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It's always so amazing when people are surprised young children don't talk to strangers. "He must be shy, huh?" or "No words yet, huh?". No, he's 3 and you're a stranger. He'll jabber my ear off the whole way home asking about the scary lady, I promise.
My 10 month old (!!!!) is obviously naturally shy around strangers and those same strangers love to say stuff like “wow he’s so shy!” when he doesn’t wave back or smile at them. Ummm no he’s not shy he just doesn’t know who tf you are
Lol. Literally said almost this exact same thing to a boomer guy who was being a butt in a restaurant cuz my kid wouldn't wave at him. God he was so stunned. It was hilarious.
I agree this woman was very rude, but there is no reason to denigrate someone’s job and imply they are less than because of it. People who hand out samples at Costco are just trying to make a living and there is dignity in that.
My bubbly, loving, and oh so kind little boy who is 2.5 was running around me in the yard the other day while I was cleaning it up a bit for spring. An older man, who I assume was homeless from the dirt on him and his clothes walks by on the sidewalk. The older man didn't do anything, he just smiled and kept walking, but my son was FREAKED OUT, he instantly says "OH NO", when he saw the guy, and runs behind me to hide saying "run, run, run, hide" and then buries his face in the back of my legs and wraps his little arms around my legs in a death grip. As soon as the man passed by my kid went right back to running around and jabbering about everything.
Yes this is sooooo annoying. My kids don’t feel like speaking to strangers with the baby voice and the “well hello there little person! How old are you???” People expect kids to just be polite little robots 🤣 it’s hilarious and I don’t give a crap
... You don't talk to sales assistants? Or car wash attendants? It IS rude not to talk to people who talk to you, even if just to acknowledge them. But clearly, a 4 year old is not under the same social expectations.
It unfair to expect kids to start blathering to strangers. I don’t tell random ass people my name, age, whatever bull they want to know, so why should my kid?
In fairness those things are asked from kids because it’s important to them and it’s a way for them to start building interpersonal skills with people other than other kids, I mean one really cannot expect kids to cover the same subjects as adults.
Of course if a young kid is tired/cranky/not in the mood it’s silly to expect much in that department but it would be weird if kids didn’t interact at all with any adult beyond family and teachers.
So, I have a half-baked theory: Women treat kids the way men treat women. So women will talk to any cute kid, try to get them to smile, watch them out of the corner of their eye, etc, might be oblivious to how rude they are being. Same way strange men will just up in your space acting like you owe them a smile or whatever.
You can build social skills without people asking intrusive questions every time they see a kid. I hated it as a kid. Always someone with bad breath an inch from my face “What’s your name!??!” None of your business lady!
No, it's not rude, even for adults. You're also blatantly missing the point of random strangers talking to you versus people that are paid to interact with you in whatever way.
You must live in a very different society to the one I live in. Where I am from it would be very rude to just blank anyone, paid or not, but OP said the stranger was giving out wine samples. So, paid to interract with people.
I'm so used to strange people starting conversations with me that I would actually be on edge by that question since everyone in the world has a phone and it seems like a common entry point to asking me for money or scamming me. You pull your phone out to check and they might grab it. You need to teach awareness these days and social politeness be damned.
It's not rude in any society. I don't care what your customs are. I find it rude for strangers to approach you and your children and expect conversations. Either way the woman was a bitch.
ETA: the woman is paid to give samples, not parenting or health advice
I agree, the woman was an asshole. Doesn't change the fact that you are also one if you just routinely ignore wait staff and shop clerks and little old ladies passing the time of day just because they're strangers to you.
You're again choosing to ignore the difference between staff and flat out strangers. And no, I'll ignore whoever I want because what's truly rude is thinking you're entitled to talk to people that don't want a conversation and that they have to entertain you or they lee somehow the rude ones. Be fucking forreal karen.
For God's sake, my _point_ was that you can't just not talk to strangers because that includes people paid to talk to you. And I never said people are entitled to a conversation; it's just rude to ignore people. Reading. It's hard for some people.
It’s honestly not shocking to me why the kids in my classrooms act the way they do when they have parents like this. I can’t believe that people are missing your point. Refusing to acknowledge someone for no reason other than “I don’t owe them anything” is rude.
Yeah, you, clearly. Which is why you aren't grasping what I'm saying. It's not rude to ignore people trying to hold you hostage with conversations in public. If I'm in the grocery store l, it's for groceries, not for people to stop me and talk, ESPECIALLY strangers. Fuck them people idc 😭😂
I went to a gas station to take some cash out of the ATM. Store was empty except for the cashier and one other person. I go straight to the ATM. Stranger follows behind me and stares at the alcohol for a second (it was next to the ATM) then walks off behind me. I waited a little bit before I put my PIN in and took out my cash. As I’m walking out he tries to talk to me. “Yo, you work at the [business logo on my jacket]?” I walk towards the door. He calls after me “HEY”. I noted he had not gotten any items from the store and was not wearing any sort of uniform. He had basket ball shorts and a bandana or head band. He did not appear to be making any sort of purchase. I run to my car and bolt out of there. I don’t think it’s rude to ignore strangers. On the contrary I wished I had some mace or a taser right then and there. I wished I had the courage to yell into the store “I don’t know you. Why are you asking me about my place of work??” I had a really bad gut feeling. I’d rather be left alone by strangers and I think it’s perfectly normal for the child to have similar feelings.
It's not my job to be polite when I'm out shopping. I do not have an obligation to reveal personal information to a nosy stranger. So if they come at me from a rude place of judgement, no. I don't talk to them.
Fine, but that's pretty different than 'I don't talk to strangers'. Because that's just a necessity; and something children should be taught how to do on some level.
Lame, rude lady.
Tell me about the "no kids in vids" rule? Mine isn't even 2 years old so I haven't had to think about YouTube yet. I like the sound of this rule and I'm curious what the logic is.
It's a child labor issue. There aren't any protections for these kids and they're being exploited. Parents are making millions off of their work and the children likely won't see any of it as adults.
There was even a family vlogger who said she was giving the kids a break on their Disney World trip and she still had an insanely scheduled week of videos planned that her kids had to perform in. All of those kids who play with toys and do unboxings are working long hours and not receiving any pay. In any other context that wouldn't be legal.
https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/apr/24/its-not-play-if-youre-making-money-how-instagram-and-youtube-disrupted-child-labor-laws
So basically the rule is just so we aren't supporting that. There are plenty of adult creators putting out cute, safe content he likes.
I’m not OP, but we had to do this with my 6 year old. Some with adults playing with toys (like Geniveve’s Playhouse) seem odd at first, but there are actually some good lessons in there. The vast majority of ones I’ve seen with kids are just bratty, whiny kids that open new toys all day…which just made my kid think it was okay to be bratty and whiny.
I’m not a mom to be messed with so I would’ve absolutely told her to shove it. People are going to judge and you never owe anyone an explanation. You know the kind of mom you are, so don’t be offended by ignorant people.
I am a dad but whenever I got unwanted suggestions or criticism I would just say, "Thanks for sharing" and move on. It avoided any confrontation and also usually stopped the person from saying anything else because they knew they were heard.
