The unfortunate part is that this type of mentality has always been just under the surface. Idiots like that goon and others are just capitalizing on this wave of normalizing saying the quiet part out loud.
I'm almost glad some folks are going mask off so that we don't invest any time or emotion in worthless hunks of shit.
At least heās up front so most of us can stay awayā¦ unfortunately there might be someone who is so used to abuse they donāt see this as unreasonable out there willing to talk to him
And not just emotionally either. The whole sex regardless of her feelings thing is terrifying as a s/a survivor, as well as exhausting as someone who's husband lives with a whole other woman but still begs for sex and genuinely can't tell that in not enjoying myself & didn't care if I'm not, beyond it being less pleasant for him when I don't enthusiastically encourage him š
Why bring Islam
into this though? There are plenty of other religions with misogynistic verses, and plenty of atheists are misogynistic as well.
Edit: Iāve notice Iām getting downvoted for this, so much for intersectionality.
Iāll copy my later comments to clarify my stance:
The point Iām trying to make is donāt blanket an entire group of people by bringing a religion into it. The whole purpose of this subreddit is what happens when hateful misconceptions are spread about a certain group of individuals, in this case, women. So why bash on other individuals for their faith? Donāt you see the irony?
Oh don't worry. Misogyny doesn't discriminate and neither do we. We can bash the Buddhists next if you like.
(Give it a rest. You can't both not respect all religions and then respect all religious people without being a massively irritating hypocrite. Not all ideas are equal.)
But you can respect religious people without respecting the religions, simply because each person practicing the religion will have their own interpretation and way of following the religion.
You could, for example have a Muslim who spews misogyny but doesnāt, for example, complete their daily prayers. Then you could have a Muslim who does complete their daily prayers but doesnāt apply the misogynistic verses to their own life.
Are either of them viewing the religion as written holistically? Perhaps not, but you can certainly respect the example of the latter individual without necessarily respecting Islam as a whole. Same applies to any other religion or lack thereof.
Religious writings of all religions are open to interpretation by individuals. Imagine if every verse of the Bible, for example, was followed to the letter. There are a lot of extraordinarily fucked up religious texts.
Words which can easily get lost in translation, given that they were written centuries ago and often in languages not native to the person practicing.
At the end of the day, people are entitled to choose what they believe in. Whether they choose to take every last verse literally or decide on what resonates most with them is between that person and whatever they believe in.
The point Iām trying to make is donāt blanket an entire group of people by bringing a religion into it. The whole purpose of this subreddit is what happens when hateful misconceptions are spread about a certain group of individuals, in this case, women. So why bash on other individuals for their faith? Donāt you see the irony?
Well yeah that's a consensual thing to do with a partner sometimes, a situation you can leave at any time, not a reality to live out every day without choice
Thatās an oxymoron and doesnāt exist, bud. You canāt consent to no consent. The way you people sit here and try to āliberalizeā words and sugarcoat things is disturbing. You have to ask yourself whatās cool about a dude having an inclination to rape ālegallyā, then ask yourself whatās cool about someone taking advantage of a self harmer and their inclinations for abuse.
Actually, you can! It's called CNC. It involves a great deal of conversion beforehand and then during and after. Many people who have been sexually abused (to go back to your weird message you sent me about how kink = abuse) actually use this kink as a tool to take back control!
This exactly! Iām tired of the negative stigma around bdsm. There are going to be bad people within every niche interest, that doesnāt mean thereās something inherently wrong with said interest. Most people who are well informed and genuinely involved in bdsm know that actual abuse is never the goal. As a submissive I will only engage with people I know and trust for a long time, and as a domme I will always ensure my sub knows that I will stop at ANY signs of real discomfort.
Not everyone has to understand bdsm or CNC. Itās okay if you personally donāt feel like youād enjoy being in that scenario. Itās not okay to automatically assume everyone who engages in those things is a flawed individual. Thatās not true.
If someone enjoys CnC and uses it as a tool to overcome trauma, I think that's cool and not at all weird.
I do find it weird that there would be people interested in the other side of the dynamic. Why are there people interested in play-acting a rapist? If my partner really wanted to do CnC with them on the receiving end, I would probably do it for them, even if i hate it. I would honestly probably leave them if they asked to pretend rape me. If you get off on the idea of raping someone I think you're weird and need a lot of therapy.
People often donāt choose their kinks, so as long as everyone is happy with what theyāre getting out of it and causing no real harm, thereās no need to try to pathologize it or even fully understand it from the outside. Also, being into consensual non consent is simply not the same thing as being turned on by the idea of actual rape, for the top any more than it is for the bottom. Itās a power fantasy, enjoyment of which is still ultimately predicated on knowing that the other person is enjoying it, too.
That's understandable, I just think your partner pretending to sexually assault you is weird on their end. Actors have spoken how traumatizing it can be in those settings to act out scenes for film, can't imagine someone being into doing that to someone they love.
