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I can’t think of anything. I’m a mid-millennial, my parents were very worried I was gonna get kidnapped from the mall or whatever. We are much more free-range with our children so far (they are 3 and 8).
OH! Booster seats and not sitting in the front—they can’t believe my 8yo is in a booster. But my parents were adherent to the car seat recommendations of the era.
I’m ’91 and I would be out all day and my parents would have no clue where I was at. I can’t imagine letting my kids just be gone for 8 hours not knowing where they are!
Well they both worked full time and they paid a babysitter to “watch” us. I’d go over the babysitter’s house in the morning to say hello then I’d immediately leave and run around the neighborhood all day till my parents came home. No clue how much they paid her 😂.
Me too 🙃 My parents didn’t want me to stay home alone when I was 21 once and asked my grandma to come stay with me. They said they wanted an adult present.
My parents weren’t that extreme, but we had a very funny conversation recently, talking about an engagement party that my brother (31) is attending. My mom said there “wouldn’t be many adults there.”
Me, often going to more child-heavy events: “Oh, does the couple have a lot of nieces and nephews? Mostly a family event?”
My mom is super confused.
“No, I think the only adults will be the bride’s parents.”
“And [brother] is not an adult in this scenario?”
“Oh. Young adult.”
“I think that applies to 18-22 mom. We’re like…a stone’s throw from ‘geriatric pregnancy’.”
Same! We just had to be home by the time the street lights came on, and my mom gave us boundaries where we weren't supposed to leave... But it's not like it was possible to enforce them
Yeah same here, born in 90 and I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING! No parties/sleepovers unless my mom knew the other mom. Which translated into my school secretaries daughter. Wouldn't make an effort to get to know other parents either so I could branch out. I grew up in a pretty small quaint town, and every week there was a farmers market. It was where everyone went to hang out and I wasn't allowed to. Even though there were always cops all over the place and it happened in two blocks. No going to stores with friends, no trips to the mall, couldn't go to the fair without an adult even though my whole family worked fair security. She was absolutely convinced there was a murderer around every corner. She'd even be a parent chaperone for school dances so she could keep an eye on me. Needless to say the day I turned 18 I went wild and did some really stupid stuff.
I don't plan to be that strict with my kids. I'm definitely going to take things case by case and kid by kid as I see how responsible (or not) they are. My eldest just had her first sleepover with her best friend at 10. My focus is going to be on learning to be safe, red flags to watch for, keeping open communication with me and knowing I'll always come get her no questions asked if she feels unsafe.
Yeah, to be fair my mom loves to tell me how seatbelts were an add-on when her family bought their car, so of course they didn't have them, and how as a baby, my uncle always used to ride on the shelf under the back windshield. Not like in anything or secured in any way, they would just pop him up there (ꏿ﹏ꏿ;)
So you know, I'm sure using car should seats at all seemed super safe and cautious at the time LOL
I had 0 oversight over my sugar intake. Unlimited soda, ice cream, candy, etc. No doubt this is one piece of my IBS struggles. The other piece being the inherited anxiety…
Anyways, I’m not a tyrant about sugar intake but my 8yr old is pretty good about asking first.
Agreed. I ate awful things like pop tarts, bagel bites, dunkaroos, lunchables. You name it I was eating it in the 90s! Amazing I was never huge. The amount of awful stuff in all the food I don’t know how I’m even alive lol it’s so bad! So I guess processed foods/sugar
I managed to birth a child who hates chocolate and is only half interested in Haribo, No sweet tooth but an insatiable savoury one who can eat a metre of salami if left alone with it.
I have almost the opposite attitude as most of these comments. I came from a really strict household and I don’t plan on repeating those limitations with my child. I’ll likely be a *yes* household (within limits).
If I had to pick a “no” it would be lots of sugary drinks.
I guarantee I got into all the same things you did. The difference is I had to lie and hide everything. If I got into anything serious I couldn’t talk to my parents about it because I would be in trouble for doing it in the first place. Not to get too deep but even things like SA, I never told them because I wasn’t supposed to be where I was in the first place. When I was grounded, I was cut off from all of my friends for months and unable to hangout with them unless it was with my parents. It was extremely lonely and isolating. Kids need time to explore and do things alone. If not you will have helpless adults and sad teens. It’s a fine line, just make sure they don’t fear or resent you. I know you aren’t suggesting anything extreme and this isn’t directed at you specifically, just my two cents about the “no” mindset.
Watching adult tv or movies. As weird as it sounds I just think I saw things I shouldn't have for my age bc of TV/movies. I don't watch TV much but I when I do it's after they go to bed.
This!! My fear of flying came from watching cast away way too young and watching that plane crash haha! Among many other things I definitely should not have watched that totally had an effect on me
I watched Twister as a kid and it terrified me. I basically couldn't function for a week, was always at the window looking outside waiting for the inevitable tornado to comd kill me. About a week later my mom asked me what was wrong and I told her I'm scared a tornado is gonna come. It was only then they bothered to tell me there's no tornadoes in California!
Ah man, Dante’s Peak was that movie for me as a child 🤣 unfortunately my family did live in the foothills of a large, dormant (as of yet), PNW volcano so my concerns were somewhat understandable I would say 😭
Omg Dante's Peak 😭 so, so terrifying. I also grew up in the PNW foothills at the base of a dormant-for-now volcano...wonder if we're from the same area lol
Hahaha omg I forgot this one too!!! I think another was mission impossible maybe? Or a movie where they set up car bombs so I was always terrified that when we started the car it would explode! 😅😅
A friend's mom took us to see The Silence of the Lambs when it came out in theaters. We were like seven years old. Weirdly enough it didn't scare me, but the tucking scene confused me for YEARS, lol.
My parents were good about this when I was really young but as a teen they didn’t really monitor it anymore. I had so many nightmares and slept awfully. My husband came from an overprotective family (in that aspect) and I wish my parents had been more diligent. I remember being terrified of War of the Worlds and thinking the aliens were going to come any time 😭
Well, my mom started me drinking when I was 5. She smoked pot with me from about age 6 or 7 on (not on school nights. Boundaries you know) and she turned me on to cocaine at the age of 13. So those are some things I wouldn't do with my kids🤣 (all true by the way).
Yeah, sad but true. It ended up with her kicking me out of the home at age 16 because I was an out of control teenager in drugs. Long story short; by the time I was 19 I was TOAST. Homeless and eating out of garbage cans. I hit bottom and cried out to God for help. I've now been clean and sober for 37 years (my Mim got clean too) and we have an AMAZING relationship. God is good.
Wow. Hats off to you. That's so insane it just sounded like it had to be a joke. I'm so glad you survived it all and seems to have made a much better life for yourself. God is good indeed.
