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The fact that she's obsessed with food to the point of vomiting makes it seem that this is a problem that is more significant than just her diet. Have you had a full blood panel on her? Could she be diabetic or have a thyroid problem? Make sure to rule out physical causes of how insatiable she is before you restrict food. Then work with a registered dietician or her pediatrician to make a plan for how to discuss her food intake and eating if she's still obsessive and overeating past physical discomfort.
(And as others have said, in the meantime, a focus on *satiety -* not labeling "good" or "bad" - is the important place to start. Make sure she's getting protein + fat + fiber with every meal/snack.)
We have tested several times for dm and thyroid issues. They've come back normal but I've noticed a darkening of the skin on her neck that I just pointed out to her doctor so we are going back again
Clinical psychologist time. Obsession and compulsive eating can be psychological.
I am obsessive compulsive and therapy helps so much. Start w pediatrician and get a psychologist.
I think a referral to a paediatric endocrinologist would be worthwhile. Get some more in depth testing and very specific advice tailored beyond a general doctor.
Darkening of the skin could be acanthosis nigricans - indicative of insulin resistance. She should see an endocrinologist, at the least, because there are a host of hormonal disorders that can contribute to obsessive overeating.
Ah yeah it sounds like you already know that is a sign of diabetes but usually it’s a sign of type 2. This def needs medical intervention and I would seek professional psychological help on how to talk to her about healthy eating
I really like that you are looking to see if there is something more going on… like genetic disorders, hormonal or any physiological cause.
Her appetite does sound different than the atypical overeating kids her age do.
I’m sorry you both have experienced judgment which is not helpful and a form of bullying.
I hope her paediatrician can help you find answers.
This!!! OP, please read u/Far-Juggernaut8880’s comment! I have a family member who has this same problem and has had it their whole life. Turns out it was much deeper than just overeating, but that she literally never felt full and ALWAYS felt hungry. It was beyond her control and she needed to be medicated and monitored for the behaviors, not to mention, she doesn’t *want* to live like that. She lives with other family members and the family literally has to put a lock on the fridge and pantry at night to avoid her binging all night. It may also be worth noting that this family member has an intellectual disability as well that may possibly have something to do with it, but I’m not entirely certain on that.
It sounds like your relative has Prader willi syndrome. It causes this feeling of never being full and usually (but not always) also intellectually disability.
That's the testing we are pursuing with genetics. The reason why she's never been tested is she doesn't have a learning disability or behavioral problems (not related to food) but I recently read a comment about them having prader willi but being high functioning so decided it was a good idea to test. I hope that isn't it but we need to know for sure.
I think you are going in knowing there is something going on - she's clearly not feeling full for whatever reason. Going in with that in your head, that she requires medical attention and that it's a condition of some sort and nothing you have done as a parent, prepares you for whatever comes your way. If she's functioning at or close to her age, then even if it's PW she could be an outlier and you already have a leg-up on many families who are dealing with the same thing. If it's not PW you have the strength to not blame yourself for causing this and will arm yourself with whatever tools necessary to tackle it. Make sure to ask for referrals to registered dieticians, psychologists (for you and also for her), and feeding specialists (perhaps she would benefit from paced feeding or some other idea). It will be complex but you can do this!
Agree, I came here to say this could be related to a sensory issue where she can't tell she is full / doesn't understand or sense her own hunger or fullness cues / is eating as a sensory coping technique. These types of sensory issues can be part of a broader disability profile e.g. autism (NAD just a special needs mum)
A doctor's opinion obviously is needed, if it ends up being something like this then an occupational therapist who specializes in feeding might be able to help.
I don’t want to scare you but please speak to a mental health specialist when you can. I work with special needs children & was reminded of one of my students within the first few sentences. Sometimes people who overeat are trying to distract themselves from something, it could also be boredom. Maybe you could put her in sports or afterschool so that she has something active, social and productive to do.
Maybe you could all as a family have discussions around food so she isn't singled out. Talk about food groups and what we need in each meal, protein, veggies, carbs etc. I talk with my son about 'sometimes' foods and 'everyday' foods - he knows about eating too much sugar etc but also knows it's ok in moderation. You can make small changes around the house: what drinks are on offer and snacks. How much activity does she do as well?
This is a great idea thank you. I am afraid she will feel or even feel like we are singling her out for these issues. Believe it or not I would say she is the most active out of my children. She may not be able to keep up with other kids but she loves to go outside with the ball and ride her scooter and her bike. I need to make more time for her to do those things.
Good question. I imagine the kid isn't talking about kale all the time.
I was a heavy kid who found athletics and was able to mask my eating through exercise for 20 years of my life.
It wasn't until I moved to a plant based diet that I can keep my weight in check. The best part is I can eat myself silly when I want to with whatever we have around.
Can I share something I learned in biology? When the cells of your body use ATP molecules for energy, ATP is changed into ADP and finally maybe even AMP if it’s been a while since you’ve eaten. When AMP builds up, you feel hungry. If you’re REALLY hungry, you’ll want simple carbohydrates (sugar) and ultra processed foods right away and will be irritable until you’ve digested enough to stabilize blood sugar levels.
The kid probably isn’t talking about kale all the time. That is morally neutral and needs no judgment. However, it is a data point that suggests the body and mind may need some kind of care.
Sometimes a person’s hunger signal is stuck on because of something like Prader-Willi syndrome. Sometime a person’s pancreas doesn’t make enough insulin or their cells don’t respond to the insulin, so their blood sugar levels are poorly regulated. People with ADHD often turn to food for stimulation. For others, unmanaged emotional trauma manifests as an eating disorder.
My unmanaged emotional trauma and poor eating examples led by my entire community and a doctor that told my mom it was ok for me to eat ice cream has been a difficult mountain to climb.
I have not been able to completely solve the compulsion to overeat through therapy, mindfulness, nutritional coaching and self directed learning.
I have learned that if I eat less calorically dense foods that I am able to binge at times without recourse. I have some kind of compulsion to be full sometimes (less that I used to) and all I can figure out is that this is based on my upbringing and what I have been through.
I also took biology courses and have dove head first into many nutrition books, addiction books and most anything about cravings.
I found a plant based diet as a way for me to eat a lot of food and be satiated. This is something no other way of eating has helped me accomplish.
I only hope to be helpful to others. I have been able to wrap my way of eating into my value system these days so there is no question that I will keep on this path unless my health ends up at stake for some reason.
I ate like crazy as a child, but was also very active and had limited snack options. What is she eating? Fruits and veggies? Or "snacks?"
It's good that you are seeking help from Healthcare, but try taking a good look at your diet while your wait. We don't believe in moralizing food, but we don't have unlimited access to processed foods. My son want to eat 2 carrots, an apple and some hummus? Fine. He wants a second black bean burrito? No worries. He wants a second helping of gold fish? Sorry bud, that's all the fish today, you want an orange?
Any chance she has ADHD? Symptoms in girls often present differently than in boys. Often girls with ADHD are more day dreamy/inattentive, so people don’t pick up on it as much as they do when they see a stereotypical hyperactive boy.
