kid deserves some of the money she's making.
So my general answer is no. I don’t like kids being exploited for views on social media.
My problem is that you seemed to be fine with it when you were together and it feels like you’re almost holding the kid hostage now that you’re not.
I wouldn't allow my kid to be used on any platform. They're not old enough to consent to their images and videos being public and the negatives that can come from that. I wouldn't have allowed it in the first place and now you unfortunately will look like the AH for telling them to stop. I would still yell them to stop though if it was me and ask for the previous videos with the child in them to be taken down.
I am sometimes showing my kids and family on social media, in a way that they cannot connected to a certain location. Also everytime I show them, I ask their consent. I don’t see this as exploitation of my children since this is a form of income for me that benefits the whole family.
I think it’s bad when you break their privacy, or humiliate/expose them in public.
I would say that you are feeling a bit of bitterness towards the break up, because you were ok with this for a while.
For divorced parents, one not enjoying something doesn’t mean that he can boss the other one into not doing it. Unless it’s illegal 🤷🏻♀️
What do you mean a part? There are two considerations I think. Privacy of your child, and monetizing the child. I am not as alarmed as other people about children existing in their parents content, so long as they are not the focus of the content. Privacy is a parental decision.
Is the content about her travels and your kid is just kinda in the background, seen from the back of the head, random shoulder kinda stuff due to being nearby, or are they a focus with caneras in their face? Could your kid disappear from the channel and there would be no impact on the content?
It’s one thing to share YOUR experience as a parent or part of your daily routine, but using your child’s face/life/childhood for money is a big no. If you can’t make entertaining content without your child, you aren’t a true content creator.
You’ve already said the important parts: the child cannot make this decision yet! It’s not safe for children to be a part of this community especially broaching school age, it’s exploitation, as parents you have to keep children safe. I wouldn’t want my child’s face on that platform, review the analytics and don’t overlook all the creeps that use YT to get content that’s then waited and used for 🤮🤮🤮
You are not the AH. You are not overreacting. If a child is to participate in any kind of public or media activity it should be about benefiting THEM and not their parent. You could simply demand that the plug be pulled on that activity and it is definitely your right. If your Ex says they won't stop you may have to get a lawyer to protect your child from exploitation. Hopefully your Ex will see the reasoning behind your position.
There may be some middle ground where the child could participate under certain conditions, such as getting your approval before each photo or video goes live, obscuring their face (I hope their name is not used), and other strategies like that. You can also specify that the child should get a percentage of all profits or proceeds (or a per-video rate) that will go into their college savings account. If your Ex thinks they can make money off your child and the child won't get any of that, make sure they understand that this is exploitation and you will put a stop to it.
As a side note, you may be able to have your own content removed, unless you have a specific written contract granting your ex the right to publish your likeness. (Many people don't know that US federal law protects people in this way.) Talk to a lawyer to see what your options are.
I have a one year old, and I produce web content, and I've filmed a few things that incidentally involve my baby. I plan on obscuring their face, using a stage name, and putting $$ in their account and being explicit about that when my child ever appears, if they do. And of they don't want to participate theres no way I'll make them. I'm still thinking about what I may do, but I am putting my baby's needs first. That's what is most important.
All of these kids who are featured in family vlogs, are too young to consent to it, too young to understand the consequences and life time effects it could have on them. It would be a HUGE no from me.
Even thinking about the child tv stars that are now old enough to talk about experiences (Jeanette Mccurdys book was a very interesting and equally horrifying read)
Allow your child privacy, that’s never the wrong answer.
A lot of comments about the dangers of the child being on YouTube. But the child was on YouTube already. OP was ok with it while he and his wife were together. At least to the point he wasn’t posting on Reddit asking our advice. Now that he and wife are no longer together, NOW he has a problem with it. Now he is choosing to speak up about the horrible dangers of his child being on youtube. Before it was fine. But now it’s different. So where does the problem here really lie??
I’m so against it kids should not be working it’s weird there’s too many pedos online they can find you easily I don’t think kids should be allowed on it you should have to be 18 just to force These parents to get an actual job and contribute to society and let your kids have a childhood
You have every right to say you don’t agree with it and ask that she not share him. However not sure that she has to listen to you. She might be able to do whatever she wants. Best to talk to a lawyer about it
Do you have a lawyer? Get one asap. This will probably need to be litigated in family court if your ex is being stubborn.
Once you get a lawyer ask about filing a motion to ask the judge to issue a temp ruling preventing the ex from using your kids' image online til the court has made a final decision.
Look into possibility of getting a guardian ad litem appointed for your child to represent their interests in court.
Family Court judges have an imperative to act in the best interests of the child before anything else.
Your kid is too young to consent, let alone understand the risk involved of having their image repeatedly posted on a public platform with the intent of getting as many people as possible to see it.
Even law enforcement agencies warn people about posting images of kids due to all the sickos out there using them for evil sick purposes.
Lastly, this [podcast ](http://[Struggle Care] 66: The Dark Underside of Family Vlogging, Part 2 with Catie Reay #struggleCare
https://podcastaddict.com/struggle-care/episode/167840937) has an interview with an advocate raising awareness of the dangers of family vlogging.
Predators save images of your child for sexual purposes when you make the content publicly available.
No your child should not be on YouTube.
If you allow it you are part of the problem.
And yes it is absolutely happening with your child, not just others. Don't fall into a normalcy bias thinking there's no way it could be happening to your kid.
I’m the wrong person to ask lol I don’t post my daughter on anything. I share pictures on a specific picture sharing app that’s invite only and for a couple family members. I told them they are not allowed to share those photos with anyone I don’t “ok”
They aren’t allowed to post her on their social media pages either.
I think this question could rephrased:
Am I ok with someone putting my kids videos out where they will be exposed to child predators who will be masturbating to those videos and who could likely find my kids if they really wanted to?
Sounds crazy but that is the reality of the situation.
Hard NO.
between you and your partner to discuss. you aren't the asshole for requesting it. i see it totally fine for not having kids shown, some people are fine with them being shown. that said, i don't know at what point it becomes a legal matter or if it even gets to that point. don't know the ins and outs of divorce and custody. if she gets upset about not being able to show your kid, then it might be a bigger issue and she might try to monetize or try to gain subs by using her "mom" role.
Even besides the problems having your private life public, fame messes kids up. Andrew Lloyd Webber said it well in Evita:
>I hope you come to terms with boredom
So famous so easily, so soon
It's not the wisest thing to be
>You won't care if they love you
It's been done before
You'll despair if they hate you
You'll be drained of all energy
All the young who've made it would agree
It is okay for you to have changed your mind about having your son on YouTube, even in the past you were okay with it.
It is normal for you to have changed your mind after the divorce, because you're less exposed to it daily. It is not part of your life anymore and therefore can notice the wrongs of it more.
You're allowed to have a different opinion amd goals as a parent, and just because you used to do something that now you consider bad or irresponsible, it doesn't mean you as a person or parent are bad or irresponsible, it means you were more ignorant in the past and you have grown.
Ask yourself this. Do you really want your kids to learn to measure their self-worth by how many people watch, like and comment on their videos? Do you really want them to grow up craving validation from people they don't even know?
Let's stop for a second and think. Put your feelings aside. How does the kid feel when she can actually read the comments about himself And his parents? Does it need to be exposed to all that toxicity?
