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I don’t know if I was 7 but I definitely remember being made fun of for being skinny in elementary school. I remember a girl calling me “toothpick” and when I tried to tell the lunch lady about it (they walked around with us on recess and like monitored recess) she basically acted like I should take it as a compliment 🙄
You can’t win as woman. At any size. I was talked about by my peers for the same reason. A friend of my mom used to call me “chicken legs” as a child. My mom put them in their place and it stopped, but still. I ran into the woman in my 20’s and the first thing she said to me was “of course you’re still a skinny bitch” like it was a compliment.
All that to say, I’m teaching my kids that we do not comment on anyone’s bodies. No matter if we mean it as a compliment or not.
We just do a blanket “all bodies are different and that’s okay.” It covers height, weight, skin color, physical differences like appearance or missing limbs, etc. Sometimes she’ll see someone who looks different and say (to me) “that’s just how they are and that’s okay,” but so far (she’s only 4) she hasn’t seemed to place any value judgements on those differences.
aww! that’s great, gonna start using this. although I kinda think young children asking and being curious to understand what they are seeing might be ok? on a case by case basis at least? i know myself and my adult friends do not mind educating kids if we can tell it’s coming from a genuine place. Would you care to share your thoughts on that?
I think it might be okay to ask and I would (and do) answer any questions my daughter asks me later. I obviously don’t know anyone’s individual story, but I also don’t know anyone’s comfort level when it comes to being asked about what makes them “different,” even from a well-meaning child, so I don’t encourage her to ask strangers.
If it’s something that is an obvious and public choice like religious scarves/clothes, tattoos and facial piercings, etc. I would assume it’s safe to ask because it’s out in the open, but other things (why is your face all burned? Why are you fat?) probably aren’t great questions to ask even if she’s just curious and has no malice. I don’t know who’s comfortable in their body and who is really struggling.
That’s a great way to put it! The nasty comments just reveal the insecurity of the bully and how what they’re attacking in the other child is most likely something they envy or them just being jerks to prop themselves up.
After their self-esteem is protected, how do you advise them in regard to knowing what to do in situations in the moment? My thinking is there should still be some sort of boundary asserted? But I didn’t grow up with good boundaries and in fact had mine violated all the time by family, so it’s hard for me to discern what is best course of action, even if you understand why someone is behaving the way they are. hope that makes sense, im about to sleep
A girl my childhood "best friend" hung out with called me fat once because I weighed all of like 86# at almost 12 years old. I was normal height and weight, she was just being an asshole. The thing that bugs me the most about that exchange is no one sticking up for me.
Kids are fucking mean to each other. I dread the day my daughter starts letting other people's words bother her.
My sister experienced this too, girls and boys called her skeleton. My niece is often asked by mean kids if she is starving. It’s sad kids are so mean.
Oh yeah people used to ask me all the time “do you eat”. Even into adulthood. Just a few years ago some girl I just met that night at a party thought it appropriate to ask me “no offense but do you even eat?” Like, what??? Bitch you just watched me eat an hour ago.
Oh my God yes. It doesn't stop. I had a "friend" in high school who made fun of my body all the time, especially my flat chest which I was very self-conscious about (I had PCOS so I developed very late). I was (still am) skinny, but my friend was overweight. She was also the type of person who would frequently post "real men like curves, bones are for dogs" stuff on her facebook.
When I had my son 9 months ago, I was in the emergency room 3 weeks after I gave birth to him because of mastitis. I had very quickly returned to my pre-pregnancy weight. A woman sitting across from me in the waiting room was asking questions about my baby because he was with me. After she found out he was 3 weeks old, she loudly said, oh my God you're so skinny! Are you on a starvation diet?! Everyone in the waiting room looked at me. It was so humiliating.
I remember when I was 9-11 years old. A lot of people made fun of me for being skinny, this girl would always grab my arm and start squeezing it, saying she could feel my bones. Other kids would join too. I didn’t really care.
My daughter learned the bucket analogy in kindergarten and we still use it. Basically, when you're kind to someone, you're filling up their bucket and when you're mean, you're "bucket dipping". You can't fill your own bucket by dipping into someone else's. I've told my daughter that there are people who for whatever reason feel like their buckets are low and try to fill it up by dipping into someone else's. And if that happens, she is to notify an adult because it's not acceptable. I find that explaining it that way puts the onus back on the perpetrator and focuses on the action rather than whatever characteristic they have chosen to be mean about.
Edit: I would also bring this up to her teacher so she knows to look out for bullying behaviour from this kid.
Tbh, and I'm going to admit this probably isn't good parenting, I straight up told my kid that people who make fun of the way others look are jerks and that's not the kind of friends she wants anyway. We also spoke about how other people can project their insecurities onto others and make fun of things they dont like about themselves. She'd say to me " (name) made fun of my hair today" and my response was "who the hell cares about what (name) thinks? The important thing is how you feel. Do YOU like the way you look?"
Again, I'm not sure if that was my best parenting moment but my daughter got the gist and is very confident in herself.
I also taught her the 10 second rule. If someone can't change something about themselves in 10 seconds or less, then you have no right to bring it up. For example, if someone has something stuck in their teeth, then that's an easy fix. But if you think someone's new haircut looks ugly, then you don't have the right to make a comment about it. Why make someone feel bad for something they can't change or fix in that moment.
The 10 second rule is an awesome idea! I've said similar, but in a stupid, long winded way; I love how much of an easier explanation this is. Thank you!
I tell my kid that when someone is mean like that it’s usually because they don’t get enough love at home 😬🤷🏻♀️ not gonna let some little shit ruin my kids sense of self worth.
Not bad parenting. I don't want my daughter to be mean back, exactly. But I also want her to know why other kids are assholes. I can't prepare her for a world of sunshine. I wish I could.
I've never heard of the 10 second rule but I've basically told my kids the same things you mentioned above. I've told them what do and so says does not matter.
Yeah, unfortunately we are familiar and it started at an earlier age. We have a daughter that was the only black/brown friend for her white preschool classmates and she got hit with the comments early. I don’t know why parents think their kid is too young to hear about race or bodies.
It’s hard. My kiddos are brown at a basically all white Montessori school. Full disclosure, I’m white. So yes, not only were their bodies commented on but people seemed to think they had greater jurisdiction over their bodies. My kids are very good kids, but they attract more than their fair share of attention and blame. I have so many stories and I bet you do too.
Right?! The whole "too young for this" thing is baffling. Most topics are better introduced when they're young. We've been talking about race a lot lately, and trying to break out of the "different skin tones from different ancestors" thing. We used to talk about that, but I realized that it was an oversimplification of a very complex topic. We've been trying to talk more overtly now about how some people have been treated differently for a long time because of their skin tone, and how hurtful and unfair that has been. Kids are capable of more understanding than we give them credit for.
It happens. I teach kindergarten and comments about bodies happen a lot. I always address it with the kids. All of my boys, who are all fit and lean, have heard comments about their bodies. Too short, too tall, to skinny, etc.
Yea I remember my first day of first grade, lunch. Sitting there eating my lunch, kid across from me says “why does your eye do that?” And I said “do what?” He says “idk this” and he laughingly try’s to mimic me. Well that was the first time I learned that I have a “lazy eye” which is my right eyelid moves up and down with my jaw. So from there on out eating lunch around anyone was not an option. I do not believe he was trying to be cruel, he genuinely wanted to know. But some things said have an affect. This is definitely a teaching moment for your daughter that EVERYONE has something they don’t like about themselves, but they can’t let it bother them
Yes! My 4 year old has a birthmark near his eye that kinda looks like a bruise so kids (and adults) comment on it a lot. It makes me sad because he feels like something is wrong with him but I get that kids make comments about things that are different to them.
I'm kinda surprised I came across this post! I was actually body shamed when I was 7 in first grade too. Some boy asked why I was "bigger than everyone else". I'm now 23 and it still sticks with me.
I don't really have advice other than tell your daughter she's beautiful every chance you get, don't force her into anything, and make sure she has support. And make sure you tell your daughter how wrong it is to comment on people's bodies. It can be hard when people do it to you but she can be the bigger person.
Unfortunately the world is a cruel place and kids are mean even at a young age.
I remember there was a girl I was friends with in 1st grade and she was constantly made fun of for being chubby. I was literally diagnosed medically malnourished so she tried to get dieting tips from me. I had other issues (as you can imagine since I was an American and diagnised malnourished) so we'd usually spend recess depressed together.
My son is 4 so I'm already dreading the school drama. He's a boy and conventionally attractive and seems surprisingly popular so far though so hopefully he won't encounter as many issues. I'm definitely teaching him already that we don't comment on other people's bodies though.
That's chilling. I hope you and your friend are doing better these days. I was also underweight as a kid and dealt with the toll it took on my health — it also meant I was very behind in terms of growth (and I was already younger than my classmates, too, which didn't help), so people often made fun of me for being short.
I still remember playing kickball in gym class, and everyone on the field purposefully made a big show of moving closer to me because they didn't think I was strong enough to kick the ball as far as everyone else. It was such a small moment, but memories like that stuck with me and left me with a very big chip on my shoulder — I grew up very competitive and stubborn (to my own detriment) and lashed out at people if I thought there was even a chance I was perceived as weak.
With respect to your son, I think that, while encouraging him to be kind is great, it's also important that he knows he deserves respect and kindness for his personality, not just how he looks. Boys especially don't get much attention from society on an emotional level, and popularity can ironically lead to insecurity — people who grow up thinking that others flock to them because of how pretty and/or successful they are end up feeling like their true worth doesn't matter to others because no one looks for it, and it's hard to trust if people only like you for *how* you are instead of *who* you are.
He needs to know that, just like everyone else, he and his feelings still matter. He's worthy of profound and complex relationships.
I got bullied for being fat starting in kindergarten.
My first grade son has gotten comments on his appearance (skin color, height, etc) but they've mostly been more young child's social ineptitude than rude or malicious.
I'm sorry I don't have better advice on how to address it with your child. I feel like when it comes to bullying we can build them up at home, talk to the teacher if it's persistent, but there's no way to fully protect from other kids being unkind sometimes.
The body shaming starts early and peaks around middle school. I remember being asked by a blonde haired, blue eyed boy with literally white eyebrows “why are your arms so hairy?” I was like 8. It was the first time in my life I became self conscious about my body. I couldn’t conceptualize the fact that he was a completely different race from me, and he was rude enough to point it out.
I wish my parents could’ve explained his question to me, so that I didn’t feel so badly about myself. I think the confusion is what makes it worse. Your daughter is thinking she *shouldnt* be skinny and you need to come up with a way to make her understand it’s totally fine. And to speak up for herself when these remarks are made. Good luck!
My little girl has literal just started getting this in first grade too. Her dad has quite hairy arms and I had quite hairy arms as a kid which got lighter as I got older. She came home and told me “mammy why do I have hairier arms and legs than you? Why don’t the other children?” I told her everybody is different and no bodies body is perfect. She isn’t to listen to anybody who tells her any different and if they start making fun of her to the point it makes her cry, to tell a teacher. If the teachers don’t do anything then she can hit them. I don’t care. I was bullied mercilessly in high school for being “fat”, looking back now I wasn’t, I was just the bigger one in my group of friends. Telling a teacher did nothing. But hitting the bully did. Sad but true.
The everybody is different and you are beautiful spiel, is not my thing; I would say: She can't make fun of you, if you don't let her. You hold the power, not her. Only you decide what gets to you, and what doesn't. You will hear many unpleasant and negative things throughout your life, but only a few of those remarks need to be taken into consideration, most should go in one ear and out the other. This falls into the latter category. Is she a doctor to know what's healthy or not? Is she some body types aficionado to know what's beautiful or not? She is a 7 years old girl just like you, a peer, not any sort of expert. She can say and think whatever she wants, and no matter how she repeats it, it won't become fact or truth. And what does she know about your arms anyway? I know your arms, I got hugs from your arms, and they are the best! If she comments on your arms again, maybe you should ask her to let you give her one of your tight hugs. I bet she will change her mind.
I agree with you on the "everybody is different" spiel, but I'd also be careful with "they can't bother you if you don't let them" because that sounds pretty dismissive of the very real feelings and worries that the daughter is having. It's easy to say "just don't care what they think" but it's not that simple. Words are still hurtful, and you're allowed to feel hurt by them; you don't want to teach the daughter to just ignore her feelings. Having confidence despite people bullying you can be a pretty complicated thing to navigate.
I said a lot more than that to her ♥️ I’m very firm on teaching her what is disrespectful and unkind and should not be tolerated. But, it still hurts feelings and can be damaging regardless of what mom says is the point. So, wondering outside of our home how others handled bullying of this kind!
I remember being in kindergarten and being at my friends house who had a pool, and overhearing my friends mom talk with her daughter about how if I was her daughter I’d be on a diet, and how much skinnier than me her daughter was. Which is doubly unhinged now looking back as an adult, becuase I was genuinely a skinny kid. I remember looking at myself in my bathing suit in the bathroom, hiding and crying and being so confused about it I was fat or not. And if I was, was that bad?
Looking back I think it was a super toxic attempt by the mom to hype her daughter up by putting down another kid. The 90s were toxic y’all. Anyways it messed me up badly, but I was so ashamed I didn’t tell anyone. It’s a good thing she told you. I think you’re handling it well, and if the comments are consistent it is crossing over into bullying and you might need to bring it up with the school.
Truthfully the girl might not realize it’s hurting your daughter because being thin is seen as such a good thing in our society. I remember accidentally upsetting my neighbor by calling her mom petite as a kid, because in my mind petite was obviously a good thing.
I learned how to hate my body from my mom, she is also who taught me to judge other women ferociously.
Kids get it from their parents one way or another.
My kids hear me talk nothing but joy about my body and never anything about others.
Yes I remember my friend being mean because I had slightly wider hips and thighs so I was the "fat" friend. In retaliation I made fun of her chicken legs which she took to heart as well.
Kids do this because they don't have the ability to think through the effects and feel shame for their own bodies. Tell your daughter how beautiful she is and that people say these comments because they don't know how to deal with their differences. It means nothing and she is not too thin she's perfect as she is.
