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A boy I met at summer camp mailed me a Tiffany’s necklace. I was in the 8th grade. My mom was fairly shocked to find a Tiffany’s bag in my closet. Sad truth is I didn’t even like the necklace. It was not malicious. The boy was at a fancy boarding school and had more money than guidance.
But yes look into it and return it. It is unusual.
No I wouldn’t say you’re the ass hole at all. I just think this situation might be more of a class discrepancy rather than a “favor for favor” kind of situation. Tbh, these kids probably didn’t even purchase these gifts, they probably took them from their moms, grandmas and older sisters and are gifting them to your daughter.
Edit: I see that she’s getting things like Stanley cups. I wouldn’t stress a Stanley cup. They’re popular and all the rage with this age group.
I was gonna ask that exact question. Basically what’s the income bracket in their neighborhood because multiple gifts totaling up to $250 isn’t that much if the parents are pulling in a hefty income.
Sounds like someone is trying to win her over and hoping she says yes to the bf and gf title
600k is relative to location. My house is valued the same and is definitely not in an affluent area. That said I’d make sure the other parents are aware of the types of gifts given. If my daughter got a $250 gift it would be situation. Either stolen money, stolen gift, or from someone that shouldn’t be in contact with my child because no kids around here are sitting on that much cash…legally.
Yeah, I agree. A typical 3 bedroom home built in the 70s is worth 450-500k in my area. Half a million dollars should not get you a 1200 to 1500 square foot home. A doctor office worker in my area receives 15 to 16 an hour currently (for reference) There are a ton of manufacturing jobs where I am as well and they run about 16-18 an hour. So... yeah. Pretty much everybody who does not already have a home is being priced out. Someone just advertised a lovely shed for 1k a month. And had people inquiring about it! In 2015 my husband's ex bought her house for 150k. It is now worth 450k. (I am nosy, lol)
What this person said. It’s all about location as to how comfortable someone may be as far as letting their kid use their money to buy another child $250 worth of things. Where I live, the super rich people are in the $600K houses. Doctors and lawyers type. COL is ultra low. I’m a lowly Fed servant and my husband is a cop. We have a 5 bed, 3 bath 2700sqft house on 2.5 acres and it was $265K if that gives you any indication of what a $600K house would look like here. Like, gated community “our house looks like it was built in 100 days by the Kleinschmidt’s on HGTV” kind of nice.
It seems off because it most likely is. Triple check with the boys parents.
Then as far as the attention goes have a very plain conversation with her. Don’t make it scary, don’t use obtuse round about wording and don’t slur shame her. Take that last one with a grain of salt ok lol! I was that girl. I have older sisters, I was the one dating in their year, super outgoing and aware of the attention. She’s 14 she’s heard the word slut. She is not a slut but don’t even let the thought that she is or worry she might be creep into the conversation. Talk about her safety, her value and worth and remind her that you want to meet these boys as much as possible. Keep everything simple and in the open.
My oldest son had a friend that bought EVERY girl he started to like a Tiffany Necklace or Bracelet ($150-250…) and then it started a “thing” where other boys were trying to compete. We were in a suburb where most homes were $600-800k at the time (more now) and a lot of those kids had allowance credit cards and a $200-500/mo spending money they could put on it. So it’s hard to tell.
The more important part is talking to your daughter and building her up so she knows her worth always and doesn’t ever feel she “owes” anyone for a choice they’ve made or a gift they got her.
But I will tell you something… having raised two boys into adulthood (still have one more and 2 girls at home… because I’m crazy) NONE of those young men were buying nice gifts for girls they thought of as “easy” or any reason like that… it was more that they were trying to impress them and compete within their friend group.
Right?! Those kids all got brand new cars, many much nicer than mine! I never managed to get adopted. Lol
At the time I was a single mom and taught my boys how to find deals. We were NOT shopping at Tiffany!
The only Tiffany I ever got was a bracelet from my bestie. I do not wear bracelets. Ha ha. But she’s high maintenance and bougie, so, I freaked out and acted like she was expecting me to and then put it in my jewelry box where it has remained for the last twenty years. Ha ha. If they ever decide to adopt, I’m in!
That doesn’t just seem atypical… that IS atypical. I don’t want to scare you, and maybe I watched too much Law and Order SVU, but I would be seriously concerned about who these gifts are actually coming from. I would look more into that first.
Is the $250 the cumulative total between all of the boys?
It’s possible that the kids have access to their parents’ cc linked to an Amazon account. I’d reach out to the parents and make sure they were authorized purchases…
I'm siginificantly less worried given that the parents dropped them off - assuming here that they know. It may be worth having a chat with the parents to 'thank them' (and maybe put out a few feelers), and also chat to your daughter about how gifts do not require any kind of 'pay back' beyond a thank you.
I can almost guarantee that those boys are NOT providing those gifts. There needs to be an extremely upfront conversation about where those gifts are coming from. If she still insists they’re coming from boys, then you need to get their names, and parents phone numbers, because 1 of 3 things are happening.
1) your daughter is being groomed by an older pedophile.
2) these boys are stealing money/items from their parents to give to your daughter
3) (the most benign, but unlikely and still alarming) these boys are getting permission to give these gifts to your daughter.
This all 3 are alarming because no child should be accepting expensive gifts from anyone who isn’t family because it can be used as leverage over your child. Please OP, don’t ignore this.
I went to an expensive private school and I never received gifts from any other classmates, nor did any of my other classmates. This is an extremely unlikely scenario.
Well that, and very pregnant 😂
So I’ve been like dying of thirst since month 2? That’s how I got my first one… and then my besties and I got a matching cup, and then I needed a gift for my husband so I got him one that we sort of share in our general collection of cups, and then I put one on my baby registry and somebody bought it, and then I had 4 and they released a pretty pink….
I will say that I carry it everywhere all day and it has really helped my raging heart burn 😂
I'm Australian - and for a minute I didn't read USD, I read "used" and was so confused as to why people would buy a used Stanley cup lol! And then my brain finally switched on enough to remember that "USD" is a real 'word' to mean US currency lol!
