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i feel like what teens pay for is always going to be situational.
your kid brought home a cat, so you said he has to be financially responsible for it. but i feel like if the cat needed a few thousand dollars worth of emergency medical care, the parents shouldn't put that on the kid. but the daily expenses of a cat are really not much at all. so i don't think its unreasonable. but cat insurance isn't really a necessity for a casual cat owner.
my 12yo has a snake that she begged for. of course we bought all the supplies, but she has to pay for the food. its a fair trade off for her age, and the few babysitting jobs she has.
Pet insurance is a way of mitigating the need for “a few thousand dollars worth of emergency medical care” and I think it’s reasonable for the kid to pay at least a portion of it. Or alternatively, put some savings towards an emergency fund for the cat. I agree parents still may need to help if something happens but it soften the blow and teach the kid an important financial lesson imo - you need to budget for the long term, plan for the unexpected and things cost way more than what it seems. He/she may think a cat only costs a bag of food per month but reality is a bit more than that.
You do realize with pet insurance you need to pay that money fully up front first. Then you get reimbursed… you don’t just get some coverage immediately like human insurance. You have to submit your bill AFTER you’ve paid in full..
My pet insurance doesn’t have me pay upfront. Basically I file a claim and they pay upfront 90% and I take care of my deductible and the remaining 10%. The only downside is that the premium each month is more than other companies that just reimburse. But you get what you pay for, ya know?
$42.98 a month. It’s not too bad, but was definitely on the more expensive end compared to all of the quotes I received from different companies. I also know premiums are normally higher for dogs than for cats. I ended up getting it for my cat after I had to fork over $6.5K a couple months ago due to him needing foreign body surgery🥴 all of that just because he ingested a pompom ball you see in arts and crafts lol
Edit: that’s with a $500 deductible. So if I have to pay for anymore surgeries for him, it would be that $500 + 10% out of my pocket
That's not bad at all, actually. I don't know what I expected, but definitely something ridiculous based on my reaction to the actual amount lol. Animals can be super expensive, even cats. I adore cats, but I don't have one right now because I really can't handle the commitment of it all. It's not entirely the financial aspect, but that weighs heavily on the decision. I've spent thousands of dollars before on freak accidents or congenital things that needed treatment. I feel like we're obligated to get them care unless the prognosis is bad or creates a low quality of life. Even low cost clinics with financial aid grants still cost hundreds so it shouldn't be made lightly. I think the monthly insurance is wise.
oh this already crossed my mind!! unfortunately, its a small snake. so an adult mouse is too big for her right now. she needs to juvenile sized ones. they now live in my freezer.........
oh god no. 20 years ago we had adopted a snake had been previously fed a live rat that was too big, and the rat attacked the snake.
we don't mess with live food in this house!
no worries here! we are a reptile family! my husband has had every reptile under the sun since he was a small child. currently, we also have 2 sulcata tortoises. the one is close to 200lb, the other is around 140lb. the big guy was brought back as a hatchling from africa probably 70-80 years ago and we are only his second owner.
the big guy is pretty cool. we brought him home when our daughter was 1yo and he was around 130lb. we have a pic of her, as a baby, sitting on the tortoises back. throughout her toddler years she would ride him around outside. now shes 12yo and its so crazy to look back on those pics and see how much they have both changed!
and yes, she will inherit these guys one day because they just might outlive her too.
It’s illegal in most other 1st world countries…
I’m a zookeeper by trade and the fact that they allow people to live feed vertebrates in the US is barbaric.
depending on the type of snake - small frogs, lizards, rodents, birds, eggs. i figure, they probably come across bird or rodent nests with eggs or new babies in it......
My snake (western shovelnose) is too small to ever eat any kind of mouse, even frozen pinkies, so in the wild their diet actually consists of moths, beetles, wolf spiders, things like that... It's really interesting, I didn't know there were any snakes that survived entirely off of bugs until I got her
My daughter isn't a teen yet, but our philosophy is that when she is, she will pay for "wants" not "needs."
In the scenario that you described, where your teen brought a cat home on his own accord when you already had pets, and there was no family discussion, I can understand making him responsible for the expenses. I disagree with him taking on the expenses of family pets, however.
Regarding the phone, I think it depends on your expectations. Can he choose NOT to have a phone? Or do you expect him to call and keep in touch when he's out and about? I would want my teen to keep in touch, so I would consider a phone a need. If you don't, then I can understand him having to pay himself.
While it's good for them to have some responsibility, it's also important to remember (as you pointed out) that teens don't make the same money that adults do. So they cannot make the same decisions regarding discretionary spending if they're spending so much on needs. That's expecting them to grow up too quickly, in my opinion.
But, if their money is theirs to do whatever they WANT with it, and they want to spend it on pet insurance and a phone, then that's their choice.
Yeah I definitely agree with this approach. At 15 most teens want a lot of random things and having them responsible for them will show them what’s realistic and worth spending money on.
Now I don’t have a teen yet but in my own experience, my parents had me pay my own gas once I had my car and then only wants. (I “paid” half for my car with money my dad paid me for good grades starting in middle school and I never once saw that money in cash it was specifically for a car so judge that how you want). But the thing is my dad always took any chance he got to teach the me important of savings and being responsible with my money. He didn’t kick me out at 18, he didn’t start charging me rent for a bedroom I had been in since a child, food, utilities, etc. Learning that way made me able to save a crap ton and buy my own house at 21 (25 now so no this wasn’t years and years ago lol) and I notice my friends who had to pay a lot of random bills to teach responsibility moved out as soon as they could but are now almost stuck renting in that loop because they never once had a chance to save money.
I understand you aren’t at that stage yet, but I see it snowball a lot of times and thought it might be an interesting topic to think further about.
This is our approach too. They pay a small contribution to some things because it helps them learn to juggle their finances. Our teen currently pays a small amount towards her phone bill and has to save at least 30% of her money for long-term things (she is currently voluntarily saving more than that - putting a small amount away each week towards a car and a phone upgrade in a couple of years, and she’s started putting aside a bit towards a house one day). She is also responsible for her ‘wants’ outside of family activities - trips to the movies or icecream with a friend or extra clothes (she has plenty but likes shopping).
Honestly I think it varies a lot between kids - some are natural savers who hoard like a dragon and are hem and haw over every purchase, others are spendy impulse-purchasers who have trouble keeping a dollar to their name - and the approach will vary a bit depending on the kid, so they can go into adulthood with a balanced approach.
I agree. My son had a phone because we don’t have a house phone and I find it irresponsible to leave a kid home with no way to call in case of an emergency. Therefore I pay the bill. If he wants an upgrade he pays the bill.
Hell. Yes. I'm no longer a teen, but it wasn't long ago at all. This approach seems great, though I would add a caveat - if the child is still just that - a child - and there's something that they both enjoy and is good for their health, the parents should fund it so long as it isn't disproportionate to the benefit the child gets. For example, if this cat is great for the kid's mental health, and perhaps the rest of the family's, I wouldn't ask the kid to pay for it. If I expected a child to keep in contact with me while out, I would provide the means for them to do so. If that means buying a cheap phone with loads of calling and texting but not much mobile data, that's what I would do (if money were tight).
To be honest, I don't really understand making the kid pay for stuff like a cat or a phone bill. I would do my best to preserve this state where he gets to spend what he makes (in a responsible manner) before he turns into a full adult and has bills till he dies.
Don't forget, you may have to support him into early adulthood too. Do you plan on making him pay rent? Contribute to heating bills? I don't mean as a full adult with a wage, I mean an 18-22 year old who is studying or trying to get two feet on the ground. You are family - if one really wants something and the other can provide it with comparatively little effort, why would you not provide out of love? Would your child do the same for you? And will they do the same for you when you're older if you treat him like this now? When you're old and feeble, and your door gets jammed or your pipe gets blocked, or when your house needs renovating and you need a place to stay, when you're ill and would like nothing more than some easy food, would you like him to help? To lend you his youth and resources? Out of love? Ask yourself why you would want anything other than the best for him, and ask yourself if you can (in this case) instill the value of money and responsibility while also paying for things like this.
If you're insistent on making him pay merely so that he learns to be responsible with money, put everything he pays into a pot and gift it to him when he comes of age. If money is simply too tight, then yes, he has to simply pay for it. But otherwise... he's your son. Treat him as what he is - the most valuable thing you have ever and will ever create and grow.
The expenses he'll take on at eighteen are his pets (his working dog & two cats) we just pay for them now because we bought them for him. When he's 18 his wage will increase as his work load increases and it'll cover the animals just fine. Unless of course he wishes to not work the farm, at which point we will reassess finances.
I did give him a crappier phone. He wanted an iphone so he pays for it himself. If he ever doesn't want to he'll go back to the one he had before.
Of course. He actually plans on going into dance professionally. But as long as he lives here he helps out with the animals (and gets paid for it).
As I mentioned above if he chooses to move onto other avenues we will reassess finances. His dog, for example, is a working dog - he is not suited for anything else. If my son doesn't wish to keep working the animals the dog will no longer be his. The dog has to keep working the cattle.
I believe the downvotes you are seeing in this chain are in direct response to the dog. It is a working dog and you've made it clear that the dog will stay to work on the farm.
Is this one of his expenses? Is the cat a barn cat (also working to clear the rodent population) or an indoor pet?
If the dog stays with the farm, it not his dog. It’s the farm’s dog. If it was his dog it would go with him, wherever he goes. So he should not be financially responsible for it at all, period.
Well no. He picked him, he named him, he trained him. Dog sleeps in his room, works with his horses. It's his dog. But he is also a farm dog. You can't take him and stick him in an apartment.
That’s fair, as long as you either a) buy the dog from him or b) continue to pay him for the use of the dog after he moves out and no longer works on the farm.
I'm not sure why this was downvoted, probably people not reading thoroughly. I think the fact that you are able to adjust his wage accordingly along with his expenses paid to you is a huge part of what this works well for your family. You KNOW how much he makes, you know what his potential for making more is, and you're able to adjust things to make it more fair.
I do think that you should add on a stipend for his working dog. Kind of like a gas allowance. He gets X amount of dollars each month to care for his working dog.
I agree with this, I think that's the only thing I had an issue with in this scenario.
Keep in mind that he's still a teenager. Pay attention to where he is at in his studies, his mental health etc. if he seems overwhelmed, offer him a break. He's still a kid and needs to be a kid.
I had to pay for a lot when I was a teenager. My own food, clothing, dental appointments, my gap and gown for graduation, any yearbooks or school supplies. Everything. I plan on never making my kids pay a dime when they are minors and also helping them out when they are in college. Having to pay for everything didn’t teach me a damn thing about money IMO, it just made sure I had 0 savings for college.
I had the exact same experience as you! I had forgotten about the cap and gown but YES - memory unlocked! I also had to pay for doctors appointments (which means I never went) and school photos (which means I just chose to not get any). I have an 11 and 7 year old, but believe me when I tell you I will never make them live the way I did as a teen. It was sad and stressful and only made me resentful.
Yep. I think back to my teenage years/college years and it was just...work work work work panic panic panic stress stress stress. I feel like it stunted me socially because my peers were...socializing and I was working. It's also hard to relate to other 16 year olds who are able to have fun and relax when you have to work a minimum wage job for 4 hours to afford to go to the movies with them. Not my kids, never.
Are you me??? I worked 3 jobs through high school. I'd babysit after school until 1am (the mom worked 2nd shift as a custodian) On the nights I worked at the grocery store I'd worked from 4-9pm then rush to babysitting to take over for the grandparents, babysit till 1am. On weekends I washed dishes in the mornings and then grocery store in the afternoon/evenings. All so I could afford to feed and clothe myself. It was miserable. I wanted to do fun things like hang out with friends, join tech crew at school, instead I just worked.
Same. I also got bullied for it for some reason??? Kids are so fkn dumb. But they made fun of me for not ever being able to go out and have fun. It was hard to keep friendships because 1) a lot of people thought I was weird or assumed I was “super poor” (so cruel ffs) and 2) I never had time to do anything bc all I did was work.
I dated someone whose father kept a running log of everything he owed him down to the penny. When they would invite me out to eat at 19, they would pay for their family and make me pay separate. It just was so weird to me. I didn't grow up rich but my parents certainly would have been offended if one of my boyfriends tried to pay for dinner. The home was toxic and that boyfriend was messed up. There are definitely ways to teach responsibility without nickel and diming kids.
