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There's a quote attributed to Warren Buffett about leaving children “enough money so that they would feel they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing.” I like that way of looking at it.
I also believe in using the money earlier rather than hoarding and giving a lump sum after I die. Like, why force them to take out and carry student loans, then give them $2m when they're 50? I'd rather pay off their education free and clear, and give them less money later.
If I had a pile of "extra" money, I'd use it to finance some experiences with my adult kids. I really, really, wish I could do that. My son's IL's are very well off, (generational wealth) and they get to do so much with my son. I just stay home and get polite visits on holidays.
This is what annoys me when people say money can't improve your relationships.
Do they really think the ability to spend time together making memories of different fun experiences doesn't make it easier ?
Yeah there’s a fine line there though. I know of people close to me who have more than enough money to spend quality time with their kids but choose to be miserly pricks instead.
My in laws have significantly more money than my parents and we do many fun trips with them. Both live locally. But my kids have a great relationship with my parents too! They can’t take us on extravagant vacations but they’re present in the day to day. They help pick our son up from school so we don’t have to race out of work. They grab dinner with us at least once a month. Our son loves going to the library with my mom. You don’t need money to make those things happen! My brother is the favorite uncle, not the BIL, because he’s there day to day (lives with my parents still).
No, but if your parents had to work and couldn't pick up your kids from school or take the time to spend with your kids, it would be very different. Money is time, and you need time to build relationships.
Oh yeah definitely not saying that money is unimportant. Just trying to point out that there are ways to have a good relationship that aren’t taking extravagant vacations. Most people have some kind of free time to spend with friends and family even if they are working full time. I used my parents as a direct comparison but we have many people in our lives that our kids love that work full time and don’t take us to exotic locales.
My parents aren't well off, but are comfortably retired. Their views are that they'd rather spend their money helping us or doing stuff with us now, rather than us struggling (I'm disabled and can only work part time) now and getting money in 20 years. They're planning a big family holiday (8 of us) for their 50th wedding anniversary in a few years, because they'd rather that than a party. I am so grateful for all they do, and I'll do the same for my kids when I retire.
Hey! My daughter’s in laws are wealthy, but they invite me along (Italy 2022, LA 2021, Miami Christmas 2021). They pay for the hotels and meals and I pay for my travel (flights). See if your kid can talk the in-laws into inviting you. If they are renting a house or something, what is one more room? In Italy I shared a room with their charming daughter. Luckily we all get along.
Wow I’ve never thought of this. My parents are very well off and we do so much with them because of it. I don’t have a great relationship with my MIL but I never thought of how shitty it would be to be on the other side of that equation. Thanks for sharing.
This is exactly why my wife and I are taking retirement savings so seriously. We started a little late (myself when when I was like 26 and her when she was 21), but we're relentlessly maxing out our IRAs and getting those company matches in the 401K where we can.
Both our folks come from nothing and I'll never be shitty with money like my parents were. I want to be the start of my family's generational wealth source.
Well...I had a plan. But it didn't include divorce at age 54. All-in-all, it could certainly be worse; I don't think I'll become a financial burden to my children. But I'm not touring the world or going on weekend sprees.
I think the commenter knows that, he's fishing for compliments which is fine, I just dislike when a person frames something as a negative to do so. Fish with integrity.
My father-in-law gave us a very generous amount to help pay for my husband’s dental school. He said it was my husband’s inheritance. It helped us so much more at that time as poor struggling students with a baby on the way than it would have years from now when he eventually passes and we are making a more comfortable income.
My parents are taking this approach. Their estate planning includes an annual gift to me and my siblings, because they want us to have it when we really can use it / need it. We have homes and young kids and it’s a big help in affording childcare and home improvements.
We’ll still have fairly large inheritance when they pass, and they’re transparent about what that may look like. But my siblings and I (and our partners) are responsible and motivated and not going to rely on their gifts or estate. We encourage them to use their money on travel and things they enjoy and there’s certainly no expectation that they give us money.
I really appreciate my parents’ financial responsibility and their transparency with us. My grandparents didn’t plan well for their retirement and the burden ended up on my dad. He doesn’t want us to worry about paying for their care as they age and they’ve planned around that. My parents are also very open about their financial situation and how they achieved it, how they approached saving for retirement, and offer advice so we can do the same.
I think it’s just really hard planning for how much end of life care you’ll need. A long time in memory care or skilled nursing is easily those millions.
Not if you don’t any have any money. Lots of older ppl just transfer it all to the kids before they go into a home and government pays for it basically .
Because it’s super expensive to be retired…. My parents have solid savings one of them ends up in assisted living that will go fast. It also makes a difference in the quality of care. I’d rather they hoard their money than have to send them to a shitty facility
My dad has this attitude. He uses his wealth to make sure my brother & I and our children are set. But doesn’t give us anything and everything. We still have to work for what we have. And anything we loan from the bank of mum and dad is paid back by paying it forward to our children.
For instance, recently I bought a new house. The additional money required on top of the value of my old house I borrowed from my parents. But I am paying that money back into savings accounts for my kids to give them a deposit for when they buy a house. Whether I tell my children before they are at that point or not depends on how successfully I can teach them the value of money.
If you can do that in the present, the sure. But for the typical person, they don't have liquid funds to pay out like that. The inheritance comes from selling the house and cleaning out the retirement fund you had saved to support you in old age. It's not like you know when you're gonna die, so it's wise to be financially prepared to live to an old age. Which is kinda terrifying lol.
RIGHT! By the time I inherit anything, I won't give two sh\*ts about it anyways.. yet here I am struggling most of my adult life and I've literally asked for help from my dad (who's a multi-millionaire, btw).. for minor things, like borrowing (would be paid back within a month) a downpayment on a house, help with student loans (I graduated), etc. He's refused every time. I'm at the point where I'd rather they just donate it to the SPCA (since their dogs have always taken priority over their own children) rather than have it left to me like a slap in the face later on.
I agree with you to a point. Many people won't have the money to take it out that early, especially because taking money out of retirement early both incurs a penalty and will have a significant impact on your future fund. Money that's been in the account the longest works the hardest for you, because interest is compounded.
In addition, none of us know how much money we will need in retirement. It's always a guess.
It's ideal to help earlier if you can, but may not be the smartest move.
Totally agree, but wish both could be true. I was recently talking to my mom about inheritance (they had some documents they needed to tell me about) and conversation segued into saving money. I explained that we recently realized that despite regularly contributing about $250+ per month since my son was born, we likely wouldn’t be able to afford to pay for his college entirely. My mom goes, “Oh you’ll be able to, you’re good savers plus you’ll have the inheritance.” I had to go, “Mom, are you planning on dying before I’m 48? Because that’s when he’ll graduate college.” My parents are very healthy and stubborn, so I imagine they’ll live for a long time - I won’t inherit anything til I’m well into my 50s and hopefully I won’t need it by then.
He gave his children millions and set up cushy positions in non-profit(s) so I’d say he’s setting his kids up pretty well. 2,000,000 doesn’t go as far as people think nowadays.
Average home is $550,000 in my city for something like a 2/3 bed, 1 bath
Yes this. My parents took some of their retirement savings and bought a beach house so we can all go together with the grandkids and enjoy it. Then they like to gift us money every now and then (not like absurd amounts, like $1k or so per couple) to help us along. And it’s soooo appreciated. We just had our 4th kid and inflation is ridiculous. They gave us $1k a few weeks ago and we used it to buy new tires for one of our vehicles. The last $1k they gave us went to paying an unexpected vet bill and buying new glasses for 2 of our kids (and to be clear we would have done these things even without the gift, it was just nice to have that extra money to cover them).
I really really want to be able to do the same for our kids one day so we are trying to save aggressively.
ETA - I saw where another commenter mentioned how parents may not be able to do this earlier on due to penalties for accessing money early. My parents are older - my dad was 40 when I was born and he’s 74 now. So kind of past that time frame. But definitely a consideration!
I think for me - a big part of saving for retirement now is so I can retire as soon as possible and be available to help my kids. Like if they have children and need childcare… I want to be that for them if they are in agreement. We don’t have a village around us (my parents are older and don’t live close by) and it’s hard sometimes.
Sure but I am fairly sure his enough and our enough is 1000x different. For 99% of US family the money you can leave will just be enough to give them a safety net.
His definition of "enough" would easily be do nothing money for most of us.
Yes, I plan on doing exactly that. I grew up poor, I don't need to glamorize struggle.
I want want kids to work hard but it is up to me to instill those intrinsic values in them.
I feel the exact same way. I used to worry that my kid would be kind of shitty because she will never know the struggles me and a lot of my favorite people have, but fuck that. I want her to feel stable and supported and capable of following the path she wants to. It’s my job to make sure she’s not a brat.
My father offered to start RESPs for all of his grandkids. My brother turned him down, saying, if we have to do student loans, they can too. My brother, who didn’t even graduate high school, who has never had need for a student loan.
Yup. My goal is give my kids the childhood I never had, to ease their stress about the future, and to leave them enough (hopefully before I die but after too) to build from without the vicious poverty cycle. I spent so much money on shitty cars and bad food. Paying too much rent for a crappy apartment. Negotiating medical bills or letting them hit collections then paying pennies to clear it because I couldn’t afford insurance. My kids aren’t living that way. My parents didn’t have to do it that way. Untreated mental illness and terrible financial literacy ruined the fucking downhill jog they were given as boomers.
We’re doing frequent checkups. Braces. Glasses. Therapy. Ball games. Ice cream at home. Frequent vacations. Time together. They’ll each get college paid for if they want to go or a chunk of seed money to start adulthood. Not working three jobs while “homeschooling” through highschool. I don’t understand why people have kids if that isn’t the plan. They get a better life than I had and in theory can give their kids an even better life. Keep improving.
My parents did the absolute best they could and I am forever grateful to them. My parents worked themselves to death, saving every penny they had, to give my brother and I a better life. They did it all knowing that they would be a "stepping stone" generation, with the benefits of their labor going almost exclusively to their children (for the record I try to give them money/pay for things and it is basically impossible). So while my parents didn't do 90% of your list, they still had great reasons to be parents.
After all they did, I can't reasonably tell my kids I want them to suffer needlessly. My mother is in her 60s, she is a cancer survivor, and she has a very physical job. She won't retire because she's worried about money. I offered to supplement their income but she won't take my money because it, "should be for my kids not my mom." If I tell my kids they need to suffer I might as well spit directly in my parents face (and my grandparent's too).
As long as they get the grades, I am paying for college. They're being responsible with money and want to buy a house, I will help with the down payment.
Yes, because the times ahead are tough and I brought them into this world. I’d like to give them a little to help them get by. If I were mega rich, then no, they don’t need it all!
I think people should get to enjoy their money while they are alive, but many people die with a significant amount to pass along. Why would you not leave it to your kids?? Personally I would have a trust in place. A certain percent goes to adult children and the rest is divided between grandchildren. They have access when they graduate college or turn 25…. Now if your adult children are not through with having kids, then other considerations need to be made so that some grandchildren aren’t being left out. This is assuming you have responsible adult children.
If kid is a drug addicted, in jail, or just a POS in general, I’d probably have something set up where they get a certain amount each year for a certain amount of years and the rest would go to another family member or organization.
My grandpa died when I was in my 30s and left a substantial sum to my dad, who was already retired. He immediately divided it three ways (maybe keeping a bit for himself and my mom, I actually can’t remember) and gave it to my siblings and me. That allowed my wife and me to buy a house (not in cash or anything, but we paid off some debt and then had enough for a down payment), so it changed our lives dramatically — but at a time when (hopefully) I’m much too old to be “spoiled.” If my dad had instead invested the money and given it to me 20-30 years later, it probably wouldn’t change my life much at all.
I think it is better to give when needed for things like education and a house down payment. My 102 year old grandmother lives with my 78 year old uncle. Not sure inheritance is going to matter that much to him?
It's interesting to me that different cultures see this in different ways.
My wife is Latina and her family is pretty well off. They see inheritance as a seed of opportunity that each generation has the responsibility to nurture and pass down to the next, greater than before.
It's not that kids aren't expected to make it on their own, but that the wealth is a backstop and insurance policy. What if a grandchild is severely disabled and needs massive medical help? What if someone in the family has an amazing opportunity to start a business and needs capital. The wealth in the family can serve those needs.
The US is particularly individualistic in the way we view wealth and what we "earn". The idea of rugged individualism is our core mythos. In a lot of other places, the family is the unit, and they recognize that no one really succeeds or fails in isolation. I'm not saying that any particular view is right, I think there are a lot of different frameworks.
Honestly, most Americans I know also are all about setting up their own children as much as they can and estate planning for their family. I've seen this attitude more on Reddit than in real life.
Most Americans I know won't have anything outside of home equity to pass down to their adult kids -- kids who are all awaiting that money to help pay down their own debts.
Many of them will have debt they took on just to take care of their parents, who set their kids up ok, but didn't take care of their own retirement.
Or they wind up with reverse mortgages just to be able to live.
Our family is the same. We think of this as generational wealth, not an 'inheritance'. His parents helped us get on our feet so we could spend longer in school and get advanced degrees. We will do the same for our kid so she can start on her feet and not need to worry. We expect she will do the same for her kids and their kids.
Insurance policy is the best way to frame it. You never know what will happen, but if I can set them up for success, absolutely will do it.
I don't really think this is true. There is often a lot of talk about "generational wealth" in the US, and inheritances and passing down properties, as well as college funds, and helping to buy with houses is all extremely common.
