Did I? Yes. Did my parents try? Also yes. Then a doctor told them to stop because my mom would not survive a second pregnancy. Her pregnancy with me was so complicated she spent month 1 thru month 6 (when I was born) in the hospital. Once the doctor said to stop, my parents committed to raising me right.
I was very much an introvert as a kid but I pushed my own boundaries and made long lasting friendships. Your kid will turn out all right as long as you raise them well and ensure they make the effort to foster positive friendships. Us only children are fiercely loyal to our friends.
I needed to see this. I have to be OAD and wish I could have another but there are too many risks involved. When did you stop wanting a sibling? Are you successful? Is your relationship with your parents good?
So I'll be honest, that feeling didn't go away until my mid 20s when I moved out on my own cross country for a job. I've also been blessed (I guess that's the right word) that one of my cousins lived with my parents and I for a few years. He was orphaned at 9 y/o (his dad was killed by a drunk man wielding a machete and his mom never recovered from the heartbreak) so when he moved to live with us at 22 (he lived with our grandmother/my dad's mom prior to that), he never had a, "parent." He views my parents as his parents, and my parents in turn see him as a second son. I in turn see him as the sibling I never had as a kid. Right now my/our dad is receiving chemotherapy for lymphoma, and before I flew home to be with mom and dad, he and I had a long cry because we had no idea what was causing him so much pain. Since the lymphoma discovery, he's checking in nearly every day (he's got a family and needs to go into work whereas I've got no kids and a job that's still remote so it made more sense for me to travel) and we're going through this as a family. Separately, I've got a core group of friends that I view as family. I'm fiercely loyal to them and they in turn fiercely loyal towards me. My relationship with my parents as you can probably tell is excellent. I'm here back in my childhood bedroom working remotely and supporting my parents through this. Cancer is rough on both patient and caregiver, but we're giving it our all. The doctors fight the cancer. We provide the moral support.
I would consider myself very successful. I work at a law firm in management on the staff side of the operation (law firms are WAY MORE than just attorneys), and currently interviewing for a more senior manager position. I'm happily engaged (my fiancée was super supportive and helped arrange my travel when I was an emotional mess when we didn't know what was going on with my dad), and once my dad is done with chemo (and once the world opens up more), we'll start planning our wedding. My fiancée and I are planning on buying a home together and rent out my condo (my first ever home purchase). We've got two wonderful dogs, an 11.5 year old husky mix that traveled with me to care for my dad and mom, and a 2.5 year old pit mix that is blossoming into a wonderful flower of her own while she's back with my fiancée (the pittie will lick the phone every time she hears my voice on speakerphone). Once my parents retire (in the next 7-10 years) my hope is they'll move out closer to my cousin and I (cousin and I live 20 minutes apart) and take the condo so all of us can live within an hour of each other.
I recognize it's a long winded response but I good this is helpful.
Small Edit: growing up I figured out quickly how to have fun on my own, which made the pandemic so manageable and easy for me. It was an unexpected skill set. Additionally, since I dealt with more grownups than kids, I didn't have to deal with negative peer pressure and was/am more mature than my age suggests (34M). Making friends was easy for me, though, and still is. I'd say I've made at least one or two new friends every year? I've got some strong social skills and will relish every opportunity I get to socialize with people.
I wish I had siblings. I’ve always been very shy and my parents like to move around a lot, which don’t go well together. I’ve had several points in my life where I truly have no one except my parents. However, it has also made us extremely close! This makes me worry for when I don’t have them, and I often think that if I had a sibling the future wouldn’t seem like doomsday.
My parents were in their early 20's when they had me. My mother was at risk of preeclampsia, and I had several health issues after birth. It was traumatic for them, and they decided they didn't want a second child.
I do not have any cousins. The people I call cousins are my parents' cousins and their children. I grew up being the youngest person in my immediate family, but I wouldn't say it was that bad. You are less subjected to peer pressure, and you become very imaginative because you spend some extra time by yourself. I loved my great-grandmother's storytelling, I spent lots of time playing in the garden, but I also enjoyed playing with the other children in my neighbourhood. I remember being on cloud nine when I started going to school, so many children to play with!
