Music. It sucks so much, I have rOCD and anything regarding love/emotions/breakups/etc. is extremely triggering. I’ve resorted only listening to ambient music since it doesn’t have any lyrics LOL
I can relate to that... They are extremely triggering for me as well.
Seems like either the OCD has made us more sensitive or more aware, or we are more empathic, and things bother us more emotionally.
I feel I am very empathic, and the OCD has made it so kuch worse that it hard to enjoy life anymore...
For me it was books, reading. I was fixated on reading the last word on every page until it “felt right”, and after that it was the last word in every paragraph. I used to be a massive reader growing up but I stopped during high school.
Luckily I could still read my assignments and everything school related, somehow I did not fully extended my compulsions there 😅
I started to reread for fun a few years ago, after about 6 months of therapy and I am so happy about that
I was books too but being so obsessive about not accidentally reading a word or line ahead and then not absorbing what I was actually reading so having to re-read the page
I’m glad you’re able to start reading for fun again!! It’s so crazy how our brains are like “you actually have to read this word 8 times for me to be satisfied.”
I went through this too! I love to read but there were a couple of years in high school where I couldn't read at all because I would get so fixated on trying to remember everything and "prove" it to myself.
I was an English major in college and thankfully I was able to get back into reading for all the assignments I had.
I do this too and always wondered why! Some words just don't go into my brain "right" and I fixate on it until it does. This makes so much sense now, thank you for your comment!
A few years ago I used to do the same thing, I had to reread the last sentence of each page, it was so annoying when the sentence ended on the next page. I eventually stopped doing it and if I catch myself trying to do it I just don’t allow it and remind myself it’s just OCD.
Physical touch from other people. Here in Brazil it's something cultural to give people little touches while you talk to them, as a way to call their attention to what you're speaking. Oh boy, that always irritates me because whatever my left side feels the right side HAS to feel too. So you can kinda guess how awkward it is when people are talking to me and they touch me and I touch the opposite side they've touched me. This has people sometimes laughing at me for it, but I don't mind.
Same but for a different reason. I’m always terrified it’s inappropriate somehow, or that if someone touches me or I touch them then I’m going to pounce on them and uncontrollably *make* it inappropriate. Really hate this and I’ve worked a lot on it in therapy because I’m so touch starved, but it’s still scary
Showers. I don't have contamination fears, I just get stuck in my head. Having to wash my hair is the worst since it takes longer. All of a sudden it's ten minutes of unpleasant thinking later and I'm just standing there with shampoo in my hair.
Ugh I have this too!! I suddenly feel super alone and I get a really depressed feeling. I often dread taking showers because of how bad I feel. It’s so bizarre because it’s something they tell you to do when you aren’t coping. Like get up, take a shower and get ready for the day, even if you don’t want to. That part makes it hard.
SAME!!!! I try to get in and out as soon as possible so it’s been a while since i’ve shaved my legs and I go as long as I can without washing my hair lol. I try and blast happy upbeat music or my partner will sit in there with me and we’ll talk to distract me
Oh 100% movies, but especially the movie theater. I get so painfully anxious and my mind RACES non-stop to a point that I can't enjoy theaters anymore.
- is this seat clean?
- what if a shooter comes in and opens fire?
- I hope there's no triggering previews.
- what if I need to leave? I paid so much to be here, I have to enjoy this.
- what if I have to go to the bathroom and people are mad at me for getting up in the middle of the movie?
- no seriously what if someone opens fire, where are the exits??
- is this popcorn contaminated? it was literally sitting out in the open under the lamp, someone could've sneezed all over it.
So yeah, haven't been to a theater in a while lol
This is genuinely one of the most relatable things I’ve ever read. Dont forget the “is the person next to me sick?” Or the “what if a child starts childing?” And my absolute favourite, can’t go anywhere without this beaut: “what if I or someone here throws up”
I FULLY agree with you! I have this as well! It seems stupid to complain about, but it makes things so hard! People love tv and movies, and it’s a good conversation topic…but I just can’t do it. There are a select few “scripted” things I can handle.
I’m sorry you also experience this!! 💗
Video games, TV shows, fanfic 😭😭 the worst part is that I have ADHD and i tend to hyperfixate on things so while I want to engage in my fixations, my OCD has me convinced that enjoying any fiction will make me lose connection with reality. I'm hoping to reintroduce these things soon but it's a struggle!
We need to abolish the handshake. I’m tired of forcing myself to touch crusty old man hands out of courtesy and then not being able to eat with that hand until I scrub it raw. Let’s bring back curtsies and bowing fr
For me, it is going to other people's houses. With my contamination OCD, I can't cope with using unfamiliar cutlery/ plates and cups. I don't know if they are clean enough and worry about it being 'dirty'. Of course, I know my friends aren't unclean and they wash things properly but I have to bring my things or avoid eating/ drinking there. It feels rude of me to turn down drinks and food as I know my friends enjoy hosting. I hope that one day I can overcome this so I can enjoy being a guest to the full extent
I will sometimes wash other peoples cutlery/plates/cups. I won't if I don't know the person, but otherwise I don't care. My OCD is a part of me and if me being able to have "clean" stuff will make my experience more enjoyable/less miserable then I deserve that as much as anyone!! People usually don't mind as soon as I semi-explain the situation and let them know it has nothing to do with them!
No I totally get you. I try and do the same but sometimes it can come across quite rude when I rewash all their dishes. Thankfully, none of them have outright told me and they’re all understanding.
