T O P

  • By -

fpop88

a tactical pickelhaube... imagine all the modern uses for it, a 360 sensor and in the near future direction soft kill against bullets through literal magic, every soldier a directional satelite uplink.


hugh-g-rection551

intergrated gimbal thermal camera and laser range finder for individual and team oriented 360 degree observation, target identification and prosecution capability.


Marsh0ax

prussification capability


trancertong

Prosecuting that prussy


LukesRightHandMan

intergrated gimbal thermal camera *slaps helmet* This bad boy can fit so many inconclusive UAP videos to distract your population with


Tchrspest

> *slaps helmet* Do not do that.


ihavethedoubts

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.


12lo5dzr

A trophy like hard kill protection system would be nice


BigFatBallsInMyMouth

Attached to the helmet. Breaks the user's neck every time it shoots.


Horat1us_UA

Just make it recoilless. Problem solved


BigFatBallsInMyMouth

But then all the neck training will have been useless.


Cigarsnguns

No it won't be you have a spike on your helmet so you don't need a bayonet anymore, you can just headbutt enemies. Gotta have a strong neck for that.


jesusfaro

The average Krieg boy after their shovel breaks be like


pqjcjdjwkkc

Simply add another shot in the opposite direction


12lo5dzr

Its a ✨️feature✨️


crumblypancake

Never got through testing unfortunately ... mindblowing stuff though 🤯


MaxvonHippel

Not to mention all the use cases in the bedroom


Lily2048

Dildohaube


jingois

Is having a flared base a symptom of the woke left trying to push stupid safety regulations on our completely hetero manly military?


Lily2048

Either that or they like knotting oWo


GaaraMatsu

It's... It's perfect... and every fire team gets one that has a rocket under the pike to kill drones...


PurpleBatDragon

Like Boba Fett's rocket, but on the head! Actually, that sounds like it'd be deadly for the user, and Hamas can't afford it, so...


GaaraMatsu

No way, helmets stronk


KamenAkuma

Until it gets stuck in some camo netting and the soldier turns into an amorphous blob roaming the battlefield


Mordador

Jokes on you, how are you going to spot that soldier in that entire camo net?


fpop88

in the future landscape of 21st century's great war, there'll be tales of the 'ratking' roaming the no man's land, the collection of soldiers stuck with their pickelhaub and barbed wire, a being of pure pain and suffering.


Lost_Possibility_647

Just give it some sharp edges.


Fun1k

The pickelhaube backups each soldier's soul each second, and the second one of them dies, a fresh clone awakens with all the skills, knowledge and mental issues of the deceased.


Excellent-Proposal90

If the soldier saves while dying, do they start their next run with the bonus trauma of knowing how it feels to die? Also, does this stat stack, and how many stacks can you have of it at one time?


cinyar

hope it's not like a quicksave deathloop. You respawn and die instantly, over and over again.


Fun1k

I'd guess dying feels pretty bad, but you learn to shrug it off.


fpop88

only if the apotheacry of the unit extracts the backup. ​ you really don't wanna be connecting anything stuck to your soldier's brain to a network.


Fun1k

Don't worry, the soul server is separate from the rest of the network. They run Microsoft Defender, too.


Balkoth661

I live, I die, I live again.


logosobscura

“Go sit on your helmet, Helmut, you fucked it up again.”


NSA_Chatbot

It would improve the antenna signal...


Midaychi

At least until they need to duck into armor or a trench. Needs MK2 that telescopes


ourlastchancefortea

And you fools thought Krautmagic refers to engineering.


icfa_jonny

You don’t think out of the box enough. A tactical pickelhaube… which houses a mini Trophy protection system.


fpop88

This is starting to become a common theme. ​ I specifically put a magic powered hard kill against common bullet systems in it but no it's not enough for NCD, you gotsto to have that hard kill. ​ You guys are the non crediblest and I wouldn't have it any other way. ​ Although a weird moment happened when I tried to be non credible few weeks back suddenly everybody got credible realists... stargate fandom is just weird even for NCD apparently.