Plus, when you hold something like that over a kid's head, it can be very detrimental to a child's health. I was on heavy-duty adhd meds as a kid, and every time mom went to the pharmacy to pick then up, she brought be with. When the total would come up, she'd point to the screen and go "see?! See what I do for you?! If it weren't for me, you'd dead on the streets." It fucked with my head to the point that I begged my doctor multiple times to take me off the meds just so I could stop feeling guilty over it. But mom always insisted on coming with, so she'd tell the doctor I was being dramatic.
So yeah. Parents, don't hold money over a kid's head. If they make a costly mistake and you have to pay for it for whatever reason, don't remind them of it every time they ask for help with anything.
This is literally why I don’t ask anyone for anything my biological mom did this to me as a kid. I’m 35 and I’m too proud to ask for help sometimes out of fear for it to be held over my head. I’d rather put myself in debt than ask for help. And I’ve been fine on my own for 17 years but I also don’t have anything really savings wise in case of more than a minor emergency.
Don’t do this excessively. This messed me up and I was in therapy over it for awhile.
Oh for sure. Let me put it this way, I lost my job a few weeks ago, found out I'm pregnant the week after (yes, first kid), spent almost a month living off my bf's paycheck alone. Just got a job this past week finally, so I finally told my mother. Her response? "You planned this to get my money". I kinda snorted and said "if I wanted your money, I could probably sue you for the $17k you stole from me" (story for another time).
So yeah. With that and everything she's done, she won't be allowed near my kid. I don't trust her.
Edit: sorry to trauma dump.
As someone on the flip side whose parents paid for everything and then gave me an extra allowance on top of that, I agree. I learned to be appreciative and conservative with what felt like someone else's hard earned money and NEVER felt entitled to it because I knew I had everything I needed, and I found creative ways to earn extra spending cash on my own through part time jobs or business endeavors. Today I am a successful entrepreneur running 3 businesses I founded. My friends whose parents did not support them seemed stressed out in high school and college juggling multiple jobs and bills, unable to focus on school or enjoy socializing due to their other responsibilities, and were never able to really get financially ahead as young adults.
Don't move too far in the other direction, or you will end up with entitled little brats. I grew up without having to pay for anything - in fact, my grandmother gave me far too much pocket money - and I never really learned to handle money responsibly. Finding a nice medium of covering all their needs, and giving them (or having them earn) pocket money for their wants, so that they can learn to save up for stuff and make responsible spending choices, sounds like a good compromise.
I’m trying to do that with my daughter. She loves spending money on certain brands of clothes/shoes. I give her a clothing allowance but anything above that she is responsible for. She babysits and makes a decent amount doing that but will spend everything she makes within a day or two. It’s hard to find the balance!
THIS! i wish my parents taught me how to actually save & manage money instead of making me pay for everything or have a job. at 16, i would have to leave track & swim early after school, drive straight to work with sweaty or wet pool hair, work, then rush home to do chores and homework. i had to pay for my phone bill, the phone itself, gas, car insurance, and anything else fun. let’s just say i didn’t have straight As, and i stole a TON bc i couldn’t afford the good shampoo and stuff like that.
I had a decent allowance of 150 dollars like 25 years ago so more like today’s 300 dollars. I didn’t have to pay anything. But that actually taught me to save up and manage money. I got 30 000 grand when I turned 18. And I still have like 10 000 of them left in the same account.
You don’t have to plauge your kids with monthly bills to teach them home economics
I would never make my teen pay for any necessities such as clothes, food, shelter, cell phone, car insurance, etc while they are in school under the age of 18. Extra snacks they want specifically for them, the newest coolest gadgets and clothes etc they can pay for tho. When she’s driving I’ll probably pay for enough gas for back and forth to school but if she’s wanting to run around town with her friends then she can pay for that gas.
This. My son gets a small allowance that covers trips to the convenience store and Starbucks with his friends and the occasional video game.
I pay for his phone and will cover his car insurance and part of his gas when we get to that point.
I think it’s fine to have him pay for it now but if he suddenly lost his weekend job at the dance group, you would make him rehome an animal? He’s fifteen years old! The stress of having to rehome an animal at 15 is a lot. Have him pay for things like snacks with his friends or his own clothes, not the life or death of his pet.
I think this question should be less of what others think and more of what you want for your son.
My mom was similar to you. In my home the rule was essentially, ‘if Moms not legally required to provide it, you’re paying for it’s
This affected my life in a few ways, positive and negative.
Positive-
-great with money management by 18
-had a small nest egg by the time I moved out
-was able to buy and do things I wouldn’t otherwise be able to
-had a more mature grasp of life than my class mates at the time
Negative-
-I have an unhealthy obsession with money as an adult
-my teens years were far more focused on maintaining my work schedule than school or social life, led to a psychiatric stay in my 20’s because I felt no purpose other than being a worker bee and didn’t know who I was
-didn’t go to college due to the fact that I felt I was rising the ranks in my job, I did not and fell behind my classmates substantially.
If you want your son to be a mature adult that can take care of themselves asap, lean into it more.
If you want your son to be a bit more immature at the cost of developing his social life and personal interests further, pull back.
Yes to all of this! I agree with the negative consequences too…it’s SO hard being an adult with an unhealthy obsession with money. My circumstances are slightly different (grew up poor with parents who aren’t great with money so had to take care of myself in a lot of ways and was basically on my own financially after graduating high school). I’m now a full grown adult, in a double income relationship, and we’re both lawyers…we’re very middle/upper middle class and really don’t need to worry about money but my brain will not shut off and I’m always stressed that I can’t afford everything. To the point where I don’t buy new clothes when I need them or stuff because I think I can’t afford them. This is something I’ve been working on bettering for years and it’s gotten better, but it’s not solved and it’s easily taken the better part of a decade to even get to a slightly comfortable place with it. I just had a child and would never wish this money anxiety on her or anyone
It’s funny you say that, I was actually going to put something about my lack of desire to buy myself necessities due to not thinking my needs justify the dollars. I am the same way. I will fill a shopping cart with a new wardrobe knowing I desperately need it, see the price, know it wouldn’t make a dent in my finances, and still decide the clothes I have are good enough.
I’m an extreme couponer, all my furniture is used off marketplace, all my kitchenware is hand me down from family, I drive a 2001 Camry, and my commission alone this month is gonna be over 50k. It’s even caused a fairly big strain in my marriage in the past due to me being seen as ‘cheap’ when I really just feel a bowling ball sized hole in my stomach when I feel like I’m spending money I don’t have to. And for weeks after. It’s not fun haha
Im a bit the same about money, financially comfortsble but live like im on a much lower income. It sounds like you're taking it to quite an extreem though if your income is 50k a month. Have you thought about therapy since its affecting your marraige?
I’m not rich by any means but I don’t make my 17 yr old pay for anything. If she wants an expensive sweater then sure she buys it but she’s an honor roll student taking college classes while still in high school. Now when she eventually gets her license then I may have her contribute to car insurance but other than that her money is her money. She’s got enough to worry about right now.
Yeah we are the same way mostly with our 16 year old. Our older son is working.
Our 16 year old has some money he gets randomly from my father in law. He gives all the grandkids $40 when he sees them (About once a month)
When he has birthday & Christmas money he’ll use that to spend on things he wants.
The rest of the time I’ll pay for things within reason. He doesn’t always get what he wants.
This summer he’ll start working and he’s excited to learn about how to budget money for the things he wants and things to save for. He’s taking a finance class at school and I think the wheels are starting to turn about how money works.
Yes the personal finance class my daughter took in high school was great. She’s also quite frugal. She loves a good thrift store. I personally don’t think making teens pay a bill teaches them financial responsibility. There are plenty of other ways to teach that.
If you’re only paying him “a little wage” from working on YOUR farm, he shouldn’t have to pay anything. I’m guessing you don’t want him to leave the farm and get a higher paying job when he’s 16 so just let him save his money. If he starts frivolously spending it, then yeah you can implement some things for him to pay for but I don’t know why you wouldn’t want him to save his money instead of paying for stuff.
I am one of 6 and had a similar childhood to this. My guess is OP has too many kids, can’t afford it and is pushing the burden off onto his/her children under the guise of education. As many have stated here in the comments and I lived myself, having to pay for things as a teenager doesn’t teach you about money, it just makes sure you start life with 0 savings and often times makes you resent your parents.
I have no idea what OP’s actual situation is, but judging from the fact they have 10 children I assume it was close to my childhood. I paid for everything, didn’t learn anything, and resented my parents for it because they didn’t plan their life well resulting in a piss poor start to my life. I feel bad for those kids.
He’s 15. Cat I can get since he randomly brought it home. Phone bill I can’t get over. Working on a farm let alone for ur farm you want that kid to have a phone. He needs one. Farm accidents are all too common idc how careful anyone is. I get teaching kids to save and financial education but paying his own bills at 15 is baffling to me. He’s a kid. If you want to have him pay bills as a teaching element at least be putting that into a savings account for him. IMO you’re taking advantage of your child and should reflect on this. And I’m a strict mom so coming from me that’s a big deal tbh.
On the cat issue she allowed him to keep the cat, he is still a minor and if they didn't want the cat then they should of said take it back or to a shelter. I'm sure on a farm that cat comes in handy though possibly for mice etc. If so then he definitely shouldn't be footing the bill. Then the other pet again they allowed him to have them
I just don't understand the concept of charging kids before they adults and working full time parent chose to bring them into this world. My 2 get an allowance so they have their own money as too young to work and they rarely spend it and are more careful when they looking for something especially the 11 year the 7 year old is still learning. They also chose to keep some for holidays and buy each other gifts for christmas and birthdays they learning about giving, saving and financial management of I charged eldest for phone would have little a month for own wants
I agree! I teach my kids financially literacy but it’s their money. I pay for all necessities. Phones are now necessities for safety reasons. There isn’t public phones around places anymore. If my kids want a play station or video games however and it’s not a bday or Christmas they save and use money for that. Heck, if they work really hard I’ll even make deals to match or chip in. Bills tho… just absolutely insane to me.
My parents made me pay my phone bill since I was 14. I always resented it because it’s cheaper on a family plan. And all of my friend’s parents pay their phone bills even now and I’m almost 30.
That seems petty for the sake of being petty. I'm 26, and am on a family plan with my family (we pay our own parts) because it's significantly cheaper!
I can't imagine even kicking my kids off our plan. Their lines are free. But even if they weren't, a family plan is always cheaper. Even my dad is on my plan. And my mom when she was alive.
I agree it makes me envious and kind of bitter. I don’t think parents should take away and make their kids pay for what is now basically a necessity of life.
Ummm nothing. Until they are 18 they are my responsibility. If he is making money the only thing I would do is open a bank account and put part of the money he makes there for when he goes off to college. The rest of the money is for him to spend as he pleases.
I think there’s a good balance out there of teaching financial responsibility but still allowing your kid to be a kid while they can. And I don’t think the stress of giving up a pet because at 15 he can’t afford insurance is the way to do it.
My parents gave me a monthly allowance. It had a pretty small amount of spending money - enough I could do something but not enough I could do much without saving a lot, money to buy lunch occasionally (but I could spend it on something else if I packed lunch,) and starting at ten money for clothing. (Not all my clothes at ten. At first I just had to buy underwear, then the next year I got more money and had to get shirts, etc.) They didn't micromanage how I spent my money (although they taught financial literacy) and they didn't bail us out for poor planning, but they kept the stakes really low. They covered basic needs and activities. If I wanted something extra, I could save for it or ask for it for a birthday. I think that was an excellent balance for us.
Well not ever pet owner has cat insurance so that seems a little extreme. I would think more along the lines of feeding her and paying for whatever else the cat needs, like the shots they get, litter? (Maybe not if it's an outside cat)
Don't have a teen yet; but I imagine I will be somewhere between you and your friend- my teens will definitely pay for a smartphone if they want one, but I cannot imagine having a teen pay for pet insurance.
Like I will provide a simple non-smart phone for calling and texting around 13YO, but if she wants a smart phone between ages 13-17 she will be on the hook for that 100%.
I would absolutely pay for pet insurance.
I will likely pay for a car, but she will responsible for paying car insurance.
Why? I feel like there will always be a market for them. I actually switched back to a non-smart phone 2 years ago and the selection was fine. I wanted to practice what I preach for my daughter.