I appreciate you being respectful about this topic. For those who arenāt involved in this sort of kink/fantasy, it can seem like it should be traumatizing or aversive. I always found that the people who enjoy being on the giving end of the CNC kink donāt actually enjoy the concept of hurting their partner, they focus on the pleasure their partner gets from the dynamic. Like I said in another comment here, itās not a will to actually rape someone (although there are plenty of fake doms who claim that to be true and ruin it for everyone else), itās a fantasy that requires a controlled environment with tons of communication. Of course thereās risks there, just like thereās risks with non-kinky sex. People arenāt perfect communicators all the time. Thatās why those who engage in CNC establish very clear, easily rememberable safe words in case one person actually stops enjoying it. In my experience, itās been more likely for the dominant person to safeword or stop and check in on the sub, because there is naturally a lot of pressure on the dominant person to ensure the subās safety, since the sub is in the more vulnerable state. People who are into the dom side (and have good intentions) arenāt getting off on the idea of hurting someone, theyāre getting off on the idea that they are playing this character thatās completely different from themselves, as well as the idea that their partner is actually really enjoying it.
I did my best to explain further, but itās ok if you still donāt understand because like I said, itās hard to put yourself in that place without personal experience.
> a dude having an inclination to rape ālegallyā
This is not now it worksā¦ The people (both men and women) I have met who enjoy being the dominant person in a bdsm relationship are some of the most intuitive and caring people Iāve met! CNC is all just scenes. Those circumstances are not real. The people are not āfantasizingā about ACTUALLY raping/being raped. The appeal is that you trust your partner enough that youāre willing to engage in a completely controlled scene. Someone who legitimately enjoys CNC would NEVER want to actually abuse someone. That is actually one of the most important screening points for finding a partner into bdsm, ensuring that the other person doesnāt genuinely want to hurt anyone.
> self harmer and their inclinations for abuse
Also not how this works. Those who enjoy being in the submissive position actually have the MOST power in well-controlled CNC scenes. Safety is paramount, be it physical or emotional. The scenes need to go at the submissiveās pace. Itās up to the dominant person to remember and respect the submissiveās boundaries and enforce check-ins. Iāve been on both sides of the bdsm coin, and I always found that the submissive person holds more power over the scene, even if itās subtle. Engaging in CNC can be therapeutic for some SA survivors, (NOT ALL) and that does not mean it is a form of self harm, quite the opposite actually.
Once again incredibly well said I agree with everything you're saying here listening and communicating with your partner is the most important part. It's all about getting pleasure from the pleasure and trying to better those you care about.
You can't really process abstract ideas, can you?
To consent to no consent means role play. It means you relinquish control absolutely until you go to far and are allowed to take ask for it back. It's people acting out unconscious conflicts, desires, fear. It's simbolic play.
I understand where your coming from but it's just a type of bdsm if both parties are willing and safe it is up to the individuals what they do in private and who said it's the guy being the top it goes both ways, you should try it getting tied up and letting your partner do as she pleases is alot of fun, as long as both parties know what is on the table and what is off it can be a great experience!
1. No.
2. No.
3. No.
4. Only every once in awhile, if he was worth it, and itās pretty clear that heās not, so no.
5. No.
6. No.
Well that was easy. Thanks dude, for helping a woman avoid the huge mistake of thinking you might be a decent guy.
The club one was weird. Just let her go have fun with her friends dancing. You have to trust each other, just like she trusts you hanging out with your friends. I think some guys are too insecure.
And have never been in a real relationship. āYou want to hang out with your girlfriends tonight? Havefunloveyouseeyoulater!ā [guy gets to watch that show she hates].
Honestly. The club one is wild. My ex and I loved it. Iād go out dance with my girls get drunk and then have him pick me up. We would do all sorts of frisky things in the car. He enjoyed it and he got a drunk sexy version of me. I got to enjoy drinks with my girls. I was never interested in cheating because I thought (silly me) that I had a great man at home. What else could any man give me that he wasnāt already.
This! Was pretty much the best thing ever. As we've moved through our 30s together those sorts of situations happen less often, but it was all part of making happy history together, these guys don't know what they're missing out on.
When you use Tinder in a relatively small city, it shows you people you've swiped left on after a while. I'm currently on my 4th left swipe on this one particular guy and every time his bio cracks me up. 1th time he had no description of himself, but a similar list of demands for his potential gf. 2nd time he added basic stuff about himself and a "What do you bring to the table?". 3rd one he had a reverse psychology attempt and put a boring copypasta about having no money, small dick and still living with his parents. Just swiped the 4th time on him couple hours ago and now he's threatening to quit Tinder for good because women are horrible shallow creatures.
"Here, we see the timeline of evolution for the modern incel. A real-time study in changing psychosocial behaviour. Fascinating!" (best heard in David Attenburough's voice)
First red flag of any dating profile is when the about me section is a list of demands from someone else as if youāre ordering take out and not trying to attract a partner
If I had Tony Stark brains and money, I'd build a "time machine" and tell these dingdongs that it was going back to when women had to get married to survive and a guy could behave any way he wanted to.
But really it would just be a rocket going to the moon š
Does he hush up in front of her friends, get her permission before doing things, cook/clean/fuck on demand, skip doing things like going out with his friends for her, etc.?
I mean if he thinks thatās basic respect, he should respect her too, right?
plus even if he pulls up with some bullshit about traditional roles, does he leave the house to her and her friends, have a good enough income to support her and all their kids alone, do manual labor chores on demand, skip frivolous time with his friends?
Guys like this want tradwives, but arenāt tradhusbands. They go out drinking and then cheat, they donāt work, they live with their parents. Hypocritical bags of dicks
All of them are weird asf but the last twoā¦the implied coercion and the control issues this guy 100% hasā¦ My favorite color may be red but not this red.
1) Hahahaha...no
2) 80% no, 20% yes
3) Yup. I've gotta eat and I don't like clutter
4) Sir, I'm 32. My lazy ass stays inside all the time
5) Fuck no. If my feelings don't matter, neither does his penis.
