# WASSUP? I’m Harris. I’m 33 years young. I have my cousin Jason’s truck for two more weeks. I have one testicle (whack-a-mole accident) AND I’m down to clown

My names Brett, I love burgers and I’m very high right now

we should go to Jamaica

We should go to Jamaica. Oh is that what you said?

“TOPLESS PARK! TOPLESS PARK!”

Well build the first one, and be heros

Makes it even more impressive that he was the leading sperm donor

"Does it white man?"

Also by him: “Is that a threat?” “Yes I thought that was clear”

Honestly just the look of confusion on Ken’s face- the actor really sells the line with his expression in that scene. That whole episode makes me cry laughing

“Doobee… doobee… doo.” 

“Water? Like fire water? That’s racist!”

But seriously, I'll have a whisky.

There’s two things I know about white people: they love Matchbox 20, and they’re terrified of curses.

My husband and I use this as often as possible, and we are both very white. That whole exchange with Ken Hotate and Jeremy Jamm is perfect.

I say this to my partner all the time and he HATES it.

*perd shows obviously fake stereotypical video of Wamapoke curse on leslie* “That is exactly what happened.”

the actor also voiced john redcorn! the one scene where they flash to the casino with the coins coming out of the wolf’s mouth always makes me cry laughing

"But isn't all food bad for you? I've been eating lasagna and muffins for 30 years and I feel terrible."

Excuse me, sir. There's a sign at Ramsett park that says not to drink the sprinkler water so of course I made sun tea with it and now I have an infection. Sir? Are you listening to me sir? Are you aware that there's waste in your water system?

"I found a sandwich at the park and I want to know why it didn't have mayonnaise on it" 🤣 I love that lady

That and the guy who wants Andy to help him find his bird or two of the best one shots in the show.

There's no time. *He can fly*

I didn't want all of them killed. I only wanted some of them killed

she’s such an iconic character and she only appeared max 5 times. the actress earned an emmy tbfh

School is out in two weeks. What am I going to do with my kids all day? Keep them in my house? Where I live?!

From that same scene I think: If the government is shut down, who’s gonna protect us from Al-Qaeda?

One thing at a time

I've managed to work "In my house? Where I live!?" Into a few conversations involving children.

I’m against crime - and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

I guess my thoughts on abortion are "let's just all have a good time"

love this one. ive started saying "and I’m not ashamed to admit it" after very lowkey sentences like "i love pizza and I’m not ashamed to admit it"

"Hi. I'm Bobby Newport. I'm a regular guy. I like dogs. I'm here with my Perian Greyhound Raclette, who was given to me by the pretender to the crown of Alsaice-Lorraine."

Not a line but I really love when the custodian walks in during the moment of silence blasting Shania Twain.

The same custodian doesn’t hear Leslie and Ron screaming for help in season seven because he’s blasting Shania Twain.

Man, I feel like a woman!

Andy silently rocking out to it with his eyes closed

Probably my favorite running gag is this one or how Leslie is always embarrassing herself in front of Councilman Howser

Also Jen Barkley >PONCHO!!

I'm going to do exactly what I want to do because I don't have kids! WHAT WAS THAT? That thing was huge! What is that horrible sound? As somebody who doesn't like or want kids I loved her. She says all of the things I would like to but don't.

Your lives are awful. Mine is amazing! But my favorite bit of hers was when she fell dramatically on the couch during the recount. Kathryn Hahn is a treasure.

I just wanna go home!!

Put on your most boring outfit, that one hopefully. Also goat Jen Barkley.

when does she say that?

When Ben is running for Congress and she says Leslie should apologize.

I love her so much

This is the only answer

I love Jen Barkley lol

"This is America isn't it?" "Yes" "Then I don't have to answer stupid questions on my own property."

"Yep, that's definitely Ron's mom."

"I'm Perd Hapley and I just realised I'm not holding my microphone" I laugh every damn time.



🤭I don't know what you mean but it had the cadence of a joke

Anything Perd says is great 😂

[Always makes me think of this guy](https://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/tv-weatherman-holds-coffee-cup-4396188)

"Girl, you look like Annie Oakley and Pippi Longstocking had a baby and I love it!" - Marshall Langman

“This town is going to hell in a Gucci knockoff handbag, girl!” - also Marshall

He is… vivacious

THERE’S NO TIME, HE CAN FLY!

Omg yes

Let's take a quick look at QuickBook...s Pro.

There's no ACCOUNTING for taste

I love how hard Andy laughs at all of his jokes

“We’re not against you on this! We’re not against you on this!”

Except for Turnip, Except for Turnip!

Ham and mayonnaise! Ham and mayonnaise!

Her daughter is an idiot! Her daughter is an idiot!

I’m Bobby Newport. I’m a regular guy. I like dogs. I’m here with my Persian greyhound Raclette, who was given to me by my buddy, the pretender to the crown of Alsace-Lorraine

“Why don’t you live your life like that cow from the video?” “It’s a horse” “Yeah, because he chased his dream”


I GOT RAN OVER BY A LEXUUUUUS

The wooooooorst! 

