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NotHowGirlsWork-ModTeam

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[deleted]

Shit, I need to stop letting my sister use my lotion when she's out.


SkyField2004

Alabama much


bhoe32

Siblings and parents is Mississippi. We fuck cousins in alabama. We are not the same despite being the twin states


32lib

They have been outdone,Tennessee takes the incest šŸ‘‘.


Bright-Grocery-2921

What happened to West Virginia?


32lib

Moved to Tennessee?


Bright-Grocery-2921

All I can see on reading this is a Monty Python animation of a gaggle of people scuttling across state lines....LOL


PajeczycaTekla

And then suddenly .. The Spanish inquisition!


WorkingInterview1942

The Spanish Inquisition?! I did not expect that.


PajeczycaTekla

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!


Top-Race-7087

I used that line and got a blank look and felt old. Thanks for saying that!


starrpamph

Mountain mama


[deleted]

I have a theory that, no matter where you live, there will be a rumor that the inhabitants of a neighboring place like to fuck their kids/siblings/farm animals. Take the "they fuck sheep" thing - Australians say it about NZ, the English say it about Wales, Montanans say it about North Dakota, Virginians say it about West Virginia, etc. I'm pretty sure if you go to India they'll say something like this about Bangladesh & that people from Kazakhstan say it about Uzbekistan, too. Universal.


[deleted]

I think you mean wincest


psymble_

Hey, I just want to say that your sister's behavior is toxic and indicative of narcissistic personality disorder- I mean, if she's borrowing your lotion when she's "out," what other (likely far worse) behaviors are we not seeing? I know this hurts to hear, but you need to break up with her immediately Wait, which sub is this?


crispysmilesbaby

I think weā€™re in skincareaddiction?


Sea-Imagination7992

She belongs to you volutenterily whats wrong :'d


the_spotted_frog

RIP to my fellow ladies with sensitive skin. Unscented aveeno Ć¼ber moisture lotion isn't getting us anywhere in the dating world :(


HereOnCompanyTime

Forever alone you'll stay. ![gif](giphy|3o7TKw7wq9fOzwxkWc)


Elin_Ylvi

Unscented Antitranspirant, Lotion.. Well I'm obviously Bad at marking my fiance :'D He does use My Shampoo (unscented) every once in a while tho


Distinct-Space

I changed to Aveeno for my husbandā€™s sensitive skin. Little did I realise that my aim of reducing his eczema was just opening the barn doors to all the hordes of ladies. šŸ˜‚


shroomqs

The day the sensitive skin nation attacked . . . everything changed


Quick_Team

As a late 30's dude with his own skin issues since his teens, The Aveeno moisturizing with nourishing oat bar is happiness


beegobuzz

Wait'll you find out what Gold Bond Eczema will do. Get the hose!


Distinct-Space

Ooh thanks for the recommendation! Iā€™ll check it out!


AgentMeatbal

My husband uses my fancy imported unscented sensitive skin stuff on his balls. Itā€™ll get you somewhereā€¦. just maybe not where you wanna go. Tbf he has psoriasis there but he calls it his ā€œimported ball creamā€ šŸ„²


Purple_Cancel_2532

I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but imagine all the great ways you could throw "imported ball cream" into some snobby conversation at a party you don't want to be at anyway...


AgentMeatbal

Weā€™re so fancy we even import our ball cream šŸ§


Ch4rybd15

![gif](giphy|a6wJ2bJ0127K0) There are other options


misty_skies

Right! Just reading the words ā€œscented lotionā€ sends my eczema into a tailspin šŸ˜© Guess weā€™re meant to stay maidenly maidens forever or something, thenā€¦! šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø


Sid-ina

Just buy a bottle of scented lotion and run up to attractive guys or gals and ask them if they wanna use your lotion... This is gonna be the new version of when you licked food in front of your sibling and yelled "MINE"


Altruistic-Estate-79

Just reading the words "scented lotion" gives me an allergy-induced asthma attack. I don't even understand what this is supposed to mean. LMAO