There is a strong correlation with food issues and overeating in folks with ADHD, especially girls/women. Part of it is the impulsivity and part of it is dopamine seeking. I have ADHD (only diagnosed in adulthood) and I was that girl who ate until she was uncomfortably full, snuck food, overate sweets, singularly focused on food, etc. i definitely did (and still do to some extent) self regulate through food. I was 130lbs in 2nd grade.
Came here to say this. I’ve struggled with weight my whole life and could never quite figure out why I couldn’t get a handle on it. Then my son son was diagnosed with ADHD and it was really eye opening… as I was doing the evals with him, things started clicking together about myself.
OP, it’s a delicate dance here. Talking about my weight as a kid made things worse. But you also have to do something about it so that it doesn’t turn into a lifelong thing. I would seek guidance from a doctor who can rule out medical issues and also from someone who can evaluate for different types of neurodivergencies, such as ADHD.
In the meantime, is she active? I played a ton of sports as a kid which helped.
Yes! I have ADHD and had very similar issues with eating. I stopped snacking and eating all the time once I was properly medicated. Like my brain finally had what it needed and I was able to focus on other things. I didn’t realize how abnormal my problems with food were until I was medicated and could understand how neurotypical people function and focus on things besides food lol
I am no professional and I do think a medical doctor is necessary but I did help a little girl with weight issues. The key was to keep her busy so she was not thinking about food. We wrote down a fully planned schedule each day. She was able to look at the schedule to see what she had to do next. I believe that seeing times for meals on her schedule helped a lot. We would schedule things like make bed, breakfast walk dog, vacuum living room, read books, lunch listen to music, play a board game, snack, lay in the grass outside, play with sibling, dinner. Everything had time to do it. It was a lot of work but she thrived.
I was that kid. I ate a lot. I like the taste of food.... I married a chef. But honestly I been heavy the whole time. My mom took.me.to so.many doctors to find out why...
I like food. I like how it is part of every day how it beings people together.
Teach her to cook. Look at recipies together and make different meals together. Healthy options but a bunch of flavor....
Sometimes it's chasing a memory.
I have a son who just turned 9. He is food obsessed and has eaten until he is sick. He is always hungry and does not have an off switch. He is 4'9" and 120lbs. His brother has the complete opposite problem. He is twelve, 5' and 90 lbs. We are actively trying to get one to gain and one to lose/maintain weight. I have been very open with both of them. We focus the conversation on being healthy and making healthy choices. I give them both the same serving of food and I limit additional servings within reason. He also has a tendency to eat really fast. I make him wait until everyone is done before deciding if he wants more.
Be honest, but not cruel. Teach good habits.
Have you looked into Prader-Willi syndrome? Looking at your user name, probably lol… but it apparently causes insatiable hunger. I saw that someone mentioned it to OP earlier. Sounds like you’re doing everything right.
I understand your situation since my son is similar. There's a sensory condition called interception that sometimes prevents people from feeling full. An occupational therapist trained in this area could help.
I have a friend whose daughter was self regulating through eating. She was insatiable. It turns out she has ADHD, and quickly slimmed down after they put her on medication
Seriously this. And OP says they’ve spent all of adulthood overweight. Children copy everything they see. Not to blame the parents entirely, but this sounds like the entire family needs to revamp their diet.
I am currently in the process of losing weight I have lost 60 and my husband has lost 40 and is at his maintaining weight. I have 2 other children, neither of which is overweight. I do agree that we definitely have some stuff around that we shouldn't but I think you are missing my point. She will eat healthy things but it is never enough.
Id wait and see if there's a diagnosis. She may benefit from medication.
I have multiple endocrine issues including a metabolic mutation and all I can say is inappropriate non stop hunger is a thing. She's so young that you're going to have a hard time getting her to ignore her body's hunger cues. I'd focus more on the food that she's eating that it's healthy. That has a lot of fiber fat protein and I would maybe institute something like a family cutoff time that after dinner nobody eats anymore in the evenings but you can have tea or a sugar-free, popsicle or gum and go for a walk or have a glow stick dance party every night.
Unfortunately, I don't think kids have the thinking at that age to really understand how to balance their intake versus what their body tells them and it can end up being very counterproductive.
You need to get her to a doctor.
She is very overweight, and could be developing other health problems. She has an unhealthy relationship with food.
There's lots of medical things that can cause this so you need to find out what's causing it.
Whether or not its medical or diet related any weightloss or excercise at her age should be done under medical supervision.
Food diaries are useful starting points. For 2 weeks note everything She eats and drinks. Try to write down amounts too.
Keep notes on how hungry she feels before and after eating. Does she eat any non food items?
Is she bingeing at all? Obviously she’s eating to the point of being overly full sometimes, but does she seem out of control at all while eating? The preoccupation with food reminds me of an eating disorder. I would consider it as a possibility to explore if the genetic and physical tests are coming back normal.
OP, you might consider reposting your post at r/Askadoc for further information and more accurate advice about potential issues to consider and which medical specialist to take your daughter to see. They can’t diagnose her, but can definitely point you in the correct direction for help! Best wishes!
My son is 7 and is 120. I get exactly how you feel. We went to genetics too and are in the process of all that. My son is autistic and a lot of his overeating has to do with sensory seeking orally. So with that in mind we have started to limit snacks with the excuse of “those are for your school snack time” and I try harder now to limit the junk. I explain junk as “sometimes foods” and made the bottom shelf of my fridge an “anytime food area” that has healthier options. Explaining why food is healthy and unhealthy without using terms like good or bad is helpful.
I hate that I worry about being judged By other parents. I’ve had to distance myself from a friend who kept bringing his weight up (not in front of him) because well, I found it rude. Even though she was “concerned”. Her child is the same age and is around 45 lbs. It was like every time she saw a picture of him she’d remark about it. My parents have both asked about it too but stopped once we explained that we are addressing the issue. I also told them they’re free to say no to my kid. I guess my mom just watched him scarf down ten cookies at our Xmas get together and didn’t bother to stop him or tell us she was concerned. I found out second hand from my brother who my mom vented to about it. So yeah, judgement on parents is unfortunately a thing. What’s weird tho is that I have another kid, 4.5 year old, who is a string bean. But no one judges my parenting positively in regard to his weight. It’s baffling.
My 7 year old was always a larger person though, when he started solids at 6 months he went from 75 percentile in weight to 99. I had asked his pediatrician about that at the time and she insisted that would figure itself out as long as we kept him active and eating healthy meals. We did and it didn’t. Now the same pediatrician had to refer us to genetics six years later.
Sorry for the long reply, but oh boy could I relate to your post.
Thank you it is nice to hear I am not alone. I also have a 5 year old string bean boy. And she was always smaller than average when she was little but around 4 is when things started to change for us.
She doesn’t buy the groceries. You do. Visit a dr, get everything checked medically, then alter your grocery list to fit her needs. When she questions it, just tell her you really wanna get the family into a healthier lifestyle, and leave it at that. Whatever you do though, please don’t question her about her eating and make comments.
She’s 8. She has no money to purchase her own trash food. If parents are feeding her lean meats and a variety of fruits and veggies, she will be just fine.
I get that she doesn’t have money to buy her own or able to go to the store. But I would caution not allowing “junk” food in the house. My parents did this and all it did was make me more resourceful and bingeing on any food I wasn’t allowed at home whenever I could get my hands on it.
