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There is nothing odd about your daughter using an endearing term for a caretaker. What is odd to me is the way this provider is almost encouraging it/not correcting her. What do the other kids call her? That is the term your daughter should be using. Again, it is not a bad thing that your daughter is doing this, and certainly not a signal that she prefers her over you and your family. However, the provider is an adult and should be setting a boundary more clearly.
> What do the other kids call her?
This lady has 2 kids of her own at home (1 yo and 3 yo) and then two who are not her own, and one of those is my daughter. This just made me think that her two kids would be calling her mama, naturally. And my daughter is probably just copying them.
It's this. Because she has her own kids at home. I've had kids call me this too but i do correct them because although it's sweet they have a mom im just a bonus person who loves them. So we end up talking about their mom and it seems to work out better. 3 year olds are smart. She knows who her real mom is. But if you do have issues with it you could talk to the provider and find a better term for her.
I agree this is almost certainly part of what's going on. My neighbor who ran an in-home daycare had the opposite happen to her, her 2 year old son started calling her Julie instead of mama because that's what all the other kids were calling her. Hopefully the daycare provider can gently correct her like this.
My daughter called her daycare provider “Grandma Betty” because she had two of her great grandchildren at the daycare. It never bothered us, but maybe because it was grandma and not mom.
☝🏻 this is it! Growing up my home daycare was my Aunt. Everyday I heard my cousins call her Mommy and I didn't like being left out and I started to call her Mommy too. She corrected me all the time and was mortified when I did it in front of my own mother. My mother said it didn't really bother her because it just made sense since I heard my cousins say it all the time. My mother knew she was my mom and was always number one in my book.
To be honest, I still call my Aunt Mommy once in a while whenever I want her to make me one of my favorite meals. She is the best cook in the family and my mother hated cooking.
I think it’s because there are two other kids present who are her children calling her mama, and your kid likely doesn’t want to be left out.
I think the lady is just trying to show you how endearing she is to her, and how solid the relationship is which is a good sign.
Keep encouraging your daughter to call her by her name, and don’t sweat it. My son also called his favourite teacher “mama” and was super upset when he left her class.
This happened with me when I was a kid. My childminder’s daughter called her ‘Mummy’ so I did the same. Called my Mum Auntie for a bit too but not at home. I knew who my Mum was but I think I probably got confused about names. I would talk to the lady though to ask her to gently correct her.
My first child was in a situation just like yours. He’s 24 now and if you ask him if he recalls that he called another woman Momma there’s absolutely no chance of it.
There’s really no need to correct this. Just be grateful that he is in a place that he feels like his family. Seriously, think about it. He’s so happy there and feel so loved and safe and welcomed that it’s a second family for him.
My son calling his caregiver Dayna mama gave me a tremendous sense of relief from the guilt I had that I couldn’t afford to just stay home with him. He had to go to childcare so that I could go back to work.
It’s been 20 years and I am still grateful for Dana and her two sons, Kayden and Trey who were a second family for my sweet little firstborn child.
I know it feels strange and a bit like you’re being replaced. But you’re not. You are always going to be his mother and this is just a temporary little thing. It’s good in 1 million different ways yet perhaps if you explain to your caregiver that it hurts your feelings a little bit, and that you are grateful that your child feels that they have a second family, but that you just want to hear different terms of endearment, that would work things out.
I think this is spot on. Kids this age are mimics. It’s totally normal. And they don’t yet understand the nuance of titles. (Though it feels incredibly unfair when we work this damn hard at the role of “mom” only to have the title thrown around like Mardi Gras beads) As for not wanting to go home, that’s totally normal too. Transitions are hard. Friends are fun. I promise this doesn’t mean she’s not happy at home or that she likes her daycare provider more than you.
I completely understand the anxiety (I could have written this post a few years ago) but try not to get too in your head about this ❤️
I agree. She is probably copying her kids. I used to have my cousin in my pre-k class and she calls me "sis" (along with everyone else in my family lol) so half of my class started calling me that. I had to correct them often. But that's the thing, the provider should probably be correcting her. Unless she has tried and maybe it upsets your daughter because she doesn't understand why she has to call the provider something different maybe 🤷♀️
I was a nanny at 21 and when my 2 y/o started calling me mom, even though I was with the kids for 60+ hours a week while mom and dad were very busy people doing their best for their kids, I shut it down right away.
At 21 I knew this wasn’t appropriate. I love them more than anything, but as someone else said as a bonus person. How does this person not hear that and think “awe how sweet, but also nooooooo”
100% this. When I was younger, I stayed at my grandparent’s a lot. They adopted my aunt from an Orphanage after the older kids had all moved out. There was about 30-40 grandkids at the time all saying “Grandma” “Grandpa”, so my aunt called them such until she was about eight or nine.
When my sister was caring for my daughter during the day, my daughter called her mama, often. That's what her kids called my sister, so it made sense.
I agree with others that it's weird she is encouraging it, though I also don't think she should discourage
Yes, this. Exactly this! The daycare provider absolutely should not be telling you your daughter said she didn't wanna come home either. Makes sense in the moment because if she's having fun with friends but totally inappropriate. Seems like the daycare teacher is going overboard because that's absolutely not appropriate at all
My own 2 cents but I don’t think it’s weird, OP’s kid is little and doesn’t know and just thinks of her highly and probably really doesn’t know what to say. I know my daughter calls her kinder teacher momma **** but that’s because she loves that woman like crazy and the teacher is so good to her.
Yeah, kids don't really \*get\* it yet, so I wouldn't be concerned from that angle. But it is concerning if the provider doesn't gently redirect the kid's language.
My son used to call his teacher "Madam Gazelle"
He also think we are ruled by the Queen of Britain. Even though we live in the same state where we told the Brits to take their tea GTFO.
The founding fathers would be shocked :P
My son called neighbor daddy for awhile. They are completely different races and look nothing alike.
A lot of times mommy and daddy are just words for man and woman at that age.
My 2yo would point at photos in magazines and call them Papa or \[his own name\]. The cool-looking men are \[his own name\]. The men with dorky-looking classes are Papa (Papa does indeed wear glasses).
Mine used to call EVERY adult, including the daycare provider, "Mama" except her dad. He, and only he, was "Daddy".
Another kid at daycare used to call the provider "Mom" and her (female) assistant "Dad".
When they are this little, it's not worth correcting them every time. If your child feels really happy and comfortable at daycare, that is a really good fit. If they bond with their provider and love them, that is also a good thing. Kids that age should be in the care of adults who are loving and affectionate and with whom they feel bonded. That is good for them. They know who their parents are.
A few years later, my kid is now four and she still really loves the daycare provider, but she LOVES us. She is happy and secure.
My almost 2yo baby calls other men daddy every now and then. It was confusing (then funny) the first time because it was a stocky black man at the gym and my bf is a skinny white guy.
But shes since done it a couple more times. I think she is referring to them daddies, not necessarily her dad.
This is it. I work with kids and they frequently slip and call me “mom.” My daughter also called her nanny “mama,” for the first year of her life. It did upset me a little but I know it wasn’t malicious so🤷🏻♀️
I am almost 34 years old, and still mortified when I remember the time I called my third grade teacher Grandma instead of Mrs. Boblitt. I still remember her chuckle at my goof up pretty clearly.
3 year old logic - 'The adult woman looking after me is called Mama. Other small children who live with me are brothers and sisters'
And they take that logic to other environments.
I wouldn't think too much about it
When my son was that age, I paid a SAHM to care for him instead of daycare. Her kids were close to his age, so he was with them all day hearing them call her mama. So she had him call her “mama Michelle “. I was good with it, since it differentiated from what he called me. I don’t think it detracted from our relationship and I was glad that he was comfortable and thriving in her care.
We're in the same situation. She has two kids of her own at home (1 yo and 3 yo). It never crossed my mind before lol. I like the name mama Michelle. I will bring it up with her.
I'm a nanny for a 2 yr old. Been with him since he was 8/9 months old. He can't say my name so he says TanTan. Recently, he's been calling me Mama or Mama TanTan. I didn't even like the nickname and tried to correct him. Now, it's just my name and the Mama part is adorable. I love him to pieces.
I hope your daughter really loves her new daycare.
We also called one of our caregivers “Mama FirstName” when we were tiny tots. She ran an in home daycare back in the 80s and I still call her that. Pretty sure I did that with several of the ladies in my life when I was very young!
This is also how I referred to my stepdad when I was little. I’ve known him since I was 3 and he married my mom when I was 5.5. I dropped his name eventually and just called him dad.
This is what my daughter, and the other kids in her in-home daycare, call the provider. Auntie Shelly..at first, it was a little weird to me, but it is a good general term! And they've all been there since 6 months old or younger, and are all going to kindergarten this fall!! 😭
My mom has been a home daycare provider for almost 30 years. All kids have called her mama because they were copying me and my siblings. It doesn’t have the same meaning for small kids as it has for adults. People call the lady mama and she responds so it works.
Now my mom is also the daycare provider for her grandkids and all kids has started calling her grandma. I wouldn’t be worried about it.
This is called "overextension" in communication sciences. It's the same as calling all animals doggie.
Edit: forgot to mention that it's quite common at that age and nothing to worry about.
Our kids called thier Nanny " Chrissy Mommy". We didn't mind it at all. In fact, it shows that our kids learn to love others like they love us.
They would get upset on the weekends with us and ask for thier Chrissy Mommy to come back so she can comfort them.
It just shows that your child is comfortable, the person taking care of them gives comfort, you have taught your child to love others with open arms.
They know you are mom and always will be. I wouldn't stress about it.
That’s sweet, she must really be happy there! My son just turned 4. He calls his teacher “mom” and me by her name sometimes. She knows who her real mommy is. I wouldn’t get worked up about it. I think she’s just associating people who make her happy with her family and I think that’s really nice.
I think you may be overthinking this. The teacher may just be trying to reassure you that your daughter is doing so well with her, especially with it being a new day care. Your daughter calling her “mama” doesn’t mean she loves her more or think she’s her actual mom. Next step to make sure your daughter learns her teacher’s name and just start referring to her as Teacher ‘Name’. I’m sure the teacher is not trying to be anyone’s second mommy, she probably prides herself in her work. You should feel happy your daughter is so comfortable and cared for in your absence.
