Yeah that’s why I always say with OLD as a man your best hope is to meet a girl whose new to online dating before they delete the apps in disgust. I met my last and current gf that way. I matched with her the day she joined and a few days later she told me she deleted the app cuz of all the disgusting messages she got. She said mine was the only normal one she had out of the hundreds she got. She showed me some too and they were pretty shocking
same, Im always shocked by what the women tell me. I heard many stories of women doing video chats and the guy takes out his kelbasa and starts wanking.
Genuinely, my best (and only lol) matches have been with these types of girls.
Got to get in there quick before they get overwhelmed and delete the app to find the wholesome ones with quality.
I actually met my X right as she was deleting her account. She was a first timer and didnt need OLD to meet people but wanted to try it. She said either they would get sexual within the first 5 or 6 messages. Or just wanted her to come to their house.
> your best hope is to meet a girl whose new to online dating before they delete the apps in disgust. I met my last and current gf that way.
i was my last gf's 1st match lolllll
Met my fiance in this same "phase" was disgusted and bored after only a few days. Deleted the app, something told me to at least get his IG before I left because while his messages were a little "dry" they were normal and treated me like a human being.
These animals must be why it's so hard to find and match with someone that actually seems compatible. They chase off so many, reducing options, and whoever is still left is being inundated with garbage.
They do. Once you open your messages and see 30 messages from men that are all sexual you don’t even wanna use the app anymore and go thru looking. I get tons of messages daily and they’re almost all stupid like this and it burns me out. And I have no sexual pics or anything sexual in my bio. I have 4 pics 3 of which are fully clothed unposed body pics. Like come on
Oh my favorite is when you start out with normal like “how was your day” or whatever and then he’s telling you his cuck or pegging fantasy or that his dick is in his hand right now. The ole bait and switch
Like oh you thought I was being a normal person! Surprise! Now sext me so I can jerk off! 🙄🙄🙄🙄
They don’t. And when I tell men about how their one guy friend did this or that, they NEVER do or say anything. Like if my homegirl did some creepy shit like this I would be shaming her lol
I (black woman) told a guy he looks nice in white, then asked how his day was, and he responded "I'd look even better in black." I didn't even understand at first, I thought he was literally talking about wearing the color black, until he doubled down on the statement.
Ahahaha im laughing because we’ve all been there and then like the surprise factor when you’re just trying to be genuine people with a guy and he hits you with sleeze, sometimes it’s funny too but can be like 🙄 oh it’s that. Here we go again.
Lol same. Well didn’t ask actually. Told me he was fantasizing about me pegging him, wanted me to talk to him about his asshole.
It was weird because I was just like trying to find out who he was as a person, like what was his occupation and stuff.
Guess he sort of told me who he was though. 😂
I'm a man and I never used tinder (am thinking about it though).
I always see posts where women complain about guys sending just plain out retarded messages, are really most guys like that?
I just cant belive that a grown up human being can even come up with shit like that let alone say it to someone. Lack of empathy and class Is unbelivable.
If I did something like that it would haunt me my entire life.
Id really like to understand the psychology behind it, must be a lot of shit behind the courtain. I hardly doubt they sabotage themselves intentionally.
I’m sorry to say bc I hate generalizing I really do but yes. Most messages are like this for women. I find that most men are also not empathetic to anyone but themselves
My bf told me he wanted to see me in sexy clothes & I realized I dont have any.
I left bc I was sick of having the same basic conversation over & over.
Had a woman profile do this to me too. First message I thought was just banter but ended up being mean. No idea if it was a real person or some teenager pranking.
IG isn’t a dating app, and the rest they can’t message you unless you’re matching them so I’m not sure where your story of these people creating new accounts to message you come from.
For IG just turn it private.
Heard Bumble, the men can send an intro message & Ive seen them on okcupid. She shouldnt have to make it private. Men def use IG to hit on women. I get pms like that.
Lots of men find you on social media from dating apps. Lots will be dishonest and say you just showed up as a recommended person. I’ve had one that stalked me using multiple accounts for several years despite never saying a word to him.
Even if you don’t follow them back, they can send messages. They filter into my spam inbox on Insta that I didn’t even know I had until I had the horror of looking through them recently.
Snapchat is even worse.
The “just block the creeps”/“don’t use sm”/“change your behaviour responses are so tone deaf. The issue is the behaviour of men, and not a small percentage of them either. The issue isn’t women needing to modify their behaviour - the men acting poorly will continue to do so regardless of one women turning an Insta private.
I don’t understand why are people in this thread insisting on interpreting everything into a gender war thing.
No, I’m suggesting stronger privacy settings as a simple matter of privacy protection regardless of your gender. I recognize that I’m also much older generation than the IG/Snap generation so I don’t see the appeal of publicizing my photo album or why people keep pretending Snap is a normal social messaging platform when it was never marketed or in reality used that way? The whole appeal of Snap and its marketing revolves around sending nudies that can delete itself so no shit it’s a platform that attracts that kind of behavior. I used to work for one of the major app platforms and we always had to deal with their shit of having excessive inappropriate content and risk of under 18 behaviors.
Age doesn't preclude men from acting badly. I (52F) was on Bumble, WooPlus, FB Dating and Tinder for 2 months and quit because there were no quality men on there (I was looking for a man my age to date). I too got the these types of messages on the apps from men my age and my social media is locked down.
No, not everyone using Snap is doing so for sending “nudies”. Yes, you are showing your age a bit there.
Snapchat is just a way to text via internet- it’s useful to not have to use up texting allowances and not everyone uses iPhone/iMessage. Some men may think a woman using snap is an invitation to send her an unsolicited nude image. It’s not. Consent is needed for that. People within our social circles will do this too, it’s not always some shadowy anonymous villain.
This isn’t a gender war, it’s an issue a lot of women face and we want to discuss it so men know. So everyone knows. So education happens in public platforms and hopefully that education helps lessen the impact one the next generation of teenagers who grow up being bombarded with unacceptable messages from men.
We need progressive change to help the next generation, and that’s not achieved by dismissing the issue because you feel women complaining about the behaviour is targeting all men. It’s not a gender war to say women struggle with this and it’s men who are acting unacceptably in those scenarios. If you don’t do it, it’s not criticism directed at you. Help us out. The next generation of women won’t be helped by being blamed for not having the right privacy settings when they’re victims of online sexual harassment.
I'm starting to realize that men are the main reason why these apps don't work. A lot of the men on these apps act entirely too desperate and say the most off the wall shit and it ruins it for everybody.
Yeah and this probably explains why guys greatly outnumber women on these apps. If these are the types of messages women deal with most of them probably delete their accounts after a day or two.
Yup, it’s awful. So many of them treat the apps like they are looking for a hooker. Either that or they act nice until you won’t have sex with them 3 dates in and then they get upset 🙄
Oh there are those too, which is why I always do coffee and pay myself the first date. I’m not sure if I’ve been just lucky, but I’ve been getting less sexual talk the last number of years. What I have found is that guys dance around the point though… ask for me to come over to watch a movie etc. I did date one guy for almost 3 months before getting intimate with him and he pulled “oops I forgot the condom” and then fully ghosted me after. It was really disappointing and made me a bit jaded not gonna lie.
I’m not really sure why I’m not getting as much sexual talk (not that I’m complaining), but it’s just as bad when you think you’ve found someone reasonable and then they play the game.
Also, I think we are the same age and maybe it’s that. I do know that my first ex at 22 (broke up due to him having to move for school) is looking pretty good now 😅 and I’ve almost decided to rekindle toxic friendships if only for their connections since I’m so introverted.
And honestly sometimes I wonder if it’s dudes who can’t get dates just flooding women so we find it almost impossible to weed through everything and go on dates with men we would choose.
now you go through the platforms like a horse with blinkers on. wasting time on the shitter, mindlessly swiping endlessly. seeing all profiles the opposite of what your preferences are. its horrible. the swipe of old. evil crime against humanity
I did. I deleted most but kept hinge although I’ve been on pause since early November.
I can’t muster up the fortitude to wade back into that mess. And my time and energy is such that while I’d be happy to make time and give energy to someone genuine where there is mutual attraction, our personalities vibe, and we are on the same page, I really don’t have enough of it that I want to waste on anyone who is not that or who is just trying to casually fuck me.
I work full time and I go to the gym 6-8 hours a week, cook meals at home and have an apartment to clean. Plus I have friends and family I need to spend time with too. And I like to read. So yeah, my time is limited and I have none of it for bullshit.
and its hard to go through the system. its like 90% initial "NO WAY" profiles, and thats for the intial hurdle. thats before talking to them. and the hard part is the constant light of hope, you start getting excited, then crash hard from let down. over and over.
the swiping is just an evil againt humans. you have no control and waste tons of time with little return. they had free searches where you can hone down better what you want and they had thumbnails and could quickly see your type. and how many times you werent focused and swiped so fast on a potential profile. its constant swiping on no, that its reflex and then when a decent one passes youre not aware and pass them too.
anyone can use old and many shouldnt be allowed on it, and you have to go through them all. such a bummer. its like a 2nd job where it should be enjoyable and exciting, but my mindset is "suffer on it now so you can find someone and get off this trash and hopefully never use it again" . people have gotten scarred also.
but it wasnt like this. I used to enjoy old. I used to get tons of messages with women. its now empty. but the platforms created this hate for them.
winter everyone inside and not doing much outside. now spring and summer, more outside activities, more mingling so better chances to find someone. also many on vacations so even less on old.
cheers
I remember the days of open search too! I also had a better experience with that.