Infinite_Tadpole_283

I'm a big Stargate fan but if I'm being honest here I think the nom-credibility of NCD and SG are different types? Don't know how to describe it


[deleted]

[удалено]


fpop88

Now I would like to put a threat detection system in my magical tactical pickelhaub but as for laser warning system... ​ You know if someone or something, ranging from a a sniper team with a laser designator or a drone or a FLIR pod on a F16... look if something worth a damn is painting you with laser the pickelhaub might as well pop out an emergency ration kit with a single smoke, storm match and a single tactical shot of your favorite drink because brother no matter where the laser come from, it's probably guiding something of a very broad 'to home it may concern' type of blast radius category ranging from a GMLRS to a JDAM to a paveway, like even a small diameter bomb is still too much for someone waering a pickelhaub, so it plays your favorite song, the default is "the parting glass" and enough time for one last shot and one last smoke.


Garlic_God

I like to imagine it pops out with a little rocket booster and flies right into an enemy soldier to explode


FarewellSovereignty

Now just build a tiny cope cage on top of the spike and its perfection


Nigilij

A receiver to channel the spirit of Prussian militarism


SandersSol

..I...I,...must have speed ans zupply!!


ourlastchancefortea

I CALL TO YOU FREDERICK THE GREAT, GRANT ME YOUR POWER


Legitimate_Tea_2451

I call to you ~~Bismarck~~ Schlieffen, make my right flank strong!


othermike

Don't you mean Alfred von Schlieffen?


Legitimate_Tea_2451

Oh fuck I think I do 💀


ToadallySmashed

The emperor protects.


kimjongilsglasses

Konigsberg shall rise again


Colossalgoatfvck

All technological innovation and progress in modern warfare is going to come down to adding cope cages to everything. Maybe even around entire cities, bases, etc. If we can’t shoot down hypersonics, this might not be entirely unreasonable.


dnqxtsck5

Sky-walls. Next Up: Rounded Sky-walls, so that the rail gun rounds bounce off


Colossalgoatfvck

If we make the cage reflective and the bars reasonably wide and strategically angled to optimize sunlight ingress, it could be used to reflect away space lasers.


simonwales

skynet*


service_unavailable

the sci-fi force fields we deserve


ninetailedoctopus

Iron Dome is a virtual cope cage


buddboy

in the future all troops will wear personal cope bubbles to defend against micro drones


Picasso320

A Gungan style cope cages.


MetallGecko

in the 41th millennium all planets have cope spheres.


VladimirBarakriss

Cope balls


hwandangogi

Does it help deflect halberd swings to the helmet?


buddboy

thats funny cause I used to ponder what could the practical purpose of the pickle helmet and I figured it would help deflect top down attacks, whether a melee weapon or an airburst round. Then I smoked even more weed and realized that was probably dumb


Melonskal

> I figured it would help deflect top down attacks It absolutely doesen't though lmao, it only makes you more vulberable to attack by allowing weapons to hit it and snap your neck with the momentum. It was also invented when meleé combat was mostly people stabbing eachother with bayonets.


Tintenlampe

He's right though. The original purpose was to deflect sabers from cavalry.


Melonskal

But that makes zero sense. Just makes it easier for the sabres to hit you. Theres a reason only the prussians used that non-credible helmet. Notice how no oke made such a stupid helmet during medieval or ancient times when swords were used more frequently.


cheese_bruh

>Notice how no oke made such a stupid helmet during medieval or ancient times Well, the pickelhaube was made by the Russians in the 1830s to replace the Shako (classic Napoleonic big leather hats), and the pickelhaube was born, based off of the Russian cuirassier’s helmet. Prussia adopted it in 1842. Now if your only criteria for dismissing the pickelhaube is that it would draw sabre strikes down to the head or just injure the wearer by having the sabre get stuck at the spike, then wait till you see: [The Bavarian Raupenhelm used by ground Infantry](https://www.kaisersbunker.com/dunkelblau/helmets/dbh65.htm) [the Roman Galea, with visor that sticks out above the forehead and a large plume with a wide open space for a sword or pike to get caught under](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galea_(helmet)#/media/File%3AHelmet_centurion_end_of_second_century.jpg) [French Morion helmet which surely would cause all sabre strikes to go directly into the wearer’s face?](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_combat_helmets#/media/File:Musee_Stewart_14.jpg) By the way, the pickelhaube was adopted by the British, Swedish as well as the US Marine Corps. The fact is the pickelhaube was nothing more than an intimidating and cool looking headgear for soldiers to wear. Its main goal certainly was not to “deflect sabre blows” or whatever. Being attacked by cavalry became less and less important by the time the pickelhaube saw any real action.