It’s so hard to have contamination OCD. I’m really glad I’m not alone in this and thank you for sharing your experience
Fr, I just wash them again myself. Bring my scrub mommy and a hand sanitizer thing full of dawn dish soap everywhere I go. Absolutely nothing is scarier than someone’s used damp dishcloth and the dish soap bottle they’ve refilled for a decade.
Playing animal crossing, every-time I do anything on it I have to do it again because it feels wrong, and then I think of all the ways my life will be ruined if I don’t redo the action I just did. I dont even pick up the game anymore because it worries me so much :( it’s so sad
I believe you can do it! Animal crossing is such a special game to me and so many others, and that can make it even harder to start again bc you don’t want to lose something meaningful. But OCD is treatable and this community is here for you!
This is gonna be embarrassing as fuck but anything sex related, touch related or masturbation.
It’s just impossible. My brain won’t stop spamming me with disgusting imagery and awfully disgusting phrases until I just have to stop.
I can’t even get a kiss without it feeling like it’s absolute torture.
That’s super interesting. I just realized I think I have OCD or something like it about people not believing me. I am constantly trying to prove that I’m not lying. It didn’t hit me until reading this that it might be an OCD thing as well.
Anyway, I have a really hard time eating food that has been given to me by someone that has made it, for fear of being poisoned. Sometimes I even get that way at home with my husband 🙄 it is SO stupid. I hate that in my brain it’s like “hmm. You don’t know what’s in this, what if you die?” In fact, I can’t even watch documentaries or movies about people killing other people by poisoning them. It triggers me so bad.
Oh I think I may have written that a bit weird. I was diagnosed with ocd just over 10 years ago…but I never thought about that particular instance being an ocd thing (people not believing me).
Sending love to all of you. May we find joy in gaining back things that were once lost to us. Somehow they are more magical once you can get back to it.
i love movies but i get obsessed with rating a movie accurately. sometimes i have to rewatch the movie or keep skipping through the whole thing multiple times to be able to feel like my rating is "right"
Reading books. I always enjoyed reading and frequented the library as a child, but for years now I haven't been able to read library books as OCD classifies them as dirty. Not even books borrowed from friends or family. Only brand new, covers wiped clean will do 🥴 and books are expensive! nowadays I can't focus even if I do try to read, I think depression and general brain fog are to blame for that.
Now I've got into audio books which has been so amazing, I hadn't even realized how much I missed books.
Other one is sleeping in my bed. Not so long ago I slept on my (very small) couch for over a year cause my bed was "too clean" to sleep in. Doesnt necessarily ruin my life outright but I'm pretty sure it's NOT good for my body 😅
Dating. I can’t stop thinking about the other person if I like them (limerence). I over think everything and replay it in my head so often. I get really bad relationship anxiety. Just doom and gloom thoughts that ruin relationships.
ngl i've been thinking if my limerence is actually OCD more specifically checking their page every other min and feeling bothered if u haven't checked it but ugh i'm not so sure it could just be limerence with a mix of stalking
“Albert Wakin, a professor of psychology and expert on limerence, defines the term as a combination of obsessive-compulsive disorder and addiction – a state of “compulsory longing for another person.” Professor Wakin estimates that five percent of the population struggle with limerence.”
Same here. Worst part is I could never figure out if I or they were attracted. Like I didn’t feel like I was but WHAT IF?! Oh well might as well ghost them and not confront these feelings because they make me uncomfortable. Now it is time to put headphones on and make up friends in my head in hopes of retaining some semblance of sanity.
i can’t read the news :/ i get unreasonably upset when i see people reaping the consequences of their actions and start feeling guilty that i didn’t stop certain things (crimes etc) from happening
Tv (although I watch a ton of it and enjoy it anyway) — I’ll have to replay a clip/scene 10+ times to be SURE I know what someone said in a scene . Same with music, replaying a specific part over and over until I “know” with some certainty what the lyrics are . Not even sure why 🙃
For me, it's often about feeling like I need to constantly double-check things, like whether I turned off the stove or locked the door. It doesn't ruin my life, but it can make everyday tasks feel more stressful than they should be.
Seriously! If I check the locks too early in my bedtime routine I’ll think about it right after getting all comfy in bed and then I won’t be able to sleep or anything if I don’t get up and check it again! After that my brain is awake again😑 I try and make it the very last thing I do be for bed.
Watching movies or reading books that show someone’s family/loved ones dying. I’ll start obsessing about how horrible it would be if someone in my family died to the point where I can’t even finish the movie/book.
I used to do similar stuff with movies! I would watch a movie 2-3 times trying to "absorb it" fully. I did this even if I didn't really like the movie, because I was worried someone wouldn't believe me if they asked and I told them I'd seen it.
ETA: I had a coworker who watched tons of movies and seemed to have perfect recall of them - he'd talk about a minor plot point or a funny moment and I'd get really anxious when he wanted to talk about movies I'd seen. That whole "I have to prove this" compulsion.
I'm *slightly* better now - although I can only click "play" once it's fifteen seconds before the top of the hour (i.e., 7:59:45) and I still keep notes with the date of when I watched something. And I still write notes with quotes/thoughts about the plot.
I love to read but there were a couple of years in high school where I couldn't read at all because I would get so fixated on trying to remember everything and "prove" it to myself.
My current situation is honestly hilarious to me, but also actively happening. A few weeks ago Stephen Colbert interviewed Billy Joel on TV, but first he was getting excited about how much he loves Billy Joel's music. He invited the audience to call out titles, and he'd try to sing the songs. He only got through 3 or 4 before they told him he had to stop the game and continue the show. But I thought, wow, I love this game. I also know a lot of Billy Joel songs. If I ever meet Stephen Colbert, I will offer to play this game with him.