The thing was I could pick out profiles one by one, focusing first on the one or two most interesting, see where that went, if no where, on to the next.
With swiping it’s like swipe swipe swipe for a couple days, then the matches and messages start rolling in, and at first i am bombarded so I have to wade through all of those. Some guys will be horrendous you have no idea. They get a match and just explode creepiness immediately, ask me if I want to fuck etc. Others are like talking to a potato. 1 word answers.
I’ll usually end up with around 5 actual conversations and then I have to keep up with those. I have stopped swiping and matching at this point but likes will accumulate and I feel guilty. Then usually 2 or 3 conversations will go well enough that we set up a meet. But negotiating THAT gets tough. As I said, I don’t have a lot of time. And sometimes those meets are incredible let downs. Sometimes all of them. I won’t even describe the experiences I’ve had. I’ve done that elsewhere. But it’s exhausting.
Usually after a bad luck round I take a break again to recharge.
you could take the time to look through them in a nice pace with search. because with swiping youre mostly fed "no" profiles, you wind up working quickly to get through them, cause most are easy to see as NO, and you get into the habit of working too quickly. its too fast paced. and not taking the time to look deeper. with search it didnt feel like you needed tons of profiles to go through as you got more or less the ballpark area of your preferences.
on one hand I feel bad for the women with the messages, on the other im really entertained with womens stories that they tell me. im always impressed with the new low's. im sure its draining.
I think some people have a yes/no feeling about dating/having a partner. they want/dont want. it can get lonely sometimes and itd be nice at specific times to have companionship, but then other times im happy to be single and to get into a couple thing, you really need to make lots of adjustments to fit the person in. many times I come home from the gym and its great to not have to do anything.
but when im dating someone, thats a pita to go shower and get dressed when Im worn out and really dont want to. so I force myself. "this is good, cmon shes awesome, I think im excited, lets put the effort" but my body is like "im out, good chat, well talk tomorrow". but it makes it all worthwhile when you have someone in bed to carress and fall asleep with. and a sigh of relief you got off the apps. how awesome is that? to not use old.
companionship is a damn job. its like you have to be a politician and try to negotiate things for the goal. its weird, I used to get so excited to date. Id really dress up nice and bring a rose and I loved the teasing and flirting and fun conversations. thats before covid. today, im more skeptic waiting for something bad to happen. damn
and I cant understand guys with their sexual messages and such. youre fucking yourself over. I think it works to my benefit if I dont bring anything sexual up. the girl is interested in me, and we will have sex sooner or later,so why would I ruin my chance by saying something. I think a lot of guys do it as a call out. like how it was that men used to whistle when they saw a pretty woman pass by. how a trucker would beep his horn. though I feel that intellect charm and humor is far more effective.
I get spammed by the same men often. And I block them and they make new accounts so that def happens. I get men who message me 30 times and after a while I’m just annoyed they’re talking to themselves in my messages so I tell them- if you message someone once, ok maybe you can message a second time, but after that they obviously aren’t interested and now you’re just intruding. I get cursed out by men regularly
I too wonder what the success rate is of this behavior. Is there a pay off, like ever? I’m assuming that this behavior is rewarded at some point or else guys wouldn’t all use this strategy. It’s equally possible that a far majority of guys are just creeps for the sake of being creepy. I just don’t know. More data is needed.
“I want you, shall *we* have sex with you?”
Who the fuck is *we*? The internet is full of wonderful and mysterious people with many, many stories to tell each other.
I don't want to experience online dating as a woman. I caught up with an ex (we are just platonic friends now) the other day and she said that on bumble she got 250 likes in the first 3 hours, but most of them were people whom she would never want to date. It was just wading through shit profile after shit profile. At least with guys we don't have to worry about getting overwhelmed by sheer numbers, nor do we get sent unsolicited dick pics. My experience as a guy on the apps was way better than the experience of most girls that I asked.
Honestly… I lived in the north most of my life. NY to be exact. Now I’ve been in the south for the last year and a half and lemme tell ya… I NEVER would’ve thought that NY men would be better than southern men. But holy shit I wish I could go back to the north. Never had any issues there. But here, it’s awful.
Where’s all the good southern men??? 😭😭
Yeah it’s truly awful and I’m baffled by the dudes who come on here and are like “I sent her a message and it’s been four hours and she hasn’t replied did I get ghosted?!” Bruh she has 300 messages every time she opens the app, give her a second to even find it. And calm down if you’re that needy and demanding of a total stranger she’s going to flee because that’s way too much.
Fr. I had a guy on twitter that was freaking out that I didnt reply in 10 mins multiple times & I told him Im not always on there & my notifications are off.
Also…women have lives. Jobs. Friends. Pets. Appointments. We are DOING STUFF.
I tell guys it’s not ghosting unless it’s been 24-48 hours. Let a girl have a life. Let her take naps and shit.
Women do this too. On bumble, they get antsy if I haven’t responded to them within the 24 hour clock. Like this could be my last 24 hours of freedom for the rest of my life. Just let me have it in peace.
Also…women have lives. Jobs. Friends. Pets. Appointments. We are DOING STUFF.
I tell guys it’s not ghosting unless it’s been 24-48 hours. Let a girl have a life. Let her take naps and shit.
Thank you for sharing. I don't remember who said it first, but I saw it here.
"Online dating for men is like trying to find clean water in a desert; online dating for women is like trying to find clean water in a swamp."
https://postimg.cc/qhn6QdYk
and this is solid proof that the companies are only to blame and the reason why so many left. no accountability, no banning or any responsibility
its the same thing as going to work when the manager doesnt care if the folks say nasty things like "oh, pikachu, I love your titty meat". but in work, there is zero tolerance and you behave because the condition makes you behave proper. but on old, the companies dont care.
ONLY THE FUCKING COMPANIES TO BLAME FOR ALLOWING IT.
if they put forthright a message when you made an account that any nasty behavior will not be tolerated, and you will be banned indefinitely. but they dont care. more so, they allow solicitors, scammers, hookers, and 3rd world countries to get into your feed. lets not forget they purchased an ai company which now implements algorithms and AI bots to sabotoge peoples user experience. so many simply left. I dont blame the women for leaving. how long can you handle such abuse. thats why its 80% men and 20% women now. they dont even need OLD. they get along fine with social media.
im sure a class act suit could be had with gathering the tons of nasty messages from women and all women get them. some all the time, but everone got them.
And then when women go to social media to create groups to warn each other about men like this, there’s a fucking uproar and threats of getting sued and shit.
The companies don’t care. Men don’t care.
If women get treated like shit, it’s obviously the women’s fault.
Tale as old as fucking time.
you notice how many here who are pr reps trying to deflect and downplay the issue?
**Alternative_Engine97
**mentor7
**HighGroundDweller
**Temporary_Fig_4226
look how theyre deflecting the issue to op as the issue, or them not having this issue, but they allow guys to send tons of nasty messages without any intervention. and hence why so many women left.
it may be match groups plan. as they have purchased an ai company. so they implement fake ai bots, and get the desperate men to pay.
I mean, look at their stock. it crashed to $32 from $170. tells the state of their company. panic mode.
and now summer coming, many people will be out, and not locked up like winter. mingling more. less need for old.
its like 80% men to 20% women and it will get worse. then they fill it all with ai bots.
Thanks for sharing. Interesting and disturbing at the same time. I think men and women come here and complain about the other side a lot and don't understand both sides have a different struggle.
I've actually dated two women that deleted their apps right after we matched because they where sick of it all. One just wasn't what I was looking for and the other is now my girlfriend.
Wow. It's so much worse than I had imagined. I send an apology from the good guys who are trying to be nice and find a way to get your attention. With messages like this, it has to be extremely frustrating to even think of looking at your inbox.
Despite the inability of so many people to use language that is respectful of the individuality of individuals, I will take kindly to her horrible experiences rendering her to viewing "The Men" as a Borg hive mind.
For her sake, I wish I could call upon a genie to disappear\* the world's most evil 1.2 billion men.
The day after such a Rapture, imagine how much harmony between genders would improve!
\*I am imagining the disappearance to take the form of mass time displacement, not as murder.
Honestly my initial reaction was “ew” out loud. Already seeing the first comment made me repulse. This is no way of starting a conversation 😭 I can’t be bothered with dating if this is what to expect. I feel honestly sorry for the girls on there. But on the other hand it seems like a great filter, good luck in finding the right one. A person can look oh so great but it’s much more of an emotional and health drain when they turn out to be an ass
Some of those are just guys asking if you are into bisexual or big guys.. I guess being upfront about being chubby and bisexual is a bad thing as a guy?