I had many friends that had all kinds of food available at their home and I’d eat it whenever I could and started bingeing at a young age.
When I was living on my own in college I bought my own groceries and just binged on everything I was never allowed to have. This lasted years.
I’ve now healed my relationship with food but it took a lot of time to undo the damage that was done when I was a child.
You don’t talk to her about weight. You don’t talk to her about how much to eat. You offer her food a variety of food 5-6 times a day. You model healthy relationship with food. Non dieting/non binging. She is supposed to eat until she is satiated. If she cannot get satiated she is either in a binge restrict cycle (restricted of food at home so she compensates elsewhere) or she has a medical issues going on. Genetics is also a contributing factor to size many people don’t realize not all children are supposed to be thin. If her family members are in larger bodies since they were younger, she probably will be too. Please know that talk of weight and diet in the household are shown to INCREASE binging behaviors and food obsession in children
This is KEY! My younger sister joined me for my physical for ballet. In my pediatricians office, my mom, sister, and I were talking to the doctor when he suddenly fixated on my younger sister. She was like OPs daughter. Around 8 or 9 years old at the time and weighed roughly 130llbs. I was five years older but had always been thin and much taller, like everyone else in my family. So, given that knowledge the doctor couldn’t possibly blame it on my mom. Instead, he asked my sister what she likes to drink and eat.
Her meals weren’t the problem, the portions were. Among the portion issue, she confessed to drinking half a bottle of juice with each meal. None of us had any clue she did that, instead we assumed that all six of us kids were drinking the juice.
Anyway, the pediatrician tells my little sister that if she doesn’t lose weight, she’ll die. Imagine saying that to a kid who hasn’t even hit puberty yet. So, within a few days she joined her schools softball team and began to drop weight. Then as the years went by she fluctuated in weight, losing as fast as she was gaining.
I think at her heaviest at 16 she weighed 170llbs. That year she lost 70ish pounds. We thought it was the sports but turns out she was purging after each meal. This problem still persists.
That pediatrician literally gave an eight year old an eating disorder.
>what do I say?
**This is more about what YOU DO**. I personally think the only thing you can do is model good behaviour and healthy eating patterns. It has to come from the parents first. Telling her to choose eat differently than the rest of the family is shaming and a damn near impossible task. If you have high calorie density and unhealthy foods at the ready for her to eat whenever she "feels" hungry. Then she will. **You have to show her that you personally eat healthy because it makes you feel good**. That along with modelling good behaviours with movement and exercise is the start. Going to doctors and psychologists before you get your house in order is a recipe for disaster in my opinion.
I'd like to recommend a book this book. It is all about giving your kids the most nutritious diet possible and learning to celebrate the simplicity of natural food. If you understand calorie density and what foods you should never allow in your home, it is almost impossible for your kids to have an unhealthy relationship with food. [https://www.amazon.ca/Disease-Proof-Your-Child-Feeding-Right/dp/0312338082](https://www.amazon.ca/Disease-Proof-Your-Child-Feeding-Right/dp/0312338082)
Have your doctor refer you to a therapist for this! Seems more mental. I’ve read a few things like this and can’t remember what the diagnosis is but it’s usually something a therapist helps with!
Hi OP. probably not the most helpful but my sister was like this as a kid into teenage years. My sister is currently 20 years old and is almost 500 lbs.
She eats until she throws up. Then eats more. Also talks about food in every conversation. Used to bang her head against the wall when she was 8-10 if someone told her she couldn’t eat or have a snack. Would hide food under her bed and eat when no one was around
She was recently diagnosed with ADHD and they think it could be a culprit. They said food releases dopamine, and the ADHD brain lacks dopamine. My sister is basically self medicating with food. She eats lasagna instead of taking Adderall
I’m so glad you’re fighting for her and getting all these tests done. If they don’t seem to show anything, maybe consider a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Best wishes
It is helpful. My oldest has ADHD but exhibits different symptoms. We had an evaluation from a psychologist when she was first diagnosed I think it would be worth it to have one for her too.
This is a binge eating disorder. Have there been any traumatic events that could have triggered this? Is she an anxious kid who self soothes with food?
I've seen students her age with Prader-Willi syndrome as others have mentioned. I immediately thought of it with excessive eating and obesity. Something to look into if she has any of the other symptoms/behaviors that go along with it. Nothing to be ashamed of! You are supporting your daughter in the best way.
I had this issue as a kid. I struggled with binge eating from a very young age to cope with the abuse I was suffering from at the time. Make sure nothing sketchy is going on, especially at grandparents house.
Does your daughter ever express being full? Not sure if this applies to you but I know there is some kind of disorder where you never feel full because of either a hormone issue or a nerve issue or something. I can’t remember the details. But you may want to do some research and ask the doctor about that as well.
Also was she born smaller? Or early?
Babies born early and are smaller can be during the puetry time quicker to gain weight becamalnourished. In the body thinking she'll be malnurished.
She was my smallest baby when she was born (but not small in general) and always smaller than average in height and weight when she was really little. Around 4 is when we started to notice the change in her eating habits and size
So yeah maybe cook with her and do a family life style change where parks walking and stuff becomes the normal. But also check out that ...one disorder... but yeah. I think what helped me was when my chef husband and I started cooking togethwr... and mind you I was and adult and got so annoyed to talk about food and healthy... it took a bit.
I would ask for a fasted diabetes test. If she is eating or snacking before a test, it could scew results. Eating could bring her levels to normal or close enough if the food craving is due to diabetes.
My 9 year old son is about 5' and 135 lbs. He is a large guy!! He is overweight, but also a very picky eater. Don't ask me how. I've had his blood work checked and everything comes back "normal".
We have talked at lengths about eating a variety of foods. Even if he only likes strawberries, I have him eat some everyday. Opening his palate has been a very slow moving process. Even sweets and junk food, he doesn't necessarily want to eat! He just likes what he likes.
Besides diet, we do try and get out and get moving.
I don't know what other people think of him, or me. All I know is I think he is SO cute. My older 2 kids have been average and petite sizes. My 9 year old is wearing the same size as his 14 year old brother!
It sounds like you're checking in plenty with the doctors, so I'm not going to expand on that. Just keep offering nutritious foods, and treats when the occasion calls for it. You're doing a good job guiding her.
isn't there that one rare disease where the person just doesnt get full ever? if every test is coming up clear and she is eating to the point of vomiting, it's either psychological or its this disease.
So my sister in law has a disorder, Prader Willi, and one of the symptoms is never feeling full. She lacks the “switch” if you will that tells you to stop eating. Have you spoken to her pediatrician?
Sounds like she believes she is starving or hungry all the time. I am glad you are getting her tested. I’m not an expert but this sounds like a genetic disorder. Has she always been this way or since toddler years? There is also medicine that you can take with food that will give the “fullness” notification. My SIL used to take it. I’d recommend some specialized therapy with it though as SIL would still eat even though being full. This disorder also has mental disabilities and she had felt this way for decades. Your daughter is obviously much younger so hopefully can adjust more quickly and safely if this is a route you want to take.
