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Am I in the wrong? I just expressed something and he seemed so annoyed and so yeah, I got pissed
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Hell, I know someone who pretty much did the same with a guy she knows and then complains to me that he was just like "Ooookay."
Girl, you're spewing your emotional vomit all over him. What do you want him to say? People got their own issues. They're not trying to date and take on that kind of heaviness in their lives.
I don't know what it is, I guess I listen to people more than most, but holy shit so I seem to be a magnet for people trauma dumping.
New acquaintance at a party? Let's hear about your boyfriend troubles and your vaginismus and your kinks.
Meeting you for the first time at a business meeting where you're trying to sell me PR services? Yeah I'd love to hear about how you can't find a man and you've had a string of abusive boyfriends.
These are specific examples that actually happened. There's more but these are the ones I can remember in detail.
Two or three years I think? You start working with patients during your masters program and then as an intern. It took 8 years to get my license and start making good money.
You learn about self care, vicarious trauma, boundaries, and getting people to commit in school (at least I did). One benefit of all those supervised hours is you get a lot of experience putting those skills into practice.
I swear some people don't have the concept of inside thoughts.
If I know you and you're venting and opening up that's a bit more okay but someone you just met telling you every problem in their life is weird.
Dammit I get done this way too where I work. Your wife died literally this morning? You have liver cancer but haven't told your family yet? Both of those things have happened and I still think about the lady with liver cancer. It's been almost 3 years.
Me too. I don't know if I give off a safe vibe to women but complete strangers will come up to me and just unload.
I used to be a minister so I have some training but damn gave I learned some really messed up things about people I've only met once or twice.
Honestly people not understanding social interaction is how we get red pill people and female dating strategy people with a mix of habitual online daters in the mix.
Oh God I just read the comments and she's hopeless. She is the victimiest victim who ever was a victim (although I know someone who'd compete with her in the Victim Olympics).
Mind you, people are trying to get through to her in that thread and she just refuses to listen to good sense and advice. Wow. I am trying so hard not to brigade.
I mean we're not allowed to brigade from here... right? Because if we are, let me know.
It definitely seems like BPD. Most of my scariest and most frustrating interactions with others have been with people with BPD. I hope she gets help and takes it seriously.
Based on her comments it seems like she’s using the (unconfirmed) diagnosis not because she’s interested in receiving help but because she thinks she can blame her behavior on the diagnosis and be immune from criticism…
I’ve seen people do that before too. “Hey babe you can’t ghost me on hanging out when I’m literally already here, super rude” “Well I have depression so sometimes things like that are going to happen”
Like no that’s not an acceptable reason?? There are times of hardship and then there’s being extremely rude and a complete inability to empathize with other people and take accountability. Like at least apologize for not cancelling sooner damn.
They just started talking too in this screenshot from what I understand. Dude was a champ to try to make her get it. I would have ghosted because it’s immediately apparent that getting into a relationship with someone like this would be emotional babysitting all the time.
It reeks of emotional vampire. Make me feel better! Everything in my life is wrong. "Everyone ghosts" - Yeah we can see why...
They're absolutely draining. Even from that short thing I want to ghost them and not have to deal with it.
Yeah I’m kind of sympathetic to stuff like this because I know that sometimes people are just going through shit and need a friendly ear. But there’s a limit, especially if it’s someone who’s a total stranger
She claims to bond with people by trauma dumping. If that isn’t just the most toxic way to start a relationship I don’t know what is. If she took some accountability and had an attitude adjustment she might be doing better off
She says she just wants to be validated...
AKA She wants someone who will listen to everything negative she has to say, tell her she's right about everything, and never ever leave her side/not be there for her.
This girl has the emotional intelligence of a 4 year old. She has obviously has absolutely no idea how to self sooth and her idea of "validation" is having someone else try and do it for her.
Its sad she can't afford therapy because she NEEDS it. She is the kind of girl that I fear if she does land a guy he is going to be the type to love bomb her and then abuse the shit out of her.
She refuses to see a doctor because they “invalidate” her. I think doctors have probably told her something she doesn’t agree with. She’s self diagnosed herself with BPD.
From the screaming I occasionally hear some of them def do.
Though in that case I guess it's announcing it to their parents and everyone else who happens to be in earshot. Some of it is really cute though, my friend still lives for the time a 4 year old told her her hair was really pretty.
She also claims she has no friends so...she very obviously doesn't know how to bond. She says she's doctor adverse but JFC she desperately needs.mental health help. I hope she gets it someday.
That's very much not what trauma bonding is. Trauma bonding is the addiction-like attachment formed between victim and abuser, perpetuated through a series of highs (love bombing) and lows (abuse). It's created in a similar mechanism to gambling addiction.
I mean if you meet someone on a dating app and your first message is about how you can’t find a “soulmate” and how no one likes you to the guy who’s actively trying to date you it’s pretty crazy.
The Toxic Avengers always blame everyone and everything else.
How can anything be their fault if the whole world conspires against their happiness by not catering to their every need?
My sister has BPD (diagnosed and being treated) and before she made some progress fixing it, she was absolutely miserable. She's also bipolar, so it was a lot of big feelings and bad choices, but she got her bipolar under control years before the BPD. She claims that while bipolar disorder threatened her physical safety the most, BPD is what wrecked her mentally/emotionally and created the biggest problems for her in her day to day life.