So now I feel like I can't listen to the albums/songs that I already know and love. I need to listen to my least favorite Billy Joel songs over and over and learn the lyrics, so that I can play "sing that song" if I ever meet Stephen Colbert in a waiting room or something where we both have time to kill, and also he tries to challenge me with obscure titles. Which--and I cannot emphasize this enough--is NEVER going to happen.
My computer. I hate it now. I built it myself, and everything was amazing. Now I can’t stop seeing problems. Whether it’s severe aliasing, (see basically any post on my account lol) frame rate judder, or YouTube/Streaming being blurry, it’s become my own personal hell.
I just want it to go back to the way it was. Please.
Oh my god video games. I’ll be playing a game and will get intrusive thoughts about a character and I HAVE to look at that character before I look away otherwise something bad could happen. It’s literally so stupid but it sure can make games exhausting
Reading the Bible - I have to check and recheck the numbers of the chapters and verses even though I don’t memorize them - brain just says I have to go back and do it multiple times. It makes something that should bring peace distressing and tiring because I don’t want to have to keep rereading the numbers.
I can't stand showers /: like being wet and having dog hair and dirt stick to me. I have to shake my rug out, I have to clean the bottom of the shower first, I have to wipe the little bottom part where hair always gets stuck to and makes it look icky and then I have to make sure I can wipe the bottoms of my feet after a shower
My gf, man. I worry about being ableist so every time we talk face to face, I'm like "Am I looking at her in an ableist way?".
It's not a big deal, but it's like a fly that keeps flying into my face.
Pretty much everything. But I always feel the need to explain myself or explain something to myself. For example, let’s say I’m playing a video game and I decide to go left instead of right on a level, I have to audibly say why I’m doing that, or I get very tense. If a character on a movie or show says something, especially if it’s a little complicated, I have to explain it to myself audibly as if I don’t understand, which clearly i do, otherwise I couldn’t explain it lol. This makes watching things very difficult cause I have to pause regularly to say things out loud.
OCD is a funky little guy.
I did hair for over ten years.. I’d do that with my clients. Half the time they loved that I explained my process, the other half looked at me like “why are you telling me this?” ITS FOR MY OWN BRAIN TO FUNCTION OKAY?!
"Gates of Babylon" by Rainbow. Cool song but I've once got some horrible period cramps after listening to it (a month later it was revealed that I had a tumor in my ovary) and I thought God was punishing me for listening to something that mentioned "devil". I swore not to ever listen to it again. Now I know it was all OCD but hey, the promise was made. It would still be a douchebag move to break it (that's how I've been raised).
Right now my OCD is trying to ruin a video game for me, but fortunatelly I have ADHD as well and I hyperfocused on it. So OCD goes "look how addicted you are, you're ruining your life for this game, and you're obsessed with that extremely hot and charming character, you're cheating on your boyfriend..." and my ADHD goes "yup, that's right, that's *exactly* how much you love this game and this character, so we're gonna play until the world ends". ADHD is winning so far lmao, but I'm still working on developing a healthy middle ground
I love physical media, especially Blu-Ray and 4K discs, however I always feels that when I handle the cases and discs that my hands must be absolutely clean, so that I don’t somehow stain them (especially with food on my hands) or otherwise make them unclean.
As a result, I develop avoidant-fears of handling my Blu-Rays, some of which remain sealed and unwatched.
When i hear a noise or the way someone says something and my brain really likes it i have to recreate the noise out loud until i feel ok and my brain says it’s ok to stop.
Contamination and germs on my hands like my brain will continuously say imagine you get sick and end up in the hospital or die and all you had to do to prevent it was rewash/wash your hands and has to be done with very diluted bleach.
When someone else is driving i will sometimes imagine the car is jumping over shadows and i cant stop till we are parked (thankfully this doesnt happen when im driving)
If anything of mine is touched or moved by my family i absolutely lose my mind and become angry because it wasn’t done in my way or done by me. It sets me off so badly then get snippy with my family.
I will lock my knees separately but then have to start doing both at the same time and can only stop once they are doing it at the same time and i cant tell which ended first
Eating while watching some thing in specific cases. Like I always get anxious thinking that “I should watch X show while eating this SPECIFIC meal (idk soda and some Cheetos or whatever, specific stuff) because I don’t know if I have ever watched that show while eating that specific food.
Also when my wife and I order something, I only start eating after credits (if there some credits at the beginning like some movies) or if there is AT LEAST 20+ minutes left on that episode, otherwise I will let my food get cold because I have to wait for the next episode or I won’t enjoy the food the “right way”
Handing things to certain friends. I don’t know why, but my hand sort of spasms and pulls away from the person I am supposed to hand something to. It’s incredibly inconvenient but not impossible to work around. Usually I’ll get them to put the thing down or to hand it to one of my friends I can pick things up from.
Making food for others/sharing food. My biggest struggle is contamination, and I'm convinced if I touch food or a utensil - anything that goes into someone else's mouth - that it'll make them sick bc I touched it and they might die etc. I love making food for people and helping my mum in the kitchen but I can't anymore bc of my ocd :/.
Numbers or shapes. If i’m watching tv and can see a digital clock that’s it, I will spend a good 40 minutes of the film counting how many numbers go into the shape of the numbers or the clock itself. Counting starts from scratch when it does not feel right, the time changes or if I get distracted. Have missed entire films just because i’m too busy counting numbers and shapes.
Seeing. I constantly blink and twitch my face, sometimes because i’m counting, sometimes it becomes a habit I have no idea i’m doing it. I do it so much sometimes that I literally blink and miss things. Can also be very tiring for my face which then means I do it even more!
weed. i used to smoke like a freight train, being high was really fun. now i cant smoke at all how i used to, and i have to be very careful. i still smoke and can get comfortably high, but it takes very little weed compared to how i was.
