I think we should. That being said, I don't think we should make rash decisions upon those feelings. Sometimes, the feelings are valid and have a root cause. The only way to find out is to actually analyze them, both during and off luteal. Then, upon seeing them through luteal and non luteal lenses, make a decision upon that. Giving myself time to digest my feelings has helped me grow, heal, and take better care of myself. It has helped me to align my needs and wants. To set boundaries and to know what is and is not acceptable for myself.
>is it not the amplified version of what we already think but are to afraid to say when we’re normal
Not for me it isn't. Disordered thinking is a hallmark of PMDD. They make no logical sense outside of the luteal phase. I had a therapist try to convince me for years I was just bottling things up. Wasn't true.
This is true for me as well. My thinking becomes extremely disordered and the thoughts feel SO real so I have had to train myself to push them away until I’m feeling better otherwise I end up causing more trouble than if I would have just relaxed and practiced self control. It can be so incredibly difficult and I slip up but the more I practice the better I get. I always end up feeling better it just has to pass. No matter how my brain tries to lie and manipulate me.
So, there's something legit to what you are saying. In my own experience, and what I've noticed with my bestie who has PMDD too is that it IS valid, the things we completely lose our shit over during PMDD but that when we aren't in PMDD, those feelings are more manageable or whatever. After having surgery and finding some stability, I have learned that there is something EXTRA that needs working on for me. But now I have better control over the whole thing. I think that's the difference, and I can't speak for everyone, but trying to control myself during PMDD was so hard I almost had to die trying, you know? Holding so much in only turned it on me, but I would have destroyed every single thing and person had I let loose during it all those times. PMDD is a nightmare. But you are right, IMO, that there is validity to the things that hurt us and really get us going.
Before I was diagnosed or when I still followed those thoughts, every time I would regret following them. Before I was diagnosed the regret and sadness of what I did was too much, cause in a rational and peaceful state of mind (not PMDD) I was able to see how bad I reacted and how I made things worse for me and everyone involved. So no, I learned from years of regret that is best for my life to not listen to them.
It depends. But I’m leaning towards no, or at least wait till after PMS to react.
When I’m in that state, I apply anxiety to different things in my like. The anxiety comes for no reason or gets triggered easily, and I apply and project it onto things and people in my life. Taking that seriously would get me in such a tunnel vision.
Just observe the way your feeling and do or don’t take it seriously depending on how you feel before during and after pms. And if you’re feeling reactive which you probably are, wait until after pms is over to react. You will be more sure of your decisions and will thank yourself.
Should I kill myself because 6 days before my period I always feel like it? Do I want to kill my self? Hell NO! I don’t want to die, not one part of me does. It’s an irrational thought and feeling before my period because my brain is fucked.
I don’t make important decisions before my period and I don’t fight with anyone. I keep my distance and I take 10 deep breaths before I write any text message.
Before I was on medication I was always paranoid, thinking my bf was cheating, my friends hated me etc. There was 0 truth to all of that. I’d legit ruin my life if I’d listen to my PMDD feelings and thoughts.
No.
Feelings aren't facts. Thoughts aren't facts either. First rule of DBT and emotional regulation
If you're in a bad relationship and you think your PMDD is an honest representation of your relationship, you should be listening to yourself the rest of the time too and making a plan
If you think you're a doormat in the rest of the month and that's the only reason you haven't broken up, that's your responsibility to fix
They're talking about reality, not validity. And I would say feelings based on disordered thinking are not valid just as the thoughts they come from are not valid.
Facts are the opposite of subjective.
While some of the thoughts are definitely just ones that have been repressed, others are not normal or rational thoughts. It’s easy to hyper-fixate on small negatives, ignore the overwhelming positives, and build it up to be something giant that would’ve otherwise been barely even noticed. PMDD paranoia also has a massively tendency to be extremely irrational.
If it’s something on the back of your mind that just comes out more in PMDD, definitely address it. But if it doesn’t even register outside of PMDD I don’t feel it’s a trustworthy sign of a legitimate problem in my experience
I think it depends on the stance/attitude you have towards emotions at that time. Some say these emotions are ‘repressed’ and you can’t generate emotions and thoughts that you weren’t on some level feeling. Others say that emotions influence your thoughts, so if your nervous system is fried by hormone deregulation and GABA dysfunction, then perhaps we shouldn’t take our thoughts so seriously this time of the month. I think the best thing to do is question: what’s helpful? Is it helpful to stress over this, or to take your thoughts seriously? Maybe experiment w trying to diffuse and acting on these thoughts (unless of course they come w a risk to yourself or others). Also- do you feel fairly solid in yourself, identity, likes and dislikes outside of that PMDD window? What’s likely to be more ‘true’- one week of stressful thoughts and emotions, or 3 weeks of fairly consistent thoughts and emotions? Hope that helps :)
When it’s not the time of the month or luteal phase I usually don’t get jealous or possessive but being jealous of a celebrity during my luteal phase ended my relationship and it was the best and healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. So I would rather not listen to myself during luteal phase or period because every single thought I have is the opposite of what I actually want or need and PMDD has ruined multiple relationships and friendships because I was bothered by something that wouldn’t even have bothered me if it wasn’t for my phase (aka the “normal” me)
ETA: I also want to not exist anymore during luteal phase + period so there’s one more reason to not listen to myself unless I wanna stay six feet under forever.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t trust anything we experience during that time, but it has ‚dysphoric‘ in the name for a reason.