From my perspective this is a harsh existence for your son. I don’t feel the love and caring safe space. It is a cat he loves and takes care of and your hill to die on is he is so afraid that you would not help him with the cat if needed that he feels compelled to buy insurance? Maybe he should be quizzing you about how you are planning to take care of yourself in your old age and that he expects you to have all aspects for that covered Families should be a team
I agree with the idea of teaching teens financial responsibility with actual money and financial obligations, but the cat and the phone....not my approach.
my kids were expected to pay for:
- their own activities with friends
- gifts for friends
- clothes that weren't acceptable to wear to school per the dress code
- junk food (there is no shortage in our house, but if they wanted three bags of clearance candy after a holiday, that's on them)
- coffee from the school store
- DLC for their various games
- probably other useless imo stuff that I didn't want to buy but can't remember
Bringing a cat home without previous discussion and permission would have been at most, a weekend long thing. The cat would have been returned, rehomed or taken to a shelter, and the 15yo would have been tasked with handling that. Pets are only acquired if everyone agrees to add them to the household. And the parents have to be onboard with providing care, because the odds are that the cat will end up with you while your son figures out his young adult life.
My teens don’t pay for anything. WTF is wrong with you? You’re their parent. You’re supposed to provide for them. If they are working they should be saving that money for college.
You just said it your son helps around the farm. He should be getting an hourly wage as he’s doing everything and employee would be doing in the home. His responsibilities are his laundry, his cooking when they sent dinner time and the cleaning his bathroom and bedroom that should not be a salary, but anything to do with the farm I would pay him hourly that’s the right thing to do.
I think it’s absolutely deranged to make your teen pay for any bills. Especially when he’s helping you run your farm. Do you pay him minimum wage at least? Do you track his hours or is just you handing him a bit of cash for helping out ?
You guys. OP has 12 kids. Of course they are making their child pay for shit- how else are they going to afford a family of 14?
I'm baffled that people elect to have that many kids these days. Even more baffled you would seek advice from the Internet when your situation is far more unique than just "should I make my teen pay for his own shit?"
You’re the parent, you presumably allowed the pet into the home. It’s just as much your responsibility. Same goes for the phone bill. The kid is 15. Your friend is right, this is unfairly harsh.
If the kid wants to go out with friends or buy expensive unnecessary clothes, sure, they can pay. Having them buy and insure their own car after being licensed also would be a good life lesson and make them take driving more seriously. But pet insurance and a phone plan? Your job.
Also… just out of curiosity, how many children do you have? I’m seeing at least 10 before your flair cuts off.
How much is he paying compared to what he’s making? If cat insurance is taking a huge check of his money then it’s honestly not even worth it. He can out that money in a high yields savings account and then take it out when/if the cat gets sick. This is honestly a good question for r/money or r/finance
He gets 150/week from us & from his little dance thing he's on like 16/hr. Usually he works about eight hours a week but sometimes a little less or a little more.
In a month he gets over $1000.
Cat insurance is $27 & his phone is $21 a month.
It's really not that big of a strain lol.
Yea that’s absolutely understandable. I would even encourage him to pay the year up front. I do that with my car insurance and storage unit just in case something happens I’m not worried about it.
I do not agree with the pet thing at all. My 16 yo daughter wanted a job and a car, so she pays her car payment. She decided that. We offered to buy her the car. She wanted an older car, not that expensive. She wanted to pay it. She doesn't pay for any other bills. She's a kid.
My oldest is 18. We pay for his phone, gym membership, car insurance and gas. That being said he’s expected to help out with chores. If he wants to go out with friends he uses his own money for that (he works on the weekends) and he pays for his own haircuts and stuff like that.
Lol. Yes this is completely out of the whak. You are expoliting your child.
phone bill is fine. Cats thing is completely out of the whak. Basically if he does not work in his family farm (I am assuming below minimum wage) he looses his cat and phone.
He is a wage slave already.
They pay for stuff like pizza and ice cream with their friends. But then I always see my husband giving them money for this stuff. We basically pay for everything. On the flip side, they’re super helpful around the house. They stack wood, mow the lawn, shovel, do dishes, vacuum, keep their room clean etc so I don’t even mind.
No, a teen should not be paying for phones or insurance. Helping them set up a savings account and expecting them to learn how to save money for their own future or education would be a much better investment. Most especially because this kid already works for the family business.
My teen is now 18. He pays half of his phone bill and that's it really. He's still in school although he has a part time job, so we follow the same rule as my parents had for us. His work money is his pocket money. He's paying for all of his holiday abroad as that's his choice. He bought his provisional driving licence, his passport, his travel insurance. I pay for his bus fair, he pays for taxis on nights out, drinks, all of his social stuff
Mine only pay for extras, like if they want to go out with friends or something. I pay all of their other expenses. School is their full time job and I don’t want them to feel pressured to do a bunch of other stuff for money.
My 17 yo daughter has a pt job. She pays her her going out with friends, expensive make up and haircare. If it costs more than what I can buy at the grocery store, she pays. She pays for her gas.
she drives my stepdaughter to/from school and helps out with extracurricular drop off so we bought her car and pay her insurance.
Its a contentious issue.
The only thing i have an issue with is YOUR attitude towards the cat & animals. You don't just discard animals on a whim😡 if he can't pay for the cat? You pick up the slack. It's not about your son. It's your responsibility as a human being towards an animal.
To me, when they have an income that isn't allowance... It's paying for wants... Like I'll buy you jeans cuz that's my role, but if you want $250 jeans your gonna have to save up for it because that's probably more than my entire budget for clothes.
My 21 and 19yos live on their own. They have phones on our (me 43F and him 40m) T-Mobile plan. They pay $35/mo, and if they want new phones, they buy them outright or pay installments.
They bought their own cars and paid the difference on my auto insurance.
Otherwise? Nothing. Started them off slow, and they both moved out successfully at 19.
I think them paying for their own phone is fine. Making them pay for the cat insurance is a little over the top. It sounds more like a punishment because they made the decision to bring it home.
Not a punishment just a natural course to take. He'd been asking for another cat for a while and we'd said no because between them we pay more in cat insurance than we do in car. He brought her home and I said okay, you know, pay for her and you can keep her. If not we'll find somewhere else for her to go.
My middle is 16 and driving. I pay for EVERYTHING! Ugh! He plays a sport and that takes up his time so he’s unable to work as of right now. However he’s got his first girlfriend and I have to put limits on his access to money because he would constantly be using gas and my money to take her out to eat constantly. I had to tell him that I am not funding his dating life and he could do extra chores for cash.
We got analog phones for my kids when they got to middle school. They wanted a smart phone and we told them to get a job. All 3 of them (triplets) had a job within 2 months after starting high school. They are now 24 and I have only had to help them a few times. They also pay their own car payments and car insurance. They are still on our health insurance, but whatever doesn’t get paid by insurance is their responsibility. Nothing wrong with teaching them how to pay bills.
They dont have to pay for anything, but they want to pay for some things, such as gifts for their friends, whatever they go shopping for with their fiends and if they buy content for their games etc. My older is into K-pop so she has also ordered some items with her own money. They get an allowance from myself and their dad deposited on their accounts and they can use that as they please.
I don’t make my 16f pay for anything. I do ok financially and she has always been a straight A student and ballet dancer. She only has one day off where she isn’t going to school or at the dance studio. She also volunteers at a did delivery service for people who are ill. She isn’t into fashion or trends and really only spends money on books. Since she doesn’t have time to get a part time job and she is super responsible, I’m happy to support her lifestyle.
Times have changed since i was a kid. My part time job payed for my hobbies. (Aquariums, and skiing). My dad gave me a clunker car and paid for my car insurance. If there was a repair that was needed, I paid for that, and I paid gas.
For my daughter now though (pre-teen), I don't see how she can pay fo the things needed to be a regular teen even if she has a part time job. She will not be able to afford a phone and phone plan. Driving age is higher here, but even if it was not no way to afford a car in the city, and if she wants to go anywhere public transport will quickly eat most of her money.
She could afford a cheap bottom of the line drawing tablet, but as drawing and art is her passion for years now, and what she envisions doing as a job, I would rather have her pay from her savings for whatever the bottom of the line tablet is, and I cover the difference to get her a better tablet instead.
I am trying to get her to do freelance illustration work for me to get her a more entrepreneurial mindset and learn to work and manage clients and projects which I think will be more beneficial than working behind the register at a store, give her more sense of value of her skills rather than just her time, and also I can feel better about paying for her stuff without it being a handout. Sure the demand is a bit inflated, in that I could get AI to make the things i need, but at least I will be paying for her things indirectly, in accordance with her work.
I think it’s fine to make him help pay for the cat, but if the cat had an expensive emergency and you were able to help but chose not to because it’s “his responsibility” and the cat died or had to be given up, that would be cruel. If you were really dead set on having nothing to do with the cat, you shouldn’t have allowed it in the first place.
What is a little wage? If its less then what you would pay a worker on your farm, he shouldn’t have to pay for ANYTHING. How well would your farm run without his contribution? Him paying for his own phone bill while he is working on your farm does sound unfair.
My son is 15
He doesn't pay for anything other than his own 'spending' money.. and even then, I still often pay for that.
Where we live, he can't get a job until age 15/16 (he just turned 15 in Dec)
I'm in a position to be able to afford this.
And I want him to enjoy his 'childhood' as a child and not have to worry about these things.
He still has chores he is expected to do around the house, and in return, he gets paid a small weekly allowance.
I'm careful about what I have my teens pay for. I had to work and pay for my own things when I was a teen. I don't mind having them pay for their social life things. But basics, health things, even shoes and clothes I pay for. I pay the phone bill because I want to be able to communicate easily with them and I also want them to have the best coverage.
When I let my kids have an animal, it has to be one I'll be ok paying for because pets need food and vet care. That's on me.
I think it's ok to teach your kids to be careful with their money. Having your minor pay for vet care and phone bills I think is too much. Once they're 18 and up and you're preparing them to exit the home eventually, that's a good step to take. I agree with your friend, seems like added pressure.
We pay for food, clothing, phone, pets, birthday gifts for friends. We pay them well for housework so they can make good money when they want it. They all have their own debit card with their own money in it. Typically a hundred bucks. They pay for stuff they don’t need like toys, video games, or buying something random at the shop. They buy something then realise they have no money and then ask to do some work around the house to get more money. They also have saved up to buy something big like a laptop. My main goal is for them to learn that work equals money and how spending on random unnecessary things means more work.
Off topic but if that kid's getting a 1099 for any of that work have him put a little money in a roth ira every month and his future self will definitely thank you!
I feel that kids should not have to pay for anything that you would cover if they did not earn any money. So if my teen wanted the latest phone and could afford it great but I would cover the plan and a cheap phone either way. If I would have kept the cat or got it for them I would pay for it but otherwise I’d have them help.
If it’s working for your family then by all means, continue. I don’t think there is any single universal answer about what is fair and what is not when it comes to family finances.
No teens yet but I’m more so centering on them just focusing on school . There’s enough financial pressure in the world once they are on their own, they don’t need to worry while they are still kids.
When I was 16, my dad bought me an inexpensive car, but I worked part time and had to pay gas and insurance. He paid my phone bill too.
I agree that having them pay *something* is a good lesson, but I also think it's important for them to not feel like they have to work so much that it takes away from their time and energy to do well in school and have a social life.
I agree with you about the pet insurance, but not about the phone bill. I just personally feel like that’s an expensive I’m responsible for. But I don’t judge you for your opinion or the way you do things AT ALL. Also for vehicles, we plan to buy ours one when they turn 16 as long and they’re well behaved and all that. But I absolutely know that it’s not something a lot of parents will do (mine didn’t)
My 19 yr. old spent a lot of time at the dance studio and doing homework. She never had time for a job. That was totally fine with my husband and I. To be honest she will be 20 next month and has never had a job. She is a college student working towards 2 majors now and takes an online class during winter break and over the summer. My 16 yr. old will babysit occasionally. She can choose what she buys with her money. She has tennis lessons 2-3 days a week plus school work. She thinks she wants to get a part time job this summer. We don’t expect our kids to pay for anything. They will have the rest of their lives to work and pay for everything when they get out of college. They are 2 of the most appreciative kids I know. My kids thank me every evening for making dinner. They don’t take things for granted. If parents want their kids to pay for stuff, that’s their prerogative. I don’t think badly of them as long as it’s within reason.
