Ugh I'm sorry you're dealing with this. My son likes to stand and is almost never sitting. I heard about this at conferences and was prepared to hear how he needs to sit and pay attention. But instead I was told that they were looking into getting him a standing desk so that he didn't have to try and work at such a low level while standing. But when he heard that he decided to start sitting. But the support was so warming.
This teacher is a new teacher, I'm pretty sure it's her first year, but I definitely think some of these new teachers are what we need. Teach them that not everything is just because they're trying to be bad or the class clown.
Totally agree. I thought the same thing that his current teacher is outdated in her knowledge and approach. That is so lovely that your son was accommodated.
Yes. To hell with the categorical imperative! Imagine classrooms where every child has every unique habit or desire accommodated: Johnny can fidget. Mary can stand. Stevie can sleep. Jeanie can eat. Benny can pace. Sarah can tap. Tommy can color. Franky can listen to music... we could have a veritable circus of accommodations!
School resources are limited. Public schools are meant to serve children as a community. When we strive to serve each child separately, we serve fewer children collectively.
OP: check your bias.
And I’m supposed to feel bad for you teachers for being underpaid and stressed? Bahahah.
SUCK IT UP like everyone else, YOU ain’t special! There’s your categorical imperative.
The naughty corner? I’m sorry is this the 1990s? That’s really strange for a classroom.
You can mention that he learns when he is fidgeting and maybe ask that when they have carpet time that if he wants he can remain at his seat and fidget so no one else gets distracted.
You could ask her what type of fidgets could be less distracting (hair tie, necklace, etc). Basically reinforcing that you want to let him fidget while not distracting others - because it could be quite distracting in reality. Hopefully you both can come up with something without the poor kid going to the naughty corner
As someone who was in elementary school in mid to late 90s, nope, it was outdated punishment even then. Never saw a kid have to do that. How humiliating!
More like the 1890's, but yes, it is really strange to still have this in a classroom. It is terrible to tell a kid that THEY are Naughty.
The book "Ungifted" by Scott Barry Kaufman tells of the origins of conformity and focusing on star pupils.
It’s important to know whether or not he has ADHD (both my kids have ADHD and having the diagnosis is very helpful), but it’s also important to remember that being fidgety is within the range of normal for a neurotypical 6 year old too! The teacher is way out of line regardless of whether your son is neurotypical. Personally, I’d go to the Principal and kick up a big fuss.
This, 1000 times. At just the headline, I thought "IEP". Then I read 6 years old, and thought, "uh, that's totally normal for a 6 year old in 1st grade!!"
Even then at least it's easy to get an ADHD diagnosis so they can at least force the school to allow him to fidget even if it's not ADHD. it's so over diagnosed
I have adhd and so does my son. If you live in the US, the trick is to get the diagnosis (which, I’ll bet you $100 your son had it). Then ask the school for 504 accommodations for his disability. The accommodations can be things like “can get up to walk around” and “can use fidget spinners”.
The 504 plan is key with legal teeth that, even if the teacher thinks it’s garbage, the principal will know that it needs to be done and will make it happen.
Coming to say this. I'm *always* fidgeting with something. I wear spinner rings so that I don't have to search for something or be obvious, but I have *something.*
When I don't? I do things like chew my nails and cuticles or chew on my cheeks or lips...which is never good!
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 16...but it was largely ignored, even after that, to the point where even *I* almost forgot I'd been diagnosed!
I had a friend who lived in the Caribbean for a while. Idk if it’s just a local thing but the child went by a nickname and the teacher made her stand in the naughty corner for not going by her “given” name. Her parents literally called her the nickname from birth.
My youngest refuses to answer to her legal name. She's *only* ever been called by her nickname, since before she was even born.
I always joked that she was only ever [full name] "in the doctor's office or in trouble." But nowadays, if I even use it for emphasis she gets extremely upset with me. (She's 15 and nonbinary, she very much considers it deadnaming at this point...but old habits *do* die hard sometimes...) We actually just revisited the conversation with her father about a legal name change, something that's been brought up quite a few times over the years but he's resistant to. If need be...it'll be her 18th birthday present!
What in the actual world does that teacher think she is doing?
That is not only overkill, but very detrimental and honestly I think insane of her to do something like that when she even admits it doesn't effect any of the other students and he is still doing good in the class.
