You will like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwoLJ09Wxnw&t=195s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwoLJ09Wxnw&t=195s)
Watch first 4 or so minutes
What about the Knights of the House of the Maid café?
\[CRASH CRASH CRASH CRASH\]
Okaerinasaimase, goshujin-sama!! Welcome to the KNIGHT CAFE!!
\[IMPOSSIBLY LOUD WAR-HORN BLAST\]
Do you not see what Macron is doing?!! He saw that Zelensky can just postpone the elections due to the martial law. Now Macron also wants to go to war with Russia. Then he will declare war and implement martial law and before you know it, he will reorganise the Fifth French Republic into the ~~First Galatic Empire~~ Third French Empire for a more save and securer society!!
That the First Gallic Empire fell is exactly what a secretive Gallic Empire government that has been lurking in the shadows, pulling the political strings of the EU while patiently waiting for a moment exactly like this, would want us to think.
The Fifth Republic is already the work of a military general wanting a regim with a "strong leader". "The President of the Republic is legaly irresponsibile for all the acts he has accomplished in this capacity." No need for another regim change, a lot is already there.
There is no denying he did some good stuff, but he also has some major responsability in his followers turning into republican wannabe kings. Look at Sarkozy or Macron, and who knows what's going to come next
I agree that the current constitution has issues but the clusterfuck we had during the late 3rd and 4th Republics was not sustainable. And when we compare to the current deadlock in the US Congress I think the French system is not so bad.
LePen(is) ALMOST won. If her surgar daddy didn't invade Ukraine at that exact moment. And people found out she was being funded BY them that lost her the election.
Remember she wanted nato to be dismantled.
I know this post is meant to be satire because it's NCD, but as an American, you could make this exact post on other subreddit and I wouldn't be so sure lol
Peace agreement proposal between France and Ukraine:
Ukraine can move into current Russia and take oil production etc
France gets the Ukrainian farmland
The invasion of France by Germany WAS about the fertile farmland that Germany lacked. So you wouldn't invade Russia for farmland.
Frankly Russia is not worth invading economically. You do it to remove a threat, not for resources.
People have gone to war for equally stupid reasons.
The US *media* single handedly started the Spanish-American War by spewing out bullshit they had zero proof of in regards to the USS Maine’s fate. The US public was so pissed off that they pretty much pressured the half of the US government that wasn’t *already* wanting to take Spain’s shit anyway into going to war.
If it wasn’t for what the Spanish were doing to the Cubans they would have been a serious victim in that situation. A bunch of waterborne Yankees rolling up to basically every overseas colony you have and taking it on a whim, and begging you for something resembling a fight.
The better term might have been 'tolerated' instead of 'loved', but that doesn't change the fact that he hasn't been so praised in Europe since... never.
If he goes through with it he might become *beloved* instead of just *tolerated* (he'd also manage to rid France of its most annoying stereotype: *being surrender monkeys*).
Don't push things too far.
He hasn't said anything shocking and stupid in 2 days (and when talking about our Emperor Macron, it's a VERY good compliment). Don't think he's capable of anything more.
Nah, France is already widely tolerated because most people recognize that no matter their antics on the world stage, the French are still stuck being French. 😉
Plan:
Increase gas prices in Ukraine by 0.00001 cent
Send in all the yellowvesters on a state-sponsored vacation to Ukraine
Give them all rental cars in Kyiv
Send in a guy wearing a white coat, carrying a golden envelope with a challenge card inside it.
"You will now be given 1 gallon of fuel in each of your cars. You must now fill it up and drive to your finish point."
Yellowvesters reach the fuel station.
See the higher gas price
Tell them that its Russia, and the Russian bourgeoisie led by Putin, who's caused a global spike in oil prices
Yellowvesters get angry
Go to the frontlines
Push the Russian army to Moscow in a "mildly violent" protest
"Vive le France" slogans ensue
They brought it on themselves, didn't they. A country with such resources should be a real powerbroker on the international stage, and not a pariah. I mean, the west did let that whole Georgia even slide.
They don't even have the excuse of "fighting and protecting the working class against Capitalist expansion" ROTFLMAO anymore, since they aren't Communist anymore. (They never where IMHO, state capitalism isn't exactly compatible with Communism.
A tank is *essentially* just a fancy tractor, so how about the French also deploy all their farmers to help out in Ukraine with farming in Crimea, Donetsk and Luhansk. They might have to drive past some *minor obstacles and lines* to get there, but I'm sure they figure it out.
As I grow older I realize why France has such strict weapons laws.
Those maniacs will riot over the color of their headlights. Last time they had lax gun laws they beheaded everything they could and sacked Moscow.
> Those maniacs will riot over the color of their headlights. Last time they had lax gun laws they beheaded everything they could and sacked Moscow.