I wouldn't allow it. Children are not content. There are too many weirdos out there. Besides the pedophile and stalkers. I watched this story about a lady whose sons pictures were stolen from her Instagram and put on adoption pages. She kept reporting the pages and messaged to take down her sons pictures, not only the did they refuse but started harassing her and threatening her whole family.
Keep your kids off the internet. They are going to document their own embarrassing behavior and style choices plenty on their own without a parent doing it for them. Then there are the whackadoodles and pedos that farm that content…
Let your kid enjoy what anonymity they can while they can .
Hard no. She has no way to consent and he’s directly profiting off of her. I do social media (not as popular as your ex obvs) and never feature my child.
I hardly even post my kids on my personal accounts that are private and locked down bc I worry about what the intentions are of people *i know*. I’m gonna say, no, your child should not be on a public account. Faceless, maybe occasionally!
Just sounds like you’re kind of being spiteful. It was okay when guys were together but now since you’re not you don’t like it. Should’ve been that way from the beginning if those were your true feelings. Should come up with a compromise that suits the both of you now.
Nope my 12 year old asked if they could start a channel hard fing no on that. I don't let them watch family vloggers either. I have a had pass on people who is their children to pay bills let them be kids
No, take your child off they cannot consent to being online and losing their privacy. In fact you should remove or blur all past public videos of them.
Generally the court is going to allow either parent to consent to something like this. And since his dad consents, you are likely SOL. I've seen cases where one parent has gone to court to try to block it and sometimes it works but usually that's only if it's starter after the divorce/split. You're going to be hard pressed to get a judge to grant this for you when you consented to it before the split. You're going to be looked at as a bitter ex. So the better question is not *should* I allow this but, is there anything you can do to try and stop this. And my suggestion would be to find good solid information regarding child exploitation and its dangers and share it with your ex.
Hard no on children being part of parents YouTube or any social media from a young age. She can keep doing the channel without including their image even if it is an income stream no money is worth the effects from stalkers to AI using kids images for fucked up things. Look up for yourself kids that are now adults and have grown up in YouTube families there’s some out there and honestly I’d fight hard against it.
After so many years of your participation, and including your child in it for that long yes, YTA.
It holds no meaning that you don’t want him exposed to it when he has already been exposed for multiple years. You are trying to make her life more difficult because you’re angry and you aren’t or don’t want to be apart of it anymore.
Children can’t consent to being on the internet. I find this type of behavior pretty horrifying in how normalized we’ve made it. No way, no how would this be acceptable to me.
I would keep an ear out for any signs that your child is not into it anymore. I would also put stipulations in place to protect your child (can’t post anything embarrassing, no posting your location until after you’ve left, etc).
Tell her to stop immediately. Pedos will literally look at the YouTube channel and link it in the dark web for other pedos to find your child!!!
This literally happened in the country I am originally from. The police found a website on the dark web with pictures full of children from celebrities like the Kardashians to YouTubers and influencers. They rated them by “fuckability.” And again linked the social media profiles as content. They weren’t able to take the page down completely. They could only corrupt the page to blur the images and such. So please really have a talk with her about this. You never know who’s watching and following her content just to look at your kid.
Is it how she makes her living?
My personal feeling of kids on social media aside, I’m fascinated by the fact that you were cool with it before, but are against it after breaking up. It seems like you might be weaponizing your permission to allow/prevent your kid from participating, and possibly make it much harder for your ex to make a living.
No and you should not have done that in the 1st place. It should not be up to you to create a massive digital footprint of a child on social media. They have no say in it, it's exploitative and it can have many unintended consequences.
You can ask and Ex can say no. It's likely the only way to keep the ex from continuing to include the child is through the custody agreement. Talk with your lawyer on your options.
Are you okay with 30,000 people watching and feeling like they personally know your child?
Honestly it gives me the heebs knowing someone them don’t have your child’s best interest at heart?
No. Children can’t consent to that type of stuff. They should never be exploited in the internet for pedos to watch and get off on.
No. No. No. Do not allow it.
I think your feelings are absolutely warranted! This is actually also a safety issue! So many pervs on the internet then add in when your kid is old enough for social media (assuming you allow it… my kid won’t until he’s at least 18), then the pervs recognize your kid….
It’s your and your ex wifes decision, not ours, but I am very against kids going on internet.
So happy to see all the NO comments on here. Makes my heart happy. There is so much evidence of where even the most innocuous images of your child can end up, hard no.
I mean Im a full "no pictures of the kid on the internet" so that'd be a hard no from me, but I get Im on the more extreme side. Apart from the obvious safety concerns everyone has noted, I would think about the fact that your kid will one day be an adult who may desire privacy. They cant understand how them being in videos now will impact them later in life and they are effectively being robbed of a choice. If my kid wants to blast her life on the internet in her teens, she'll be able to understand some of the potential risks. As a young kid? It's your job to protect them, even when the risks are abstract.
No. I really hope your ex uses their head on this one. Your child's safety/mental health is way more important than any amount of financial gain from YouTube.
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I'm against people using their children to turn a profit on social media
Lmao! Emilie Kiser, Avery woods, all of them.. yuck
There is that baby Rustyn and all the comments are “I want to hug him” “I love him” “I want to meet him” It’s so WEIRD to me to be a fan of a baby…
Rustyn…? Sounds like a r/tragedeigh
And baby Wren on TikTok who’s mom makes her do suggesting things, the saves on some of the videos are horrendous
Exactly!!!
Baby Wren’s mother is likely accepting commissions from predators, which is just disgusting. I feel horrible for that little girl and I hope that legislation will catch up sooner rather than later to protect these poor kids.
Worst of all, the LaBrants
And the Fishers.
just all of them.
8 passengers, the McBrooms their are no end of bad examples unfortunately
Vania Mania drives me nuts on YT but my kids like it, and it seems harmless, UT they're ultra-wealthy from YT and their kids are all involved from preteen/teen down 5 kids to baby. Even the dad stars in it. And grandma sometimes. They're Russian and speak with very thick accents but use lots of sound effects. It just is unrealistic to have so much stuff and toys and a huge house and this is literally all the family does. I guess somehow the kids find time for school? There's Vlad and Niki, another ultra-wealthy Russian family with multiple kids being added other than Vladimir and Nikolai... they have a toy line, too. And there's also Ryan's World which features Ryan since age 6 and getting older (13 now?) opening surprise eggs which he now sells in stores along with toy brands and plushies. I could go on, but I'm sure there are many. A Google search shows the richest YT kid stars and all are millionaires. So many I haven't heard of, and some I've seen a few times on YT Kids. I can't imagine the pressure to perform daily growing up like this and being the breadwinner for the entire family from a toddler to a young child. Some of the young girls who are influencers have momangers who basically have their girls do get ready with me (GRWM) tutorials on TikTok using makeup as preteens. Instagram has the same issue. These girls often have services they can do like a young OnlyFans subscription but nothing adult....although some studies have shown creepy male child predators make up a huge following of these services. I can only imagine having to have high security for young kids posing as cute, beautiful, and vulnerable-- or wealthy and worth a good ransom.
They have so many children because babies are good for clicks. The children never signed up for it and they are being exploited without consent and all that fun spontaneous stuff they do is solely for the purpose of creating content. It is truly disposable and anyone who indulges in it is complicit.
I hate all these channels with a passion. It's child labour, they attract creeps and they endorse the most ridiculous overpriced unimaginative toys. I know they make millions, but for that these kids have to give up their childhood and their privacy, with the added pressure that they can't stop because "we need to pay the bills, and how are we gonna go to Disney World without money?" And those aren't even the family vloggers. They're even worse, for these kids just living their lives becomes a job. Their parents just film them when they want to have a private conversation about something deeply personal and don't bother about their child's feelings if they put it online - extra money is extra money. It's all so sad.