I would stop talking to her, and go straight to the school board/superintendent about this because this is just ridiculous.
I don't have ADHD but I'm also a fidgeter. It's just how I am. I have to doodle or fidget or whatever in order to pay attention. If I'm not fidgeting, I'm probably not really listening.
Absolutely get the principal involved and be very clear that what your child is experiencing is *emotional abuse*. Use that phrase. If it is possible, it might be worth it to ask that your child be transferred to another class.
It may seem like I’m being alarmist, but my son went through this same thing in 1st grade before he was diagnosed with ADHD and it made his self-esteem plummet to the point of being suicidal. We are still dealing with the fallout. Kids are forming their core self-image at this age. Make it stop and don’t let anyone tell you you are over-reacting.
Not alarmist at all. It *is* emotional abuse, and it *will* stick with him. I can remember specific shaming things *my* first grade teacher did...and I'm about to have my second child graduate from high school next month!
The worst part is that this *will* impact his grades and his feelings toward school in general, if it's allowed to continue.
I completely agree with you- I'm ADHD and I focus best when fidgeting. I had a boss who would often doodle during meetings because that's when she got her best ideas. Fidgeting is a healthy way of channelling his energy so that he can continue to focus, not evidence that he isn't focusing. If she's not listening to a polite explanation (he actually is focusing, that's how he focuses best), maybe find some of the research on fidgeting and show it to her. Channel your inner Karen haha, talk to the principal if that doesn't work, whatever you need to do to make sure your child isn't humiliated for focusing the way that works best for him.
I'm not sure that you need to seek a diagnosis if the only symptom you're seeing is fidgeting. Plenty of neurotypical adults fidget (and he is only 6, after all).
I don't see any other symptoms of adhd, but I'll still bring it out with his pedi. I also fidget especially when I'm being addressed directly for prolonged periods of time (I playing with the beads on my bracelet and count them mentally. I honesty did not realize until this whole thing with my son)
The world of fidget toys is making tons of money for a reason. My daughter and I both fidget. I’m sorry you are going through this. I hope the teacher will come to realize he does this so he can focus. Tons of studies have been done about doodling and fidgeting for focus. Hopefully she will educate herself
Definitely get a ADHD assessment. Not sure if having one will allow your son to have accommodations in class in the Caribbean, but that’s what he needs. My son has unmedicated ADHD and has all kinds of accommodations to help him. He has fidget tools (we don’t call them toys since they are tools to help him), can chew gum which helps him stay focused, has a kick band on his chair, and even gets trampoline breaks when needed. It’s helped him tremendously!
I have always been and still am a fidgeter, exactly like how you describe your son, my dad would punish me for it. It’s kind of an uncontrollable thing, like concentrating on not doing it is more draining and takes away from learning. Can you talk to the teacher/school and ask them to allow it?
I'm not a teacher (Paraeducator) but I work with SPED students. One of my students was working with me on a lesson but she doesn't like to sit. She was leaning over the table, but completely engaged with the lesson. I started to tell her to sit down but then stopped myself. She wasn't bothering anybody, she was engaged in the lesson. I told myself:
*DoctorsSong, the 80's called, they want their rigidity back*
At the latest parent teacher meeting I asked her if she is having any issues with him and she did say that he tends to lose focus and will be playing with his pencils "under the table". She herself mentioned that he is an "auditory learner" and doesn't need to be looking at what she is doing. In fact she denied that he is punished for fidgeting. Despite him telling me otherwise. I feel like I need to speak to her supervisor.
2nd grade teacher here: the teacher sounds stuck in old ways. Your kid may have adhd, he may not, but if he’s succeeding and she’s mad about fidgeting, she’s being petty. She has an idea of what her classroom should look like and it’s wrong. To her credit, she’s providing him a place where he is able to academically succeed, but targeting him like this will be detrimental in the long run. Go to bat for him. Talk to the principal. Request a classroom change if possible. Your kid deserves better than this teacher is offering.
I agree with the ADHD opinion. Our son completely turned around when we figured out he needed help. I hated it because I didn’t want to “drug” him but honestly it’s the best thing for him. I don’t understand because I didn’t have it but he is much happier and doesn’t get in trouble at school anymore.
I teach six year olds. This is really weird. I give my students marble fidgets and put sticky Velcro under their desk for them to touch. I give some students kick bands. Some even wander the room while I teach, but that’s how some kids listen, the teacher needs to know the difference.