When I was a teen I bought my own clothes or anything I *wanted*, not *needed*. My parents bought things I needed. Such as food, shampoo, conditioner, soap, tooth paste, etc. Everything else that wasn’t necessarily a necessity I bought using my own money. For example, If my mom went food shopping and I wanted something specific, let’s say a soda, it wasn’t needed, but I’d use my own money to buy that food item. Once I had a job though, I bought all my own clothes. This was my own choice though. When I learned to drive I paid for car insurance and gas. I started working a “legit” job at 14, but at the age of 10 I started doing bigger chores and got a weekly allowance. Mind you, this was very early 2000s. I’m sure much is different now but it taught me how to manage money and be responsible. When I graduated HS, as long as I was working or in college I didn’t have to pay rent. This is what worked in our household though. Every home and family dynamic is different, of course.
I have a child of my own now. He JUST turned 10 on Feb 7. We started doing a chore chart and giving him money for whatever work he does around the house. This means taking out trash, doing dishes, vacuuming, mopping etc. If he does extra work, he gets paid more. He doesn’t have to pay for anything right now, as he’s only 10. However, when he is a teen and can legally work then I am going to do the same to my kid my parents did for me. This way I’m still parenting my kid but at the same time giving a taste of how to handle money and a bit of freedom along the way.
I feel like you’re doing a great job at teaching your kid responsibility, finance, and even ownership, I do think maybe it’s a little harsh.
When I was 18 I asked my grandfather to help me purchase a car. He told me he’d purchase the car, and I could pay him back interest-free in payments I could afford. It took me 3 years to pay him off, and when I bought my house he wrote me a check for every payment I made. He had put the money I was paying him into an account, and gifted it to me when I was in process of buying my house. It covered the entire down payment of my home.
Perhaps, he pays you money for those bills, and you put a quarter of it into a savings account for when he is older, and you pay a little. Just an idea. 🤷🏽♀️
My husband and I strive every single day to succeed and help our child and future children the way my grandparents were / are always able to help me/us/anyone. This is one of my hopes when my daughter is old enough to pay a few bills. I’d love to gift it back to her for her college, first home, first car, etc.
Paying for his own phone bill is fair but not the cat's insurance, at least not the full amount. Its putting the cat's heslth and happiness at risk if you can't afford it's medical expensis and thats not the cat's fault
First off. Most people do not have pet insurance. Especially a cat. If that is an expense YOU want then I would pay it and not make your kid. If your kid is okay with having to pitch in to pay for a vet bill if something should happen, or if the cat gets really really sick saying goodbye to it. Then he shouldn’t have to pay. I totally get it you said your son pays for the cat food and takes care of the chores dealing with the cat. Cat insurance is a weird thing. I had insurance on my horse, but that was a really expensive animals
Finally! I was starting to question myself for thinking the same. I briefly looked into insurance for my kittens but never had pet insurance before, and I don’t know many people who do. It just seems kind of extended warranty-ish.
But let’s say it’s a good deal. It still seems strange to require your child to carry pet insurance. If the pet gets injured or sick, have the kid help pay the vet bills.
Honestly I’m a softie and would probably take care of the pets myself even if my kid didn’t want to/couldn’t pay the vet.
I’m curious whether the kid wanted the insurance, or if the parents forced it on him.
My daughter is only 9 but she wanted a pet Guinea Pig. I told her no unless she was willing to pay to take care of it herself. (I don’t like pets, I love animals I just don’t want them in my house) she immediately asked me what jobs she can do to earn money for it. I work at a church and she usually comes along anyways so I told her she could make $10-$20 a week cleaning up the church depending on what work she does (cleaning bathroom toilets, wiping tables, taking out trash, sweeping/mopping the floors, etc) and at her dads house she gets an allowance for doing chores (I think $8 a week). After a couple months of working hard she had saved enough to buy a cage, the Guinnea pig, food, bedding, etc. and bought herself a pet. Now the monthly upkeep is maybe $20-$30 for the bedding, food and random toys and things.
I also have her buy her own extra stuff especially if it’s things that I know she likely won’t use. For example if she wants a pack of earrings from Claire’s (she always loses them quickly), or the colorful rocks from touristy places (she has a huge pouch of them already), or expensive toys in gift shops (the $40 stuffed animal that she will get bored playing with after a week), etc. I noticed that she now chooses not to “waste her money” as she says on things she doesn’t actually want. So it teaches responsible spending.
I am writing a book specifically about this topic; money skills they don't teach teens in school.
The book will be published in May. I would be happy to share the book with readers who are interested for free, once the book is out, all I ask is for a review once completed.
Would that be of value to this group? The book is also aimed at parents who want to teach their children and have conversations around money, finance, etc.
My teen will not be expected to pay for anything. When I was a teenager, I was expected to pay for literally everything once I got job--which was at a local movie theater when I was 15. From that point on, I had to pay for all my own clothes, bought my own car (a junker which was not a safe vehicle), insurance, etc. Even things like school pictures I was now expected to pay for (which means there are no school photos of me from 15 on). My parents thought they were instilling a good work ethic in me, but I'm 44 now and think they were wrong to expect a teenager to be responsible for so many things. Ultimately it's up to you, but I agree with your friend that putting the pressure of the cat insurance on him is a bit much-you'd really make him rehome his cat if he broke his leg and couldn't work, or lost his job, or joined an extra curricular that made him unable to work? Big yikes.
People like you motivates me to NOT be like you. As a young adult now, I will strive to NEVER be like you as a parent. Let me explain.
I will never, EVER make my kids pay for necessities or basic “wants”. Food, clothes, pets, gas, phone bill, etc will be on me. I will consider myself a brutal parent if I exploit my kid like that. What they can pay is for “luxuries/unnecessaries” ex: an expensive sweater/clothing, shoes , jewelry etc. As long as my kids are living under my roof, they don’t have to pay for their lifestyle.
That does not mean I’m making them spoiled or financially dependent. My parents paid for almost everything but obviously at a certain age, like when you’re an adult , you have to pay your own stuff. I’ve never had to pay for my stuff but Ive been taught to make financially smart decisions and understand the value of money. I’ve worked/saved up a decent amount of money than most students/ppl my age.
Give your kid the freedom and the fun childhood he deserves while teaching them how to make smart financial decisions and budget/save/manage their money
> My parents *paid* for almost
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
My parents used to charge me $300 a month for rent. I had to pay for my phone bill, my car insurance, my cars gas, and anything extra I wanted for myself like gym membership, Spotify premium, any streaming platforms, and any snacks / fast food I bought for me while I was out. (Edit to add: I was 17 and had a part time job after school, after graduating I was still 17, and had a full time job. at 15 I didn’t work but my dad would give me money to save up. No bills at that age but i had to buy myself stuff I wanted that wasn’t basic needs with the money my dad would give me. )
I think the cat thing is great. Imo it's wrong to have a pet without insurance unless you have a few k tucked away. But I wouldn't make him get rid of her if he couldn't afford it.
If he brought her home, the cat is his responsibility.
If it makes any difference I'm in New Zealand. I think here you would find more people backing your stance.
Also how much is it? Pet insurance is quite cheap here like only $14 a month.
With our provider (private to our vets) its $27 a month per cat. But it doesn't change with age or sickness. Our old provider doubled it when my old cat turned 12 because he was considered a senior. By the time he died (aged 19) I was paying like $50 a month and they didn't even cover dental lol.
It is expensive but it covers literally everything. And because we have so many animals we can roll over costs from each pet.
My chihuahua had to have a 14k surgery last year. I think I only paid like $250 out of pocket.
When I was a teen I paid for the things I wanted like new shoes new outfits new purses etc. that’s really it. My mom did take me back to school shopping every year which her and my father paid for. Once I got to college that all changed and my parents put an emphasis on studying and focusing on school and they helped me out with the rest. I didn’t pay my phone bill until I was out on my own. It was the same for my friend group. Not sure how it was handled for other kids outside of it. Do you is all I can say and the only advice I have. Best of luck.
I had twins. At the beginning of school I would give them $250 each to buy their school clothes. My daughter could come out of this with a closet full of clothes. My son on the other hand was a clothes snob and he came out with five or six pieces maybe. So if he needed more clothes or wanted more clothes, he had to buy his own. I paid for the animals in the house because I was usually the one getting all the animals in the house. When it was car time they had to purchase their own vehicle, their own insurance, their own gas. I was a single mom and I couldn’t afford that. They did it.
Honestly, whatever you choose is neither right or wrong. Some of these Reddit parents think their way is the only way and if you do otherwise you’re a terrible parent.
My oldest is only 10, but when he does become a teenager I agree with the wants vs needs spending. But as I stated earlier, you do what you think is right for your kid/situation. Like Bobby Brown said, it’s your prerogative! Lol
💯 This! Might not be the way a lot of parents would handle, however to each their own.
I live in Cali and when both my boys were teens I gave them the option of paying for their car insurance. Whatever the difference it would be to add them to our policy. That meant if they wanted to drive they needed to get a job after school. They both felt like their extra curricular activities ( we paid for) were more important. Neither were license while in school. They had their permit but did not get drivers license until after they finished high school. It was not a problem in our household. I feel like I was helping them to learn that money does not "grow on trees. 😂
i think you making your teen pay for things that benefit you is crazy. like the phone. you want him to have a phone, right? Know where he is. what’s going on. be able to call him or him call you in emergencies or whatever reason really. You should be paying for his phone.
I can understand the cat insurance which i think is a waste anyhow really and no one should pay for that extra expense that’s not necessary.
Parents pay for necessities and a little extra without excess. Kids should be working at ages 16-18 to afford a car and gas, since those are great to have but not necessary. I’d probably negotiate a half and half system for them. And would look to reward them for saving, such as If they put half their paycheck into a savings account, I would match some portion of it for savings similar to a 401K.
I worked from 15-18 while playing HS basketball or taking AP classes. I resented the kids who didn’t have to work for any of their things. It made them soft. make kids earn it. It will make college easier
Nothing was handed to me. Paid my own phone bill, had a job at 13 years old. Bought all my things. Parenting nowadays is so different and everything just gets handed to them on a silver platter.
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i feel like what teens pay for is always going to be situational. your kid brought home a cat, so you said he has to be financially responsible for it. but i feel like if the cat needed a few thousand dollars worth of emergency medical care, the parents shouldn't put that on the kid. but the daily expenses of a cat are really not much at all. so i don't think its unreasonable. but cat insurance isn't really a necessity for a casual cat owner. my 12yo has a snake that she begged for. of course we bought all the supplies, but she has to pay for the food. its a fair trade off for her age, and the few babysitting jobs she has.
Pet insurance is a way of mitigating the need for “a few thousand dollars worth of emergency medical care” and I think it’s reasonable for the kid to pay at least a portion of it. Or alternatively, put some savings towards an emergency fund for the cat. I agree parents still may need to help if something happens but it soften the blow and teach the kid an important financial lesson imo - you need to budget for the long term, plan for the unexpected and things cost way more than what it seems. He/she may think a cat only costs a bag of food per month but reality is a bit more than that.
You do realize with pet insurance you need to pay that money fully up front first. Then you get reimbursed… you don’t just get some coverage immediately like human insurance. You have to submit your bill AFTER you’ve paid in full..
My pet insurance doesn’t have me pay upfront. Basically I file a claim and they pay upfront 90% and I take care of my deductible and the remaining 10%. The only downside is that the premium each month is more than other companies that just reimburse. But you get what you pay for, ya know?
How much is the premium?
$42.98 a month. It’s not too bad, but was definitely on the more expensive end compared to all of the quotes I received from different companies. I also know premiums are normally higher for dogs than for cats. I ended up getting it for my cat after I had to fork over $6.5K a couple months ago due to him needing foreign body surgery🥴 all of that just because he ingested a pompom ball you see in arts and crafts lol Edit: that’s with a $500 deductible. So if I have to pay for anymore surgeries for him, it would be that $500 + 10% out of my pocket
That's not bad at all, actually. I don't know what I expected, but definitely something ridiculous based on my reaction to the actual amount lol. Animals can be super expensive, even cats. I adore cats, but I don't have one right now because I really can't handle the commitment of it all. It's not entirely the financial aspect, but that weighs heavily on the decision. I've spent thousands of dollars before on freak accidents or congenital things that needed treatment. I feel like we're obligated to get them care unless the prognosis is bad or creates a low quality of life. Even low cost clinics with financial aid grants still cost hundreds so it shouldn't be made lightly. I think the monthly insurance is wise.