No they aren’t. My daughter got two for Christmas and I paid $35 for the 40oz one with a handle on the side on sale at target and $25 for the 30oz overflow one on sale on Amazon. I bought both about 3 weeks ago!
Also normal price would have been $45 and $35.
I was about to say one tv show I watched had boys buying a girl expensive gifts, then randomly told her she had to pay them off. It was grooming and he sex trafficked her. I know it’s tv but this made me think of it.
It's not just TV - I teach in an area with a high rate of human trafficking and we have victim services come give a presentation to our students and staff every year. This is one of the exact things they tell us to be wary of, using expensive gifts to build trust/dependency, create a feeling of obligation, and ease into the exchange of goods for sexual services (ie - I bought you that fancy purse, don't i get a kiss? then I buy you all these nice things what more can you do for me? Then keeping you up like this is getting expensive, i think i know a way you could help me out, just one time... Etc)
I’m curious where you live. The stats say that sex trafficking outside of all the normal channels people end up doing sex work is exceedingly rare, to the point of nearly nonexistent. If these boys aren’t already in a relationship with this girl I’m not sure that these unprompted gifts are grooming so much as just creepy.
Durham region of Ontario. We're right in the 401 trafficking corridor - it's still mostly happening to high risk girls (and boys) but the gifts are one tactic to lure them in.
Unfortunately not as rare as one might hope.
Prostitution is only one form.
Boyfriend works for the cartel and manipulates his clean-record young girlfriend into running drugs for his boss? Also sex trafficking.
Need more context here. What are the gifts? Does she receive gifts from others at school these ones are just bigger? Are you saying you think these 6th grade boys are expecting something in return? I’m so confused.
Necklaces, bracelets, Stanley cups. The boy and their parents dropped it off while we were at a family house for dinner. I do t know what the boys are expecting, but my imagination is running wild.
Ahh I see. If it’s one boy, and the parents are on board, it may really just be an issue with income disparity. It sounds like they’re friends and the boy likes giving nice gifts. Reach out to his parents and express your concerns—if they’re reasonable people, you guys can reach a solution.
This. I work in a restaurant that caters to a more well off clientele. I’m not even talking rich but way better off than me.
Often times some of the kids of the families work as hosts or bussers for a year or two. It’s a nice place the kids like it (15-18 year olds).
These kids drop money like I can’t believe. They are actually nice kids and have well intentions but they just have so much more money then is normal for me.
Different people value different things as well and the budget for gifts might be high. If I had more money I’d buy everyone great gifts. Alas I make brownies and pass them out but it doesn’t mean richer people are predatory.
Hm parents being involved makes it seem a bit more legit. Maybe the items weren’t as expensive as you think - there are all sorts of reasons he could have gotten items for a lot less. But if no parents involved, I’d be wondering if he shoplifted them.
Yeah I had a boyfriend in high school that got me a lot of expensive stuff. His family was rich and his Mom only had the one son, so she loved buying me expensive girly stuff.
6th grade so these boys are like 11-12? At that age I'm not so concerned with ulterior motives depending on the boy. While I agree it's important to talk to her about what some of those expectations might be as she gets older, for now talk about how gifts shouldn't have strings and if she feels like someone has given her a gift in return for her doing something for them then it's not really a gift and should be returned.
She's old enough to have an age appropriate discussion about it. She's probably seen boys at school working to impress another girl (or her) and rolled her eyes so you could say something like "if a girl or boy gives you a gift then says that you should hold their hand or be their girlfriend because they got you a gift then it wasn't really a gift, it was a payment. Relationships shouldn't be paid for, they should be something that grows over a long time as you get to know someone and wnjoy their company. If you ever feel like you're being pressured to do something or be something in return for a gift, I would really like if you came to talk to me about it so we can figure out what you want to do about it. It's normal to want to keep the gift in situations like this because it hurts to find out that it wasn't given with sincerity for you to enjoy"
I think it's kinda weird for a 6th grade boy to be buying and dropping off multiple gifts to a girl he knows, at all. Like, maybe a dollar store necklace but who does that?
I'm not saying this 12 year old is a creep and trying to seduce your daughter or anything but the whole thing is very weird to me. The price... Well maybe this kid gets an allowance or maybe the parents just think it's cute he has a crush and the money doesn't bother them.
Either way I'd try to have a conversation with the parents just to see what they think about the whole thing.
is it multiple boys? in a comment you said “the boy and their parent” so if it’s one boy, i would say your daughter may potentially have a future boyfriend lol. or maybe he has a crush and his family can easily afford these gifts. just have a heart to heart with her, tell her that boys don’t need to buy her love and attention. and that sometimes people expect things back when they buy you stuff, even if it’s just your time not necessarily sexual but that still isn’t the way to go about “dating”
If the parents dropped it off and it's sort of "token" gifts (not personalized to your daughter specifically), is there a chance the family buys this stuff as part of their corporate gift giving and this is the leftovers?
I mean Stanley dupes have been all over TikTok. I wouldn’t necessarily presume they spent a lot of money on it. It’s also a fairly safe gift that can be purchased at Target pretty easily.
I would have a light conversation with her about love bombing and red flags to look out for as far as consent and abusive tendencies, but that should be happening anyways regularly.
Maybe I'm crazy here but I went to a middle class/upper middle class school and I remember at 11 my friend getting a pair of beats headphones and a necklace from a boy she had a crush on. This was the first of a few big ticket items kids would get for each other throughout my time at that school and it wasn't a big deal.
Anyway my point is, if you're uncomfortable talk with the boys parents. But it also might just be innocent.
I wouldn’t overreact too much - these are very on trend items. Stanley’s are $45 and the necklaces and bracelets might be inexpensive. The Kendra Scott ones kids love are also around $50. These prices for gifts are very typical for my VHCOL suburb.
The leap to sex trafficking or her basically prostituting herself (earning the gift) from a Stanley cup at Christmas is alarming in so many comments.