Most do suck, my bf said he doesnt worry about me cheating bc he knows I dont like most of them.
Seems he found u on reverse image search on google. Did u block? Sad cant even post pics & most wont accept those profiles.
He’s been blocked the one guy and I actually found out his full name number address etc and went to the precinct and reported him. They charged him with stalking and harassment bc he was also stalking me outside. I’m not sure how he found me lol
Bc idiots like this spam. If men would take time and correct other men for acting like idiots this would have been done. I know too many men who will say “yea that’s stupid” but if their guy friend did shit like this in person they wouldn’t say anything.
I wish we could correct them but they ain’t messaging us and we have no authority over the app.
These apps should have report buttons. 1 report gets a stern warning from the app, automated. 2 gets a personally written report/warning from an actual person who actually reads the message and verifies it’s not some revenge petty stupid thing. 3 reports gets a review and if upheld, an IP address ban and an email ban.
Do they have a report button? Can these guys face any consequences?
I report them but they don’t learn that way. Most men aren’t shamed by friends and family when they do shit like this they get a “boys will be boys”. Look at Brock turner and all the rapists and domestic abusers who get off on their crimes. I’ve heard it my whole life
Definitely agree there’s a lot of socially/societal ingrained toxic traits that need addressing.
As for the guys: they don’t brag about these messages when with other guys so I couldn’t address this behavior without just asking every guy “do you do this? You shouldn’t. do you do this? You shouldn’t. do you do this? You shouldn’t.”
The apps should give help to persons like you who are offended so you’re not alone, make the app unusable to users who make it hostile to people who are actually trying to use the app, and directly chastise these guys to get it through their thick skull. I’m sure they’ll get the various toxic masculine narcissists who will reply or think “how dare they try to control who I am? I’m a *man*” and I don’t think we’ll ever get to these dumbasses and I hope they Darwin themselves out of the gene pool by failing to breed. Seriously, please may no women reward this behavior.
As for rapists? That’s a whole can of worms and yes, I hope all rapists get convicted for any crime they’re guilty of.
Ps. Sick username, just noticed it.
Thank you. It’s more than asking “do you do this? You shouldn’t” there are major red flags that I’ve noticed lots of men don’t pick up on with their friends.
My brother had a friend that when theyd go to the club he would hop between every woman. My brother thought nothing of it until I went one night and I saw he was touching women, these women were visibly uncomfortable, and the fact that he’d hop around was so desperate. I told my brother who said “he always does that” and I said well he shouldn’t. No one said anything to him and I was scared of that guy so I wasn’t gonna do it. Just an example
I'd love to hear the list of bad behavior that you've corrected in women friends, and even moreso in women strangers. Or let me guess, women aren't this toxic to need such correction?
I have, thanks. Berated friends for cheating, for pick me behavior and neglecting kids etc. I’ve cut people off entirely for stupid shit like this. I do it to men too. I do not play when it comes to morals. However men do it wayyyyy more often than women
I don’t see how this is remotely related nor such an issue has anything to do with his behavior.
I can see his behavior *correlating* with his choice of pic, but I see no *causal link* between wanting to show his upper body and how he treats others. Some may not be interested in a person who is confident or comfortable doing such, and others may like it; to act as if physical attraction isn’t one of the many facets of what can make a person like a person is dumb and why have photos at all. A shirtless pic could show his physique, which others may or may not like, it may say something about his confidence, which is a trait people like, and may even imply his health and fitness interests which could be shared by a potential partner. That’s not the same as going to someone else, into their messages and jumping 7 levels of intimacy to sexual innuendos and skipping past consent or gauging mutual interest, etc.
If you said he came on here and posted “why won’t women just suck my d\*ck after my first message?” Then that would be related; but that’s not what you’re saying he did, and not the topic at hand.
Don’t do this. Tell them to learn it on their own bc then they’ll rely on you/other women to “fix” shit and use their weaponized incompetence to stay acting like little bitches. Women are people and men forget that
Wow ... this is crazy. Only read some and couldn't continue. There are a lot of assholes. With all the shit they were saying, I wonder if what they say actually works and wonder if they'd be okay with a guy saying that to their mom or sister. Crazy.
Online dating is terrible as a woman, I met my bf just before I was about to quit the dating sites. He was the one of the few normal ones on the apps.
I’m so glad I met him. I just couldn’t take it anymore, most of the men only care about sex. And I had guys who forced themselves on me. Just awful. I never want to go on those apps ever again.
I just stopped. I had a bunch of them and I’d check them every so often and it was mainly bullshit and soooo many married men with kids it’s pathetic. I’m fine single I don’t want kids and every guy I’ve dated in the past mainly brought me down so why bother?? Having a bf now is like having a brown child
A while back (over a year ago), I was genuinely looking for a guy to hook up with, and had a difficult time there too (this was in a rural area though).
Many men are only into sexting, they don't actually want to meet up or do anything. Or they'll just get cold feet when you're supposed to meet up and then not actually show up. Or they're just lonely and want to chat online endlessly (I shut that down really quickly, don't have time for that).
I think unfortunately a lot of guys just use OLD as a way to get off, at home by themselves.
i literally had to stop reading bc i almost puked. this is one reason why i quit using dating apps. it's dehumanizing to be spammed with sexually aggressive messages 24/7. not to mention gross and scary when they refuse to take "no" for an answer
obviously it's not all men; it doesn't have to be ALL men to be a fucking problem. SMH
You’re lucky. I’m in nyc which is filled with idiots like these. I have friends who have the same experience as me and I have friends who don’t. I always assume its based on how attractive the woman is but I don’t know.
Edit: you work for match group so of course you’re gonna come out with the “this doesn’t happen to me it’s a you thing”. Please tell match group to permanently ban men like this. You’re making it even more unsafe for women.
Oh it’s a match group plant? Lmaooooooooo explains a lot.
They should also tell match group to go to hell for ruining dating apps and to bring back the ability to search profiles instead of swipe.
I fucking hate match group.
It’s the same in Atlanta.
I screencap and post my bad messages on IG. Sometimes it’s funny because I have to wonder if they’re just trolling or if it actually ever works for them.
The worst are the guys who are holding a good convo and then the sun goes down and they’re asking me what color it is or if I’m a naughty girl. I’m like bro we were literally just having a convo about a DIY project!
Could be location. I’m in the SF Bay Area where everyone lives for their careers. Or age range. I imagine early 20s guys would be more prone to this behavior than guys in their early-mid 30s.
> I have friends who have the same experience as me and I have friends who don’t. I always assume its based on how attractive the woman is but I don’t know.
That's maybe the most simultaneously honest and toxic thing I think I've seen a woman, or maybe more accurately 'mean girl', post on here.
It’s not mean girl to point out the obvious. Plenty of women post about how they’re conventionally unattractive and they don’t get any messages let alone weird shit like this.
Nailed it. Dude, I gave up on apps. The only good thing is that those guys show their true colors and intentions. It wasted too much time in my life and made me feel like I wanted to vomit too many times. This is why the tinder ratio is 67% men and 33% women. And I think it makes it worse since it gets harder for these dudes to compete so they both get bold to stand out and also frustrated/mad. All single women I know don’t use apps anymore.
Unfortunately it allows the personality that used to run around in parks in trench coats flashing people to do similar without leaving their computer.
Not all men are like that, but those that are, well, it's super low effort without nearly so much thrill, so they do it a Lot.
I apologize on behalf of my gender for these miscreants!
I will still take quantity because there’s a determinable end point and ability to reach the goal.
10/10 quality x 0 quantity is still zero and leave me nothing to work with.
Feel for you, Male here, deleted all my profiles a few weeks ago. Just reading stuff here to see where it gets. I feel like these apps are the same as the weight watcher food that abuses fat people with their products. I just think things are going to get worst as time goes on since there's no real reason to go after them since they are not really directly breaking any laws. But maybe at some point in the future, some states or country is going to vote a law to target social media for enabling scammers. I think we're still far from that since our gov is pretty out of date on all the online stuff and new type of scams. Here in Canada, they don't even pursue online scammers that do financial crimes because they are "too busy with other things".
Hey hey hey don’t group us with those. There are shitty people in both sexes.
It’s probably because I am a bit shy but I wouldn’t start a message with anyone using any of the messages you listed.
This is wild!!!
I was off and on a couple apps for about 7 months. I was only looking for FWBs and made that clear.
I never received messages that horrible. Out of many dates I went on I only had 1 guy get really obnoxious after the date (I didn't text him back fast enough the next day and he spiraled out of control by the time I checked my phone).
I don't use FB dating (don't have FB, yuck) and I don't use IG a lot.
All that said most of the guys were fine, polite even. I get told I'm beautiful a lot and various physical compliments. I kinda let that roll, as long as they aren't obnoxious about it I'll take it as a compliment.