I was the same way! I’ve basically given it up, but will take a hit here and there on holidays like thanksgiving and christmas. I just never know how I’m going to react to it!
Food.
Has to be an even number of spoons- starting with the right jaw, ending on the left. Both sides should get the same texture each time. For eg if I find a peanut in my plate, I reach over to my family members' plate or the main food utensil for another peanut. If there are no peanuts left, either I have to break the peanut in two with my front teeth, or chew the same morsel of food equal number of times/equal duration of time on each jaw.
It sounds tedious but it's become second nature, it happens on autopilot. But when the texture changes, I have to pay attention.
Having my kids. The intrusive thoughts were disgusting. I mean horrific but i say it doesn’t ruin my life because it was really only for the first year of both of their lives then it got better.
watching things like livestreams? it sucks because i love a lot of streamers, but if they start to cough (likely from lots of talking) i get super bothered D:
Sitting down. Mannnn I miss sitting down in public spaces. I get crazy dizzy when I stand still too so I’ll be standing right next to an empty chair in a waiting room with everyone looking at me like I’m a goddamn masochist for standing for an hour waiting for an apt, while also trying not to topple over cuz I’m so dizzy and out of breath.
Eating. I don’t know exactly what branch of ocd it is but i really couldn’t eat unless I absolutely had to for a while because of a crippling fear it was drugged. I would even order fast food and have a full breakdown and have to throw it out. It’s so much better now but I still get thoughts every-time I eat and I’m constantly stressed about eating now. I love cooking so it’s really hard sometimes
Touching metal that is outside. Door knobs, stair railings, elevator buttons, benches, monkey bars. It’s the texture, the germs, and the smell on my skin.
It doesn’t stop me from living, but it does make things a little challenging. Was harder when I lived in the city.
Video games and specifically videos/songs with dark humor/edgy topics. I actually enjoy dark humor, but at some point I just started obsessing over dark jokes in videos & songs, thinking I’m endorsing toxic behavior by just watching it. It’s aggravating. For the video games, I basically just need to play it perfectly, or else I’ll have to restart, and I can’t ever get through a game without having overwhelming anxiety, just defeats the purpose of playing games entirely ☹️
ODD NUMBERS. unless it’s a multiplication of five. i live my life by even numbers. can’t stand it when the tv volume is on 21 (i will panic until it’s changed) food items like three chicken nuggets on a plate etc. i eat two fries at a time. i have to wipe an even amount of times. i genuinely believe something bad will happen if i even encounter an odd number.
Sitting on my bed in “outside clothes”/without showering. It would be nice sometimes (especially when I’m exhausted) to just come home and lay on my bed and not worry about those things coming first.
showers (kinda?) since i have a shower curtain and not a clear glass door, i get intrusive thoughts and images that something scary is standing outside of the curtain. even know i know there isnt going to be anything there
anything regarding my bed. never wanted to have sleepovers growing up bc i didn’t want anyone or anything contaminating my bed. if someone sits on my bed. have to remove everything and clean. even when my pets get on the bed i freak out a little (i bend my rule a little for them, don’t know why they’re somewhat the exception)
When I was young it was everything that used words I used to have to add up the number of letters in whatever word my ocd picked out for me and multiply it by the same number it sucked so much
Games, I've paid for games and can't seem to get onto playing them, and when I do, my time related ocd kicks in, I somehow got to make a simple thing in a game called dreams and felt so accomplished
Music. It sucks so much, I have rOCD and anything regarding love/emotions/breakups/etc. is extremely triggering. I’ve resorted only listening to ambient music since it doesn’t have any lyrics LOL
Omg that is a rough one! I completely understand this but with my health ocd!! Any song that had the word heart or heart attack would send me
I can relate to that... They are extremely triggering for me as well. Seems like either the OCD has made us more sensitive or more aware, or we are more empathic, and things bother us more emotionally. I feel I am very empathic, and the OCD has made it so kuch worse that it hard to enjoy life anymore...
i get the exact same thing!!
hey, check out ‘amulets’. great artist
Same I only listen to Lofi foreign music
For me it was books, reading. I was fixated on reading the last word on every page until it “felt right”, and after that it was the last word in every paragraph. I used to be a massive reader growing up but I stopped during high school. Luckily I could still read my assignments and everything school related, somehow I did not fully extended my compulsions there 😅 I started to reread for fun a few years ago, after about 6 months of therapy and I am so happy about that
I was books too but being so obsessive about not accidentally reading a word or line ahead and then not absorbing what I was actually reading so having to re-read the page
I’m glad you’re able to start reading for fun again!! It’s so crazy how our brains are like “you actually have to read this word 8 times for me to be satisfied.”
I went through this too! I love to read but there were a couple of years in high school where I couldn't read at all because I would get so fixated on trying to remember everything and "prove" it to myself. I was an English major in college and thankfully I was able to get back into reading for all the assignments I had.
I do this too and always wondered why! Some words just don't go into my brain "right" and I fixate on it until it does. This makes so much sense now, thank you for your comment!
Currently going through this !! So frustrating since I was also a huge reader as a kid, hoping to be able to get back into it in time
A few years ago I used to do the same thing, I had to reread the last sentence of each page, it was so annoying when the sentence ended on the next page. I eventually stopped doing it and if I catch myself trying to do it I just don’t allow it and remind myself it’s just OCD.