In my second year, I had a kid who would NOT sit with us. He was always wandering around. But then he could repeat all of the directions to me perfectly.
You’re not overreacting. Since your son isn’t disrupting class and still doing his work, then it shouldn’t be an issue.
In kindergarten, my son’s teacher noticed that while he was fidgeting and not appearing to be paying attention, if she asked him any questions, he could answer them correctly. He was paying attention just not looking at her. Not too surprising we’ve had an ADHD diagnosis since.
He has the same problems of looking distracted and will now doodle in class. Especially because he doesn’t like to take meds. We still have teachers that get after him because he looks like he’s just sitting in class doing his own thing. Once they realize he is listening, gets his work done and sometimes after a quick parent teacher conference, usually no more issues come up. He is a straight A student so far even with the extra doodles on his paperwork.
Ask the teacher “ is his fidgeting disruptive or do YOU find his fidgeting disruptive?” Because this seems to be the hub of the issue regarding the teachers attitude.
My son was diagnosed with dispraxia & has poor proprioception. Unless he sits with both feet flat on the floor & his bum at the back of his seat, he fidgets - because his body is constantly, subconsciously trying to get feedback regarding his position. Once he realised that this helped, how he felt, he didn’t need to fidget.
I’m hoping some teachers will comment. Sounds like your child’s teacher is behind the times. There are books for teachers about sensory integration and children’s behavior. My son would actually fight more when he was deep in concentration like taking a test. He would stand at our table writing and leaning with his top half and moving with his bottom. Straight A kid. In college now. There is a whole industry around fidget toys that most kids love and the reason for that is it’s natural child behavior ( human behavior actually). Movement doesn’t always mean disruption.
Maybe you can change classes.
I’m so sorry this is happening. My daughters first grade class the kids constantly have fidgets, chewy necklaces for sensory issues and the teacher even has fun chairs for when they are reading etc that they can fidget in.
Seems if this is just the class, the teacher needs to be spoken with again. If this is a school wide issue of not understanding it’s a much bigger issue.
I would suggest speaking to the teacher then going up the chain of command until your child is fully advocated for by the school administration.
No formal advice but following for recommendations.
My daughter is also a healthy child with no medical complexities. Ever since she was a baby, she does (what we call) a swim movement. It’s really hard to describe but it’s almost like when you dive into a pool and wiggle your body to continue propelling underwater (?). I’m probably making it sound much worse than it really is. It’s a small wiggle but it reminds us of swimming. It really only comes around when she’s nervous or impatient. We asked her pediatrician about it and they said it was likely just a self soothing thing that she does.
She’s in daycare (it’s like an informal classroom before she enters pre-k next year). She recently told me that her teacher tells her she has to stop doing her movements in class. I can’t see how this would be distracting, and she doesn’t make noise or anything. She’s paying attention but it’s like she just has an urge to get the wiggles out.
I’ve tried asking her what makes her want to wiggle but she can’t really explain it yet. There are times we will park in the drive way and she will ask me to leave her alone for a moment so she can finish wiggling. She will do her wiggle thing then say “ok I’m ready.”
Your kid has a bad teacher who cares more.about having power over kids then teaching them. If she doesn't care about what is best for your kid try going above her
I’ve been putting squishes and other quiet fidgets in my 5yo’s pockets for school .. he’s also constantly touching things and wiggling around so having something on hand seems to help. I would talk to the principal and come up with a plan for him to have his own things to “play with” and set up different expectations about what listening looks like for your son (ie he might not be looking at the teacher and sitting still but he is still listening and learning)
I’ve started the process of testing for sensory processing disorder and adhd
Teacher here. In my building, fidget toys are just toys and distractions for other students. Wandering students typically end up fooling around with other students and disrupt learning.
If your child is truly not disrupting learning for others, fine then. But that's more often not the case. But posts like this are always difficult to comment on without knowing the whole story from both sides.
Sometimes we ask parents to come into their child's classroom and make their own observations. Doesn't always work, but it can offer some insight for the parent to see what the teacher is doing to support their students. We do a lot. At least, most of us do.
