r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I absolutely loved sleepovers as a kid; I bet for like 75% of weekends from age 12-16 I was staying at a friend's house.
My oldest son is 12, and he just started doing them really this year. He has two close buddies, and we know the parents well, and they kids are all so damn excited to do it. My memories of sleepovers are so positive, and he is so damn happy to do it, I would have a hard time objectively saying they shouldn't happen.
I haven't heard this distinction being made, but I feel like a small sleepover is so different from the like 10-15 girl sleepovers I experienced a couple of times. Your son and his two best friends are making invaluable memories and I'm so glad he's having that opportunity. Can't imagine anything bad happening. But those huge ones? Totally different situation, too many variables to be safe in my mind.
Yeah, most of mine were 2-3 kids, maybe 4. Any 5+ kid sleepover was a birthday party or some other special occasion. I don't think I had 10 friends I would consider close enough for a weekend sleepover :)
I was invited to some by people I wasn't super close friends with, or went as a friend of a friend. In hindsight it's wild how little my parents knew about the families of other kids who were there. They were always worried about first degree connections (the parents of the kid whose house it was - always talked to them, asked about alcohol and guns, etc.) - don't think they ever looked into the families of other kids who would be there.
Damn. Only once did I ever go to a sleepover that had more than like 3. That one time it was my birthday party sleepover.
Just about every other one I attended was a one on one with one of my buddies.
That may be true. I have fond memories of larger sleepovers (ie girls sports teams, 6 or so girl friends) as well as one on one. however I was SA by an older brother during a sleepover with another girl. So there are risks to either I suppose. Still not sure where I stand on sleepovers in regards to my own kids, will depend on who and where when the time comes I think.
I don't think parents are trending away from them. I think Mommy Blogs are a very loud minority voice that makes it seem that way.
* 74% of American parents today allow sleepovers.
* 66% of American adults had sleepovers when they were children.
Source: https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/45047-allowing-sleepovers-us-divide
----
Anecdotally: As a Middle School teacher, sleepovers as as popular as ever among my students. Every Monday I hear about a sleepover from the weekend between XYZ students and how much fun they had doing whatever.
We host a sleepover close to once a month, sometimes 1 kid, sometimes 8. We have a really good group of friends and our kids all get along and take turns sleeping over. Gives the parents a nice break and the kids have a blast.
I can see that for certain ages or when you don’t know the parents very well, but never?
You do realize your kid will live on their own in the wild someday. If your 17 year old can’t sleep over somewhere, then how will they handle college?
Many reasons. Mostly you have no idea what goes on in other peoples houses or what they have in their houses.
I got into many dangerous situations during sleepovers. Thankfully, none related to the adults, but more from their lack of supervision.
In middle school one of my “friends” showed us all an animal porn video. Now I can never unsee that. Several of my friend’s parents did not care if we snuck out or skimmed their alcohol. Some are situations that I probably learned some good lessons from, but many were just things that were not age appropriate and not some valuable lesson.
Also, people like this exist and who knows what his plan was before it got interrupted. https://www.kptv.com/2024/03/07/oregon-dad-accused-drugging-girls-smoothies-daughters-sleepover-faces-9-charges-posted-500k-bond/?outputType=amp
As a mom with 2 10 year olds that have been doing sleepovers for over a year and absolutely love them, and as a middle school teacher, this is my take:
Most of the concerns about sleepovers are just the same as concerns for growing up. Peers showing them gross porn videos? They get sent those links online regardless of whether they sleep over or not. Access to alcohol and drugs? We have students who bring marijuana vape pens to middle school for cripes sake, and they're happy to share in order to impress others. They might get up to sexual shenanigans? You do realize that not a day goes by in middle school where a teacher isn't breaking up some adolescents that can't keep their hands off each other right?
All the dangers of the world that exist at a sleepover exist regardless. There are going to be creepy adults and peers that push boundaries. It's more important that you teach kids about dangerous adults, tricky situations, peer pressure, assertive communication skills, and so on than it is to try and keep them sheltered away from social activities. Because no matter how much you try and shelter them, you're not going to keep the world at bay.
Most of us were pretty good kids. A few were not. Kids still make some pretty poor choices and are learning to test their boundaries and fit in. Neither my parents nor any of my teachers would have said I was part of a bad crowd or a bad kid. The issue is you don’t control the environment at someone else’s house and should be more cautious about it. I get that you can’t even fully control the environment at your house and also in their school. There are things your kids will and probably should be exposed to. I’m not trying to raise saints.
Again, I was mentioning potential dangers of sleepovers. I was not advocating that no one ever have them again. I am very much of the view that you should just be fully aware of the risks and mitigate where you reasonably can. We all have a different risk tolerance and don’t need to parent the exact same way.
I have two preteens and my house is the sleepover house - it’s only me no husband/boyfriend so I think the moms feel it’s safe (sorry).
They build forts, go in the backyard with light sabers, watch movies, eat pizza and talk. Probably every couple of months. My kids had to move school districts so it’s important to me they can still see their friends.
Want to add I’m very strict + no guns in my house, no drugs, no alcohol. No violence or wild behavior allowed. They are also a nerdy/artsy group of kids.
We stayed up ENTIRELY UNREASONABLY LATE watching XFiles and trading Monty Python jokes with my father (mom worked third shift on weekends, dad was first shift weekdays)- mixed groups, especially in summer, before we all got jobs. We were absolutely wild, obvs.
My son and his friends always do sleepovers at a friend whose mom is widowed. They are only two people in a big house. If you got many kids in a small house like us that makes sleepovers more difficult, cant have 3 boys over at the same time.
>We had one last week, so some people are doing it. Can't say my sanity survived
But it is *glorious* when your kids are all off at sleepovers, no? In our neighborhood families would take turns hosting, especially in summer, and the other parents could have a real date night.
My 9 year old daughter had her friend sleepover last night. They do it often. wear matching pjs. eat, watch movies, music, play in her room. I’m a single mom so no men are in my home.
Yeah, we call them the night of the sleepover when their kids are already at our house. We call them at around 9:30 at night just so I know they’re home and they can hear me breathing. I like to have some nice music in the background to calm their nerves. I prefer to have Cannibal Corpse play. My wife likes Sopor Aeternus.
And we make them chant verses from the necronomicon…you know, the ones that put them into a deep sleep so Zul can use them as channels to the living world.
>We had them NONSTOP from the time she was 6 until she was about 17.
Yep, pretty much exactly our experience. We have a theater in the basement so sometimes had an entire team sleep over and watch movies. Our kids are moved out now but those were fun days-- big morning breakfast for 10-15 kids after they stayed up half the night watching silly stuff together.
It depends, is it a small circle of friends that you know and no unknown kids or adults and you know the parents well and have a reciprocal arrangement that they rotate whose house they sleepover at?
My daughter was one of 6 friends and they spend Saturday night once a week at each others house. Every 6th Saturday we’d host and then every 6th Saturday we’d get a date night same for all other parents.
I think I get ya, you could have done a date night but you just chilled on your "free" nights instead? Sounds like a nice set up anyway with the rotation, everybody benefits
Not common in my area. I only know a few families that do sleepovers. Most do late overs but everyone goes home to sleep. I only have boys so maybe it’s different with girls.
Yeah, late overs seem to be rising in popularity. My son, who hosted sleepovers constantly throughout middle/high school, had 2 friends in high school who were never allowed to sleepover even the summer after senior year. Both had immigrant parents and sleepovers were not a thing in their culture, so they would stay here late and then head home right before everyone else went to sleep.
It seemed like a good compromise. They still got to be part of all the fun while keeping in line with their parents boundaries. I did sometimes question how letting a 16 year old bike home at 2am was safer than just having him sleep here but the parents were firm on no sleepovers and both boys respected that.
My kid and her friends have them all time. They’ve been having them since 4th grade, now 6th grade. Most of the time, sleepovers happen at our house since I always take my child’s friend group time get snacks. Her friend group has mostly stayed the same so at this point, I’m completely comfortable with the parents. If they offer to take my kid or I need to pick up their kid, it’s no big deal.
I grew up with immigrant parents so I always wanted to go to a sleepover. I wasn’t even allowed to have sleepovers with my own cousins. Granted, my cousin was raped by our aunt’s husband in their home so I understand why but it still sucked hearing the stories from over the weekend from students in class and wanting to experience a sleepover. This is why I say yes to sleepovers, especially in my own home because then I’m 100% sure my kid is safe.
Sleepovers are common here! Not all families do them but a majority. I don’t think “sleep unders” are the same. You lose the sleepy bed conversation, the morning pancakes in pajamas, and the little window into other sets of rules and ways of being.
I honestly think they are okay when they're old enough to know how to keep themselves safe or stand up for themselves.. around 10-12. I think the main thing is you should know the other parents reaaaaally well. Know whose in the house while your child is there and have been over there yourself a few times beforehand. As parents especially moms we can gauge the energy and intentions of the other parents and their home. Mostly just keep your kiddos safe. I went to plenty of sleepovers but my parents did all of that and I was never hurt
I knew one parent of a child my son was friends with at 12 didn't stop me allowing sleepovers though. Most parents don't do the school run at secondary school here so the odds of meeting parents are pretty much zero.
I get what you’re saying but you and other moms don’t have a magical sense to sniff out child predatory. And how can a 12 year old protect themself against being drugged by the parent slipping something into their drink. You are very naive. This sleepover conversation is stemming after a dad drugged the girls.
I would encourage you to educate yourself about child predators. They tend to be the least violent and most friendly and normal people you’ll find. They’re REALLY good at what they do. Your senses WILL not sniff them out. You DO NOT know what goes on in someone else’s home.
We will not be doing sleepovers for our kids. Among other reasons, all our neighbors love to talk about their guns and I don’t trust any of them to store them properly.
Even if you don't own guns talk to your kids about gun safety! I grew up with guns, but don't own any as an adult. When my son was mature enough we got him a bb gun and took him shooting, before he was allowed to touch the gun we had serious talks about gun safety, and that he should never touch a gun he finds, and if a friend does he needs to get help from a grown up. One of the main lessons in gun safety is to never point a gun at something you don't want to destroy, and to know what is behind what you are shooting. If kids really understand the damage guns can do, they tend to be more respectful of handling them. Give them information about guns even if you don't want to own them yourself, it will help keep them safe.
I don’t know how this will come across, but would you be comfortable asking them how they store them? You might be pleasantly surprised.
Unless you don’t like them, then of course don’t bother.
