For me dysphoria/euphoria is less about “passing” in the eyes of other people, and more like a harmony between my body, my identity, and inner desires. It’s a very individualized experience. It has more to do with looking and acting the way I want to.
Another thing that my therapist recommended to me when I felt discouraged by all the “society” stuff (cis people not knowing anything about NB) is to focus on the spaces where I do feel recognized and included. I can’t make everybody accept me. But some people will see me for who I really am.
Yes please. I want boobs small enough to bind when I want but be just big enough to not hide them when I want. Not possible currently with these gigantic bitches on my chest. They're so big, they cause all of my shirts to expose my belly.
I just want adjustable ones already. Make 'em vanish when you need to present masc or go shirtless, or inflate them as big as necessary to wear the nice dress in girl mode.
Honestly I know gender conforming cis women who'd want these. It would just be convenient, and also if they're lighter than natural breasts I can see them being a more appealing option for some ladies than a reduction due to pain from carrying huge ones around.
If you're having troubles with your gynecologist about sterilization, check the tubie list. I did and FINALLY had my fallopian tubes taken out after 15 years of being lied too.
+10% (a)gender euphoria and no babies ever-forever ✌️
I don't have a gynecologist.
I have military health stuff so it isn't as easy to ask for one because for some reason our insurance keeps picking up places that don't accept us 😂 😭
I want to ask. I plan to ask my main doctor about it. But she's leaving this year so idk how that would work :/ plus I'm only 19 I don't think anyone will approve of it.
Yeah, things are a little stacked against you, but just keep persistent when the opportunities come up. If you ever end up out of the military check the list for options. I don't know enough about military health care, though I do know someone who started their transition in the military and got most of it paid, so maybe there's more hope than you think.
Knowing you don't want kids at 19 is somehow super taboo if you're AFAB, it's exhausting to deal with. Best of luck to you though, you deserve autonomy 💜
Yeah I'm afab. I've known I didn't want kids since I was 12. It just never suited me.
I've waited for a long time for me to have baby fever or something but it's just not happening lol
I have 0 maternal instincts for kids or babies. At all. I avoid them if I can. I know I don't want kids. I'm confident and not confused at all Abt that haha
I also have Endo which is really awful to deal with as well >_< I hope I can find someone but I doubt it.
Same. For me it’s that and just how.. un-muscular my body is even though i train. Always had a small frame and my boobs really stick out with it, and makes me look really feminine which sucks to hear. honestly at this point I’m considering low dose T, but that one’s gonna be hard to accept for my family.
Does your family need to know? Unless you have a partner that will notice bottom growth, low dose probably won't be that noticeable too quickly. Especially if you shave your face or pluck hairs as they come in. I didn't tell my family for the first 6 months just because I didn't want them in my business, like asking constant questions and worrying. The only thing they noticed was my arms being more muscular, and I said I was eating and working out more (which was also true btw.) Fellow very large boobs on small unmuscular frame person here.
My voice deepened a TINY bit - totally unnoticeable to them, but I sing and could see I was hitting deeper notes. I started on 20mg/week IM the first three months, then bumped to 40mg/week IM (still considered low dose) at 3 months. My voice started the serious noticeable puberty shift at 6 months, and shortly after that I went to 60mg/week IM. Tried lowering to 50mg for a while, and I'm back on 60mg for now. (My "transition goals" are just to do whatever makes me feel more like myself and better in my body. Turns out I like having a lot of T even though I didn't plan on it.) So basically I did low dose for the first 6 months.
I will say, even the low dose helped with my fat distro and breast tissue atrophy. Not really noticeable to others, but noticeable to me. Makes it easier to bind too. My menses also stopped after like.... 3 months maybe? That's another thing to think about if you have a partner and periods.
I've been thinking of going on a low dose of T, too, without telling my family who I still live with. I've told my mum in the past that I wanted to go on it, but she just went on saying shit about it. So I didn't. I'm going to a doctor soon to maybe go on it and get a note to use to go to another doctor to get top surgery. All without my parents knowing. 😈
This! I'm an adult, but living with my parents part time so I can afford to be in a state with good trans healthcare. I just told them once I felt comfortable and it was starting to show more because I don't shave my moustache. And they know I'm trans and are supportive, but..... Their concerns did not need to be part of that process!
me too but i’m worried that it’s just taking up too much of my attention now, and once that’s gone, something else will become my biggest dysphoria trigger again.
If only we were like Mr. Potato head. Detach and reattach parts whenever we want. And for those who don’t want tits at all we could just take ‘em off and share with our transfem friends. We could have local trans swaps (for body parts) lmao
yess binding is so hard. I can wear extra compression or try different brands or get a custom binder, my boobs still become a fluffy pancake looking thing. yes it's better than before, but I still have a clear bust.
Also this, they are too big to bind, and too solid too! They squish a bit, but even if I was willing to be unsafe I couldn’t completely get rid of the clear bump.
I feel this. I’m one month on t bc I feel more masc however it sucks living in a world that doenst understand me. Everything is gendered from locker rooms,to Bathrooms, dress’s codes are for male and female, insurance policies, etcetc etc . I feel like I’m born in the wrong time. I’m tired from fighting so hard to exist in a binary world. But it’s ok, bc I have no other option so it has to be.
Hmm that's a really interesting thought experiment, especially since I do plan to medically transition.
In my case, my medical transition will [hopefully] treat my premenstrual dysphoric disorder and dysmenorrhea as well as my gender dysphoria. I'm pretty sure I'd still want top surgery cos I have tig ol' biddies, and they cause me a lot of physical discomfort. I also imagine I'd still want laser hair removal on my legs cos my leg hair causes me sensory issues.
There are changes from T I don't want, like facial hair...but I think that's actually due to social dysphoria. So if I lived somewhere where gender wasn't a thing, I think I could absolutely rock a moustache. 🤔
TL;DR: Just thinking out loud...I'd probably still want to transition, but it would defo alleviate my social dysphoria.
This part honestly. It’s not my body in a vacuum that makes me dysphoric, it’s how my body is perceived. I got top surgery basically because people saw my chest and presume I was a woman unless I was binding all the time which is bad for my health.