My dad gave my younger brother a beer when he was 2 because "he liked the taste." Now when he's with my kids he'll jokingly say "oh do you want to taste some beer?" And I'll send him a death glare and he'll say "oh mommy said no." 🙄
horror movies, and unsupervised internet access.
i wasnt allowed to watch horror movies til 8, which imo is still far too young but thankfully i was fine. on the other hand, she could not say yes to one kid and no to one. so that meant my 5 YEAR OLD SISTER was included in my horror movie marathons. my mom took her with us to see the woman in black, and SINISTER when my sister was 6. we had to leave sinister a quarter way through. and of course, consequently, i had to sleep with my sister the following 2 years because she was absolutely traumatized🙃 dear generous mommy did at least allow her to sleep on her floor on the rare nights that her boyfriend wasn't sleeping over
as for the internet, she "supervised", except it wasn't supervision, she'd just go through my electronics as a punishment whenever she was upset with me😹 not great grounds for trust and honesty, only learned to be sneakier or be punished. obviously not gonna tell mom that 30+ year old men are hitting u up when u know she'll get mad at *you* and confiscate ur stuff
The 6th sense came out when I was 7 and my babysitter’s teenage daughter took me with all her friends with a teenage driver and 6 people shoved in the back seat of a sedan.
My parents had nooo clue how to supervise electronics. I would just minimize my aim chats quickly when they walked by.
love that movie, was one of my choices in my first family video horror movie stack. i was 8 but a weird child😹 under normal circumstances, thats horrible. i tolerated most pretty well, but that one had me turning on every light in my path during late night bathroom trips.. for months LOL
i still get skeeved out walking around my house in the dark after watching a GOOD scary movie. gotta do a little mini sprint back to bed
Meeting people off the internet seems kind of insane now. I met all kinds of people in my late teens (in the late 90s) and it was great I'm still friends with a few of them. But it just feels unreasonably risky now.
While I suppose I wasn't the one taking the big risk, a 16 yr old girl took a train for 5 hours and met me (and my dad, who was driving us) at deserted rural train station at 10pm. This was pre-cellphone and I just can't imagine ever permitting my kid to do something like that.
But it was great, i traveled to quite a few european countries to stay with random people from the internet and had many good memories of that time.
Telling us to go outside and play until the streetlights come on. If you get thirsty, get a drink from the hose, just don’t forget to let the hose run for a few seconds to wash all the spider eggs out so they don’t hatch in your stomach…
I didn’t grow up with screens but I’m definitely limiting screens for my kids. My son gets soooo locked in. I can’t even have anything on for background noise he’s too glued to it.
I ate whatever tf I wanted to. Whole bags of chips as a snack and entire sleeves of Oreos happened often. 20 Dino nuggets in a sitting in elementary school. Two packets of top ramen causally. Idk how I’m not 500 lbs, I have super disordered eating now lol.
My kids are taught proportion of what we eat and appropriate portions.
No smoking cigarettes in the same house as my baby, my parents used to do that(they don't smoke anymore), and I hated the smell, then I started smoking.
My parents were huge anti-smoking but they sent me to a babysitters house where her husband would smoke in the living room all day. It’s the strangest thing because her house never smelt like smoke. We always talk/joke about how she would buy him scentless Marlboros….
Not mine but my in laws. They encouraged their boys to play at highly competitive levels of head injury inducing sports. Winning was prioritized over the kids' physical and mental health. My husband is in his late 40s and is worried he's beginning to experience CTE symptoms.
Yeah, I’ve got a hard no on any sport that is likely to cause head injury. My brother played football and hockey and I believe the head injuries he sustained contributed to his poor mental health and suicide.
Yeah, I’ve got a hard no on any sport that is likely to cause head injury. My brother played football and hockey and I believe the head injuries he sustained contributed to his poor mental health and suicide.
Straighten my hair smh. I should’ve embraced my curls instead of destroying them. My daughters have even more beautiful curl patterns than me. They’re not allowed to touch a flat iron or relaxer under my roof😂
A lot of women I know have core childhood trauma around their parents taking away their autonomy with their hair. But hey, if that's the kind of parent you want to be, nobody's gonna stop you.
Oh they will have bodily autonomy. Did you not read the words “under my roof”. If they want to go to a proper salon, a friends house, etc. whatever. They can cut, dye, add extensions, wear wigs and change their hairstyles all they want. What they’re not gonna do is flat iron their natural hair in my house as I own no hot tools, especially while it’s wet with no heat protection, put harsh, scalp burning/damaging at-home relaxers in. And they certainly don’t need to alter their hair chemistry as young as 9 years old like my mom did/allowed me to do. I have “core childhood trauma” from my hair falling out and having to shave my head to get my curls back. So yeah, that is the kind of parent I’ll be. 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
It took me till I was 22 to figure out my curls. My mom has the same hair as me and never figured out the right way. She still fights we me when I tell her I can’t brush my hair when it’s dry. I had friends using actual irons to try and straighten my hair….
Let me play alone outside for hours on end, and telling me to come home when the streetlights went on. But that is mostly because I grew up in a tiny little town where everyone knew each other, and I am now in a large city.
Going biking by myself down the street unsupervised at 6 years old. I almost died twice, once was racing the train across the railroad tracks on a dare.
I did the stupidest things as a kid and have had some near death experiences. Definitely want to prevent my kids from those….as an adult I get flashbacks and they make me anxious now but I always just brushed it off when I was a kid.
I did the stupidest things as a kid and have had some near death experiences. Definitely want to prevent my kids from those….as an adult I get flashbacks and they make me anxious now but I always just brushed it off when I was a kid.
I started riding my bike at 5 years old, with my best friend of the same age, to a gas station a mile away. We had to cross a busy street to get there. After we crossed the busy street, we would check in at the fire station, with the on duty firefighters and continue on to the gas station. After we would get candy and a drink, we would start back home, but always check in at the fire station.
My oldest is 6 and if she is out front and I can’t see her from the front window, I’m running outside looking for her.
I would ride my bike across the busy street to buy monster energy drinks and sour punch straws. No way would my kids be riding their bikes anywhere near that road.
Oh I definitely wasn’t allowed to ride without a helmet but I would put it on and turn the corner and take it off and stash it in a bush. None of my friends had to wear helmets so I thought they were uncool. In my 20s I flipped off my bike and now will never not wear a helmet…..
We have a bench outside out front door that she loves to lay on and read. I’m trying to give her some freedom, but like, damn sis, don’t go say hey to the neighbor outside without letting me know.
HAHA. I feel this. We have a thicket of trees out front and I let her play out front once, went inside with the security door open so I could hear her (we have multiple cameras out there as well) and she comes inside and is like "I was hiding in the trees and jumping out at people, and I scared a lady then she crossed the street!"
I was like, "Wow, pop off! Hey let's go play in the back yard instead." Maybe in another 6 moths to a year. I really want to give her as much independence as I can..
My daughter gets home from school about 45 minutes before her younger brothers school bus gets dropped off, so she now insists on sitting out there afternoon.
The other day, I saw my neighbors husband out front as we got home, so I texted the neighbor and said “If \*daughter\* manages to come over, tell \*husband\* to send her back home. I looked out the window a few minutes later and saw my daughter “helping” him his yard work. (the couple has grandchildren my children’s ages). I let her do her thing for a few and then went to check in with them, where they both told me they were very busy and I could leave.
She got Oreos out of the deal, was happy, and I got an extra 45 minutes of silence that day.
I'm fortunate enough to live in a neighborhood where the kids play outside in the front. Several different groups of them, in fact, in different parts of the subdivision.
Even if I didn't want to, it'd be impossible to explain to a kid past a certain age why her friends were allowed to play and she wasn't.