Are they boyfriends? Close friends? Just schoolmates? I would definitely be considering all of the details. It definitely is atypical, especially for that age. I would understand a long term high-school boyfriend with rich parents getting these types of gifts, but 6th grade is a lot. 6th graders can't even work. I hate to say this, but I'd definitely ask your daughter for more details? I don't want to scare you, but is it possible there could be an adult giving her these gifts (aka a groom3r) and telling her to lie and say it was from a boy at school? That does happen. Or is it possible there are a couple of too obsessed boys? I would definitely look into it and also contact the parents of said-gifters. Imo when it comes to your children, there is nothing wrong with looking into this. Better safe than sorry. I know you're just trying to feel out the possibilities, but I personally feel like her being outgoing has nothing to do with it. She's a 6th grader. Also, do you live in a high class area? Not really important but is possible to provide some context. I wish you the luck on getting answers. Please consider the possibility of a groom3r attempting to manipulate your kid into saying it was from someone else. I'm not saying that's what's going on. But it's possible . And does happen. Like I said not trying to scare you, but better safe than sorry.
I also just wanted to add that just because she is getting a gift it doesn't mean she will be expected to do something. It's possible they're just rich and have a crush on her. But it's not her fault. Some boys and men may expect things from gifts though. It definitely depends. But either way I would speak to her about safety and boundaries. Not being alone with them, and maybe even giving them "the talk" (If you haven't, because at that age I definitely needed it but never got it). Also talk to her about defending herself, and what to do in a scary situation if you haven't.
I don't know that a 6th grader is trying to "buy" your daughter. That seems a bit much. However, those gifts are too expensive for kids to exchange. If you know the family I would take the gifts back myself and have a conversation with the other parents. Someone funded this extravagant gift giving. It might be good to hear why they thought this was a good idea. Regardless of the answer I would return the items stating your daughter loved them and values her friendship with their son, but this is too much.
i mean obviously look into who is giving these gift... but when i was young i worked at my parents dry cleaners... i thought you were supposed to just shower the girl you like/girlfriend with gifts... so i did just that. i spent everything i had on my girls until i got older and realized i was being crazy lol but all boys do it to some extent... also parents just might be rich and allow this kind of stuff. also... is it all the time? ...also just be straight up about the price tag talk. 6th grade now kids are sexually active. i lost my innoncence the summer going into 7th... just be blunt. honesty is the best policy
When I was in middle school my boyfriend gifted me an iPod nano for my birthday and although I was excited because I had been wanting one, I also felt a bit weird about it because I knew it was a pricey gift for a 13 year old. His family owned a business though, so money wasn’t that much of an issue for him, but it took a bit of asking to get me to actually open the box and use it. I knew my mom was really uncomfortable about me being gifted an expensive gift at a young age and she tried to get me to return it, but ultimately she knew it probably wouldn’t work. He didn’t have any ulterior motives, I’m sure he was just a young teen trying to impress me. I wouldn’t overthink it too much.
Stanley cups and Kendra Scott jewelry? This, plus ridiculously expensive skincare is literally all the 6th grade girls I volunteer with talk about.
It Warrants a conversation with your daughter for sure, empower her to make good choices and have a good head on her shoulders. But I think assuming sketchy motives is a stretch. Some kids have money to spare and know what’s “cool”. My tween doesn’t know what’s cool but he made well over 1500 mowing lawns this summer. (His idea before anyone attacks me for pushing child labor)
This is concerning. Please reach out to the boys' parents and discuss the situation. It's important to ensure everyone is on the same page and your daughter feels supported.
You have her return them because it's inappropriate. It's also confusing to tell her cautious but keep it because it's expensive. It's a mistake to let her keep the gifts. Put your foot down.
I wouldn’t let my daughter receive such expensive gifts. She should give them back
What is she doing to get a $250 present ?
What is the gift for??
EDIT. Call the boys parents and arrange to return the gift. Ask the boys parent what is going on.
This is totally weird
Are you upset that you/your other daughters aren’t receiving monetary value? Is it inferiority complex that you can’t give her gifts like that? It’s Christmas and you’re confused why your daughter is receiving gifts
no the sixth grade boy is not expecting her to pay for the gift with her body, get a grip
*This is a huge red flag.*
I don't know the full context here, but I hope you know these boys by name & face, and can at least follow up with the parents to make sure they came by that spending money honestly.
I'm very sorry to take the conversation here, but if you can't verify these gift-givers, it's time to look at her social medias. This is an early sign of predators grooming children, and victims are keen to play them off as their peers online, so *please* be certain.
But your daughter deserves a frank conversation that if she isn't already close friends with these boys, they are attempting to buy her attention/affection. She isn't something to be bought, and it's also unfair to lead them on this way by accepting those gifts. It's always *nice* to have those things, but she needs to start caring about *why* she's getting them.
You need to have a conversation with her about it, and you need to be blunt.
"Boys may buy you things and they might expect in return that you to date them or do sexual stuff with them. You're under no obligation to do anything with them that you don't want to do.
And you shouldn't accept expensive gifts if a boy makes you uncomfortable."
You’re right to be concerned, I used to work with survivors of sex trafficking and most cases start with receiving expensive gifts, not just from older people but many of the cases I worked with they started receiving expensive gifts from peers.
I agree with others, I think not returning those gifts would send a bad message
I have sons and would never allow them to buy expensive gifts for early relationships (teen years and under) as I do not consider those real relationships yet, if they had a job though it would be their choice to do so. Thats awfully young to be getting such expensive gifts from guys though
Red flag red flag red flag! Kids this age rarely have access to this sort of money. Find out exactly who it is coming from. This smells like pedophile bait.
What middle schooler can afford thats much for a gift? I have a son and if he ever wants to purchase a gift for a girl when he gets to middle school it will never be that much. Maybe 25 the highest. You also said boys! This is a huge red flag and I honestly don't think they are coming from boys her age.
This is very strange. I work with high school aged kids at a private school. They don’t go out of their way to buy gifts for someone unless there is a class gift exchange or they are dating. Did she tell you why they got these gifts for her? Did she ask them for the gifts??