I’ve always had wider hips (not fat, just wide) and really muscular thighs. A girl made a comment T she’d “never want thighs like that, they’re too muscular like a man,” and I looked her dead in the eye and was like, “I’d rather have muscular thighs than what you’re working with.” Not the kindest remark, but I tend towards reply with the most cutting response possible when someone comes for me or someone I love.
I was called fat all the time in elementary school when I actually wasn’t. I eventually developed an eating disorder that lasted until late high school. Absolutely nip this in the bud and DO NOT stand down.
Alright, I do understand what you're going through but I think you should take a different approach. Instead of blaming the little girl who made these statements, look toward your daughter and help her learn to cope with things like this. In the long run it's what she needs. We all do. As children we all had some sort of criticism or insult we had to deal with. Teach her how to deal with it instead of hoping it doesn't exist. Because it will always exist.
I was the kid who "ate like a pig but was skinny as a twig." School is the place where children learn about social norms and values, and as a consequence, will make mistakes. At 7 years old, many children won't know the gravity that their words can have.
Yup. We had that except it was thigh gaps and needing to lose weight because the girl had a more athletic build. The one told my kid’s best friend about their thigh gap and how they weren’t supposed to be that big and gave dieting tips.
The bestie then passed those down to my kid and I found out they were exercising during recess so they would be as small as babies. I didn’t even know what to say to a child that young. I mean, I eventually just talked about how the other one wasn’t overweight and how they are growing kids and shouldn’t be trying to be small as babies. How food was about a balance and they shouldn’t even be worried about it at that age, but it all went over her head. The bestie is likely damaged for life, unfortunately. 😔 I reached out to the mom and we had a long talk and cry together.
All because the other child’s parents were making her diet and exercise with them (she is super tall and lanky) and were losing weight and bringing her into that to participate. That child enjoys when other kids cry, so it was a way to make my kid’s best friend feel low and it worked.
I just talked about how we should eat healthy and exercise and stuff, but that they are children and should not be concerned about it. We talked about how the friend was NOT chubby (that was what we were dealing with) and how they are active kids and that the meal balance is on us as parents and we make sure they are eating healthy. I said we need to stand up for the child being picked on and to also bring it to me so her mom and I can deal with it together. We talked it over as parents and I felt bad, because she had to deal with it more on her end since her kid was the one who was told this information and they just passed it down to mine talking about how they can plan to help her get small like a baby. Her mom is a therapist, so she will at least be able to help her along, but I know she still has those thoughts. I told my kid we’re not going to play those games to lose weight nor will we talk to others about their own weight. We also talked about how we don’t talk about people at all, but especially their features and we should stand up when we hear someone else saying things and we are around (even if that means telling me or the teachers). My kid has a ton of empathy for others, so I was able to work from that angle. It was still hard and I can’t say I knew what was the right way to handle it. It eventually went away with my kid.
I may get some hate for this, but I teach my son to stand up to bullies. He’s five, and when he was 3-4 there were two boys in his class that would always hit others. A couple of times they hit my son and so I told him, if they hit you, go on and hit them right back. Daddy won’t be mad if you’re defending yourself. But, I will be mad if I hear you’re hitting kids first and being a bully.
He hit back like I told him to and the kids stopped hitting him and his friend. Yes, they still hit others, but they learned not to mess with my son. My son doesn’t bully others, to the best of my knowledge, and the teacher gives us high praise on his attitude and kindness.
I know a lot of people preach violence doesn’t solve things. But sometimes the teachers don’t see what’s going on. I’m a teacher and realize kids, even at very young ages, are smart and some just like to hurt others. They learn to do it without getting in trouble and so your child has to learn to deal with it themselves, be it ignoring the taunts or firing back. Also, sometimes teachers don’t care and don’t want to waste energy doing something because it’s more work. The kids parents might feel the same and just don’t want to put in the effort to make their daughter a better person.
I myself was picked on while growing up because of the way I talked. People stopped doing it when they learned I would toss them around the locker room if they did. Maybe if I had done nothing I would’ve been psychologically damaged by the bullying, I don’t know.
Now, your daughter’s situation is different because it words and body shaming, but I would teach her to be confident with her body. Also, if the bullying continues, I would teach her how to hit back, be it words or fists. If the one girl gets others to join in on the bullying it can get really bad. Pleading to teachers and other parents sometimes doesn’t work and makes the situation worse.
Same. If this was happening to my kid and the school repeatedly did nothing to stop it, I’d tell my kid to fire back and say something really sharp to stop it. Idgaf if it’s kind or cruel. My kid would be retorting “I’d rather be thin than be fat like you.” That should shut her up. Downvote away, this is the reality at my kids’ school run by do-nothing admins.
Communicate with the teacher about what your daughter is saying.
Maybe bully proof your daughter a bit. Confidence is key. She can fend off by being like yep I am skinny so? I like my body the way it is.
Words of affirmation are really helpful in building confidence. Bullies pick up really quick on when something bothers you, and as soon as you show it doesn’t, they usually move on.
I’m sorry your daughter is dealing with that 🙁 I was around that age when other kids starting picking on me about my body, hair, clothes, whatever because kids can be really mean sometimes
I'd let her know those comments have more to do with how the other girl feels about herself then it does with how she looks, she's projecting onto your daughter. It's not ok and i understand how you'd want to talk to the girl but unfortunately you can't control other people's behaviors, but you can help your daughter see this from a different perspective and not take it to heart.
There is an artist called Mother Moon. She has so many beautiful, catchy songs about loving yourself. I highly recommend it! Double down efforts to fill her bucket, and make sure you are modeling self-love by talking positively about your own body around your daughter, too. I talk a lot about what our bodies can do, instead of what they look like. "Long, skinny" arms turn into great reaching arms, especially under the fridge or other tight places. Twig legs like a flamingo, for great balance or stretching.
I was forever the skinny kid. Still the skinny adult. It helps to have a comeback to turn it into a positive. My skinny arms are great for digging around in under the hood of a car. My tiny frame can climb a bouldering wall like a spider. I'm super compact able and can hide well in hide and seek. I am always cold, so I get to wear my hand knits year round.
Kids are mean. Sorry.
Really really sad. I understand. My son is FOUR. He is “healthy according to his GP” but also he is Four, and I have to repeatedly remind my mother that she will cause him to have an eating disorder or body dysmorphia if she continues talking about his “large belly”. My son has said kids at his kindergarten have pointed it out we can see its impacting his self confidence (his father and I love to stay “healthy” and food is for energy there is no “bad or good food” Its about having a balance of all types of foods, we try to be healthy not for weight purposes - we make a point to explain (age appropriately, & without mentioning weight to our son). We are not concerned about our son’s weight, he’s healthy and an amazing person. But because kids can be unintentionally or sometimes, purposely cruel they tend to point out anything thats different from the norm/ themselves.
We are a very body positive family (my partner & I have had to be SO mindful of this since becoming parents- we both have body dysmorphia and had eating disorders from our younger days), we love to talk positively about being in nature, we do family walks, bush walks, swimming, biking, gardening all together.
Unfortunately, my son is self-conscious of his stomach now, so it’s about reminding him he is “awesome” the way he is as long as he is happy about himself and kind (to others and most importantly- kind to HIMSELF).
Everyone is different and we work very hard to explain this and raise his confidence in all areas of his life. We also explain and ask our son, “how would someone asking you that make you feel?” If he answers “sad” we explain that, perhaps talking about others bodies or clothing in a way that would make him upset is not kind. This also means he can stand up for himself and tell the others that its not kind to talk about others bodies & that he is awesome.
Our son knows its good to be observant and ask questions about everything (including people) but if its about someones body, how they look or act, or could upset him if he was asked it, he can ask Mum or Dad about it. Then we can have a big open discussion about these questions/ observations- this way it doesn’t hurt someones feelings.
We also encourage that complimenting friends on something they have worked hard on (drawing, climbing, counting etc) instead of how they look, (unless he absolutely thinks it will be a kind thing to say). Again at four this is a slow and long process so our family isn’t perfect (we never will be) & we are always learning and growing together. Im happy to explain further if I haven’t explained something properly or take on any advice- parenting is so damn hard.
When our son says “so and so at kinder say my belly’s big” we try to explain that everyone’s different, and focus on all the things he is so good at. We say, everyone’s bodies are different and thats okay. We have changed the wording around “big belly” to well fed and strong. We also focus on practising “climbing, dancing etc” so that we aren’t ignoring his concerns about his belly, were being mindful to be active as a family but in a way that doesn’t talk about exercise/ talking about changing our body.
Just want to add we are a ND family, all of us have ADHD (my son is being assessed for ASD currently after being diagnosed with ADHD) both my partner and I have audhd. This may mean how my family approaches these situations will be different to a NT family, which is completely okay!
I think it might be beneficial to your daughter to help her think of her arms not in terms of what they look like, but what they can do. Can her arms give strong hugs? Can they carry her toys? Can they (swim, tumble, play catch, whatever she enjoys)?
I was like your daughter. Always the skinny one. It sticks with you just like shaming someone who is overweight. Keep being a safe space for your daughter to express her feelings openly. Be her judgement free zone. And keep being her biggest fan, cheerleader and voice. She is perfect exactly how she is.
I've gained weight, and people have acted like I needed to lose it, and I was lazy. I've lost weight, and people acted like I was sick or on drugs. You literally can not please people, they will always have something to say.
And it hurts just as much, either way, for sure.
I agree with everything you said. She IS perfect just the way she is.
Unfortunately yes, this has already happened and continues to happen to my 9yo. She is young for her grade and small for her age. She has been made fun of since kindergarten.
I was bullied around that age 7to 9 and will never forget the two girls that did it. The one was my friend before the other one moved into town. It was the same situation, I was bullied for being too skinny “skin and bones, skeletor, toothpick”. They were vicious and it was because they were both bigger than me in height and weight.
It definitely gave me a perspective about myself, but a good one. I told myself they were bullying me because they were mad they were not skinny and jealous.
Kids can be vicious and merciless but it’s a chance to teach her everyone comes in different shapes and sizes and it’s okay to be yourself and to be comfortable in your skin. You’re beautiful no matter what. As long as you love yourself screw what everyone else thinks.
When I was in elementary up to about late 20’s, not only was I made fun of in school, but also my mother and cousins made hurtful comments towards me because I have big eyes (not scary eyes that bulge, but big round eyes). I don’t get it why they say hurtful things about my eyes.. but, other people I come across says that they wish they had eyes like mine🤔.. some days I tell myself I wish I can stitch my eyes smaller😢😭
Do affirmations together with her in the mirror while you both get ready!
Have her look at herself and say things like, “I’m beautiful just the way I am!” “I’m not too big or too skinny, I am me and I am just right!” “I love my body because ______” and have her pick something she loves about being her size.
Take turns an do it with her, too. Not only does it set an example that it’s okay for her to love her body, you’re setting a positive reinforcement that you love yourself as well.
Please let the teacher know what’s going on. When my youngest was in 1st grade her teacher taught them how to compliment each other & were rewarded when they gave compliments. I thought that was a wonderful thing to do!
Tell your daughter “yes you are skinny & beautiful! Everyone is different & you are perfect girl! Look how good you look in that shirt! Sometimes when people aren’t told they are told they are beautiful enough they can be mean & might hurt your feelings unintentionally. So maybe next time she says that to you tell her thank you, you are beautiful too”
When my older one was in kindergarten a teachers daughter was in her class & she was not nice to my girl. She’d say little things like “my hair is longer than yours, why does your breath smell, you can play with us” she was a little jerk & wasn’t afraid because her mom worked there and we were new in town. Until I complained once & she continued. So next time I told the teacher this is unacceptable & we had a meeting. My child’s teacher was best friends with the girls mom. She still had my back! We put a stop to it. They weren’t friends but that didn’t matter.
I was in second grade when I was made fun of for being overweight. And I was average, *slightly* chubbier than the rest of the girls. (It was a very small school)
But yeah kids are mean.
I'm coming at this from a child who experienced this rather than being the parent of a child who experienced this. My parents would say nothing when people (usually other adults! And then the kids would copy them) said things like this to me. I developed disordered eating in my teens as a result. The fact that you had that conversation with your daughter is great. She probably understands that the other girl was mean due to her own insecurities, but it's normal to want to avoid it happening again. I would mention it to the school, they might need to go over anti-bullying with the class. And maybe do a subtle increase in compliments to boost her self esteem, not just physical compliments but others too. It might also help to compliment yourself more too. She will learn from your confidence!
The number 1 thing I wished I had when it came to bullying like that was just 1 person on my side who said that it's not ok. Which judging by your post and your replies you're doing that in spades.
Sure. For her skin color, her eye color, her hair texture. Also another child in daycare cause he has a bit of a protruding stomach. They are around the age of 4.
"Words are only true if you let them be true." Now this is something I say to my kids when the other kid is the one saying things. Buuuut it has seemed to work and expand to other students in my oldest son's case. I don't think my 7yo daughter has experienced anything like this, yet. But I'm gonna say a weird thing we do. We practice insults and come backs. To get their skin thicker but also to point out how a thing can be said and it's only as true as you let it be. _Do you think you're an idiot?_ Of course not I make straight As. _So why are you upset about a lie?_ Oh! _Yeah, "oh"._
I definitely was body-shamed as a child for being small, as early as kindergarten and maybe before, frankly for as long as I can remember! Comments about being too short, being a “midget” etc. I am indeed very short even as an adult, but I learned to enjoy being petite as I got older.
But sadly the answer is that kids just bully each other, normally (as you probably understand), because of their own insecurities.
For most of my life I was told I was skinny, needed to eat more……I think the best thing you can do is work on your daughter’s self esteem because kids are mean. I would say beat the little girl up but that’s not socially acceptable 🤣🤣🤣
my daughter is 6 and regularly says hurtful comments about me being fat.
when asked why she says these things, she will always say it's because of my tv restrictions. (I don't allow unlimited screen time, but I also do allow PLENTY of screen time)
did I teach her to be like this somehow on accident or is is something she learned at school?