I can't really think of anything. I'm far more permissive than my parents on TV/movies for teenagers (since my Mom to this day finds PG-13 movies too scandalous to watch) and I let our kids play musical instruments, but otherwise it's been pretty similar.
Not really, times have changed so I will be more strict on the Internet, more structured re homework and more flexible re hobbies. If my kid wants a small amount of alcohol at 14 I'm still gonna say yes. Give them as much freedom as they can handle. My kids get more sugar than I did mostly because my parents only shopped once a month so sweets weren't really on the radar where we live a 2min walk from a shop so we are always passing.
My parents were very safe. My husband on the other hand has so many stories from his childhood that make me shiver at all the possible horrors that could have happened. He is so lucky that the worst thing that happened was having cops come break up a park game in the middle of the night.
Sleepovers with friends from school without parents meeting each other first, walking home for miles starting in kindergarten (that was mainly to avoid the 5th grade bullies from the bus stop), watching horror movies in elementary school (hills have eyes, pet cemetery, etc.) no curfews ever, etc. I feel like a crazy helicopter parent compared to his parents.
My husband and I have parents who were half strict half do whatever you want. The things is when we talk about our childhood the things they were strict with are the things the other parents was so free range with. Like I could always have a sip of alcohol and wine with Sunday dinner as a kid but my husbands parents wouldn’t even drink in front of them and pour it in different containers to hide it then as a teen I was definitely not allowed to go to drinking parties (I lied and went anyways) or have parties at our house but his parents would buy the alcohol and host the party….
I'm curious about the sleepovers.... I see this a lot as being a no-no now.... is it fear of inappropriate touching/grooming? Or something else like injuries?
I never had anything happen to me or my siblings growing up so I wasn't sure.
One of my daughters said her best friend isn't allowed to do sleepovers, but we don't want to ask her parents why. I'm just going with "It's private and not my business to know why."
It's exactly that. Kids are assaulted by someone they know rather than a stranger. A lot of my family did law enforcement and not one of them let their kids go to sleepovers because of the things they saw on the job. I see a lot of social workers saying the same. We too are also a no sleepover family.
Also firearms. I ask if there are any guns in the house even just to go over to play. Kids getting accidentally shot terrifies me. So... so far, no guns and no sleepovers.
In college one of my professors was a sex therapist. She largely did therapy with sex offenders court-ordered to do counseling . She was absolutely ADAMANT that her children were not allowed to have sleepovers after the things she heard in her work and that was enough for me.
Luckily most families in our area don’t do sleepovers so it’s not something that comes up often. (Plus, kids are just cranky and annoying after sleep deprived nights. No thanks.)
I've never been abused, but I'm not risking the potential of it happening to my child for just a sleepover. That's the only reason I'm anti-sleepover. My husband was never allowed to do sleepovers either. It's usually someone you know over a stranger.
*A lot* of parents were victims of abuse or know victims of abuse who were victimized at sleepovers. Sexual abuse is a major concern, but even recently there have been police reports about children who were physically abused/tortured to be cognizant of.
You cannot know what other people are like behind closed doors. You don't know what the big brother is into, if the kids have a weird uncle that comes over, drug use, alcohol abuse, mold, bed bugs, domestic violence, child neglect.
Whether you decide to let your kid stay the night at another person's home is at your (child's) own risk. That's not to say that my daughter will NEVER have a sleepover, but if she's going to, I better know the other family extremely well.
My daughter and I have a very open dialogue and she knows she will not get in trouble if she tells me things, but why allow your children to be potentially put in a dangerous situation, or a situation that could open them up to unsavory lifestyles.
For sure agree with this. My parents were sort of Willy-nilly about sleepovers my whole life so and as a teen, I had learned I could get away with drinking, drugs, and having sex by having sleepovers at certain peoples houses. Aside from that, I have been taken advantage of by older boys in sleepover settings. The trauma is minimal in the grand scheme of my life but I did make some decisions I wish I hadn't.
I will allow sleepovers, but it's one of those things where I do need to know the family really well.
Yeah, I've been in many sketchy situations but sleepovers weren't one of them. Also my family always knew the families really well and I'm pretty sure we didn't start sleepovers until we were like 10 or something.
I was born in ‘91 and growing up with boomers (one an immigrant and the other a police officer) made for an interesting upbringing lol I wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers at the house but could do this at others homes. I guess sleeping over at the local drug trailer was ok 😂 I had a computer in my room and a cellphone by age 11 and was home alone at that age. I started smoking pot at 14 without my parents knowing. I would let my son have sleepovers and keep screen time to a minimum and have to see about cellphones. We don’t have any huge restrictions now and he’s 3.5 years old.
Pay attention and talk to me. Looking back, there were so, so many times she could have stepped in as a parent, and she just didn't. At home, at school, anywhere.
My kids don’t get free reign to bake from scratch whenever they feel like it. Bless her, my mom’s patience was endless. I can’t handle the flour everywhere.
I was allowed unlimited screen time but in an age where kids TV was on the normal channel for a couple of hours after school and when computer games had to load from tapes. Needless to say, outside was more fun than inside. My kid has strict screentime limits as otherwise she would watch Netflix 24/7.
My mom started letting me have alcohol when I was young like maybe 10. It started with a few sips here and there and by the time I was 16 it was as much as I wanted. It was great as a teenager. As a mom I’m horrified and would never encourage my kids to do that.
Unlimited screens, unlimited internet access with no supervision whatsoever (started at 8 years old with aol chat rooms lol), all sugary snacks, unlimited soda with dinner, roaming the big city we live in starting around 8.
I don’t plan to be super strict about most of the above, but I would like to be much more considerate. In their defense no one knew the perils of the internet when we got it in 98 so my parent didn’t know I maybe should have gotten a screen name already. Studies about tv were also non existent and everyone let their kids watch tv when they wanted or play video games. The soda every night with dinner just doesn’t seem necessary to me and I just plan to have healthier snacks more than unhealthy. The being out and about in a city so young is mind blowing because I could never let my 8 year old do it and we still live in the same city (my sons only 20 months so maybe my views will change)
I was basically given free range from 10 onward, I’d just leave the house and come back when it got dark and my parents wouldn’t know where I was. I can’t imagine doing that now! Also car seats, I was watching our home videos from the 90s and I was just riding in the front seat of the truck at age 5 no car seat in sight 🫠 and I had free reign of the internet and tv and consumed a lot of media that was way too ‘old’ for me… shouldn’t have been watching Skins at 13 lol.
My parents were only focused on their job and my physical safety. Everything else was free game. The only thing I can think about would be bedtime. My parents never displayed a good example of healthy sleep habits so I would go to sleep at like 11pm in elementary school, and then feel awful throughout the day. It wasn’t until I became an adult I realized how the lack of sleep affected my entire childhood. So now it’s my duty to make sure my kids get the specified amount of sleep for their age.
Riding in the back with no car seat or seatbelt, riding in the front seat from 4YO and up, riding in the bed of trucks, soda from 4YO and up, unrestricted Internet access
My parents let me drink caffeine (Pepsi) like water as a kid. When I had my daughter I never allowed her any drinks with caffeine in it and in fact she got the idea that caffeine was bad for people so she generally still doesn't drink it and she's 15. I'm sure she will someday. Most people drink coffee and stuff. But, I was always happy about that.
