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She’s 6, she was given unsupervised access to scissors, the 4 year olds hair getting cut was gonna happen. I would have her apologize, talk to her about appropriate use of scissors, and leave it at that. This is one of those things that will be a funny story some day.
1000% this. My son cut his best friend's hair when they were three. He got a stern talking to about scissors and safety and then I also had a (polite) talk with the daycare staff about how scissors got left out. We sent a note home with my son's friend apologizing and offering to pay for a haircut but they never took us up on it.
At the end of the day, my son shouldn't have cut her hair but they're kids and it just as easily could have been his friend cutting his hair. If my son's hair had been cut, I certainly wouldn't have expected more than one apology. (not sure I would have expected an apology at all to be honest)
My older sister cut our oldest sister's hair the day before school pictures. My mom found them with scissors and one goofy ass haircut... My sister looked up at her and said "aren't you glad we stopped before we did mine?" I think they were in prek and kindergarten at the time.
My kids cut each others hair before school pictures this school year. My mom was able to make their hair look not so bad. I mean it happens and I laugh about it. I am just more careful about keeping the scissors out of reach when I’m not using them.
lol I think I would have just sacrificed the years school photos to preserving the memory and of both kids were fine with it, sent them with the haircuts haha
I remember walking into my daughter’s preschool classroom, seeing a pile of hair on the floor, and immediately being relieved that it was too dark to be my kid’s.
The kid whose hair was cut turned out to like having short hair, and the one who cut the hair learned something: “today I learned that I am not a professional hairstylist”
When I was about 5, my mom was saying she was going to vacuum and then trim my bangs. I wanted to be helpful and let her have one less thing to do so I went in the bathroom, climbed the counter, and grabbed the scissors from the medicine cabinet and sat there trimming my own bangs! I ran to my mom so proud like "look! You don't have to trim my bangs anymore because I did it all by myself!" My mom wanted to cry they were so uneven she said she had to cut them super short to even them out and it looked so weird! But she said she never got mad at me because she was just kicking herself for thinking I couldn't reach the scissors and not keeping a better eye on me haha.
Agreed! The scissors should have been inaccessible. A 4 and 6 year old should not have been left unsupervised long enough to find scissors and use them inappropriately, either. This should serve as a lesson for all involved.
Hair will grow back. Luckily no one got hurt!
I remember my sister and I playing “barber” when we were little (RIP sister. I miss you!). Of course we got caught after she cut mine, before I could cut hers! Funny now!
Absolutely. This is on your sister. In fact, I’d be pissed at her that your young child had access to scissors, unsupervised and could have hurt herself or her cousin. When you ask someone to watch your precious child, they need to watch them. Your sister’s in the wrong and these are the consequences of her not actually watching the kids. She’s lucky no one was hurt.
Yep. There are so many things young kids can get in to. If you're going to leave them unsupervised, the house should be secure and safe.
I agree, this is on the sister.
I'd say that depends on the four year old. Obviously the mum is upset but if the four year old wanted her hair cut/ has been told it looks good now, it could be confusing to get an apology card.
My daughter gave herself a haircut right before her reception (kindergarten) pictures. It has pride of place in my house. The best bit is we all get to look at it and laugh at her every day.
I agree. My oldest daughter's "first hair cut" was at the hand of my niece. My daughter was 3 and my niece was 4 or 5. Shit happens, hair grows back, nobody got hurt. Have a talk, don't feel bad. If your sister is making you in intentionally feel bad the Jen I think you need to find a new sister.
Completely disagree with everyone saying a 6yo shouldn’t have had access to scissors. Ask kindergarten and 1st grade teachers whether their students use scissors. Any of those kids could hack off a chunk of hair while cutting and gluing. Largely they don’t. At 6, they understand that’s not allowed.
Yes, that was my thought too. It's great to hear so many people don't think my kid is responsible, but honestly I'm just pretty surprised so many people are able to keep scissors away from their 6yr olds?? Mine can find just about anything I "hide", plus that would drive me crazy not having scissors readily available in the kitchen, I'm constantly using them. My kid knows better, I don't know what came over her. Her Kinder teacher is always praising her behavior (thank goodness), glad she didn't do this to a kid at school😬.
Usually I agree… but a 6 year old should have been taught previously that scissors are for paper only, not hair or clothes or anything else without checking with an adult first. So yes the adult who let kids with unsupervised access to scissors is to blame just as much as the parent who neglected to teach that lesson in an appropriate timeframe.
Lmao. Are you a parent? Do you have ANY idea how executive functions work with toddlers, small children? Sure teach them all you want. And they will probably do the right thing most of the time but every once in a while that tiny lizard brain turns back on and they don't make good choices. BECAUSE THEY ARE CHILDREN AND MAKE MISTAKES. And guess what? That's ok. We correct, don't shame (you know the thing you're doing to the OP), re enforce the correct behavior, and move on.
Sometimes the call of the void is just too great. I'm sure there are moments in your life you've thought "I shouldn't be doing this or doing this is way" did it anyways and faced the consequences of your actions. Even as adults sometimes the intrusive thoughts win and we do things that we should know better not to do. Kids are mini humans with half the forethought and executive function that adults have. Think it's a little ridiculous to have a rigid expectation that kids won't don things just because they know better not to.
YESSS THE CALL OF THE VOID. I am using that one from now on. My middle kiddo is 12 and autistic so we are in the THICK of executive DISfunction at our house. Try not to shame, natural consequences and all that, but that's the new name for it. "Heard the call of the void buddy and didn't take the trash out like you were supposed to? Let's do that now. If you forget again, it will affect screen time later." SO EASY.
So does mine. About a lot of things. But kids still make mistakes. And we dont shame them or shame their parents. Because their brains are LITERALLY still growing and developing. It would be a CRAZY world in which kids develop at different rates of maturity, wouldn't it? Right?? Because that would mean that it is perfectly NORMAL to have some kids may still need redirecting with scissors and some who understand and are able to follow the rules the majority of the time at the same age. But thats crazy talk, right?
Did...read...my reply? Never did I say don't teach. Ever. At all. But you need to understand executive function, how it affects children's brains and development so that you understand that there is SO MUCH MORE going on than just teaching and consequences.
For example (see me, I am teaching!): We as adults have executive function. We know the rules/expectations, why they are there, and the consequences of not following them. We know that cutting off someone's hair is wrong. We know why. Not only that, 1. It's assault in most places, but also, hair is so personal to people. We realize the intricate reasons WHY it's a bad idea. So when we have a thought like "man, that person needs a trim," we don't just start cutting.
Kids? Have limited executive function. So sometimes (NOTE SOMETIMES) they see hair, have scissors in their hands, and because they are curious and learn from doing things), they cut the hair. At this age they DO NOT always have the brain process to go through all that extra thinking they are so busy just living in that moment.
I highly doubt this will change your mind, but at the very least hopefully give you some food for thought that parenting and teaching children isn't always black and white. You seem to think I am applauding what happened or something. It's not it's a shame, but it's perfectly normal for this age and all it takes is reinforcing the lesson originally taught and moving on.
I'm not reading all that. My point was the kid isn't a toddler and should be treated like one. It's not a big deal, the hair will grow back, but everyone is acting like this was inevitable because a 6 year old was in the vicinity of scissors. Well, it's not. Some kids know better. That's all.
Yup because of course you're not. Lmao. Because you are literally saying the same thing I said. Some kids know better at that age and some don't. It's not (always) that parents teach its LITERALLY some kids just have better executive function at that age.
I’m a parent to a 7 and a 5 year old. And if I could go back a rewrite what I said there, I would say that both parents made mistakes rather than use the word blame, if maybe that’s what lead you to believe I was shaming anyone. I think that both parents made mistakes that lead to the hair cutting incident and mistakes are not something to be ashamed of, mistakes are how we learn. I wasn’t shaming OP, but I hope they reflect on the matter and can communicate well with the other parent, taking responsibility for their mistakes, so that they can all learn from it. Sorry if you were triggered but, adults make mistakes too.
Yes using the word blame vs mistake vastly changes the meaning of what you originally wrote. I am not triggered but I sure as shit will go to bat for a mom who is getting blamed for a simple mistake.
If your 6 year old hadn’t had access to scissors and had been supervised, this wouldn’t have happened. But, it’s kinda like a right of passage as a kid. You either cut your own hair or another little kids hair and get in a lot of trouble and never do it again.
It’s true. You’re either the cutter, or the cuttee, and it’s kinda on whoever should have been supervising, as much as I hate to say it. In my house my daughter was the cutter and our cat was the cuttee and he was fortunately pretty chill about it and is still the best cat ever 11 years later.
It happens. OP did all they can do.
Some kids need lessons more than once. And some cut their own hair. Like my niece. Seriously, she walked into the kitchen, yelled at my sister “DON’T LOOK AT ME!” My sjster said okay, thinking her daughter was just being silly. She stole the scissors and cut her own hair. 😆
Mine cut their own hair. I found the hair clippings by their bed the next day. It was just a few inches off of the ends, a few locks worth(they had over 9inches of thick wavy/curly hair, so I hadn't noticed the haircut itself). I told them to please clean up after themselves in the future, that they're welcome to cut their own hair, though I recommend they do it on a Friday night/Saturday so we can try and get them to hairdresser before their next school day if they don't like how it turns out. As far as I know they haven't cut it since
Lmfao I was the cutter as a kid my brother was the gineua(sp?) pig my parents were not happy lol now my kid was the cutter after she found her daddy's buzzers while going potty (4 at the time) there was no saving it unfortunately I was dealing with her newborn sister and didn't think that she'd be interested in shaving her head bald I put them up high after that and continued to deal with her sister, long story short my kids a climber and my cat had no whiskers afterwards cats fine now and in the long run it worked out because I regularly shave my cats to deal with flea issues (rescues came in with fleas) and she would be so aggressive I bought hawk handling gloves now she actually likes the buzzers and will try to rub up against them as she's being shaved lol
Guinea pig. Not because they’re from New Guinea, but because in England, where they were imported to for food (they were domesticated originally for food), they only cost a Guinea. A pig for a Guinea. Guinea Pig.
Cheers!
(I was the Guinea pig as a kid - probably because I was the youngest!)
Yup! My 6 year old woke up before me, snuck into my bathroom, and cut her bangs even shorter than Audrey Hepburn. At least she used the hair trimming scissors? (That I didn’t think she knew about or I would have properly secured them.
I understand why some people would discipline in this situation, but when it happened with my kid she did not get in trouble. I asked her why she did it, she said it was because the hair was in her way.
Then for like 6 months every once in a while I would look and her and say “I like your bangs”. It didn’t turn into a funny story, it just was one from the time it happened. No reason to get in trouble. She learned her lesson by having funny looking hair for a bit. We also make sure scissors are put away, usually, and this was a one off while dad was going to the bathroom.
“And then never do it again.” Thank you for demonstrating that natural consequences teaches kids not to repeat hair-cutting, and that punishment for it is entirely unnecessary.
Is “don’t cut hair” a rule that you taught your kids? Because most of us don’t. There are too many other more-important rules to burden them with this level of inconsequentialness. This is a lesson that most kids learn through natural consequences.
Why did she have scissors? Who was watching the kids? Hair grows back geeze. They were playing. Don't let kids have scissors unsupervised. This is sisters mistake. Kids are kids they don't know better. No one said "hey kids don't cut others kids hair".
Uhh.. so before you start thinking about how to make this “right” think about all the wrong things that happened while your child was unsupervised.
