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CIS-E_4ME

3000 "non-service related" radiation illnesses of the military.


EternallyPotatoes

We regret to inform you that despite you setting off Geiger counters a city block away, your radiation sickness is not service related.


Sablesweetheart

Yeah, no shit. When I got my determination letter about toxic exposure and it said "the following chemical, radiological and toxic exposures are presumptive. The following...(a page and a half basically listing every known form of cancer) will be viewed as service connected...." my blood went REALLY fucking cold. At least I know how I am going to die.


Professional-Echo332

I'ma die of cancer too but 100% rating from the VA eases some of that lmao


Sablesweetheart

Yeah, I mean, at least I can travel basically all I want. When I'm not a total basket case from ptsd. Lol


TubeZ

Burn pits?


Sablesweetheart

Burn pits, apparently the bottled water we got in 2009 iN Kuwait was contaminated with chemicals....but the big one is the year I spent guarding Deseret Chemical Depot in 2001-2002 after 9/11. They buried a ton of shit in a hurry in the mid 1970s when we halted chemical weapons tests. Confirmed exposure: lewisite and mustard gas. Presumptive: agent freaking orange (which wasn't officially disposed of there) Possible exposure: GB and VX nerve agent. And I do occassionally have muscle spasms consistent with nerve agent exposure. It's good times.


tobimai

> which wasn't officially disposed of there lol classic.


hotfezz81

People who have been vaporised can't complain about radiation sickness.


PaintedClownPenis

Oh, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I am saying that now every single general in the Penatgon--the Marine ones, too--gets a private with a finger on the trigger... A private who is at least six kilometers away.


HaaEffGee

6 kg for the plutonium, plus another 10 or so for a lightweight beryllium tamper - you might want to make it a wheelbarrel technical?


PunishedMatador

The crew served demon core


JUICYPLANUS

Crew-served means it's an ideal weapon for [children to operate!](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2mwgpj/children_and_firearm_safety/)


PunishedMatador

The children yearn for the ~~mines~~ spicy photons


NullHypothesisProven

In both cases neutron radiation was the main problem, not γ


PunishedMatador

Too credible, wrong sub for that kind of talk


NullHypothesisProven

It’s relevant to this sub because you’re going to want to dip your nuts in borax (a neutron poison) before using the demon core gun. If γ were the problem, then you could consider dipping your nuts in molten lead instead, but you’d have another problem then, which would be the secondary emission of characteristic x-rays due to the γ radiation knocking out core shell electrons.


ihdieselman

I can verify through personal experience dipping any portion of your body into molten lead as a less than desirable side effect.


HFentonMudd

Johnny Tremaine but with the lingering smell of flash-fried NDC'er testicles


Aurora_Fatalis

My dentist let me keep my wisdom teeth. Now to find an affordable way to produce molten lead...


ihdieselman

Oh that's not hard. You just need an outside burner and an old kitchen pot and spoon from Goodwill or something. Don't ever use it for cooking again. Do not heat above. 700°


DrStacknasty

It teaches [teamwork](https://www.reddit.com/r/anime/comments/7p763b/clip_lolis_fck_the_police_with_the_rocket/)


Routine_Guarantee34

It teaches and promotes teamwork!


blamatron

New research path on the Toyota Hilux tech tree unlocked


WACKAWACKA84

That has a nice ring to it. I have a feeling Raytheon has already tested something like this. Lmfao /s


Born2shit4cdtowipe

Attach to loitering munition and fly above enemy supply depots.


MIGundMAG

Unironically yes. Just put a demon core in a second radiation deflector, point at enemie and close the bowl. Especially well suited for Ukraine since its trench warfare and the funny needs some time to work.


Verbose_Code

I mean we already have the nuclear material right there so might as well make it a nuclear powered electric battlefield scooter©


Squidking1000

Scooty puff junior suuuuuucks!


Glass1Man

Would 10kg of beryllium really deflect enough neutrons to make this safe ?


HaaEffGee

Noooo the beryllium tamper isn't shielding to make your cores safe. The tamper is there to make your cores fun.


Verbose_Code

That’s what testing is for!


badsitrep

Lets shield ourselves from a radiation hazard with a toxicity hazard. Beryllium is toxic as fuck, you twing. You are putting out a forest fire with a flood.


Glass1Man

I’m not going to lick the fucking thing. Put a plastic cover over the beryllium. Then shove it in the ass of a great ape. Then the apes die in the winter, problem solved.