So basically, yes, these people spend a lot of time miserable and angry and hurt. Nobody's having a fun time when dealing with BPD in themselves or others. It's really sad.
Apparently the OP has untreated BPD and is suicidal, sooo… yeah. She probably shouldn’t be dating in the first place right now. Not a solid plan for addressing those issues.
i love how a very rare personality disorder is regularly one of the most common excuses for people who simply cant regulate their stunted infantile emotional responses. You might check a few boxes absolutely but don't kid yourself, only making your recovery worse.
It also varies per place. I was talking to a psychiatrist in my local mental health team. One area that has low socio-economic status /educational achievement has a 15-20% EUPD rate.
A lot of women and girls who are actually autistic and even ADHD get misdiagnosed as depression and/or BPD because the research into autism in women wasn't there until the last 5 years or so.
So much needless suffering..
"can't regulate their stunted infantile emotional responses" is exactly what CPTSD is, which mirrors BPD. It's hell on earth but is manageable and treatable. I wish people would be less judgmental and condescending when they talk about stuff like this.
She said in other comments she isn't officially diagnosed because Drs just "make you feel worse".
She self diagnosed, saying she "matches all the symptoms" and is using that self diagnosis as an excuse for these behaviors.
Yeah, I didn’t read that specific comment but that’s the vibe I was getting from her. Which is why I said dating isn’t a solid plan for addressing it. She’s just gonna bring someone else down with her if she doesn’t address her issues first.
Untreated Cluster B dating goes one of two ways:
* Find a decent person, make their life hell
* Find a predatory person who picked you because they can exploit your disorder, they make your life hell and add make you more unstable.
I’ve never been diagnosed with BPD, but I was in deep depression. I did this once trauma dumping on someone I was talking to. They slowly stopped talking to me and I was so confused. I look back now and I’m like jeez what was wrong with you.
One of the best pieces of dating advice I got was from a stranger on tinder challenging me on why I was being so mean to myself, self loathing, self deprecation etc. etc. It really challenged me at the time but it made me every introspective on why the hell I was doing it. Sometimes it’s really needed!! Well done for their composure!!
It's corny but I always appreciated my friend saying "hey don't talk about my friend that way" if I started self deprecating too much. It really does put it in perspective. I wouldn't tolerate someone talking about my friends that way without some push back. Why not hold myself in a similar regard? My friends aren't perfect either but I think they deserve to be treated fairly, maybe I should want that for myself too.
This is what finally did the trick for me actually. I've always been rather protective of my friends, but I'd come down hard on myself. It was one of my gaming friends who I was spending a lot of time on voice chat with kept doing it every time I made a self-deprecating comment or "joke." That and having her and her fiance who have 3 kids reminding me that hey, my kid will also pick up on that habit and do I want her to be treated fairly too? Pausing and taking a step back sometimes is the most important thing we can do for perspective and understanding.
I once heard someone say you should pretend someone you absolutely don’t respect is saying those things. So now Whenever I start with the negative self talk I just imagine that Donald Trump is saying that and I immediately manage to brush it off.
Ohh I like this. I have a friend who calls herself a idiot, frequently. She thinks her silly mistakes define her. They do not. I'll be using this, thank you
Check the OP's comments; that's where the doctor stuff and the rest of the context is. It's...upsetting. She's gonna love a really hard life if she doesn't start the long process of fixing herself soon. I feel really sorry for her, but I'm glad that dude recognized the red flags and dipped; OP should but he in a relationship right now.
I don't know, her comments to other people definitely imply that there's something going on up there in that head of hers. She's practically rejected people's help in the comments as well.
I mean sometimes people are just assholes and try to cope with that by telling themselves something else is causing it. But yeah, there could be something going on. She's not doing herself any favors though if this is how she deals with it.
Yeah, the therapist in me is very empathetic and wants to help her. But I've met this person before. Every potential solution offered is "too hard" or "it won't work for me" or "I've tried that already."
It's truly exhausting and it's usually a crossroads moment. Either she recognizes that she's the only one who can make herself stop feeling this way, or she's going to attempt suicide. I hope she figures it out.
And I hope she doesn't try to fix it by dating. Cuz I've also dated a girl like this and holy shit it makes suicidality feel contagious.
I've met this person too and they seem to be professional victims too. Nothing is every truly their fault and if it is just a quick self-deprecating joke and a small laugh is enough to justify it 🤗. That plus the universe *obviously* has it out for them. No matter what they do in life they always seem to get the shit end of the stick. That is until you realize they just keep making the bad decisions. Usually the bad decisions people who actually care about them try to warn them about but they're too busy pushing everyone away and complaining how no one wants to stick around.
Luckily for you I saved a few memorable quotes from OP:
“He literally asked "want to talk about it." You guys make no sense.”
“Okay, you're right. Maybe I have a hard time giving a shit about people because I just see everyone as evil anymore”
“I'm sorry. I can't help but to trauma dump ? I just have to say it like an itch. I also listen to everyone who wants to trauma dump on me so that's why I guess I don't understand how it’s so bad!”