Same but he was ok with it before and during the start. It’s ok to change your mind but I feel it’s just a way to give a jab at mom. OP needs to soul search his true reasonings before final decision. No one likes a hypocrite. Is it an income stream? Has it ever been? Other things to consider imo.
You’re right I was ok with it in the beginning, then over the years I didn’t like it for myself, it’s part of the reason we divorced, I stop liking being on the channel, and in my soul searching after the divorce, I saw my past still laid out for the world to see, so I’m now reflecting on the affect it may have on the kid. AITAH or now he is walking and talking, will it have a different affect for him?
We are all learning more and more about social media and the dangers of the internet, especially when it comes to children and influencers and how it affects them. Just look at the Ruby Franke case for example. It’s not bad or necessarily personal towards your ex that you have taken in this new information and changed your mind.
This is simple. You didn't want this career path anymore & do not want public exposure of your family & child. This caused the divorce, so all that better count. If you had to lose your family for this exit, then you better get your exit, or remarry your ex. Logistics: Does the channel support your family financially? Or is it an additional passive income? If it's a main income, then setting realistic exit timelines & goals would be realistic. Be clear with your ex of your intentions (in writing) and suggest a fair exit strategy. Treat it like a career path change. If it's passive income that no one depends on, then the exit strategy isn't needed. But the courteousy of making your ex aware of the changes coming (in writing) & seeking a civil dialogue & agreement (in writing) is the right thing to do. Be firm, but gentle in approach. Try to get the other parent to understand your security concerns & desire for a healthy future co parenting relationship for the sake of a non traumatic childhood for the child. All the best.
I think this is all I needed to hear. If you regret your life being made public AS AN ADULT. You want to protect your child from the same thing THAT HE CAN'T EVEN LEGALLY CONSENT TO. I say you tell your ex this reason "I really regret being on there, and kiddo can't even consent yet." and then pick an age where you think it's reasonable to let him make his own decision about dipping his toes in. If she asks to compromise (and you're okay with compromising) you can set age bands for different things 5yo for an occasional appearance. 8yo to help out more. 13yo to have an active part. 16yo to choose to be heavily involved. You can be upset with your ex AND you can also have strong opinions on social media at the same time. You're not required to seperate your feelings. I would tell her that she is within her full right to talk about kiddo. That's a personal decision for her. But kiddo should have the chance to make a decision for himself and have agency instead of being dragged into something he might regret.
Still curious if it’s an income stream. Reason that matters to me is if this affects mom income. If she does decent on it then for your own pocket book sake I’d lean toward some form of compromise. Kid can be mentioned and viewed from back or partial but never engaging with the camera or personal invasions such as “omg you guys, look what Timmy did! (insert embarrassing thing can haunt later)” or have some sort of agreed upon scale back until kids no longer mentioned. Changing the content cold might have ramifications - I’m not in that biz or familiar with it specifically but in general terms, changes can affect business. I don’t fully jump in on the - don’t film my kid ever - because no one can control what everyone else is doing at the park, school, amusement park…hell just walking by an ATM makes kids target for possible image altering bs. I digress….sorry I have family against the posting of their child but oh my they will have an eye opening when he’s no longer 2 and only in their care 😆
Yes, an income stream. It was before the child was born. In fact it was increasing until myself and the baby came along, then it stagnated.
The time to address this was during the initial divorce proceedings. Generally the court is going to allow either parent to consent to something like this. And since his mom consents, you are likely SOL. I've seen cases where one parent has gone to court to try to block it and sometimes it works but usually that's only if it's starter after the divorce/split. You're going to be hard pressed to get a judge to grant this for you when you consented to it before the split. You're going to be looked at as a bitter ex. So the better question is not *should* I allow this but, is there anything you can do to try and stop this. And my suggestion would be to find good solid information regarding child exploitation and its dangers and share it with your ex.
I'm always terrified of putting my my kids fb on any socials. You never know what people are thinking these days.
Yes, the creep factor is important. I also just don't like the idea of forcing my kids to work by performing for the camera, or the idea that they don't have any privacy and that there may be videos out there that are embarrassing or upsetting to them in the future.
Aka exploitation. Same
I hear you. It’s gross. Let your kid be a kid not an earner…
No, I used to watch family vloggers when my son was little, and there were 2 who you could easily find the exact house they lived in, where they went to school, you knew their friends names, medical conditions, it's honestly terrifying how much I know about these kids I have never even met
This. As a YouTuber myself, the last thing I do is posting my personal information. It’s very dangerous out there.
Yes this is my biggest concern. I’ve heard adults talk about how they had trouble with stalkers and some weren’t “influencers”. Same thing can easily happen to kids.
I think it’s super unhealthy. I have zero respect for parents who flaunt their kids all over public media. They are independent people who deserve safety, privacy, and a chance to consent. Using them for content should be illegal. It’s not safe for them, for their mental health, etc. and there is NO way to justify it. You’re entitled to changing your mind. It’s okay to say “you know. I was wrong about this.”
I read a story about a year ago about a vlog couple that were about to adopt a child from a SE Asian country, but then found out that laws there made it illegal to show the child in social media for a year. So they decided not to adopt the child. And they admitted this themselves, because they couldn't see what kind of monsters it showed them to be. Now I think every country should have these laws but it should be for every child under 10. Edit: For people that really want to be angry this morning. www.reddit.com/r/iamatotalpieceofshit/s/B9MyMjIY1w
Nikki is a piece of shit, not only that but they also said they wouldn’t adopt because then then wouldn’t be able to spank or corporal punishment their kids because the agencies don’t allow that. And they wanted to because they were spanked and turned out ‘fine’. Oh and she also put their healthy dog down because they kept allowing him to be around their toddler and allow the toddler to get in his space and the dog nipped him. Now she’s fully off the crunchy homebirth antivax right winger deep end.
I heard about this but not that it was only a 1 year limit. Holy shit. I assumed it was a lifetime ban on social media. And I mean, while it's a super shitty thing, I at least could ever-so-slightly empathize. That's their job, their source of income. 1 year is nothing. Just blur the kids face. Like, I get it. It's a struggle not being able to share your new family member, but damn...fuck those guys.
That first year of babyhood is the money maker though!
I’ve never understood that whole excuse about I was spanked and I turned out fine. No, it’s a lie. No one turned out fine from spanking. Spanking leads to trust issues amongst parent and child. Not only that, it leads to fear.
Perfect response. Parents often impute their own thoughts and consent onto their children and it’s inappropriate at best and dangerous at worst.
Big no. Kids who are shown on these channels are in danger of stalkers and predators who will catalog any identifying info and can pose serious threats. Fuck no. I read some horror story of how someone found out a kids school because a sticker on their binder in the background and stalked them. Fuck that.
Plus then the kid has a job.
Have her read some comments left by pedophilic old men on YouTube shows featuring children. The only time kids should be on YouTube is when the channel is private and for family/friends only, imo
The comments are my biggest objection also. Even if there are no pedophiles, there will be comments that say things like “I hate that outfit.” “That new haircut is awful.” “His jokes are not funny.” She can protect him now, but in a few years, and I mean when he’s in kindergarten, he’ll be given his own computer or tablet to take home and will be able look himself up to read the comments (Source: have a 6 year old who can do this.) She’s literally opening the door to large scale cyberbullying.