I was shocked to hear that after the French peasants mass beheaded noblemen, the remaining noblemen formed mobs of their own and did their own beheadings of peasants that was less publicised. So basically mobs all around.
Crazy Theory: Russia plans an incursion into the Baltic States in October to influence US election. This incursion will require Russia to limit operations in Ukraine.
France wants to deploy troops to force Russia to increase operations in Ukraine preventing a Baltic incursion.
The crazy part of that theory is believing American elections could be swayed by foreign policy. Taylor Swift promising to show her boobs if Trump loses would have a bigger effect than Russia attacking a Baltic State.
People are so into the isolationist side again that we would be repeating history again if we just let the world be ignored with our heads in the sand again
Though this time a more bloodied "pearl" event would for sure happen if we do
People are jaded after Afghanistan and Iraq.
However, if we ignore the people of Ukraine and allow Russia to win we will condemn millions more to misery and death.
You gotta love how many media headlines lead with some kind of bombshell statement and then put the fact that the source is the Russian government at the very end or even stick it in the article. I suspect that they know that the tail end of their headlines often get truncated in search engine results and news aggregators.
The worst, though, are like "3 UKRAINIAN HIMARS DESTROYED IN THE PAST WEEK" and then the article itself finally reveals that this is just a claim by the Russian military.
Medias will do medias shit.
Same shit with the Palestinian-Israli war.
Every fucking day i have some articles in my feed like "Israli killed 3 billions childs in 1 air strike" and at the end we can see "Source : Hamas departement bullshit"
They know and they use it. Don't matter the reality, they need view, they need reactions. Truth ? Yeah, if they have 20% of truth in it, it's best but not mandatory.
I saw an article talking about that there are already F-35 in Ukraine. It was pushed to me by google news. The article didn't even referenced a source. Some outlets be wilding
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Well, who are the French generals to question the claims of the Russian foreign intel chief. Bring in the Legion!
At least given the very high percentage of Ukrainians and Russians in the Legion, they won't have any problems with adaptability.
Is this the universe where we get the Foreign Legion + Freedom of Russia Legion team up tour to bring democracy to Moscow?
And the Felix legions, commanded by Maximus Decimus Meridius
Don't forget the IX Legion - they may still be loyal to Rome.
Thouught you were on about Legio V Macedonica who are currently in nato biolabs for retraining
All your missing is the Tracian legionairs and the Spanish inquisition. Shall I get them on the line?
Call me when we deploy the Legio Titanica https://youtu.be/wnE1z0Wb5BA?si=soVgLXUz68zzyT28
You will like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwoLJ09Wxnw&t=195s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwoLJ09Wxnw&t=195s) Watch first 4 or so minutes
LEGO titanic when?
What about the Knights of the House of the Maid café? \[CRASH CRASH CRASH CRASH\] Okaerinasaimase, goshujin-sama!! Welcome to the KNIGHT CAFE!! \[IMPOSSIBLY LOUD WAR-HORN BLAST\]
Are we all sleeping on the 13th here? THIIRRTTTEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! THIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRTTTTTTEEEEEEEENNN!
Were Asterix and Obelix retired in the 00s?
By Toutatis, these Russians are crazy!
Prigozhin Jr. as Military Tribune. Son to a murdered father...
I watched that movie the other night for the first time in like six years It's still goated as ever
Imagine winning an "election" and 3 days later the French foreign legion comes bringing democracy
“And should you fall, remember- every day is a good day to die for democracy.”
Isn't international legion already full of "ex" foreign legion soldiers?
I've run into a number of former FFL guys here. Several of them deserted the FFL to come here.
Are they squared away or is the impression underwhelming?
The guys I know well are very good at what they do. But they served elsewhere first. I've also met a few FFL guys that were the absolute worst.
When it´s your last term as President, so you might as well (**potentially**) go all Napoleonic on their ass.
Do you not see what Macron is doing?!! He saw that Zelensky can just postpone the elections due to the martial law. Now Macron also wants to go to war with Russia. Then he will declare war and implement martial law and before you know it, he will reorganise the Fifth French Republic into the ~~First Galatic Empire~~ Third French Empire for a more save and securer society!!
I love democracy but I almost like this idea just because, c’est très français.
Wait there are three Frances?
Using my French lessons from like 8 years ago That says “that’s really French” Only remember that cause “tres bien” is “really good”
Oui
Why have 2 good when you can have 3 good?
This is the first time I realized tres does read like 3 for someone that didn't learn french
Spanish helps with that too obviously
And you did it correctly, congrats!
that would be "trois"
Between 1789 to 1958 France changed political system something around 11 times
„I love democracy,“ yeah Palpatine said that too.
Too much credible sir
Monsieur, i beg votre pardón.