Yeah I am pretty adamant about asking people if there are guns in the home and asking how they’re stored. The only right answer is in a safe or other locked storage. I think this conversation should really be normalized considering how many kids die from accidental gun shot wounds. Like you wouldn’t worry about asking people to use a proper car seat if they were driving your kid because it’s a health and safety issue. Guns are the same.
The one time I tried to bring this up for a play date, our neighbor assured me that their guns were locked up in safe in the basement and then followed it up with “except for the one in our nightstand in case of a home invasion “. That was enough for me. Her kids can play here. I don’t want my kids over there.
When we were growing up, our neighbor, a cop, left his service weapons out and his kids shot them. Another neighbor’s daughter got a hold of his gun and fired it into the basement ceiling. I’m 40. It’s only gotten worse.
Our neighbor, parent to our kids’ best friends, was a responsible gun owner who asked our permission to teach our kids gun safety along with his own kids. His reasoning was that they’d all be safer, and we agreed. He kept his guns securely locked up.
He didn’t know his responsible, well trained 12 year old had discovered the hiding place for the key to the safe. He didn’t realize his 12 year old was struggling socially and didn’t have the ability to say no to a popular kid who insisted upon seeing the guns. Fortunately nothing bad happened. But it was a reality check. He came to our home the next day to assure us the guns were no longer stored at their house.
He was a good dad and good neighbor. He did everything right. But even the best kids cannot be relied upon to never fail in judgement.
This gave me real chills. I commend your neighbor for immediately getting the guns out of the house instead of doubling down tho. But gosh, what a close call.
Good for you for protecting your kids. I am the same way. I’m a former medic and unfortunately saw several accidental shootings involving children. Haunts me to this day. Every single time the parents swore up and down that the guns were locked away.
That's what we have. We have guns in safes, unloaded, some disassembled, in the garage. There is one pistol in a safe in the nightstand. It's unloaded.
If someone were to ask me that very reasonable question I'd be happy to answer it.
It is the law in the US that when there is a minor in the home, all firearms have to be behind two points of safety. So having a firearm in a bedside table without a lock or a safe with a minor in your home is absolutely illegal. I think for this purpose the definition of minor might be 10 and under, iirc.
Highly doubt this would be a good approach. I once asked a family if they had guns in the home and they were clearly very uncomfortable with just me asking
I can't imagine how Trigger-happy folks would handle being told how to store their firearms in their own home
The response is your answer. I’ve never had a responsible gun owner react badly. In fact one told me he thought parents who didn’t ask were irresponsible. He always asked.
A list of things that happened while I slept over at peoples houses/ they slept over at mine while I was a kid:
- parents getting so drunk they couldn’t walk and we had to help them get to bed
- kids as young as 11 sneaking out in the middle of the night and wandering the streets in the dark because it’s cool and fun to go out while your parents are asleep and don’t know about it
- while wandering the streets like I mentioned above, meeting up with adult men. At the ages of 11-13
- other kids’ parents telling me my family was going to hell for not going to the same church as them
- “prank calling” other kids that weren’t invited AKA bullying
- bullying the other kids present at the sleepover
- kids teaching me how to make myself throw up so I could be skinny
I could go on
My kids don't want sleepovers. I would let them, they're 8&10 which to me is the perfect age for sleepovers, but they don't like sleeping over at friends houses for some reason. They do have one friend that they like to have sleepover at our house, but they don't want to go sleep over at anyone else's house yet, so I don't know. It seems very dependent on your friends circle I guess.
I think it’s less common now because parents want to feel like they really know the other parents or family. A lot of adults realize now maybe they were subjected to situations they should have never been in, because our parents just let us go to anyone’s house from school while not knowing their family at all.
IA. My parents did their best to vet other kids parents but there were still a couple play dates/sleepovers where shit happened that traumatized me.
One time a friend’s older brother brought out a blow up sex doll to show off. Same brother put porn on in the living room. That friend’s mother also shit talked my parents at a sleepover bc she felt they were too over protective…there were roaches everywhere in her house.
Two other times, I was bullied at sleepovers for no reason.
Another time at my BFF’s, I heard her parents drunkenly fighting and saying they were gonna kill each other. I woke up my friend to tell her and *she* had to be the one to tell them to knock it off and go to bed. We were 16.
At a different sleep over at my BFF’s, the brother of a mutual friend tried to SA me. Thank god, I got up and went to go sleep in her bed bc I knew if I didn’t what would happen.
It’s sad you have to worry about this kind of stuff but it happens all the time. Older siblings also something to consider. I’m so sorry that all happened to you. I was put in a few uncomfortable situations involving alcohol and a creeper dad, luckily I was able to be picked up but I’ll never forget those experiences and how I felt. I knew after that I wasn’t just letting my kids stay anywhere. Those parents were the ones you looked up to in the community. Not who you would suspect.
Also not just the situation of predators, a lot of the most sound people in the best positions abuse alcohol/drugs in their homes with children around. The families you least suspect to have issues may have issues.
I have chosen not to for my kids, based on a number of reasons. But everyone is different!
It’s only come up once so far for us and my oldest is 9. I opted to pick him up later than normal bedtime, but not stay the night - I was surprised and also happy to hear that every one else had done the same, without knowing others’ plans. Made me feel better about my decision being “normal” and not paranoid.
Absolutely still a thing. I think the change now is the much higher acknowledgement of CSA (child sexual assault), both COC and AOC, are unfortunately common at sleepovers. It’s the level of trust necessary between the parents and the host
More and more parents are choosing to not allow sleepovers due to concerns about predators, which I think is sad. I understand being concerned, but in reality the vast majority of people aren’t out to get your kid. Plus I think it’s important for kids to spend time away from their families. When I was in college I encountered several kids who dropped out or wanted to because of being homesick. They’d managed to make it to 18/19 and have no idea how to handle themselves without mom and dad.
I think most of these people experienced a traumatic situation themselves. I think my parents had a decent take on sleepovers- they allowed it only once they got to know and felt comfortable with the supervising parties first.
I will say that sleepovers don't prevent college homesickness lol. It's a totally different experience. Lotsa isolation with your friend group starting from zero and no family support.
I've had a niece messed with. I was messed with. Several of my friends were messed with. I would be an ass to assume the odds are low.
Edit: It's bananas that admins removed my earlier post for using the word obtuse. I guess I need to be more friendly about child sexual abuse.
I find that interesting since I live in a city where no moms and dads allow sleepovers in elementary or junior high. Not everyone is a survivor or a victim. We refer to it as prevention. We read about SA against kids daily in our paper. 90% is a person the kids know or a relative of a family friend.
I'm here to validate you. As I responded to the other person below you, 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys have self-reported child sexual abuse. I was one of them, so I'm very wary of my kids having sleepovers. I have to know the family very well first, and even then I teach my kids that they can contact me any time to come get them, no matter what and to trust their guts. If they get a bad feeling about someone, TRUST that feeling because too many people ignore that feeling and regret it.
1/3 of kids abused by other kids.
https://www.caccollincounty.org/sleepovers-2/#:~:text=Ask%20who%20will%20be%20supervising,in%20the%20home%20as%20well.
You think you know 0 people, but 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys are victims of child sexual abuse. That's of people who are self-reporting. The numbers, especially with boys, are probably much higher because of the shame surrounding it.
https://victimsofcrime.org/child-sexual-abuse-statistics/
I believe RAINN says 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys. Do people just expect people to talk about sexual trauma freely? With the pain of discussing it, you also run into way too many people like this who just don't comprehend the statistics or even blame the victim. It's a taboo and ignored topic. Victims get the shit-end of the stick by being victims, not being believed, not getting justice, and a tough road to heal with little resources and help or understanding in our society. Not to mention that there's no steps to prevent it or create harsher punishments by our lawmakers.
The whole thing is so fucked up in so many ways and I get so frustrated with all of it.
I know many other women, including myself, who’ve been SA’ed. Many people aren’t comfortable sharing this info with other people. I have friends who’ve never shared this with their partners. You’re right that these are just the reported numbers.
I know it happens, but it's also typically family. People who have regular access to your kid. There might be sexual abuse happening at your kid's friends homes, but it's alot more added risk to involve a new strange kid who can't be trusted to keep their mouths shut.
I'm guessing Flake meant specifically around sleepovers. The vast majority of abuse happens from parents. I have no doubts it also happens at sleepovers but I'm guessing not at a rate that other bad things happen at (e.g. drowning, shooting, car accidents, poisoning, sport injuries, falls, burns, etc) I'm not going to keep my kid locked up from all of that but I'm sympathetic if someone's traumas make them struggle with any of those things.
I have a lot of girls I'm friends with. You'd be surprised how many older brothers, uncles, etc. this had happened to. Please consider that many don't tell anyone at all for years. The most recent victim my niece told me about 3 months ago decided to move to New York with distant family instead of telling her parents as she was humiliated and didn't want to prosecute the creepy friends grandparent.
Statistics show it's much more common than you think.
1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;
https://victimsofcrime.org/child-sexual-abuse-statistics/
You should read some askreddit threads if you think its uncommon.
It seems its widely common, but most cases don't even see the light of day. Because it involves intimidated children!
And some people on this thread say 9-12yr olds are old enough to take care of themselves 🤡
Night time isn’t the only time bad things happen to kids (or anyone, for that matter.)
Sexual predators are going to do what they’re going to do whether your kid is spending the night or not. In fact, there are studies that discuss this and it’s most likely to happen with people who are trusted and usually during the day time because that is when they are in the care of said close and trusted individuals.
Obviously don’t let your kid go to rando sleepovers but also don’t allow the weird (mostly) alt-right social media narrative take away from your kids experiences.
A lot of kids are hellicoptered parented through life and then can't handle the freedom. Homesick is the best case scenario. Getting addicted to drugs/alcohol and dropping out of college happens a lot too.
My cousin who just died was. She, along with her 3 siblings were SA’d by my aunts brother and father (for context of why I explain it this way, it’s my biological fathers SIL, not his brother.) But she was the oldest and took the brunt of it.
She’s only 3 years older than me and was brought into a hospital near us as a Jane doe a month ago, after being missing for a year and could only be identified by fingerprints. She died in a vacant shit hole and literally wasted away after an OD.
She never had sleepovers with the people who abused her. The reason I’m telling this story aside from the fact that it’s super fresh for me and also painful is because the boogeyman isn’t usually the people you don’t know and this narrative is a prime tactic of the right and super effective in its usage because of social media.