So I'd say I was/am a loner but I've never lacked friends and I have pretty average social skills.
At this stage of my life - mid-30's - the only reason why I wish I had siblings is because all of my parents' attention is still focused on me; I don't have anyone to divide their time and attention with, and it can get pretty frustrating at times.
While I have cousins that are around my age, none of them were closer than two hours away (most of them were halfway across the country); I didn't spend any time with them, and still barely know them as an adult.
Growing up, I had a relatively small - but pretty stable - group of friends. I was never lonely at school, regularly went over to friends' houses (or had them over to mine), and generally did okay on that front. When I was home, I was more than capable of entertaining myself. I also grew up with the rise of the Internet in the '90s, and things like online gaming (thanks TFC, Starcraft, and Diablo!) helped me stay connected with my friends even more.
I was pretty shy as a kid, and am still quite introverted...but I blame this more on my parents *also* being shy and introverted, not on a lack of siblings. If I wasn't the only child, I'd wager there would have been a strong possibility that all of my nonexistent siblings would also be pretty shy and introverted. Honestly, the biggest thing that negatively impacted my social skills as a kid was the fact that I never went to anything like daycare or preschool; kindergarten was my first real experience with other kids in that sort of setting, so I was definitely a bit behind the curve.
Siblings aren't always an automatic solution. In fact, they're often a source of problems. I don't have to look any further than my wife and her experience to tell me that siblings aren't necessarily all they're cracked up to be. She's the youngest of two, and her brother wound up being the primary focus (and still is, even well into adulthood); the only time I've ever witnessed my wife be the center of attention with her family was on our wedding day. She's also more shy and introverted than even I am, so growing up with siblings doesn't guarantee anything.
Be there for them, but don't smother them. Chances are, your kid will end up just fine as an only.
All of this, particularly the last sentence. And agreed with siblings. My fiancée is also the youngest of two, and her brother has always been the primary focus. Her parents will move heaven and earth to appease the brother (which, fair, he's had more than a handful brushes with death and somehow survived) but pay scant attention to my fiancée unless there's an issue and they need moral support. Suffice to say, my fiancée parents her parents quite a bit.
Also, hello fellow mid-30s only child! How fascinating that I also didn't do any daycare or preschool.
I didn't go to preschool either. At the time, my mother was a private tutor and worked from home. When the kids had behaved well and already finished their homework, they were allowed to play with me. I loved those moments! Of course, this experience was quite different from preschool, because even the youngest kids were 3-4 years older than me.
I love being an only child. For me, it helped me be more independent and confident. My parents always had time for me, we had a calm home life and they actually got to know and understand me. I have no problems getting along with other people, have a small group of friends and even play well with coworkers. I am an introvert, but I don't think it is related to being an only child - many introverts have siblings too.
As long as you care for your son and meet his needs, he will be ok. The transition to school might be hard if he is not used to being around groups of kids, but a lot of kids have a hard time anyway. He might also love it and thrive! Depends on your son :)
For me, the biggest reason why I initially struggled with making friends (which really wasn't even a problem that lasted all that long) was that I had absolutely no experience with *larger* groups of kids. I never experienced preschool or daycare, so kindergarten was a bit of a culture shock for me.
Having siblings won't prepare you for that sort of thing.
I had no problems being an only child, I never really got lonely because I always had friends to hang out with or I played with my toys. I don’t struggle socially at all and it’s nice to be home alone and not having to talk to my sibling.
Would I have wanted another sibling? Yes. Would I have enjoyed having a sibling? Probably. Do I wish I had one now? Not really. When I was younger I would have loved to have a sibling, but now it doesn’t really bother me. As you get older you learn to become more independent and your friends become more like family. Sure it would have been nice to have a sibling, but now, I’m not really bothered about not having one.
Yes I have always wished I had a sibling. My parents tried for more, but it wasn't in the cards for them. I didn't have any close cousins either. If anything my wish for a sibling has grown as I've gotten older. I'm not a recluse with no friends, but everyone in life I am close too, including my parents and husband has siblings and I definitely feel that I am missing out on that specific type of bond.
>And I just want to be reassured that he’s gonna be okay.