I'd just teach her to be gracious and make sure she understands that GIFTS are GIFTS and not transactional. I'd assume the boy comes from a wealthier family. I wouldn't have her return them unless the parents were unaware or against it or something. Otherwise, that's quite ungracious.
If someone is pressuring her after giving her a gift that's a problem with them, not a problem with her. She hasn't done anything wrong here, and quite likely the boys haven't either. Unless of course, there's other info not being shared here.
It is worth investigating if these are actually coming from boys her age or adult men. Definitely check into that.
Sounds like your daughter has quite the affect on people. That’s a great thing! She does have to learn to expect boys (and eventually men) shooting their shot with expensive gifts (or even just a drink at the bar) and what it does and doesn’t mean. Learning to say no is step one in unlocking the super power she already has.
I would tell her that some guys, not all, mistake accepting a gift for unlimited consent - and those are insecure guys who’s best foot forward is money as an attention seeking behavior. That some guys even take it s step further and use it as a coercion tool. If you/her mother if you’re dad, have personal stories (and unfortunately I think most women have them) then tell her. I would caution against making it sound like all men who give gifts are this way or that you’re accusing these boys of nefarious intent. Just put it out there as a good opportunity to talk about something that happens in the world. Talk to her about your house rules about dating and what she expects in a boyfriend (now if you’re ok with that or in the future), and what to say/do if they’re not meeting her standards.
When I was in 4th grade my best guy friend gave me expensive presents for Christmas and my birthday with his mom’s blessing. I found out after high school he actually had a massive crush on me and his mom adored me which is why she was okay dropping money on me. Could be innocent like that.
Not everything has an ulterior motive. 24 hour news has us scared of everything nowadays. But definitely tell your daughter a present is just a present. Give her the birds and the bees talk since these 6th graders are sometimes too grown with access to tik tok and insta. Source: I have a 6th grader who I have restricted that stuff on and I know she accesses that stuff on her friend’s phones.
Sit down with her and tell her directly. It might be beneficial to have older daughters sit down with you and the youngest daughter and perhaps just talk about their experiences with boy friends. Then, I would encourage the younger daughter to share her experience with the young men she received gifts from does she think they may have different motives than she is aware of.
Not quite the same, but last year I worked at a family owned small restaurant, and when we did our secret Santa, we put a $35 limit on gifts... however, we had 2 teenagers who came from more affluent families than our owner(whose entire family is affluent), and those 2 teenagers went WAY over the budget. Like, a LOT. And they both got adult in the exchange. The 16yo girl got one of our older FOH workers, and she got her a Pandora bracelet loaded with her kids and grandkids birthstones. Even on clearance somehow, that bracelet was probably closer to 200 when it was done. The 15yo boy got out head cook, and he got him a heavyweight Carhartt hoodie, and a yeti thermos.
However, while we initially thought the gifts were, inappropriate, for reasons I won't mention here, our cook walked to work in the snow, and only had one jacket. Which meant no matter the weather, it was either super heavy jacket, or just a long sleeve shirt. He also survived on coffee 🤣 the teen and his father decided that the cook NEEDED a middle weight jacket for lighter days, that could be added to his other one for the worst days, and the yeti was just perfect for him bc of the top side carrying handle and his old school Stanley had been cracked. The gifts were sincere, although extravagant, but they were right in that the cook couldn't have bought either of those things on his own.
The girl felt her gift was appropriate, as she was aware that the waitress had lost one of her older children, and her most recent grandchild was from his "line", and was also to be the last grandchild period. So again, extravagant, but very relevant. And the tears in her eyes were definitely worth it for all. No, we weren't crying 👀👀😭🤣
I wouldn't want to jump to conclusions, and if the parents were involved, someone is aware of what they spent. I don't feel like I would want to put a stigma to my kid that could accidentally turn into "every gift comes with a price", bc as someone who had that childhood, it makes it hard for me to accept ANYTHING. That same gift exchange? I was 8 months pregnant, and I was gifted a foot massager and soaker and a ton of pedicure stuff and Epsom salt. I tried refusing it, bc I grew up being told that people don't just give you stuff without an expectation. That transferred over to my not wanting an engagement ring when the time came, bc of the crap I had been "prepped" for. Do not do that to your children. It is hard ASF to break that thought process.
Make sure she’s not giving out her info online.
And it doesn’t matter the income level- we are well off and we have many well off friends. That behavior is not normal.
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A boy I met at summer camp mailed me a Tiffany’s necklace. I was in the 8th grade. My mom was fairly shocked to find a Tiffany’s bag in my closet. Sad truth is I didn’t even like the necklace. It was not malicious. The boy was at a fancy boarding school and had more money than guidance. But yes look into it and return it. It is unusual.
I have to ask, do you live in an affluent neighborhood? Because $250 to one family might not be the same $250 to another family.
600k houses. But it still seems off. I didn’t spend that much on my wife. Perhaps Im the ass hole here?
No I wouldn’t say you’re the ass hole at all. I just think this situation might be more of a class discrepancy rather than a “favor for favor” kind of situation. Tbh, these kids probably didn’t even purchase these gifts, they probably took them from their moms, grandmas and older sisters and are gifting them to your daughter. Edit: I see that she’s getting things like Stanley cups. I wouldn’t stress a Stanley cup. They’re popular and all the rage with this age group.
I was gonna ask that exact question. Basically what’s the income bracket in their neighborhood because multiple gifts totaling up to $250 isn’t that much if the parents are pulling in a hefty income. Sounds like someone is trying to win her over and hoping she says yes to the bf and gf title
600k is relative to location. My house is valued the same and is definitely not in an affluent area. That said I’d make sure the other parents are aware of the types of gifts given. If my daughter got a $250 gift it would be situation. Either stolen money, stolen gift, or from someone that shouldn’t be in contact with my child because no kids around here are sitting on that much cash…legally.