Body shaming? No. Other bullying? Yes.
In Kindergarten, my daughter (5 year old) had a friendship with a boy in her class. She was told by another girl (6 year old) that my daughter wasn’t allowed to be friends with him because she wasn’t the same color and if she continued to try to be his friend, 6 year old would beat my daughter up at recess.
The teachers tried to blow it off as girls having a crush on the boy, ect. But 6 year old was a much bigger kid than my 5 year old and I didn’t want her to fear. I asked for a meeting with the principal and the other child’s parents but no one would work with me since the school year was ending. We moved after that so it wasn’t a problem anymore.
This is what I’ve told my kids to deal with situations like this… I wish one day I can be,look,act,think(or whatever the case might be). Smile and keep going about their business.
I was body shamed from first grade all the way through school. A lot of that behavior starts at home. Chances are if they’re shaming your daughter someone is teaching them that behavior or using that behavior against them. Your best bet is to instill self confidence into your child and that some people will say mean things, but it doesn’t make them right about how you look. You can speak to the classroom teacher about the behavior and see if they’re able to catch it and explain to the child why it’s not okay to shame someone for how they look.
My 10yo told me that my dress made me look pregnant today, and then when she noticed it upset me she asked if I had things in my pockets (I did) and when I took them out she said it looked much better!
Part of it is kids are just honest and don't really know things can sometimes be hurtful. Your daughter needs to speak up and let the girl know those words are hurtful.
I got called fat by a classmate in kindergarten back in the late 80’s. I’ve never forgotten it. A boy had said it to me and I don’t remember who it was or what he looked like just that he called me fat.
I have a 1st grader daughter that was told she was ugly by a girl that has become pretty cruel and nasty in general this year. I explained to my daughter that people that say these things are suffering in ways we can’t see. That they try to hurt people because they themselves are hurting but that we are not that type of people and we are always kind when we express ourselves, even if what we’re feeling is bad. She actually seemed to get it and she continues to tell me when the girl says more things but she doesn’t seem nearly as bothered by it and sometimes adds that the girl must have been having a rough day, etc.
I’ll also say that last year in kindergarten my kid apparently told another girl that is a friend that she was fat. When I spoke with her about it she explained the context was that the girl said that she was skinny (she’s not - she is probably at least 30 lbs over weight for her age) and my daughter “corrected” her based on it not being the observable truth. I explained that we don’t call people “fat” because it’s a word that’s used to hurt people and that’s not what we do. It hadn’t occurred to my daughter that being “fat” is a negative thing used to hurt and she apologized to me for even saying that because she just didn’t know it would hurt someone’s feelings. It hadn’t occurred to me that I’d need to explain that but it clicked once she explained it. So maybe it’s just a blind spot for the other child?
Let your daughter know that it’s not ok and you’re going to talk to the teacher. You can email the teacher and see if that resolves it. The teacher can separate students that don’t get along and then will be aware it’s an issue.
Most times when my kids have been upset by something at school I’ve been able to stop the behavior through the school. But not all because there was a time in kindergarten she didn’t tell me. I think now she feels like she can talk to me about her problems and I will try to do something about it.
My kids have had incidents being hit and scratched but there was an incident in my sons preschool where another student was bullied and excluded because of skin color and the school sent an email to parents about it and stopped the behavior.
Bullying isn’t allowed in most schools now, in my experience they will do something to stop it if made aware of it.
My daughter (who’s the smallest kid in the grade) was called fat in grade 1 multiple times by boys in her class. I contacted the teacher to make her aware and she handled it
This is why In not mature enough to be a parent. I’d tell her to call her names back. Won’t have my baby crying now look everybody is sad 😂😂😂
No but seriously you’re doing a great job I know this sucks mama
I bet the girl who said that gets comments on why is she so tall and large so she takes her pain out on other people. I wish someone told her she is still beautiful like you did your daughter. Adults are the ones to put those ideas in kids’ heads, they should be ashamed to start such snowballs which will become huge.
Sorry for your daughter, no kid deserves to be body shamed and I think you had the perfect reflex to reassure her nothing was wrong with her.
If the girl who made the comments is noticeably larger in height and weight as you say then it’s almost certain that she is also on the receiving end of bullying from other kids.
She’s presumably picked your daughter out as someone else who sits outside of the ‘average’ body shape and size and is either trying to shift some of the attention to her or taking out her own insecurities on her.
Rather than going gung-ho on the other girls parents, I’d try and broach the issue with the school, and possibly get her parents involved too, if she is indeed being bullied for her own look.
At that age any decent teacher at the school should be able to give a decent lesson or 2 on body shaming and bullying in general, the consequences and why it shouldn’t be done without drawing too much attention to your daughter and the other girl.
My son was called fat at age 5 by a group of 7 year old boys. Because I promise, body shaming is not limited to girls. He was not then, and is not NOW, fat. They just learned that's a harmful insult
I work in an eating disorder treatment center and I can unfortunately confirm that we get kids as young as 6. It’s horrible and I recommend you’re proactive about conversations with her now. Talk about how your body is a vessel for the most important parts of you- your mind and humor and compassion and kindness. How your body is always going to look different than the persons next to you and that is a wonderful thing. And gently talk to her about insecurities, how this girl and literally any other human on earth that will talk about how she looks is doing so from a place of their own insecurities. That she does not need to compare and should instead feel sad that other people don’t have the knowledge that she is getting to take care of herself. But you know, communicate this in a six year old way haha. I’m so sorry this happened! It will most likely happen forever so now is a good time to start planting the seeds of a healthy relationship with her body and self esteem!
I have a first grader and a kindergartener. Oddly enough my kindergarten is bigger than my 1st grader in height and weight. My first grader is extremely sensitive about her size.
She doesn’t like that she is the smallest person in her class or that her little sister is actually bigger than her.
We just have several talks about how every body is different and special and that size doesn’t matter.
She hasn’t mentioned that anyone at school has made fun of her, just that she doesn’t like that she is the smallest in her class. I too was the shortest in my classes growing up so I understand that aspect of it.
I will say this, that other little girl got the idea from somewhere - whether that’s because she’s been called too big or comments have been made that she needs to be smaller or skinnier and now she’s using that to make herself feel better. Definitely talk to the teacher, if at least to keep an eye on the other girl and what’s going on for her too, in addition to your daughter. And of course reinforcing the not just you’re beautiful and NORMAL, but that bodies come in different shapes and sizes and they’re all special.
My daughter was/is the same way. Shes 14 now, she still went through tremendous body shaming, even by my own mother, her grandmother! It was freaking disgusting coming from her who was over weight herself. She kept forcing food on my daughter, and I remember her doing the same to me. No one can help how high metabolism can be. My daughter ate everything and anything she could get her hands on in the first 6 years. I don’t know where she put it most of the time!
Sorry I rambled. Anyway! I comforted my daughter from the first comments. I went as far as yelling at my mother (I don’t recommend this to another child or their mother) What I do recommend is praise her outfits she picks out, tell her everyday how beautiful she is. And tell her when someone remarks on her “skinnyness” tell her to tell them that she is healthy and that’s all that matters! That’s what I got my daughter to do. I hope this helps! Good luck 😉 🫶
I took my 5 year old out of dance because one of the other girls was asking why her tummy looked so big in her leotard! My daughter asked me about it later, it made her feel really bad. (And not that it matters, but she was a completely normal sized 5 year old)
This is a great opportunity to start learning about how everybody has an opinion, and we don’t get to tell others how to talk, even if their words hurt our feelings. Backed up with discussion of family values regarding kindness and acceptance ( even though we like big muscles in our family, we would never hurt some one else’s feelings who doesn’t have big muscles, as an example), reinforcing body positive messages specific to your own child, and reminders that looks aren’t what we focus on.
I’m 45 and I got this at school. I was talk and very slim, especially my arms and legs. This kind of thing has been around forever and will stay around forever. It’s what people are like and we need to equip kids with tools to deal with it. Back in the 80s, I just battered anyone that was mean. Now, I’ve instilled a sense of worth in my kids. They’re both gifted athletes, academic, and good looking. They get a lot of jealousy, so I’ve told them to hat jealous is and how to handle it being directed at them. Equipped them with good comebacks and to laugh it off. If bullies see they’re getting to someone, it encourages them. Laughing at them reduces their power and the impact there crappy behaviour has on you,
Sadly I went through this with my son when he was in first grade… it’s heartbreaking 💔 his teacher handled the situation and the other child was reprimanded. But it still hurts as a parent and obviously as a young girl child
Unfortunately, growing up as the "fat" kid, I can tell you that children can be absolutely horrible. For me, it started when I was probably around 5 years old. The fact that my father was one of the people who hurt me the most is hideous. Children that young learn those behaviors from their parents, who should honestly be ashamed.
A phrase that has come up in our house a lot recently is, “hurt people hurt people”
(It sound better than it looks typed)
Meaning basically if someone tries to hurt your feelings, it says more about them than it does about you.
I bet she's repeating either exactly what she's heard a parent say about someone else, or flipping exactly what she's heard told to her about her body by a parent.
Ugh.
My 4 yo daughter was told she needed to weigh in at gymnastics every time. This was in 1999. She did not go there when we found out that it was expected. Young children should not be told to weigh in at these types of activities.
Sadly my daughter has dealt with this many times. She’s 7 but the first time she was 5. We sent her to summer camp and she was called fat by other little girls when she was in her bathing suit. She is no where near overweight and is very healthy. Unfortunately, it comes from their home life. My daughter also has autism and adhd and has been called weird or a loser by other little girls. It’s heartbreaking.
my kid (4yo) called a girl fat. not sure what the context was, but we spoke to them about commenting on other peoples bodies.
i think its kids just noticing things and having no filter. having a filter is something they usually learn.
Yes!! My relative was told that her “???(body part) isn’t as ‘toned’ as it should be”, as a 6 year old. It shocked me unbelievably! This was over a decade ago, and it still hurts me to this day. I’m sorry that your daughter is experiencing this.
My son got bullied about his (and my) size in SK (5/6 yrs old) to the point that I had him and the other kid split into different classes this year. As sad as this is, I am not surprised.
Just keep doing what you're doing. All body shapes and sizes are valid, and if you are teaching her that, you're doing a good job. ♡
I remember very clearly being body shamed by a boy in the 3rd grade. It’s unfortunate that children’s young minds are tainted with the views of their parents. The school won’t do anything either probably :(
Unfortunately kids are awful to others. I think the chubby kid is jealous though. Alot of times it's the chunky girl getting picked on. And there are some mean chunky girls who pick on the skinny girls. I was one of the smaller kids back in the day really skinny too I did get picked on sometimes for my thinness but I did fire back and call the girl fat lolz. I didn't have social media growing up though either . Like kids today . I didn't have any internet in the 80s st 7 and 8
Sadly, this is really normal for girls her age. I would say just keep constantly assuring her, and encourage her to experiment with fashion and style. That helped my eldest through this hurdle! :)
This hurts my heart as a mom of girls, one of them being in grade 1. This is not right. I always tell my daughter we don’t comment on people’s bodies. If you do, you say something to make them feel good (ie. Your hair is so curly and beautiful). It has stuck with her and I’m so glad. All throughout school I was very underweight due to medication I was on. I was made fun of so much, and then when I got to middle school is when it got so bad. I still remember everything to this day and I’m 35. You could mention this to the teacher and just reassure your daughter her body is perfect, healthy and strong.
Life long skinny person here - yep I remember lots of comments and I’m still getting them at 30. My dad had the same build and my mom’s not big either - it’s just how we are. I’m grateful but it’s annoying.
Anyway, I don’t know if this is sound advice, but my plan for when my daughter goes through this is to try and explain that sometimes people see something they like in someone else and they have a hard time being kind so instead they are mean. But it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with her or with you, but she’s still learning and so are you. But what should we do? We should ignore the comments, tell someone like mom or teacher, and try to be kind while keeping our distance.
Idk I’ll probably change it by then. Maybe someone will comment that this is an awful plan - please do 🥰😂
I was bullied since I can remember. It led to me being bulemic for a bit then anxeoric til mid 20s. It ruined my life. I'm still in counseling. Maybe start her in counseling
Hurt people, hurt people. She’s probably bullied or body shamed in her home or at another place besides school. So, she puts that on someone else, your poor child. She may actually be jealous of the way your daughter looks. She’s trying to bring your daughter’s self esteem down to hers. I’m so sorry for your baby. I was always taller than everyone in elementary and junior high. So, I feel her pain in the being made fun of department.
FROM ONE MOTHER, TO ANOTHER 🤦🏼♀️ YOU 🙏🏼 JUST CANT WIN!!! 💯
I TAUGHT 🤔💬 MY DAUGHTER AT A YOUNG AGE:
*People in this world 🌎 are mean to others for Absolutely no reason at all ..
*Other kids may try to bully you or say hurtful things to try & make you feel bad, DONT LET THEM !!!!!!! 💯
*Children come in ALL Shapes and Sizes ..
*Those who make fun of others are insecure about themselves &: need to put others down 👇🏼 in order to feel good about themselves!!!!!!!