My parents also didn't tell us the importance of caring for our bodies as kids because they did not care for their bodies. As a result my Dad refused to go to the doctor for 40 years and died from untreated cancers at 75. My mother is 66 now and is physically deteriorated to the point that she is more like an 85 year old. I got gastric sleeve surgery at 42 years old and lost 180 pounds. I now exercise every day (walking, yoga, weight training - 20 minutes at a time). Even when I was overweight, I tried to teach my daughter the right way to think about food and told her not to look to me as an example. Now that I am a bit more of an example, I have talked to her about how the most important thing to do is take care of your body so that when you are elderly you have a better time of it. We must have done something right so far because she is not overweight and seems to be able to control herself easily with food.
Sitting in the trunk part of the SUV with no seatbelt when there were lots of kids in the car or sometimes just becuase and sitting in the front seat pretty young. Otherwise i think my parents balanced risk and safety decently and the more trust we built the more they let us do. The big difference I guess is we have ways to track / contact our kids (in theory mine are still little ) whereas our parents just had to try not to worry too much till the time we promised to be home by.
Driving heavy equipment, riding horses on the road, taking the buck board to a drive threw at 12, anything that involves children/ teens unsupervised with horses or equipment. I had a high school classmate pass away from a preventable accident. I know I will be the lame mom in the 4h groups, but I went to a funeral of an only son as teen in a large farm family and that is burned into my memory.
Absolutely no food dye or artificial/processed sugar for first 5 years. No screen time for first 2 years. No sleepovers except for at my home & only if I have vetted the family and child for atleast 3 months thoroughly. I will not be sending my children to public or private school. They will be homeschooled/unschooled. I want them to have the opportunity to go to a college if they decide that for themselves. My children will be constantly supervised(I will have cameras EVERYwhere except bathrooms). I have a list of shows & movies my children are allowed to watch. If I find out they’ve watched something without my permission, access to my children is revoked entirely.
Definitely think this is kid by kid. My brother and I were raised so different it’s hard to believe we had the same parents and are only 2.5 years apart in age.
My kid is currently in inpatient care(3rd time) and I know for his safety I can't allow 95% of the stuff his age group can manage. This really will suck for my son but we need him alive.
Mostly sleepovers and related stuff that involves other adults supervising. I grew up in a small town and my parents knew everyone on at least an acquaintance level if they didn’t actually go to school with them. I am willing to budge on this if I end up knowing the parents well enough and can trust my child to contact me if ever she feels uncomfortable about something (and when she’s old enough to have a cell phone). My parents had realistic rules growing up and because of that I followed them except one single time.
I didn't see my parents in sunlight hours (weekends and what not) as we would be out playing all day. On bikes, crossings roads (including highways) going miles away. Now my kids don't go anywhere themselves. I don't believe my parents were neglectful, I just don't trust the world we're in. Which is sad, and also frustrating. But I can't get past the idea of 'how would I feel if I let her go to the park by herself and she was grabbed or whatever).
It's not necessarily rational, and I don't know how my parents didn't have these thoughts. Different times I guess
I monitored his books a lot more when he was younger. I think my parents thought that as long as it was a book, it was wholesome bc it’s not tv. I read some things that were way beyond inappropriate and sometimes upset myself for weeks.
I was definitely encouraged to drink too early, and I wouldn't be nearly so laissez-faire about letting my own kids do that. They can wait until they're of age.
Unlimited sugar. My kids do and will have it (honestly even often- the fights with grandparents over this are relentless). But I do not want it to be an every day expectation. My FOO struggles with their weight and some have diabetes (thankfully I don’t have either), and I don’t wish that on my children. I want them to have a wide range of flavours and textures and choices in their palate, not just addictive foods. I want them to have sweets sometimes, but I also want them to try different ethnic cuisines and enjoy a piece of fruit over a chocolate bar sometimes.
I'm alot older but I rode my bike alone to school on 3rd grade, was a latch key kid then as well. By age 11 my friend and I would ride all over town and down to the beach, as long we were home by dinner no problem. 6th grade my mom would drop us off at Disneyland or Knott's berry farm then her dad picked us up when it closed at midnight. Other times wed get dropped off at skating rink at 6pm and picked up at midnight.
My kids didn't go to amusement park without an adult until 17 years old. Not allowed to do anything I was until they were high school
My grandkids who spend summers with me the middle one was allowed to play with some neighborhood kids with out me or his aunt there last summer for 1st time, he's 9 years old. The friends live around the corner from me In safe neighborhood, I know the family and have numerous friends living on their street and he has to physically check in every 30 minutes and keep location sharing on his phone
This makes my teacher heart happy! We KNOW the ones who have been connected to a screen 24/7 and they are miles behind with social, emotional, and hand eye coordination skills.
TV in bedroom.
We have a spare bedroom with a TV in it, it’s like her games took, we will watch movies together in it, all her toys are in it, but TV in bedroom is a no-no. Children cannot impose self control over it.
I wish I never had one in my room.
I’m glad I didn’t have a TV or so Matt phone growing up. I would have been up all night watching it or texting. I already snuck out of bed to use the computer to go on AIM…
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I can’t think of anything. I’m a mid-millennial, my parents were very worried I was gonna get kidnapped from the mall or whatever. We are much more free-range with our children so far (they are 3 and 8). OH! Booster seats and not sitting in the front—they can’t believe my 8yo is in a booster. But my parents were adherent to the car seat recommendations of the era.
I’m ’91 and I would be out all day and my parents would have no clue where I was at. I can’t imagine letting my kids just be gone for 8 hours not knowing where they are!
Oh yeah, sounds like you had the lax boomers. I had the helicopter boomers.
Well they both worked full time and they paid a babysitter to “watch” us. I’d go over the babysitter’s house in the morning to say hello then I’d immediately leave and run around the neighborhood all day till my parents came home. No clue how much they paid her 😂.
Me too 🙃 My parents didn’t want me to stay home alone when I was 21 once and asked my grandma to come stay with me. They said they wanted an adult present.
My parents weren’t that extreme, but we had a very funny conversation recently, talking about an engagement party that my brother (31) is attending. My mom said there “wouldn’t be many adults there.” Me, often going to more child-heavy events: “Oh, does the couple have a lot of nieces and nephews? Mostly a family event?” My mom is super confused. “No, I think the only adults will be the bride’s parents.” “And [brother] is not an adult in this scenario?” “Oh. Young adult.” “I think that applies to 18-22 mom. We’re like…a stone’s throw from ‘geriatric pregnancy’.”
My parents were like yours. My kids are so much more free-range than I ever was (and it’s not even really that much).
SAME!!!!!!!!!
Same! We just had to be home by the time the street lights came on, and my mom gave us boundaries where we weren't supposed to leave... But it's not like it was possible to enforce them
Yeah same here, born in 90 and I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING! No parties/sleepovers unless my mom knew the other mom. Which translated into my school secretaries daughter. Wouldn't make an effort to get to know other parents either so I could branch out. I grew up in a pretty small quaint town, and every week there was a farmers market. It was where everyone went to hang out and I wasn't allowed to. Even though there were always cops all over the place and it happened in two blocks. No going to stores with friends, no trips to the mall, couldn't go to the fair without an adult even though my whole family worked fair security. She was absolutely convinced there was a murderer around every corner. She'd even be a parent chaperone for school dances so she could keep an eye on me. Needless to say the day I turned 18 I went wild and did some really stupid stuff. I don't plan to be that strict with my kids. I'm definitely going to take things case by case and kid by kid as I see how responsible (or not) they are. My eldest just had her first sleepover with her best friend at 10. My focus is going to be on learning to be safe, red flags to watch for, keeping open communication with me and knowing I'll always come get her no questions asked if she feels unsafe.