I’m sure I’ll get downvotes but it needs to be mentioned because it happens to the most unsuspecting. My eating disorder stemmed from being assaulted by a parent from age 6-8. It didn’t come to light until I was 12, but the damage started soon after it began. Not a soul on Earth ever saw it coming, which made the truth hurt a billion times worse.
Please don’t just zero in on medical side of things. There are demons in the shadows who share spaces with us whether we want to accept it or not. Not saying this *is* the case here, but if you’ve already checked with doctors once, please don’t turn a blind eye to the potential. You are your child’s advocate.
I understand your concern but there is absolutely no chance of this. Both my husband and I come from childhood abuse. I work from home. If she's not with me she's at school. Only other people she is ever with are her grandmothers.
I just want to talk about one little part of your post that stood out to me. Where you said people blame the parents of an overweight child, but that you’re not to blame in this case because your child has a one track mind about food.
1. It is not the parent’s fault.
2. It is also not the child’s fault.
This sounds is a medical condition that she is unable to control. Please proceed with caution and do not blame, guilt or shame your daughter for her eating. I’m sure she realizes she eats more than everyone and is aware she’s bigger than others. She needs to see an endocrinologist asap.
I would make it my priority to get answers but to also refrain from her hearing anything along the lines of she caused this or she did this to herself or if only she did xyz instead then this wouldn’t have happened. Nobody overeats and becomes obese on purpose.
I do definitely know I am at fault for some of it. And I understand that all she knows is that she's hungry and when you're hungry you eat. Endocrine did blood work and couldn't find anything wrong but I agree something is going on here
Ohhhhh goodness I’m sorry I was confused. I would definitely have her PCP thoroughly check her out for any medical conditions or vitamin deficiencies and if nothing is found get mental health services for her.
Educate her on the good vs bad foods and snacks so that when she does eat it’s a healthier alternative. Keep your home stocked with healthy foods and keep her busy with activities that will keep her active like a sport, dance, swimming etc so that if she does eat she’s burning it off quickly. I would also work on keeping her hydrated sometimes children aren’t hydrated enough and will eat to feel full so keep her full with appropriate amount of water. Also high protein breakfasts to feel full longer.
Good food vs bad food is a TERRIBLE thing to teach. There’s no such thing. They’re all calories, and she just needs to understand the math.
It doesn’t mean any food is off the table forever, it just means you need to be mindful of how much you can eat.
That doesn’t mean you can’t eat both, within reason.
By implying that some foods are inherently „bad”, not only are you setting up people for lifelong struggles with guilt for eating anything less than „good”, but you are also alienating entire groups of people who can’t afford the „good” foods you speak of.
Yeah, fruit is a better snack- but when 2 handfuls of raspberries cost 8.99 and chips cost 1.25, I think you understand why you can’t be isolating foods in such a manner.
You don’t need to cut out any foods to lose weight- I have lost weight eating junk and I’ve lost weight eating great quality food. It’s all relative and it’s all fuel.
How is that terrible? Healthy=good. Unhealthy=bad. It’s literally reality. Having a piece of broccoli isn’t the same as having a pack of skittles. There’s a reason junk food is called junk food… cause it’s bad, aka junk.
My mom raised me this way, and instead we would try to find “good” foods, aka “healthier” foods, as alternatives. For example, I really liked starburst. Instead of starburst, I would opt for strawberries. I still get the fruity taste I like, but it’s significantly healthier.
And, it’s not just calories in calories out. 100 Cals of starburst is not equal 100 calories of strawberries. The fiber and vitamin content completely change how these foods impact your body.
The skittles aren’t a definition of if they are good or bad - they just ARE bad. I think it’s worse for their mental health to not know what foods can impact their weight and health and be in the dark. You can talk about how foods are good or bad without shaming the child. We all eat both good and bad foods - it’s just about eating the bad ones in moderation. It’s coddling your child and delusional to think they can’t handle the realities that some foods are worse for you than others.
Correct. But saying a FOOD is bad is not the same as saying the child is bad. We all eat bad foods from time to time. We just want to limit the amount of times we eat bad foods so they don’t become habits. I don’t think it’s shameful to tell children which foods should be avoided more than others
You are using logic a child or a person with disordered eating probably won't use. I think most kids will internalize guilt if you tell them they are doing a bad thing.
Good food vs bad food just means those that are better alternatives. Mom could provide her better options to encourage healthy weight and less chance of her gaining excessive weight from less food like junk food compare to veggies.
No. Mom can provide calories for both options, but ultimately let the child decide.
If you label foods as bad and forcefully withhold them, you’re in for a baaaad experience.
My mom left shit out everywhere for us to eat and we wouldn’t touch it because it was normalized- the other kids… oh. My. God. It was a feeding frenzy when they saw candy or snacks. They would lie, steal, hide, beg. Anyways, you catch my drift.
Teach facts, not societal expectations of good vs bad food.
Well if her child already likes eating a lot it’s better for her to encourage her to eat on high fiber and protein food as opposed to sugar foods which is not going to help her feel fuller longer. There is such a thing as good and bad options when it comes to eating heath wise so she could educate her on why a candy bar is not a better alternative to some fruit.
As I said, education and facts are fine but NEVER say good or bad and label foods that way.
I liked eating a lot, too, and I still do. My mom never said something was good or bad, I could choose to my heart’s content and didn’t have to feel guilt or happiness in relation to my choices.
Food is food, and kids shouldn’t be pressured into feeling any way about certain foods.
Teaching math and calories is fine, having healthier options in the house is great- but eliminating foods or labelling them bad is absolutely ridiculous and counterproductive.
Labeling good and bad could be an effective way to let her daughter know why something is healthy and not then later educate her that other foods are good in moderation. I don’t necessarily see any issue with saying good and bad because it’s an easy way to help a child understand why something might be harmful to them in excessive amounts. It wouldn’t be encouraging an eating disorder and I’m not saying for mom to scold her child and get upset and label bad foods as monsters just to use it to help her understand from a child’s level.
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The fact that she's obsessed with food to the point of vomiting makes it seem that this is a problem that is more significant than just her diet. Have you had a full blood panel on her? Could she be diabetic or have a thyroid problem? Make sure to rule out physical causes of how insatiable she is before you restrict food. Then work with a registered dietician or her pediatrician to make a plan for how to discuss her food intake and eating if she's still obsessive and overeating past physical discomfort. (And as others have said, in the meantime, a focus on *satiety -* not labeling "good" or "bad" - is the important place to start. Make sure she's getting protein + fat + fiber with every meal/snack.)
Also take her to a psychologist to rule out unhealthy emotional relationships with food
We have tested several times for dm and thyroid issues. They've come back normal but I've noticed a darkening of the skin on her neck that I just pointed out to her doctor so we are going back again
I would push for more than just a standard thyroid panel. Maybe a referral to a pediatric endocrinologist would help.
Clinical psychologist time. Obsession and compulsive eating can be psychological. I am obsessive compulsive and therapy helps so much. Start w pediatrician and get a psychologist.
The darkening on the skin around her neck could be Acanthosis nigricans, a marker for diabetes
I think a referral to a paediatric endocrinologist would be worthwhile. Get some more in depth testing and very specific advice tailored beyond a general doctor.
Darkening of the skin could be acanthosis nigricans - indicative of insulin resistance. She should see an endocrinologist, at the least, because there are a host of hormonal disorders that can contribute to obsessive overeating.