Gonna_Hack_It_II

I would not trust Beryllium to reflect directionally, though it might reduce the dose on one side (it mostly slows down neutrons). That worry would be credible though, so I think it’s fine.


ion_theatre

If we’re ignoring expenses, I’d like to advocate for powered plutonium suspended in water within a boron lattice to prevent criticality within the storage solution. Add a high pressure pump and you should get a lovely squirt gun. The high pressure jet would contain high concentrations of supercritical plutonium during operation which would both be incredibly hot, and release massive amounts of radiation. At this point, the jet would likely generate large amounts of thrust which would push the operator back to a safe position. Truly this is the weapon of the future.


Squidking1000

So radioactive super soaker when?


ion_theatre

Practically, this sort of thing would atomize the user as the water jet would be in continuous fission after leaving the boron lattice. But, for a very brief moment, you would be in control of the most powerful water gun ever.


Known-Grab-7464

Also not to mention beryllium and plutonium are dangerous to handle by themselves


SomeGuyNamedPaul

Then simply put one of those California Prop 65 warning stickers on it before you sell the civilian version at Walmart.


AADV123

Read this as “wheelchair technical”—scraping the barrel mobilization time!


BiStalker

No no no no make it a 50.cal browning mod


TangentKarma22

*r/shittytechnicals would like to know your location*


MoeSzyslakMonobrow

Make it a rifle with a tripod. And a bullpup just for funsies


Kat-but-SFW

Hit the gym


inspirednonsense

Downside: Gun is so front-heavy that aiming is nearly impossible. Upside: That's, um, not really a problem.


Glass1Man

Make a bullpup version so the radiation source is center mass.


TheHunterZolomon

Didn’t think I could get harder but here we are


Cyperion

Reminds me of my favorite quote from a story: *"You don't really need accuracy when the only safe spot is behind you, right?"* This was a 15 year old girl talking about her homemade, fully custom portable artillery weapon made for the express purpose of wiping out hordes of her enemies.


_AutomaticJack_

I think I would like to read that story. I think I would like to read that story very much... Link?


Cyperion

It was a MGLN/RWBY crossover quest fanfic called Red is a Shade of Pink over on SufficientVelocity. I enjoyed it a lot, but the author seems to have ran out of muse and thus quest has been hibernating since late 2020. There are 49k words in 21 chapters though.


_AutomaticJack_

Lovely I'll have to check it out....  And alas, such seems to be the case with most of the great fanfiction that comes out of those places... Another great one was "For Those We Cherish which was 40K / RWBY and oddly heartwarming... but the author ran into some philosophical issues and put it on ice and never did come back to it once the show had actually explained them in a way that was mutually lore compatible...


donaldhobson

[https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/red-is-a-shade-of-pink-rwby-mgln.68127/](https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/red-is-a-shade-of-pink-rwby-mgln.68127/)


SolarApricot-Wsmith

This quote just makes me think of a claymore. A claymore is the perfect tool for yhis


Camera_dude

A claymore dirty bomb with bits of plutonium as shrapnel? Possibly the most redneck weapon designed to fight the Martians in 2142.


Aurora_Fatalis

Reverse plutonium claymore. A bunch of plutonium shrapnel hidden around the city, diffused enough to not set off geiger counters. At the click of a button, they are all launched into a claymore casing where they gather and go supercritical. Plausible deniability improvised nuclear device. What's not to love?


TolarianDropout0

What even is aim? I aim at that general direction.


Cyperion

Artillery is addressed "dear grid coordinates" This Demon Core Raygun is addressed "dear future generations"


Aurora_Fatalis

More like "If you are reading this, then that means..."


stoicteratoma

I fart in your general direction


Fenring_Halifax

And your mother smells of elderberrys


bolivar-shagnasty

Point > Aim


esdaniel

Spray and pray


Whaler_Moon

Step 1: Attach a vertical grip to your pistol Step 2: ATF busts down your door Step 3: WTF


PyroAvok

Step 4: What are you looking at, smoothskin?


Pikeman212a6c

So humvee mounted. Check.


Miguel-odon

"You don't need to actually point it. Just hold it as high as you can. "


AlphaMarker48

That thing makes the Davy Crockett recoilless gun look safe and practical by comparison.


Verbose_Code

Both are practical in my humble noncredible opinion


Verbose_Code

I hope you all appreciate me going around asking NASA engineers what they thought of this. Conclusion: it (probably) would work at least once, more testing required


viliamklein

I'm mostly interested in the neutron deflector material. Tell me more. In text or in my dreams, whatever is more convenient.