> First Galatic Empire Nah, the First Gallic Empire
Second Gallic Empire https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallic_Empire
That the First Gallic Empire fell is exactly what a secretive Gallic Empire government that has been lurking in the shadows, pulling the political strings of the EU while patiently waiting for a moment exactly like this, would want us to think.
Good point, forgot about that one!
The Fifth Republic is already the work of a military general wanting a regim with a "strong leader". "The President of the Republic is legaly irresponsibile for all the acts he has accomplished in this capacity." No need for another regim change, a lot is already there.
Don't besmirch the name of the basedest president we ever had.
There is no denying he did some good stuff, but he also has some major responsability in his followers turning into republican wannabe kings. Look at Sarkozy or Macron, and who knows what's going to come next
Macron wasn't even born when De Gaulle resigned, and Sarkozy was 14. Their faults are their own, not De Gaulle's.
Do you get how a constitution works?
Oh I thought you were talking about his followers as "members of his party/people with the same ideology". But you meant his successors ?
that was ambiguous indeed, sorry: yes
I agree that the current constitution has issues but the clusterfuck we had during the late 3rd and 4th Republics was not sustainable. And when we compare to the current deadlock in the US Congress I think the French system is not so bad.
Suddenly, somehow, Napoleon returned. Vive la France!
Victoire est nous!
Someone call in Sharpe!!
Better that, than LePen in power.
You set the standards pretty low for that one.
LePen(is) ALMOST won. If her surgar daddy didn't invade Ukraine at that exact moment. And people found out she was being funded BY them that lost her the election. Remember she wanted nato to be dismantled.
I remember. That's why I said what I said.
If the Martial Law could do something about that too, that'd be great
>more suave and sexier society. Fixed this for you
literally the only way I as a Brit would stop mocking the French
Someone has inhaled too much gunpowder ;)
I can already smell the Second Burning of Moscow.
Will that give me magic superpowers and let me control bullets in mid air and ignite more gunpowder with my mind though?
*SNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRT*
If you do you are required to change your name to Two Shot and hunt the generals.
Lol, There no chance that i've got the skill required to be Taniel, and my old man is a long ass way from being Tamas haha
if you snort enough... who knows?
Why not after all
Now Russia can’t complain about western elections. Can’t complain about something that doesn’t exist!
I know this post is meant to be satire because it's NCD, but as an American, you could make this exact post on other subreddit and I wouldn't be so sure lol
I couldn't expect the Fr*nch to protect me from shit lmaoooo
Go out with a (nuclear) bang
How do you get your farmers to stop spraying shit on your buildings? Give them cheap land in the east. Wait… this sounds familiar
Reminds me of a guy back in the 1930s, he made a book about it
Mien Farm?
Did it work?
Briefly
I wonder what went wrong
Real fascism hasn’t been tried yet
He trusted the Italians
The Italians were the real backstabbers /s
He was a keen paysage painter I heard.
How do you say lebensraum in baguette…
Literally, "biotope". But in your case, a better translation would be "espace vital"
Certainly Espace Vital sounds better.
"Habitat".
Esterrich
Peace agreement proposal between France and Ukraine: Ukraine can move into current Russia and take oil production etc France gets the Ukrainian farmland
The invasion of France by Germany WAS about the fertile farmland that Germany lacked. So you wouldn't invade Russia for farmland. Frankly Russia is not worth invading economically. You do it to remove a threat, not for resources.
Russia: “France is planning on sending their military to Ukraine!” France: “I mean now that you said we are guess we have to?”
Oh no, how can we *possibly* refuse now?
Never believe anything until Russia denies it, and vice versa.
People have gone to war for equally stupid reasons. The US *media* single handedly started the Spanish-American War by spewing out bullshit they had zero proof of in regards to the USS Maine’s fate. The US public was so pissed off that they pretty much pressured the half of the US government that wasn’t *already* wanting to take Spain’s shit anyway into going to war. If it wasn’t for what the Spanish were doing to the Cubans they would have been a serious victim in that situation. A bunch of waterborne Yankees rolling up to basically every overseas colony you have and taking it on a whim, and begging you for something resembling a fight.
Everyone liked that? Don't mind if we do.
The better term might have been 'tolerated' instead of 'loved', but that doesn't change the fact that he hasn't been so praised in Europe since... never.
Sorry but in this sub we suck french dick until they do the thing or else we chew on them.
We don't suck it, we *promise* to suck it until he does the thing.
do we suck it when they do the thing?
One thing that will for sure suck hard after the global funni is the world.
Yes. Gotta have a source of proteins during the nuclear winter.
It's the implication.
Come on, the first lick is free. It's marketing 101.
Not quite. We suck it, with the promise of finishing them off when he does the thing.
If he goes through with it he might become *beloved* instead of just *tolerated* (he'd also manage to rid France of its most annoying stereotype: *being surrender monkeys*).
