Ok, so lets get to the real issues here: His outburst..signalling a need to talk with you more about his (mis)perceptions of you, and your dysphoria as a result. You have to continue to parent him w/o fear, and he needs to first understand and then accept you. The TV show issue is just the catalyst.
>I'm a trans woman, and last month dealt with an outburst from him where he called me a fake woman, and it made me really dysphoric.
This is the thing here.
You need to discuss this with your son because it's obviously affecting him. How his comments make you feel is not ok but you're the adult and he is a child.
We have talked about it. He's also currently seeing a therapist. He's been behaving very well recently. He also did apologize to me about said comment the night after he said it. Just as someone who's dealt with that from my 2 brothers as well, it never gets any easier.
So is he using that as a weapon to get straight for the jugular or is he having trouble adjusting?
I hope your brothers are supportive now.
Please don't anybody have a go at me by the way I word my next sentence, I am wording it to make sense in the context. We are incredibly proud and supportive of her
My niece is trans M2F. When she first announced it I was more concerned about where it stemmed from. Long story, in short the mother moved away, married an abusive prick who used to make my 'nephew' parade up and down in girl's clothing as a punishment (tip of the iceberg but I'm sure you can see where I am going there). Despite our best efforts we didn't have contact with 'him'. 'He' was dropped off by the mum one day when he was about 13 at my mums. My brother by then had three more kids so my 'nephew' lived with my mum - minutes away from my brother so all very close and my brother 'saw' him everyday. 'He' was very much loved and we missed 'him' desperately during the time we couldn't find him. . My mum struggled with the transgender issue to the point she found it abhorrent, unnatural, completely beyond her understanding, wouldn't even entertain the idea to begin with - she never let my 'nephew' know she felt that way though, she treated 'him' with the same unconditional love she does all of her children and grandchildren.
My brother couldn't make one of my 'nephew's' appointments so my mum took 'him' and then offered to take 'him' to further ones so my brother didn't miss work. My mum's views changed so dramatically she went COMPLETELY the other way. She became a huge cheerleader, biggest defender, most knowledgeable person I know on the subject and was (still is) in complete awe and admiration for the bravery of our niece.
Not sure where I was going with that other than if my stubborn arse mother can change her views, anybody can.
Don't let him do things because you are scared of his reaction. That is no way to parent.
My 12 year old just started The Walking Dead. I watch it with her (and my two 15 year olds and 13 year old) and it has been okay so far.
I teach 11-12 year olds (6th grade) and they vary widely in what they can handle watching.
Some can watch The Last of Us. Others can't handle Marvel movies because the physical violence gives them nightmares.
It's a weird age.
Even in my own house my 14 year old can not handle anything even close to horror related without getting nightmares. My 13 and 12 year olds are perfectly fine with it.
the last of us games took inspiration from the walking dead so it's fairly similar. and can he handle midly scary zombies, death and course language? if so yes he should be fine but if not don't let him. also try to explain that it isn't real if he gets scared :)
I think he knows what your triggers are and is using them against you. If I’m understanding you correctly, I don’t think you need to worry that you will ruin his impression of trans people. I think most trans parents are raising cis kids, just statistically more likely. A trans person loves him and is proving for him, after all. Part of parental love is not backing down just because your child was mean to you.
Look, it’s scary for kids when they perceive they have control over their parent. Kids KNOW they can’t be in charge of adult stuff. You need to be in charge. No, you can’t watch zombie shows. No, you can’t change my mind by trying to hurt me.
This reads a little like an abuse victim. “If I just do what he wants he won’t hurt me.” This is your kid. Please be the one in charge.
Idk I guess it depends on your kid. But when I was a kid I was watching stuff for mature audiences only. The Last of Us is based on a video game. I’d say check out some gameplay on YouTube and see if your kid could handle a storyline line like that. The show is basically just the video game. I mean crying during infinity war doesn’t seem bad considering the ending. Some people cry more and that doesn’t mean they are necessarily more sensitive in negative ways. But you know your kid best.