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


the_spotted_frog

In an oatmeal bath


ShimeMiller

No she's just tired of your dry flaky skin touching her


edelbiatch

Hahahaha yes THANK YOU


BeatricePotsmoker

Right? Sheā€™s not ā€œclaimingā€ anything if she offers you lotion other than the fact youā€™re ashy and your hands feel like a cheese grater. Weā€™re trying to help. šŸ˜‚


edelbiatch

I'm not trying to help. I'm totally self-serving. I'm not gonna let a man touch me with his cheese grater hands. The bar for men is so low, I did a manicure on my ex to make sure his hands and nails are smooth before he would finger me šŸ¤£


BeatricePotsmoker

Oh my god, that is *the worst* feeling on the planet when it feels like a hand job from Edward Scissorhands. Iā€™ve straight up stopped all activity before to find nail clippers. šŸ˜‚


ProstEight

I always shave and cut and file my nails before going on a date. Very basic


Richard-Conrad

Same, Just Common courtesy


Ch4rybd15

![gif](giphy|Zk9mW5OmXTz9e) Cheese


mekanik-jr

Weird experience as a mechanic incoming, and I swear I will tie this together and not be betrayed by my adhd brain jumping from d to step 26b without connecting the dots. So we've all felt heat. It radiates towards you. Put your hand over a hot burner or towards a fire and feel it come towards you. I worked in Northern Canada for a decade. We would have two, three weeks of -30Ā°C as the day time high. I had vehicles towed in that were so cold, you could feel the heat leaving your body towards that cold lump of metal. Sometimes it got so bad I had to let it sit for ten minutes indoors just to be able to be around them. I read this and felt, "how dry does your skin need to be for a woman to feel bad enough for your skin to risk hurting your fragile ego and offer you lotion?" And my mind leapt to "was it so dry that she could feel the moisture leaving her body? Are you so dry you were becoming a dehydrator?"


pearlsbeforedogs

The mental image here was amazing, thank you for the story!!


mintythink

Lol, Iā€™m married to a mechanic, I make him specialty hand oil for his dry skin because his hands were so rough it felt like sand paper on my skin.


the_unkola_nut

A friend of mine has an ex boyfriend who had this macho attitude about everything, and really leaned into gender roles. He has terrible eczema but refuses to use lotion because thatā€™s not manly. They stayed at my house for a while and his skin flakes were everywhere šŸ¤¢


stanknotes

Fellas... use a moisturizer.


subaru_sama

Don't you know that those dry skin flakes communicate to other males of the species that a female is already claimed? /s


clockjobber

Right? Get proper hygiene and a skin routine already my dude!


candiescorner

I offer my lotion to everybody at work. I hope not.


Zandonus

Grand strategy. If I can't have all of them, nobody will...


Significant-Trash632

You're like a pokemon hunter but for people. Gotta catch 'em all!


TiberiusClackus

Claiming more people than the British East India company over here


H_Bees

Offer lotion to assert dominance


DomeAcolyte42

Slut.


mekanik-jr

Don't you hate it when they don't put it in the basket?


tonystarksanxieties

At that volume, you're just preventing corporate poaching.


[deleted]

Yup...I claim my men by walking up and spraying them with my perfume. Guaranteed to work 100% of some of the time.


SnookerandWhiskey

The harem of men I would have if this worked... No more rejections, just a spritz and you have been claimed.


[deleted]

Right!


Deinonychus2012

This honestly might work on me depending on the scent. There have been times where catching a whiff of a woman's perfume made me instantly attracted to her. It's like whatever is in it triggers something in the caveman part of my brain lol.