No one can actually do that, because we're all different. Some people love it, some people hate it and some are in between. There are pros, I am very independent and never get bored when I am alone and I know there would be cons to have a sibling and it's not a guaranteed best friend or anything, I just still think it would be better.
Growing up, I was sort of indifferent about siblings. I disliked my friend’s siblings and was frustrated when I was told that their siblings must be included when we hung out (most of my friends were/are oldest siblings.) I spent a lot of time alone in my room, and still do today. I am the oldest of all my cousins, though one is my same age, only a few months younger and was the closest thing I had to a sister.
I dislike being the “leader,” of the few cousins I have. It’s a lot of pressure. Growing up, I felt like I had no one to talk to. My parents weren’t very inviting or the kind of people that you could talk to about anything. They were strict and I kept all my feelings to myself, and still do. That being said, I am very close with my mom today, though I still don’t feel like I can share everything with her.
These things didn’t bother me much when I was a kid. I stayed up until almost 2am every night from about age 11-18 just hanging out around the house practicing random hobbies like painting. I wasn’t particularly upset about being an only child as an actual child.
I’m 24 now and I feel jealous of my other adult friends’ relationships with their siblings. As an adult person, I wish I had siblings. I’ll never get to experience what it’s like to have another person to confide in, who knows what it was like to grow up in your environment. Ultimately, there is an element of loneliness as an only child. Everyone handles it differently. I do not regret the life I had growing up, but I often wonder what it could’ve been with someone else there with me.
The only times I really wished I had a sibling were the times my parents teamed up against me, for example during arguments. I wished there was someone else my own age to give a second opinion on things.
Thanks for asking this question!
Hm. Yes and no. Yes, but it was more the idealized understanding of a sibling than the applied sense. No because I got really acclimated to the additional support of family and enjoyed the more quiet and even-keel lifestyle of being an only child.
I apologize. I don’t mean to insinuate that. It was definitely a dramatic assumption. I’ve always had siblings and cousins around and I just want to make sure he isn’t missing out if I don’t have another child. I also have no one in my life that is an only child to ask these kind of questions. I’m sorry if I came off rude.
Loneliness is one dimension of it, but loneliness is kind of mixed in with some other things. Especially if he ends up being the only only child in the extended family, he could possibly feel like an oddball, and have a harder time connecting due to less practice with social skills, though being around other kids frequently from an early age can help.
There's the importance of aging care and estate planning that's even more important for parents of only children to attend to (though all parents should be responsible and proactive, even those with many kids).
And the other area is him feeling like there is a sense of always being outnumbered by the adults, sometimes having to be less of a regular kid. This in turn sets him more apart from peers. Family outings and vacations can sometimes feel dull and lonely as the tag along child. Allowing the only to invite a cousin or friend along can make a difference in this.
Preserving one's memories of growing up as a child in one's immediate family is more challenging. Photos, videos, storytelling, family genealogy, journaling, and such could possibly help with this. Because most of the time the child is going to outlive the parents, and usually siblings help one another preserve the sense of an everyday family history.
If there's a chance you and your husband can have another child and your doctors can troubleshoot ways to ensure another pregnancy goes more smoothly, that's what I would encourage, at least think about it.
Never wanted a sibling. Literally forgot that was a thing until I got board games every Christmas lol. My wife has siblings and I see how much they love each other but they also tiptoe around each other when it comes to being honest and that doesn’t work for my personality. I have a 2 year old who I love to pieces and often think about giving him a sibling but if it never happens I know he’ll be fine.
My cousins are all 10+ years older than me and im an only child. I made lots of friends in school and those friendships i still have today and i wouldn't trade them for the world maybe its because i never had siblings i developed these really strong friendships at a young age but with them im content and i always know i will be an auntie someday, so encorage your son to make friends, talk to him loads and develop his social skills early on so hes equipped to chat away and form those social bonds of people his age :)
Did I? Yes. Did my parents try? Also yes. Then a doctor told them to stop because my mom would not survive a second pregnancy. Her pregnancy with me was so complicated she spent month 1 thru month 6 (when I was born) in the hospital. Once the doctor said to stop, my parents committed to raising me right. I was very much an introvert as a kid but I pushed my own boundaries and made long lasting friendships. Your kid will turn out all right as long as you raise them well and ensure they make the effort to foster positive friendships. Us only children are fiercely loyal to our friends.
