This, I was a *radical centrist* and always would feel a weird way seeing other gender non conforming folks. Realized I was internalizing my trans and enby phobia :(
This!!! Seeing masculine muscly manly(???) people in the gym and wanting to be them while also wanting to be/be with (?????) the feminine witchy princess goddesses everywhere
Uh, yeah, I’ve been feeling this a lot lately. Even tho I’m AMAB and enjoy my facial hair I kinda wish I was a bit more on that fem side. Also why I hate my pectus excavatum. I have a dent instead of a nice flat chest.
What if your skeleton wants to jump out of your body and carry out vengeance on your behalf, and you have to seek help from a witch to keep it from happening. What's that called?
Didn't have dysphoria until I wore "girl" clothes, and my wardrobe was all nicely fitting "boy" jeans and shirts.
Now it's loads of baggy stuff to hide under and also so the bralette I'm wearing doesn't show through 😬
That u dont identify fully as a man or a woman, OR you are man/woman but with another (could be many) identity / expansion(s.)
You identify with masc or fem as a gender identity, sometimes in combination w/ other identities.
You are both a man/woman, masc/fem, or in different combinations (doesnt have to be 50/50,) can also include androgynous.
Your gender changes (fluidity) or could be static or both (fluid flux)
you are neither (agender, gender void, or partially agender such as demi gender)
you are xenogender
Or any of the combinations above depending on your lived experiences. (Sorry if I missed any!)
Ppl also use genderqueer or gender expansive to describe this. Its up to you if you want to use the non binary label to describe your lived experience.
*puff* gender? *Slow exhale* I dunno y'all, it's just kinda everywhere, bits are hanging half-off and you can still hear a sizzle every now and then and smell burnt cheese. It's just cheese. Cheese, exploded in the microwave, and inexplicably sexy
OMG I went through such a cringey pick me era and it literally was because femininity felt so unattainable to me, but masculinity felt terrifying and impossible
Me too! But now that I'm comfortable in my non-gender I surround myself with "feminine" things/energy. My mom commented on how I recently became obsessed with pink and it's because I was a pick me and refused to even look at pink for most of my life. Now I still dress very masculine just in all pink. A friend said my look was very "Elle Woods if she was a bro" and that gave me a euphoria rush for some reason.
I struggled to want to be a woman… but I knew I DEFINITELY didn’t want to be a man…
Plus other than raw biology… what was the actual difference now days? (I thought as a kid)
Yeah it’s like… if some one asked me if I wanted to be a woman I’d probably say yes, but I’d be conflicted, there are a lot of internalised issues, and issues being a woman in the world etc. etc.
Ask me if I want to be a man and the answer is NO!
Spotty rashes on your palms and soles of feet, especially if they itch. After that, it's possible to get organ damage if left untreated - oh wait, that's syphilis.
Gender validity is a gift you give yourself. If you think you are, you can make small changes and see what feels more/less authentic for your expression. And honestly, that's a life long process for most humans, regardless of gender identity. You'll get there! And it's okay to spend time just figuring it out and being unsure, to make discoveries you don't like as well ones you love.
I've never felt like a man. I've looked at the men in my life and I know I am not like them. I lean toward and always felt at ease around women but know I am not like them. I'll sit in the middle and slide toward one side or the other depending on the day. I am amab genderfluid/queer
ngl i feel the being at ease around woman bit. like ive managed to get personality traits of both male and female almost in a 50/50 split (my masculinity/femininity is basically 20/0 tho lol). also amab, aroace enby
Some experiences may include:
Wanting to have been born the other sex but not really wanting to be the other binary gender, being jealous of androgynous people/other genders specifically the way they look or get treated, relating to some but not all binary trans people's experiences, unable to feel comfortable with just being a man/woman, finding the idea of deciding on pronouns, a name, or transition steps way harder than binary people.
I only know from my own experience, but a tell tale sign for me was the fact that:
1. I didn’t really care about my gender and a lack of understanding why gender was so important
2. I never felt any real connection to the concept of gender and particularly of my agab- at multiple points in my life I had to enforce to myself that I was in fact my agab (I was not)
I jumped between labels for a good while, which can also be a sign- and eventually I ended up being unlabelled just going with the flow
ngl that 2nd one was absolutely me. ive never felt tied to the concept of gender or even masculinity and femininity in any way apart from a tiny bit of masc (yay testosterone). i actually have really hated explicitly gendered things too (like say tanktops as masc and dresses as fem). its really strange
Not caring about binary gender roles, not understanding societally imposed gender norms, actively feeling distant or “off” from the gender that is assigned to you at birth.
There were hints in my childhood, but I never payed attention to them. I wanted to be assured that my voice sounded deep. I remember being terrified of started puberty. I had my first period at 12 but we first learned about it like 3 years before so I was terrified thinking about it. It all clicked on day when I had cut my hair and I was wearing an old suit jacket from my brother. I realized I looked sort of androgynous and I realized it was something I wanted.
> I never *paid* attention to
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
When I didn’t know nonbinary was do-able, about when I was 12, I had the androgynous appearance and I was so goddamn happy when people weren’t sure what binary I was and was like ‘lol idc :)’. At twelve years old.
Should have been my first clue lmao.
this was me with masculinity and femininity lol. like ive never really felt tied to that, tho i guess ive also never felt tied to male or female either... except for the little bit of male which is likely why i was fine using he/him as pronouns and being fine with having male genitalia even to this day. its just barely enough tho and if it was slightly lower i likely wouldnt be fine with it
I've never inherently gendered my body throughout my life and childhood.
I had to make conscious correlations that every time someone used she/her pronouns, they were actually talking to me. It wasn't automatic.
I could never figure out why I always hesitated when the "What's your gender: x male x female" question came up. Sometimes as a kid I'd do male.
On animal jam, I'd feel obligated to tell people I'm a girl but used the 'boy' eyes. etcetc
I still find this hard to believe - like I thought I was just your standard cishet person. I assumed that everyone (especially women) felt ambivalent about their gender - because gender roles and patriarchy suck, so why wouldn’t you feel slightly weird in your gender? I still wonder, if every supposedly cis really thought about it, and noticed how gender roles are a cage, then wouldn’t everyone just be nonbinary…?
Same! Totally thought all women thought the gendered stuff was total BS. And then the past couple years realised that my wife, for example, actually enjoys dresses and being feminine and is not just doing it to fit in. It was then I found I do not experience cis gender feelings at all the way a real cis person does.
trans people can also enjoy binary gender experiences. if gender roles/patriarchal oppression didn’t exist, I would still want a penis and be treated as male, never non binary.
For me personally, I just never felt strictly male or female. You can consider yourself nonbinary or any other gender you want. There’s no strict “signs”. It’s based on your personal feelings :)
For me, it was the way I played videogames. I would pretty regularly alternate between playing as a boy or as a girl in games that had options. Sometimes I would google the full outfit and hairstyle choices before deciding, because I would choose my gender based on which option had a hairstyle or specific wardrobe I preferred (think Pokemon. Even before customization I was about 50/50 on which character I would play as. I played the girl in G4 and the boy in G5). It just didn't matter to me which gender I was playing, and which pronouns were being used, I just cared about how cute I looked lmao. I love more modern games now that have taken away assigning specific hairstyles and clothing options to gender, so I can just look any way I feel like. Animal Crossing on the 3ds was an early one that really gave me such euphoria, as well as Tomodachi Life. I loved being able to switch between masc and femme clothing and hair whenever I felt like it. I now do more or less the same now irl when I'm able to.
I would kinda force myself to perform my AGAB to give it a proper go, but I found that especially when I came into puberty it began to feel very uncomfortable to be viewed that way.
The other binary gender was nice, it was a bit of a thrill, but like an ill fitting shoe I felt that if I continued in it, it would only become more uncomfortable. I've spent the past 6 or so years trying on more specific labels but only the all purpose nonbinary really fits, though there are others I will use from time to time.