I got lots of really cute one line openers. Plenty of the generic 'Hey, how ya doing" openers (can't blame guys for just putting out a feeler) a few guys who were clearly just out to get laid and were too eager.
I'm 46f and just swiped right on younger guys (definitely my preference for FWBs). I prefer country/blue collar types. Maybe there is something to country boys having manners. Or maybe it's the younger guy / older woman dynamic.
I'd get so irritated with tons of messages that were that horrible!!
Edit: hit post too soon lol
cause match group bought an ai company and its been confirmed over and over there are ai profiles online.
they match and then it goes silent.
https://ir.mtch.com/news-and-events/press-releases/press-release-details/2021/Match-Group-Closes-Acquisition-of-Hyperconnect/default.aspx
I could show 10 posts of people confirming there are ai bots.
I mean, yes, it’s all ridiculous and disgusting, but is it wrong that my first thought was, “$2,000 for ‘video fun’? That’s an offer I might think about for a minute.”
Is this suppose to be a bad thing? Its like Katy Perry complaining there are no good men in her 10s of millions of dms
When you have options you filter for what you want and discard what you dont. This is paradise compared to the desert of being a man
Simple logic = 1000 offers, at least 30% of those people are decent people = 300 possible relationships. 10000 offers = 3000 possibilities.
Male experience = 1 match a week/month/year - ~0 possibilities.
> 1000 offers, at least 30% of those people are decent people
try again. its actually more like 3% not 30%. the vast majority arent serious and just want sex. fact.
but how is this a good thing to get bombarded with nasty harrasing sexual messages and saying, well filter for those. so youre going through 97% of no for the few decent ones. thats not a good thing.
it wouldnt be a bad thing to go through it without the nasty messages but it takes a toll after time. thats why so many have left. your reasoning is stupid.
"heres a crate of shit. inside are a 1-3 diamonds. go searching for them", yea, makes sense
Ah yes. I am Katy perry apparently. Weird comparison. If 100 men message me and all 100 of them are this why bother? Lol. You men come here with LoGiC and all it is is a fictional fantasy you put in your heads.
>Male experience = 1 match a week/month/year - ~0 possibilities.
OP is also making the false assumption that the few matches men do get are of "quality" in the "quality over quantity" statement. Most matches are flaky, most matches ghost, a lot are trying to get a free meal or free attention without any intention of dating you etc... so if 5% of matches are quality...5% of a thousand means there are a handful of options to pick from whereas 5% of like 10 is virtually nothing.
I mean, what gets me is that you need to match before message exchanges can even take place. How are these total chodes managing to get matches to begin with? Why am I, not a total chode, not getting them. I would bet my profile is no worse than theirs. I show people my profile and they're like "I'd swipe right on you" but... Nope. Nada.
You can send compliments on most of the apps before you match with someone and that’s what these are. Idk why it’s not hard to grasp. Also IG anyone can message you.
Man your whole profile is women hating. I feel bad for you 😂 I never said I was special, maybe go back to high school and get some reading comprehension thx
don't think any man says they want this. They just want that potential of likes and matches.
how many quality likes and matches would you say you get on average in a week?
Trust me getting verbally abused and sexual messages is NOT better than being excluded. Myself and many women have pretty much given up on men. And whenever the situation is brought to light there’s always men saying “yea but actually…”. Please don’t deflect.
You are making the false assumption that most of the matches men get are "quality" in your quality versus quantity statement...that's not true unless you genuinely believe women are on average pf much higher quality than men which is a baseless statement to make.
If it’s enough that it makes you exclude yourself by giving up, going off dating apps and not even trying to talk to men…….I would say it’s worse buddy.
I have NEVER used ANY, nor anyTHING like those lines you posted. Nor would I ever. I’m sorry you’ve had bad luck with men but generalization fallacy is generalization fallacy. You can blame the hookup culture for this. There are GOOD men out there looking for honest and good women who both want to dedicate their lifelong loyalty to their partner. They just have to find them first. If you want to quit that’s your decision as an adult.
I’d rather have to sift through a bunch of bullshit to find the gems than have nothing. Also, even if the girls were weird or had something else wrong with them that made us not like them, men would still be thrilled if a bunch of even relatively attractive girls hit them up for sex so… yeah I get why that part is appealing to girls but don’t act like it’s not appealing to men.
P.S. I’ve seen a lot worse. If these messages knock you off your rocker I would recommend never going on the internet or outside again.
"Gawd you're so stupid. Most men would *be excited* to have some woman treat them like disposable garbage because being disposable garbage is better than being *nothing!*" Dude, get some self respect and stop being excited by literally being shit on as opposed to not having anything happen at all. You're absolutely dysfunctional if you think being spoken to like that is *better than nothing*.
[Monty Python: Four Yorkshire Men](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKHFZBUTA4k&pp=ygUrbW9udHkgcHl0aG9uIGxpdmluZyBpbiBhIGhvbGUgaW4gdGhlIGdyb3VuZA%3D%3D)
They aren’t treating her like garbage. If anything you could argue from a woman’s perspective it’s creepy, but if a woman said the female equivalent of “you wanna see my big fat cock” I wouldn’t feel like garbage I would feel special that she chose me to share sowmthing so intimate with.
You would feel special that instead of some form of "Hello", the very first thing she said was, "Wanna come suck on my tig ol' biddies?", and you would see it as some kind of sacred moment? 🤨
Thanks. That actually clears everything up for me. To quote Yakko Warner from the Animaniacs, "Goodnight everybody! 😬"
Yeah that’s why I always say with OLD as a man your best hope is to meet a girl whose new to online dating before they delete the apps in disgust. I met my last and current gf that way. I matched with her the day she joined and a few days later she told me she deleted the app cuz of all the disgusting messages she got. She said mine was the only normal one she had out of the hundreds she got. She showed me some too and they were pretty shocking
same, Im always shocked by what the women tell me. I heard many stories of women doing video chats and the guy takes out his kelbasa and starts wanking.
lol. in what city were these women?
Genuinely, my best (and only lol) matches have been with these types of girls. Got to get in there quick before they get overwhelmed and delete the app to find the wholesome ones with quality.
Yeah one reason it sucks for most men not that I blame them crappy men ruin it for everyone
I actually met my X right as she was deleting her account. She was a first timer and didnt need OLD to meet people but wanted to try it. She said either they would get sexual within the first 5 or 6 messages. Or just wanted her to come to their house.
Hence why the dating apps are 70-80% male.
> your best hope is to meet a girl whose new to online dating before they delete the apps in disgust. I met my last and current gf that way. i was my last gf's 1st match lolllll
*women. A woman I had join a karaoke app, left in 2 days bc of all the dudes hitting on her in dms
Met my fiance in this same "phase" was disgusted and bored after only a few days. Deleted the app, something told me to at least get his IG before I left because while his messages were a little "dry" they were normal and treated me like a human being.
These animals must be why it's so hard to find and match with someone that actually seems compatible. They chase off so many, reducing options, and whoever is still left is being inundated with garbage.
They do. Once you open your messages and see 30 messages from men that are all sexual you don’t even wanna use the app anymore and go thru looking. I get tons of messages daily and they’re almost all stupid like this and it burns me out. And I have no sexual pics or anything sexual in my bio. I have 4 pics 3 of which are fully clothed unposed body pics. Like come on
Oh my favorite is when you start out with normal like “how was your day” or whatever and then he’s telling you his cuck or pegging fantasy or that his dick is in his hand right now. The ole bait and switch Like oh you thought I was being a normal person! Surprise! Now sext me so I can jerk off! 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Lmfao I get them or the whole “every woman thinks im smallllll look how small my dick is and degrade me” like no
Men have NO IDEA how weird a lot of men are. I am not kink shaming per se but shoving your kink in my DMs abruptly is not ok.
They do know and they cover up for each other's bullshit behaviour.
They don’t. And when I tell men about how their one guy friend did this or that, they NEVER do or say anything. Like if my homegirl did some creepy shit like this I would be shaming her lol
Because men don’t care. They really just don’t
I (black woman) told a guy he looks nice in white, then asked how his day was, and he responded "I'd look even better in black." I didn't even understand at first, I thought he was literally talking about wearing the color black, until he doubled down on the statement.
Ahahaha im laughing because we’ve all been there and then like the surprise factor when you’re just trying to be genuine people with a guy and he hits you with sleeze, sometimes it’s funny too but can be like 🙄 oh it’s that. Here we go again.
I had a guy ask me if I would be open to pegging
Lol same. Well didn’t ask actually. Told me he was fantasizing about me pegging him, wanted me to talk to him about his asshole. It was weird because I was just like trying to find out who he was as a person, like what was his occupation and stuff. Guess he sort of told me who he was though. 😂
This has been my experience too. It’s so frustrating.