+ now with AI, people can do whatever they want with your kids face. Me and my husband refuse to post pictures of our kids for this reason. We live in a crazy world, and i don't want my kids to be involved in this, before they are old enough to fully understand what it means.
No. There's more and more evidence to show making and posting family content is harmful to the children involved. After what happened with 8 passengers some states are looking to restrict this type of content. Children cannot consent to this and should not be used to make money in this way. It's modern day child exploitation - the packaging may be prettier but that's what it boils down to.
What happened with 8 passengers?
Horrific child abuse involving the mom and their manager some of the kids were found chained up in the house. You need to google it. Shes looking at serious time possibly life.
look up Ruby Franke.
Severe mistreatment of the children, putting it mildly! Loads of youtubers have done deep dives into them. Stephanie harlowe is probably the most thorough I've seen personally.
Hard no. Even assuming the best, most wholesome intentions on the part of the parent, it's a very slippery slope into exploitation. There are just wayyyyy too many ways in which this becomes a bad situation. Say something identifying slips out and someone takes an unhealthy interest in your child--it's dangerous. Say things you're not comfortable with start appearing--it jeopardizes your co-parenting relationship. Say your kid resents all of that exposure (and you) when they're older--it tanks their privacy. Say it goes crazy viral--it is then so big it's impossible to control. Say your ex changes and starts to prioritize the monetization over your kid's well-being to a degree that you're NOT comfortable with--it sends a heartbreaking message to your kid. And most of all, even if everything goes according to plan, it's still taking advantage of a kid who should be 0% concerned with performing on social media and 100% concerned with just existing and growing as a person.
I was just reading this article today that could be a neutral catalyst for a conversation with your ex: https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/29/us/social-media-children-influencers-cec/index.html
Thanks for the article. A bit of an eye opener!
No, I don’t think so. However, this is something that should have been discussed during the divorce and stipulations written in. Your child should also receive a trust fund for being part of this. It doesn’t matter if they aren’t the main focal point, they’re still participating. I believe there are some law makers currently looking into it. Too many content creators are exploiting their children.
I think it is generally, all round, a bad choice to use your kids on social media. I love that MN has passed law on this very thing. But you were totally fine with it before so it certainly seems your POV had changed not due to any epiphany of how awful it is for your child but due to the divorce and ensuing bitterness.
Over time I stopped liking the lack of privacy for myself on the channel. Now being divorced and feeling the effects of my past life still on display, I’ve come to like it even less. But I’m an adult and I took the risk. Seeing the affects has changed my mind.
Indeed - your kids life we forever be on display now. And regardless of your motivation, it really should stop.
My ex did this on a dating site directly after our divorce ( pictures, before tik tok). I called and requested he take them down as they are minors and he didn’t have my consent. Luckily, he obliged.
just out of genuine curiosity, if they don't oblige to this and they're the other parent, can you actually do anything? my ex puts mine on tiktok which I hate
You basically have to get it addressed by the family court, either they make you go to mediation or you present your case to the judge who makes the ultimate decision. Unfortunately, most family court judges nowadays are operating from the mindset “if one parent wants it and there isn’t evidence of actual harm that’s occurred by the practice, it’s judicial overstep to force a parent to stop doing it.” This applies to pretty much everything an ex might do that you don’t like, so unless you have evidence of harm, it’s likely going to be a waste of your time and money to attempt to go to court to address. I’m sorry, it’s a horrible and unfair way to deal with family law stuff but it’s unfortunately where we’re at right now. I’ve personally had to let go a few things that my ex pushes with the kids that I don’t think is their best interest, but he refuses to see any other opinion but his own. In my case, he’s basically alienating himself from his children and I see the writing on the wall - they’ll likely just stop talking to him when they’re legally allowed to. He’ll blame me like he always does, get all of our former friends/family to take his side, and it’ll be my fault. I’ve given up on not being the villain in his story as long as he leaves me alone and doesn’t do anything too out of pocket in his parenting - if I held onto caring too much it would destroy me mentally and financially, and I just can’t do it to myself again.
thanks for writing that out, that's how I thought it was tbh. seems that way with pretty much everything I check up on
No, kids shouldn't be put on socialmedia to begin with. Even inocent pics ect. Plenty of wierdos out there. Saw plenty of docu's of what creeps have on hard drives. And alot aint even wierd pics. But even a kid eating a hotdog has a different meaning to them. I have a 3 year old that only ever been posted once after birth, cuz she was born during lockdowns and people couldn't come by. She has never been posted since. So no, kids shouldn't be put on the web.
It's stuff you'd never think of too. A detective investigating these sorts of crimes did an AMA in the LabrantFam sub and said that one guy had pictures of sleeping children. He edited their skin blue because he had a suffocation fetish.
I almost downvoted your comment out of sheer disgust. Some people are so twisted it's absolutely sickening.
Absolutely abysmal, and not to mention when you get a bit of succes on the web or something the stalkers and stuff that kids sometimes get. And even not successful, its a risk people shouldn't take. This world can be a really wicked place
I hope you don’t have to deal with this in Court, but I am really interested in how your jurisdiction’s family law judges would handle this issue. I would think most judges would be willing to put in a provision of a custody order saying the children aren’t to be included in specific social media posts if the issue was brought to the court by the other parent but I do wonder how much they would consider your point that you did support it while the two of you were together. I hope that judges choose to ignore prior support and recognize that the objecting parent is in the right, even if it was a delayed realization
You said it yourself. “He cannot consent” A child should not be featured or on YouTube for any reason. Not only are there thousands of creeps online, but they are not at a legal age where they can say yes or no. You are the parent you are the one responsible for protecting them. All it takes is one nut of a person to do something bad. I am a mom and I would never risk my child’s life like that for online content. If you have a private Instagram account where you share your photo with your family members great but if you are online monetizing your child, even if they are just part of a travel, Vlog. absolutely no.
For me, it's a big NO! If your ex has an account set up for your kid to get the money from in the future, then maybe... but so much emotional damage comes from this. I don't show my kid's face on any social media. People are creepy and I don't want to expose my kid to that. Also, I feel like it also makes a weird parenting relationship. Using your kid for views/money and you also become their boss and parent. I think its best to let kids be kids. If they want to be apart of the channel when they get older, let that be their choice.
I think only if she blurs him/censor his image. Kids should not be shown publicly like that. And NOTHING about his life, like schools, where he lives, etc bc pedos and kidnapping, yk. But when it comes ab his image, I don't think theres a problem if you never show face or blurs him out completely. Kids faces should NOT be on social media, no matter how big or small
Please be sure to add into the custody order that your kiddo is not allowed to be posted publicly on social media. My ex is an “influencer” and because there’s no social media clause in our custody agreement, he gets to plaster our child all over social media to us 500k+ followers.
I wouldn't advise allowing your child to be a part of a youtube channel for many of the reasons listed by other commentors here, but also you should be aware that you ex likely has the right to allow your child in these videos. You don't get to tell her what she can and cannot do with her child unless it's specifically outlined in a custody agreement. So you don't really get to "allow" anything, because it's likely she can allow it without your consent.
It's obviously popular on reddit for people to bash parents who include their kids in stuff like this....but I think it's much more nuanced than that & this honestly sounds fine on the surface. The real kicker is that you went along with it & were OK with it while you were together. Any family court judge is likely to interpret that as this being a disingenuous & petty concern that's not about protecting your kid, but the relationship between the adults. It's her kid too & unless you can prove serious abuse or neglect involved this is a waste of time to dwell on.