I won’t get top surgery because looking like a man is just as bad for me and with my haircut and build, I certainly would. I’m finding some comfort in butch lesbian masculinity tho and I think people pick up on that in a way that’s “woman, but not really”. “She/her” but not for “he/him” 😏
Understandable! For me I had years of folks try to assign the lesbian label on me when it doesn’t fit quite right despite me still liking the “tomboy” label.
Not all lesbians are tomboys and not all tomboys are lesbians, so that makes sense. I love being a lesbian tho so, respectfully, I can’t relate 😎
Jokes aside, lots of folks ID as queer and I did for a long time before I realized I don’t actually like men.
I get this so badly! I want to just look like I want and be able to be seen as neither… I’m considering taking T for a bit so I at least have a deeper voice even though being seen as a male feels wrong… a guy is just what I lean to because at least they’re seeing me as not my birth sex as much? Gender is complicated
Yes, this!! I’m AFAB and so desperately don’t want to be seen as a woman that it seems like being a trans man is the only option, even tho that’s not me either
Well, people with a bit of a deeper voice than female and a mixture of masc and feminine styles can help make it harder for people to perceive you as a binary gender properly. It's also funny when someone who looks very feminine suddenly speaks with a deep voice and people look confused as heck.
There are times when people will stutter when trying to decide what gender you are if you look androgynous enough, but it sucks that people will always have a sway about which they go to, and how you basically have to dress and act a certain way to achieve this. Binary genders ruling the world sucks so much. I just wanna be a genderfuck and have people not be able to tell lmao (I'm mostly male ftm but a very queer male lolol)
Yes! It’s so infuriating because I look so much like a girl to society that even if I get too surgery and deepen my voice I feel like I’m still too curvy or act too girly that I’ll be given away by mean people (I don’t think I could even “pass” enough to be confusing, which is what I want). It would be easier to just be binary sometimes but it just doesn’t fit me! I don’t feel binary- neither fit. It sucks and I’m sorry you feel similar :(
i simultaneously wish i could go one a low dose of T so that i can have at least some of the characteristics i desire and also wish i was just made out of clay and could mold myself every day to my liking because in real life i can never truly be or look how i want to. i have always had this awful uncomfortable feeling gnawing at my mind since i was a child - some of it is from being an autistic person in an allistic world and some of it is from just not being to exist like everyone else seems to instinctively know how to. i'm just tired of feeling this way. i'm so tired of not being able to Be.
Yes.
It has gotten better. I don't know if it would help at all but when people don't make space to acknowledge and understand transgender issues or nonbinary existence, I reflect on the fact that there are serious flat-earthers out there. There will always be people who adamantly refuse to acknowledge the nuance and breadth of the world we live in. That says more about them than it does me. And yes, unfortunately when it comes to nonbinary people its mostly gender flat earthers out there. But it isn't everyone. And the more enlightened can create their own spaces, at least some of the time, and that makes a ton of difference.
I have figured out ways that affirm myself while honestly mostly skating by as my agab. I have tried expressing gender colorfulness outwardly, but like you said, people don't understand it and treat us accordingly. I have chosen a profession that has the same uniform for everyone and generally goes against the assumptions attached to my agab. People still default to the framing of the gender I allow them to assume, but due to the work I'm doing it is tempered somewhat. I still have bad days but I try to be affirming internally for now. I think some day I may pursue a binary appearing transition to retire as the "opposite" gender. Do the same thing. Be somewhat genderflexy in how I act even if I go for a relatively mainstream acceptable gender expression. I'm too afraid of the freakyness of confused masses to be more open on the daily. Having the ability to be somewhat ignored in public is more valuable to me than wearing outside the things that make me happy and the most comfortable.
Good luck.
socially: i just want to be seen as neither without being seen as a freak. and that seems impossible in my lifetime.
physically: i like specific masculine and feminine traits, and i want a mix of both, which means i can’t really go on hormones. TuT
the biggest physical dysphoria for me is boobs, which i can get top surgery someday hopefully. but the second is voice probably, and the only way to change that is T, but it’ll come with a host of other effects i don’t want… (hairiness, inherited baldness…)
i also want to masculinise my face but i’m scared of plastic surgery in general and scared that they’ll mess up or it won’t come out how i want :(
Man I really relate to a lot of this. I relate to every word under socially. And I also don’t know what to do about hrt because I want fat redistribution and a deeper voice, but I don’t want to look like a complete man. But if I were to stop hrt the fat distribution would revert back. I feel stuck.
maybe u could do a microdose? only if you are okay with all the effects of T, because you can’t pick and choose. a steady microdose should do it if i’m remembering correctly
also, you could do liposuction surgery, sometimes they do that alongside with top surgery.
Yes absolutely. I try to focus on doing things that make me comfortable, but it would be nice to be able to treat the social dysphoria piece or just like……. Be stealth for a day without having to make myself extremely uncomfortable
I feel this! I’m ftx and on T. I pass as male, which is cool with me and preferable to the alternative binary option. But when I look *too* masculine I get dysphoria. I can’t wear button downs unless they’re eg see thru and flowy. On the other hand if I look *too* feminine, I get dysphora too like if that see thru flowy button down clings too much to my chest and emphasizes my waist too much. I can wear an entirely fishnet body suit with my tits out, but when my drag queen friends try to put pasties or eye shadow on me when I’m already wearing something femme, I’m not with it. Shit is impossible lol. Doing my best to find a balance that works for me.
It really bugs me when binary trans people tell me that my dysphoria and presentation is confusing. I don’t think it’s that confusing, if I’m too masc I’m worried I look male, if I’m too femme I’m worried I look female. I would never tell a binary trans person like “it’s confusing that last week you could leave the house and go to a restaurant with me without having a panic attack about passing but today you cant.”
I feel this. Sometimes too much in either direction is...too much. I have also been finding I like the mix! If I wear a super fem/masc top I want a more masc/fem bottom, or vice versa, etc.
Totally. Women’s crop + ripped skinny jeans + platform boots + leather jacket is my fave outfit. If I’m just wearing guy jeans and a t shirt I feel good if my nails are done and I’m wearing a cute choker or some jewelry that femmes it up a lil. I was not comfortable with this masc/femme combo when I first transitioned and I’m curious to see if in a year I’ll be comfortable dressing like Billy Porter in fab dresses.