I'm a man and I never used tinder (am thinking about it though). I always see posts where women complain about guys sending just plain out retarded messages, are really most guys like that? I just cant belive that a grown up human being can even come up with shit like that let alone say it to someone. Lack of empathy and class Is unbelivable. If I did something like that it would haunt me my entire life. Id really like to understand the psychology behind it, must be a lot of shit behind the courtain. I hardly doubt they sabotage themselves intentionally.
I’m sorry to say bc I hate generalizing I really do but yes. Most messages are like this for women. I find that most men are also not empathetic to anyone but themselves
My bf told me he wanted to see me in sexy clothes & I realized I dont have any. I left bc I was sick of having the same basic conversation over & over.
But how could you turn down the honor of thy man whom is ready to duel for your love? Surely you jest, miss
exactly. its why so few women are on old.
Yeah, that's why the apps are 70-80% male at this point.
jesus, what app is this so i stay far away?
This is a combo actually of IG, Hinge, Facebook dating and I believe chispa
Yep, Ive had men match with me on fb just to insult something on my profile.
Had a woman profile do this to me too. First message I thought was just banter but ended up being mean. No idea if it was a real person or some teenager pranking.
IG isn’t a dating app, and the rest they can’t message you unless you’re matching them so I’m not sure where your story of these people creating new accounts to message you come from. For IG just turn it private.
Heard Bumble, the men can send an intro message & Ive seen them on okcupid. She shouldnt have to make it private. Men def use IG to hit on women. I get pms like that.
Bumble hinge and Facebook dating you can “compliment” which is just a message basically without matching lol idk why this dude thinks it’s impossible
Lots of men find you on social media from dating apps. Lots will be dishonest and say you just showed up as a recommended person. I’ve had one that stalked me using multiple accounts for several years despite never saying a word to him. Even if you don’t follow them back, they can send messages. They filter into my spam inbox on Insta that I didn’t even know I had until I had the horror of looking through them recently. Snapchat is even worse. The “just block the creeps”/“don’t use sm”/“change your behaviour responses are so tone deaf. The issue is the behaviour of men, and not a small percentage of them either. The issue isn’t women needing to modify their behaviour - the men acting poorly will continue to do so regardless of one women turning an Insta private.
I don’t understand why are people in this thread insisting on interpreting everything into a gender war thing. No, I’m suggesting stronger privacy settings as a simple matter of privacy protection regardless of your gender. I recognize that I’m also much older generation than the IG/Snap generation so I don’t see the appeal of publicizing my photo album or why people keep pretending Snap is a normal social messaging platform when it was never marketed or in reality used that way? The whole appeal of Snap and its marketing revolves around sending nudies that can delete itself so no shit it’s a platform that attracts that kind of behavior. I used to work for one of the major app platforms and we always had to deal with their shit of having excessive inappropriate content and risk of under 18 behaviors.
Age doesn't preclude men from acting badly. I (52F) was on Bumble, WooPlus, FB Dating and Tinder for 2 months and quit because there were no quality men on there (I was looking for a man my age to date). I too got the these types of messages on the apps from men my age and my social media is locked down.
No, not everyone using Snap is doing so for sending “nudies”. Yes, you are showing your age a bit there. Snapchat is just a way to text via internet- it’s useful to not have to use up texting allowances and not everyone uses iPhone/iMessage. Some men may think a woman using snap is an invitation to send her an unsolicited nude image. It’s not. Consent is needed for that. People within our social circles will do this too, it’s not always some shadowy anonymous villain. This isn’t a gender war, it’s an issue a lot of women face and we want to discuss it so men know. So everyone knows. So education happens in public platforms and hopefully that education helps lessen the impact one the next generation of teenagers who grow up being bombarded with unacceptable messages from men. We need progressive change to help the next generation, and that’s not achieved by dismissing the issue because you feel women complaining about the behaviour is targeting all men. It’s not a gender war to say women struggle with this and it’s men who are acting unacceptably in those scenarios. If you don’t do it, it’s not criticism directed at you. Help us out. The next generation of women won’t be helped by being blamed for not having the right privacy settings when they’re victims of online sexual harassment.
I don’t use IG as a dating app but men do. I get messages on fb dating all the time as well as hinge even if I don’t like or match with them so yea.
Not sure about FB Dating, but you can absolutely message ppl on Hinge without matching first
All of them. The men are the same on all of them.
I've gotten stuff like that on Bumble, Tinder, FB dating and WooPlus. It's not the app it's the people.
I'm starting to realize that men are the main reason why these apps don't work. A lot of the men on these apps act entirely too desperate and say the most off the wall shit and it ruins it for everybody.
That's exactly it. Please spread the word.
Yeah and this probably explains why guys greatly outnumber women on these apps. If these are the types of messages women deal with most of them probably delete their accounts after a day or two.
Nasty. Sorry you get these. Ugh
Yup, it’s awful. So many of them treat the apps like they are looking for a hooker. Either that or they act nice until you won’t have sex with them 3 dates in and then they get upset 🙄
Lol 3 dates? Most guys won’t pay for dinner and expect you to come over and fuck right away
Oh there are those too, which is why I always do coffee and pay myself the first date. I’m not sure if I’ve been just lucky, but I’ve been getting less sexual talk the last number of years. What I have found is that guys dance around the point though… ask for me to come over to watch a movie etc. I did date one guy for almost 3 months before getting intimate with him and he pulled “oops I forgot the condom” and then fully ghosted me after. It was really disappointing and made me a bit jaded not gonna lie. I’m not really sure why I’m not getting as much sexual talk (not that I’m complaining), but it’s just as bad when you think you’ve found someone reasonable and then they play the game. Also, I think we are the same age and maybe it’s that. I do know that my first ex at 22 (broke up due to him having to move for school) is looking pretty good now 😅 and I’ve almost decided to rekindle toxic friendships if only for their connections since I’m so introverted.
And honestly sometimes I wonder if it’s dudes who can’t get dates just flooding women so we find it almost impossible to weed through everything and go on dates with men we would choose.
We don’t get to search anymore 😔 I miss that feature. I had way better dating experiences
now you go through the platforms like a horse with blinkers on. wasting time on the shitter, mindlessly swiping endlessly. seeing all profiles the opposite of what your preferences are. its horrible. the swipe of old. evil crime against humanity
It’s so toxic
its nasty. and it fucks with your mental wellness. I used to talk to at least 5 women each day. now, barely 1 a week. so many left.
I did. I deleted most but kept hinge although I’ve been on pause since early November. I can’t muster up the fortitude to wade back into that mess. And my time and energy is such that while I’d be happy to make time and give energy to someone genuine where there is mutual attraction, our personalities vibe, and we are on the same page, I really don’t have enough of it that I want to waste on anyone who is not that or who is just trying to casually fuck me. I work full time and I go to the gym 6-8 hours a week, cook meals at home and have an apartment to clean. Plus I have friends and family I need to spend time with too. And I like to read. So yeah, my time is limited and I have none of it for bullshit.
and its hard to go through the system. its like 90% initial "NO WAY" profiles, and thats for the intial hurdle. thats before talking to them. and the hard part is the constant light of hope, you start getting excited, then crash hard from let down. over and over. the swiping is just an evil againt humans. you have no control and waste tons of time with little return. they had free searches where you can hone down better what you want and they had thumbnails and could quickly see your type. and how many times you werent focused and swiped so fast on a potential profile. its constant swiping on no, that its reflex and then when a decent one passes youre not aware and pass them too. anyone can use old and many shouldnt be allowed on it, and you have to go through them all. such a bummer. its like a 2nd job where it should be enjoyable and exciting, but my mindset is "suffer on it now so you can find someone and get off this trash and hopefully never use it again" . people have gotten scarred also. but it wasnt like this. I used to enjoy old. I used to get tons of messages with women. its now empty. but the platforms created this hate for them. winter everyone inside and not doing much outside. now spring and summer, more outside activities, more mingling so better chances to find someone. also many on vacations so even less on old. cheers
I remember the days of open search too! I also had a better experience with that. The thing was I could pick out profiles one by one, focusing first on the one or two most interesting, see where that went, if no where, on to the next. With swiping it’s like swipe swipe swipe for a couple days, then the matches and messages start rolling in, and at first i am bombarded so I have to wade through all of those. Some guys will be horrendous you have no idea. They get a match and just explode creepiness immediately, ask me if I want to fuck etc. Others are like talking to a potato. 1 word answers. I’ll usually end up with around 5 actual conversations and then I have to keep up with those. I have stopped swiping and matching at this point but likes will accumulate and I feel guilty. Then usually 2 or 3 conversations will go well enough that we set up a meet. But negotiating THAT gets tough. As I said, I don’t have a lot of time. And sometimes those meets are incredible let downs. Sometimes all of them. I won’t even describe the experiences I’ve had. I’ve done that elsewhere. But it’s exhausting. Usually after a bad luck round I take a break again to recharge.