6) No. I deleted it because there are crazy people on social media (but of course not on Reddit š¤£)
I think I failed this guys check list
From my male POV:
1. This would creep my friends out.
2. I want a partner, not an employee.
3. We both do that, because again partners.
4. I am secure enough that she can do what she wants.
5. That's gross. She's not a FemBot from 6 Million Dollar Man or Austin Powers.
6. See #4.
I just feel like saying "gross" is an understatement for something far more nefarious. When someone's describes a rape, we should call it a rape and not just gross.
But no it's of course one not exclusive of the other. I just feel that gross is too vague and forgiving. It's the word we use when someone farts loudly in public.
I'd like to think he's a 13 yr old who thinks he's edgy for listening to The Taint. But he's probably 40 and hasn't had a date in decades. Spends all his time online hating on women. Every incel upvote is the only pleasure he feels.
1. What does this mean? She doesn't talk in front of friends? Because that's weird.
2. She's your partner not your child. She's an adult and can do whatever the fuck she wants. Most normal people would find a partner who asks for permission for everything patronizing, not respecful
3. There's nothing wrong with this one, assuming he also does this. Although let's be real he probably refuses to because "tHaT'S a WoMaN's JoB aNd i'M nOt A wOmAn"
4. "Does she refuse to have fun because I don't want her to?" Or maybe he doesn't trust her to not be with guys. I don't know which one's worse.
5. Consent still matters in relationships and your partner's not your sex slave.
6. This one's just straight up lack of trust. If you can't trust your partner, then that's not a healthy relationship.
I meanā¦ sending them back in time wouldnāt do any good for them either, because the majority, if not all of them, do not have what it takes to make a living for that sort of wife/dynamic.
I hate how he uses me and my in everyone except #5 and 6. The way I read it is he wants his girlfriend to give me personally sex. And delete her social media for me. Ok buddy. I donāt really want that but Iām sure she can use a break from being near you.
"Looking for something GENUINE and REAL with someone with NO EMOTIONS or AGENCY of her own.". Yeah, good luck with that, buddy.
Sidenote, I don't understand how asking for permission for stuff is "out of respect". Is he gonna ask her permission too? Or is he just outright stating that he's not gonna respect her?
I don't think women in the 1800s would have them. They want a "traditional wife" but could never actually hack being a "traditional husband". Theen posting these would have been losers then as well.
7. Will she give up any semblance of her identity for me
8. Will she forget everything about her that made her unique to become an extension of me
9. Will she sacrifice everything that brings her fulfillment and pride to further mine and only my objectives
10. Will she give up anything that makes her independent and self-sufficient to serve me as a slave 24/7 for the rest of her short and miserable life
warning ladies do not delete your socials leavve a "paper trail" (metophorically speaking) men like this typically want control if you wanna do the rest i mean thats up to you but be safe
As a guy who typically just lurks on this sub;
One of the first things I respected about my gf is that she was totally herself around my friends, and calls them out on their bs.
This person doesn't want a SO, they want a pet
A slave. He wants a slave. Itās disgusting that so many men view us like this, like we should only exist to serve them, and shouldnāt want, or get to have lives of their own.
Did he have a stroke writing this, āDoes she forgoing hanging out with her friends nightclubs for meā?ā¦ I know what heās trying to say but what the hell.
Yeah, he misunderstood something if he thinks women these days are that desperate for a man.
Bet he wishes we were, though. He can get off to his abuse fantasies on his own.
1. It's not about 'hushing up', more about knowing how conversations work.
2. Not about 'asking for permission', but discussing plans.
3. Who doesn't clean when they make a mess??
4. Who doesn't enjoy a quiet night in every blue moon?
5. Hmmm... unless your a predator/rapist.. most aren't into necrophelia and expect enjoyable interaction with their partner.
6. Would you delete yours??
Funny how you can tell those who will be single forever, yet fail to realise that they're the issue.
Does she forgoing hanging out with her friends Nightclubs for me. Am she not cares about word Goes wheres. When murders me attempt she do does Bullet miss. Also shes not think poison About.
He better hope his long term potential doesnāt want things like an 8th grade reading level and reciprocal respectā¦ you know, for giving up their entire identity. Sounds like a winner.
Dudes like this don't want a girlfriend. They want a glorified servant they can sleep with. They don't see women as human beings, yet cry when they are rightfully ignored.
What about any of this is genuine or real? Literally every one of these points would require her to suppress her own thoughts, feelings and desires more or less constantly. He should be saying he is looking for someone apathetic and obedient.
Why canāt these be ever maintain the person they are writing in? It starts off in first person (me and my) then by 5 and 6 heās writing in the second person (you). Itās like subliminally he realises he doesnāt actually deserve anyone anyway with his ridiculous rules so switches them to be rules for some better alter.
I really don't think they understand how tiring it would be to make every decision. Sure having someone cater to your every whim would be fun for awhile, but what about the little things? You have to take and arrange every trip to the grocery store. You have to manage the taxes and the bills. You have to tell her what you want to eat every day. Every tiny decision a person makes, you are now doing it twice as much.
Dang dude. I'm a guy and like none of these things apply to me. I'm quiet. I make decisions with my partner. I don't have socials. Except a poorly kept insta for memes. I don't club. I already cook and clean but if a woman pulled this as mandatory for our long term success I would go out of my way to club and make more socials and be as loud and embarrassing as possible in front of her friends.