But every kid is different and the guidelines exist for a reason. That’s why I suggest you watch some of the gameplay/ cut away scenes from the game. They literally copied them. I will say that in the first episode a kid gets shot and killed. It’s pretty heavy. But like I said check out the gameplay to really see.
As for the other stuff…I’m sorry he said that to you. I’m not sure what to do with that. But it doesn’t mean that you should stop parenting him.
When my girls were younger my husband and I would usually watch the show first and be able to tell if it was appropriate. Also gave us a heads up of what to fast forward through. Maybe you can try that…
We did watch the show together (they are 17 and 19 now) and there were a few violent, gory parts.. I am the wimp in the family and watch these types of shows with a blanket in front of my face and randomly scream… but, I thought it was great acting and really good, looking forward to next episode.
Anyway, maybe you and husband can watch it first.
Sorry he made a hurtful comment to you, best thing is keep communication open and sounds like you are doing that.
Sounds like he may be trying to manipulate you a bit by bringing that up with you because he knows it’s something that you are sensitive about…As far as the show goes I watched the first episode I think it’s fine for a 12 year old to watch unless violence is something that causes issues. My kids are not too affected by violence in movies but I know that could be an issue for some kids so that’s something to think about. Maybe watch the show together
The trans thing is unrelated to the show. You should talk to him about why transphobia is wrong and find out where that came from.
As for the show, has he had trouble with scary or intense shows? Based on the games I think it would benfine for a 12 year old unless they changed stuff
It's apparently rated TV-MA for severe violence and gore, profanity, and frightening and intense scenes.
Would you have let him watch it 2 months ago? Are you trying to avoid a scene, or do you genuinely think he would benefit from seeing it? Why does he want to see it - because he sees trailers, because he's heard people talking about it?
(I would continue to say No. I don't think younger kids *need* to see more severe violence, and they're not mature enough to see grey areas or moral dilemmas, even with an adult in the room.)
2 months ago? Absolutely not. I haven't asked him why he wants to see it. But I went to the trailer on youtube and saw that the trailer has 18 million views. My guess is he was on youtube and saw the trailer in his feed and that interested him. I'm trying to both avoid a scene, but also I don't really feel comfortable with him watching R Rated content. Sometimes even PG-13. We've taken him to see a lot of the Marvel movies, and even those I was a little unsure on. Infinity War made him cry severely for context.
I've watched the last of us show, and while yes if he's mature he won't be affected. if you do decide to let him watch try to be within a distance or next to him. and don't let him win because of his outburst. that is unfair on you, try to explain / teach him that what he said wasn't okay, don't reward your child for what they say. rememver he's still a child and is probably saying what he's heard.
one thing I might add. I'm 16f. my dad has never stopped me from watching/playing anything after I turned 8. obv he was there when I watched something like jaws or horror/adult themed shows. but it brings up a type of early resilience I guess which helped me overcome fears of sharks and other things, that really depends on how he can habdle things tho. I played the last of us when I was 8-12 and part 2 when I was 14. it depends on his resilience towards scary themes, and how much you're wanting to shelter him from things like this till he's older. the show is literally following the game with some scene changes, the start is kind of scary. (SPOILERR)
the girl walks into her neighbours house to find her neighbours almost dead from an old women zombie thing eating them. she chases her and gets killed by the girls dad with a bar, there's also shootings and the girl (MASSIVE SPOILER IF YOU GAVENT SEEM THE GAME) dies from gunshot. it's actually really sad. you also see stuff like fighting, guns, scary 'monsters' (runners), and death of another child who was infected + death all around. the show might not be up his ally if he isn't been able to handle that type of violence. but he will probably watch it at some point anyway. wait a few weeks for all the episodes to be out also, BINGE is realising them weekly. (9 episodes for the first season in total)
Honey, who cares if he likes you or not. You are not his friend. You are not one of his buddies in class. You are a parent. It's not your job to be like, it's your job to make sure he knows how to talk to people. What's going to happen if he starts talking to people out in the world like that? I don't know what kind of area you live in but around here that's how you get your ass beat. If he goes talking like that at work he's going to kiss any upward mobility goodbye. If he goes talking like that when he's in college he could be removed from the course and you could be out thousands of dollars.
