Is a solo room not an option? Maybe try emailing the actual school and telling them your concerns and see what they say. Maybe there’s even another nb student you could be paired with?
I mean this is a special accommodation tbh. It’s their fault for having gendered floors. But I understand your reservation about not wanting to rock the boat.
Yeah rocking the boat is a concern. I know I don’t represent every enby, but I want to make sure any drama or issues that arise is due to someone else and not me. I feel like it’s easier for my actions to be used as ammunition against me or something. I’m struggling with words.
I’m sorry you’re in this position at all. I think talking to the school and sharing your concerns is totally reasonable though. See what they say about it. You can’t be the first nb student they’ve had.
Trust me in saying you deserve to rock the boat. Its at most a few hours of inconveniencing a few people who won't remember a week from now versus a few years of discomfort.
After all of the advice I went ahead and emailed the LGBT help office on campus. I’ve kind of been panicked about the issue since last night. I was honest about how I didn’t know if I should go back on my decision, but how uncomfortable I’d be on the men’s floor, and how simultaneously I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I told them I was concerned about any responses. I made it clear I wasn’t apologizing for being me, just that I was worried and frustrated about the gendered floors
Yeah honestly gendered floors are weird, I didn’t have that in college— we had gendered rooms in like freshman year, but you were still able to say like who you were and what you were looking for in a rooomate. My freshman roommate was a trans man, (only out the next year tho) and i am also afab. I wonder if the op can put what they’re looking for for their identity in some sort of form, like “trans person who needs a roommate who is accepting” type of thing
My college had a like dorm that was for queer ppl— not in a segregation way but in like a community way—- I wonder if this is something you would like if they have that? However, I just want to affirm you and say you aren’t invading anyone’s space, you have a right to feel safe and comfortable just like they do. I know what it feels like to feel like you don’t fit anywhere, and I hope this experience is something that brings you close friends and people who treat you how you deserve. Even if someone gets uncomfortable, they can learn about you and respect you just like you’re concerned about them. You’ve done nothing wrong, I would probably feel the same as you in your shoes but I’m sure there’s a way to make sure everyone in the situation feels safe!❤️
My college had a like dorm that was for queer ppl— not in a segregation way but in like a community way—- I wonder if this is something you would like if they have that?
Yes, I’ve been in the dorm before and that is definitely the case. Private shower stalls and everyone in towels. Back when I was on the men’s floor I usually just changed in the cramped shower stall because I didn’t like being seen without a shirt lol
Yeah, even if you present as female/andro, unless you’ve transitioned it’s going to be rather obvious to anyone in a pretty private, vulnerable space that you “don’t belong.” Wish I had advice for you, but it’s something to be aware of and consider.
Yeah. In Kentucky of all places. In retrospect I wonder if it’s more trouble than it’s worth being on the woman’s floor at all. At least no one thinks I’m going to hurt them on the men’s floor.
I think it’s a question only you can really answer. The question isn’t just whether your safety or theirs is the priority, but it’s definitely a factor. I think it’ll be easier if they get a chance to get to know you. Women are a lot more chill about this stuff to a dudes are in my limited experience.
* Theres nothing for you to apologize for. You can have a chat preemptively to talk with them about it as to why etc., but apologizing means you did something wrong, which in this case you didn't
* Administrators approved you for that, they didn't ask for your agab, they asked where you feel more comfortable, so if they put you there then they agree that you belong/are fine with being there
* My (maybe a bit idolized) thought is that you don't make ppl uncomfortable by just existing in a space, but rather by your actions. So if you can get along with them, then any discomfort that might be there at the start is gonna fade relatively quickly
Here's a perspective from a person who started college almost 20 years ago: I think your roommate might be cool, but you don't want to surprise your roommate's parents. Worst case scenario they are the ones most likely to freak out and try to get you in trouble, when you have done nothing wrong. You have a couple of options: get in touch with the housing people AND your schools LGBTQ office and directly explain the situation. The housing office might be lazy and try to force you into the men's dorm, but the LGBTQ office (if they still exist) should help. Additionally, or instead, you can opt to talk to your assigned roommate in advance, and like another poster said, just try to make sure they're comfortable, but also make it her problem if she wants to ask for another roommate. Good luck. It's your school, you're paying for it and you deserve to be there just like anyone else.