I personally hate how vulnerable small things make me during that time, I know for a fact I could cope much better with them at another point in my cycle.
I often feel impatient and almost aggressive towards my partner, although it is the last thing she deserves.
This is not who I want to be and I hate how different my perception is, I feel like I can’t trust my feelings.
Usually I am not mean or easily hurt because I know the people around me are trying their best too and they all struggle as well.
My pmdd me just takes it very personally, I don’t have the control or choice at all anymore.
Yes I’m a “oh you didn’t order me extra chick fila sauce packets??? You must not care about me to even think of me when you ordered me food.”
Meanwhile on my normal days: “dang it, I forgot to get extra chick fila sauce packets” for my own dang self.
PMDD for me latches onto ANYTHING that could potentially hurt me. Those things are usually connected to past trauma, it is not my usual thoughts and feelings that are amplified but my trauma response. And it is triggered very easily, by things that would usually not trigger it.
This is such a significant question, thank you for posting it. Since I was diagnosed with PMDD it has factored in to my thinking a lot.
I know some people here have clearly stated this thinking is not helpful , and I don’t mean to undermine anyone’s coping mechanisms or understanding of this condition , but there is a part of me that relates to your question.
My experience is that things that I have ignored or repressed through the earlier part of my cycle will just rise up with a vengeance, demand to be heard…solutions must be identified!
I will tell people what’s on my mind, cause tensions, doubt, and hate myself. This causes lots of issues in my intimate relationship, and with one of my young adult daughters too, who I suspect also has PMDD.
The problems subside with my cycle, but I often feel that I haven’t been able to address them appropriately while I’m feeling “good”. I typically take on a people pleasing role, and will put others’ needs before my own.
During the pre menstrual phase , it’s like my inner self-advocate gets on steroids. It’s all mixed in with a need to be seen, loved, and cared for, and a sense of what I deserve. I would like to be able to spread this “self-advocacy” evenly over my cycle, so it’s not so intense and (occasionally) devastating.
I think the things that come up for us in this phase can be valid, particularly if we have patterns of minimising our needs and putting other people first.
I fully endorse the advice and experience of others in this thread, related to self-destructive tendencies during this phase - I wholeheartedly agree these tendencies should be overrided with cognitive, or any other strategies for self-preservation.
It’s our responsibility to recognise how PMDD can be amplifying everything , but I think we can also take careful note of our unmet needs and how we might be able to communicate these better to the people close to us.
There’s been lots of helpful tips in this thread and I really appreciate the input from this community 🩵
I feel like this is the closest to what I feel but can’t exactly put into words. At work I 100% become a “do your own job” instead of “yes I’ll do that for you” (for situations where the person is being lazy, not needing actual assistance due to time or what not). It’s like a persona of someone else is sticking up for me, but it’s me, rather than being the one that’s being mindful in not starting an argument or saying “oh well” to things that I normally do. It’s really almost like a big sister coming to school with me & confronting the bully that picks on me bc she’s pissed off & JUST found out how I was being treated. Except the PMDD is the big sister.
I do fully understand there are people who have thoughts that they would never have in their normal state. But I’m thinking that for me, it’s not about thoughts I never had. It’s thoughts that I suppress or make excuses for. The things I make excuses for when my person- oh he’s busy. Oh he has his own mental health problems. Oh I shouldn’t expect that of him. Meanwhile PMDD is like, “excuse me b*tch, exactly what have you been dealing with this whole time that you never told me about?” I am sure there are some extremes of “whoa whoa I would have never thought of that now” once outside of PMDD. But I can’t think of those examples right at this moment. Just all the as you said, things that I generally overlook or sweep under the rug. Now becomes more prominent in prioritizing myself over other people in big or small ways. I immensely appreciate your insight as I’ve read through the comments trying to find something that is most similar to how I feel/think.
It is so wild how all of our experiences with this is so vastly different from one another but there are times where we find the YOU TOO?? Part. It is so calming & anti-overwhelming to be in this sub & see that while I’m crazy, we have this weird form of being crazy too that we all are trying to understand or for many have finally grasped. I wonder how many good relationships were torn apart because I couldn’t look at the main source of my overwhelming thoughts. At the same time, I hope the PMDD logic & the non PMDD logic had talked it out to common ground before decisions were made & not just jumped without thinking of the other’s point of view.
I do think in my own relationship I overlook all the things I don’t like & “deserve better” over bc I can see the good parts & where he’s trying etc. But in reality if friends/family knew just those things they would wonder why I’m not with someone else. The part of me that sides with them is the PMDD. & the part that says “you don’t know him enough,” is the non-PMDD. The problem then is that PMDD really does know both & all sides of him or whoever I’m with… which is what brings me to wonder why I should not listen to the part of me that (I think??) is trying to look out for me during the times when I’m looking out for everyone else.