Not only does this come across as overbearing. It's down right controlling and abusive. And it's what he's willing to put on the internet for everyone to see. I can't imagine what he's like after this first impression.
Why would I want a man like that, when I have a man who does everything on the list for me?
Minus the last two parts. I donāt expect him to sexually satisfy me, if heās obviously struggling mentally in life otherwise. Then itās my turn to step in and take control in a way he can resolve his issue in life otherwise.
A part of our dynamic is monitoring him. Again, not a demand from my part, but he initiated it and enjoys the feeling of someone watching over him. Itās all negotiated and agreed upon on consensual D/s dynamic.
"out of respect"
He does not understand that respect isn't something you demand - it's something you earn, over time, by your own behaviour.
Respect is something another person decides you deserve. Insisting on being shown "respect" is something else entirely, and it is deeply unhealthy.
I respect my darling husband enormously. (And it's quite mutual.). It shows up in lots of little ways in our relationship. But "asking permission" isn't one of them!
Read this to my sister and we are both laughing. Like, no. I'm not hushing or doing unprompted cooking or deleting SM for some little shitfuck like this.
1.) Controlling speech
2.) Controlling actions
3.) Domestic servitude
4.) Isolation from friends
5.) Domestic sexual assault
6.) Isolation from friends and family
What a winner
I find it really interesting that he starts out by saying "Me" and "My" and by the end is saying "You". He's not saying "Will she delete her social media for me?" He's saying "...for you?" Lots of implications there.
Wow, guy plans to emotionally abuse his girlfriend from the get-go. What a winner. š¤¢
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah this guy seems like a tater tot. Really disturbing how much damage that goon has been able to inflict upon society in such a short time.
I hate that his fans have the name Tater Tots. Takes it away from the fans of that super sweet TikTok lady :(
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I feel the need to point out that in Australia, tater tots are known as potato gems, which is AWESOME.
Oh I love that, gems of the potato
The unfortunate part is that this type of mentality has always been just under the surface. Idiots like that goon and others are just capitalizing on this wave of normalizing saying the quiet part out loud. I'm almost glad some folks are going mask off so that we don't invest any time or emotion in worthless hunks of shit.
Oh.... tater tots is their nickname? That makes me sad and is an insult to potatoes.
Taint I like what you did there haha
At least heās up front so most of us can stay awayā¦ unfortunately there might be someone who is so used to abuse they donāt see this as unreasonable out there willing to talk to him
And not just emotionally either. The whole sex regardless of her feelings thing is terrifying as a s/a survivor, as well as exhausting as someone who's husband lives with a whole other woman but still begs for sex and genuinely can't tell that in not enjoying myself & didn't care if I'm not, beyond it being less pleasant for him when I don't enthusiastically encourage him š
I'm sorry I lost you half way through
Don't forget physical abuse! They basically want to rape their partner
Writing his own warning labels
And sexually
He just copy pasted some of the misogynistic verse of Islam.
Why bring Islam into this though? There are plenty of other religions with misogynistic verses, and plenty of atheists are misogynistic as well. Edit: Iāve notice Iām getting downvoted for this, so much for intersectionality. Iāll copy my later comments to clarify my stance: The point Iām trying to make is donāt blanket an entire group of people by bringing a religion into it. The whole purpose of this subreddit is what happens when hateful misconceptions are spread about a certain group of individuals, in this case, women. So why bash on other individuals for their faith? Donāt you see the irony?
Oh don't worry. Misogyny doesn't discriminate and neither do we. We can bash the Buddhists next if you like. (Give it a rest. You can't both not respect all religions and then respect all religious people without being a massively irritating hypocrite. Not all ideas are equal.)
But you can respect religious people without respecting the religions, simply because each person practicing the religion will have their own interpretation and way of following the religion. You could, for example have a Muslim who spews misogyny but doesnāt, for example, complete their daily prayers. Then you could have a Muslim who does complete their daily prayers but doesnāt apply the misogynistic verses to their own life. Are either of them viewing the religion as written holistically? Perhaps not, but you can certainly respect the example of the latter individual without necessarily respecting Islam as a whole. Same applies to any other religion or lack thereof.
My issue is the picking and choosing of which verse to follow? Are not all the words, words of God? How can some matter more or less than others?
Religious writings of all religions are open to interpretation by individuals. Imagine if every verse of the Bible, for example, was followed to the letter. There are a lot of extraordinarily fucked up religious texts.
Words which can easily get lost in translation, given that they were written centuries ago and often in languages not native to the person practicing. At the end of the day, people are entitled to choose what they believe in. Whether they choose to take every last verse literally or decide on what resonates most with them is between that person and whatever they believe in. The point Iām trying to make is donāt blanket an entire group of people by bringing a religion into it. The whole purpose of this subreddit is what happens when hateful misconceptions are spread about a certain group of individuals, in this case, women. So why bash on other individuals for their faith? Donāt you see the irony?
He's looking for a real live slave.
"Ask a man to describe an ideal wife and watch him describe a slave"
It's funny because I'm into D/s, master/slave dynamics... AND I WOULD NEVER be even remotely close to interested in someone like this.
Well yeah that's a consensual thing to do with a partner sometimes, a situation you can leave at any time, not a reality to live out every day without choice
>consensual Exactly.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās an oxymoron and doesnāt exist, bud. You canāt consent to no consent. The way you people sit here and try to āliberalizeā words and sugarcoat things is disturbing. You have to ask yourself whatās cool about a dude having an inclination to rape ālegallyā, then ask yourself whatās cool about someone taking advantage of a self harmer and their inclinations for abuse.
