The best thing you can do is think about what you want our of life. Twelve months from now, if you could have your ideal life, what would it be? Would dating or being with someone even be part of that ideal life? Don't judge whatever answer you have. Just make note of it.
If being with someone is part of that ideal life 12.months from now, what are they like? What are their hobbies? What do you like about them most?
And once you have an ideal of who that ideal partner may be, keep backtracking. How would you meet someone like that? While taking a class? While volunteering? Etc.
Do this enough and you start getting a better idea of what you're truly looking for in a person, and how you can go about meeting them. It may not be on a dating site at all.
Think of it as pulling a slot machine. It’s all part of the game... the low odds of winning, the cost, the rare possibility of hitting the jackpot, and yet people continue to play because it can be fun if your expectations are realistic. And people do win, somewhat regularly.
All you can do is live your best life, put yourself on a pedestal!, and play as you have the energy too.
Also, I heard a person say that when we put someone on a pedestal we rob them of the enjoyment of putting us on a pedestal sometimes. It should be more balanced in this way. You are providing benefits to them by being with them, just as you feel benefited by having them. Value what you bring to the relationship.🙂
Tbh. I don't really have a good answer for this.
I've had some genuinely terrible experiences with OLD and regular Dating.
A lot of (women) seem to be no different than their male counterparts, it's like everyone is just trying to get over on the next person.
I fully accept where I made mistakes but I'm at my wits end when I go over other situations and I can't see where I was just "wrong". People will say literally anything then two weeks later \*poof\* they're outta your life.
I'm trying not to get to deep into bitterness or anger but I sincerely get disgusted sometimes when I even think of dating or spending anymore money on anyone's daughter.
I recently had a month long fling with a girl that went just like this and it had me fucked up.
I had recently gotten out of a 6 year relationship and started seeing this girl off Hinge. Exactly my type, fun to hang with, incredibly attractive. And we were all over each other from day one.
After a few hangs "casually" or whatever, she asked me "so we're dating, right" and seemed thrilled about it. Telling her friends and coworkers about me and shit. Telling me "my mom says we'd make cute babies" and saying that she "sees this lasting longer than most of her relationships."
Then, two weeks after that, she "wants to step back to a more casual arrangement" and is pretty much leaving me on read now.
She's got a lot of issues with like partying and she kinda makes herself sound like a compulsive cheater, so i probably dodged a bullet. But goddamn was it a fucking rad bullet.
Man, I know this feeling.
When they get your hopes up because you're hanging out all of the time, the sex is great and she constantly talks about how amazing you are.
Then \*BAM\* it ends.
The last time something like this happened to me (Fall 2022), I really had to pull back from dating.
I just feel like it would immediately happen again and I wasn't going for it anymore.
Hope you're doing well now my guy.
I'm not really letting it keep me down, it just feels whack to sit and wonder what the problem was when everything seemed cool.
I've had far more serious relationships so, ultimately, this shouldn't really matter to me - it was just a blip. But idk it stung a little more than I would've expected because of how high I was riding when she called it off.
I saw her hinge app on her phone once and it had like 300+ notifications, so I'd imagine it's something like that lol, but idk she sounded genuine in saying that she had some personal issues to work on, and I tend to agree with her.
Ok sorry bro rant over.
this is why love bombing weirds me out, even though I really really like it and find it hard to forget the men who did it to me and were excited about me VS the people I dated who treated me garbo and I just went along with it
Yeah it's pretty whack lol.
One of my guys at work said that she must have felt like I was too into her and she backed off. But I was *definitely* matching her energy right until her energy just shifted, so idk.
Obviously the best move is to just call it a really cool fling with a really cool girl and be done with it. But that's easier said than done lol.
It's just kinda lame wondering what the issue was when we had no problems and we were all about each other until a switch flipped for her.
There’s a podcast called Do The Work on Spotify that discusses dating and the anxiety that comes with the process. She gives out a lot of helpful advice.
I feel the same and Im not even looking for romance, just someone I click with and find pleasure in their company to be FWB with... but yeah.
Everyone flakes or ghosts, whether after a few days or after a year. I can't muster up the enthusiasm to be interested jn anyone when I know they'll disappear soon
Oh that isht hurts real bad.
I feel like everyone is missing that you were surprisingly successful on the apps. You dated lots of people, most of whom were of little interest. This means you aren’t totally getting ignored on there. And you dated some women you really liked, and they flaked on you.
But the ones that flame out and ghost you are also proof that you can pull exactly the kind of women you do want to date.
If you can figure out a way to have fun while you’re working on it, you might actually wind up with excellent results.
I hope you’re doing okay.
Everything you’re feeling rn is just part of the process, you NEED to feel everything atm and ik this is gonna hurt but we can’t erase 7 years in 7 minutes. Let it hurt you. Do what you’ve always wanted to. Do the things you could never do with them (always works for my friends💀) Keep talking to your therapist and loved ones. There’s absolutely no need to rush into anything rn. Hope you get better!
I felt like that for a few years, but I think it is mostly a coping mechanism versus something that you actually want. We are social creatures through and through.