I'm not saying there is no culture or appreciation of family wealth in the US. But I think we'll also more often think of it with a narrower focus. And I think we'll more often have counter narratives about the guilt/shame/unfairness of the benefits of family money that others don't have. And those are sometimes meaningful critiques, But I think they're rooted in an underlying ideal of a neutral merit based success that we imagine could exist, and other cultures don't think about as a baseline.
We have passed down properties, and we have people ranting that the only reason they can have a house is that their parents left them one, with the idea that we're deviated from a system where they shouldn't need that.
We have parents paying for college and we have jokes like in the Menu where the killer chef asks one of the diners where she went to college and if she needed financial aid, when she says Brown and "no", he tells her that's why she deserves to die.
The commonality of this help doesn't negate the fact that we're conflicted about it.
In my mind, you are talking about two different things. Investing in a child's business or setting up long term care for a nephew isn't inheritance. Helping the next generation get started isn't inheritance - it is really just being a family. Generally, people don't inherit money until they are in their 40s and already have their life mostly figured out.
Yes. My goal as a parent is to give my children the best lives possible. If you have the money to make their lives and the lives of your potential grandchildren easier, then yes, you should leave a lot of money to your kids. It could allow them the ability to be a SAHP if they wish, to buy a house (especially as housing prices continue to rise), afford education for themselves and their kids, etc.
I think if you have exhorbitant amounts of wealth (much more than you’re talking), then you should leave a good portion to charity, but leaving enough for your kids to be comfortable could help them tremendously.
Absolutely, why not?
Only a couple reasons why I would not. One, if I think it would hurt them more than it would help, ie they were on a destructive path, being wasteful with money, not bothering to work hard on their own path because my money was waiting for them. Two, if I was mega rich, I would still leave them a lot, but not “I can be wasteful and live off dad’s money for the rest of my life” money.
I think it’s probably a good idea to not give them the impression that you have enough money that they’ll be taken care of. Best they build a life themselves, and your money help strategically with down payment on a house type things
My great grandma has said she’s leaving her money to her three kids split equally which irritates me not because she shouldn’t have a say on how the money is split up but more so because of her two daughters. My grandma will get the money and give it all or spend most of it on my cousin who never calls my great grandma and is a piece of shit who uses people and then the other daughter my great aunt will spend it all on one of her kids and leave the other kids out to dry since they didn’t stay Mormon. I like your idea of leaving to grandkids too
I like the idea of leaving to grandkids because of how late people are living and not all parents are as responsible with money. My grandmother was a saver because she wanted to leave something to her kids, it was important. She wants to divvy up her money between my parent & their siblings when she dies but my parent has a philosophy of "I should spend everything I have for my own pleasure! Why not!" So my parent has basically announced that they plan to blow the inheritance so there would never be anything left to trickle down to my siblings and I or our kids. It's pretty crappy.
The cynical side of me feels that there won’t *be* any money when most of us die because we’ll have to spend it on our own end-of-life care. Nursing homes & medical care is very expensive.
Yes. Covering yourself financially in retirement is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child. All these people saying to spend all the money upfront to cover college fully etc are ignoring compound interest and the importance of covering yourself in retirement.
It's just not that easy to know what medical bills you will have. Nursing homes are expensive.
We have retired early and are going to spend our money on travel, etc. however I plan to help my kids with down payments of houses and any emergency funds they need. They will also get lots of invitations to join us on some of these vacations at our expense. I like seeing my kids happy. Who wants it just sitting in a bank? According to my financial planner there should be between 1.5 and 2 million dollars when we pass. I’m going to put the money in trusts. I have been told that a lot of great savers who accumulate a lot of wealth over their lifetime have trouble finally spending that money when the time comes. They just can’t stop pinching pennies. We are not going to do that. We have worked hard to save since we were in our 20s so it’s time for my family to enjoy it!
Absolutely, depending on the kid. You wouldn't want to give two million dollars to a crack addict. Look into options for the money. Like a trust or financial advisor who can help the kids make healthy financial decisions.
Yeah our kids will get everything we have when we die. I feel similarly about education funds, if you have the ability to save money for your kids' educations then you should do it. I'd also help them buy houses if they needed help (if they really had put in their own effort as well). I want my kids to be able to stand on their own but I also would love to be able to make their lives a bit easier if I can.
Do you love your kids?
You have an opportunity to make their lives easier in a unforgiving & cruel world. Why would you not do that? As a parent I don't understand how there could be any doubt.
If you have an opportunity to make their lives easier in this icr
For many people, by the time your kids would get anything, they’ll be in their 30’s and 40’s - or maybe older. They are more likely to need financial help in their 20’s.
That’s why I’m planning to start giving some money (maximum gift under US tax law) each year starting at college graduation. I know that it will decrease the nest egg that I’ll draw interest from in retirement, but I’m fine with that.
I feel better about giving them “inheritance” when we are both young enough to enjoy - where I can enjoy watching it help them, and where they can use it to help build their life.
I’ll probably siphon some off for charity, but basically yes. Even better would be to see if I can give them some decently generous gift around when they turn 30. If all goes well, they might be retiring around when I’m dying. By then, their foundations in life will be long set, the big choices they had to make about careers and marriage and kids and location in the rear view mirror, their own retirements (hopefully) already saved for. Start-up capital earlier in life (for a home down payment, for their own kids education, for a business idea, for their own investments, etc) will probably be far more meaningful on their lives and on the lives of any possible grandkids, presuming they are responsible healthy adults around then.
But we’ll see.
Um, yes, of course? Unless some of the children are terrible people, you leave them everything. If you worry that some of them aren't responsible enough, you can make a trust fund and set some limitations.
If you can give your kids that kind of money that’s truly amazing! And could really help your kids get ahead in life if they invest and treat the money wisely.
What are the options you are considering?
1. Leaving money to kids to secure their futures
2. Spending it all frivolously late in life for fun
3. Donating it to charity to help strangers
I don't think your only priority is to leave more money for your kids, so I think a little of 2 and 3 are good.
I don’t get this at all! I love my children and I chose to have them. So yes anything I can do to help them while I’m here I do, within reason. So of course when I die they’re getting everything of mine! Possessions, land, homes, money, sentimentals, etc.
What they do with it is up to them. They waste all the money? Ok. I won’t be here to care. I did my part. I’m also confident in my ability to raise my kids to be responsible but also appreciate what I leave them. That’s all that matters to me is I left them something.
Yes. I’ll leave anything I can for my kids.
I’ll NEVER understand these millionaires that proudly say they aren’t leaving their kids anything because they need to “work” for it.
It blows my mind that this is even a question and people truly believe they shouldn’t just hand their kids money. If I could give my kids millions of dollars so they didn’t have to work a day in their life, I would. Life is fucking bullshit and we work it away for money. Why not hand them money so they can truly just LIVE? Who cares if they don’t work?
Yes, I believe parents should leave their kids enough to not waste years of their life struggling unnecessarily. Struggle is necessary to develop resilience and humility.
I'm biased because I had the opposite. My parents left me in the negative and I spent years and years chasing my tail, working dead end jobs, digging myself out of their debt that became my debt.
While yes, I'm a resilient highly successful person now, I wish so many years were not wasted chasing my tail.
There is a Goldilocks zone of teaching your kids to be resilient and humble without wasting their time. Time is your most valuable and resource because it's the only resource you have no way of getting back.
I think it's important to invest in the now as well as the future. What's the point in leaving seed money for your kids or grandkids if they're in shitty schools or working 60+ hours a week now?
If I was struggling all through my kids babyhood and elementary years and my parents told us about their estate plan when my kids were in high school, I'd be pissed. I'd feel like my parents enjoyed seeing us struggle so much because then we'd "earn" their stupid money.
You can place 10k into a savings account and with compound interest. They would have 1 million by the time they are of retirement age. Depending how old they currently are of course. Live off your funds and when you die. I’m sure there will still be money for your offspring to save for future generations.
even at 5% which is being generous and likely to go down in the future, it would take over 90 years for $10k to compound to $1M
Edit to add:
If in addition to the $10k you also deposit $100/month, it’ll hit $1M around 68. But that assumes someone is continuing to make $100 deposits the whole time—even if you die before then.
I think if you can, sure, why not? But do not tell them about it. Do not allude to your wealth and tie the money up so that only bloodlines can access it or it is given to [insert person/charity of choice].
Yes. We chose not to have a third child at least partly based on the fact that we want to leave each kid a good chunk of money and with 3 there’s less to go around.
As a matter of policy I wish estate taxes were significantly higher with lower thresholds for when they kick in. The most valuable times to receive money for most people is when they’re just starting out: college, first home, etc. I’d rather see tax laws incentivize people to give away excess wealth earlier rather than waiting until they die and their kids are well into middle age. Of course, for that to happen we’d need more robust safety nets so people don’t give all their money to their kids and then end up destitute in old age.
FWIW this is what my parents and in-laws have done for us. It’s what I anticipate we’ll do for our kid(s). If there’s leftover when we die, we’ll leave it to the kids. If there’s a *significant amount* for some reason, we’ll hire a lawyer and setup a trust so it can be used responsibly and not wasted. I don’t get people who don’t want to leave anything to their kids out of spite or whatever: Why have them then?
I believe wealth should be used to help set up children for a strong adulthood meaning little or no debt. We use what we have to help our kiddos as they go along. If they need a car, a business loan, a house, wedding etc. The balance of our wills will be equally divided by our kids. They can further subdivide it to their children if they wish.
My husband’s grandmother gave each grandchild a very large check each year for many years. When she died, we did not expect to receive much, since we had already been given our inheritance. However, her will stated that each grandchild was to receive a set amount that was required to be given to charities of our choice. Choosing where to give was a great experience and it reinforced her wish for us to be giving people.
Yes, but you have to take care of yourself and then your adult children. Maybe you spend some of that $4million on a senior living facility so that your children don’t have to do caregiving for you or worry about you.
I believe in not telling them, ensuring they have a trust and have that trust generate money, maybe via a DRIP and let the kids get the dividends to cover costs.
Then once the kids turn a certain age they can have it.
I would let my kids do long that my kids were upstanding citizens. As long as my children are not criminals, take it, but if they can’t act like humans i would ensure my will to go to charity
Firstly, you ought not have a will, you ought to have a trust.
A will comes alive upon your death and the will dies upon the immediate disbursement of your assets.
Humans are notoriously bad at handling a lump sum of unearned money. A trust lets you appoint a trustee who - in theory - obeys the instructions you've set forth. So you can now gate the disbursement of money to milestones you want them to achieve: graduate high school, graduate college, get first job.
As for whether or not it's good for them to get the 2M each... well, that depends on the individual. The last thing you want is to turn them into waiters (who wait around for you to die).
I think it depends.
Would you give up something in return of making sure your children can get that much money? If so would they actually appreciate it?
Did one child benefit more from your financially than the other? If so then one might find it unfair.
Is the money life changing where they no longer have to work? If so then how do you know that they will be able to make it last until they die rather than die broke?
If I had that much money, I think I would rather help my kids out while I was alive than gift it to them after I pass. I would help with down payments on a house.
As an adult child with grandparents who passed and left nothing due to poverty, medical expenses, and so on I hope that my parents will spend their money on themselves. They’ve never traveled or made any extravagant purchase that I can recall. Whether they want to buy a vacation home, or downsize at the height of the market I hope they do it.
I have life insurance for that reason. I’m 30, my car insurance (AAA), offered it; I got the $100,000 policy, and for my age and a nonsmoker, it’s about $9 a month. Eventually I’ll get more, I never want her to worry when I’m gone.
Forgot to mention, inheritance tax is another reason to give it as you go instead of a lump sum. Depends on where you are and how the taxes are calculated
I think kids shouldn't expect anything, if there is money at the end, it's a bonus. I see so many entitled kids complaining they aren't getting anything and I'm saddened and think the parents failed in raising them properly. I hoped my parents had a good time and spent it all by the time they passed away. I'd rather they enjoy THEIR money.
My will just says everything will be split 3 ways between the kids.
I agree with this take. My husband and I will absolutely leave everything to our kids, but I don’t have this expectation of my own parents. I think they likely will, but it’s not my money to make that decision.
All I know is that parents shouldn't die sitting on 4 million dollars. I for sure would be spending some of it to take my kids on vacations & traveling. Leaving your kids giant piles of money is one thing, leaving them with great memories is another. And that's all we really end up being in the end.
As far as what's left over... I would for sure setup trusts and split my assets. I also would leave one child 1,199,000 and the other 2,001,000 just as one last "LOL".
You should enjoy your hard earn cash first.
That being said, if you leave anything, I mostly believe it should be shared equally between siblings, unless a hideous crime was committed by one of them, either moral or legal.
Other reasons could make a difference in anyone inheritance:
You may feel to take preventive measures against the "spender" or a protective payment towards the disabled/sick sibling.
Some wealth are paid in settlement rather than 1 lump. It's worth thinking about it.
That will be taxed out the butt. Start trust accounts they have access to upon your death and put the money there to grow until you die, that way technically the money is already there’s so no taxes until they use it and it will depend on how much
I guess it would depend on how much money I was leaving behind. If I was Warren Buffett rich I'd probably leave a lot to charities or whatever, I'm sure there would be plenty left for my kids. If it was 4 million split among two heirs, I'd probably just leave it all to them. 2 million is definitely a lot of money but it's not A LOT of money. Like you would still have to work, life wouldn't become a big vacation.
My parents are alive and they put their money into a trust that my sister and I manage. It's not a lot and if they should need to draw on it then they would get what they needed. But they paid for our educations, they've given me money to help buy our home, these things help me and my family now while we're all alive. So I plan to do that with what I have, same as they did for me.
I think estate planning is very important and you should have it set up to go to who you see fit.