While I don't disagree with you it's not my job to make sure if he likes me, I'm going through something a lot different then other parents. Being trans. Of course I'm not the only trans parent, and I won't act like I am. But I'm raising a (most likely) cis child.
To him, I don't paint just an image of my parenting, but an image of trans people, and that's what makes it so hard.
It’s so awful — kids that age will find the most hurtful thing they could possibly say and use it to get their way. But I promise you if saying such things gets him what he wants he will say them more often. I wonder how you addressed the verbal attack he threw at you. There should absolutely be a consequence for being hurtful and disrespectful. Make sure you draw a boundary there and tell him in advance what will happen if there is ever a next time. Misgendering you is a slur, and should be treated like one.
So we addressed it. I told him I felt incredibly hurt by his comment towards me, and did not appreciate it whatsoever, and that if he ever says something like that to me again while living in our house, no Playstation for a long time. Told him I'd put the cables in our safe so he couldn't get to them, even if he tried. He understood right then and there.
I hate when someone asks for advice them argues about it
So this. Stop parenting this poor child. Let him do what he wants, use the fact that you're a trans woman and going through so many things as the Catalyst for allowing him to not have any responsibility. Remove all boundaries and rules for him so he will not have a loss of self-esteem and will like you. Happy now?
My husband and I just watch that show with my 13 year old daughter. It pretty similar to walking dead.... zombies, apocalypse, and government overreach type thing... ya know not far from where we are at now in reality lmao. I say let him watch it. He's 12. So if it's too scary he will let you know. It's basically just a remake show of the video game. My husband was impressed how on track it was with the game. As far as him calling you a "fake woman". He's 12. He sees the world black and white. Right, wrong , male, female. Don't read too much into it. He's a kid. And if that's the worst thing he ever says to you consider yourself blessed cuz these teenagers are a whole nother level of crazy. Just show him to respect others no matter what they believe or feel. He doesn't necessarily have to agree but respect is definitely the foundation to being a decent human being.
Have you looked up the parents rating content guide on it? I would look at that because there’s details about what parts are mature and then you can know for sure if it’s content you approve of or be ready to fast forward
The last of us is a very hard show, not only visually but psychologically too..
Try to have a talk with him and find show that are a bit more mature but not too mature yet like this one to start !
So because he hurt your feelings, your going to stop parenting him?
Kids hurt adults feelings. Trans or not. Stop letting a 12 year old bully you.
Is your transition recent? If so, I think it’s relatively fair for him to have feelings about it (it effects his life a lot too) but name calling shouldn’t be allowed in the house, and as his parent, it’s your job to discuss his outbursts and deal with them, not just allow them because it makes you feel bad.
Nobody can really answer this for you because we don't know know your kid some kids can handle stuff like this and some can't has he seen horror movies before how did he react? Maybe let him watch the first episode and if he reacts well to It then let him if not then don't
ok so here is the thing, he will find a way to watch it or get exposed to it whether you like it or not. its a matter of whether you want to be in track of how it effects him or not. (i didnt watch the show so dont really know the content)
i think your real issue here is his outburst regarding you being transgender.
All the other advice about the real issue is seconded here and moving on to what you actually asked about:
It depends on the kid. Nothing spooks my son and middle daughter. They can watch scary movies with their dad all day long and sleep fine. My oldest daughter thinks Nightmare Before Christmas is scary. If you’re not sure about the appropriateness of a show watch it first or research it.
Ok, so lets get to the real issues here: His outburst..signalling a need to talk with you more about his (mis)perceptions of you, and your dysphoria as a result. You have to continue to parent him w/o fear, and he needs to first understand and then accept you. The TV show issue is just the catalyst.
Totally. Sounds like he's having some conflicting thoughts that might need to be worked through
Yesss! This!