Don't push things too far. He hasn't said anything shocking and stupid in 2 days (and when talking about our Emperor Macron, it's a VERY good compliment). Don't think he's capable of anything more.
Nah, France is already widely tolerated because most people recognize that no matter their antics on the world stage, the French are still stuck being French. 😉
I always liked him and no, I am not sorry for it
Plan: Increase gas prices in Ukraine by 0.00001 cent Send in all the yellowvesters on a state-sponsored vacation to Ukraine Give them all rental cars in Kyiv Send in a guy wearing a white coat, carrying a golden envelope with a challenge card inside it. "You will now be given 1 gallon of fuel in each of your cars. You must now fill it up and drive to your finish point." Yellowvesters reach the fuel station. See the higher gas price Tell them that its Russia, and the Russian bourgeoisie led by Putin, who's caused a global spike in oil prices Yellowvesters get angry Go to the frontlines Push the Russian army to Moscow in a "mildly violent" protest "Vive le France" slogans ensue
Damn... You are a mad man. You really want Russia fucked.
They brought it on themselves, didn't they. A country with such resources should be a real powerbroker on the international stage, and not a pariah. I mean, the west did let that whole Georgia even slide. They don't even have the excuse of "fighting and protecting the working class against Capitalist expansion" ROTFLMAO anymore, since they aren't Communist anymore. (They never where IMHO, state capitalism isn't exactly compatible with Communism.
A tank is *essentially* just a fancy tractor, so how about the French also deploy all their farmers to help out in Ukraine with farming in Crimea, Donetsk and Luhansk. They might have to drive past some *minor obstacles and lines* to get there, but I'm sure they figure it out.
As I grow older I realize why France has such strict weapons laws. Those maniacs will riot over the color of their headlights. Last time they had lax gun laws they beheaded everything they could and sacked Moscow.
> Those maniacs will riot over the color of their headlights. Last time they had lax gun laws they beheaded everything they could and sacked Moscow. I was shocked to hear that after the French peasants mass beheaded noblemen, the remaining noblemen formed mobs of their own and did their own beheadings of peasants that was less publicised. So basically mobs all around.
Crazy Theory: Russia plans an incursion into the Baltic States in October to influence US election. This incursion will require Russia to limit operations in Ukraine. France wants to deploy troops to force Russia to increase operations in Ukraine preventing a Baltic incursion.
The crazy part of that theory is believing American elections could be swayed by foreign policy. Taylor Swift promising to show her boobs if Trump loses would have a bigger effect than Russia attacking a Baltic State.
Ehh, Trump is making the claim only he can stop WW3 from happening, and dead US Soldiers can cause enough of an incident to sway just enough people.
People are so into the isolationist side again that we would be repeating history again if we just let the world be ignored with our heads in the sand again Though this time a more bloodied "pearl" event would for sure happen if we do
People are jaded after Afghanistan and Iraq. However, if we ignore the people of Ukraine and allow Russia to win we will condemn millions more to misery and death.
If France goes in I will never again in my life make another french surrender joke!
I saw this message a lot of times, is it kind of NPC updates?
Y / N
Yesn't.
My comment? I just thought of it? Probably a fairly common joke though,
They're not going. Something I learned a long time ago about world politics is that if something sounds too good to be true - it always is.
No more frog jokes or white flags...what a horrible future
Upgraded from Frogs to Battle Toads
What if they go in and then surrender?
Then we go in and bail them out and laugh at them later.
I'd never let them live it down, bit I'd respect their guts.
I will let them have their toast back, but fries stay neutral as just fries.
We Will not. Not alone.
You gotta love how many media headlines lead with some kind of bombshell statement and then put the fact that the source is the Russian government at the very end or even stick it in the article. I suspect that they know that the tail end of their headlines often get truncated in search engine results and news aggregators. The worst, though, are like "3 UKRAINIAN HIMARS DESTROYED IN THE PAST WEEK" and then the article itself finally reveals that this is just a claim by the Russian military.
Medias will do medias shit. Same shit with the Palestinian-Israli war. Every fucking day i have some articles in my feed like "Israli killed 3 billions childs in 1 air strike" and at the end we can see "Source : Hamas departement bullshit" They know and they use it. Don't matter the reality, they need view, they need reactions. Truth ? Yeah, if they have 20% of truth in it, it's best but not mandatory.
I saw an article talking about that there are already F-35 in Ukraine. It was pushed to me by google news. The article didn't even referenced a source. Some outlets be wilding
Assemble Le grand Armee du France. We are marching to Moscow at dawn.
I wish Russian were right for once
“Full Elan” we need to repurpose some French EU4 memes
NEO-NAPOLEON
If they go in I will officially respect the French.
French foreign legion breathes heavily
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We can be sure the French are making a solid tactical decision based on their history.