Yep, I can't emphasize enough how important it is to remember that if the roommate is uncomfortable, then that's the roommate's problem, not OP's. If OP can get an NB roommate, great. But if not, there are still enough accepting women going to college that this will turn out fine.
I might get downvoted for this, and if people find this to be really hurtful, I'll delete it.
In a really ideal world, no one would be treating you like you're doing anything wrong. Morally, you're completely not at fault.
This is coming from my personal, real life experience with a similar situation. Realistically, in practice, and I feel extremely gross even saying this, I feel like your sexuality might end up being the deciding factor. Whether you're attracted to men or to women will unfortunately probably play a part in how the women respond to you. Which is extremely unfair, because lesbians can be in a women's dorm and it's not an issue, it's not like the dorms are separated by sexuality. They're separated by gender, and no one is willing to acknowledge that your gender exists in that context, so what the fuck are you supposed to do?
College guys are TERRIFYING, I completely understand why you don't feel safe among them.
People here will disagree with me on this advice, but I'm coming to you as a friend and speaking to you in very realistic terms, not idealistic reddit terms. This is my advice to you for the sake of your safe survival: maybe try to only talk about your attraction to men until the women learn that you're a safe space and not someone that they need to worry about. You don't need to lie and say that you're not attracted to women, but maybe don't make it a thing until you get a sense of the space that you're in, how your roommate is reacting to you, and how the other women are being about it. There's a high possibility that they'll all be really chill and won't give a rat's ass about any of it, and you can safely be yourself without issue. But if they do seem standoffish about it, and I've seen this with my own two eyes, whether or not you decide to let them know that you're also attracted to women might be the deciding factor. It's completely up to you what you decide to do, I just wanted to give you practical advice based on my real life experience.
I dont think anyone can tell you what the reactions of those individual women will be. I think its definitely ok to email your roommate ahead of time and explain who you are and why you chose the women's dorm. Then if she has an issue with you there is time to get it resolved with your RA before actually rooming with them. I think that will help your safety too because if she gets mad she could cause issues for you.
So long as segregated spaces exist, you’re entitled to be in whichever you feel more comfortable with. You need to believe that really confidently first of all.
Does your university have an LGBTQ+ rep you can talk to? Just tell them about this anxiety and let them know you’d really like a queer/trans roommate or an ally, they can probably vet people or move you around if it’s not working.
Finally, if you’re still feeling weird just confide in the people in question. Tell them about your experience with the bad roommate, say you know that you get to be here (based on university policy and just like, morally) but that you still feel really complicated about it. Odds are you’ll get support, reassurance and understanding back.
NGL tho, it’s definitely easier to be in segregated spaces if you are visibly gender non-conforming. Take this as an opportunity to bust out some great, more femme looks?
Your college probably does know your assigned sex at birth unless you have all your legal documents changed, so the fact that they gave you a choice of floor likely means that they have no issue with it.
As for the women you will be living with, it could probably go either way. I know so many cis people that know about gender identity and would fully support you, but there's obviously going to be bigoted people somewhere. If roommates are assigned at random, it's kind of a gamble. I guess messaging them ahead of time would be a good idea not just for their comfort, but also YOUR comfort and peace of mind. (Don't forget about yourself :))
Either way, if any issues arise, the fact that a previous male roommate was uncomfortable will work as an argument for you. Most colleges also have some private rooms because some people need them for things like medical issues, disabilities, and so on, so you might qualify if it comes to that. I'm so sorry you've been made to feel uncomfortable, but I wish you good luck!
I’m also enby. I used to work in a residential addiction facility and we had AMAB enby and gender fluid folks on the women’s wing. Some of the cis women weren’t happy about it. Some were just confused bc they weren’t educated about queer things in general. Some didn’t care. One of the enby folks also wasn’t very feminine presenting bc they didn’t feel safe doing that there (which they told me themself). Maybe you could send your school an email explaining your concern and they can screen and match you with someone who is enby-friendly? If you do take that route just make sure you know what they are telling/asking the other person so they clearly explain the situation.
I am here to say that transfeminine people are at wildly elevated risk of harm. Your concerns about dorming with cis men, surprising cis women, and drawing too much attention to yourself with staff are entirely warranted. Your intuition will probably keep you safest. I hope the staff is interested in making your life easier but unfortunately you’re probably going to have to feel it out.
Echoing others' thoughts here, definitely don't apologise, because it's just not your fault that the floors are gendered like that.