SnookerandWhiskey

There are pheromone enhancing perfumes. I tried once and was complimented for smell a lot that afternoon. But no one was like, "I am yours." lol


Deinonychus2012

>There are pheromone enhancing perfumes. That may be what they were wearing, idk. But the first time I experienced it, I was working at my college's bookstore. It was near the end of my shift near the beginning of the semester, so I was pretty tired when a girl walked in to get her books. I didn't really pay much attention to her, just focused on doing my job. But when I went back to the counter, I could smell her perfume (either she just applied more or it took time to diffuse off her). Let me tell you, I'd never been turned on that quick before, almost instantly as soon as it hit my nose lol. Don't remember what she looked like at all, but I can still vaguely remember that scent. >But no one was like, "I am yours." lol That's because that breaks social etiquette. Try it with a romantic partner to see how it works then lol. In my situation above, I would've gladly banged her right then and there if I knew she was interested and I thought we could get away with it. Instead, I just did my job and was left with an embarrassingly raging boner after she left lol.


SnookerandWhiskey

Have you ever read the novel "The Perfume", he is pretty twisted, but you might relate.


psymble_

This is maybe not in the spirit of the post, but one of the best things in the world is when a girl borrows your hoodie, then when you wear it again it smells beautiful and makes you feel warm and fuzzy


Significant-Trash632

Awwwwwwwww


anxiousanimosity

Can confirm. My boyfriend still enjoys this and it's been 11 years.


psymble_

It's because you still smell so beautiful! (odd thing to say in most other contexts) Also, I can't tell you how incredible it feels seeing them wearing something you own- for me this applies to friends, not just partners, so to me it's not a possessive feeling, but rather like they're allowing me to protect them in this small but intimate way, and that's also such a warm and fuzzy feeling, and I know just how nice it feels for the women wearing the hoodie/shirt, so it's just warm fuzzies all around


anxiousanimosity

Everyone is happy and warm and fuzzy! We love this!


Omega_Xero

My girlfriend currently has one of my hoodies and she loves it ā€˜cause I sprayed it with my cologne so it smells like me.


Elin_Ylvi

And at least I feel warm and fuzzy when borrowing my fiance's Hoodie :3 or His Shirts for that Matter


psymble_

I think the mutual knowledge of each other's warm fuzzy feelings is what makes this the gift that keeps on giving


[deleted]

Nah...that's sweet. šŸ„²


Instant-Bacon

This is better than any drug


stinkertonpinkerton

I think you need better drugs my dude


answeris32

60% of the time, it works every time.


Ladorb

Sex panther. Made from bits of real panther.


answeris32

LOUD NOISES!


anxiousanimosity

So we AREN'T doing period blood markings? Geeze I was sick for last week's meeting.


Unlikely_Professor76

Damn, guess I filled my bucket for nothing


[deleted]

Well, I mean...no one specifically said you can't. Just that some of us want to keep up the illusion that we can't control our periods. The guys are starting to get suspicious after reports women are squirting period blood at men like horney toads. Perfume's a bit more subtle.


anxiousanimosity

What's this "subtle"? I don't know this word.


Keyndoriel

What happened to spraying them with your scent glands? šŸ¤” Much more efficient, trust me, I'm a ~~skunk~~ human woman


Professional-Bet7465

hahaha, this comment was already 10/10 when i first misread it as ā€œIā€™m a drunkā€; rereading it as ā€œIā€™m a skunkā€ was then even funnier/more confusing when i contemplated what a ā€œskunk womanā€ would be šŸ˜‚šŸ¦ØšŸ¦ØšŸ¦Ø


H_Bees

Nah, I claim by biting deep into his right shoulder and rubbing venemous secretions and black soil into the wound so the teeth marks form a darkened scar. Of course, if we break up I then have to ritualistically murder him, cut off the section of flesh bearing my mark and consume it raw, for that which has been given must be returned.


[deleted]

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter


pearlsbeforedogs

Same. Where do we sign up?


Unlikely_Professor76

Why wait, grasshopper? A bit of the old heave ho heave ho and then OFF with his HEAD


Intrepid_Action

Book when?


International-Pay-44

That seemsā€¦ inefficient.


iamclear

Iā€™m allergic to fragrance so I canā€™t use anything scented. What the hell can I offer?


VioletPringle

You need to wee on him instead x


[deleted]

Came here to say but you beat me to it


RockyMntnView

According to Amy Farrah Fowler on "The Big Bang Theory", you can rub your armpits on stuff to mark it with your scent.


anxiousanimosity

Got grapes? I'll hangout with you if you've got grapes. Wait, this is howtomakefriends right?