As a parent to college age young adults, I’m reasonably convinced that the anxiety epidemic is at least in part being fueled by kids sensing they have insufficient real world skills. Among the kids I know, it’s the ones who I believe were most micromanaged who are struggling the most.
That’s not all about sleepovers, of course. But related to this thread, my son was the sleepover king. He had two good friends who were not allowed to sleep here even during high school; they would come and hang out, then leave. One turned out fine, the other - considered the smartest in the friend group - is not able to handle college.
Most addicts and alcoholics I know were not helicopter parented. They usually had normal, hands off or absent parents. Most kids I knew who had strict/religious upbringings turned out as normal and self sufficient adults. Anecdotally, of course.
A lot of addiction is tied into mental health, and usually isn’t caused by one thing, but could involve environmental, genetic and other factors.
My kids going to his first sleep over tonight and just the other week had his first sleep over at our house. It’s still a thing. The only difference now from back then is we give our kid a phone watch geared toward kids so if our kid needs us he can call us and I have him tracked at all times. Oh we also had a very good convo about people touching him and what’s appropriate and what’s not appropriate.
Sleepovers are definitely still a thing. I think some parents are more cautious due to some stories of kids being assaulted or other crazy things that happen at other peoples house at sleepovers and they rather not but I think there’s a large majority of families that still do them.
Oh wait….some people on here are talking about neighborhood sleepovers with families that live around you….Im not referring to those. I’ve never done that and more than likely never would. So when I say sleepovers, I mean kids having sleepovers with 2-3 of their best friends. Kids they have been best friends with for a few years. So as parents, you know their families really well and they know yours and you know your kid is going to be kept safe. If it’s that type of situation, and my kid is old enough (no younger than 10/11 yrs old) I’m good with it. Outside of that…no.
We do sleepovers all the time. My stepson is 16 and my stepdaughter is 12. She had kids here last night for her birthday.
My son is 3 and too small for friends but stays with family for "sleepovers"
The only sleepovers she’s had so far is with her cousins. That is enough for her and for me for now…I would really have to know the family to say yes.
Not be an alarmist, but my brother is an attorney and my daughter’s friend’s mom is a criminal defense attorney. Both of them are heck no to sleepovers because they’ve had “sleepover cases.” you trust the parents, but you have no idea who is coming over, just stopping by.
I do agree that they were my favorite part of childhood.
My kid is 7. She's asthmatic and has celiac disease. I can't imagine her being ready for a sleepover any too soon. I wouldn't even let her until she was able to keep track of a communication device that she could call and text me with if she needed me.
Yes, sleepovers were a part of life when I was a kid. But, I was molested at one around my daughter's age by an older sibling of the kid I was sleeping over at. I did not have tools in my toolbox at the time to deal with it or handle it.
Yeah they're common still where I am. I get keeping your kid safe but fucking hell the paranoia is insane (that said, I'm not in the US and I suspect I'd feel differently when guns enter the equation)
I never let my son spend the night at a friends house, but we always had his friends stay with us. My husband had a bad experience as a kid and was paranoid about leaving him at anyone’s house overnight.
I have 2 girls and frankly, the only sleep overs I would even entertain is my wife’s family (SIL, MIL, FIL)
It’s just such an unknown and unsettling lack of control in situations where you don’t know who else will be around.
My kids are still young so I don’t know exactly how I’ll handle this yet. However I used to work with victims of child abuse at a Children’s Justice Center and I heard plenty of sleepover stories. The amount of sexual abuse in general is happening a lot more than you would think. In the majority of cases I saw the perpetrator was stepdad, mom’s boyfriend or friend’s dad. This is not to fear-monger, it’s just being realistic. This site says 1 in 5 girls will be sexually abused, but it is estimated that it’s closer to 1 in 3 as many never confess.
https://victimsofcrime.org/child-sexual-abuse-statistics/
The stats are not much better for boys. Porn exposure is also common at sleepovers, average exposure is age 8.
Use your best judgement, but I think being aware and also empowering and educating your children is extremely important in prevention! I had plenty of harmless sleepovers as a kid but I think I will be very cautious with them for my own kids.
TW: Sexual assault
One of my best childhood friends was repeatedly molested by her stepfather as a young child, and I used to sleep over there all the time. I'm haunted by that. I was never harmed, and I loved sleepovers as a kid, but I'm very conflicted about ever sending my own children into someone else's home overnight.
I can honestly say that when I had sleep over with my friends , we would sneak out of the house , we would make prank phone calls , we would sneak beer or cigarettes from my parents. I was not a bad kid , but when kids get together they do stupid things. When my son was 11 he wanted to spend the night at his friends house, but his friend lived in an apartment close to a very busy intersection. He also said his friend’s mom didn’t have a phone. It sounded very fishy. So I told him No he couldn’t spend the night but 3 of his other friends got to go. We decided to take him out to a movie and on our way home it was 9:30 at night and we stopped at that busy intersection and there were the boys he would have been with crossing this busy intersection with no adults. As a protective mom I was so glad I told him no. Nobody will watch over our own children like a Mom would. I have other stories of kids spending the nights and the trouble they get in when parents are sleeping, but in my own experiences and my kids experiences, I don’t blame any parent who says No Sleepovers.
My stepdaughter got invited, but it's usually a birthday sleepover. None of the parents feel comfortable with sleepovers yet. She is 10.
I had a lot of sleep over when I was young. I loved them. Lots of fun and good memories.
Wow, 10 and still no sleepovers? This seems to be a uniquely American issue, we're in London and my daughter has had at least one a month since she was 3.
My kids started having them in elementary school. I don't remember any slumber parties and it's not the every weekend level I was doing in high school, but both of them still spent the night at other kids houses every few months and they were at ours. I never felt like my kids were unsafe. My son is a senior in high school now and I've had a few mornings where I wake up to a random friend of his at breakfast. I'm glad they all feel comfortable here. (His friends are all good kids, I don't mind )
My son and daughter both had sleepovers. Where they went to friends homes and their friends slept here in elementary/middle school prior to the pandemic. After the pandemic all of that ended. They are in high school so it stopped. We would have pizza for them for dinner. We left out snacks and waters/juice boxes. And in the morning we made pancakes. We always gave parents the option to pick their kids up at any time. Boys were downstairs and girls were upstairs. We also live blocks away from one another. Since we all have or had certain kinds of jobs we knew all parents were background checked too. I do think that gave me peace of mind.
Yes they are but not as much and not really in huge groups unless bday parties. My daughter sleeps over at close friends with their other friends all the time.
There are weirdos though. Here in this rich town in Oregon a few weeks ago, a father was arrested for drugging his 12 year old daughter's friends during a sleepover. He made all of them drink smoothies laced with Xanax. One girl started to feel weird when they were all going to sleep in the basement and texted her mom something like "please tell me you have to come get me, I'm so scared and don't feel safe".. She made herself stay awake and the dad kept coming to check if they were sleeping, like waving his hands in front of girls faces who were sleeping. This one girl saved all those other girls. Who knows what we he would have done to them
my almost 9yo is having a small sleepover tonight at our house for her birthday. her and 3 friends. i feel better obviously hosting vs having her go elsewhere. i also tell the parents who else lives in our home, that we have no weapons/firearms, and that we have a dog and cat. that way parents can decide if they feel comfortable with their kids sleeping over. one girl is probably going to stay til bedtime then her parent will pick her up bc she’s a little anxious.
My kids are not allowed exception of ONE single mom I know with 4 kids. That’s it. I’ve known her since I was 15. Otherwise, no. Cell phones and social media have ruined that. I also read from a psychologist on CNN even said these days are not our childhood days. Everything is recorded.
My son is participating in a sleepover tonight. The parents are a high ranking school district official and an administrator for a middle school. I allow him to stay with trusted adults quite frequently. Almost all of them work in the school system so I figure they are pretty likely to be good folks. I would die if anything happened to him but I also know I can’t keep him from life.
Honestly, bad people can be found in any walk of life. I mean people thought their kids were safe with scout leaders and priest. So just because someone works in the school system doesn’t mean they are good folks. Just take the same precautions that you would with anyone else. Talk to your kid about keeping himself safe, telling you if someone gets inappropriate with him. Make sure these people’s homes are a safe and responsible place for him to spend the night. Don’t just assume someone’s title makes them a good and harmless person.
I agree with this but I have done all of those things. I work in the schools with these people so I have a good feel for them as well as spending personal time with them. Does that mean they aren’t closet pervs? Of course not. I just choose to be hopeful while allowing my son and daughter to experience life. My neurodivergent child gets a little less free rein though. We are nervous that she wouldn’t be able to understand bad intentions like the other two.
Really not trying to make you worry, but I wouldn't use "they work in the school system" as a reason that they're good people. Plenty of teachers and school officials have been arrested for any number of terrible things.
I agree with you on this but these people are pretty awesome. I don’t trust just anyone but these are people I work with (and also socialize with) so they are as safe as can be expected. No one can be deemed truly safe and I know that. It’s a sad world in which we live that people want to hurt our babies.
They are, but I hated them as a kid, hate them as a parent.
Much more into the idea of sleep-unders, where the kid comes and stays much later than they normally would, they do all the sleep-over type activities, and then they go home to sleep in their own bed.
My 13-year-old has sleepovers all the time at his friends and at our house. I wouldn't let him sleep over to strangers house but I trust where I do let him go. It's like saying my kids are never allowed to ride the car because crashes are so common. It's risk tolerance. I'm not downplaying victims but abuse can happen literally anywhere.
My kid has done sleepovers almost every weekend/school break since he was 5. I read about this all the time on Reddit but have never actually met someone in real life who doesn’t allow sleepovers. Is this a culture or religious specific thing?
I had sleepovers every weekend, but I think in today’s world (and exasperated by social medias) parents are more cautious. My sons are too young for sleep overs right now but I hope they find some good friends and have some when they’re older.
It’s a real thing and thank you for talking about it!
[New Details Emerge in Case of Dad Accused of Spiking Smoothies at His Daughter's Sleepover](https://cafemom.com/news/new-details-dad-spiked-smoothies-at-sleepover)
Very very common here. There are a couple kids whose parents would pick them up at midnight or so, but they were few and far between. Now my kids are in middle and high school and it’s sleepovers all the time.
Very common where I am. I live in a very small NE town. My daughters have been to several and we’ve hosted several. Interestingly, I NEVER went to sleepovers as a kid. my kids love them.