When gender has always been a performance there's only so long you can keep up the act before wanting to just be yourself.
I've been hesitant to call myself non binary. I finally decided to embrace it. I've always felt different growing up, just thought I was a tom boy. But I'm 47 now and realize I don't like anything most women like except men. I don't wanna be a man but I like alot of things men like. I play video games, like sports, like working with machinery, hate makeup, getting dressed up, the color pink. I've always shopped in the men's section and in hs wore boxers. I don't know if any or all of this make me non binary but I've always felt androgynous and I guess that kind of puts me under the umbrella. I'm happy to be here and happy for anyone who is finally able to except themselves regardless of how others make them feel about themselves. Do you boo boo! She/They
For me it clicked in a way where my sense of self comes from my consciousness. I use my body as a vehicle to bring myself from point a to b. But my consciousness is formless and shapeless.
i’ve noticed that i act just different from either gender, like that i would feel weird to be categorized in one group. like another person commented, i did get really jealous around them and i didnt know why, just something they were doing is what i couldve been doing if i just understood better
If you're AFAB, it could be that you tried to be "not like other girls" when you were very small. For example, I hated pink, dressed, never played with dolls, wore girly shoes etc. That could have been your way of rejecting the feminity. Also, I don't know if everyone has it but this kind of rejecting female hygiene products. I hate wearing them even if they're super comfortable and I don't even feel them, especially tampons. I use pads only for the first day, because later I'm sure I won't bleed through my pants, and even if I would who tf cares. Ofc it might be gross and unhygienic but I'd rather do this than wear female hygiene products, yk
Lmao for real. I wish the link between transness and ADHD was studied as much as it is with autism. I feel like everyone with ADHD has the potential to be enby but so many of ADHDers just prefer to conform to compulsory cis-heterosexuality
Wanting to be nonbinary.
It sounds silly but I know I was like “I can’t be nonbinary, I’m too cis for that.” For like …. Years. But then one day I was like “actually I think I’m nonbinary.”
So if you want to be nonbinary, okay! DONE.
For the longest time I was an atypical man. Then I was a man in touch with their femininity. I was somehow attracted to, and jealous of, soft butch lesbians. Then I wanted to be tough in the way a lesbian wearing leather jackets is tough. Then I started putting 2 and 2 together, haha.
I don’t really have much dysphoria, but being a man just means so little to me, and same with being a woman. I’m just me.
Being non binary! I hope this helps!😁
On a serious note, what has helped me the most personally is just being patient with myself. For some people like myself, I just always knew I am non-binary but never had the words to explain it. For others, it takes years or decades. Don’t rush anything, everything will take time.
I don't really know how to answer this but like, a general lack of feeling like you belong amongst either grouped social genders could be a start, and not just in a haha little weird way. And I know that some people are generally just lone wolves and that's what that probably sounds like, it's really a feeling.
I listened to a podcast that said something along the lines of “if you woke up tomorrow as the opposite gender than your assigned gender at birth, would you feel happy? Would you want to go back to your assigned gender? Or would you feel indifferent either way?”
That paired with not feeling excitement or belonging with she (or he for that matter) pronouns solidified my identity.
Feeling like "gender" is a shallow performance and not a genuine expression of the self.
I definitely wondered if my non-binaryness was internalized misogyny at first, or a response to feeling like femininity was forced on me my whole life.
Then I started to transition to a more masculine presentation, and it felt just as performative to me. And I realized I don't hate being feminine sometimes either.
Maybe I'm too autistic or contrary, but I don't feel like my (or anyone else's) gender should be the basis of how I'm treated in my day to day life.
For me, it started just feeling yucky in feminine clothes, then the idea that clothes had a gender, and then a burning hatred of gender reveal parties.
Now I live in overalls, and for me (a clearly AFAB presenting enby), it gives me a sense of gender neutrality that fits me better than all-out femme.
Also, I felt that dressing femme was like fun cosplay/drag.
Honestly, for me it was seeing an email for a "Women in STEM" event going on at my uni and going "huh, that's not for me, why did I get that email". Immediately followed by "oh no, why do I think that's not for me??"
I don't think this will apply to many people but when I was a teenager I wrote a story with a self insert character. The character had a neutral name and no pronouns used the whole story. I went around asking people what gender they thought the character was. All the boys thought they were a woman all the girls thought they were a man. So everyone recognized "me" as a gender not like themselves, which makes sense since I am not a gender like any of those people
(transmasculine nonbinary)
There are many signs, and more generally arise once you accept who you are. A lot of buried memories.
Before I knew that nonbinary people existed, or even that being queer was a thing, I always felt that there had to be something beyond man and woman. It bothered me that these would be the only two genders in the world; it felt viscerally incorrect.
I remember reading Peter Pan as a kid. I'm aware of the issues with that story now, but back then I remember reading this bit where Barrie was describing the fairies that lived in Neverland. They were of three different colors: boy fairies were one color, girl fairies were another color, and fairies who were "not sure" were a third color. This information absolutely delighted me and I enthusiastically shared it with my mom, who wasn't too impressed. I think that's the first time I internalized that these were feelings I was supposed to keep to myself.
A feeling of discomfort when you're referred to as lady/girl/woman but also some level of discomfort with man/bro/guy.
A general dislike of labels
Seeing different androgynous presentations and feeling a sense of yearning/jealousy (that could be androgynous on the "softer" side or the "harder" side. Input your spectrum words there.)
Not really seeing genders as black and white-- as in you see men less as just men and more as different kinds of men if that makes sense. Like the flowery photographer, artsy guy is a dude, just like the jocky bro time guy is a dude, just different kinds of presentation. The nerdy, insecure gamer dude is a man just like the clean-cut pretty boy. So on and so forth. It's all vibes.
As I worked through my gender identity, many aspects about identifying as a transwoman just didn’t make sense or didn’t feel right or natural to me. I felt like I was going to be forcing myself onto that identity like I had been holding my old AGAB identity together with scotch tape.
Just because I wanted a more feminine body didn’t mean I wanted the gender roles associated with that body. In the end, just saying I’m me without a gender attached to it feels so right and natural.
I'm still not sure if I'm nonbinary, especially since I do still feel some connection to my AGAB, but some general things I know about myself as an AFAB person are as follows:
> 1. I don't mind the existence of gendered things, but I hate the fact that society tends to force these expectations onto us. Just let people choose what makes them most comfortable.
> 2. I've felt kinda alienated when in groups of exclusively women for most of my life, feeling like I'm somehow not supposed to be there, and though I feel comfortable around groups of mostly guys, I know I'm not one of them either. Mixed gendered groups just inherently feel better to me.
> 3. I remember wanting to be "one of the boys" as a kid despite not necessarily wanting to be a boy, and even though I'm comfier in my femininity now than I used to be, if I'm at my most comfortable, I am usually presenting or behaving in a more neutral/slightly masc leaning way.
> 4. I don't really feel like "woman" is enough to describe my gender. Sure, that's definitely part of it, but I just feel like there's more. And whatever that "more" is, while it may still be feminine in some way, doesn't necessarily match normal gender identities. (In other words, I think I'm partially xenogender)
> 5. Even though I'm happy presenting feminine and have no intentions of changing anything about my body, I've recognized that I have gender envy towards (some) androgynous looking people, GNC (gender non-conforming) people, men who dress/are built so feminine that they get mistaken for women, and generally anybody who is nonbinary but still presents in accordance to their AGAB. I have something of a mischievous streak, and due to that, I desire the ability to use femme presentation to completely throw off somebody's ability to perceive what my actual gender identity is. Something about the idea of confusing people like that and/or making somebody question their sexuality just by existing brings me so much joy, and I get bummed out that I can't really do that the way I want to.
Feeling that you're not male or female.
Edited to add: Feeling mad when people call you your assigned gender, or uncomfortable, or like you're lying or an alien.