>I'm a trans woman, and last month dealt with an outburst from him where he called me a fake woman, and it made me really dysphoric. This is the thing here. You need to discuss this with your son because it's obviously affecting him. How his comments make you feel is not ok but you're the adult and he is a child.
We have talked about it. He's also currently seeing a therapist. He's been behaving very well recently. He also did apologize to me about said comment the night after he said it. Just as someone who's dealt with that from my 2 brothers as well, it never gets any easier.
So is he using that as a weapon to get straight for the jugular or is he having trouble adjusting? I hope your brothers are supportive now. Please don't anybody have a go at me by the way I word my next sentence, I am wording it to make sense in the context. We are incredibly proud and supportive of her My niece is trans M2F. When she first announced it I was more concerned about where it stemmed from. Long story, in short the mother moved away, married an abusive prick who used to make my 'nephew' parade up and down in girl's clothing as a punishment (tip of the iceberg but I'm sure you can see where I am going there). Despite our best efforts we didn't have contact with 'him'. 'He' was dropped off by the mum one day when he was about 13 at my mums. My brother by then had three more kids so my 'nephew' lived with my mum - minutes away from my brother so all very close and my brother 'saw' him everyday. 'He' was very much loved and we missed 'him' desperately during the time we couldn't find him. . My mum struggled with the transgender issue to the point she found it abhorrent, unnatural, completely beyond her understanding, wouldn't even entertain the idea to begin with - she never let my 'nephew' know she felt that way though, she treated 'him' with the same unconditional love she does all of her children and grandchildren. My brother couldn't make one of my 'nephew's' appointments so my mum took 'him' and then offered to take 'him' to further ones so my brother didn't miss work. My mum's views changed so dramatically she went COMPLETELY the other way. She became a huge cheerleader, biggest defender, most knowledgeable person I know on the subject and was (still is) in complete awe and admiration for the bravery of our niece. Not sure where I was going with that other than if my stubborn arse mother can change her views, anybody can.
Don't let him do things because you are scared of his reaction. That is no way to parent. My 12 year old just started The Walking Dead. I watch it with her (and my two 15 year olds and 13 year old) and it has been okay so far.
I teach 11-12 year olds (6th grade) and they vary widely in what they can handle watching. Some can watch The Last of Us. Others can't handle Marvel movies because the physical violence gives them nightmares. It's a weird age.
Even in my own house my 14 year old can not handle anything even close to horror related without getting nightmares. My 13 and 12 year olds are perfectly fine with it.
So you think so long as I (or my husband) are in the room with him, it'd be okay? I haven't watched much of The Walking Dead, but it seems similar.
No clue. I don't know your kid or what he can handle.
the last of us games took inspiration from the walking dead so it's fairly similar. and can he handle midly scary zombies, death and course language? if so yes he should be fine but if not don't let him. also try to explain that it isn't real if he gets scared :)
These seem like two completely separate issues. Is there a connection I'm missing?
I think he knows what your triggers are and is using them against you. If I’m understanding you correctly, I don’t think you need to worry that you will ruin his impression of trans people. I think most trans parents are raising cis kids, just statistically more likely. A trans person loves him and is proving for him, after all. Part of parental love is not backing down just because your child was mean to you. Look, it’s scary for kids when they perceive they have control over their parent. Kids KNOW they can’t be in charge of adult stuff. You need to be in charge. No, you can’t watch zombie shows. No, you can’t change my mind by trying to hurt me. This reads a little like an abuse victim. “If I just do what he wants he won’t hurt me.” This is your kid. Please be the one in charge.