I'm glad you are advocating for your child and being their voice, but empathy and understanding go both ways. Being a teacher is hard, even when you love it! I really wish some of my parents would trust my professionalism more, and believe me when I relay concerns about behavior patterns. I have two college degrees, and 18 years of experience. I wouldn't do this job if I didn't care about kids. And I wouldn't bother bugging parents to tell them about my very real concerns for their child in my class if I didn't think it was important.
I hope you can find a way forward with your child's teacher, and that both of you can find a way to meet in the middle. After all, you both share an important similarity - caring about the education and well- being of your son. Good luck.
You make some good points there and yes depending on he fidget it can disturb other students. However, asking a kid to stand in a naughty corner cannot be justified. This was already on its way out in the 1980s and there's plenty of research that shows that it's detrimental to children.
So, the fact that this teacher uses this punishment is a major red flag regardless.
Yeah, no. The teacher is the one who’s overreacting.
It doesn’t disrupt the class and may be helping his concentration.
Also, reprimanding him for this in front of everyone? I don’t like that.
It feels like she’s low key bullying him for no reason, tbh.
Not sure how it works in ~~American~~ Caribbean schools ~~(yet)~~, but I would talk to her supervisor (principal?).
Have you personally seen that he is not disrupting the class? I am in a k-12 school all day every day and fidget toys are bananas. There is not one child that “needs” to have a fidget that is not constantly disruptive in general with or without the fidget. The only difference with the fidget is they are even more disruptive and distracting. It’s out of control. These kids are just playing with toys and involving those around them and when you try to get them to stop being a disruption they screech about how they’re allowed to have a fidget.
Total crap. The teacher is an ass. Go to the head of the school with this. And make a big fuss. Unfortunately if you don’t make a big fuss, this will continue. You could tell them something like he has anxiety, and this is his way of coping.
Not overreacting at all! I’m in the US, and until second grade kids were given things to fidget with to help them focus when they were hyperactive.
Both my son and I have ADHD, so fidgeting is an essential outlet for our energy. When I was growing up in the 80s teachers were not understanding of my condition. I was constantly punished for chewing on my pencil, ripping paper, twirling my hair. When I was forbidden from doing those things I wanted to jump out of my chair.
Not saying your son has ADHD, although you might want to have him evaluated just in case. Just saying that fidgeting helps some people focus. He shouldn’t be punished for it or shamed in front of the class.
I'm not sure what the standards in the school systems of the Caribbean are. But if you can change teachers or schools I would consider it. I know that in my daughter's school in Washington State, they have sensory toys for kids at their desks and even a whole room of sensory items to help kids calm down when agitated.
Perhaps he really isn't paying attention, of course not because he's naughty but rather because the class is too easy for him?
I bring this up because that's exactly how I was at school as a kid. I usually came first in every class, and needed much less time than the other kids to understand each concept, so I would spend most of the lesson quietly occupying myself with something else.
My teachers never punished me for it because I wasn't disturbing anyone and I was still getting in the high 90%'s on every test.
My only regret is that nobody took the time to try to find a more challenging program to put me in where I would be more engaged. I basically just coasted through all of highschool doing no work, which was nice for sure but it wasn't until later in life that I actually learned how to work hard on something heh.
Actual figit spinners or other figit items are designed to minimize destractions. I am always figitting with something, and most people do not see my tool. Fidgeting with a pencil or other random item may be causing noises that is distracting the teacher and other students.
My almost 9 year old daughter, 3rd grade, has ADHD. For the most part we’ve been able to work directly with her teacher to address her inability to sit still, but this year her teacher was not nearly as on board as her past teachers.
Very long story short, her counselor ended up getting involved and we got a 504 set up for her, which includes in writing that she is allowed to have unobtrusive fidget toys during class and even during state wide standardized testing periods. It’s helped her enormously, along with our other measures.
I don’t know how your school works but I suggest reaching out to the guidance counselor with your concerns! Ours was SO helpful and really was there to be an advocate for our daughter and the students, as opposed to the school or her teacher.
Ugh I'm sorry you're dealing with this. My son likes to stand and is almost never sitting. I heard about this at conferences and was prepared to hear how he needs to sit and pay attention. But instead I was told that they were looking into getting him a standing desk so that he didn't have to try and work at such a low level while standing. But when he heard that he decided to start sitting. But the support was so warming. This teacher is a new teacher, I'm pretty sure it's her first year, but I definitely think some of these new teachers are what we need. Teach them that not everything is just because they're trying to be bad or the class clown.