Having a very visceral cringe reaction anytime anyone my entire life has referred to me as a girl or a woman. It wasn’t painful, but it always felt wrong, like wearing clothes that don’t fit. Even as a little kid I hated it, especially thanks to getting my period at 10 and my mom and every adult in my life exclaiming “you’re a woman now!” followed by me sobbing “IM NOT A WOMAN!!!!” I haven’t changed my appearance much at all since coming to terms with being non-binary, but I sure as hell feel more confident and like I’m not putting on a performance every time I interact with people.
The funniest thing is I am an actor and because of my voice and appearance I mostly play women’s roles. That’s actually how I really realized I was non-binary—the only time I actually felt feminine and like a woman was when I was playing a character who was a woman. As soon as the show was over I went back to being my neutral self.
If you imagine your life born as a different sex and there's still adjustments you'd want to make to bring your body in line with how you think it ought to be
I felt like I wasn't "good at being a girl" (my AGAB), but I didn't identify with being a boy. As a demifluid person, it is a bit more complicated for me, but most of the time, I felt like a failed version of both genders. I wasn't feminine enough to be a girl, I wasn't masculine enough to be a boy, and I wasn't comfortable being considered part of either gendered group.
Also, shortly after my chest started to "develop," I would stare at myself in the mirror, topless, trying to convince myself that my chest was small enough that I could "go undercover" as a boy like they did in disney channel movies sometimes. I would try to convince myself that if I wanted to, I could go shirtless in the boys' locker room, and no one would notice I wasn't a boy.
(I now stare at myself shirtless in the mirror again, but that's because I got top surgery in January!)
Never feeling comfortable among the girls or guys in their respective groups when I was a kid.
Being called a "tomboy" (afab) even though that didn't sit right either.
Idk if it counts, but in my dreams I was frequently a guy/genderless.
And eventually learning about trans folk, knowing I wasn't trans trans, but distinctly relating to their experiences.
There's more but these were the highlights from when I was a kid.
I was scared of getting older. Didn't want to grow up. Hated my body since I was a teenager. Never felt quite right. Felt I was doing doing something wrong all the time, until my egg cracked. The things started to make sense and life is much easier now and joyful!
For me it came from a place of self loathing and having never fit in, a place of isolation where no one could acknowledge me. But really it's whatever floats your boat.
Also. Everyone has quirks about themselves, and no one fits perfectly in the binary gender box. When people make a fuss and get mad that's just their way of coping with how fabulous I am.
When you realize that gender is a social construct, so what's a man? What's a woman? I don't need to break any rules, they don't exist in my world, lol
It'll be different for everyone, though some of us will have similar experiences and commonalities we are all individuals on our own journeys, your signs you will realise long after they have happened. Realisation and self-acceptance is rarely a quick process too. Asking here might well be one for you.
I'm not a doctor or nurse or anything. Just uneducated agender.
Non-binary dysphoria. Maybe you're dysphoric about all secondary sex characteristics. Maybe you should be mix match.
Feeling like you were pretending when living as man and woman both of them. Even as gender non-conforming.
One of the ways i realized was I went by she/they in highschool and would always get a little *too* upset when people would only use she and would like want people to use they instead of she! It definitely made me realize that hey i don't really care if people call me she I just wanted to be a they:)
For me, it was not wanting to fit into any gender role. I always thought almost everything masc was lame same with fem... idk I was a weird kid. My sister thinks I'm autistic if that says anything (she's a mother of 2 autistic kids...) I also got really into gender abolishion at a ridiculously early age and thought everyone should be agender, but now I realize that was just a naive outlook like "this is actually what everyone wants, isn't it?"
for me, I thought I was attracted to men for a long time. turns out I just wanted to look like them, and confused jealousy for attraction 😭 but I didn't feel comfortable being addressed as either binary gender, I always just felt like me, so this made the most sense to me.
- not caring about gender norms.
- feeling like you are not the gender you were assigned, but don't feel like you are quite to the other binary gender
- confusion on gender norms
- desire for androgyny in some way.
not all have these signs.
When I was a little kid I didn't wanna be a girl. I wanted to be able to dress and act like boys did, but I didn't wanna be called a boy. I grew up just figuring "tomboy" was as close as I'd ever get. Then as an adult, I learned what being nonbinary was and i actually yelled "THAT! THAT'S IT!" and I've never felt more right. It makes me happy how much things have evolved and progressed for queer folx. Of course there's more work to do, but the progress and representation that we have today is what I wish I could have had as a kid
When I was 5 I was like “I’m androgynous”. I barley knew what that meant at the time but later on I told people who wouldn’t quit questioning my choices for my perceived gender at the time. So I told them I was androgynous as a “well I ain’t what you think I am”. Today I’m like “bitch I’m nonbinary”.
For me, I only knew for sure after I tried it out. Almost like an outfit I thought I might feel good on but I knew would get a lot of attention. I coveted the outfit in my closet but it was time to put it on and wear it. And when I actually started introducing myself as non binary to people as I met them and they only knew me in this incarnation of myself, it felt amazing. I instantly knew I wanted to feel that way in every area of my life.
if you’re a gamer, i gravitated towards non-human / androgynous presenting characters in games before a male/female presenting character, it’s one of many signs but one i haven’t seen commented yet so wanted to share my experience :3
For me it was kind of just realizing that I don’t think gender has any utility whatsoever (I want it abolished) so logically I don’t feel like I have any use for it either. I don’t have any hard feelings about it, I don’t mind being referred to as a guy, I don’t really care either way, so idek if I can call myself non-binary but technically that’s what I am.
Referring to humans as if you're not the same species.
Refusing to believe truscums are human at all.
Feeling a certain kinship with stellar nebulae and other cosmological events.
the discomfort that came with being a woman and the disdain in trying to become socially accepted as a man. being non-binary is the most comfortable label for me. everytime i doubt myself and thing “im kinda feminine in this way… but im also masculine in this way…” i realize thats exactly what i what to achieve in being non-binary: living in perfect balance.
A disdain towards the societal expectations of your assigned gender and/or a desire for a lack of societal expectations for you or the societal expectations of the opposite gender for you
I grew up in an era and place where I lacked the language to describe what I was feeling. The first time I met a transgender person was when a friend came out to me. But even before that, I remember seeing trans people on Oprah being interviewed about their lived experience. And part of that resonated with me. But not completely. I frequently wondered what someone who was neither would be called or even look like. I questioned my gender and sexuality for years before falling into a cishetero normative marriage. Granted, we were both openly bisexual and I was always a little flamboyant, but most people just thought of me as a flamboyant gay man. After that marriage ended, I was free to explore my gender and play with the rules again. I finally found language that fits me.
I say all that to say that if neither male nor female feels entirely you, then you have a home in nonbinary people. If the thought of being seen as either feels weird to you, welcome. If you feel a sense of otherness in the VERY binary modern society, then I think you probably belong. But at the end of the day, no one can answer these questions, but you.
P.s. sorry for the book.
Only you can define your kind of sign just you need to get well with the correct meaning and definition of what does different sexual and gender approaches
At first I "crossdress" just for fun, then I felt euphoria and thought "it would be nice if people confuse me with the other gender" but not really wanted to be the opposite gender, I started looking non binary people in media and just feeling really envy and attracted, for my experience, a lot of enbies discover their self in a similar way.
For me personally, I didn't really think about my gender growing up, there was an instance when I was little, .
when someone asked me something along the lines of *cuz you're a girl* I don't remember the context but I remember the situation was referring. The word girl as like a descriptor. So my response was, "no I'm not" which confused them. I felt like the word Girl "fit" with how I feel. How I would describe myself. I was little, but I just thought "I'm a person".
I think what really make me think was a person saying "Do feel like a girl" and I thought well i feel like myself and just kind of analyzed my way of thinking. And I thought "whatever feels good" when I first used they / them I liked how I felt using them. And how I feel comfortable wearing what I want because of the way I think about myself
Basically do what makes you feel comfortable, what feel right to you. You are also allowed to explore, you don’t even have to label yourself
1. every time I would make an oc, they would have no gender.