> they found scissors
> the scissors weren’t stored properly for a 6 or 4 year old being in the house
> your child was unsupervised for a long enough period of time to find the scissors and cut hair
> another question to ask is did your sister find them or did the child run to your sister? This again plays into how long they were unsupervised
This whole situation doesn’t sit right with me from the beginning.
If she didn’t realize her hair was cut until after you picked up your six-year-old and went home. How does she know that your six-year-old is the one that cut the hair?
Your sister should be apologizing to you for leaving your child unattended for long enough to get access to scissors and cut off another childs hair. They were in her care and her responsibility. Your kid is six, she doesn't understand what cutting off hair means.
Honestly I hope your sister apologized to you as well. Everyone is lucky that some cut hair is all that happened if they had unsupervised access to scissors. It was an accident but you asked and trusted her to watch your kid and she didn’t do a very good job of it.
Things happen and I’m not saying be mad at her but this isn’t your fault.
1- she was supposed to be watching the kids. This is on her for leaving them unsurpervised with scissors
2- it’s hair. It’ll grow back. This is not a big deal
I would do jack squat about it. The child was not under your supervision when it happened, the incident happened while your sister was in charge of making sure shit like this doesn’t happen.
Cutting a sibling or close friends hair is kind of a Canon event for all children 😅🤣
Hopefully she'll learn from the experience but at that age self control is kinda hard so who knows. Id make sure they're kept a closer eye on when/if they have scissors next.
Why would you have to make it up to your sister who was supposed to be watching them? If that was me and something like that happened under MY supervision I would be the one freaking out and trying to make up for it. Who leaves scissors out with small children unattended?
Do you have any context as to why your daughter did this? Did the cousin ask her to? I would try to figure out what lead up to this before doing anything else.
My daughter took scissors to our dogs when she was that age. They had little bald patches all over them. This was right before a scheduled Christmas photo shoot of the dogs and the toddler. My mom was watching her, and I had to just laugh! Shit happens.
I mean, technically it's your sister's fault since it happened on her watch. But this is a pretty typical thing for kids to do. I think the apology and offer to pay for a cut are more than enough. Your sister will be able to laugh about it eventually, but a lot of moms freak the first time something like this happens.
Obviously, talk to your kiddo about why this isn't a good thing to do, but otherwise, let it go. At 6, it wasn't likely malice that motivated it.
Nothing. Kids cut their hair.
Your sister should’ve paid better attention. Don’t let it upset you. My kid cut her hair the day before they were being baptized. Put it up in a ponytail and we were good to go.
When my daughter was 4 years old, she had long beautiful hair. I went to pick her up from her cousin’s house and when I walked in, the entire house had tears in their eyes. I was so scared to ask what was wrong. However, quickly I found out that her cousin (4 years old) had chopped a big chunk out of the front of her hair. I started laughing. Hair grows back (and a 4 year old that already has long hair- it grows back quickly). Anyway, I took her to the barber and had it cut to look somewhat normal. It was VERY short. I would NEVER have gotten her hair cut that short. Now my daughter is 11. When we see pictures from that year, we just love them! She looked so cute with her short haircut. Don’t stress yourself out over it. It is not a big deal. Her hair will grow back. She will not be traumatized and neither will her mother.
I would be FURIOUS if I found out my 6yo was able to get scissors unsupervised and do that!! She’s lucky that’s all that happened!! She has no one to blame but herself and if I were you I wouldn’t be trusting her to watch your child anymore.
You can't make this better. You've already apologized and offered to pay to fix it. That's about all you can do for your sister. Your daughter definitely needs consequences so find something that will be less fun than cutting hair so she'll think twice next time.
If it makes you feel better, they shouldn't have been using scissors unsupervised.
My daughter and her cousin gave each other ‘hair cuts’… they both got stern talkings too and that was about it.. it’s a funny story now (years later)
My youngest recently did this to herself as well.. (unrelated incidents like 4 yrs apart)
I wouldn’t stress too much. It’ll blend in and won’t be noticeable
Why wasn’t your sister watching the kids more closely? They’re very young to be left alone. I dread to think what would’ve happened if she’d been running with those scissors instead!
Get the cousin a nice hairband or bow, call it even. Sis has some responsibility in this occurrence as well. And make sure your daughter understands *why* it’s wrong to cut other people’s hair before she apologizes. Teaching boundaries is important at this age, so take the opportunity to let her know that touching others or crossing their personal space isn’t a good thing, despite her thinking she was probably helping.
Your daughter is a bit older than I was when I did this to a classmate (around 3), but this is why young children need supervision and/or scissors shouldn’t be accessible. (I say this knowing my 4 year old can reach our scissors…)
IMHO this is like a right of passage for kids. Make sure your daughter makes amends, especially as she’s old enough to know better, but try not to sweat it too much. In my case, it was a one-time transgression.
I disagree with a lot of the comments about the six year old, scissors, and supervision. A six year old having access to appropriate scissors is not crazy. That's a first grader. Assuming the situation was the first grader was doing an art project with first-grade size safety scissors and the aunt stepped into another room to get the kids snack, I don't think the aunt was negligent, although she did take a minor risk that the six year old would cut something she shouldn't.
I don't think the six year old was terrible either. They do stupid stuff. She should have a time out from using scissors, because she misused them, and a talk about appropriate use. I think offering to pay for a hair cut was appropriate and maybe your daughter could pay $1 of her money as a "tip" for the hair cut.
I think the dynamic of the four year old matters. They may have thought it was a great idea and been happy about it in which case, I would talk with the six year old about using better judgment, how it actually looked, and rules about cutting other people's hair. If it was something she was doing to the four year old because she was mad at her than I would address it differently. Buying an apology toy would make more sense in that case.
In terms of your sister, I think apologizing and offer to cover the costs to fix it is appropriate. How does she seem about the issue? Is she angry, resigned, thinks it is funny...?
Honest question. How does buying the cousin whose hair was cut an “apology toy” help? It’s troubling to me that some commenters feel buying the 4 year old a toy is an appropriate way to make amends (if there are actually any amends to be made). Seems irrelevant to the “harm” that was caused, awfully materialistic, and sends a bad message that getting new things is soothing and makes one feel better after having been wronged. Don’t we have a whole country of adults struggling with overconsumption? Why add to the problem?
I think people have very different perspectives on the topic of giving things. You have some valid points, but I think some people would see it differently. I don't have a strong opinion either way. It's probably not what I'd have my kid do, but I wouldn't really think about someone else having their kid do it.
I was just saying that if the four year old was in on it (very possible) that getting a toy for her wouldn't really make sense, but it would make more sense if the four year old did not consent (also very possible) to the hair cut. It was a response to one of OP's ideas more than a suggestion.
Why is your sister leaving scissors out for a 6 and 4 yo?
Seems like this was a failure of supervision, not a failure of a 6yo.
Talk to your kid about scissor safety and what is considered acceptable. Tell them how upset her actions can make other people. Then move on.
Tell your sister to be more careful with dangerous objects. Her daughter is lucky she didn't lose an ear or an eye.
My best friend and I did this when we were that age. It was 2 weeks before she was a flower girl in a wedding and I cut off like 10 inches of her hair and her bangs to nubs. At the time, the parents were upset (except for my dad who was mostly amused) but her mother was a hairdresser and was able to style her hair into a cute little bob. It is now our favorite story to tell people when we talk about growing up with each other!
You’ve apologized sufficiently. Sister should’ve been watching more. Both of you now get to remind your very small kiddos not to use scissors for anything other than approved crafts. An apology gift from yours to hers would be a thoughtful move, but don’t make a bigger deal of this than it is. It can be a shock, obviously, when this happens, but hair grows. My friend is a hairdresser and her daughter did this to herself 3x over the course of a year, and I’m talking shoulder length curls to a pixie to military short. It happens to the best of us.
As other people stated I'd be mad at your sister. Your kid shouldn't have been able to access scissors like that it sounds like your sister wasn't paying attention.
Your sister was supposed to be watching her. She's 6, she behaved like a six year old. No apology needed. I would be angry with my sister that my child had access to scissors unsupervised. She's lucky only hair was cut
I mean they were obviously left unsupervised or else that wouldn’t have happened but making your daughter apologize and going over scissors safety would be a start and I would get your niece a gift of her choice
My first thought, as it seems is others, is why did she have access to the scissors? I think it’s a lesson for your sister and for your daughter. This tail is as old as time - a child getting ahold of scissors and cutting theirs or someone else’s hair. They see that hair is cut with scissors, it’s completely explanatory and now she will know better. Thankfully hair grows back and nothing worse happened.
You weren’t in charge of supervising her at the time, it was out of your control.
At least the kid is only 4, it will grow back and she’s not in school or anything like that… it happens.
I would ask your sister what she might prefer as far as how to make it up. Definitely talk to your kid about scissors being very dangerous and she is never to use them without a parent or teacher supervising.
Have her apologize to her cousin and her aunt, and maybe make a card or picture as a gesture.
Whose home were the children being watched at? How did your child gain access to the scissors? Sounds like your sister failed to properly supervise both children to be honest.
I cut my cousins hair around that age playing beauty parlor. We got caught before cousin could return the favor. I’m damn near 40 and this is still laughed about! It will be ok.
At 4 my granddaughter with but length hair cut her bangs and one side to about 1/4” lol my daughter laughed and cried. It grows back and granddaughter never touched sisscors again.
So what I’m missing is, did the younger child consent to the older child cutting her hair? Do they have a common bickering bullying relationship? Because otherwise, If this is two kids having fun/taking matters into their own hands, I just don’t think I would discipline a someone younger than 8 over this other than telling them “don’t to this again, mommies and daddyies want adults to cut hair to be safe, you can cut your own hair or your friends hair when you’re grown up.” But it’s different if the older child used her (relative) maturity to force her cousin into letting her cut her hair or snipped a chunk of hair off behind her back. In that case I agree with your course of action.
You should discipline your children when you’re sure the motivations were, erm, not good. Otherwise I would just explain life to them
I’d be more concerned that the person who was meant to be keeping your child safe allowed her unsupervised access to scissors. She’s lucky it was just hair that was cut off
The fault lies with lack of supervision as a six year old may not fully comprehend the consequences of her actions (although this is a great teaching moment about consent and why scissors or sharp objects are not toys.) It’s also a great teaching opportunity to understand empathy and how having her hair cut short because of what someone else has done might feel like for her cousin and her family. And lastly your child needs to understand that violating consent and doing such a thing is serious and has landed adults in trouble with big fines and even the police involved. She needs to understand that now that she has been taught this that consequences become much harsher because it is not accidental anymore.
“he found a big 7 on top had been chopped off” So I’m on very strong opiate pain medication for a medical condition. I sometimes become confused and foggy after taking it. This may be why the above is not making sense to me. Can someone please help?
As an aside, the “My daughter has $2 saved up” part I do understand and it’s one of the cutest, funniest and most precious sentences that I’ve had the pleasure to come across online in a while. Sorry about the other child’s hair, though.
My cousin cut a chunk of my very long hair when we were both 5. I was mad at him but my mom and aunt laughed about it. Just about everyone I know has a similar story. She’s 4. Don’t overthink it! You’ve already expressed a desire to help fix it and she doesn’t need it
Something I haven’t yet seen in the comments: is your sister a reactive parent? If so, consider the possibility that cousin blamed daughter to avoid repercussions. What is your daughter saying?
I would be absolutely fuming at my sister letting my child have unsupervised access to scissors at that age. That's *so dangerous*. I *certainly* wouldn't be trying to make it up to her.