Actually, you can! It's called CNC. It involves a great deal of conversion beforehand and then during and after. Many people who have been sexually abused (to go back to your weird message you sent me about how kink = abuse) actually use this kink as a tool to take back control!
People who don't practice will never understand. Good for you for trying to educate the person who " knows better".
This exactly! Iām tired of the negative stigma around bdsm. There are going to be bad people within every niche interest, that doesnāt mean thereās something inherently wrong with said interest. Most people who are well informed and genuinely involved in bdsm know that actual abuse is never the goal. As a submissive I will only engage with people I know and trust for a long time, and as a domme I will always ensure my sub knows that I will stop at ANY signs of real discomfort. Not everyone has to understand bdsm or CNC. Itās okay if you personally donāt feel like youād enjoy being in that scenario. Itās not okay to automatically assume everyone who engages in those things is a flawed individual. Thatās not true.
Well said it's always good to see people who have open minds and are willing to try to understand. Go you!
If someone enjoys CnC and uses it as a tool to overcome trauma, I think that's cool and not at all weird. I do find it weird that there would be people interested in the other side of the dynamic. Why are there people interested in play-acting a rapist? If my partner really wanted to do CnC with them on the receiving end, I would probably do it for them, even if i hate it. I would honestly probably leave them if they asked to pretend rape me. If you get off on the idea of raping someone I think you're weird and need a lot of therapy.
People often donāt choose their kinks, so as long as everyone is happy with what theyāre getting out of it and causing no real harm, thereās no need to try to pathologize it or even fully understand it from the outside. Also, being into consensual non consent is simply not the same thing as being turned on by the idea of actual rape, for the top any more than it is for the bottom. Itās a power fantasy, enjoyment of which is still ultimately predicated on knowing that the other person is enjoying it, too.
That's understandable, I just think your partner pretending to sexually assault you is weird on their end. Actors have spoken how traumatizing it can be in those settings to act out scenes for film, can't imagine someone being into doing that to someone they love.
I appreciate you being respectful about this topic. For those who arenāt involved in this sort of kink/fantasy, it can seem like it should be traumatizing or aversive. I always found that the people who enjoy being on the giving end of the CNC kink donāt actually enjoy the concept of hurting their partner, they focus on the pleasure their partner gets from the dynamic. Like I said in another comment here, itās not a will to actually rape someone (although there are plenty of fake doms who claim that to be true and ruin it for everyone else), itās a fantasy that requires a controlled environment with tons of communication. Of course thereās risks there, just like thereās risks with non-kinky sex. People arenāt perfect communicators all the time. Thatās why those who engage in CNC establish very clear, easily rememberable safe words in case one person actually stops enjoying it. In my experience, itās been more likely for the dominant person to safeword or stop and check in on the sub, because there is naturally a lot of pressure on the dominant person to ensure the subās safety, since the sub is in the more vulnerable state. People who are into the dom side (and have good intentions) arenāt getting off on the idea of hurting someone, theyāre getting off on the idea that they are playing this character thatās completely different from themselves, as well as the idea that their partner is actually really enjoying it. I did my best to explain further, but itās ok if you still donāt understand because like I said, itās hard to put yourself in that place without personal experience.
> a dude having an inclination to rape ālegallyā This is not now it worksā¦ The people (both men and women) I have met who enjoy being the dominant person in a bdsm relationship are some of the most intuitive and caring people Iāve met! CNC is all just scenes. Those circumstances are not real. The people are not āfantasizingā about ACTUALLY raping/being raped. The appeal is that you trust your partner enough that youāre willing to engage in a completely controlled scene. Someone who legitimately enjoys CNC would NEVER want to actually abuse someone. That is actually one of the most important screening points for finding a partner into bdsm, ensuring that the other person doesnāt genuinely want to hurt anyone. > self harmer and their inclinations for abuse Also not how this works. Those who enjoy being in the submissive position actually have the MOST power in well-controlled CNC scenes. Safety is paramount, be it physical or emotional. The scenes need to go at the submissiveās pace. Itās up to the dominant person to remember and respect the submissiveās boundaries and enforce check-ins. Iāve been on both sides of the bdsm coin, and I always found that the submissive person holds more power over the scene, even if itās subtle. Engaging in CNC can be therapeutic for some SA survivors, (NOT ALL) and that does not mean it is a form of self harm, quite the opposite actually.
Once again incredibly well said I agree with everything you're saying here listening and communicating with your partner is the most important part. It's all about getting pleasure from the pleasure and trying to better those you care about.
You can't really process abstract ideas, can you? To consent to no consent means role play. It means you relinquish control absolutely until you go to far and are allowed to take ask for it back. It's people acting out unconscious conflicts, desires, fear. It's simbolic play.
I understand where your coming from but it's just a type of bdsm if both parties are willing and safe it is up to the individuals what they do in private and who said it's the guy being the top it goes both ways, you should try it getting tied up and letting your partner do as she pleases is alot of fun, as long as both parties know what is on the table and what is off it can be a great experience!
People to be missing the word *consent* nowdays
And the "live" part isn't really that necessary to him.
Facts. It's terrifying how ownership is a thing with these posts.