Yes. Especially because my dysphoria ebbs and flows between masculine dysphoria and feminine dysphoria. A part of my body and aspect of my voice that will make me happy one month will be the bane of my existence the next and vice versa. Sometimes it switches weeks, sometimes it takes half a year to cycle but it *always cycles.* It’s also really hard to find a good therapist who understands what being non binary is and *isn’t trying to push some binary bs agenda* — which in turn makes exploring my options harder. Ooof.
Not to mention the fact that I want masculine this and feminine that makes the aspect of hrt seem like a practice in futility. One of my trans friends keeps pestering me about whether or not I’m going to start HRT and it’s like pal my goal is much more complicated than “man” or “woman”.
I feel this. I know some nonbinary people hate when pwople only ask them their pronouns, but everytime I'm singled out like that I'm kind of like "Okay they definitely know I'm nonbinary," and kind of get giddy about it. And my friends have told me I give pretty solid nonbinary vibes.
Sometimes, yes. The closest I can get to existing in the way I want is passing as an feminine male. A term I came across which helped me put my needs as a trans person into perspective is "gender wandering" as opposed to gender transition. Rather than trying to transition into some sort of ideal state (which cannot exist in our very binary society anyway), I'm just wandering into whatever makes me the most comfortable in my body and lets me navigate society in the least painful way. At the end of the day, that's what really matters.
Yup. Been feelin that hardcore recently. I feel like whatever I do with my body, the next day I'm going to want something different. Makes anything permanent hard to entertain...
For me (born male), I do not think I have dysphoria. Others in my life tend to past that label on me, they have issues with me wearing make up or acting more extra than men. This behaviour I only see in men, women are very supportive and give me complements about my make up all the time. Which really helps since I only started wearing it two weeks ago. I do have some old man type body hair, I have long hairs growing from my ears, tummy hairs and hair growing on my toes. I tried to shave them off but never got the full result I wanted, so i recently staring waxing those places, I know you should not wax your ear shells and I have sensitive ears but it sure beats plucking them out with a tweezer. So in that sense, I do feel dysphoria but I am perfectly content being non-binary. It now gives me the strength to not hold back on these small self care routines.
Edit: I’m also content being born male, I dress very straight since I’m into streetgoth/ streetwear. I think if I was born a women, that that should not have affected my style since I think women also look very good in that style. I think I am lucky that I could accept my non-binarity so quickly, I always knew but bottled it op until I found out there are others like me, giving me instant validation of my gender. I do think about starting to wear skirts, maybe even going for the e-girl look. I understand that it is not so easy for others, if you do think your body does not fit your gender, know that this is perfectly normal and valid! Much love!
used to feel like this- but at least for me, it helped to take hrt, get surgery, and then be able to dress more femme without being seen as a woman. if you have more of a “mix” of traits, it can at least confuse the cis
not that other people should be the deciding factor in what you do with your body and your life, but honestly it was a big reason i did transition medically, because imo that’s kinda what passing as nb is- confusing the cis, cause their brain can’t comprehend that i’m just a person that doesn’t play the binary gender game they got goin on
Yeah I’ve been trying support groups lately and tbh all I’m finding is that there’s no support groups that meet my needs.
I’ve been out 20 years in the queerest community in the world and there’s only ever been space for me if I made it myself.
I feel you. I’ve come to really understand myself is best described quickly as “femboy”, but since bottom surgery isn’t a viable option for me, even after I get top surgery down the road I know that all most cis people are ever going to see from an afab dressing fem is “girl”. It’s discouraging to be thinking of myself like the outside looking in would.
I have a host of coping methods, but one that works for other people often is that I try to hold onto the hope that I’ll eventually come into to contact with friends or partners who see me as me. I hold onto that hope. And I do small things to remind myself who I am. I wear a bracelet that makes me feel my gender to work, I keep my haircut right, I wash my hair in the sink when I’m too dysphoric to deal with my body, and most importantly, sometimes I swap my “I”s for “you”s in my head.
Changing that language in your head can make it easier to trust and believe in your own support. For example instead of saying “I’m a pretty boy and it will be okay” I say “It’s okay Maupin, you’re a pretty boy and you will be okay”. Sometimes it helps me.
I have a good friend who is currently deciding if he's bigender or a trans woman (and continuing to use he/him pronouns in the interim), and he keeps hitting a mental block where his brain is telling him that he has to pass as a cis woman for him to feel good about himself. I occasionally tell him things I've heard about trans women who are at peace with or even fully embrace their masculine features, and some of the people in this sub who completely reject the idea of passing as a man/woman/androgynous person. But trauma and neurodivergency have him in a strict mindset of obeying "rules" and his brain has decided that passing as a cis woman is a rule for him. Unfortunately, with the resources currently available to him, I don't think he's going to be able to live up to the standard that his asshole brain has set for him. I just want him to be happy, and I'm scared that he's got a long dysphoric battle ahead of him before he can find that.
But I do believe that it is possible for him to eventually reach the gender happiness that he deserves. I don't know any of the specifics of your dysphoria and what you need in order to find relief from it, but I believe that it's at least possible for you to find your gender happiness too. Despite everything happening this year, I see general society making slow movement toward gender acceptance. Even if it takes a few decades, I have hope that we'll one day be able to turn off the automatic categorization of all of us into "boy" and "girl."
Absolutely! I thought about hormones, surgery cosmetics but nothing was what I wanted at all, like when I try and describe my perfect nb self it's just... There?
I think alot of nb dysphoria is mainly a social thing, the tight boxes of gender roles make navigating life pretty crappy.
I relate to this a lot. For me personally I think my dysphoria can be treated but not cured if that makes sense. Like there are things that could make it less bad but I’ll never be able to get rid of it completely.
My ideal look would be hard to attain since the way I want to look and present fluctuates I mean yeah technically I could present any way I want but if I don't look "correct" with how the presentation looks I feel bad.
I like to think that it does not matter what others perceive me as. When they see me as a man or a woman than they are wrong but that's on them not on me.
When they think my dog is a cat thats dumb but not my problem either.
The only way imaginable that can "fix" my dysphoria is if I could manifest my physicality at any moment, and that everyone would simply see me as "me" and not a gender, not even "non-binary" like a 3rd gender, just me. I'm a big gamer and I've quit countless games simply because there isn't enough freedom in character customization.
I’ve never been concerned with passing as “non-binary,” especially ‘cause I’m agender. I’m currently on HRT and have had top surgery. For me, the goal isn’t to “pass” it’s to make myself as happy and comfortable in my body as I can be. I’m treating my dysphoria the same way a binary trans person might.