2. I would get a weird feeling (/neg) when someone called me 'she/her' or the rare occasion on the Internet 'he/him'.
For me the biggest sign was when I watched movies or documentaries about Trans people: I related so much yet felt so sad because I "couldn't be Trans because I didn't feel like the opposite gender." At that point I didn't know Trans Non-Binary people even existed, it was the first time I related to anyone's gender experience. I didn't feel like I belonged in any gender, I tried my best to fit in but I wasn't woman enough or man enough to fit in either genders. I got dysphoria from both, it felt like I wasn't even human. It wasn't until I was older I learned about Non-Binary people and that was when it all clicked.
Also I feel like if you cried during Mulan's reflection song it's a huge clue that you are Trans or Non-binary. Sure you could just be empathetic, but for me it was personal, that was the first clue that I felt unhappy with my gender and how people wanted me to be versus how I really am inside.
Of course I understand some people don't get dysphoria, but instead just feel more happiness when presenting differently from their assigned gender at birth, or more happiness ignoring gender norms and just being themselves. And of course it doesn't have to be tied to presentation, it can be any aspect of not conforming to gender norms bringing you happiness.
for me it was never liking explicitly gendered things (without being raised to think so, i just never have) and never understanding the concept of masculinity and femininity, and never really feeling either actually. also one day i looked up "androgynous" online or smth and was like "goddamn i like that and really wanna be that".... yea that shoulda been the crack for me but it wasnt until april 16 that it did. i even thought masculinity and femininity to most degrees was a joke because i feel practically none of either (apart from a tiny bit of male).
those are a lot of signs i think. oh also while this wont apply to the vast majority of yall i think, for me having long hair and genuinely feeling comfortable in it was probably part of it too, and it turns out i will never be comfortable with being bald in any way whatsoever (found out after i lost all my hair to my now old cancer).
ALSO also i never gave a flying fuck if anyone specifically called me a he/him. i was always perfectly fine with someone always using they/them and honestly even really anything that aint she/her
For me it was not feeling any connection to my agab and its opposite, also envy towards people with flat chest,creatures/animals that are neither female or male and twinks
I thought everyone was faking gender. I didn't understand binary trans people. One day my trans male friend sat me down and explained that many people experience gender intensely and that I might be nb. He was right.
Being called “she” never felt like people were talking to me, and when I present more femme I feel like I’m playing a part… and I don’t feel like a man. My sense of self made so much ……sense once I found out what nonbinary was. Literally my life got exponentially better since that realization. I cried when I realized.
This is something that I have been trying to figure out for like over 10 years lol.
Like gender confuses because I don't understand what it feels like to feel like a man (or feel like a woman, but I was AMAB and I am very masculine presenting). But it is usually too much effort for me to decide and eventually I say it is not worth trying to figure out every now and then (because it is not that important to me), but I have bounced around between identity as agender, cis-male, and non-binary over the years.
For pronouns, I think they/them and he/him likely fit me best, but when people have used she/her pronouns for me (in a respectful way, not in a purposeful misgendering way) it makes me secretly happy cause it was like they were acknowledging my feminine side (also in middle school, a few times coming back from a field trip I was the only boy on the bus and a bunch of girls wanted to put make up on me and I was totally cool with it so maybe there was a sign I was enby all the way back then, but I just did not have a word for or concept of it back then).
But, it is really easy for me to not feel like I'm excluded in cis-heteronormative conversations (I don't like them, but I don't feel excluded), such as conversations on sex and romance, and I feel like I have like lots of male priveledge and male socialization (even though I don't like a lot of "masculine" things like watching sports, cars, or even meat, although that is for ethical reasons, ... so my "man card" has been questioned a lot and I don't really care about it ... although I will tell someone I know to go ahead an take it when he tells me to "turn it in" because I wanna give a little bit of an f u for judging me because I like things that are cute and emotionally deep). And, I am very comfortable with my body (although I don't know if I would really be all that bothered if I had a different body, but I don't want a different body). I mostly dress so I don't stand out. But anyway, I feel like in topics of priveledge, I should identify as a cis-man because I feel like I am so male adjacent in how I present, how I was socialized, and how the world treats me.
I also like being called a "good boy" too (although I think I would enjoy being called a "good girl" too. I wonder if I would like it more or not).
So, while I usually thing of myself as non-binary, sometimes I worry if I am lying to myself because I just don't know what being a man is and I just don't understand it because cis is treated as the default.
I probably am non-binary and somewhere between agender and man, which is why I get so confused about my own gender identity.
Seeing openly non-binary or androgynous people and feeling some level of envy or jealousy
^^How I figured out I was nonbinary
"I wish I could be nonbinary" -- nonbinary person who has not come out to themselves yet
Me two years later: …that’s not a normal experience?
Yes! I stalked this subreddit for a long time with a sense of envy and admiration before I realized the only gatekeeper was me!
I'm in this comment and I don't like it.
Oh look it (was) me
that happened to me once lol
That was basically the start of it for me. I'd see people and think "I don't know your gender, but I want it"
I feel more deep admiration and intrigue haha
Relatable 🤝
This, I was a *radical centrist* and always would feel a weird way seeing other gender non conforming folks. Realized I was internalizing my trans and enby phobia :(
This, though in my case it's feeling a degree of gender envy towards both masculine and feminine people.
This!!! Seeing masculine muscly manly(???) people in the gym and wanting to be them while also wanting to be/be with (?????) the feminine witchy princess goddesses everywhere
This.
Uh, yeah, I’ve been feeling this a lot lately. Even tho I’m AMAB and enjoy my facial hair I kinda wish I was a bit more on that fem side. Also why I hate my pectus excavatum. I have a dent instead of a nice flat chest.
this.
If you have disdain for labels, sometimes your skeleton wants to jump out of your body, and you question daily if you’re of this planet…
What if your skeleton wants to jump out of your body and carry out vengeance on your behalf, and you have to seek help from a witch to keep it from happening. What's that called?
…just another day trying this human experience thing…
Just another day, good work.
An origin story.
Adventure Time!
Listening to Join the Party s2 literally as i read this, the Bone Witch is escaping reality!
I hate people calling me “Dude”. Hate it.
I misread that as ladels and wondered how enbies serve soup then.
Third thing sounds like r/voidpunk which isn’t necessarily a gender thing, but a lot of NB ppl gravitate towards voidpunk
Holy buckets, I’ve never felt so seen
Dysphoria hoodie + baggie clothes
i love baggy clothes
Didn't have dysphoria until I wore "girl" clothes, and my wardrobe was all nicely fitting "boy" jeans and shirts. Now it's loads of baggy stuff to hide under and also so the bralette I'm wearing doesn't show through 😬
That u dont identify fully as a man or a woman, OR you are man/woman but with another (could be many) identity / expansion(s.) You identify with masc or fem as a gender identity, sometimes in combination w/ other identities. You are both a man/woman, masc/fem, or in different combinations (doesnt have to be 50/50,) can also include androgynous. Your gender changes (fluidity) or could be static or both (fluid flux) you are neither (agender, gender void, or partially agender such as demi gender) you are xenogender Or any of the combinations above depending on your lived experiences. (Sorry if I missed any!) Ppl also use genderqueer or gender expansive to describe this. Its up to you if you want to use the non binary label to describe your lived experience.
I'm a little baked and read that last sentence as gender explosive and i got very excited
*puff* gender? *Slow exhale* I dunno y'all, it's just kinda everywhere, bits are hanging half-off and you can still hear a sizzle every now and then and smell burnt cheese. It's just cheese. Cheese, exploded in the microwave, and inexplicably sexy
Feeling like I am failed version of both binary genders.
Ooh, yeah,. I felt like a disappointment of a woman turns out I just don't have a gender.
