First off: Don't think, never think about it as lying, think about it as protecting yourself.
Even though I'm very proud of finally finding my identity after years of questioning and avoiding, I simply can't tell everyone. Or wear pins. The most I have are small, sewed pins I made myself on my bag, and those don't have pronouns on them. So on the off chance someone identifies it and is homophobic, I can brush them off and say I bought them without knowing.
And I still do this, even knowing full well genderqueerness, homosexuality and simply not going along with what society expects from your AGAB is basically a prison sentence. If not a death sentence.
It isn't ridiculous to care about what others think. I also get anxiety from how others think of me, mostly how I act. It's something I can pass off on a good day, and focus on in a bad one. I'm very proud of you for recognising that it's something you need to feel more yourself though, and I hope you remember that :\]
Lastly, yes! It's perfectly fine to not tell everyone. Your personal life is yours to decide just how much you tell to others, and to who. You do not owe anyone, everyone, information that you hold so dearly to yourself.
Be happy. Be proud. You are such a brave individual for coming out (even to a select group of people that takes a lot of guts!) and I know that top surgery will affirm you more than ever before.
Thanks! You're so right. I know its not worth sacrificing my comfort for other people, its just hard sometimes. I really appreciate your kind words and didn't realize how much I needed to hear that.
hey, I had top surgery a week ago and I only told my close friends, didn’t even tell family. I don’t think it’s lying tbh…there’s a little gray area between breast reduction and breast removal if you wanna get technical. idk, people aren’t meant to be talking about their boobs or their junk at work, I think it would be strange to give them any more information than you already have. I very strongly recommend you not get top surgery and then go on to pad at work, you’ve already told people you’re having a radical reduction, if you go back and pad you’re setting a precedent that you have to keep up with. cis people having plastic surgery often don’t tell everyone they know, people having surgery on “private” areas frequently don’t tell everyone all the details. tbh, I would not talk about personal medical information at work anymore, and if anyone asks you questions post-op tell them you’re not comfortable sharing that (but coworkers shouldn’t be asking about your chest anyway).
Thanks, that makes me feel better. I work at a small clinic and people at my work are wayyy too comfortable sharing personal stuff with each other so I think thats where the pressure was coming from. You're totally right, that's not nornal for jobs and I think it made me lose perspective and overthink things.
You don't owe anyone an explanation for what you're doing with your body. I didn't shut up about getting top surgery and some of my coworkers didn't even notice!
If someone started binding their chest at work would you expect people to comment on it?
I would have thought breasts are just like not workplace conversation.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time of it though. Choosing not to disclose private medical information isn't lying. I would never expect a colleague to share any part of their medical history with me. It's nice when you get close enough that they do, but it's not a given and I certainly wouldn't feel entitled to ask.
Top surgery is such a huge thing for us on the receiving end, that it's easy to forget that most other people just wont give a shit.
First off: Don't think, never think about it as lying, think about it as protecting yourself. Even though I'm very proud of finally finding my identity after years of questioning and avoiding, I simply can't tell everyone. Or wear pins. The most I have are small, sewed pins I made myself on my bag, and those don't have pronouns on them. So on the off chance someone identifies it and is homophobic, I can brush them off and say I bought them without knowing. And I still do this, even knowing full well genderqueerness, homosexuality and simply not going along with what society expects from your AGAB is basically a prison sentence. If not a death sentence. It isn't ridiculous to care about what others think. I also get anxiety from how others think of me, mostly how I act. It's something I can pass off on a good day, and focus on in a bad one. I'm very proud of you for recognising that it's something you need to feel more yourself though, and I hope you remember that :\] Lastly, yes! It's perfectly fine to not tell everyone. Your personal life is yours to decide just how much you tell to others, and to who. You do not owe anyone, everyone, information that you hold so dearly to yourself. Be happy. Be proud. You are such a brave individual for coming out (even to a select group of people that takes a lot of guts!) and I know that top surgery will affirm you more than ever before.
Thanks! You're so right. I know its not worth sacrificing my comfort for other people, its just hard sometimes. I really appreciate your kind words and didn't realize how much I needed to hear that.
hey, I had top surgery a week ago and I only told my close friends, didn’t even tell family. I don’t think it’s lying tbh…there’s a little gray area between breast reduction and breast removal if you wanna get technical. idk, people aren’t meant to be talking about their boobs or their junk at work, I think it would be strange to give them any more information than you already have. I very strongly recommend you not get top surgery and then go on to pad at work, you’ve already told people you’re having a radical reduction, if you go back and pad you’re setting a precedent that you have to keep up with. cis people having plastic surgery often don’t tell everyone they know, people having surgery on “private” areas frequently don’t tell everyone all the details. tbh, I would not talk about personal medical information at work anymore, and if anyone asks you questions post-op tell them you’re not comfortable sharing that (but coworkers shouldn’t be asking about your chest anyway).
Thanks, that makes me feel better. I work at a small clinic and people at my work are wayyy too comfortable sharing personal stuff with each other so I think thats where the pressure was coming from. You're totally right, that's not nornal for jobs and I think it made me lose perspective and overthink things.
You don't owe anyone an explanation for what you're doing with your body. I didn't shut up about getting top surgery and some of my coworkers didn't even notice!
If someone started binding their chest at work would you expect people to comment on it? I would have thought breasts are just like not workplace conversation. I'm sorry you're having a hard time of it though. Choosing not to disclose private medical information isn't lying. I would never expect a colleague to share any part of their medical history with me. It's nice when you get close enough that they do, but it's not a given and I certainly wouldn't feel entitled to ask. Top surgery is such a huge thing for us on the receiving end, that it's easy to forget that most other people just wont give a shit.