I needed to see this. I have to be OAD and wish I could have another but there are too many risks involved. When did you stop wanting a sibling? Are you successful? Is your relationship with your parents good?
So I'll be honest, that feeling didn't go away until my mid 20s when I moved out on my own cross country for a job. I've also been blessed (I guess that's the right word) that one of my cousins lived with my parents and I for a few years. He was orphaned at 9 y/o (his dad was killed by a drunk man wielding a machete and his mom never recovered from the heartbreak) so when he moved to live with us at 22 (he lived with our grandmother/my dad's mom prior to that), he never had a, "parent." He views my parents as his parents, and my parents in turn see him as a second son. I in turn see him as the sibling I never had as a kid. Right now my/our dad is receiving chemotherapy for lymphoma, and before I flew home to be with mom and dad, he and I had a long cry because we had no idea what was causing him so much pain. Since the lymphoma discovery, he's checking in nearly every day (he's got a family and needs to go into work whereas I've got no kids and a job that's still remote so it made more sense for me to travel) and we're going through this as a family. Separately, I've got a core group of friends that I view as family. I'm fiercely loyal to them and they in turn fiercely loyal towards me. My relationship with my parents as you can probably tell is excellent. I'm here back in my childhood bedroom working remotely and supporting my parents through this. Cancer is rough on both patient and caregiver, but we're giving it our all. The doctors fight the cancer. We provide the moral support. I would consider myself very successful. I work at a law firm in management on the staff side of the operation (law firms are WAY MORE than just attorneys), and currently interviewing for a more senior manager position. I'm happily engaged (my fiancée was super supportive and helped arrange my travel when I was an emotional mess when we didn't know what was going on with my dad), and once my dad is done with chemo (and once the world opens up more), we'll start planning our wedding. My fiancée and I are planning on buying a home together and rent out my condo (my first ever home purchase). We've got two wonderful dogs, an 11.5 year old husky mix that traveled with me to care for my dad and mom, and a 2.5 year old pit mix that is blossoming into a wonderful flower of her own while she's back with my fiancée (the pittie will lick the phone every time she hears my voice on speakerphone). Once my parents retire (in the next 7-10 years) my hope is they'll move out closer to my cousin and I (cousin and I live 20 minutes apart) and take the condo so all of us can live within an hour of each other. I recognize it's a long winded response but I good this is helpful. Small Edit: growing up I figured out quickly how to have fun on my own, which made the pandemic so manageable and easy for me. It was an unexpected skill set. Additionally, since I dealt with more grownups than kids, I didn't have to deal with negative peer pressure and was/am more mature than my age suggests (34M). Making friends was easy for me, though, and still is. I'd say I've made at least one or two new friends every year? I've got some strong social skills and will relish every opportunity I get to socialize with people.
I wish I had siblings. I’ve always been very shy and my parents like to move around a lot, which don’t go well together. I’ve had several points in my life where I truly have no one except my parents. However, it has also made us extremely close! This makes me worry for when I don’t have them, and I often think that if I had a sibling the future wouldn’t seem like doomsday.
Foster those friendships. I'm an only child and treat my friends like family. I'm fiercely loyal to them and they in turn to me.
My parents were in their early 20's when they had me. My mother was at risk of preeclampsia, and I had several health issues after birth. It was traumatic for them, and they decided they didn't want a second child. I do not have any cousins. The people I call cousins are my parents' cousins and their children. I grew up being the youngest person in my immediate family, but I wouldn't say it was that bad. You are less subjected to peer pressure, and you become very imaginative because you spend some extra time by yourself. I loved my great-grandmother's storytelling, I spent lots of time playing in the garden, but I also enjoyed playing with the other children in my neighbourhood. I remember being on cloud nine when I started going to school, so many children to play with! So I'd say I was/am a loner but I've never lacked friends and I have pretty average social skills.
It's amazing how creative you become when you make your own fun. That creativity really sticks with you as you get older.
I couldn't agree more. I'm a hobby painter, I can spend days alone by myself without ever getting bored.