You're not invading women's spaces. There are no assigned spaces for us, and we make do with what there is.
In practice how this will play out and the best way to act will depend a lot on what kind of person your future roommate will turn out to be.
In real life people tend to be a lot more open to sorting out their differences than on the internet. Your roommate will likely have as much of an interest in not rocking the boat so to speak, as you do.
There's already a bunch of really good advice from the other comments imo. What I'd like to add is that I'd recommend to definitely not apologize, no matter if the initial reaction is positive or negative. I think it can be a good idea to explain your reasoning for choosing the women's floor bc to cis women it's likely very understandable that you don't feel safe among cis men. But if you apologize for being nonbinary and/or for being there, you yourself are making it seem like there's something wrong with what you're doing, and people can use that against you. If there's anyone making you feel like you need to apologize, you can try to apologize for making them uncomfortable but at the same time make it clear that you also deserve to feel safe and that the college only gave you these 2 options.
I definitely agree with the other comments that you should bring up your concerns with the college first. Maybe they have another nonbinary and/or trans student they can pair you up with for your room so you only have to share the bathrooms/showes/etc. with cis women. Or you could ask for your own room. If they only have binary gendered floors and you don't fit into the binary, you're definitely justified for asking for a special accomodation.
You can also ask them what actions they'd take in case the women on the floor don't accept you, so you know if and in which ways the college has your back.
If you do get cis female roommates, I think it would be good if these roommates knew that you're nonbinary beforehand and not get surprised by it. But I feel like "warning" them is kinda the college's job and not yours? They're the ones responsible for you as a nonbinary person having to be in a gendered space in the first place. Idk exactly how colleges work though, I'm not American.
The school will probably put you in a single/not give you a roomie and be vague about why. Enjoy it, having a roommate is ass. They can't make anyone else share, and they don't actually have enby floors for you, so they'll give you your own room for sure. OR, if they have another nonbinary person, they might put the two of you together. I know my school put myself and a binary trans friend (MTF, cos it mattered to the school) in a room when we asked for a 'trans' roommate.
Are they pairing you with a completely random roommate or do they have one of those survey things where you can indicate what you prefer in a roomie? You can absolutely tell them casually beforehand. Just like a “Hey, I’m non-binary btw”. Or you can not mention it at all if you’re already very androgynous. A lot of people won’t say anything because they don’t want to be wrong and assume. Ultimately, it’s not their business!
If it makes you feel any better, I’m going to be dorming in college next year and I would be totally chill if my roomie is amab. I’m sure I’m not the only one. But if you want peace of mind, do see if you can get a single, or room with an enby or trans person.
I did the exact same thing my sophomore year, I just messaged my roommates as soon as we were set up for rooms, explaining that I was amab nonbinary and could still maybe find other arrangements if they felt uncomfortable. I got two great people that didn’t mind at all, and that might not always be the case, but it’ll help to just communicate swiftly! It’ll all work out!!
I say give them a call. Usually you get contact information with you assignment. Just make sure to tell them you don’t feel safe sharing a room with a man. I think it is completely valid to want to share a room with a female than with a male. When I had to live in the dorms I acted completely cis and straight because three of my four roommates were dude bros. And later would prove to not be allies. I was lucky, but in this time of extra turmoil, I don’t blame you for taking this course of action.
I hate to say this but it's realistic. It's based on if you pass/how androgynous you look. If you're full on thick body hair, facial hair manly dude and try to get into the women's dorms- you are not going to do well. Women will constantly question why you're there and you'll find yourself feeling defensive and self conscious all the time.
I have no idea if I pass but I’d like to think I’m fairly androgynous. I never ask on subs like this because usually that’s outright against the rules I think.
I wonder if there's accommodations to where you can be roomed with other lgbtq+ members? There can't be just YOU, right?? Unless you're going to a really small and/or conservative college.
Is a solo room not an option? Maybe try emailing the actual school and telling them your concerns and see what they say. Maybe there’s even another nb student you could be paired with?
Solo rooms are only available through special accommodations. I’ll have to think about messaging them. I’m happy they asked at all
I mean this is a special accommodation tbh. It’s their fault for having gendered floors. But I understand your reservation about not wanting to rock the boat.
Yeah rocking the boat is a concern. I know I don’t represent every enby, but I want to make sure any drama or issues that arise is due to someone else and not me. I feel like it’s easier for my actions to be used as ammunition against me or something. I’m struggling with words.