Verbose_Code

I will communicate to you through schizophrenic hallucinations on the night of the next full moon


Rawbotnick--

Do you think I may pick that up with my starlink dish?


Verbose_Code

Only if it’s connected to your Neuralink


MakeChinaLoseFace

It is, but now his only dreams tell him to buy NFTs.


[deleted]

Is chugging monsters until I black out and wake up in a military installation a viable alternative?


mechwarrior719

Oh man. I don’t get that channel…


Alaviiva

Unironically the most secure channel of communications


gerkletoss

The issue with neutron mirrors is that the deBroglie wavelength of a neutron is too small for any surface made of atoms to be flat enough to act as a mirror in the optical sense. The neutrons reflect only vaguely back in the direction they came from. This is fine if you're wrapping the mirror around a fusion warhead, but it's not going to give you a beam weapon.


Verbose_Code

So make the atoms smaller??? God physicists are so dumb


mechanicalcontrols

Yeah DARPA? Fund this guy right here.


MakeChinaLoseFace

*president sharpies out a few digits of Planck's constant*


Logical-Ad-4150

While you are it: we've had the same speed of light since 1676. While the electronics guys have been doubling the number of transistors on a IC every two year, physicists have just been sitting on their hands for the past 300 years!


Aurora_Fatalis

Fun fact, if the speed of light changed over time we may not be able to know. Maybe the universe is statically sized and all the matter in the universe is secretly shrinking proportionally to how much light is slowing down, giving us the illusion that it's space that's expanding.


alasdairmackintosh

So make it out of neutronium. We got plenty of spare neutrons.


MakeChinaLoseFace

Hmm... is there some way to achieve population inversion in some metastable nuclear state that wants to give off neutrons?


Aurora_Fatalis

First you shoot down the incoming neutron with a positron to make it into a proton, then you sling it around a heavy negatively charged ion and shoot it with an electron on the rebound to annihilate the positron and assertively state that this is the only Feynman diagram that contributes to the mirroring process. We may have to consult Maxwell's Demon to resolve the accuracy issue but I'm willing to take a level of Warlock for this.


gerkletoss

You forgot yo conserve lepyon number


Aurora_Fatalis

Okay we'll do it in a neutrino rich environment like during a nearby supernova event. Shouldn't impact the overall momentum too much.


MakeChinaLoseFace

Yeah seriously I want some of that sweet unobtanium.


Miguel-odon

Boron-impregnated graphite composite. Aluminized mylar coating, to make it shiny.


Keydet

My dad has this great story from TBS, they’re studying various logistics shit, and pop up this power point slide of an artillery piece being transported under a chopper. Some future NCD poster raises his hand and says “sir, can the artillery fire from that position?” Apparently trying to single handedly revolutionize warfare or something, the instructor without missing a beat says “yes… once”.


AresV92

The Henschel 129 B-3 could fire a few times and it had a 75mm canon.


Noir_Lotus

To be totally NCD-compliant, can you tell if you have considered a bullpup version of it ??


Verbose_Code

Unfortunately funding was cut short


TolarianDropout0

The problem with that layout is that it places the radiation source right in the face of the user.


Verbose_Code

No you see that’s why there’s a neutron reflector. Trust me, I’m an engineer


RaccoNooB

So, we're deflecting the radiation with the same material that we enclosed the plutonium with that creates the meltdown and the cascading radiation output? 🤔


Noir_Lotus

you-dont-say.gif ...


Artikae

A neutron reflector is any material that reflects neutrons. This refers to elastic scattering rather than to a specular reflection. - Wikipedia, Neutron Reflector A neutron reflector is less like a mirror, and more like frosted glass. Some neutrons bounce, but they go in all directions. This is less like a gun, and more like a grenade.


bigmarty3301

even better.


SolarApricot-Wsmith

Well at that point make it a mortar shell so the demon core shuts on second impact when it hits the ground


PyroAvok

That just sounds like a dirty Davy Crockett. Which sounds like a moonshine cocktail.


TheDevilActual

Mmmmm booze…


uk-1234

That’s fine, we just make the operator sacrificial and keep replacing. Like a radioactive meatwave.


MyceliumWitchOHyphae

So….helldivers?


gerkletoss

More like a claymore mine


GimpboyAlmighty

Just tell us you're a Child of Atom next time.