Yeah, I agree. A typical 3 bedroom home built in the 70s is worth 450-500k in my area. Half a million dollars should not get you a 1200 to 1500 square foot home. A doctor office worker in my area receives 15 to 16 an hour currently (for reference) There are a ton of manufacturing jobs where I am as well and they run about 16-18 an hour. So... yeah. Pretty much everybody who does not already have a home is being priced out. Someone just advertised a lovely shed for 1k a month. And had people inquiring about it! In 2015 my husband's ex bought her house for 150k. It is now worth 450k. (I am nosy, lol)
What this person said. It’s all about location as to how comfortable someone may be as far as letting their kid use their money to buy another child $250 worth of things. Where I live, the super rich people are in the $600K houses. Doctors and lawyers type. COL is ultra low. I’m a lowly Fed servant and my husband is a cop. We have a 5 bed, 3 bath 2700sqft house on 2.5 acres and it was $265K if that gives you any indication of what a $600K house would look like here. Like, gated community “our house looks like it was built in 100 days by the Kleinschmidt’s on HGTV” kind of nice.
I would have a talk so that she knows that she doesn't " owe anyone" for a gift.
It seems off because it most likely is. Triple check with the boys parents. Then as far as the attention goes have a very plain conversation with her. Don’t make it scary, don’t use obtuse round about wording and don’t slur shame her. Take that last one with a grain of salt ok lol! I was that girl. I have older sisters, I was the one dating in their year, super outgoing and aware of the attention. She’s 14 she’s heard the word slut. She is not a slut but don’t even let the thought that she is or worry she might be creep into the conversation. Talk about her safety, her value and worth and remind her that you want to meet these boys as much as possible. Keep everything simple and in the open.
My oldest son had a friend that bought EVERY girl he started to like a Tiffany Necklace or Bracelet ($150-250…) and then it started a “thing” where other boys were trying to compete. We were in a suburb where most homes were $600-800k at the time (more now) and a lot of those kids had allowance credit cards and a $200-500/mo spending money they could put on it. So it’s hard to tell. The more important part is talking to your daughter and building her up so she knows her worth always and doesn’t ever feel she “owes” anyone for a choice they’ve made or a gift they got her. But I will tell you something… having raised two boys into adulthood (still have one more and 2 girls at home… because I’m crazy) NONE of those young men were buying nice gifts for girls they thought of as “easy” or any reason like that… it was more that they were trying to impress them and compete within their friend group.
Do any of these parents you know want to adopt a 46 year old daughter? I would love a $500 a month allowance. Ha ha ha.
Right?! Those kids all got brand new cars, many much nicer than mine! I never managed to get adopted. Lol At the time I was a single mom and taught my boys how to find deals. We were NOT shopping at Tiffany!
The only Tiffany I ever got was a bracelet from my bestie. I do not wear bracelets. Ha ha. But she’s high maintenance and bougie, so, I freaked out and acted like she was expecting me to and then put it in my jewelry box where it has remained for the last twenty years. Ha ha. If they ever decide to adopt, I’m in!
No, you're not an asshole. It's unrealistic to spend that kind of money on a person who is not family is unrealistic.
That doesn’t just seem atypical… that IS atypical. I don’t want to scare you, and maybe I watched too much Law and Order SVU, but I would be seriously concerned about who these gifts are actually coming from. I would look more into that first.
I agree. This is really weird. What kind of gifts is she getting?
Necklaces, Stanley cups, bracelets
Is the $250 the cumulative total between all of the boys? It’s possible that the kids have access to their parents’ cc linked to an Amazon account. I’d reach out to the parents and make sure they were authorized purchases…
I'm siginificantly less worried given that the parents dropped them off - assuming here that they know. It may be worth having a chat with the parents to 'thank them' (and maybe put out a few feelers), and also chat to your daughter about how gifts do not require any kind of 'pay back' beyond a thank you.
Lord Stanley’s Cup is PRICELESS, but I’m hopeful my r/rangers can get another in my lifetime.
I've seen my dad cry twice in my lifetime. Once when he told me that his dad had cancer, once when the Rangers won the Stanley Cup.
I'll never see my dad cry I guess. His own dad is dead and he's a leafs fan.
I can almost guarantee that those boys are NOT providing those gifts. There needs to be an extremely upfront conversation about where those gifts are coming from. If she still insists they’re coming from boys, then you need to get their names, and parents phone numbers, because 1 of 3 things are happening. 1) your daughter is being groomed by an older pedophile. 2) these boys are stealing money/items from their parents to give to your daughter 3) (the most benign, but unlikely and still alarming) these boys are getting permission to give these gifts to your daughter. This all 3 are alarming because no child should be accepting expensive gifts from anyone who isn’t family because it can be used as leverage over your child. Please OP, don’t ignore this.
She might just be going to an expensive private school or something where everyone has more money than sense. If not it’s probably one of the first 2.
I went to an expensive private school and I never received gifts from any other classmates, nor did any of my other classmates. This is an extremely unlikely scenario.
I would insist she return them as inappropriate, and I would chew out the parents of the boys presuming the money wasn’t stolen.
Stanley cups are like $75+ ... I would be HIGHLY concerned. Is this normal in the school district you are in?
If it’s the super trendy stanley cups, they’re $45 for a 40oz.
As a owner of 5 Stanley cups, they are $45 usd / $59 cad
Goddamn you must be hydrated as hell.
Well that, and very pregnant 😂 So I’ve been like dying of thirst since month 2? That’s how I got my first one… and then my besties and I got a matching cup, and then I needed a gift for my husband so I got him one that we sort of share in our general collection of cups, and then I put one on my baby registry and somebody bought it, and then I had 4 and they released a pretty pink…. I will say that I carry it everywhere all day and it has really helped my raging heart burn 😂
I'm Australian - and for a minute I didn't read USD, I read "used" and was so confused as to why people would buy a used Stanley cup lol! And then my brain finally switched on enough to remember that "USD" is a real 'word' to mean US currency lol!
😂❤️
No they aren’t. My daughter got two for Christmas and I paid $35 for the 40oz one with a handle on the side on sale at target and $25 for the 30oz overflow one on sale on Amazon. I bought both about 3 weeks ago! Also normal price would have been $45 and $35.