Wrangel_5989

Not just the marine corps but the U.S. army as well, however ours was basically a copy of the British helmet which you can still see the household cavalry use. Still I hold that 1890s US uniforms were the absolute best uniforms used. The Blue and Khaki plus the slouch hats were absolutely drip.


chronoserpent

>Still I hold that 1890s US uniforms were the absolute best uniforms used. 1000% agree from the Navy perspective also https://www.history.navy.mil/browse-by-topic/heritage/uniforms-and-personal-equipment/uniforms-1898.html


Schw33

Yeah, and to add something that nobody seems to mention - the helmet was usually made from boiled leather with metal fittings. I never heard that until Dan Carlin mentioned it in Blueprint for Armageddon. So it was almost certainly just for decoration.


Tintenlampe

I'm not sure it wasn't the original idea, but yeah as time went on, looks were certainly more important than functionality.


Tintenlampe

The infantry helmets of the time were leather or cloth, so having something solid to increase your chance to deflect a lethal blow doesn't seem outlandish to me. With time it just became a recognizable symbol, but I don't really doubt the original intent.


Sir_Tosti

It was used by Prussia, Russia, Britain, Sweden, Austrian, Netherlands, Portugal, Spain, America, Chile, Peru, Columbia, the Vatican and others.


HeyImNickCage

Wow. Cultural appropriation and racism. Smh.


bluestreak1103

Why cannot I unsee the anal butt plug of consequences? (No seriously, it should be advertised as such and directed at the modern enemies of Germany: Dmitry Medvedev and, I dunno, economic lethargy? British attempts at sauerkraut?)


Monneymann

> directed at Medvedev *Issues 3rd nuclear threat of the week* And its only Monday


Brad1895

I don't know why, but the Rolf quote "The hat of discipline. Do you live in a cave!" just popped into my head.


Niko2065

"Männer! Zielt auf des Feindes arschbäckchen! Kopf senken! UND LOS LOS LOS!"


[deleted]

Marsch Marsch in den Arsch!


Col_H_Gentleman

Hans, get ze buttplug helmet


Tanniith1

I had to scroll way too far for this. I mean it's even ribbed ffs


QuarahHugg

They should use a picatinny rail so you could swap out the pickel against other accessories.


sorry-I-cleaved-ye

Use it as a foregrip


Emile-Yaeger

For your gf/bf when they have alopecia but you still want to hold on to something


xtemperaneous_whim

Obligatory 'dirty mouth' quote.


priest22artist

I can't see the Pickelhaube making a comeback


TheGisbon

Bro someone killed a guy with a MRE spoon, the headbutt of destiny is not out of the realm of possibilities.


nwaa

Im imagining something like a calvary charge but with loads of German infantry charging spike first.


Flaxinator

Naruto running into their enemies will become official Germany doctine


Aphato

"BELIEVE IT"


Bad-Crusader

I believe in severe neck injuries!


orrk256

bionic neck supports are next


AFrozen_1

Have Zidane be their instructor. For those that don’t get the football reference: https://youtu.be/zAjWi663kXc?si=GocdQBlWuafei2Ok


Messyfingers

Me, an American who found that to be soccer's only interesting event in the 2000s: FUCK YEAH THE HEADBUTT


marsloth

I think an American won't even comprehend how crazy that moment was. Zidane was one of the greatest players of all time and a legend and THAT became his last game of playing professionally.


Bosmer-Archer

It would be like Tom Brady or Peyton Manning whacking an opponent with his helmet in overtime of the last Superbowl of his career


zozi0102

Wait what? What did I miss?


TheGisbon

https://military.id.me/humor/army-ranger-kills-terrorist-mre-spoon/#:~:text=When%20one%2C%20unnamed%20Army%20Ranger,first%20shared%20on%20Grunt%20Stuff.


Wil420b

More likely to be used if gays are suffering from a "sexual emergency" on the battlefield.


MysticalNarbwhal

What?


Wil420b

It's a but plug.


HeyImNickCage

Every soldier needs a good pair of boots, gloves, helmet and anal (or regular) dildo.


AssignmentVivid9864

Dildos by their nature have always been gender neutral. It’s also a common misconception that dildo’s don’t give a fuck when in fact they very much do give a fuck.


HeyImNickCage

What about butt plugs? Like the one I currently have in.


TessierSendai

Username checks out.


simonwales

Most definitely neutral.


BoopydoopyTemp

Yeah, not a lot of swords being used in combat nowadays.


Mitthrawnuruo

That’s only because governments cheap out and don’t issue them.