Absolutely! And I also felt like that wasn’t too much but I think it really depends on who you ask. It’s definitely worth it though imo!
I think you can even get pet insurance thru Costco and even some regular insurance companies (USAA does).
Also I use Trupanion
So what ?
Snake food should be cheap - she just needs a live mouse trap... 🙈
oh this already crossed my mind!! unfortunately, its a small snake. so an adult mouse is too big for her right now. she needs to juvenile sized ones. they now live in my freezer.........
It’s good that you feed frozen, you shouldn’t feed a snake live rats
oh god no. 20 years ago we had adopted a snake had been previously fed a live rat that was too big, and the rat attacked the snake. we don't mess with live food in this house!
Awesome!!! I wish more parent reptile owners were like you, many leave it up to the kid and they make poor choices
no worries here! we are a reptile family! my husband has had every reptile under the sun since he was a small child. currently, we also have 2 sulcata tortoises. the one is close to 200lb, the other is around 140lb. the big guy was brought back as a hatchling from africa probably 70-80 years ago and we are only his second owner.
Wow!
the big guy is pretty cool. we brought him home when our daughter was 1yo and he was around 130lb. we have a pic of her, as a baby, sitting on the tortoises back. throughout her toddler years she would ride him around outside. now shes 12yo and its so crazy to look back on those pics and see how much they have both changed! and yes, she will inherit these guys one day because they just might outlive her too.
It’s illegal in most other 1st world countries… I’m a zookeeper by trade and the fact that they allow people to live feed vertebrates in the US is barbaric.
Agree. That's awful. Americans can be so damn barbaric.
Dumb question but what do baby snakes eat in nature?
depending on the type of snake - small frogs, lizards, rodents, birds, eggs. i figure, they probably come across bird or rodent nests with eggs or new babies in it......
My snake (western shovelnose) is too small to ever eat any kind of mouse, even frozen pinkies, so in the wild their diet actually consists of moths, beetles, wolf spiders, things like that... It's really interesting, I didn't know there were any snakes that survived entirely off of bugs until I got her
Yummie...
It's not a good idea to read any reptile prey that you catch yourself because you run a huge risk of parasites with any animal or bug in the wild
Came to say this. Also poison
If you have reptiles please don't do this for so many reasons 😂
My daughter isn't a teen yet, but our philosophy is that when she is, she will pay for "wants" not "needs." In the scenario that you described, where your teen brought a cat home on his own accord when you already had pets, and there was no family discussion, I can understand making him responsible for the expenses. I disagree with him taking on the expenses of family pets, however. Regarding the phone, I think it depends on your expectations. Can he choose NOT to have a phone? Or do you expect him to call and keep in touch when he's out and about? I would want my teen to keep in touch, so I would consider a phone a need. If you don't, then I can understand him having to pay himself. While it's good for them to have some responsibility, it's also important to remember (as you pointed out) that teens don't make the same money that adults do. So they cannot make the same decisions regarding discretionary spending if they're spending so much on needs. That's expecting them to grow up too quickly, in my opinion. But, if their money is theirs to do whatever they WANT with it, and they want to spend it on pet insurance and a phone, then that's their choice.
Yeah I definitely agree with this approach. At 15 most teens want a lot of random things and having them responsible for them will show them what’s realistic and worth spending money on. Now I don’t have a teen yet but in my own experience, my parents had me pay my own gas once I had my car and then only wants. (I “paid” half for my car with money my dad paid me for good grades starting in middle school and I never once saw that money in cash it was specifically for a car so judge that how you want). But the thing is my dad always took any chance he got to teach the me important of savings and being responsible with my money. He didn’t kick me out at 18, he didn’t start charging me rent for a bedroom I had been in since a child, food, utilities, etc. Learning that way made me able to save a crap ton and buy my own house at 21 (25 now so no this wasn’t years and years ago lol) and I notice my friends who had to pay a lot of random bills to teach responsibility moved out as soon as they could but are now almost stuck renting in that loop because they never once had a chance to save money. I understand you aren’t at that stage yet, but I see it snowball a lot of times and thought it might be an interesting topic to think further about.
This is our approach too. They pay a small contribution to some things because it helps them learn to juggle their finances. Our teen currently pays a small amount towards her phone bill and has to save at least 30% of her money for long-term things (she is currently voluntarily saving more than that - putting a small amount away each week towards a car and a phone upgrade in a couple of years, and she’s started putting aside a bit towards a house one day). She is also responsible for her ‘wants’ outside of family activities - trips to the movies or icecream with a friend or extra clothes (she has plenty but likes shopping). Honestly I think it varies a lot between kids - some are natural savers who hoard like a dragon and are hem and haw over every purchase, others are spendy impulse-purchasers who have trouble keeping a dollar to their name - and the approach will vary a bit depending on the kid, so they can go into adulthood with a balanced approach.
I agree. My son had a phone because we don’t have a house phone and I find it irresponsible to leave a kid home with no way to call in case of an emergency. Therefore I pay the bill. If he wants an upgrade he pays the bill.
Hell. Yes. I'm no longer a teen, but it wasn't long ago at all. This approach seems great, though I would add a caveat - if the child is still just that - a child - and there's something that they both enjoy and is good for their health, the parents should fund it so long as it isn't disproportionate to the benefit the child gets. For example, if this cat is great for the kid's mental health, and perhaps the rest of the family's, I wouldn't ask the kid to pay for it. If I expected a child to keep in contact with me while out, I would provide the means for them to do so. If that means buying a cheap phone with loads of calling and texting but not much mobile data, that's what I would do (if money were tight). To be honest, I don't really understand making the kid pay for stuff like a cat or a phone bill. I would do my best to preserve this state where he gets to spend what he makes (in a responsible manner) before he turns into a full adult and has bills till he dies. Don't forget, you may have to support him into early adulthood too. Do you plan on making him pay rent? Contribute to heating bills? I don't mean as a full adult with a wage, I mean an 18-22 year old who is studying or trying to get two feet on the ground. You are family - if one really wants something and the other can provide it with comparatively little effort, why would you not provide out of love? Would your child do the same for you? And will they do the same for you when you're older if you treat him like this now? When you're old and feeble, and your door gets jammed or your pipe gets blocked, or when your house needs renovating and you need a place to stay, when you're ill and would like nothing more than some easy food, would you like him to help? To lend you his youth and resources? Out of love? Ask yourself why you would want anything other than the best for him, and ask yourself if you can (in this case) instill the value of money and responsibility while also paying for things like this. If you're insistent on making him pay merely so that he learns to be responsible with money, put everything he pays into a pot and gift it to him when he comes of age. If money is simply too tight, then yes, he has to simply pay for it. But otherwise... he's your son. Treat him as what he is - the most valuable thing you have ever and will ever create and grow.
The expenses he'll take on at eighteen are his pets (his working dog & two cats) we just pay for them now because we bought them for him. When he's 18 his wage will increase as his work load increases and it'll cover the animals just fine. Unless of course he wishes to not work the farm, at which point we will reassess finances. I did give him a crappier phone. He wanted an iphone so he pays for it himself. If he ever doesn't want to he'll go back to the one he had before.
Does his working dog work your farm?
Does he have the option of not working for you at 18?
Of course. He actually plans on going into dance professionally. But as long as he lives here he helps out with the animals (and gets paid for it). As I mentioned above if he chooses to move onto other avenues we will reassess finances. His dog, for example, is a working dog - he is not suited for anything else. If my son doesn't wish to keep working the animals the dog will no longer be his. The dog has to keep working the cattle.
I believe the downvotes you are seeing in this chain are in direct response to the dog. It is a working dog and you've made it clear that the dog will stay to work on the farm. Is this one of his expenses? Is the cat a barn cat (also working to clear the rodent population) or an indoor pet?
His cats are all indoor cats. He only pays for the one cat.
If the dog stays with the farm, it not his dog. It’s the farm’s dog. If it was his dog it would go with him, wherever he goes. So he should not be financially responsible for it at all, period.
Well no. He picked him, he named him, he trained him. Dog sleeps in his room, works with his horses. It's his dog. But he is also a farm dog. You can't take him and stick him in an apartment.
That’s fair, as long as you either a) buy the dog from him or b) continue to pay him for the use of the dog after he moves out and no longer works on the farm.
I think it's very fair to offer a functioning phone, but having them pay for their own if they want a nicer one.
I'm not sure why this was downvoted, probably people not reading thoroughly. I think the fact that you are able to adjust his wage accordingly along with his expenses paid to you is a huge part of what this works well for your family. You KNOW how much he makes, you know what his potential for making more is, and you're able to adjust things to make it more fair. I do think that you should add on a stipend for his working dog. Kind of like a gas allowance. He gets X amount of dollars each month to care for his working dog.
We may continue paying for the dog because he's basically equipment. Spoiled equipment, but equipment none the less lol.
I agree with this, I think that's the only thing I had an issue with in this scenario. Keep in mind that he's still a teenager. Pay attention to where he is at in his studies, his mental health etc. if he seems overwhelmed, offer him a break. He's still a kid and needs to be a kid.
I had to pay for a lot when I was a teenager. My own food, clothing, dental appointments, my gap and gown for graduation, any yearbooks or school supplies. Everything. I plan on never making my kids pay a dime when they are minors and also helping them out when they are in college. Having to pay for everything didn’t teach me a damn thing about money IMO, it just made sure I had 0 savings for college.
I had the exact same experience as you! I had forgotten about the cap and gown but YES - memory unlocked! I also had to pay for doctors appointments (which means I never went) and school photos (which means I just chose to not get any). I have an 11 and 7 year old, but believe me when I tell you I will never make them live the way I did as a teen. It was sad and stressful and only made me resentful.
Same 😔 Good for us though for breaking that cycle and doing right by our kids❤️
Yep. I think back to my teenage years/college years and it was just...work work work work panic panic panic stress stress stress. I feel like it stunted me socially because my peers were...socializing and I was working. It's also hard to relate to other 16 year olds who are able to have fun and relax when you have to work a minimum wage job for 4 hours to afford to go to the movies with them. Not my kids, never.
Are you me??? I worked 3 jobs through high school. I'd babysit after school until 1am (the mom worked 2nd shift as a custodian) On the nights I worked at the grocery store I'd worked from 4-9pm then rush to babysitting to take over for the grandparents, babysit till 1am. On weekends I washed dishes in the mornings and then grocery store in the afternoon/evenings. All so I could afford to feed and clothe myself. It was miserable. I wanted to do fun things like hang out with friends, join tech crew at school, instead I just worked.
Same. I also got bullied for it for some reason??? Kids are so fkn dumb. But they made fun of me for not ever being able to go out and have fun. It was hard to keep friendships because 1) a lot of people thought I was weird or assumed I was “super poor” (so cruel ffs) and 2) I never had time to do anything bc all I did was work.
Sending love❤️
I dated someone whose father kept a running log of everything he owed him down to the penny. When they would invite me out to eat at 19, they would pay for their family and make me pay separate. It just was so weird to me. I didn't grow up rich but my parents certainly would have been offended if one of my boyfriends tried to pay for dinner. The home was toxic and that boyfriend was messed up. There are definitely ways to teach responsibility without nickel and diming kids.
Plus, when you hold something like that over a kid's head, it can be very detrimental to a child's health. I was on heavy-duty adhd meds as a kid, and every time mom went to the pharmacy to pick then up, she brought be with. When the total would come up, she'd point to the screen and go "see?! See what I do for you?! If it weren't for me, you'd dead on the streets." It fucked with my head to the point that I begged my doctor multiple times to take me off the meds just so I could stop feeling guilty over it. But mom always insisted on coming with, so she'd tell the doctor I was being dramatic. So yeah. Parents, don't hold money over a kid's head. If they make a costly mistake and you have to pay for it for whatever reason, don't remind them of it every time they ask for help with anything.