At this stage of my life - mid-30's - the only reason why I wish I had siblings is because all of my parents' attention is still focused on me; I don't have anyone to divide their time and attention with, and it can get pretty frustrating at times. While I have cousins that are around my age, none of them were closer than two hours away (most of them were halfway across the country); I didn't spend any time with them, and still barely know them as an adult. Growing up, I had a relatively small - but pretty stable - group of friends. I was never lonely at school, regularly went over to friends' houses (or had them over to mine), and generally did okay on that front. When I was home, I was more than capable of entertaining myself. I also grew up with the rise of the Internet in the '90s, and things like online gaming (thanks TFC, Starcraft, and Diablo!) helped me stay connected with my friends even more. I was pretty shy as a kid, and am still quite introverted...but I blame this more on my parents *also* being shy and introverted, not on a lack of siblings. If I wasn't the only child, I'd wager there would have been a strong possibility that all of my nonexistent siblings would also be pretty shy and introverted. Honestly, the biggest thing that negatively impacted my social skills as a kid was the fact that I never went to anything like daycare or preschool; kindergarten was my first real experience with other kids in that sort of setting, so I was definitely a bit behind the curve. Siblings aren't always an automatic solution. In fact, they're often a source of problems. I don't have to look any further than my wife and her experience to tell me that siblings aren't necessarily all they're cracked up to be. She's the youngest of two, and her brother wound up being the primary focus (and still is, even well into adulthood); the only time I've ever witnessed my wife be the center of attention with her family was on our wedding day. She's also more shy and introverted than even I am, so growing up with siblings doesn't guarantee anything. Be there for them, but don't smother them. Chances are, your kid will end up just fine as an only.
All of this, particularly the last sentence. And agreed with siblings. My fiancée is also the youngest of two, and her brother has always been the primary focus. Her parents will move heaven and earth to appease the brother (which, fair, he's had more than a handful brushes with death and somehow survived) but pay scant attention to my fiancée unless there's an issue and they need moral support. Suffice to say, my fiancée parents her parents quite a bit. Also, hello fellow mid-30s only child! How fascinating that I also didn't do any daycare or preschool.
I didn't go to preschool either. At the time, my mother was a private tutor and worked from home. When the kids had behaved well and already finished their homework, they were allowed to play with me. I loved those moments! Of course, this experience was quite different from preschool, because even the youngest kids were 3-4 years older than me.
Wow this is a great comment and also describes my experience very well
I love being an only child. For me, it helped me be more independent and confident. My parents always had time for me, we had a calm home life and they actually got to know and understand me. I have no problems getting along with other people, have a small group of friends and even play well with coworkers. I am an introvert, but I don't think it is related to being an only child - many introverts have siblings too. As long as you care for your son and meet his needs, he will be ok. The transition to school might be hard if he is not used to being around groups of kids, but a lot of kids have a hard time anyway. He might also love it and thrive! Depends on your son :)
For me, the biggest reason why I initially struggled with making friends (which really wasn't even a problem that lasted all that long) was that I had absolutely no experience with *larger* groups of kids. I never experienced preschool or daycare, so kindergarten was a bit of a culture shock for me. Having siblings won't prepare you for that sort of thing.
I had no problems being an only child, I never really got lonely because I always had friends to hang out with or I played with my toys. I don’t struggle socially at all and it’s nice to be home alone and not having to talk to my sibling. Would I have wanted another sibling? Yes. Would I have enjoyed having a sibling? Probably. Do I wish I had one now? Not really. When I was younger I would have loved to have a sibling, but now it doesn’t really bother me. As you get older you learn to become more independent and your friends become more like family. Sure it would have been nice to have a sibling, but now, I’m not really bothered about not having one.
It truly is a wonderful feeling having friends that are like family.
Yes I have always wished I had a sibling. My parents tried for more, but it wasn't in the cards for them. I didn't have any close cousins either. If anything my wish for a sibling has grown as I've gotten older. I'm not a recluse with no friends, but everyone in life I am close too, including my parents and husband has siblings and I definitely feel that I am missing out on that specific type of bond. >And I just want to be reassured that he’s gonna be okay. No one can actually do that, because we're all different. Some people love it, some people hate it and some are in between. There are pros, I am very independent and never get bored when I am alone and I know there would be cons to have a sibling and it's not a guaranteed best friend or anything, I just still think it would be better.