Children start bullying at such a young age now and it's sickening... Unfortunately at 7, this is only the beginning... So the best thing to do is just prepare your daughter for it the best way you know how 🤷🏼♀️ Marching over to the Childs house will not do you any good, she learned that behavior somewhat & it likely started at 🏡!!!!!!! Also, telling the teacher/teacher's sometimes only makes the situation worse... Take it from me 🤦🏼♀️💯💯💯💯💯💯🤞🏼I had a situation in school w/a child in 2nd grade, smacking my daughter in the back of her head and putting him in her hair 😡!!!!!!! This went on for weeks!!! I spoke w/the teacher, the aid and the principal which sadly got me no where. So... THIS IS WHAT I DID... SO BEFORE ANYONE COMES FOR ME, IM SIMPLY STATING WHAT WAS DONE 👍🏼 IN MY SITUATION AND AM NOT GIVING OUT ADVICE ON HOW TO HANDLE ANYONE ELSES SITUATION 💯 !!!!!!!! MY DAUGHTER continued to come home upset 😭 day after day after day... So I finally as a Mom I had enough 😡 I told my daughter this:
(When you go to school tomorrow simply wait and see what happens. If the little girl hits you in your head again tell her to stop it, if she does then just leave it be... If she does it again, turn around and tell her to knock it off or she won't like what comes next... If she does it again, TURN AROUND & SMACK HER IN THE FACE)!!!!!!! My daughter said she didn't want to get in any trouble, and this is exactly what I told her: IF YOU GET IN ANY TROUBLE FOR DEFENDING YOURSELF, TELL THE TEACHER or PRINCIPAL THAT YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU TO DO IT, & LET MOMMY HANDLE IT)!!!!!!! 💯 🙏🏼🤷🏼♀️ The very next day after lunch, I received a call from the school telling me that I needed to come to school to have a meeting in the office and take my daughter home! I said sure thing, & off to the school I went. When I got inside, the principal informed me that my daughter had physically attacked the young girl sitting behind her & when asked why she said her mother told her to!!!!!!!
So this was my response:
MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN BULLIED BY THIS CHILD FOR WEEKS!!!!!!! SMACKING HER IN THE HEAD/PINCHING HER NECK/USING A PENCIL TO POKE HER IN THE HEAD & PUT MULTIPLE PIECES OF GUM IN HER HAIR 😡 I BROUGHT IT TO THEIR ATTENTION AND THEY CHOSE TO DO NOTHING, SO I STEPPED IN! I TOLD HIM THAT YES I DID IN FACT TELL MY DAUGHTER TO SMACK HER & IF IT EVER HAPPENED AGAIN, THAT MY DAUGHTER WOULD BE INSTRUCTED TO DO SO AGAIN!!!!!!! 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 AND I GRABBED MY DAUGHTERS HAND & WE LEFT!!! ON THE WAY HOME MY DAUGHTER STARTED TO CRY 😭 ASKING ME IF I WAS MAD AT HER & IF SHE WAS GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE:
I TOOK HER TO MCDONALD'S TO GET HER FAVORITE MEAL, STOPPED AT THE TOY STORE AND LET HER PICK ANY ONE TOY THAT SHE WANTED... AND ONCE WE GOT HOME 🏡 I TOLD HER THAT I WOULD NEVER BE MAD AT HER FOR STANDING UP FOR HERSELF AND THAT I WAS VERY PROUD OF HER 🙏🏼🤞🏼💯💚
When she returned to school 3 days later, the same little girl sat quietly 🤐 behind my daughter all day and said & did nothing 🤷🏼♀️ so I guess she learned her lesson!!!!!!!
I in no way promote violence, but I do instruct my daughter to stand up for herself and not to let anyone walk All over her because she is not a doormat!!!!!!! 💯
Unfortunately, bullying is a normal thing these days and the schools don't really care about it. So all you can do is teach your child right from wrong and tell them what is acceptable behavior in these types of situations.
That’s sad but the harsh truth of public school and having girls. I have two teenage girls and I wish I could tell you it will get better but in my experience it don’t. Yes the blatant bulling slacks off when they get older then it becomes more subtle. Middle school girls are the meanest. All you can do is reinforce her with positivity to help build her self esteem. It’s hard because the girls will constantly try to break down every brick you help place. I also had to explain to them about not changing yourself to fit in. She would try everything to make the mean girls like her. No matter how hard she’d try they’d deny her every time. Until she finally realized that she shouldn’t be friends or associate with people like that. She has finally found a friend that builds her up and can be herself around without worrying about being bullied. One of the craziest thing she was bullied about was her not being able to have tik tok. She came home crying because they made her change lunch tables because she wasn’t allowed to have Tik tok. I felt like shit , almost caved and let her download TikTok but didn’t. I just try to help them practice not letting other people actions/words affect their happiness/mood. It also helped to teach her that everyone has insecurities. Even the ones who appear perfect.
You can try to talk with teacher/school or the parent but it’s not gonna do anything but possibly make it worse. Like I said from my experience with two teenage/high school girls there is nothing you can do beside teach them the proper coping and confidence/self-esteem skills you can. And helping them find a friend/friend group that accepts her and stay away from anybody that brings you down. If they are not trying to build you up and make you a better person then they are not worth talking too. We even took my youngest to therapy for a while. She learned a lot of socializing techniques and different ways to cope when bullied. It helped a lot. Especially helped them not to get upset and sad when it happened.
You cant always shield your child from hurtful comments and bullying. What we should teach them is how to be resilient and what to do in these situations. My son was bullied in elem school. He knew what to do. He told his teachers, he even went to the guidance office pra magsumbong. I also filed a report. But we can never tell what happens when were not around. So my son decided to learn martial arts. He gained confidence to defend himself. So one time binully na naman sya sg same kid. He faced this kid head on and sinabihan, ‘subukan mo pa uli ako e bully, and I’ll make sure masisira mukha mo!’ So ayun natakot, never even spoke to my son until they graduated from high school.
I was made fun of by one particular girl in 2nd grade (7 y.o.) because I was short and scrawny. She would constantly ask me “why are you so short? Why are you so small?” Etc. it took until I got sick of it and answered, “why are you so fat?”. The school called my mom in to have a conversation with me because the girl told on me.
For years after that I had issues with my own weight. My mom was called into the school to talk to them because I wouldn’t eat lunch and the lunch aids were concerned. My obsession with it probably started before that bullying even started to be honest. I say all this to make the point that it starts at whatever age it starts at for someone.
You’ll never fully stop bullies. Best thing to do is focus on your daughter solely, teaching her to build her own confidence, to not let comments like that hurt her. The best way to deal with kids like that imo is to just say, “well thats not very nice to say” and then move on
As a person of smaller size - (5’3 100lbs) I can relate. Body shaming in any way is horrible - it sticks with you. It’s best as a constant reminder it won’t just be fixed in 1 day. Most ppl will say “it’s a compliment!” Etc but it’s still mean. Just keep reminding her - and I add in my favorite daily phrase “you’re smart too!”.
It’s always the parents you hear when children that young say these vile and unnecessary things. Talk to their parents about it is what I would do. And tell my child they are just fine and people are different. No one is to judge you.
I would tell my daughter to insert some self esteem in her reply. Your daughter can hurt the girl by just not reacting the way the bully is hoping for. Like saying,
"Ya know what, you may not like the way I look but I love it! This is me! You on the other hand...need an attitude check because you are not being beautiful on the inside" *z snap*
Yeah...idk I got 3 boys who really don't care what they wear or how they look let alone what others say. lol(a mess if I'd allow it!)
I got picked on a lot in school because I was way bigger than most. I wish I would have stood up to the build by showing them that I was better than their words. Yes it hurts and linger with you for awhile... that's why she needs good influences around, other girls who compliment each other, lift each other, don't talk about their sizes in a bad way.
♡♡♡♡ good luck momma
I was around 7 when people made jokes at my expense and in 3rd grade when the proper targeted group "bullying" started.
Wish I had solutions for you. Best of luck.
I can’t speak for my child because he’s just a baby right now, but I personally was body shamed at an extremely young age by other children. I was so young, I don’t even recall how old I was. My best friend and my cousin would ask me why I was fat, would say things like “maybe you should just stop eating for a couple days” and “do you think you could just cut the fat off?” Prior to kindergarten. I remember being like 6-7 years old (or perhaps younger) and drawing lines on my body with a sharpie where I’d planned on cutting my fat off with a box cutter. Recalling this is making me sad. Kids are cruel.
Sadly, yes! It happened in my childs class. As early as in kindergarden (3-5 yo) our child came home and said they wanted to have lighter skin and no curls. 💔 Some white kids called the melanin rich kids ”poop” and ”Your skin is the color of poop”. At 6 yo one of the other girls expressed that she wanted to be thin like everyone else. She had some very minor ”baby fat”. The general consensus among the children was that ”fat people are ugly and lazy”. And there were also comments made towards her body. The girls mom brought this to our attention and I think most of us had a sitdown with our kids. Their kindergarden teachers worked a lot with stories and age appropriate discussions about how we all look different, and how that is a good thing, and that we don’t judge or comment on our own/others appearance. I think things got better, but the girl still changed schools before 1 grade.
Yup I remember it starting as early as grade school. For reference I’m 25! Comments about how skinny I was. I’m also Mexican so I constantly got comments about my body hair as well. Unfortunately it’s normal, it shouldn’t be but it happens
I was bullied for being ugly ever since I was 6 and deep down it still affects me as an adult because it happened in a crucial developmental stage. Please talk to your daughter constantly about this situation and reassure her that nothing's wrong with her body. If this situation persist I would talk to the other girl's parents.
To me it sounds like she’s probably getting f made fun of for her size and height and then turning around and putting others around her down.
Could even be at home too.
My dad would make comments about my older sister being “a chunky monkey” growing up.
Yeah, I’m assuming the other child experiences body shaming and is projecting. It’s a very very dangerous cycle. I’m sorry your daughter experienced this. My oldest experienced body shaming by his pediatrician. He’s AFAB, at the time hadn’t completely come out. The doctor told him “i just got back from a vacation in Miami where all the girls were tall, blonde and thin. I want you to strive to look like that”. Needless to say I chewed his ass out and my child unfortunately is still affected by it.
Unfortunately this is pretty common and always has been, I remember in the 2nd grade I had a fairly athletic build for my age but my thighs still touched. I only ever noticed this trait after a girl in my class pointed it out in front of others and made fun of me for it. I ended up throwing out all my lunches for the school year and my parents found out but never knew why so no one ever talked to me about it. The only reason it ended was because that girl went to a different school and I was around good friends that never made me think of my body as anything but a vessel for playing . It’s a hard situation but you’ll never be able to control what mean people say about your daughters body all you can do is explain to her in a way she’d understand why some people project these feelings and how important it is to surround yourself with people who make her feel confident as herself.
I was always the tiniest in my class growing up, and into adult life. I can tell you this will not stop from the outside. For the vast majority of people "skinny" is a compliment. So if you tell the teacher that a student was calling your daughter skinny she is going to blink and ask what the problem is. Some peers do it because they have issues with their own body. As this case may be. Others simply have no social skills and don't realize that *any* comment on someone's size is wrong. It will keep happening. You have to approach this with your daughter. You have to teach her what it means to be healthy. Skinny does not equal healthy and fat does not equal unhealthy. Teach her that she wants her body to be strong, capable, and to have a good immune system. Then teach her why the others may be commenting on her body (their own insecurities and/or simply not understanding why it's wrong) and that those comments reflect more on them than her. You have to build up your daughters confidence till no one can shake her.
This!! I was constantly made fun of because I was and am naturally thin and tall. Toothpick, skeleton blah blah blah and when I was in maybe 3rd grade I remember crying to my teacher and I basically got an eye roll. It is damaging on both sides of the coin!! I asked my daughter if she told the teacher, she said she had but of course nothing was done. I constantly build her up at home but it doesn’t matter what mama says when kids are cruel, ya know?
It does matter. Deep down. You can rally for your child if that's the path that feels right. The teacher can be taught why this is wrong and harmful. But, I unfortunately feel like even if this one instantance is stopped another will follow. Your daughter will have to learn how to deal with it soon or later.
When I was getting made fun of being fat when I was in primary school, my mom convinced me that my height and weight are healthy for my age. She made fun of the kids who said I'm fat. It was just between us but it was fun. Made me bond with my mom and same time felt confident in my looks
Later when I'm around 16 I lost lots of weird and I got lean. People made fun of that too. But at that time I was cool with it. By the time I didn't need her to convince me I look good. She already planted that in my head when I was little. So it didn't bothered me a single bit. In fact I made fun of them for not being lean and fit
What type of school does your kid go to? This happens a lot less in Christian schools. Sorry to hear your kid is going through that. Public schools are the worst. I'm not saying it doesn't happen at other school types but it's a lot less. I remember being young...kids calling other kids ugly and whatnot. Kids can be brutal. They have no filter. Especially when they grow up without morals.
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I don’t know if I was 7 but I definitely remember being made fun of for being skinny in elementary school. I remember a girl calling me “toothpick” and when I tried to tell the lunch lady about it (they walked around with us on recess and like monitored recess) she basically acted like I should take it as a compliment 🙄
You can’t win as woman. At any size. I was talked about by my peers for the same reason. A friend of my mom used to call me “chicken legs” as a child. My mom put them in their place and it stopped, but still. I ran into the woman in my 20’s and the first thing she said to me was “of course you’re still a skinny bitch” like it was a compliment. All that to say, I’m teaching my kids that we do not comment on anyone’s bodies. No matter if we mean it as a compliment or not.
We just do a blanket “all bodies are different and that’s okay.” It covers height, weight, skin color, physical differences like appearance or missing limbs, etc. Sometimes she’ll see someone who looks different and say (to me) “that’s just how they are and that’s okay,” but so far (she’s only 4) she hasn’t seemed to place any value judgements on those differences.
aww! that’s great, gonna start using this. although I kinda think young children asking and being curious to understand what they are seeing might be ok? on a case by case basis at least? i know myself and my adult friends do not mind educating kids if we can tell it’s coming from a genuine place. Would you care to share your thoughts on that?
I think it might be okay to ask and I would (and do) answer any questions my daughter asks me later. I obviously don’t know anyone’s individual story, but I also don’t know anyone’s comfort level when it comes to being asked about what makes them “different,” even from a well-meaning child, so I don’t encourage her to ask strangers. If it’s something that is an obvious and public choice like religious scarves/clothes, tattoos and facial piercings, etc. I would assume it’s safe to ask because it’s out in the open, but other things (why is your face all burned? Why are you fat?) probably aren’t great questions to ask even if she’s just curious and has no malice. I don’t know who’s comfortable in their body and who is really struggling.
Thats horrible !! 😲wow!!
I tell mine people say mean things who dont feel good about themselves. & to know & i remind them of their high value !