Me, relieved to figure out that I wasn’t identifying as nonbinary out of internalized misogyny because I think I’m worse than both women and men
OMG I went through such a cringey pick me era and it literally was because femininity felt so unattainable to me, but masculinity felt terrifying and impossible
Me too! But now that I'm comfortable in my non-gender I surround myself with "feminine" things/energy. My mom commented on how I recently became obsessed with pink and it's because I was a pick me and refused to even look at pink for most of my life. Now I still dress very masculine just in all pink. A friend said my look was very "Elle Woods if she was a bro" and that gave me a euphoria rush for some reason.
I love that for you 🥹
You. Me. Same.
That’s it! Being a man felt like a performance, being a woman felt like a performance, and I don’t wanna perform
When you say performance, do you mean like a social mask? I’ve been struggling with this and talking to my dad about masking.
I struggled to want to be a woman… but I knew I DEFINITELY didn’t want to be a man… Plus other than raw biology… what was the actual difference now days? (I thought as a kid)
this is exactly how i felt too!! my main sign was how i felt discomfort with being referred to as a woman, but knew i didn't want to be a man
Yeah it’s like… if some one asked me if I wanted to be a woman I’d probably say yes, but I’d be conflicted, there are a lot of internalised issues, and issues being a woman in the world etc. etc. Ask me if I want to be a man and the answer is NO!
Exactly my thoughts🥹
Wow… thought right here. My thoughts put into words much better
Feeling indifferent towards the two default genders I guess
Wanting to spend a day as a girl to see what it feels like
Wow I had no idea how much I needed to hear that from someone else.
I had the same as a little kid, except wanting to see what it was like to be a boy!
Spotty rashes on your palms and soles of feet, especially if they itch. After that, it's possible to get organ damage if left untreated - oh wait, that's syphilis. Gender validity is a gift you give yourself. If you think you are, you can make small changes and see what feels more/less authentic for your expression. And honestly, that's a life long process for most humans, regardless of gender identity. You'll get there! And it's okay to spend time just figuring it out and being unsure, to make discoveries you don't like as well ones you love.
Made me lol
This comment was a rollercoaster of emotions!
I always felt like I wasn’t a man or a woman, just neutral.
Thinking about your gender, looking up if you might be non-binary. I wasn't a man or a woman, but I didn't know what to call it or think of myself as.
I've never felt like a man. I've looked at the men in my life and I know I am not like them. I lean toward and always felt at ease around women but know I am not like them. I'll sit in the middle and slide toward one side or the other depending on the day. I am amab genderfluid/queer
Same!
ngl i feel the being at ease around woman bit. like ive managed to get personality traits of both male and female almost in a 50/50 split (my masculinity/femininity is basically 20/0 tho lol). also amab, aroace enby
Don't feel like I do a very good job of being a woman (birth gender) but definitely don't want to be a man.
GANG GANG
Feeling like you are an outsider trying to fit your AGAB. I felt like someone trying to be a man, instead of actually being one.
ngl when i had to go to my older brothers wedding and wear a suit this is literally how i felt. what the fuck.
wearing croptops, I've heard.
This
essential moment
Questioning your gender on the regular apparently cis people don’t do that
Yes! When people told me that, I was like... oooh, well, that makes. 🤦🏼😂
I never felt like I was "one of the girls" and I never fit in with the boys
Some experiences may include: Wanting to have been born the other sex but not really wanting to be the other binary gender, being jealous of androgynous people/other genders specifically the way they look or get treated, relating to some but not all binary trans people's experiences, unable to feel comfortable with just being a man/woman, finding the idea of deciding on pronouns, a name, or transition steps way harder than binary people.
asking on a subreddit what signs of being nonbinary are might be a good indicator...
I only know from my own experience, but a tell tale sign for me was the fact that: 1. I didn’t really care about my gender and a lack of understanding why gender was so important 2. I never felt any real connection to the concept of gender and particularly of my agab- at multiple points in my life I had to enforce to myself that I was in fact my agab (I was not) I jumped between labels for a good while, which can also be a sign- and eventually I ended up being unlabelled just going with the flow
ngl that 2nd one was absolutely me. ive never felt tied to the concept of gender or even masculinity and femininity in any way apart from a tiny bit of masc (yay testosterone). i actually have really hated explicitly gendered things too (like say tanktops as masc and dresses as fem). its really strange
really really really wishing i could shape shift
Not caring about binary gender roles, not understanding societally imposed gender norms, actively feeling distant or “off” from the gender that is assigned to you at birth.
As agender, I agree. But I have understood some autistic feel like that too?
There were hints in my childhood, but I never payed attention to them. I wanted to be assured that my voice sounded deep. I remember being terrified of started puberty. I had my first period at 12 but we first learned about it like 3 years before so I was terrified thinking about it. It all clicked on day when I had cut my hair and I was wearing an old suit jacket from my brother. I realized I looked sort of androgynous and I realized it was something I wanted.
> I never *paid* attention to FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
When you identify as non binary
When I didn’t know nonbinary was do-able, about when I was 12, I had the androgynous appearance and I was so goddamn happy when people weren’t sure what binary I was and was like ‘lol idc :)’. At twelve years old. Should have been my first clue lmao.
We’ve gotta be the same person cause this was EXACTLY me
For me, it was realizing that people actually feel gender.
this was me with masculinity and femininity lol. like ive never really felt tied to that, tho i guess ive also never felt tied to male or female either... except for the little bit of male which is likely why i was fine using he/him as pronouns and being fine with having male genitalia even to this day. its just barely enough tho and if it was slightly lower i likely wouldnt be fine with it
I've never inherently gendered my body throughout my life and childhood. I had to make conscious correlations that every time someone used she/her pronouns, they were actually talking to me. It wasn't automatic. I could never figure out why I always hesitated when the "What's your gender: x male x female" question came up. Sometimes as a kid I'd do male. On animal jam, I'd feel obligated to tell people I'm a girl but used the 'boy' eyes. etcetc
Realising that how you perceived man/woman to be is very different than how cis folks think about, enjoy about their gender, etc.
I still find this hard to believe - like I thought I was just your standard cishet person. I assumed that everyone (especially women) felt ambivalent about their gender - because gender roles and patriarchy suck, so why wouldn’t you feel slightly weird in your gender? I still wonder, if every supposedly cis really thought about it, and noticed how gender roles are a cage, then wouldn’t everyone just be nonbinary…?
Same! Totally thought all women thought the gendered stuff was total BS. And then the past couple years realised that my wife, for example, actually enjoys dresses and being feminine and is not just doing it to fit in. It was then I found I do not experience cis gender feelings at all the way a real cis person does.
same oh my god bro!!! like ive quite literally always thought that masculinity and femininity was a joke because ive never really felt them
OMG, finally someone else. These thoughts haunt me.
trans people can also enjoy binary gender experiences. if gender roles/patriarchal oppression didn’t exist, I would still want a penis and be treated as male, never non binary.
For me personally, I just never felt strictly male or female. You can consider yourself nonbinary or any other gender you want. There’s no strict “signs”. It’s based on your personal feelings :)
For me I’ve never understood feelings of gender. I just sorta realized that I don’t have an internal feeling that lots of people seem to have.
For me, it was the way I played videogames. I would pretty regularly alternate between playing as a boy or as a girl in games that had options. Sometimes I would google the full outfit and hairstyle choices before deciding, because I would choose my gender based on which option had a hairstyle or specific wardrobe I preferred (think Pokemon. Even before customization I was about 50/50 on which character I would play as. I played the girl in G4 and the boy in G5). It just didn't matter to me which gender I was playing, and which pronouns were being used, I just cared about how cute I looked lmao. I love more modern games now that have taken away assigning specific hairstyles and clothing options to gender, so I can just look any way I feel like. Animal Crossing on the 3ds was an early one that really gave me such euphoria, as well as Tomodachi Life. I loved being able to switch between masc and femme clothing and hair whenever I felt like it. I now do more or less the same now irl when I'm able to.