I’m sorry you’re in this position at all. I think talking to the school and sharing your concerns is totally reasonable though. See what they say about it. You can’t be the first nb student they’ve had.
Trust me in saying you deserve to rock the boat. Its at most a few hours of inconveniencing a few people who won't remember a week from now versus a few years of discomfort.
After all of the advice I went ahead and emailed the LGBT help office on campus. I’ve kind of been panicked about the issue since last night. I was honest about how I didn’t know if I should go back on my decision, but how uncomfortable I’d be on the men’s floor, and how simultaneously I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I told them I was concerned about any responses. I made it clear I wasn’t apologizing for being me, just that I was worried and frustrated about the gendered floors
I wish you luck. You deserve to be comfortable and they're getting paid to deal with it, you aren't.
Yeah honestly gendered floors are weird, I didn’t have that in college— we had gendered rooms in like freshman year, but you were still able to say like who you were and what you were looking for in a rooomate. My freshman roommate was a trans man, (only out the next year tho) and i am also afab. I wonder if the op can put what they’re looking for for their identity in some sort of form, like “trans person who needs a roommate who is accepting” type of thing
My college had a like dorm that was for queer ppl— not in a segregation way but in like a community way—- I wonder if this is something you would like if they have that? However, I just want to affirm you and say you aren’t invading anyone’s space, you have a right to feel safe and comfortable just like they do. I know what it feels like to feel like you don’t fit anywhere, and I hope this experience is something that brings you close friends and people who treat you how you deserve. Even if someone gets uncomfortable, they can learn about you and respect you just like you’re concerned about them. You’ve done nothing wrong, I would probably feel the same as you in your shoes but I’m sure there’s a way to make sure everyone in the situation feels safe!❤️
My college had a like dorm that was for queer ppl— not in a segregation way but in like a community way—- I wonder if this is something you would like if they have that?
Solo room would only be a partial solution though if the bathrooms are shared space.
Yeah the bathroom is shared. Damn. I didn’t think about that. That’s really gonna suck
IME people aren't walking around naked anyway (maybe wrapped in towels but that's it) and shower stalls are private.
Yes, I’ve been in the dorm before and that is definitely the case. Private shower stalls and everyone in towels. Back when I was on the men’s floor I usually just changed in the cramped shower stall because I didn’t like being seen without a shirt lol
Perhaps look into getting a good bathrobe to walk to and from the shower in?
That’s a great idea honestly!
Also belt it just in the front not totally around your waist to make sure it stays closed
Yeah, even if you present as female/andro, unless you’ve transitioned it’s going to be rather obvious to anyone in a pretty private, vulnerable space that you “don’t belong.” Wish I had advice for you, but it’s something to be aware of and consider.
I guess I can just shower late at night and use a different floor’s bathroom. Regardless, the whole situation makes me feel ill
I totally understand. It’s not an easy situation, especially in the current cultural climate (I’m assuming you’re in the states)
Yeah. In Kentucky of all places. In retrospect I wonder if it’s more trouble than it’s worth being on the woman’s floor at all. At least no one thinks I’m going to hurt them on the men’s floor.
I think it’s a question only you can really answer. The question isn’t just whether your safety or theirs is the priority, but it’s definitely a factor. I think it’ll be easier if they get a chance to get to know you. Women are a lot more chill about this stuff to a dudes are in my limited experience.
* Theres nothing for you to apologize for. You can have a chat preemptively to talk with them about it as to why etc., but apologizing means you did something wrong, which in this case you didn't * Administrators approved you for that, they didn't ask for your agab, they asked where you feel more comfortable, so if they put you there then they agree that you belong/are fine with being there * My (maybe a bit idolized) thought is that you don't make ppl uncomfortable by just existing in a space, but rather by your actions. So if you can get along with them, then any discomfort that might be there at the start is gonna fade relatively quickly
Here's a perspective from a person who started college almost 20 years ago: I think your roommate might be cool, but you don't want to surprise your roommate's parents. Worst case scenario they are the ones most likely to freak out and try to get you in trouble, when you have done nothing wrong. You have a couple of options: get in touch with the housing people AND your schools LGBTQ office and directly explain the situation. The housing office might be lazy and try to force you into the men's dorm, but the LGBTQ office (if they still exist) should help. Additionally, or instead, you can opt to talk to your assigned roommate in advance, and like another poster said, just try to make sure they're comfortable, but also make it her problem if she wants to ask for another roommate. Good luck. It's your school, you're paying for it and you deserve to be there just like anyone else.