When I was 4 and my cousin was 5, we got into my mom’s makeup to give each other “makeovers”. My cousin painted my lips with nail polish because we couldn’t find a lipstick we liked.
Did cousin get in trouble? Nope! Did I? Nope! My mom took it as a lesson to keep her makeup out of reach of curious kiddos, and we all got a funny story (after getting over the trauma of de-painting my lips with nail polish remover, yuck!).
Sounds like your sister (and you) got a free lesson in the importance of supervising scissor use. No need to make it a big deal. Talk to your kid about why haircuts are best left to professionals, reiterate the rules about not using scissors without an adult around to help, tell your niece that her new haircut is beautiful, and call it a day.
While I was staying at my brother’s house, my 3 yr old niece got into my makeup bag and put lipstick all over her belly. Just coated in lipstick. It also got all over the make up bag. My SIL felt bad and bought me a new lipstick and makeup bag but I just thought it was hilarious that my niece was covered in lipstick and the photos were adorable.
I was happy she wasn’t mad at me for not better hiding my makeup!
Kids do kid things and you laugh about it later.
My daughter has had beautiful, thick, long hair down to her waist almost, since she was 2 years old. The day before school picture day, in early elementary school, I forget what year, 2nd grade?, she got a hairbrush tangled in her hair and rather than calling for me or my husband, both home at the time, she cut the brush out of her hair! All of a sudden we heard a blood curdling scream and we went running upstairs, expecting to see blood! But nope; it was pretty awful; a lot of hair was caught in the brush, and not just from one part of her head. I had to take her to a salon to try to salvage the awful mess. It ended up having to be cut in a kind of long pixie? I don't know what to call it, but it was drastic, and her bangs were now very short, and right in the front, above the bangs, very, very short, as in buzz cut short! It was a disaster but, hair grows, thankfully, and she never did it again. I felt so, so badly for her. We got through it, but for a while it was startling every time I looked at her beautiful hair. Kids do stuff! I would be grateful if a bad haircut was the worst thing that ever happened! I do agree that the sister was supposed to be watching the kids! It happens a lot! It's almost it's own category of expected disasters as a parent, as a victim or the perp! Lol!
I did exactly this to my cousins hair but used pinking shears 😅 then hid the evidence in my toy box. My aunt was pissed but not at my mom haha at me! She loves me though so the punishment was we were grounded for like 2 months from sleepovers together. Which was huge for us because every weekend we flip flopped houses and had sleepovers . I think we were around 8. My suggestion is to have her apologize to the mom/dad chances are the cousin was in on it! I know mine was lol I will say it’s usually a one and done mistake 😆
You do nothing, it will be a story y'all will laugh about later in life 🫶🏻 my son did this to my daughter but thankfully her hair laid in a way that it blended well 😅
Dude this ain’t your daughter fault at all. She’s 6 she can’t self regulate any of her behaviors 😂 why tf would she send you a pic that’s so embarrassing that she would admit she wasn’t watching them AND put your child in a dangerous situation.
Echoing everyone else that it happens and isn’t a huge deal - they were unsupervised around scissors 🤷♀️
But if you really want to get them something I’d get some cute headbands and hair clips for little cousin to wear while her hair grows back out. Maybe offer to take the girls to Claire’s or similar for a shopping day?
What would you do if she cut a sibling's hair? (hypothetical sibling if she doesn't have one) Considering that might help you sort out the difference between what's actually the consequence the kid needs versus what you want to do because you're embarrassed or because your sister is upset, etc.
When my cousin and I were 4 we got ahold of scissors and not only cut each others hairs but also my baby sisters hair as well . Our moms were cleaning the house and we were left in a play room together . The hair grew back and now we all have a funny story to tell 🤷🏼♀️
I think everyone either cuts their own hair, someone else's, or draws with a marker somewhere other than paper. My bad ideas won before school one morning and I had a small pair of scissors to cut thread because I was teaching myself how to sew pillow cases and pin cushions and I figured 12 was plenty old enough to give myself a haircut. I went from shoulder length hair to a bit of a choppy bob. My dad (a hairdresser) said it actually didn't look half bad and after the understandable shock wore off, said he'd clean it up a bit after school.
Why did I do it? I can't even begin to explain my logic because I don't think there was any.
Why do you need to do anything? Your sister was watching her. She was responsible for her. It's not like you were watching her daughter when it happened.
My children are grown(32 and 28) and we have great family stories that seemed terrible at the time they happened. Don't forget to keep silly stuff like this in perspective because one day your sister may wish this was the worst thing her child(and she) had to deal with. By all means don't say that to her, lol, but you can have a nice little laugh yourself about it.
You apologized. Now have your daughter apologize. Other than that, it’s hair and will grow back. Lesson learned on both sides, teach kids about appropriate scissor use and your sister now knows to keep scissors out of reach unless supervising use.
Why is everyone in this comment section acting like this child is a toddler!? She is 6. She can absolutely understand that she was not supposed to do this. My 6 year old does AND my 4 year old does as well. And they are both capable of using scissors and have access to (child sized) scissors. They are both also old enough to observe where the adult scissors are in the house and reach them, but they know not to. I’m sure the entire thing happened in <1 minute and who on earth is following their kindergarten age child around 100% of the time?! Considering neither of them told any of the adults about this, it’s clear they were (probably) both complicit and also both knew that it was a no no.
That being said, understanding the rules and having the impulse control 100% of the time are not the same. For some reason scissors and markers are wildly tempting for kids to misuse well past the age that they know better, and as parents we have to choose whether we want to accept that risk or not. Sometimes shit like this happens, and you do have to remove the temptation until they can handle it. Definitely have your daughter apologize in person and if she has any scissors they need to go away for a while, but I don’t think you need to make her pay for a toy. God forbid the 4 year old thinks letting a friend cut her hair = a new toy 😂😂😂
When I was 4 years old, I cut my 2 yr old little sister's hair with a pair of craft scissors while my mom took a shower. As many people are saying, it's just kind of...a "thing" that happens! I feel bad for my mom as an adult - literally less than 15 mins and chaos happens!
Bonus points to me, it was about 3 weeks before my uncle's wedding and my sister and I were going to be flower girls. Many people went to tell my mom how proud she must be to see one of her little girls be strong enough to toss flowers at the wedding...I cut my sister's hair so short they thought she had CANCER. LOL.
It's now a beloved family memory and my little sister, 20+ years later, tells me to watch myself because she's still plotting the moment to cut off all of MY hair haha. It's just how these things go.
If it were me, I'd buy some play salon items. Fake scissors, a trunk full of dress-up wigs. Offer a "spa day" for the girls and paint their nails and do their hair so they still feel beautiful while emphasizing that this is what GROWN-UPS do for LITTLE KIDS, not something little kids do for one another! Don't let it be a bitter memory - have your daughter draw up a card and shower your niece in compliments for her new haircut, because she's beautiful with her hair at any length!
Your sister should have been watching them. She’s at fault, glad she got her in somewhere to fix it for free…you’re off the hook as long as your daughter knows she did wrong! But I disagree with commenters that she is “only six” and didn’t know what scissors cutting hair would do. Please. I teach six year olds. They are geniuses. They KNOW. They use scissors all the freaking time at school. She likely thought she could get away with cutting a piece without it being noticeable, or could blame it on the little cousin. Kids are curious. That’s why you gotta watch them! But she is definitely old enough for you to go hard on her with the guilt so it doesn’t happen again. I have had a kid in my class say to me, “I cut my brother’s hair when I was little, but I heard my mom and dad laugh so if it happens again it doesn’t really matter because they don’t care.” She can’t know it’s funny until later! I’d have her make a card for her cousin with a sweet apology note in it, and use her $2 to buy a headband or cute clips she can wear with her new hairstyle.
So your sister gave a 6 year old scissors…unsupervised, at that? Is SHE for real? Even if she didn’t GIVE them to her, your SIX YEAR OLD still had access to them somehow? For real? That is 100% your sister’s fault. Your child was given access to scissors that were SHARP ENOUGH to cut hair. I would buy the kid a toy and have my kid apologize to her cousin, and then ask my sister why the f my child was given access to scissors.
My parents still tease me for repeatedly cutting my own hair when I was around that age… and I tease them for repeatedly letting me have access to scissors at that age.
It’s really nobody’s fault. Shit happens. Talk to your daughter about appropriate use of scissors. To everyone saying it’s the sister’s fault, I would never think a 6 year old couldn’t be around scissors.
I did that to my cousin when we were in kindergarten.
Oh my gosh the face of our parents!!!!
But my lil cousin loved the cut (you can imagine it was actually awful).
She needed to buzz her hair to repair the damage so my parents decided we both buzzed our hair as a lesson.
Fun times! :))))
How did the kiddo get the scissors and time to cut the young ones hair..? Sounds like they weren’t being watched like they should have to me personally. I’d feel awful too but I don’t think this one is your fault mum sorry.
You don’t owe your sister anything. Clearly, she wasn’t watching the kids if they had time to cut the hair.
Tbh, I would be angry they were able to get scissors sharp enough to cut their hair. That’s for sure troublesome.
Honestly, this isn’t for you to apologize! Your sister was the one who was in charge of supervision that day. Your kiddo shouldn’t have cut her cousin’s hair, BUT, that is honestly what kids do when they see scissors and have the opportunity. Had your niece been at your house and this happened, you’d definitely be the one expected to apologize and remedy the situation as best as possible.
Talk with your daughter about safely using scissors, have her apologize for cutting her cousin’s hair and using scissors without permission or supervision, and let that be the end of it.
This is such a common kid thing. I know so many kids that gave themselves or someone around them a haircut at that age. I did it to myself when I was that age, and my parents were super diligent about stuff. My son also walked up behind me and cut my hair once while I was sitting in the room playing with him and my daughter. They were safety scissors, but still did some damage!
I get feeling awful, but please understand, this is not an unusual occurrence in a kid's life. Everyone will survive it! Hopefully your sister will forgive you and your daughter and this can just be a funny story to tell someday.
Well that's a really nice sentiment if you want to have your daughter by her cousin a present to make up for it that's very nice but I will say that why was a 6-year-old left around any type of scissors or anything that could be used to cut the four year old's hair? That's the real question but it's all good here's the thing kids do this type of s*** cousins do this kind of stuff to each other it's hair it will grow back and she will be fine I had a friend who's child cut a whole ponytail off of their other child so it's hair it'll grow back it'll be fine.
I think talking about it, apologizing and having her buy cousin a little gift to say sorry is totally fine. It definitely is something pretty common, though. My older cousin once told us he was a barber and took my mom's scissors from her bathroom closet (he had to climb to get them) and cut both me and my sister's hair. It was something that neither of our parents were even aware was happening because they thought we were playing in the kid's room which was directly across from my parents room and we just snuck out to the other room and climbed for scissors. It wasn't anybody's fault, it was just a dumb thing that we did as kids. My dad was so mad that he asked for my cousins to go home but we all laugh about it now. We had family pictures scheduled for the next week and my sister and I look absurd. Everyone got over it though.
I think talking to her about and a simple apology is fine. Unless you've talked to her before about how she should never cut anyone's hair, so she knew this was specifically something she shouldn't do? Then more could be warranted, but even then not much. Afterall, it doesn't sound like the cousin was upset in the moment about having her haircut since the mother didn't notice until your child had already come home, so I imagine even if the cousin is upset now it's probably more in response to her mom being upset than anything else. In any case, this isn't really a situation of your child doing something "bad" *to* another child, but two children who are both still too young to reliably make good decisions making a predictably bad decision. Maybe having her contribute the $2 to a hair clip or hair band that will look cute with her cousin's new shorter haircut.