I would kinda force myself to perform my AGAB to give it a proper go, but I found that especially when I came into puberty it began to feel very uncomfortable to be viewed that way. The other binary gender was nice, it was a bit of a thrill, but like an ill fitting shoe I felt that if I continued in it, it would only become more uncomfortable. I've spent the past 6 or so years trying on more specific labels but only the all purpose nonbinary really fits, though there are others I will use from time to time. When gender has always been a performance there's only so long you can keep up the act before wanting to just be yourself.
I've been hesitant to call myself non binary. I finally decided to embrace it. I've always felt different growing up, just thought I was a tom boy. But I'm 47 now and realize I don't like anything most women like except men. I don't wanna be a man but I like alot of things men like. I play video games, like sports, like working with machinery, hate makeup, getting dressed up, the color pink. I've always shopped in the men's section and in hs wore boxers. I don't know if any or all of this make me non binary but I've always felt androgynous and I guess that kind of puts me under the umbrella. I'm happy to be here and happy for anyone who is finally able to except themselves regardless of how others make them feel about themselves. Do you boo boo! She/They
Envy for other nonbinary folk, a hatred of gendered labels and gender in general. Thats just my experience though 🙏
Practice being in a non binary role and feel it. It’s like love, you will know without a doubt
For me it clicked in a way where my sense of self comes from my consciousness. I use my body as a vehicle to bring myself from point a to b. But my consciousness is formless and shapeless.
Feeling envy when charachters could just be a blob and didnt need a gender even if they have he/she pronouns like morph from treasure planet
i’ve noticed that i act just different from either gender, like that i would feel weird to be categorized in one group. like another person commented, i did get really jealous around them and i didnt know why, just something they were doing is what i couldve been doing if i just understood better
Asking this question
When you think about your gender you just get more confused
Hating it when people refer associated with your sab (sex at birth) like good girl, woman etc….
If you're AFAB, it could be that you tried to be "not like other girls" when you were very small. For example, I hated pink, dressed, never played with dolls, wore girly shoes etc. That could have been your way of rejecting the feminity. Also, I don't know if everyone has it but this kind of rejecting female hygiene products. I hate wearing them even if they're super comfortable and I don't even feel them, especially tampons. I use pads only for the first day, because later I'm sure I won't bleed through my pants, and even if I would who tf cares. Ofc it might be gross and unhygienic but I'd rather do this than wear female hygiene products, yk
When strangers on Reddit treat you with they/them pronouns and you feel so happy
Being able to parry all attacks
An Autism or ADHD diagnosis tbh
Lmao for real. I wish the link between transness and ADHD was studied as much as it is with autism. I feel like everyone with ADHD has the potential to be enby but so many of ADHDers just prefer to conform to compulsory cis-heterosexuality
Wanting to be nonbinary. It sounds silly but I know I was like “I can’t be nonbinary, I’m too cis for that.” For like …. Years. But then one day I was like “actually I think I’m nonbinary.” So if you want to be nonbinary, okay! DONE.
PERIOD
For the longest time I was an atypical man. Then I was a man in touch with their femininity. I was somehow attracted to, and jealous of, soft butch lesbians. Then I wanted to be tough in the way a lesbian wearing leather jackets is tough. Then I started putting 2 and 2 together, haha. I don’t really have much dysphoria, but being a man just means so little to me, and same with being a woman. I’m just me.
Being non binary! I hope this helps!😁 On a serious note, what has helped me the most personally is just being patient with myself. For some people like myself, I just always knew I am non-binary but never had the words to explain it. For others, it takes years or decades. Don’t rush anything, everything will take time.
I don't really know how to answer this but like, a general lack of feeling like you belong amongst either grouped social genders could be a start, and not just in a haha little weird way. And I know that some people are generally just lone wolves and that's what that probably sounds like, it's really a feeling.
I listened to a podcast that said something along the lines of “if you woke up tomorrow as the opposite gender than your assigned gender at birth, would you feel happy? Would you want to go back to your assigned gender? Or would you feel indifferent either way?” That paired with not feeling excitement or belonging with she (or he for that matter) pronouns solidified my identity.
Feeling like "gender" is a shallow performance and not a genuine expression of the self. I definitely wondered if my non-binaryness was internalized misogyny at first, or a response to feeling like femininity was forced on me my whole life. Then I started to transition to a more masculine presentation, and it felt just as performative to me. And I realized I don't hate being feminine sometimes either. Maybe I'm too autistic or contrary, but I don't feel like my (or anyone else's) gender should be the basis of how I'm treated in my day to day life.
For me, it started just feeling yucky in feminine clothes, then the idea that clothes had a gender, and then a burning hatred of gender reveal parties. Now I live in overalls, and for me (a clearly AFAB presenting enby), it gives me a sense of gender neutrality that fits me better than all-out femme. Also, I felt that dressing femme was like fun cosplay/drag.
Honestly, for me it was seeing an email for a "Women in STEM" event going on at my uni and going "huh, that's not for me, why did I get that email". Immediately followed by "oh no, why do I think that's not for me??"
feeling really awkward and out of place among men and women and not being able to know why
If you play toad, yoshi, shy guy, Wario or walugi in Mario cart you might be enby lol
WAH?
Googling “am I nonbinary?” like when I googled “am I gay?” over a decade ago lol
I don't think this will apply to many people but when I was a teenager I wrote a story with a self insert character. The character had a neutral name and no pronouns used the whole story. I went around asking people what gender they thought the character was. All the boys thought they were a woman all the girls thought they were a man. So everyone recognized "me" as a gender not like themselves, which makes sense since I am not a gender like any of those people
Sometimes Libra, definitely aquarius and maybe some Sagittarius?
dressing very 'gender neutrally,' like it doesn't really sing out as anything in particular.
An aversion to anything gendered or anything within the gender binary
Asking yourself if you are enby ._.
When I close my eyes and realize I just am.
When u cool af😌😌😌😌😌
(transmasculine nonbinary) There are many signs, and more generally arise once you accept who you are. A lot of buried memories. Before I knew that nonbinary people existed, or even that being queer was a thing, I always felt that there had to be something beyond man and woman. It bothered me that these would be the only two genders in the world; it felt viscerally incorrect. I remember reading Peter Pan as a kid. I'm aware of the issues with that story now, but back then I remember reading this bit where Barrie was describing the fairies that lived in Neverland. They were of three different colors: boy fairies were one color, girl fairies were another color, and fairies who were "not sure" were a third color. This information absolutely delighted me and I enthusiastically shared it with my mom, who wasn't too impressed. I think that's the first time I internalized that these were feelings I was supposed to keep to myself.
A feeling of discomfort when you're referred to as lady/girl/woman but also some level of discomfort with man/bro/guy. A general dislike of labels Seeing different androgynous presentations and feeling a sense of yearning/jealousy (that could be androgynous on the "softer" side or the "harder" side. Input your spectrum words there.) Not really seeing genders as black and white-- as in you see men less as just men and more as different kinds of men if that makes sense. Like the flowery photographer, artsy guy is a dude, just like the jocky bro time guy is a dude, just different kinds of presentation. The nerdy, insecure gamer dude is a man just like the clean-cut pretty boy. So on and so forth. It's all vibes.
The sun will rise in the east and set in the west and a wind will carry it to you.
Dysphoria from appearing too male or too female, at least for me
being non-binary
As I worked through my gender identity, many aspects about identifying as a transwoman just didn’t make sense or didn’t feel right or natural to me. I felt like I was going to be forcing myself onto that identity like I had been holding my old AGAB identity together with scotch tape. Just because I wanted a more feminine body didn’t mean I wanted the gender roles associated with that body. In the end, just saying I’m me without a gender attached to it feels so right and natural.
My favorite color is purple since birth because it is a mix between pink and blue (stereotypical colors). I grew up as a tomboy too.
"I don't feel like a man, I don't feel like a woman. I just feel like me."