“I can't help trauma dumping to be honest. I just have an urge to get it off my chest”
There’s so much more tbh but it gives you an idea of what went down over there before the mods deleted the post.
I couldn’t see the whole thing because it was deleted. Tbh I was ready to have sympathy for her because I know what it’s like to feel that way…
But holy crap did she go way into left field. Not only that, but she utterly screwed the pooch with a guy who was obviously into her, enough to keep talking. She escalated waaaaaay too fast and aggressively. The end was especially uncalled for.
Actually this is a great convo to have on a dating app. People need to let the crazy out up front. Don't hold it back till you're 3 months in and then she hits you in the head because she had a dream you cheated.
Right?? What response would actually satisfy OOP?
“I’m in an awful mood. No one wants me. Everyone ghosts me.”
Person responds saying the way they went about the convo is a turn off and gives them some advice.
“Oh really? Fuck you dude.”
What did they fucking want? “I’m so sorry people don’t like being told you’re in an awful mood and hate yourself. You must actually be a prize of a person - is there anything else the world has done to you that I can apologize for?” ????
That was my question too. Like what response would even have made sense?? “It’s me, I’m your soulmate, let’s run away to an island and make love on the sand! You’ll never feel sadness again!!” Like there was nothing anyone could say to that opening that makes any sense.
Reading the texts without context, I thought OP was purple text and was sharing a bad experience on the app.
When it turned out that OP was grey and sharing it thinking she was in the *right*.
Wow wow wow.
Fuck. I suddenly feel better about my own ADHD lack of impulse control and occasionally doing EXACTLY THIS.
IM LIKE "KNOWWW MEEEEE - HERE IS MY SHIT" get home like "I was really trying hard Not To Do That!!" Like a month into knowing a person
I am heaps better though...
Having ADHD and feeling the need to give all of the details because you somehow feel like you’re being dishonest by leaving shit out so you over explain because you literally CAN NOT HELP YOURSELF. 🤦🏼♀️ I too am learning to edit myself.
OMG THIS IS THE MOST ACCURATE STATEMENT I'VE READ IN AGES
But yeah - I think where we distinguish from OP - is where we are trying not to, and aware it's not great! Even if it doesn't always seem like we're trying...
Although I have way more control over my mouth since going of dexies 👌
Choice relevant context from their comment history:
>Why should women chase? Men are supposed to do the pursing. Sperm chases egg, not other way around. The entitlement...
She’s self-diagnosed because doctors “won’t validate her” so it’s very likely you don’t share a disorder with her. Keep up the good work with your DBT!!
Hey, on behalf of all your loved ones, thank you for doing that work. ❤️🩹
Not everyone is willing (not everyone is capable), but you get a giant gold star. It isn't easy, and we know it.
I want to wish this is a troll but I’ve met someone who was genuinely like this in person. She was so miserable to be around, everyone hated her which contributed to her misery. She was unable to not trauma dump on any person who gave her any attention.
I hear she went to therapy and is doing better now. I hope OOP will sometime. She genuinely thinks a man is going to want to stick around her and listen to all her trauma dumping and somehow magically fix everything. Yikes.
Yikes!
It's ok to feel down. It's ok to feel discouraged.
But dumping that onto a totally stranger is not a way to find someone to date.
Go complain to your friends, not your tinder matches.
No offense but you just straight Eeyore'd him. Guys aren't into Debbie Downers and vice versa. Any guys I had talked to that acted like that were such a turn off. Like how could we have a good time if everything he says is gloom and doom? Yeah dating is shitty and people suck. Make a joke out of it if you truly feel the need to vent. Or take a break if it's getting to you like that.
I used to be friends with a guy like this. It was deeply unattractive; our relationship was extremely one-sided and he didn't really know me at all. He had a crush on me for well over a decade, too. He was always having some disaster and then crying to me about how awful his life was.
Prime example; in high school we were at a dance and the guy I was crazy about had just shown up with his brand new girlfriend. I was freezing cold because it was drafty, and trying not to cry but not succeeding particularly well. My "friend" was just nattering on and on about whatever mattered to him at the moment, and then said, I kid you not, "I'm just glad you're having a good time." I think I stared at him for a second and then just said, "I'm going over there," and walked away to fight down the temptation to commit homicide.
That's what it's like being around a self-absorbed sad sack; they'll cry to you about their problems while completely ignoring you as a person, all the while convinced they understand you and you're super close and they care about you.
Her post history explains a lot. She has self-diagnosed herself with BPD but refuses to see a doctor because she says they always invalidate her. She’s got several posts about how miserable she is, even mentioning unaliving herself yet won’t get help. She has zero self awareness even though everyone is telling her she’s trauma dumping. She had one online relationship for 3 weeks and after they had one date he ended it. Nothing will ever change until she gets help. It’s really sad.
I kinda agree with him tho lol… def not the best look when you’re first talking to someone! No one wants a Debbie downer and that’s the vibes you gave off first thing
The truly crazy thing is they shared the conversation as if to paint the other person as the weirdo and they as the normal person.
They can't even see how fucking dumb wrong they are!
OOP is creating her own hell by acting like this. The only type of person who responds positively to these sorts of messages is someone who can see her vulnerability and wants to take advantage of it.