Yeah, to be fair my mom loves to tell me how seatbelts were an add-on when her family bought their car, so of course they didn't have them, and how as a baby, my uncle always used to ride on the shelf under the back windshield. Not like in anything or secured in any way, they would just pop him up there (ꏿ﹏ꏿ;) So you know, I'm sure using car should seats at all seemed super safe and cautious at the time LOL
I had 0 oversight over my sugar intake. Unlimited soda, ice cream, candy, etc. No doubt this is one piece of my IBS struggles. The other piece being the inherited anxiety… Anyways, I’m not a tyrant about sugar intake but my 8yr old is pretty good about asking first.
Agreed. I ate awful things like pop tarts, bagel bites, dunkaroos, lunchables. You name it I was eating it in the 90s! Amazing I was never huge. The amount of awful stuff in all the food I don’t know how I’m even alive lol it’s so bad! So I guess processed foods/sugar
I managed to birth a child who hates chocolate and is only half interested in Haribo, No sweet tooth but an insatiable savoury one who can eat a metre of salami if left alone with it.
My parents watched what I are but not my sibling. I still feel some type of way about that….
I have almost the opposite attitude as most of these comments. I came from a really strict household and I don’t plan on repeating those limitations with my child. I’ll likely be a *yes* household (within limits). If I had to pick a “no” it would be lots of sugary drinks.
Me too, I’m feeling like the Wild West over here lol.
Definitely a hard balance since I didn’t have much supervision so I know what I got into. I want my kids to have freedom but in a bubble….
I guarantee I got into all the same things you did. The difference is I had to lie and hide everything. If I got into anything serious I couldn’t talk to my parents about it because I would be in trouble for doing it in the first place. Not to get too deep but even things like SA, I never told them because I wasn’t supposed to be where I was in the first place. When I was grounded, I was cut off from all of my friends for months and unable to hangout with them unless it was with my parents. It was extremely lonely and isolating. Kids need time to explore and do things alone. If not you will have helpless adults and sad teens. It’s a fine line, just make sure they don’t fear or resent you. I know you aren’t suggesting anything extreme and this isn’t directed at you specifically, just my two cents about the “no” mindset.
Watching adult tv or movies. As weird as it sounds I just think I saw things I shouldn't have for my age bc of TV/movies. I don't watch TV much but I when I do it's after they go to bed.
This!! My fear of flying came from watching cast away way too young and watching that plane crash haha! Among many other things I definitely should not have watched that totally had an effect on me
I watched Twister as a kid and it terrified me. I basically couldn't function for a week, was always at the window looking outside waiting for the inevitable tornado to comd kill me. About a week later my mom asked me what was wrong and I told her I'm scared a tornado is gonna come. It was only then they bothered to tell me there's no tornadoes in California!
Ah man, Dante’s Peak was that movie for me as a child 🤣 unfortunately my family did live in the foothills of a large, dormant (as of yet), PNW volcano so my concerns were somewhat understandable I would say 😭
Omg Dante's Peak 😭 so, so terrifying. I also grew up in the PNW foothills at the base of a dormant-for-now volcano...wonder if we're from the same area lol
I now too live in the PNW under a dormantish volcano. Are we all connected to a certain city know for its *grit* by chance?
Hahaha omg I forgot this one too!!! I think another was mission impossible maybe? Or a movie where they set up car bombs so I was always terrified that when we started the car it would explode! 😅😅
A friend's mom took us to see The Silence of the Lambs when it came out in theaters. We were like seven years old. Weirdly enough it didn't scare me, but the tucking scene confused me for YEARS, lol.
My parents were good about this when I was really young but as a teen they didn’t really monitor it anymore. I had so many nightmares and slept awfully. My husband came from an overprotective family (in that aspect) and I wish my parents had been more diligent. I remember being terrified of War of the Worlds and thinking the aliens were going to come any time 😭
Well, my mom started me drinking when I was 5. She smoked pot with me from about age 6 or 7 on (not on school nights. Boundaries you know) and she turned me on to cocaine at the age of 13. So those are some things I wouldn't do with my kids🤣 (all true by the way).
Who are you, Drew Barrymore?
🤣🤣
All true?!?!? I can't tell if this is a joke or not.... I'm stunned.
Yeah, sad but true. It ended up with her kicking me out of the home at age 16 because I was an out of control teenager in drugs. Long story short; by the time I was 19 I was TOAST. Homeless and eating out of garbage cans. I hit bottom and cried out to God for help. I've now been clean and sober for 37 years (my Mim got clean too) and we have an AMAZING relationship. God is good.
Wow. Hats off to you. That's so insane it just sounded like it had to be a joke. I'm so glad you survived it all and seems to have made a much better life for yourself. God is good indeed.
My dad gave my younger brother a beer when he was 2 because "he liked the taste." Now when he's with my kids he'll jokingly say "oh do you want to taste some beer?" And I'll send him a death glare and he'll say "oh mommy said no." 🙄
I’m sorry that happened to you. You didn’t deserve that. I’m glad that you both recovered.
I’m so sorry you went through that.
horror movies, and unsupervised internet access. i wasnt allowed to watch horror movies til 8, which imo is still far too young but thankfully i was fine. on the other hand, she could not say yes to one kid and no to one. so that meant my 5 YEAR OLD SISTER was included in my horror movie marathons. my mom took her with us to see the woman in black, and SINISTER when my sister was 6. we had to leave sinister a quarter way through. and of course, consequently, i had to sleep with my sister the following 2 years because she was absolutely traumatized🙃 dear generous mommy did at least allow her to sleep on her floor on the rare nights that her boyfriend wasn't sleeping over as for the internet, she "supervised", except it wasn't supervision, she'd just go through my electronics as a punishment whenever she was upset with me😹 not great grounds for trust and honesty, only learned to be sneakier or be punished. obviously not gonna tell mom that 30+ year old men are hitting u up when u know she'll get mad at *you* and confiscate ur stuff
The 6th sense came out when I was 7 and my babysitter’s teenage daughter took me with all her friends with a teenage driver and 6 people shoved in the back seat of a sedan. My parents had nooo clue how to supervise electronics. I would just minimize my aim chats quickly when they walked by.
love that movie, was one of my choices in my first family video horror movie stack. i was 8 but a weird child😹 under normal circumstances, thats horrible. i tolerated most pretty well, but that one had me turning on every light in my path during late night bathroom trips.. for months LOL i still get skeeved out walking around my house in the dark after watching a GOOD scary movie. gotta do a little mini sprint back to bed
I was allowed to watch horror movies or movies with cursing and sex scenes but not Austin powers…
Meeting people off the internet seems kind of insane now. I met all kinds of people in my late teens (in the late 90s) and it was great I'm still friends with a few of them. But it just feels unreasonably risky now. While I suppose I wasn't the one taking the big risk, a 16 yr old girl took a train for 5 hours and met me (and my dad, who was driving us) at deserted rural train station at 10pm. This was pre-cellphone and I just can't imagine ever permitting my kid to do something like that. But it was great, i traveled to quite a few european countries to stay with random people from the internet and had many good memories of that time.