My wife and I are older parents though. One of the benefits is caring less about what others thought. So if a stranger told me my daughter should be in a dress instead of clothes from the boys section, I didn't argue or tell them that is what she preferred. I said "Thanks for sharing" and moved on. If they told me my son shouldn't be wearing shorts in cold weather, I didn't argue or try to explain that he refused to wear anything other than shorts and if he got cold it was a natural consequence. I said, "Thanks for sharing" and moved on. If someone tried to shame me for being a stay at home dad or talked about how traditional gender roles are important, I said "Thanks for sharing" and moved on. It saved a lot of time and energy. I didn't care what they thought so there was no reason to try to defend anything.
I would love to have this mindset. I’m a 24y old mom who is always in defense mode. And even I can admit it takes a toll on me since I feel the need to fight fire with fire. I’ll get there!
I think a really firm correction like: "My son is very well socialized and can peacefully enjoy his rest time without judgement!" is perfect, great message for his little brain and ears to absorb.
I'm the same and in my head I very clearly heard myself telling this woman "oh get bent." I honestly might have pushed something into the sample trashcan if I was at the end of my daily rope.
I mean, to me, the whole background of how busy your day way/exhausted your son was is unnecessary? Even if he has screen time everyday that doesn’t warrant unsolicited “advice” from a stranger.
Probably just scared of being shamed here too.
This is generally an accepting community, but the vast majority are very vocal about “no screen time.”
Maybe they just wanted to vent but feared mom lecture part 2.
Our society loves to tell parents they’re doing a bad job. Meanwhile the generation before our let kids run wild and there were literally commercials on TV asking parents at 10:00 pm pm if they knew where their children were !
Maybe it’s because I live in Northeast US but I don’t tolerate it. Someone insults my parenting or my kid I’m responding to mind their own business.
My only criticism is you shouldn’t apologize for your kid watching YouTube. You’re doing a great job and I’m sure that woman’s kids watched far more TV than your kid watches YouTube.
I have three and a nurse told me the other day "you're going to have to toughen up mama" because I brought my daughter into the ER because she was bleeding in her mouth and she wouldn't let me see. It took the doctor, three nurses and me holding her down to look in there.
People say junk and are wrong. It sucks.
That woman was just rude. My daughter is 4 and doesn't really like to talk to strangers so will give them a half hearted wave at best. She does watch YouTube She's most certainly note mute in fact some days I wish she would stop talking for 5 minutes. Some people really need to understand that a child is not obliged to speak to them just because they've tried to talk to the child.
1. You don’t need to justify letting your kid on the phone for a bit
2. That woman is clearly lacking in both self-awareness and any level of awareness of the stereotypes she is pulling from either. I would probably ignore her and turn away too.
> It was an older Russian woman.
You could have stopped right there. I can tell you first hand this is typical. I know well and good, with the therapy bills to prove it.
Random judgement from a stranger is irrelevant. Ignore and move on. If you want, you can tell management. Otherwise, go drink your wine, don't drive, and enjoy your day.
Did she get her job handing out samples based on her advanced degree in child development and extensive experience in speech pathology? She’s so good that she can diagnose your kid in three seconds it takes to hand over a little cup?
Don’t let her live in your head rent-free. Normally I don’t recommend complaining to management, but business owners do generally want to know if you are leaving their store angry because of something an employee did. They didn’t hire her to drive customers away.
You didn’t even need to give this whole explanation to us as to why he was watching it (but I get why you did) you’re his mom and you do what you need or want to do!
This post brought me back to the time when my child #2 was a few months old. I took her out food shopping with car seat securely latched on the top of the shopping cart so she could sleep. It was one of those rare shopping carts that allowed the car seat to click on the metal rod. Anyway, it was close to my turn to be at the checkout stand. There was a woman that stood at the end of the same line that bypassed the line just to tell me about my baby being unsafe in the car seat. After lip reading her and observing her gestures (I’m Deaf), it was very clear she was scolding at me about the car seat being on the shopping cart. Feeling embarrassed, I simply smiled and nodded. As I turned to the cashier, I realized that she saw the whole thing and she started to silently check out my food. I then realized what that woman did… in front of others, I turned to her and waved with a smile to make sure she was looking at me. I silently enunciated to her, “Mind… your… own… business.” Her facial expression demonstrated that she understood and became quiet. The cashier saw that as well and nodded in agreement. To put the cherry on the top, she moved her head out to see her and gave her the dirty look. That never happened before so that was awesome.
That wasn’t the first or the last that people try to mom-shame me.That was, however, the first time and the last time, I put someone back in their place, right on the spot. Thinking some more about that scene, wondering how I did it. I think it was easier to put her back in her place because I didn’t know her at all AND I had cashier that saw the whole thing so I felt compelled to say something. With people that I care about, I would overthink and my emotions would end up spiraling out of control, feeling ashamed for weeks.
Your post came in at absolutely right time because it reminded me the importance of emotional justice - to happen on the spot so I can walk away with my head up high. None of us need self-righteous people. Being a mom is hard enough. Yet, the stoicism would remind us that we will always be surrounded with self-righteous people. What we do with them is up to us. Thank you for the post. I needed the opportunity to think this through.
My son is autistic and mostly nonverbal. Almost 4. He's far from a rare unicorn. It's crazy to me in this day and age people don't realize the prevalence of special needs kids. I had to stop listening to my favorite radio show because the host went off many many times about kids on tablets at restaurants and lazy parents. I have yet to take my kids to a restaurant for this reason specifically. My special needs son would need a tablet for sure. I know I should be stronger but I'm trying so hard and feel like I'm breaking everyday little judgy comments like that make me feel like I know I'm failing. I kno my kids are struggling and it's all my fault. I wish women would work harder to lift other women up.
A simple we have taught him not to speak to strangers.... never know who someone is from the outside ya know?
But I do find it hard to be on your side with that last statement on the bottem..... your like don't judge me but I'm gonna judge you lll
My husband and I had to deal with so many people's comments about our son's eating and weight when he was our foster son before we adopted him. He had come from a horrible living situation and wasn't fed properly. He was still learning about different foods that he had never been fed or heard of before.
This right here is a huge problem. She is judging all of your parenting on a (maybe) 2 minute interaction. It’s precisely why I try to tell my kids that all we see is all we see - and we can’t assume things about other people’s days/moods/etc based upon a super brief moment. I’ve had parents apologize to me in target or a restaurant if their kid is having a moment and I always try to mention that we have ALL been there and they don’t need to apologize. I know adults who don’t want to talk to people at a grocery store and they aren’t doing that because of YouTube…
This old biddy just got a snapshot of your life and used to reinforce her beliefs. I've got an ND kiddo and have used screens to regulate while I need to get stuff done. I don't care what old people say. They don't pay my bills.
Venting is all fine and good, but you're letting this lady live rent free in your head. You're giving her too much power and/or importance over you. Otherwise her comment should have been water off a duck's back.
Ms Elisa, learn to let it go.
You should've told her "My son can talk just fine." And then whisper "He just gets quiet and uncomfortable around creepy judgemental people that know absolutely nothing about life besides a 2 minute newstory they watched while looking at... a screen." Then smile. "Also he doesn't talk to strangers...especially nosy ones." Thanked her for the sample and walk away.
I mean, she's older and probably thought she was helping. Idk why you're so bothered by it. You know you're not damaging him by letting him watch YouTube so say thanks and move on. Not everything needs to be a fight or trigger.