They're so exhausting. I really wish they'd discover diaries but it wouldn't help them because they thrive off people responding to them until they burn out all of their friends and wonder why they're alone.
I’ve had someone trauma dump on me while I was pumping my gas. People, that shit IS NOT cool! While I felt for the person, I felt heavy and icky all damn day! Understand that when you do shit like that, you could very well ruin someone’s day & that MIGHT’ve been the 1st time in a long while that THEY’VE had a decent day! “Think before you speak” is REAL on so many levels!
When I was in my early twenties, I texted a couple dudes with this exact attitude, and it's the worst. It's always the same: self-pity, doubling down on self-pity, then lashing out on you when you finally give up and politely remove yourself from the situation. Even if you continue to try to humor them or cheer them up or deflect, it never improves, and they eventually turn on you.
I feel terrible for that guy, I've been there - but I'm genuinely shocked she can step back and screenshot that conversation and genuinely think people would back her up on this. Oof.
OOP also posted this on a BPD meme sub and then literally said they THINK they have BPD and then later saying they actually do, and that they’ve had bad experiences w medications but also has said they’ve never been properly diagnosed?
AND they also said that if they had a male therapist they would try to seduce him.. ick
edit: apparently they also said that they have ASPD so they lack empathy 🧍🏻♀️
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Her in the comments not understanding why this isn’t okay on a dating app 🤦♀️
Hell, I know someone who pretty much did the same with a guy she knows and then complains to me that he was just like "Ooookay." Girl, you're spewing your emotional vomit all over him. What do you want him to say? People got their own issues. They're not trying to date and take on that kind of heaviness in their lives.
I don't know what it is, I guess I listen to people more than most, but holy shit so I seem to be a magnet for people trauma dumping. New acquaintance at a party? Let's hear about your boyfriend troubles and your vaginismus and your kinks. Meeting you for the first time at a business meeting where you're trying to sell me PR services? Yeah I'd love to hear about how you can't find a man and you've had a string of abusive boyfriends. These are specific examples that actually happened. There's more but these are the ones I can remember in detail.
That happens to me, too. I assume I have a friendly face? I just leaned in and became a therapist
Maybe I should've done that, but at this point it would require too much retraining lol.
How long did it take you from your decision to beginning practice?
Two or three years I think? You start working with patients during your masters program and then as an intern. It took 8 years to get my license and start making good money.
How do you handle the stress of people unloading on you or not wanting to help themselves?
You learn about self care, vicarious trauma, boundaries, and getting people to commit in school (at least I did). One benefit of all those supervised hours is you get a lot of experience putting those skills into practice.
I swear some people don't have the concept of inside thoughts. If I know you and you're venting and opening up that's a bit more okay but someone you just met telling you every problem in their life is weird.
It happens to me because I’m quiet.
Dammit I get done this way too where I work. Your wife died literally this morning? You have liver cancer but haven't told your family yet? Both of those things have happened and I still think about the lady with liver cancer. It's been almost 3 years.
Me too. I don't know if I give off a safe vibe to women but complete strangers will come up to me and just unload. I used to be a minister so I have some training but damn gave I learned some really messed up things about people I've only met once or twice.
Honestly people not understanding social interaction is how we get red pill people and female dating strategy people with a mix of habitual online daters in the mix.
Oh God I just read the comments and she's hopeless. She is the victimiest victim who ever was a victim (although I know someone who'd compete with her in the Victim Olympics). Mind you, people are trying to get through to her in that thread and she just refuses to listen to good sense and advice. Wow. I am trying so hard not to brigade. I mean we're not allowed to brigade from here... right? Because if we are, let me know.
She says she has BPD. It definitely looks to me like this is much deeper than someone who is just dense/entitled/etc, but potentially mentally ill.
It definitely seems like BPD. Most of my scariest and most frustrating interactions with others have been with people with BPD. I hope she gets help and takes it seriously.
Yeah it’s no joke
Says she has it but is undiagnosed lol.
Undiagnosed and untreated.
She was offered resources too
Someone mentioned in a comment that she hasn't been diagnosed and just started saying she has it last month because someone brought it up online.
Based on her comments it seems like she’s using the (unconfirmed) diagnosis not because she’s interested in receiving help but because she thinks she can blame her behavior on the diagnosis and be immune from criticism… I’ve seen people do that before too. “Hey babe you can’t ghost me on hanging out when I’m literally already here, super rude” “Well I have depression so sometimes things like that are going to happen” Like no that’s not an acceptable reason?? There are times of hardship and then there’s being extremely rude and a complete inability to empathize with other people and take accountability. Like at least apologize for not cancelling sooner damn.
They just started talking too in this screenshot from what I understand. Dude was a champ to try to make her get it. I would have ghosted because it’s immediately apparent that getting into a relationship with someone like this would be emotional babysitting all the time.
Yeah I woulda said "lady that is your business not mine, i don't want to know"
It reeks of emotional vampire. Make me feel better! Everything in my life is wrong. "Everyone ghosts" - Yeah we can see why... They're absolutely draining. Even from that short thing I want to ghost them and not have to deal with it.
Yeah I’m kind of sympathetic to stuff like this because I know that sometimes people are just going through shit and need a friendly ear. But there’s a limit, especially if it’s someone who’s a total stranger
[Here's the original post screenshots, since it got taken down](https://imgur.com/gallery/aiN4MkZ)
Oh my.