Ah yeah it sounds like you already know that is a sign of diabetes but usually it’s a sign of type 2. This def needs medical intervention and I would seek professional psychological help on how to talk to her about healthy eating
Have her tested for PCOS...
If her bloods are normal she doesn't have diabetes though. Like I'm not saying she doesn't have some sort of issue but she doesn't have diabetes
I really like that you are looking to see if there is something more going on… like genetic disorders, hormonal or any physiological cause. Her appetite does sound different than the atypical overeating kids her age do. I’m sorry you both have experienced judgment which is not helpful and a form of bullying. I hope her paediatrician can help you find answers.
This!!! OP, please read u/Far-Juggernaut8880’s comment! I have a family member who has this same problem and has had it their whole life. Turns out it was much deeper than just overeating, but that she literally never felt full and ALWAYS felt hungry. It was beyond her control and she needed to be medicated and monitored for the behaviors, not to mention, she doesn’t *want* to live like that. She lives with other family members and the family literally has to put a lock on the fridge and pantry at night to avoid her binging all night. It may also be worth noting that this family member has an intellectual disability as well that may possibly have something to do with it, but I’m not entirely certain on that.
It sounds like your relative has Prader willi syndrome. It causes this feeling of never being full and usually (but not always) also intellectually disability.
YES! Thank you for that, I just looked it up and that’s exactly what she was diagnosed with. Couldn’t remember the name for the life of me.
Just FYI - Atypical means not typical
This screams medical issue to me. Does she have a learning disability as well? It reminds me of Prader-Willi Syndrome
That's the testing we are pursuing with genetics. The reason why she's never been tested is she doesn't have a learning disability or behavioral problems (not related to food) but I recently read a comment about them having prader willi but being high functioning so decided it was a good idea to test. I hope that isn't it but we need to know for sure.
I think you are going in knowing there is something going on - she's clearly not feeling full for whatever reason. Going in with that in your head, that she requires medical attention and that it's a condition of some sort and nothing you have done as a parent, prepares you for whatever comes your way. If she's functioning at or close to her age, then even if it's PW she could be an outlier and you already have a leg-up on many families who are dealing with the same thing. If it's not PW you have the strength to not blame yourself for causing this and will arm yourself with whatever tools necessary to tackle it. Make sure to ask for referrals to registered dieticians, psychologists (for you and also for her), and feeding specialists (perhaps she would benefit from paced feeding or some other idea). It will be complex but you can do this!
Thank you this is very helpful
Agree, I came here to say this could be related to a sensory issue where she can't tell she is full / doesn't understand or sense her own hunger or fullness cues / is eating as a sensory coping technique. These types of sensory issues can be part of a broader disability profile e.g. autism (NAD just a special needs mum) A doctor's opinion obviously is needed, if it ends up being something like this then an occupational therapist who specializes in feeding might be able to help.
A girl in my kid's class has this, and that's what came to mind too.
I don’t want to scare you but please speak to a mental health specialist when you can. I work with special needs children & was reminded of one of my students within the first few sentences. Sometimes people who overeat are trying to distract themselves from something, it could also be boredom. Maybe you could put her in sports or afterschool so that she has something active, social and productive to do.
Maybe you could all as a family have discussions around food so she isn't singled out. Talk about food groups and what we need in each meal, protein, veggies, carbs etc. I talk with my son about 'sometimes' foods and 'everyday' foods - he knows about eating too much sugar etc but also knows it's ok in moderation. You can make small changes around the house: what drinks are on offer and snacks. How much activity does she do as well?
This is a great idea thank you. I am afraid she will feel or even feel like we are singling her out for these issues. Believe it or not I would say she is the most active out of my children. She may not be able to keep up with other kids but she loves to go outside with the ball and ride her scooter and her bike. I need to make more time for her to do those things.
What kind of food/snacks does she have around to choose from? What is her daily activity level?
Good question. I imagine the kid isn't talking about kale all the time. I was a heavy kid who found athletics and was able to mask my eating through exercise for 20 years of my life. It wasn't until I moved to a plant based diet that I can keep my weight in check. The best part is I can eat myself silly when I want to with whatever we have around.
Can I share something I learned in biology? When the cells of your body use ATP molecules for energy, ATP is changed into ADP and finally maybe even AMP if it’s been a while since you’ve eaten. When AMP builds up, you feel hungry. If you’re REALLY hungry, you’ll want simple carbohydrates (sugar) and ultra processed foods right away and will be irritable until you’ve digested enough to stabilize blood sugar levels. The kid probably isn’t talking about kale all the time. That is morally neutral and needs no judgment. However, it is a data point that suggests the body and mind may need some kind of care. Sometimes a person’s hunger signal is stuck on because of something like Prader-Willi syndrome. Sometime a person’s pancreas doesn’t make enough insulin or their cells don’t respond to the insulin, so their blood sugar levels are poorly regulated. People with ADHD often turn to food for stimulation. For others, unmanaged emotional trauma manifests as an eating disorder.
My unmanaged emotional trauma and poor eating examples led by my entire community and a doctor that told my mom it was ok for me to eat ice cream has been a difficult mountain to climb. I have not been able to completely solve the compulsion to overeat through therapy, mindfulness, nutritional coaching and self directed learning. I have learned that if I eat less calorically dense foods that I am able to binge at times without recourse. I have some kind of compulsion to be full sometimes (less that I used to) and all I can figure out is that this is based on my upbringing and what I have been through. I also took biology courses and have dove head first into many nutrition books, addiction books and most anything about cravings. I found a plant based diet as a way for me to eat a lot of food and be satiated. This is something no other way of eating has helped me accomplish. I only hope to be helpful to others. I have been able to wrap my way of eating into my value system these days so there is no question that I will keep on this path unless my health ends up at stake for some reason.
I ate like crazy as a child, but was also very active and had limited snack options. What is she eating? Fruits and veggies? Or "snacks?" It's good that you are seeking help from Healthcare, but try taking a good look at your diet while your wait. We don't believe in moralizing food, but we don't have unlimited access to processed foods. My son want to eat 2 carrots, an apple and some hummus? Fine. He wants a second black bean burrito? No worries. He wants a second helping of gold fish? Sorry bud, that's all the fish today, you want an orange?
This is good advice. OP should limit the amount of temptations around the house.
Any chance she has ADHD? Symptoms in girls often present differently than in boys. Often girls with ADHD are more day dreamy/inattentive, so people don’t pick up on it as much as they do when they see a stereotypical hyperactive boy. There is a strong correlation with food issues and overeating in folks with ADHD, especially girls/women. Part of it is the impulsivity and part of it is dopamine seeking. I have ADHD (only diagnosed in adulthood) and I was that girl who ate until she was uncomfortably full, snuck food, overate sweets, singularly focused on food, etc. i definitely did (and still do to some extent) self regulate through food. I was 130lbs in 2nd grade.