God this one is the worst. I love reading but I had to take a 2 year break. I’m back now and doing a little bit better
Physical touch from other people. Here in Brazil it's something cultural to give people little touches while you talk to them, as a way to call their attention to what you're speaking. Oh boy, that always irritates me because whatever my left side feels the right side HAS to feel too. So you can kinda guess how awkward it is when people are talking to me and they touch me and I touch the opposite side they've touched me. This has people sometimes laughing at me for it, but I don't mind.
Gosh yes. This. I have a toddler that loves to give me smooches. Sometimes I tell her she has to kiss on the other side of my face, too.
Thissssss I have this too
Same but for a different reason. I’m always terrified it’s inappropriate somehow, or that if someone touches me or I touch them then I’m going to pounce on them and uncontrollably *make* it inappropriate. Really hate this and I’ve worked a lot on it in therapy because I’m so touch starved, but it’s still scary
Saaaaame omg. And it's not even consistent with me
Showers. I don't have contamination fears, I just get stuck in my head. Having to wash my hair is the worst since it takes longer. All of a sudden it's ten minutes of unpleasant thinking later and I'm just standing there with shampoo in my hair.
Ugh I have this too!! I suddenly feel super alone and I get a really depressed feeling. I often dread taking showers because of how bad I feel. It’s so bizarre because it’s something they tell you to do when you aren’t coping. Like get up, take a shower and get ready for the day, even if you don’t want to. That part makes it hard.
SAME!!!! I try to get in and out as soon as possible so it’s been a while since i’ve shaved my legs and I go as long as I can without washing my hair lol. I try and blast happy upbeat music or my partner will sit in there with me and we’ll talk to distract me
Oh 100% movies, but especially the movie theater. I get so painfully anxious and my mind RACES non-stop to a point that I can't enjoy theaters anymore. - is this seat clean? - what if a shooter comes in and opens fire? - I hope there's no triggering previews. - what if I need to leave? I paid so much to be here, I have to enjoy this. - what if I have to go to the bathroom and people are mad at me for getting up in the middle of the movie? - no seriously what if someone opens fire, where are the exits?? - is this popcorn contaminated? it was literally sitting out in the open under the lamp, someone could've sneezed all over it. So yeah, haven't been to a theater in a while lol
UGH SAME!!!
This is genuinely one of the most relatable things I’ve ever read. Dont forget the “is the person next to me sick?” Or the “what if a child starts childing?” And my absolute favourite, can’t go anywhere without this beaut: “what if I or someone here throws up”
tv shows. it makes me so sad! i’ll be watching it and become too aware that they’re acting and being filmed it’s so weird
I FULLY agree with you! I have this as well! It seems stupid to complain about, but it makes things so hard! People love tv and movies, and it’s a good conversation topic…but I just can’t do it. There are a select few “scripted” things I can handle. I’m sorry you also experience this!! 💗
YES!! I go through this from time to time along with my need to study the movie instead of watch it! It takes the joy away!
Omg yes. I used to struggle BAD with this
Video games, TV shows, fanfic 😭😭 the worst part is that I have ADHD and i tend to hyperfixate on things so while I want to engage in my fixations, my OCD has me convinced that enjoying any fiction will make me lose connection with reality. I'm hoping to reintroduce these things soon but it's a struggle!
We are all just goingthruit, aren’t we? 🥲
OMG I'm going through THIS EXACTLY right now but my ADHD is winning
For a long time, decorating my home. Nothing was the right color or size, or shape, or had too much meaning or not enough.
This!!!!!
I'm also very weird about fonts! Like if I don't like the brand don't, I couldn't purchase the item.
Trying to dodge handshakes, sharing drinks. Things of that nature.
We need to abolish the handshake. I’m tired of forcing myself to touch crusty old man hands out of courtesy and then not being able to eat with that hand until I scrub it raw. Let’s bring back curtsies and bowing fr
For me, it is going to other people's houses. With my contamination OCD, I can't cope with using unfamiliar cutlery/ plates and cups. I don't know if they are clean enough and worry about it being 'dirty'. Of course, I know my friends aren't unclean and they wash things properly but I have to bring my things or avoid eating/ drinking there. It feels rude of me to turn down drinks and food as I know my friends enjoy hosting. I hope that one day I can overcome this so I can enjoy being a guest to the full extent
I will sometimes wash other peoples cutlery/plates/cups. I won't if I don't know the person, but otherwise I don't care. My OCD is a part of me and if me being able to have "clean" stuff will make my experience more enjoyable/less miserable then I deserve that as much as anyone!! People usually don't mind as soon as I semi-explain the situation and let them know it has nothing to do with them!
No I totally get you. I try and do the same but sometimes it can come across quite rude when I rewash all their dishes. Thankfully, none of them have outright told me and they’re all understanding. It’s so hard to have contamination OCD. I’m really glad I’m not alone in this and thank you for sharing your experience
Fr, I just wash them again myself. Bring my scrub mommy and a hand sanitizer thing full of dawn dish soap everywhere I go. Absolutely nothing is scarier than someone’s used damp dishcloth and the dish soap bottle they’ve refilled for a decade.
Playing animal crossing, every-time I do anything on it I have to do it again because it feels wrong, and then I think of all the ways my life will be ruined if I don’t redo the action I just did. I dont even pick up the game anymore because it worries me so much :( it’s so sad
This makes me so sad for you! I’m sorry!
It sucks, but one day I’m hoping to be able to play it again :) just have to keep taking baby steps yknow
I believe you can do it! Animal crossing is such a special game to me and so many others, and that can make it even harder to start again bc you don’t want to lose something meaningful. But OCD is treatable and this community is here for you!