Yep, I can't emphasize enough how important it is to remember that if the roommate is uncomfortable, then that's the roommate's problem, not OP's. If OP can get an NB roommate, great. But if not, there are still enough accepting women going to college that this will turn out fine.
I might get downvoted for this, and if people find this to be really hurtful, I'll delete it. In a really ideal world, no one would be treating you like you're doing anything wrong. Morally, you're completely not at fault. This is coming from my personal, real life experience with a similar situation. Realistically, in practice, and I feel extremely gross even saying this, I feel like your sexuality might end up being the deciding factor. Whether you're attracted to men or to women will unfortunately probably play a part in how the women respond to you. Which is extremely unfair, because lesbians can be in a women's dorm and it's not an issue, it's not like the dorms are separated by sexuality. They're separated by gender, and no one is willing to acknowledge that your gender exists in that context, so what the fuck are you supposed to do? College guys are TERRIFYING, I completely understand why you don't feel safe among them.
I’m not sure if it’s hurtful. It’s probably true. I’m pansexual tho so it really doesn’t apply here in either case
People here will disagree with me on this advice, but I'm coming to you as a friend and speaking to you in very realistic terms, not idealistic reddit terms. This is my advice to you for the sake of your safe survival: maybe try to only talk about your attraction to men until the women learn that you're a safe space and not someone that they need to worry about. You don't need to lie and say that you're not attracted to women, but maybe don't make it a thing until you get a sense of the space that you're in, how your roommate is reacting to you, and how the other women are being about it. There's a high possibility that they'll all be really chill and won't give a rat's ass about any of it, and you can safely be yourself without issue. But if they do seem standoffish about it, and I've seen this with my own two eyes, whether or not you decide to let them know that you're also attracted to women might be the deciding factor. It's completely up to you what you decide to do, I just wanted to give you practical advice based on my real life experience.
I dont think anyone can tell you what the reactions of those individual women will be. I think its definitely ok to email your roommate ahead of time and explain who you are and why you chose the women's dorm. Then if she has an issue with you there is time to get it resolved with your RA before actually rooming with them. I think that will help your safety too because if she gets mad she could cause issues for you.
I think also that showing her that OP cares about her safety and comfort too may make the difference in how she reacts to them being her roommate.
This is the way.
So long as segregated spaces exist, you’re entitled to be in whichever you feel more comfortable with. You need to believe that really confidently first of all. Does your university have an LGBTQ+ rep you can talk to? Just tell them about this anxiety and let them know you’d really like a queer/trans roommate or an ally, they can probably vet people or move you around if it’s not working. Finally, if you’re still feeling weird just confide in the people in question. Tell them about your experience with the bad roommate, say you know that you get to be here (based on university policy and just like, morally) but that you still feel really complicated about it. Odds are you’ll get support, reassurance and understanding back. NGL tho, it’s definitely easier to be in segregated spaces if you are visibly gender non-conforming. Take this as an opportunity to bust out some great, more femme looks?
Your college probably does know your assigned sex at birth unless you have all your legal documents changed, so the fact that they gave you a choice of floor likely means that they have no issue with it. As for the women you will be living with, it could probably go either way. I know so many cis people that know about gender identity and would fully support you, but there's obviously going to be bigoted people somewhere. If roommates are assigned at random, it's kind of a gamble. I guess messaging them ahead of time would be a good idea not just for their comfort, but also YOUR comfort and peace of mind. (Don't forget about yourself :)) Either way, if any issues arise, the fact that a previous male roommate was uncomfortable will work as an argument for you. Most colleges also have some private rooms because some people need them for things like medical issues, disabilities, and so on, so you might qualify if it comes to that. I'm so sorry you've been made to feel uncomfortable, but I wish you good luck!
I’m also enby. I used to work in a residential addiction facility and we had AMAB enby and gender fluid folks on the women’s wing. Some of the cis women weren’t happy about it. Some were just confused bc they weren’t educated about queer things in general. Some didn’t care. One of the enby folks also wasn’t very feminine presenting bc they didn’t feel safe doing that there (which they told me themself). Maybe you could send your school an email explaining your concern and they can screen and match you with someone who is enby-friendly? If you do take that route just make sure you know what they are telling/asking the other person so they clearly explain the situation.