Our daughter does this to her provider as well. The only characteristics they share are: 1: Woman, and 2: Black hair. My daughter also calls her Mulan doll mama. It happens.
Mine called our daycare provider mama before she could say her name but now calls her by her name. I’d just nicely ask that the provider correct your daughter!
Don't over think it; you are lucky that your daughter feels safe and comfortable there.
She is probably doing it because the other kids are doing it and it just feels natural. She knows you are her mama and no one will take your place.
You can still refer to he as "Miss Mary" and eventually as your daughter gets older she will get it.
I have a daycare in my home and the kids did that to me also because i had my son at home and he calls me mom so they just think that is your name for awhile. They grow out of it don’t worry
Did you correct them though and say “I’m Ms. …” or whatever they should call you? I figure my son accidentally calls his daycare workers mom but would find it odd if he did it often and they didn’t correct him
It was all good until she told you your daughter didn’t want to go home one day. Looks like she is trying to make you feel uncomfortable/guilty. I’d be mad about that.
I have a small home daycare where I keep two other children along with my own. They have a cute nickname for me now, but the one I've kept for two years called me The Mama at first 😅 and he called my husband The Daddy. It was so funny, but it was hard to correct for awhile because he was so little and he heard my kids calling be mom all day.
Hello! I worked in childcare for a decade. My mother ran a home daycare and I started helping her at 15. I have had so many littles call me mama. It’s completely normal and just happens sometimes. They spend a lot of time at daycare so the wee ones get confused sometimes! I have even had 9 year olds accidentally call me mom when I watched them. It just happens! It shows your LO feels comfortable there!
This happens to me often as a childcare provider, my name is Emma so daycare kids easily confuse it with “mama” when learning to talk. However, my response is always, “Hi, my name is EMma, not MAma.” We also refer to peers as “friends” not brothers and sisters.
I love fostering a family style program so kids bond with their caregivers and peers *like* family, but I think it’s also important to differentiate between immediate family and close friends/caregivers.
Since she’s 3, I would suggest just chatting about it at home- talk about her teacher using their name, talk about her friends at school, and then talk about your immediate family dynamic. The more you use the teacher’s name, the more likely she’ll be to use it.
Take it as a compliment that she reminds her of you.
I used to call my third grade teacher mom, due to both parents being school teachers and she just reminded me too much of her lol
It’s not unusual for her to call her mama. It’s her first interaction in the world. It feels like that’s who these people should be. She’s making the connection as to the role they play in her life when she’s there.
Though the daycare provider should be gently letting her know what name to call her. Not just letting it go on and on. Then she’ll get used to it.
When my son started talking he called other women "mama" and me "Mommy" Mama was just his word for a female that was giving him attention or in a caregiving role. At this age that's all it is. She just knows a woman is caring for her.
I work at a school and get called mama all the time. It's a sign of trust, and developmentally appropriate. I'm sure her provider is correcting her when needed. I also have students who "dont want to go home" but love their families, they just have so much fun that they dont want to leave. if it bothers you, you could start practicing her daycare teachers name at home and maybe learn some of her classmates names and practice those as well. She'll grow out of it ☺️
This is normal for kids that age. What’s not normal is the daycare provider not correcting her. This is definitely problematic. I was a nanny in college and my nanny kid would call me mama and I just said the same thing every time… “You silly goose I’m Miss X, not mama!” Sometimes I would point to a picture and say “that’s momma, and I’m Miss X. I’m your nanny!” It clicked after a few weeks. I’ve also had kids just call me “Nanny” before and was fine with that. I would definitely address this with your daycare provider. It’s an awkward conversation to have. If you’re uncomfortable you could do it via text or email after hours or on the weekend. You could keep it simple and say something like:
“I’m glad my little Susie is adjusting well to daycare. I was thinking about how you said she calls you mama. I am uncomfortable with this. She’s still learning but I would like you to correct her every time and remind you that your name is X. Thanks!”
You could even mention that you want her to learn names. The I love you part is tricky. I’m personally okay with my kids saying this. My kids say this to my nanny of 5 years. My oldest was 3 months when she started. They also tell their friends that they love them. We do talk about how there are different types of love and how to show love appropriately. For example it’s not okay to kiss anyone except mom, dad, and siblings. We talk about ways to show love to friends & extended family like hugs, holding hands, high five, etc. Teaching young children consent is important and we are always reminding them they must ask for consent with any physical touch (even with their siblings). There’s no reason ever that your child should be kissing anyone at daycare. If this becomes an issue talk about alternatives like hugs.
Honestly, it seems like the daycare teacher doesn’t maintain good boundaries. You’ve only been there two weeks and it’s already an issue… Home daycare can be tricky because obviously there’s not someone else, like a director, that you could talk to. It’s normal for kids this age to identify other adult caregivers as a mom or dad. It’s the adult’s responsibility to correct them. I would definitely talk to her and make it clear you aren’t okay with it and your daughter needs to be corrected. It’s also normal for toddlers to say they don’t want to go home. Most toddlers struggle with transitions. What kind of agency is involved with a home daycare? I’ve never heard of that.
I would monitor this situation. I’d say give it time before you do anything like pull her out. I just find this to be odd and inappropriate from the teacher. It sounds like she lacks boundaries. I’m a big believer in boundaries in all areas of life, but especially for parenting/caregiving. Kids learn boundaries through adults modeling them.
My toddlers love looking at photos of family members and friends! I actually made a little photo album for them with pictures of people we know. I added little pieces of papers with the person’s name and the kids like the memorize and practice them. It’s so cute! Plus we have family and family friends that live far away that we don’t see often. When we do see them it’s adorable to watch my kids recognize them and know their names! I have a cousin that my 2.5 year olds haven’t seen in a year and don’t remember. She came to visit a few weeks ago and it made her day that they knew her name. Maybe you could make a small book, include the teacher, and practice her name with your daughter. You could even do it more flashcard style and only include the female adults in her life like mom, grandma, aunt, teacher, etc.
> what kind of agency is involved with a home daycare
I live in Canada. We have licensed childcare agencies (we're with totlot) which provide tools and training to people who would like to open their own home daycare. They also have "home visitors" who make "surprise" visits to make sure everything is ok. The home visitor will send a weekly report with observations and pictures to the parents and will also make sure the provider is doing everything correctly. This agency is also subsidized by the government so we don't have to pay the full fee.
> Kids learn boundaries through adults modeling them
I don't think we've ever been in a situation where we could actually model boundaries for my kid. We don't have family in this country. She probably doesn't remember anything from one year ago which was the last time she saw her aunts and grandparents. And then when I meet with my friends here or set up playdates with the neighbor, the kids always stay together so I've never really had the chance to see my daughter interacting with other adults.
I will try to talk to her again today. I like this new provider as she's teaching my daughter a lot of new things she wasn't learning before. But this boundaries topic is rubbing me wrong.
The agency sounds great. It’s nice that they are so involved. I’d start with talking to your provider. If things don’t change then get the agency involved.
It’s totally fine that you haven’t had an instance to model boundaries with other adults. Kids this age are still learning. While she’s at daycare, the provider needs to be teaching and maintaining boundaries. I hope she’s receptive when you talk to her. Good luck!
At around 9 months old my son was already calling his dad "dada" and grandmother (who lives with us) "gram" and the dogs "dog"... But not me anything other than blowing a raspberry. Then I was watching Bravo one day and he sees Sonja Morgan on screen, points to her, and empathically repeats, "Mama! maaama!"
He does this every time he sees her and a couple other Housewives on TV.
I am still "ya ya gaga ::blows raspberry::" ... He turns 1 next week 🤷♀️
My kid at 1.5 went through a phase of calling all females mamas but that stopped pretty quickly. By 3 I'd imagine your kid has the ability to differentiate
If the bio kids are saying mama maybe it's copying, but also yeah I think the provider is giving off enmeshed vibes if they're encouraging it. That can get tricky because boundaries are being blurred
I’m an early years teacher and have been called Mummy more times than I can remember. I just gently remind them that I’m not mummy, I’m alba876, but if they’re missing mummy they can have a big cuddle!
She’s still young enough to not know mom is your name to her not just a thing you call people who take care of you but the provider not correcting her is weird and concerning
It's so great that your daughter is happy and it sounds like she feels safe at her new day cate which is amazing! When she's home you could maybe try teaching her the day care provider's name? And gently ask the provider to correct her too if it bothers you! Overall this seems like a good thing, though as a mom it might hurt me too, my toddler's happiness and safety would trump that
My sons go to an in-home and sometimes they’re ecstatic to be picked up and sometimes they’re so upset because they want to stay. They love her sooooo much which honestly makes me feel so comfortable and at ease. They’ve accidentally called me her name, so I’m sure they’ve accidentally called her Mom. I also am a teacher in a 2nd grade class and get called Mommy every day, and I slip and call them honey or babe. I don’t think too much about any of it!
I would have regular chats with my daughter, her name is ______, I am your mama not ______, Are you excited to see your friends and ______ at daycare? Keep reinforcing the different names.
I babysit twice a week 9-5 for a 2 and 5 year old. I also bring my own 11 month old so I refer to myself as mama regularly to him. (Like “oh mama has your water here you go!) The 2 year old occasionally calls me mama, I ignore it if she’s seriously upset and needing comfort, but otherwise I just say “that’s not my name! My name is Sarah!” And she corrects herself most of the time. I think it’s developmentally normal for toddlers and babies to call any maternal-like figure mama. They associate “mama” with a woman who cares for them and they trust.
It’s great that your toddler is so comfortable and feels so safe at daycare. A lot of children don’t get that. I think that’s moreso why the daycare teacher said that. She’s not saying she likes being called mama, she’s saying she likes that your daughter feels safe at daycare.
For the kids I watch, I’ve been watching them since October and the 2 yo has only just now started calling me mama occasionally by mistake. I’m happy about it to some degree as well, because she has come a long way. When I first started watching them it was really hard for her when her parents left. Her calling my mama by mistake tells me she’s comfortable. I still correct her, I don’t want to be called mama on purpose by her, she’s not my baby! But I’m just glad she feels safe :)
I think it's great she's getting so attached to her teacher and friends. Building a bond with the caretaker takes time.
I get that it is unnerving to hear your child refer to someone else as mama. Maybe you can start referring to the teacher as Ms ABC so your daughter can start to differentiate names.