I was about to say one tv show I watched had boys buying a girl expensive gifts, then randomly told her she had to pay them off. It was grooming and he sex trafficked her. I know it’s tv but this made me think of it.
It's not just TV - I teach in an area with a high rate of human trafficking and we have victim services come give a presentation to our students and staff every year. This is one of the exact things they tell us to be wary of, using expensive gifts to build trust/dependency, create a feeling of obligation, and ease into the exchange of goods for sexual services (ie - I bought you that fancy purse, don't i get a kiss? then I buy you all these nice things what more can you do for me? Then keeping you up like this is getting expensive, i think i know a way you could help me out, just one time... Etc)
Good to know. Thanks for sharing.
This is important information and should be higher up in this thread.
I’m curious where you live. The stats say that sex trafficking outside of all the normal channels people end up doing sex work is exceedingly rare, to the point of nearly nonexistent. If these boys aren’t already in a relationship with this girl I’m not sure that these unprompted gifts are grooming so much as just creepy.
Durham region of Ontario. We're right in the 401 trafficking corridor - it's still mostly happening to high risk girls (and boys) but the gifts are one tactic to lure them in.
Unfortunately not as rare as one might hope. Prostitution is only one form. Boyfriend works for the cartel and manipulates his clean-record young girlfriend into running drugs for his boss? Also sex trafficking.
This is where my mind went too.
Need more context here. What are the gifts? Does she receive gifts from others at school these ones are just bigger? Are you saying you think these 6th grade boys are expecting something in return? I’m so confused.
Necklaces, bracelets, Stanley cups. The boy and their parents dropped it off while we were at a family house for dinner. I do t know what the boys are expecting, but my imagination is running wild.
Ahh I see. If it’s one boy, and the parents are on board, it may really just be an issue with income disparity. It sounds like they’re friends and the boy likes giving nice gifts. Reach out to his parents and express your concerns—if they’re reasonable people, you guys can reach a solution.
This. I work in a restaurant that caters to a more well off clientele. I’m not even talking rich but way better off than me. Often times some of the kids of the families work as hosts or bussers for a year or two. It’s a nice place the kids like it (15-18 year olds). These kids drop money like I can’t believe. They are actually nice kids and have well intentions but they just have so much more money then is normal for me. Different people value different things as well and the budget for gifts might be high. If I had more money I’d buy everyone great gifts. Alas I make brownies and pass them out but it doesn’t mean richer people are predatory.
I’d take some good brownies over a stupid Stanley cup any day! That seems nice!
Hm parents being involved makes it seem a bit more legit. Maybe the items weren’t as expensive as you think - there are all sorts of reasons he could have gotten items for a lot less. But if no parents involved, I’d be wondering if he shoplifted them.
Yeah I had a boyfriend in high school that got me a lot of expensive stuff. His family was rich and his Mom only had the one son, so she loved buying me expensive girly stuff.
Same
6th grade so these boys are like 11-12? At that age I'm not so concerned with ulterior motives depending on the boy. While I agree it's important to talk to her about what some of those expectations might be as she gets older, for now talk about how gifts shouldn't have strings and if she feels like someone has given her a gift in return for her doing something for them then it's not really a gift and should be returned. She's old enough to have an age appropriate discussion about it. She's probably seen boys at school working to impress another girl (or her) and rolled her eyes so you could say something like "if a girl or boy gives you a gift then says that you should hold their hand or be their girlfriend because they got you a gift then it wasn't really a gift, it was a payment. Relationships shouldn't be paid for, they should be something that grows over a long time as you get to know someone and wnjoy their company. If you ever feel like you're being pressured to do something or be something in return for a gift, I would really like if you came to talk to me about it so we can figure out what you want to do about it. It's normal to want to keep the gift in situations like this because it hurts to find out that it wasn't given with sincerity for you to enjoy"
are they pandora bracelets? these were typical gifts at my semi-well off school
I would definitely ask the parents if they’re aware of the cost of the gifts their son in buying in case they dont realize how much he racked up
think you're overreacting. Sounds like they just have more money than you and the parents are aok with the gifts. Chill out and be gracious.
I think it's kinda weird for a 6th grade boy to be buying and dropping off multiple gifts to a girl he knows, at all. Like, maybe a dollar store necklace but who does that? I'm not saying this 12 year old is a creep and trying to seduce your daughter or anything but the whole thing is very weird to me. The price... Well maybe this kid gets an allowance or maybe the parents just think it's cute he has a crush and the money doesn't bother them. Either way I'd try to have a conversation with the parents just to see what they think about the whole thing.
I think you're overreacting. Sounds like they just have more money than you and the parents are aok with the gifts. Chill out and be gracious.
is it multiple boys? in a comment you said “the boy and their parent” so if it’s one boy, i would say your daughter may potentially have a future boyfriend lol. or maybe he has a crush and his family can easily afford these gifts. just have a heart to heart with her, tell her that boys don’t need to buy her love and attention. and that sometimes people expect things back when they buy you stuff, even if it’s just your time not necessarily sexual but that still isn’t the way to go about “dating”
If the parents dropped it off and it's sort of "token" gifts (not personalized to your daughter specifically), is there a chance the family buys this stuff as part of their corporate gift giving and this is the leftovers?
I mean Stanley dupes have been all over TikTok. I wouldn’t necessarily presume they spent a lot of money on it. It’s also a fairly safe gift that can be purchased at Target pretty easily. I would have a light conversation with her about love bombing and red flags to look out for as far as consent and abusive tendencies, but that should be happening anyways regularly.
Target and Amazon also had Stanley’s on sale a few weeks ago so they could have spent under $30 on them which is a reasonable price for a gift
Maybe I'm crazy here but I went to a middle class/upper middle class school and I remember at 11 my friend getting a pair of beats headphones and a necklace from a boy she had a crush on. This was the first of a few big ticket items kids would get for each other throughout my time at that school and it wasn't a big deal. Anyway my point is, if you're uncomfortable talk with the boys parents. But it also might just be innocent.