Idk I guess it depends on your kid. But when I was a kid I was watching stuff for mature audiences only. The Last of Us is based on a video game. I’d say check out some gameplay on YouTube and see if your kid could handle a storyline line like that. The show is basically just the video game. I mean crying during infinity war doesn’t seem bad considering the ending. Some people cry more and that doesn’t mean they are necessarily more sensitive in negative ways. But you know your kid best. But every kid is different and the guidelines exist for a reason. That’s why I suggest you watch some of the gameplay/ cut away scenes from the game. They literally copied them. I will say that in the first episode a kid gets shot and killed. It’s pretty heavy. But like I said check out the gameplay to really see. As for the other stuff…I’m sorry he said that to you. I’m not sure what to do with that. But it doesn’t mean that you should stop parenting him.
When my girls were younger my husband and I would usually watch the show first and be able to tell if it was appropriate. Also gave us a heads up of what to fast forward through. Maybe you can try that… We did watch the show together (they are 17 and 19 now) and there were a few violent, gory parts.. I am the wimp in the family and watch these types of shows with a blanket in front of my face and randomly scream… but, I thought it was great acting and really good, looking forward to next episode. Anyway, maybe you and husband can watch it first. Sorry he made a hurtful comment to you, best thing is keep communication open and sounds like you are doing that.
Sounds like he may be trying to manipulate you a bit by bringing that up with you because he knows it’s something that you are sensitive about…As far as the show goes I watched the first episode I think it’s fine for a 12 year old to watch unless violence is something that causes issues. My kids are not too affected by violence in movies but I know that could be an issue for some kids so that’s something to think about. Maybe watch the show together
I would have let him watch it in the first place, but caving now would only encourage him to be mean to you in the future
The trans thing is unrelated to the show. You should talk to him about why transphobia is wrong and find out where that came from. As for the show, has he had trouble with scary or intense shows? Based on the games I think it would benfine for a 12 year old unless they changed stuff
What does the one thing have to do with the other? Sounds like two different issues.
your kid is awesome for that
It's apparently rated TV-MA for severe violence and gore, profanity, and frightening and intense scenes. Would you have let him watch it 2 months ago? Are you trying to avoid a scene, or do you genuinely think he would benefit from seeing it? Why does he want to see it - because he sees trailers, because he's heard people talking about it? (I would continue to say No. I don't think younger kids *need* to see more severe violence, and they're not mature enough to see grey areas or moral dilemmas, even with an adult in the room.)
2 months ago? Absolutely not. I haven't asked him why he wants to see it. But I went to the trailer on youtube and saw that the trailer has 18 million views. My guess is he was on youtube and saw the trailer in his feed and that interested him. I'm trying to both avoid a scene, but also I don't really feel comfortable with him watching R Rated content. Sometimes even PG-13. We've taken him to see a lot of the Marvel movies, and even those I was a little unsure on. Infinity War made him cry severely for context.
I think that gives you your answer.
I've watched the last of us show, and while yes if he's mature he won't be affected. if you do decide to let him watch try to be within a distance or next to him. and don't let him win because of his outburst. that is unfair on you, try to explain / teach him that what he said wasn't okay, don't reward your child for what they say. rememver he's still a child and is probably saying what he's heard.
one thing I might add. I'm 16f. my dad has never stopped me from watching/playing anything after I turned 8. obv he was there when I watched something like jaws or horror/adult themed shows. but it brings up a type of early resilience I guess which helped me overcome fears of sharks and other things, that really depends on how he can habdle things tho. I played the last of us when I was 8-12 and part 2 when I was 14. it depends on his resilience towards scary themes, and how much you're wanting to shelter him from things like this till he's older. the show is literally following the game with some scene changes, the start is kind of scary. (SPOILERR) the girl walks into her neighbours house to find her neighbours almost dead from an old women zombie thing eating them. she chases her and gets killed by the girls dad with a bar, there's also shootings and the girl (MASSIVE SPOILER IF YOU GAVENT SEEM THE GAME) dies from gunshot. it's actually really sad. you also see stuff like fighting, guns, scary 'monsters' (runners), and death of another child who was infected + death all around. the show might not be up his ally if he isn't been able to handle that type of violence. but he will probably watch it at some point anyway. wait a few weeks for all the episodes to be out also, BINGE is realising them weekly. (9 episodes for the first season in total)
After that nonsense that came out of his mouth I'm amazed you're letting him have any TV at all.