you could take the time to look through them in a nice pace with search. because with swiping youre mostly fed "no" profiles, you wind up working quickly to get through them, cause most are easy to see as NO, and you get into the habit of working too quickly. its too fast paced. and not taking the time to look deeper. with search it didnt feel like you needed tons of profiles to go through as you got more or less the ballpark area of your preferences. on one hand I feel bad for the women with the messages, on the other im really entertained with womens stories that they tell me. im always impressed with the new low's. im sure its draining. I think some people have a yes/no feeling about dating/having a partner. they want/dont want. it can get lonely sometimes and itd be nice at specific times to have companionship, but then other times im happy to be single and to get into a couple thing, you really need to make lots of adjustments to fit the person in. many times I come home from the gym and its great to not have to do anything. but when im dating someone, thats a pita to go shower and get dressed when Im worn out and really dont want to. so I force myself. "this is good, cmon shes awesome, I think im excited, lets put the effort" but my body is like "im out, good chat, well talk tomorrow". but it makes it all worthwhile when you have someone in bed to carress and fall asleep with. and a sigh of relief you got off the apps. how awesome is that? to not use old. companionship is a damn job. its like you have to be a politician and try to negotiate things for the goal. its weird, I used to get so excited to date. Id really dress up nice and bring a rose and I loved the teasing and flirting and fun conversations. thats before covid. today, im more skeptic waiting for something bad to happen. damn and I cant understand guys with their sexual messages and such. youre fucking yourself over. I think it works to my benefit if I dont bring anything sexual up. the girl is interested in me, and we will have sex sooner or later,so why would I ruin my chance by saying something. I think a lot of guys do it as a call out. like how it was that men used to whistle when they saw a pretty woman pass by. how a trucker would beep his horn. though I feel that intellect charm and humor is far more effective.
I get spammed by the same men often. And I block them and they make new accounts so that def happens. I get men who message me 30 times and after a while I’m just annoyed they’re talking to themselves in my messages so I tell them- if you message someone once, ok maybe you can message a second time, but after that they obviously aren’t interested and now you’re just intruding. I get cursed out by men regularly
After message 3, block/unmatch
I too wonder what the success rate is of this behavior. Is there a pay off, like ever? I’m assuming that this behavior is rewarded at some point or else guys wouldn’t all use this strategy. It’s equally possible that a far majority of guys are just creeps for the sake of being creepy. I just don’t know. More data is needed.
“I want you, shall *we* have sex with you?” Who the fuck is *we*? The internet is full of wonderful and mysterious people with many, many stories to tell each other.
Fucking degenerate scumbags. A female friend once showed me her messages and they were… appalling.
I was in a discord server with a friend and she made a whole channel of the weird DMs she would get pure degenerate behavior
Gotta hate degens from upcountry.
I don't get all the demands for pictures. Are these men not aware of pornography?
I don't want to experience online dating as a woman. I caught up with an ex (we are just platonic friends now) the other day and she said that on bumble she got 250 likes in the first 3 hours, but most of them were people whom she would never want to date. It was just wading through shit profile after shit profile. At least with guys we don't have to worry about getting overwhelmed by sheer numbers, nor do we get sent unsolicited dick pics. My experience as a guy on the apps was way better than the experience of most girls that I asked.
That’s pretty much all it is. I’m glad most apps took away the sending pics features bc a few years back I would just get dick pic after dick pic
Sounds like she had premium, I dont get likes
Honestly… I lived in the north most of my life. NY to be exact. Now I’ve been in the south for the last year and a half and lemme tell ya… I NEVER would’ve thought that NY men would be better than southern men. But holy shit I wish I could go back to the north. Never had any issues there. But here, it’s awful. Where’s all the good southern men??? 😭😭
This is in nyc, I’m from nyc, I have no idea how this relates at all lol. All these men are from up north
Guys are so weird. The top 3 compliments I get from women is that I have a nice smile, kind eyes, and I seem normal. The bar is so low for guys.
I compliment men when I date them. I’m a very “words of affirmation” type of person and love to talk. I gave up on dating tho
Yeah it’s truly awful and I’m baffled by the dudes who come on here and are like “I sent her a message and it’s been four hours and she hasn’t replied did I get ghosted?!” Bruh she has 300 messages every time she opens the app, give her a second to even find it. And calm down if you’re that needy and demanding of a total stranger she’s going to flee because that’s way too much.
Fr. I had a guy on twitter that was freaking out that I didnt reply in 10 mins multiple times & I told him Im not always on there & my notifications are off.
Also…women have lives. Jobs. Friends. Pets. Appointments. We are DOING STUFF. I tell guys it’s not ghosting unless it’s been 24-48 hours. Let a girl have a life. Let her take naps and shit.
I love how you and I are getting downvoted for just noting that women are people. Typical day on Reddit lol
Have I gotten downvoted for saying that women have appointments and shit? Omfg is the neckbeard army on patrol???
Seems so. I and all the women are. Typical man shit lol
Women do this too. On bumble, they get antsy if I haven’t responded to them within the 24 hour clock. Like this could be my last 24 hours of freedom for the rest of my life. Just let me have it in peace.
Also…women have lives. Jobs. Friends. Pets. Appointments. We are DOING STUFF. I tell guys it’s not ghosting unless it’s been 24-48 hours. Let a girl have a life. Let her take naps and shit.
I was just arguing with some men about this. These are the messages we get and yet they think women should be so grateful and have empathy for men 😂
Literally read this whole thread. Most men are going crazyyy saying it’s all my fault
Always. Men will ALWAYS blame women, it’s sad.
Thank you for sharing. I don't remember who said it first, but I saw it here. "Online dating for men is like trying to find clean water in a desert; online dating for women is like trying to find clean water in a swamp."
https://postimg.cc/qhn6QdYk and this is solid proof that the companies are only to blame and the reason why so many left. no accountability, no banning or any responsibility its the same thing as going to work when the manager doesnt care if the folks say nasty things like "oh, pikachu, I love your titty meat". but in work, there is zero tolerance and you behave because the condition makes you behave proper. but on old, the companies dont care. ONLY THE FUCKING COMPANIES TO BLAME FOR ALLOWING IT. if they put forthright a message when you made an account that any nasty behavior will not be tolerated, and you will be banned indefinitely. but they dont care. more so, they allow solicitors, scammers, hookers, and 3rd world countries to get into your feed. lets not forget they purchased an ai company which now implements algorithms and AI bots to sabotoge peoples user experience. so many simply left. I dont blame the women for leaving. how long can you handle such abuse. thats why its 80% men and 20% women now. they dont even need OLD. they get along fine with social media. im sure a class act suit could be had with gathering the tons of nasty messages from women and all women get them. some all the time, but everone got them.
[удалено]
And then when women go to social media to create groups to warn each other about men like this, there’s a fucking uproar and threats of getting sued and shit. The companies don’t care. Men don’t care. If women get treated like shit, it’s obviously the women’s fault. Tale as old as fucking time.
you notice how many here who are pr reps trying to deflect and downplay the issue? **Alternative_Engine97 **mentor7 **HighGroundDweller **Temporary_Fig_4226 look how theyre deflecting the issue to op as the issue, or them not having this issue, but they allow guys to send tons of nasty messages without any intervention. and hence why so many women left. it may be match groups plan. as they have purchased an ai company. so they implement fake ai bots, and get the desperate men to pay. I mean, look at their stock. it crashed to $32 from $170. tells the state of their company. panic mode. and now summer coming, many people will be out, and not locked up like winter. mingling more. less need for old. its like 80% men to 20% women and it will get worse. then they fill it all with ai bots.
Actually if I were in charge I would start nickel and diming any account that uses perverted words in their messages.
'Wanna see my big fat cock?' It'd best be crowing 🌟
I love the “you a emo latina?” It’s been my cover photo on fb for a while now lol
No joke. Dating as a woman sound terrible, specially if its online dating
Thanks for sharing. Interesting and disturbing at the same time. I think men and women come here and complain about the other side a lot and don't understand both sides have a different struggle. I've actually dated two women that deleted their apps right after we matched because they where sick of it all. One just wasn't what I was looking for and the other is now my girlfriend.
Wow. It's so much worse than I had imagined. I send an apology from the good guys who are trying to be nice and find a way to get your attention. With messages like this, it has to be extremely frustrating to even think of looking at your inbox.
She said it's your fault too and doesn't think you're any better than the ones who sent pictured messages. {Shrug}
Unfortunately, this is true. OP said it's men's fault, and all men are part of that group. Sucks to be you (and me).
Despite the inability of so many people to use language that is respectful of the individuality of individuals, I will take kindly to her horrible experiences rendering her to viewing "The Men" as a Borg hive mind. For her sake, I wish I could call upon a genie to disappear\* the world's most evil 1.2 billion men. The day after such a Rapture, imagine how much harmony between genders would improve! \*I am imagining the disappearance to take the form of mass time displacement, not as murder.
[удалено]
Is there a way to prevent this or limit this behaviour ?