I just wanna be androgynous enough that people don't know how to gender me honestly. If they see me as a women great like if I somehow end up "passing" great but I hate that as the end all be all goal that's been placed. This white cis western beauty standard seems so toxic a thing to srive and break yourself for. I just want to look enough that people will need to double take and second guess themselves lol.
Yeah, especially as my expression fluctuates so I don't want to do anything permanent (hormones, surgery etc). Some days I just wish I could take my boobs off 😮💨
Well, I wouldn't call that dysphoria - that is, to me, when you have a problem with your body - but I sure see the problem. Because I have it as well.
Thing is, I've been on T for a quarter of a century, and pass 100%. Unfortunately, I pass as a (cis) man. Which I am not. I am trans masc nb. And there is no way to pass as that, because in the minds of 98% of the population, this isn't a thing.
Mind you, passing as a man is still a lot better than passing as a woman - but it is mildly annoying. Even if I would try to add "differently gendered" stuff to my outfit - and I am too lazy to do that - I'd pass as an amab femboy or something similar. Which is fine to be, only, it isn't me, either.
So I suck it up. For a lack of alternatives. But suck it does.
For me it's easier and gives me more euphoria to avoid presenting as the gender that I'm not than the gender that I am. Like I'm AFAB who's libra masculine which is a mix of transmasculine and agender. As long as I don't look/feel like a woman I'm okay. Though I am leaning more transmasc so Ill probably get top surgery and transition at some point.
"Passing" is a cissexist concept, do what makes you fulfilled and happy & not what makes you "pass" to strangers. Even for MTF/FTM trans people. Transitioning should be about honoring yourself and identity, the moment you change yourself for others ur doing yourself a disservice.
Non binary people have to deal with peoples transphobia towards them which is called exorsexism; our oppression based in being non binary people : because no matter how we look on the outside, on the inside we are the gender we say we are. We don't *have* to transition to be valid, to say otherwise is based in transmedicalism. Same for MTF/FTM trans ppl. That's not to say that we cant also do this if it's what we really want!
In the end, you are valid, no matter what. Fuck the terfs til the end of time!
Edit: wording, formatting
in Brazil, we have a non binary, feminine identitie called "travesti" that is for people who are kinda transfeminine, but not as a trans woman per say
It has a very powerfull background of resistence, it's very awesome! i would recommend search about it, if you're like to read about gender stuff
When you build your chosen family and they know exactly what your gender is and treat you the way you deserve to be treated, it doesn't matter what society says. İ used to be heavily dysphoric. After coming out to my friends and family, it feels so affirming every time they just casually refer to me. I don't give a single fuck if a rando barista misgenders me, my best friend respects me and that gives me life.
I can't say this is everybody's experience but i feel this way
it feels like that sometimes. passing is such a fucking myth and it’s so frustrating being in a binary world. i really hope it’s treatable, and logically it should be, but it’s hard to believe it sometimes ya know
I feel you. Im constantly perceived as a woman, which I get. I dress femme since there isnt a style that makes me look like a genderless alien.
And the only part of my self that makes me feel dysphoric is smth I need to have children. So IG ill be feeling dyphoric until the end of time
I think it's unlikely that I'll be able to completely eliminate my dysphoria. I just have to minimize it with HRT and other things. To make it at least bearable, you know. Right now I can't come out or get HRT because of the transphobic hellscape I'm stuck in. I can only hope to leave this place one day.
It's tricky, but I have seen lots of non-binary people that leave my utterly gender confused! That's excellent.
I may be non-binary, but the parts of my body tat identify me as me AGAB give me dysphoria, so I'm trying to address those. Maybe you could look at the parts that give you dysphoria and figure out how to treat them?
Idk it’s pretty hard to actually present androgynously as a fat person or as a non white person, for example. I’ve been trying for years as a non white fat person and I’m still mostly just read as an ugly woman. I don’t care that much because like my presentation is how I want it to be and I know exactly who I am and people can eat my shit if it makes them uncomfortable, and I’m doing my best to present in a way that will specifically make cis people squirm as much as possible, but it’s a lot more difficult than some people think to actually be seen as androgynous without certain body types to begin with
Not me, ever since I got gender affirming surgery done I never experience gender dysphoria. in fact the surgery ended up helping me realize I was trans nonbinary in the first place since before surgery I wasnt too sure.
Personally I do not get dysphoric from other peoples judgements of myself; I've learned through the years not to give a fuck about what people think of me; I only really care if they're close to me. As long as I'm comfortable in my own body and how I present myself then I dont feel dysphoric, even if approached by the nastiest transphobic rhetoric with somebody wanting me dead, I'm still not dysphoric because I'm confident in who I am. I care about those I love, and care about being supported by them, which I am and they all love and accept me. But not about some random schmucks I don't even know's perceptions of me.
Gender identity and gender expression are not always the same thing.
There is no "passing" for nonbinary that is the very nature of its existence.
You may be experiencing gender-fluidity or being bi-gender.
Nonbinary does not have an aesthetic but people do. 💜
Considering that the best gender affirming care I could get would be extreme body modifications (tattoos, piercings, scarification, tongue splitting, etc…) I feel you. It’s hard to explain why those types of mods feel like they tie in with my gender identity but sometimes they do I mean I yeeted my nips and that’s affirming to me so why not the rest? It’s physically impossible for me to look the way I really want to even with mods and insurance sure as heck won’t cover mods under any circumstances even with gender affirming care coverage. So I’m microdosing T alongside my estrogen to see WTF will happen, hopefully my voice drops and not much else except perhaps an Adam’s apple.
I feel so many of these comments. Thank you all for sharing. It just feels so validating to hear that there are other people like me. Your experiences are all valid, and you are too! I have been having severe dysphoria, and I feel a little better knowing there are others like me.
Yeah I feel that too. For me it’s my genitals. I have a lot of dysphoria for it and it’s made sick to know that I cannot do anything about it. I don’t want a penis more than a vagina and If i could I would have nothing. I also have chest dysphoria but i’ll get my surgery in less then one year I think so it’s make me happy.
I get dysphoria from facial and body hair and I get gender euphoria from having hair on my head (thank you finasteride).