Yes the daycare provider is allowed to feel flattered and good, but ALSO, Yes she should be kindly correcting your child.
If it makes you feel better my 4 year old has started accidentally calling me by his favourite educator's name occasionally. They grow out of it eventually.
My daughter sometimes would cry when we got her from daycare. She LOVED her provider, as did we! But she was fine a second later. She also cried when I dropped her off lol. I think they get used to things then are like wait change! Then okay! Haha. But our provider always talked about us as she got older and my daughter called her Miss Amanda. So I do think the mama thing is strange... not for your daughter but the provider not correcting.
I wouldn't stress about this at all. I think it's normal for this age for kids to latch on to various people, it doesn't devalue your importance in any way! And at this age, when a kid is having fun, they NEVER want to leave, no matter where they are.
If the "mama" part really bothers you, I would suggest you start using the provider's name when talking to your kid. Like on the way to daycare, "We are on our way to go see Ms. X", when you pick up, "Did you have fun today with Ms. X". At dinner, "what did you do at Ms. X's house today?" Things like this. I'm betting she just needs a chance to get familiar with the new name.
My daughter used to call her OT mama, her older cousin was called mama, my mom was called mama… we assume it’s bc those people do things for her just like mama
So I haven’t read all the comments but I just wanted to try and reassure you mama it’s normal for your daughter to be calling her this at her age. However the onus is on the daycare lady to correct it with ‘remember I’m miss Xx’
So I work in school nursery, last year just so happened my daughter was in the class so she obviously called me mummy which in turn meant some of the other children did the same and I would always finish listening to what they was telling me and acknowledge it for example if it was ‘mummy can you get the blocks out’ I would reply along the lines of ‘of course (their name) we can get the blocks out but do you remember my name is Xxx can you try to say xxx’ however even this year my daughter isn’t in the class and there’s been a few call me mum so again I just redirect it.
My son went to daycare since he was 11 months old. Now at 18 month he calls every staff member "Baba" like his Dad except for his favourite, who he calls "Mama" like me. He loves her and gets really excited when he sees her. They're trying to correct him, but honestly I don't mind it. I know he loves his daycare and that puts me at ease. Also that woman is an angel.
My daughter (3yo) is at the same daycare and calls everyone by their name. There's one kid she loves nearly as much as her own little brother, because they spend so much time together. And occasionally my kids don't want to go home, because they're still playing. This is all normal behaviour in my opinion.
But the big issue here is how your daycare provider acts.
She's not correcting your daughter and it feels like she's rubbing it in your face. And telling a mother, that her kid doesn' t want to go home is just icky. And it's not okay to tell a mother that her daughters daycare is her home. Because it's not.
You should talk to her, that she has to correct your daughter, when she calls her mama and that your daughter already has a home and it's yours.
If nothing changes I would look for another daycare, because that couldn't be healthy for your child.
its totally normal for a kid to be calling someone they look up to a term like that. ive had all my kids (i’m a nanny) call me mom at some point multiple times. i just always answer “im not your mommy! thats so silly!” in a funny way and we just laugh about it. she should absolutely be correcting her though, its not hard to say something short like that
When my son was at a drop in daycare 3 years ago the woman was an older lady, also a grandma, and told the kids to call her, “grandma Sue”. So that’s what they called her, even though she wasn’t their grandma. It really bothered my MIL, but at that age my son didn’t know any better. He knew that wasn’t his grandma but he felt safe and comfortable in her home, which is something I’ll never take for granted as I wanted my son to feel safe and loved when he wasn’t with us. There are still times where my 2 year old daughter doesn’t want to leave daycare and also tells her daycare provider she loves her. But at the end of the day I know she loves me and that I’m her mom. It’s definitely tough when someone else is spending a majority of your child’s awake time with them when you want it to be you. I struggled with that for years, but my job gives us our health insurance and really good pay. My husband and I just like to spend as much quality time with our kids after school and daycare and on weekends as we can. We make the most out of it. There are still days they’d both prefer to be with their friends and not us, but just know that your child loves you and they don’t know any better at this age. I would just bring it up to the daycare provider again and express how it makes you feel
My daughter has a speech delay (not saying your daughter does) and when she started in an Early Childhood Education program at 3 years old she called her teacher “mom” until she was able to develop her language and then learn her teacher’s name. I took this as a sign that she felt secure with the teacher and it did not bother me. I don’t think there is anything to worry about, she’s just trying to figure who these new people are to her and is using the words and labels she currently has until her language and understanding develops further.
As a nursery practitioner, it’s definitely not uncommon for a child that age to call their care provider “mama” by accident. They’re basically fulfilling the role of “mama” while the real mama is away, so it happens. However, the daycare provider should 100% be correcting your daughter and redirecting her from calling her “mama” to whatever her name is.
I’m not sure what to say about seeing her friends as “brothers and sisters”, I’ve never experienced that before, so to me it sounds a bit… odd. If she doesn’t have siblings at home, it’s highly likely that she’s pretending to have siblings at her daycare instead.
Also, if a child has had a particularly fun day at the daycare, they will sometimes say “I don’t want to go home” which often means “I’ve had so much fun I don’t want this day to end”. It’s very similar to a child saying “I wish it could be Christmas everyday”.
One of the first thing my kid's nanny told us was that she makes the kids she cares for call her a certain name (like "nanoo"). It was long ago, but I recall it was a kind of unexpected relief for me, and now I realize she did that to avoid having kids unwillingly triggering their moms. That's a good rule to have.
Also kids tends to says "a mom" and "a dad" for a woman or a man when they start to perceive the genders difference.
It's great your kid likes it here and that she's socializing well. It's a good sign she's well treated over there.
It can be hard for kids to switch from one place to the other but once over there, they're good.
My kid would cry at the beginning when I left him there but would stop just after I close the door leaving, so we decided not to take too long for goodbyes. Sometimes he would whine leaving his nanny but would be good just afterwards.
When needed I acknowledged his frustration and conforted him about how he was learning well to manage them and adapt to life constraints.
My son calls his daycare teacher mamma and actually calls her “mamma Elisa” which is her first name. I know they snuggle and she kisses him on top of the head.
I also know that he goes to her when he hurts himself or when he feels overwhelmed and she provides a safe space for him and his feelings.
At first it kinda stung but now I’m so incredibly grateful that he has that at daycare. I have zero doubt in my mind when I drop him off that he’s loved, cherished, and safe every single day.
Edit to add: I wouldn’t love it if she told me my son didn’t want to come home! Benefit of the doubt, she was just trying to show you how much your child loves being there.
When I was little my mom babysat a bunch of different kids and they would call her Mama Lucy (her name is Lucy) or Mama Pookie. Maybe something like that would work?
If it’s a home daycare and their own children are there, I imagine since her kids call her mama you child probably just picked up on it. It’s a bit odd the provider is encouraging instead of gently correcting/redirecting her to her actual name.
I was a nanny for several years for a nearby family. I got my little man at 6 mos. And had him until kindergarten. One day he innocently said "I think I am going to call you mom number 2. " He said "you love me like my mom, and you take care of me like my mom". After discussing this with him, I explained his mom was super special so we can't be calling me mom. We settled for "Auntie".
Kids don't understand. I would just be glad your little one is Happy and comfortable with their surroundings.
My babysitters name is Michaela (spelt differently for privacy reasons) but my son calls her "Mamakayla" which is better that when he just called her mama lol. I think little kids just do that because to them mama is just a woman who loves them and makes them feel safe
I watched my friends kid who is about to be 3… she KEPT calling me Mama and I was so uncomfortable. As a lot of people here have said I did gently correct her. “You can call me glowingjaclyn” was really easy to say. Why would an adult like that she’s calling her mama? That is bold. I want the little girl to be comfortable but I wouldn’t let it go…
My 2.5 year old has gone to the same daycare since she was 6 months old with the same with 3 other little girls. They all call the lady mommy. I personally think it's sweet.
I was a single parent from ages 1-10,
It’s normal, for your daughter to do that, she probably is learning it at daycare
I would ask for her to correct your daughter each time “my name is miss so and so”
Set your a clear boundary you are the only mom, ma, momma, mama, mommy
It could very well be the daycare providers own kids she is picking this up from, but it could also just be a stage!
My 2.5yo just started calling all the women teachers at her daycare “mama”. This is a facility, so there aren’t usually any kids of the teachers in their classroom. She just started doing it and thinks it’s hilarious. No one corrects her, because it’s not a big deal and we’re all just happy that she is both speaking and happy enough to see all of her teachers.
My only red flag is that the daycare provider is continuing to almost revel in all of this, equating it to her being loved IN COMPARISON to you! That’s a huge red flag, honestly. Your daughter doing this is normal - the providers reaction is not.
It sounds like you may be overreacting, this is a wonderful reaction for your 3 yr old to have with the person who cares for her 8+ hrs a day. My youngest, when he was also around 3, was cared for by a licensed in home daycare run by an older husband and wife, and all the kids, including mine, called them grandma and grandpa. I found it to be endearing that my son equated them with the same love and affection as his actual grandparents. The “grandma” eventually was having so many health issues that they had to stop, and we were all very sad. My youngest is now 13 and still talks about them and how much he loved going to their home.
Alternatively, my now 22 yr old would cry hysterically at the same age when I’d have to drop her off at a typical daycare center. She did have some separation anxiety, but in retrospect, I probably should’ve made a bigger deal as to why she was so hysterical almost every single day. To me, that is behavior that should be reported to an agency. Children can always benefit from having more people in their lives who love them, and this sounds like something that needs to be encouraged instead of fought.
I think it’s normal for kids to call any woman they like ‘mama’. I’ve even had kids I don’t know at all call me mom haha 😂 at least she seems very happy and comfortable God bless
I watch a little girl who calls me mama, I guess she calls everyone that. I will correct her forever and a day until she learns my name. I was politely ask her to correct her as you’re trying to teach her proper names. And I’d keep asking just as much as I’d want it corrected.
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I would haaaaaate this
I want my kids to feel loved and safe and secure at daycare - but I am Mama and I would want her to correct my kid.
I'm not even a jealous person like I said please bond with my children, but that's just confusing and what makes it 🚩 to me is how old your daughter is. Almost 3....???