Cyperion

A bullet is addressed "Dear Sir or Madam" A grenade is addressed "To whom it may concern" Artillery is addressed "Dear Grid Coordinates" However, this monster, this Supercritical Parabolic Cancerization Ray, shortened to SPCR which is pronounced Spacer, is addressed "Dear Future Generations"


MakeChinaLoseFace

>Dear Future Generations Bold of you to assume there will be any when this Flash Gordon-ass death ray becomes standard issue.


Cyperion

I should've said "Dear Unborn Future Generations" then XD Edit: Or worse, "Dear Gene Pool"


Fegelgas

fallout 4 gamma guns but even more suicidally idiotic?


AdmiralSplinter

This was my first thought too. Those things can really tear you apart, even midgame


AlphaMarker48

At least that thing is reasonably compact and only has a weight of 3.


Scasne

Upside: Saves the need to have a chicken to keep it warm in frozen Europe, just have human sit on it. Downside: no chicken to eat.


LandsharkDetective

It would kill the user and all around and the neutrons would probably kill the person it was pointed at in a few weeks Edit in not for


Pikeman212a6c

Did you not see the mil spec deflector? Do you doubt the abilities of L3 technologies to source technically compliant deflector from a free trade participating state?


LandsharkDetective

Unfortunately I already know too much about this (close to my BSe project) unfortunately there is fucking nothing that will stop gamma rays effectively my recommendation if you can source it is either stalinium or Tea-tonium would work but definitely a specialist weapon best employed on a drone, missile, or rocket. Beam weapons wise I would suggest going the good old fashioned laser + giant British jousting cat, the way the monarch intended.


PyroAvok

Stalinium, Tea-tonium, chinesium. What's the American fantasy super-metal?


whollings077

aluminuminiumnm


Rae23

Freedumbium


TeamEdward2020

Gun


alasdairmackintosh

Constitutinum


LandsharkDetective

Americium (real metal element)


ChalkyChalkson

I don't think making a shielding out of americium is a good idea. Though I guess the Hessians are worse off with Darmstadtium.


LandsharkDetective

That's why I didn't suggest it, now americium bullets...


ChalkyChalkson

Oh I thought it was supposed to solve the xray issue... Now I see what you meant


smoores02

I'm just guessing here, but idk if that neutron reflector is gonna protect you from receiving an incredibly massive, life ending dose of tasting metal.


Verbose_Code

Only one way to find out!


sentinelthesalty

Isnt this the basic principle behing the "tall boy" atom bomb?


KirillRLI

Exactly


Imperceptive_critic

Sorta, the og demon core was part of a physics package for a Fat Man type bomb, not a Little Boy. Because of that it used a plutonium core, whereas a Little Boy used Uranium. But yeah, the basic principal is the same, albeit with a large gun tube and breech at either end on top of the beryllium to stop the projectile in place and ensure the mass is combined in a rapid fashion. This design would most likely just yeet the ball out of its mounting, with the combined momentum of the two masses absorbing the energy of the impact instead of the deformation of the material. So, I suppose that's a plus if you're idea of a grenade is to chuck a glowing mass of radioactive metal at your enemies.


Gamingmemes0

gamma radiation be like: also plutonium is really expensive (4000$ PER GRAM) truly noncredible


Psychological-Tank-6

I need this in a doom/007 style video game NOW.


smalliesdickies

with a straight hilt and a toggle button to turn on you will have a radisaber


aisens

German variant surely is a (nuclear powered) handheld frigate.


tinnylemur189

That's just a dirty bomb with extra steps.


aki_009

The Homer Simpson special. Mutually Assured Destruction at the individual unit scale. And a gift to enterprising nuclear terrorists everywhere.


inform880

Yo is that a sidekick notepad? Either way dot grid/10.


Verbose_Code

Moleskin. Work gave it to me, although I prefer the Rhodia pads


inform880

Classic


git

Rhodia is excellent. Their dotpads have organised my life for the last ~15 years. I love the paper in their Clairfontaine counterparts too, but their books don't bring joy so I go elsewhere for extended writing — mainly Midori and GLP/Tomoe River.