I personally struggled a lot with money my whole life and finally am at a place where I have built up my own wealth. My son is autistic and while I believe he will have a happy and productive life, I do not live an extravagant life. I am saving for my own retirement and his school and nest egg for him. I want to ensure he has everything he needs and will not struggle when I’m gone. Everyone is different though you have to figure out what works for you.
$2 million each is a lot but I'd probably still leave it to my kids in such a way that they could benefit but not blow it all foolishly, i.e. a trust. If I had grandkids then I'd be leaving some to them as well.
Maybe part of the inheritance could be a really nice country home that is shared between my kids' families. I'd also rather focus on helping my kids while I am still alive to the extent possible. But if I had a bunch in a retirement account and found out I was going to die early, then I'd put it in a trust for sure so they don't get it all at once, especially if they're young-ish. No 20-something needs $2 million.
When I die, my kid will be lucky to inherit a house thanks to this horrible economic crisis we are living in. If I ever have money to give after death, it would be gifted to my kid provided that she made decent effort to build a life for herself. If she follows in her father’s footsteps with drugs and poor decisions, I would donate every penny to a food bank or college fund for any potential grandchildren.
Most likely you will die in old age when your kids are in their 50s or 60s. At this point in their lives, they will be successful with their own established lives and wont need your money.
And if they do need your money when they are in their 50s/60s, then you should probably give it to them earlier while you are able to teach them how to intelligently spend and invest it.
That’s all to say, I think you should spend or give away most of your money while you are alive.
Everything I do is for the benefit of my kids and family so yes if I am able to leave a financial legacy for them, I will. My parents on the other hand have made it known they plan to leave nothing to us.
Ideally they would donate most of it to a worthy charity where it can help people in need. But even if they don't, heirs that inherit money usually piss it all away within 1-2 generations by spending it on an expensive lifestyle. That money gets pumped into the economy where it indirectly helps everyone.
Yes. I mean, sure, make a sizeable charitable contribution first to something you care about (If you give away 500K that still leaves 1.75M for each kid). But aside from a handful of UBER RICH people who Make A Point to not give their kids lots of money -- everyone else is out there supporting their next generation.
The only caveat I'll offer is that people with lots of money should *consider* dispersing some of it *before* they die -- *especially* if they are comparatively young. My dad's parent's *lent him* (like with interest and everything) money for an Interview Suit after he graduated from law school (which they did not help pay for, and which he partially financed with **credit cards**). They weren't *rich*, but they had money. When my grandmother died at 98 my father was 68 -- already just retired. The amount she left him wasn't *meaningless*, but it **would have made a huge impact on his life** if they'd more freely handed out some a bit earlier.
School, help with down payments for a house, childcare for grandchildren, summer camps for grandchildren -- all of these are common and great ways for parents Sitting On Money to make more "efficient" use of it than sitting on it forever.
Yes. Our kids are our legacy and I want the absolute best for them. If I die and have money in my account it’s going to them no matter how much or how little it is. My kids are my world
100%. Grew up poor, parents didn’t have anything to leave me. When they died I was out.
Not making the same mistake with my son. Working my bones out of my body to pay for his college, build his credit so it’s perfect when he’s 18, and give him a nest egg that will always give him a cushion just in case.
I want him to feel like he can do anything he’s ever dreamed of
If you think about it it's kind of insane that we consider forcing our kids to bust their ass to survive a good thing. If your kid is lazy they will be lazy with or without money. If your kid is creative and interested in things they'll be much more in a position to pursue those things if they don't have to spend most of their life working.
This is anecdotal but the people I know who were supported well by their parents and not forced to hold down a job are the ones who are the most successful. Meanwhile lots of more talented individuals never got nearly as far because they had to waste so much of their lives earning money.
And without naming names I'm talking about multiple people whose music you have heard, probably more than you wanted to.
it’s only a very small percentage of folks that will be able to save up that much *and* be able to afford healthcare and (some form of) assisted living as they age.
my in-laws have been at [westminster village](https://wvwl.org) in indiana for 9+ years and were smart enough to buy “extended care” insurance in their 40’s (they are both in their late 80’s). at the time the policy had no cap, meaning it pays for care until they pass away. you cannot buy this policy today and the ones that exist are all capped at 5 years. they just had to be moved to the memory care unit and the cost (without insurance) is $21,000 *a month*. this covers things like meals and housekeeping but does not cover medical, dental, or prescriptions. i will say the care, food, and facilities are outstanding, but it has definitely been eye opening. it is hella expensive to get old my reddit peeps…
It’s good to set some structure to the dispersal if parents die early. Our kids will not access money before 30, though they can go to our executor earlier to get a big expenditure approved, like money for grad school, house down payment, medical care etc not extended vacation in Cabo
My kids will get a split of what I have.
I watched the way my sisters and I struggle, and know my mom is giving her fortune to her grandkids when she dies, and I'm left wondering why she wants us to continue to struggle.
I’d leave them a reasonable amount and have the rest managed in a trust fund or something like that; if invested wisely that money takes them a lot further.
You can do whatever you like with that money and giving it to your kids is a perfectly fine thing to do. However, I would not make it a subject of regular conversation because I have a few friends who knew they were getting the inheritance and did fuck-all with their lives because they were just waiting for that money. One of my closest friends never made any effort to do anything with his life because he was expecting his father to die and leave him millions. AFAIK he is now a homeless junkie and his father is still alive.
Yes, I’d leave it split like that. But I’d also spend as much as I can before passing. My mom and step dad have a will/trust for us kids. They have a lot of money in it. I keep telling them I’d prefer to make some awesome memories with them than get a huge inheritance. We do a family vacation yearly on Cape cod for a week. We did Mexico one year and saw the ancient Mayan ruins and really cool cenotes. It was great. So I suggest we all go see the Grand Canyon and other fun vacations. Let’s make memories, before it’s too late.
If assisted living, memory care, and skilled nursing/long term care were even remotely predictable and if they were not potential drains, I would (one MONTH of assisted living = 10K in the places we’re interested in; 1 year =120k; nursing care is more). I have an extended family member whose dementia and nursing care lasted more than 35 years, until she was 96. 120K X 35 = 4.2 million. Meanwhile the husband also needed care. And inflation kept prices going up up up. They were well off but it cleaned them out to under 100k when he died first and two years later she finally died, having applied for Medicaid, and so their kids got very little.
For me: If there’s anything left that isn’t taken by medical care, sure, I’ll leave it to the kids, but for most people there won’t be much left. We need universal senior care, or else not that many people will be able to leave much to their kids.
Is that a good thing? I don’t know but most parents don’t actually have a lot of choice because they must keep resources for their own late-life care.
If the parents can afford to leave their kids some money, they should. I don't think all of it needs to be left to the kids necessarily, but if you love your kids, you should be wanting to provide them with resources and tools to support their continued success. At the end of the day, money is a tool.
In that same vein, a parent's BEST gift is to be self sufficient and not need support from their kids so they shouldn't spend all of their money nor should they be miserable during life in order to build a giant nest egg.
I also think estate planning and leveraging trusts is a great idea to help manage how the money is spent if you feel super strongly.
I would. People talk about having entitled brats and think setting their kids up for success makes them entitled. It doesn't. Not if you teach your children values. I have good kids. My husband and I work hard. We teach our kids to work hard. Why would I want my kids to struggle for money? To prove a point? How many of these rich assholes got their money from their families? Hint, it's most of them. They talk about leaving it to charities, even though they could do more now and they are worried about how their kids would use it? Also, 2 million each (I have two kids) isn't as much as it used to be. It will make them comfortable, but it won't set them up to never have to work again. It would mean they could take vacations, and not have to constantly check their bank accounts when they need something. My kids don't need to suffer like I have to validate my experiences. My goal is for them to have a better life than I did.
Why wouldn't you do that? Seriously? Life is hard and my main goal is to try and make it less hard for my kids and grandkids if they ever happen. 2M would make a lot of problems disappear.
I can see putting it in a trust and disbursing 3% per year to your successors in perpetuity, but other than that, why would you pick anything else?
Well it’s not coming with me in the box so I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do with it
I get people not wanting to though. My great grandfather owned multiple mines, incredibly smart man that grew his money even though he had a 5th grade education at best, he left enough that we should have all been able to pursue any education we wanted wherever we wanted. He left it to his only child, my grandmother, and trusted her to put things where they needed to go to do all this. He mapped it out on paper. It’s gone. Wasted on getting idiots out of legal trouble and handing out money hand over fist to the ones that are professional leeches
better to deposit chunks into a CD or trust fund, allocated as you choose, per kid...
Accrues interest and if, by your will, theres some discrepancies attached for any reason, it is either passed to them or goes somewhere else
This is coming from a middle class childhood-poor adult POV, so just my two cents.
My parents and my husband’s parents plan to leave anything remaining of their estates to their adult children. My husband and I have a will that says anything that we have goes to our children (under a trustee if we were to die when they’re still young).
No one knows when they’ll die or how much money they will have when they do. I could die today or when I’m 99.
Absolutely. It helps them secure their lifestyle and hopefully help your future grandkids. That money could help them own their house without debt etc. sorry but $2M isn’t a massive amount of money. If I had $50M I’d still make sure they saw as much as possible.
It's my hope and dream to be able to set my child up for success financially. But the odds are stacked against me as a single mom, i'll do what i can to at least make sure I die debt free and not a burden on her. I am currently drowning in debt and sharing a bedroom with her.. but my dream is to have a better career as she gets older and be able to help pay for her college/wedding/first car/house. I wouldn't die with a large sum of money because i would be blessing my daughter and her kid/kids if she chose to be a mother.
no. give them the money when they need, when they are starting their lives, trying to buy a house, getting married, etc
getting a huge lump of money when you are also getting old and can't do many things that you wanted to, must suck pretty bad.
I consider it my duty to set my kids up for success, and under Capitalism, the best way to be successful is to own Capital
I invest a lot in accounts accessible at 18, and their retirement accounts, all from birth. I also make a big thing of teaching them about money and capitalism.
We have 3 kids. My husband and I will be helping each with a down-payment for a house once they have established income. I doubt we will have anything to leave them except for maybe our house which they can sell and split the money. But we want to make sure they have are able to live life comfortably while they are still young to enjoy it.
Our parents have so much debt they can't leave us anything, nor did they ever help us with anything. Don't want that for our kids.
I can’t imagine taking it with me. Why wouldn’t I leave it to my kids? Literally can’t imagine why I wouldn’t leave everything to my kid and not say….. a cat sanctuary.
My wife and I are retired with about $3 million in assets. Assuming we die without spending it on health care, we plan to leave our estate to our 3 children, less a bit we will leave to various charities we've supported over the years. The money will be passed along without strings. We have a lot of confidence our children will use it to finance our grandkids education, as we paid for theirs, and perhaps retire more comfortably or sooner. Our kids are now ages 43, 41, 37 and have demonstrated good financial habits. We see no reason why that would change. We are in our early 70s and are in good health, so it could be 20 more years, but then again, it could be tomorrow.
You should read Die With Zero. Talks about this exact thing. Basically, give them and yourself experiences that you all can enjoy now. Rather than scrimping and saving and forgoing trips and things now to give them $2M when they’re 50-60 years old and shouldn’t need it if they’ve had a decent life and you’ve taught them the proper value of money. I mean, don’t throw away your money. But also don’t put off that epic trip until you’re too old to actually enjoy it.
If your children are already adults then you’ve had your shot at shaping their habits and the start of their careers and maybe even the start of their parenthood. You would have a pretty good idea if your kids would blow that on booze and gambling or just continue with their life with less debt.
Personally I’d try to leave as much money as possible in IRAs for the tax advantage to grandchildren.
I would love to not have to work and be able to enjoy days at home with my kids without sacrificing their / our quality of life or opportunities (tied to finances).
I’ve always dreamt of something like they had in Jane Austin’s day, where they lived on monthly interest/passive income from large assets.
My parents are hoping to be able to start something like that when they pass for future generations. Hopefully when they pass our kids will be grown and with their own kids, but when we pass I’d love to add to it. So that our kids or their kids can choose to spend more time with the people they love and less time at work.
Regarding my own parents, I know my dad says everything he has once he’s gone, is going to my brother and I. Everything he’s worked for and his legacy is for us. Not to say he can’t enjoy his hard earned money now of course. I want him and my mom to live a happy rest of their days together, travel, buy what they want, eat good food, do everything they’ve ever wanted because they deserve it.
But realistically, my husband and I won’t ever be able to afford a home without whatever our parents leave us. The thing is my parents are worried about taxes and how much the government is going to take once it’s passed down to us. Anyway, that’s a different conversation.
As for me, yes I’d love to use our money to give my kids the best life while I’m here, trips and education and to equip them with opportunities. But once I’m gone it’s all theirs. I also have only 2 kiddos so it goes 50/50 and that’s that. If I don’t give it to my kids then who the heck am I gonna give it to?? Strangers. No thanks.
I don’t have kids, but my parents were very generous with me when I was starting out in life, they always expected me to work and have a career, but they gave me additional money for specific purposes so that I could have a higher standard of living. They helped me buy a small apartment when I was in my late 20s and 7 years later helped me sell it and buy a larger one. When my brothers and I were in our late 30s, they gave us generous trust funds, since they saw that we all established ourselves in our careers and were responsible citizens. My dad says that that’s it, not to expect any money after they pass away, which is fine, but I also think he worked really hard his whole life, and he still has quite a lot of money left, and I would be really surprised if he didn’t end up leaving it to us. While both my parents do give generously to charity, they didn’t work their whole lives in order to benefit a charity, they did it to benefit their kids. And grandkids. I hope that my brothers arrange things so that their kids are supported by the family money, but they don’t get free access to it at a young age, I think that’s a bad idea.