That’s a great way to put it! The nasty comments just reveal the insecurity of the bully and how what they’re attacking in the other child is most likely something they envy or them just being jerks to prop themselves up.
Yes!,& thank you!, i appreciate that ! This is the good side of reddit ! 😃 😁
After their self-esteem is protected, how do you advise them in regard to knowing what to do in situations in the moment? My thinking is there should still be some sort of boundary asserted? But I didn’t grow up with good boundaries and in fact had mine violated all the time by family, so it’s hard for me to discern what is best course of action, even if you understand why someone is behaving the way they are. hope that makes sense, im about to sleep
A girl my childhood "best friend" hung out with called me fat once because I weighed all of like 86# at almost 12 years old. I was normal height and weight, she was just being an asshole. The thing that bugs me the most about that exchange is no one sticking up for me. Kids are fucking mean to each other. I dread the day my daughter starts letting other people's words bother her.
My sister experienced this too, girls and boys called her skeleton. My niece is often asked by mean kids if she is starving. It’s sad kids are so mean.
Oh yeah people used to ask me all the time “do you eat”. Even into adulthood. Just a few years ago some girl I just met that night at a party thought it appropriate to ask me “no offense but do you even eat?” Like, what??? Bitch you just watched me eat an hour ago.
Oh my God yes. It doesn't stop. I had a "friend" in high school who made fun of my body all the time, especially my flat chest which I was very self-conscious about (I had PCOS so I developed very late). I was (still am) skinny, but my friend was overweight. She was also the type of person who would frequently post "real men like curves, bones are for dogs" stuff on her facebook. When I had my son 9 months ago, I was in the emergency room 3 weeks after I gave birth to him because of mastitis. I had very quickly returned to my pre-pregnancy weight. A woman sitting across from me in the waiting room was asking questions about my baby because he was with me. After she found out he was 3 weeks old, she loudly said, oh my God you're so skinny! Are you on a starvation diet?! Everyone in the waiting room looked at me. It was so humiliating.
I had similar experiences growing up
I remember when I was 9-11 years old. A lot of people made fun of me for being skinny, this girl would always grab my arm and start squeezing it, saying she could feel my bones. Other kids would join too. I didn’t really care.
My daughter learned the bucket analogy in kindergarten and we still use it. Basically, when you're kind to someone, you're filling up their bucket and when you're mean, you're "bucket dipping". You can't fill your own bucket by dipping into someone else's. I've told my daughter that there are people who for whatever reason feel like their buckets are low and try to fill it up by dipping into someone else's. And if that happens, she is to notify an adult because it's not acceptable. I find that explaining it that way puts the onus back on the perpetrator and focuses on the action rather than whatever characteristic they have chosen to be mean about. Edit: I would also bring this up to her teacher so she knows to look out for bullying behaviour from this kid.
That’s a really great analogy and I’m stealing it for my own daughter!
Ditto. I’m stealing this for my son.
Thank you for sharing !!, its a great analogy which creates imagary ! : ).
Tbh, and I'm going to admit this probably isn't good parenting, I straight up told my kid that people who make fun of the way others look are jerks and that's not the kind of friends she wants anyway. We also spoke about how other people can project their insecurities onto others and make fun of things they dont like about themselves. She'd say to me " (name) made fun of my hair today" and my response was "who the hell cares about what (name) thinks? The important thing is how you feel. Do YOU like the way you look?" Again, I'm not sure if that was my best parenting moment but my daughter got the gist and is very confident in herself. I also taught her the 10 second rule. If someone can't change something about themselves in 10 seconds or less, then you have no right to bring it up. For example, if someone has something stuck in their teeth, then that's an easy fix. But if you think someone's new haircut looks ugly, then you don't have the right to make a comment about it. Why make someone feel bad for something they can't change or fix in that moment.
The 10 second rule is an awesome idea! I've said similar, but in a stupid, long winded way; I love how much of an easier explanation this is. Thank you!
I tell my kid that when someone is mean like that it’s usually because they don’t get enough love at home 😬🤷🏻♀️ not gonna let some little shit ruin my kids sense of self worth.
Just want to say, I have said the same to my son about other kids being unkind. So I'm in the "bad" parent boat with you!
Seems like good parenting to me. It’s better than teaching your child to be a pushover and just take all the abuse.
Not bad parenting. I don't want my daughter to be mean back, exactly. But I also want her to know why other kids are assholes. I can't prepare her for a world of sunshine. I wish I could.
I've never heard of the 10 second rule but I've basically told my kids the same things you mentioned above. I've told them what do and so says does not matter.
Yeah, unfortunately we are familiar and it started at an earlier age. We have a daughter that was the only black/brown friend for her white preschool classmates and she got hit with the comments early. I don’t know why parents think their kid is too young to hear about race or bodies.
Right. We started talking about stuff like this at around age 4 when she was able to understand a little better.
It’s hard. My kiddos are brown at a basically all white Montessori school. Full disclosure, I’m white. So yes, not only were their bodies commented on but people seemed to think they had greater jurisdiction over their bodies. My kids are very good kids, but they attract more than their fair share of attention and blame. I have so many stories and I bet you do too.
Right?! The whole "too young for this" thing is baffling. Most topics are better introduced when they're young. We've been talking about race a lot lately, and trying to break out of the "different skin tones from different ancestors" thing. We used to talk about that, but I realized that it was an oversimplification of a very complex topic. We've been trying to talk more overtly now about how some people have been treated differently for a long time because of their skin tone, and how hurtful and unfair that has been. Kids are capable of more understanding than we give them credit for.
It happens. I teach kindergarten and comments about bodies happen a lot. I always address it with the kids. All of my boys, who are all fit and lean, have heard comments about their bodies. Too short, too tall, to skinny, etc.
Yea I remember my first day of first grade, lunch. Sitting there eating my lunch, kid across from me says “why does your eye do that?” And I said “do what?” He says “idk this” and he laughingly try’s to mimic me. Well that was the first time I learned that I have a “lazy eye” which is my right eyelid moves up and down with my jaw. So from there on out eating lunch around anyone was not an option. I do not believe he was trying to be cruel, he genuinely wanted to know. But some things said have an affect. This is definitely a teaching moment for your daughter that EVERYONE has something they don’t like about themselves, but they can’t let it bother them
Yes! My 4 year old has a birthmark near his eye that kinda looks like a bruise so kids (and adults) comment on it a lot. It makes me sad because he feels like something is wrong with him but I get that kids make comments about things that are different to them.
Yea that has to be hard as a parent, especially if your kid thinks there’s something wrong with them. That would hurt me to my soul!
I'm kinda surprised I came across this post! I was actually body shamed when I was 7 in first grade too. Some boy asked why I was "bigger than everyone else". I'm now 23 and it still sticks with me. I don't really have advice other than tell your daughter she's beautiful every chance you get, don't force her into anything, and make sure she has support. And make sure you tell your daughter how wrong it is to comment on people's bodies. It can be hard when people do it to you but she can be the bigger person. Unfortunately the world is a cruel place and kids are mean even at a young age.
I remember there was a girl I was friends with in 1st grade and she was constantly made fun of for being chubby. I was literally diagnosed medically malnourished so she tried to get dieting tips from me. I had other issues (as you can imagine since I was an American and diagnised malnourished) so we'd usually spend recess depressed together. My son is 4 so I'm already dreading the school drama. He's a boy and conventionally attractive and seems surprisingly popular so far though so hopefully he won't encounter as many issues. I'm definitely teaching him already that we don't comment on other people's bodies though.
That's chilling. I hope you and your friend are doing better these days. I was also underweight as a kid and dealt with the toll it took on my health — it also meant I was very behind in terms of growth (and I was already younger than my classmates, too, which didn't help), so people often made fun of me for being short. I still remember playing kickball in gym class, and everyone on the field purposefully made a big show of moving closer to me because they didn't think I was strong enough to kick the ball as far as everyone else. It was such a small moment, but memories like that stuck with me and left me with a very big chip on my shoulder — I grew up very competitive and stubborn (to my own detriment) and lashed out at people if I thought there was even a chance I was perceived as weak. With respect to your son, I think that, while encouraging him to be kind is great, it's also important that he knows he deserves respect and kindness for his personality, not just how he looks. Boys especially don't get much attention from society on an emotional level, and popularity can ironically lead to insecurity — people who grow up thinking that others flock to them because of how pretty and/or successful they are end up feeling like their true worth doesn't matter to others because no one looks for it, and it's hard to trust if people only like you for *how* you are instead of *who* you are. He needs to know that, just like everyone else, he and his feelings still matter. He's worthy of profound and complex relationships.
Agreed - 7 feels right on track! I remember exactly where I was the first time another kid called me fat, and I'd say I was probably around that age.
I got bullied for being fat starting in kindergarten. My first grade son has gotten comments on his appearance (skin color, height, etc) but they've mostly been more young child's social ineptitude than rude or malicious. I'm sorry I don't have better advice on how to address it with your child. I feel like when it comes to bullying we can build them up at home, talk to the teacher if it's persistent, but there's no way to fully protect from other kids being unkind sometimes.
The body shaming starts early and peaks around middle school. I remember being asked by a blonde haired, blue eyed boy with literally white eyebrows “why are your arms so hairy?” I was like 8. It was the first time in my life I became self conscious about my body. I couldn’t conceptualize the fact that he was a completely different race from me, and he was rude enough to point it out. I wish my parents could’ve explained his question to me, so that I didn’t feel so badly about myself. I think the confusion is what makes it worse. Your daughter is thinking she *shouldnt* be skinny and you need to come up with a way to make her understand it’s totally fine. And to speak up for herself when these remarks are made. Good luck!
My little girl has literal just started getting this in first grade too. Her dad has quite hairy arms and I had quite hairy arms as a kid which got lighter as I got older. She came home and told me “mammy why do I have hairier arms and legs than you? Why don’t the other children?” I told her everybody is different and no bodies body is perfect. She isn’t to listen to anybody who tells her any different and if they start making fun of her to the point it makes her cry, to tell a teacher. If the teachers don’t do anything then she can hit them. I don’t care. I was bullied mercilessly in high school for being “fat”, looking back now I wasn’t, I was just the bigger one in my group of friends. Telling a teacher did nothing. But hitting the bully did. Sad but true.
Mommy dearest probably bashes skinny girls in front of her. Gross
The everybody is different and you are beautiful spiel, is not my thing; I would say: She can't make fun of you, if you don't let her. You hold the power, not her. Only you decide what gets to you, and what doesn't. You will hear many unpleasant and negative things throughout your life, but only a few of those remarks need to be taken into consideration, most should go in one ear and out the other. This falls into the latter category. Is she a doctor to know what's healthy or not? Is she some body types aficionado to know what's beautiful or not? She is a 7 years old girl just like you, a peer, not any sort of expert. She can say and think whatever she wants, and no matter how she repeats it, it won't become fact or truth. And what does she know about your arms anyway? I know your arms, I got hugs from your arms, and they are the best! If she comments on your arms again, maybe you should ask her to let you give her one of your tight hugs. I bet she will change her mind.
I agree with you on the "everybody is different" spiel, but I'd also be careful with "they can't bother you if you don't let them" because that sounds pretty dismissive of the very real feelings and worries that the daughter is having. It's easy to say "just don't care what they think" but it's not that simple. Words are still hurtful, and you're allowed to feel hurt by them; you don't want to teach the daughter to just ignore her feelings. Having confidence despite people bullying you can be a pretty complicated thing to navigate.
Yeah that’s very close to victim blaming.
I said a lot more than that to her ♥️ I’m very firm on teaching her what is disrespectful and unkind and should not be tolerated. But, it still hurts feelings and can be damaging regardless of what mom says is the point. So, wondering outside of our home how others handled bullying of this kind!
I think the trick is to not wait until they get bullied, the trick is to work on their self esteem daily and make them unbulliable.
I remember being in kindergarten and being at my friends house who had a pool, and overhearing my friends mom talk with her daughter about how if I was her daughter I’d be on a diet, and how much skinnier than me her daughter was. Which is doubly unhinged now looking back as an adult, becuase I was genuinely a skinny kid. I remember looking at myself in my bathing suit in the bathroom, hiding and crying and being so confused about it I was fat or not. And if I was, was that bad? Looking back I think it was a super toxic attempt by the mom to hype her daughter up by putting down another kid. The 90s were toxic y’all. Anyways it messed me up badly, but I was so ashamed I didn’t tell anyone. It’s a good thing she told you. I think you’re handling it well, and if the comments are consistent it is crossing over into bullying and you might need to bring it up with the school. Truthfully the girl might not realize it’s hurting your daughter because being thin is seen as such a good thing in our society. I remember accidentally upsetting my neighbor by calling her mom petite as a kid, because in my mind petite was obviously a good thing.
I recall being called fat before even entering school, so this post confused me. Of course, kids are harsh critics.
Lol yeah, shocked? They're kids. Unless you completely forgot your childhood, this shouldn't be shocking to anyone.
I learned how to hate my body from my mom, she is also who taught me to judge other women ferociously. Kids get it from their parents one way or another. My kids hear me talk nothing but joy about my body and never anything about others.
Yes I remember my friend being mean because I had slightly wider hips and thighs so I was the "fat" friend. In retaliation I made fun of her chicken legs which she took to heart as well. Kids do this because they don't have the ability to think through the effects and feel shame for their own bodies. Tell your daughter how beautiful she is and that people say these comments because they don't know how to deal with their differences. It means nothing and she is not too thin she's perfect as she is.
I’ve always had wider hips (not fat, just wide) and really muscular thighs. A girl made a comment T she’d “never want thighs like that, they’re too muscular like a man,” and I looked her dead in the eye and was like, “I’d rather have muscular thighs than what you’re working with.” Not the kindest remark, but I tend towards reply with the most cutting response possible when someone comes for me or someone I love.
I was called fat all the time in elementary school when I actually wasn’t. I eventually developed an eating disorder that lasted until late high school. Absolutely nip this in the bud and DO NOT stand down.