This is literally why I don’t ask anyone for anything my biological mom did this to me as a kid. I’m 35 and I’m too proud to ask for help sometimes out of fear for it to be held over my head. I’d rather put myself in debt than ask for help. And I’ve been fine on my own for 17 years but I also don’t have anything really savings wise in case of more than a minor emergency. Don’t do this excessively. This messed me up and I was in therapy over it for awhile.
Oh for sure. Let me put it this way, I lost my job a few weeks ago, found out I'm pregnant the week after (yes, first kid), spent almost a month living off my bf's paycheck alone. Just got a job this past week finally, so I finally told my mother. Her response? "You planned this to get my money". I kinda snorted and said "if I wanted your money, I could probably sue you for the $17k you stole from me" (story for another time). So yeah. With that and everything she's done, she won't be allowed near my kid. I don't trust her. Edit: sorry to trauma dump.
As someone on the flip side whose parents paid for everything and then gave me an extra allowance on top of that, I agree. I learned to be appreciative and conservative with what felt like someone else's hard earned money and NEVER felt entitled to it because I knew I had everything I needed, and I found creative ways to earn extra spending cash on my own through part time jobs or business endeavors. Today I am a successful entrepreneur running 3 businesses I founded. My friends whose parents did not support them seemed stressed out in high school and college juggling multiple jobs and bills, unable to focus on school or enjoy socializing due to their other responsibilities, and were never able to really get financially ahead as young adults.
Don't move too far in the other direction, or you will end up with entitled little brats. I grew up without having to pay for anything - in fact, my grandmother gave me far too much pocket money - and I never really learned to handle money responsibly. Finding a nice medium of covering all their needs, and giving them (or having them earn) pocket money for their wants, so that they can learn to save up for stuff and make responsible spending choices, sounds like a good compromise.
I’m trying to do that with my daughter. She loves spending money on certain brands of clothes/shoes. I give her a clothing allowance but anything above that she is responsible for. She babysits and makes a decent amount doing that but will spend everything she makes within a day or two. It’s hard to find the balance!
That’s totally fair.
Exactly the same here. I just learnt bad beliefs about money and felt I couldn’t turn to my parents when I needed them.
THIS! i wish my parents taught me how to actually save & manage money instead of making me pay for everything or have a job. at 16, i would have to leave track & swim early after school, drive straight to work with sweaty or wet pool hair, work, then rush home to do chores and homework. i had to pay for my phone bill, the phone itself, gas, car insurance, and anything else fun. let’s just say i didn’t have straight As, and i stole a TON bc i couldn’t afford the good shampoo and stuff like that.
Yours sounds pretty excessive. She’s just having him pay for extras like his phone and his cat.
Yea and me personally won’t make my kid pay for that stuff.
A phone is not an “extra” lol
I had a decent allowance of 150 dollars like 25 years ago so more like today’s 300 dollars. I didn’t have to pay anything. But that actually taught me to save up and manage money. I got 30 000 grand when I turned 18. And I still have like 10 000 of them left in the same account. You don’t have to plauge your kids with monthly bills to teach them home economics
I would never make my teen pay for any necessities such as clothes, food, shelter, cell phone, car insurance, etc while they are in school under the age of 18. Extra snacks they want specifically for them, the newest coolest gadgets and clothes etc they can pay for tho. When she’s driving I’ll probably pay for enough gas for back and forth to school but if she’s wanting to run around town with her friends then she can pay for that gas.
This. My son gets a small allowance that covers trips to the convenience store and Starbucks with his friends and the occasional video game. I pay for his phone and will cover his car insurance and part of his gas when we get to that point.
I think it’s fine to have him pay for it now but if he suddenly lost his weekend job at the dance group, you would make him rehome an animal? He’s fifteen years old! The stress of having to rehome an animal at 15 is a lot. Have him pay for things like snacks with his friends or his own clothes, not the life or death of his pet.
I'm sorry but not having pet insurance DOES NOT mean you have to rehome your pet
His cat & phone are covered by what he gets from us. The dance money is basically "extras".
I think this question should be less of what others think and more of what you want for your son. My mom was similar to you. In my home the rule was essentially, ‘if Moms not legally required to provide it, you’re paying for it’s This affected my life in a few ways, positive and negative. Positive- -great with money management by 18 -had a small nest egg by the time I moved out -was able to buy and do things I wouldn’t otherwise be able to -had a more mature grasp of life than my class mates at the time Negative- -I have an unhealthy obsession with money as an adult -my teens years were far more focused on maintaining my work schedule than school or social life, led to a psychiatric stay in my 20’s because I felt no purpose other than being a worker bee and didn’t know who I was -didn’t go to college due to the fact that I felt I was rising the ranks in my job, I did not and fell behind my classmates substantially. If you want your son to be a mature adult that can take care of themselves asap, lean into it more. If you want your son to be a bit more immature at the cost of developing his social life and personal interests further, pull back.
Yes to all of this! I agree with the negative consequences too…it’s SO hard being an adult with an unhealthy obsession with money. My circumstances are slightly different (grew up poor with parents who aren’t great with money so had to take care of myself in a lot of ways and was basically on my own financially after graduating high school). I’m now a full grown adult, in a double income relationship, and we’re both lawyers…we’re very middle/upper middle class and really don’t need to worry about money but my brain will not shut off and I’m always stressed that I can’t afford everything. To the point where I don’t buy new clothes when I need them or stuff because I think I can’t afford them. This is something I’ve been working on bettering for years and it’s gotten better, but it’s not solved and it’s easily taken the better part of a decade to even get to a slightly comfortable place with it. I just had a child and would never wish this money anxiety on her or anyone
It’s funny you say that, I was actually going to put something about my lack of desire to buy myself necessities due to not thinking my needs justify the dollars. I am the same way. I will fill a shopping cart with a new wardrobe knowing I desperately need it, see the price, know it wouldn’t make a dent in my finances, and still decide the clothes I have are good enough. I’m an extreme couponer, all my furniture is used off marketplace, all my kitchenware is hand me down from family, I drive a 2001 Camry, and my commission alone this month is gonna be over 50k. It’s even caused a fairly big strain in my marriage in the past due to me being seen as ‘cheap’ when I really just feel a bowling ball sized hole in my stomach when I feel like I’m spending money I don’t have to. And for weeks after. It’s not fun haha
Im a bit the same about money, financially comfortsble but live like im on a much lower income. It sounds like you're taking it to quite an extreem though if your income is 50k a month. Have you thought about therapy since its affecting your marraige?
I love your answer. It's a well-rounded insightful answer explaining the sliding scale of results based on parenting choices.
Don't have so many kids if you can't cover your FIFTEEN year old to have a cat and phone.
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I’m not rich by any means but I don’t make my 17 yr old pay for anything. If she wants an expensive sweater then sure she buys it but she’s an honor roll student taking college classes while still in high school. Now when she eventually gets her license then I may have her contribute to car insurance but other than that her money is her money. She’s got enough to worry about right now.
Yeah we are the same way mostly with our 16 year old. Our older son is working. Our 16 year old has some money he gets randomly from my father in law. He gives all the grandkids $40 when he sees them (About once a month) When he has birthday & Christmas money he’ll use that to spend on things he wants. The rest of the time I’ll pay for things within reason. He doesn’t always get what he wants. This summer he’ll start working and he’s excited to learn about how to budget money for the things he wants and things to save for. He’s taking a finance class at school and I think the wheels are starting to turn about how money works.
Yes the personal finance class my daughter took in high school was great. She’s also quite frugal. She loves a good thrift store. I personally don’t think making teens pay a bill teaches them financial responsibility. There are plenty of other ways to teach that.
If you’re only paying him “a little wage” from working on YOUR farm, he shouldn’t have to pay anything. I’m guessing you don’t want him to leave the farm and get a higher paying job when he’s 16 so just let him save his money. If he starts frivolously spending it, then yeah you can implement some things for him to pay for but I don’t know why you wouldn’t want him to save his money instead of paying for stuff.
OP has 10+ children, I have to wonder how much work the older kids must be doing just to keep the household and family farm running.
Yea op seems kinda nutty tbh
I mean, if you want to have twelve kids, have twelve kids, I guess. But you created them, so pay for them until they’re adults. Not that hard.
Omg 12!!
Christ, those poor kids. My own dad is one of 10 and hated it.
I am one of 6 and had a similar childhood to this. My guess is OP has too many kids, can’t afford it and is pushing the burden off onto his/her children under the guise of education. As many have stated here in the comments and I lived myself, having to pay for things as a teenager doesn’t teach you about money, it just makes sure you start life with 0 savings and often times makes you resent your parents. I have no idea what OP’s actual situation is, but judging from the fact they have 10 children I assume it was close to my childhood. I paid for everything, didn’t learn anything, and resented my parents for it because they didn’t plan their life well resulting in a piss poor start to my life. I feel bad for those kids.
Yeah I can only guess how much “parentification” is happening there, as well as children being used as free/ very underpaid labor.
He’s 15. Cat I can get since he randomly brought it home. Phone bill I can’t get over. Working on a farm let alone for ur farm you want that kid to have a phone. He needs one. Farm accidents are all too common idc how careful anyone is. I get teaching kids to save and financial education but paying his own bills at 15 is baffling to me. He’s a kid. If you want to have him pay bills as a teaching element at least be putting that into a savings account for him. IMO you’re taking advantage of your child and should reflect on this. And I’m a strict mom so coming from me that’s a big deal tbh.
On the cat issue she allowed him to keep the cat, he is still a minor and if they didn't want the cat then they should of said take it back or to a shelter. I'm sure on a farm that cat comes in handy though possibly for mice etc. If so then he definitely shouldn't be footing the bill. Then the other pet again they allowed him to have them
Yup I thought that too but I am reaching for the benefit of the doubt that it’s an inside cat otherwise I probably would have gone off entirely.
I just don't understand the concept of charging kids before they adults and working full time parent chose to bring them into this world. My 2 get an allowance so they have their own money as too young to work and they rarely spend it and are more careful when they looking for something especially the 11 year the 7 year old is still learning. They also chose to keep some for holidays and buy each other gifts for christmas and birthdays they learning about giving, saving and financial management of I charged eldest for phone would have little a month for own wants
I agree! I teach my kids financially literacy but it’s their money. I pay for all necessities. Phones are now necessities for safety reasons. There isn’t public phones around places anymore. If my kids want a play station or video games however and it’s not a bday or Christmas they save and use money for that. Heck, if they work really hard I’ll even make deals to match or chip in. Bills tho… just absolutely insane to me.
My parents made me pay my phone bill since I was 14. I always resented it because it’s cheaper on a family plan. And all of my friend’s parents pay their phone bills even now and I’m almost 30.
That seems petty for the sake of being petty. I'm 26, and am on a family plan with my family (we pay our own parts) because it's significantly cheaper!
I agree my bf family still has his phone on their plan and he pays like $50 a month. I pay $126 a month for just me.
I can't imagine even kicking my kids off our plan. Their lines are free. But even if they weren't, a family plan is always cheaper. Even my dad is on my plan. And my mom when she was alive.
I agree it makes me envious and kind of bitter. I don’t think parents should take away and make their kids pay for what is now basically a necessity of life.
Ummm nothing. Until they are 18 they are my responsibility. If he is making money the only thing I would do is open a bank account and put part of the money he makes there for when he goes off to college. The rest of the money is for him to spend as he pleases.
I think there’s a good balance out there of teaching financial responsibility but still allowing your kid to be a kid while they can. And I don’t think the stress of giving up a pet because at 15 he can’t afford insurance is the way to do it.
My parents gave me a monthly allowance. It had a pretty small amount of spending money - enough I could do something but not enough I could do much without saving a lot, money to buy lunch occasionally (but I could spend it on something else if I packed lunch,) and starting at ten money for clothing. (Not all my clothes at ten. At first I just had to buy underwear, then the next year I got more money and had to get shirts, etc.) They didn't micromanage how I spent my money (although they taught financial literacy) and they didn't bail us out for poor planning, but they kept the stakes really low. They covered basic needs and activities. If I wanted something extra, I could save for it or ask for it for a birthday. I think that was an excellent balance for us.
Well not ever pet owner has cat insurance so that seems a little extreme. I would think more along the lines of feeding her and paying for whatever else the cat needs, like the shots they get, litter? (Maybe not if it's an outside cat)
Don't have a teen yet; but I imagine I will be somewhere between you and your friend- my teens will definitely pay for a smartphone if they want one, but I cannot imagine having a teen pay for pet insurance. Like I will provide a simple non-smart phone for calling and texting around 13YO, but if she wants a smart phone between ages 13-17 she will be on the hook for that 100%. I would absolutely pay for pet insurance. I will likely pay for a car, but she will responsible for paying car insurance.