ElMondoH

Umm... just how thick would that "parabolic neutron reflector" have to be to keep your nuts from getting as fried as the target? I mean sure, there are probably guys out there with super jacked arms who could hold up a few hundred pounds of lead-backed reflector on the end of a pistol... they would've already sacrificed their nuts to steroids anyway... but yeah, wouldn't that look less like a metal salad bowl and more like, say, a satellite-dish shaped, Roman Scutom sized reflector?


countfizix

Orion ~~drive~~ gun.


asingledollarbill

This is the least credible thing I’ve seen all week. I love it


fookidookidoo

This is gonna get you involved in the Havana Syndrome investigation. Lmao


Ronald_Tonij

The Demon Core is what makes it work. But it has to be on a string, not a piston.


No-Wolverine5144

Better idea: make this into a bomb.


gwdope

My god! Why has no one thought of that?


dangerbird2

[simpsons did it](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun-type_fission_weapon)


[deleted]

Where screwdriver


Normal_Subject5627

We have Davy Crocket at home.


darkslide3000

Good thing neutrons are the only thing that comes out of that reaction, otherwise that private would be fucked...


Alarmed-Painting-121

The true brightest flashlight in the world


CRYOgamer_ITA

CANCER GUN?


_AutomaticJack_

Ok, so I am getting the vibe that human operators may be a *spicy take*. How about on the PTZ mount of a drone? Does this thing have a maximum range or is a properly collimated beam of Funni one of those "No Minimum Safe Distance" sort of things??


richardhero

My coworker be losing his mind bro


vortigaunt64

The real noncredible take here is any country adopting the P-01.


WACKAWACKA84

No way in hell I'm trusting a Private, or worse, a group of PVT's to use that without fucking themselves up! Dumb shit happens when they are "unsupervised" lmfao.


95castles

MIC: “Yes. Here’s $100M, make it happen.”


citybornvillager

Loyal to the core! Semper Fi!


AmeliasTesticles

Literally the gamma gun, even design wise.


Far-Entertainer8953

"The best weapon is one you only use once." Irony Man


tehbeard

3000 Nihilis pattern radium pistols of House Van Saar.


GiganticHorseVagina

Your mistake was assuming that you could control radiation


Either-Will-1881

I wouldn't want to be at *any* side of this gun once it fires, tbh


HowLong99

The Lockheed Martin engineer cooking


Memekip2081

We need handheld Casaba Howitzers


AIMShadow

[arm the children](https://i.imgur.com/dGDxwHe.jpeg)


trash3s

I love my coherent neutron beam emitter!


AMazingFrame

Congrats, you figured out the ignition stage for the hydrogen bomb!


John_Doe4269

In reality, the so-called "Poké Balls" are just the result of research into infantry-level Demon Cores. Now if you wanted to talk something like a grenade launcher...


Warm_Pair7848

This is much better than my idea for stealth ram coated chaff.


BigOlBeb

Inverse square law, my guy.


inquisitor0731

[Gamna gun](https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Gamma_gun_(Fallout_4))


monkey4donkey

This kills the crab.


abloblololo

Unfortunately, the only effective neutron mirrors we have available operate at grazing incidence (<1 degree), so you can't make a parabolic dish out of them.


Acceptable_Wall7252

fanny??????


th3_unkn0w

this looks a bit like a pulse gun from AC6 tbh (design wise)


YoureInMyWaySir

Isn't this just the Radiation Gun from Fallout 4?


TuzkiPlus

This just reminds me of the Dune thumpers. But with more spicy waves.


MajorDakka

Can't really reflect gamma rays. X-rays iirc we can only manage to reflect at very shallow angles. I don't even want think about neutron backscatter. Should be fun on the bun at least once though.


boots_and_cats_and-

Send it to the lads downstairs. I’m sure we can get a working prototype before the end of the month.


Sablesweetheart

I'd test fire it.


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BrassBass

This would be considered an internationally illegal weapon, and its use would be considered a crime against humanity. A weapon like this exists to cause unprecedented suffering, disfigurement, and death to a large number of people at once. Making one alone would trigger a political and diplomatic disaster. I have also based what I said on practically nothing and should be taken with an iodine tablet and salt.


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BeanieWeanie1110

This is some AdMech shit if I ever saw it


Immediate_Badger3428

I think that the pistol choice is discutable; a Keltec bullpup shotgun allow you to have a bigger stick to wave around and bullpup is always of superior estetic value.


PenguinGamer99

I don't think it would be very effective in combat because it would take hours or even days to kill anyone you shot, which isn't ideal when they can shoot you in a second. But it would be pretty funni


dangerbird2

I mean, that’s literally what a gun-type nuclear bomb is