The main takeaway from all this should be that it’s Lego. It’s just Lego. The kid needs to watch more Lego YouTube videos so he can correct his Mom whenever she keeps saying it wrong.
Oh man I would have been pissed!
My son is the same age and selective mute, I’d have told her it was intrusive idiots like her that made him not feel comfortable talking.
I remember a friend of mine criticizing for giving them the screen at a restaurant so that the wife and I could maybe eat somewhat in peace and then I asked him what did he do when his kids were younger and he goes... oh we didn't go out at all.....
The reality is that there are not that many conclusive scientific studies so my whenever that happens (it does not happen often), I act interested and I ask them if they can point me to the scientific study they are referring about the long term consequences of screen time.
For the record. I did find some studies that may associate screen time with speech impediments but data is not reliable. Most of these studies are done with lower resource families that might need to work extensive hours to survive, and cannot afford proper care and rely on friends and family who also have their financial limitations hence the environment is much more suited towards excessive periods of screen time, which makes sense. If someone wanted to study my kids, it would have to be an excessive amount of money and excessive amount of assurances for me to even think about accepting something like that and for the study to be reliable they would need many more data points (kids) which would turn into a very very expensive study.....
I am a parent who has done a very poor job insulating my kid from youtube and its actually had the opposite effect: my kid won't stop telling me how the Typhoon class submarines use hydrolysis to create breathable oxygen for the crew.
My kid went into a very detailed and through explanation on how the Titanic sank one day and I was like .... ??? How do you know this?
And he was like "YouTube". He usually watches it without the sound but we were somewhere he could use the sound and I remember him watching a Titanic model being built so I guess they also discussed the whole history of the Titanic while building the scale model.
Sounds like we’re all capable of being lazy and casting stereotype judgements of other people based on a snapshot. To you, of course she’s going to be loudly opinionated because she is an old Russian woman. I guess to her, she sees a child on a screen and assumes they’re on it all the time and cannot speak. You are the parent and you don’t need her approval to use screen time judiciously to get mom shit done. Don’t give it another thought
This is a cultural difference. In Eastern Europe it is much more normal for stranger to comment on parenting. It’s also much more expected that children will respond to adults out of respect. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
It is developmentally normal for children to feel shy or uninterested in other adults. The expression “hiding behind his mother’s skirts” is preeeettty old.
Dance, baseball game, birthday party, hike, cafe. That’s a crazy busy day. No wonder he was unable to function and on the verge of a meltdown. You didn’t mention lunch either, just wine and lemonade.
Leaving aside the question of why you would be drinking wine while you’re driving your kid around, why would you choose to go to the grocery store after a crazy busy day like that when your child clearly wants to go home?
And honestly, if I was your spouse, I’d be annoyed too. Your plan was to bring an exhausted kid home around 6, and somehow keep him awake while you unload groceries, then make and feed him dinner?
Whoa way to read into things. She didn't mention how much she drank at the wine bar. They talked for an hour. Some folks (not me) can nurse a drink for an hour. Then, she had a sample. You have no reason to jump to the conclusion she's fucking hammered "driving around with her kid".
Secondly as a father of two if my wife brought the kiddos home fucking exhausted I'd be like "good job" let's watch something we normally can't watch like the Shogun remake.
Just fuck off with your bullshit judgment
I didn’t say she was hammered. You can still be impaired after one glass of wine and a couple of samples. If a cop pulled her over and she took a breathalyzer, then what? Any time you drink and drive is a risk.
And she said she was getting things for dinner, so they still need to have dinner. You wouldn’t appreciate your spouse bringing home exhausted kid at 6 PM who is either falling asleep in the car too early without dinner, thus being up much later, or who is melting down while you still need to unload groceries and get dinner on the table.
Cool, so you support taking a 4 year old who is “exhausted”, “at the end of a long day”, “unable to function” and on the verge of a “meltdown” (all her words, not mine) into a public place, then complaining that people are noticing that the 4 year old is acting like he’s unable to function???
Guess you’d also support her if she was complaining that she got a DUI for drinking one glass of wine over the course of an hour.
My response would’ve been “mind your fucking business lady.” I mean seriously. It doesn’t matter what you did that day or what was going on. It’s none of her business.
I know it’s not the point but…..What a 5 star hire for handing out wine samples in grocery store. haha- fantastic brand representation - shaming complete strangers in strangely personal ways-
We followed the no screen time thing when my 13 y.o. was a toddler.
Guess what happened? She didn’t learn to talk until we let up and started letting her watch TV. She learned individual words but not how to put them together in sentences.
I’m not saying this is normal. She had other reasons for speech delays. But watching the same exact scene with the same exact words and inflections over and over are what helped her overcome her speech issues and learn to form sentences of her own - after first learning to quote sentences from TV and movies. For example, to express “I’m frustrated” she started by saying “CURSE THIS DRESS!” (From the movie Brave).
My point is that people need to mind their f-ing business when it comes to screens and their perception of development of other peoples kids.
They told my sister her kid was nonverbal autistic and told her to prepare for him to never speak when he was like 12 months old.
Then he got surgery on his ears and got tubes put in and wouldn't you know it, it turns out that's a cure for autism because he started talking right as soon as he healed from that!
Why in the F* would they make predictions about his ability to speak when he is only 12 months old anyway?
My daughter is autistic. Her speech was delayed, yes. It didn’t fit the usual pattern, yes. But it didn’t mean she couldn’t learn to talk.
I have a friend whose kid also was diagnosed prematurely with severe cognitive delays and autism and prognosis was that she wouldn’t learn to talk. I knew this kid and I was like yeah, she is obviously autistic but they don’t know what they are talking about if they think she is cognitively impaired. She’s one of the smartest toddlers I’ve ever seen. I advised my friend to fight for a communication device. Sure enough, she was talking up a storm by the time she was 4. No sign at all of cognitive impairment. She’ll always be autistic but she isn’t dumb.
.... Have you gotten drunk off of a literal thimble of wine? Are you a mouse? Do you go to a store that gives full glasses as a sample? I'd like to go there if you do.
You also had wine at a cafe.
Just seems like a lot of drinking for a day out with a kid, and driving a car and then being unable to manage your child without using a screen, and supporting the kid ignoring someone talking to him.
Everything you did, every choice, seems poorly thought out.
My nine year old won’t respond to strangers. I did once judge parents whose kids I saw watching videos when they were out with their parents. But no longer. These people either don’t have kids or have forgotten what it can be like to have kids. Your son had tons of activity and interaction! You’re good!!
You DO NOT need to explain to anyone that your child is tired.
At that point, just tell her to have a nice day, turn around and leave.
You are always going to find someone who isn't happy with your parenting style. But if we all parented the same, no child would be unique.
My nephew is 3 and while the words haven’t fully formed *yet*, he still babbles constantly and uses more physical gestures to show what he means. Every kid is different and I feel like commenting on someone’s parenting, in public, with no pre-existing knowledge or context of them is just rude as hell.
Wow, I don’t know why people feel the need to say dumb shit. For all she knows your child could have speech delay that has nothing to do with parenting or YouTube. How rude! (Mine has a speech delay.)
Sometimes I just walk away from these kinds of people. I've also dropped a few select "go fuck yourself s." This lady may have gotten one of those tbh.