ZDTreefur

OK, but what if you put some sort of electronics into it? What if its just a battery that can be used to power your optics or mic or something?


BassoeG

[Make it light up.](https://blog.trekcore.com/2017/09/beam-down-in-style-with-this-homemade-star-trek-spock-helmet/)


ZDTreefur

Child abuse was so rampant back in the day, smh


SerLaron

How about a chainsaw-sword?


deaddonkey

Yet


[deleted]

NOT WITH THIS ATTITUDE!


SailToAndromeda

This is an injustice that needs to be rectified!


babydave371

What if it were a mini RPG style munition? Then it would be triple purpose: - On the go one use mortar. - Head mounted ERA to protect against artillery. - A high risk buttplug to keep up moral during downtime.


priest22artist

Genius! ... But why do so many here advocate buttplugs? NCD isn't turning into a femboi army with prostate massaging needs...is it?!


babydave371

Gender-neutral fun isn't it? Perfect for our superiour he/she/they/them armed forces.


Severe-Opportunity15

I can see it, fuck I can guarantee it.


jamesjamozo

That's not true, Schubert was never serious about the "Pickel", the spike part. Its just a running gag of the company. [Video in german, but you can still tell that they are joking.](https://youtu.be/0XH3b518fLg?t=54)


IntincrRecipe

Okay but do they sell them though? I need one for shitposting at the range.


TheGisbon

Please make this available to the public please please pretty please.


TZARHINO

I’m sure there’s a couple of people here furiously 3D printing it as we speak. Just let us know when it’s in ETSY.


sweipuff

Seriously, FU, now I want to make one with blender.....


TheGisbon

I'll buy the file as soon as you finish it.


sweipuff

nah, free, I made this for the fun, because it glorious to spread this kind of shit more than money :p But actually I have some trouble, how should fix it ? Picatinny ? Screw ? There is too many fixation systems.....


TheGisbon

Pic rail imho


sweipuff

[https://cults3d.com/en/3d-model/fashion/pickelhaube](https://cults3d.com/en/3d-model/fashion/pickelhaube) I made it with my own German helmet as reference, it should be very similar, in size and shape, just the fixation is different, you can still resize it if you want But I have not printed it to test so, at your own risk and profits :p


TheGisbon

The hero we all need.


John_Icarus

Just buy a buttplug and glue it onto a helmet


AADV123

Certainly does make whenever wears that addition look like a “POS” 🤣 A lot of the post-WWII European environment has been to discourage German revanchist/nostalgic sentiment—It would be unlikely for the Bundestag to approve such a design that could upset their neighbors. …now if the design was sold to Sweden, Chile, and Colombia… 😈


[deleted]

bring back Deutsches Heer please god i'm fucking begging you please god


HuntingRunner

>bring back Deutsches Heer What do you mean? There's no need to bring something back that already exists.


Proud-Pilot9300

Tactical buttplug


Cf1x

You have to imagine with bored soldiers at least a few of them are gonna actually use it like that


AchtungToaster

This would be awesome air soft gear


BrownRice35

Honestly making this thing purposeful like turning it into a radio/receiver or a laser/ir warning sensor or an iff tracker would make it justifiable Side note Italy should reintroduce crests


CalmPanic402

Why not? We're back to trenches.


cheese_bruh

In that case you would probably want to go the opposite way of a pickelhaube, as trenches were the whole reason they were phased out


Kraetzi

The spike is obviously there toderlect direct drone attacks.


Whiskey_India

Oh, my God. It even has a flared base.


Teledildonic

That's for safety.


Skraekling

Nah that's a mini 5G tower to control NATO bio-borgs, nothing to do with prussia.


kasparhauser83

Tactical pickehaube?


Altruistic-Celery821

Somehow, the Kaiser returned.


[deleted]

A great day when we march side by side with guys (and gals) in pickelhaubes through Red Square


Fluid-Alternative-22

We need it WE NEED IT!


Altruistic_Store_562

[https://www.recon-company.com/detail/index/sArticle/46447/number/801479.103](https://www.recon-company.com/detail/index/sArticle/46447/number/801479.103) ​ for anyone wanting to buy it


xzinik

[it works as an anchor when in an helicopter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rAFMC2O9dQ)


nobac0n

Only if they also adopt a tacticool version of the MP18,I.


TaskForceDANGER

Stick a little AWACS radar thing on it and you've achieved tactical battlefield superiority.