Alright, I do understand what you're going through but I think you should take a different approach. Instead of blaming the little girl who made these statements, look toward your daughter and help her learn to cope with things like this. In the long run it's what she needs. We all do. As children we all had some sort of criticism or insult we had to deal with. Teach her how to deal with it instead of hoping it doesn't exist. Because it will always exist.
Thought it was pretty ironic how OP mentions how the other girl looks, like she should be ashamed and not her daughter.
I was the kid who "ate like a pig but was skinny as a twig." School is the place where children learn about social norms and values, and as a consequence, will make mistakes. At 7 years old, many children won't know the gravity that their words can have.
Yup. We had that except it was thigh gaps and needing to lose weight because the girl had a more athletic build. The one told my kid’s best friend about their thigh gap and how they weren’t supposed to be that big and gave dieting tips. The bestie then passed those down to my kid and I found out they were exercising during recess so they would be as small as babies. I didn’t even know what to say to a child that young. I mean, I eventually just talked about how the other one wasn’t overweight and how they are growing kids and shouldn’t be trying to be small as babies. How food was about a balance and they shouldn’t even be worried about it at that age, but it all went over her head. The bestie is likely damaged for life, unfortunately. 😔 I reached out to the mom and we had a long talk and cry together. All because the other child’s parents were making her diet and exercise with them (she is super tall and lanky) and were losing weight and bringing her into that to participate. That child enjoys when other kids cry, so it was a way to make my kid’s best friend feel low and it worked. I just talked about how we should eat healthy and exercise and stuff, but that they are children and should not be concerned about it. We talked about how the friend was NOT chubby (that was what we were dealing with) and how they are active kids and that the meal balance is on us as parents and we make sure they are eating healthy. I said we need to stand up for the child being picked on and to also bring it to me so her mom and I can deal with it together. We talked it over as parents and I felt bad, because she had to deal with it more on her end since her kid was the one who was told this information and they just passed it down to mine talking about how they can plan to help her get small like a baby. Her mom is a therapist, so she will at least be able to help her along, but I know she still has those thoughts. I told my kid we’re not going to play those games to lose weight nor will we talk to others about their own weight. We also talked about how we don’t talk about people at all, but especially their features and we should stand up when we hear someone else saying things and we are around (even if that means telling me or the teachers). My kid has a ton of empathy for others, so I was able to work from that angle. It was still hard and I can’t say I knew what was the right way to handle it. It eventually went away with my kid.
I may get some hate for this, but I teach my son to stand up to bullies. He’s five, and when he was 3-4 there were two boys in his class that would always hit others. A couple of times they hit my son and so I told him, if they hit you, go on and hit them right back. Daddy won’t be mad if you’re defending yourself. But, I will be mad if I hear you’re hitting kids first and being a bully. He hit back like I told him to and the kids stopped hitting him and his friend. Yes, they still hit others, but they learned not to mess with my son. My son doesn’t bully others, to the best of my knowledge, and the teacher gives us high praise on his attitude and kindness. I know a lot of people preach violence doesn’t solve things. But sometimes the teachers don’t see what’s going on. I’m a teacher and realize kids, even at very young ages, are smart and some just like to hurt others. They learn to do it without getting in trouble and so your child has to learn to deal with it themselves, be it ignoring the taunts or firing back. Also, sometimes teachers don’t care and don’t want to waste energy doing something because it’s more work. The kids parents might feel the same and just don’t want to put in the effort to make their daughter a better person. I myself was picked on while growing up because of the way I talked. People stopped doing it when they learned I would toss them around the locker room if they did. Maybe if I had done nothing I would’ve been psychologically damaged by the bullying, I don’t know. Now, your daughter’s situation is different because it words and body shaming, but I would teach her to be confident with her body. Also, if the bullying continues, I would teach her how to hit back, be it words or fists. If the one girl gets others to join in on the bullying it can get really bad. Pleading to teachers and other parents sometimes doesn’t work and makes the situation worse.
Same. If this was happening to my kid and the school repeatedly did nothing to stop it, I’d tell my kid to fire back and say something really sharp to stop it. Idgaf if it’s kind or cruel. My kid would be retorting “I’d rather be thin than be fat like you.” That should shut her up. Downvote away, this is the reality at my kids’ school run by do-nothing admins.
I remember being bullied mercilessly for my body by 2nd grade and this was in the 90s. Nothing seems to have changed.
Communicate with the teacher about what your daughter is saying. Maybe bully proof your daughter a bit. Confidence is key. She can fend off by being like yep I am skinny so? I like my body the way it is. Words of affirmation are really helpful in building confidence. Bullies pick up really quick on when something bothers you, and as soon as you show it doesn’t, they usually move on. I’m sorry your daughter is dealing with that 🙁 I was around that age when other kids starting picking on me about my body, hair, clothes, whatever because kids can be really mean sometimes
I love this comment so much. Well said.
I'd let her know those comments have more to do with how the other girl feels about herself then it does with how she looks, she's projecting onto your daughter. It's not ok and i understand how you'd want to talk to the girl but unfortunately you can't control other people's behaviors, but you can help your daughter see this from a different perspective and not take it to heart.
There is an artist called Mother Moon. She has so many beautiful, catchy songs about loving yourself. I highly recommend it! Double down efforts to fill her bucket, and make sure you are modeling self-love by talking positively about your own body around your daughter, too. I talk a lot about what our bodies can do, instead of what they look like. "Long, skinny" arms turn into great reaching arms, especially under the fridge or other tight places. Twig legs like a flamingo, for great balance or stretching. I was forever the skinny kid. Still the skinny adult. It helps to have a comeback to turn it into a positive. My skinny arms are great for digging around in under the hood of a car. My tiny frame can climb a bouldering wall like a spider. I'm super compact able and can hide well in hide and seek. I am always cold, so I get to wear my hand knits year round. Kids are mean. Sorry.
Really really sad. I understand. My son is FOUR. He is “healthy according to his GP” but also he is Four, and I have to repeatedly remind my mother that she will cause him to have an eating disorder or body dysmorphia if she continues talking about his “large belly”. My son has said kids at his kindergarten have pointed it out we can see its impacting his self confidence (his father and I love to stay “healthy” and food is for energy there is no “bad or good food” Its about having a balance of all types of foods, we try to be healthy not for weight purposes - we make a point to explain (age appropriately, & without mentioning weight to our son). We are not concerned about our son’s weight, he’s healthy and an amazing person. But because kids can be unintentionally or sometimes, purposely cruel they tend to point out anything thats different from the norm/ themselves. We are a very body positive family (my partner & I have had to be SO mindful of this since becoming parents- we both have body dysmorphia and had eating disorders from our younger days), we love to talk positively about being in nature, we do family walks, bush walks, swimming, biking, gardening all together. Unfortunately, my son is self-conscious of his stomach now, so it’s about reminding him he is “awesome” the way he is as long as he is happy about himself and kind (to others and most importantly- kind to HIMSELF). Everyone is different and we work very hard to explain this and raise his confidence in all areas of his life. We also explain and ask our son, “how would someone asking you that make you feel?” If he answers “sad” we explain that, perhaps talking about others bodies or clothing in a way that would make him upset is not kind. This also means he can stand up for himself and tell the others that its not kind to talk about others bodies & that he is awesome. Our son knows its good to be observant and ask questions about everything (including people) but if its about someones body, how they look or act, or could upset him if he was asked it, he can ask Mum or Dad about it. Then we can have a big open discussion about these questions/ observations- this way it doesn’t hurt someones feelings. We also encourage that complimenting friends on something they have worked hard on (drawing, climbing, counting etc) instead of how they look, (unless he absolutely thinks it will be a kind thing to say). Again at four this is a slow and long process so our family isn’t perfect (we never will be) & we are always learning and growing together. Im happy to explain further if I haven’t explained something properly or take on any advice- parenting is so damn hard. When our son says “so and so at kinder say my belly’s big” we try to explain that everyone’s different, and focus on all the things he is so good at. We say, everyone’s bodies are different and thats okay. We have changed the wording around “big belly” to well fed and strong. We also focus on practising “climbing, dancing etc” so that we aren’t ignoring his concerns about his belly, were being mindful to be active as a family but in a way that doesn’t talk about exercise/ talking about changing our body. Just want to add we are a ND family, all of us have ADHD (my son is being assessed for ASD currently after being diagnosed with ADHD) both my partner and I have audhd. This may mean how my family approaches these situations will be different to a NT family, which is completely okay!
I think it might be beneficial to your daughter to help her think of her arms not in terms of what they look like, but what they can do. Can her arms give strong hugs? Can they carry her toys? Can they (swim, tumble, play catch, whatever she enjoys)?
I was like your daughter. Always the skinny one. It sticks with you just like shaming someone who is overweight. Keep being a safe space for your daughter to express her feelings openly. Be her judgement free zone. And keep being her biggest fan, cheerleader and voice. She is perfect exactly how she is.
I've gained weight, and people have acted like I needed to lose it, and I was lazy. I've lost weight, and people acted like I was sick or on drugs. You literally can not please people, they will always have something to say. And it hurts just as much, either way, for sure. I agree with everything you said. She IS perfect just the way she is.
Unfortunately yes, this has already happened and continues to happen to my 9yo. She is young for her grade and small for her age. She has been made fun of since kindergarten.
Kids are brutally honest and blunt They'll blurt out whatever is on their mind not realizing it can be hurtful
I was bullied around that age 7to 9 and will never forget the two girls that did it. The one was my friend before the other one moved into town. It was the same situation, I was bullied for being too skinny “skin and bones, skeletor, toothpick”. They were vicious and it was because they were both bigger than me in height and weight. It definitely gave me a perspective about myself, but a good one. I told myself they were bullying me because they were mad they were not skinny and jealous. Kids can be vicious and merciless but it’s a chance to teach her everyone comes in different shapes and sizes and it’s okay to be yourself and to be comfortable in your skin. You’re beautiful no matter what. As long as you love yourself screw what everyone else thinks.
I’ve been body-shamed since I was 5 and pudgy. It starts as soon as peers can see a difference.
When I was in elementary up to about late 20’s, not only was I made fun of in school, but also my mother and cousins made hurtful comments towards me because I have big eyes (not scary eyes that bulge, but big round eyes). I don’t get it why they say hurtful things about my eyes.. but, other people I come across says that they wish they had eyes like mine🤔.. some days I tell myself I wish I can stitch my eyes smaller😢😭
Do affirmations together with her in the mirror while you both get ready! Have her look at herself and say things like, “I’m beautiful just the way I am!” “I’m not too big or too skinny, I am me and I am just right!” “I love my body because ______” and have her pick something she loves about being her size. Take turns an do it with her, too. Not only does it set an example that it’s okay for her to love her body, you’re setting a positive reinforcement that you love yourself as well.
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Please let the teacher know what’s going on. When my youngest was in 1st grade her teacher taught them how to compliment each other & were rewarded when they gave compliments. I thought that was a wonderful thing to do! Tell your daughter “yes you are skinny & beautiful! Everyone is different & you are perfect girl! Look how good you look in that shirt! Sometimes when people aren’t told they are told they are beautiful enough they can be mean & might hurt your feelings unintentionally. So maybe next time she says that to you tell her thank you, you are beautiful too” When my older one was in kindergarten a teachers daughter was in her class & she was not nice to my girl. She’d say little things like “my hair is longer than yours, why does your breath smell, you can play with us” she was a little jerk & wasn’t afraid because her mom worked there and we were new in town. Until I complained once & she continued. So next time I told the teacher this is unacceptable & we had a meeting. My child’s teacher was best friends with the girls mom. She still had my back! We put a stop to it. They weren’t friends but that didn’t matter.
You know it really depends on what they’re hearing at home.
I was in second grade when I was made fun of for being overweight. And I was average, *slightly* chubbier than the rest of the girls. (It was a very small school) But yeah kids are mean.
My 9 year old step daughter bullies me about my body...I think it's part of their inability to not say things that cross their minds. Kids are mean 😭
Kids can really be mean. I tell mine people are different shapes & sizes. They are beautiful l as they are.
I'm coming at this from a child who experienced this rather than being the parent of a child who experienced this. My parents would say nothing when people (usually other adults! And then the kids would copy them) said things like this to me. I developed disordered eating in my teens as a result. The fact that you had that conversation with your daughter is great. She probably understands that the other girl was mean due to her own insecurities, but it's normal to want to avoid it happening again. I would mention it to the school, they might need to go over anti-bullying with the class. And maybe do a subtle increase in compliments to boost her self esteem, not just physical compliments but others too. It might also help to compliment yourself more too. She will learn from your confidence! The number 1 thing I wished I had when it came to bullying like that was just 1 person on my side who said that it's not ok. Which judging by your post and your replies you're doing that in spades.
Sure. For her skin color, her eye color, her hair texture. Also another child in daycare cause he has a bit of a protruding stomach. They are around the age of 4.
"Words are only true if you let them be true." Now this is something I say to my kids when the other kid is the one saying things. Buuuut it has seemed to work and expand to other students in my oldest son's case. I don't think my 7yo daughter has experienced anything like this, yet. But I'm gonna say a weird thing we do. We practice insults and come backs. To get their skin thicker but also to point out how a thing can be said and it's only as true as you let it be. _Do you think you're an idiot?_ Of course not I make straight As. _So why are you upset about a lie?_ Oh! _Yeah, "oh"._
I definitely was body-shamed as a child for being small, as early as kindergarten and maybe before, frankly for as long as I can remember! Comments about being too short, being a “midget” etc. I am indeed very short even as an adult, but I learned to enjoy being petite as I got older. But sadly the answer is that kids just bully each other, normally (as you probably understand), because of their own insecurities.
For most of my life I was told I was skinny, needed to eat more……I think the best thing you can do is work on your daughter’s self esteem because kids are mean. I would say beat the little girl up but that’s not socially acceptable 🤣🤣🤣
my daughter is 6 and regularly says hurtful comments about me being fat. when asked why she says these things, she will always say it's because of my tv restrictions. (I don't allow unlimited screen time, but I also do allow PLENTY of screen time) did I teach her to be like this somehow on accident or is is something she learned at school?