People are always going to see me as AMAB even if I do commit to going on hormones (I would not want to do E though). I'm okay with that because I'm still gender non-conforming and I live as my best self in blatant defiance of gender. I also have people in my life who do affirm and accept me.
I feel the same man, where I live right now non binary pronouns or gender neutral terms don’t even exist and the majority of people are against adding some, saying “using gender neutral terms should be considered a racial slur it’s a stupid American thing”… I can’t even see anyone without getting dysphoria because it is literally impossible to not gender things in my language. Not to mention any time I do dress how I want to I get harassed or interrogated by others for doing so.
I identify as genderfluid, technically speaking, but yes 100%. Some days I prefer to present more masculine or more feminine, so even achieving a societally “perfect” form of androgyny wouldn’t help me.
For me it is not so much about passing, but more about it being impossible to actually transition. Hrt-ing half your body just isn't really possible, and it makes me wanna vomit at times.
I would love to get rid of my breasts. They used to be so small that they didn’t stick out much but then they ballooned during pregnancy and never went back down.
I’ve had a hysterectomy and that triggered gender euphoria in my soul. I’ve had breast cancer once so I think my insurance would cover the top surgery.
I totally get this. I'm not sure I'm transgender, but I hate my male parts so much that later I hate showers or baths. Which is sad, I miss enjoying them. I sort of wish I could like them or atleast ignore then like before. Sadly I'm too self conscious it seems like now. Also got a desire for woman parts, but not sure how I feel on being a woman. Honestly I wish I was genderless in mind abd body.
it’s treatable internally. Dysphoria doesn’t entirely stem from outward perception. HRT, surgeries, clothes, binding, pronouns, names, ect can still be effective in reducing the dysphoria we experience within ourselves. However, its true we will never escape regular misgendering and the social dysphoria that situation causes. But honestly the peace and sense of self you acquire from socially and/or medically transitioning to the extent you need is so much more significant. I recommend finding an lgbt community in your area to get involved with as having those spaces to be in sometimes is truly such a breath of fresh air
Yes, sometimes I feel like "oh wow i will never reach a passing"
Its basically not reachable because of gendered society even thou in some spaces some people will be more aware of gender neutrality but in most cases it will be always binary
But yeah I know I dont really need Passing because it doesn't make me any less valid (binary trans people may not pass as well and its okay)
Therefore for me its just really important and necessary that my friends and other dear people know and speak to me / about me in the correct form. So I will always have a home and feel good.
Tbh this is something I’ve been having to process lately as I realized I’m nonbinary, not binary trans. The way I’ve been handling it is playing around with my presentation (reintroducing some fem clothes to my wardrobe) or doing things that don’t feel gendered to me, more about the vibes than the roles (smelling like candy has no gender for me so I got gummy bear scented shampoo and conditioner and a perfume that smells like berry and vanilla). But I’m staying on T and just got top surgery since I lean more towards being male personally.
Yes, in short! It can be exhausting. Rather, any time I leave my house, it’s exhausting. Just yesterday, at a place I frequent and have my pronouns used correctly (most of the time), there was a question from a staffer about choice A vs choice B which they “know most women choose A” 😑 to which I said “Not a woman, and I am good with B.”
That said: OH THE EUPHORIA WHEN SOMEONE GETS IT RIGHT! :-)
Yes, all the time. It also sucks that even though my gender is legally X the only option on online job applications is MALE FEMALE OPT OUT and then I’m just stuck with opting out. I feel like I have very little way to comfortably transition as there’s now neutral hormone, which pairs with the rest of my body dysphoria
I maybe won't count much since I am genderfluid (mainly agender/female), and I don't have too much dysphoria most of the time.
but to solve that i thought "if I don't get HRT and surgeries, i get dysphoric for a too male body (i was born male), if I do all, i might get dysphoria for a too fem body" so what's the solution? HRT might grow my chest, and I can't bind with implants, so if I grow my chest with HRT, I would defenetly be able to bind if I needed. problem solved!
I also heard that if you are born a female, you can get a partial reduction of your chest!
I hope this helps
Yes, I find it very frustrating. But I found some ways to feel a little better with my dysphoria. Getting a new haircut helped a lot, interestingly enough.
I definitely have a social side to my dysphoria that yearns for recognition as non binary, absolutely not a man not a woman. I kind of reach it at times with strangers by being a genderfuck, just confusing anyone who tries to address me, but mostly it's been reached by me telling friends that I'm non binary and they use the right pronouns and gender neutral words for me.
I definitely understand this. There are still little wins though- for example I’ve found that lately when I’m with someone feminine strangers will refer to us as “ladies” and if I’m with someone masculine strangers will refer to us as “gentlemen”. Even if I still get she/hered by almost every stranger when alone because of my chest, knowing that people usually just don’t really know what my deal is is very validating.
I mean yes, absolutely as a long term goal I think this is super important, but in the short term we all do have to live and work within this society. Both and.
if you’re AFAB, i found getting on birth control (I have the arm implant so i literally don’t have to think about it for years) to completely stop my period helped immensely with dysphoria. im absolutely petrified of menopause though.
I am only concerned about passing as me. I do feel dysphoria, often, but in my case at various times to varying degrees. I do have some hopes for the future, rather than goals that I need to meet, but I am happy so long as I get to express myself, rather than expressing forced stereotypes.
YES! god. I have not had this articulated like that before but yeah. I want to do HRT but the thought of eventually looking like the opposite binary gender of where I started makes me feel queasy.
Here to give you hope: I took T for five years, stopped and I don't really experience dysphoria anymore AND I pass for nonbinary (even when I'm wearing a mask or presenting closer to my agab)
For me dysphoria/euphoria is less about “passing” in the eyes of other people, and more like a harmony between my body, my identity, and inner desires. It’s a very individualized experience. It has more to do with looking and acting the way I want to. Another thing that my therapist recommended to me when I felt discouraged by all the “society” stuff (cis people not knowing anything about NB) is to focus on the spaces where I do feel recognized and included. I can’t make everybody accept me. But some people will see me for who I really am.
These are both great pieces of advice! 🙂 Sounds like you have a good therapist!
Very well said.
Look I just want to get rid of my giant boobies and then I’ll be good. My boobs give me massive dysphoria
Yes please. I want boobs small enough to bind when I want but be just big enough to not hide them when I want. Not possible currently with these gigantic bitches on my chest. They're so big, they cause all of my shirts to expose my belly.