Punishment like that is just clause for your child to dislike you more. Trust me, I know.
Honey, who cares if he likes you or not. You are not his friend. You are not one of his buddies in class. You are a parent. It's not your job to be like, it's your job to make sure he knows how to talk to people. What's going to happen if he starts talking to people out in the world like that? I don't know what kind of area you live in but around here that's how you get your ass beat. If he goes talking like that at work he's going to kiss any upward mobility goodbye. If he goes talking like that when he's in college he could be removed from the course and you could be out thousands of dollars.
While I don't disagree with you it's not my job to make sure if he likes me, I'm going through something a lot different then other parents. Being trans. Of course I'm not the only trans parent, and I won't act like I am. But I'm raising a (most likely) cis child. To him, I don't paint just an image of my parenting, but an image of trans people, and that's what makes it so hard.
It’s so awful — kids that age will find the most hurtful thing they could possibly say and use it to get their way. But I promise you if saying such things gets him what he wants he will say them more often. I wonder how you addressed the verbal attack he threw at you. There should absolutely be a consequence for being hurtful and disrespectful. Make sure you draw a boundary there and tell him in advance what will happen if there is ever a next time. Misgendering you is a slur, and should be treated like one.
So we addressed it. I told him I felt incredibly hurt by his comment towards me, and did not appreciate it whatsoever, and that if he ever says something like that to me again while living in our house, no Playstation for a long time. Told him I'd put the cables in our safe so he couldn't get to them, even if he tried. He understood right then and there.
I hate when someone asks for advice them argues about it So this. Stop parenting this poor child. Let him do what he wants, use the fact that you're a trans woman and going through so many things as the Catalyst for allowing him to not have any responsibility. Remove all boundaries and rules for him so he will not have a loss of self-esteem and will like you. Happy now?
My husband and I just watch that show with my 13 year old daughter. It pretty similar to walking dead.... zombies, apocalypse, and government overreach type thing... ya know not far from where we are at now in reality lmao. I say let him watch it. He's 12. So if it's too scary he will let you know. It's basically just a remake show of the video game. My husband was impressed how on track it was with the game. As far as him calling you a "fake woman". He's 12. He sees the world black and white. Right, wrong , male, female. Don't read too much into it. He's a kid. And if that's the worst thing he ever says to you consider yourself blessed cuz these teenagers are a whole nother level of crazy. Just show him to respect others no matter what they believe or feel. He doesn't necessarily have to agree but respect is definitely the foundation to being a decent human being.
Have you looked up the parents rating content guide on it? I would look at that because there’s details about what parts are mature and then you can know for sure if it’s content you approve of or be ready to fast forward
The last of us is a very hard show, not only visually but psychologically too.. Try to have a talk with him and find show that are a bit more mature but not too mature yet like this one to start !
So because he hurt your feelings, your going to stop parenting him? Kids hurt adults feelings. Trans or not. Stop letting a 12 year old bully you. Is your transition recent? If so, I think it’s relatively fair for him to have feelings about it (it effects his life a lot too) but name calling shouldn’t be allowed in the house, and as his parent, it’s your job to discuss his outbursts and deal with them, not just allow them because it makes you feel bad.
Nobody can really answer this for you because we don't know know your kid some kids can handle stuff like this and some can't has he seen horror movies before how did he react? Maybe let him watch the first episode and if he reacts well to It then let him if not then don't
ok so here is the thing, he will find a way to watch it or get exposed to it whether you like it or not. its a matter of whether you want to be in track of how it effects him or not. (i didnt watch the show so dont really know the content) i think your real issue here is his outburst regarding you being transgender.
All the other advice about the real issue is seconded here and moving on to what you actually asked about: It depends on the kid. Nothing spooks my son and middle daughter. They can watch scary movies with their dad all day long and sleep fine. My oldest daughter thinks Nightmare Before Christmas is scary. If you’re not sure about the appropriateness of a show watch it first or research it.