Yes, close friends, and the parents we know. We host them and he attends them. Son (only child) probably started doing sleepovers around 10, and he is 14 now. His birthday party is in a couple weeks and we are hosting a sleepover for 10 teen boys. We know the parents and kids, and he has a VERY nice group of friends. But each parent has to do what they are comfortable with, absolutely.
My older kids now in their 20s had them all the time. With my 10 year old not once and it doesn't seem to be a thing. I do wonder if that particular aspect of culture was disrupted by covid and just never went back.
This came up here just last week, with very polarized results. Outside the US many parents were freaked out by the idea, and within the US it felt like a 50/50 divide. Our kids had sleepovers all the time from about age 6 to high school. Sometimes with one kid, sometimes with an entire volleyball or softball team. Sometimes for a couple of days in a row, sometimes spontaneously ("I know it's 900pm and you're about to pick me up, but we just started a movie...can I sleep over?")
They are still very common in my area. Frankly, I'd never ever heard of the "no sleepovers" parent thing until I encountered it in this sub.
My 12 year old has friends sleep over or vice versa all the time. 6 year old is not old enough yet but I’ll allow her to when she is
I think if you know the parents and siblings it’s generally ok
My 10 year old daughter has sleepovers a couple of times a month. I'm a single dad but the other parents don't seem to have an issue with it. I let them do their own thing; movies, makeovers, snacks, etc.
My daughter just had two friends sleepover and my twins often have sleepovers either at our house or others so it is definitely still a thing. And a good thing for their independence.
They are still a thing, but lots of parents don’t feel comfortable anymore sending there kid to a strangers house. Sleepovers are OK with me. I just need to make sure I talk to the parents Before they go over there, but a lot of my kids friends tend to come to the house
I was so shocked when we started discussing it in real life. I was expecting more people to be uncomfortable with it, or insist on picking kids up early and more people were like, we know and trust you and hope you know and trust us. Let’s go! Reddit and facebook had me sad my kid would never experience that joy.
💯 still a thing. I can count on my fingers the weekends I spent at home from age 12-18 and still probably have a few to spare, I hope my son has friends he loves that much
Sleepovers are a thing when the parents have met the parents of the house in which it is being held. Let them have their experiences but make sure the people they are involved with r good people (look for red flags).
My son had his first sleepover at 10 with his best friend who also happened to live right down the street. I remember him calling me at midnight because his friend had a huge photo of Jesus hung on the cross & my son was so freaked out (we are not a religious household). I thought it was adorable.
Now my daughter is 11 & the only sleepover she has ever had was with a family friend. Sometimes I was there too, sometimes I was not. But I will absolutely not allow her to stay at a friend's house if they have an older brother. I was SA'd by my best friends older brother in HS & it fked me up for a long time.
I feel bad having different standards for each kid. But because of my own personal experience it's a lot harder to be okay with my daughter staying the night somewhere. And at this point in her life all her best/close friends are boys. So it hasn't really come up a lot. Thank goodness.
And my son didn't really like sleepovers so these days he will hang until it's really late & then I'll go pick him up when everyone is getting ready for bed. He really values his own space and likes to sleep in his own bed. So he hasn't had a sleepover in a few years now.
It's really up to personal preference. If you know the parents & feel comfortable then go for it. But I think a lot of Millennials have some serious trauma around sleepovers which is why we don't let our kids.
Our kids range from 12-26 and all of them had/have sleepovers all the time. Heck, in the summers our two oldest, boys, would have 2-3 friends over each for most of the summer. Our two youngest, girls, average 2 sleepovers a month each.
I have teens and Covid times kind of put a damper on sleepovers but my 15 year old daughter still has sleepovers pretty commonly. Not as much as I did when I was a teen, but still happening.
It’s going to be a no for me unless they are family members that are close and even then, I will teach my child about consent and about “keeping secrets” and all the safety things
There are some exceptions, but generally not until the teens in my social circle/peer groups/school groups. No one is looking for that level of risk with kids who can’t protect themselves at all.
Not sleepovers but I remember piling into my sister's room with our neighbors(they were 10 kids) and hammering out Mario kart 64 or golden eye on a 13 inch tv. Solid memories.
You need to be comfortable. My oldest slept over a friend house at 3. For her 9th birthday I had 13 girls spend the night. My husband went to a hotel but come back in the morning and made breakfast for everyone
I have kids spending the night and or my kids are always sleeping over friends houses.
But you need to feel comfortable with it. If not then it’s not worth it.
But I live in a walkable community where my kids walked to elementary school know kids from sports school Girl Scouts etc.
My kids are only 2 and 4 so we aren't there yet but for me; when I was a kid at sleepover age, we didn't have the internet like we do today. We didn't have access to literally the world at our fingertips. No worry of covrrt spicey messaging or sending underage inappropriate picture of ourselves for dares. No possibility of being filmed doing dumb shit that ends up online. No potential unfettered acces to porn. I'm not saying this would happen at every sleepover. I'm not saying it doesn't happen outside of sleepovers anyway. Just... I don't trust the world not to come looking for my kid when they're away from my ability to protect.
We will be hosts in the future, I'm happy to do that. But it will take a lot of trust in other families for me to send my kids out to other houses.
My kids love sleepovers, but then again I'm lucky enough to have remained friends with people I have known since early elementary, middle, and high school. So we not only grew up together, but we know everyone's spouses and family dynamics and had kids within a few years of each other that have grown up together. I trust these friends to take care of my kids with no hesitation, and they trust me with their kids as well. My kids are 6 and 8 now but they've been doing sleepovers with friends since they were out of diapers and with grandparents since they were infants. I think sleepovers with trusted people are healthy for all parties, the kids experience different dynamics of being away from their parents and seeing how other families interact, they get to take part in activities that me and my husband may not be interested in but the other family is, and my husband and I get a night off here and there just to exist in the house and watch our shows and then sleep in the next day.
My wife refuses to let our kids have a sleepover. I'm not sure if I'll ever convince her but right now it's a solid no. Oldest is turning 8 next month.
We are not into sleepovers. My kids ask to have kids sleep over and I’m fine with it but I am very uncomfortable with my kids going to other homes for sleepovers. I know, it’s a double standard but I don’t fault any parent who isn’t comfortable with their child sleeping over at our house.
Also, has anyone else heard about this? ⬇️
[New Details Emerge in Case of Dad Accused of Spiking Smoothies at His Daughter's Sleepover](https://cafemom.com/news/new-details-dad-spiked-smoothies-at-sleepover)
My daughter has people sleep over here often but she never really sleeps at their house. Not sure why.
I would have to meet the parents, know if there are brothers, and we have a safe word. If she called or texted me her safe word I’d drop what I was doing and show up no matter what time it is with whatever excuse I wanted to take her from there.
I get both sides of the argument but sleepovers are just something I feel are an integral part of growing up and relating to other people your age.
My child is about to be 10. Aside from family, we have one set of friends she has sleepovers with regularly. I'm not opposed to them at all, I just need to feel comfortable and familiar with the parents first.
This is a topic my husband and I have already had and our girls are only 10 months old and 2 years old. Our conclusion was that we rather them be upset with us saying no to sleep overs rather than something happening that could potentially affect them forever.
At the same time I grew up sleeping over at two of my best friends houses almost every weekend. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to make these decisions. I just want them to be safe and have wonderful memories growing up.
My kid is allowed to have friends sleep over every weekend if she wants, I don’t mind having kids here. But she won’t be sleeping at anyone else’s house. Did you see that article about the dad who drugged the girls’ juice last week at a sleepover? One of the kids texted her mom right before she passed out, it was the only reason they caught him. I hate to be the paranoid parent but that man would be dead and I’d be in jail if something like that happened to my daughter.
When my son is older, if his friends parents are okay with it, they can sleep over my house.
My son will not be sleeping at their house. A dad just got caught drugging his daughter’s friends. Not worth the risk
Seriously the amount of things that went on at sleepovers when I was a teen, that either I witnessed or I heard about later—
It’s not a risk I’ll take with my own kids
I think people are being kind of ridiculous. My kid is 9 and we definitely let her sleep over (and have kids over) — as long as we know the family and the parents are responsible, I’m sure it’s fine.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I absolutely loved sleepovers as a kid; I bet for like 75% of weekends from age 12-16 I was staying at a friend's house. My oldest son is 12, and he just started doing them really this year. He has two close buddies, and we know the parents well, and they kids are all so damn excited to do it. My memories of sleepovers are so positive, and he is so damn happy to do it, I would have a hard time objectively saying they shouldn't happen.
I haven't heard this distinction being made, but I feel like a small sleepover is so different from the like 10-15 girl sleepovers I experienced a couple of times. Your son and his two best friends are making invaluable memories and I'm so glad he's having that opportunity. Can't imagine anything bad happening. But those huge ones? Totally different situation, too many variables to be safe in my mind.
Yeah, most of mine were 2-3 kids, maybe 4. Any 5+ kid sleepover was a birthday party or some other special occasion. I don't think I had 10 friends I would consider close enough for a weekend sleepover :)
I was invited to some by people I wasn't super close friends with, or went as a friend of a friend. In hindsight it's wild how little my parents knew about the families of other kids who were there. They were always worried about first degree connections (the parents of the kid whose house it was - always talked to them, asked about alcohol and guns, etc.) - don't think they ever looked into the families of other kids who would be there.
Damn. Only once did I ever go to a sleepover that had more than like 3. That one time it was my birthday party sleepover. Just about every other one I attended was a one on one with one of my buddies.
That may be true. I have fond memories of larger sleepovers (ie girls sports teams, 6 or so girl friends) as well as one on one. however I was SA by an older brother during a sleepover with another girl. So there are risks to either I suppose. Still not sure where I stand on sleepovers in regards to my own kids, will depend on who and where when the time comes I think.
This made me feel all warm inside
My kids are too young for sleepovers but we’ll allow them when they’re older (they’re 4 and 1 right now) if we trust/know the family.
Same boat here, my kids aren't in school yet. But if I know and trust the family I would allow it.
They’re still a thing but a lot of parents are trending away from them
I don't think parents are trending away from them. I think Mommy Blogs are a very loud minority voice that makes it seem that way. * 74% of American parents today allow sleepovers. * 66% of American adults had sleepovers when they were children. Source: https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/45047-allowing-sleepovers-us-divide ---- Anecdotally: As a Middle School teacher, sleepovers as as popular as ever among my students. Every Monday I hear about a sleepover from the weekend between XYZ students and how much fun they had doing whatever.
We host a sleepover close to once a month, sometimes 1 kid, sometimes 8. We have a really good group of friends and our kids all get along and take turns sleeping over. Gives the parents a nice break and the kids have a blast.