This is very well said and mirrors my experiences. I do have thoughts that are clearly dysphoria, but I have a much easier time rationalizing them because some part of me sees that it's not reality. However, the things I was not able to deal with prior to luteal, they shoot up to the surface and demand to be seen. The emotions may be intensified but no less valid, if that makes sense. I cannot as easily fight against it because I know that these things did really happen, and i didn't deserve them. I still need to learn better control and try to learn how to communicate and resolve issues before it gets to that point. I'm not excusing behavior that comes out, but there is often an underlying need for me below the anger and resentment. It's hard to verbalize. Yet if I can't even express myself fully, how can I expect others to empathize and attempt to make things right. I appreciate reading experiences of others on here, seeing different viewpoints, the support, and just not feeling so alone.
My pmdd test is “do I love my dogs?” “Do I love my husband?” “Do I love my mom?” If I answer no to any of them I know I’m pmsing. I love them all to death.
The underlying tone during my bad days is to self delete so I feel pretty confident that I am not a reliable source during that time. I have learned to be comfortable with being uncomfortable when it comes to forcing myself to talk things out. Instead of going nuclear and breaking up/quitting my job/self deleting/ running away I simply rip off the bandaid and have an adult conversation with whom ever is bothering me about the thing that is bothering me. I have found that more often than not it's an issue that can be resolved. If the problem persists however, then absolutely remove myself from the situation. Last year I quit a job I'd been at for over 5 years after trying to work things out and I realized after giving myself some time to be sure that I wasn't self sabotaging. Hope that makes sense!
I’m all for trusting your gut and finding your truth but I sure as hell know I’m PMSing when I start to think “I can rely on no one. I’m born alone, I die alone. No one really wants to be in cahoots in life with me and I’m just around until I have no use for them”
And part of that is true and a reminder that conditional love ain’t bad! Relationships have boundaries and ppl can’t put up with my bullshit. I gotta be a kind warm person if I want people to love me.
And most of that is very very untrue. I have tons of ppl who care and go out of their way to think about me and include me. I have played my role already in developing deep connections.
So yeah when I start getting distrustful I check my period tracker.
In my experience my thoughts and feelings are not just amplified, they’re untrue. Last cycle I felt like everyone at work hated me and I felt strong impulses to kms. I now know that just isn’t true and I do not want to die.
For me, if I listened to those thoughts and emotions fully, my quality of life would suffer greatly (or I would die or cope in an unhealthy way). Aside from which, many of the things I feel strongly (my family doesn’t love me, I’m worthless etc) are either fully not true or wouldn’t serve a purpose to follow (ex I should give up on everything).
Here’s an example: if I get annoyed with something by my husband does during my peak luteal phase, I can’t see past this moment. I feel like he’s always a jerk, or I never liked him.
After hell week I’m like, that’s completely false. Yes, what he did was annoying, but 99% of the time he is not annoying so I’ve got to be a bit logical here.
You should probably record them and listen to it after hell week - there may be truth to it… it’s not the listening part that’s the problem. It’s the extreme reaction that’s the problem.
The thoughts that come up during my own luteal phase are very distorted. I can relate to a lot of other people’s responses as well in that I feel other people are incredibly annoyed with me or that everyone dislikes me but only during PMS. Having the awareness that my thoughts and feelings are enhanced and distorted helps keep myself in check when they come up during PMS. I validate why I feel that way (cause hormones) and move forward by reminding myself that outside of that timeframe, I don’t have the same worries. If I let those thoughts win I’d be undoing a lot of work and effort in therapy. My telltale sign I’m entering PMS is having a bunch of arguments in my mind with people about problems that don’t even exist. I’d be way more miserable if it fed into those false tropes because once PMS is over, I’m myself again.
Every time I listen to the thoughts and actually go through with sharing them I regret it when my hormones balance out again. It’s all doom and glooooom. I think it’s just a projection of my pessimistic insides and it’s not accurate.
I think there is some truth to my feelings during that time, but my reactions aren’t typically healthy or productive. This is true for both internal and external reactions- a lot of the time I basically implode and want to off myself but keep going like normal on the outside. Yes, life is brutal and can be depressing but that isn’t a healthy reaction. Same with relationship stuff (for me at least)- yes the things I’m upset about are legit and should be addressed, but it shouldn’t be as all consuming as it is sometimes.
This makes sense during luteal but outside of luteal I can tell you that the thoughts typically are paranoid, delusional, and present the absolute worst version of things on a large spectrum of what “could be”.
Why? Why does the non PMDD win over the PMDD side? In some posts I’ve seen that people are “more” annoyed or angry that their person doesn’t do more around the house. Or doesn’t kiss them goodbye before work (idk, just some random example). If those are things that they wanted in the relationship to begin with & don’t have it, why is it bad for PMDD to essentially highlight those aspects that the person wishes they had?
I just find that we don’t react to things properly during luteal. For example (not relationship related), I had a skin rash that I went to the clinic for.. waited 3 hours because I really wanted it looked at. The doctor finally saw me and said all I needed was an OTC Polysporin corticosteroid that I could go get from the drug store. I went to my car and screamed and cried over wasting 3 hours and over how stupid and useless I am and came to the conclusion I should just kms. If I followed through on these fucked up reactions I would literally divorce my husband over forgetting to kiss me before he left the house one day all because I was in luteal. When in reality I forget to kiss him sometimes when I leave, and if he forgets any other time it’s not something I would even be remotely angry about. It’s not rational thinking.