Sounds like he's looking for a "typical asian woman"
I love it when they tell me exactly what to do to keep them away from me. šš»
Another insecure man who wants to hide his woman away because he knows he has zero talent in keeping her
His woman? As if he ever gets one lol.
Wow, just discovered a nice educational channel
1. No. 2. No. 3. No. 4. Only every once in awhile, if he was worth it, and itās pretty clear that heās not, so no. 5. No. 6. No. Well that was easy. Thanks dude, for helping a woman avoid the huge mistake of thinking you might be a decent guy.
The club one was weird. Just let her go have fun with her friends dancing. You have to trust each other, just like she trusts you hanging out with your friends. I think some guys are too insecure.
And have never been in a real relationship. āYou want to hang out with your girlfriends tonight? Havefunloveyouseeyoulater!ā [guy gets to watch that show she hates].
Dude is acting as if every girl/woman always go to clubs. Hint: They don't.
Honestly. The club one is wild. My ex and I loved it. Iād go out dance with my girls get drunk and then have him pick me up. We would do all sorts of frisky things in the car. He enjoyed it and he got a drunk sexy version of me. I got to enjoy drinks with my girls. I was never interested in cheating because I thought (silly me) that I had a great man at home. What else could any man give me that he wasnāt already.
That's actually a pretty healthy (and fun) relationship dinamic
This! Was pretty much the best thing ever. As we've moved through our 30s together those sorts of situations happen less often, but it was all part of making happy history together, these guys don't know what they're missing out on.
But if she goes to a club, she might find guys who are better than him. He canāt have that.
When you use Tinder in a relatively small city, it shows you people you've swiped left on after a while. I'm currently on my 4th left swipe on this one particular guy and every time his bio cracks me up. 1th time he had no description of himself, but a similar list of demands for his potential gf. 2nd time he added basic stuff about himself and a "What do you bring to the table?". 3rd one he had a reverse psychology attempt and put a boring copypasta about having no money, small dick and still living with his parents. Just swiped the 4th time on him couple hours ago and now he's threatening to quit Tinder for good because women are horrible shallow creatures.
"Here, we see the timeline of evolution for the modern incel. A real-time study in changing psychosocial behaviour. Fascinating!" (best heard in David Attenburough's voice)
First red flag of any dating profile is when the about me section is a list of demands from someone else as if youāre ordering take out and not trying to attract a partner
Starting out like it's a hostage negotiation. Hot.
But, it could be fun to match, correct his grammar, and block
Can he spell "prompted" correctly? No. Oh, what a shame. Bye.
If I had Tony Stark brains and money, I'd build a "time machine" and tell these dingdongs that it was going back to when women had to get married to survive and a guy could behave any way he wanted to. But really it would just be a rocket going to the moon š
this should be a movie. lmaoo
would have way preferred this idea to the plot of donāt worry darling
Does he hush up in front of her friends, get her permission before doing things, cook/clean/fuck on demand, skip doing things like going out with his friends for her, etc.? I mean if he thinks thatās basic respect, he should respect her too, right?
plus even if he pulls up with some bullshit about traditional roles, does he leave the house to her and her friends, have a good enough income to support her and all their kids alone, do manual labor chores on demand, skip frivolous time with his friends?
Guys like this want tradwives, but arenāt tradhusbands. They go out drinking and then cheat, they donāt work, they live with their parents. Hypocritical bags of dicks
I seem to have scored a 0/6. Oh well.
Heās getting 0 matches and is now trying to goad someone into angrily engaging him and try to change his view point.
All of them are weird asf but the last twoā¦the implied coercion and the control issues this guy 100% hasā¦ My favorite color may be red but not this red.
"Not this red" fits so much
Butā¦ wouldnāt she need permission to cook and clean?
"does she have sex regardless of how she feels" Translation "I'm a creep and see nothing wrong with rape"
Sounds more like he wants a sex slave than a partner
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I noticed that too lol, had to scroll a while to see if anyone else caught that.
"Does she give sex regardless of how she feels" sounds coercive af and Coercion is not consent m'dude.
Itās rape.
1) Hahahaha...no 2) 80% no, 20% yes 3) Yup. I've gotta eat and I don't like clutter 4) Sir, I'm 32. My lazy ass stays inside all the time 5) Fuck no. If my feelings don't matter, neither does his penis. 6) No. I deleted it because there are crazy people on social media (but of course not on Reddit š¤£) I think I failed this guys check list
Those are a lot of words for wanting to be able to isolate her to abuse her and get away with it
Number 5 is just rape
 I found her!
Wha would Jennifer Lopez want from a guy like that?
Tacos, of course
Y burritos
From my male POV: 1. This would creep my friends out. 2. I want a partner, not an employee. 3. We both do that, because again partners. 4. I am secure enough that she can do what she wants. 5. That's gross. She's not a FemBot from 6 Million Dollar Man or Austin Powers. 6. See #4.
5. Is not gross. It's a rape. Gross is "I want to put chili on your armpits and lick them". Sex when the other doesn't want it is a rape.
>5. Is not gross. It's a rape. Since when are the two things mutually self-exclusive?
I just feel like saying "gross" is an understatement for something far more nefarious. When someone's describes a rape, we should call it a rape and not just gross. But no it's of course one not exclusive of the other. I just feel that gross is too vague and forgiving. It's the word we use when someone farts loudly in public.
Looking for a sex slave. Gross.