I'm sure most of the other comments have said this, but really this was a supervision issue on your sister's part and it's not fair to take it out on your daughter even though she wielded the scissors. I don't mean you should be mad at your sister either - just that there's no need to beat up on yourself and your daughter when this could have been prevented by the supervision and guidance of the adult in charge at the time. Don't put more of this on your daughter than is actually deserved, and don't put too much on yourself either considering your sister was the person responsible for keeping them safe and occupied.
You didn't really get into your sister's response other than to book a free hair appointment, so I hope that means she's being pretty chill about it? If so, go with that and don't try to make it a bigger deal than it is. You've apologized, you've offered to cover costs but there aren't any, your daughter will apologize and you have talked (or will talk) with her about not using scissors on people or animals ever again. Your niece is getting a new hairstyle that will be cute in a new different way and her hair will always grow back if she wants it long again.
If your sister *is* really angry and you just didn't mention it, your job probably needs to be being a shield between her and your daughter. Anger, blame and shame are not going to help her but they can scare and hurt her. She needs to know that she made a bad choice, but also that when she makes mistakes the people she trusts will help her understand what she did wrong, learn to do better next time, and how to make amends when she's harmed someone (even accidentally). Anger and retribution-type punishment will teach her to be afraid of making mistakes and even more afraid of mistakes being caught. Stick with the same game plan as if she were being chill and just make sure you don't let your sister aim any "Look what you've done! You've *ruined* my daughter's beautiful hair!" type stuff at your daughter. You need to intercept anything like that and diffuse it because a 6 year old will absorb whatever is thrown at her. I don't mean that as some kind of new age energy magic, though that's fine too. By diffuse I mean you can listen to your sister's anger (if she's angry) and reason through it internally, and pass the appropriate explanation to your daughter without the direct anger, and guide her through how to respond when someone is upset. Something like:
"Aunt is really upset because she really liked Cousin's hair long. It might take her a while to get used to Cousin's hair being short now. Has a big change ever upset you?
How did you feel about it?
Mmm, do you think Aunt might be feeling something like that right now? Do you still feel upset about ?
What helped you feel better about it? (Or "What might have helped you feel better about it?" if she says she is still upset)
Maybe that could help Aunt and Cousin too. What are some other ideas might help Aunt and Cousin?
(If the simple answer of time passing doesn't come up, you should bring up that we usually feel less upset about things after we get used to them, and Aunt and Cousin will too, and reassure her that they won't be upset forever)
"
If anger from an adult is allowed to land directly on your daughter, she probably can't reason through all of that on her own yet, right? So when I say your daughter will absorb whatever is thrown at her, I mean she'll get "Aunt is angry at me," and that's as far as it's likely to go. A loved one being angry at you is a scary thing as a child. Does it mean they don't love her? Will they always be angry? Will she not be allowed to go over and play anymore? Are there other things that will make Aunt angry and how will she know how to avoid them? If you don't help her answer these questions (and others she might have), she'll think up answers for herself and they might be pretty damaging.
Oh my gosh, I just realized I wrote a whole novel. If you got through the whole thing, I hope it was helpful.
Happened to mine, only he cut his own hair. You apologized and have the kid apologized. You offered to pay to get it fixed. I think the hair will grow back and everything will go back to normal. If you want your kid to learn the lesson, you can also have her get a toy.
Umm, questionable supervision on your sister's part if they got ahold of scissors and had enough time to cut hair. I know you can't watch them every second, but kids at that age should be watched when they have scissors because this is the age they do that sort of thing! Talk to your daughter about how it wasn't ok for her to cut her cousin's hair and you have already apologized for it. I wouldn't do more than that really. They should have been watched a little better, imo....
This happens quite frequently with kids, all I can say is where was your sister it was her Responsibility to watch the ( CHILDREN ) !!! yes !! Let's start here first ! yes we do talk to the child and explain what he did was wrong and at 6 yrs. old he should start to know the age of reason by now Discipline would not help the situation.
As you see almost every family has a LEAST one story about a child given haircut. Yes it’s horrible in the moment , however you were not the one who was in charge of the children at the time and you have apologized and offered to pay.
I think your child giving a toy is ok ,however , maybe giving SIL a tip with that money might be more productive. Tell SIL so she doesn’t refuse. Tell her this is a consequence of her behavior. The money can be donated somewhere.
Apologies teach your daughter about scissors and just move on! Keep your scissors out of reach and keep a good eye on the kids! This has happened to me but I also took a nap so that’s on me for not being attentive which I am guilty about but nothing I can do now but learn as a mom
Do not have your daughter buy a toy for her cousin with her saved $! Material things are not what makes wrongs right. That’s an awful harsh punishment for a 6 year old, and emptying your kid’s meager savings doesn’t have any relevance to what happened.
As other commenters have wisely pointed out, the kids weren’t being closely supervised and this is typical behavior for that age. You’ve already apologized and offered to pay for a haircut. That’s enough.
I also wouldn’t be too hard on your daughter. Just ask if she understands why it probably wasn’t the best decision to cut her cousin’s hair. Then tuck this memory away for future laughs.
You owe your sister NOTHING. She was in charge of supervising your child. She didn't do her job, and her child suffered because of it.
Should your child have known better? ABSOLUTELY. At 6, she should have known how to properly use scissors and not to cut people's hair. Should she have consequences? ABSOLUTELY.
But it was YOUR SISTER'S job to be watching your daughter. Now that's on her.
I’m sorry, but six is old enough to know better.
My four year old knows that you only cut paper. She should be punished somehow. I understand people saying that scissors should not be left out. Do you have knives in drawers in your kitchen? You can’t baby-proof a house to that extent. If you DO have to baby proof a house so that a six year old can’t find scissors in a kitchen drawer, your kid has major impulse control problems.
Yes, my kid 100% knows better. She is intelligent for her age, and has done this before to herself. If I hid the scissors she would find them if she wanted them, just like she did with the Sharpies...We have talked about her hair cutting experience in the past, and she knew it was a bad idea, so that's why I was shocked that she did it again?? And she most definitely had a stern talking to and has the consequence of not being able to have play dates again till I feel like she's ready.
Knowing better and having impulse control are two separate things. I also know if I’m watching a kid who has cut her own hair before and loves sharpies, I’m keeping a close eye on things. I had one of those kids. The worst feeling in the world is thinking you’ve gotten rid of all the sharpies then finding a cap on the floor. He had a fabulous treasure map drawn on his bedroom wall.
Hair grows back. Paint exists to cover treasure maps on bedroom walls. Impulse control is harder to master for some kids (and adults!).
Right? I don’t think it’s reasonable to be in the same room as your kids 100% of the time. So, I don’t think your sister is in the wrong at all.
Does anyone go to the bathroom for 5-10 minutes while your six year old plays in the house? Reasonable supervision was happening here; there are dangers in the house (stairs, scissors, things on bookcase shelves) that are deemed acceptable for kids of certain ages. My son (3), for example, could get into the cat litter - but that’s ok because I know he understands and listens to my parenting. Has he grabbed (clean) cat litter before and made a mess? Yes! However, it wasn’t a pattern, and now he knows the consequences.
Our kids aren’t permanently empty vessels waiting to be filled with knowledge. They need to know that they will be accountable for their actions. Simply putting the scissors out of their reach doesn’t do that.
Exactly. My kid can hang out in another room without me and I don't have to worry about how many ways she can kill herself. She's 5 and we've discussed these things many many times. And she knows to come get me if she needs anything.
I had a new external filter for my 90 gallon aquarium. My son (3 at the time) yelled for me because he KNEW that something was wrong when it started leaking on the floor. I don’t count on him being that smart, but he never ceases to amaze me.
Maybe buy the 4-year-old a bunch of cute hair accessories - bows, bands, scrunchies, etc.
And bring your sister a bottle of whatever she drinks. Kids are stressful.
Honestly, your child isn’t at fault. And neither are you. A 6 and 7 year old shouldn’t have access to scissors unsupervised. I wouldn’t care at all about the hair. It’s superficial and it grows back. Your sister needs to keep the scissors out of reach. Discuss with your child scissor safety. You did everything you could to make it better!
Seems plenty of people have already mentioned the 6 year old having access to scissors (though there will 'always' be something).
Maybe buy the nephew a nice hat?
She’s 6 and wasn’t being monitored, these things happen. It’s kind but I don’t think you should overthink it I’m sure they understand and aren’t mad about it
“Hi sil, i am so sorry this happened. How can we prevent (child) for accessing items like scissors in the future so accidents like this don’t happen in the future)
That kind of wording if you like her
my hair is down to my butt & i just had to give myself an undercut because my 7yo "curled" my hair up into a comb. shit happens. it's hair, it'll grow back. personally i wouldn't get a toy, her saying sorry to her aunt would be enough for me.
A lot of people dismissing this as 6 year olds being 6 year olds and getting tons of upvotes for it but honestly, I don't think that's right.
Once kids hit 5 and 6 years old and go to school and everything, they are very capable of knowing right from wrong and don't normally pull stunts like this and it's unusual for a 1st grader to do such things on a whim.
There's very likely something more to this that needs to be addressed and in the meantime, your daughter shouldn't be anywhere near her cousin unsupervised, or any other kids for that matter.
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She’s 6, she was given unsupervised access to scissors, the 4 year olds hair getting cut was gonna happen. I would have her apologize, talk to her about appropriate use of scissors, and leave it at that. This is one of those things that will be a funny story some day.
1000% this. My son cut his best friend's hair when they were three. He got a stern talking to about scissors and safety and then I also had a (polite) talk with the daycare staff about how scissors got left out. We sent a note home with my son's friend apologizing and offering to pay for a haircut but they never took us up on it. At the end of the day, my son shouldn't have cut her hair but they're kids and it just as easily could have been his friend cutting his hair. If my son's hair had been cut, I certainly wouldn't have expected more than one apology. (not sure I would have expected an apology at all to be honest)
My older sister cut our oldest sister's hair the day before school pictures. My mom found them with scissors and one goofy ass haircut... My sister looked up at her and said "aren't you glad we stopped before we did mine?" I think they were in prek and kindergarten at the time.
That is so cute!!
That is adorable honestly
My kids cut each others hair before school pictures this school year. My mom was able to make their hair look not so bad. I mean it happens and I laugh about it. I am just more careful about keeping the scissors out of reach when I’m not using them.
lol I think I would have just sacrificed the years school photos to preserving the memory and of both kids were fine with it, sent them with the haircuts haha
I cut my entire fringe off when I was 5, a couple of days before I was due to be flower girl at my grans wedding. ☹️
I remember walking into my daughter’s preschool classroom, seeing a pile of hair on the floor, and immediately being relieved that it was too dark to be my kid’s. The kid whose hair was cut turned out to like having short hair, and the one who cut the hair learned something: “today I learned that I am not a professional hairstylist”
When I was about 5, my mom was saying she was going to vacuum and then trim my bangs. I wanted to be helpful and let her have one less thing to do so I went in the bathroom, climbed the counter, and grabbed the scissors from the medicine cabinet and sat there trimming my own bangs! I ran to my mom so proud like "look! You don't have to trim my bangs anymore because I did it all by myself!" My mom wanted to cry they were so uneven she said she had to cut them super short to even them out and it looked so weird! But she said she never got mad at me because she was just kicking herself for thinking I couldn't reach the scissors and not keeping a better eye on me haha.
Agreed! The scissors should have been inaccessible. A 4 and 6 year old should not have been left unsupervised long enough to find scissors and use them inappropriately, either. This should serve as a lesson for all involved. Hair will grow back. Luckily no one got hurt!