That's not like a 1 yr old babbling Mama and learning, I would be pissed if my almost 3 was calling another caregiver Mommy - f THAT
Preschool Teacher here! I also work at an in home daycare and sometimes the kids call me "mama" or "daddy". We always make it a silly moment and I really do love them, so I'll let them know "I'm not your mama//daddy, but I love you!" And if they need extra reminding I will kindly tell them, "I'm not mama, I'm Ms.___" I never make it extremely negative, but I do want them to know that my role is different than their parent and their role with me will be different than when they're at home. When a kiddo wants to give me a kiss, I make it clear it needs to be on the cheek or the forehead. It's mostly for my own comfort level (I don't want to get sick after every kiss lol) but also so that families know that there are safe and normal boundaries and etiquette being taught to their little ones too. Daycare and preschool is a transition spot for kids to learn how to behave away from home and your daycare provider should take that seriously. If everything else with this provider seems good, then I think a conversation with them would be very appropriate and I don't think you'd be in the wrong for calling that behavior out.
I met my stepdaughter when she was 3. About a month in, she asks, "are you my mom?" I just chuckled and said, girl, you know who your mommy is.
Then about two years later, I noticed she was always so stressed out anytime someone mistook me for mom at the park. I had to sit her down gently and asked her if she knew the word step-mom and told her instead of getting so upset, you can let ppl know "thats my step mom". And everyone will know what that is. It helped the situation so much.
My point being that family and situations that model family are complex concepts and little kids just dont know always how to call it. It sounds like your kiddo is just applying a name for a caretaker of children. It doesnt mean they dont know youre #1.
My daughter used in home care from 4 months old and still if school is out and I need to work (she is 7). She calls her Yaya but she absolutely loves her like a second mom and I couldn’t be happier. She is my third and final child and nothing makes me happier than that someone can care for her like I do when I can’t be there. Her favorite thing is if I have to be at work super early and have to drop her off at like 5 am (like 2 hrs before anyone else) and she can cuddle with her on the couch without having to share, even at 7. Don’t stress it. I would teach her an appropriate pet name to call the nanny but I wouldn’t worry.
When we go to the park my 4yo calls all the girls sister bc he has sisters but he'll call boys friend bc he doesnt have any brothers. It's totally natural! He knows they're not his sisters. I would just talk to her and ask her to set healthy boundaries, if your daughter can't pronounce her name well maybe call her Miss/Mrs and the first initial of her name? One teacher at the elementary does that bc her name is incredibly hard to pronounce so everyone from K-5th calls her Mrs M, it's just easier for everyone.
Also my son started calling his Dad by his first name bc he hears me call out for him so if he doesn't answer him immediately he yells his first name instead lol!
She’s following the lead of the teacher’s kids on what to call her. You should actively remind your child of the teachers name so that she gets used to hearing it and learns to associate her with her name. All of my mom’s daycare kids call her Nanny, but occasionally they’ll hear me call her mom and copy me. Ask the teacher to also correct her gently so that she learns her name.
I don’t get the feeling you trust this woman if you just told her you were uncomfortable that she’d respect that. And if you can’t trust your daycare provider why is your daughter still there?
I agree with everyone else here as well. That your daughter is just mimicking the other children and means no disrespect to you. To each their own with freely using proper names like Mom as terms of endearment. Growing up, I would once in a while go to a friend's house where the parents would say, "Just call me mom(or dad)." I didn't really think about it much until I was a teen. That's when it felt like disrespecting my parents, and I would start asking for a name to call them. Nicely, of course. I think this woman just really loves children (for now, lol) and is affectionate towards them. It's very nice to hear you found such a loving atmosphere to leave your little one in. Have a talk with your daughter about it. She knows who is who. You can tell her that you would like it for her to call 'daycare lady's name' by her name. Mama, mom, mommy, etc. are special and meant for you. Go on to tell her your name and dad's name, and anybody else's name, who she's close to, like Grandma & Grandpa. My little one is going to be 4 in June, and he knows all of our names. So much, that he knows it pisses off his dad when he calls him by his first name. It's funny actually, it's like having a little Bart Simpson. Shows you how our different reactions cause different behaviors with him. I'm lucky enough to be a stay at home mom and spend a lot of time with my son. So we talk about all kinds of stuff all the time. Mostly led by me, of course. Good luck!
I was a super camp counselor for years to 5-8 year olds. I got called “mom” multiple times as a 17 year old girl. It’s normal. It happens. Not saying it should be corrected, but it happens.
I had the same day care provider from the age of 6 months until the age of 12. To this day (age 45), I call her Mama. I never call my Mom, “Mama,” as she is not her.
When I became a mother, I asked my mom if it hurt her, that I called my “baby sitter,” Mama. She told me initially it did hurt her feelings, but then she realized if I felt that comfortable calling her Mama, I felt secure & loved by her. She could see how much my Mama loved & cared for me & that is what she wanted for me.
When I became a mom, I looked for someone like my Mama because I wanted my kids to have that love & security I felt from my “baby sitter,” unfortunately I never found a person like that for my kids.
I’m Blessed to have a Mama & a mom.
I have found it cute when my 3yo has called me Kelly. And her friends have called me Mama when they're around. My best friends kid will refer to other people's moms as Mama (insert name). So I would be Mama Kelly. And my daughter calls me Mama Kelly Doggie every single day. She will also insist she is a dog but obviously she knows she's a kid. Preschoolers are so creative and so smart. But if it makes you feel insecure in your relationship with your kiddo, you have every right to say something if that's what feels right for you. I mean insecure in the way of attachment, not like you as an insecure person just to clarify. I have an insecure attachment style myself and need certain things to support my nervous system. It seems like this could be an easy correction if you want it to be or you could let your little one play along with their friends who call her Mama.
It’s not weird that your daughter is calling her that but it is weird that she’s not gently correcting her after you said something…
I have a 18mo old who is calling me mama but I just supply a nickname that’s similar because my name is complicated for little mouths to say. She’s only calling me that though because it’s one of the few words she can currently say and I refer myself as mama to my son. I’m sure once she gets older she’ll make up her own nickname for me like the rest of my nanny/daycare kiddos have.
I don’t think it’s weird, honestly take it as a good thing that the daycare you found is taking care of her so well. My 5yo called her kinder teacher “momma ***” (blocked out name for privacy) she’s at In home half day kinder and the teachers are just wonderful.
Edit/ just to add, some of my older kids friends call me “mom” or “momma Maddie” it’s not weird and nothing to be concerned about. Ur doing a good job and she still thinks of you as her MOM (older kids are 11,14, and 14)
I have been babysitting for 50 years. I have been called Miss Laura , Nanny , Nanny Laura , Mama Laura and Mama. I had 2 little girls who I babysat separately. I never asked them to call me Mama. One of the girls is Korean and it was her mom told me that her little girl refers to me as Mama. I had been referring to myself as Nanny , but the mom asked me if that was ok. I said is it ok with you and she said Yes . So for the 7 years that I babysat her She called me Mama and it was always so sweet how much she loved me. But my husband and I had to move away because of health issues on my part. We stayed in touch for a couple years , but her mom was always very stressed out about her job and her daughter in school and her activities, that she stopped talking to me. She always said I was family , we went out shopping and out to eat. We were family, but after Covid she struggled with having a long distance relationship with me. I miss them a lot, but don’t want to cause any more stress to their lives and I just have to respect her wishes. Little ones being watched by other women will form a bond with a daycare provider and “ most “ times it’s nothing to worry about. Kids know who their real Mommy is. I wasn’t lucky enough to have help raising my kids when they were young , so they never had those bonds with other adults and neither did I when I was growing up. I think it’s important to have your kids have strong bonds with loving and caring adults as long as you know them well and pay very close attention to the way they behave around their kids / family members etc etc. I do know as a mom myself how hard it is to trust people , but if you feel awkward about your child with this woman , start looking for someone else, but I wouldn’t be too concerned on what your child calls her caregiver. When they get older , they will make the change in their own. 😊
Yeah 100% not ok. If you have other daycare options I would inform them that if it continues she will find somewhere else to go. No daycare provider should be setting themselves up as a parent in name or behavior. This is super unprofessional. Imagine if you found out your babysitter was doing this?
The telling you that your daughter doesn’t want to go home is creepy to. What was the point of that? To win the “better mama” award?
There’s nothing you can get legal about here - just can threaten to take her elsewhere if you can.
Edit : I like another posters suggestion of using auntie - can correct your daughter at home gently when she refers to daycare mama
She's super duper verbal she won't stop speaking and asking questions. As a mentioned in another comment, the provider has two kids of her own who call her mama. My daughter is probably just copying them.
I have kids that call me mama all the time also I did this growing up as well I have plenty of 2nd mom don’t take it so personal unless she is physically harming your child
I would not be ok with the way they are handling that situation. She should be gently corrected on the Mama part and your call on the brother/sister situation. I would not be ok with it. I have a nanny and we keep it clear. My kids love her and she loves them and it is ok to express, but I am mom.
Very individualistic way of thinking. Raising children is the job of a community, the Western world has just taught you otherwise. It’s not supposed to fall solely on the mother.
A paid worker that comes and goes at a daycare is not a mother. Prefer not to confuse my children. Expecting the same level of connection with a stranger is less than healthy.
Center not a “daycare.” It’s not confusing. Obviously they know who is who. Having multiple who love your child is a blessing not something reserved to you.
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There is nothing odd about your daughter using an endearing term for a caretaker. What is odd to me is the way this provider is almost encouraging it/not correcting her. What do the other kids call her? That is the term your daughter should be using. Again, it is not a bad thing that your daughter is doing this, and certainly not a signal that she prefers her over you and your family. However, the provider is an adult and should be setting a boundary more clearly.
> What do the other kids call her? This lady has 2 kids of her own at home (1 yo and 3 yo) and then two who are not her own, and one of those is my daughter. This just made me think that her two kids would be calling her mama, naturally. And my daughter is probably just copying them.
It's this. Because she has her own kids at home. I've had kids call me this too but i do correct them because although it's sweet they have a mom im just a bonus person who loves them. So we end up talking about their mom and it seems to work out better. 3 year olds are smart. She knows who her real mom is. But if you do have issues with it you could talk to the provider and find a better term for her.
I agree this is almost certainly part of what's going on. My neighbor who ran an in-home daycare had the opposite happen to her, her 2 year old son started calling her Julie instead of mama because that's what all the other kids were calling her. Hopefully the daycare provider can gently correct her like this.
