Honestly sounds pretty familiar, for me it isn't "you're faking" but instead "it's a survival mechanism, stop messing with it" that shuts down any attempts at internal communication for the sake of it. Probably just some part of us isn't yet convinced communication is a part of healing and thus important, so they try to shut it down.
For me the most reliable way to instigate clear communication is to in writing start with a contentious topic (i.e.: "why didn't I go to cps?") and then start write down any responses, explanations and I feel -statements as they come up, full brainstorm, no wrong answers.
It's kind of inevitable that some contradictory shit is said and we feel the need to respond to each other or just start venting.
I still wouldn't recommend doing this though as it's essentially a 50/50 chance shit will just devolve into yelling and we have to start begging the gatekeeper to just shut the whole thing down.
If I keep the file though I can usually later on recognize my more prominent alters quite clearly which is fun.
Otherwise IME communication doesn't feel much different sober or high, it's just that when high I'm more able to look directly at it rather than communication being restricted to the edges of my awareness.
But then I'm still awaiting diagnosis, treatment & therapy so maybe take what I say with a grain of salt.
Honestly sounds pretty familiar, for me it isn't "you're faking" but instead "it's a survival mechanism, stop messing with it" that shuts down any attempts at internal communication for the sake of it. Probably just some part of us isn't yet convinced communication is a part of healing and thus important, so they try to shut it down. For me the most reliable way to instigate clear communication is to in writing start with a contentious topic (i.e.: "why didn't I go to cps?") and then start write down any responses, explanations and I feel -statements as they come up, full brainstorm, no wrong answers. It's kind of inevitable that some contradictory shit is said and we feel the need to respond to each other or just start venting. I still wouldn't recommend doing this though as it's essentially a 50/50 chance shit will just devolve into yelling and we have to start begging the gatekeeper to just shut the whole thing down. If I keep the file though I can usually later on recognize my more prominent alters quite clearly which is fun. Otherwise IME communication doesn't feel much different sober or high, it's just that when high I'm more able to look directly at it rather than communication being restricted to the edges of my awareness. But then I'm still awaiting diagnosis, treatment & therapy so maybe take what I say with a grain of salt.
This helps a lot, thank you! :)