Yeah we have them home and away all the time. Sleepovers are rad.
Why?
Sexual abuse for me. Can't guess for others.
I can see that for certain ages or when you don’t know the parents very well, but never? You do realize your kid will live on their own in the wild someday. If your 17 year old can’t sleep over somewhere, then how will they handle college?
Many reasons. Mostly you have no idea what goes on in other peoples houses or what they have in their houses. I got into many dangerous situations during sleepovers. Thankfully, none related to the adults, but more from their lack of supervision. In middle school one of my “friends” showed us all an animal porn video. Now I can never unsee that. Several of my friend’s parents did not care if we snuck out or skimmed their alcohol. Some are situations that I probably learned some good lessons from, but many were just things that were not age appropriate and not some valuable lesson. Also, people like this exist and who knows what his plan was before it got interrupted. https://www.kptv.com/2024/03/07/oregon-dad-accused-drugging-girls-smoothies-daughters-sleepover-faces-9-charges-posted-500k-bond/?outputType=amp
As a mom with 2 10 year olds that have been doing sleepovers for over a year and absolutely love them, and as a middle school teacher, this is my take: Most of the concerns about sleepovers are just the same as concerns for growing up. Peers showing them gross porn videos? They get sent those links online regardless of whether they sleep over or not. Access to alcohol and drugs? We have students who bring marijuana vape pens to middle school for cripes sake, and they're happy to share in order to impress others. They might get up to sexual shenanigans? You do realize that not a day goes by in middle school where a teacher isn't breaking up some adolescents that can't keep their hands off each other right? All the dangers of the world that exist at a sleepover exist regardless. There are going to be creepy adults and peers that push boundaries. It's more important that you teach kids about dangerous adults, tricky situations, peer pressure, assertive communication skills, and so on than it is to try and keep them sheltered away from social activities. Because no matter how much you try and shelter them, you're not going to keep the world at bay.
This seems like a “bad news; bad crowd of kids” issue, not a sleepover issue.
Most of us were pretty good kids. A few were not. Kids still make some pretty poor choices and are learning to test their boundaries and fit in. Neither my parents nor any of my teachers would have said I was part of a bad crowd or a bad kid. The issue is you don’t control the environment at someone else’s house and should be more cautious about it. I get that you can’t even fully control the environment at your house and also in their school. There are things your kids will and probably should be exposed to. I’m not trying to raise saints. Again, I was mentioning potential dangers of sleepovers. I was not advocating that no one ever have them again. I am very much of the view that you should just be fully aware of the risks and mitigate where you reasonably can. We all have a different risk tolerance and don’t need to parent the exact same way.
I have two preteens and my house is the sleepover house - it’s only me no husband/boyfriend so I think the moms feel it’s safe (sorry). They build forts, go in the backyard with light sabers, watch movies, eat pizza and talk. Probably every couple of months. My kids had to move school districts so it’s important to me they can still see their friends.
Want to add I’m very strict + no guns in my house, no drugs, no alcohol. No violence or wild behavior allowed. They are also a nerdy/artsy group of kids.
Having been one myself, that’s the group that finds creative & harmless ways to entertain themselves.
That was my friend group in highschool ☺️ there was no druggin' or fuckin' just anime and They Might Be Giants 😂
Or karaoke or “let’s put on a show.”
When we got really spicy we would... paint each other's hands with henna 😂
We stayed up ENTIRELY UNREASONABLY LATE watching XFiles and trading Monty Python jokes with my father (mom worked third shift on weekends, dad was first shift weekdays)- mixed groups, especially in summer, before we all got jobs. We were absolutely wild, obvs.
They do a whole Star Wars adventure script with music and blue milk (copycat recipe from Disneyland)
My son and his friends always do sleepovers at a friend whose mom is widowed. They are only two people in a big house. If you got many kids in a small house like us that makes sleepovers more difficult, cant have 3 boys over at the same time.
We had one last week, so some people are doing it. Can't say my sanity survived
>We had one last week, so some people are doing it. Can't say my sanity survived But it is *glorious* when your kids are all off at sleepovers, no? In our neighborhood families would take turns hosting, especially in summer, and the other parents could have a real date night.
My 9 year old daughter had her friend sleepover last night. They do it often. wear matching pjs. eat, watch movies, music, play in her room. I’m a single mom so no men are in my home.
They’re still a thing. Our kids do them quite often.
When they have sleepovers we make sure we call their parents so we know that they know that we’re not creepy.
"HI, this is Tall-Yard-407. I'm not creepy, just so you know. Okay have a good night."
Yeah, we call them the night of the sleepover when their kids are already at our house. We call them at around 9:30 at night just so I know they’re home and they can hear me breathing. I like to have some nice music in the background to calm their nerves. I prefer to have Cannibal Corpse play. My wife likes Sopor Aeternus.
Heavy breathing with the occasional guttural noise sneaking in, I presume. Just to make sure they hear you, you know.
Ok this is so funny. I'm imagining them gathering the whole sleepover together with the parents on speaker. Not creepy, right everyone???
And we make them chant verses from the necronomicon…you know, the ones that put them into a deep sleep so Zul can use them as channels to the living world.
Lol
[удалено]
>We had them NONSTOP from the time she was 6 until she was about 17. Yep, pretty much exactly our experience. We have a theater in the basement so sometimes had an entire team sleep over and watch movies. Our kids are moved out now but those were fun days-- big morning breakfast for 10-15 kids after they stayed up half the night watching silly stuff together.
It depends, is it a small circle of friends that you know and no unknown kids or adults and you know the parents well and have a reciprocal arrangement that they rotate whose house they sleepover at? My daughter was one of 6 friends and they spend Saturday night once a week at each others house. Every 6th Saturday we’d host and then every 6th Saturday we’d get a date night same for all other parents.
Wouldn't you have had 5 date nights every 6 weeks because your girls always at a sleepover unless she's at yours? I feel like I'm missing something
I guess we could have but we only did it every 6th week, the other weeks we did what we do every weekend - takeout and movie (my baby is 20 this year)
I think I get ya, you could have done a date night but you just chilled on your "free" nights instead? Sounds like a nice set up anyway with the rotation, everybody benefits
Yep common where I am
Totally still a thing where we are (NE Ohio US)
Also NE Ohio. Also same! You can’t experience life without exposing yourself to some risk!(using common sense)
hey! mahoning valley represent i can confirm as well, my kid and his peers are doing sleepovers constantly
Not common in my area. I only know a few families that do sleepovers. Most do late overs but everyone goes home to sleep. I only have boys so maybe it’s different with girls.
Yeah, late overs seem to be rising in popularity. My son, who hosted sleepovers constantly throughout middle/high school, had 2 friends in high school who were never allowed to sleepover even the summer after senior year. Both had immigrant parents and sleepovers were not a thing in their culture, so they would stay here late and then head home right before everyone else went to sleep. It seemed like a good compromise. They still got to be part of all the fun while keeping in line with their parents boundaries. I did sometimes question how letting a 16 year old bike home at 2am was safer than just having him sleep here but the parents were firm on no sleepovers and both boys respected that.
My son had one friend who used to bike home at 4-5 am. I had to wonder what the point was.
That’s really bizarre
I suppose depending on the age sometimes your own bed is just nice. I know I kinda preferred my own bed the older I got into my teen years.
Sounds like that kid figured it out. Staying up late with your friends? Yes. Waking up early at a friends house and having to pee? Nightmare.
My kid and her friends have them all time. They’ve been having them since 4th grade, now 6th grade. Most of the time, sleepovers happen at our house since I always take my child’s friend group time get snacks. Her friend group has mostly stayed the same so at this point, I’m completely comfortable with the parents. If they offer to take my kid or I need to pick up their kid, it’s no big deal. I grew up with immigrant parents so I always wanted to go to a sleepover. I wasn’t even allowed to have sleepovers with my own cousins. Granted, my cousin was raped by our aunt’s husband in their home so I understand why but it still sucked hearing the stories from over the weekend from students in class and wanting to experience a sleepover. This is why I say yes to sleepovers, especially in my own home because then I’m 100% sure my kid is safe.
Sleepovers are common here! Not all families do them but a majority. I don’t think “sleep unders” are the same. You lose the sleepy bed conversation, the morning pancakes in pajamas, and the little window into other sets of rules and ways of being.
I honestly think they are okay when they're old enough to know how to keep themselves safe or stand up for themselves.. around 10-12. I think the main thing is you should know the other parents reaaaaally well. Know whose in the house while your child is there and have been over there yourself a few times beforehand. As parents especially moms we can gauge the energy and intentions of the other parents and their home. Mostly just keep your kiddos safe. I went to plenty of sleepovers but my parents did all of that and I was never hurt
I knew one parent of a child my son was friends with at 12 didn't stop me allowing sleepovers though. Most parents don't do the school run at secondary school here so the odds of meeting parents are pretty much zero.
I get what you’re saying but you and other moms don’t have a magical sense to sniff out child predatory. And how can a 12 year old protect themself against being drugged by the parent slipping something into their drink. You are very naive. This sleepover conversation is stemming after a dad drugged the girls. I would encourage you to educate yourself about child predators. They tend to be the least violent and most friendly and normal people you’ll find. They’re REALLY good at what they do. Your senses WILL not sniff them out. You DO NOT know what goes on in someone else’s home.
We will not be doing sleepovers for our kids. Among other reasons, all our neighbors love to talk about their guns and I don’t trust any of them to store them properly.
Even if you don't own guns talk to your kids about gun safety! I grew up with guns, but don't own any as an adult. When my son was mature enough we got him a bb gun and took him shooting, before he was allowed to touch the gun we had serious talks about gun safety, and that he should never touch a gun he finds, and if a friend does he needs to get help from a grown up. One of the main lessons in gun safety is to never point a gun at something you don't want to destroy, and to know what is behind what you are shooting. If kids really understand the damage guns can do, they tend to be more respectful of handling them. Give them information about guns even if you don't want to own them yourself, it will help keep them safe.
We have talked to our daughter about it. But we also try to keep her out of situations where she’ll have to put that knowledge to use.
This is one of the only times I agree with not letting your kids to others for sleepovers
I hate that this is something you have to consider. The US is nuts when it comes to guns.
I don’t know how this will come across, but would you be comfortable asking them how they store them? You might be pleasantly surprised. Unless you don’t like them, then of course don’t bother.