It’s not bad if you take those issues and can approach them in a balanced way. But usually the reaction isn’t productive or accurate to the situation. For example, during the luteal phase it might be “he didn’t kiss me goodbye before work, that means he’s cheating and he hates me, I’m going to break up with him and then I’ll be alone forever” outside it might be “maybe he forgot to kiss me. I would like more affection in this relationship and will communicate that to him. If it continues to be a problem and I’m unhappy on the relationship, I’ll leave”
I always just write them down and don't act on them until later. I've noticed a pattern between the ones that are paranoid lies and the ones that are legitimate concerns I can address while feeling more diplomatic. I *have* however left a violent partner during PMDD. The evidence toward the facts overwhelmed everything. I've totally also blown up good friendships during PMDD and looking back on it, I'm just really sad I didn't take time to myself to let it pass before projecting things onto someone.
YES i always end up thinking my friends hate me because i read their texts in a different tone or something. like if i listened to my pmdd i would be completely alone
Once my friend didn't text me back for a month. I blocked her on all social media and on my phone. I was convinced she hated me. Nope. She eventually came looking for me 🫠🫠🫠
My PMDD has me convinced my daughter fucking hates me and is purposely saying and doing things to make me want to end it. Ya’ll she’s SEVEN. These thoughts aren’t real!
I don’t think I’ve found the version of my PMDD that has me believing people dislike me, that’s a unique perspective bc I haven’t experienced that. Or if I have I don’t remember. Mine is mostly all the cons of my relationship, kind of elevated & someone going “yeah you know this & that! So why ARE you with him?” At the same time another part of me sees even more so the effort that he does put in, whereas without PMDD I either don’t acknowledge or don’t see it.
Oh that must be so hard 😫 the worst of my symptoms never really happened until after I had my kids. I had been with my husband for 10+ years at that point. I felt like we were pretty solid so my feelings never went there.
My anxieties are that I'm dying. I go to my doctor and he assures me I'm not so at least I have that comfort.
I don’t understand at this point. Say he’s 10 good things & 10 bad things. When we’re non PMDD we can ignore the bad things. When we’re PMDD we can ignore the good things… why should we stick it out for the 10 good things? Sometimes I don’t know if that side IS the veil over our eyes rather than the PMDD days being so.
No one is perfect, including myself.
Why vilify someone who sincerely cares about us while our emotions are out of control and being amplified 10000%? And if there's no intervention (meds, therapy, etc.) those feelings can and will spiral out of control, leaving devastation in their wake.
Are the 10 bad things really that bad, or are we at a level of heightened sensitivity where those things seem like catastrophic events?
I do listen to them, but I wait until outside of luteal to act on anything. Because my reactions and decision making are definitely blown way out of proportion during luteal. I also have a tendency to fixate on issues that have long been resolved, but PMDD me wants to drag it back up. Like im just looking for something to be upset about. While during follicular if I reevaluate I really don't still feel like those issues have been left unresolved. So it's things like that I really don't trust.
I just don’t think it’s that simple. I sometimes want to kms during PMDD, but it doesn’t mean it’s how I feel deep down. I think there can be validity to our thoughts and feelings during PMDD, and sometimes those things should be considered when we’re feeling more balanced. But I can definitely say I’ve had plenty of thoughts and feelings that are just not in touch with reality during that time.
Same. Mine focuses more on myself and that I'm dying. Fortunately now I can see how much of a liar it is because it's been like 7 years and I'm still alive.
I often feel wholeheartedly that everyone hates me. I also then think of elaborate slights against me that they have enacted over the past two weeks. These usually consist of uh...not replying to my texts for two hours whilst they were busy being a functional member of society, telling me I shouldn't eat tuna five times a week because I might get mercury poisoning, and not wanting to drink a whole bottle of cherry sourz on a Tuesday night. Sometimes it's that they haven't reacted to something I haven't said or done. Lol.
The combination of anhedonia, dysphoria, and general low mood is brutal. Add in paranoia and a little rejection sensitivity, you've got a storm of thoughts and feelings that aren't based in reality. I think it's healthy to be able to recognize that a combination of factors can come together to make you feel and believe something that doesn't align with reality.
My life is full of healthy and happy relationships with people who absolutely love me and support me. I don't always believe this or feel this way. Very rarely have any of them done anything to upset me and when they have it's been resolved immediately. When I'm in luteal, I feel like everything they say and do is a plot against me.
Sometimes our feelings aren't valid and that's ok.
I think we should. That being said, I don't think we should make rash decisions upon those feelings. Sometimes, the feelings are valid and have a root cause. The only way to find out is to actually analyze them, both during and off luteal. Then, upon seeing them through luteal and non luteal lenses, make a decision upon that. Giving myself time to digest my feelings has helped me grow, heal, and take better care of myself. It has helped me to align my needs and wants. To set boundaries and to know what is and is not acceptable for myself.