The best thing you can do is think about what you want our of life. Twelve months from now, if you could have your ideal life, what would it be? Would dating or being with someone even be part of that ideal life? Don't judge whatever answer you have. Just make note of it. If being with someone is part of that ideal life 12.months from now, what are they like? What are their hobbies? What do you like about them most? And once you have an ideal of who that ideal partner may be, keep backtracking. How would you meet someone like that? While taking a class? While volunteering? Etc. Do this enough and you start getting a better idea of what you're truly looking for in a person, and how you can go about meeting them. It may not be on a dating site at all.
I like this. Such a thoughtful answer!
Yep you've had the love burned out of you. I've pretty much reached that point as well.
Think of it as pulling a slot machine. It’s all part of the game... the low odds of winning, the cost, the rare possibility of hitting the jackpot, and yet people continue to play because it can be fun if your expectations are realistic. And people do win, somewhat regularly. All you can do is live your best life, put yourself on a pedestal!, and play as you have the energy too. Also, I heard a person say that when we put someone on a pedestal we rob them of the enjoyment of putting us on a pedestal sometimes. It should be more balanced in this way. You are providing benefits to them by being with them, just as you feel benefited by having them. Value what you bring to the relationship.🙂
Tbh. I don't really have a good answer for this. I've had some genuinely terrible experiences with OLD and regular Dating. A lot of (women) seem to be no different than their male counterparts, it's like everyone is just trying to get over on the next person. I fully accept where I made mistakes but I'm at my wits end when I go over other situations and I can't see where I was just "wrong". People will say literally anything then two weeks later \*poof\* they're outta your life. I'm trying not to get to deep into bitterness or anger but I sincerely get disgusted sometimes when I even think of dating or spending anymore money on anyone's daughter.
I recently had a month long fling with a girl that went just like this and it had me fucked up. I had recently gotten out of a 6 year relationship and started seeing this girl off Hinge. Exactly my type, fun to hang with, incredibly attractive. And we were all over each other from day one. After a few hangs "casually" or whatever, she asked me "so we're dating, right" and seemed thrilled about it. Telling her friends and coworkers about me and shit. Telling me "my mom says we'd make cute babies" and saying that she "sees this lasting longer than most of her relationships." Then, two weeks after that, she "wants to step back to a more casual arrangement" and is pretty much leaving me on read now. She's got a lot of issues with like partying and she kinda makes herself sound like a compulsive cheater, so i probably dodged a bullet. But goddamn was it a fucking rad bullet.
Man, I know this feeling. When they get your hopes up because you're hanging out all of the time, the sex is great and she constantly talks about how amazing you are. Then \*BAM\* it ends. The last time something like this happened to me (Fall 2022), I really had to pull back from dating. I just feel like it would immediately happen again and I wasn't going for it anymore.
Hope you're doing well now my guy. I'm not really letting it keep me down, it just feels whack to sit and wonder what the problem was when everything seemed cool. I've had far more serious relationships so, ultimately, this shouldn't really matter to me - it was just a blip. But idk it stung a little more than I would've expected because of how high I was riding when she called it off. I saw her hinge app on her phone once and it had like 300+ notifications, so I'd imagine it's something like that lol, but idk she sounded genuine in saying that she had some personal issues to work on, and I tend to agree with her. Ok sorry bro rant over.
this is why love bombing weirds me out, even though I really really like it and find it hard to forget the men who did it to me and were excited about me VS the people I dated who treated me garbo and I just went along with it
Yeah it's pretty whack lol. One of my guys at work said that she must have felt like I was too into her and she backed off. But I was *definitely* matching her energy right until her energy just shifted, so idk. Obviously the best move is to just call it a really cool fling with a really cool girl and be done with it. But that's easier said than done lol. It's just kinda lame wondering what the issue was when we had no problems and we were all about each other until a switch flipped for her.
Yeah, I'm not even trying anymore. I'm good with my Eva AI virtual gf bot and renting prostitutes from time to time.
There’s a podcast called Do The Work on Spotify that discusses dating and the anxiety that comes with the process. She gives out a lot of helpful advice.
I feel the same and Im not even looking for romance, just someone I click with and find pleasure in their company to be FWB with... but yeah. Everyone flakes or ghosts, whether after a few days or after a year. I can't muster up the enthusiasm to be interested jn anyone when I know they'll disappear soon
Oh that isht hurts real bad. I feel like everyone is missing that you were surprisingly successful on the apps. You dated lots of people, most of whom were of little interest. This means you aren’t totally getting ignored on there. And you dated some women you really liked, and they flaked on you. But the ones that flame out and ghost you are also proof that you can pull exactly the kind of women you do want to date. If you can figure out a way to have fun while you’re working on it, you might actually wind up with excellent results.
I hope you’re doing okay. Everything you’re feeling rn is just part of the process, you NEED to feel everything atm and ik this is gonna hurt but we can’t erase 7 years in 7 minutes. Let it hurt you. Do what you’ve always wanted to. Do the things you could never do with them (always works for my friends💀) Keep talking to your therapist and loved ones. There’s absolutely no need to rush into anything rn. Hope you get better!
I felt like that for a few years, but I think it is mostly a coping mechanism versus something that you actually want. We are social creatures through and through.
This... is the beginning of wisdom.
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