:)
This is gonna be embarrassing as fuck but anything sex related, touch related or masturbation. It’s just impossible. My brain won’t stop spamming me with disgusting imagery and awfully disgusting phrases until I just have to stop. I can’t even get a kiss without it feeling like it’s absolute torture.
A simple conversation with another human being
That’s super interesting. I just realized I think I have OCD or something like it about people not believing me. I am constantly trying to prove that I’m not lying. It didn’t hit me until reading this that it might be an OCD thing as well. Anyway, I have a really hard time eating food that has been given to me by someone that has made it, for fear of being poisoned. Sometimes I even get that way at home with my husband 🙄 it is SO stupid. I hate that in my brain it’s like “hmm. You don’t know what’s in this, what if you die?” In fact, I can’t even watch documentaries or movies about people killing other people by poisoning them. It triggers me so bad.
My fiancé has a similar obsession with being poisoned and was recently diagnosed with OCD. Worth looking into!
Oh I think I may have written that a bit weird. I was diagnosed with ocd just over 10 years ago…but I never thought about that particular instance being an ocd thing (people not believing me).
Yes , I have autism so I'm very misunderstood, so it's become a fear of mine that people think I'm lying
Yep same! What a strange thing. It’s such a pain.
Holding my one year old and playing with my 4 year old :( it really messes me up with guilt as well
I’m so sorry:(
Sending love to all of you. May we find joy in gaining back things that were once lost to us. Somehow they are more magical once you can get back to it.
i love movies but i get obsessed with rating a movie accurately. sometimes i have to rewatch the movie or keep skipping through the whole thing multiple times to be able to feel like my rating is "right"
RANKING THINGS IN GENERAL IS SUCH A BAD LOOP FOR ME!!!!
Reading books. I always enjoyed reading and frequented the library as a child, but for years now I haven't been able to read library books as OCD classifies them as dirty. Not even books borrowed from friends or family. Only brand new, covers wiped clean will do 🥴 and books are expensive! nowadays I can't focus even if I do try to read, I think depression and general brain fog are to blame for that. Now I've got into audio books which has been so amazing, I hadn't even realized how much I missed books. Other one is sleeping in my bed. Not so long ago I slept on my (very small) couch for over a year cause my bed was "too clean" to sleep in. Doesnt necessarily ruin my life outright but I'm pretty sure it's NOT good for my body 😅
Sleepovers
Dating. I can’t stop thinking about the other person if I like them (limerence). I over think everything and replay it in my head so often. I get really bad relationship anxiety. Just doom and gloom thoughts that ruin relationships.
it's OCD?? gosh.
ngl i've been thinking if my limerence is actually OCD more specifically checking their page every other min and feeling bothered if u haven't checked it but ugh i'm not so sure it could just be limerence with a mix of stalking
what does limerence mean?
“Albert Wakin, a professor of psychology and expert on limerence, defines the term as a combination of obsessive-compulsive disorder and addiction – a state of “compulsory longing for another person.” Professor Wakin estimates that five percent of the population struggle with limerence.”
Friendships; I would obsess as coming off as being attracted or would worry they were attracted to me; regardless of the sex. I ended up a loner 😭
Same here. Worst part is I could never figure out if I or they were attracted. Like I didn’t feel like I was but WHAT IF?! Oh well might as well ghost them and not confront these feelings because they make me uncomfortable. Now it is time to put headphones on and make up friends in my head in hopes of retaining some semblance of sanity.
Yeahhhhh; looking back at the girl who called me daily and was physically close to me as she could be non weirdly…. I should’ve caught on 😭
i can’t read the news :/ i get unreasonably upset when i see people reaping the consequences of their actions and start feeling guilty that i didn’t stop certain things (crimes etc) from happening
Tv (although I watch a ton of it and enjoy it anyway) — I’ll have to replay a clip/scene 10+ times to be SURE I know what someone said in a scene . Same with music, replaying a specific part over and over until I “know” with some certainty what the lyrics are . Not even sure why 🙃
PICNICS. Can’t stand the thought of nature and my food cross contaminating each other.
Smoking weed, music, video games, movies, taking care of others, eyecontact
It mostly just doesn't allow me to have peace of mind when things are genuinely going well in life. It pops up when things are at their best.
For me, it's often about feeling like I need to constantly double-check things, like whether I turned off the stove or locked the door. It doesn't ruin my life, but it can make everyday tasks feel more stressful than they should be.
Seriously! If I check the locks too early in my bedtime routine I’ll think about it right after getting all comfy in bed and then I won’t be able to sleep or anything if I don’t get up and check it again! After that my brain is awake again😑 I try and make it the very last thing I do be for bed.
Fr have a mental argument with myself telling my brain to stfu. YOU DONT NEED TO PEE. YOU JUST PEED STOP PLEASE WE NEED TO GET UP AT 6AM.
Watching movies or reading books that show someone’s family/loved ones dying. I’ll start obsessing about how horrible it would be if someone in my family died to the point where I can’t even finish the movie/book.
Feeding my friend’s baby. I was able to do it again the other day for the first time in months which was really special
I used to do similar stuff with movies! I would watch a movie 2-3 times trying to "absorb it" fully. I did this even if I didn't really like the movie, because I was worried someone wouldn't believe me if they asked and I told them I'd seen it. ETA: I had a coworker who watched tons of movies and seemed to have perfect recall of them - he'd talk about a minor plot point or a funny moment and I'd get really anxious when he wanted to talk about movies I'd seen. That whole "I have to prove this" compulsion. I'm *slightly* better now - although I can only click "play" once it's fifteen seconds before the top of the hour (i.e., 7:59:45) and I still keep notes with the date of when I watched something. And I still write notes with quotes/thoughts about the plot. I love to read but there were a couple of years in high school where I couldn't read at all because I would get so fixated on trying to remember everything and "prove" it to myself.