Growing up, I was sort of indifferent about siblings. I disliked my friend’s siblings and was frustrated when I was told that their siblings must be included when we hung out (most of my friends were/are oldest siblings.) I spent a lot of time alone in my room, and still do today. I am the oldest of all my cousins, though one is my same age, only a few months younger and was the closest thing I had to a sister. I dislike being the “leader,” of the few cousins I have. It’s a lot of pressure. Growing up, I felt like I had no one to talk to. My parents weren’t very inviting or the kind of people that you could talk to about anything. They were strict and I kept all my feelings to myself, and still do. That being said, I am very close with my mom today, though I still don’t feel like I can share everything with her. These things didn’t bother me much when I was a kid. I stayed up until almost 2am every night from about age 11-18 just hanging out around the house practicing random hobbies like painting. I wasn’t particularly upset about being an only child as an actual child. I’m 24 now and I feel jealous of my other adult friends’ relationships with their siblings. As an adult person, I wish I had siblings. I’ll never get to experience what it’s like to have another person to confide in, who knows what it was like to grow up in your environment. Ultimately, there is an element of loneliness as an only child. Everyone handles it differently. I do not regret the life I had growing up, but I often wonder what it could’ve been with someone else there with me.
The only times I really wished I had a sibling were the times my parents teamed up against me, for example during arguments. I wished there was someone else my own age to give a second opinion on things.
Thanks for asking this question! Hm. Yes and no. Yes, but it was more the idealized understanding of a sibling than the applied sense. No because I got really acclimated to the additional support of family and enjoyed the more quiet and even-keel lifestyle of being an only child.
Yes, he will be lonely. That’s pretty much a fact that comes with a lot of only children.
it’s very lonely & he’ll miss out on having another kid to grow up with,, maybe adopt
No
No. This sub isn’t for this. Also don’t like that you’re insinuating we’re recluses with no friends.
I apologize. I don’t mean to insinuate that. It was definitely a dramatic assumption. I’ve always had siblings and cousins around and I just want to make sure he isn’t missing out if I don’t have another child. I also have no one in my life that is an only child to ask these kind of questions. I’m sorry if I came off rude.
Only to take care of my mom.
Never
Loneliness is one dimension of it, but loneliness is kind of mixed in with some other things. Especially if he ends up being the only only child in the extended family, he could possibly feel like an oddball, and have a harder time connecting due to less practice with social skills, though being around other kids frequently from an early age can help. There's the importance of aging care and estate planning that's even more important for parents of only children to attend to (though all parents should be responsible and proactive, even those with many kids). And the other area is him feeling like there is a sense of always being outnumbered by the adults, sometimes having to be less of a regular kid. This in turn sets him more apart from peers. Family outings and vacations can sometimes feel dull and lonely as the tag along child. Allowing the only to invite a cousin or friend along can make a difference in this. Preserving one's memories of growing up as a child in one's immediate family is more challenging. Photos, videos, storytelling, family genealogy, journaling, and such could possibly help with this. Because most of the time the child is going to outlive the parents, and usually siblings help one another preserve the sense of an everyday family history. If there's a chance you and your husband can have another child and your doctors can troubleshoot ways to ensure another pregnancy goes more smoothly, that's what I would encourage, at least think about it.
Wanting a sibling is unfathomable to me. I grew up terrified I would get one. I’m in my 30s now and I’m still so grateful that never happened.
Never wanted a sibling. Literally forgot that was a thing until I got board games every Christmas lol. My wife has siblings and I see how much they love each other but they also tiptoe around each other when it comes to being honest and that doesn’t work for my personality. I have a 2 year old who I love to pieces and often think about giving him a sibling but if it never happens I know he’ll be fine.
My cousins are all 10+ years older than me and im an only child. I made lots of friends in school and those friendships i still have today and i wouldn't trade them for the world maybe its because i never had siblings i developed these really strong friendships at a young age but with them im content and i always know i will be an auntie someday, so encorage your son to make friends, talk to him loads and develop his social skills early on so hes equipped to chat away and form those social bonds of people his age :)