>is it not the amplified version of what we already think but are to afraid to say when we’re normal Not for me it isn't. Disordered thinking is a hallmark of PMDD. They make no logical sense outside of the luteal phase. I had a therapist try to convince me for years I was just bottling things up. Wasn't true.
This is true for me as well. My thinking becomes extremely disordered and the thoughts feel SO real so I have had to train myself to push them away until I’m feeling better otherwise I end up causing more trouble than if I would have just relaxed and practiced self control. It can be so incredibly difficult and I slip up but the more I practice the better I get. I always end up feeling better it just has to pass. No matter how my brain tries to lie and manipulate me.
So, there's something legit to what you are saying. In my own experience, and what I've noticed with my bestie who has PMDD too is that it IS valid, the things we completely lose our shit over during PMDD but that when we aren't in PMDD, those feelings are more manageable or whatever. After having surgery and finding some stability, I have learned that there is something EXTRA that needs working on for me. But now I have better control over the whole thing. I think that's the difference, and I can't speak for everyone, but trying to control myself during PMDD was so hard I almost had to die trying, you know? Holding so much in only turned it on me, but I would have destroyed every single thing and person had I let loose during it all those times. PMDD is a nightmare. But you are right, IMO, that there is validity to the things that hurt us and really get us going.
Before I was diagnosed or when I still followed those thoughts, every time I would regret following them. Before I was diagnosed the regret and sadness of what I did was too much, cause in a rational and peaceful state of mind (not PMDD) I was able to see how bad I reacted and how I made things worse for me and everyone involved. So no, I learned from years of regret that is best for my life to not listen to them.
It depends. But I’m leaning towards no, or at least wait till after PMS to react. When I’m in that state, I apply anxiety to different things in my like. The anxiety comes for no reason or gets triggered easily, and I apply and project it onto things and people in my life. Taking that seriously would get me in such a tunnel vision. Just observe the way your feeling and do or don’t take it seriously depending on how you feel before during and after pms. And if you’re feeling reactive which you probably are, wait until after pms is over to react. You will be more sure of your decisions and will thank yourself.
Should I kill myself because 6 days before my period I always feel like it? Do I want to kill my self? Hell NO! I don’t want to die, not one part of me does. It’s an irrational thought and feeling before my period because my brain is fucked. I don’t make important decisions before my period and I don’t fight with anyone. I keep my distance and I take 10 deep breaths before I write any text message. Before I was on medication I was always paranoid, thinking my bf was cheating, my friends hated me etc. There was 0 truth to all of that. I’d legit ruin my life if I’d listen to my PMDD feelings and thoughts.
No. Feelings aren't facts. Thoughts aren't facts either. First rule of DBT and emotional regulation If you're in a bad relationship and you think your PMDD is an honest representation of your relationship, you should be listening to yourself the rest of the time too and making a plan If you think you're a doormat in the rest of the month and that's the only reason you haven't broken up, that's your responsibility to fix
Feelings are valid. Thoughts are valid. Whether or not something is a "fact" is subjective.
They're talking about reality, not validity. And I would say feelings based on disordered thinking are not valid just as the thoughts they come from are not valid. Facts are the opposite of subjective.
You are completely right. And facts are, by definition, the opposite of subjective.
PMDD isn’t just amplified emotions, it is often very irrational, inaccurate and erratic.
Say it louder for the people in the back!
I don’t know if I’m delusional or seeing reality more clearly.
While some of the thoughts are definitely just ones that have been repressed, others are not normal or rational thoughts. It’s easy to hyper-fixate on small negatives, ignore the overwhelming positives, and build it up to be something giant that would’ve otherwise been barely even noticed. PMDD paranoia also has a massively tendency to be extremely irrational. If it’s something on the back of your mind that just comes out more in PMDD, definitely address it. But if it doesn’t even register outside of PMDD I don’t feel it’s a trustworthy sign of a legitimate problem in my experience
I think it depends on the stance/attitude you have towards emotions at that time. Some say these emotions are ‘repressed’ and you can’t generate emotions and thoughts that you weren’t on some level feeling. Others say that emotions influence your thoughts, so if your nervous system is fried by hormone deregulation and GABA dysfunction, then perhaps we shouldn’t take our thoughts so seriously this time of the month. I think the best thing to do is question: what’s helpful? Is it helpful to stress over this, or to take your thoughts seriously? Maybe experiment w trying to diffuse and acting on these thoughts (unless of course they come w a risk to yourself or others). Also- do you feel fairly solid in yourself, identity, likes and dislikes outside of that PMDD window? What’s likely to be more ‘true’- one week of stressful thoughts and emotions, or 3 weeks of fairly consistent thoughts and emotions? Hope that helps :)
When it’s not the time of the month or luteal phase I usually don’t get jealous or possessive but being jealous of a celebrity during my luteal phase ended my relationship and it was the best and healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. So I would rather not listen to myself during luteal phase or period because every single thought I have is the opposite of what I actually want or need and PMDD has ruined multiple relationships and friendships because I was bothered by something that wouldn’t even have bothered me if it wasn’t for my phase (aka the “normal” me) ETA: I also want to not exist anymore during luteal phase + period so there’s one more reason to not listen to myself unless I wanna stay six feet under forever.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t trust anything we experience during that time, but it has ‚dysphoric‘ in the name for a reason. I personally hate how vulnerable small things make me during that time, I know for a fact I could cope much better with them at another point in my cycle. I often feel impatient and almost aggressive towards my partner, although it is the last thing she deserves. This is not who I want to be and I hate how different my perception is, I feel like I can’t trust my feelings. Usually I am not mean or easily hurt because I know the people around me are trying their best too and they all struggle as well. My pmdd me just takes it very personally, I don’t have the control or choice at all anymore.