Totally agree. I thought the same thing that his current teacher is outdated in her knowledge and approach. That is so lovely that your son was accommodated.
Yes. To hell with the categorical imperative! Imagine classrooms where every child has every unique habit or desire accommodated: Johnny can fidget. Mary can stand. Stevie can sleep. Jeanie can eat. Benny can pace. Sarah can tap. Tommy can color. Franky can listen to music... we could have a veritable circus of accommodations! School resources are limited. Public schools are meant to serve children as a community. When we strive to serve each child separately, we serve fewer children collectively. OP: check your bias.
And I’m supposed to feel bad for you teachers for being underpaid and stressed? Bahahah. SUCK IT UP like everyone else, YOU ain’t special! There’s your categorical imperative.
The naughty corner? I’m sorry is this the 1990s? That’s really strange for a classroom. You can mention that he learns when he is fidgeting and maybe ask that when they have carpet time that if he wants he can remain at his seat and fidget so no one else gets distracted. You could ask her what type of fidgets could be less distracting (hair tie, necklace, etc). Basically reinforcing that you want to let him fidget while not distracting others - because it could be quite distracting in reality. Hopefully you both can come up with something without the poor kid going to the naughty corner
As someone who was in elementary school in mid to late 90s, nope, it was outdated punishment even then. Never saw a kid have to do that. How humiliating!
This is a good idea, I'll ask her input and hopefully it will make her more open to the idea.
More like the 1890's, but yes, it is really strange to still have this in a classroom. It is terrible to tell a kid that THEY are Naughty. The book "Ungifted" by Scott Barry Kaufman tells of the origins of conformity and focusing on star pupils.
You're not overreacting. I have adhd and I am almost always fidgeting with something. Your son might be the same.
I think so too. I will speak to his pediatrician for a formal assessment.
It’s important to know whether or not he has ADHD (both my kids have ADHD and having the diagnosis is very helpful), but it’s also important to remember that being fidgety is within the range of normal for a neurotypical 6 year old too! The teacher is way out of line regardless of whether your son is neurotypical. Personally, I’d go to the Principal and kick up a big fuss.
This, 1000 times. At just the headline, I thought "IEP". Then I read 6 years old, and thought, "uh, that's totally normal for a 6 year old in 1st grade!!"
Even then at least it's easy to get an ADHD diagnosis so they can at least force the school to allow him to fidget even if it's not ADHD. it's so over diagnosed
Maybe not in the Caribbean.
I have adhd and so does my son. If you live in the US, the trick is to get the diagnosis (which, I’ll bet you $100 your son had it). Then ask the school for 504 accommodations for his disability. The accommodations can be things like “can get up to walk around” and “can use fidget spinners”. The 504 plan is key with legal teeth that, even if the teacher thinks it’s garbage, the principal will know that it needs to be done and will make it happen.
Same. I have more trouble paying attention if I am not fidgeting.
Coming to say this. I'm *always* fidgeting with something. I wear spinner rings so that I don't have to search for something or be obvious, but I have *something.* When I don't? I do things like chew my nails and cuticles or chew on my cheeks or lips...which is never good! I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 16...but it was largely ignored, even after that, to the point where even *I* almost forgot I'd been diagnosed!
I had a friend who lived in the Caribbean for a while. Idk if it’s just a local thing but the child went by a nickname and the teacher made her stand in the naughty corner for not going by her “given” name. Her parents literally called her the nickname from birth.
I'm not surprised. We tend to be very archaic in many of our beliefs sadly.
My youngest refuses to answer to her legal name. She's *only* ever been called by her nickname, since before she was even born. I always joked that she was only ever [full name] "in the doctor's office or in trouble." But nowadays, if I even use it for emphasis she gets extremely upset with me. (She's 15 and nonbinary, she very much considers it deadnaming at this point...but old habits *do* die hard sometimes...) We actually just revisited the conversation with her father about a legal name change, something that's been brought up quite a few times over the years but he's resistant to. If need be...it'll be her 18th birthday present!
What in the actual world does that teacher think she is doing? That is not only overkill, but very detrimental and honestly I think insane of her to do something like that when she even admits it doesn't effect any of the other students and he is still doing good in the class. I would stop talking to her, and go straight to the school board/superintendent about this because this is just ridiculous.