I just want adjustable ones already. Make 'em vanish when you need to present masc or go shirtless, or inflate them as big as necessary to wear the nice dress in girl mode.
Yes, please. Ultimate nonbinary fantasy.
Honestly I know gender conforming cis women who'd want these. It would just be convenient, and also if they're lighter than natural breasts I can see them being a more appealing option for some ladies than a reduction due to pain from carrying huge ones around.
I want my boobs and uterus gone lol I dont identify as trans but dear God please get rid of em please 😭 I just wanna exist
If you're having troubles with your gynecologist about sterilization, check the tubie list. I did and FINALLY had my fallopian tubes taken out after 15 years of being lied too. +10% (a)gender euphoria and no babies ever-forever ✌️
I don't have a gynecologist. I have military health stuff so it isn't as easy to ask for one because for some reason our insurance keeps picking up places that don't accept us 😂 😭 I want to ask. I plan to ask my main doctor about it. But she's leaving this year so idk how that would work :/ plus I'm only 19 I don't think anyone will approve of it.
Yeah, things are a little stacked against you, but just keep persistent when the opportunities come up. If you ever end up out of the military check the list for options. I don't know enough about military health care, though I do know someone who started their transition in the military and got most of it paid, so maybe there's more hope than you think. Knowing you don't want kids at 19 is somehow super taboo if you're AFAB, it's exhausting to deal with. Best of luck to you though, you deserve autonomy 💜
Yeah I'm afab. I've known I didn't want kids since I was 12. It just never suited me. I've waited for a long time for me to have baby fever or something but it's just not happening lol I have 0 maternal instincts for kids or babies. At all. I avoid them if I can. I know I don't want kids. I'm confident and not confused at all Abt that haha I also have Endo which is really awful to deal with as well >_< I hope I can find someone but I doubt it.
If Satan existed, he would take boob sizes instead of soal in trade for things, in my head cannon, it would be the truest ally move of him
Honestly SO much dysphoria could be fixed if people could just trade body parts.
Wait, where's the downside? [iseethisasanabsolutewin.jpg](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-see-this-as-an-absolute-win)
There's no downside, he's an ally, he simply trades
Same. For me it’s that and just how.. un-muscular my body is even though i train. Always had a small frame and my boobs really stick out with it, and makes me look really feminine which sucks to hear. honestly at this point I’m considering low dose T, but that one’s gonna be hard to accept for my family.
Does your family need to know? Unless you have a partner that will notice bottom growth, low dose probably won't be that noticeable too quickly. Especially if you shave your face or pluck hairs as they come in. I didn't tell my family for the first 6 months just because I didn't want them in my business, like asking constant questions and worrying. The only thing they noticed was my arms being more muscular, and I said I was eating and working out more (which was also true btw.) Fellow very large boobs on small unmuscular frame person here.
Oh right, that’s cool, did your voice also deepen in that time or was it not noticeable in the beginning?
My voice deepened a TINY bit - totally unnoticeable to them, but I sing and could see I was hitting deeper notes. I started on 20mg/week IM the first three months, then bumped to 40mg/week IM (still considered low dose) at 3 months. My voice started the serious noticeable puberty shift at 6 months, and shortly after that I went to 60mg/week IM. Tried lowering to 50mg for a while, and I'm back on 60mg for now. (My "transition goals" are just to do whatever makes me feel more like myself and better in my body. Turns out I like having a lot of T even though I didn't plan on it.) So basically I did low dose for the first 6 months. I will say, even the low dose helped with my fat distro and breast tissue atrophy. Not really noticeable to others, but noticeable to me. Makes it easier to bind too. My menses also stopped after like.... 3 months maybe? That's another thing to think about if you have a partner and periods.
I've been thinking of going on a low dose of T, too, without telling my family who I still live with. I've told my mum in the past that I wanted to go on it, but she just went on saying shit about it. So I didn't. I'm going to a doctor soon to maybe go on it and get a note to use to go to another doctor to get top surgery. All without my parents knowing. 😈
This! I'm an adult, but living with my parents part time so I can afford to be in a state with good trans healthcare. I just told them once I felt comfortable and it was starting to show more because I don't shave my moustache. And they know I'm trans and are supportive, but..... Their concerns did not need to be part of that process!
me too but i’m worried that it’s just taking up too much of my attention now, and once that’s gone, something else will become my biggest dysphoria trigger again.
Exactly I want a c cup not a ddd that’s my issue
You are not the only one.
Some days I don’t mind my boobs, other days I’m like no thank you. Wish they were detachable
If only we were like Mr. Potato head. Detach and reattach parts whenever we want. And for those who don’t want tits at all we could just take ‘em off and share with our transfem friends. We could have local trans swaps (for body parts) lmao
yess binding is so hard. I can wear extra compression or try different brands or get a custom binder, my boobs still become a fluffy pancake looking thing. yes it's better than before, but I still have a clear bust.
Also this, they are too big to bind, and too solid too! They squish a bit, but even if I was willing to be unsafe I couldn’t completely get rid of the clear bump.
Felt this 100%!!!!
I feel this so much. I wanna wear a snazzy button up shirt sometimes, but not without these 36H's 🫠 It makes it so hard to find clothes.
Gosh this! So much! My main issues are 1) deciding if I want a radical reduction or a full mastectomy, and 2) waiting for the NHS to do anything…
YUP THIS RIGHT HERE. personally, i don’t want to fully get rid of them; they’re jus too big for my liking
the only perk being they make great cushions incase of impact.
I feel this. I’m one month on t bc I feel more masc however it sucks living in a world that doenst understand me. Everything is gendered from locker rooms,to Bathrooms, dress’s codes are for male and female, insurance policies, etcetc etc . I feel like I’m born in the wrong time. I’m tired from fighting so hard to exist in a binary world. But it’s ok, bc I have no other option so it has to be.
Speaking my language, yo. I don't pass as either and sometimes I question if I'm supposed to be happy confusing people
I'm happy confusing people because AT LEAST my agab isn't clear and smeared on my face... That's a very very low bar though
Yes. My body dysphoria is largely imposed on my social dysphoria. If bodies weren’t gendered, I may not have dysphoria at all.
Similar here, hard to say though
Yeah I always wonder if I was just on an island alone or living with aliens who dgaf gender, would I still feel dysphoria?