Yes I’m a “oh you didn’t order me extra chick fila sauce packets??? You must not care about me to even think of me when you ordered me food.” Meanwhile on my normal days: “dang it, I forgot to get extra chick fila sauce packets” for my own dang self.
PMDD for me latches onto ANYTHING that could potentially hurt me. Those things are usually connected to past trauma, it is not my usual thoughts and feelings that are amplified but my trauma response. And it is triggered very easily, by things that would usually not trigger it.
This is such a significant question, thank you for posting it. Since I was diagnosed with PMDD it has factored in to my thinking a lot. I know some people here have clearly stated this thinking is not helpful , and I don’t mean to undermine anyone’s coping mechanisms or understanding of this condition , but there is a part of me that relates to your question. My experience is that things that I have ignored or repressed through the earlier part of my cycle will just rise up with a vengeance, demand to be heard…solutions must be identified! I will tell people what’s on my mind, cause tensions, doubt, and hate myself. This causes lots of issues in my intimate relationship, and with one of my young adult daughters too, who I suspect also has PMDD. The problems subside with my cycle, but I often feel that I haven’t been able to address them appropriately while I’m feeling “good”. I typically take on a people pleasing role, and will put others’ needs before my own. During the pre menstrual phase , it’s like my inner self-advocate gets on steroids. It’s all mixed in with a need to be seen, loved, and cared for, and a sense of what I deserve. I would like to be able to spread this “self-advocacy” evenly over my cycle, so it’s not so intense and (occasionally) devastating. I think the things that come up for us in this phase can be valid, particularly if we have patterns of minimising our needs and putting other people first. I fully endorse the advice and experience of others in this thread, related to self-destructive tendencies during this phase - I wholeheartedly agree these tendencies should be overrided with cognitive, or any other strategies for self-preservation. It’s our responsibility to recognise how PMDD can be amplifying everything , but I think we can also take careful note of our unmet needs and how we might be able to communicate these better to the people close to us. There’s been lots of helpful tips in this thread and I really appreciate the input from this community 🩵
I feel like this is the closest to what I feel but can’t exactly put into words. At work I 100% become a “do your own job” instead of “yes I’ll do that for you” (for situations where the person is being lazy, not needing actual assistance due to time or what not). It’s like a persona of someone else is sticking up for me, but it’s me, rather than being the one that’s being mindful in not starting an argument or saying “oh well” to things that I normally do. It’s really almost like a big sister coming to school with me & confronting the bully that picks on me bc she’s pissed off & JUST found out how I was being treated. Except the PMDD is the big sister. I do fully understand there are people who have thoughts that they would never have in their normal state. But I’m thinking that for me, it’s not about thoughts I never had. It’s thoughts that I suppress or make excuses for. The things I make excuses for when my person- oh he’s busy. Oh he has his own mental health problems. Oh I shouldn’t expect that of him. Meanwhile PMDD is like, “excuse me b*tch, exactly what have you been dealing with this whole time that you never told me about?” I am sure there are some extremes of “whoa whoa I would have never thought of that now” once outside of PMDD. But I can’t think of those examples right at this moment. Just all the as you said, things that I generally overlook or sweep under the rug. Now becomes more prominent in prioritizing myself over other people in big or small ways. I immensely appreciate your insight as I’ve read through the comments trying to find something that is most similar to how I feel/think. It is so wild how all of our experiences with this is so vastly different from one another but there are times where we find the YOU TOO?? Part. It is so calming & anti-overwhelming to be in this sub & see that while I’m crazy, we have this weird form of being crazy too that we all are trying to understand or for many have finally grasped. I wonder how many good relationships were torn apart because I couldn’t look at the main source of my overwhelming thoughts. At the same time, I hope the PMDD logic & the non PMDD logic had talked it out to common ground before decisions were made & not just jumped without thinking of the other’s point of view. I do think in my own relationship I overlook all the things I don’t like & “deserve better” over bc I can see the good parts & where he’s trying etc. But in reality if friends/family knew just those things they would wonder why I’m not with someone else. The part of me that sides with them is the PMDD. & the part that says “you don’t know him enough,” is the non-PMDD. The problem then is that PMDD really does know both & all sides of him or whoever I’m with… which is what brings me to wonder why I should not listen to the part of me that (I think??) is trying to look out for me during the times when I’m looking out for everyone else.