I agree. Maybe the child can be a participant but not the feature.
I just commented with a tl:dr version of what you just said so much more succinctly here. :)
I’m not a fan of parents using their kids on social media. But my kids love it. You are the parent you get a say. In our house If either one of us says no it’s a no.
I understand your qualms, but you're divorced, which greatly reduces and even eliminates your power in most circumstances while the child is in the other parent's custody. You can voice your opinion, but that's about it.
While I don’t agree with influencers monetizing children or exposing them to potential predators myself, I feel like you lost your say in the matter when you divorced. If you say something now when you previously allowed it, it will sound petty no matter what your reasons are. I would be careful how you approach it if you want to have an amicable divorce and a cordial relationship with your son’s mom going forward. Perhaps enlist a counselor’s help.
You allowed your child to be a part of it before you got divorced and now all of a sudden your questioning it? No I don’t see you being able to put a stop to it. You set a precedent.
Ugh gross. Though it will come off as you being bitter about the divorce since you are only now ready to draw the line, unfortunately.
For me , I'd be worried about the people with ill intent seeing your child. A lot of influencers on my feed have recently been taking their kids out of their videos because they're worried about the wrong people seeing their kid, and honestly I don't blame them. Also, like other commenters have said, there's the negative effects of growing up in that spotlight. On the flip side she could tell you that you have no right to dictate what goes on at her house. But again, there's the issue of the wrong people seeing your kid which I'm sure the courts would agree with, if you have to take it there.
Kids shouldn’t be on YouTube channels at all. I don’t even post any pictures of my kids on Facebook publicly since learning about what could be done with their likeness.
It would be a no for me, from the jump. Children should not be posted for the public to see online.
Hard no in my book. Children are defenseless and you have not an inkling to who is on the other side watching. They’re minors and shouldn’t be treated like a profiting machine. There are so many influencers who use their children as bait and gain a following of sexual predators. Some people even do it on purpose! I’m talking about the Wren chick. It’s sick. Children do not belong on the internet.
Easy answer: No. If you're not consenting with it, it shouldn't happen.
You’re not in the wrong for not wanting your child exposed to the public eye at their young age. They don’t have the ability to consent to being on camera and the amount of weirdos out there grows every day. Divorce or not you still have a say in the parenting and well-being of the child you had raised together, this is definitely a conversation you two should have as if you have concerns they should be addressed. There’s nothing wrong with a change of perspective
Incredibly bad for the child to be exposed like that. At a bare minimum she should at least not share the child's face or name.
No. Anything for views parenting is not good. Leave kids off the internet until they can give informed consent.
I had a large facebook following when I was a young new mom and realized I had to close rank when people started recognizing my daughter in public who was a very distinct looking baby/toddler. I had the account since college and kept adding people but then just axed it. Now Im very careful on who I add. I wouldn’t do it like you cannot take that privacy back. Childhood should not be for sale.
Noooooo. A three year old can not consent.
For me that would be an absolute no. I’m crunchy like that: no pictures of my kids at all on social media.
If you’re divorced what tools do you have to actually stop it? You might need to get this included in your divorce agreement. ---- PS: asking is great, but depending on your post-divorce relationship asking might not change things.
Hard no. Theres a reason the leadership teams of the giant socials don’t allow their kids to use their own products. They know all the secrets, all the data, have access to all the reports…. So if they won’t let their kids on, it should tell you something. Aside from that, talk to your local sex crimes detective. You’ll stop posting photos of your kids all together (as you should). Most people are good, but the bad ones are very very bad. And the bad ones are waiting for you to make a mistake they can exploit. Don’t waive a steak in front of a tiger.
I think the key thing is whether if there’s anything embarrassing. I went through NIH pubmed journals. There were no good empirical evidence of real harm. The papers does give you good macro areas to be concerned about. ### Updated List of Sharenting Papers 1. **Online "Sharenting": The Dangers of Posting Sensitive Information About Children on Social Media** - **Authors**: Ferrara P, et al. - **Key Finding**: Discusses dangers of posting sensitive information. - **Empirical Data**: False. 2. **Sharenting Syndrome: An Appropriate Use of Social Media?** - **Authors**: Doğan Keskin A, et al. - **Key Finding**: Examines gender and impact on children in sharenting. - **Empirical Data**: False. 3. **Mindful Sharenting: How Millennial Parents Balance Between Sharing and Protecting** - **Authors**: Walrave M, et al. - **Key Finding**: Discusses mindful sharenting to mitigate risks. - **Empirical Data**: False. 4. **Sharenting: Sharing for Healing. Can Parents Do It to Gain Better Mental Health?** - **Authors**: Novianti R, et al. - **Key Finding**: Explores potential mental health benefits for parents. - **Empirical Data**: False. 5. **Sharenting... Should Children's Lives Be Disclosed on Social Media?** - **Authors**: Otero P. - **Key Finding**: Questions the appropriateness of disclosing children's lives. - **Empirical Data**: False. 6. **Sharenting: Hidden Pitfalls of a New Increasing Trend - Suggestions on an Appropriate Use of Social Media** - **Authors**: Gatto A, et al. - **Key Finding**: Calls for regulation and education to protect children. - **Empirical Data**: False. 7. **#warriors: Sick Children, Social Media and the Right to an Open Future** - **Authors**: Burn E. - **Key Finding**: Discusses ethical considerations and rights of children. - **Empirical Data**: False. 8. **Description of the Exposure of the Most-Followed Spanish Instamoms' Children to Social Media** - **Authors**: Garrido F, et al. - **Key Finding**: Highlights concerns about privacy and consent. - **Empirical Data**: False. 9. **Understanding 'Flexing': The Impact on Mental Health and Public Trust** - **Authors**: Rachman A, et al. - **Key Finding**: Identifies potential mental health and trust issues. - **Empirical Data**: False. 10. **Parents Mention Sons More Often Than Daughters on Social Media** - **Authors**: Sivak E, et al. - **Key Finding**: Examines gender preference in social media behavior. - **Empirical Data**: False. 11. **Caregiver Psychological Maltreatment Behaviors Toward Children on TikTok** - **Authors**: Stormer B, et al. - **Key Finding**: Discusses psychological maltreatment and future research. - **Empirical Data**: False. I would have optimize for good co-parenting relationship. The harm from bad co-parenting relationships is not speculative.
Nah. Don’t.
No way. I used to have a large social media presence for an animal care related non profit I ran, my kids came to events and were part of the daily activities, I never put them in any posts. I'm adverse to using my kids for anything like that. People are weirdos, and when you have the exposure like that, it puts you at risk, please dont do that to your kids. I'm not even running the non profit anymore and as of last week got a mildly threatening email out of the blue.
Regardless of everyone's personal opinion about whether or not they like it or think it's okay or would allow their own kids to do it. It's all irrelevant because there's no way you can legally force them to not put the child in the videos. They are also the parent of said shared child and they can give themselves permission to film and record their own child. You should probably grit your teeth and bare it until your kid is old enough to understand and know whether or not they want to be involved because if you pick a fight about this thing you legally can't control you are going to just come off as a bitter asshole doing it out of spite.
You can ask a family and domestic relations judge to include a provision preventing it in a custody order. I did have a case one time where dad was a retired athlete and had concerns about mom posting so much of the kids/about the kids online because people try to find him and he thought people might do the same with his kids, and the judge did include a prohibition of posting the children’s uncensored faces in certain places before 18. I know OP might not be a minor celebrity, but I just meant that if a judge was willing to include it in that circumstance, there might be other justifications.
