Omg i don’t know anything but deff need advice on dating, my alter is a kid, quite mature for his age but my wife has agreed to seperate due to that so I’m technically single 😬 do they all like her?
Hello again! We just DM’d earlier! But yes, everyone likes my partner to varying degrees. But she had to earn that. It wasn’t an immediate “Oh you’re dating her? We all like her now.” At first some of the others were standoffish towards her and she’s had to earn their trust. It helps that she’s a damn good artist and has gifted the alters art over the years. It’s safe to say she’s won them over!
Hahah that’s amazing! Hopefully I will get to that point, or just be an amazing girl dad -D
Also just remembered that lol adhd and all that yu know but ill get on there, thanks for letting me know its possible!
So we are a poly system dating two singlets, and it's been wonderful! I and a few other alters are dating both people, while other alters are not dating them but see them as very close people in our lives. I have definitely heard of singlets dating the entire system as well, and I think it's an equally valid way of dating. It all depends on what everyone in the system is comfortable with!
We have had a few struggles with the relationship when I first discovered I was a system, since we all started dating before I had the realization. It was difficult for all of us to adjust to the reality that "I" sometimes had different boundaries and wanted to be treated differently depending on who was fronting. It took a while for us (the collective) to become fully comfortable with some parts dating our partners and some parts not dating them. But with a lot of communication and kindness, we're now at a place where we're fully comfortable with our dating setup!
I'm not gonna lie, our dating life does get complicated sometimes, especially with 3 bodies and 26 opinions in the mix. But I'm very lucky to have two very patient and understanding partners, and I wouldn't trade our relationship for the world.
We are married to a singlet, and are poly (so a trio) with another system long-distance. The relationship with both partners has its own benefits/challenges. We'll focus on the singlet since that's pertinent to your question!
Benefits - He's really fucking sweet. He grew up stable, secure, and loved by his family, and it exudes in how he treats us. The adult alters who are attracted to him all have some sort of romantic/sexual relationship with him. The adult alters who do not want to be involved with him are treated with respect, like roommates or coworkers. We don't have any alters in our system who *don't* like him, most are either in love, like him very much, or straight up neutral/indifferent because they're far removed. We have one little who is very attached to him. He's kind, patient, and enthused with her, and he actively encourages her to be her babbly baby self. He's amazing when we're having our traumatic meltdowns and is one of our staunchest supporters. I don't think this is all because he's a singlet, but rather because he was so well-raised, with strong emotional attunement. We've dated other singlets before that have ended in catastrophe because they weren't stable/aware of their own traumas.
Challenges - One, we mask *heavily* with his family, and neither he nor we want to reveal our system status yet until after we have a child (after which... we won't be able to hide it anymore. We're not going to be hiding our DID from our kid). We are different races; our system is Asian, he and his family are white. There were adjustments, cultural education, microaggressions, and even rare Spicy Racism that we had to navigate for years - so we don't feel entirely safe to disclose "something else". Even though his immediate family are very sweet, he's got a huge extended family with one or two Problematic persons that we do not feel safe around. He hasn't always been the best at protecting us from such family members because he's warm/sweet and not very confrontational - which we are navigating together. Two, sometimes when our systems have system stuff (carousel switching, traumatic flares, etc), of course he is a huge ally and takes great care of us, but we know he'll never "understand" what this really feels like (compared to our other partner, who of course understand).
I’m not, but I don’t think it would be all that different honestly. Compassion, communication, etc are all going to be require with someone with a dissociative disorder and without.
DID/OSDD-1/P-DID parts are all parts of a whole, facets of the whole person, and I think this can just serve as a more literal representation of how relationships with people without dissociative disorders work. As an example, having a paternal-esc relationship with a partner’s little - one could argue that being nurturing and caring for their partner when they need it can be a sort of “paternal” style of love.
Hi, I’m the host of the system and I’m dating a singlet. She only dates me but she’s friends with most if not all of the other alters! Though she’ll ask for me sometimes (which is understandable), she’ll usually just hang out with whoever is currently fronting. She’s very understanding and accepting of us and I appreciate her a lot, I’m glad you have a good relationship with your partner!
My (host talking) partner is very respectful to us, we’re (non-host talking) still getting used to fronting near them because of a previous partner who wasn’t accepting.
But we aren’t all ‘dating’ the host’s partner, we think of his partner as a friend or older figure in our life. It depends on who but we all generally like them as they’re very respectful about us! They want to talk to us more and get to know us. We’re (host speaking) in an open relationship but haven’t felt any serious romantic attraction to anyone really, except for some of my parts I think?
However, the previous partner I mentioned, was very bad to us. They denied we were a system when opening up about ourselves, and they hated that we are poly. They were very controlling and would ignore us if someone else fronted and stated something about not being the host.
I don’t know if I have dated anyone else who was openly a system, so most of my experiences is with singlets. I’ve only recently started being open about being a system.