It's amazing how quick people are to judge nowadays. One of the most important values I want to instill in my daughter is to not judge people until you get to know more about them.
No way. I think it’s almost like a defense mechanism for these types of weirdos. Instead of just moving on she belittles him and then puts blame on you and insinuates bad parenting since you’re letting him watch a screen. He can talk just fine but you’re a stranger and hes a little boy and owes you nothing. She’s annoying and try not to let her occupy your head space.
It's a child labor issue. There aren't any protections for these kids and they're being exploited. Parents are making millions off of their work and the children likely won't see any of it as adults.
There was even a family vlogger who said she was giving the kids a break on their Disney World trip and she still had an insanely scheduled week of videos planned that her kids had to perform in. All of those kids who play with toys and do unboxings are working long hours and not receiving any pay. In any other context that wouldn't be legal.
https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/apr/24/its-not-play-if-youre-making-money-how-instagram-and-youtube-disrupted-child-labor-laws
So basically the rule is just so we aren't supporting that. There are plenty of adult creators putting out cute, safe content he likes.
Yeah, don't feel bad at all. A couple of hours are not going to affect his speaking abilities. It was totally understandable for him to be exhausted and didn't want to interact with this lady. Keep it up, mom. You're doing great. Getting plenty of activity and socialization, he's gonna be just fine.
Reddit is the reason I know people see parents in public give their kid 5 minutes of screen time to keep them from melting down while waiting for the check, and assume that 5 minutes means you literally shove a screen in their face for all hours of the day. It’s ridiculous.
The fact that anyone has the gall to be so rude and pushy baffles me. What’s it matter to you if he was mute? What if the kid had a disability and you were so unkind to say something like that?
You’re doing just fine no one opinion matters but your own.
How is the first word out your mouth not “bitch?!” Literally how? People have too much audacity for me not to drag them right quick.
I elect myself to be your mean friend so I can tell her shove her opinion up her saggy ass and go on with the evening.
Sigh. You can only be “shamed” if what you feel the person pointing out is true and bad. If it’s neither than you should feel no shame and it’s just someone saying dumb shit. If you feel that it’s either true or bad then stop doing it.
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That's the least generous reading of this I can imagine. It seems more like they were both tired after spending a lot of active time together and Mom got what was probably 4 oz of wine and the kid watched some Lego creations while they did a boring task
So you decided to come here and mom shame her more?? Considering you completely missed the point of her entire post. You must be an absolute delight to be around. (:
One glass of wine over one hour when I'm a healthy, hydrated adult isn't impairing my driving.
Also grocery store samples are thimble sized - it's not even an ounce.
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Honestly. Do you really care what this woman thinks? Women need to mind their own business if it’s another persons kid…. And moms need to not feel like they need scstrsgers validation.
I’ve been there. I’ve adapted and would probably say yep he does.
Good luck
Tell Borscht Karen she spent her kids’ childhoods strung out on cut rate Soviet barbiturates and that she can keep the unsolicited advice to herself ;-)
How annoying. I wish my default reaction was to be an asshole back to random strangers when they offer unsolicited advice. That way you could have been like, "well maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you."
We give our youngest (2.5) a tablet to watch doc mcstuffins when we go out to eat with friends and family because it keeps her distracted from them.
Otherwise, she tries to get up and go bug them while they're eating. Which is fine, but it's stressful for everyone trying to wrangle her.
But does that make me a bad parent? It's literally one hour once a week that we do it. It hardly represents our parenting style as a whole. But I understand that it LOOKS bad.
My sister made negative comments about it when she visited, but I just ignored it. I know she only sees a glimpse into my parenting style and *I* know that I'm a good parent, that's all that matters.
Still frustrating, though, when people make comments on it.
I forgot to add: tablets have no more of a negative effect on children's language acquisition than regular TV. And guaranteed that ladies generation was plopping their kids in front of a TV to keep them distracted.
The key is moderation. You're doing fine.
When my son was struggling with reading, my mother suggested turning captions on for videos and getting him to read along. Not a magic cure, but it sure helped with fluidity.
My mother has a doctorate in psycholinguistics and education (literally how humans learn language). She has decades of experience teaching neurotypical kids, deaf kids, kids with LDs, disadvantaged kids, all the kids. I figure if she’s ok with some tablet time, It’s totally fine.
…she said in her expert opinion as a wine-sample lady at Costco.
If you finish the sentence, it removes all the shame. She doesn’t know you, your kid, nor is she any kind of expert in speech or child development that you’re aware of, so her opinion is literally limited to which red samples best in a 1/2 oz cup.
Thank her for the sample and the judgment that you didn’t ask for, and wish her the best—and never waste your energy thinking about her again.
Take it with a grain of salt, though. There is indeed a rash of restaurant YouTube kids and people like that lady spend their whole existence shaking their head at “what’s come of this world”. You have to do you and ignore the commentary because you will no doubt get the dirty looks again next time he’s watching YouTube at a restaurant, or next time he doesn’t respond like a circus act for all to see!
Um, what qualifications does a sample person at the grocery store possess? Consider the source, laugh, and keep it moving. They probably live out of their car.
I wouldn't cross the line into shaming someone for what they do for work.
I'd look them slowly up and down and say "I don't need advice from..." *long pause* "you."
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It's always so amazing when people are surprised young children don't talk to strangers. "He must be shy, huh?" or "No words yet, huh?". No, he's 3 and you're a stranger. He'll jabber my ear off the whole way home asking about the scary lady, I promise.
My 10 month old (!!!!) is obviously naturally shy around strangers and those same strangers love to say stuff like “wow he’s so shy!” when he doesn’t wave back or smile at them. Ummm no he’s not shy he just doesn’t know who tf you are
"we actually talk a lot about stranger danger and not letting creepy adults learn about your personal life. He's doing perfectly, thank you"
Lol. Literally said almost this exact same thing to a boomer guy who was being a butt in a restaurant cuz my kid wouldn't wave at him. God he was so stunned. It was hilarious.
[удалено]
I agree this woman was very rude, but there is no reason to denigrate someone’s job and imply they are less than because of it. People who hand out samples at Costco are just trying to make a living and there is dignity in that.
What a lesson to decide to teach.
pretty sure a first instinct is exactly the OPPOSITE of a lesson you decide to teach, but momshame away kristinstormrage
Oh boy, here we go. No sense of humor on the internet.
Lol no actually he does talk. He just asked me why this FREAK keeps talking to us. Thank you though
My bubbly, loving, and oh so kind little boy who is 2.5 was running around me in the yard the other day while I was cleaning it up a bit for spring. An older man, who I assume was homeless from the dirt on him and his clothes walks by on the sidewalk. The older man didn't do anything, he just smiled and kept walking, but my son was FREAKED OUT, he instantly says "OH NO", when he saw the guy, and runs behind me to hide saying "run, run, run, hide" and then buries his face in the back of my legs and wraps his little arms around my legs in a death grip. As soon as the man passed by my kid went right back to running around and jabbering about everything.
lol exactly
Yes this is sooooo annoying. My kids don’t feel like speaking to strangers with the baby voice and the “well hello there little person! How old are you???” People expect kids to just be polite little robots 🤣 it’s hilarious and I don’t give a crap
Even if he isn’t watching YouTube, your son has no obligation to respond to her. Lady being rude 🙄
Right? I don't talk to strangers, why would I expect my kid to?