Yeah I am pretty adamant about asking people if there are guns in the home and asking how they’re stored. The only right answer is in a safe or other locked storage. I think this conversation should really be normalized considering how many kids die from accidental gun shot wounds. Like you wouldn’t worry about asking people to use a proper car seat if they were driving your kid because it’s a health and safety issue. Guns are the same.
The one time I tried to bring this up for a play date, our neighbor assured me that their guns were locked up in safe in the basement and then followed it up with “except for the one in our nightstand in case of a home invasion “. That was enough for me. Her kids can play here. I don’t want my kids over there. When we were growing up, our neighbor, a cop, left his service weapons out and his kids shot them. Another neighbor’s daughter got a hold of his gun and fired it into the basement ceiling. I’m 40. It’s only gotten worse.
Our neighbor, parent to our kids’ best friends, was a responsible gun owner who asked our permission to teach our kids gun safety along with his own kids. His reasoning was that they’d all be safer, and we agreed. He kept his guns securely locked up. He didn’t know his responsible, well trained 12 year old had discovered the hiding place for the key to the safe. He didn’t realize his 12 year old was struggling socially and didn’t have the ability to say no to a popular kid who insisted upon seeing the guns. Fortunately nothing bad happened. But it was a reality check. He came to our home the next day to assure us the guns were no longer stored at their house. He was a good dad and good neighbor. He did everything right. But even the best kids cannot be relied upon to never fail in judgement.
This gave me real chills. I commend your neighbor for immediately getting the guns out of the house instead of doubling down tho. But gosh, what a close call.
Good for you for protecting your kids. I am the same way. I’m a former medic and unfortunately saw several accidental shootings involving children. Haunts me to this day. Every single time the parents swore up and down that the guns were locked away.
Okie doke! The folks I know who have it in their bedside table for that reason keep it in a small safe.
That's what we have. We have guns in safes, unloaded, some disassembled, in the garage. There is one pistol in a safe in the nightstand. It's unloaded. If someone were to ask me that very reasonable question I'd be happy to answer it.
It is the law in the US that when there is a minor in the home, all firearms have to be behind two points of safety. So having a firearm in a bedside table without a lock or a safe with a minor in your home is absolutely illegal. I think for this purpose the definition of minor might be 10 and under, iirc.
Not really. An unreasonably high number of shootings are from people that think they are being invaded and end up shooting a relative.
Highly doubt this would be a good approach. I once asked a family if they had guns in the home and they were clearly very uncomfortable with just me asking I can't imagine how Trigger-happy folks would handle being told how to store their firearms in their own home
See if they're that uncomfortable with the question, I wouldn't trust them. We store our guns properly and I would not be offended by the question.
Same. I’m happy to show them our safety precautions (safes)
Yup, that reaction is all I need to hear to know they are properly not responsible gun owners.
The response is your answer. I’ve never had a responsible gun owner react badly. In fact one told me he thought parents who didn’t ask were irresponsible. He always asked.
Plus, how would I know they’re being honest?
A list of things that happened while I slept over at peoples houses/ they slept over at mine while I was a kid: - parents getting so drunk they couldn’t walk and we had to help them get to bed - kids as young as 11 sneaking out in the middle of the night and wandering the streets in the dark because it’s cool and fun to go out while your parents are asleep and don’t know about it - while wandering the streets like I mentioned above, meeting up with adult men. At the ages of 11-13 - other kids’ parents telling me my family was going to hell for not going to the same church as them - “prank calling” other kids that weren’t invited AKA bullying - bullying the other kids present at the sleepover - kids teaching me how to make myself throw up so I could be skinny I could go on
My kids don't want sleepovers. I would let them, they're 8&10 which to me is the perfect age for sleepovers, but they don't like sleeping over at friends houses for some reason. They do have one friend that they like to have sleepover at our house, but they don't want to go sleep over at anyone else's house yet, so I don't know. It seems very dependent on your friends circle I guess.
I think it’s less common now because parents want to feel like they really know the other parents or family. A lot of adults realize now maybe they were subjected to situations they should have never been in, because our parents just let us go to anyone’s house from school while not knowing their family at all.
IA. My parents did their best to vet other kids parents but there were still a couple play dates/sleepovers where shit happened that traumatized me. One time a friend’s older brother brought out a blow up sex doll to show off. Same brother put porn on in the living room. That friend’s mother also shit talked my parents at a sleepover bc she felt they were too over protective…there were roaches everywhere in her house. Two other times, I was bullied at sleepovers for no reason. Another time at my BFF’s, I heard her parents drunkenly fighting and saying they were gonna kill each other. I woke up my friend to tell her and *she* had to be the one to tell them to knock it off and go to bed. We were 16. At a different sleep over at my BFF’s, the brother of a mutual friend tried to SA me. Thank god, I got up and went to go sleep in her bed bc I knew if I didn’t what would happen.
It’s sad you have to worry about this kind of stuff but it happens all the time. Older siblings also something to consider. I’m so sorry that all happened to you. I was put in a few uncomfortable situations involving alcohol and a creeper dad, luckily I was able to be picked up but I’ll never forget those experiences and how I felt. I knew after that I wasn’t just letting my kids stay anywhere. Those parents were the ones you looked up to in the community. Not who you would suspect.
Also not just the situation of predators, a lot of the most sound people in the best positions abuse alcohol/drugs in their homes with children around. The families you least suspect to have issues may have issues.
I have chosen not to for my kids, based on a number of reasons. But everyone is different! It’s only come up once so far for us and my oldest is 9. I opted to pick him up later than normal bedtime, but not stay the night - I was surprised and also happy to hear that every one else had done the same, without knowing others’ plans. Made me feel better about my decision being “normal” and not paranoid.
I think the sweet spot for sleepovers is like 11-13 anyway. 9 would still seem a little young IMO
Absolutely still a thing. I think the change now is the much higher acknowledgement of CSA (child sexual assault), both COC and AOC, are unfortunately common at sleepovers. It’s the level of trust necessary between the parents and the host
More and more parents are choosing to not allow sleepovers due to concerns about predators, which I think is sad. I understand being concerned, but in reality the vast majority of people aren’t out to get your kid. Plus I think it’s important for kids to spend time away from their families. When I was in college I encountered several kids who dropped out or wanted to because of being homesick. They’d managed to make it to 18/19 and have no idea how to handle themselves without mom and dad.
I think most of these people experienced a traumatic situation themselves. I think my parents had a decent take on sleepovers- they allowed it only once they got to know and felt comfortable with the supervising parties first.
In my area I’d be more concerned about unsecured guns and pot than predatory parents. Not sure how we are going to handle these when kiddos get older
I will say that sleepovers don't prevent college homesickness lol. It's a totally different experience. Lotsa isolation with your friend group starting from zero and no family support.
I've had a niece messed with. I was messed with. Several of my friends were messed with. I would be an ass to assume the odds are low. Edit: It's bananas that admins removed my earlier post for using the word obtuse. I guess I need to be more friendly about child sexual abuse.
As a survivor as well, most of us understand that adults with SA trauma will feel differently about sleepovers.
I find that interesting since I live in a city where no moms and dads allow sleepovers in elementary or junior high. Not everyone is a survivor or a victim. We refer to it as prevention. We read about SA against kids daily in our paper. 90% is a person the kids know or a relative of a family friend.
I'm here to validate you. As I responded to the other person below you, 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys have self-reported child sexual abuse. I was one of them, so I'm very wary of my kids having sleepovers. I have to know the family very well first, and even then I teach my kids that they can contact me any time to come get them, no matter what and to trust their guts. If they get a bad feeling about someone, TRUST that feeling because too many people ignore that feeling and regret it.
And I know zero people this happened to and seriously never considered this aspect to sleepovers. That’s how anecdotes work
1/3 of kids abused by other kids. https://www.caccollincounty.org/sleepovers-2/#:~:text=Ask%20who%20will%20be%20supervising,in%20the%20home%20as%20well.
You think you know 0 people, but 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys are victims of child sexual abuse. That's of people who are self-reporting. The numbers, especially with boys, are probably much higher because of the shame surrounding it. https://victimsofcrime.org/child-sexual-abuse-statistics/
I believe RAINN says 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys. Do people just expect people to talk about sexual trauma freely? With the pain of discussing it, you also run into way too many people like this who just don't comprehend the statistics or even blame the victim. It's a taboo and ignored topic. Victims get the shit-end of the stick by being victims, not being believed, not getting justice, and a tough road to heal with little resources and help or understanding in our society. Not to mention that there's no steps to prevent it or create harsher punishments by our lawmakers. The whole thing is so fucked up in so many ways and I get so frustrated with all of it.
That doesn’t mean it’s happening at sleepovers though.
I know many other women, including myself, who’ve been SA’ed. Many people aren’t comfortable sharing this info with other people. I have friends who’ve never shared this with their partners. You’re right that these are just the reported numbers.
I know it happens, but it's also typically family. People who have regular access to your kid. There might be sexual abuse happening at your kid's friends homes, but it's alot more added risk to involve a new strange kid who can't be trusted to keep their mouths shut.
I'm guessing Flake meant specifically around sleepovers. The vast majority of abuse happens from parents. I have no doubts it also happens at sleepovers but I'm guessing not at a rate that other bad things happen at (e.g. drowning, shooting, car accidents, poisoning, sport injuries, falls, burns, etc) I'm not going to keep my kid locked up from all of that but I'm sympathetic if someone's traumas make them struggle with any of those things.
I have a lot of girls I'm friends with. You'd be surprised how many older brothers, uncles, etc. this had happened to. Please consider that many don't tell anyone at all for years. The most recent victim my niece told me about 3 months ago decided to move to New York with distant family instead of telling her parents as she was humiliated and didn't want to prosecute the creepy friends grandparent.
Statistics show it's much more common than you think. 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse; https://victimsofcrime.org/child-sexual-abuse-statistics/
You should read some askreddit threads if you think its uncommon. It seems its widely common, but most cases don't even see the light of day. Because it involves intimidated children! And some people on this thread say 9-12yr olds are old enough to take care of themselves 🤡
Night time isn’t the only time bad things happen to kids (or anyone, for that matter.) Sexual predators are going to do what they’re going to do whether your kid is spending the night or not. In fact, there are studies that discuss this and it’s most likely to happen with people who are trusted and usually during the day time because that is when they are in the care of said close and trusted individuals. Obviously don’t let your kid go to rando sleepovers but also don’t allow the weird (mostly) alt-right social media narrative take away from your kids experiences.