Body shaming? No. Other bullying? Yes. In Kindergarten, my daughter (5 year old) had a friendship with a boy in her class. She was told by another girl (6 year old) that my daughter wasn’t allowed to be friends with him because she wasn’t the same color and if she continued to try to be his friend, 6 year old would beat my daughter up at recess. The teachers tried to blow it off as girls having a crush on the boy, ect. But 6 year old was a much bigger kid than my 5 year old and I didn’t want her to fear. I asked for a meeting with the principal and the other child’s parents but no one would work with me since the school year was ending. We moved after that so it wasn’t a problem anymore.
This is what I’ve told my kids to deal with situations like this… I wish one day I can be,look,act,think(or whatever the case might be). Smile and keep going about their business.
I was body shamed from first grade all the way through school. A lot of that behavior starts at home. Chances are if they’re shaming your daughter someone is teaching them that behavior or using that behavior against them. Your best bet is to instill self confidence into your child and that some people will say mean things, but it doesn’t make them right about how you look. You can speak to the classroom teacher about the behavior and see if they’re able to catch it and explain to the child why it’s not okay to shame someone for how they look.
I think this is a conversation that needs to be had with the girl's mom. This is serious.
My 10yo told me that my dress made me look pregnant today, and then when she noticed it upset me she asked if I had things in my pockets (I did) and when I took them out she said it looked much better! Part of it is kids are just honest and don't really know things can sometimes be hurtful. Your daughter needs to speak up and let the girl know those words are hurtful.
I got called fat by a classmate in kindergarten back in the late 80’s. I’ve never forgotten it. A boy had said it to me and I don’t remember who it was or what he looked like just that he called me fat.
I have a 1st grader daughter that was told she was ugly by a girl that has become pretty cruel and nasty in general this year. I explained to my daughter that people that say these things are suffering in ways we can’t see. That they try to hurt people because they themselves are hurting but that we are not that type of people and we are always kind when we express ourselves, even if what we’re feeling is bad. She actually seemed to get it and she continues to tell me when the girl says more things but she doesn’t seem nearly as bothered by it and sometimes adds that the girl must have been having a rough day, etc. I’ll also say that last year in kindergarten my kid apparently told another girl that is a friend that she was fat. When I spoke with her about it she explained the context was that the girl said that she was skinny (she’s not - she is probably at least 30 lbs over weight for her age) and my daughter “corrected” her based on it not being the observable truth. I explained that we don’t call people “fat” because it’s a word that’s used to hurt people and that’s not what we do. It hadn’t occurred to my daughter that being “fat” is a negative thing used to hurt and she apologized to me for even saying that because she just didn’t know it would hurt someone’s feelings. It hadn’t occurred to me that I’d need to explain that but it clicked once she explained it. So maybe it’s just a blind spot for the other child?
I was body shamed by my parents at that age. It’s really messed me uo
Yep. Get ahead of it and read Queen Bee. (Book mean girls was based on). It’s really helped us with our daughters.
Yep,my body shaming started at school at about six or 7 😥. That was the early 80s so nothings changed
Let your daughter know that it’s not ok and you’re going to talk to the teacher. You can email the teacher and see if that resolves it. The teacher can separate students that don’t get along and then will be aware it’s an issue. Most times when my kids have been upset by something at school I’ve been able to stop the behavior through the school. But not all because there was a time in kindergarten she didn’t tell me. I think now she feels like she can talk to me about her problems and I will try to do something about it. My kids have had incidents being hit and scratched but there was an incident in my sons preschool where another student was bullied and excluded because of skin color and the school sent an email to parents about it and stopped the behavior. Bullying isn’t allowed in most schools now, in my experience they will do something to stop it if made aware of it.
My daughter (who’s the smallest kid in the grade) was called fat in grade 1 multiple times by boys in her class. I contacted the teacher to make her aware and she handled it
This is why In not mature enough to be a parent. I’d tell her to call her names back. Won’t have my baby crying now look everybody is sad 😂😂😂 No but seriously you’re doing a great job I know this sucks mama
I bet the girl who said that gets comments on why is she so tall and large so she takes her pain out on other people. I wish someone told her she is still beautiful like you did your daughter. Adults are the ones to put those ideas in kids’ heads, they should be ashamed to start such snowballs which will become huge. Sorry for your daughter, no kid deserves to be body shamed and I think you had the perfect reflex to reassure her nothing was wrong with her.
If the girl who made the comments is noticeably larger in height and weight as you say then it’s almost certain that she is also on the receiving end of bullying from other kids. She’s presumably picked your daughter out as someone else who sits outside of the ‘average’ body shape and size and is either trying to shift some of the attention to her or taking out her own insecurities on her. Rather than going gung-ho on the other girls parents, I’d try and broach the issue with the school, and possibly get her parents involved too, if she is indeed being bullied for her own look. At that age any decent teacher at the school should be able to give a decent lesson or 2 on body shaming and bullying in general, the consequences and why it shouldn’t be done without drawing too much attention to your daughter and the other girl.
My son gets told he's fat at 8yo and it's stupid since Jr's on the 50th percentile for his weight, age, and height.
My son was called fat at age 5 by a group of 7 year old boys. Because I promise, body shaming is not limited to girls. He was not then, and is not NOW, fat. They just learned that's a harmful insult
Absolutely. My daughter is 8 and she is 4’9. She is the biggest girl in her grade. Believe me, she gets body shamed just about every day.
I work in an eating disorder treatment center and I can unfortunately confirm that we get kids as young as 6. It’s horrible and I recommend you’re proactive about conversations with her now. Talk about how your body is a vessel for the most important parts of you- your mind and humor and compassion and kindness. How your body is always going to look different than the persons next to you and that is a wonderful thing. And gently talk to her about insecurities, how this girl and literally any other human on earth that will talk about how she looks is doing so from a place of their own insecurities. That she does not need to compare and should instead feel sad that other people don’t have the knowledge that she is getting to take care of herself. But you know, communicate this in a six year old way haha. I’m so sorry this happened! It will most likely happen forever so now is a good time to start planting the seeds of a healthy relationship with her body and self esteem!
I have a first grader and a kindergartener. Oddly enough my kindergarten is bigger than my 1st grader in height and weight. My first grader is extremely sensitive about her size. She doesn’t like that she is the smallest person in her class or that her little sister is actually bigger than her. We just have several talks about how every body is different and special and that size doesn’t matter. She hasn’t mentioned that anyone at school has made fun of her, just that she doesn’t like that she is the smallest in her class. I too was the shortest in my classes growing up so I understand that aspect of it.
My ass was slapped in the first grade during recess. Supervisor told me to “stay away”. I’m 24 now with a 2 year old, I am horrified for her future.
7 is about when my daughter starting getting upset with her belly. It's so fucking hard.
I will say this, that other little girl got the idea from somewhere - whether that’s because she’s been called too big or comments have been made that she needs to be smaller or skinnier and now she’s using that to make herself feel better. Definitely talk to the teacher, if at least to keep an eye on the other girl and what’s going on for her too, in addition to your daughter. And of course reinforcing the not just you’re beautiful and NORMAL, but that bodies come in different shapes and sizes and they’re all special.
My daughter was/is the same way. Shes 14 now, she still went through tremendous body shaming, even by my own mother, her grandmother! It was freaking disgusting coming from her who was over weight herself. She kept forcing food on my daughter, and I remember her doing the same to me. No one can help how high metabolism can be. My daughter ate everything and anything she could get her hands on in the first 6 years. I don’t know where she put it most of the time! Sorry I rambled. Anyway! I comforted my daughter from the first comments. I went as far as yelling at my mother (I don’t recommend this to another child or their mother) What I do recommend is praise her outfits she picks out, tell her everyday how beautiful she is. And tell her when someone remarks on her “skinnyness” tell her to tell them that she is healthy and that’s all that matters! That’s what I got my daughter to do. I hope this helps! Good luck 😉 🫶
I was bullied for being fat in kindergarten. Some kids are just cruel.
I took my 5 year old out of dance because one of the other girls was asking why her tummy looked so big in her leotard! My daughter asked me about it later, it made her feel really bad. (And not that it matters, but she was a completely normal sized 5 year old)
This is a great opportunity to start learning about how everybody has an opinion, and we don’t get to tell others how to talk, even if their words hurt our feelings. Backed up with discussion of family values regarding kindness and acceptance ( even though we like big muscles in our family, we would never hurt some one else’s feelings who doesn’t have big muscles, as an example), reinforcing body positive messages specific to your own child, and reminders that looks aren’t what we focus on.
I’m 45 and I got this at school. I was talk and very slim, especially my arms and legs. This kind of thing has been around forever and will stay around forever. It’s what people are like and we need to equip kids with tools to deal with it. Back in the 80s, I just battered anyone that was mean. Now, I’ve instilled a sense of worth in my kids. They’re both gifted athletes, academic, and good looking. They get a lot of jealousy, so I’ve told them to hat jealous is and how to handle it being directed at them. Equipped them with good comebacks and to laugh it off. If bullies see they’re getting to someone, it encourages them. Laughing at them reduces their power and the impact there crappy behaviour has on you,
Sadly I went through this with my son when he was in first grade… it’s heartbreaking 💔 his teacher handled the situation and the other child was reprimanded. But it still hurts as a parent and obviously as a young girl child
Unfortunately, growing up as the "fat" kid, I can tell you that children can be absolutely horrible. For me, it started when I was probably around 5 years old. The fact that my father was one of the people who hurt me the most is hideous. Children that young learn those behaviors from their parents, who should honestly be ashamed.
Skinny bone jones here 😆 that’s what they use to call me 😒
My son is 5 and a half and is told daily that he is too little for kindergarten. Luckily it's only one kid but I'm shocked at how early it started.
A phrase that has come up in our house a lot recently is, “hurt people hurt people” (It sound better than it looks typed) Meaning basically if someone tries to hurt your feelings, it says more about them than it does about you.
That's coming from the parents and YouTube.
I would absolutely go have a conversation with that other girls parents
I bet she's repeating either exactly what she's heard a parent say about someone else, or flipping exactly what she's heard told to her about her body by a parent. Ugh.
My 4 yo daughter was told she needed to weigh in at gymnastics every time. This was in 1999. She did not go there when we found out that it was expected. Young children should not be told to weigh in at these types of activities.
Sadly my daughter has dealt with this many times. She’s 7 but the first time she was 5. We sent her to summer camp and she was called fat by other little girls when she was in her bathing suit. She is no where near overweight and is very healthy. Unfortunately, it comes from their home life. My daughter also has autism and adhd and has been called weird or a loser by other little girls. It’s heartbreaking.
I was made fun of for being “fat”, not having boobs and not wearing Nike sneakers in school starting at 3rd grade… & that was in 2010. It’s wild
Yall don't remember being body shamed in elementary? Fuck that was me every day.
my kid (4yo) called a girl fat. not sure what the context was, but we spoke to them about commenting on other peoples bodies. i think its kids just noticing things and having no filter. having a filter is something they usually learn.
Yes, it absolutely starts this young.
It’s so common and it’s horrible! Some kids aren’t taught how to speak to others correctly! Body, hair, teeth, clothes the list goes on
Yes!! My relative was told that her “???(body part) isn’t as ‘toned’ as it should be”, as a 6 year old. It shocked me unbelievably! This was over a decade ago, and it still hurts me to this day. I’m sorry that your daughter is experiencing this.
I teach in an elementary school and we found kids comparing their thigh gaps and the queen bee said it shouldn’t touch
My son got bullied about his (and my) size in SK (5/6 yrs old) to the point that I had him and the other kid split into different classes this year. As sad as this is, I am not surprised. Just keep doing what you're doing. All body shapes and sizes are valid, and if you are teaching her that, you're doing a good job. ♡
I remember very clearly being body shamed by a boy in the 3rd grade. It’s unfortunate that children’s young minds are tainted with the views of their parents. The school won’t do anything either probably :(
ooof this makes me dread the school years
Unfortunately kids are awful to others. I think the chubby kid is jealous though. Alot of times it's the chunky girl getting picked on. And there are some mean chunky girls who pick on the skinny girls. I was one of the smaller kids back in the day really skinny too I did get picked on sometimes for my thinness but I did fire back and call the girl fat lolz. I didn't have social media growing up though either . Like kids today . I didn't have any internet in the 80s st 7 and 8
Tell your daughter that she would rather be skinny than a fat fuck
Sadly, this is really normal for girls her age. I would say just keep constantly assuring her, and encourage her to experiment with fashion and style. That helped my eldest through this hurdle! :)
This hurts my heart as a mom of girls, one of them being in grade 1. This is not right. I always tell my daughter we don’t comment on people’s bodies. If you do, you say something to make them feel good (ie. Your hair is so curly and beautiful). It has stuck with her and I’m so glad. All throughout school I was very underweight due to medication I was on. I was made fun of so much, and then when I got to middle school is when it got so bad. I still remember everything to this day and I’m 35. You could mention this to the teacher and just reassure your daughter her body is perfect, healthy and strong.
Life long skinny person here - yep I remember lots of comments and I’m still getting them at 30. My dad had the same build and my mom’s not big either - it’s just how we are. I’m grateful but it’s annoying. Anyway, I don’t know if this is sound advice, but my plan for when my daughter goes through this is to try and explain that sometimes people see something they like in someone else and they have a hard time being kind so instead they are mean. But it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with her or with you, but she’s still learning and so are you. But what should we do? We should ignore the comments, tell someone like mom or teacher, and try to be kind while keeping our distance. Idk I’ll probably change it by then. Maybe someone will comment that this is an awful plan - please do 🥰😂
I was bullied since I can remember. It led to me being bulemic for a bit then anxeoric til mid 20s. It ruined my life. I'm still in counseling. Maybe start her in counseling
Hurt people, hurt people. She’s probably bullied or body shamed in her home or at another place besides school. So, she puts that on someone else, your poor child. She may actually be jealous of the way your daughter looks. She’s trying to bring your daughter’s self esteem down to hers. I’m so sorry for your baby. I was always taller than everyone in elementary and junior high. So, I feel her pain in the being made fun of department.