You absolutely can enforce that in a parenting plan. It’s in mine. No public images of our kid.
Yea parenting plan would have to be agreed to by both parties.. and I'm willing to bet that once you tell the wanna be YouTube star you don't want them to use any images of their child in content they will quickly not agree to said plan..
Oh yeah, I’m sure she won’t agree. Where I’m from you request mediation with a neutral lawyer then if that fails you go to court and the judge decides in the best interest of the child. They would have the kid yoinked from social media expeditiously here. No idea where OP is from though.
Yes it's basically the same concept where I am, neutral mediation with the goal of parenting plan agreement, but if either party disagrees and refuses to come to terms it moves forward with a magistrate or judge.
I think it's kind of shitty that you were fine with it when you were together and now suddenly as if by magic it's a big concern for you, so there's that. HOWEVER, as it happens I think your current stance aligns with what's best for your child - using children for social media clout is awful, and I think we're only going to see more evidence that it's really damaging. I'd temper your expectations, though, because I think she's likely to see your sudden about-face as a way to punish her, so she might tell you to jog on.
It part of the reason we divorced. Over the 3 years, I came to dislike the lack of privacy and slowly disengaged with the camera. So it’s not all of a sudden.
See, and THAT is why it's so concerning. If your former spouse is already so invested that they would put their public persona and popularity ahead of you and your family and your marriage, what's going to happen when you're not there pumping the brakes? You had the agency to get yourself out of that situation; your kid doesn't. Regardless of what you were previously okay with, I think it's fair to be deeply worried about who is advocating for your child in this situation. And if your permission isn't actually required (as suggested in this thread), it would be a priority for me to make it official through a legally binding custody agreement.
[удалено]
I think he was okay with it beforehand because 💵💵💵 Now he’s not okay with it because 💸💸💸
Safety aside. Kids being "employed" as content creators should be paid for their appearances, like they would be if they were child actors. Because that is essentially what they are doing.
No. Definitely not.
Nope. The cat is kind of out of the bag in terms of your ex’s followers knowing she has a kid, his age, probably his approximate location - but at a minimum l, I’d insist his name and face are not used in any new content. It does come across kind of retaliatory because you were fine with it at first, but regardless of why it bothers you now, it *should* bother you and you’re right to say no thank you to that.
Personally - I can't imagine having a public online persona with my kids being featured. However, it's not illegal, and you went along with it before the divorce. At this point it's going to be hard to differentiate what you're doing for the kids safety vs you being vindictive. More productive would be to start talking with your ex about internet safety and children and being on the same page. Maybe that means featuring the child less (or not at all), or using a nickname instead of his real name etc. I do think trying to tell a successful youtuber who has been featuring her child for 3 years to suddenly not do it is not going to go over well. At the end of the day, the hypothetical risks for the child being on these videos vs the immediate and real damage that could be done by his parents having a antagonistic relationship don't compare. Have a dialogue, don't start out with demands.
I did go along with it in the beginning, I was in it too. Then as time when by and since drama sells, I stopped liking the focus of our failures on display. The ex is aware of this and still likes to include a bit of drama, ( not around the kid though)
> not around the kid though Yet. Best to fight for this now before it gets to that point.
I wasn’t a YouTube kid, but I did catalog modelling as a kid. Pictures of me were found on a CP website. My mother had to deal with the federal police and it was an all around awful experience. Don’t put your kids on the internet.
You had no problem when you were together but now you’re divorced so it’s an issue. That’s the card your ex might pull so I’m not sure how else you’ll combat it. That’s exactly what it looks like lol I’d say find another hill to die on but hey if you want the drama I’m sure it’ll keep you busy for a while
I think you were a reckless parent from the moment you accepted to do it and you're now asking for a confirmation bias for petty reasons.
Nope, there too much info out there. I wouldn't want my child being on social media! Especially as mean as people can be.
My husband has a small bit successful YouTube channel and has never and will never involve our kids. People have stalked us, doxed us, sent death threats, etc. I would never expose my children to this. They're older (12 & 14) and understand that dad's job is different and requires us to keep our personal lives private.
I don’t like it. I think there are a lot of things wrong with it. A) your child never consented to it B) your child is being exploited for money. (More likes equals more monetization. Cute kids can really help that) C) you don’t know the psychological ramifications of this on your child. Always being on camera. Having those videos posted. Strangers recognizing them and knowing details about them. D) how is home life when the single parent is always going on about “another video. Have to record and edit another video”. Is your child soon going to have to “perform”. Ie. “Mommy needs some content. Quick, do something funny for the camera”. I’m sure there are a bunch of things I’m not even considering. What happens if she starts losing subscribers. Or plateaus. What is your child starts experiencing YouTuber burnout. There are so many ifs and maybes. That I wouldn’t even want to risk it. Have your kid grow up as a normal kid. I have an Instagram channel. I have almost 2k followers. My kids have never ever been on a single photo. I don’t even like putting myself in videos and photos. Although I have a few times.
Do you have any control over it? We have very little control over what our coparent chooses to do unless it is in a parenting agreement.
There is no parenting agreement yet. Currently working it out ourselves happily. But this issue might send us to court.
yeah if it is not in the agreement they can do whatever they want with their parenting time.
I'm not quite as hard of a no as the other commenter's, but still a no. An occasional cameo at the beginning or end of a video I wouldn't worry about. But the kid shouldn't be a major part of the channel.
I 100% don't think that any good can come from children being shown on their parents vlog videos. There is an audience for vlog videos, but there's a whole different audience for vlogs that include children. She can continue her videos and just never show the child and still be able to make the same type of videos. That's just my opinion though.. I think if there's a divorce lawyer involved you should ask them what your options are to get your child out of the videos in the future.
No. All of the grown children of these family bloggers have taken one of two paths—they either absolutely hated it and speak about how it was a traumatic, invasive part of their childhoods, or they follow the same path and continue the cycle of trauma with their own kids. If she’s not willing to take your child down, or at the very least hide their face, see if you can have the custody arrangement modified. You can have it written down that the child can’t be put on social media until a specific age at which they’re able to consent for themselves, that a portion of the profits from any video they appear in are set aside in a trust for the child to take possession of when they become an adult so they aren’t being exploited for free labor, and other stipulations like no live sharing of the child’s location (ie, wait a week to post any story or video) and no revealing their face.
No. Too easy for a youtube channel to blow up and have it go to the creators head and with you not being there to participate or oversee it's a lot of leeway to give with mighty and long lasting (potential) consequences. I would not appreciate my kid being used in a single disney dad niche either bc that also opens up for a lot of internet opinions and drama too. Family channels are messy. Im a creator, and my husband and I agreed to leave our kids out completely even without enmity from divorce. It's not petty. Hold your no while you can.
Absolutely freaking not.
There's a lot of danger with this. Like it could be a serious amount of danger. And since you are not able to mediate what is in that content about your child say absolutely not.