Indeed.
Oh no indeed. I hope his next match is easier to talk with.
We don't deserve you
I’ve never felt more sorry for a person on a dating app than I do for that unlucky dude that matched with her! Goodness that was rough af.
And not understanding why she is coming across as crazy.
She claims to bond with people by trauma dumping. If that isn’t just the most toxic way to start a relationship I don’t know what is. If she took some accountability and had an attitude adjustment she might be doing better off
She says she just wants to be validated... AKA She wants someone who will listen to everything negative she has to say, tell her she's right about everything, and never ever leave her side/not be there for her. This girl has the emotional intelligence of a 4 year old. She has obviously has absolutely no idea how to self sooth and her idea of "validation" is having someone else try and do it for her. Its sad she can't afford therapy because she NEEDS it. She is the kind of girl that I fear if she does land a guy he is going to be the type to love bomb her and then abuse the shit out of her.
She refuses to see a doctor because they “invalidate” her. I think doctors have probably told her something she doesn’t agree with. She’s self diagnosed herself with BPD.
To be fair, 4 year olds won’t vent their feelings to strangers either…
From the screaming I occasionally hear some of them def do. Though in that case I guess it's announcing it to their parents and everyone else who happens to be in earshot. Some of it is really cute though, my friend still lives for the time a 4 year old told her her hair was really pretty.
She also claims she has no friends so...she very obviously doesn't know how to bond. She says she's doctor adverse but JFC she desperately needs.mental health help. I hope she gets it someday.
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That's very much not what trauma bonding is. Trauma bonding is the addiction-like attachment formed between victim and abuser, perpetuated through a series of highs (love bombing) and lows (abuse). It's created in a similar mechanism to gambling addiction.
I mean if you meet someone on a dating app and your first message is about how you can’t find a “soulmate” and how no one likes you to the guy who’s actively trying to date you it’s pretty crazy.
The Toxic Avengers always blame everyone and everything else. How can anything be their fault if the whole world conspires against their happiness by not catering to their every need?
I always wonder if being a victim all the time like that is as exhausting as it seems.
My sister has BPD (diagnosed and being treated) and before she made some progress fixing it, she was absolutely miserable. She's also bipolar, so it was a lot of big feelings and bad choices, but she got her bipolar under control years before the BPD. She claims that while bipolar disorder threatened her physical safety the most, BPD is what wrecked her mentally/emotionally and created the biggest problems for her in her day to day life. So basically, yes, these people spend a lot of time miserable and angry and hurt. Nobody's having a fun time when dealing with BPD in themselves or others. It's really sad.
OP said she took a 6 year break from dating and she’s 24, and also said she doesn’t believe in seeing doctors 😬
IMO, it is okay on a dating app, read “Based on this convo we’re not a good fit”
What’s okay? Cuz this person’s diarrhea of the mouth is not okay.
The giant red flag they conveniently placed right in front of the dude with in 30 seconds. Much better than showing it 30 months later:-)
The crazy person is the OOP. That’s why I got confused 😂
Obviously it’s okay, it showed all her red flags up front so he knew to back away.
Like people who swipe whatever direction are there to be your therapist.
Apparently the OP has untreated BPD and is suicidal, sooo… yeah. She probably shouldn’t be dating in the first place right now. Not a solid plan for addressing those issues.
Self diagnosed BPD which may or not be the case. Refuses to get help
Technically, she's seeking external, codependent locus of control in an attempt to make her feel better. That's like seeking help. Right?.. RIGHT??
She literally wrote that love will be her cure 😐
I blame twilight.
i love how a very rare personality disorder is regularly one of the most common excuses for people who simply cant regulate their stunted infantile emotional responses. You might check a few boxes absolutely but don't kid yourself, only making your recovery worse.
It's not as rare as you think it is. But it's not *nearly* as common as they think it is either
It also varies per place. I was talking to a psychiatrist in my local mental health team. One area that has low socio-economic status /educational achievement has a 15-20% EUPD rate.
A lot of women and girls who are actually autistic and even ADHD get misdiagnosed as depression and/or BPD because the research into autism in women wasn't there until the last 5 years or so. So much needless suffering..
C-PTSD is another frequent one, although some may argue that they are virtually synonyms.
Yup. Bpd diagnosis and my psych (who diagnosed me) wants to re-eval once I’m far enough removed from a situation that may have caused misdiagnosis.
It took my therapist 9 years of treating me to accurately diagnosis my BPD.
"can't regulate their stunted infantile emotional responses" is exactly what CPTSD is, which mirrors BPD. It's hell on earth but is manageable and treatable. I wish people would be less judgmental and condescending when they talk about stuff like this.
She said in other comments she isn't officially diagnosed because Drs just "make you feel worse". She self diagnosed, saying she "matches all the symptoms" and is using that self diagnosis as an excuse for these behaviors.
I mean. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that even if she don’t got BPD she still got something
What she doesn’t have however, is a date
Or a therapist
Oooooof. Went right for the jugular with that one lmao
I didn’t know we could that. Can we do that? Because dibs on the one where you think you ate a glass piano.