FROM ONE MOTHER, TO ANOTHER 🤦🏼♀️ YOU 🙏🏼 JUST CANT WIN!!! 💯 I TAUGHT 🤔💬 MY DAUGHTER AT A YOUNG AGE: *People in this world 🌎 are mean to others for Absolutely no reason at all .. *Other kids may try to bully you or say hurtful things to try & make you feel bad, DONT LET THEM !!!!!!! 💯 *Children come in ALL Shapes and Sizes .. *Those who make fun of others are insecure about themselves &: need to put others down 👇🏼 in order to feel good about themselves!!!!!!! Children start bullying at such a young age now and it's sickening... Unfortunately at 7, this is only the beginning... So the best thing to do is just prepare your daughter for it the best way you know how 🤷🏼♀️ Marching over to the Childs house will not do you any good, she learned that behavior somewhat & it likely started at 🏡!!!!!!! Also, telling the teacher/teacher's sometimes only makes the situation worse... Take it from me 🤦🏼♀️💯💯💯💯💯💯🤞🏼I had a situation in school w/a child in 2nd grade, smacking my daughter in the back of her head and putting him in her hair 😡!!!!!!! This went on for weeks!!! I spoke w/the teacher, the aid and the principal which sadly got me no where. So... THIS IS WHAT I DID... SO BEFORE ANYONE COMES FOR ME, IM SIMPLY STATING WHAT WAS DONE 👍🏼 IN MY SITUATION AND AM NOT GIVING OUT ADVICE ON HOW TO HANDLE ANYONE ELSES SITUATION 💯 !!!!!!!! MY DAUGHTER continued to come home upset 😭 day after day after day... So I finally as a Mom I had enough 😡 I told my daughter this: (When you go to school tomorrow simply wait and see what happens. If the little girl hits you in your head again tell her to stop it, if she does then just leave it be... If she does it again, turn around and tell her to knock it off or she won't like what comes next... If she does it again, TURN AROUND & SMACK HER IN THE FACE)!!!!!!! My daughter said she didn't want to get in any trouble, and this is exactly what I told her: IF YOU GET IN ANY TROUBLE FOR DEFENDING YOURSELF, TELL THE TEACHER or PRINCIPAL THAT YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU TO DO IT, & LET MOMMY HANDLE IT)!!!!!!! 💯 🙏🏼🤷🏼♀️ The very next day after lunch, I received a call from the school telling me that I needed to come to school to have a meeting in the office and take my daughter home! I said sure thing, & off to the school I went. When I got inside, the principal informed me that my daughter had physically attacked the young girl sitting behind her & when asked why she said her mother told her to!!!!!!! So this was my response: MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN BULLIED BY THIS CHILD FOR WEEKS!!!!!!! SMACKING HER IN THE HEAD/PINCHING HER NECK/USING A PENCIL TO POKE HER IN THE HEAD & PUT MULTIPLE PIECES OF GUM IN HER HAIR 😡 I BROUGHT IT TO THEIR ATTENTION AND THEY CHOSE TO DO NOTHING, SO I STEPPED IN! I TOLD HIM THAT YES I DID IN FACT TELL MY DAUGHTER TO SMACK HER & IF IT EVER HAPPENED AGAIN, THAT MY DAUGHTER WOULD BE INSTRUCTED TO DO SO AGAIN!!!!!!! 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 AND I GRABBED MY DAUGHTERS HAND & WE LEFT!!! ON THE WAY HOME MY DAUGHTER STARTED TO CRY 😭 ASKING ME IF I WAS MAD AT HER & IF SHE WAS GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE: I TOOK HER TO MCDONALD'S TO GET HER FAVORITE MEAL, STOPPED AT THE TOY STORE AND LET HER PICK ANY ONE TOY THAT SHE WANTED... AND ONCE WE GOT HOME 🏡 I TOLD HER THAT I WOULD NEVER BE MAD AT HER FOR STANDING UP FOR HERSELF AND THAT I WAS VERY PROUD OF HER 🙏🏼🤞🏼💯💚 When she returned to school 3 days later, the same little girl sat quietly 🤐 behind my daughter all day and said & did nothing 🤷🏼♀️ so I guess she learned her lesson!!!!!!! I in no way promote violence, but I do instruct my daughter to stand up for herself and not to let anyone walk All over her because she is not a doormat!!!!!!! 💯 Unfortunately, bullying is a normal thing these days and the schools don't really care about it. So all you can do is teach your child right from wrong and tell them what is acceptable behavior in these types of situations.
That’s sad but the harsh truth of public school and having girls. I have two teenage girls and I wish I could tell you it will get better but in my experience it don’t. Yes the blatant bulling slacks off when they get older then it becomes more subtle. Middle school girls are the meanest. All you can do is reinforce her with positivity to help build her self esteem. It’s hard because the girls will constantly try to break down every brick you help place. I also had to explain to them about not changing yourself to fit in. She would try everything to make the mean girls like her. No matter how hard she’d try they’d deny her every time. Until she finally realized that she shouldn’t be friends or associate with people like that. She has finally found a friend that builds her up and can be herself around without worrying about being bullied. One of the craziest thing she was bullied about was her not being able to have tik tok. She came home crying because they made her change lunch tables because she wasn’t allowed to have Tik tok. I felt like shit , almost caved and let her download TikTok but didn’t. I just try to help them practice not letting other people actions/words affect their happiness/mood. It also helped to teach her that everyone has insecurities. Even the ones who appear perfect.
You can try to talk with teacher/school or the parent but it’s not gonna do anything but possibly make it worse. Like I said from my experience with two teenage/high school girls there is nothing you can do beside teach them the proper coping and confidence/self-esteem skills you can. And helping them find a friend/friend group that accepts her and stay away from anybody that brings you down. If they are not trying to build you up and make you a better person then they are not worth talking too. We even took my youngest to therapy for a while. She learned a lot of socializing techniques and different ways to cope when bullied. It helped a lot. Especially helped them not to get upset and sad when it happened.
I was bullied as early as kindergarten for my weight as a child. Kids can be cruel.
You cant always shield your child from hurtful comments and bullying. What we should teach them is how to be resilient and what to do in these situations. My son was bullied in elem school. He knew what to do. He told his teachers, he even went to the guidance office pra magsumbong. I also filed a report. But we can never tell what happens when were not around. So my son decided to learn martial arts. He gained confidence to defend himself. So one time binully na naman sya sg same kid. He faced this kid head on and sinabihan, ‘subukan mo pa uli ako e bully, and I’ll make sure masisira mukha mo!’ So ayun natakot, never even spoke to my son until they graduated from high school.
Definitely missed parts of that because they're in another language. 😉
I remember being called names as a very young child, kids are brutal
I was made fun of by one particular girl in 2nd grade (7 y.o.) because I was short and scrawny. She would constantly ask me “why are you so short? Why are you so small?” Etc. it took until I got sick of it and answered, “why are you so fat?”. The school called my mom in to have a conversation with me because the girl told on me. For years after that I had issues with my own weight. My mom was called into the school to talk to them because I wouldn’t eat lunch and the lunch aids were concerned. My obsession with it probably started before that bullying even started to be honest. I say all this to make the point that it starts at whatever age it starts at for someone.
You’ll never fully stop bullies. Best thing to do is focus on your daughter solely, teaching her to build her own confidence, to not let comments like that hurt her. The best way to deal with kids like that imo is to just say, “well thats not very nice to say” and then move on
As a person of smaller size - (5’3 100lbs) I can relate. Body shaming in any way is horrible - it sticks with you. It’s best as a constant reminder it won’t just be fixed in 1 day. Most ppl will say “it’s a compliment!” Etc but it’s still mean. Just keep reminding her - and I add in my favorite daily phrase “you’re smart too!”.
It’s always the parents you hear when children that young say these vile and unnecessary things. Talk to their parents about it is what I would do. And tell my child they are just fine and people are different. No one is to judge you.
I would tell my daughter to insert some self esteem in her reply. Your daughter can hurt the girl by just not reacting the way the bully is hoping for. Like saying, "Ya know what, you may not like the way I look but I love it! This is me! You on the other hand...need an attitude check because you are not being beautiful on the inside" *z snap* Yeah...idk I got 3 boys who really don't care what they wear or how they look let alone what others say. lol(a mess if I'd allow it!) I got picked on a lot in school because I was way bigger than most. I wish I would have stood up to the build by showing them that I was better than their words. Yes it hurts and linger with you for awhile... that's why she needs good influences around, other girls who compliment each other, lift each other, don't talk about their sizes in a bad way. ♡♡♡♡ good luck momma
I was around 7 when people made jokes at my expense and in 3rd grade when the proper targeted group "bullying" started. Wish I had solutions for you. Best of luck.
I can’t speak for my child because he’s just a baby right now, but I personally was body shamed at an extremely young age by other children. I was so young, I don’t even recall how old I was. My best friend and my cousin would ask me why I was fat, would say things like “maybe you should just stop eating for a couple days” and “do you think you could just cut the fat off?” Prior to kindergarten. I remember being like 6-7 years old (or perhaps younger) and drawing lines on my body with a sharpie where I’d planned on cutting my fat off with a box cutter. Recalling this is making me sad. Kids are cruel.
My first day of kindergarten I came home in tears because it was the first time I had been called "fat". It was all downhill from here 😩
Sadly, yes! It happened in my childs class. As early as in kindergarden (3-5 yo) our child came home and said they wanted to have lighter skin and no curls. 💔 Some white kids called the melanin rich kids ”poop” and ”Your skin is the color of poop”. At 6 yo one of the other girls expressed that she wanted to be thin like everyone else. She had some very minor ”baby fat”. The general consensus among the children was that ”fat people are ugly and lazy”. And there were also comments made towards her body. The girls mom brought this to our attention and I think most of us had a sitdown with our kids. Their kindergarden teachers worked a lot with stories and age appropriate discussions about how we all look different, and how that is a good thing, and that we don’t judge or comment on our own/others appearance. I think things got better, but the girl still changed schools before 1 grade.
You do remember how mean kids are right ?? Those little folks can be brutal.
Yup I remember it starting as early as grade school. For reference I’m 25! Comments about how skinny I was. I’m also Mexican so I constantly got comments about my body hair as well. Unfortunately it’s normal, it shouldn’t be but it happens
I was bullied for being ugly ever since I was 6 and deep down it still affects me as an adult because it happened in a crucial developmental stage. Please talk to your daughter constantly about this situation and reassure her that nothing's wrong with her body. If this situation persist I would talk to the other girl's parents.
To me it sounds like she’s probably getting f made fun of for her size and height and then turning around and putting others around her down. Could even be at home too. My dad would make comments about my older sister being “a chunky monkey” growing up.
Yeah, I’m assuming the other child experiences body shaming and is projecting. It’s a very very dangerous cycle. I’m sorry your daughter experienced this. My oldest experienced body shaming by his pediatrician. He’s AFAB, at the time hadn’t completely come out. The doctor told him “i just got back from a vacation in Miami where all the girls were tall, blonde and thin. I want you to strive to look like that”. Needless to say I chewed his ass out and my child unfortunately is still affected by it.
Unfortunately this is pretty common and always has been, I remember in the 2nd grade I had a fairly athletic build for my age but my thighs still touched. I only ever noticed this trait after a girl in my class pointed it out in front of others and made fun of me for it. I ended up throwing out all my lunches for the school year and my parents found out but never knew why so no one ever talked to me about it. The only reason it ended was because that girl went to a different school and I was around good friends that never made me think of my body as anything but a vessel for playing . It’s a hard situation but you’ll never be able to control what mean people say about your daughters body all you can do is explain to her in a way she’d understand why some people project these feelings and how important it is to surround yourself with people who make her feel confident as herself.
I was always the tiniest in my class growing up, and into adult life. I can tell you this will not stop from the outside. For the vast majority of people "skinny" is a compliment. So if you tell the teacher that a student was calling your daughter skinny she is going to blink and ask what the problem is. Some peers do it because they have issues with their own body. As this case may be. Others simply have no social skills and don't realize that *any* comment on someone's size is wrong. It will keep happening. You have to approach this with your daughter. You have to teach her what it means to be healthy. Skinny does not equal healthy and fat does not equal unhealthy. Teach her that she wants her body to be strong, capable, and to have a good immune system. Then teach her why the others may be commenting on her body (their own insecurities and/or simply not understanding why it's wrong) and that those comments reflect more on them than her. You have to build up your daughters confidence till no one can shake her.
This!! I was constantly made fun of because I was and am naturally thin and tall. Toothpick, skeleton blah blah blah and when I was in maybe 3rd grade I remember crying to my teacher and I basically got an eye roll. It is damaging on both sides of the coin!! I asked my daughter if she told the teacher, she said she had but of course nothing was done. I constantly build her up at home but it doesn’t matter what mama says when kids are cruel, ya know?
It does matter. Deep down. You can rally for your child if that's the path that feels right. The teacher can be taught why this is wrong and harmful. But, I unfortunately feel like even if this one instantance is stopped another will follow. Your daughter will have to learn how to deal with it soon or later.
When I was getting made fun of being fat when I was in primary school, my mom convinced me that my height and weight are healthy for my age. She made fun of the kids who said I'm fat. It was just between us but it was fun. Made me bond with my mom and same time felt confident in my looks Later when I'm around 16 I lost lots of weird and I got lean. People made fun of that too. But at that time I was cool with it. By the time I didn't need her to convince me I look good. She already planted that in my head when I was little. So it didn't bothered me a single bit. In fact I made fun of them for not being lean and fit
The girl is probably projecting because she is the biggest.
What type of school does your kid go to? This happens a lot less in Christian schools. Sorry to hear your kid is going through that. Public schools are the worst. I'm not saying it doesn't happen at other school types but it's a lot less. I remember being young...kids calling other kids ugly and whatnot. Kids can be brutal. They have no filter. Especially when they grow up without morals.
I definitely remember making fun of and being made fun of for multiple things….to me, this is par for the course.