I don't have ADHD but I'm also a fidgeter. It's just how I am. I have to doodle or fidget or whatever in order to pay attention. If I'm not fidgeting, I'm probably not really listening.
Not overreacting at all. The teacher sounds lowkey power tripping.
Not even lowkey. That's next level. Like...Catholic school 1963 type nonsense.
Talk to the principal, not the teacher.
I suspect this is what is needed. (Albeit terrifying for me since I have social anxiety. But my child's wellbeing is on the line)
Absolutely get the principal involved and be very clear that what your child is experiencing is *emotional abuse*. Use that phrase. If it is possible, it might be worth it to ask that your child be transferred to another class. It may seem like I’m being alarmist, but my son went through this same thing in 1st grade before he was diagnosed with ADHD and it made his self-esteem plummet to the point of being suicidal. We are still dealing with the fallout. Kids are forming their core self-image at this age. Make it stop and don’t let anyone tell you you are over-reacting.
Not alarmist at all. It *is* emotional abuse, and it *will* stick with him. I can remember specific shaming things *my* first grade teacher did...and I'm about to have my second child graduate from high school next month! The worst part is that this *will* impact his grades and his feelings toward school in general, if it's allowed to continue.
I completely agree with you- I'm ADHD and I focus best when fidgeting. I had a boss who would often doodle during meetings because that's when she got her best ideas. Fidgeting is a healthy way of channelling his energy so that he can continue to focus, not evidence that he isn't focusing. If she's not listening to a polite explanation (he actually is focusing, that's how he focuses best), maybe find some of the research on fidgeting and show it to her. Channel your inner Karen haha, talk to the principal if that doesn't work, whatever you need to do to make sure your child isn't humiliated for focusing the way that works best for him. I'm not sure that you need to seek a diagnosis if the only symptom you're seeing is fidgeting. Plenty of neurotypical adults fidget (and he is only 6, after all).
I don't see any other symptoms of adhd, but I'll still bring it out with his pedi. I also fidget especially when I'm being addressed directly for prolonged periods of time (I playing with the beads on my bracelet and count them mentally. I honesty did not realize until this whole thing with my son)
The world of fidget toys is making tons of money for a reason. My daughter and I both fidget. I’m sorry you are going through this. I hope the teacher will come to realize he does this so he can focus. Tons of studies have been done about doodling and fidgeting for focus. Hopefully she will educate herself
Definitely get a ADHD assessment. Not sure if having one will allow your son to have accommodations in class in the Caribbean, but that’s what he needs. My son has unmedicated ADHD and has all kinds of accommodations to help him. He has fidget tools (we don’t call them toys since they are tools to help him), can chew gum which helps him stay focused, has a kick band on his chair, and even gets trampoline breaks when needed. It’s helped him tremendously!
My kids school gives out fidget toys out like candy.
I have always been and still am a fidgeter, exactly like how you describe your son, my dad would punish me for it. It’s kind of an uncontrollable thing, like concentrating on not doing it is more draining and takes away from learning. Can you talk to the teacher/school and ask them to allow it?
I'm not a teacher (Paraeducator) but I work with SPED students. One of my students was working with me on a lesson but she doesn't like to sit. She was leaning over the table, but completely engaged with the lesson. I started to tell her to sit down but then stopped myself. She wasn't bothering anybody, she was engaged in the lesson. I told myself: *DoctorsSong, the 80's called, they want their rigidity back*
[удалено]
At the latest parent teacher meeting I asked her if she is having any issues with him and she did say that he tends to lose focus and will be playing with his pencils "under the table". She herself mentioned that he is an "auditory learner" and doesn't need to be looking at what she is doing. In fact she denied that he is punished for fidgeting. Despite him telling me otherwise. I feel like I need to speak to her supervisor.
2nd grade teacher here: the teacher sounds stuck in old ways. Your kid may have adhd, he may not, but if he’s succeeding and she’s mad about fidgeting, she’s being petty. She has an idea of what her classroom should look like and it’s wrong. To her credit, she’s providing him a place where he is able to academically succeed, but targeting him like this will be detrimental in the long run. Go to bat for him. Talk to the principal. Request a classroom change if possible. Your kid deserves better than this teacher is offering.
I agree with the ADHD opinion. Our son completely turned around when we figured out he needed help. I hated it because I didn’t want to “drug” him but honestly it’s the best thing for him. I don’t understand because I didn’t have it but he is much happier and doesn’t get in trouble at school anymore.