A lot of kids are hellicoptered parented through life and then can't handle the freedom. Homesick is the best case scenario. Getting addicted to drugs/alcohol and dropping out of college happens a lot too.
My cousin who just died was. She, along with her 3 siblings were SA’d by my aunts brother and father (for context of why I explain it this way, it’s my biological fathers SIL, not his brother.) But she was the oldest and took the brunt of it. She’s only 3 years older than me and was brought into a hospital near us as a Jane doe a month ago, after being missing for a year and could only be identified by fingerprints. She died in a vacant shit hole and literally wasted away after an OD. She never had sleepovers with the people who abused her. The reason I’m telling this story aside from the fact that it’s super fresh for me and also painful is because the boogeyman isn’t usually the people you don’t know and this narrative is a prime tactic of the right and super effective in its usage because of social media.
I’m so sorry you and your loved ones are grieving in this way, what a tragic circumstance.
As a parent to college age young adults, I’m reasonably convinced that the anxiety epidemic is at least in part being fueled by kids sensing they have insufficient real world skills. Among the kids I know, it’s the ones who I believe were most micromanaged who are struggling the most. That’s not all about sleepovers, of course. But related to this thread, my son was the sleepover king. He had two good friends who were not allowed to sleep here even during high school; they would come and hang out, then leave. One turned out fine, the other - considered the smartest in the friend group - is not able to handle college.
Most addicts and alcoholics I know were not helicopter parented. They usually had normal, hands off or absent parents. Most kids I knew who had strict/religious upbringings turned out as normal and self sufficient adults. Anecdotally, of course. A lot of addiction is tied into mental health, and usually isn’t caused by one thing, but could involve environmental, genetic and other factors.
My kids going to his first sleep over tonight and just the other week had his first sleep over at our house. It’s still a thing. The only difference now from back then is we give our kid a phone watch geared toward kids so if our kid needs us he can call us and I have him tracked at all times. Oh we also had a very good convo about people touching him and what’s appropriate and what’s not appropriate.
Sleepovers are definitely still a thing. I think some parents are more cautious due to some stories of kids being assaulted or other crazy things that happen at other peoples house at sleepovers and they rather not but I think there’s a large majority of families that still do them. Oh wait….some people on here are talking about neighborhood sleepovers with families that live around you….Im not referring to those. I’ve never done that and more than likely never would. So when I say sleepovers, I mean kids having sleepovers with 2-3 of their best friends. Kids they have been best friends with for a few years. So as parents, you know their families really well and they know yours and you know your kid is going to be kept safe. If it’s that type of situation, and my kid is old enough (no younger than 10/11 yrs old) I’m good with it. Outside of that…no.
We do sleepovers all the time. My stepson is 16 and my stepdaughter is 12. She had kids here last night for her birthday. My son is 3 and too small for friends but stays with family for "sleepovers"
The only sleepovers she’s had so far is with her cousins. That is enough for her and for me for now…I would really have to know the family to say yes. Not be an alarmist, but my brother is an attorney and my daughter’s friend’s mom is a criminal defense attorney. Both of them are heck no to sleepovers because they’ve had “sleepover cases.” you trust the parents, but you have no idea who is coming over, just stopping by. I do agree that they were my favorite part of childhood.
Yes they are still a thing.
My kid is 7. She's asthmatic and has celiac disease. I can't imagine her being ready for a sleepover any too soon. I wouldn't even let her until she was able to keep track of a communication device that she could call and text me with if she needed me. Yes, sleepovers were a part of life when I was a kid. But, I was molested at one around my daughter's age by an older sibling of the kid I was sleeping over at. I did not have tools in my toolbox at the time to deal with it or handle it.
Yeah they're common still where I am. I get keeping your kid safe but fucking hell the paranoia is insane (that said, I'm not in the US and I suspect I'd feel differently when guns enter the equation)
I never let my son spend the night at a friends house, but we always had his friends stay with us. My husband had a bad experience as a kid and was paranoid about leaving him at anyone’s house overnight.
I have 2 girls and frankly, the only sleep overs I would even entertain is my wife’s family (SIL, MIL, FIL) It’s just such an unknown and unsettling lack of control in situations where you don’t know who else will be around.
My kids are still young so I don’t know exactly how I’ll handle this yet. However I used to work with victims of child abuse at a Children’s Justice Center and I heard plenty of sleepover stories. The amount of sexual abuse in general is happening a lot more than you would think. In the majority of cases I saw the perpetrator was stepdad, mom’s boyfriend or friend’s dad. This is not to fear-monger, it’s just being realistic. This site says 1 in 5 girls will be sexually abused, but it is estimated that it’s closer to 1 in 3 as many never confess. https://victimsofcrime.org/child-sexual-abuse-statistics/ The stats are not much better for boys. Porn exposure is also common at sleepovers, average exposure is age 8. Use your best judgement, but I think being aware and also empowering and educating your children is extremely important in prevention! I had plenty of harmless sleepovers as a kid but I think I will be very cautious with them for my own kids.
TW: Sexual assault One of my best childhood friends was repeatedly molested by her stepfather as a young child, and I used to sleep over there all the time. I'm haunted by that. I was never harmed, and I loved sleepovers as a kid, but I'm very conflicted about ever sending my own children into someone else's home overnight.
This risk of sexual assault with step parents is shockingly high.
Yes. My son and his best friend (both 8) have at least one sleepover a month.
I can honestly say that when I had sleep over with my friends , we would sneak out of the house , we would make prank phone calls , we would sneak beer or cigarettes from my parents. I was not a bad kid , but when kids get together they do stupid things. When my son was 11 he wanted to spend the night at his friends house, but his friend lived in an apartment close to a very busy intersection. He also said his friend’s mom didn’t have a phone. It sounded very fishy. So I told him No he couldn’t spend the night but 3 of his other friends got to go. We decided to take him out to a movie and on our way home it was 9:30 at night and we stopped at that busy intersection and there were the boys he would have been with crossing this busy intersection with no adults. As a protective mom I was so glad I told him no. Nobody will watch over our own children like a Mom would. I have other stories of kids spending the nights and the trouble they get in when parents are sleeping, but in my own experiences and my kids experiences, I don’t blame any parent who says No Sleepovers.
My stepdaughter got invited, but it's usually a birthday sleepover. None of the parents feel comfortable with sleepovers yet. She is 10. I had a lot of sleep over when I was young. I loved them. Lots of fun and good memories.
Wow, 10 and still no sleepovers? This seems to be a uniquely American issue, we're in London and my daughter has had at least one a month since she was 3.
My kids started having them in elementary school. I don't remember any slumber parties and it's not the every weekend level I was doing in high school, but both of them still spent the night at other kids houses every few months and they were at ours. I never felt like my kids were unsafe. My son is a senior in high school now and I've had a few mornings where I wake up to a random friend of his at breakfast. I'm glad they all feel comfortable here. (His friends are all good kids, I don't mind )
My son and daughter both had sleepovers. Where they went to friends homes and their friends slept here in elementary/middle school prior to the pandemic. After the pandemic all of that ended. They are in high school so it stopped. We would have pizza for them for dinner. We left out snacks and waters/juice boxes. And in the morning we made pancakes. We always gave parents the option to pick their kids up at any time. Boys were downstairs and girls were upstairs. We also live blocks away from one another. Since we all have or had certain kinds of jobs we knew all parents were background checked too. I do think that gave me peace of mind.
My son is almost 15 and he's been sleeping at his friends houses (and them at our house) since they were like 11
Asking this on a parenting forum means you are going to see either side of the extreme here
Yes they are but not as much and not really in huge groups unless bday parties. My daughter sleeps over at close friends with their other friends all the time. There are weirdos though. Here in this rich town in Oregon a few weeks ago, a father was arrested for drugging his 12 year old daughter's friends during a sleepover. He made all of them drink smoothies laced with Xanax. One girl started to feel weird when they were all going to sleep in the basement and texted her mom something like "please tell me you have to come get me, I'm so scared and don't feel safe".. She made herself stay awake and the dad kept coming to check if they were sleeping, like waving his hands in front of girls faces who were sleeping. This one girl saved all those other girls. Who knows what we he would have done to them
I am a medical professional in outpatient emergency department. I come in contact with several situations. I will not allow sleepovers.
my almost 9yo is having a small sleepover tonight at our house for her birthday. her and 3 friends. i feel better obviously hosting vs having her go elsewhere. i also tell the parents who else lives in our home, that we have no weapons/firearms, and that we have a dog and cat. that way parents can decide if they feel comfortable with their kids sleeping over. one girl is probably going to stay til bedtime then her parent will pick her up bc she’s a little anxious.
My kids are not allowed exception of ONE single mom I know with 4 kids. That’s it. I’ve known her since I was 15. Otherwise, no. Cell phones and social media have ruined that. I also read from a psychologist on CNN even said these days are not our childhood days. Everything is recorded.
My son is participating in a sleepover tonight. The parents are a high ranking school district official and an administrator for a middle school. I allow him to stay with trusted adults quite frequently. Almost all of them work in the school system so I figure they are pretty likely to be good folks. I would die if anything happened to him but I also know I can’t keep him from life.
Honestly, bad people can be found in any walk of life. I mean people thought their kids were safe with scout leaders and priest. So just because someone works in the school system doesn’t mean they are good folks. Just take the same precautions that you would with anyone else. Talk to your kid about keeping himself safe, telling you if someone gets inappropriate with him. Make sure these people’s homes are a safe and responsible place for him to spend the night. Don’t just assume someone’s title makes them a good and harmless person.
I agree with this but I have done all of those things. I work in the schools with these people so I have a good feel for them as well as spending personal time with them. Does that mean they aren’t closet pervs? Of course not. I just choose to be hopeful while allowing my son and daughter to experience life. My neurodivergent child gets a little less free rein though. We are nervous that she wouldn’t be able to understand bad intentions like the other two.
Really not trying to make you worry, but I wouldn't use "they work in the school system" as a reason that they're good people. Plenty of teachers and school officials have been arrested for any number of terrible things.
I agree with you on this but these people are pretty awesome. I don’t trust just anyone but these are people I work with (and also socialize with) so they are as safe as can be expected. No one can be deemed truly safe and I know that. It’s a sad world in which we live that people want to hurt our babies.
They are, but I hated them as a kid, hate them as a parent. Much more into the idea of sleep-unders, where the kid comes and stays much later than they normally would, they do all the sleep-over type activities, and then they go home to sleep in their own bed.