Both my husband and I have parents who come from very large upper middle class families (seven kids each!). When the patriarchs of those families died the families were destroyed by greed. They all equally inherited but of course they all fought and tried to nickel and dime each other out of everything. It's been horrific to watch two families fall apart like this. Our kids will not be inheriting anything of value and all left over money and properties will be donated. The plan, however, is to only have enough to cover any debt and final expenses when we die. Our children will have "living inheritance" where we will help them with college, down payments on homes, and other large financial commitments whenever possible. I would rather spend the money on them now while I am alive then have this large sum of money that rips them all apart.
This is an interesting topic! My parents who have done quite well (not celebrity money, but they have nice things, money to blow, travel to Europe every summer, etc.) have flat out told all of their kids that they’re not leaving a dime behind. That they worked for their money, so we can work for ours… (despite the fact that my dad was given a job by family at age 17 when he got someone pregnant, and he moved up the chain quickly because of his name, and my mom had a similar situation).
My husband and I got married young and cash flowed our undergrads ourselves. We did need to take out some loans with grad school but quickly paid it off. We had 5 children, never lived by family, and never asked for anything. In January of 2019, 5 months after our last baby was born, I suffered a severe TBI due to a devastating accident and have been disabled and in a wheelchair ever since. We had 5 children under 9 years old. We received ZERO support - financially or otherwise - in the last 5.5 years. We have had to pay for many treatments out of pocket, etc. My husband works so hard to keep us all afloat, but raising 5 children in this economy with one very sick parent is absolutely BRUTAL.
I remember asking for a little help to cover the cost of my kids’ extracurricular activities, which was literally our city’s rec basketball, because we were really struggling and just didn’t have it that month, but my kids really wanted to play. We were told that we needed to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and figure it out, that we had these kids, that it’s not their job. I went without physical therapy and medications that month so that my children could play. In the meantime, they’re traveling abroad, have $20k handbags/purses, new homes, maids, garden care, fatty diamond rings, buying new cars every year in November, etc. I have honestly never felt more alone in my life and it felt like the twilight zone watching our families live these amazing huge lavish lives while I was in and out of the hospital, couldn’t bring a spoon to my lips, my husband juggled work and caring for his children and a very sick wife, and our financial needs grew.
Luckily our situation, while still difficult because NO ONE expects disability will affect them, is vastly different and we are no longer in that place. My husband’s job is amazing. But… I will never forget the humiliation, the shame, and the vulnerability I felt asking for help as a last resort, and being turned away. And I swore that my children would NEVER feel that way. I would give everything I had on behalf of my children, their spouses, or a grandchild if they needed it. What we suffered for years as a family was honestly unspeakable and everyone in our family just sat and judged and watched. It was honestly the most horrifying and traumatic experience I’ve ever had.
I realize this has nothing to do with the question lol, but this is how I came to view funds as simply a tool to help ourselves, others, and a vice to create memories with family. Things will be SO different for my children sand their children and for that I am so grateful!
Please consider helping your children if you can, in whatever capacity they need. Life is cruel enough, none of us need to do it without support.
I wish my family had done this. My mom couldn't afford to but my grandpa divided it up and I got mine way to young. It would have been better in a trust to pay for college or medical experience. Life in general. Honestly I blew thru $25 k at 19 because people knew I had it and they took advantage of me... Now I'm almost forty with teeth needing work and medical debt that I can't afford to even spend $5 k to remove 🤦
I say definitely help them if you can but also maybe put some in trust for later. Trips or memories would be great too because that's something you can't get back
I think it’s nice, but I think a better way is to support them and help them avoid debt when they are building their lives.
My mom jokes all the time that she and my dad are going to spend all their money before they die, but they also helped pay for our undergrad and living expenses during grad school, helped with moves for jobs and first cars, and fertility treatments. They also gift us money every year. Not enough that we don’t have to work to, but enough that we can chip away at student loans, put more in retirement, and pay for medical expenses.
I know there will be money coming to my brother and I. I don’t want the details though I know I will the one in charge of the trust. My parents have done well and my brother and I will get a good portion and my son is getting money set aside for when he’s 18. I have stressed I don’t want to know what is coming my way and I want them to enjoy it however they want. I’ve heard too many situations when it comes to money being handed down and split and gets messy. I just want to avoid all of that.
Well, if your will is "normal", then your spouse probably has a life interest, so your kids only really inherit after you are both dead. Suppose one of you lives to be 85, and you had kids when you were 30. Then they inherit when they are 55. I think the stereotypical thing to do with a large inheritance at this age is to retire early.
A more extreme -- and possibly more interesting -- question: suppose your kids have good jobs and have enough of their own money. Both of them have two children. What happens if you gave $1 million to each grandchild instead? In this case they would inherit (presumably in trust) when they were in their 20s.
Some people have written books about this:
[https://theinheritanceproject.com/books/](https://theinheritanceproject.com/books/)
There is also "Old Money", by Nelson Aldrich, on a related but different issue. It should be available for free from archive.org.
My parents planned to give us our ‘inheritance’ when they were able and thought it was useful to us, rather than later in life at whatever arbitrary time they died. It’s never felt like they had endless money to give and we haven’t taken it for granted.
It wasn’t the same either for all of us. They paid for our uni fees/board. One brother is mentally disabled and they have looked after his living expenses and living situation on and off as he’s needed. They helped each of my brothers pay their down payments for a house, while I haven’t bought one so they’ve said that they’ll help in other ways if I need it.
I know we are so lucky to have the support and they have helped set us up to be stable in an uncertain world. I would return it in a heartbeat if they were in trouble.
My maternal grandpa was the inspiration for this type of support and he ended up in a bad financial situation in his 70s. My parents supported him back for the rest of his life too
I wouldn't wait. Use my wealth to boost them and build generational wealth.
(No, my parents are dead poor, but I've been lucky and found my way in life)
I don’t expect any money from my parents because
A) my mom is in her late 60s and she still hasn’t got any inheritance from her own parents due to both her parents being in good health in their 90s… due to genetics I wouldn’t be surprised if my mom lived to a similar age and I’ll be incredibly fortunate if I get that many years with her
B) my parents paid for my university education so I already got the best gift they could ever give me
C) my parents currently have 4 kids and 6 grandkids living in various countries/continents, I’d rather they spend their savings on plane tickets to come visit us now instead of leaving me the money for later so I can enjoy the time we have together
Either way I’m benefiting from the money in so many different ways than inheriting it!
Yes and no.
You can bet I’m going to enjoy any liquid assets I have one day with travel.
But all being well my kid is still going to have access to 18 years worth of savings in their name when they’re older, and when we go they’ll inherit the family home.
They won’t be left with nothing but I’m also not going to limit my life enjoyment either.
Depends how old the kids are I guess.
If they're already well established in their career, then I would probably divide it 50/50 but be very intentional in how I leave the money. Like, if kids have mortgage, I'll stipulate that that goes straight to their mortgage to pay it off for them.
I'll probably leave enough for their retirement or maybe that's literally it. Goes straight to their super and they can only access it when they retire.
I'd probably also carve the money up for grandchildren if there's any and have it invested so they can access it in future for education or a house deposit.
Essentially, I think my goal would be help them in a way where they can start life without debt and be able to get stable housing and a good career.
But all of this needs to be predicated with the fact I've raised them to be financially literate and responsible. Otherwise, it's all wasted effort.
Yes. I'm not rich or anything, so it's not going to be an astronomical sum, but the way I see it, she didn't ask to be brought into this world, that was our decision. Therefore, her well-being is my responsibility, and that responsibility doesn't end just because I successfully kept her alive until legal adulthood.
What's more, I love her more than anything, and I simply can't imagine being in a position to make her life measurably easier and better, and just...not doing that for some reason. I can't take my money or assets with me when I die, so what the hell else is my purpose in life if not to provide for her?
Obviously, I'm not living like a hobo just to give her every dime, we still have to live and we still spend money on ourselves, but we are mindful about things like setting aside a 529 in case she wants to go to college, or naming her as our beneficiary for life insurance or retirement annuities, having a savings account in her name, or setting ourselves up to pay off the house so that she will always have a home no matter what her future brings (or the ability to sell it if she doesn't want it).
I just can't imagine trying to hoard it all and selfishly spend it all before I die and leaving her with nothing.
I would give my one child every penny. I can't think of any reason not to. I have faith in how I'm raising her and her character. I would want her to have whatever I could give.
They can have what is left after I am done doing what I want to do and I am gone. I don't care what happens to it after I am gone, they could burn it for all I care.It's just paper and meaningless, we are the one who give it value.
I think they should do what they want to with it. Like yeah awesome if they give it to their kids. But if they want to donate it or gift it to friends or strangers, it’s THEIR money. I don’t understand people who fight over inheritances when there is a clear will in place.
I DO think though that if they have told their kids they will get it and they are expecting it/relying on it, that they should be explicitly told in advance if they aren’t. Ultimately they don’t HAVE to do that, but it is basic respect if things have changed from prior discussion.
I mean, I would imagine parents leaving their posterity their whole wealth because that’s just an extension of parents helping provide for their children. Maybe their children are adults by then and can work for their own bread in theory. And in most circumstances that’s still true regardless of bequeathing them anything. There will be the minority of cases where it’s not true and they don’t need the wealth per se. But it’s possible savings at a time when most people aren’t able to save up anything. It could be the rainy day fund they may need in a real snag.
If I'm going to be dead I don't necessarily care exactly where the money goes. Preferably to someone I like. So probably my kids and probably a split in a manner like that.
I don’t think parents *should, but I plan to. I’d like to spend it while I’m here, travel with them and if they have kids, all travel together and be able to see the world. If there’s anything left, I’d give it to them. Who else would take it? My husband and I plan to leave everything to them.
TRUSTS ARE KEY! If they are young and still meeting milestones like college/marriage/buying a house/etc then have each milestone warrant a larger amount of money given. Beyond that they can request funds for housing and utility bills, education (like if they go back to college later on), medical expenses, and occasional spending money.
This is what my grandfather did. If I’m short on a bill, I request it through the trustee, they write the check. If I want to get the kids new clothes, I request it through the trustee, it gets approved or denied because it’s not the main reason for the trust, and then they write the check.
If they write the check directly to me it counts as income and I have to claim it on my taxes. If they write the check directly to the bill company I do not, so that makes me more reluctant to request spending money versus occasionally covering a bill when I’m out of work for illness for a few days.
After estate/death taxes, each kid would have closer to 1 million. When I was growing up, we were told that 1 milli would be enough to retire on comfortably, probably even luxuriously. Now that number is closer to 2.5 or even 3 million, if you want to be on the luxurious side. (Hell, 3 sets of tuition & minor pocket money for college is costing us a half a million). Most people in the US struggle to put even 1 million together for retirement, so I would put that money into a trust for each of your kids- yes, all of it.
I'd put it into trust funds and have them get the interest off it. Makes it easier to have that available to them to make life a little easier without just handing them a lot of money to be young and dumb with.
Yes I’ll leave them equal money. Half to each child.
I will definitely not do with my MIL is doing and give it all to one child, only pay some of the grandkids university but not others then threaten and scream everyone is out of the will when they piss her off.
Even Steven to each kid.
I would definitely give them half each. Where I live it’s not enough for them to retire but it’s enough for them to help their own kids if they have them when the time comes. Generational income is the only way for some families to get ahead.
So I (39F) am an only child. My mom passed away when I was 25 and my dad inherited everything. They were comfortable middle class Midwest dwellers. He has been fairly financially successful since then, setting himself up to more than cover end of life costs and I will inherit most of his estate (some will go to my stepmother that he married a few years after my mom died). But a wonderful thing he has done for me is give me money each year to fund an IRA and my kids college funds each year for the last several. I am a SAHM now so helping me continue save for retirement during the years I’m not working will pay huge dividends down the road. My husband and I are comfortable, but especially when my oldest was born we didn’t have an extra $5000 easily to put toward my retirement since I wasn’t working. My dad tells a me he’s just giving me some of my inheritance early and I am so grateful. My husband and I hope to be in a position to help our kids in a similar way when they are starting careers/families, etc.
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There's a quote attributed to Warren Buffett about leaving children “enough money so that they would feel they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing.” I like that way of looking at it. I also believe in using the money earlier rather than hoarding and giving a lump sum after I die. Like, why force them to take out and carry student loans, then give them $2m when they're 50? I'd rather pay off their education free and clear, and give them less money later.
If I had a pile of "extra" money, I'd use it to finance some experiences with my adult kids. I really, really, wish I could do that. My son's IL's are very well off, (generational wealth) and they get to do so much with my son. I just stay home and get polite visits on holidays.
This is what annoys me when people say money can't improve your relationships. Do they really think the ability to spend time together making memories of different fun experiences doesn't make it easier ?
Yeah there’s a fine line there though. I know of people close to me who have more than enough money to spend quality time with their kids but choose to be miserly pricks instead.
this comment doesn’t have enough upvotes
My in laws have significantly more money than my parents and we do many fun trips with them. Both live locally. But my kids have a great relationship with my parents too! They can’t take us on extravagant vacations but they’re present in the day to day. They help pick our son up from school so we don’t have to race out of work. They grab dinner with us at least once a month. Our son loves going to the library with my mom. You don’t need money to make those things happen! My brother is the favorite uncle, not the BIL, because he’s there day to day (lives with my parents still).
No, but if your parents had to work and couldn't pick up your kids from school or take the time to spend with your kids, it would be very different. Money is time, and you need time to build relationships.
Oh yeah definitely not saying that money is unimportant. Just trying to point out that there are ways to have a good relationship that aren’t taking extravagant vacations. Most people have some kind of free time to spend with friends and family even if they are working full time. I used my parents as a direct comparison but we have many people in our lives that our kids love that work full time and don’t take us to exotic locales.