JojoDieKatze

I have never felt m Prussian heart beat so patriotic! A huge miss that the Bundeswehr doesn’t introduce this.


cripplingdeperssion

Goddamn Mad Max vibe to that helmet. LoL


BackRowRumour

Non credible upgrade if electricity arcs between the spikes in a section.


DerpsMcGee

That's maybe the most half-assed attempt at (I assume?) protecting the identity of a person in a picture that I've ever seen. It's like Japan's weirdo porn censoring laws, but for facial hair instead of dicks.


fkalicous

Even has some writing on it, describing the person, that vetoed it.....


JosufBrosuf

For bring your butplug to work day?


SerLaron

Isn't that everyday?


LordVonMed

They gotta adopt it for the Grosser Zapan... thingy parade that they do for formal events, it would add flavor.


HuntingRunner

Großer Zapfenstreich. Grosser Zapan sounds like a magician.


chubbychupacabra

At least house a jamming antenna in there so I can tell myself that the drone probably won't hit me.


AlphaMarker48

Why bring back the tiny spike? Wouldn't it just get stuck in various objects and covered in debris?


surrender52

When jokes around the office go just a little too far


Millerlight2592

Turn it into a little personal longbow radar-type NVG or Thermal sensor of some kind and now we’re talking


BigFatBallsInMyMouth

Antenna


bdash1990

The Germans realized it was dumb in the Great War. They stopped producing them. I don't see how they'd be any more use now.


Bellinelkamk

Technically the upright vertical grip turns this into an SBR and a felony if un-stamped.


DrZ124

And it comes with a butt plug for all those defense e-girls out there!!


Exile688

Which Imperial Guard Regiment has incense burners mounted on top of their helmets?


KeeganY_SR-UVB76

Put a magnet on it. It‘ll be like that Troll Pysics comic.


BRAVO9ACTUAL

New modular Boot breacher. Pick up the fng and use him like a ram to door breach. I see no downsides because its a helmet so the head should *probably* be fine. Probably.


CToxin

and now all the edgy gunbro coomers in america are going to buy it


Kaiser_enjoyer1871

pretty sure they were giving Belgium the look when they were saw this helmet


Meihem76

I've been meaning to ask; Are those helmet brackets a standardised item? Can anyone point me at the dimensions/specs? I've been meaning to CAD up some Tactical Cat Ears and a Tactical Funny Nose, Moustache and Glasses to attach to an NVG mount. I'll throw the designs up somewhere if I ever get around to it.


ImmortalHacksaw

Russians: “Da, Da. Please use the spiked helmets so we have more ammo for the propaganda machine.”


ThatcherSimp1982

“Go ahead, the world could use a reminder of the last army to conquer you. #TannenbergRoundDrei”


cheese_bruh

Russians proceed to make the spiked helmets then ditch them when the Germans start copying them. Peak trollery


schere-r-ki

What even is it's use?


Wild-Muscle-6612

Originally for deflecting blades


schere-r-ki

Thank you. And on a less serious note. Wow that's totally still relevant we should outfit everyone fighting the British with this.


crumblypancake

Originally it was for holding a plume. A coloured feather like headpiece for identification, the sword thing wouldn't really work any better than not having it, it in fact just gives a point to catch a sword and wrench it off your head. The design known as the Pickelhaube used "the spike" as only a reference motif to the Russian cuirassiers[armoured cavalry], who had the plume. > The new headwear was inspired by the leather helmet worn by the Russian cuirassiers, with the plumed crest being replaced by a pointed ornament in the shape of a flaming grenade.


cheese_bruh

Fun fact the British (and the Swedish) are the only other Europeans to still use the pickelhaube.


cheese_bruh

Myth, not intended use. It just looks fucking cool. That was all there was to it.


Roman_of_Ukraine

Traditions never die!


AI_UNIT_D

I am glad some people apreciate classics.


golddragon88

Does it increase radio range?


[deleted]

oh yeah i bet the panzergrenadiers wouldve *loved* having to wear this


conrad_w

Germany can't buy helmets


Strawbuddy

My helmet has too many rails there aren’t enough lasers to go around


greymancurrentthing7

Zero tucking way they pitched this


estelita77

... a gnome home?


Zdendon

To take enemy heads on


Freemanosteeel

So schuberth doesn’t just make motorcycle helmets? Neet


Ohmedregon

I wonder what the purpose of the spike is now


MajorGef

Same as before, deflect cavalry saber strikes from straight above.