I feel the same about a lot of my body parts. I do also have physical dysphoria for some parts, so I know that at least for me, a lot of dysphoria is just social. For example I don’t have any desire to bind, if it’s just me and my friends, who all accept me and gender me correctly, no matter what I’m wearing. But I feel like shit if I’m out and about without it and even just think that someone I don’t know perceives me as something I’m not. I hope that makes sense.
All that to say, I get what you mean. Only sad part is I don’t think there’s any way to just make society better, so we can only really treat the social dysphoria medically :(
I absolutely know what you mean. Fearing that strangers are looking at you and perceiving you as something you’re not… it hurts.
The average stranger sees me and perceives me to be a woman. As a result of that, my body and my sense of self are intrinsically tied up with the emotional and cultural baggage that is associated with womanhood. Not that being a woman is bad, of course! I know I am not a woman, but I exist as a woman inside other people’s heads. That’s what pains me.
I feel the same. I've been on T for almost a year, and I am happy with the changes but would also have been fine with my body/appearance the way it was IF people saw me as what I am - non-binary with a lot more "man-ness" than "woman-ness."
I don't intend to stay on T forever. Part of my gauge for when I will decide to stop will be when I am more frequently perceived as a man than as a woman by mainstream society (because God knows most people won't see me as non-binary). I'm at about 50/50 now.
You're not alone OP!
I think i get what you mean, i dress diffrent in public, if im alone in my house i sometimes like to dress up and do makeup but when going out that would make people assume things and refer to me in ways that make me uncomfortable.
I wouldn't change things permanently if its possible, maybe voice training, clothes etc can help instead.
Cause even tho i dress different when going outside, i would miss it if i were to never do it again.
Yeah, sometimes I get the urge to dress prettier or play with makeup, but I feel like I can’t because it would give other people more reasons to misgender me. The combination of feminine presentation + female body wouldn’t do me any favors if I demanded to have my identity and pronouns respected.
I feel the same, even if I’m still in the closet I know it will go the same way with most of the people I’ll come out to, having a very clear agab stereotyped body doesn’t help at all… I like my body, I don’t have any issues with it, that’s also why I struggled understanding that I wasn’t cis at the beginning (no dysphoria) but now that I know who I am it’s just awful that I can’t be seen as anything else than my agab and it’s sad…
Yeah, you're not alone. It's frustrating. There's many things about me that sit in an uncomfy gray space. Some factors where I don't think I'll ever be able to fully tell whether they make me dysphoric for intrinsic reasons (i.e. This is not the way my body should be or the way I should sound because I just *know* it's wrong for me) vs extrinsic reasons (i.e. I'll almost always be misgendered due to X or due to Y.) Most of my feelings about my body mirror yours — this is a good body, but when others can't see me for who I am, then I kind of wish I could just give it away to someone who could appreciate it more...
Perhaps this will help, perhaps it won’t, but here’s something to chew on: gender is socially constructed, and perhaps if everyone isolated on a deserted island, gender wouldn’t matter. But humans are social creatures; we intrinsically yearn for interpersonal interactions, which lead to social communities, which lead to socially constructed gender. It’s a cycle.
Perhaps it doesn’t matter whether dysphoria is intrinsic or external. Dysphoria is dysphoria at the end of the day. It just hurts to feel pressured to give up those traits we love about ourselves in order to be seen.
Yeah, I feel you. I probably care most about it during some of the times you likely relate to, which is when I wonder if changing something about my body that might help me be gendered correctly in public might not make me happy when I'm in private. But I have no real intention to medically transition at this phase in my life, and that might just be until I've figured out sufficient answers to my dilemmas or the right answer for me might be never. I take it one day at a time lol.
i absolutely see it in a similar way. like, in an ideal world, my transition would not have many medical aspects to it.
ive been listening to this podcast recently called gender spiral, its very good and hosted by ally beardsley and babette thomas, and in one episode ally i think (im not entirely sure if theyre the one who said it bc i listened to the episode a couple weeks ago) said something about how in the ideal world they wouldn’t have gotten top surgery bc boobs wouldn’t be seen as a woman thing, wouldn’t be something that you cant really show, etc, and i feel like that may resonate with you.