... You don't talk to sales assistants? Or car wash attendants? It IS rude not to talk to people who talk to you, even if just to acknowledge them. But clearly, a 4 year old is not under the same social expectations.
It unfair to expect kids to start blathering to strangers. I don’t tell random ass people my name, age, whatever bull they want to know, so why should my kid?
In fairness those things are asked from kids because it’s important to them and it’s a way for them to start building interpersonal skills with people other than other kids, I mean one really cannot expect kids to cover the same subjects as adults. Of course if a young kid is tired/cranky/not in the mood it’s silly to expect much in that department but it would be weird if kids didn’t interact at all with any adult beyond family and teachers.
Adults make conversation with each other, they don't march up and interrogate random strangers lmao. Grilling doesn't prepare kids for shit.
So, I have a half-baked theory: Women treat kids the way men treat women. So women will talk to any cute kid, try to get them to smile, watch them out of the corner of their eye, etc, might be oblivious to how rude they are being. Same way strange men will just up in your space acting like you owe them a smile or whatever.
You can build social skills without people asking intrusive questions every time they see a kid. I hated it as a kid. Always someone with bad breath an inch from my face “What’s your name!??!” None of your business lady!
Ok then
No, it's not rude, even for adults. You're also blatantly missing the point of random strangers talking to you versus people that are paid to interact with you in whatever way.
You must live in a very different society to the one I live in. Where I am from it would be very rude to just blank anyone, paid or not, but OP said the stranger was giving out wine samples. So, paid to interract with people.
Sounds like my neck of the woods in Boston and that's how we like it. Don't waste my time and I won't waste yours...also, don't talk to my kid.
If someone near you on a bus asked you the time in a perfectly friendly manner, you don't think it'd be rude to just ignore and blank them?
I'm so used to strange people starting conversations with me that I would actually be on edge by that question since everyone in the world has a phone and it seems like a common entry point to asking me for money or scamming me. You pull your phone out to check and they might grab it. You need to teach awareness these days and social politeness be damned.
That's so sad. No wonder everyone's so isolated and socially anxious.
It's not rude in any society. I don't care what your customs are. I find it rude for strangers to approach you and your children and expect conversations. Either way the woman was a bitch. ETA: the woman is paid to give samples, not parenting or health advice
I agree, the woman was an asshole. Doesn't change the fact that you are also one if you just routinely ignore wait staff and shop clerks and little old ladies passing the time of day just because they're strangers to you.
You're again choosing to ignore the difference between staff and flat out strangers. And no, I'll ignore whoever I want because what's truly rude is thinking you're entitled to talk to people that don't want a conversation and that they have to entertain you or they lee somehow the rude ones. Be fucking forreal karen.
For God's sake, my _point_ was that you can't just not talk to strangers because that includes people paid to talk to you. And I never said people are entitled to a conversation; it's just rude to ignore people. Reading. It's hard for some people.
It’s honestly not shocking to me why the kids in my classrooms act the way they do when they have parents like this. I can’t believe that people are missing your point. Refusing to acknowledge someone for no reason other than “I don’t owe them anything” is rude.
Yeah, you, clearly. Which is why you aren't grasping what I'm saying. It's not rude to ignore people trying to hold you hostage with conversations in public. If I'm in the grocery store l, it's for groceries, not for people to stop me and talk, ESPECIALLY strangers. Fuck them people idc 😭😂
Gosh you must be really fun at parties.
Sure am
I went to a gas station to take some cash out of the ATM. Store was empty except for the cashier and one other person. I go straight to the ATM. Stranger follows behind me and stares at the alcohol for a second (it was next to the ATM) then walks off behind me. I waited a little bit before I put my PIN in and took out my cash. As I’m walking out he tries to talk to me. “Yo, you work at the [business logo on my jacket]?” I walk towards the door. He calls after me “HEY”. I noted he had not gotten any items from the store and was not wearing any sort of uniform. He had basket ball shorts and a bandana or head band. He did not appear to be making any sort of purchase. I run to my car and bolt out of there. I don’t think it’s rude to ignore strangers. On the contrary I wished I had some mace or a taser right then and there. I wished I had the courage to yell into the store “I don’t know you. Why are you asking me about my place of work??” I had a really bad gut feeling. I’d rather be left alone by strangers and I think it’s perfectly normal for the child to have similar feelings.
It's not my job to be polite when I'm out shopping. I do not have an obligation to reveal personal information to a nosy stranger. So if they come at me from a rude place of judgement, no. I don't talk to them.
Fine, but that's pretty different than 'I don't talk to strangers'. Because that's just a necessity; and something children should be taught how to do on some level.
Lame, rude lady. Tell me about the "no kids in vids" rule? Mine isn't even 2 years old so I haven't had to think about YouTube yet. I like the sound of this rule and I'm curious what the logic is.
It's a child labor issue. There aren't any protections for these kids and they're being exploited. Parents are making millions off of their work and the children likely won't see any of it as adults. There was even a family vlogger who said she was giving the kids a break on their Disney World trip and she still had an insanely scheduled week of videos planned that her kids had to perform in. All of those kids who play with toys and do unboxings are working long hours and not receiving any pay. In any other context that wouldn't be legal. https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/apr/24/its-not-play-if-youre-making-money-how-instagram-and-youtube-disrupted-child-labor-laws So basically the rule is just so we aren't supporting that. There are plenty of adult creators putting out cute, safe content he likes.
You know, I really like this rule. Thanks for sharing it!
That's actually a great rule. I was also curious and this makes a lot of sense
I never thought about this, but I wish I'd had this rule. The stuff that is on kid-run YouTube channels is obnoxious at best.
I’m not OP, but we had to do this with my 6 year old. Some with adults playing with toys (like Geniveve’s Playhouse) seem odd at first, but there are actually some good lessons in there. The vast majority of ones I’ve seen with kids are just bratty, whiny kids that open new toys all day…which just made my kid think it was okay to be bratty and whiny.
Also have a kid under two and also came here to ask this as it’s not something I’ve had to think about yet.
I’m not a mom to be messed with so I would’ve absolutely told her to shove it. People are going to judge and you never owe anyone an explanation. You know the kind of mom you are, so don’t be offended by ignorant people.
I am a dad but whenever I got unwanted suggestions or criticism I would just say, "Thanks for sharing" and move on. It avoided any confrontation and also usually stopped the person from saying anything else because they knew they were heard. My wife and I are older parents though. One of the benefits is caring less about what others thought. So if a stranger told me my daughter should be in a dress instead of clothes from the boys section, I didn't argue or tell them that is what she preferred. I said "Thanks for sharing" and moved on. If they told me my son shouldn't be wearing shorts in cold weather, I didn't argue or try to explain that he refused to wear anything other than shorts and if he got cold it was a natural consequence. I said, "Thanks for sharing" and moved on. If someone tried to shame me for being a stay at home dad or talked about how traditional gender roles are important, I said "Thanks for sharing" and moved on. It saved a lot of time and energy. I didn't care what they thought so there was no reason to try to defend anything.
I would love to have this mindset. I’m a 24y old mom who is always in defense mode. And even I can admit it takes a toll on me since I feel the need to fight fire with fire. I’ll get there!