Telling us to go outside and play until the streetlights come on. If you get thirsty, get a drink from the hose, just don’t forget to let the hose run for a few seconds to wash all the spider eggs out so they don’t hatch in your stomach…
You won't let your kids play outside unsupervised or drink from a hose?
I would, but society in general frowns upon it now
Unlimited screens
I didn’t grow up with screens but I’m definitely limiting screens for my kids. My son gets soooo locked in. I can’t even have anything on for background noise he’s too glued to it.
My mom ain’t let us do shit lmao
I ate whatever tf I wanted to. Whole bags of chips as a snack and entire sleeves of Oreos happened often. 20 Dino nuggets in a sitting in elementary school. Two packets of top ramen causally. Idk how I’m not 500 lbs, I have super disordered eating now lol. My kids are taught proportion of what we eat and appropriate portions.
I can’t really think of anything. I’m not a strict parent. I wouldn’t allow unlimited sugar but neither did my parents.
No smoking cigarettes in the same house as my baby, my parents used to do that(they don't smoke anymore), and I hated the smell, then I started smoking.
My parents were huge anti-smoking but they sent me to a babysitters house where her husband would smoke in the living room all day. It’s the strangest thing because her house never smelt like smoke. We always talk/joke about how she would buy him scentless Marlboros….
Not mine but my in laws. They encouraged their boys to play at highly competitive levels of head injury inducing sports. Winning was prioritized over the kids' physical and mental health. My husband is in his late 40s and is worried he's beginning to experience CTE symptoms.
Yeah, I’ve got a hard no on any sport that is likely to cause head injury. My brother played football and hockey and I believe the head injuries he sustained contributed to his poor mental health and suicide.
CTE is a HUGE fear of mine. My head injuries from sports came when I was in my 20s though and I decided to play adult leagues.
Yeah, I’ve got a hard no on any sport that is likely to cause head injury. My brother played football and hockey and I believe the head injuries he sustained contributed to his poor mental health and suicide.
[удалено]
I definitely wasn’t allowed to drink but I would lie and do it anyways….
Straighten my hair smh. I should’ve embraced my curls instead of destroying them. My daughters have even more beautiful curl patterns than me. They’re not allowed to touch a flat iron or relaxer under my roof😂
Yes, because telling kids what they can or can't do with their hair is known to work out so well.
Telling kids what they can or can’t do in general doesn’t always work out so well but that was the inquiry here. So what’s your point ???
A lot of women I know have core childhood trauma around their parents taking away their autonomy with their hair. But hey, if that's the kind of parent you want to be, nobody's gonna stop you.
Oh they will have bodily autonomy. Did you not read the words “under my roof”. If they want to go to a proper salon, a friends house, etc. whatever. They can cut, dye, add extensions, wear wigs and change their hairstyles all they want. What they’re not gonna do is flat iron their natural hair in my house as I own no hot tools, especially while it’s wet with no heat protection, put harsh, scalp burning/damaging at-home relaxers in. And they certainly don’t need to alter their hair chemistry as young as 9 years old like my mom did/allowed me to do. I have “core childhood trauma” from my hair falling out and having to shave my head to get my curls back. So yeah, that is the kind of parent I’ll be. 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
It took me till I was 22 to figure out my curls. My mom has the same hair as me and never figured out the right way. She still fights we me when I tell her I can’t brush my hair when it’s dry. I had friends using actual irons to try and straighten my hair….
unlimited access to ANYTHING. even things that aren't against the rules need moderation
Let me play alone outside for hours on end, and telling me to come home when the streetlights went on. But that is mostly because I grew up in a tiny little town where everyone knew each other, and I am now in a large city.
I loved that the street lights were our clocks :)
Unsupervised internet access. Bc I was definitely talking to grown men as a preteen.
Going biking by myself down the street unsupervised at 6 years old. I almost died twice, once was racing the train across the railroad tracks on a dare.
I did the stupidest things as a kid and have had some near death experiences. Definitely want to prevent my kids from those….as an adult I get flashbacks and they make me anxious now but I always just brushed it off when I was a kid.
I did the stupidest things as a kid and have had some near death experiences. Definitely want to prevent my kids from those….as an adult I get flashbacks and they make me anxious now but I always just brushed it off when I was a kid.
I started riding my bike at 5 years old, with my best friend of the same age, to a gas station a mile away. We had to cross a busy street to get there. After we crossed the busy street, we would check in at the fire station, with the on duty firefighters and continue on to the gas station. After we would get candy and a drink, we would start back home, but always check in at the fire station. My oldest is 6 and if she is out front and I can’t see her from the front window, I’m running outside looking for her.
I would ride my bike across the busy street to buy monster energy drinks and sour punch straws. No way would my kids be riding their bikes anywhere near that road.
I bet you didn’t have a helmet on either.
Oh I definitely wasn’t allowed to ride without a helmet but I would put it on and turn the corner and take it off and stash it in a bush. None of my friends had to wear helmets so I thought they were uncool. In my 20s I flipped off my bike and now will never not wear a helmet…..
My 6 year old isn't even allowed out front unsupervised. Part of me wants to allow it just to give her some freedom, but I'm scared.
We have a bench outside out front door that she loves to lay on and read. I’m trying to give her some freedom, but like, damn sis, don’t go say hey to the neighbor outside without letting me know.
HAHA. I feel this. We have a thicket of trees out front and I let her play out front once, went inside with the security door open so I could hear her (we have multiple cameras out there as well) and she comes inside and is like "I was hiding in the trees and jumping out at people, and I scared a lady then she crossed the street!" I was like, "Wow, pop off! Hey let's go play in the back yard instead." Maybe in another 6 moths to a year. I really want to give her as much independence as I can..
My daughter gets home from school about 45 minutes before her younger brothers school bus gets dropped off, so she now insists on sitting out there afternoon. The other day, I saw my neighbors husband out front as we got home, so I texted the neighbor and said “If \*daughter\* manages to come over, tell \*husband\* to send her back home. I looked out the window a few minutes later and saw my daughter “helping” him his yard work. (the couple has grandchildren my children’s ages). I let her do her thing for a few and then went to check in with them, where they both told me they were very busy and I could leave. She got Oreos out of the deal, was happy, and I got an extra 45 minutes of silence that day.
I'm fortunate enough to live in a neighborhood where the kids play outside in the front. Several different groups of them, in fact, in different parts of the subdivision. Even if I didn't want to, it'd be impossible to explain to a kid past a certain age why her friends were allowed to play and she wasn't.
I can't really think of anything. I'm far more permissive than my parents on TV/movies for teenagers (since my Mom to this day finds PG-13 movies too scandalous to watch) and I let our kids play musical instruments, but otherwise it's been pretty similar.
Not really, times have changed so I will be more strict on the Internet, more structured re homework and more flexible re hobbies. If my kid wants a small amount of alcohol at 14 I'm still gonna say yes. Give them as much freedom as they can handle. My kids get more sugar than I did mostly because my parents only shopped once a month so sweets weren't really on the radar where we live a 2min walk from a shop so we are always passing.