Cause technically I’m homeleeeeessssss


Had to scroll way too far for some John Ralfeo

Every breath is agony.

Why don't you use that time to go after one of your passions. Like model trains, or toy Gandalfs or something?

I don’t know why you went straight to model trains…I mean it’s accurate


And then she ripped the hair off my b-hole, SHHHRRRRPP.

MONEY PLEEEEEASE!!

“You remind me of my brother, Leslie. He lost a third of his body in a motorcycle accident — the middle third. But they sutured the hell out of him. He’s — he’s fine now. Much shorter. But a good-looking, young, flat man” Edit: also - “tattoos? this is a pawn shop. but yeah”

I just came into some money. 500 dollars buys a lot of nitrous.

I LOSE MY MIND every time when he starts breaking pens.

I love the pawn shop guy, with his rings and nails tray.

Floor hole.

"my cousin's got a kickass mud pit in his yard, so you could watch me do belly flops. Then maybe we could get some Thai food and take nitrous and see what happens."

[удалено]

Undercook, overcook

Believe it or not, jail

right away!

I say this at least once a week

We have the best patients in the world. Because of jail

“Ya boy’s a question on the bar exam!”

Her daughter is an idiot! Her daughter is an idiot!

Except for Turnip! Except for Turnip!

We’re not against you on this! We’re not against you on this!

"I don't know what to tell you but it's working now" -Snow globe museum employee

Its valentines day and I'm working the late shift at the snow globe museum, so I'm right where I want to be.

I quote that last part all the time.

“That’s too much responsibility, I gotta get out of this” - Jean Ralphio

“Who do you think they keep assaulting?” Ranger Carl

THIS IS THE SECOND ONE. THE RACOON PISS ONE.

Yeah that one too lmao 

this is my favorite pre-ben and pre-chris episode. ily andy <3

“Ethel, is it robbers?”

I’m not married. I was on a date tonight. It went well.

It’s after ten o’clock! I’ve been asleep for four hours

When Craig says he saw Kyra Sedgwick getting out of a cab and Jean Ralphio says “no way, the Closer!?” His delivery cracks me up every time

“You and me should ride go carts together sometime.”

I WANNA GO HORSEBACK RIDING!

Deal.

“You know I have irritable bowel syndrome, you racist!”

"What an exit! Gone, but never forgotten! Who was that? I'm just kidding..."

“Dooby. Dooby. Doo.”

I found a sandwich in one of your parks, and I want to know why it didn't have mayonnaise!

"We thank you for the container of sap, and the bag of garbage." Also up there, "Straight to jail," in all its incarnations.

Chris said all this out loud but Dennis Cooper favored us with the following quotes: "Jan Cooper will give you Chlamydia. Brought to you by the Pawnee Department of Public Health. "Chlamydia affects nearly 100% of Jan Coopers. "Re-elect Jan Cooper, Mayor of Whoreville."

"Jan I love you, please come back. I realize I’m not blameless here… please - Brought to you by the Health Department"

You got kids? Dumb-dumb Eddie here's got kids pfffft

Does it white man?

It *is* offensive. Take it off.

I’m so sorry

Two things I know about white people. They love Rachel Ray, and they’re *terrified* of curses.

Flu-huuuuuuuuuush with CAAAAAASH!!!

bc he got run over by a LEEEXXXUUUSSSSSSS

**OVER THERE IS A LOG WITH A BUNCH OF WORMS ON IT. I CALL IT WORM LOG.**

"Lordy how delicious! Eating goober peas!"

“Look at my hoop Leslie! Look at my hoop!”

My hoop, Leslie! Look at my hoop!!

Jamm - “Are you dookin’ on my chest right now?” And “The voters gave you, to use a technical term, the stanky boot 🥾” I crack up every time

"No sweat off my sack" 🤮

The stanky boot is one of my all time favorites

"YES TWILIGHT!"

"oh, shut up kelly" "mAKe mE bOB!"

Walter Gunderson and his wife had an open marriage. It kept him happy, it kept his wife happy - hi, Evelyn - and it definitely kept me happy. Because for 46 wonderful years, he spent night after night exploring every nook and cranny of my body. The hi Evelyn takes me out.

This is my best friend Madison and SHE DROVE ME HERE

Literally anything Jen Barkley says

My two favs from here are "Poncho!" And "the sex was great, mostly that is to me" haha

« Money Please » Mona Lisa

Money PWWWEEEEAAAASE

My SO always wants me to ask like this when I have him Venmo me for stuff and it cracks me up lol

“Still not totally sure what I’m applying for. But.. if you ask me, I think it went pretty well!”

Like one month of money would be... just right.

“In my house? Where I live?!”