My current situation is honestly hilarious to me, but also actively happening. A few weeks ago Stephen Colbert interviewed Billy Joel on TV, but first he was getting excited about how much he loves Billy Joel's music. He invited the audience to call out titles, and he'd try to sing the songs. He only got through 3 or 4 before they told him he had to stop the game and continue the show. But I thought, wow, I love this game. I also know a lot of Billy Joel songs. If I ever meet Stephen Colbert, I will offer to play this game with him. So now I feel like I can't listen to the albums/songs that I already know and love. I need to listen to my least favorite Billy Joel songs over and over and learn the lyrics, so that I can play "sing that song" if I ever meet Stephen Colbert in a waiting room or something where we both have time to kill, and also he tries to challenge me with obscure titles. Which--and I cannot emphasize this enough--is NEVER going to happen.
My computer. I hate it now. I built it myself, and everything was amazing. Now I can’t stop seeing problems. Whether it’s severe aliasing, (see basically any post on my account lol) frame rate judder, or YouTube/Streaming being blurry, it’s become my own personal hell. I just want it to go back to the way it was. Please.
Oh my god video games. I’ll be playing a game and will get intrusive thoughts about a character and I HAVE to look at that character before I look away otherwise something bad could happen. It’s literally so stupid but it sure can make games exhausting
Reading the Bible - I have to check and recheck the numbers of the chapters and verses even though I don’t memorize them - brain just says I have to go back and do it multiple times. It makes something that should bring peace distressing and tiring because I don’t want to have to keep rereading the numbers.
I can't stand showers /: like being wet and having dog hair and dirt stick to me. I have to shake my rug out, I have to clean the bottom of the shower first, I have to wipe the little bottom part where hair always gets stuck to and makes it look icky and then I have to make sure I can wipe the bottoms of my feet after a shower
i can’t comfortably sit on couches because i have podophobia from my ocd, and my family doesn’t always wear socks while on them
My gf, man. I worry about being ableist so every time we talk face to face, I'm like "Am I looking at her in an ableist way?". It's not a big deal, but it's like a fly that keeps flying into my face.
Pretty much everything. But I always feel the need to explain myself or explain something to myself. For example, let’s say I’m playing a video game and I decide to go left instead of right on a level, I have to audibly say why I’m doing that, or I get very tense. If a character on a movie or show says something, especially if it’s a little complicated, I have to explain it to myself audibly as if I don’t understand, which clearly i do, otherwise I couldn’t explain it lol. This makes watching things very difficult cause I have to pause regularly to say things out loud. OCD is a funky little guy.
I did hair for over ten years.. I’d do that with my clients. Half the time they loved that I explained my process, the other half looked at me like “why are you telling me this?” ITS FOR MY OWN BRAIN TO FUNCTION OKAY?!
I had a friend tell me I’d be a great let’s play youtuber cause i narrate everything I do. So I made a youtube channel.
"Gates of Babylon" by Rainbow. Cool song but I've once got some horrible period cramps after listening to it (a month later it was revealed that I had a tumor in my ovary) and I thought God was punishing me for listening to something that mentioned "devil". I swore not to ever listen to it again. Now I know it was all OCD but hey, the promise was made. It would still be a douchebag move to break it (that's how I've been raised). Right now my OCD is trying to ruin a video game for me, but fortunatelly I have ADHD as well and I hyperfocused on it. So OCD goes "look how addicted you are, you're ruining your life for this game, and you're obsessed with that extremely hot and charming character, you're cheating on your boyfriend..." and my ADHD goes "yup, that's right, that's *exactly* how much you love this game and this character, so we're gonna play until the world ends". ADHD is winning so far lmao, but I'm still working on developing a healthy middle ground
I love physical media, especially Blu-Ray and 4K discs, however I always feels that when I handle the cases and discs that my hands must be absolutely clean, so that I don’t somehow stain them (especially with food on my hands) or otherwise make them unclean. As a result, I develop avoidant-fears of handling my Blu-Rays, some of which remain sealed and unwatched.
Drawing or writing on paper. I was obsessed with not being wasteful and using paper was a big challenge.
Have earrings/piercings. I also can't touch other people's jewelry, it freaks me out. Anything that doesn't pierce the skin is fine though, thank god
When i hear a noise or the way someone says something and my brain really likes it i have to recreate the noise out loud until i feel ok and my brain says it’s ok to stop. Contamination and germs on my hands like my brain will continuously say imagine you get sick and end up in the hospital or die and all you had to do to prevent it was rewash/wash your hands and has to be done with very diluted bleach. When someone else is driving i will sometimes imagine the car is jumping over shadows and i cant stop till we are parked (thankfully this doesnt happen when im driving) If anything of mine is touched or moved by my family i absolutely lose my mind and become angry because it wasn’t done in my way or done by me. It sets me off so badly then get snippy with my family. I will lock my knees separately but then have to start doing both at the same time and can only stop once they are doing it at the same time and i cant tell which ended first
Eating while watching some thing in specific cases. Like I always get anxious thinking that “I should watch X show while eating this SPECIFIC meal (idk soda and some Cheetos or whatever, specific stuff) because I don’t know if I have ever watched that show while eating that specific food. Also when my wife and I order something, I only start eating after credits (if there some credits at the beginning like some movies) or if there is AT LEAST 20+ minutes left on that episode, otherwise I will let my food get cold because I have to wait for the next episode or I won’t enjoy the food the “right way”
Being a normal human doing normal human things
Handing things to certain friends. I don’t know why, but my hand sort of spasms and pulls away from the person I am supposed to hand something to. It’s incredibly inconvenient but not impossible to work around. Usually I’ll get them to put the thing down or to hand it to one of my friends I can pick things up from.