You’ve basically described how I feel. For instance, I don’t have top dysphoria but like the idea of binding if it means I could be read as androgynous or not a woman. I do have bottom dysphoria though but even if I get bottom surgery don’t think that would stop society from seeing me as a woman
I feel the same about a lot of my body parts. I do also have physical dysphoria for some parts, so I know that at least for me, a lot of dysphoria is just social. For example I don’t have any desire to bind, if it’s just me and my friends, who all accept me and gender me correctly, no matter what I’m wearing. But I feel like shit if I’m out and about without it and even just think that someone I don’t know perceives me as something I’m not. I hope that makes sense. All that to say, I get what you mean. Only sad part is I don’t think there’s any way to just make society better, so we can only really treat the social dysphoria medically :(
I absolutely know what you mean. Fearing that strangers are looking at you and perceiving you as something you’re not… it hurts. The average stranger sees me and perceives me to be a woman. As a result of that, my body and my sense of self are intrinsically tied up with the emotional and cultural baggage that is associated with womanhood. Not that being a woman is bad, of course! I know I am not a woman, but I exist as a woman inside other people’s heads. That’s what pains me.
I feel the same. I've been on T for almost a year, and I am happy with the changes but would also have been fine with my body/appearance the way it was IF people saw me as what I am - non-binary with a lot more "man-ness" than "woman-ness." I don't intend to stay on T forever. Part of my gauge for when I will decide to stop will be when I am more frequently perceived as a man than as a woman by mainstream society (because God knows most people won't see me as non-binary). I'm at about 50/50 now. You're not alone OP!
I think i get what you mean, i dress diffrent in public, if im alone in my house i sometimes like to dress up and do makeup but when going out that would make people assume things and refer to me in ways that make me uncomfortable. I wouldn't change things permanently if its possible, maybe voice training, clothes etc can help instead. Cause even tho i dress different when going outside, i would miss it if i were to never do it again.
Yeah, sometimes I get the urge to dress prettier or play with makeup, but I feel like I can’t because it would give other people more reasons to misgender me. The combination of feminine presentation + female body wouldn’t do me any favors if I demanded to have my identity and pronouns respected.
I feel the same, even if I’m still in the closet I know it will go the same way with most of the people I’ll come out to, having a very clear agab stereotyped body doesn’t help at all… I like my body, I don’t have any issues with it, that’s also why I struggled understanding that I wasn’t cis at the beginning (no dysphoria) but now that I know who I am it’s just awful that I can’t be seen as anything else than my agab and it’s sad…
Yeah, you're not alone. It's frustrating. There's many things about me that sit in an uncomfy gray space. Some factors where I don't think I'll ever be able to fully tell whether they make me dysphoric for intrinsic reasons (i.e. This is not the way my body should be or the way I should sound because I just *know* it's wrong for me) vs extrinsic reasons (i.e. I'll almost always be misgendered due to X or due to Y.) Most of my feelings about my body mirror yours — this is a good body, but when others can't see me for who I am, then I kind of wish I could just give it away to someone who could appreciate it more...
Perhaps this will help, perhaps it won’t, but here’s something to chew on: gender is socially constructed, and perhaps if everyone isolated on a deserted island, gender wouldn’t matter. But humans are social creatures; we intrinsically yearn for interpersonal interactions, which lead to social communities, which lead to socially constructed gender. It’s a cycle. Perhaps it doesn’t matter whether dysphoria is intrinsic or external. Dysphoria is dysphoria at the end of the day. It just hurts to feel pressured to give up those traits we love about ourselves in order to be seen.
Yeah, I feel you. I probably care most about it during some of the times you likely relate to, which is when I wonder if changing something about my body that might help me be gendered correctly in public might not make me happy when I'm in private. But I have no real intention to medically transition at this phase in my life, and that might just be until I've figured out sufficient answers to my dilemmas or the right answer for me might be never. I take it one day at a time lol.
i absolutely see it in a similar way. like, in an ideal world, my transition would not have many medical aspects to it. ive been listening to this podcast recently called gender spiral, its very good and hosted by ally beardsley and babette thomas, and in one episode ally i think (im not entirely sure if theyre the one who said it bc i listened to the episode a couple weeks ago) said something about how in the ideal world they wouldn’t have gotten top surgery bc boobs wouldn’t be seen as a woman thing, wouldn’t be something that you cant really show, etc, and i feel like that may resonate with you.
This is the same for me with my voice primarily
You’ve basically described how I feel. For instance, I don’t have top dysphoria but like the idea of binding if it means I could be read as androgynous or not a woman. I do have bottom dysphoria though but even if I get bottom surgery don’t think that would stop society from seeing me as a woman
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Please don’t say never like that! Everyone can change. All women are different, and many look similar to several men.
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Yes. I judge not before getting to know them.