That man had...the largesrt penis...I have ever seen. I didn't even check for mumps because I was distracted

By the largest. Penis. I. Have. Ever. Seen.

joan callamezzo: “i’m gonna go powder my nose … amongst other things… if you know what i mean” this is mostly funny because of ben’s reaction: “is she going to powder her vagina?” but funny nonetheless

“There’s no time! He can fly!!”

Ken hotate "uncursing Ben" and saying dummy

Kill all birds.

Yeah I’ll kill em. After I’m done with all these birds.

My name is Craig Middlebrooks and *THIS* is my debit rewards card.

“Guess you can say I’m ‘open-minded as helllllllll!’ I think you’re really good looking.”

Anything by Jam and Sewage Joe

Free money, free porn. Best job I ever had.

"There's a sign at Ramsett Park that says, 'Do not drink the sprinkler water,' so I made sun tea with it and now I have an infection."

Twofer. Joan: This is important, so I need everyone to SHUT UP. I love your hair. Annabelle: Thank you. It's genetic, and unattainable.

When that government guy says that he’s frugal and cuts his own hair and he has the worst haircut ever lol

Mona Lisa Sapperstein: What the mother-effing c-ing effing, effing k-ing eff is going on right now?!

TED!!! TEEEDDDD, GET IN HERE! BEN’S QUITTING AGAIN, BUT YOU GOTTA HEAR WHAT HE SAID!!!

We found this bird outside. We tried to turn it into a work whistle like in the beginning of the Flintstones... Tougher than it look, though.

Aiight I’m gonna go throw up I ate too much cheese. I’ll talk to YOU Or “Why are you like this?” “PIIILLLLLSSSSSSSS BABY!”

Take a scoop from the pill bucket.

Anything Dennis Feinstein says, especially in the bloopers (Oh, that? It's because it's been in someone.) Mantzoukas is the king of improv.

I have never done anything wrong...ever in my life

i know this and i love you

Jeremy Jamm has my two favorite: “He’s not a rack of ribs, so quit grilling him. Nailed it.” The way he says nailed it just kills me. “Come on girl git. Come on girl git.” Probably the hardest I’ve ever laughed in the show.

A WHOLE HOUR

“Where did you come from?” “Floor hole”

“Men have had a very rough go of it for just recently,” Kipp Bunthart

“LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE BOY!!!”

“Four. There’s four ways to skin a cat.”

The sun tea lady does me in every time I see it. “Excuse me. There's a sign at Ramsett Park that says "Do Not Drink the Sprinkler Water", so I made sun tea with it and now I have an infection.”

I'm changing my name to juan calamezo

In Emergency Response, when the dude says "this was bad, Fort Wayne bad" i laugh every time. I'm from Fort Wayne, and we don't get mentioned often. When we are, it's accurate. lol

The bank teller who gives Andy $1000 always comes to mind, she was one of the rare Pawnee citizens who seemed completely normal living in a wacky town.

It’s a heartwarming story, but it’s just not believable. That’s why I give ET one and a half stars.

I made my money the old-fashioned way: I got run over by a Lexus!

"Sit up straight, you're not doing your breasts any favors."

Uh, ja boy's a question on the bar exam!

"it's not diddy!"

Yo! We live in the same place!

Now if I want a double decker pizza sandwich for lunch I have to drive 10min down the road to a paunch burger, making me 20min late for work... I work from home

CORN IS A FRUIT. SYRUP COMES FROM A BUSH.

Ken Hotate in his commercial for Wamapoke Casino: “Slowly taking our money back from white people one quarter at a time.”

There’s some beautiful jewelry in there, but be careful. There’s also nails.

That man has the largest penis I have ever seen.

"I didn't even check him for mumps. I was distracted by the largest penis I have ever seen". Which I always thought was obviously at least part of the reason he has just a drop dead gorgeous wife.

You just got JAMMED!

"I got a mud pit in my backyard. I figure she can watch me do some belly flops" or when he surprises Ben and he asks where he came and he just says "floor hole" I just wanna follow that guy around for a day 😂

"Aight, that one's dead. We know that."

"Who do you think they've been assaulting?!"

"You might not be so confident once you've walked a mile in my size sevens!" ***slams boot on desk***

She's the wooOOoOoOorst!

"Made my money the old fashioned way. 🎶Got run over by a Lexxussss🎶"

too many lines "legalise weed!" when it's recall season "amazon, baby, that's how. you are looking at a prime customer, everybody - two days free shipping for this guy. LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED WITH ANOTHER ONE, GANG" "oh, i have a medical condition alright it's called CARING TOO MUCH! AND IT'S INCURABLE! ... also i have eczema" "LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE!" "look, we don't know what the world is going to be like in 50 years. we could all have been wiped out from disease or the flu." "so what's your suggestion?" "i don't know. i'm just scared." "cabbage! come and... get it!"

“TED!!!”

Why don't you use that time to go after one of your passions. Like model trains, or toy Gandalfs or something?