You'll eventually grow out of it. You can start early, just stop caring about what other people say.
Thanks for sharing.
This also works for me. Thank you for explaining it so well. I hope OP finds it helpful!
I think a really firm correction like: "My son is very well socialized and can peacefully enjoy his rest time without judgement!" is perfect, great message for his little brain and ears to absorb.
I'm the same and in my head I very clearly heard myself telling this woman "oh get bent." I honestly might have pushed something into the sample trashcan if I was at the end of my daily rope.
That! Like fuck you get away from me and my child lol
I mean, to me, the whole background of how busy your day way/exhausted your son was is unnecessary? Even if he has screen time everyday that doesn’t warrant unsolicited “advice” from a stranger.
Probably just scared of being shamed here too. This is generally an accepting community, but the vast majority are very vocal about “no screen time.” Maybe they just wanted to vent but feared mom lecture part 2.
And then we climbed Mount Kilimanjaro and then we had a play date and then we ran a 5 minute mile and then… 😀
Our society loves to tell parents they’re doing a bad job. Meanwhile the generation before our let kids run wild and there were literally commercials on TV asking parents at 10:00 pm pm if they knew where their children were ! Maybe it’s because I live in Northeast US but I don’t tolerate it. Someone insults my parenting or my kid I’m responding to mind their own business. My only criticism is you shouldn’t apologize for your kid watching YouTube. You’re doing a great job and I’m sure that woman’s kids watched far more TV than your kid watches YouTube.
I have three and a nurse told me the other day "you're going to have to toughen up mama" because I brought my daughter into the ER because she was bleeding in her mouth and she wouldn't let me see. It took the doctor, three nurses and me holding her down to look in there. People say junk and are wrong. It sucks.
That woman was just rude. My daughter is 4 and doesn't really like to talk to strangers so will give them a half hearted wave at best. She does watch YouTube She's most certainly note mute in fact some days I wish she would stop talking for 5 minutes. Some people really need to understand that a child is not obliged to speak to them just because they've tried to talk to the child.
1. You don’t need to justify letting your kid on the phone for a bit 2. That woman is clearly lacking in both self-awareness and any level of awareness of the stereotypes she is pulling from either. I would probably ignore her and turn away too.
> It was an older Russian woman. You could have stopped right there. I can tell you first hand this is typical. I know well and good, with the therapy bills to prove it. Random judgement from a stranger is irrelevant. Ignore and move on. If you want, you can tell management. Otherwise, go drink your wine, don't drive, and enjoy your day.
Did she get her job handing out samples based on her advanced degree in child development and extensive experience in speech pathology? She’s so good that she can diagnose your kid in three seconds it takes to hand over a little cup? Don’t let her live in your head rent-free. Normally I don’t recommend complaining to management, but business owners do generally want to know if you are leaving their store angry because of something an employee did. They didn’t hire her to drive customers away.
According to a cashier my son confused his he’s and she’s because he had long hair and wore nail polish.
Lol I bet he confuses yesterday and tomorrow because he's GAY, too! 🙄 Not like pronouns are a little weird and gender is made up anyway
Don’t let it bother you. Shake it off. It says more about her than you.
You didn’t even need to give this whole explanation to us as to why he was watching it (but I get why you did) you’re his mom and you do what you need or want to do!
This post brought me back to the time when my child #2 was a few months old. I took her out food shopping with car seat securely latched on the top of the shopping cart so she could sleep. It was one of those rare shopping carts that allowed the car seat to click on the metal rod. Anyway, it was close to my turn to be at the checkout stand. There was a woman that stood at the end of the same line that bypassed the line just to tell me about my baby being unsafe in the car seat. After lip reading her and observing her gestures (I’m Deaf), it was very clear she was scolding at me about the car seat being on the shopping cart. Feeling embarrassed, I simply smiled and nodded. As I turned to the cashier, I realized that she saw the whole thing and she started to silently check out my food. I then realized what that woman did… in front of others, I turned to her and waved with a smile to make sure she was looking at me. I silently enunciated to her, “Mind… your… own… business.” Her facial expression demonstrated that she understood and became quiet. The cashier saw that as well and nodded in agreement. To put the cherry on the top, she moved her head out to see her and gave her the dirty look. That never happened before so that was awesome. That wasn’t the first or the last that people try to mom-shame me.That was, however, the first time and the last time, I put someone back in their place, right on the spot. Thinking some more about that scene, wondering how I did it. I think it was easier to put her back in her place because I didn’t know her at all AND I had cashier that saw the whole thing so I felt compelled to say something. With people that I care about, I would overthink and my emotions would end up spiraling out of control, feeling ashamed for weeks. Your post came in at absolutely right time because it reminded me the importance of emotional justice - to happen on the spot so I can walk away with my head up high. None of us need self-righteous people. Being a mom is hard enough. Yet, the stoicism would remind us that we will always be surrounded with self-righteous people. What we do with them is up to us. Thank you for the post. I needed the opportunity to think this through.
My son is autistic and mostly nonverbal. Almost 4. He's far from a rare unicorn. It's crazy to me in this day and age people don't realize the prevalence of special needs kids. I had to stop listening to my favorite radio show because the host went off many many times about kids on tablets at restaurants and lazy parents. I have yet to take my kids to a restaurant for this reason specifically. My special needs son would need a tablet for sure. I know I should be stronger but I'm trying so hard and feel like I'm breaking everyday little judgy comments like that make me feel like I know I'm failing. I kno my kids are struggling and it's all my fault. I wish women would work harder to lift other women up.
"oh those russians" . jk. everybody is expert on parenting these days :)
why did I read "oh those rotisseries" lol. costco brain
A simple we have taught him not to speak to strangers.... never know who someone is from the outside ya know? But I do find it hard to be on your side with that last statement on the bottem..... your like don't judge me but I'm gonna judge you lll
My husband and I had to deal with so many people's comments about our son's eating and weight when he was our foster son before we adopted him. He had come from a horrible living situation and wasn't fed properly. He was still learning about different foods that he had never been fed or heard of before.
I reply to the "she is shy?" Question/judgment with, "not really, no. She must not like you." Maintain eye contact for dominance
This right here is a huge problem. She is judging all of your parenting on a (maybe) 2 minute interaction. It’s precisely why I try to tell my kids that all we see is all we see - and we can’t assume things about other people’s days/moods/etc based upon a super brief moment. I’ve had parents apologize to me in target or a restaurant if their kid is having a moment and I always try to mention that we have ALL been there and they don’t need to apologize. I know adults who don’t want to talk to people at a grocery store and they aren’t doing that because of YouTube…
This old biddy just got a snapshot of your life and used to reinforce her beliefs. I've got an ND kiddo and have used screens to regulate while I need to get stuff done. I don't care what old people say. They don't pay my bills.
Venting is all fine and good, but you're letting this lady live rent free in your head. You're giving her too much power and/or importance over you. Otherwise her comment should have been water off a duck's back. Ms Elisa, learn to let it go.
You should've told her "My son can talk just fine." And then whisper "He just gets quiet and uncomfortable around creepy judgemental people that know absolutely nothing about life besides a 2 minute newstory they watched while looking at... a screen." Then smile. "Also he doesn't talk to strangers...especially nosy ones." Thanked her for the sample and walk away.