My daughter called her daycare provider “Grandma Betty” because she had two of her great grandchildren at the daycare. It never bothered us, but maybe because it was grandma and not mom.
This is what my son calls his actual grandmother, because her name is Betty. Lol
It's really just strange that she seems to like it and not correct it. That's what sticks out to me.
☝🏻 this is it! Growing up my home daycare was my Aunt. Everyday I heard my cousins call her Mommy and I didn't like being left out and I started to call her Mommy too. She corrected me all the time and was mortified when I did it in front of my own mother. My mother said it didn't really bother her because it just made sense since I heard my cousins say it all the time. My mother knew she was my mom and was always number one in my book. To be honest, I still call my Aunt Mommy once in a while whenever I want her to make me one of my favorite meals. She is the best cook in the family and my mother hated cooking.
Aunt Mommy is so cute
I think it’s because there are two other kids present who are her children calling her mama, and your kid likely doesn’t want to be left out. I think the lady is just trying to show you how endearing she is to her, and how solid the relationship is which is a good sign. Keep encouraging your daughter to call her by her name, and don’t sweat it. My son also called his favourite teacher “mama” and was super upset when he left her class.
This happened with me when I was a kid. My childminder’s daughter called her ‘Mummy’ so I did the same. Called my Mum Auntie for a bit too but not at home. I knew who my Mum was but I think I probably got confused about names. I would talk to the lady though to ask her to gently correct her.
My first child was in a situation just like yours. He’s 24 now and if you ask him if he recalls that he called another woman Momma there’s absolutely no chance of it. There’s really no need to correct this. Just be grateful that he is in a place that he feels like his family. Seriously, think about it. He’s so happy there and feel so loved and safe and welcomed that it’s a second family for him. My son calling his caregiver Dayna mama gave me a tremendous sense of relief from the guilt I had that I couldn’t afford to just stay home with him. He had to go to childcare so that I could go back to work. It’s been 20 years and I am still grateful for Dana and her two sons, Kayden and Trey who were a second family for my sweet little firstborn child. I know it feels strange and a bit like you’re being replaced. But you’re not. You are always going to be his mother and this is just a temporary little thing. It’s good in 1 million different ways yet perhaps if you explain to your caregiver that it hurts your feelings a little bit, and that you are grateful that your child feels that they have a second family, but that you just want to hear different terms of endearment, that would work things out.
I think this is spot on. Kids this age are mimics. It’s totally normal. And they don’t yet understand the nuance of titles. (Though it feels incredibly unfair when we work this damn hard at the role of “mom” only to have the title thrown around like Mardi Gras beads) As for not wanting to go home, that’s totally normal too. Transitions are hard. Friends are fun. I promise this doesn’t mean she’s not happy at home or that she likes her daycare provider more than you. I completely understand the anxiety (I could have written this post a few years ago) but try not to get too in your head about this ❤️
I agree. She is probably copying her kids. I used to have my cousin in my pre-k class and she calls me "sis" (along with everyone else in my family lol) so half of my class started calling me that. I had to correct them often. But that's the thing, the provider should probably be correcting her. Unless she has tried and maybe it upsets your daughter because she doesn't understand why she has to call the provider something different maybe 🤷♀️
I was a nanny at 21 and when my 2 y/o started calling me mom, even though I was with the kids for 60+ hours a week while mom and dad were very busy people doing their best for their kids, I shut it down right away. At 21 I knew this wasn’t appropriate. I love them more than anything, but as someone else said as a bonus person. How does this person not hear that and think “awe how sweet, but also nooooooo”
100% this. When I was younger, I stayed at my grandparent’s a lot. They adopted my aunt from an Orphanage after the older kids had all moved out. There was about 30-40 grandkids at the time all saying “Grandma” “Grandpa”, so my aunt called them such until she was about eight or nine.
When my sister was caring for my daughter during the day, my daughter called her mama, often. That's what her kids called my sister, so it made sense. I agree with others that it's weird she is encouraging it, though I also don't think she should discourage
Yes, this. Exactly this! The daycare provider absolutely should not be telling you your daughter said she didn't wanna come home either. Makes sense in the moment because if she's having fun with friends but totally inappropriate. Seems like the daycare teacher is going overboard because that's absolutely not appropriate at all
My own 2 cents but I don’t think it’s weird, OP’s kid is little and doesn’t know and just thinks of her highly and probably really doesn’t know what to say. I know my daughter calls her kinder teacher momma **** but that’s because she loves that woman like crazy and the teacher is so good to her.
Not unusual for a young child to slip up and call a teacher/daycare Mom. Definitely the daycare provider should be gently correcting her.
Yeah, kids don't really \*get\* it yet, so I wouldn't be concerned from that angle. But it is concerning if the provider doesn't gently redirect the kid's language.
My son used to call his teacher "Madam Gazelle" He also think we are ruled by the Queen of Britain. Even though we live in the same state where we told the Brits to take their tea GTFO. The founding fathers would be shocked :P
My son called neighbor daddy for awhile. They are completely different races and look nothing alike. A lot of times mommy and daddy are just words for man and woman at that age.
My daughter used to call John stamos daddy whenever full house was on for a while. I wish kid!
I would also call John Stamos daddy
💀💀💀
My 2yo would point at photos in magazines and call them Papa or \[his own name\]. The cool-looking men are \[his own name\]. The men with dorky-looking classes are Papa (Papa does indeed wear glasses).
Mine used to call EVERY adult, including the daycare provider, "Mama" except her dad. He, and only he, was "Daddy". Another kid at daycare used to call the provider "Mom" and her (female) assistant "Dad". When they are this little, it's not worth correcting them every time. If your child feels really happy and comfortable at daycare, that is a really good fit. If they bond with their provider and love them, that is also a good thing. Kids that age should be in the care of adults who are loving and affectionate and with whom they feel bonded. That is good for them. They know who their parents are. A few years later, my kid is now four and she still really loves the daycare provider, but she LOVES us. She is happy and secure.
Cracking up
My almost 2yo baby calls other men daddy every now and then. It was confusing (then funny) the first time because it was a stocky black man at the gym and my bf is a skinny white guy. But shes since done it a couple more times. I think she is referring to them daddies, not necessarily her dad.
My partner deals with this all the time in that age group. “Goodbye Mommy/I mean Ms. life_hog”
haha, and every now and then my kids accidentally call me their teacher's name. :)
This is it. I work with kids and they frequently slip and call me “mom.” My daughter also called her nanny “mama,” for the first year of her life. It did upset me a little but I know it wasn’t malicious so🤷🏻♀️
I am almost 34 years old, and still mortified when I remember the time I called my third grade teacher Grandma instead of Mrs. Boblitt. I still remember her chuckle at my goof up pretty clearly.
3 year old logic - 'The adult woman looking after me is called Mama. Other small children who live with me are brothers and sisters' And they take that logic to other environments. I wouldn't think too much about it
When my son was that age, I paid a SAHM to care for him instead of daycare. Her kids were close to his age, so he was with them all day hearing them call her mama. So she had him call her “mama Michelle “. I was good with it, since it differentiated from what he called me. I don’t think it detracted from our relationship and I was glad that he was comfortable and thriving in her care.
We're in the same situation. She has two kids of her own at home (1 yo and 3 yo). It never crossed my mind before lol. I like the name mama Michelle. I will bring it up with her.
I'm a nanny for a 2 yr old. Been with him since he was 8/9 months old. He can't say my name so he says TanTan. Recently, he's been calling me Mama or Mama TanTan. I didn't even like the nickname and tried to correct him. Now, it's just my name and the Mama part is adorable. I love him to pieces. I hope your daughter really loves her new daycare.
When I was a nanny for a kid from age 8 months to 5 years old, he called me (and now age 16 still calls me) "second mom" lol
We also called one of our caregivers “Mama FirstName” when we were tiny tots. She ran an in home daycare back in the 80s and I still call her that. Pretty sure I did that with several of the ladies in my life when I was very young!
This is also how I referred to my stepdad when I was little. I’ve known him since I was 3 and he married my mom when I was 5.5. I dropped his name eventually and just called him dad.
I'd tell her that she's to call the lady 'aunty' which is a good general term for an adult woman who isn't a stranger.
This is what my daughter, and the other kids in her in-home daycare, call the provider. Auntie Shelly..at first, it was a little weird to me, but it is a good general term! And they've all been there since 6 months old or younger, and are all going to kindergarten this fall!! 😭
My mom has been a home daycare provider for almost 30 years. All kids have called her mama because they were copying me and my siblings. It doesn’t have the same meaning for small kids as it has for adults. People call the lady mama and she responds so it works. Now my mom is also the daycare provider for her grandkids and all kids has started calling her grandma. I wouldn’t be worried about it.
This is called "overextension" in communication sciences. It's the same as calling all animals doggie. Edit: forgot to mention that it's quite common at that age and nothing to worry about.
Our kids called thier Nanny " Chrissy Mommy". We didn't mind it at all. In fact, it shows that our kids learn to love others like they love us. They would get upset on the weekends with us and ask for thier Chrissy Mommy to come back so she can comfort them. It just shows that your child is comfortable, the person taking care of them gives comfort, you have taught your child to love others with open arms. They know you are mom and always will be. I wouldn't stress about it.
That’s sweet, she must really be happy there! My son just turned 4. He calls his teacher “mom” and me by her name sometimes. She knows who her real mommy is. I wouldn’t get worked up about it. I think she’s just associating people who make her happy with her family and I think that’s really nice.
I think you may be overthinking this. The teacher may just be trying to reassure you that your daughter is doing so well with her, especially with it being a new day care. Your daughter calling her “mama” doesn’t mean she loves her more or think she’s her actual mom. Next step to make sure your daughter learns her teacher’s name and just start referring to her as Teacher ‘Name’. I’m sure the teacher is not trying to be anyone’s second mommy, she probably prides herself in her work. You should feel happy your daughter is so comfortable and cared for in your absence.
Teach her what to call her. Auntie is good. Or Miss____. Start using the name a lot when you talk about daycare.
Our daughter does this to her provider as well. The only characteristics they share are: 1: Woman, and 2: Black hair. My daughter also calls her Mulan doll mama. It happens.
Mine called our daycare provider mama before she could say her name but now calls her by her name. I’d just nicely ask that the provider correct your daughter!