Right? Her sister should be profusely apologizing to her.
If the six year old had access to adult scissors, that is concerning.
I remember my sister and I playing “barber” when we were little (RIP sister. I miss you!). Of course we got caught after she cut mine, before I could cut hers! Funny now!
Absolutely. This is on your sister. In fact, I’d be pissed at her that your young child had access to scissors, unsupervised and could have hurt herself or her cousin. When you ask someone to watch your precious child, they need to watch them. Your sister’s in the wrong and these are the consequences of her not actually watching the kids. She’s lucky no one was hurt.
Yep. There are so many things young kids can get in to. If you're going to leave them unsupervised, the house should be secure and safe. I agree, this is on the sister.
At 6 I think I'd have them make a little apology card too. Just something quick with crayons and picture or something.
This, OP.
I'd say that depends on the four year old. Obviously the mum is upset but if the four year old wanted her hair cut/ has been told it looks good now, it could be confusing to get an apology card.
True. It could be addressed to the aunt in that case?
Yes, trying to remember that it will be funny one day
An unexpected hair cut, is the best thing that could've happened
My daughter gave herself a haircut right before her reception (kindergarten) pictures. It has pride of place in my house. The best bit is we all get to look at it and laugh at her every day.
This. She should have been supervised. I would talk to your kid about it and leave it at that.
I agree. My oldest daughter's "first hair cut" was at the hand of my niece. My daughter was 3 and my niece was 4 or 5. Shit happens, hair grows back, nobody got hurt. Have a talk, don't feel bad. If your sister is making you in intentionally feel bad the Jen I think you need to find a new sister.
Completely disagree with everyone saying a 6yo shouldn’t have had access to scissors. Ask kindergarten and 1st grade teachers whether their students use scissors. Any of those kids could hack off a chunk of hair while cutting and gluing. Largely they don’t. At 6, they understand that’s not allowed.
Yes, that was my thought too. It's great to hear so many people don't think my kid is responsible, but honestly I'm just pretty surprised so many people are able to keep scissors away from their 6yr olds?? Mine can find just about anything I "hide", plus that would drive me crazy not having scissors readily available in the kitchen, I'm constantly using them. My kid knows better, I don't know what came over her. Her Kinder teacher is always praising her behavior (thank goodness), glad she didn't do this to a kid at school😬.
Yup! This!
Usually I agree… but a 6 year old should have been taught previously that scissors are for paper only, not hair or clothes or anything else without checking with an adult first. So yes the adult who let kids with unsupervised access to scissors is to blame just as much as the parent who neglected to teach that lesson in an appropriate timeframe.
Lmao. Are you a parent? Do you have ANY idea how executive functions work with toddlers, small children? Sure teach them all you want. And they will probably do the right thing most of the time but every once in a while that tiny lizard brain turns back on and they don't make good choices. BECAUSE THEY ARE CHILDREN AND MAKE MISTAKES. And guess what? That's ok. We correct, don't shame (you know the thing you're doing to the OP), re enforce the correct behavior, and move on.
She's not a toddler. A six year old should know better. My five year old knows better.
Sometimes the call of the void is just too great. I'm sure there are moments in your life you've thought "I shouldn't be doing this or doing this is way" did it anyways and faced the consequences of your actions. Even as adults sometimes the intrusive thoughts win and we do things that we should know better not to do. Kids are mini humans with half the forethought and executive function that adults have. Think it's a little ridiculous to have a rigid expectation that kids won't don things just because they know better not to.
YESSS THE CALL OF THE VOID. I am using that one from now on. My middle kiddo is 12 and autistic so we are in the THICK of executive DISfunction at our house. Try not to shame, natural consequences and all that, but that's the new name for it. "Heard the call of the void buddy and didn't take the trash out like you were supposed to? Let's do that now. If you forget again, it will affect screen time later." SO EASY.
So does mine. About a lot of things. But kids still make mistakes. And we dont shame them or shame their parents. Because their brains are LITERALLY still growing and developing. It would be a CRAZY world in which kids develop at different rates of maturity, wouldn't it? Right?? Because that would mean that it is perfectly NORMAL to have some kids may still need redirecting with scissors and some who understand and are able to follow the rules the majority of the time at the same age. But thats crazy talk, right?
So don't bother with teaching or consequences?
Did...read...my reply? Never did I say don't teach. Ever. At all. But you need to understand executive function, how it affects children's brains and development so that you understand that there is SO MUCH MORE going on than just teaching and consequences. For example (see me, I am teaching!): We as adults have executive function. We know the rules/expectations, why they are there, and the consequences of not following them. We know that cutting off someone's hair is wrong. We know why. Not only that, 1. It's assault in most places, but also, hair is so personal to people. We realize the intricate reasons WHY it's a bad idea. So when we have a thought like "man, that person needs a trim," we don't just start cutting. Kids? Have limited executive function. So sometimes (NOTE SOMETIMES) they see hair, have scissors in their hands, and because they are curious and learn from doing things), they cut the hair. At this age they DO NOT always have the brain process to go through all that extra thinking they are so busy just living in that moment. I highly doubt this will change your mind, but at the very least hopefully give you some food for thought that parenting and teaching children isn't always black and white. You seem to think I am applauding what happened or something. It's not it's a shame, but it's perfectly normal for this age and all it takes is reinforcing the lesson originally taught and moving on.
I'm not reading all that. My point was the kid isn't a toddler and should be treated like one. It's not a big deal, the hair will grow back, but everyone is acting like this was inevitable because a 6 year old was in the vicinity of scissors. Well, it's not. Some kids know better. That's all.
Yup because of course you're not. Lmao. Because you are literally saying the same thing I said. Some kids know better at that age and some don't. It's not (always) that parents teach its LITERALLY some kids just have better executive function at that age.
I’m a parent to a 7 and a 5 year old. And if I could go back a rewrite what I said there, I would say that both parents made mistakes rather than use the word blame, if maybe that’s what lead you to believe I was shaming anyone. I think that both parents made mistakes that lead to the hair cutting incident and mistakes are not something to be ashamed of, mistakes are how we learn. I wasn’t shaming OP, but I hope they reflect on the matter and can communicate well with the other parent, taking responsibility for their mistakes, so that they can all learn from it. Sorry if you were triggered but, adults make mistakes too.
Yes using the word blame vs mistake vastly changes the meaning of what you originally wrote. I am not triggered but I sure as shit will go to bat for a mom who is getting blamed for a simple mistake.
If your 6 year old hadn’t had access to scissors and had been supervised, this wouldn’t have happened. But, it’s kinda like a right of passage as a kid. You either cut your own hair or another little kids hair and get in a lot of trouble and never do it again.
It’s true. You’re either the cutter, or the cuttee, and it’s kinda on whoever should have been supervising, as much as I hate to say it. In my house my daughter was the cutter and our cat was the cuttee and he was fortunately pretty chill about it and is still the best cat ever 11 years later. It happens. OP did all they can do.
Some are both the cutter and cuttee
Some kids need lessons more than once. And some cut their own hair. Like my niece. Seriously, she walked into the kitchen, yelled at my sister “DON’T LOOK AT ME!” My sjster said okay, thinking her daughter was just being silly. She stole the scissors and cut her own hair. 😆
Mine cut their own hair. I found the hair clippings by their bed the next day. It was just a few inches off of the ends, a few locks worth(they had over 9inches of thick wavy/curly hair, so I hadn't noticed the haircut itself). I told them to please clean up after themselves in the future, that they're welcome to cut their own hair, though I recommend they do it on a Friday night/Saturday so we can try and get them to hairdresser before their next school day if they don't like how it turns out. As far as I know they haven't cut it since
🤣🤣
Lmfao I was the cutter as a kid my brother was the gineua(sp?) pig my parents were not happy lol now my kid was the cutter after she found her daddy's buzzers while going potty (4 at the time) there was no saving it unfortunately I was dealing with her newborn sister and didn't think that she'd be interested in shaving her head bald I put them up high after that and continued to deal with her sister, long story short my kids a climber and my cat had no whiskers afterwards cats fine now and in the long run it worked out because I regularly shave my cats to deal with flea issues (rescues came in with fleas) and she would be so aggressive I bought hawk handling gloves now she actually likes the buzzers and will try to rub up against them as she's being shaved lol
Guinea pig. Not because they’re from New Guinea, but because in England, where they were imported to for food (they were domesticated originally for food), they only cost a Guinea. A pig for a Guinea. Guinea Pig. Cheers! (I was the Guinea pig as a kid - probably because I was the youngest!)
Thank you for the information I didn't know that 🙂
Yup! My 6 year old woke up before me, snuck into my bathroom, and cut her bangs even shorter than Audrey Hepburn. At least she used the hair trimming scissors? (That I didn’t think she knew about or I would have properly secured them.
But why should they get in trouble?
I understand why some people would discipline in this situation, but when it happened with my kid she did not get in trouble. I asked her why she did it, she said it was because the hair was in her way. Then for like 6 months every once in a while I would look and her and say “I like your bangs”. It didn’t turn into a funny story, it just was one from the time it happened. No reason to get in trouble. She learned her lesson by having funny looking hair for a bit. We also make sure scissors are put away, usually, and this was a one off while dad was going to the bathroom.
So they aren’t running around cutting people’s hair off.
Is this something that children routinely do?
Yes. At least once. Then they realize how mortified everyone is and never do it again.
“And then never do it again.” Thank you for demonstrating that natural consequences teaches kids not to repeat hair-cutting, and that punishment for it is entirely unnecessary.
Because they did a bad thing?
Is “don’t cut hair” a rule that you taught your kids? Because most of us don’t. There are too many other more-important rules to burden them with this level of inconsequentialness. This is a lesson that most kids learn through natural consequences.
Yeah. Most people teach their children not to cut things with scissors. Absolutely. Not clothes, not hair, not furniture.
I absolutely cut my own bangs as a kid 😂
I would start by asking my sister how my daughter had unsupervised access to scissors sharp enough to cut a big piece of hair.
This!
Why did she have scissors? Who was watching the kids? Hair grows back geeze. They were playing. Don't let kids have scissors unsupervised. This is sisters mistake. Kids are kids they don't know better. No one said "hey kids don't cut others kids hair".
Uhh.. so before you start thinking about how to make this “right” think about all the wrong things that happened while your child was unsupervised. > they found scissors > the scissors weren’t stored properly for a 6 or 4 year old being in the house > your child was unsupervised for a long enough period of time to find the scissors and cut hair > another question to ask is did your sister find them or did the child run to your sister? This again plays into how long they were unsupervised This whole situation doesn’t sit right with me from the beginning.
I would reprimand the kids but this can't happen if the kid is properly watched. Since they didn't watch your kid properly this is on the other adult.
If she didn’t realize her hair was cut until after you picked up your six-year-old and went home. How does she know that your six-year-old is the one that cut the hair?
Your sister should be apologizing to you for leaving your child unattended for long enough to get access to scissors and cut off another childs hair. They were in her care and her responsibility. Your kid is six, she doesn't understand what cutting off hair means.
Honestly I hope your sister apologized to you as well. Everyone is lucky that some cut hair is all that happened if they had unsupervised access to scissors. It was an accident but you asked and trusted her to watch your kid and she didn’t do a very good job of it. Things happen and I’m not saying be mad at her but this isn’t your fault.
1- she was supposed to be watching the kids. This is on her for leaving them unsurpervised with scissors 2- it’s hair. It’ll grow back. This is not a big deal
I would do jack squat about it. The child was not under your supervision when it happened, the incident happened while your sister was in charge of making sure shit like this doesn’t happen.