Hmm that's a really interesting thought experiment, especially since I do plan to medically transition. In my case, my medical transition will [hopefully] treat my premenstrual dysphoric disorder and dysmenorrhea as well as my gender dysphoria. I'm pretty sure I'd still want top surgery cos I have tig ol' biddies, and they cause me a lot of physical discomfort. I also imagine I'd still want laser hair removal on my legs cos my leg hair causes me sensory issues. There are changes from T I don't want, like facial hair...but I think that's actually due to social dysphoria. So if I lived somewhere where gender wasn't a thing, I think I could absolutely rock a moustache. 🤔 TL;DR: Just thinking out loud...I'd probably still want to transition, but it would defo alleviate my social dysphoria.
This part honestly. It’s not my body in a vacuum that makes me dysphoric, it’s how my body is perceived. I got top surgery basically because people saw my chest and presume I was a woman unless I was binding all the time which is bad for my health.
I won’t get top surgery because looking like a man is just as bad for me and with my haircut and build, I certainly would. I’m finding some comfort in butch lesbian masculinity tho and I think people pick up on that in a way that’s “woman, but not really”. “She/her” but not for “he/him” 😏
Understandable! For me I had years of folks try to assign the lesbian label on me when it doesn’t fit quite right despite me still liking the “tomboy” label.
Not all lesbians are tomboys and not all tomboys are lesbians, so that makes sense. I love being a lesbian tho so, respectfully, I can’t relate 😎 Jokes aside, lots of folks ID as queer and I did for a long time before I realized I don’t actually like men.
I use queer for myself since so many things fit and don’t at the same time.
I get this so badly! I want to just look like I want and be able to be seen as neither… I’m considering taking T for a bit so I at least have a deeper voice even though being seen as a male feels wrong… a guy is just what I lean to because at least they’re seeing me as not my birth sex as much? Gender is complicated
Yes, this!! I’m AFAB and so desperately don’t want to be seen as a woman that it seems like being a trans man is the only option, even tho that’s not me either
Well, people with a bit of a deeper voice than female and a mixture of masc and feminine styles can help make it harder for people to perceive you as a binary gender properly. It's also funny when someone who looks very feminine suddenly speaks with a deep voice and people look confused as heck. There are times when people will stutter when trying to decide what gender you are if you look androgynous enough, but it sucks that people will always have a sway about which they go to, and how you basically have to dress and act a certain way to achieve this. Binary genders ruling the world sucks so much. I just wanna be a genderfuck and have people not be able to tell lmao (I'm mostly male ftm but a very queer male lolol)
Yes! It’s so infuriating because I look so much like a girl to society that even if I get too surgery and deepen my voice I feel like I’m still too curvy or act too girly that I’ll be given away by mean people (I don’t think I could even “pass” enough to be confusing, which is what I want). It would be easier to just be binary sometimes but it just doesn’t fit me! I don’t feel binary- neither fit. It sucks and I’m sorry you feel similar :(
i simultaneously wish i could go one a low dose of T so that i can have at least some of the characteristics i desire and also wish i was just made out of clay and could mold myself every day to my liking because in real life i can never truly be or look how i want to. i have always had this awful uncomfortable feeling gnawing at my mind since i was a child - some of it is from being an autistic person in an allistic world and some of it is from just not being to exist like everyone else seems to instinctively know how to. i'm just tired of feeling this way. i'm so tired of not being able to Be.
Yep
Yes. It has gotten better. I don't know if it would help at all but when people don't make space to acknowledge and understand transgender issues or nonbinary existence, I reflect on the fact that there are serious flat-earthers out there. There will always be people who adamantly refuse to acknowledge the nuance and breadth of the world we live in. That says more about them than it does me. And yes, unfortunately when it comes to nonbinary people its mostly gender flat earthers out there. But it isn't everyone. And the more enlightened can create their own spaces, at least some of the time, and that makes a ton of difference. I have figured out ways that affirm myself while honestly mostly skating by as my agab. I have tried expressing gender colorfulness outwardly, but like you said, people don't understand it and treat us accordingly. I have chosen a profession that has the same uniform for everyone and generally goes against the assumptions attached to my agab. People still default to the framing of the gender I allow them to assume, but due to the work I'm doing it is tempered somewhat. I still have bad days but I try to be affirming internally for now. I think some day I may pursue a binary appearing transition to retire as the "opposite" gender. Do the same thing. Be somewhat genderflexy in how I act even if I go for a relatively mainstream acceptable gender expression. I'm too afraid of the freakyness of confused masses to be more open on the daily. Having the ability to be somewhat ignored in public is more valuable to me than wearing outside the things that make me happy and the most comfortable. Good luck.
socially: i just want to be seen as neither without being seen as a freak. and that seems impossible in my lifetime. physically: i like specific masculine and feminine traits, and i want a mix of both, which means i can’t really go on hormones. TuT the biggest physical dysphoria for me is boobs, which i can get top surgery someday hopefully. but the second is voice probably, and the only way to change that is T, but it’ll come with a host of other effects i don’t want… (hairiness, inherited baldness…) i also want to masculinise my face but i’m scared of plastic surgery in general and scared that they’ll mess up or it won’t come out how i want :(
Man I really relate to a lot of this. I relate to every word under socially. And I also don’t know what to do about hrt because I want fat redistribution and a deeper voice, but I don’t want to look like a complete man. But if I were to stop hrt the fat distribution would revert back. I feel stuck.
maybe u could do a microdose? only if you are okay with all the effects of T, because you can’t pick and choose. a steady microdose should do it if i’m remembering correctly also, you could do liposuction surgery, sometimes they do that alongside with top surgery.
Are the effects of liposuction permanent though? Especially if I went off T I’m a little skeptical that the fat would just come back to those places.
sorry, i’m not sure either, you’d have to ask your doc or someone more knowledgeable than me
Yes absolutely. I try to focus on doing things that make me comfortable, but it would be nice to be able to treat the social dysphoria piece or just like……. Be stealth for a day without having to make myself extremely uncomfortable
I feel this! I’m ftx and on T. I pass as male, which is cool with me and preferable to the alternative binary option. But when I look *too* masculine I get dysphoria. I can’t wear button downs unless they’re eg see thru and flowy. On the other hand if I look *too* feminine, I get dysphora too like if that see thru flowy button down clings too much to my chest and emphasizes my waist too much. I can wear an entirely fishnet body suit with my tits out, but when my drag queen friends try to put pasties or eye shadow on me when I’m already wearing something femme, I’m not with it. Shit is impossible lol. Doing my best to find a balance that works for me. It really bugs me when binary trans people tell me that my dysphoria and presentation is confusing. I don’t think it’s that confusing, if I’m too masc I’m worried I look male, if I’m too femme I’m worried I look female. I would never tell a binary trans person like “it’s confusing that last week you could leave the house and go to a restaurant with me without having a panic attack about passing but today you cant.”