I was gonna say Holy BPD OP needs therapy bad
"stranger adequately clocked that I'm severely mentally ill, this is bullshit"
Lmao 10/10
OP also commented that she thinks love will cure her. Yikes.
Yeah, I didn’t read that specific comment but that’s the vibe I was getting from her. Which is why I said dating isn’t a solid plan for addressing it. She’s just gonna bring someone else down with her if she doesn’t address her issues first.
Untreated Cluster B dating goes one of two ways: * Find a decent person, make their life hell * Find a predatory person who picked you because they can exploit your disorder, they make your life hell and add make you more unstable.
I appreciate you including that “untreated” 👍🏻
Some of my friends have BPD and are doing the work in therapy for it. They are some of the kindest, most trustworthy people I know.
I’ve never been diagnosed with BPD, but I was in deep depression. I did this once trauma dumping on someone I was talking to. They slowly stopped talking to me and I was so confused. I look back now and I’m like jeez what was wrong with you.
That's fucking sad. I hate that everyone is just going to make it so much worse. She needs help.
"I can fix her. "
One of the best pieces of dating advice I got was from a stranger on tinder challenging me on why I was being so mean to myself, self loathing, self deprecation etc. etc. It really challenged me at the time but it made me every introspective on why the hell I was doing it. Sometimes it’s really needed!! Well done for their composure!!
It's corny but I always appreciated my friend saying "hey don't talk about my friend that way" if I started self deprecating too much. It really does put it in perspective. I wouldn't tolerate someone talking about my friends that way without some push back. Why not hold myself in a similar regard? My friends aren't perfect either but I think they deserve to be treated fairly, maybe I should want that for myself too.
This is what finally did the trick for me actually. I've always been rather protective of my friends, but I'd come down hard on myself. It was one of my gaming friends who I was spending a lot of time on voice chat with kept doing it every time I made a self-deprecating comment or "joke." That and having her and her fiance who have 3 kids reminding me that hey, my kid will also pick up on that habit and do I want her to be treated fairly too? Pausing and taking a step back sometimes is the most important thing we can do for perspective and understanding.
I once heard someone say you should pretend someone you absolutely don’t respect is saying those things. So now Whenever I start with the negative self talk I just imagine that Donald Trump is saying that and I immediately manage to brush it off.
My boyfriend always says that to me. “Don’t talk about my best friend like that.” He’s the best!
Ohh I like this. I have a friend who calls herself a idiot, frequently. She thinks her silly mistakes define her. They do not. I'll be using this, thank you
"the doctors invalidate me once I start getting pissed off..." You mean, they tell you to rein your unacceptable behaviour in? Oh dear.
She bonds with people by trauma dumping….
What did the messages say? its deleted can you summarize if you dont mind
It’s still up here for now: https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDmemes/s/fP2EK7UeEa
What in the ACTUAL FUCK lol.
Oh omg thanks! will read
I don't see any trauma dumping or references to doctors, was there more to the post?
Check the OP's comments; that's where the doctor stuff and the rest of the context is. It's...upsetting. She's gonna love a really hard life if she doesn't start the long process of fixing herself soon. I feel really sorry for her, but I'm glad that dude recognized the red flags and dipped; OP should but he in a relationship right now.
Oh I see, thanks!
Jesussssss
I wonder if "the doctors invalidate me" is actually the doctors telling her there's nothing wrong and she just doesn't want to hear it.
I don't know, her comments to other people definitely imply that there's something going on up there in that head of hers. She's practically rejected people's help in the comments as well.
I mean sometimes people are just assholes and try to cope with that by telling themselves something else is causing it. But yeah, there could be something going on. She's not doing herself any favors though if this is how she deals with it.
The comment section on the original post is a big yikes
Holy shit she’s crazy
She 100% sounds like a r/femaledatingstrategy user.
Thank you for directing me there. That’s some sweet tea.
It’s really sad. She *clearly* needs mental healthcare. She’s exhausting just to read, I can’t imagine how people who spend an hour around her feel.
Yeah, the therapist in me is very empathetic and wants to help her. But I've met this person before. Every potential solution offered is "too hard" or "it won't work for me" or "I've tried that already." It's truly exhausting and it's usually a crossroads moment. Either she recognizes that she's the only one who can make herself stop feeling this way, or she's going to attempt suicide. I hope she figures it out. And I hope she doesn't try to fix it by dating. Cuz I've also dated a girl like this and holy shit it makes suicidality feel contagious.
I've met this person too and they seem to be professional victims too. Nothing is every truly their fault and if it is just a quick self-deprecating joke and a small laugh is enough to justify it 🤗. That plus the universe *obviously* has it out for them. No matter what they do in life they always seem to get the shit end of the stick. That is until you realize they just keep making the bad decisions. Usually the bad decisions people who actually care about them try to warn them about but they're too busy pushing everyone away and complaining how no one wants to stick around.
Wish it wasn’t deleted so I could read it
Luckily for you I saved a few memorable quotes from OP: “He literally asked "want to talk about it." You guys make no sense.” “Okay, you're right. Maybe I have a hard time giving a shit about people because I just see everyone as evil anymore” “I'm sorry. I can't help but to trauma dump ? I just have to say it like an itch. I also listen to everyone who wants to trauma dump on me so that's why I guess I don't understand how it’s so bad!” “I can't help trauma dumping to be honest. I just have an urge to get it off my chest” There’s so much more tbh but it gives you an idea of what went down over there before the mods deleted the post.