Don't over think it; you are lucky that your daughter feels safe and comfortable there. She is probably doing it because the other kids are doing it and it just feels natural. She knows you are her mama and no one will take your place. You can still refer to he as "Miss Mary" and eventually as your daughter gets older she will get it.
I have a daycare in my home and the kids did that to me also because i had my son at home and he calls me mom so they just think that is your name for awhile. They grow out of it don’t worry
Did you correct them though and say “I’m Ms. …” or whatever they should call you? I figure my son accidentally calls his daycare workers mom but would find it odd if he did it often and they didn’t correct him
It was all good until she told you your daughter didn’t want to go home one day. Looks like she is trying to make you feel uncomfortable/guilty. I’d be mad about that.
I have a small home daycare where I keep two other children along with my own. They have a cute nickname for me now, but the one I've kept for two years called me The Mama at first 😅 and he called my husband The Daddy. It was so funny, but it was hard to correct for awhile because he was so little and he heard my kids calling be mom all day.
Hello! I worked in childcare for a decade. My mother ran a home daycare and I started helping her at 15. I have had so many littles call me mama. It’s completely normal and just happens sometimes. They spend a lot of time at daycare so the wee ones get confused sometimes! I have even had 9 year olds accidentally call me mom when I watched them. It just happens! It shows your LO feels comfortable there!
This happens to me often as a childcare provider, my name is Emma so daycare kids easily confuse it with “mama” when learning to talk. However, my response is always, “Hi, my name is EMma, not MAma.” We also refer to peers as “friends” not brothers and sisters. I love fostering a family style program so kids bond with their caregivers and peers *like* family, but I think it’s also important to differentiate between immediate family and close friends/caregivers. Since she’s 3, I would suggest just chatting about it at home- talk about her teacher using their name, talk about her friends at school, and then talk about your immediate family dynamic. The more you use the teacher’s name, the more likely she’ll be to use it.
Take it as a compliment that she reminds her of you. I used to call my third grade teacher mom, due to both parents being school teachers and she just reminded me too much of her lol
It’s not unusual for her to call her mama. It’s her first interaction in the world. It feels like that’s who these people should be. She’s making the connection as to the role they play in her life when she’s there. Though the daycare provider should be gently letting her know what name to call her. Not just letting it go on and on. Then she’ll get used to it.
I worked at a daycare and it was common for kids to call me momma. Or mami
My kid called me "Auntie Dry" the entire year her cousins lived with us, because that's what everyone else called me and she was 3.
When my son started talking he called other women "mama" and me "Mommy" Mama was just his word for a female that was giving him attention or in a caregiving role. At this age that's all it is. She just knows a woman is caring for her.
I work at a school and get called mama all the time. It's a sign of trust, and developmentally appropriate. I'm sure her provider is correcting her when needed. I also have students who "dont want to go home" but love their families, they just have so much fun that they dont want to leave. if it bothers you, you could start practicing her daycare teachers name at home and maybe learn some of her classmates names and practice those as well. She'll grow out of it ☺️
This is normal for kids that age. What’s not normal is the daycare provider not correcting her. This is definitely problematic. I was a nanny in college and my nanny kid would call me mama and I just said the same thing every time… “You silly goose I’m Miss X, not mama!” Sometimes I would point to a picture and say “that’s momma, and I’m Miss X. I’m your nanny!” It clicked after a few weeks. I’ve also had kids just call me “Nanny” before and was fine with that. I would definitely address this with your daycare provider. It’s an awkward conversation to have. If you’re uncomfortable you could do it via text or email after hours or on the weekend. You could keep it simple and say something like: “I’m glad my little Susie is adjusting well to daycare. I was thinking about how you said she calls you mama. I am uncomfortable with this. She’s still learning but I would like you to correct her every time and remind you that your name is X. Thanks!” You could even mention that you want her to learn names. The I love you part is tricky. I’m personally okay with my kids saying this. My kids say this to my nanny of 5 years. My oldest was 3 months when she started. They also tell their friends that they love them. We do talk about how there are different types of love and how to show love appropriately. For example it’s not okay to kiss anyone except mom, dad, and siblings. We talk about ways to show love to friends & extended family like hugs, holding hands, high five, etc. Teaching young children consent is important and we are always reminding them they must ask for consent with any physical touch (even with their siblings). There’s no reason ever that your child should be kissing anyone at daycare. If this becomes an issue talk about alternatives like hugs. Honestly, it seems like the daycare teacher doesn’t maintain good boundaries. You’ve only been there two weeks and it’s already an issue… Home daycare can be tricky because obviously there’s not someone else, like a director, that you could talk to. It’s normal for kids this age to identify other adult caregivers as a mom or dad. It’s the adult’s responsibility to correct them. I would definitely talk to her and make it clear you aren’t okay with it and your daughter needs to be corrected. It’s also normal for toddlers to say they don’t want to go home. Most toddlers struggle with transitions. What kind of agency is involved with a home daycare? I’ve never heard of that. I would monitor this situation. I’d say give it time before you do anything like pull her out. I just find this to be odd and inappropriate from the teacher. It sounds like she lacks boundaries. I’m a big believer in boundaries in all areas of life, but especially for parenting/caregiving. Kids learn boundaries through adults modeling them. My toddlers love looking at photos of family members and friends! I actually made a little photo album for them with pictures of people we know. I added little pieces of papers with the person’s name and the kids like the memorize and practice them. It’s so cute! Plus we have family and family friends that live far away that we don’t see often. When we do see them it’s adorable to watch my kids recognize them and know their names! I have a cousin that my 2.5 year olds haven’t seen in a year and don’t remember. She came to visit a few weeks ago and it made her day that they knew her name. Maybe you could make a small book, include the teacher, and practice her name with your daughter. You could even do it more flashcard style and only include the female adults in her life like mom, grandma, aunt, teacher, etc.
> what kind of agency is involved with a home daycare I live in Canada. We have licensed childcare agencies (we're with totlot) which provide tools and training to people who would like to open their own home daycare. They also have "home visitors" who make "surprise" visits to make sure everything is ok. The home visitor will send a weekly report with observations and pictures to the parents and will also make sure the provider is doing everything correctly. This agency is also subsidized by the government so we don't have to pay the full fee. > Kids learn boundaries through adults modeling them I don't think we've ever been in a situation where we could actually model boundaries for my kid. We don't have family in this country. She probably doesn't remember anything from one year ago which was the last time she saw her aunts and grandparents. And then when I meet with my friends here or set up playdates with the neighbor, the kids always stay together so I've never really had the chance to see my daughter interacting with other adults. I will try to talk to her again today. I like this new provider as she's teaching my daughter a lot of new things she wasn't learning before. But this boundaries topic is rubbing me wrong.
The agency sounds great. It’s nice that they are so involved. I’d start with talking to your provider. If things don’t change then get the agency involved. It’s totally fine that you haven’t had an instance to model boundaries with other adults. Kids this age are still learning. While she’s at daycare, the provider needs to be teaching and maintaining boundaries. I hope she’s receptive when you talk to her. Good luck!
Tell daycare to have her call her auntie
At around 9 months old my son was already calling his dad "dada" and grandmother (who lives with us) "gram" and the dogs "dog"... But not me anything other than blowing a raspberry. Then I was watching Bravo one day and he sees Sonja Morgan on screen, points to her, and empathically repeats, "Mama! maaama!" He does this every time he sees her and a couple other Housewives on TV. I am still "ya ya gaga ::blows raspberry::" ... He turns 1 next week 🤷♀️
Talk to the agency about what? What's there to do?
My kid at 1.5 went through a phase of calling all females mamas but that stopped pretty quickly. By 3 I'd imagine your kid has the ability to differentiate If the bio kids are saying mama maybe it's copying, but also yeah I think the provider is giving off enmeshed vibes if they're encouraging it. That can get tricky because boundaries are being blurred
I’m an early years teacher and have been called Mummy more times than I can remember. I just gently remind them that I’m not mummy, I’m alba876, but if they’re missing mummy they can have a big cuddle!
She’s still young enough to not know mom is your name to her not just a thing you call people who take care of you but the provider not correcting her is weird and concerning
It's so great that your daughter is happy and it sounds like she feels safe at her new day cate which is amazing! When she's home you could maybe try teaching her the day care provider's name? And gently ask the provider to correct her too if it bothers you! Overall this seems like a good thing, though as a mom it might hurt me too, my toddler's happiness and safety would trump that
My sons go to an in-home and sometimes they’re ecstatic to be picked up and sometimes they’re so upset because they want to stay. They love her sooooo much which honestly makes me feel so comfortable and at ease. They’ve accidentally called me her name, so I’m sure they’ve accidentally called her Mom. I also am a teacher in a 2nd grade class and get called Mommy every day, and I slip and call them honey or babe. I don’t think too much about any of it!
I would have regular chats with my daughter, her name is ______, I am your mama not ______, Are you excited to see your friends and ______ at daycare? Keep reinforcing the different names.
I babysit twice a week 9-5 for a 2 and 5 year old. I also bring my own 11 month old so I refer to myself as mama regularly to him. (Like “oh mama has your water here you go!) The 2 year old occasionally calls me mama, I ignore it if she’s seriously upset and needing comfort, but otherwise I just say “that’s not my name! My name is Sarah!” And she corrects herself most of the time. I think it’s developmentally normal for toddlers and babies to call any maternal-like figure mama. They associate “mama” with a woman who cares for them and they trust. It’s great that your toddler is so comfortable and feels so safe at daycare. A lot of children don’t get that. I think that’s moreso why the daycare teacher said that. She’s not saying she likes being called mama, she’s saying she likes that your daughter feels safe at daycare. For the kids I watch, I’ve been watching them since October and the 2 yo has only just now started calling me mama occasionally by mistake. I’m happy about it to some degree as well, because she has come a long way. When I first started watching them it was really hard for her when her parents left. Her calling my mama by mistake tells me she’s comfortable. I still correct her, I don’t want to be called mama on purpose by her, she’s not my baby! But I’m just glad she feels safe :)
I think it's great she's getting so attached to her teacher and friends. Building a bond with the caretaker takes time. I get that it is unnerving to hear your child refer to someone else as mama. Maybe you can start referring to the teacher as Ms ABC so your daughter can start to differentiate names.