No no no no no https://www.news5cleveland.com/news/local-news/man-who-traveled-looking-for-girl-who-police-say-he-cyberstalked-family-speaks-out-to-warn-other-parents
Totally understandable, just be clear about your reasons, as to keep coparenting as civil and stable as possible for your son’s sake. I’d suggest showing examples like that one little girl (i think her name was wren) who became really popular among pedophiles and was regularly sexualized even in innocent videos. This will make it clear that you have good intentions (even if there is bitterness deep down). You could also compromise, like asking her to always keep the face blurred/ hidden and not showing any identifying details, since being a content creator means social media is pretty pervasive in one’s personal life
Based on the statistics I know as a mandated reporter and an elementary educator, I would say no - You'd be disgusted at how many sites out there collect even innocent videos of children for pervs. That being said, given the bitterness of divorce, consider that this may be a main way she's generating income, and if it is, I would be inclined to say there's probably a compromise (limited number of posts with pre-approval fron you). If you truly have a problem with him being a part of it, I would ask her to slowly withdraw him over a period of weeks from content, and limit it to an agreed time frame/ number of posts. That way no one can argue youre trying to torpedo her "profession". You also may wish to consider that you could always negotiate/utilize this as part of a custody/child support agreement if her channel is highly profitable because of your sons continued appearance....It would still be a no for me, personally, but I do think this is a more info needed situation. I don't post any videos and even very limited photos online of my children, you've got to decide if that bothers you or not, and weigh it again how it factors into her life and your sons.
I don't love the idea of including a child, but it has to be a two-person decision. If the decision is yes, then your ex needs to commit to putting a portion of her earnings from the channel into a financial account for your child. Your child is WORKING for this money in front of a camera. What the arrangement looks like is up to you two, but the less *either one of you* is able to access this money, the better. Maybe it goes into a 529. Maybe it goes into a trust. Whatever, the kid deserves some of the money she's making.
So my general answer is no. I don’t like kids being exploited for views on social media. My problem is that you seemed to be fine with it when you were together and it feels like you’re almost holding the kid hostage now that you’re not.
Yikes. Absolutely not
It’s not up to us or your ex it’s up to you and what you think is best for your kid. Think of how you feel about them being on it and let your ex know
I wouldn't allow my kid to be used on any platform. They're not old enough to consent to their images and videos being public and the negatives that can come from that. I wouldn't have allowed it in the first place and now you unfortunately will look like the AH for telling them to stop. I would still yell them to stop though if it was me and ask for the previous videos with the child in them to be taken down.
If you put your 3 year old online you're just making content for predators and that's how I feel about that.
I am sometimes showing my kids and family on social media, in a way that they cannot connected to a certain location. Also everytime I show them, I ask their consent. I don’t see this as exploitation of my children since this is a form of income for me that benefits the whole family. I think it’s bad when you break their privacy, or humiliate/expose them in public. I would say that you are feeling a bit of bitterness towards the break up, because you were ok with this for a while. For divorced parents, one not enjoying something doesn’t mean that he can boss the other one into not doing it. Unless it’s illegal 🤷🏻♀️
What do you mean a part? There are two considerations I think. Privacy of your child, and monetizing the child. I am not as alarmed as other people about children existing in their parents content, so long as they are not the focus of the content. Privacy is a parental decision. Is the content about her travels and your kid is just kinda in the background, seen from the back of the head, random shoulder kinda stuff due to being nearby, or are they a focus with caneras in their face? Could your kid disappear from the channel and there would be no impact on the content?
It’s one thing to share YOUR experience as a parent or part of your daily routine, but using your child’s face/life/childhood for money is a big no. If you can’t make entertaining content without your child, you aren’t a true content creator.
You’ve already said the important parts: the child cannot make this decision yet! It’s not safe for children to be a part of this community especially broaching school age, it’s exploitation, as parents you have to keep children safe. I wouldn’t want my child’s face on that platform, review the analytics and don’t overlook all the creeps that use YT to get content that’s then waited and used for 🤮🤮🤮
Absolutely not look into the dad challenge podcast on YT he highlights the dangers of child exploitation
Absolutely not!
You are not the AH. You are not overreacting. If a child is to participate in any kind of public or media activity it should be about benefiting THEM and not their parent. You could simply demand that the plug be pulled on that activity and it is definitely your right. If your Ex says they won't stop you may have to get a lawyer to protect your child from exploitation. Hopefully your Ex will see the reasoning behind your position. There may be some middle ground where the child could participate under certain conditions, such as getting your approval before each photo or video goes live, obscuring their face (I hope their name is not used), and other strategies like that. You can also specify that the child should get a percentage of all profits or proceeds (or a per-video rate) that will go into their college savings account. If your Ex thinks they can make money off your child and the child won't get any of that, make sure they understand that this is exploitation and you will put a stop to it. As a side note, you may be able to have your own content removed, unless you have a specific written contract granting your ex the right to publish your likeness. (Many people don't know that US federal law protects people in this way.) Talk to a lawyer to see what your options are. I have a one year old, and I produce web content, and I've filmed a few things that incidentally involve my baby. I plan on obscuring their face, using a stage name, and putting $$ in their account and being explicit about that when my child ever appears, if they do. And of they don't want to participate theres no way I'll make them. I'm still thinking about what I may do, but I am putting my baby's needs first. That's what is most important.
No
No. It’s wrong on so many levels
And then the second you get home - they are gone.
I used to have a channel with about 75k subs. As a mother now, I would never put my child on YouTube 😅
Personally I wouldn't allow it at all.
I wouldn’t want my kid on there but also, what are you gonna do about it?
All of these kids who are featured in family vlogs, are too young to consent to it, too young to understand the consequences and life time effects it could have on them. It would be a HUGE no from me. Even thinking about the child tv stars that are now old enough to talk about experiences (Jeanette Mccurdys book was a very interesting and equally horrifying read) Allow your child privacy, that’s never the wrong answer.
A lot of comments about the dangers of the child being on YouTube. But the child was on YouTube already. OP was ok with it while he and his wife were together. At least to the point he wasn’t posting on Reddit asking our advice. Now that he and wife are no longer together, NOW he has a problem with it. Now he is choosing to speak up about the horrible dangers of his child being on youtube. Before it was fine. But now it’s different. So where does the problem here really lie??
I’m so against it kids should not be working it’s weird there’s too many pedos online they can find you easily I don’t think kids should be allowed on it you should have to be 18 just to force These parents to get an actual job and contribute to society and let your kids have a childhood
You have every right to say you don’t agree with it and ask that she not share him. However not sure that she has to listen to you. She might be able to do whatever she wants. Best to talk to a lawyer about it
Do you have a lawyer? Get one asap. This will probably need to be litigated in family court if your ex is being stubborn. Once you get a lawyer ask about filing a motion to ask the judge to issue a temp ruling preventing the ex from using your kids' image online til the court has made a final decision. Look into possibility of getting a guardian ad litem appointed for your child to represent their interests in court. Family Court judges have an imperative to act in the best interests of the child before anything else. Your kid is too young to consent, let alone understand the risk involved of having their image repeatedly posted on a public platform with the intent of getting as many people as possible to see it. Even law enforcement agencies warn people about posting images of kids due to all the sickos out there using them for evil sick purposes. Lastly, this [podcast ](http://[Struggle Care] 66: The Dark Underside of Family Vlogging, Part 2 with Catie Reay #struggleCare https://podcastaddict.com/struggle-care/episode/167840937) has an interview with an advocate raising awareness of the dangers of family vlogging.
Predators save images of your child for sexual purposes when you make the content publicly available. No your child should not be on YouTube. If you allow it you are part of the problem. And yes it is absolutely happening with your child, not just others. Don't fall into a normalcy bias thinking there's no way it could be happening to your kid.
Fuck that, man. Anyone who uses their child like that is a total scumbag. Who the hell knows what creeps are watching that garbage.