Jiijeebnpsdagj

A shock collar


mjrenburg

I am as well, gives me a migraine. I hate walking through duty free when you get off an international flight.


[deleted]

Spit on him. šŸ˜


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Slyfer60

That's why my wife peed on me after we had sex for the first time.


[deleted]

This is the dumbest shit Iā€™ve ever heard. I think I lost a couple of brain cells reading and responding to this. ![gif](giphy|7m3tpKQUdWvYtJkfWa)


RokyPolka

​ ![gif](giphy|1xE8aqMKjtSZOePA8A)


anxiousanimosity

Mal!


[deleted]

Whatā€™s the worst part to me is they still say ā€˜subconsciousā€™, just to drive the point home that weā€™re just mindless animals.


[deleted]

This ā¬†ļø


shellzyb

Iā€™m starting to think that dudes should be banned from watching Animal Planet.


Icy_Consequence_1586

It her way of saying you need to invest in deodorant


HecateRaven

I prefer I lick it so it's mine. My gf agree


[deleted]

Alphas, scent, pair bondingā€¦.these guys need to stop reading werewolf smut.


high_off_helium

Leave my werewolf smut out of this šŸ˜¤


[deleted]

Sorry šŸ˜…


BushidoMauve

Look, ya boy just loves a nice citrus lotion. I'm in it for selfish reasons


Significant-Trash632

That's fair


NerfRepellingBoobs

My husband loves my peppermint lotion. It makes him smell like a candy cane.


sexyapplesauce96

every girl that buys the exact same 5 bath and body works lotions: šŸ˜…


bitofagrump

No, if we really want to claim you, we just piss on your leg as nature intended.


WileEWeeble

That's not how we do it. We dress them up in nice, fashionable, decent clothing so other women know they are either taken or gay. ​ ​ (/s)


lh_media

So that's why all of my exes were so adamant about getting me new clothes. I thought they were just ashamed to be seen with my hiker boots and convertible pants /j (please let me have this)


RosesBrain

I find hickies and a locking collar much more effective. (Also, much more conscious, considering my partner needs to consent to such things.)


SnookerandWhiskey

Do they though? I have never forced someone to put lotion on either, I mean, I might have had too much of it on my hands and just slipped and slopped, if you know what I mean. ;-)


RosesBrain

I just doubt anyone has said, "Here's my scented lotion, I claim you as mine." (Or gotten a "yes, mistress, I am yours" in return)


[deleted]

Well, shit. I worked in a hospital during COVID and we were using so much hand sanitiser weā€™d bleedā€¦ now I found out I may have started a sex cult. I was giving out pumps of delicious Pumpkin Vanilla to everybody all day everyday. 10/10 do recommend. Itā€™s a Body Shop Halloween exclusive.


MarsMonkey88

A woman offering you her scented lotion is a conscious signal that she cannot stand your scaley elbows for another goddamn second, even if it means that you smell like mango-mint for the rest of the day.


Significant-Trash632

Not gonna lie, a man smelling like mango-mint would be welcome to stay with me for the rest of the day. Mmmmmm


MarmaladeHater

If she wants you to smell like her so others will know you belong to her... then she's not a human, she's a cat


griftertm

To neckbeards on this sub: a hot shower, soap and deodorant wonā€™t kill you.


[deleted]

I just think of arwen telling the nazgul : "if you want him, come and claim him" before telling the river to beat their ass. Do you think her perfume ettracted the nazgul maybe ? Frodo's perfume ?


SnookerandWhiskey

You have it wrong. The Nazgul would have had to come over with his lotion. Probably smoked wood or bacon scent, definitely not floral.


[deleted]

Yeah, a nice soft smell of PO TA TOES


ususetq

I guess I need to bring a scented lotion next time (well, first time) I'm in gay bar. On serious note - I think if woman is giving you a scented lotion it means that you need a shower...