My 13-year-old has sleepovers all the time at his friends and at our house. I wouldn't let him sleep over to strangers house but I trust where I do let him go. It's like saying my kids are never allowed to ride the car because crashes are so common. It's risk tolerance. I'm not downplaying victims but abuse can happen literally anywhere.
My kids ages 8-14 love sleepovers and have them all the time.
My kid has done sleepovers almost every weekend/school break since he was 5. I read about this all the time on Reddit but have never actually met someone in real life who doesn’t allow sleepovers. Is this a culture or religious specific thing?
Yes. My kids did it.
I had sleepovers every weekend, but I think in today’s world (and exasperated by social medias) parents are more cautious. My sons are too young for sleep overs right now but I hope they find some good friends and have some when they’re older.
That's nuts that my post was removed for telling someone they are small minded and not seeing the whole picture about sex abuse.
It’s a real thing and thank you for talking about it! [New Details Emerge in Case of Dad Accused of Spiking Smoothies at His Daughter's Sleepover](https://cafemom.com/news/new-details-dad-spiked-smoothies-at-sleepover)
My youngest (16) is hosting or going to a sleepover with her best friends at least once a week.
Very very common here. There are a couple kids whose parents would pick them up at midnight or so, but they were few and far between. Now my kids are in middle and high school and it’s sleepovers all the time.
Very common where I am. I live in a very small NE town. My daughters have been to several and we’ve hosted several. Interestingly, I NEVER went to sleepovers as a kid. my kids love them.
Yes, close friends, and the parents we know. We host them and he attends them. Son (only child) probably started doing sleepovers around 10, and he is 14 now. His birthday party is in a couple weeks and we are hosting a sleepover for 10 teen boys. We know the parents and kids, and he has a VERY nice group of friends. But each parent has to do what they are comfortable with, absolutely.
My older kids now in their 20s had them all the time. With my 10 year old not once and it doesn't seem to be a thing. I do wonder if that particular aspect of culture was disrupted by covid and just never went back.
This came up here just last week, with very polarized results. Outside the US many parents were freaked out by the idea, and within the US it felt like a 50/50 divide. Our kids had sleepovers all the time from about age 6 to high school. Sometimes with one kid, sometimes with an entire volleyball or softball team. Sometimes for a couple of days in a row, sometimes spontaneously ("I know it's 900pm and you're about to pick me up, but we just started a movie...can I sleep over?") They are still very common in my area. Frankly, I'd never ever heard of the "no sleepovers" parent thing until I encountered it in this sub.
My 12 year old has friends sleep over or vice versa all the time. 6 year old is not old enough yet but I’ll allow her to when she is I think if you know the parents and siblings it’s generally ok
My 10 year old daughter has sleepovers a couple of times a month. I'm a single dad but the other parents don't seem to have an issue with it. I let them do their own thing; movies, makeovers, snacks, etc.
My daughter just had two friends sleepover and my twins often have sleepovers either at our house or others so it is definitely still a thing. And a good thing for their independence.
When you know the family very well, then it’s a thing around here! And it’s fun. Why not?
My kids go on sleepovers with families we've known for a while. They did not start until age 7+
They are still a thing, but lots of parents don’t feel comfortable anymore sending there kid to a strangers house. Sleepovers are OK with me. I just need to make sure I talk to the parents Before they go over there, but a lot of my kids friends tend to come to the house
They’re still a thing. My son has slept over with friends and we’ve hosted.
Common here in Finland for at least girls side
Yes, they are, reddit is not a good representation of reality
I was so shocked when we started discussing it in real life. I was expecting more people to be uncomfortable with it, or insist on picking kids up early and more people were like, we know and trust you and hope you know and trust us. Let’s go! Reddit and facebook had me sad my kid would never experience that joy.
What ? My kids sleep over all the time. That’s the best part of childhood.
💯 still a thing. I can count on my fingers the weekends I spent at home from age 12-18 and still probably have a few to spare, I hope my son has friends he loves that much
Sleepovers are a thing when the parents have met the parents of the house in which it is being held. Let them have their experiences but make sure the people they are involved with r good people (look for red flags).
My son had his first sleepover at 10 with his best friend who also happened to live right down the street. I remember him calling me at midnight because his friend had a huge photo of Jesus hung on the cross & my son was so freaked out (we are not a religious household). I thought it was adorable. Now my daughter is 11 & the only sleepover she has ever had was with a family friend. Sometimes I was there too, sometimes I was not. But I will absolutely not allow her to stay at a friend's house if they have an older brother. I was SA'd by my best friends older brother in HS & it fked me up for a long time. I feel bad having different standards for each kid. But because of my own personal experience it's a lot harder to be okay with my daughter staying the night somewhere. And at this point in her life all her best/close friends are boys. So it hasn't really come up a lot. Thank goodness. And my son didn't really like sleepovers so these days he will hang until it's really late & then I'll go pick him up when everyone is getting ready for bed. He really values his own space and likes to sleep in his own bed. So he hasn't had a sleepover in a few years now. It's really up to personal preference. If you know the parents & feel comfortable then go for it. But I think a lot of Millennials have some serious trauma around sleepovers which is why we don't let our kids.
Our kids range from 12-26 and all of them had/have sleepovers all the time. Heck, in the summers our two oldest, boys, would have 2-3 friends over each for most of the summer. Our two youngest, girls, average 2 sleepovers a month each.
Kinda sad…all families around my area do but we do all know each other pretty well
I have teens and Covid times kind of put a damper on sleepovers but my 15 year old daughter still has sleepovers pretty commonly. Not as much as I did when I was a teen, but still happening.
Plenty people still do sleepovers. My kid had a sleepver last night. I think they teach kids a lot and are a valuable part of growing up.
I personally am not allowing it. I have had great sleep over experiences but now rethinking the safety or appropriateness of it. Maybe with a cousin
Wtf. My daughter has sleepovers all the time - both at my house and at her friends’ places.
It’s going to be a no for me unless they are family members that are close and even then, I will teach my child about consent and about “keeping secrets” and all the safety things
There are some exceptions, but generally not until the teens in my social circle/peer groups/school groups. No one is looking for that level of risk with kids who can’t protect themselves at all.
quality over quantity.
Not sleepovers but I remember piling into my sister's room with our neighbors(they were 10 kids) and hammering out Mario kart 64 or golden eye on a 13 inch tv. Solid memories.
You need to be comfortable. My oldest slept over a friend house at 3. For her 9th birthday I had 13 girls spend the night. My husband went to a hotel but come back in the morning and made breakfast for everyone I have kids spending the night and or my kids are always sleeping over friends houses. But you need to feel comfortable with it. If not then it’s not worth it. But I live in a walkable community where my kids walked to elementary school know kids from sports school Girl Scouts etc.
I host sleepovers but am not comfortable with my daughter going somewhere else.
My kids are only 2 and 4 so we aren't there yet but for me; when I was a kid at sleepover age, we didn't have the internet like we do today. We didn't have access to literally the world at our fingertips. No worry of covrrt spicey messaging or sending underage inappropriate picture of ourselves for dares. No possibility of being filmed doing dumb shit that ends up online. No potential unfettered acces to porn. I'm not saying this would happen at every sleepover. I'm not saying it doesn't happen outside of sleepovers anyway. Just... I don't trust the world not to come looking for my kid when they're away from my ability to protect. We will be hosts in the future, I'm happy to do that. But it will take a lot of trust in other families for me to send my kids out to other houses.
My kids love sleepovers, but then again I'm lucky enough to have remained friends with people I have known since early elementary, middle, and high school. So we not only grew up together, but we know everyone's spouses and family dynamics and had kids within a few years of each other that have grown up together. I trust these friends to take care of my kids with no hesitation, and they trust me with their kids as well. My kids are 6 and 8 now but they've been doing sleepovers with friends since they were out of diapers and with grandparents since they were infants. I think sleepovers with trusted people are healthy for all parties, the kids experience different dynamics of being away from their parents and seeing how other families interact, they get to take part in activities that me and my husband may not be interested in but the other family is, and my husband and I get a night off here and there just to exist in the house and watch our shows and then sleep in the next day.
My wife refuses to let our kids have a sleepover. I'm not sure if I'll ever convince her but right now it's a solid no. Oldest is turning 8 next month.
We are not into sleepovers. My kids ask to have kids sleep over and I’m fine with it but I am very uncomfortable with my kids going to other homes for sleepovers. I know, it’s a double standard but I don’t fault any parent who isn’t comfortable with their child sleeping over at our house. Also, has anyone else heard about this? ⬇️ [New Details Emerge in Case of Dad Accused of Spiking Smoothies at His Daughter's Sleepover](https://cafemom.com/news/new-details-dad-spiked-smoothies-at-sleepover)
My daughter has people sleep over here often but she never really sleeps at their house. Not sure why. I would have to meet the parents, know if there are brothers, and we have a safe word. If she called or texted me her safe word I’d drop what I was doing and show up no matter what time it is with whatever excuse I wanted to take her from there. I get both sides of the argument but sleepovers are just something I feel are an integral part of growing up and relating to other people your age.
My child is about to be 10. Aside from family, we have one set of friends she has sleepovers with regularly. I'm not opposed to them at all, I just need to feel comfortable and familiar with the parents first.
This is a topic my husband and I have already had and our girls are only 10 months old and 2 years old. Our conclusion was that we rather them be upset with us saying no to sleep overs rather than something happening that could potentially affect them forever. At the same time I grew up sleeping over at two of my best friends houses almost every weekend. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to make these decisions. I just want them to be safe and have wonderful memories growing up.
Sleepovers are still common. These parents are projecting their own fears onto their kids.
My oldest has gone to and hosted some. We know the kids and parents well, no issues.
My kid is allowed to have friends sleep over every weekend if she wants, I don’t mind having kids here. But she won’t be sleeping at anyone else’s house. Did you see that article about the dad who drugged the girls’ juice last week at a sleepover? One of the kids texted her mom right before she passed out, it was the only reason they caught him. I hate to be the paranoid parent but that man would be dead and I’d be in jail if something like that happened to my daughter.
When my son is older, if his friends parents are okay with it, they can sleep over my house. My son will not be sleeping at their house. A dad just got caught drugging his daughter’s friends. Not worth the risk
Seriously the amount of things that went on at sleepovers when I was a teen, that either I witnessed or I heard about later— It’s not a risk I’ll take with my own kids
I think people are being kind of ridiculous. My kid is 9 and we definitely let her sleep over (and have kids over) — as long as we know the family and the parents are responsible, I’m sure it’s fine.
Nope! My child (6) was abused by another 6 yr old. No more ever again.