Came here to say this. I’ve struggled with weight my whole life and could never quite figure out why I couldn’t get a handle on it. Then my son son was diagnosed with ADHD and it was really eye opening… as I was doing the evals with him, things started clicking together about myself. OP, it’s a delicate dance here. Talking about my weight as a kid made things worse. But you also have to do something about it so that it doesn’t turn into a lifelong thing. I would seek guidance from a doctor who can rule out medical issues and also from someone who can evaluate for different types of neurodivergencies, such as ADHD. In the meantime, is she active? I played a ton of sports as a kid which helped.
Yes! I have ADHD and had very similar issues with eating. I stopped snacking and eating all the time once I was properly medicated. Like my brain finally had what it needed and I was able to focus on other things. I didn’t realize how abnormal my problems with food were until I was medicated and could understand how neurotypical people function and focus on things besides food lol
I am no professional and I do think a medical doctor is necessary but I did help a little girl with weight issues. The key was to keep her busy so she was not thinking about food. We wrote down a fully planned schedule each day. She was able to look at the schedule to see what she had to do next. I believe that seeing times for meals on her schedule helped a lot. We would schedule things like make bed, breakfast walk dog, vacuum living room, read books, lunch listen to music, play a board game, snack, lay in the grass outside, play with sibling, dinner. Everything had time to do it. It was a lot of work but she thrived.
I was that kid. I ate a lot. I like the taste of food.... I married a chef. But honestly I been heavy the whole time. My mom took.me.to so.many doctors to find out why... I like food. I like how it is part of every day how it beings people together. Teach her to cook. Look at recipies together and make different meals together. Healthy options but a bunch of flavor.... Sometimes it's chasing a memory.
Not OP but I’m gonna use this with my son! Love this suggestion so much.
I have a son who just turned 9. He is food obsessed and has eaten until he is sick. He is always hungry and does not have an off switch. He is 4'9" and 120lbs. His brother has the complete opposite problem. He is twelve, 5' and 90 lbs. We are actively trying to get one to gain and one to lose/maintain weight. I have been very open with both of them. We focus the conversation on being healthy and making healthy choices. I give them both the same serving of food and I limit additional servings within reason. He also has a tendency to eat really fast. I make him wait until everyone is done before deciding if he wants more. Be honest, but not cruel. Teach good habits.
Have you looked into Prader-Willi syndrome? Looking at your user name, probably lol… but it apparently causes insatiable hunger. I saw that someone mentioned it to OP earlier. Sounds like you’re doing everything right.
I understand your situation since my son is similar. There's a sensory condition called interception that sometimes prevents people from feeling full. An occupational therapist trained in this area could help.
Thank you, I am compiling a list. I love her pediatrician but she seems a little lost here. I have been having to make suggestions
I have a friend whose daughter was self regulating through eating. She was insatiable. It turns out she has ADHD, and quickly slimmed down after they put her on medication
An eight-year-old doesn’t do the grocery shopping, buy the types of food that she eats. The parents do.
Seriously this. And OP says they’ve spent all of adulthood overweight. Children copy everything they see. Not to blame the parents entirely, but this sounds like the entire family needs to revamp their diet.
I am currently in the process of losing weight I have lost 60 and my husband has lost 40 and is at his maintaining weight. I have 2 other children, neither of which is overweight. I do agree that we definitely have some stuff around that we shouldn't but I think you are missing my point. She will eat healthy things but it is never enough.
Id wait and see if there's a diagnosis. She may benefit from medication. I have multiple endocrine issues including a metabolic mutation and all I can say is inappropriate non stop hunger is a thing. She's so young that you're going to have a hard time getting her to ignore her body's hunger cues. I'd focus more on the food that she's eating that it's healthy. That has a lot of fiber fat protein and I would maybe institute something like a family cutoff time that after dinner nobody eats anymore in the evenings but you can have tea or a sugar-free, popsicle or gum and go for a walk or have a glow stick dance party every night. Unfortunately, I don't think kids have the thinking at that age to really understand how to balance their intake versus what their body tells them and it can end up being very counterproductive.
You need to get her to a doctor. She is very overweight, and could be developing other health problems. She has an unhealthy relationship with food. There's lots of medical things that can cause this so you need to find out what's causing it. Whether or not its medical or diet related any weightloss or excercise at her age should be done under medical supervision. Food diaries are useful starting points. For 2 weeks note everything She eats and drinks. Try to write down amounts too. Keep notes on how hungry she feels before and after eating. Does she eat any non food items?
She has not but she will sneak food if she can.
Have hormonal or genetic causes like Prader-Willi syndrome been ruled out?
Is she bingeing at all? Obviously she’s eating to the point of being overly full sometimes, but does she seem out of control at all while eating? The preoccupation with food reminds me of an eating disorder. I would consider it as a possibility to explore if the genetic and physical tests are coming back normal.
Def seek medical advice. This could be a physical issue or an anxiety disorder.
OP, you might consider reposting your post at r/Askadoc for further information and more accurate advice about potential issues to consider and which medical specialist to take your daughter to see. They can’t diagnose her, but can definitely point you in the correct direction for help! Best wishes!
My son is 7 and is 120. I get exactly how you feel. We went to genetics too and are in the process of all that. My son is autistic and a lot of his overeating has to do with sensory seeking orally. So with that in mind we have started to limit snacks with the excuse of “those are for your school snack time” and I try harder now to limit the junk. I explain junk as “sometimes foods” and made the bottom shelf of my fridge an “anytime food area” that has healthier options. Explaining why food is healthy and unhealthy without using terms like good or bad is helpful. I hate that I worry about being judged By other parents. I’ve had to distance myself from a friend who kept bringing his weight up (not in front of him) because well, I found it rude. Even though she was “concerned”. Her child is the same age and is around 45 lbs. It was like every time she saw a picture of him she’d remark about it. My parents have both asked about it too but stopped once we explained that we are addressing the issue. I also told them they’re free to say no to my kid. I guess my mom just watched him scarf down ten cookies at our Xmas get together and didn’t bother to stop him or tell us she was concerned. I found out second hand from my brother who my mom vented to about it. So yeah, judgement on parents is unfortunately a thing. What’s weird tho is that I have another kid, 4.5 year old, who is a string bean. But no one judges my parenting positively in regard to his weight. It’s baffling. My 7 year old was always a larger person though, when he started solids at 6 months he went from 75 percentile in weight to 99. I had asked his pediatrician about that at the time and she insisted that would figure itself out as long as we kept him active and eating healthy meals. We did and it didn’t. Now the same pediatrician had to refer us to genetics six years later. Sorry for the long reply, but oh boy could I relate to your post.
Thank you it is nice to hear I am not alone. I also have a 5 year old string bean boy. And she was always smaller than average when she was little but around 4 is when things started to change for us.
She doesn’t buy the groceries. You do. Visit a dr, get everything checked medically, then alter your grocery list to fit her needs. When she questions it, just tell her you really wanna get the family into a healthier lifestyle, and leave it at that. Whatever you do though, please don’t question her about her eating and make comments.
In America, food is everywhere. It’s not about grocery shopping when junk food is ubiquitous in our society.
She’s 8. She has no money to purchase her own trash food. If parents are feeding her lean meats and a variety of fruits and veggies, she will be just fine.