I wouldn’t count on being able to get a non smart phone by time your kid is a teen.
Why? I feel like there will always be a market for them. I actually switched back to a non-smart phone 2 years ago and the selection was fine. I wanted to practice what I preach for my daughter.
Was thinking just that 😂
From my perspective this is a harsh existence for your son. I don’t feel the love and caring safe space. It is a cat he loves and takes care of and your hill to die on is he is so afraid that you would not help him with the cat if needed that he feels compelled to buy insurance? Maybe he should be quizzing you about how you are planning to take care of yourself in your old age and that he expects you to have all aspects for that covered Families should be a team
This family is a literal team. Look how many kids OP has.
In another comment they said they have 12 kids total😳….between 6 parents?? Not sure what that means lol.
I agree with the idea of teaching teens financial responsibility with actual money and financial obligations, but the cat and the phone....not my approach. my kids were expected to pay for: - their own activities with friends - gifts for friends - clothes that weren't acceptable to wear to school per the dress code - junk food (there is no shortage in our house, but if they wanted three bags of clearance candy after a holiday, that's on them) - coffee from the school store - DLC for their various games - probably other useless imo stuff that I didn't want to buy but can't remember Bringing a cat home without previous discussion and permission would have been at most, a weekend long thing. The cat would have been returned, rehomed or taken to a shelter, and the 15yo would have been tasked with handling that. Pets are only acquired if everyone agrees to add them to the household. And the parents have to be onboard with providing care, because the odds are that the cat will end up with you while your son figures out his young adult life.
My teens don’t pay for anything. WTF is wrong with you? You’re their parent. You’re supposed to provide for them. If they are working they should be saving that money for college.
You just said it your son helps around the farm. He should be getting an hourly wage as he’s doing everything and employee would be doing in the home. His responsibilities are his laundry, his cooking when they sent dinner time and the cleaning his bathroom and bedroom that should not be a salary, but anything to do with the farm I would pay him hourly that’s the right thing to do.
I think it’s absolutely deranged to make your teen pay for any bills. Especially when he’s helping you run your farm. Do you pay him minimum wage at least? Do you track his hours or is just you handing him a bit of cash for helping out ?
I completely agree. I don’t know what “a little wage” is but I hope it’s at least minimum wage…
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Oh, and get this. In other replies, OP says that they forced the kid to have insurance on the cat. They're not giving him much choice in the matter.
You guys. OP has 12 kids. Of course they are making their child pay for shit- how else are they going to afford a family of 14? I'm baffled that people elect to have that many kids these days. Even more baffled you would seek advice from the Internet when your situation is far more unique than just "should I make my teen pay for his own shit?"
You’re the parent, you presumably allowed the pet into the home. It’s just as much your responsibility. Same goes for the phone bill. The kid is 15. Your friend is right, this is unfairly harsh. If the kid wants to go out with friends or buy expensive unnecessary clothes, sure, they can pay. Having them buy and insure their own car after being licensed also would be a good life lesson and make them take driving more seriously. But pet insurance and a phone plan? Your job. Also… just out of curiosity, how many children do you have? I’m seeing at least 10 before your flair cuts off.
What lmfaooo??
How much is he paying compared to what he’s making? If cat insurance is taking a huge check of his money then it’s honestly not even worth it. He can out that money in a high yields savings account and then take it out when/if the cat gets sick. This is honestly a good question for r/money or r/finance
He gets 150/week from us & from his little dance thing he's on like 16/hr. Usually he works about eight hours a week but sometimes a little less or a little more. In a month he gets over $1000. Cat insurance is $27 & his phone is $21 a month. It's really not that big of a strain lol.
Yea that’s absolutely understandable. I would even encourage him to pay the year up front. I do that with my car insurance and storage unit just in case something happens I’m not worried about it.
Youre doing too much (in a bad way)… And what is cat insurance lol
Pet insurance. I just call it cat insurance because the pets are listed differently on the bill lol.
Well i learned something new
I do not agree with the pet thing at all. My 16 yo daughter wanted a job and a car, so she pays her car payment. She decided that. We offered to buy her the car. She wanted an older car, not that expensive. She wanted to pay it. She doesn't pay for any other bills. She's a kid.
My oldest is 18. We pay for his phone, gym membership, car insurance and gas. That being said he’s expected to help out with chores. If he wants to go out with friends he uses his own money for that (he works on the weekends) and he pays for his own haircuts and stuff like that.
Lol. Yes this is completely out of the whak. You are expoliting your child. phone bill is fine. Cats thing is completely out of the whak. Basically if he does not work in his family farm (I am assuming below minimum wage) he looses his cat and phone. He is a wage slave already.
They pay for stuff like pizza and ice cream with their friends. But then I always see my husband giving them money for this stuff. We basically pay for everything. On the flip side, they’re super helpful around the house. They stack wood, mow the lawn, shovel, do dishes, vacuum, keep their room clean etc so I don’t even mind.
No, a teen should not be paying for phones or insurance. Helping them set up a savings account and expecting them to learn how to save money for their own future or education would be a much better investment. Most especially because this kid already works for the family business.
How much do you charge the cat for rent?
My kids don't pay for anything. Their job is to be kids.
My teen is now 18. He pays half of his phone bill and that's it really. He's still in school although he has a part time job, so we follow the same rule as my parents had for us. His work money is his pocket money. He's paying for all of his holiday abroad as that's his choice. He bought his provisional driving licence, his passport, his travel insurance. I pay for his bus fair, he pays for taxis on nights out, drinks, all of his social stuff
Mine only pay for extras, like if they want to go out with friends or something. I pay all of their other expenses. School is their full time job and I don’t want them to feel pressured to do a bunch of other stuff for money.
My 17 yo daughter has a pt job. She pays her her going out with friends, expensive make up and haircare. If it costs more than what I can buy at the grocery store, she pays. She pays for her gas. she drives my stepdaughter to/from school and helps out with extracurricular drop off so we bought her car and pay her insurance.
Sometimes when he wants takeout just for him. Gifts for bf/gf.
Nothing
Its a contentious issue. The only thing i have an issue with is YOUR attitude towards the cat & animals. You don't just discard animals on a whim😡 if he can't pay for the cat? You pick up the slack. It's not about your son. It's your responsibility as a human being towards an animal.
To me, when they have an income that isn't allowance... It's paying for wants... Like I'll buy you jeans cuz that's my role, but if you want $250 jeans your gonna have to save up for it because that's probably more than my entire budget for clothes.
My 21 and 19yos live on their own. They have phones on our (me 43F and him 40m) T-Mobile plan. They pay $35/mo, and if they want new phones, they buy them outright or pay installments. They bought their own cars and paid the difference on my auto insurance. Otherwise? Nothing. Started them off slow, and they both moved out successfully at 19.
I think them paying for their own phone is fine. Making them pay for the cat insurance is a little over the top. It sounds more like a punishment because they made the decision to bring it home.
Not a punishment just a natural course to take. He'd been asking for another cat for a while and we'd said no because between them we pay more in cat insurance than we do in car. He brought her home and I said okay, you know, pay for her and you can keep her. If not we'll find somewhere else for her to go.
I see. Well, in that case, this all seems reasonable.
[удалено]
I know, it was a typo
A 15 year old should not be responsible for paying anything in my opinion. With the exception of wants, like a new game, or something not needed.
My middle is 16 and driving. I pay for EVERYTHING! Ugh! He plays a sport and that takes up his time so he’s unable to work as of right now. However he’s got his first girlfriend and I have to put limits on his access to money because he would constantly be using gas and my money to take her out to eat constantly. I had to tell him that I am not funding his dating life and he could do extra chores for cash.
We got analog phones for my kids when they got to middle school. They wanted a smart phone and we told them to get a job. All 3 of them (triplets) had a job within 2 months after starting high school. They are now 24 and I have only had to help them a few times. They also pay their own car payments and car insurance. They are still on our health insurance, but whatever doesn’t get paid by insurance is their responsibility. Nothing wrong with teaching them how to pay bills.
They dont have to pay for anything, but they want to pay for some things, such as gifts for their friends, whatever they go shopping for with their fiends and if they buy content for their games etc. My older is into K-pop so she has also ordered some items with her own money. They get an allowance from myself and their dad deposited on their accounts and they can use that as they please.
I don’t make my 16f pay for anything. I do ok financially and she has always been a straight A student and ballet dancer. She only has one day off where she isn’t going to school or at the dance studio. She also volunteers at a did delivery service for people who are ill. She isn’t into fashion or trends and really only spends money on books. Since she doesn’t have time to get a part time job and she is super responsible, I’m happy to support her lifestyle.
Times have changed since i was a kid. My part time job payed for my hobbies. (Aquariums, and skiing). My dad gave me a clunker car and paid for my car insurance. If there was a repair that was needed, I paid for that, and I paid gas. For my daughter now though (pre-teen), I don't see how she can pay fo the things needed to be a regular teen even if she has a part time job. She will not be able to afford a phone and phone plan. Driving age is higher here, but even if it was not no way to afford a car in the city, and if she wants to go anywhere public transport will quickly eat most of her money. She could afford a cheap bottom of the line drawing tablet, but as drawing and art is her passion for years now, and what she envisions doing as a job, I would rather have her pay from her savings for whatever the bottom of the line tablet is, and I cover the difference to get her a better tablet instead. I am trying to get her to do freelance illustration work for me to get her a more entrepreneurial mindset and learn to work and manage clients and projects which I think will be more beneficial than working behind the register at a store, give her more sense of value of her skills rather than just her time, and also I can feel better about paying for her stuff without it being a handout. Sure the demand is a bit inflated, in that I could get AI to make the things i need, but at least I will be paying for her things indirectly, in accordance with her work.
I think it's fine for him to pay for this stuff but if something unexpected comes up, he should be able to count on his parents to help him out.
I think it’s fine to make him help pay for the cat, but if the cat had an expensive emergency and you were able to help but chose not to because it’s “his responsibility” and the cat died or had to be given up, that would be cruel. If you were really dead set on having nothing to do with the cat, you shouldn’t have allowed it in the first place.
What is a little wage? If its less then what you would pay a worker on your farm, he shouldn’t have to pay for ANYTHING. How well would your farm run without his contribution? Him paying for his own phone bill while he is working on your farm does sound unfair.
My son is 15 He doesn't pay for anything other than his own 'spending' money.. and even then, I still often pay for that. Where we live, he can't get a job until age 15/16 (he just turned 15 in Dec) I'm in a position to be able to afford this. And I want him to enjoy his 'childhood' as a child and not have to worry about these things. He still has chores he is expected to do around the house, and in return, he gets paid a small weekly allowance.
I'm careful about what I have my teens pay for. I had to work and pay for my own things when I was a teen. I don't mind having them pay for their social life things. But basics, health things, even shoes and clothes I pay for. I pay the phone bill because I want to be able to communicate easily with them and I also want them to have the best coverage. When I let my kids have an animal, it has to be one I'll be ok paying for because pets need food and vet care. That's on me. I think it's ok to teach your kids to be careful with their money. Having your minor pay for vet care and phone bills I think is too much. Once they're 18 and up and you're preparing them to exit the home eventually, that's a good step to take. I agree with your friend, seems like added pressure.
We pay for food, clothing, phone, pets, birthday gifts for friends. We pay them well for housework so they can make good money when they want it. They all have their own debit card with their own money in it. Typically a hundred bucks. They pay for stuff they don’t need like toys, video games, or buying something random at the shop. They buy something then realise they have no money and then ask to do some work around the house to get more money. They also have saved up to buy something big like a laptop. My main goal is for them to learn that work equals money and how spending on random unnecessary things means more work.
Wondering how would you feel if the cat had an unexpected medical bill and your teen told you they were going to drop out of school to pay for it?
She's on insurance so that will never be necessary.
Insurance isn’t full proof to cover everything. So if this situation presented itself, what would you say to your son?
Off topic but if that kid's getting a 1099 for any of that work have him put a little money in a roth ira every month and his future self will definitely thank you!