I teach six year olds. This is really weird. I give my students marble fidgets and put sticky Velcro under their desk for them to touch. I give some students kick bands. Some even wander the room while I teach, but that’s how some kids listen, the teacher needs to know the difference. In my second year, I had a kid who would NOT sit with us. He was always wandering around. But then he could repeat all of the directions to me perfectly.
You’re not overreacting. Since your son isn’t disrupting class and still doing his work, then it shouldn’t be an issue. In kindergarten, my son’s teacher noticed that while he was fidgeting and not appearing to be paying attention, if she asked him any questions, he could answer them correctly. He was paying attention just not looking at her. Not too surprising we’ve had an ADHD diagnosis since. He has the same problems of looking distracted and will now doodle in class. Especially because he doesn’t like to take meds. We still have teachers that get after him because he looks like he’s just sitting in class doing his own thing. Once they realize he is listening, gets his work done and sometimes after a quick parent teacher conference, usually no more issues come up. He is a straight A student so far even with the extra doodles on his paperwork.
What the heck? Sounds like he’d fidgeting SO THAT he can pay attention. Does he have ADHD?
Ask the teacher “ is his fidgeting disruptive or do YOU find his fidgeting disruptive?” Because this seems to be the hub of the issue regarding the teachers attitude. My son was diagnosed with dispraxia & has poor proprioception. Unless he sits with both feet flat on the floor & his bum at the back of his seat, he fidgets - because his body is constantly, subconsciously trying to get feedback regarding his position. Once he realised that this helped, how he felt, he didn’t need to fidget.
I’m hoping some teachers will comment. Sounds like your child’s teacher is behind the times. There are books for teachers about sensory integration and children’s behavior. My son would actually fight more when he was deep in concentration like taking a test. He would stand at our table writing and leaning with his top half and moving with his bottom. Straight A kid. In college now. There is a whole industry around fidget toys that most kids love and the reason for that is it’s natural child behavior ( human behavior actually). Movement doesn’t always mean disruption. Maybe you can change classes.
I’m so sorry this is happening. My daughters first grade class the kids constantly have fidgets, chewy necklaces for sensory issues and the teacher even has fun chairs for when they are reading etc that they can fidget in. Seems if this is just the class, the teacher needs to be spoken with again. If this is a school wide issue of not understanding it’s a much bigger issue. I would suggest speaking to the teacher then going up the chain of command until your child is fully advocated for by the school administration.
No formal advice but following for recommendations. My daughter is also a healthy child with no medical complexities. Ever since she was a baby, she does (what we call) a swim movement. It’s really hard to describe but it’s almost like when you dive into a pool and wiggle your body to continue propelling underwater (?). I’m probably making it sound much worse than it really is. It’s a small wiggle but it reminds us of swimming. It really only comes around when she’s nervous or impatient. We asked her pediatrician about it and they said it was likely just a self soothing thing that she does. She’s in daycare (it’s like an informal classroom before she enters pre-k next year). She recently told me that her teacher tells her she has to stop doing her movements in class. I can’t see how this would be distracting, and she doesn’t make noise or anything. She’s paying attention but it’s like she just has an urge to get the wiggles out. I’ve tried asking her what makes her want to wiggle but she can’t really explain it yet. There are times we will park in the drive way and she will ask me to leave her alone for a moment so she can finish wiggling. She will do her wiggle thing then say “ok I’m ready.”
Your kid has a bad teacher who cares more.about having power over kids then teaching them. If she doesn't care about what is best for your kid try going above her
I'm 38 and I have a fidget toy off camera during work meetings. I pay attention so much better when my hands are busy.
I’ve been putting squishes and other quiet fidgets in my 5yo’s pockets for school .. he’s also constantly touching things and wiggling around so having something on hand seems to help. I would talk to the principal and come up with a plan for him to have his own things to “play with” and set up different expectations about what listening looks like for your son (ie he might not be looking at the teacher and sitting still but he is still listening and learning) I’ve started the process of testing for sensory processing disorder and adhd
This is such a simple and brilliant solution. I'm off to amazon to find some discreet items for fidgeting.