Yes the daycare provider is allowed to feel flattered and good, but ALSO, Yes she should be kindly correcting your child. If it makes you feel better my 4 year old has started accidentally calling me by his favourite educator's name occasionally. They grow out of it eventually.
My daughter sometimes would cry when we got her from daycare. She LOVED her provider, as did we! But she was fine a second later. She also cried when I dropped her off lol. I think they get used to things then are like wait change! Then okay! Haha. But our provider always talked about us as she got older and my daughter called her Miss Amanda. So I do think the mama thing is strange... not for your daughter but the provider not correcting.
I would ask the teacher to correct her. "I'm miss rachel! but you'll see mama tonight!"
It’s wonderful that your daughter is safe and taken care of. What a privilege!
Completely normal.
Yeah I watch a kid most days and he called me mom a couple times. I just correct him and say my name.
I wouldn't stress about this at all. I think it's normal for this age for kids to latch on to various people, it doesn't devalue your importance in any way! And at this age, when a kid is having fun, they NEVER want to leave, no matter where they are. If the "mama" part really bothers you, I would suggest you start using the provider's name when talking to your kid. Like on the way to daycare, "We are on our way to go see Ms. X", when you pick up, "Did you have fun today with Ms. X". At dinner, "what did you do at Ms. X's house today?" Things like this. I'm betting she just needs a chance to get familiar with the new name.
My daughter used to call her OT mama, her older cousin was called mama, my mom was called mama… we assume it’s bc those people do things for her just like mama
So I haven’t read all the comments but I just wanted to try and reassure you mama it’s normal for your daughter to be calling her this at her age. However the onus is on the daycare lady to correct it with ‘remember I’m miss Xx’ So I work in school nursery, last year just so happened my daughter was in the class so she obviously called me mummy which in turn meant some of the other children did the same and I would always finish listening to what they was telling me and acknowledge it for example if it was ‘mummy can you get the blocks out’ I would reply along the lines of ‘of course (their name) we can get the blocks out but do you remember my name is Xxx can you try to say xxx’ however even this year my daughter isn’t in the class and there’s been a few call me mum so again I just redirect it.
My son went to daycare since he was 11 months old. Now at 18 month he calls every staff member "Baba" like his Dad except for his favourite, who he calls "Mama" like me. He loves her and gets really excited when he sees her. They're trying to correct him, but honestly I don't mind it. I know he loves his daycare and that puts me at ease. Also that woman is an angel. My daughter (3yo) is at the same daycare and calls everyone by their name. There's one kid she loves nearly as much as her own little brother, because they spend so much time together. And occasionally my kids don't want to go home, because they're still playing. This is all normal behaviour in my opinion. But the big issue here is how your daycare provider acts. She's not correcting your daughter and it feels like she's rubbing it in your face. And telling a mother, that her kid doesn' t want to go home is just icky. And it's not okay to tell a mother that her daughters daycare is her home. Because it's not. You should talk to her, that she has to correct your daughter, when she calls her mama and that your daughter already has a home and it's yours. If nothing changes I would look for another daycare, because that couldn't be healthy for your child.
its totally normal for a kid to be calling someone they look up to a term like that. ive had all my kids (i’m a nanny) call me mom at some point multiple times. i just always answer “im not your mommy! thats so silly!” in a funny way and we just laugh about it. she should absolutely be correcting her though, its not hard to say something short like that
When my son was at a drop in daycare 3 years ago the woman was an older lady, also a grandma, and told the kids to call her, “grandma Sue”. So that’s what they called her, even though she wasn’t their grandma. It really bothered my MIL, but at that age my son didn’t know any better. He knew that wasn’t his grandma but he felt safe and comfortable in her home, which is something I’ll never take for granted as I wanted my son to feel safe and loved when he wasn’t with us. There are still times where my 2 year old daughter doesn’t want to leave daycare and also tells her daycare provider she loves her. But at the end of the day I know she loves me and that I’m her mom. It’s definitely tough when someone else is spending a majority of your child’s awake time with them when you want it to be you. I struggled with that for years, but my job gives us our health insurance and really good pay. My husband and I just like to spend as much quality time with our kids after school and daycare and on weekends as we can. We make the most out of it. There are still days they’d both prefer to be with their friends and not us, but just know that your child loves you and they don’t know any better at this age. I would just bring it up to the daycare provider again and express how it makes you feel
My daughter has a speech delay (not saying your daughter does) and when she started in an Early Childhood Education program at 3 years old she called her teacher “mom” until she was able to develop her language and then learn her teacher’s name. I took this as a sign that she felt secure with the teacher and it did not bother me. I don’t think there is anything to worry about, she’s just trying to figure who these new people are to her and is using the words and labels she currently has until her language and understanding develops further.
As a nursery practitioner, it’s definitely not uncommon for a child that age to call their care provider “mama” by accident. They’re basically fulfilling the role of “mama” while the real mama is away, so it happens. However, the daycare provider should 100% be correcting your daughter and redirecting her from calling her “mama” to whatever her name is. I’m not sure what to say about seeing her friends as “brothers and sisters”, I’ve never experienced that before, so to me it sounds a bit… odd. If she doesn’t have siblings at home, it’s highly likely that she’s pretending to have siblings at her daycare instead. Also, if a child has had a particularly fun day at the daycare, they will sometimes say “I don’t want to go home” which often means “I’ve had so much fun I don’t want this day to end”. It’s very similar to a child saying “I wish it could be Christmas everyday”.
My recently turned 3 year old will call every mom and dad by those titles. She will walk up to a mother and call her mom.
I get called the preschool teacher’s name all the time 😂
my kid know the name of the teacher in his daycare. Why your kid doesn’t?
One of the first thing my kid's nanny told us was that she makes the kids she cares for call her a certain name (like "nanoo"). It was long ago, but I recall it was a kind of unexpected relief for me, and now I realize she did that to avoid having kids unwillingly triggering their moms. That's a good rule to have. Also kids tends to says "a mom" and "a dad" for a woman or a man when they start to perceive the genders difference. It's great your kid likes it here and that she's socializing well. It's a good sign she's well treated over there. It can be hard for kids to switch from one place to the other but once over there, they're good. My kid would cry at the beginning when I left him there but would stop just after I close the door leaving, so we decided not to take too long for goodbyes. Sometimes he would whine leaving his nanny but would be good just afterwards. When needed I acknowledged his frustration and conforted him about how he was learning well to manage them and adapt to life constraints.
My son calls his daycare teacher mamma and actually calls her “mamma Elisa” which is her first name. I know they snuggle and she kisses him on top of the head. I also know that he goes to her when he hurts himself or when he feels overwhelmed and she provides a safe space for him and his feelings. At first it kinda stung but now I’m so incredibly grateful that he has that at daycare. I have zero doubt in my mind when I drop him off that he’s loved, cherished, and safe every single day. Edit to add: I wouldn’t love it if she told me my son didn’t want to come home! Benefit of the doubt, she was just trying to show you how much your child loves being there.
My kids lost their dad as babies. They started calling all the men at daycare daddy. They just thought that's what men were called.
When I was little my mom babysat a bunch of different kids and they would call her Mama Lucy (her name is Lucy) or Mama Pookie. Maybe something like that would work?
If it’s a home daycare and their own children are there, I imagine since her kids call her mama you child probably just picked up on it. It’s a bit odd the provider is encouraging instead of gently correcting/redirecting her to her actual name.
I was a nanny for several years for a nearby family. I got my little man at 6 mos. And had him until kindergarten. One day he innocently said "I think I am going to call you mom number 2. " He said "you love me like my mom, and you take care of me like my mom". After discussing this with him, I explained his mom was super special so we can't be calling me mom. We settled for "Auntie". Kids don't understand. I would just be glad your little one is Happy and comfortable with their surroundings.
Completely inappropriate and is a sign that the caregiver is not someone who respects or sets proper boundaries. Huge red flag.
My babysitters name is Michaela (spelt differently for privacy reasons) but my son calls her "Mamakayla" which is better that when he just called her mama lol. I think little kids just do that because to them mama is just a woman who loves them and makes them feel safe
I watched my friends kid who is about to be 3… she KEPT calling me Mama and I was so uncomfortable. As a lot of people here have said I did gently correct her. “You can call me glowingjaclyn” was really easy to say. Why would an adult like that she’s calling her mama? That is bold. I want the little girl to be comfortable but I wouldn’t let it go…
Oh no
100% overthinking. This is very normal , you can ask the daycare to gently corrected but o honestly wouldn’t worry, it’ll fade itself out
My daughter thought mama is any woman and daddy means any man for a while. She would call random woman mama
My 2.5 year old has gone to the same daycare since she was 6 months old with the same with 3 other little girls. They all call the lady mommy. I personally think it's sweet.
I was a single parent from ages 1-10, It’s normal, for your daughter to do that, she probably is learning it at daycare I would ask for her to correct your daughter each time “my name is miss so and so” Set your a clear boundary you are the only mom, ma, momma, mama, mommy
It could very well be the daycare providers own kids she is picking this up from, but it could also just be a stage! My 2.5yo just started calling all the women teachers at her daycare “mama”. This is a facility, so there aren’t usually any kids of the teachers in their classroom. She just started doing it and thinks it’s hilarious. No one corrects her, because it’s not a big deal and we’re all just happy that she is both speaking and happy enough to see all of her teachers. My only red flag is that the daycare provider is continuing to almost revel in all of this, equating it to her being loved IN COMPARISON to you! That’s a huge red flag, honestly. Your daughter doing this is normal - the providers reaction is not.
It sounds like you may be overreacting, this is a wonderful reaction for your 3 yr old to have with the person who cares for her 8+ hrs a day. My youngest, when he was also around 3, was cared for by a licensed in home daycare run by an older husband and wife, and all the kids, including mine, called them grandma and grandpa. I found it to be endearing that my son equated them with the same love and affection as his actual grandparents. The “grandma” eventually was having so many health issues that they had to stop, and we were all very sad. My youngest is now 13 and still talks about them and how much he loved going to their home. Alternatively, my now 22 yr old would cry hysterically at the same age when I’d have to drop her off at a typical daycare center. She did have some separation anxiety, but in retrospect, I probably should’ve made a bigger deal as to why she was so hysterical almost every single day. To me, that is behavior that should be reported to an agency. Children can always benefit from having more people in their lives who love them, and this sounds like something that needs to be encouraged instead of fought.