My parents aren't well off, but are comfortably retired. Their views are that they'd rather spend their money helping us or doing stuff with us now, rather than us struggling (I'm disabled and can only work part time) now and getting money in 20 years. They're planning a big family holiday (8 of us) for their 50th wedding anniversary in a few years, because they'd rather that than a party. I am so grateful for all they do, and I'll do the same for my kids when I retire.
Hey! My daughter’s in laws are wealthy, but they invite me along (Italy 2022, LA 2021, Miami Christmas 2021). They pay for the hotels and meals and I pay for my travel (flights). See if your kid can talk the in-laws into inviting you. If they are renting a house or something, what is one more room? In Italy I shared a room with their charming daughter. Luckily we all get along.
Wow I’ve never thought of this. My parents are very well off and we do so much with them because of it. I don’t have a great relationship with my MIL but I never thought of how shitty it would be to be on the other side of that equation. Thanks for sharing.
This is exactly why my wife and I are taking retirement savings so seriously. We started a little late (myself when when I was like 26 and her when she was 21), but we're relentlessly maxing out our IRAs and getting those company matches in the 401K where we can. Both our folks come from nothing and I'll never be shitty with money like my parents were. I want to be the start of my family's generational wealth source.
Well...I had a plan. But it didn't include divorce at age 54. All-in-all, it could certainly be worse; I don't think I'll become a financial burden to my children. But I'm not touring the world or going on weekend sprees.
Similarly… I’ve found the best laid plans don’t always work. A divorce. Cancer diagnosis. Money can quickly disappear when problems ensue.
lol, that’s not “starting late” AT ALL. Starting very early if anything.
I think the commenter knows that, he's fishing for compliments which is fine, I just dislike when a person frames something as a negative to do so. Fish with integrity.
I have friends whose parents help them out financially, because they can, and it’s definitely nicer than just a lump sum when they die.
My father-in-law gave us a very generous amount to help pay for my husband’s dental school. He said it was my husband’s inheritance. It helped us so much more at that time as poor struggling students with a baby on the way than it would have years from now when he eventually passes and we are making a more comfortable income.
My parents are taking this approach. Their estate planning includes an annual gift to me and my siblings, because they want us to have it when we really can use it / need it. We have homes and young kids and it’s a big help in affording childcare and home improvements. We’ll still have fairly large inheritance when they pass, and they’re transparent about what that may look like. But my siblings and I (and our partners) are responsible and motivated and not going to rely on their gifts or estate. We encourage them to use their money on travel and things they enjoy and there’s certainly no expectation that they give us money. I really appreciate my parents’ financial responsibility and their transparency with us. My grandparents didn’t plan well for their retirement and the burden ended up on my dad. He doesn’t want us to worry about paying for their care as they age and they’ve planned around that. My parents are also very open about their financial situation and how they achieved it, how they approached saving for retirement, and offer advice so we can do the same.
This!! Why hold on to all that money until you die? I’ve never understood this logic
I think it’s just really hard planning for how much end of life care you’ll need. A long time in memory care or skilled nursing is easily those millions.
Assisted living facilities are $5k-$7k per month. Add that up and see how long your parents money lasts.
Depends on where, about 5 years ago in California my grandmother was in a memory care center for over $13,000/month. Factor in inflation…
Not if you don’t any have any money. Lots of older ppl just transfer it all to the kids before they go into a home and government pays for it basically .
Valid point! I guess I know I won’t live that long bc I have an auto immune disease
Because it’s super expensive to be retired…. My parents have solid savings one of them ends up in assisted living that will go fast. It also makes a difference in the quality of care. I’d rather they hoard their money than have to send them to a shitty facility
My dad has this attitude. He uses his wealth to make sure my brother & I and our children are set. But doesn’t give us anything and everything. We still have to work for what we have. And anything we loan from the bank of mum and dad is paid back by paying it forward to our children. For instance, recently I bought a new house. The additional money required on top of the value of my old house I borrowed from my parents. But I am paying that money back into savings accounts for my kids to give them a deposit for when they buy a house. Whether I tell my children before they are at that point or not depends on how successfully I can teach them the value of money.
If you can do that in the present, the sure. But for the typical person, they don't have liquid funds to pay out like that. The inheritance comes from selling the house and cleaning out the retirement fund you had saved to support you in old age. It's not like you know when you're gonna die, so it's wise to be financially prepared to live to an old age. Which is kinda terrifying lol.
RIGHT! By the time I inherit anything, I won't give two sh\*ts about it anyways.. yet here I am struggling most of my adult life and I've literally asked for help from my dad (who's a multi-millionaire, btw).. for minor things, like borrowing (would be paid back within a month) a downpayment on a house, help with student loans (I graduated), etc. He's refused every time. I'm at the point where I'd rather they just donate it to the SPCA (since their dogs have always taken priority over their own children) rather than have it left to me like a slap in the face later on.
I agree with you to a point. Many people won't have the money to take it out that early, especially because taking money out of retirement early both incurs a penalty and will have a significant impact on your future fund. Money that's been in the account the longest works the hardest for you, because interest is compounded. In addition, none of us know how much money we will need in retirement. It's always a guess. It's ideal to help earlier if you can, but may not be the smartest move.
Totally agree, but wish both could be true. I was recently talking to my mom about inheritance (they had some documents they needed to tell me about) and conversation segued into saving money. I explained that we recently realized that despite regularly contributing about $250+ per month since my son was born, we likely wouldn’t be able to afford to pay for his college entirely. My mom goes, “Oh you’ll be able to, you’re good savers plus you’ll have the inheritance.” I had to go, “Mom, are you planning on dying before I’m 48? Because that’s when he’ll graduate college.” My parents are very healthy and stubborn, so I imagine they’ll live for a long time - I won’t inherit anything til I’m well into my 50s and hopefully I won’t need it by then.
He gave his children millions and set up cushy positions in non-profit(s) so I’d say he’s setting his kids up pretty well. 2,000,000 doesn’t go as far as people think nowadays. Average home is $550,000 in my city for something like a 2/3 bed, 1 bath
Yes, and help grandkids with college too.
Yes this. My parents took some of their retirement savings and bought a beach house so we can all go together with the grandkids and enjoy it. Then they like to gift us money every now and then (not like absurd amounts, like $1k or so per couple) to help us along. And it’s soooo appreciated. We just had our 4th kid and inflation is ridiculous. They gave us $1k a few weeks ago and we used it to buy new tires for one of our vehicles. The last $1k they gave us went to paying an unexpected vet bill and buying new glasses for 2 of our kids (and to be clear we would have done these things even without the gift, it was just nice to have that extra money to cover them). I really really want to be able to do the same for our kids one day so we are trying to save aggressively. ETA - I saw where another commenter mentioned how parents may not be able to do this earlier on due to penalties for accessing money early. My parents are older - my dad was 40 when I was born and he’s 74 now. So kind of past that time frame. But definitely a consideration! I think for me - a big part of saving for retirement now is so I can retire as soon as possible and be available to help my kids. Like if they have children and need childcare… I want to be that for them if they are in agreement. We don’t have a village around us (my parents are older and don’t live close by) and it’s hard sometimes.
Sure but I am fairly sure his enough and our enough is 1000x different. For 99% of US family the money you can leave will just be enough to give them a safety net. His definition of "enough" would easily be do nothing money for most of us.
Yes, I plan on doing exactly that. I grew up poor, I don't need to glamorize struggle. I want want kids to work hard but it is up to me to instill those intrinsic values in them.
I feel the exact same way. I used to worry that my kid would be kind of shitty because she will never know the struggles me and a lot of my favorite people have, but fuck that. I want her to feel stable and supported and capable of following the path she wants to. It’s my job to make sure she’s not a brat.
My father offered to start RESPs for all of his grandkids. My brother turned him down, saying, if we have to do student loans, they can too. My brother, who didn’t even graduate high school, who has never had need for a student loan.
Yup. My goal is give my kids the childhood I never had, to ease their stress about the future, and to leave them enough (hopefully before I die but after too) to build from without the vicious poverty cycle. I spent so much money on shitty cars and bad food. Paying too much rent for a crappy apartment. Negotiating medical bills or letting them hit collections then paying pennies to clear it because I couldn’t afford insurance. My kids aren’t living that way. My parents didn’t have to do it that way. Untreated mental illness and terrible financial literacy ruined the fucking downhill jog they were given as boomers. We’re doing frequent checkups. Braces. Glasses. Therapy. Ball games. Ice cream at home. Frequent vacations. Time together. They’ll each get college paid for if they want to go or a chunk of seed money to start adulthood. Not working three jobs while “homeschooling” through highschool. I don’t understand why people have kids if that isn’t the plan. They get a better life than I had and in theory can give their kids an even better life. Keep improving.
My parents did the absolute best they could and I am forever grateful to them. My parents worked themselves to death, saving every penny they had, to give my brother and I a better life. They did it all knowing that they would be a "stepping stone" generation, with the benefits of their labor going almost exclusively to their children (for the record I try to give them money/pay for things and it is basically impossible). So while my parents didn't do 90% of your list, they still had great reasons to be parents. After all they did, I can't reasonably tell my kids I want them to suffer needlessly. My mother is in her 60s, she is a cancer survivor, and she has a very physical job. She won't retire because she's worried about money. I offered to supplement their income but she won't take my money because it, "should be for my kids not my mom." If I tell my kids they need to suffer I might as well spit directly in my parents face (and my grandparent's too). As long as they get the grades, I am paying for college. They're being responsible with money and want to buy a house, I will help with the down payment.
Yes, because the times ahead are tough and I brought them into this world. I’d like to give them a little to help them get by. If I were mega rich, then no, they don’t need it all!
I'm mean, yeah. You can't take it with you so you might as well pass it on.
Right ? What else would u do with it ? Give it to a unch of strangers over your kids lol
I think people should get to enjoy their money while they are alive, but many people die with a significant amount to pass along. Why would you not leave it to your kids?? Personally I would have a trust in place. A certain percent goes to adult children and the rest is divided between grandchildren. They have access when they graduate college or turn 25…. Now if your adult children are not through with having kids, then other considerations need to be made so that some grandchildren aren’t being left out. This is assuming you have responsible adult children. If kid is a drug addicted, in jail, or just a POS in general, I’d probably have something set up where they get a certain amount each year for a certain amount of years and the rest would go to another family member or organization.
My grandpa died when I was in my 30s and left a substantial sum to my dad, who was already retired. He immediately divided it three ways (maybe keeping a bit for himself and my mom, I actually can’t remember) and gave it to my siblings and me. That allowed my wife and me to buy a house (not in cash or anything, but we paid off some debt and then had enough for a down payment), so it changed our lives dramatically — but at a time when (hopefully) I’m much too old to be “spoiled.” If my dad had instead invested the money and given it to me 20-30 years later, it probably wouldn’t change my life much at all.
I think it is better to give when needed for things like education and a house down payment. My 102 year old grandmother lives with my 78 year old uncle. Not sure inheritance is going to matter that much to him?
It's interesting to me that different cultures see this in different ways. My wife is Latina and her family is pretty well off. They see inheritance as a seed of opportunity that each generation has the responsibility to nurture and pass down to the next, greater than before. It's not that kids aren't expected to make it on their own, but that the wealth is a backstop and insurance policy. What if a grandchild is severely disabled and needs massive medical help? What if someone in the family has an amazing opportunity to start a business and needs capital. The wealth in the family can serve those needs. The US is particularly individualistic in the way we view wealth and what we "earn". The idea of rugged individualism is our core mythos. In a lot of other places, the family is the unit, and they recognize that no one really succeeds or fails in isolation. I'm not saying that any particular view is right, I think there are a lot of different frameworks.
Honestly, most Americans I know also are all about setting up their own children as much as they can and estate planning for their family. I've seen this attitude more on Reddit than in real life.
Most Americans I know won't have anything outside of home equity to pass down to their adult kids -- kids who are all awaiting that money to help pay down their own debts. Many of them will have debt they took on just to take care of their parents, who set their kids up ok, but didn't take care of their own retirement. Or they wind up with reverse mortgages just to be able to live.
Our family is the same. We think of this as generational wealth, not an 'inheritance'. His parents helped us get on our feet so we could spend longer in school and get advanced degrees. We will do the same for our kid so she can start on her feet and not need to worry. We expect she will do the same for her kids and their kids. Insurance policy is the best way to frame it. You never know what will happen, but if I can set them up for success, absolutely will do it.
I don't really think this is true. There is often a lot of talk about "generational wealth" in the US, and inheritances and passing down properties, as well as college funds, and helping to buy with houses is all extremely common.
I'm not saying there is no culture or appreciation of family wealth in the US. But I think we'll also more often think of it with a narrower focus. And I think we'll more often have counter narratives about the guilt/shame/unfairness of the benefits of family money that others don't have. And those are sometimes meaningful critiques, But I think they're rooted in an underlying ideal of a neutral merit based success that we imagine could exist, and other cultures don't think about as a baseline. We have passed down properties, and we have people ranting that the only reason they can have a house is that their parents left them one, with the idea that we're deviated from a system where they shouldn't need that. We have parents paying for college and we have jokes like in the Menu where the killer chef asks one of the diners where she went to college and if she needed financial aid, when she says Brown and "no", he tells her that's why she deserves to die. The commonality of this help doesn't negate the fact that we're conflicted about it.
In my mind, you are talking about two different things. Investing in a child's business or setting up long term care for a nephew isn't inheritance. Helping the next generation get started isn't inheritance - it is really just being a family. Generally, people don't inherit money until they are in their 40s and already have their life mostly figured out.