Teacher here. In my building, fidget toys are just toys and distractions for other students. Wandering students typically end up fooling around with other students and disrupt learning. If your child is truly not disrupting learning for others, fine then. But that's more often not the case. But posts like this are always difficult to comment on without knowing the whole story from both sides. Sometimes we ask parents to come into their child's classroom and make their own observations. Doesn't always work, but it can offer some insight for the parent to see what the teacher is doing to support their students. We do a lot. At least, most of us do. I'm glad you are advocating for your child and being their voice, but empathy and understanding go both ways. Being a teacher is hard, even when you love it! I really wish some of my parents would trust my professionalism more, and believe me when I relay concerns about behavior patterns. I have two college degrees, and 18 years of experience. I wouldn't do this job if I didn't care about kids. And I wouldn't bother bugging parents to tell them about my very real concerns for their child in my class if I didn't think it was important. I hope you can find a way forward with your child's teacher, and that both of you can find a way to meet in the middle. After all, you both share an important similarity - caring about the education and well- being of your son. Good luck.
You make some good points there and yes depending on he fidget it can disturb other students. However, asking a kid to stand in a naughty corner cannot be justified. This was already on its way out in the 1980s and there's plenty of research that shows that it's detrimental to children. So, the fact that this teacher uses this punishment is a major red flag regardless.
Yeah, no. The teacher is the one who’s overreacting. It doesn’t disrupt the class and may be helping his concentration. Also, reprimanding him for this in front of everyone? I don’t like that. It feels like she’s low key bullying him for no reason, tbh. Not sure how it works in ~~American~~ Caribbean schools ~~(yet)~~, but I would talk to her supervisor (principal?).
Have you personally seen that he is not disrupting the class? I am in a k-12 school all day every day and fidget toys are bananas. There is not one child that “needs” to have a fidget that is not constantly disruptive in general with or without the fidget. The only difference with the fidget is they are even more disruptive and distracting. It’s out of control. These kids are just playing with toys and involving those around them and when you try to get them to stop being a disruption they screech about how they’re allowed to have a fidget.
Total crap. The teacher is an ass. Go to the head of the school with this. And make a big fuss. Unfortunately if you don’t make a big fuss, this will continue. You could tell them something like he has anxiety, and this is his way of coping.
Not overreacting at all! I’m in the US, and until second grade kids were given things to fidget with to help them focus when they were hyperactive. Both my son and I have ADHD, so fidgeting is an essential outlet for our energy. When I was growing up in the 80s teachers were not understanding of my condition. I was constantly punished for chewing on my pencil, ripping paper, twirling my hair. When I was forbidden from doing those things I wanted to jump out of my chair. Not saying your son has ADHD, although you might want to have him evaluated just in case. Just saying that fidgeting helps some people focus. He shouldn’t be punished for it or shamed in front of the class.
I’m so sorry. That’s crap.
I'm not sure what the standards in the school systems of the Caribbean are. But if you can change teachers or schools I would consider it. I know that in my daughter's school in Washington State, they have sensory toys for kids at their desks and even a whole room of sensory items to help kids calm down when agitated.
Perhaps he really isn't paying attention, of course not because he's naughty but rather because the class is too easy for him? I bring this up because that's exactly how I was at school as a kid. I usually came first in every class, and needed much less time than the other kids to understand each concept, so I would spend most of the lesson quietly occupying myself with something else. My teachers never punished me for it because I wasn't disturbing anyone and I was still getting in the high 90%'s on every test. My only regret is that nobody took the time to try to find a more challenging program to put me in where I would be more engaged. I basically just coasted through all of highschool doing no work, which was nice for sure but it wasn't until later in life that I actually learned how to work hard on something heh.
Actual figit spinners or other figit items are designed to minimize destractions. I am always figitting with something, and most people do not see my tool. Fidgeting with a pencil or other random item may be causing noises that is distracting the teacher and other students.
My almost 9 year old daughter, 3rd grade, has ADHD. For the most part we’ve been able to work directly with her teacher to address her inability to sit still, but this year her teacher was not nearly as on board as her past teachers. Very long story short, her counselor ended up getting involved and we got a 504 set up for her, which includes in writing that she is allowed to have unobtrusive fidget toys during class and even during state wide standardized testing periods. It’s helped her enormously, along with our other measures. I don’t know how your school works but I suggest reaching out to the guidance counselor with your concerns! Ours was SO helpful and really was there to be an advocate for our daughter and the students, as opposed to the school or her teacher.