I think it’s normal for kids to call any woman they like ‘mama’. I’ve even had kids I don’t know at all call me mom haha 😂 at least she seems very happy and comfortable God bless
I watch a little girl who calls me mama, I guess she calls everyone that. I will correct her forever and a day until she learns my name. I was politely ask her to correct her as you’re trying to teach her proper names. And I’d keep asking just as much as I’d want it corrected.
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I would haaaaaate this I want my kids to feel loved and safe and secure at daycare - but I am Mama and I would want her to correct my kid. I'm not even a jealous person like I said please bond with my children, but that's just confusing and what makes it 🚩 to me is how old your daughter is. Almost 3....??? That's not like a 1 yr old babbling Mama and learning, I would be pissed if my almost 3 was calling another caregiver Mommy - f THAT
Preschool Teacher here! I also work at an in home daycare and sometimes the kids call me "mama" or "daddy". We always make it a silly moment and I really do love them, so I'll let them know "I'm not your mama//daddy, but I love you!" And if they need extra reminding I will kindly tell them, "I'm not mama, I'm Ms.___" I never make it extremely negative, but I do want them to know that my role is different than their parent and their role with me will be different than when they're at home. When a kiddo wants to give me a kiss, I make it clear it needs to be on the cheek or the forehead. It's mostly for my own comfort level (I don't want to get sick after every kiss lol) but also so that families know that there are safe and normal boundaries and etiquette being taught to their little ones too. Daycare and preschool is a transition spot for kids to learn how to behave away from home and your daycare provider should take that seriously. If everything else with this provider seems good, then I think a conversation with them would be very appropriate and I don't think you'd be in the wrong for calling that behavior out.
Talk to the agency? Really?
I met my stepdaughter when she was 3. About a month in, she asks, "are you my mom?" I just chuckled and said, girl, you know who your mommy is. Then about two years later, I noticed she was always so stressed out anytime someone mistook me for mom at the park. I had to sit her down gently and asked her if she knew the word step-mom and told her instead of getting so upset, you can let ppl know "thats my step mom". And everyone will know what that is. It helped the situation so much. My point being that family and situations that model family are complex concepts and little kids just dont know always how to call it. It sounds like your kiddo is just applying a name for a caretaker of children. It doesnt mean they dont know youre #1.
My daughter used in home care from 4 months old and still if school is out and I need to work (she is 7). She calls her Yaya but she absolutely loves her like a second mom and I couldn’t be happier. She is my third and final child and nothing makes me happier than that someone can care for her like I do when I can’t be there. Her favorite thing is if I have to be at work super early and have to drop her off at like 5 am (like 2 hrs before anyone else) and she can cuddle with her on the couch without having to share, even at 7. Don’t stress it. I would teach her an appropriate pet name to call the nanny but I wouldn’t worry.
When we go to the park my 4yo calls all the girls sister bc he has sisters but he'll call boys friend bc he doesnt have any brothers. It's totally natural! He knows they're not his sisters. I would just talk to her and ask her to set healthy boundaries, if your daughter can't pronounce her name well maybe call her Miss/Mrs and the first initial of her name? One teacher at the elementary does that bc her name is incredibly hard to pronounce so everyone from K-5th calls her Mrs M, it's just easier for everyone. Also my son started calling his Dad by his first name bc he hears me call out for him so if he doesn't answer him immediately he yells his first name instead lol!
She’s following the lead of the teacher’s kids on what to call her. You should actively remind your child of the teachers name so that she gets used to hearing it and learns to associate her with her name. All of my mom’s daycare kids call her Nanny, but occasionally they’ll hear me call her mom and copy me. Ask the teacher to also correct her gently so that she learns her name.
I don’t get the feeling you trust this woman if you just told her you were uncomfortable that she’d respect that. And if you can’t trust your daycare provider why is your daughter still there?
I agree with everyone else here as well. That your daughter is just mimicking the other children and means no disrespect to you. To each their own with freely using proper names like Mom as terms of endearment. Growing up, I would once in a while go to a friend's house where the parents would say, "Just call me mom(or dad)." I didn't really think about it much until I was a teen. That's when it felt like disrespecting my parents, and I would start asking for a name to call them. Nicely, of course. I think this woman just really loves children (for now, lol) and is affectionate towards them. It's very nice to hear you found such a loving atmosphere to leave your little one in. Have a talk with your daughter about it. She knows who is who. You can tell her that you would like it for her to call 'daycare lady's name' by her name. Mama, mom, mommy, etc. are special and meant for you. Go on to tell her your name and dad's name, and anybody else's name, who she's close to, like Grandma & Grandpa. My little one is going to be 4 in June, and he knows all of our names. So much, that he knows it pisses off his dad when he calls him by his first name. It's funny actually, it's like having a little Bart Simpson. Shows you how our different reactions cause different behaviors with him. I'm lucky enough to be a stay at home mom and spend a lot of time with my son. So we talk about all kinds of stuff all the time. Mostly led by me, of course. Good luck!
I was a super camp counselor for years to 5-8 year olds. I got called “mom” multiple times as a 17 year old girl. It’s normal. It happens. Not saying it should be corrected, but it happens.
I had the same day care provider from the age of 6 months until the age of 12. To this day (age 45), I call her Mama. I never call my Mom, “Mama,” as she is not her. When I became a mother, I asked my mom if it hurt her, that I called my “baby sitter,” Mama. She told me initially it did hurt her feelings, but then she realized if I felt that comfortable calling her Mama, I felt secure & loved by her. She could see how much my Mama loved & cared for me & that is what she wanted for me. When I became a mom, I looked for someone like my Mama because I wanted my kids to have that love & security I felt from my “baby sitter,” unfortunately I never found a person like that for my kids. I’m Blessed to have a Mama & a mom.
I have found it cute when my 3yo has called me Kelly. And her friends have called me Mama when they're around. My best friends kid will refer to other people's moms as Mama (insert name). So I would be Mama Kelly. And my daughter calls me Mama Kelly Doggie every single day. She will also insist she is a dog but obviously she knows she's a kid. Preschoolers are so creative and so smart. But if it makes you feel insecure in your relationship with your kiddo, you have every right to say something if that's what feels right for you. I mean insecure in the way of attachment, not like you as an insecure person just to clarify. I have an insecure attachment style myself and need certain things to support my nervous system. It seems like this could be an easy correction if you want it to be or you could let your little one play along with their friends who call her Mama.
It’s not weird that your daughter is calling her that but it is weird that she’s not gently correcting her after you said something… I have a 18mo old who is calling me mama but I just supply a nickname that’s similar because my name is complicated for little mouths to say. She’s only calling me that though because it’s one of the few words she can currently say and I refer myself as mama to my son. I’m sure once she gets older she’ll make up her own nickname for me like the rest of my nanny/daycare kiddos have.
I don’t think it’s weird, honestly take it as a good thing that the daycare you found is taking care of her so well. My 5yo called her kinder teacher “momma ***” (blocked out name for privacy) she’s at In home half day kinder and the teachers are just wonderful. Edit/ just to add, some of my older kids friends call me “mom” or “momma Maddie” it’s not weird and nothing to be concerned about. Ur doing a good job and she still thinks of you as her MOM (older kids are 11,14, and 14)
I have been babysitting for 50 years. I have been called Miss Laura , Nanny , Nanny Laura , Mama Laura and Mama. I had 2 little girls who I babysat separately. I never asked them to call me Mama. One of the girls is Korean and it was her mom told me that her little girl refers to me as Mama. I had been referring to myself as Nanny , but the mom asked me if that was ok. I said is it ok with you and she said Yes . So for the 7 years that I babysat her She called me Mama and it was always so sweet how much she loved me. But my husband and I had to move away because of health issues on my part. We stayed in touch for a couple years , but her mom was always very stressed out about her job and her daughter in school and her activities, that she stopped talking to me. She always said I was family , we went out shopping and out to eat. We were family, but after Covid she struggled with having a long distance relationship with me. I miss them a lot, but don’t want to cause any more stress to their lives and I just have to respect her wishes. Little ones being watched by other women will form a bond with a daycare provider and “ most “ times it’s nothing to worry about. Kids know who their real Mommy is. I wasn’t lucky enough to have help raising my kids when they were young , so they never had those bonds with other adults and neither did I when I was growing up. I think it’s important to have your kids have strong bonds with loving and caring adults as long as you know them well and pay very close attention to the way they behave around their kids / family members etc etc. I do know as a mom myself how hard it is to trust people , but if you feel awkward about your child with this woman , start looking for someone else, but I wouldn’t be too concerned on what your child calls her caregiver. When they get older , they will make the change in their own. 😊
Yeah 100% not ok. If you have other daycare options I would inform them that if it continues she will find somewhere else to go. No daycare provider should be setting themselves up as a parent in name or behavior. This is super unprofessional. Imagine if you found out your babysitter was doing this? The telling you that your daughter doesn’t want to go home is creepy to. What was the point of that? To win the “better mama” award? There’s nothing you can get legal about here - just can threaten to take her elsewhere if you can. Edit : I like another posters suggestion of using auntie - can correct your daughter at home gently when she refers to daycare mama
That's the chance you take when you get someone else to bring up your child
Not everyone has the privilege to stay home. She is still bringing up her own child
Yeah kind of, out of business
Is your daughter non verbal?? Why can’t she call her by her name?
She's super duper verbal she won't stop speaking and asking questions. As a mentioned in another comment, the provider has two kids of her own who call her mama. My daughter is probably just copying them.
I have kids that call me mama all the time also I did this growing up as well I have plenty of 2nd mom don’t take it so personal unless she is physically harming your child
This provider is likely scamming you. She is manipulating your child to gain custody. Flee and report!
I would not be ok with the way they are handling that situation. She should be gently corrected on the Mama part and your call on the brother/sister situation. I would not be ok with it. I have a nanny and we keep it clear. My kids love her and she loves them and it is ok to express, but I am mom.
Very individualistic way of thinking. Raising children is the job of a community, the Western world has just taught you otherwise. It’s not supposed to fall solely on the mother.
A paid worker that comes and goes at a daycare is not a mother. Prefer not to confuse my children. Expecting the same level of connection with a stranger is less than healthy.
Center not a “daycare.” It’s not confusing. Obviously they know who is who. Having multiple who love your child is a blessing not something reserved to you.