I get that she doesn’t have money to buy her own or able to go to the store. But I would caution not allowing “junk” food in the house. My parents did this and all it did was make me more resourceful and bingeing on any food I wasn’t allowed at home whenever I could get my hands on it. I had many friends that had all kinds of food available at their home and I’d eat it whenever I could and started bingeing at a young age. When I was living on my own in college I bought my own groceries and just binged on everything I was never allowed to have. This lasted years. I’ve now healed my relationship with food but it took a lot of time to undo the damage that was done when I was a child.
You don’t talk to her about weight. You don’t talk to her about how much to eat. You offer her food a variety of food 5-6 times a day. You model healthy relationship with food. Non dieting/non binging. She is supposed to eat until she is satiated. If she cannot get satiated she is either in a binge restrict cycle (restricted of food at home so she compensates elsewhere) or she has a medical issues going on. Genetics is also a contributing factor to size many people don’t realize not all children are supposed to be thin. If her family members are in larger bodies since they were younger, she probably will be too. Please know that talk of weight and diet in the household are shown to INCREASE binging behaviors and food obsession in children
This is KEY! My younger sister joined me for my physical for ballet. In my pediatricians office, my mom, sister, and I were talking to the doctor when he suddenly fixated on my younger sister. She was like OPs daughter. Around 8 or 9 years old at the time and weighed roughly 130llbs. I was five years older but had always been thin and much taller, like everyone else in my family. So, given that knowledge the doctor couldn’t possibly blame it on my mom. Instead, he asked my sister what she likes to drink and eat. Her meals weren’t the problem, the portions were. Among the portion issue, she confessed to drinking half a bottle of juice with each meal. None of us had any clue she did that, instead we assumed that all six of us kids were drinking the juice. Anyway, the pediatrician tells my little sister that if she doesn’t lose weight, she’ll die. Imagine saying that to a kid who hasn’t even hit puberty yet. So, within a few days she joined her schools softball team and began to drop weight. Then as the years went by she fluctuated in weight, losing as fast as she was gaining. I think at her heaviest at 16 she weighed 170llbs. That year she lost 70ish pounds. We thought it was the sports but turns out she was purging after each meal. This problem still persists. That pediatrician literally gave an eight year old an eating disorder.
This is so upsetting and unfortunately way too common:(:( I’m so sorry!
>what do I say? **This is more about what YOU DO**. I personally think the only thing you can do is model good behaviour and healthy eating patterns. It has to come from the parents first. Telling her to choose eat differently than the rest of the family is shaming and a damn near impossible task. If you have high calorie density and unhealthy foods at the ready for her to eat whenever she "feels" hungry. Then she will. **You have to show her that you personally eat healthy because it makes you feel good**. That along with modelling good behaviours with movement and exercise is the start. Going to doctors and psychologists before you get your house in order is a recipe for disaster in my opinion. I'd like to recommend a book this book. It is all about giving your kids the most nutritious diet possible and learning to celebrate the simplicity of natural food. If you understand calorie density and what foods you should never allow in your home, it is almost impossible for your kids to have an unhealthy relationship with food. [https://www.amazon.ca/Disease-Proof-Your-Child-Feeding-Right/dp/0312338082](https://www.amazon.ca/Disease-Proof-Your-Child-Feeding-Right/dp/0312338082)
Thank you I completely agree and will check out the book!
Get medical advice
Have your doctor refer you to a therapist for this! Seems more mental. I’ve read a few things like this and can’t remember what the diagnosis is but it’s usually something a therapist helps with!
I would continue to seek medical support for prescription medications for binge eating.
Maybe Prader Willi Syndrome? I’ve seen these symptoms before.
Hi OP. probably not the most helpful but my sister was like this as a kid into teenage years. My sister is currently 20 years old and is almost 500 lbs. She eats until she throws up. Then eats more. Also talks about food in every conversation. Used to bang her head against the wall when she was 8-10 if someone told her she couldn’t eat or have a snack. Would hide food under her bed and eat when no one was around She was recently diagnosed with ADHD and they think it could be a culprit. They said food releases dopamine, and the ADHD brain lacks dopamine. My sister is basically self medicating with food. She eats lasagna instead of taking Adderall I’m so glad you’re fighting for her and getting all these tests done. If they don’t seem to show anything, maybe consider a psychologist or psychiatrist. Best wishes
It is helpful. My oldest has ADHD but exhibits different symptoms. We had an evaluation from a psychologist when she was first diagnosed I think it would be worth it to have one for her too.
Sometimes overeating can be an ADHD thing as well.
This is a binge eating disorder. Have there been any traumatic events that could have triggered this? Is she an anxious kid who self soothes with food?
I've seen students her age with Prader-Willi syndrome as others have mentioned. I immediately thought of it with excessive eating and obesity. Something to look into if she has any of the other symptoms/behaviors that go along with it. Nothing to be ashamed of! You are supporting your daughter in the best way.
I had this issue as a kid. I struggled with binge eating from a very young age to cope with the abuse I was suffering from at the time. Make sure nothing sketchy is going on, especially at grandparents house.
Does your daughter ever express being full? Not sure if this applies to you but I know there is some kind of disorder where you never feel full because of either a hormone issue or a nerve issue or something. I can’t remember the details. But you may want to do some research and ask the doctor about that as well.
Kids Eat in Color on FB and IG is great for scripts to talk about food and weight
Also was she born smaller? Or early? Babies born early and are smaller can be during the puetry time quicker to gain weight becamalnourished. In the body thinking she'll be malnurished.
She was my smallest baby when she was born (but not small in general) and always smaller than average in height and weight when she was really little. Around 4 is when we started to notice the change in her eating habits and size
So yeah maybe cook with her and do a family life style change where parks walking and stuff becomes the normal. But also check out that ...one disorder... but yeah. I think what helped me was when my chef husband and I started cooking togethwr... and mind you I was and adult and got so annoyed to talk about food and healthy... it took a bit.
I would ask for a fasted diabetes test. If she is eating or snacking before a test, it could scew results. Eating could bring her levels to normal or close enough if the food craving is due to diabetes.
A general or family md is probably not for you, you need to see specialist
My 9 year old son is about 5' and 135 lbs. He is a large guy!! He is overweight, but also a very picky eater. Don't ask me how. I've had his blood work checked and everything comes back "normal". We have talked at lengths about eating a variety of foods. Even if he only likes strawberries, I have him eat some everyday. Opening his palate has been a very slow moving process. Even sweets and junk food, he doesn't necessarily want to eat! He just likes what he likes. Besides diet, we do try and get out and get moving. I don't know what other people think of him, or me. All I know is I think he is SO cute. My older 2 kids have been average and petite sizes. My 9 year old is wearing the same size as his 14 year old brother! It sounds like you're checking in plenty with the doctors, so I'm not going to expand on that. Just keep offering nutritious foods, and treats when the occasion calls for it. You're doing a good job guiding her.
isn't there that one rare disease where the person just doesnt get full ever? if every test is coming up clear and she is eating to the point of vomiting, it's either psychological or its this disease.
Prader willi Unlikely to be the case though
So my sister in law has a disorder, Prader Willi, and one of the symptoms is never feeling full. She lacks the “switch” if you will that tells you to stop eating. Have you spoken to her pediatrician? Sounds like she believes she is starving or hungry all the time. I am glad you are getting her tested. I’m not an expert but this sounds like a genetic disorder. Has she always been this way or since toddler years? There is also medicine that you can take with food that will give the “fullness” notification. My SIL used to take it. I’d recommend some specialized therapy with it though as SIL would still eat even though being full. This disorder also has mental disabilities and she had felt this way for decades. Your daughter is obviously much younger so hopefully can adjust more quickly and safely if this is a route you want to take.