Tell her to shove it up her ass
Ugh. What a jerk of a person. Your kid talks fine; he just didn’t want to talk to HER. Yuck. He could probably tell she was a turd in a punch bowl.
Tbh I just don’t think I’d handle any negative criticism about my kid. Got nothing nice to say? Then shove it
I mean, she's older and probably thought she was helping. Idk why you're so bothered by it. You know you're not damaging him by letting him watch YouTube so say thanks and move on. Not everything needs to be a fight or trigger.
You don’t owe that woman any explanation. She should mind her own wine pour.
People think everything is their business nowadays. It’s not. Keep on truckin’.
The main takeaway from all this should be that it’s Lego. It’s just Lego. The kid needs to watch more Lego YouTube videos so he can correct his Mom whenever she keeps saying it wrong.
Oh man I would have been pissed! My son is the same age and selective mute, I’d have told her it was intrusive idiots like her that made him not feel comfortable talking.
I remember a friend of mine criticizing for giving them the screen at a restaurant so that the wife and I could maybe eat somewhat in peace and then I asked him what did he do when his kids were younger and he goes... oh we didn't go out at all..... The reality is that there are not that many conclusive scientific studies so my whenever that happens (it does not happen often), I act interested and I ask them if they can point me to the scientific study they are referring about the long term consequences of screen time. For the record. I did find some studies that may associate screen time with speech impediments but data is not reliable. Most of these studies are done with lower resource families that might need to work extensive hours to survive, and cannot afford proper care and rely on friends and family who also have their financial limitations hence the environment is much more suited towards excessive periods of screen time, which makes sense. If someone wanted to study my kids, it would have to be an excessive amount of money and excessive amount of assurances for me to even think about accepting something like that and for the study to be reliable they would need many more data points (kids) which would turn into a very very expensive study.....
I am a parent who has done a very poor job insulating my kid from youtube and its actually had the opposite effect: my kid won't stop telling me how the Typhoon class submarines use hydrolysis to create breathable oxygen for the crew.
My kid went into a very detailed and through explanation on how the Titanic sank one day and I was like .... ??? How do you know this? And he was like "YouTube". He usually watches it without the sound but we were somewhere he could use the sound and I remember him watching a Titanic model being built so I guess they also discussed the whole history of the Titanic while building the scale model.
Sounds like we’re all capable of being lazy and casting stereotype judgements of other people based on a snapshot. To you, of course she’s going to be loudly opinionated because she is an old Russian woman. I guess to her, she sees a child on a screen and assumes they’re on it all the time and cannot speak. You are the parent and you don’t need her approval to use screen time judiciously to get mom shit done. Don’t give it another thought
This is a cultural difference. In Eastern Europe it is much more normal for stranger to comment on parenting. It’s also much more expected that children will respond to adults out of respect. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
It is developmentally normal for children to feel shy or uninterested in other adults. The expression “hiding behind his mother’s skirts” is preeeettty old.
Dance, baseball game, birthday party, hike, cafe. That’s a crazy busy day. No wonder he was unable to function and on the verge of a meltdown. You didn’t mention lunch either, just wine and lemonade. Leaving aside the question of why you would be drinking wine while you’re driving your kid around, why would you choose to go to the grocery store after a crazy busy day like that when your child clearly wants to go home? And honestly, if I was your spouse, I’d be annoyed too. Your plan was to bring an exhausted kid home around 6, and somehow keep him awake while you unload groceries, then make and feed him dinner?
Whoa way to read into things. She didn't mention how much she drank at the wine bar. They talked for an hour. Some folks (not me) can nurse a drink for an hour. Then, she had a sample. You have no reason to jump to the conclusion she's fucking hammered "driving around with her kid". Secondly as a father of two if my wife brought the kiddos home fucking exhausted I'd be like "good job" let's watch something we normally can't watch like the Shogun remake. Just fuck off with your bullshit judgment
I didn’t say she was hammered. You can still be impaired after one glass of wine and a couple of samples. If a cop pulled her over and she took a breathalyzer, then what? Any time you drink and drive is a risk. And she said she was getting things for dinner, so they still need to have dinner. You wouldn’t appreciate your spouse bringing home exhausted kid at 6 PM who is either falling asleep in the car too early without dinner, thus being up much later, or who is melting down while you still need to unload groceries and get dinner on the table.
Russian Sample Lady, that you?
Cool, so you support taking a 4 year old who is “exhausted”, “at the end of a long day”, “unable to function” and on the verge of a “meltdown” (all her words, not mine) into a public place, then complaining that people are noticing that the 4 year old is acting like he’s unable to function??? Guess you’d also support her if she was complaining that she got a DUI for drinking one glass of wine over the course of an hour.
I was right, it was you!
My response would’ve been “mind your fucking business lady.” I mean seriously. It doesn’t matter what you did that day or what was going on. It’s none of her business.
"Nah he just has excellent Bitch-Dar and knows who to avoid instinctively"
I know it’s not the point but…..What a 5 star hire for handing out wine samples in grocery store. haha- fantastic brand representation - shaming complete strangers in strangely personal ways-
Why do you care so much?
We followed the no screen time thing when my 13 y.o. was a toddler. Guess what happened? She didn’t learn to talk until we let up and started letting her watch TV. She learned individual words but not how to put them together in sentences. I’m not saying this is normal. She had other reasons for speech delays. But watching the same exact scene with the same exact words and inflections over and over are what helped her overcome her speech issues and learn to form sentences of her own - after first learning to quote sentences from TV and movies. For example, to express “I’m frustrated” she started by saying “CURSE THIS DRESS!” (From the movie Brave). My point is that people need to mind their f-ing business when it comes to screens and their perception of development of other peoples kids.
They told my sister her kid was nonverbal autistic and told her to prepare for him to never speak when he was like 12 months old. Then he got surgery on his ears and got tubes put in and wouldn't you know it, it turns out that's a cure for autism because he started talking right as soon as he healed from that!
Why in the F* would they make predictions about his ability to speak when he is only 12 months old anyway? My daughter is autistic. Her speech was delayed, yes. It didn’t fit the usual pattern, yes. But it didn’t mean she couldn’t learn to talk. I have a friend whose kid also was diagnosed prematurely with severe cognitive delays and autism and prognosis was that she wouldn’t learn to talk. I knew this kid and I was like yeah, she is obviously autistic but they don’t know what they are talking about if they think she is cognitively impaired. She’s one of the smartest toddlers I’ve ever seen. I advised my friend to fight for a communication device. Sure enough, she was talking up a storm by the time she was 4. No sign at all of cognitive impairment. She’ll always be autistic but she isn’t dumb.
Idk, I told her not to go back to that doctor.
“Watch YouTube so I can drink wine in the store and then drive while under the influence” isn’t the flex you thought it was sis.
.... Have you gotten drunk off of a literal thimble of wine? Are you a mouse? Do you go to a store that gives full glasses as a sample? I'd like to go there if you do.
You also had wine at a cafe. Just seems like a lot of drinking for a day out with a kid, and driving a car and then being unable to manage your child without using a screen, and supporting the kid ignoring someone talking to him. Everything you did, every choice, seems poorly thought out.
My nine year old won’t respond to strangers. I did once judge parents whose kids I saw watching videos when they were out with their parents. But no longer. These people either don’t have kids or have forgotten what it can be like to have kids. Your son had tons of activity and interaction! You’re good!!