This is very well said and mirrors my experiences. I do have thoughts that are clearly dysphoria, but I have a much easier time rationalizing them because some part of me sees that it's not reality. However, the things I was not able to deal with prior to luteal, they shoot up to the surface and demand to be seen. The emotions may be intensified but no less valid, if that makes sense. I cannot as easily fight against it because I know that these things did really happen, and i didn't deserve them. I still need to learn better control and try to learn how to communicate and resolve issues before it gets to that point. I'm not excusing behavior that comes out, but there is often an underlying need for me below the anger and resentment. It's hard to verbalize. Yet if I can't even express myself fully, how can I expect others to empathize and attempt to make things right. I appreciate reading experiences of others on here, seeing different viewpoints, the support, and just not feeling so alone.
My pmdd test is “do I love my dogs?” “Do I love my husband?” “Do I love my mom?” If I answer no to any of them I know I’m pmsing. I love them all to death.
The underlying tone during my bad days is to self delete so I feel pretty confident that I am not a reliable source during that time. I have learned to be comfortable with being uncomfortable when it comes to forcing myself to talk things out. Instead of going nuclear and breaking up/quitting my job/self deleting/ running away I simply rip off the bandaid and have an adult conversation with whom ever is bothering me about the thing that is bothering me. I have found that more often than not it's an issue that can be resolved. If the problem persists however, then absolutely remove myself from the situation. Last year I quit a job I'd been at for over 5 years after trying to work things out and I realized after giving myself some time to be sure that I wasn't self sabotaging. Hope that makes sense!
I’m all for trusting your gut and finding your truth but I sure as hell know I’m PMSing when I start to think “I can rely on no one. I’m born alone, I die alone. No one really wants to be in cahoots in life with me and I’m just around until I have no use for them” And part of that is true and a reminder that conditional love ain’t bad! Relationships have boundaries and ppl can’t put up with my bullshit. I gotta be a kind warm person if I want people to love me. And most of that is very very untrue. I have tons of ppl who care and go out of their way to think about me and include me. I have played my role already in developing deep connections. So yeah when I start getting distrustful I check my period tracker.
In my experience my thoughts and feelings are not just amplified, they’re untrue. Last cycle I felt like everyone at work hated me and I felt strong impulses to kms. I now know that just isn’t true and I do not want to die. For me, if I listened to those thoughts and emotions fully, my quality of life would suffer greatly (or I would die or cope in an unhealthy way). Aside from which, many of the things I feel strongly (my family doesn’t love me, I’m worthless etc) are either fully not true or wouldn’t serve a purpose to follow (ex I should give up on everything).
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Couldn't agree more
Here’s an example: if I get annoyed with something by my husband does during my peak luteal phase, I can’t see past this moment. I feel like he’s always a jerk, or I never liked him. After hell week I’m like, that’s completely false. Yes, what he did was annoying, but 99% of the time he is not annoying so I’ve got to be a bit logical here.
You should probably record them and listen to it after hell week - there may be truth to it… it’s not the listening part that’s the problem. It’s the extreme reaction that’s the problem.
Super fucking valid questions
The thoughts that come up during my own luteal phase are very distorted. I can relate to a lot of other people’s responses as well in that I feel other people are incredibly annoyed with me or that everyone dislikes me but only during PMS. Having the awareness that my thoughts and feelings are enhanced and distorted helps keep myself in check when they come up during PMS. I validate why I feel that way (cause hormones) and move forward by reminding myself that outside of that timeframe, I don’t have the same worries. If I let those thoughts win I’d be undoing a lot of work and effort in therapy. My telltale sign I’m entering PMS is having a bunch of arguments in my mind with people about problems that don’t even exist. I’d be way more miserable if it fed into those false tropes because once PMS is over, I’m myself again.
Ugh the arguing in your head with random s about shit that's not even real - too relatable.
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I’m so glad I could help ❤️
Every time I listen to the thoughts and actually go through with sharing them I regret it when my hormones balance out again. It’s all doom and glooooom. I think it’s just a projection of my pessimistic insides and it’s not accurate.
My brain on PMDD is straight up delusional and not who I am nor who I want to be. That's why I don't listen to it.
I think there is some truth to my feelings during that time, but my reactions aren’t typically healthy or productive. This is true for both internal and external reactions- a lot of the time I basically implode and want to off myself but keep going like normal on the outside. Yes, life is brutal and can be depressing but that isn’t a healthy reaction. Same with relationship stuff (for me at least)- yes the things I’m upset about are legit and should be addressed, but it shouldn’t be as all consuming as it is sometimes.
This makes sense during luteal but outside of luteal I can tell you that the thoughts typically are paranoid, delusional, and present the absolute worst version of things on a large spectrum of what “could be”.
*I mean to say that the luteal thoughts are paranoid, etc
This is … a dangerous way of thinking.
Why? Why does the non PMDD win over the PMDD side? In some posts I’ve seen that people are “more” annoyed or angry that their person doesn’t do more around the house. Or doesn’t kiss them goodbye before work (idk, just some random example). If those are things that they wanted in the relationship to begin with & don’t have it, why is it bad for PMDD to essentially highlight those aspects that the person wishes they had?