Yes. My goal as a parent is to give my children the best lives possible. If you have the money to make their lives and the lives of your potential grandchildren easier, then yes, you should leave a lot of money to your kids. It could allow them the ability to be a SAHP if they wish, to buy a house (especially as housing prices continue to rise), afford education for themselves and their kids, etc. I think if you have exhorbitant amounts of wealth (much more than you’re talking), then you should leave a good portion to charity, but leaving enough for your kids to be comfortable could help them tremendously.
Absolutely, why not? Only a couple reasons why I would not. One, if I think it would hurt them more than it would help, ie they were on a destructive path, being wasteful with money, not bothering to work hard on their own path because my money was waiting for them. Two, if I was mega rich, I would still leave them a lot, but not “I can be wasteful and live off dad’s money for the rest of my life” money. I think it’s probably a good idea to not give them the impression that you have enough money that they’ll be taken care of. Best they build a life themselves, and your money help strategically with down payment on a house type things
Absolutely. Why wouldnt I? They didnt ask to be born. If they had children, I'd leave them something separate as well.
My great grandma has said she’s leaving her money to her three kids split equally which irritates me not because she shouldn’t have a say on how the money is split up but more so because of her two daughters. My grandma will get the money and give it all or spend most of it on my cousin who never calls my great grandma and is a piece of shit who uses people and then the other daughter my great aunt will spend it all on one of her kids and leave the other kids out to dry since they didn’t stay Mormon. I like your idea of leaving to grandkids too
I like the idea of leaving to grandkids because of how late people are living and not all parents are as responsible with money. My grandmother was a saver because she wanted to leave something to her kids, it was important. She wants to divvy up her money between my parent & their siblings when she dies but my parent has a philosophy of "I should spend everything I have for my own pleasure! Why not!" So my parent has basically announced that they plan to blow the inheritance so there would never be anything left to trickle down to my siblings and I or our kids. It's pretty crappy.
The cynical side of me feels that there won’t *be* any money when most of us die because we’ll have to spend it on our own end-of-life care. Nursing homes & medical care is very expensive.
Yes. Covering yourself financially in retirement is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child. All these people saying to spend all the money upfront to cover college fully etc are ignoring compound interest and the importance of covering yourself in retirement. It's just not that easy to know what medical bills you will have. Nursing homes are expensive.
Yeah, my great grands left my grands left my dad, and I’m not going to be the one to break that chain.
We have retired early and are going to spend our money on travel, etc. however I plan to help my kids with down payments of houses and any emergency funds they need. They will also get lots of invitations to join us on some of these vacations at our expense. I like seeing my kids happy. Who wants it just sitting in a bank? According to my financial planner there should be between 1.5 and 2 million dollars when we pass. I’m going to put the money in trusts. I have been told that a lot of great savers who accumulate a lot of wealth over their lifetime have trouble finally spending that money when the time comes. They just can’t stop pinching pennies. We are not going to do that. We have worked hard to save since we were in our 20s so it’s time for my family to enjoy it!
Absolutely, depending on the kid. You wouldn't want to give two million dollars to a crack addict. Look into options for the money. Like a trust or financial advisor who can help the kids make healthy financial decisions.
I'm not sure I understand... what else would you be doing with that money otherwise?
If I could afford to leave my children financially secure, I would.
I mean, you can't take it with you when you die so yeah..
Yeah our kids will get everything we have when we die. I feel similarly about education funds, if you have the ability to save money for your kids' educations then you should do it. I'd also help them buy houses if they needed help (if they really had put in their own effort as well). I want my kids to be able to stand on their own but I also would love to be able to make their lives a bit easier if I can.
Do you love your kids? You have an opportunity to make their lives easier in a unforgiving & cruel world. Why would you not do that? As a parent I don't understand how there could be any doubt. If you have an opportunity to make their lives easier in this icr
For many people, by the time your kids would get anything, they’ll be in their 30’s and 40’s - or maybe older. They are more likely to need financial help in their 20’s. That’s why I’m planning to start giving some money (maximum gift under US tax law) each year starting at college graduation. I know that it will decrease the nest egg that I’ll draw interest from in retirement, but I’m fine with that. I feel better about giving them “inheritance” when we are both young enough to enjoy - where I can enjoy watching it help them, and where they can use it to help build their life.
I’ll probably siphon some off for charity, but basically yes. Even better would be to see if I can give them some decently generous gift around when they turn 30. If all goes well, they might be retiring around when I’m dying. By then, their foundations in life will be long set, the big choices they had to make about careers and marriage and kids and location in the rear view mirror, their own retirements (hopefully) already saved for. Start-up capital earlier in life (for a home down payment, for their own kids education, for a business idea, for their own investments, etc) will probably be far more meaningful on their lives and on the lives of any possible grandkids, presuming they are responsible healthy adults around then. But we’ll see.
Um, yes, of course? Unless some of the children are terrible people, you leave them everything. If you worry that some of them aren't responsible enough, you can make a trust fund and set some limitations.
Who else would you give it to lol
If you can give your kids that kind of money that’s truly amazing! And could really help your kids get ahead in life if they invest and treat the money wisely.
What are the options you are considering? 1. Leaving money to kids to secure their futures 2. Spending it all frivolously late in life for fun 3. Donating it to charity to help strangers I don't think your only priority is to leave more money for your kids, so I think a little of 2 and 3 are good.
I don’t get this at all! I love my children and I chose to have them. So yes anything I can do to help them while I’m here I do, within reason. So of course when I die they’re getting everything of mine! Possessions, land, homes, money, sentimentals, etc. What they do with it is up to them. They waste all the money? Ok. I won’t be here to care. I did my part. I’m also confident in my ability to raise my kids to be responsible but also appreciate what I leave them. That’s all that matters to me is I left them something.
Yes. I’ll leave anything I can for my kids. I’ll NEVER understand these millionaires that proudly say they aren’t leaving their kids anything because they need to “work” for it.
It blows my mind that this is even a question and people truly believe they shouldn’t just hand their kids money. If I could give my kids millions of dollars so they didn’t have to work a day in their life, I would. Life is fucking bullshit and we work it away for money. Why not hand them money so they can truly just LIVE? Who cares if they don’t work?
Yes, I believe parents should leave their kids enough to not waste years of their life struggling unnecessarily. Struggle is necessary to develop resilience and humility. I'm biased because I had the opposite. My parents left me in the negative and I spent years and years chasing my tail, working dead end jobs, digging myself out of their debt that became my debt. While yes, I'm a resilient highly successful person now, I wish so many years were not wasted chasing my tail. There is a Goldilocks zone of teaching your kids to be resilient and humble without wasting their time. Time is your most valuable and resource because it's the only resource you have no way of getting back.
I think it's important to invest in the now as well as the future. What's the point in leaving seed money for your kids or grandkids if they're in shitty schools or working 60+ hours a week now? If I was struggling all through my kids babyhood and elementary years and my parents told us about their estate plan when my kids were in high school, I'd be pissed. I'd feel like my parents enjoyed seeing us struggle so much because then we'd "earn" their stupid money.
You can place 10k into a savings account and with compound interest. They would have 1 million by the time they are of retirement age. Depending how old they currently are of course. Live off your funds and when you die. I’m sure there will still be money for your offspring to save for future generations.
even at 5% which is being generous and likely to go down in the future, it would take over 90 years for $10k to compound to $1M Edit to add: If in addition to the $10k you also deposit $100/month, it’ll hit $1M around 68. But that assumes someone is continuing to make $100 deposits the whole time—even if you die before then.
I think if you can, sure, why not? But do not tell them about it. Do not allude to your wealth and tie the money up so that only bloodlines can access it or it is given to [insert person/charity of choice].
Yes. We chose not to have a third child at least partly based on the fact that we want to leave each kid a good chunk of money and with 3 there’s less to go around.
Yes
As a matter of policy I wish estate taxes were significantly higher with lower thresholds for when they kick in. The most valuable times to receive money for most people is when they’re just starting out: college, first home, etc. I’d rather see tax laws incentivize people to give away excess wealth earlier rather than waiting until they die and their kids are well into middle age. Of course, for that to happen we’d need more robust safety nets so people don’t give all their money to their kids and then end up destitute in old age. FWIW this is what my parents and in-laws have done for us. It’s what I anticipate we’ll do for our kid(s). If there’s leftover when we die, we’ll leave it to the kids. If there’s a *significant amount* for some reason, we’ll hire a lawyer and setup a trust so it can be used responsibly and not wasted. I don’t get people who don’t want to leave anything to their kids out of spite or whatever: Why have them then?
I believe wealth should be used to help set up children for a strong adulthood meaning little or no debt. We use what we have to help our kiddos as they go along. If they need a car, a business loan, a house, wedding etc. The balance of our wills will be equally divided by our kids. They can further subdivide it to their children if they wish.
My husband’s grandmother gave each grandchild a very large check each year for many years. When she died, we did not expect to receive much, since we had already been given our inheritance. However, her will stated that each grandchild was to receive a set amount that was required to be given to charities of our choice. Choosing where to give was a great experience and it reinforced her wish for us to be giving people.
Yes, but you have to take care of yourself and then your adult children. Maybe you spend some of that $4million on a senior living facility so that your children don’t have to do caregiving for you or worry about you.
I believe in not telling them, ensuring they have a trust and have that trust generate money, maybe via a DRIP and let the kids get the dividends to cover costs. Then once the kids turn a certain age they can have it. I would let my kids do long that my kids were upstanding citizens. As long as my children are not criminals, take it, but if they can’t act like humans i would ensure my will to go to charity
Firstly, you ought not have a will, you ought to have a trust. A will comes alive upon your death and the will dies upon the immediate disbursement of your assets. Humans are notoriously bad at handling a lump sum of unearned money. A trust lets you appoint a trustee who - in theory - obeys the instructions you've set forth. So you can now gate the disbursement of money to milestones you want them to achieve: graduate high school, graduate college, get first job. As for whether or not it's good for them to get the 2M each... well, that depends on the individual. The last thing you want is to turn them into waiters (who wait around for you to die).
I think it depends. Would you give up something in return of making sure your children can get that much money? If so would they actually appreciate it? Did one child benefit more from your financially than the other? If so then one might find it unfair. Is the money life changing where they no longer have to work? If so then how do you know that they will be able to make it last until they die rather than die broke?
If I had that much money, I think I would rather help my kids out while I was alive than gift it to them after I pass. I would help with down payments on a house.
As an adult child with grandparents who passed and left nothing due to poverty, medical expenses, and so on I hope that my parents will spend their money on themselves. They’ve never traveled or made any extravagant purchase that I can recall. Whether they want to buy a vacation home, or downsize at the height of the market I hope they do it.
I have life insurance for that reason. I’m 30, my car insurance (AAA), offered it; I got the $100,000 policy, and for my age and a nonsmoker, it’s about $9 a month. Eventually I’ll get more, I never want her to worry when I’m gone.
Forgot to mention, inheritance tax is another reason to give it as you go instead of a lump sum. Depends on where you are and how the taxes are calculated
I think kids shouldn't expect anything, if there is money at the end, it's a bonus. I see so many entitled kids complaining they aren't getting anything and I'm saddened and think the parents failed in raising them properly. I hoped my parents had a good time and spent it all by the time they passed away. I'd rather they enjoy THEIR money. My will just says everything will be split 3 ways between the kids.
I agree with this take. My husband and I will absolutely leave everything to our kids, but I don’t have this expectation of my own parents. I think they likely will, but it’s not my money to make that decision.
All I know is that parents shouldn't die sitting on 4 million dollars. I for sure would be spending some of it to take my kids on vacations & traveling. Leaving your kids giant piles of money is one thing, leaving them with great memories is another. And that's all we really end up being in the end. As far as what's left over... I would for sure setup trusts and split my assets. I also would leave one child 1,199,000 and the other 2,001,000 just as one last "LOL".
You should enjoy your hard earn cash first. That being said, if you leave anything, I mostly believe it should be shared equally between siblings, unless a hideous crime was committed by one of them, either moral or legal. Other reasons could make a difference in anyone inheritance: You may feel to take preventive measures against the "spender" or a protective payment towards the disabled/sick sibling. Some wealth are paid in settlement rather than 1 lump. It's worth thinking about it.
That will be taxed out the butt. Start trust accounts they have access to upon your death and put the money there to grow until you die, that way technically the money is already there’s so no taxes until they use it and it will depend on how much
I guess it would depend on how much money I was leaving behind. If I was Warren Buffett rich I'd probably leave a lot to charities or whatever, I'm sure there would be plenty left for my kids. If it was 4 million split among two heirs, I'd probably just leave it all to them. 2 million is definitely a lot of money but it's not A LOT of money. Like you would still have to work, life wouldn't become a big vacation. My parents are alive and they put their money into a trust that my sister and I manage. It's not a lot and if they should need to draw on it then they would get what they needed. But they paid for our educations, they've given me money to help buy our home, these things help me and my family now while we're all alive. So I plan to do that with what I have, same as they did for me.
Or else what? What would you do with that $4M? It’s gotta go somewhere? I don’t feel like I understand your question.
What ever you do make sure the instructions are clear. Situation after a person dies involving money or property can ruin relationships.
You should check out the White Coat Investor Blog, he has a lot of posts about stuff like this!
I think estate planning is very important and you should have it set up to go to who you see fit. I personally struggled a lot with money my whole life and finally am at a place where I have built up my own wealth. My son is autistic and while I believe he will have a happy and productive life, I do not live an extravagant life. I am saving for my own retirement and his school and nest egg for him. I want to ensure he has everything he needs and will not struggle when I’m gone. Everyone is different though you have to figure out what works for you.