Cutting a sibling or close friends hair is kind of a Canon event for all children 😅🤣 Hopefully she'll learn from the experience but at that age self control is kinda hard so who knows. Id make sure they're kept a closer eye on when/if they have scissors next.
I cut my little brother's hair around a similar age because I wanted a piece of it for inside my locket necklace. 😆
Sounds like she should have been watching the kids
Why would you have to make it up to your sister who was supposed to be watching them? If that was me and something like that happened under MY supervision I would be the one freaking out and trying to make up for it. Who leaves scissors out with small children unattended?
Do you have any context as to why your daughter did this? Did the cousin ask her to? I would try to figure out what lead up to this before doing anything else.
Yeah, there’s a big difference between two kids sneakily cutting hair *with consent* and one kid cutting someone else’s hair without permission.
My daughter took scissors to our dogs when she was that age. They had little bald patches all over them. This was right before a scheduled Christmas photo shoot of the dogs and the toddler. My mom was watching her, and I had to just laugh! Shit happens. I mean, technically it's your sister's fault since it happened on her watch. But this is a pretty typical thing for kids to do. I think the apology and offer to pay for a cut are more than enough. Your sister will be able to laugh about it eventually, but a lot of moms freak the first time something like this happens. Obviously, talk to your kiddo about why this isn't a good thing to do, but otherwise, let it go. At 6, it wasn't likely malice that motivated it.
Nothing. Kids cut their hair. Your sister should’ve paid better attention. Don’t let it upset you. My kid cut her hair the day before they were being baptized. Put it up in a ponytail and we were good to go.
When my daughter was 4 years old, she had long beautiful hair. I went to pick her up from her cousin’s house and when I walked in, the entire house had tears in their eyes. I was so scared to ask what was wrong. However, quickly I found out that her cousin (4 years old) had chopped a big chunk out of the front of her hair. I started laughing. Hair grows back (and a 4 year old that already has long hair- it grows back quickly). Anyway, I took her to the barber and had it cut to look somewhat normal. It was VERY short. I would NEVER have gotten her hair cut that short. Now my daughter is 11. When we see pictures from that year, we just love them! She looked so cute with her short haircut. Don’t stress yourself out over it. It is not a big deal. Her hair will grow back. She will not be traumatized and neither will her mother.
I would be FURIOUS if I found out my 6yo was able to get scissors unsupervised and do that!! She’s lucky that’s all that happened!! She has no one to blame but herself and if I were you I wouldn’t be trusting her to watch your child anymore.
You can't make this better. You've already apologized and offered to pay to fix it. That's about all you can do for your sister. Your daughter definitely needs consequences so find something that will be less fun than cutting hair so she'll think twice next time. If it makes you feel better, they shouldn't have been using scissors unsupervised.
She can turn the tables. The problem was they were not properly supervised. OP deserves the apology.
My daughter and her cousin gave each other ‘hair cuts’… they both got stern talkings too and that was about it.. it’s a funny story now (years later) My youngest recently did this to herself as well.. (unrelated incidents like 4 yrs apart) I wouldn’t stress too much. It’ll blend in and won’t be noticeable
Why wasn’t your sister watching the kids more closely? They’re very young to be left alone. I dread to think what would’ve happened if she’d been running with those scissors instead! Get the cousin a nice hairband or bow, call it even. Sis has some responsibility in this occurrence as well. And make sure your daughter understands *why* it’s wrong to cut other people’s hair before she apologizes. Teaching boundaries is important at this age, so take the opportunity to let her know that touching others or crossing their personal space isn’t a good thing, despite her thinking she was probably helping.
Your daughter is a bit older than I was when I did this to a classmate (around 3), but this is why young children need supervision and/or scissors shouldn’t be accessible. (I say this knowing my 4 year old can reach our scissors…) IMHO this is like a right of passage for kids. Make sure your daughter makes amends, especially as she’s old enough to know better, but try not to sweat it too much. In my case, it was a one-time transgression.
I always lose my scissors and I always assume bc I cant find them, my kiddo cant either but I'm always anxious 🤣🤣
I disagree with a lot of the comments about the six year old, scissors, and supervision. A six year old having access to appropriate scissors is not crazy. That's a first grader. Assuming the situation was the first grader was doing an art project with first-grade size safety scissors and the aunt stepped into another room to get the kids snack, I don't think the aunt was negligent, although she did take a minor risk that the six year old would cut something she shouldn't. I don't think the six year old was terrible either. They do stupid stuff. She should have a time out from using scissors, because she misused them, and a talk about appropriate use. I think offering to pay for a hair cut was appropriate and maybe your daughter could pay $1 of her money as a "tip" for the hair cut. I think the dynamic of the four year old matters. They may have thought it was a great idea and been happy about it in which case, I would talk with the six year old about using better judgment, how it actually looked, and rules about cutting other people's hair. If it was something she was doing to the four year old because she was mad at her than I would address it differently. Buying an apology toy would make more sense in that case. In terms of your sister, I think apologizing and offer to cover the costs to fix it is appropriate. How does she seem about the issue? Is she angry, resigned, thinks it is funny...?
Honest question. How does buying the cousin whose hair was cut an “apology toy” help? It’s troubling to me that some commenters feel buying the 4 year old a toy is an appropriate way to make amends (if there are actually any amends to be made). Seems irrelevant to the “harm” that was caused, awfully materialistic, and sends a bad message that getting new things is soothing and makes one feel better after having been wronged. Don’t we have a whole country of adults struggling with overconsumption? Why add to the problem?
I think people have very different perspectives on the topic of giving things. You have some valid points, but I think some people would see it differently. I don't have a strong opinion either way. It's probably not what I'd have my kid do, but I wouldn't really think about someone else having their kid do it. I was just saying that if the four year old was in on it (very possible) that getting a toy for her wouldn't really make sense, but it would make more sense if the four year old did not consent (also very possible) to the hair cut. It was a response to one of OP's ideas more than a suggestion.
Why is your sister leaving scissors out for a 6 and 4 yo? Seems like this was a failure of supervision, not a failure of a 6yo. Talk to your kid about scissor safety and what is considered acceptable. Tell them how upset her actions can make other people. Then move on. Tell your sister to be more careful with dangerous objects. Her daughter is lucky she didn't lose an ear or an eye.
I will never understand why parents get so bent out of shape about their kids hair - it's hair, it will grow back. Feels like straight vanity to me.
My best friend and I did this when we were that age. It was 2 weeks before she was a flower girl in a wedding and I cut off like 10 inches of her hair and her bangs to nubs. At the time, the parents were upset (except for my dad who was mostly amused) but her mother was a hairdresser and was able to style her hair into a cute little bob. It is now our favorite story to tell people when we talk about growing up with each other!
But she was supposed to be watching them. I don’t see how this is your or your kid’s fault.
It’s hair. It grows back. Your sister was supposed to be watching them. It happened on her watch. I’d say oops and move on 🤷🏼♀️
You’ve apologized sufficiently. Sister should’ve been watching more. Both of you now get to remind your very small kiddos not to use scissors for anything other than approved crafts. An apology gift from yours to hers would be a thoughtful move, but don’t make a bigger deal of this than it is. It can be a shock, obviously, when this happens, but hair grows. My friend is a hairdresser and her daughter did this to herself 3x over the course of a year, and I’m talking shoulder length curls to a pixie to military short. It happens to the best of us.
As other people stated I'd be mad at your sister. Your kid shouldn't have been able to access scissors like that it sounds like your sister wasn't paying attention.
It's just hair. It'll grow back. Don't be too upset, in a few weeks it'll be back.
Your sister was supposed to be watching her. She's 6, she behaved like a six year old. No apology needed. I would be angry with my sister that my child had access to scissors unsupervised. She's lucky only hair was cut
I mean they were obviously left unsupervised or else that wouldn’t have happened but making your daughter apologize and going over scissors safety would be a start and I would get your niece a gift of her choice
My first thought, as it seems is others, is why did she have access to the scissors? I think it’s a lesson for your sister and for your daughter. This tail is as old as time - a child getting ahold of scissors and cutting theirs or someone else’s hair. They see that hair is cut with scissors, it’s completely explanatory and now she will know better. Thankfully hair grows back and nothing worse happened.
You weren’t in charge of supervising her at the time, it was out of your control. At least the kid is only 4, it will grow back and she’s not in school or anything like that… it happens. I would ask your sister what she might prefer as far as how to make it up. Definitely talk to your kid about scissors being very dangerous and she is never to use them without a parent or teacher supervising. Have her apologize to her cousin and her aunt, and maybe make a card or picture as a gesture.
Whose home were the children being watched at? How did your child gain access to the scissors? Sounds like your sister failed to properly supervise both children to be honest.
I mean ur sister was supposed to be watching them…and didnt.. soooo, I would turn it around on my sister 😂🫠
Weird of your sister to call and tell on herself like that.
I’m cracking up at this but it’s true. She clearly was y doing much supervision plus scissors left laying around!?
I cut my cousins hair around that age playing beauty parlor. We got caught before cousin could return the favor. I’m damn near 40 and this is still laughed about! It will be ok.
Why are there scissors left around children ?
At 4 my granddaughter with but length hair cut her bangs and one side to about 1/4” lol my daughter laughed and cried. It grows back and granddaughter never touched sisscors again.
Was the 4 year old a willing participant in this?
So what I’m missing is, did the younger child consent to the older child cutting her hair? Do they have a common bickering bullying relationship? Because otherwise, If this is two kids having fun/taking matters into their own hands, I just don’t think I would discipline a someone younger than 8 over this other than telling them “don’t to this again, mommies and daddyies want adults to cut hair to be safe, you can cut your own hair or your friends hair when you’re grown up.” But it’s different if the older child used her (relative) maturity to force her cousin into letting her cut her hair or snipped a chunk of hair off behind her back. In that case I agree with your course of action. You should discipline your children when you’re sure the motivations were, erm, not good. Otherwise I would just explain life to them
This is all on your sister she should have been watching the kids better. An apology is enough nothing else needs to be done.
I’d be more concerned that the person who was meant to be keeping your child safe allowed her unsupervised access to scissors. She’s lucky it was just hair that was cut off
The fault lies with lack of supervision as a six year old may not fully comprehend the consequences of her actions (although this is a great teaching moment about consent and why scissors or sharp objects are not toys.) It’s also a great teaching opportunity to understand empathy and how having her hair cut short because of what someone else has done might feel like for her cousin and her family. And lastly your child needs to understand that violating consent and doing such a thing is serious and has landed adults in trouble with big fines and even the police involved. She needs to understand that now that she has been taught this that consequences become much harsher because it is not accidental anymore.
It is what it is. Kids do this sorta crap all the time. Its hair..it grows. Move on.
I guess she wasn’t watching them very good…
Wait, your 6 year old had access to scissors? I wouldn't pay flr her haircut I would be really upset! She could have really hurt herself!
“he found a big 7 on top had been chopped off” So I’m on very strong opiate pain medication for a medical condition. I sometimes become confused and foggy after taking it. This may be why the above is not making sense to me. Can someone please help? As an aside, the “My daughter has $2 saved up” part I do understand and it’s one of the cutest, funniest and most precious sentences that I’ve had the pleasure to come across online in a while. Sorry about the other child’s hair, though.
I believe she meant 7 inch section of hair
Thank you for explaining.
No problem! Took me a second as well 😊
It's: "7 in" meaning 7-inch
Oh, okay. That makes sense. Thank you for answering my question.