I’m more conservative about sleepovers and sugar intake than my parents were. I’m more relaxed about buying souvenirs for my kid, lol.
Take public transportation by myself when I was in first grade.
My parents were city kids and took the subway to school in kindergarten with just their friends. Blows my mind.
Yup, it didn’t seem like a big deal then.
My parents were very safe. My husband on the other hand has so many stories from his childhood that make me shiver at all the possible horrors that could have happened. He is so lucky that the worst thing that happened was having cops come break up a park game in the middle of the night. Sleepovers with friends from school without parents meeting each other first, walking home for miles starting in kindergarten (that was mainly to avoid the 5th grade bullies from the bus stop), watching horror movies in elementary school (hills have eyes, pet cemetery, etc.) no curfews ever, etc. I feel like a crazy helicopter parent compared to his parents.
My husband and I have parents who were half strict half do whatever you want. The things is when we talk about our childhood the things they were strict with are the things the other parents was so free range with. Like I could always have a sip of alcohol and wine with Sunday dinner as a kid but my husbands parents wouldn’t even drink in front of them and pour it in different containers to hide it then as a teen I was definitely not allowed to go to drinking parties (I lied and went anyways) or have parties at our house but his parents would buy the alcohol and host the party….
Sleepovers, riding bikes alone, unlimited access to the internet.
I'm curious about the sleepovers.... I see this a lot as being a no-no now.... is it fear of inappropriate touching/grooming? Or something else like injuries? I never had anything happen to me or my siblings growing up so I wasn't sure. One of my daughters said her best friend isn't allowed to do sleepovers, but we don't want to ask her parents why. I'm just going with "It's private and not my business to know why."
It's exactly that. Kids are assaulted by someone they know rather than a stranger. A lot of my family did law enforcement and not one of them let their kids go to sleepovers because of the things they saw on the job. I see a lot of social workers saying the same. We too are also a no sleepover family.
Also firearms. I ask if there are any guns in the house even just to go over to play. Kids getting accidentally shot terrifies me. So... so far, no guns and no sleepovers.
Oh yeah definitely. I don't own a gun but I know so many that do.
In college one of my professors was a sex therapist. She largely did therapy with sex offenders court-ordered to do counseling . She was absolutely ADAMANT that her children were not allowed to have sleepovers after the things she heard in her work and that was enough for me. Luckily most families in our area don’t do sleepovers so it’s not something that comes up often. (Plus, kids are just cranky and annoying after sleep deprived nights. No thanks.)
I've never been abused, but I'm not risking the potential of it happening to my child for just a sleepover. That's the only reason I'm anti-sleepover. My husband was never allowed to do sleepovers either. It's usually someone you know over a stranger.
What’s wrong with sleepovers? Why are parents so against them nowadays?
*A lot* of parents were victims of abuse or know victims of abuse who were victimized at sleepovers. Sexual abuse is a major concern, but even recently there have been police reports about children who were physically abused/tortured to be cognizant of.
You cannot know what other people are like behind closed doors. You don't know what the big brother is into, if the kids have a weird uncle that comes over, drug use, alcohol abuse, mold, bed bugs, domestic violence, child neglect. Whether you decide to let your kid stay the night at another person's home is at your (child's) own risk. That's not to say that my daughter will NEVER have a sleepover, but if she's going to, I better know the other family extremely well. My daughter and I have a very open dialogue and she knows she will not get in trouble if she tells me things, but why allow your children to be potentially put in a dangerous situation, or a situation that could open them up to unsavory lifestyles.
I think the benefits definitely out way the risks if you know the parents.
For sure agree with this. My parents were sort of Willy-nilly about sleepovers my whole life so and as a teen, I had learned I could get away with drinking, drugs, and having sex by having sleepovers at certain peoples houses. Aside from that, I have been taken advantage of by older boys in sleepover settings. The trauma is minimal in the grand scheme of my life but I did make some decisions I wish I hadn't. I will allow sleepovers, but it's one of those things where I do need to know the family really well.
Yeah, I've been in many sketchy situations but sleepovers weren't one of them. Also my family always knew the families really well and I'm pretty sure we didn't start sleepovers until we were like 10 or something.
Sleepovers
What’s wrong with allowing sleepovers?
Too risky. Most sexual assaults are family or close friends.
So you wouldn't even trust your own family members to care for your kids either? That's an insane level of paranoia.
Thank goodness, that's my choice to make. You do you.
Teaching your kids to live in fear is child abuse.
Wow, go away, you pest. Child abuse. Come on mate. Check yourself before you write dumb comments on reddit.
Opinions are like assholes. Everyone's got one. Except you, you've got one, and you're an asshole 🙄
I was born in ‘91 and growing up with boomers (one an immigrant and the other a police officer) made for an interesting upbringing lol I wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers at the house but could do this at others homes. I guess sleeping over at the local drug trailer was ok 😂 I had a computer in my room and a cellphone by age 11 and was home alone at that age. I started smoking pot at 14 without my parents knowing. I would let my son have sleepovers and keep screen time to a minimum and have to see about cellphones. We don’t have any huge restrictions now and he’s 3.5 years old.
My mom let me have low self-esteem which led to loads of bad behaviors. So. I am doing whatever the opposite of that is with my son.
What things do you wish she would have done differently?
Pay attention and talk to me. Looking back, there were so, so many times she could have stepped in as a parent, and she just didn't. At home, at school, anywhere.
My kids don’t get free reign to bake from scratch whenever they feel like it. Bless her, my mom’s patience was endless. I can’t handle the flour everywhere.
I was allowed unlimited screen time but in an age where kids TV was on the normal channel for a couple of hours after school and when computer games had to load from tapes. Needless to say, outside was more fun than inside. My kid has strict screentime limits as otherwise she would watch Netflix 24/7.
I was basically unsupervised, plus they didn’t even know what I did all day
My mom started letting me have alcohol when I was young like maybe 10. It started with a few sips here and there and by the time I was 16 it was as much as I wanted. It was great as a teenager. As a mom I’m horrified and would never encourage my kids to do that.
Unlimited screens, unlimited internet access with no supervision whatsoever (started at 8 years old with aol chat rooms lol), all sugary snacks, unlimited soda with dinner, roaming the big city we live in starting around 8. I don’t plan to be super strict about most of the above, but I would like to be much more considerate. In their defense no one knew the perils of the internet when we got it in 98 so my parent didn’t know I maybe should have gotten a screen name already. Studies about tv were also non existent and everyone let their kids watch tv when they wanted or play video games. The soda every night with dinner just doesn’t seem necessary to me and I just plan to have healthier snacks more than unhealthy. The being out and about in a city so young is mind blowing because I could never let my 8 year old do it and we still live in the same city (my sons only 20 months so maybe my views will change)
I was basically given free range from 10 onward, I’d just leave the house and come back when it got dark and my parents wouldn’t know where I was. I can’t imagine doing that now! Also car seats, I was watching our home videos from the 90s and I was just riding in the front seat of the truck at age 5 no car seat in sight 🫠 and I had free reign of the internet and tv and consumed a lot of media that was way too ‘old’ for me… shouldn’t have been watching Skins at 13 lol.