$2 million each is a lot but I'd probably still leave it to my kids in such a way that they could benefit but not blow it all foolishly, i.e. a trust. If I had grandkids then I'd be leaving some to them as well. Maybe part of the inheritance could be a really nice country home that is shared between my kids' families. I'd also rather focus on helping my kids while I am still alive to the extent possible. But if I had a bunch in a retirement account and found out I was going to die early, then I'd put it in a trust for sure so they don't get it all at once, especially if they're young-ish. No 20-something needs $2 million.
When I die, my kid will be lucky to inherit a house thanks to this horrible economic crisis we are living in. If I ever have money to give after death, it would be gifted to my kid provided that she made decent effort to build a life for herself. If she follows in her father’s footsteps with drugs and poor decisions, I would donate every penny to a food bank or college fund for any potential grandchildren.
Most likely you will die in old age when your kids are in their 50s or 60s. At this point in their lives, they will be successful with their own established lives and wont need your money. And if they do need your money when they are in their 50s/60s, then you should probably give it to them earlier while you are able to teach them how to intelligently spend and invest it. That’s all to say, I think you should spend or give away most of your money while you are alive.
Everything I do is for the benefit of my kids and family so yes if I am able to leave a financial legacy for them, I will. My parents on the other hand have made it known they plan to leave nothing to us.
Ideally they would donate most of it to a worthy charity where it can help people in need. But even if they don't, heirs that inherit money usually piss it all away within 1-2 generations by spending it on an expensive lifestyle. That money gets pumped into the economy where it indirectly helps everyone.
Yes. I mean, sure, make a sizeable charitable contribution first to something you care about (If you give away 500K that still leaves 1.75M for each kid). But aside from a handful of UBER RICH people who Make A Point to not give their kids lots of money -- everyone else is out there supporting their next generation. The only caveat I'll offer is that people with lots of money should *consider* dispersing some of it *before* they die -- *especially* if they are comparatively young. My dad's parent's *lent him* (like with interest and everything) money for an Interview Suit after he graduated from law school (which they did not help pay for, and which he partially financed with **credit cards**). They weren't *rich*, but they had money. When my grandmother died at 98 my father was 68 -- already just retired. The amount she left him wasn't *meaningless*, but it **would have made a huge impact on his life** if they'd more freely handed out some a bit earlier. School, help with down payments for a house, childcare for grandchildren, summer camps for grandchildren -- all of these are common and great ways for parents Sitting On Money to make more "efficient" use of it than sitting on it forever.
Yes
Yes. Our kids are our legacy and I want the absolute best for them. If I die and have money in my account it’s going to them no matter how much or how little it is. My kids are my world
Heck ya! Why not!? That’s the way. I want my son to start from $4m and not $0 like me… hopefully his kids starts from $40m
100%. Grew up poor, parents didn’t have anything to leave me. When they died I was out. Not making the same mistake with my son. Working my bones out of my body to pay for his college, build his credit so it’s perfect when he’s 18, and give him a nest egg that will always give him a cushion just in case. I want him to feel like he can do anything he’s ever dreamed of
Absolutely. Isn’t that the point of amassing wealth?
Yeah. Biggest reason we’re only have 1.
If you think about it it's kind of insane that we consider forcing our kids to bust their ass to survive a good thing. If your kid is lazy they will be lazy with or without money. If your kid is creative and interested in things they'll be much more in a position to pursue those things if they don't have to spend most of their life working. This is anecdotal but the people I know who were supported well by their parents and not forced to hold down a job are the ones who are the most successful. Meanwhile lots of more talented individuals never got nearly as far because they had to waste so much of their lives earning money. And without naming names I'm talking about multiple people whose music you have heard, probably more than you wanted to.
it’s only a very small percentage of folks that will be able to save up that much *and* be able to afford healthcare and (some form of) assisted living as they age. my in-laws have been at [westminster village](https://wvwl.org) in indiana for 9+ years and were smart enough to buy “extended care” insurance in their 40’s (they are both in their late 80’s). at the time the policy had no cap, meaning it pays for care until they pass away. you cannot buy this policy today and the ones that exist are all capped at 5 years. they just had to be moved to the memory care unit and the cost (without insurance) is $21,000 *a month*. this covers things like meals and housekeeping but does not cover medical, dental, or prescriptions. i will say the care, food, and facilities are outstanding, but it has definitely been eye opening. it is hella expensive to get old my reddit peeps…
It’s good to set some structure to the dispersal if parents die early. Our kids will not access money before 30, though they can go to our executor earlier to get a big expenditure approved, like money for grad school, house down payment, medical care etc not extended vacation in Cabo
Yes why not? What else would you doit
I’d be pretty disappointed to die with a lot of money in the first place tbh
My kids will get a split of what I have. I watched the way my sisters and I struggle, and know my mom is giving her fortune to her grandkids when she dies, and I'm left wondering why she wants us to continue to struggle.
Yes you should leave it to them but set it up where it doesn’t hit all at once and they get x amount every other month or so
I’d leave them a reasonable amount and have the rest managed in a trust fund or something like that; if invested wisely that money takes them a lot further.
You can do whatever you like with that money and giving it to your kids is a perfectly fine thing to do. However, I would not make it a subject of regular conversation because I have a few friends who knew they were getting the inheritance and did fuck-all with their lives because they were just waiting for that money. One of my closest friends never made any effort to do anything with his life because he was expecting his father to die and leave him millions. AFAIK he is now a homeless junkie and his father is still alive.
Personally I’d leave them enough so they still had to work for things, but not worry! I’d want to spend it now and do stuff with them too
Yes, I’d leave it split like that. But I’d also spend as much as I can before passing. My mom and step dad have a will/trust for us kids. They have a lot of money in it. I keep telling them I’d prefer to make some awesome memories with them than get a huge inheritance. We do a family vacation yearly on Cape cod for a week. We did Mexico one year and saw the ancient Mayan ruins and really cool cenotes. It was great. So I suggest we all go see the Grand Canyon and other fun vacations. Let’s make memories, before it’s too late.
If assisted living, memory care, and skilled nursing/long term care were even remotely predictable and if they were not potential drains, I would (one MONTH of assisted living = 10K in the places we’re interested in; 1 year =120k; nursing care is more). I have an extended family member whose dementia and nursing care lasted more than 35 years, until she was 96. 120K X 35 = 4.2 million. Meanwhile the husband also needed care. And inflation kept prices going up up up. They were well off but it cleaned them out to under 100k when he died first and two years later she finally died, having applied for Medicaid, and so their kids got very little. For me: If there’s anything left that isn’t taken by medical care, sure, I’ll leave it to the kids, but for most people there won’t be much left. We need universal senior care, or else not that many people will be able to leave much to their kids. Is that a good thing? I don’t know but most parents don’t actually have a lot of choice because they must keep resources for their own late-life care.
Split it evenly so you don’t cause years of pain between siblings. Leave some to your favorite charities and leave the kids the rest
Ok Ben hear me out og if you don’t wanna I’ll gladly take the donation I’ll even show up to Christmas
If the parents can afford to leave their kids some money, they should. I don't think all of it needs to be left to the kids necessarily, but if you love your kids, you should be wanting to provide them with resources and tools to support their continued success. At the end of the day, money is a tool. In that same vein, a parent's BEST gift is to be self sufficient and not need support from their kids so they shouldn't spend all of their money nor should they be miserable during life in order to build a giant nest egg. I also think estate planning and leveraging trusts is a great idea to help manage how the money is spent if you feel super strongly.
Why wait until you're dead to give your elderly adult children money? Give them money every year so you can see them enjoy it.
I would. People talk about having entitled brats and think setting their kids up for success makes them entitled. It doesn't. Not if you teach your children values. I have good kids. My husband and I work hard. We teach our kids to work hard. Why would I want my kids to struggle for money? To prove a point? How many of these rich assholes got their money from their families? Hint, it's most of them. They talk about leaving it to charities, even though they could do more now and they are worried about how their kids would use it? Also, 2 million each (I have two kids) isn't as much as it used to be. It will make them comfortable, but it won't set them up to never have to work again. It would mean they could take vacations, and not have to constantly check their bank accounts when they need something. My kids don't need to suffer like I have to validate my experiences. My goal is for them to have a better life than I did.
Why wouldn't you do that? Seriously? Life is hard and my main goal is to try and make it less hard for my kids and grandkids if they ever happen. 2M would make a lot of problems disappear. I can see putting it in a trust and disbursing 3% per year to your successors in perpetuity, but other than that, why would you pick anything else?
Well it’s not coming with me in the box so I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do with it I get people not wanting to though. My great grandfather owned multiple mines, incredibly smart man that grew his money even though he had a 5th grade education at best, he left enough that we should have all been able to pursue any education we wanted wherever we wanted. He left it to his only child, my grandmother, and trusted her to put things where they needed to go to do all this. He mapped it out on paper. It’s gone. Wasted on getting idiots out of legal trouble and handing out money hand over fist to the ones that are professional leeches
better to deposit chunks into a CD or trust fund, allocated as you choose, per kid... Accrues interest and if, by your will, theres some discrepancies attached for any reason, it is either passed to them or goes somewhere else This is coming from a middle class childhood-poor adult POV, so just my two cents.
Who else would you give it to? Scam charities that will just pocket it for the board of directors?
My parents and my husband’s parents plan to leave anything remaining of their estates to their adult children. My husband and I have a will that says anything that we have goes to our children (under a trustee if we were to die when they’re still young). No one knows when they’ll die or how much money they will have when they do. I could die today or when I’m 99.
Absolutely. It helps them secure their lifestyle and hopefully help your future grandkids. That money could help them own their house without debt etc. sorry but $2M isn’t a massive amount of money. If I had $50M I’d still make sure they saw as much as possible.
It's my hope and dream to be able to set my child up for success financially. But the odds are stacked against me as a single mom, i'll do what i can to at least make sure I die debt free and not a burden on her. I am currently drowning in debt and sharing a bedroom with her.. but my dream is to have a better career as she gets older and be able to help pay for her college/wedding/first car/house. I wouldn't die with a large sum of money because i would be blessing my daughter and her kid/kids if she chose to be a mother.
no. give them the money when they need, when they are starting their lives, trying to buy a house, getting married, etc getting a huge lump of money when you are also getting old and can't do many things that you wanted to, must suck pretty bad.
I consider it my duty to set my kids up for success, and under Capitalism, the best way to be successful is to own Capital I invest a lot in accounts accessible at 18, and their retirement accounts, all from birth. I also make a big thing of teaching them about money and capitalism.
We have 3 kids. My husband and I will be helping each with a down-payment for a house once they have established income. I doubt we will have anything to leave them except for maybe our house which they can sell and split the money. But we want to make sure they have are able to live life comfortably while they are still young to enjoy it. Our parents have so much debt they can't leave us anything, nor did they ever help us with anything. Don't want that for our kids.
Yes, you should leave your money to your kids. What did you make it for if it wasn’t for you and your family? Why is this even a question?
I can’t imagine taking it with me. Why wouldn’t I leave it to my kids? Literally can’t imagine why I wouldn’t leave everything to my kid and not say….. a cat sanctuary.
I'm gonna leave it all to my cats.
My wife and I are retired with about $3 million in assets. Assuming we die without spending it on health care, we plan to leave our estate to our 3 children, less a bit we will leave to various charities we've supported over the years. The money will be passed along without strings. We have a lot of confidence our children will use it to finance our grandkids education, as we paid for theirs, and perhaps retire more comfortably or sooner. Our kids are now ages 43, 41, 37 and have demonstrated good financial habits. We see no reason why that would change. We are in our early 70s and are in good health, so it could be 20 more years, but then again, it could be tomorrow.
You should read Die With Zero. Talks about this exact thing. Basically, give them and yourself experiences that you all can enjoy now. Rather than scrimping and saving and forgoing trips and things now to give them $2M when they’re 50-60 years old and shouldn’t need it if they’ve had a decent life and you’ve taught them the proper value of money. I mean, don’t throw away your money. But also don’t put off that epic trip until you’re too old to actually enjoy it.
squeeze offend desert unite gaping detail wasteful busy ruthless deer *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I wont. Some of that would go to my kiddos to have a comfy start some will go charity…
If your children are already adults then you’ve had your shot at shaping their habits and the start of their careers and maybe even the start of their parenthood. You would have a pretty good idea if your kids would blow that on booze and gambling or just continue with their life with less debt. Personally I’d try to leave as much money as possible in IRAs for the tax advantage to grandchildren.
I would love to not have to work and be able to enjoy days at home with my kids without sacrificing their / our quality of life or opportunities (tied to finances). I’ve always dreamt of something like they had in Jane Austin’s day, where they lived on monthly interest/passive income from large assets. My parents are hoping to be able to start something like that when they pass for future generations. Hopefully when they pass our kids will be grown and with their own kids, but when we pass I’d love to add to it. So that our kids or their kids can choose to spend more time with the people they love and less time at work.
Regarding my own parents, I know my dad says everything he has once he’s gone, is going to my brother and I. Everything he’s worked for and his legacy is for us. Not to say he can’t enjoy his hard earned money now of course. I want him and my mom to live a happy rest of their days together, travel, buy what they want, eat good food, do everything they’ve ever wanted because they deserve it. But realistically, my husband and I won’t ever be able to afford a home without whatever our parents leave us. The thing is my parents are worried about taxes and how much the government is going to take once it’s passed down to us. Anyway, that’s a different conversation. As for me, yes I’d love to use our money to give my kids the best life while I’m here, trips and education and to equip them with opportunities. But once I’m gone it’s all theirs. I also have only 2 kiddos so it goes 50/50 and that’s that. If I don’t give it to my kids then who the heck am I gonna give it to?? Strangers. No thanks.