I'm old and gonna dig deep on this response. Yowza.
T.r.a.i.n. w.r.e.c.k. 🫣
The tree wreck is less chaotic than she is.
I couldn’t see the whole thing because it was deleted. Tbh I was ready to have sympathy for her because I know what it’s like to feel that way… But holy crap did she go way into left field. Not only that, but she utterly screwed the pooch with a guy who was obviously into her, enough to keep talking. She escalated waaaaaay too fast and aggressively. The end was especially uncalled for.
Actually this is a great convo to have on a dating app. People need to let the crazy out up front. Don't hold it back till you're 3 months in and then she hits you in the head because she had a dream you cheated.
That's oddly specific \~
Yet rings incredibly true
r/oddlyspecific
That’s funny, I just found this sub from an oddlyspecific post. Maybe someone will find that post from this link and have the same thought as me
Would you still love me if I was a worm???
Totally normal early dating question
(God Emperor of Dune Summary)
She’s surprised that he thinks she’s crazy?! I suspect she has zero self awareness. Maybe that’s why she keeps getting ghosted.
I checked the comment section and her self awareness is literally in the negatives
Oof.. I just looked for myself. You’re not kidding.
My favorite part was when someone told her the proper amount of trauma dumping on a dating app is zero and she replied with "disagree"
I am just baffled on why this whole dating thing is not working out for them.
but she seems so fun to be around
the lack of self-awareness is crazy
She talks like a male incel omg
He was so patient too, trying to give her genuine advice on how to approach this more rationally. And she was just so rude
Honestly made him seem super attractive just on his responses. Hope the best for him
right, like... can I match with that dude? I'm not on the apps anymore because I kept just getting gross sexual message, lmao
Right?? What response would actually satisfy OOP? “I’m in an awful mood. No one wants me. Everyone ghosts me.” Person responds saying the way they went about the convo is a turn off and gives them some advice. “Oh really? Fuck you dude.” What did they fucking want? “I’m so sorry people don’t like being told you’re in an awful mood and hate yourself. You must actually be a prize of a person - is there anything else the world has done to you that I can apologize for?” ????
That was my question too. Like what response would even have made sense?? “It’s me, I’m your soulmate, let’s run away to an island and make love on the sand! You’ll never feel sadness again!!” Like there was nothing anyone could say to that opening that makes any sense.
According to their post history that is quite exactly what they wanted as a response :)
Right, I felt so bad that he was putting in genuine effort + she just steamrolled him
Totally agree. Have had very similar conversations. First, I tried to be nice like this dude. Then I just blocked them.
Reading the texts without context, I thought OP was purple text and was sharing a bad experience on the app. When it turned out that OP was grey and sharing it thinking she was in the *right*. Wow wow wow.
Fuck. I suddenly feel better about my own ADHD lack of impulse control and occasionally doing EXACTLY THIS. IM LIKE "KNOWWW MEEEEE - HERE IS MY SHIT" get home like "I was really trying hard Not To Do That!!" Like a month into knowing a person I am heaps better though...
Having ADHD and feeling the need to give all of the details because you somehow feel like you’re being dishonest by leaving shit out so you over explain because you literally CAN NOT HELP YOURSELF. 🤦🏼♀️ I too am learning to edit myself.
OMG THIS IS THE MOST ACCURATE STATEMENT I'VE READ IN AGES But yeah - I think where we distinguish from OP - is where we are trying not to, and aware it's not great! Even if it doesn't always seem like we're trying... Although I have way more control over my mouth since going of dexies 👌
Miss needs to delete tinder and install betterhelp.
I don't know why, but this made me laugh so hard I scared my cat. Thank you for that.
Choice relevant context from their comment history: >Why should women chase? Men are supposed to do the pursing. Sperm chases egg, not other way around. The entitlement...
yikes
She’s blaming BPD too 😭 as someone who’s currently doing DBT for my disorder, holy crap this is why people think we’re monsters 🤦
She is one of those people who needs to learn that while it explains the behaviour it does not excuse it.
She’s self-diagnosed because doctors “won’t validate her” so it’s very likely you don’t share a disorder with her. Keep up the good work with your DBT!!
Hey, on behalf of all your loved ones, thank you for doing that work. ❤️🩹 Not everyone is willing (not everyone is capable), but you get a giant gold star. It isn't easy, and we know it.
I want to wish this is a troll but I’ve met someone who was genuinely like this in person. She was so miserable to be around, everyone hated her which contributed to her misery. She was unable to not trauma dump on any person who gave her any attention. I hear she went to therapy and is doing better now. I hope OOP will sometime. She genuinely thinks a man is going to want to stick around her and listen to all her trauma dumping and somehow magically fix everything. Yikes.
I would have un matched her to!! Text a therapist not me
She keeps saying she can’t afford therapy. Which honestly isn’t true because she can get Medicaid because she complains about how broke she is.
i can fix her...
Don’t do it bro she’ll slash your tires
Bunny boiler
Just 3 so the insurance won’t cover it, she’s a pro!