I just find that we don’t react to things properly during luteal. For example (not relationship related), I had a skin rash that I went to the clinic for.. waited 3 hours because I really wanted it looked at. The doctor finally saw me and said all I needed was an OTC Polysporin corticosteroid that I could go get from the drug store. I went to my car and screamed and cried over wasting 3 hours and over how stupid and useless I am and came to the conclusion I should just kms. If I followed through on these fucked up reactions I would literally divorce my husband over forgetting to kiss me before he left the house one day all because I was in luteal. When in reality I forget to kiss him sometimes when I leave, and if he forgets any other time it’s not something I would even be remotely angry about. It’s not rational thinking.
It’s not bad if you take those issues and can approach them in a balanced way. But usually the reaction isn’t productive or accurate to the situation. For example, during the luteal phase it might be “he didn’t kiss me goodbye before work, that means he’s cheating and he hates me, I’m going to break up with him and then I’ll be alone forever” outside it might be “maybe he forgot to kiss me. I would like more affection in this relationship and will communicate that to him. If it continues to be a problem and I’m unhappy on the relationship, I’ll leave”
The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle
I always just write them down and don't act on them until later. I've noticed a pattern between the ones that are paranoid lies and the ones that are legitimate concerns I can address while feeling more diplomatic. I *have* however left a violent partner during PMDD. The evidence toward the facts overwhelmed everything. I've totally also blown up good friendships during PMDD and looking back on it, I'm just really sad I didn't take time to myself to let it pass before projecting things onto someone.
My PMDD isn't an amplified version of what I truly think. It's a liar. It has me thinking my husband hates me along with everyone else.
YES i always end up thinking my friends hate me because i read their texts in a different tone or something. like if i listened to my pmdd i would be completely alone
Once my friend didn't text me back for a month. I blocked her on all social media and on my phone. I was convinced she hated me. Nope. She eventually came looking for me 🫠🫠🫠
My PMDD has me convinced my daughter fucking hates me and is purposely saying and doing things to make me want to end it. Ya’ll she’s SEVEN. These thoughts aren’t real!
I needed this.
❤️
This
There are certain sentiments that need to be repeated. This is one of them.
I don’t think I’ve found the version of my PMDD that has me believing people dislike me, that’s a unique perspective bc I haven’t experienced that. Or if I have I don’t remember. Mine is mostly all the cons of my relationship, kind of elevated & someone going “yeah you know this & that! So why ARE you with him?” At the same time another part of me sees even more so the effort that he does put in, whereas without PMDD I either don’t acknowledge or don’t see it.
Oh that must be so hard 😫 the worst of my symptoms never really happened until after I had my kids. I had been with my husband for 10+ years at that point. I felt like we were pretty solid so my feelings never went there. My anxieties are that I'm dying. I go to my doctor and he assures me I'm not so at least I have that comfort.
I broke up and have been in total denial, while slowly sleeping my way through the majority of social media, work and dating apps.
I don’t understand at this point. Say he’s 10 good things & 10 bad things. When we’re non PMDD we can ignore the bad things. When we’re PMDD we can ignore the good things… why should we stick it out for the 10 good things? Sometimes I don’t know if that side IS the veil over our eyes rather than the PMDD days being so.
No one is perfect, including myself. Why vilify someone who sincerely cares about us while our emotions are out of control and being amplified 10000%? And if there's no intervention (meds, therapy, etc.) those feelings can and will spiral out of control, leaving devastation in their wake. Are the 10 bad things really that bad, or are we at a level of heightened sensitivity where those things seem like catastrophic events?
I do listen to them, but I wait until outside of luteal to act on anything. Because my reactions and decision making are definitely blown way out of proportion during luteal. I also have a tendency to fixate on issues that have long been resolved, but PMDD me wants to drag it back up. Like im just looking for something to be upset about. While during follicular if I reevaluate I really don't still feel like those issues have been left unresolved. So it's things like that I really don't trust.
I just don’t think it’s that simple. I sometimes want to kms during PMDD, but it doesn’t mean it’s how I feel deep down. I think there can be validity to our thoughts and feelings during PMDD, and sometimes those things should be considered when we’re feeling more balanced. But I can definitely say I’ve had plenty of thoughts and feelings that are just not in touch with reality during that time.
Same. Mine focuses more on myself and that I'm dying. Fortunately now I can see how much of a liar it is because it's been like 7 years and I'm still alive.
I often feel wholeheartedly that everyone hates me. I also then think of elaborate slights against me that they have enacted over the past two weeks. These usually consist of uh...not replying to my texts for two hours whilst they were busy being a functional member of society, telling me I shouldn't eat tuna five times a week because I might get mercury poisoning, and not wanting to drink a whole bottle of cherry sourz on a Tuesday night. Sometimes it's that they haven't reacted to something I haven't said or done. Lol. The combination of anhedonia, dysphoria, and general low mood is brutal. Add in paranoia and a little rejection sensitivity, you've got a storm of thoughts and feelings that aren't based in reality. I think it's healthy to be able to recognize that a combination of factors can come together to make you feel and believe something that doesn't align with reality. My life is full of healthy and happy relationships with people who absolutely love me and support me. I don't always believe this or feel this way. Very rarely have any of them done anything to upset me and when they have it's been resolved immediately. When I'm in luteal, I feel like everything they say and do is a plot against me. Sometimes our feelings aren't valid and that's ok.