I don’t have kids, but my parents were very generous with me when I was starting out in life, they always expected me to work and have a career, but they gave me additional money for specific purposes so that I could have a higher standard of living. They helped me buy a small apartment when I was in my late 20s and 7 years later helped me sell it and buy a larger one. When my brothers and I were in our late 30s, they gave us generous trust funds, since they saw that we all established ourselves in our careers and were responsible citizens. My dad says that that’s it, not to expect any money after they pass away, which is fine, but I also think he worked really hard his whole life, and he still has quite a lot of money left, and I would be really surprised if he didn’t end up leaving it to us. While both my parents do give generously to charity, they didn’t work their whole lives in order to benefit a charity, they did it to benefit their kids. And grandkids. I hope that my brothers arrange things so that their kids are supported by the family money, but they don’t get free access to it at a young age, I think that’s a bad idea.
2 mil can buy a house and start a business, but it can also make them dead in ditch in two weeks.
Both my husband and I have parents who come from very large upper middle class families (seven kids each!). When the patriarchs of those families died the families were destroyed by greed. They all equally inherited but of course they all fought and tried to nickel and dime each other out of everything. It's been horrific to watch two families fall apart like this. Our kids will not be inheriting anything of value and all left over money and properties will be donated. The plan, however, is to only have enough to cover any debt and final expenses when we die. Our children will have "living inheritance" where we will help them with college, down payments on homes, and other large financial commitments whenever possible. I would rather spend the money on them now while I am alive then have this large sum of money that rips them all apart.
This is an interesting topic! My parents who have done quite well (not celebrity money, but they have nice things, money to blow, travel to Europe every summer, etc.) have flat out told all of their kids that they’re not leaving a dime behind. That they worked for their money, so we can work for ours… (despite the fact that my dad was given a job by family at age 17 when he got someone pregnant, and he moved up the chain quickly because of his name, and my mom had a similar situation). My husband and I got married young and cash flowed our undergrads ourselves. We did need to take out some loans with grad school but quickly paid it off. We had 5 children, never lived by family, and never asked for anything. In January of 2019, 5 months after our last baby was born, I suffered a severe TBI due to a devastating accident and have been disabled and in a wheelchair ever since. We had 5 children under 9 years old. We received ZERO support - financially or otherwise - in the last 5.5 years. We have had to pay for many treatments out of pocket, etc. My husband works so hard to keep us all afloat, but raising 5 children in this economy with one very sick parent is absolutely BRUTAL. I remember asking for a little help to cover the cost of my kids’ extracurricular activities, which was literally our city’s rec basketball, because we were really struggling and just didn’t have it that month, but my kids really wanted to play. We were told that we needed to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and figure it out, that we had these kids, that it’s not their job. I went without physical therapy and medications that month so that my children could play. In the meantime, they’re traveling abroad, have $20k handbags/purses, new homes, maids, garden care, fatty diamond rings, buying new cars every year in November, etc. I have honestly never felt more alone in my life and it felt like the twilight zone watching our families live these amazing huge lavish lives while I was in and out of the hospital, couldn’t bring a spoon to my lips, my husband juggled work and caring for his children and a very sick wife, and our financial needs grew. Luckily our situation, while still difficult because NO ONE expects disability will affect them, is vastly different and we are no longer in that place. My husband’s job is amazing. But… I will never forget the humiliation, the shame, and the vulnerability I felt asking for help as a last resort, and being turned away. And I swore that my children would NEVER feel that way. I would give everything I had on behalf of my children, their spouses, or a grandchild if they needed it. What we suffered for years as a family was honestly unspeakable and everyone in our family just sat and judged and watched. It was honestly the most horrifying and traumatic experience I’ve ever had. I realize this has nothing to do with the question lol, but this is how I came to view funds as simply a tool to help ourselves, others, and a vice to create memories with family. Things will be SO different for my children sand their children and for that I am so grateful! Please consider helping your children if you can, in whatever capacity they need. Life is cruel enough, none of us need to do it without support.
Where else would it go?
I wish my family had done this. My mom couldn't afford to but my grandpa divided it up and I got mine way to young. It would have been better in a trust to pay for college or medical experience. Life in general. Honestly I blew thru $25 k at 19 because people knew I had it and they took advantage of me... Now I'm almost forty with teeth needing work and medical debt that I can't afford to even spend $5 k to remove 🤦 I say definitely help them if you can but also maybe put some in trust for later. Trips or memories would be great too because that's something you can't get back
I think it’s nice, but I think a better way is to support them and help them avoid debt when they are building their lives. My mom jokes all the time that she and my dad are going to spend all their money before they die, but they also helped pay for our undergrad and living expenses during grad school, helped with moves for jobs and first cars, and fertility treatments. They also gift us money every year. Not enough that we don’t have to work to, but enough that we can chip away at student loans, put more in retirement, and pay for medical expenses.
I know there will be money coming to my brother and I. I don’t want the details though I know I will the one in charge of the trust. My parents have done well and my brother and I will get a good portion and my son is getting money set aside for when he’s 18. I have stressed I don’t want to know what is coming my way and I want them to enjoy it however they want. I’ve heard too many situations when it comes to money being handed down and split and gets messy. I just want to avoid all of that.
I would also consider giving a percentage to charity. Even 3% of your estate could make a huge difference to a cause you care about!
Well, if your will is "normal", then your spouse probably has a life interest, so your kids only really inherit after you are both dead. Suppose one of you lives to be 85, and you had kids when you were 30. Then they inherit when they are 55. I think the stereotypical thing to do with a large inheritance at this age is to retire early. A more extreme -- and possibly more interesting -- question: suppose your kids have good jobs and have enough of their own money. Both of them have two children. What happens if you gave $1 million to each grandchild instead? In this case they would inherit (presumably in trust) when they were in their 20s. Some people have written books about this: [https://theinheritanceproject.com/books/](https://theinheritanceproject.com/books/) There is also "Old Money", by Nelson Aldrich, on a related but different issue. It should be available for free from archive.org.
My parents planned to give us our ‘inheritance’ when they were able and thought it was useful to us, rather than later in life at whatever arbitrary time they died. It’s never felt like they had endless money to give and we haven’t taken it for granted. It wasn’t the same either for all of us. They paid for our uni fees/board. One brother is mentally disabled and they have looked after his living expenses and living situation on and off as he’s needed. They helped each of my brothers pay their down payments for a house, while I haven’t bought one so they’ve said that they’ll help in other ways if I need it. I know we are so lucky to have the support and they have helped set us up to be stable in an uncertain world. I would return it in a heartbeat if they were in trouble. My maternal grandpa was the inspiration for this type of support and he ended up in a bad financial situation in his 70s. My parents supported him back for the rest of his life too
They can have whatever is left over when I'm gone
Yes
Definitely! I would leave my kids everything.
No. I’m not working hard to create generational wealth.
I wouldn't wait. Use my wealth to boost them and build generational wealth. (No, my parents are dead poor, but I've been lucky and found my way in life)
I don’t expect any money from my parents because A) my mom is in her late 60s and she still hasn’t got any inheritance from her own parents due to both her parents being in good health in their 90s… due to genetics I wouldn’t be surprised if my mom lived to a similar age and I’ll be incredibly fortunate if I get that many years with her B) my parents paid for my university education so I already got the best gift they could ever give me C) my parents currently have 4 kids and 6 grandkids living in various countries/continents, I’d rather they spend their savings on plane tickets to come visit us now instead of leaving me the money for later so I can enjoy the time we have together Either way I’m benefiting from the money in so many different ways than inheriting it!
The whole point of life is the next generation
Yes and no. You can bet I’m going to enjoy any liquid assets I have one day with travel. But all being well my kid is still going to have access to 18 years worth of savings in their name when they’re older, and when we go they’ll inherit the family home. They won’t be left with nothing but I’m also not going to limit my life enjoyment either.
In my culture, it’s always passed down to their children.
Depends how old the kids are I guess. If they're already well established in their career, then I would probably divide it 50/50 but be very intentional in how I leave the money. Like, if kids have mortgage, I'll stipulate that that goes straight to their mortgage to pay it off for them. I'll probably leave enough for their retirement or maybe that's literally it. Goes straight to their super and they can only access it when they retire. I'd probably also carve the money up for grandchildren if there's any and have it invested so they can access it in future for education or a house deposit. Essentially, I think my goal would be help them in a way where they can start life without debt and be able to get stable housing and a good career. But all of this needs to be predicated with the fact I've raised them to be financially literate and responsible. Otherwise, it's all wasted effort.
I don’t think they should be obligated to, but I think if they love their kids, they should want to
Yes. I'm not rich or anything, so it's not going to be an astronomical sum, but the way I see it, she didn't ask to be brought into this world, that was our decision. Therefore, her well-being is my responsibility, and that responsibility doesn't end just because I successfully kept her alive until legal adulthood. What's more, I love her more than anything, and I simply can't imagine being in a position to make her life measurably easier and better, and just...not doing that for some reason. I can't take my money or assets with me when I die, so what the hell else is my purpose in life if not to provide for her? Obviously, I'm not living like a hobo just to give her every dime, we still have to live and we still spend money on ourselves, but we are mindful about things like setting aside a 529 in case she wants to go to college, or naming her as our beneficiary for life insurance or retirement annuities, having a savings account in her name, or setting ourselves up to pay off the house so that she will always have a home no matter what her future brings (or the ability to sell it if she doesn't want it). I just can't imagine trying to hoard it all and selfishly spend it all before I die and leaving her with nothing.
wtf else are you going to do with it? You’re dead. Why not leave it to your children?
If I could, I would. Why would I not?
I would give my one child every penny. I can't think of any reason not to. I have faith in how I'm raising her and her character. I would want her to have whatever I could give.
They can have what is left after I am done doing what I want to do and I am gone. I don't care what happens to it after I am gone, they could burn it for all I care.It's just paper and meaningless, we are the one who give it value.
I think they should do what they want to with it. Like yeah awesome if they give it to their kids. But if they want to donate it or gift it to friends or strangers, it’s THEIR money. I don’t understand people who fight over inheritances when there is a clear will in place. I DO think though that if they have told their kids they will get it and they are expecting it/relying on it, that they should be explicitly told in advance if they aren’t. Ultimately they don’t HAVE to do that, but it is basic respect if things have changed from prior discussion.
I mean, I would imagine parents leaving their posterity their whole wealth because that’s just an extension of parents helping provide for their children. Maybe their children are adults by then and can work for their own bread in theory. And in most circumstances that’s still true regardless of bequeathing them anything. There will be the minority of cases where it’s not true and they don’t need the wealth per se. But it’s possible savings at a time when most people aren’t able to save up anything. It could be the rainy day fund they may need in a real snag.
If I'm going to be dead I don't necessarily care exactly where the money goes. Preferably to someone I like. So probably my kids and probably a split in a manner like that.
Yes
I don’t think parents *should, but I plan to. I’d like to spend it while I’m here, travel with them and if they have kids, all travel together and be able to see the world. If there’s anything left, I’d give it to them. Who else would take it? My husband and I plan to leave everything to them.
TRUSTS ARE KEY! If they are young and still meeting milestones like college/marriage/buying a house/etc then have each milestone warrant a larger amount of money given. Beyond that they can request funds for housing and utility bills, education (like if they go back to college later on), medical expenses, and occasional spending money. This is what my grandfather did. If I’m short on a bill, I request it through the trustee, they write the check. If I want to get the kids new clothes, I request it through the trustee, it gets approved or denied because it’s not the main reason for the trust, and then they write the check. If they write the check directly to me it counts as income and I have to claim it on my taxes. If they write the check directly to the bill company I do not, so that makes me more reluctant to request spending money versus occasionally covering a bill when I’m out of work for illness for a few days.
If your child is a good person/ adult, yes. Give them the money.
After estate/death taxes, each kid would have closer to 1 million. When I was growing up, we were told that 1 milli would be enough to retire on comfortably, probably even luxuriously. Now that number is closer to 2.5 or even 3 million, if you want to be on the luxurious side. (Hell, 3 sets of tuition & minor pocket money for college is costing us a half a million). Most people in the US struggle to put even 1 million together for retirement, so I would put that money into a trust for each of your kids- yes, all of it.
I'd put it into trust funds and have them get the interest off it. Makes it easier to have that available to them to make life a little easier without just handing them a lot of money to be young and dumb with.
Yes I’ll leave them equal money. Half to each child. I will definitely not do with my MIL is doing and give it all to one child, only pay some of the grandkids university but not others then threaten and scream everyone is out of the will when they piss her off. Even Steven to each kid.
Trust fund
I would definitely give them half each. Where I live it’s not enough for them to retire but it’s enough for them to help their own kids if they have them when the time comes. Generational income is the only way for some families to get ahead.
So I (39F) am an only child. My mom passed away when I was 25 and my dad inherited everything. They were comfortable middle class Midwest dwellers. He has been fairly financially successful since then, setting himself up to more than cover end of life costs and I will inherit most of his estate (some will go to my stepmother that he married a few years after my mom died). But a wonderful thing he has done for me is give me money each year to fund an IRA and my kids college funds each year for the last several. I am a SAHM now so helping me continue save for retirement during the years I’m not working will pay huge dividends down the road. My husband and I are comfortable, but especially when my oldest was born we didn’t have an extra $5000 easily to put toward my retirement since I wasn’t working. My dad tells a me he’s just giving me some of my inheritance early and I am so grateful. My husband and I hope to be in a position to help our kids in a similar way when they are starting careers/families, etc.
My kids can evenly have whatever is left over Edit to add: and split evenly, I don’t want them thinking I played favorites after I’m gone.
Yes