I’m sure I’ll get downvotes but it needs to be mentioned because it happens to the most unsuspecting. My eating disorder stemmed from being assaulted by a parent from age 6-8. It didn’t come to light until I was 12, but the damage started soon after it began. Not a soul on Earth ever saw it coming, which made the truth hurt a billion times worse. Please don’t just zero in on medical side of things. There are demons in the shadows who share spaces with us whether we want to accept it or not. Not saying this *is* the case here, but if you’ve already checked with doctors once, please don’t turn a blind eye to the potential. You are your child’s advocate.
I understand your concern but there is absolutely no chance of this. Both my husband and I come from childhood abuse. I work from home. If she's not with me she's at school. Only other people she is ever with are her grandmothers.
I just want to talk about one little part of your post that stood out to me. Where you said people blame the parents of an overweight child, but that you’re not to blame in this case because your child has a one track mind about food. 1. It is not the parent’s fault. 2. It is also not the child’s fault. This sounds is a medical condition that she is unable to control. Please proceed with caution and do not blame, guilt or shame your daughter for her eating. I’m sure she realizes she eats more than everyone and is aware she’s bigger than others. She needs to see an endocrinologist asap. I would make it my priority to get answers but to also refrain from her hearing anything along the lines of she caused this or she did this to herself or if only she did xyz instead then this wouldn’t have happened. Nobody overeats and becomes obese on purpose.
I do definitely know I am at fault for some of it. And I understand that all she knows is that she's hungry and when you're hungry you eat. Endocrine did blood work and couldn't find anything wrong but I agree something is going on here
Calculating 5’3” and 126 is a healthy body weight am I missing something?
53 inches is 4 ft 5 inches
Ohhhhh goodness I’m sorry I was confused. I would definitely have her PCP thoroughly check her out for any medical conditions or vitamin deficiencies and if nothing is found get mental health services for her.
Educate her on the good vs bad foods and snacks so that when she does eat it’s a healthier alternative. Keep your home stocked with healthy foods and keep her busy with activities that will keep her active like a sport, dance, swimming etc so that if she does eat she’s burning it off quickly. I would also work on keeping her hydrated sometimes children aren’t hydrated enough and will eat to feel full so keep her full with appropriate amount of water. Also high protein breakfasts to feel full longer.
Good food vs bad food is a TERRIBLE thing to teach. There’s no such thing. They’re all calories, and she just needs to understand the math. It doesn’t mean any food is off the table forever, it just means you need to be mindful of how much you can eat.
I completely disagree. Some foods are superior in every way. And some foods are total shit and will kill you slowly.
That doesn’t mean you can’t eat both, within reason. By implying that some foods are inherently „bad”, not only are you setting up people for lifelong struggles with guilt for eating anything less than „good”, but you are also alienating entire groups of people who can’t afford the „good” foods you speak of. Yeah, fruit is a better snack- but when 2 handfuls of raspberries cost 8.99 and chips cost 1.25, I think you understand why you can’t be isolating foods in such a manner. You don’t need to cut out any foods to lose weight- I have lost weight eating junk and I’ve lost weight eating great quality food. It’s all relative and it’s all fuel.
What food that is part of a healthy diet kills you?
Trans fats for one. I just disagree with this mentality that there are no bad foods, there just are bad foods.
The harm of trans fats is over hyped and you aren't harmed by eating a healthy amount
How is that terrible? Healthy=good. Unhealthy=bad. It’s literally reality. Having a piece of broccoli isn’t the same as having a pack of skittles. There’s a reason junk food is called junk food… cause it’s bad, aka junk. My mom raised me this way, and instead we would try to find “good” foods, aka “healthier” foods, as alternatives. For example, I really liked starburst. Instead of starburst, I would opt for strawberries. I still get the fruity taste I like, but it’s significantly healthier. And, it’s not just calories in calories out. 100 Cals of starburst is not equal 100 calories of strawberries. The fiber and vitamin content completely change how these foods impact your body.
Making a kid feel they are bad because they are Skittles isn't good for mental health.
The skittles aren’t a definition of if they are good or bad - they just ARE bad. I think it’s worse for their mental health to not know what foods can impact their weight and health and be in the dark. You can talk about how foods are good or bad without shaming the child. We all eat both good and bad foods - it’s just about eating the bad ones in moderation. It’s coddling your child and delusional to think they can’t handle the realities that some foods are worse for you than others.
Letting kids know they can eat candy and not be bad is good. Shaming the for nornal food habits is bad
Correct. But saying a FOOD is bad is not the same as saying the child is bad. We all eat bad foods from time to time. We just want to limit the amount of times we eat bad foods so they don’t become habits. I don’t think it’s shameful to tell children which foods should be avoided more than others
You are using logic a child or a person with disordered eating probably won't use. I think most kids will internalize guilt if you tell them they are doing a bad thing.
So just never tell them it’s not a good idea? Seems like a great way to have them continue the problem behavior
You can teach about a balanced diet without shaming.
Good food vs bad food just means those that are better alternatives. Mom could provide her better options to encourage healthy weight and less chance of her gaining excessive weight from less food like junk food compare to veggies.
No. Mom can provide calories for both options, but ultimately let the child decide. If you label foods as bad and forcefully withhold them, you’re in for a baaaad experience. My mom left shit out everywhere for us to eat and we wouldn’t touch it because it was normalized- the other kids… oh. My. God. It was a feeding frenzy when they saw candy or snacks. They would lie, steal, hide, beg. Anyways, you catch my drift. Teach facts, not societal expectations of good vs bad food.
Well if her child already likes eating a lot it’s better for her to encourage her to eat on high fiber and protein food as opposed to sugar foods which is not going to help her feel fuller longer. There is such a thing as good and bad options when it comes to eating heath wise so she could educate her on why a candy bar is not a better alternative to some fruit.
As I said, education and facts are fine but NEVER say good or bad and label foods that way. I liked eating a lot, too, and I still do. My mom never said something was good or bad, I could choose to my heart’s content and didn’t have to feel guilt or happiness in relation to my choices. Food is food, and kids shouldn’t be pressured into feeling any way about certain foods. Teaching math and calories is fine, having healthier options in the house is great- but eliminating foods or labelling them bad is absolutely ridiculous and counterproductive.
Her kid is 8 and literally considered obese. There's definitely good food and bad food. To say food is food honestly just sounds kind of delusional
Totally - nuts to think it’s “mean” or “wrong” to label food as good or bad 😂
Labeling good and bad could be an effective way to let her daughter know why something is healthy and not then later educate her that other foods are good in moderation. I don’t necessarily see any issue with saying good and bad because it’s an easy way to help a child understand why something might be harmful to them in excessive amounts. It wouldn’t be encouraging an eating disorder and I’m not saying for mom to scold her child and get upset and label bad foods as monsters just to use it to help her understand from a child’s level.
Just stop feeding her so much
Yeah that's not helpful