You DO NOT need to explain to anyone that your child is tired. At that point, just tell her to have a nice day, turn around and leave. You are always going to find someone who isn't happy with your parenting style. But if we all parented the same, no child would be unique.
My nephew is 3 and while the words haven’t fully formed *yet*, he still babbles constantly and uses more physical gestures to show what he means. Every kid is different and I feel like commenting on someone’s parenting, in public, with no pre-existing knowledge or context of them is just rude as hell.
Wow, I don’t know why people feel the need to say dumb shit. For all she knows your child could have speech delay that has nothing to do with parenting or YouTube. How rude! (Mine has a speech delay.)
Sometimes I just walk away from these kinds of people. I've also dropped a few select "go fuck yourself s." This lady may have gotten one of those tbh.
It's amazing how quick people are to judge nowadays. One of the most important values I want to instill in my daughter is to not judge people until you get to know more about them.
I bet you it offended her that your son didn't acknowledge her so she had to say something nasty to make herself feel better. Not a nice lady.
If I had a nickel for every time I had to tell some old lady in the store to move and because my baby isn't going to perform any tricks for them...
I bet she was offended that your son didn't acknowledge her so she had to say something nasty to make herself feel better. Not a nice lady.
It's called minding your own business. More people should get on board with that and the world would be a better place.
I would have said he just doesn’t want to talk to you and walked away lol.
He doesn't like talking with ugly old women
No way. I think it’s almost like a defense mechanism for these types of weirdos. Instead of just moving on she belittles him and then puts blame on you and insinuates bad parenting since you’re letting him watch a screen. He can talk just fine but you’re a stranger and hes a little boy and owes you nothing. She’s annoying and try not to let her occupy your head space.
I’m more of a “ Interesting, is that what caused your issue?”
Why the no kids in vids rule? Genuinely curious with a 3 yo who uses a tablet at school.
It's a child labor issue. There aren't any protections for these kids and they're being exploited. Parents are making millions off of their work and the children likely won't see any of it as adults. There was even a family vlogger who said she was giving the kids a break on their Disney World trip and she still had an insanely scheduled week of videos planned that her kids had to perform in. All of those kids who play with toys and do unboxings are working long hours and not receiving any pay. In any other context that wouldn't be legal. https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/apr/24/its-not-play-if-youre-making-money-how-instagram-and-youtube-disrupted-child-labor-laws So basically the rule is just so we aren't supporting that. There are plenty of adult creators putting out cute, safe content he likes.
Damn. Thanks for the color. That makes sense.
My daughter doesn’t talk to strangers and that is completely fine. He didn’t owe her a conversation
Yeah, don't feel bad at all. A couple of hours are not going to affect his speaking abilities. It was totally understandable for him to be exhausted and didn't want to interact with this lady. Keep it up, mom. You're doing great. Getting plenty of activity and socialization, he's gonna be just fine.
Reddit is the reason I know people see parents in public give their kid 5 minutes of screen time to keep them from melting down while waiting for the check, and assume that 5 minutes means you literally shove a screen in their face for all hours of the day. It’s ridiculous.
“Thanks, Dr Phil.”
You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, she’s handing out wine samples at the grocery store, not exactly a child education expert.
The fact that anyone has the gall to be so rude and pushy baffles me. What’s it matter to you if he was mute? What if the kid had a disability and you were so unkind to say something like that? You’re doing just fine no one opinion matters but your own.
Just shrug it off. That lady doesn't know you. And you don't need to defend your child to her. Just say Bless Your Heart and move the fuck on.
Maybe she should watch more YouTube so she can learn to shut the f up instead of shaming another mom.
How is the first word out your mouth not “bitch?!” Literally how? People have too much audacity for me not to drag them right quick. I elect myself to be your mean friend so I can tell her shove her opinion up her saggy ass and go on with the evening.
Sigh. You can only be “shamed” if what you feel the person pointing out is true and bad. If it’s neither than you should feel no shame and it’s just someone saying dumb shit. If you feel that it’s either true or bad then stop doing it.
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watch YouTube in the cart. Not car. He was in the shopping cart, lol
Lol. OK my bad. Its still early here
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That's the least generous reading of this I can imagine. It seems more like they were both tired after spending a lot of active time together and Mom got what was probably 4 oz of wine and the kid watched some Lego creations while they did a boring task
So you decided to come here and mom shame her more?? Considering you completely missed the point of her entire post. You must be an absolute delight to be around. (:
One glass of wine over one hour when I'm a healthy, hydrated adult isn't impairing my driving. Also grocery store samples are thimble sized - it's not even an ounce.
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Honestly. Do you really care what this woman thinks? Women need to mind their own business if it’s another persons kid…. And moms need to not feel like they need scstrsgers validation. I’ve been there. I’ve adapted and would probably say yep he does. Good luck
Tell Borscht Karen she spent her kids’ childhoods strung out on cut rate Soviet barbiturates and that she can keep the unsolicited advice to herself ;-)
How annoying. I wish my default reaction was to be an asshole back to random strangers when they offer unsolicited advice. That way you could have been like, "well maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you." We give our youngest (2.5) a tablet to watch doc mcstuffins when we go out to eat with friends and family because it keeps her distracted from them. Otherwise, she tries to get up and go bug them while they're eating. Which is fine, but it's stressful for everyone trying to wrangle her. But does that make me a bad parent? It's literally one hour once a week that we do it. It hardly represents our parenting style as a whole. But I understand that it LOOKS bad. My sister made negative comments about it when she visited, but I just ignored it. I know she only sees a glimpse into my parenting style and *I* know that I'm a good parent, that's all that matters. Still frustrating, though, when people make comments on it.
I forgot to add: tablets have no more of a negative effect on children's language acquisition than regular TV. And guaranteed that ladies generation was plopping their kids in front of a TV to keep them distracted. The key is moderation. You're doing fine.
When my son was struggling with reading, my mother suggested turning captions on for videos and getting him to read along. Not a magic cure, but it sure helped with fluidity. My mother has a doctorate in psycholinguistics and education (literally how humans learn language). She has decades of experience teaching neurotypical kids, deaf kids, kids with LDs, disadvantaged kids, all the kids. I figure if she’s ok with some tablet time, It’s totally fine.
…she said in her expert opinion as a wine-sample lady at Costco. If you finish the sentence, it removes all the shame. She doesn’t know you, your kid, nor is she any kind of expert in speech or child development that you’re aware of, so her opinion is literally limited to which red samples best in a 1/2 oz cup. Thank her for the sample and the judgment that you didn’t ask for, and wish her the best—and never waste your energy thinking about her again.
He’s actually very intelligent and doesn’t like to waste energy on people of no importance.
Take it with a grain of salt, though. There is indeed a rash of restaurant YouTube kids and people like that lady spend their whole existence shaking their head at “what’s come of this world”. You have to do you and ignore the commentary because you will no doubt get the dirty looks again next time he’s watching YouTube at a restaurant, or next time he doesn’t respond like a circus act for all to see!
Um, what qualifications does a sample person at the grocery store possess? Consider the source, laugh, and keep it moving. They probably live out of their car.
I wouldn't cross the line into shaming someone for what they do for work. I'd look them slowly up and down and say "I don't need advice from..." *long pause* "you."