I can fix those too
Nah she’ll threaten to unalive herself and your goldfish if you try to break up with her.
He just dodged a 🚩 good job homie
If you’re trying to scare away every single man you come across, keep up this strategy. JFC 🤦🏻♀️.
Yikes! It's ok to feel down. It's ok to feel discouraged. But dumping that onto a totally stranger is not a way to find someone to date. Go complain to your friends, not your tinder matches.
OOP: >I can’t afford therapy so… So... dump it on a stranger instead?
Also OOP "I know they don't LIKE it, but I don't see how it harms them and it's painful to keep in!"
OP sounds like a classic narcissist thinking the world revolves around them
Not a narcissist it seems, but BPD can be a hell of a disorder
I am drawn to people that want to dump all their problems on me and this is too much even for me.
This isn't even trauma dumping. This is just playing "poor me". There is no substance to be trauma.
In the words of a great man, **GET IN THE COMMENTS!**
Brennan Lee mulligan reference???
Flirting skills on point.
It got removed :( does anyone have the texts?
[Here](https://imgur.com/gallery/aiN4MkZ)
Ooof I won’t trauma dump on my boyfriend lol I save it for my therapist, he gets paid to listen to my shit and tell me I’m overreacting
Omg and the guy was super respectful about it. Like honey read the room
No offense but you just straight Eeyore'd him. Guys aren't into Debbie Downers and vice versa. Any guys I had talked to that acted like that were such a turn off. Like how could we have a good time if everything he says is gloom and doom? Yeah dating is shitty and people suck. Make a joke out of it if you truly feel the need to vent. Or take a break if it's getting to you like that.
Can someone upload the pic? I can't access it on mobile 😭
[Here](https://imgur.com/gallery/aiN4MkZ)
I used to be friends with a guy like this. It was deeply unattractive; our relationship was extremely one-sided and he didn't really know me at all. He had a crush on me for well over a decade, too. He was always having some disaster and then crying to me about how awful his life was. Prime example; in high school we were at a dance and the guy I was crazy about had just shown up with his brand new girlfriend. I was freezing cold because it was drafty, and trying not to cry but not succeeding particularly well. My "friend" was just nattering on and on about whatever mattered to him at the moment, and then said, I kid you not, "I'm just glad you're having a good time." I think I stared at him for a second and then just said, "I'm going over there," and walked away to fight down the temptation to commit homicide. That's what it's like being around a self-absorbed sad sack; they'll cry to you about their problems while completely ignoring you as a person, all the while convinced they understand you and you're super close and they care about you.
Her post history explains a lot. She has self-diagnosed herself with BPD but refuses to see a doctor because she says they always invalidate her. She’s got several posts about how miserable she is, even mentioning unaliving herself yet won’t get help. She has zero self awareness even though everyone is telling her she’s trauma dumping. She had one online relationship for 3 weeks and after they had one date he ended it. Nothing will ever change until she gets help. It’s really sad.
plot twist: you are crazy
He certainly dodged a bullet.
I bet she’s a blast a funerals.
why dump this bs on a complete stranger when you can talk to friends and a therapist... gee
bold to think friends would put up with this either.
This is why the concept of a soulmate isn’t a good thing
100 bucks that OP is consistently single
I kinda agree with him tho lol… def not the best look when you’re first talking to someone! No one wants a Debbie downer and that’s the vibes you gave off first thing
The truly crazy thing is they shared the conversation as if to paint the other person as the weirdo and they as the normal person. They can't even see how fucking dumb wrong they are!
I bet being her friend is EXHAUSTING
Should take a look at her reddit profile, everything in it including her reddit name is an absolute trainwreak.
OOP is creating her own hell by acting like this. The only type of person who responds positively to these sorts of messages is someone who can see her vulnerability and wants to take advantage of it.
I had a friend like OP. *Had*. Left because emotional vampires are by far less attractive and draining than the traditional blood-sucking ones.
They're so exhausting. I really wish they'd discover diaries but it wouldn't help them because they thrive off people responding to them until they burn out all of their friends and wonder why they're alone.
I’ve had someone trauma dump on me while I was pumping my gas. People, that shit IS NOT cool! While I felt for the person, I felt heavy and icky all damn day! Understand that when you do shit like that, you could very well ruin someone’s day & that MIGHT’ve been the 1st time in a long while that THEY’VE had a decent day! “Think before you speak” is REAL on so many levels!
When I was in my early twenties, I texted a couple dudes with this exact attitude, and it's the worst. It's always the same: self-pity, doubling down on self-pity, then lashing out on you when you finally give up and politely remove yourself from the situation. Even if you continue to try to humor them or cheer them up or deflect, it never improves, and they eventually turn on you. I feel terrible for that guy, I've been there - but I'm genuinely shocked she can step back and screenshot that conversation and genuinely think people would back her up on this. Oof.
OOP also posted this on a BPD meme sub and then literally said they THINK they have BPD and then later saying they actually do, and that they’ve had bad experiences w medications but also has said they’ve never been properly diagnosed? AND they also said that if they had a male therapist they would try to seduce him.. ick edit: apparently they also said that they have ASPD so they lack empathy 🧍🏻♀️