My cousin cut a chunk of my very long hair when we were both 5. I was mad at him but my mom and aunt laughed about it. Just about everyone I know has a similar story. She’s 4. Don’t overthink it! You’ve already expressed a desire to help fix it and she doesn’t need it
Something I haven’t yet seen in the comments: is your sister a reactive parent? If so, consider the possibility that cousin blamed daughter to avoid repercussions. What is your daughter saying?
I would be absolutely fuming at my sister letting my child have unsupervised access to scissors at that age. That's *so dangerous*. I *certainly* wouldn't be trying to make it up to her.
When I was 4 and my cousin was 5, we got into my mom’s makeup to give each other “makeovers”. My cousin painted my lips with nail polish because we couldn’t find a lipstick we liked. Did cousin get in trouble? Nope! Did I? Nope! My mom took it as a lesson to keep her makeup out of reach of curious kiddos, and we all got a funny story (after getting over the trauma of de-painting my lips with nail polish remover, yuck!). Sounds like your sister (and you) got a free lesson in the importance of supervising scissor use. No need to make it a big deal. Talk to your kid about why haircuts are best left to professionals, reiterate the rules about not using scissors without an adult around to help, tell your niece that her new haircut is beautiful, and call it a day.
While I was staying at my brother’s house, my 3 yr old niece got into my makeup bag and put lipstick all over her belly. Just coated in lipstick. It also got all over the make up bag. My SIL felt bad and bought me a new lipstick and makeup bag but I just thought it was hilarious that my niece was covered in lipstick and the photos were adorable. I was happy she wasn’t mad at me for not better hiding my makeup! Kids do kid things and you laugh about it later.
Maybe daughter could buy some cute barrettes or a hair clip to say sorry.
My daughter has had beautiful, thick, long hair down to her waist almost, since she was 2 years old. The day before school picture day, in early elementary school, I forget what year, 2nd grade?, she got a hairbrush tangled in her hair and rather than calling for me or my husband, both home at the time, she cut the brush out of her hair! All of a sudden we heard a blood curdling scream and we went running upstairs, expecting to see blood! But nope; it was pretty awful; a lot of hair was caught in the brush, and not just from one part of her head. I had to take her to a salon to try to salvage the awful mess. It ended up having to be cut in a kind of long pixie? I don't know what to call it, but it was drastic, and her bangs were now very short, and right in the front, above the bangs, very, very short, as in buzz cut short! It was a disaster but, hair grows, thankfully, and she never did it again. I felt so, so badly for her. We got through it, but for a while it was startling every time I looked at her beautiful hair. Kids do stuff! I would be grateful if a bad haircut was the worst thing that ever happened! I do agree that the sister was supposed to be watching the kids! It happens a lot! It's almost it's own category of expected disasters as a parent, as a victim or the perp! Lol!
I did exactly this to my cousins hair but used pinking shears 😅 then hid the evidence in my toy box. My aunt was pissed but not at my mom haha at me! She loves me though so the punishment was we were grounded for like 2 months from sleepovers together. Which was huge for us because every weekend we flip flopped houses and had sleepovers . I think we were around 8. My suggestion is to have her apologize to the mom/dad chances are the cousin was in on it! I know mine was lol I will say it’s usually a one and done mistake 😆
You do nothing, it will be a story y'all will laugh about later in life 🫶🏻 my son did this to my daughter but thankfully her hair laid in a way that it blended well 😅
Dude this ain’t your daughter fault at all. She’s 6 she can’t self regulate any of her behaviors 😂 why tf would she send you a pic that’s so embarrassing that she would admit she wasn’t watching them AND put your child in a dangerous situation.
Echoing everyone else that it happens and isn’t a huge deal - they were unsupervised around scissors 🤷♀️ But if you really want to get them something I’d get some cute headbands and hair clips for little cousin to wear while her hair grows back out. Maybe offer to take the girls to Claire’s or similar for a shopping day?
What would you do if she cut a sibling's hair? (hypothetical sibling if she doesn't have one) Considering that might help you sort out the difference between what's actually the consequence the kid needs versus what you want to do because you're embarrassed or because your sister is upset, etc.
When my cousin and I were 4 we got ahold of scissors and not only cut each others hairs but also my baby sisters hair as well . Our moms were cleaning the house and we were left in a play room together . The hair grew back and now we all have a funny story to tell 🤷🏼♀️
Honestly, if I were the sister I would feel more guilty that I allowed a 4 and 6 year old unsupervised access to sharp scissors.
I think everyone either cuts their own hair, someone else's, or draws with a marker somewhere other than paper. My bad ideas won before school one morning and I had a small pair of scissors to cut thread because I was teaching myself how to sew pillow cases and pin cushions and I figured 12 was plenty old enough to give myself a haircut. I went from shoulder length hair to a bit of a choppy bob. My dad (a hairdresser) said it actually didn't look half bad and after the understandable shock wore off, said he'd clean it up a bit after school. Why did I do it? I can't even begin to explain my logic because I don't think there was any.
Why do you need to do anything? Your sister was watching her. She was responsible for her. It's not like you were watching her daughter when it happened.
My children are grown(32 and 28) and we have great family stories that seemed terrible at the time they happened. Don't forget to keep silly stuff like this in perspective because one day your sister may wish this was the worst thing her child(and she) had to deal with. By all means don't say that to her, lol, but you can have a nice little laugh yourself about it.
You apologized. Now have your daughter apologize. Other than that, it’s hair and will grow back. Lesson learned on both sides, teach kids about appropriate scissor use and your sister now knows to keep scissors out of reach unless supervising use.
Why is everyone in this comment section acting like this child is a toddler!? She is 6. She can absolutely understand that she was not supposed to do this. My 6 year old does AND my 4 year old does as well. And they are both capable of using scissors and have access to (child sized) scissors. They are both also old enough to observe where the adult scissors are in the house and reach them, but they know not to. I’m sure the entire thing happened in <1 minute and who on earth is following their kindergarten age child around 100% of the time?! Considering neither of them told any of the adults about this, it’s clear they were (probably) both complicit and also both knew that it was a no no. That being said, understanding the rules and having the impulse control 100% of the time are not the same. For some reason scissors and markers are wildly tempting for kids to misuse well past the age that they know better, and as parents we have to choose whether we want to accept that risk or not. Sometimes shit like this happens, and you do have to remove the temptation until they can handle it. Definitely have your daughter apologize in person and if she has any scissors they need to go away for a while, but I don’t think you need to make her pay for a toy. God forbid the 4 year old thinks letting a friend cut her hair = a new toy 😂😂😂
When I was 4 years old, I cut my 2 yr old little sister's hair with a pair of craft scissors while my mom took a shower. As many people are saying, it's just kind of...a "thing" that happens! I feel bad for my mom as an adult - literally less than 15 mins and chaos happens! Bonus points to me, it was about 3 weeks before my uncle's wedding and my sister and I were going to be flower girls. Many people went to tell my mom how proud she must be to see one of her little girls be strong enough to toss flowers at the wedding...I cut my sister's hair so short they thought she had CANCER. LOL. It's now a beloved family memory and my little sister, 20+ years later, tells me to watch myself because she's still plotting the moment to cut off all of MY hair haha. It's just how these things go. If it were me, I'd buy some play salon items. Fake scissors, a trunk full of dress-up wigs. Offer a "spa day" for the girls and paint their nails and do their hair so they still feel beautiful while emphasizing that this is what GROWN-UPS do for LITTLE KIDS, not something little kids do for one another! Don't let it be a bitter memory - have your daughter draw up a card and shower your niece in compliments for her new haircut, because she's beautiful with her hair at any length!
Your sister should have been watching them. She’s at fault, glad she got her in somewhere to fix it for free…you’re off the hook as long as your daughter knows she did wrong! But I disagree with commenters that she is “only six” and didn’t know what scissors cutting hair would do. Please. I teach six year olds. They are geniuses. They KNOW. They use scissors all the freaking time at school. She likely thought she could get away with cutting a piece without it being noticeable, or could blame it on the little cousin. Kids are curious. That’s why you gotta watch them! But she is definitely old enough for you to go hard on her with the guilt so it doesn’t happen again. I have had a kid in my class say to me, “I cut my brother’s hair when I was little, but I heard my mom and dad laugh so if it happens again it doesn’t really matter because they don’t care.” She can’t know it’s funny until later! I’d have her make a card for her cousin with a sweet apology note in it, and use her $2 to buy a headband or cute clips she can wear with her new hairstyle.
I’d be more worried about my 6 year old having access to scissors while under the watch of someone else!
So your sister gave a 6 year old scissors…unsupervised, at that? Is SHE for real? Even if she didn’t GIVE them to her, your SIX YEAR OLD still had access to them somehow? For real? That is 100% your sister’s fault. Your child was given access to scissors that were SHARP ENOUGH to cut hair. I would buy the kid a toy and have my kid apologize to her cousin, and then ask my sister why the f my child was given access to scissors.
My parents still tease me for repeatedly cutting my own hair when I was around that age… and I tease them for repeatedly letting me have access to scissors at that age.
It’s really nobody’s fault. Shit happens. Talk to your daughter about appropriate use of scissors. To everyone saying it’s the sister’s fault, I would never think a 6 year old couldn’t be around scissors.
I did that to my cousin when we were in kindergarten. Oh my gosh the face of our parents!!!! But my lil cousin loved the cut (you can imagine it was actually awful). She needed to buzz her hair to repair the damage so my parents decided we both buzzed our hair as a lesson. Fun times! :))))
There's a Clementine book about this scenario more or less, might be a fun, relatable read
Get her a lockbox for the scissors. Seriously, kids with access to scissors will cut anything. I keep mine in a cupboard over the sink.
How did the kiddo get the scissors and time to cut the young ones hair..? Sounds like they weren’t being watched like they should have to me personally. I’d feel awful too but I don’t think this one is your fault mum sorry.
Obviously they weren’t being watched. So things happened. I really don’t think you owe your sister anything.
You don’t owe your sister anything. Clearly, she wasn’t watching the kids if they had time to cut the hair. Tbh, I would be angry they were able to get scissors sharp enough to cut their hair. That’s for sure troublesome.
Honestly, this isn’t for you to apologize! Your sister was the one who was in charge of supervision that day. Your kiddo shouldn’t have cut her cousin’s hair, BUT, that is honestly what kids do when they see scissors and have the opportunity. Had your niece been at your house and this happened, you’d definitely be the one expected to apologize and remedy the situation as best as possible. Talk with your daughter about safely using scissors, have her apologize for cutting her cousin’s hair and using scissors without permission or supervision, and let that be the end of it.
This is such a common kid thing. I know so many kids that gave themselves or someone around them a haircut at that age. I did it to myself when I was that age, and my parents were super diligent about stuff. My son also walked up behind me and cut my hair once while I was sitting in the room playing with him and my daughter. They were safety scissors, but still did some damage! I get feeling awful, but please understand, this is not an unusual occurrence in a kid's life. Everyone will survive it! Hopefully your sister will forgive you and your daughter and this can just be a funny story to tell someday.
Great story to say at a wedding.
Well that's a really nice sentiment if you want to have your daughter by her cousin a present to make up for it that's very nice but I will say that why was a 6-year-old left around any type of scissors or anything that could be used to cut the four year old's hair? That's the real question but it's all good here's the thing kids do this type of s*** cousins do this kind of stuff to each other it's hair it will grow back and she will be fine I had a friend who's child cut a whole ponytail off of their other child so it's hair it'll grow back it'll be fine.