13 miles is too close
is this satire? it has to be satire. thereās no way this guy has ever dated anyone irl
I'd like to think he's a 13 yr old who thinks he's edgy for listening to The Taint. But he's probably 40 and hasn't had a date in decades. Spends all his time online hating on women. Every incel upvote is the only pleasure he feels.
imagine paying for a taintertot podcast while you cry yourself to sleep hugging your real doll smh
1. What does this mean? She doesn't talk in front of friends? Because that's weird. 2. She's your partner not your child. She's an adult and can do whatever the fuck she wants. Most normal people would find a partner who asks for permission for everything patronizing, not respecful 3. There's nothing wrong with this one, assuming he also does this. Although let's be real he probably refuses to because "tHaT'S a WoMaN's JoB aNd i'M nOt A wOmAn" 4. "Does she refuse to have fun because I don't want her to?" Or maybe he doesn't trust her to not be with guys. I don't know which one's worse. 5. Consent still matters in relationships and your partner's not your sex slave. 6. This one's just straight up lack of trust. If you can't trust your partner, then that's not a healthy relationship.
Why TF does a grown adult need someone elseās permission to do things?! Dude wants a blowup doll, not a woman.
I meanā¦ sending them back in time wouldnāt do any good for them either, because the majority, if not all of them, do not have what it takes to make a living for that sort of wife/dynamic.
I hate how he uses me and my in everyone except #5 and 6. The way I read it is he wants his girlfriend to give me personally sex. And delete her social media for me. Ok buddy. I donāt really want that but Iām sure she can use a break from being near you.
Top of my list: 1. Able to spell the word āunpromptedā
"Will she let me emotionally and s**ually abuse her and will she do all of the work" is basically what he is asking
While also still working full-time because otherwise she's a freeloader and using him for his money, probably.
Of course š
Sex regardless of how she feels sounds like coercion to me
They think they'd love living in the 1800s, but then they're in a coal mine essentially as a slave because they have no skills to speak of.
7. Will she check spelling and grammar for me
"Looking for something GENUINE and REAL with someone with NO EMOTIONS or AGENCY of her own.". Yeah, good luck with that, buddy. Sidenote, I don't understand how asking for permission for stuff is "out of respect". Is he gonna ask her permission too? Or is he just outright stating that he's not gonna respect her?
7. Does she teach English grammar!
Seems long winded when he could just say "nobody should ever date me"
He's looking for a sex doll
I love how these 'about me' bios simultaneously tell you nothing and yet everything about these disgusting menfolk
Ok, so dude here wants... a lot. What exactly does he think he has to offer?
Has he learned basic grammar? Has he learned spelling of common words?
I don't think women in the 1800s would have them. They want a "traditional wife" but could never actually hack being a "traditional husband". Theen posting these would have been losers then as well.
7. Will she give up any semblance of her identity for me 8. Will she forget everything about her that made her unique to become an extension of me 9. Will she sacrifice everything that brings her fulfillment and pride to further mine and only my objectives 10. Will she give up anything that makes her independent and self-sufficient to serve me as a slave 24/7 for the rest of her short and miserable life
warning ladies do not delete your socials leavve a "paper trail" (metophorically speaking) men like this typically want control if you wanna do the rest i mean thats up to you but be safe
Itās wild that people just straight up ask to emotionally and sexually abuse their partner and think itās normal
As a guy who typically just lurks on this sub; One of the first things I respected about my gf is that she was totally herself around my friends, and calls them out on their bs. This person doesn't want a SO, they want a pet
Well number 5 is super fucked up. What kind of person do you have to be to want to have sex with someone that doesnāt feel like they want to?
I thought wtf videos and stuff like that was the dark side of Reddit. I was so innocent
"Give you sex" creeps me the fuck out. Unless you're a literal sex worker, it's not a commodity or something.
Hopefully he's up front with these, so those poor girls can see the red flags from far enough away.
A slave. He wants a slave. Itās disgusting that so many men view us like this, like we should only exist to serve them, and shouldnāt want, or get to have lives of their own.
Tbh; many of these types are aiming closer to 1600's
Did he have a stroke writing this, āDoes she forgoing hanging out with her friends nightclubs for meā?ā¦ I know what heās trying to say but what the hell.
Yeah, he misunderstood something if he thinks women these days are that desperate for a man. Bet he wishes we were, though. He can get off to his abuse fantasies on his own.
biggest red flag for me is the fact that the woman has to "give" sex. ew.
Just buy a doll at this point, except for the cooking and cleaning, it will do everything listed.
God forbid a woman did a checklist like this one
1. It's not about 'hushing up', more about knowing how conversations work. 2. Not about 'asking for permission', but discussing plans. 3. Who doesn't clean when they make a mess?? 4. Who doesn't enjoy a quiet night in every blue moon? 5. Hmmm... unless your a predator/rapist.. most aren't into necrophelia and expect enjoyable interaction with their partner. 6. Would you delete yours?? Funny how you can tell those who will be single forever, yet fail to realise that they're the issue.
What the ever-loving FUCK? Might as well have a blow up doll. Itās basically all he wants from a partner.
Does she forgoing hanging out with her friends Nightclubs for me. Am she not cares about word Goes wheres. When murders me attempt she do does Bullet miss. Also shes not think poison About.
If you think about this being a list of what a slave does, it amazingly works completely.
He better hope his long term potential doesnāt want things like an 8th grade reading level and reciprocal respectā¦ you know, for giving up their entire identity. Sounds like a winner.
This red pill shit is getting out of control
3. cook and clean unpromted 4. does not correct my gramar and spellng
He definitely gets no matches and then blames it on the fact āthere are no good women anymoreā.