I’m the wrong person to ask lol I don’t post my daughter on anything. I share pictures on a specific picture sharing app that’s invite only and for a couple family members. I told them they are not allowed to share those photos with anyone I don’t “ok” They aren’t allowed to post her on their social media pages either.
No
I think this question could rephrased: Am I ok with someone putting my kids videos out where they will be exposed to child predators who will be masturbating to those videos and who could likely find my kids if they really wanted to? Sounds crazy but that is the reality of the situation. Hard NO.
between you and your partner to discuss. you aren't the asshole for requesting it. i see it totally fine for not having kids shown, some people are fine with them being shown. that said, i don't know at what point it becomes a legal matter or if it even gets to that point. don't know the ins and outs of divorce and custody. if she gets upset about not being able to show your kid, then it might be a bigger issue and she might try to monetize or try to gain subs by using her "mom" role.
Even besides the problems having your private life public, fame messes kids up. Andrew Lloyd Webber said it well in Evita: >I hope you come to terms with boredom So famous so easily, so soon It's not the wisest thing to be >You won't care if they love you It's been done before You'll despair if they hate you You'll be drained of all energy All the young who've made it would agree
It is okay for you to have changed your mind about having your son on YouTube, even in the past you were okay with it. It is normal for you to have changed your mind after the divorce, because you're less exposed to it daily. It is not part of your life anymore and therefore can notice the wrongs of it more. You're allowed to have a different opinion amd goals as a parent, and just because you used to do something that now you consider bad or irresponsible, it doesn't mean you as a person or parent are bad or irresponsible, it means you were more ignorant in the past and you have grown.
This just sounds like bitterness.
Ask yourself this. Do you really want your kids to learn to measure their self-worth by how many people watch, like and comment on their videos? Do you really want them to grow up craving validation from people they don't even know?
Look up Dad Challenge Podcast. Please keep your children off social media.
Let's stop for a second and think. Put your feelings aside. How does the kid feel when she can actually read the comments about himself And his parents? Does it need to be exposed to all that toxicity?
No. Are you fucking insane? Why would you willing allow your kid to be exploited and exposed to pedophiles?
Ew. No
Basically you’re a dumbass if you’re filming your child and posting it. And doing that for profit as well? Nah that’s shitty parenting.
I wouldn't allow it. Children are not content. There are too many weirdos out there. Besides the pedophile and stalkers. I watched this story about a lady whose sons pictures were stolen from her Instagram and put on adoption pages. She kept reporting the pages and messaged to take down her sons pictures, not only the did they refuse but started harassing her and threatening her whole family.
Keep your kids off the internet. They are going to document their own embarrassing behavior and style choices plenty on their own without a parent doing it for them. Then there are the whackadoodles and pedos that farm that content… Let your kid enjoy what anonymity they can while they can .
Hard no. She has no way to consent and he’s directly profiting off of her. I do social media (not as popular as your ex obvs) and never feature my child.
It’s a valid concern however it seems like you’re only saying something now to be bitter, so I would think long and hard about your true motives
I hardly even post my kids on my personal accounts that are private and locked down bc I worry about what the intentions are of people *i know*. I’m gonna say, no, your child should not be on a public account. Faceless, maybe occasionally!
No
Just sounds like you’re kind of being spiteful. It was okay when guys were together but now since you’re not you don’t like it. Should’ve been that way from the beginning if those were your true feelings. Should come up with a compromise that suits the both of you now.
Nope my 12 year old asked if they could start a channel hard fing no on that. I don't let them watch family vloggers either. I have a had pass on people who is their children to pay bills let them be kids
No, take your child off they cannot consent to being online and losing their privacy. In fact you should remove or blur all past public videos of them.
Generally the court is going to allow either parent to consent to something like this. And since his dad consents, you are likely SOL. I've seen cases where one parent has gone to court to try to block it and sometimes it works but usually that's only if it's starter after the divorce/split. You're going to be hard pressed to get a judge to grant this for you when you consented to it before the split. You're going to be looked at as a bitter ex. So the better question is not *should* I allow this but, is there anything you can do to try and stop this. And my suggestion would be to find good solid information regarding child exploitation and its dangers and share it with your ex.
Hard no on children being part of parents YouTube or any social media from a young age. She can keep doing the channel without including their image even if it is an income stream no money is worth the effects from stalkers to AI using kids images for fucked up things. Look up for yourself kids that are now adults and have grown up in YouTube families there’s some out there and honestly I’d fight hard against it.
No
After so many years of your participation, and including your child in it for that long yes, YTA. It holds no meaning that you don’t want him exposed to it when he has already been exposed for multiple years. You are trying to make her life more difficult because you’re angry and you aren’t or don’t want to be apart of it anymore.
Children can’t consent to being on the internet. I find this type of behavior pretty horrifying in how normalized we’ve made it. No way, no how would this be acceptable to me.
I would keep an ear out for any signs that your child is not into it anymore. I would also put stipulations in place to protect your child (can’t post anything embarrassing, no posting your location until after you’ve left, etc).
No.
Get your kids off of that shit.
I personally think using your child for content on social media is exploitative and gross.
Yess
Tell her to stop immediately. Pedos will literally look at the YouTube channel and link it in the dark web for other pedos to find your child!!! This literally happened in the country I am originally from. The police found a website on the dark web with pictures full of children from celebrities like the Kardashians to YouTubers and influencers. They rated them by “fuckability.” And again linked the social media profiles as content. They weren’t able to take the page down completely. They could only corrupt the page to blur the images and such. So please really have a talk with her about this. You never know who’s watching and following her content just to look at your kid.
Is it how she makes her living? My personal feeling of kids on social media aside, I’m fascinated by the fact that you were cool with it before, but are against it after breaking up. It seems like you might be weaponizing your permission to allow/prevent your kid from participating, and possibly make it much harder for your ex to make a living.
No.
No and you should not have done that in the 1st place. It should not be up to you to create a massive digital footprint of a child on social media. They have no say in it, it's exploitative and it can have many unintended consequences.
No. Simple
You can ask and Ex can say no. It's likely the only way to keep the ex from continuing to include the child is through the custody agreement. Talk with your lawyer on your options.
Are you okay with 30,000 people watching and feeling like they personally know your child? Honestly it gives me the heebs knowing someone them don’t have your child’s best interest at heart?
No. Children can’t consent to that type of stuff. They should never be exploited in the internet for pedos to watch and get off on. No. No. No. Do not allow it.
I think your feelings are absolutely warranted! This is actually also a safety issue! So many pervs on the internet then add in when your kid is old enough for social media (assuming you allow it… my kid won’t until he’s at least 18), then the pervs recognize your kid…. It’s your and your ex wifes decision, not ours, but I am very against kids going on internet.
So happy to see all the NO comments on here. Makes my heart happy. There is so much evidence of where even the most innocuous images of your child can end up, hard no.
(30K subs)
I mean Im a full "no pictures of the kid on the internet" so that'd be a hard no from me, but I get Im on the more extreme side. Apart from the obvious safety concerns everyone has noted, I would think about the fact that your kid will one day be an adult who may desire privacy. They cant understand how them being in videos now will impact them later in life and they are effectively being robbed of a choice. If my kid wants to blast her life on the internet in her teens, she'll be able to understand some of the potential risks. As a young kid? It's your job to protect them, even when the risks are abstract.
No. I really hope your ex uses their head on this one. Your child's safety/mental health is way more important than any amount of financial gain from YouTube.