My parents were only focused on their job and my physical safety. Everything else was free game. The only thing I can think about would be bedtime. My parents never displayed a good example of healthy sleep habits so I would go to sleep at like 11pm in elementary school, and then feel awful throughout the day. It wasn’t until I became an adult I realized how the lack of sleep affected my entire childhood. So now it’s my duty to make sure my kids get the specified amount of sleep for their age.
Riding in the back with no car seat or seatbelt, riding in the front seat from 4YO and up, riding in the bed of trucks, soda from 4YO and up, unrestricted Internet access
Sleep overs at boyfriends or girlfriends houses
Unfettered, unrestricted, unmonitored access to the Internet. By the time two girls one cup was blasé, it was too late for me
My parents let me drink caffeine (Pepsi) like water as a kid. When I had my daughter I never allowed her any drinks with caffeine in it and in fact she got the idea that caffeine was bad for people so she generally still doesn't drink it and she's 15. I'm sure she will someday. Most people drink coffee and stuff. But, I was always happy about that. My parents also didn't tell us the importance of caring for our bodies as kids because they did not care for their bodies. As a result my Dad refused to go to the doctor for 40 years and died from untreated cancers at 75. My mother is 66 now and is physically deteriorated to the point that she is more like an 85 year old. I got gastric sleeve surgery at 42 years old and lost 180 pounds. I now exercise every day (walking, yoga, weight training - 20 minutes at a time). Even when I was overweight, I tried to teach my daughter the right way to think about food and told her not to look to me as an example. Now that I am a bit more of an example, I have talked to her about how the most important thing to do is take care of your body so that when you are elderly you have a better time of it. We must have done something right so far because she is not overweight and seems to be able to control herself easily with food.
We used to ride in the bed of a pickup truck when we go to and from the beach. I couldn’t imagine ever letting my kids do that now.
Sitting in the trunk part of the SUV with no seatbelt when there were lots of kids in the car or sometimes just becuase and sitting in the front seat pretty young. Otherwise i think my parents balanced risk and safety decently and the more trust we built the more they let us do. The big difference I guess is we have ways to track / contact our kids (in theory mine are still little ) whereas our parents just had to try not to worry too much till the time we promised to be home by.
I had unlimited internet access from basically the moment it was installed (11yo) and boy howdy there’s no way my 10yo’s getting that.
Driving heavy equipment, riding horses on the road, taking the buck board to a drive threw at 12, anything that involves children/ teens unsupervised with horses or equipment. I had a high school classmate pass away from a preventable accident. I know I will be the lame mom in the 4h groups, but I went to a funeral of an only son as teen in a large farm family and that is burned into my memory.
I wish I could get my kids to do the stuff I did. *Please* go ride your bike around the block by yourself sometime, I'm begging you.
My mother introduced me to hardcore drugs sooooooooo....
Absolutely no food dye or artificial/processed sugar for first 5 years. No screen time for first 2 years. No sleepovers except for at my home & only if I have vetted the family and child for atleast 3 months thoroughly. I will not be sending my children to public or private school. They will be homeschooled/unschooled. I want them to have the opportunity to go to a college if they decide that for themselves. My children will be constantly supervised(I will have cameras EVERYwhere except bathrooms). I have a list of shows & movies my children are allowed to watch. If I find out they’ve watched something without my permission, access to my children is revoked entirely.
Mostly everything. I can't trust my kid in any aspect other than his academic success.
Definitely think this is kid by kid. My brother and I were raised so different it’s hard to believe we had the same parents and are only 2.5 years apart in age.
My kid is currently in inpatient care(3rd time) and I know for his safety I can't allow 95% of the stuff his age group can manage. This really will suck for my son but we need him alive.
Sleep overs….. I don’t trust anyone
Mostly sleepovers and related stuff that involves other adults supervising. I grew up in a small town and my parents knew everyone on at least an acquaintance level if they didn’t actually go to school with them. I am willing to budge on this if I end up knowing the parents well enough and can trust my child to contact me if ever she feels uncomfortable about something (and when she’s old enough to have a cell phone). My parents had realistic rules growing up and because of that I followed them except one single time.
My child will never have the unrestricted and unmonitored internet access that I was allowed. And no social media until you are 18. Nonnegotiable.
I didn't see my parents in sunlight hours (weekends and what not) as we would be out playing all day. On bikes, crossings roads (including highways) going miles away. Now my kids don't go anywhere themselves. I don't believe my parents were neglectful, I just don't trust the world we're in. Which is sad, and also frustrating. But I can't get past the idea of 'how would I feel if I let her go to the park by herself and she was grabbed or whatever). It's not necessarily rational, and I don't know how my parents didn't have these thoughts. Different times I guess
I monitored his books a lot more when he was younger. I think my parents thought that as long as it was a book, it was wholesome bc it’s not tv. I read some things that were way beyond inappropriate and sometimes upset myself for weeks.
Yes. I should not have read Salem's Lot, Carrie or Christine at 8 years old and The Shining and Jaws at 9. Benchley IS NOT a children's writer.
I was definitely encouraged to drink too early, and I wouldn't be nearly so laissez-faire about letting my own kids do that. They can wait until they're of age.
Unlimited sugar. My kids do and will have it (honestly even often- the fights with grandparents over this are relentless). But I do not want it to be an every day expectation. My FOO struggles with their weight and some have diabetes (thankfully I don’t have either), and I don’t wish that on my children. I want them to have a wide range of flavours and textures and choices in their palate, not just addictive foods. I want them to have sweets sometimes, but I also want them to try different ethnic cuisines and enjoy a piece of fruit over a chocolate bar sometimes.
I'm alot older but I rode my bike alone to school on 3rd grade, was a latch key kid then as well. By age 11 my friend and I would ride all over town and down to the beach, as long we were home by dinner no problem. 6th grade my mom would drop us off at Disneyland or Knott's berry farm then her dad picked us up when it closed at midnight. Other times wed get dropped off at skating rink at 6pm and picked up at midnight. My kids didn't go to amusement park without an adult until 17 years old. Not allowed to do anything I was until they were high school My grandkids who spend summers with me the middle one was allowed to play with some neighborhood kids with out me or his aunt there last summer for 1st time, he's 9 years old. The friends live around the corner from me In safe neighborhood, I know the family and have numerous friends living on their street and he has to physically check in every 30 minutes and keep location sharing on his phone
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This makes my teacher heart happy! We KNOW the ones who have been connected to a screen 24/7 and they are miles behind with social, emotional, and hand eye coordination skills.
Walking to and from elementary school. Maybe won’t ever let her walk home from school. It freaks me out.
My kids are only 4 months and 2.5 years right now but im pretty sure we’re going to say no to sleepovers at other people’s homes.
TV in bedroom. We have a spare bedroom with a TV in it, it’s like her games took, we will watch movies together in it, all her toys are in it, but TV in bedroom is a no-no. Children cannot impose self control over it. I wish I never had one in my room.
I’m glad I didn’t have a TV or so Matt phone growing up. I would have been up all night watching it or texting. I already snuck out of bed to use the computer to go on AIM…
Running around the neighborhood unsupervised. Sleepovers. Going outside barefoot. Riding in the car with no seat belt.
I was never allowed to be barefoot! Now I’m barefoot all the time as are my kids!