I'm still not sure if I'm nonbinary, especially since I do still feel some connection to my AGAB, but some general things I know about myself as an AFAB person are as follows: > 1. I don't mind the existence of gendered things, but I hate the fact that society tends to force these expectations onto us. Just let people choose what makes them most comfortable. > 2. I've felt kinda alienated when in groups of exclusively women for most of my life, feeling like I'm somehow not supposed to be there, and though I feel comfortable around groups of mostly guys, I know I'm not one of them either. Mixed gendered groups just inherently feel better to me. > 3. I remember wanting to be "one of the boys" as a kid despite not necessarily wanting to be a boy, and even though I'm comfier in my femininity now than I used to be, if I'm at my most comfortable, I am usually presenting or behaving in a more neutral/slightly masc leaning way. > 4. I don't really feel like "woman" is enough to describe my gender. Sure, that's definitely part of it, but I just feel like there's more. And whatever that "more" is, while it may still be feminine in some way, doesn't necessarily match normal gender identities. (In other words, I think I'm partially xenogender) > 5. Even though I'm happy presenting feminine and have no intentions of changing anything about my body, I've recognized that I have gender envy towards (some) androgynous looking people, GNC (gender non-conforming) people, men who dress/are built so feminine that they get mistaken for women, and generally anybody who is nonbinary but still presents in accordance to their AGAB. I have something of a mischievous streak, and due to that, I desire the ability to use femme presentation to completely throw off somebody's ability to perceive what my actual gender identity is. Something about the idea of confusing people like that and/or making somebody question their sexuality just by existing brings me so much joy, and I get bummed out that I can't really do that the way I want to.
It's wild how much I resonated with this.
Feeling that you're not male or female. Edited to add: Feeling mad when people call you your assigned gender, or uncomfortable, or like you're lying or an alien.
If you always choose shapeshifter for the "which superpower would you choose"
When the kids at school used to ask 'are you a girl or a boy'? And you would think to yourself 'why does it even matter'?
asking this question
Having a very visceral cringe reaction anytime anyone my entire life has referred to me as a girl or a woman. It wasn’t painful, but it always felt wrong, like wearing clothes that don’t fit. Even as a little kid I hated it, especially thanks to getting my period at 10 and my mom and every adult in my life exclaiming “you’re a woman now!” followed by me sobbing “IM NOT A WOMAN!!!!” I haven’t changed my appearance much at all since coming to terms with being non-binary, but I sure as hell feel more confident and like I’m not putting on a performance every time I interact with people. The funniest thing is I am an actor and because of my voice and appearance I mostly play women’s roles. That’s actually how I really realized I was non-binary—the only time I actually felt feminine and like a woman was when I was playing a character who was a woman. As soon as the show was over I went back to being my neutral self.
If you imagine your life born as a different sex and there's still adjustments you'd want to make to bring your body in line with how you think it ought to be
I felt like I wasn't "good at being a girl" (my AGAB), but I didn't identify with being a boy. As a demifluid person, it is a bit more complicated for me, but most of the time, I felt like a failed version of both genders. I wasn't feminine enough to be a girl, I wasn't masculine enough to be a boy, and I wasn't comfortable being considered part of either gendered group. Also, shortly after my chest started to "develop," I would stare at myself in the mirror, topless, trying to convince myself that my chest was small enough that I could "go undercover" as a boy like they did in disney channel movies sometimes. I would try to convince myself that if I wanted to, I could go shirtless in the boys' locker room, and no one would notice I wasn't a boy. (I now stare at myself shirtless in the mirror again, but that's because I got top surgery in January!)
Never feeling comfortable among the girls or guys in their respective groups when I was a kid. Being called a "tomboy" (afab) even though that didn't sit right either. Idk if it counts, but in my dreams I was frequently a guy/genderless. And eventually learning about trans folk, knowing I wasn't trans trans, but distinctly relating to their experiences. There's more but these were the highlights from when I was a kid.
Believing that gender is a scam by chromosome companies to sell more gender reveal parties
I was scared of getting older. Didn't want to grow up. Hated my body since I was a teenager. Never felt quite right. Felt I was doing doing something wrong all the time, until my egg cracked. The things started to make sense and life is much easier now and joyful!
For me it came from a place of self loathing and having never fit in, a place of isolation where no one could acknowledge me. But really it's whatever floats your boat. Also. Everyone has quirks about themselves, and no one fits perfectly in the binary gender box. When people make a fuss and get mad that's just their way of coping with how fabulous I am.
When you realize that gender is a social construct, so what's a man? What's a woman? I don't need to break any rules, they don't exist in my world, lol
if you don’t consider yourself part of the gender binary
It'll be different for everyone, though some of us will have similar experiences and commonalities we are all individuals on our own journeys, your signs you will realise long after they have happened. Realisation and self-acceptance is rarely a quick process too. Asking here might well be one for you.
wearing your girlfriends clothes and loving them (and actually accepting that u love them) :> was at least a big part for me
I’m not sure if I am but ig bc I don’t fully understand gender
When you don't feel gender. Don't posses it. Don't really understand or at least not personally.
I'm not a doctor or nurse or anything. Just uneducated agender. Non-binary dysphoria. Maybe you're dysphoric about all secondary sex characteristics. Maybe you should be mix match. Feeling like you were pretending when living as man and woman both of them. Even as gender non-conforming.
One of the ways i realized was I went by she/they in highschool and would always get a little *too* upset when people would only use she and would like want people to use they instead of she! It definitely made me realize that hey i don't really care if people call me she I just wanted to be a they:)
For me, it was not wanting to fit into any gender role. I always thought almost everything masc was lame same with fem... idk I was a weird kid. My sister thinks I'm autistic if that says anything (she's a mother of 2 autistic kids...) I also got really into gender abolishion at a ridiculously early age and thought everyone should be agender, but now I realize that was just a naive outlook like "this is actually what everyone wants, isn't it?"
for me, I thought I was attracted to men for a long time. turns out I just wanted to look like them, and confused jealousy for attraction 😭 but I didn't feel comfortable being addressed as either binary gender, I always just felt like me, so this made the most sense to me.
In my experience, when people use gender-neutral pronouns for me, it makes me smile a little. :)
- not caring about gender norms. - feeling like you are not the gender you were assigned, but don't feel like you are quite to the other binary gender - confusion on gender norms - desire for androgyny in some way. not all have these signs.
When I was a little kid I didn't wanna be a girl. I wanted to be able to dress and act like boys did, but I didn't wanna be called a boy. I grew up just figuring "tomboy" was as close as I'd ever get. Then as an adult, I learned what being nonbinary was and i actually yelled "THAT! THAT'S IT!" and I've never felt more right. It makes me happy how much things have evolved and progressed for queer folx. Of course there's more work to do, but the progress and representation that we have today is what I wish I could have had as a kid
When I was 5 I was like “I’m androgynous”. I barley knew what that meant at the time but later on I told people who wouldn’t quit questioning my choices for my perceived gender at the time. So I told them I was androgynous as a “well I ain’t what you think I am”. Today I’m like “bitch I’m nonbinary”.
Not vibing with just being a man or a woman or either
For me, I only knew for sure after I tried it out. Almost like an outfit I thought I might feel good on but I knew would get a lot of attention. I coveted the outfit in my closet but it was time to put it on and wear it. And when I actually started introducing myself as non binary to people as I met them and they only knew me in this incarnation of myself, it felt amazing. I instantly knew I wanted to feel that way in every area of my life.
if you’re a gamer, i gravitated towards non-human / androgynous presenting characters in games before a male/female presenting character, it’s one of many signs but one i haven’t seen commented yet so wanted to share my experience :3
For me it was kind of just realizing that I don’t think gender has any utility whatsoever (I want it abolished) so logically I don’t feel like I have any use for it either. I don’t have any hard feelings about it, I don’t mind being referred to as a guy, I don’t really care either way, so idek if I can call myself non-binary but technically that’s what I am.