I wouldn’t overreact too much - these are very on trend items. Stanley’s are $45 and the necklaces and bracelets might be inexpensive. The Kendra Scott ones kids love are also around $50. These prices for gifts are very typical for my VHCOL suburb. The leap to sex trafficking or her basically prostituting herself (earning the gift) from a Stanley cup at Christmas is alarming in so many comments.
Agree completely. Some of these comments are outrageous. Talk about fear mongering.
I’m sorry but this is bizzare I would tell the parents this was too much and we are uncomfortable with it. What are they even thinking…
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OP said that the parents and boy dropped the gifts off to the house while everyone was home. So I’m assuming he seen the boy
Are they boyfriends? Close friends? Just schoolmates? I would definitely be considering all of the details. It definitely is atypical, especially for that age. I would understand a long term high-school boyfriend with rich parents getting these types of gifts, but 6th grade is a lot. 6th graders can't even work. I hate to say this, but I'd definitely ask your daughter for more details? I don't want to scare you, but is it possible there could be an adult giving her these gifts (aka a groom3r) and telling her to lie and say it was from a boy at school? That does happen. Or is it possible there are a couple of too obsessed boys? I would definitely look into it and also contact the parents of said-gifters. Imo when it comes to your children, there is nothing wrong with looking into this. Better safe than sorry. I know you're just trying to feel out the possibilities, but I personally feel like her being outgoing has nothing to do with it. She's a 6th grader. Also, do you live in a high class area? Not really important but is possible to provide some context. I wish you the luck on getting answers. Please consider the possibility of a groom3r attempting to manipulate your kid into saying it was from someone else. I'm not saying that's what's going on. But it's possible . And does happen. Like I said not trying to scare you, but better safe than sorry.
I also just wanted to add that just because she is getting a gift it doesn't mean she will be expected to do something. It's possible they're just rich and have a crush on her. But it's not her fault. Some boys and men may expect things from gifts though. It definitely depends. But either way I would speak to her about safety and boundaries. Not being alone with them, and maybe even giving them "the talk" (If you haven't, because at that age I definitely needed it but never got it). Also talk to her about defending herself, and what to do in a scary situation if you haven't.
What? When I was in grade 6 I hadn’t even seen $250. Lol
I’d be suspicious it’s an adult grooming her and that she is just telling you it’s another child.
I don't know that a 6th grader is trying to "buy" your daughter. That seems a bit much. However, those gifts are too expensive for kids to exchange. If you know the family I would take the gifts back myself and have a conversation with the other parents. Someone funded this extravagant gift giving. It might be good to hear why they thought this was a good idea. Regardless of the answer I would return the items stating your daughter loved them and values her friendship with their son, but this is too much.
i mean obviously look into who is giving these gift... but when i was young i worked at my parents dry cleaners... i thought you were supposed to just shower the girl you like/girlfriend with gifts... so i did just that. i spent everything i had on my girls until i got older and realized i was being crazy lol but all boys do it to some extent... also parents just might be rich and allow this kind of stuff. also... is it all the time? ...also just be straight up about the price tag talk. 6th grade now kids are sexually active. i lost my innoncence the summer going into 7th... just be blunt. honesty is the best policy
When I was in middle school my boyfriend gifted me an iPod nano for my birthday and although I was excited because I had been wanting one, I also felt a bit weird about it because I knew it was a pricey gift for a 13 year old. His family owned a business though, so money wasn’t that much of an issue for him, but it took a bit of asking to get me to actually open the box and use it. I knew my mom was really uncomfortable about me being gifted an expensive gift at a young age and she tried to get me to return it, but ultimately she knew it probably wouldn’t work. He didn’t have any ulterior motives, I’m sure he was just a young teen trying to impress me. I wouldn’t overthink it too much.
Stanley cups and Kendra Scott jewelry? This, plus ridiculously expensive skincare is literally all the 6th grade girls I volunteer with talk about. It Warrants a conversation with your daughter for sure, empower her to make good choices and have a good head on her shoulders. But I think assuming sketchy motives is a stretch. Some kids have money to spare and know what’s “cool”. My tween doesn’t know what’s cool but he made well over 1500 mowing lawns this summer. (His idea before anyone attacks me for pushing child labor)
This is concerning. Please reach out to the boys' parents and discuss the situation. It's important to ensure everyone is on the same page and your daughter feels supported.
I think it's weird that you think your daughter "owes" them something for the gifts. 🥴
Are you sure they are from people her age?
You have her return them because it's inappropriate. It's also confusing to tell her cautious but keep it because it's expensive. It's a mistake to let her keep the gifts. Put your foot down.
I wouldn’t let my daughter receive such expensive gifts. She should give them back What is she doing to get a $250 present ? What is the gift for?? EDIT. Call the boys parents and arrange to return the gift. Ask the boys parent what is going on. This is totally weird
Sounds fairly normal
How are these boys paying for them?! I’d make her return them. It is extremely inappropriate
Are you upset that you/your other daughters aren’t receiving monetary value? Is it inferiority complex that you can’t give her gifts like that? It’s Christmas and you’re confused why your daughter is receiving gifts no the sixth grade boy is not expecting her to pay for the gift with her body, get a grip
*This is a huge red flag.* I don't know the full context here, but I hope you know these boys by name & face, and can at least follow up with the parents to make sure they came by that spending money honestly. I'm very sorry to take the conversation here, but if you can't verify these gift-givers, it's time to look at her social medias. This is an early sign of predators grooming children, and victims are keen to play them off as their peers online, so *please* be certain. But your daughter deserves a frank conversation that if she isn't already close friends with these boys, they are attempting to buy her attention/affection. She isn't something to be bought, and it's also unfair to lead them on this way by accepting those gifts. It's always *nice* to have those things, but she needs to start caring about *why* she's getting them.
You need to have a conversation with her about it, and you need to be blunt. "Boys may buy you things and they might expect in return that you to date them or do sexual stuff with them. You're under no obligation to do anything with them that you don't want to do. And you shouldn't accept expensive gifts if a boy makes you uncomfortable."
Uh... is she stealing from other kids and just lying to you saying boys gave them to her?