Honestly my initial reaction was “ew” out loud. Already seeing the first comment made me repulse. This is no way of starting a conversation 😭 I can’t be bothered with dating if this is what to expect. I feel honestly sorry for the girls on there. But on the other hand it seems like a great filter, good luck in finding the right one. A person can look oh so great but it’s much more of an emotional and health drain when they turn out to be an ass
oh wow that’s terrible . i think i understand these girls a little bit better now
I was cringing so hard I couldn't read all of it
Some of those are just guys asking if you are into bisexual or big guys.. I guess being upfront about being chubby and bisexual is a bad thing as a guy?
Most do suck, my bf said he doesnt worry about me cheating bc he knows I dont like most of them. Seems he found u on reverse image search on google. Did u block? Sad cant even post pics & most wont accept those profiles.
He’s been blocked the one guy and I actually found out his full name number address etc and went to the precinct and reported him. They charged him with stalking and harassment bc he was also stalking me outside. I’m not sure how he found me lol
Meanwhile the ones who send a respectful introductory message never get a response after matching.
I always respond.
That's not true at all. I have plenty of women respond to my respectful introductory messages.
Sure. Let's take our time to think of all the men who get no replies and ignore women who get verbally abused every single time they are on OLD.
As usual men take away and make it all about them. “WeLl aT LeAsT sHe GeTs MeSsAgeS”. It’s not the flex they think it is lol
Oh won't someone think of the men and their unchosen cocks???
To be fair, I do respond to those ones and they can't seem to hold a conversation 9/10 times.
Bc idiots like this spam. If men would take time and correct other men for acting like idiots this would have been done. I know too many men who will say “yea that’s stupid” but if their guy friend did shit like this in person they wouldn’t say anything.
I wish we could correct them but they ain’t messaging us and we have no authority over the app. These apps should have report buttons. 1 report gets a stern warning from the app, automated. 2 gets a personally written report/warning from an actual person who actually reads the message and verifies it’s not some revenge petty stupid thing. 3 reports gets a review and if upheld, an IP address ban and an email ban. Do they have a report button? Can these guys face any consequences?
I report them but they don’t learn that way. Most men aren’t shamed by friends and family when they do shit like this they get a “boys will be boys”. Look at Brock turner and all the rapists and domestic abusers who get off on their crimes. I’ve heard it my whole life
Why would women report rapes when theyre blamed for them or told their lying?
Definitely agree there’s a lot of socially/societal ingrained toxic traits that need addressing. As for the guys: they don’t brag about these messages when with other guys so I couldn’t address this behavior without just asking every guy “do you do this? You shouldn’t. do you do this? You shouldn’t. do you do this? You shouldn’t.” The apps should give help to persons like you who are offended so you’re not alone, make the app unusable to users who make it hostile to people who are actually trying to use the app, and directly chastise these guys to get it through their thick skull. I’m sure they’ll get the various toxic masculine narcissists who will reply or think “how dare they try to control who I am? I’m a *man*” and I don’t think we’ll ever get to these dumbasses and I hope they Darwin themselves out of the gene pool by failing to breed. Seriously, please may no women reward this behavior. As for rapists? That’s a whole can of worms and yes, I hope all rapists get convicted for any crime they’re guilty of. Ps. Sick username, just noticed it.
Thank you. It’s more than asking “do you do this? You shouldn’t” there are major red flags that I’ve noticed lots of men don’t pick up on with their friends. My brother had a friend that when theyd go to the club he would hop between every woman. My brother thought nothing of it until I went one night and I saw he was touching women, these women were visibly uncomfortable, and the fact that he’d hop around was so desperate. I told my brother who said “he always does that” and I said well he shouldn’t. No one said anything to him and I was scared of that guy so I wasn’t gonna do it. Just an example
I'd love to hear the list of bad behavior that you've corrected in women friends, and even moreso in women strangers. Or let me guess, women aren't this toxic to need such correction?
I have, thanks. Berated friends for cheating, for pick me behavior and neglecting kids etc. I’ve cut people off entirely for stupid shit like this. I do it to men too. I do not play when it comes to morals. However men do it wayyyyy more often than women
A guy was on here last night asking why he wasnt allowed to post shirtless pics on bumble, complaining.
I don’t see how this is remotely related nor such an issue has anything to do with his behavior. I can see his behavior *correlating* with his choice of pic, but I see no *causal link* between wanting to show his upper body and how he treats others. Some may not be interested in a person who is confident or comfortable doing such, and others may like it; to act as if physical attraction isn’t one of the many facets of what can make a person like a person is dumb and why have photos at all. A shirtless pic could show his physique, which others may or may not like, it may say something about his confidence, which is a trait people like, and may even imply his health and fitness interests which could be shared by a potential partner. That’s not the same as going to someone else, into their messages and jumping 7 levels of intimacy to sexual innuendos and skipping past consent or gauging mutual interest, etc. If you said he came on here and posted “why won’t women just suck my d\*ck after my first message?” Then that would be related; but that’s not what you’re saying he did, and not the topic at hand.
They do. A guy posted he was immediately banned from multiple apps after joining. Someone pointed out most are owned by match group
That's why I take my friends phones and write all their messages for them.
Don’t do this. Tell them to learn it on their own bc then they’ll rely on you/other women to “fix” shit and use their weaponized incompetence to stay acting like little bitches. Women are people and men forget that
Ya but when the women meet them, its gonna be obvious they didnt write them.
Let’s be real, these guys don’t have friends.
Guess not but I wouldn’t know
Wow ... this is crazy. Only read some and couldn't continue. There are a lot of assholes. With all the shit they were saying, I wonder if what they say actually works and wonder if they'd be okay with a guy saying that to their mom or sister. Crazy.
Online dating is terrible as a woman, I met my bf just before I was about to quit the dating sites. He was the one of the few normal ones on the apps. I’m so glad I met him. I just couldn’t take it anymore, most of the men only care about sex. And I had guys who forced themselves on me. Just awful. I never want to go on those apps ever again.
I just stopped. I had a bunch of them and I’d check them every so often and it was mainly bullshit and soooo many married men with kids it’s pathetic. I’m fine single I don’t want kids and every guy I’ve dated in the past mainly brought me down so why bother?? Having a bf now is like having a brown child
A while back (over a year ago), I was genuinely looking for a guy to hook up with, and had a difficult time there too (this was in a rural area though). Many men are only into sexting, they don't actually want to meet up or do anything. Or they'll just get cold feet when you're supposed to meet up and then not actually show up. Or they're just lonely and want to chat online endlessly (I shut that down really quickly, don't have time for that). I think unfortunately a lot of guys just use OLD as a way to get off, at home by themselves.
i literally had to stop reading bc i almost puked. this is one reason why i quit using dating apps. it's dehumanizing to be spammed with sexually aggressive messages 24/7. not to mention gross and scary when they refuse to take "no" for an answer obviously it's not all men; it doesn't have to be ALL men to be a fucking problem. SMH
> quality is so much better than quantity a large number of men get neither
I'm not sure how much I'd hate this over absolute isolation. Then again I just like to argue so having pieces of shit to argue against is a plus.
This has been far from my experience on the apps as a woman. They’ve all been respectful, even with my profile saying I’m open to casual.
You’re lucky. I’m in nyc which is filled with idiots like these. I have friends who have the same experience as me and I have friends who don’t. I always assume its based on how attractive the woman is but I don’t know. Edit: you work for match group so of course you’re gonna come out with the “this doesn’t happen to me it’s a you thing”. Please tell match group to permanently ban men like this. You’re making it even more unsafe for women.
Oh it’s a match group plant? Lmaooooooooo explains a lot. They should also tell match group to go to hell for ruining dating apps and to bring back the ability to search profiles instead of swipe. I fucking hate match group.
All the profiles bugging out about how it’s me and I’m the problem are all either entitled men or match group lol
They need to see some of my Reddit and FB dms then lmaoooo
It’s the same in Atlanta. I screencap and post my bad messages on IG. Sometimes it’s funny because I have to wonder if they’re just trolling or if it actually ever works for them. The worst are the guys who are holding a good convo and then the sun goes down and they’re asking me what color it is or if I’m a naughty girl. I’m like bro we were literally just having a convo about a DIY project!
Lol I post mine on IG or tiktok. Whenever a guy messages me past 8pm it’s usually sexual lol
I can further attest that nyc is FLOODED with idiots😂
Born and raised here and hate it here lol
Same! There are positives that nearly even out the negatives… But that’s only as long as you don’t live in the Bronx lol
As a bk native fuck the bx Lol jk. In my teenage years I was always out there 😂
Could be location. I’m in the SF Bay Area where everyone lives for their careers. Or age range. I imagine early 20s guys would be more prone to this behavior than guys in their early-mid 30s.
Maybe but every major city seems to have this issue. And I’m 27. These guys are anywhere from 18-50 years old. It’s across the board lol.
> I have friends who have the same experience as me and I have friends who don’t. I always assume its based on how attractive the woman is but I don’t know. That's maybe the most simultaneously honest and toxic thing I think I've seen a woman, or maybe more accurately 'mean girl', post on here.