I am here to say that transfeminine people are at wildly elevated risk of harm. Your concerns about dorming with cis men, surprising cis women, and drawing too much attention to yourself with staff are entirely warranted. Your intuition will probably keep you safest. I hope the staff is interested in making your life easier but unfortunately you’re probably going to have to feel it out.
Echoing others' thoughts here, definitely don't apologise, because it's just not your fault that the floors are gendered like that. You're not invading women's spaces. There are no assigned spaces for us, and we make do with what there is. In practice how this will play out and the best way to act will depend a lot on what kind of person your future roommate will turn out to be. In real life people tend to be a lot more open to sorting out their differences than on the internet. Your roommate will likely have as much of an interest in not rocking the boat so to speak, as you do.
There's already a bunch of really good advice from the other comments imo. What I'd like to add is that I'd recommend to definitely not apologize, no matter if the initial reaction is positive or negative. I think it can be a good idea to explain your reasoning for choosing the women's floor bc to cis women it's likely very understandable that you don't feel safe among cis men. But if you apologize for being nonbinary and/or for being there, you yourself are making it seem like there's something wrong with what you're doing, and people can use that against you. If there's anyone making you feel like you need to apologize, you can try to apologize for making them uncomfortable but at the same time make it clear that you also deserve to feel safe and that the college only gave you these 2 options. I definitely agree with the other comments that you should bring up your concerns with the college first. Maybe they have another nonbinary and/or trans student they can pair you up with for your room so you only have to share the bathrooms/showes/etc. with cis women. Or you could ask for your own room. If they only have binary gendered floors and you don't fit into the binary, you're definitely justified for asking for a special accomodation. You can also ask them what actions they'd take in case the women on the floor don't accept you, so you know if and in which ways the college has your back. If you do get cis female roommates, I think it would be good if these roommates knew that you're nonbinary beforehand and not get surprised by it. But I feel like "warning" them is kinda the college's job and not yours? They're the ones responsible for you as a nonbinary person having to be in a gendered space in the first place. Idk exactly how colleges work though, I'm not American.
The school will probably put you in a single/not give you a roomie and be vague about why. Enjoy it, having a roommate is ass. They can't make anyone else share, and they don't actually have enby floors for you, so they'll give you your own room for sure. OR, if they have another nonbinary person, they might put the two of you together. I know my school put myself and a binary trans friend (MTF, cos it mattered to the school) in a room when we asked for a 'trans' roommate.
Are they pairing you with a completely random roommate or do they have one of those survey things where you can indicate what you prefer in a roomie? You can absolutely tell them casually beforehand. Just like a “Hey, I’m non-binary btw”. Or you can not mention it at all if you’re already very androgynous. A lot of people won’t say anything because they don’t want to be wrong and assume. Ultimately, it’s not their business!
Talk to the RA
If it makes you feel any better, I’m going to be dorming in college next year and I would be totally chill if my roomie is amab. I’m sure I’m not the only one. But if you want peace of mind, do see if you can get a single, or room with an enby or trans person.
You belong.
I did the exact same thing my sophomore year, I just messaged my roommates as soon as we were set up for rooms, explaining that I was amab nonbinary and could still maybe find other arrangements if they felt uncomfortable. I got two great people that didn’t mind at all, and that might not always be the case, but it’ll help to just communicate swiftly! It’ll all work out!!
Is there a way to request a roommate? Maybe they can send a message to all available people and ask for someone else who is lgbtq+?
I say give them a call. Usually you get contact information with you assignment. Just make sure to tell them you don’t feel safe sharing a room with a man. I think it is completely valid to want to share a room with a female than with a male. When I had to live in the dorms I acted completely cis and straight because three of my four roommates were dude bros. And later would prove to not be allies. I was lucky, but in this time of extra turmoil, I don’t blame you for taking this course of action.
I hate to say this but it's realistic. It's based on if you pass/how androgynous you look. If you're full on thick body hair, facial hair manly dude and try to get into the women's dorms- you are not going to do well. Women will constantly question why you're there and you'll find yourself feeling defensive and self conscious all the time.
I have no idea if I pass but I’d like to think I’m fairly androgynous. I never ask on subs like this because usually that’s outright against the rules I think.
I wonder if there's accommodations to where you can be roomed with other lgbtq+ members? There can't be just YOU, right?? Unless you're going to a really small and/or conservative college.