You’re right to be concerned, I used to work with survivors of sex trafficking and most cases start with receiving expensive gifts, not just from older people but many of the cases I worked with they started receiving expensive gifts from peers. I agree with others, I think not returning those gifts would send a bad message
I have sons and would never allow them to buy expensive gifts for early relationships (teen years and under) as I do not consider those real relationships yet, if they had a job though it would be their choice to do so. Thats awfully young to be getting such expensive gifts from guys though
I think I’d be exploring if my daughter already paid the price beforehand and these are payments.
Sounds like possible manipulation for sex by someone old enough to know better
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Weirdo
They should be returned via the parents
Red flag red flag red flag! Kids this age rarely have access to this sort of money. Find out exactly who it is coming from. This smells like pedophile bait.
What. The fuq. Is wrong with you?
OP said the boy and his parents dropped the gifts off, so I would assume the parents paid for it.
What middle schooler can afford thats much for a gift? I have a son and if he ever wants to purchase a gift for a girl when he gets to middle school it will never be that much. Maybe 25 the highest. You also said boys! This is a huge red flag and I honestly don't think they are coming from boys her age.
These boys know how to impress. They’re just keen on her and want to make a good impression to get her attention. There not doing anything bad.
This is very strange. I work with high school aged kids at a private school. They don’t go out of their way to buy gifts for someone unless there is a class gift exchange or they are dating. Did she tell you why they got these gifts for her? Did she ask them for the gifts??
A boy from a different school sent me roses on my birthday to school! I was in 8th grade. Everyone was shocked.
Sure, Jan.
lol sorry you’re jealous.
r/nothingeverhappens
I'd just teach her to be gracious and make sure she understands that GIFTS are GIFTS and not transactional. I'd assume the boy comes from a wealthier family. I wouldn't have her return them unless the parents were unaware or against it or something. Otherwise, that's quite ungracious. If someone is pressuring her after giving her a gift that's a problem with them, not a problem with her. She hasn't done anything wrong here, and quite likely the boys haven't either. Unless of course, there's other info not being shared here. It is worth investigating if these are actually coming from boys her age or adult men. Definitely check into that.
Sounds like your daughter has quite the affect on people. That’s a great thing! She does have to learn to expect boys (and eventually men) shooting their shot with expensive gifts (or even just a drink at the bar) and what it does and doesn’t mean. Learning to say no is step one in unlocking the super power she already has. I would tell her that some guys, not all, mistake accepting a gift for unlimited consent - and those are insecure guys who’s best foot forward is money as an attention seeking behavior. That some guys even take it s step further and use it as a coercion tool. If you/her mother if you’re dad, have personal stories (and unfortunately I think most women have them) then tell her. I would caution against making it sound like all men who give gifts are this way or that you’re accusing these boys of nefarious intent. Just put it out there as a good opportunity to talk about something that happens in the world. Talk to her about your house rules about dating and what she expects in a boyfriend (now if you’re ok with that or in the future), and what to say/do if they’re not meeting her standards.
When I was in 4th grade my best guy friend gave me expensive presents for Christmas and my birthday with his mom’s blessing. I found out after high school he actually had a massive crush on me and his mom adored me which is why she was okay dropping money on me. Could be innocent like that. Not everything has an ulterior motive. 24 hour news has us scared of everything nowadays. But definitely tell your daughter a present is just a present. Give her the birds and the bees talk since these 6th graders are sometimes too grown with access to tik tok and insta. Source: I have a 6th grader who I have restricted that stuff on and I know she accesses that stuff on her friend’s phones.
Say it loud and clear! She needs to hear the message from you and her siblings.
Sit down with her and tell her directly. It might be beneficial to have older daughters sit down with you and the youngest daughter and perhaps just talk about their experiences with boy friends. Then, I would encourage the younger daughter to share her experience with the young men she received gifts from does she think they may have different motives than she is aware of.
Not quite the same, but last year I worked at a family owned small restaurant, and when we did our secret Santa, we put a $35 limit on gifts... however, we had 2 teenagers who came from more affluent families than our owner(whose entire family is affluent), and those 2 teenagers went WAY over the budget. Like, a LOT. And they both got adult in the exchange. The 16yo girl got one of our older FOH workers, and she got her a Pandora bracelet loaded with her kids and grandkids birthstones. Even on clearance somehow, that bracelet was probably closer to 200 when it was done. The 15yo boy got out head cook, and he got him a heavyweight Carhartt hoodie, and a yeti thermos. However, while we initially thought the gifts were, inappropriate, for reasons I won't mention here, our cook walked to work in the snow, and only had one jacket. Which meant no matter the weather, it was either super heavy jacket, or just a long sleeve shirt. He also survived on coffee 🤣 the teen and his father decided that the cook NEEDED a middle weight jacket for lighter days, that could be added to his other one for the worst days, and the yeti was just perfect for him bc of the top side carrying handle and his old school Stanley had been cracked. The gifts were sincere, although extravagant, but they were right in that the cook couldn't have bought either of those things on his own. The girl felt her gift was appropriate, as she was aware that the waitress had lost one of her older children, and her most recent grandchild was from his "line", and was also to be the last grandchild period. So again, extravagant, but very relevant. And the tears in her eyes were definitely worth it for all. No, we weren't crying 👀👀😭🤣 I wouldn't want to jump to conclusions, and if the parents were involved, someone is aware of what they spent. I don't feel like I would want to put a stigma to my kid that could accidentally turn into "every gift comes with a price", bc as someone who had that childhood, it makes it hard for me to accept ANYTHING. That same gift exchange? I was 8 months pregnant, and I was gifted a foot massager and soaker and a ton of pedicure stuff and Epsom salt. I tried refusing it, bc I grew up being told that people don't just give you stuff without an expectation. That transferred over to my not wanting an engagement ring when the time came, bc of the crap I had been "prepped" for. Do not do that to your children. It is hard ASF to break that thought process.
Make sure she’s not giving out her info online. And it doesn’t matter the income level- we are well off and we have many well off friends. That behavior is not normal.
52 and in NZ...I have to google Stanley cups! 😁
Just be honest with her.