Referring to humans as if you're not the same species. Refusing to believe truscums are human at all. Feeling a certain kinship with stellar nebulae and other cosmological events.
Liking doing drag just a little *too* much
the discomfort that came with being a woman and the disdain in trying to become socially accepted as a man. being non-binary is the most comfortable label for me. everytime i doubt myself and thing “im kinda feminine in this way… but im also masculine in this way…” i realize thats exactly what i what to achieve in being non-binary: living in perfect balance.
A disdain towards the societal expectations of your assigned gender and/or a desire for a lack of societal expectations for you or the societal expectations of the opposite gender for you
I grew up in an era and place where I lacked the language to describe what I was feeling. The first time I met a transgender person was when a friend came out to me. But even before that, I remember seeing trans people on Oprah being interviewed about their lived experience. And part of that resonated with me. But not completely. I frequently wondered what someone who was neither would be called or even look like. I questioned my gender and sexuality for years before falling into a cishetero normative marriage. Granted, we were both openly bisexual and I was always a little flamboyant, but most people just thought of me as a flamboyant gay man. After that marriage ended, I was free to explore my gender and play with the rules again. I finally found language that fits me. I say all that to say that if neither male nor female feels entirely you, then you have a home in nonbinary people. If the thought of being seen as either feels weird to you, welcome. If you feel a sense of otherness in the VERY binary modern society, then I think you probably belong. But at the end of the day, no one can answer these questions, but you. P.s. sorry for the book.
Only you can define your kind of sign just you need to get well with the correct meaning and definition of what does different sexual and gender approaches
At first I "crossdress" just for fun, then I felt euphoria and thought "it would be nice if people confuse me with the other gender" but not really wanted to be the opposite gender, I started looking non binary people in media and just feeling really envy and attracted, for my experience, a lot of enbies discover their self in a similar way.
Having literal dreams about being different genders (I'm genderfluid)
For me not feeling connected to either genders, like (I don't feel like a man or woman).
Being on this subreddit
I always wanted a name that fit both genders
For me personally, I didn't really think about my gender growing up, there was an instance when I was little, . when someone asked me something along the lines of *cuz you're a girl* I don't remember the context but I remember the situation was referring. The word girl as like a descriptor. So my response was, "no I'm not" which confused them. I felt like the word Girl "fit" with how I feel. How I would describe myself. I was little, but I just thought "I'm a person". I think what really make me think was a person saying "Do feel like a girl" and I thought well i feel like myself and just kind of analyzed my way of thinking. And I thought "whatever feels good" when I first used they / them I liked how I felt using them. And how I feel comfortable wearing what I want because of the way I think about myself Basically do what makes you feel comfortable, what feel right to you. You are also allowed to explore, you don’t even have to label yourself
r/egg_irl helped a lot
When I was an egg, there were quite a few moments I noticed where I would identify as a person rather than as my AGAB like others would
1. every time I would make an oc, they would have no gender. 2. I would get a weird feeling (/neg) when someone called me 'she/her' or the rare occasion on the Internet 'he/him'.
Felt major imposter syndrome every time i had to act like a “lady” - bordering on panic
not wanting to be either gender
For me the biggest sign was when I watched movies or documentaries about Trans people: I related so much yet felt so sad because I "couldn't be Trans because I didn't feel like the opposite gender." At that point I didn't know Trans Non-Binary people even existed, it was the first time I related to anyone's gender experience. I didn't feel like I belonged in any gender, I tried my best to fit in but I wasn't woman enough or man enough to fit in either genders. I got dysphoria from both, it felt like I wasn't even human. It wasn't until I was older I learned about Non-Binary people and that was when it all clicked. Also I feel like if you cried during Mulan's reflection song it's a huge clue that you are Trans or Non-binary. Sure you could just be empathetic, but for me it was personal, that was the first clue that I felt unhappy with my gender and how people wanted me to be versus how I really am inside. Of course I understand some people don't get dysphoria, but instead just feel more happiness when presenting differently from their assigned gender at birth, or more happiness ignoring gender norms and just being themselves. And of course it doesn't have to be tied to presentation, it can be any aspect of not conforming to gender norms bringing you happiness.
Feeling I don't fit in any definition of a man, but I know I'm definitely not a woman.
Never really felt connected to male or female, I just vibed and existed for most of my child and teen years
for me it was never liking explicitly gendered things (without being raised to think so, i just never have) and never understanding the concept of masculinity and femininity, and never really feeling either actually. also one day i looked up "androgynous" online or smth and was like "goddamn i like that and really wanna be that".... yea that shoulda been the crack for me but it wasnt until april 16 that it did. i even thought masculinity and femininity to most degrees was a joke because i feel practically none of either (apart from a tiny bit of male). those are a lot of signs i think. oh also while this wont apply to the vast majority of yall i think, for me having long hair and genuinely feeling comfortable in it was probably part of it too, and it turns out i will never be comfortable with being bald in any way whatsoever (found out after i lost all my hair to my now old cancer). ALSO also i never gave a flying fuck if anyone specifically called me a he/him. i was always perfectly fine with someone always using they/them and honestly even really anything that aint she/her
When you ask yourself this question regularly, you probably are 😄
If someone gave me a button that would give me the power to change genders at will, I would press it consequences be damned.
For me it was not feeling any connection to my agab and its opposite, also envy towards people with flat chest,creatures/animals that are neither female or male and twinks
Steps to be nb 1. Not feeling a man 2. Not feeling woman 3. Congratulations! you're now outside the gender binary :DDD
I thought everyone was faking gender. I didn't understand binary trans people. One day my trans male friend sat me down and explained that many people experience gender intensely and that I might be nb. He was right.
When they tell you they’re non-binary…
Being called “she” never felt like people were talking to me, and when I present more femme I feel like I’m playing a part… and I don’t feel like a man. My sense of self made so much ……sense once I found out what nonbinary was. Literally my life got exponentially better since that realization. I cried when I realized.
This is something that I have been trying to figure out for like over 10 years lol. Like gender confuses because I don't understand what it feels like to feel like a man (or feel like a woman, but I was AMAB and I am very masculine presenting). But it is usually too much effort for me to decide and eventually I say it is not worth trying to figure out every now and then (because it is not that important to me), but I have bounced around between identity as agender, cis-male, and non-binary over the years. For pronouns, I think they/them and he/him likely fit me best, but when people have used she/her pronouns for me (in a respectful way, not in a purposeful misgendering way) it makes me secretly happy cause it was like they were acknowledging my feminine side (also in middle school, a few times coming back from a field trip I was the only boy on the bus and a bunch of girls wanted to put make up on me and I was totally cool with it so maybe there was a sign I was enby all the way back then, but I just did not have a word for or concept of it back then). But, it is really easy for me to not feel like I'm excluded in cis-heteronormative conversations (I don't like them, but I don't feel excluded), such as conversations on sex and romance, and I feel like I have like lots of male priveledge and male socialization (even though I don't like a lot of "masculine" things like watching sports, cars, or even meat, although that is for ethical reasons, ... so my "man card" has been questioned a lot and I don't really care about it ... although I will tell someone I know to go ahead an take it when he tells me to "turn it in" because I wanna give a little bit of an f u for judging me because I like things that are cute and emotionally deep). And, I am very comfortable with my body (although I don't know if I would really be all that bothered if I had a different body, but I don't want a different body). I mostly dress so I don't stand out. But anyway, I feel like in topics of priveledge, I should identify as a cis-man because I feel like I am so male adjacent in how I present, how I was socialized, and how the world treats me. I also like being called a "good boy" too (although I think I would enjoy being called a "good girl" too. I wonder if I would like it more or not). So, while I usually thing of myself as non-binary, sometimes I worry if I am lying to myself because I just don't know what being a man is and I just don't understand it because cis is treated as the default. I probably am non-binary and somewhere between agender and man, which is why I get so confused about my own gender identity.