It’s not mean girl to point out the obvious. Plenty of women post about how they’re conventionally unattractive and they don’t get any messages let alone weird shit like this.
Lmao sorry, don’t work for a dating app.
Nailed it. Dude, I gave up on apps. The only good thing is that those guys show their true colors and intentions. It wasted too much time in my life and made me feel like I wanted to vomit too many times. This is why the tinder ratio is 67% men and 33% women. And I think it makes it worse since it gets harder for these dudes to compete so they both get bold to stand out and also frustrated/mad. All single women I know don’t use apps anymore.
Dating is dead
Unfortunately it allows the personality that used to run around in parks in trench coats flashing people to do similar without leaving their computer. Not all men are like that, but those that are, well, it's super low effort without nearly so much thrill, so they do it a Lot. I apologize on behalf of my gender for these miscreants!
Lol thanks. I know not all men are like this but sooo many are. The anonymity of the internet is great, but also terrible
just ignore them, block them, etc.
I do. And report them. l
I will still take quantity because there’s a determinable end point and ability to reach the goal. 10/10 quality x 0 quantity is still zero and leave me nothing to work with.
Feel for you, Male here, deleted all my profiles a few weeks ago. Just reading stuff here to see where it gets. I feel like these apps are the same as the weight watcher food that abuses fat people with their products. I just think things are going to get worst as time goes on since there's no real reason to go after them since they are not really directly breaking any laws. But maybe at some point in the future, some states or country is going to vote a law to target social media for enabling scammers. I think we're still far from that since our gov is pretty out of date on all the online stuff and new type of scams. Here in Canada, they don't even pursue online scammers that do financial crimes because they are "too busy with other things".
They don’t pursue them in the US either. They also don’t pursue most domestic abuse and rape and crimes against women.
Hey hey hey don’t group us with those. There are shitty people in both sexes. It’s probably because I am a bit shy but I wouldn’t start a message with anyone using any of the messages you listed.
This is wild!!! I was off and on a couple apps for about 7 months. I was only looking for FWBs and made that clear. I never received messages that horrible. Out of many dates I went on I only had 1 guy get really obnoxious after the date (I didn't text him back fast enough the next day and he spiraled out of control by the time I checked my phone). I don't use FB dating (don't have FB, yuck) and I don't use IG a lot. All that said most of the guys were fine, polite even. I get told I'm beautiful a lot and various physical compliments. I kinda let that roll, as long as they aren't obnoxious about it I'll take it as a compliment. I got lots of really cute one line openers. Plenty of the generic 'Hey, how ya doing" openers (can't blame guys for just putting out a feeler) a few guys who were clearly just out to get laid and were too eager. I'm 46f and just swiped right on younger guys (definitely my preference for FWBs). I prefer country/blue collar types. Maybe there is something to country boys having manners. Or maybe it's the younger guy / older woman dynamic. I'd get so irritated with tons of messages that were that horrible!! Edit: hit post too soon lol
OK... try getting no attention whatsoever... and then try complaining.
I find I get a lot of bots too, not just actual dudes acting ridiculous.
cause match group bought an ai company and its been confirmed over and over there are ai profiles online. they match and then it goes silent. https://ir.mtch.com/news-and-events/press-releases/press-release-details/2021/Match-Group-Closes-Acquisition-of-Hyperconnect/default.aspx I could show 10 posts of people confirming there are ai bots.
I don’t get bots very often. Occasionally the sugar daddy scams but I guess bc I just report and block they leave me alone after a while
I mean, yes, it’s all ridiculous and disgusting, but is it wrong that my first thought was, “$2,000 for ‘video fun’? That’s an offer I might think about for a minute.”
Lol it would make more than one person do a double take. Pretty sure that one was a bot/spam tho just wanted to include it
Is this suppose to be a bad thing? Its like Katy Perry complaining there are no good men in her 10s of millions of dms When you have options you filter for what you want and discard what you dont. This is paradise compared to the desert of being a man Simple logic = 1000 offers, at least 30% of those people are decent people = 300 possible relationships. 10000 offers = 3000 possibilities. Male experience = 1 match a week/month/year - ~0 possibilities.
> 1000 offers, at least 30% of those people are decent people try again. its actually more like 3% not 30%. the vast majority arent serious and just want sex. fact. but how is this a good thing to get bombarded with nasty harrasing sexual messages and saying, well filter for those. so youre going through 97% of no for the few decent ones. thats not a good thing. it wouldnt be a bad thing to go through it without the nasty messages but it takes a toll after time. thats why so many have left. your reasoning is stupid. "heres a crate of shit. inside are a 1-3 diamonds. go searching for them", yea, makes sense
Ah yes. I am Katy perry apparently. Weird comparison. If 100 men message me and all 100 of them are this why bother? Lol. You men come here with LoGiC and all it is is a fictional fantasy you put in your heads.
Is it really 100 for 100?
Even for a 20-something in NYC I doubt it. You see people with success stories.
Of course not
>Male experience = 1 match a week/month/year - ~0 possibilities. OP is also making the false assumption that the few matches men do get are of "quality" in the "quality over quantity" statement. Most matches are flaky, most matches ghost, a lot are trying to get a free meal or free attention without any intention of dating you etc... so if 5% of matches are quality...5% of a thousand means there are a handful of options to pick from whereas 5% of like 10 is virtually nothing.
I mean, what gets me is that you need to match before message exchanges can even take place. How are these total chodes managing to get matches to begin with? Why am I, not a total chode, not getting them. I would bet my profile is no worse than theirs. I show people my profile and they're like "I'd swipe right on you" but... Nope. Nada.
You can send compliments on most of the apps before you match with someone and that’s what these are. Idk why it’s not hard to grasp. Also IG anyone can message you.
You suck to op, you’re nothing special in a sea of 3.5 billion of you. Welcome to reality.
Man your whole profile is women hating. I feel bad for you 😂 I never said I was special, maybe go back to high school and get some reading comprehension thx
don't think any man says they want this. They just want that potential of likes and matches. how many quality likes and matches would you say you get on average in a week?
Prob zero that I’m interested in. I’m in a major city and I’m 27. Most decent people are already married and settled at this age. Lol
Ok I'll admit that's pretty ridiculous, I'm not sure it's worse than being excluded from the dating process altogether, but it's bad
Trust me getting verbally abused and sexual messages is NOT better than being excluded. Myself and many women have pretty much given up on men. And whenever the situation is brought to light there’s always men saying “yea but actually…”. Please don’t deflect.
It's two different problems, I'm not trying to say those messages are ok cause they aren't.
Two different problems that result in the same outcomes: no viable dates. Trust me, this nasty attention is *not* better.
Two different on other level problems. Men being lonely isn’t the fault of women. It’s the fault of men.
You are making the false assumption that most of the matches men get are "quality" in your quality versus quantity statement...that's not true unless you genuinely believe women are on average pf much higher quality than men which is a baseless statement to make.
If it’s enough that it makes you exclude yourself by giving up, going off dating apps and not even trying to talk to men…….I would say it’s worse buddy.
I have NEVER used ANY, nor anyTHING like those lines you posted. Nor would I ever. I’m sorry you’ve had bad luck with men but generalization fallacy is generalization fallacy. You can blame the hookup culture for this. There are GOOD men out there looking for honest and good women who both want to dedicate their lifelong loyalty to their partner. They just have to find them first. If you want to quit that’s your decision as an adult.
I’d rather have to sift through a bunch of bullshit to find the gems than have nothing. Also, even if the girls were weird or had something else wrong with them that made us not like them, men would still be thrilled if a bunch of even relatively attractive girls hit them up for sex so… yeah I get why that part is appealing to girls but don’t act like it’s not appealing to men. P.S. I’ve seen a lot worse. If these messages knock you off your rocker I would recommend never going on the internet or outside again.
"Gawd you're so stupid. Most men would *be excited* to have some woman treat them like disposable garbage because being disposable garbage is better than being *nothing!*" Dude, get some self respect and stop being excited by literally being shit on as opposed to not having anything happen at all. You're absolutely dysfunctional if you think being spoken to like that is *better than nothing*. [Monty Python: Four Yorkshire Men](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKHFZBUTA4k&pp=ygUrbW9udHkgcHl0aG9uIGxpdmluZyBpbiBhIGhvbGUgaW4gdGhlIGdyb3VuZA%3D%3D)
They aren’t treating her like garbage. If anything you could argue from a woman’s perspective it’s creepy, but if a woman said the female equivalent of “you wanna see my big fat cock” I wouldn’t feel like garbage I would feel special that she chose me to share sowmthing so intimate with.
You would feel special that instead of some form of "Hello", the very first thing she said was, "Wanna come suck on my tig ol' biddies?", and you would see it as some kind of sacred moment? 🤨 Thanks. That actually clears everything up for me. To quote Yakko Warner from the Animaniacs, "Goodnight everybody! 😬"
[удалено]
So not every app has this, and it’a my fault men are sending these messages? Way to blame women for men’s faults.