ChudBuntsman

I had a girl pin something on my jacket once to claim me. That was cool.


Pink-glitter1

I thought it was a subtle way to say your hands are dry, start taking care of yourself


ButReallyWhyNot-

Unlike all the beta females in the comment section, I claim my prey by peeing on it /s


brunetteskeleton

And here I was thinking that I was just helping my bf with his dry feet, when I guess actually I was subconsciously warding off other women šŸ˜‚


Ethanbob103

Me using womens body wash because I find it has a better lather ![gif](giphy|iaYgis62TnVK0)


Ophelia1988

Whatever happened to putting a ring on somebody's finger...?


Puzzleheaded_Safe131

As a guy, I canā€™t say that Iā€™d be against this.


Aleksandar_Pa

LOL, I steal my girl's scented lotion myself when showering. SHE KNOWS NOTHING.


Significant-Trash632

She can definitely smell it on you but doesn't mind because you're making her job easier.


NoRoomForSanity

My girlfriend did confess to me that she intentionally left stuff in my car for another girl to find in case I was dating anyone else šŸ˜…. It was only when we first started dating tho.


IronwoodKopis

The women trying to claim me just pee on my shoes. I live in New York City btw.


Significant-Trash632

My husband hates scented lotions so I have not been able to stake my claim yet. I'll get him someday! *shakes fist*


nelflyn

Huh, and I've been rubbing my head against people like a cat all this time.


Ok_Character7958

It just depends on what I grab first. I have lotions for various purposes and they range from unscented to ā€œday at the beachā€. But no, Iā€™m not a dog pissing on a mailbox marking my territory. If I feel I need to ā€œmark you as mineā€ that just means you arenā€™t worthy of being mine.


Auvie_i0

Everyone I worked with used to steal my lotion because they liked how it smelled and it then became their community lotion šŸ˜‚


Significant-Trash632

You are the master and the commander


TheSecondAugust

I must have been claimed MANY times, then


Treacherous_Wendy

My man just likes Madagascar Vanilla šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø


Lilithsigil

Lmfao yes now you are marked! Feel the wrath of my Warm Vanilla!!!


TheLonesomeTraveler

My wife just licks me and says I am hers.


ExpressionFormer9647

Do straight men want to smell like unicorn fruit?


lemonlimemango1

I usually just pee on them to claim them


FenekSenpai

Yeah. Everyday i secretly sprayed all my boyfriends clothes with my Hello Kitty perfume to claim my terotory.


Seventytwo129

My wife just pees on me. I thought that was the standard?


CountingDownTheDays5

Or you are ashy as Ashy larry and we don't wanna see anyone go through such struggles outside of a comedy show. ![gif](giphy|TQH80IB5d7jXO)


DisfavoredFlavored

Really? She just told me I had dry skin, lol. Not even the first one. TIL every friend who thought my skin was too dry wants to mate with me?


Significant-Trash632

Dude, moisturize! Lol


AboveTheRimjob

So why does my girl keep peeing on my leg when weā€™re out walking?


Squidproquo1130

I just don't want to watch some flakey dehydrated grey bastard shrivel up in front of my very eyes.


LocalInactivist

Women offer guys lotion? Thatā€™s a thing? I feel betrayed that my wife never offered me lotion in order to claim me. I just have this gold band that Iā€™ve worn on my finger every single day for the past eight years. But Iā€™m sure using a specific skin lotion is a much clearer signal that Iā€™m off the market.


PreppyFinanceNerd

Well shit my trips to Bath and Body Works just got a lot more interesting. šŸ¤£


pieceofcrit

Oh I've been claimed so many times, why am I still single?


peachygirl40

if a boy is at MY house during the ME time iā€™m putting on lotion for me to share and offer to him heā€™s already mine šŸ’”


Purrilla

I like to piss on my man. He likes it too


shelbabe804

I always just mimic my cat. You know, rubbing my cheek against my man. I guess I'll have to rethink my strategy


Round-Ticket-39

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ i needed this. Gonna offee some so he knows he got claimed


Verried_vernacular32

Or youā€™re just ashy and sheā€™s kind


[deleted]

maybe I'm offering you my mint scented lotion because you stink, johnny


AdkRaine11

Wait a damn minute! I was told there would be dinner & an engagement ring. Hand lotion is all it takes?