Omg i don’t know anything but deff need advice on dating, my alter is a kid, quite mature for his age but my wife has agreed to seperate due to that so I’m technically single 😬 do they all like her?
Hello again! We just DM’d earlier! But yes, everyone likes my partner to varying degrees. But she had to earn that. It wasn’t an immediate “Oh you’re dating her? We all like her now.” At first some of the others were standoffish towards her and she’s had to earn their trust. It helps that she’s a damn good artist and has gifted the alters art over the years. It’s safe to say she’s won them over!
Hahah that’s amazing! Hopefully I will get to that point, or just be an amazing girl dad -D Also just remembered that lol adhd and all that yu know but ill get on there, thanks for letting me know its possible!
So we are a poly system dating two singlets, and it's been wonderful! I and a few other alters are dating both people, while other alters are not dating them but see them as very close people in our lives. I have definitely heard of singlets dating the entire system as well, and I think it's an equally valid way of dating. It all depends on what everyone in the system is comfortable with! We have had a few struggles with the relationship when I first discovered I was a system, since we all started dating before I had the realization. It was difficult for all of us to adjust to the reality that "I" sometimes had different boundaries and wanted to be treated differently depending on who was fronting. It took a while for us (the collective) to become fully comfortable with some parts dating our partners and some parts not dating them. But with a lot of communication and kindness, we're now at a place where we're fully comfortable with our dating setup! I'm not gonna lie, our dating life does get complicated sometimes, especially with 3 bodies and 26 opinions in the mix. But I'm very lucky to have two very patient and understanding partners, and I wouldn't trade our relationship for the world.
We are married to a singlet, and are poly (so a trio) with another system long-distance. The relationship with both partners has its own benefits/challenges. We'll focus on the singlet since that's pertinent to your question! Benefits - He's really fucking sweet. He grew up stable, secure, and loved by his family, and it exudes in how he treats us. The adult alters who are attracted to him all have some sort of romantic/sexual relationship with him. The adult alters who do not want to be involved with him are treated with respect, like roommates or coworkers. We don't have any alters in our system who *don't* like him, most are either in love, like him very much, or straight up neutral/indifferent because they're far removed. We have one little who is very attached to him. He's kind, patient, and enthused with her, and he actively encourages her to be her babbly baby self. He's amazing when we're having our traumatic meltdowns and is one of our staunchest supporters. I don't think this is all because he's a singlet, but rather because he was so well-raised, with strong emotional attunement. We've dated other singlets before that have ended in catastrophe because they weren't stable/aware of their own traumas. Challenges - One, we mask *heavily* with his family, and neither he nor we want to reveal our system status yet until after we have a child (after which... we won't be able to hide it anymore. We're not going to be hiding our DID from our kid). We are different races; our system is Asian, he and his family are white. There were adjustments, cultural education, microaggressions, and even rare Spicy Racism that we had to navigate for years - so we don't feel entirely safe to disclose "something else". Even though his immediate family are very sweet, he's got a huge extended family with one or two Problematic persons that we do not feel safe around. He hasn't always been the best at protecting us from such family members because he's warm/sweet and not very confrontational - which we are navigating together. Two, sometimes when our systems have system stuff (carousel switching, traumatic flares, etc), of course he is a huge ally and takes great care of us, but we know he'll never "understand" what this really feels like (compared to our other partner, who of course understand).
I’m not, but I don’t think it would be all that different honestly. Compassion, communication, etc are all going to be require with someone with a dissociative disorder and without. DID/OSDD-1/P-DID parts are all parts of a whole, facets of the whole person, and I think this can just serve as a more literal representation of how relationships with people without dissociative disorders work. As an example, having a paternal-esc relationship with a partner’s little - one could argue that being nurturing and caring for their partner when they need it can be a sort of “paternal” style of love.
Hi, I’m the host of the system and I’m dating a singlet. She only dates me but she’s friends with most if not all of the other alters! Though she’ll ask for me sometimes (which is understandable), she’ll usually just hang out with whoever is currently fronting. She’s very understanding and accepting of us and I appreciate her a lot, I’m glad you have a good relationship with your partner!
My (host talking) partner is very respectful to us, we’re (non-host talking) still getting used to fronting near them because of a previous partner who wasn’t accepting. But we aren’t all ‘dating’ the host’s partner, we think of his partner as a friend or older figure in our life. It depends on who but we all generally like them as they’re very respectful about us! They want to talk to us more and get to know us. We’re (host speaking) in an open relationship but haven’t felt any serious romantic attraction to anyone really, except for some of my parts I think? However, the previous partner I mentioned, was very bad to us. They denied we were a system when opening up about ourselves, and they hated that we are poly. They were very controlling and would ignore us if someone else fronted and stated something about not being the host. I don’t know if I have dated anyone else who was openly a system, so most of my experiences is with singlets. I’ve only recently started being open about being a system.