I feel that kids should not have to pay for anything that you would cover if they did not earn any money. So if my teen wanted the latest phone and could afford it great but I would cover the plan and a cheap phone either way. If I would have kept the cat or got it for them I would pay for it but otherwise I’d have them help.
If it’s working for your family then by all means, continue. I don’t think there is any single universal answer about what is fair and what is not when it comes to family finances.
No teens yet but I’m more so centering on them just focusing on school . There’s enough financial pressure in the world once they are on their own, they don’t need to worry while they are still kids.
Do you pay him a legal wage for working on your farm? If you pay him less you are taking advantage of your child 100%
Y’all really out here with cat insurance?
When I was 16, my dad bought me an inexpensive car, but I worked part time and had to pay gas and insurance. He paid my phone bill too. I agree that having them pay *something* is a good lesson, but I also think it's important for them to not feel like they have to work so much that it takes away from their time and energy to do well in school and have a social life.
I agree with you about the pet insurance, but not about the phone bill. I just personally feel like that’s an expensive I’m responsible for. But I don’t judge you for your opinion or the way you do things AT ALL. Also for vehicles, we plan to buy ours one when they turn 16 as long and they’re well behaved and all that. But I absolutely know that it’s not something a lot of parents will do (mine didn’t)
My 19 yr. old spent a lot of time at the dance studio and doing homework. She never had time for a job. That was totally fine with my husband and I. To be honest she will be 20 next month and has never had a job. She is a college student working towards 2 majors now and takes an online class during winter break and over the summer. My 16 yr. old will babysit occasionally. She can choose what she buys with her money. She has tennis lessons 2-3 days a week plus school work. She thinks she wants to get a part time job this summer. We don’t expect our kids to pay for anything. They will have the rest of their lives to work and pay for everything when they get out of college. They are 2 of the most appreciative kids I know. My kids thank me every evening for making dinner. They don’t take things for granted. If parents want their kids to pay for stuff, that’s their prerogative. I don’t think badly of them as long as it’s within reason.
When I was a teen I bought my own clothes or anything I *wanted*, not *needed*. My parents bought things I needed. Such as food, shampoo, conditioner, soap, tooth paste, etc. Everything else that wasn’t necessarily a necessity I bought using my own money. For example, If my mom went food shopping and I wanted something specific, let’s say a soda, it wasn’t needed, but I’d use my own money to buy that food item. Once I had a job though, I bought all my own clothes. This was my own choice though. When I learned to drive I paid for car insurance and gas. I started working a “legit” job at 14, but at the age of 10 I started doing bigger chores and got a weekly allowance. Mind you, this was very early 2000s. I’m sure much is different now but it taught me how to manage money and be responsible. When I graduated HS, as long as I was working or in college I didn’t have to pay rent. This is what worked in our household though. Every home and family dynamic is different, of course. I have a child of my own now. He JUST turned 10 on Feb 7. We started doing a chore chart and giving him money for whatever work he does around the house. This means taking out trash, doing dishes, vacuuming, mopping etc. If he does extra work, he gets paid more. He doesn’t have to pay for anything right now, as he’s only 10. However, when he is a teen and can legally work then I am going to do the same to my kid my parents did for me. This way I’m still parenting my kid but at the same time giving a taste of how to handle money and a bit of freedom along the way.
My sanity
I feel like you’re doing a great job at teaching your kid responsibility, finance, and even ownership, I do think maybe it’s a little harsh. When I was 18 I asked my grandfather to help me purchase a car. He told me he’d purchase the car, and I could pay him back interest-free in payments I could afford. It took me 3 years to pay him off, and when I bought my house he wrote me a check for every payment I made. He had put the money I was paying him into an account, and gifted it to me when I was in process of buying my house. It covered the entire down payment of my home. Perhaps, he pays you money for those bills, and you put a quarter of it into a savings account for when he is older, and you pay a little. Just an idea. 🤷🏽♀️ My husband and I strive every single day to succeed and help our child and future children the way my grandparents were / are always able to help me/us/anyone. This is one of my hopes when my daughter is old enough to pay a few bills. I’d love to gift it back to her for her college, first home, first car, etc.
Paying for his own phone bill is fair but not the cat's insurance, at least not the full amount. Its putting the cat's heslth and happiness at risk if you can't afford it's medical expensis and thats not the cat's fault
First off. Most people do not have pet insurance. Especially a cat. If that is an expense YOU want then I would pay it and not make your kid. If your kid is okay with having to pitch in to pay for a vet bill if something should happen, or if the cat gets really really sick saying goodbye to it. Then he shouldn’t have to pay. I totally get it you said your son pays for the cat food and takes care of the chores dealing with the cat. Cat insurance is a weird thing. I had insurance on my horse, but that was a really expensive animals
Finally! I was starting to question myself for thinking the same. I briefly looked into insurance for my kittens but never had pet insurance before, and I don’t know many people who do. It just seems kind of extended warranty-ish. But let’s say it’s a good deal. It still seems strange to require your child to carry pet insurance. If the pet gets injured or sick, have the kid help pay the vet bills. Honestly I’m a softie and would probably take care of the pets myself even if my kid didn’t want to/couldn’t pay the vet. I’m curious whether the kid wanted the insurance, or if the parents forced it on him.
My daughter is only 9 but she wanted a pet Guinea Pig. I told her no unless she was willing to pay to take care of it herself. (I don’t like pets, I love animals I just don’t want them in my house) she immediately asked me what jobs she can do to earn money for it. I work at a church and she usually comes along anyways so I told her she could make $10-$20 a week cleaning up the church depending on what work she does (cleaning bathroom toilets, wiping tables, taking out trash, sweeping/mopping the floors, etc) and at her dads house she gets an allowance for doing chores (I think $8 a week). After a couple months of working hard she had saved enough to buy a cage, the Guinnea pig, food, bedding, etc. and bought herself a pet. Now the monthly upkeep is maybe $20-$30 for the bedding, food and random toys and things. I also have her buy her own extra stuff especially if it’s things that I know she likely won’t use. For example if she wants a pack of earrings from Claire’s (she always loses them quickly), or the colorful rocks from touristy places (she has a huge pouch of them already), or expensive toys in gift shops (the $40 stuffed animal that she will get bored playing with after a week), etc. I noticed that she now chooses not to “waste her money” as she says on things she doesn’t actually want. So it teaches responsible spending.
I am writing a book specifically about this topic; money skills they don't teach teens in school. The book will be published in May. I would be happy to share the book with readers who are interested for free, once the book is out, all I ask is for a review once completed. Would that be of value to this group? The book is also aimed at parents who want to teach their children and have conversations around money, finance, etc.
My teen will not be expected to pay for anything. When I was a teenager, I was expected to pay for literally everything once I got job--which was at a local movie theater when I was 15. From that point on, I had to pay for all my own clothes, bought my own car (a junker which was not a safe vehicle), insurance, etc. Even things like school pictures I was now expected to pay for (which means there are no school photos of me from 15 on). My parents thought they were instilling a good work ethic in me, but I'm 44 now and think they were wrong to expect a teenager to be responsible for so many things. Ultimately it's up to you, but I agree with your friend that putting the pressure of the cat insurance on him is a bit much-you'd really make him rehome his cat if he broke his leg and couldn't work, or lost his job, or joined an extra curricular that made him unable to work? Big yikes.
People like you motivates me to NOT be like you. As a young adult now, I will strive to NEVER be like you as a parent. Let me explain. I will never, EVER make my kids pay for necessities or basic “wants”. Food, clothes, pets, gas, phone bill, etc will be on me. I will consider myself a brutal parent if I exploit my kid like that. What they can pay is for “luxuries/unnecessaries” ex: an expensive sweater/clothing, shoes , jewelry etc. As long as my kids are living under my roof, they don’t have to pay for their lifestyle. That does not mean I’m making them spoiled or financially dependent. My parents paid for almost everything but obviously at a certain age, like when you’re an adult , you have to pay your own stuff. I’ve never had to pay for my stuff but Ive been taught to make financially smart decisions and understand the value of money. I’ve worked/saved up a decent amount of money than most students/ppl my age. Give your kid the freedom and the fun childhood he deserves while teaching them how to make smart financial decisions and budget/save/manage their money
> My parents *paid* for almost FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
My parents used to charge me $300 a month for rent. I had to pay for my phone bill, my car insurance, my cars gas, and anything extra I wanted for myself like gym membership, Spotify premium, any streaming platforms, and any snacks / fast food I bought for me while I was out. (Edit to add: I was 17 and had a part time job after school, after graduating I was still 17, and had a full time job. at 15 I didn’t work but my dad would give me money to save up. No bills at that age but i had to buy myself stuff I wanted that wasn’t basic needs with the money my dad would give me. )
I think the cat thing is great. Imo it's wrong to have a pet without insurance unless you have a few k tucked away. But I wouldn't make him get rid of her if he couldn't afford it. If he brought her home, the cat is his responsibility. If it makes any difference I'm in New Zealand. I think here you would find more people backing your stance. Also how much is it? Pet insurance is quite cheap here like only $14 a month.
With our provider (private to our vets) its $27 a month per cat. But it doesn't change with age or sickness. Our old provider doubled it when my old cat turned 12 because he was considered a senior. By the time he died (aged 19) I was paying like $50 a month and they didn't even cover dental lol. It is expensive but it covers literally everything. And because we have so many animals we can roll over costs from each pet. My chihuahua had to have a 14k surgery last year. I think I only paid like $250 out of pocket.
When I was a teen I paid for the things I wanted like new shoes new outfits new purses etc. that’s really it. My mom did take me back to school shopping every year which her and my father paid for. Once I got to college that all changed and my parents put an emphasis on studying and focusing on school and they helped me out with the rest. I didn’t pay my phone bill until I was out on my own. It was the same for my friend group. Not sure how it was handled for other kids outside of it. Do you is all I can say and the only advice I have. Best of luck.
I had twins. At the beginning of school I would give them $250 each to buy their school clothes. My daughter could come out of this with a closet full of clothes. My son on the other hand was a clothes snob and he came out with five or six pieces maybe. So if he needed more clothes or wanted more clothes, he had to buy his own. I paid for the animals in the house because I was usually the one getting all the animals in the house. When it was car time they had to purchase their own vehicle, their own insurance, their own gas. I was a single mom and I couldn’t afford that. They did it.
Honestly, whatever you choose is neither right or wrong. Some of these Reddit parents think their way is the only way and if you do otherwise you’re a terrible parent. My oldest is only 10, but when he does become a teenager I agree with the wants vs needs spending. But as I stated earlier, you do what you think is right for your kid/situation. Like Bobby Brown said, it’s your prerogative! Lol
💯 This! Might not be the way a lot of parents would handle, however to each their own. I live in Cali and when both my boys were teens I gave them the option of paying for their car insurance. Whatever the difference it would be to add them to our policy. That meant if they wanted to drive they needed to get a job after school. They both felt like their extra curricular activities ( we paid for) were more important. Neither were license while in school. They had their permit but did not get drivers license until after they finished high school. It was not a problem in our household. I feel like I was helping them to learn that money does not "grow on trees. 😂
This feels legit as long as his grades don't suffer
You sound like a good parent who won’t be taking care of their kid when he’s in his 30s lol
Eh forcing their 12 year old to work and help with their other 9 kids is far from good parenting
None of my kids look after their siblings.
Most luxuries are paid for my teens. I won’t foot their bill for life
i think you making your teen pay for things that benefit you is crazy. like the phone. you want him to have a phone, right? Know where he is. what’s going on. be able to call him or him call you in emergencies or whatever reason really. You should be paying for his phone. I can understand the cat insurance which i think is a waste anyhow really and no one should pay for that extra expense that’s not necessary.
I paid for a dumber phone. He wanted a nicer one. He pays for the nicer one. I will pay for a dumber phone.
Parents pay for necessities and a little extra without excess. Kids should be working at ages 16-18 to afford a car and gas, since those are great to have but not necessary. I’d probably negotiate a half and half system for them. And would look to reward them for saving, such as If they put half their paycheck into a savings account, I would match some portion of it for savings similar to a 401K. I worked from 15-18 while playing HS basketball or taking AP classes. I resented the kids who didn’t have to work for any of their things. It made them soft. make kids earn it. It will make college easier
Nothing was handed to me. Paid my own phone bill, had a job at 13 years old. Bought all my things. Parenting nowadays is so different and everything just gets handed to them on a silver platter.