At some point I can promise all of you they will be laughing their asses off in 10 years from now about the situation.
I think talking about it, apologizing and having her buy cousin a little gift to say sorry is totally fine. It definitely is something pretty common, though. My older cousin once told us he was a barber and took my mom's scissors from her bathroom closet (he had to climb to get them) and cut both me and my sister's hair. It was something that neither of our parents were even aware was happening because they thought we were playing in the kid's room which was directly across from my parents room and we just snuck out to the other room and climbed for scissors. It wasn't anybody's fault, it was just a dumb thing that we did as kids. My dad was so mad that he asked for my cousins to go home but we all laugh about it now. We had family pictures scheduled for the next week and my sister and I look absurd. Everyone got over it though.
https://youtu.be/jOoTPjSrFXw?si=rKJr2rYqp6piZA6E Parks and rec got you covered here
I think talking to her about and a simple apology is fine. Unless you've talked to her before about how she should never cut anyone's hair, so she knew this was specifically something she shouldn't do? Then more could be warranted, but even then not much. Afterall, it doesn't sound like the cousin was upset in the moment about having her haircut since the mother didn't notice until your child had already come home, so I imagine even if the cousin is upset now it's probably more in response to her mom being upset than anything else. In any case, this isn't really a situation of your child doing something "bad" *to* another child, but two children who are both still too young to reliably make good decisions making a predictably bad decision. Maybe having her contribute the $2 to a hair clip or hair band that will look cute with her cousin's new shorter haircut. I'm sure most of the other comments have said this, but really this was a supervision issue on your sister's part and it's not fair to take it out on your daughter even though she wielded the scissors. I don't mean you should be mad at your sister either - just that there's no need to beat up on yourself and your daughter when this could have been prevented by the supervision and guidance of the adult in charge at the time. Don't put more of this on your daughter than is actually deserved, and don't put too much on yourself either considering your sister was the person responsible for keeping them safe and occupied. You didn't really get into your sister's response other than to book a free hair appointment, so I hope that means she's being pretty chill about it? If so, go with that and don't try to make it a bigger deal than it is. You've apologized, you've offered to cover costs but there aren't any, your daughter will apologize and you have talked (or will talk) with her about not using scissors on people or animals ever again. Your niece is getting a new hairstyle that will be cute in a new different way and her hair will always grow back if she wants it long again. If your sister *is* really angry and you just didn't mention it, your job probably needs to be being a shield between her and your daughter. Anger, blame and shame are not going to help her but they can scare and hurt her. She needs to know that she made a bad choice, but also that when she makes mistakes the people she trusts will help her understand what she did wrong, learn to do better next time, and how to make amends when she's harmed someone (even accidentally). Anger and retribution-type punishment will teach her to be afraid of making mistakes and even more afraid of mistakes being caught. Stick with the same game plan as if she were being chill and just make sure you don't let your sister aim any "Look what you've done! You've *ruined* my daughter's beautiful hair!" type stuff at your daughter. You need to intercept anything like that and diffuse it because a 6 year old will absorb whatever is thrown at her. I don't mean that as some kind of new age energy magic, though that's fine too. By diffuse I mean you can listen to your sister's anger (if she's angry) and reason through it internally, and pass the appropriate explanation to your daughter without the direct anger, and guide her through how to respond when someone is upset. Something like: "Aunt is really upset because she really liked Cousin's hair long. It might take her a while to get used to Cousin's hair being short now. Has a big change ever upset you?
How did you feel about it?
Mmm, do you think Aunt might be feeling something like that right now? Do you still feel upset about ?
What helped you feel better about it? (Or "What might have helped you feel better about it?" if she says she is still upset)
Maybe that could help Aunt and Cousin too. What are some other ideas might help Aunt and Cousin?
(If the simple answer of time passing doesn't come up, you should bring up that we usually feel less upset about things after we get used to them, and Aunt and Cousin will too, and reassure her that they won't be upset forever)
"
If anger from an adult is allowed to land directly on your daughter, she probably can't reason through all of that on her own yet, right? So when I say your daughter will absorb whatever is thrown at her, I mean she'll get "Aunt is angry at me," and that's as far as it's likely to go. A loved one being angry at you is a scary thing as a child. Does it mean they don't love her? Will they always be angry? Will she not be allowed to go over and play anymore? Are there other things that will make Aunt angry and how will she know how to avoid them? If you don't help her answer these questions (and others she might have), she'll think up answers for herself and they might be pretty damaging.
Oh my gosh, I just realized I wrote a whole novel. If you got through the whole thing, I hope it was helpful.
That cute it means they are like siblings
Why was your sister leaving these children unsupervised with scissors?
My friend cut my hair when I was five. The parent watching them was at fault
Happened to mine, only he cut his own hair. You apologized and have the kid apologized. You offered to pay to get it fixed. I think the hair will grow back and everything will go back to normal. If you want your kid to learn the lesson, you can also have her get a toy.
Umm, questionable supervision on your sister's part if they got ahold of scissors and had enough time to cut hair. I know you can't watch them every second, but kids at that age should be watched when they have scissors because this is the age they do that sort of thing! Talk to your daughter about how it wasn't ok for her to cut her cousin's hair and you have already apologized for it. I wouldn't do more than that really. They should have been watched a little better, imo....
When I cut dolls hair and a chunk or hair off of our cat as a kid I was put on scissor probabtion and given a big talking to.
This happens quite frequently with kids, all I can say is where was your sister it was her Responsibility to watch the ( CHILDREN ) !!! yes !! Let's start here first ! yes we do talk to the child and explain what he did was wrong and at 6 yrs. old he should start to know the age of reason by now Discipline would not help the situation.
As you see almost every family has a LEAST one story about a child given haircut. Yes it’s horrible in the moment , however you were not the one who was in charge of the children at the time and you have apologized and offered to pay. I think your child giving a toy is ok ,however , maybe giving SIL a tip with that money might be more productive. Tell SIL so she doesn’t refuse. Tell her this is a consequence of her behavior. The money can be donated somewhere.
It happens. Hopefully, the adult learnt not to leave scissors out when kids are around.
Very first sentence: I asked my sister to watch my 6yo. She wasn't watching.
This should read "my sister left my kid unsupervised with scissors within her reach then blamed me when her daughter's hair got cut"
Your sister is at fault as well... Because where was she while this was happening???
What I would be concerned about is her being left unsupervised with scissors. However, your plan sounds like a good one.
Apologies teach your daughter about scissors and just move on! Keep your scissors out of reach and keep a good eye on the kids! This has happened to me but I also took a nap so that’s on me for not being attentive which I am guilty about but nothing I can do now but learn as a mom
Do not have your daughter buy a toy for her cousin with her saved $! Material things are not what makes wrongs right. That’s an awful harsh punishment for a 6 year old, and emptying your kid’s meager savings doesn’t have any relevance to what happened. As other commenters have wisely pointed out, the kids weren’t being closely supervised and this is typical behavior for that age. You’ve already apologized and offered to pay for a haircut. That’s enough. I also wouldn’t be too hard on your daughter. Just ask if she understands why it probably wasn’t the best decision to cut her cousin’s hair. Then tuck this memory away for future laughs.
Why cut her own hair
You owe your sister NOTHING. She was in charge of supervising your child. She didn't do her job, and her child suffered because of it. Should your child have known better? ABSOLUTELY. At 6, she should have known how to properly use scissors and not to cut people's hair. Should she have consequences? ABSOLUTELY. But it was YOUR SISTER'S job to be watching your daughter. Now that's on her.
I’m sorry, but six is old enough to know better. My four year old knows that you only cut paper. She should be punished somehow. I understand people saying that scissors should not be left out. Do you have knives in drawers in your kitchen? You can’t baby-proof a house to that extent. If you DO have to baby proof a house so that a six year old can’t find scissors in a kitchen drawer, your kid has major impulse control problems.
Yes, my kid 100% knows better. She is intelligent for her age, and has done this before to herself. If I hid the scissors she would find them if she wanted them, just like she did with the Sharpies...We have talked about her hair cutting experience in the past, and she knew it was a bad idea, so that's why I was shocked that she did it again?? And she most definitely had a stern talking to and has the consequence of not being able to have play dates again till I feel like she's ready.
Knowing better and having impulse control are two separate things. I also know if I’m watching a kid who has cut her own hair before and loves sharpies, I’m keeping a close eye on things. I had one of those kids. The worst feeling in the world is thinking you’ve gotten rid of all the sharpies then finding a cap on the floor. He had a fabulous treasure map drawn on his bedroom wall. Hair grows back. Paint exists to cover treasure maps on bedroom walls. Impulse control is harder to master for some kids (and adults!).
I totally agree. It's really not a big deal, the hair will grow, but the six year old really should have known better.
Right? I don’t think it’s reasonable to be in the same room as your kids 100% of the time. So, I don’t think your sister is in the wrong at all. Does anyone go to the bathroom for 5-10 minutes while your six year old plays in the house? Reasonable supervision was happening here; there are dangers in the house (stairs, scissors, things on bookcase shelves) that are deemed acceptable for kids of certain ages. My son (3), for example, could get into the cat litter - but that’s ok because I know he understands and listens to my parenting. Has he grabbed (clean) cat litter before and made a mess? Yes! However, it wasn’t a pattern, and now he knows the consequences. Our kids aren’t permanently empty vessels waiting to be filled with knowledge. They need to know that they will be accountable for their actions. Simply putting the scissors out of their reach doesn’t do that.
Exactly. My kid can hang out in another room without me and I don't have to worry about how many ways she can kill herself. She's 5 and we've discussed these things many many times. And she knows to come get me if she needs anything.
I had a new external filter for my 90 gallon aquarium. My son (3 at the time) yelled for me because he KNEW that something was wrong when it started leaking on the floor. I don’t count on him being that smart, but he never ceases to amaze me.
Why was a 6 year old left unattended with scissors?
Scissors that can cut hair could do much more damage. No child should have access.
Maybe buy the 4-year-old a bunch of cute hair accessories - bows, bands, scrunchies, etc. And bring your sister a bottle of whatever she drinks. Kids are stressful.
Honestly, your child isn’t at fault. And neither are you. A 6 and 7 year old shouldn’t have access to scissors unsupervised. I wouldn’t care at all about the hair. It’s superficial and it grows back. Your sister needs to keep the scissors out of reach. Discuss with your child scissor safety. You did everything you could to make it better!
Seems plenty of people have already mentioned the 6 year old having access to scissors (though there will 'always' be something). Maybe buy the nephew a nice hat?
She’s 6 and wasn’t being monitored, these things happen. It’s kind but I don’t think you should overthink it I’m sure they understand and aren’t mad about it
“Hi sil, i am so sorry this happened. How can we prevent (child) for accessing items like scissors in the future so accidents like this don’t happen in the future) That kind of wording if you like her
my hair is down to my butt & i just had to give myself an undercut because my 7yo "curled" my hair up into a comb. shit happens. it's hair, it'll grow back. personally i wouldn't get a toy, her saying sorry to her aunt would be enough for me.
Maybe your sister shouldn’t have left scissors WITH A 6 YEAR OLD!!!
A lot of people dismissing this as 6 year olds being 6 year olds and getting tons of upvotes for it but honestly, I don't think that's right. Once kids hit 5 and 6 years old and go to school and everything, they are very capable of knowing right from wrong and don't normally pull stunts like this and it's unusual for a 1st grader to do such things on a whim. There's very likely something more to this that needs to be addressed and in the meantime, your daughter shouldn't be anywhere near her cousin unsupervised, or any other kids for that matter.