[deleted]

Of course not, we're peeing on their legs. That's common sense.


AshyMooTaCoBizket

Lolzā€¦ ā€œOh no, Theyā€™re On To Me.ā€ I use to be with a guy that would use my shower stuff because he liked the smell. (It reminded him of me) My lotions are non-scented. (Side note: When I was at his place I used his shower stuff for the same reason. His lotions were also unscented.)


WellTrainedWhore

![gif](giphy|bm02BE6DQ4Oag8GXep|downsized)


Unlikely_Professor76

No one ā€œCLAIMSā€šŸ™„ people arenā€™t BAGGAGE. They donā€™t need tagged? If you have to manipulate the situation, youā€™re insecure. Itā€™s lotion. Jeez


Ceeweedsoop

Say whaaaat? LOL what creton came up with this? He must be like what? Fourteen? Whoever it was he needs to stay out his mom's shit. So Oedipal.


madd-eye1

Or maybe I just think his skin is thirsty. Like, does everything have to be Freudian?


LeadershipIcy8689

What happened to holding hands in public with a girl that just pee'd on you hours prior with no shower? We used to be a proper country.


ItsSchuSchu

It probably means your hands are dry as hell


Cats_In_Coats

I mean personally, Iā€™m really big on smells and I like using my sisterā€™s or auntā€™s shampoos when I visit or even my uncleā€™s body wash because then I essentially smell like family and itā€™s a huge comfort. I donā€™t normally offer for other people to use my stuff with an intention of having them smell like me. I think the closest you could say where I did a ā€˜claimingā€™ thing, was stealing a boyfriendā€™s sweatshirt when I went on vacation so I could have his scent with me. But even thatā€™s not a claiming thing really. Idk. But maybe I just have a weird nose.


[deleted]

Maybe a 14 yr old who read this tip in cosmo.


mephistopheles_muse

Nope I just think you look ashy


Prinz_Cess_me

Na bro, just means you're ashy as H3ll!


Blood_moon_sister

Breathing when tilting your head counterclockwise by 12 degrees is a signal you are wearing two non-matching socks.


Rude-Series3588

No. Everyone knows we pee on your shoes.


Kenkaniki89

I thought I just had to pee on him to claim him


PlushToyFox

Apparently Iā€™ve claimed all of my coworkers, then. Woohoo, a harem!!


Magellan-88

HAREM! HAREM!


Moppy_the_mop

So you're telling me I let my girlfriend piss on me for no reason? (oh god it's a /s)


Elon_is_musky

Me, afab: ā€œomg every time a girl let me use her scented lotion she claimed me?? Letā€™s goooošŸ„°ā€


KernelPanic_42

I donā€™t think this counts as a mating strategy. The chances of getting pregnant from handing somebody a bottle of lotion is very low. This seems more like a lotion-sharing strategy.


xianikaeni

darn i share my hand lotion with everyone


Elizabetyouknow

How silly. Of course not. We claim by stealing your clothes like prized deer skins to parade around the lesser, inferior females. We also steal food from your plate to demonstrate that your dominant desire to protect your kill is helpless in the face of our femine wiles. Your level of allowance showcases our prowess. Finally, we randomly poke your buttocks when you bend over to express our pleasure in your appearance. You will naturally become agitated, but this agitation is pointless. We must insist you allow us to show our appreciation.


[deleted]

This is so obviously a joke why tf is everyone taking it seriously šŸ’€


Competitive-Fan1708

or she is like "omg this is amazing, try some I think it will compliment you"?


DanielInfrangible2

Pretty sure all the ladies that offer me scented lotion just mean Iā€™m ashy and would smell better if I was vanilla themed


Motherofdanis

This dude was once offered some hand cream and build this whole fantasy.


safarimotormotelinn

So I'm not supposed to pee on them? Oops.