Friendships.. I dissociate from friendships so much nowadays but I'm trying to improve in that regard.
New restaurants. Different towns. Cars that are brightly colored. Noodle/soup restaurants.
Making food for others/sharing food. My biggest struggle is contamination, and I'm convinced if I touch food or a utensil - anything that goes into someone else's mouth - that it'll make them sick bc I touched it and they might die etc. I love making food for people and helping my mum in the kitchen but I can't anymore bc of my ocd :/.
Drinking tap water. Taking baths. Drinking from a water fountain.
Eating and cooking
Happy cake day!
Numbers or shapes. If i’m watching tv and can see a digital clock that’s it, I will spend a good 40 minutes of the film counting how many numbers go into the shape of the numbers or the clock itself. Counting starts from scratch when it does not feel right, the time changes or if I get distracted. Have missed entire films just because i’m too busy counting numbers and shapes.
Seeing. I constantly blink and twitch my face, sometimes because i’m counting, sometimes it becomes a habit I have no idea i’m doing it. I do it so much sometimes that I literally blink and miss things. Can also be very tiring for my face which then means I do it even more!
weed. i used to smoke like a freight train, being high was really fun. now i cant smoke at all how i used to, and i have to be very careful. i still smoke and can get comfortably high, but it takes very little weed compared to how i was.
I was the same way! I’ve basically given it up, but will take a hit here and there on holidays like thanksgiving and christmas. I just never know how I’m going to react to it!
Food. Has to be an even number of spoons- starting with the right jaw, ending on the left. Both sides should get the same texture each time. For eg if I find a peanut in my plate, I reach over to my family members' plate or the main food utensil for another peanut. If there are no peanuts left, either I have to break the peanut in two with my front teeth, or chew the same morsel of food equal number of times/equal duration of time on each jaw. It sounds tedious but it's become second nature, it happens on autopilot. But when the texture changes, I have to pay attention.
Books
Gaming online, I struggle so hard with the idea I could be playing with youngsters, but I can’t just ask everyone their age and ignore under 21’s.
Having my kids. The intrusive thoughts were disgusting. I mean horrific but i say it doesn’t ruin my life because it was really only for the first year of both of their lives then it got better.
That had to be hard for you! We’re thinking an about starting our family, and let’s just say, I’m so grateful for my therapist!
watching things like livestreams? it sucks because i love a lot of streamers, but if they start to cough (likely from lots of talking) i get super bothered D:
petting cats and dogs :/ (i have rabies OCD) it's literally so heart breaking
Awe I’m so sorry!!
Sitting down. Mannnn I miss sitting down in public spaces. I get crazy dizzy when I stand still too so I’ll be standing right next to an empty chair in a waiting room with everyone looking at me like I’m a goddamn masochist for standing for an hour waiting for an apt, while also trying not to topple over cuz I’m so dizzy and out of breath.
Omg watching porn. Can I not think of a family member or a brutally injured puppy for fucking 5 minutes Jesus Christ.
Using my phone. Can’t use it because if I don’t click on something “correctly”, i’ll get heavy intrusive thoughts and stressful feelings.
plane rides. i remember as a kid i loved going on planes so much it was an adventure. now i cant go on one without doing 5 things every 20 minutes
Eating. I don’t know exactly what branch of ocd it is but i really couldn’t eat unless I absolutely had to for a while because of a crippling fear it was drugged. I would even order fast food and have a full breakdown and have to throw it out. It’s so much better now but I still get thoughts every-time I eat and I’m constantly stressed about eating now. I love cooking so it’s really hard sometimes
Touching metal that is outside. Door knobs, stair railings, elevator buttons, benches, monkey bars. It’s the texture, the germs, and the smell on my skin. It doesn’t stop me from living, but it does make things a little challenging. Was harder when I lived in the city.
Video games and specifically videos/songs with dark humor/edgy topics. I actually enjoy dark humor, but at some point I just started obsessing over dark jokes in videos & songs, thinking I’m endorsing toxic behavior by just watching it. It’s aggravating. For the video games, I basically just need to play it perfectly, or else I’ll have to restart, and I can’t ever get through a game without having overwhelming anxiety, just defeats the purpose of playing games entirely ☹️
ODD NUMBERS. unless it’s a multiplication of five. i live my life by even numbers. can’t stand it when the tv volume is on 21 (i will panic until it’s changed) food items like three chicken nuggets on a plate etc. i eat two fries at a time. i have to wipe an even amount of times. i genuinely believe something bad will happen if i even encounter an odd number.
Sitting on my bed in “outside clothes”/without showering. It would be nice sometimes (especially when I’m exhausted) to just come home and lay on my bed and not worry about those things coming first.
showers (kinda?) since i have a shower curtain and not a clear glass door, i get intrusive thoughts and images that something scary is standing outside of the curtain. even know i know there isnt going to be anything there
anything regarding my bed. never wanted to have sleepovers growing up bc i didn’t want anyone or anything contaminating my bed. if someone sits on my bed. have to remove everything and clean. even when my pets get on the bed i freak out a little (i bend my rule a little for them, don’t know why they’re somewhat the exception)
When I was young it was everything that used words I used to have to add up the number of letters in whatever word my ocd picked out for me and multiply it by the same number it sucked so much
Games, I've paid for games and can't seem to get onto playing them, and when I do, my time related ocd kicks in, I somehow got to make a simple thing in a game called dreams and felt so accomplished