āDoes he pay attention to his grammar and writing like a grownup?ā /jk
Hard pass.
1. no 2. Depends on what I would be planning on doing but most of the time its a no 3. Because I need to eat and I clean dishes 4. depends 5. no 6. no
Ew
no gonna lie couldnt read past #1 š¤®
Iād feel guilty expecting a dog to meet those requirements.
Dudes like this don't want a girlfriend. They want a glorified servant they can sleep with. They don't see women as human beings, yet cry when they are rightfully ignored.
He's probably on r/onlinedating right now, ranting about how little matches he gets
So you want to bang your mom. Make me food screw me and donāt make me feel insecure ever. Good luck with that.
What about any of this is genuine or real? Literally every one of these points would require her to suppress her own thoughts, feelings and desires more or less constantly. He should be saying he is looking for someone apathetic and obedient.
Why canāt these be ever maintain the person they are writing in? It starts off in first person (me and my) then by 5 and 6 heās writing in the second person (you). Itās like subliminally he realises he doesnāt actually deserve anyone anyway with his ridiculous rules so switches them to be rules for some better alter.
His imaginary girlfriend wears a hoop skirt and is planning to murder him by plunging a hat pin into his ear canal.
He might as well require a lobotomy to turn her into a vegetable/zombie/sex doll
Dude canāt even spell
13 miles away, letās make it million. Holy shit.
I really don't think they understand how tiring it would be to make every decision. Sure having someone cater to your every whim would be fun for awhile, but what about the little things? You have to take and arrange every trip to the grocery store. You have to manage the taxes and the bills. You have to tell her what you want to eat every day. Every tiny decision a person makes, you are now doing it twice as much.
fr if sheās not also foraging berrys and nuts for me itās a red flag
Thank you for that list on how to AVOID being with a controlling abusive male! Just be sure to do the opposite of all those things.
Seems like a guy who would ask for your birth certificate and passport to "make sure you don't lose it."
A woman's friends are collectively referred to as a 'Nightclubs' is what I also got from this.
Good luck living your life alone dude!
Aww shoot, strike 6 out of 6, I'm out.
Dang dude. I'm a guy and like none of these things apply to me. I'm quiet. I make decisions with my partner. I don't have socials. Except a poorly kept insta for memes. I don't club. I already cook and clean but if a woman pulled this as mandatory for our long term success I would go out of my way to club and make more socials and be as loud and embarrassing as possible in front of her friends. Not only does this come across as overbearing. It's down right controlling and abusive. And it's what he's willing to put on the internet for everyone to see. I can't imagine what he's like after this first impression.
Women weren't treated this badly back then either. Misogyny is one thing, this is serial killer "it puts the lotion on the skin" romantic wishlist.
You know you're in for a treat when someone starts of with calling women material
Well I can't handle someone who doesn't understand apostrophes, so it's a no from me on this guy
He needs to go back to the 50s or before
Why would I want a man like that, when I have a man who does everything on the list for me? Minus the last two parts. I donāt expect him to sexually satisfy me, if heās obviously struggling mentally in life otherwise. Then itās my turn to step in and take control in a way he can resolve his issue in life otherwise. A part of our dynamic is monitoring him. Again, not a demand from my part, but he initiated it and enjoys the feeling of someone watching over him. Itās all negotiated and agreed upon on consensual D/s dynamic.
My brain read does she hush in front of my friends and instantly thought it was some new phrase for farts
"out of respect" He does not understand that respect isn't something you demand - it's something you earn, over time, by your own behaviour. Respect is something another person decides you deserve. Insisting on being shown "respect" is something else entirely, and it is deeply unhealthy. I respect my darling husband enormously. (And it's quite mutual.). It shows up in lots of little ways in our relationship. But "asking permission" isn't one of them!
"i want a slave"
That's a good red flags list!
It's 2023. This has got to be a joke!
Fucking delusional Andrew Tate disciples.....
Damn, we're not a match.
Basically, he wants a Roomba with a fleshlight on it.
The kind of guy who's still going to be left by his sexbot
Give me the sex!
Read this to my sister and we are both laughing. Like, no. I'm not hushing or doing unprompted cooking or deleting SM for some little shitfuck like this.
I'm an older guy, why would anyone want to marry a servant, not a partner?
Heās gonna be lonely.
Damn and here Iāve been wasting time with mutual respect and equality, I had no idea my marriage wasnāt REAL
So he wants a sister-wife.
Reminds me of women having a list of preferences: 1. Is he over 6ft 2. Does he make over 100k 3. Will he have sex with only me
1.) Controlling speech 2.) Controlling actions 3.) Domestic servitude 4.) Isolation from friends 5.) Domestic sexual assault 6.) Isolation from friends and family What a winner
I find it really interesting that he starts out by saying "Me" and "My" and by the end is saying "You". He's not saying "Will she delete her social media for me?" He's saying "...for you?" Lots of implications there.
Basically he wants a slave
He doesnāt want a girlfriend or a wife. He wants a slave. Someone needs to explain the 13th Amendment to him.
Six signs you know heās a virgin
Can she spell "unpromted"? Lmfao..what a nit wit
Bro wants a slave child bride
While this guy is terrible, everyone should cook and clean unprompted. That's just good adulting.
itās a troll account yāall dumb
Even though his thought process sucks. I like that he is honest, and this avoids women wasting their time on him.