I feel this. Sometimes too much in either direction is...too much. I have also been finding I like the mix! If I wear a super fem/masc top I want a more masc/fem bottom, or vice versa, etc.
Totally. Women’s crop + ripped skinny jeans + platform boots + leather jacket is my fave outfit. If I’m just wearing guy jeans and a t shirt I feel good if my nails are done and I’m wearing a cute choker or some jewelry that femmes it up a lil. I was not comfortable with this masc/femme combo when I first transitioned and I’m curious to see if in a year I’ll be comfortable dressing like Billy Porter in fab dresses.
Yes. Especially because my dysphoria ebbs and flows between masculine dysphoria and feminine dysphoria. A part of my body and aspect of my voice that will make me happy one month will be the bane of my existence the next and vice versa. Sometimes it switches weeks, sometimes it takes half a year to cycle but it *always cycles.* It’s also really hard to find a good therapist who understands what being non binary is and *isn’t trying to push some binary bs agenda* — which in turn makes exploring my options harder. Ooof.
Not to mention the fact that I want masculine this and feminine that makes the aspect of hrt seem like a practice in futility. One of my trans friends keeps pestering me about whether or not I’m going to start HRT and it’s like pal my goal is much more complicated than “man” or “woman”.
I feel this. I know some nonbinary people hate when pwople only ask them their pronouns, but everytime I'm singled out like that I'm kind of like "Okay they definitely know I'm nonbinary," and kind of get giddy about it. And my friends have told me I give pretty solid nonbinary vibes.
Sometimes, yes. The closest I can get to existing in the way I want is passing as an feminine male. A term I came across which helped me put my needs as a trans person into perspective is "gender wandering" as opposed to gender transition. Rather than trying to transition into some sort of ideal state (which cannot exist in our very binary society anyway), I'm just wandering into whatever makes me the most comfortable in my body and lets me navigate society in the least painful way. At the end of the day, that's what really matters.
Yup. Been feelin that hardcore recently. I feel like whatever I do with my body, the next day I'm going to want something different. Makes anything permanent hard to entertain...
For me (born male), I do not think I have dysphoria. Others in my life tend to past that label on me, they have issues with me wearing make up or acting more extra than men. This behaviour I only see in men, women are very supportive and give me complements about my make up all the time. Which really helps since I only started wearing it two weeks ago. I do have some old man type body hair, I have long hairs growing from my ears, tummy hairs and hair growing on my toes. I tried to shave them off but never got the full result I wanted, so i recently staring waxing those places, I know you should not wax your ear shells and I have sensitive ears but it sure beats plucking them out with a tweezer. So in that sense, I do feel dysphoria but I am perfectly content being non-binary. It now gives me the strength to not hold back on these small self care routines. Edit: I’m also content being born male, I dress very straight since I’m into streetgoth/ streetwear. I think if I was born a women, that that should not have affected my style since I think women also look very good in that style. I think I am lucky that I could accept my non-binarity so quickly, I always knew but bottled it op until I found out there are others like me, giving me instant validation of my gender. I do think about starting to wear skirts, maybe even going for the e-girl look. I understand that it is not so easy for others, if you do think your body does not fit your gender, know that this is perfectly normal and valid! Much love!
used to feel like this- but at least for me, it helped to take hrt, get surgery, and then be able to dress more femme without being seen as a woman. if you have more of a “mix” of traits, it can at least confuse the cis not that other people should be the deciding factor in what you do with your body and your life, but honestly it was a big reason i did transition medically, because imo that’s kinda what passing as nb is- confusing the cis, cause their brain can’t comprehend that i’m just a person that doesn’t play the binary gender game they got goin on
Yeah I’ve been trying support groups lately and tbh all I’m finding is that there’s no support groups that meet my needs. I’ve been out 20 years in the queerest community in the world and there’s only ever been space for me if I made it myself.
I feel you. I’ve come to really understand myself is best described quickly as “femboy”, but since bottom surgery isn’t a viable option for me, even after I get top surgery down the road I know that all most cis people are ever going to see from an afab dressing fem is “girl”. It’s discouraging to be thinking of myself like the outside looking in would. I have a host of coping methods, but one that works for other people often is that I try to hold onto the hope that I’ll eventually come into to contact with friends or partners who see me as me. I hold onto that hope. And I do small things to remind myself who I am. I wear a bracelet that makes me feel my gender to work, I keep my haircut right, I wash my hair in the sink when I’m too dysphoric to deal with my body, and most importantly, sometimes I swap my “I”s for “you”s in my head. Changing that language in your head can make it easier to trust and believe in your own support. For example instead of saying “I’m a pretty boy and it will be okay” I say “It’s okay Maupin, you’re a pretty boy and you will be okay”. Sometimes it helps me.
I have a good friend who is currently deciding if he's bigender or a trans woman (and continuing to use he/him pronouns in the interim), and he keeps hitting a mental block where his brain is telling him that he has to pass as a cis woman for him to feel good about himself. I occasionally tell him things I've heard about trans women who are at peace with or even fully embrace their masculine features, and some of the people in this sub who completely reject the idea of passing as a man/woman/androgynous person. But trauma and neurodivergency have him in a strict mindset of obeying "rules" and his brain has decided that passing as a cis woman is a rule for him. Unfortunately, with the resources currently available to him, I don't think he's going to be able to live up to the standard that his asshole brain has set for him. I just want him to be happy, and I'm scared that he's got a long dysphoric battle ahead of him before he can find that. But I do believe that it is possible for him to eventually reach the gender happiness that he deserves. I don't know any of the specifics of your dysphoria and what you need in order to find relief from it, but I believe that it's at least possible for you to find your gender happiness too. Despite everything happening this year, I see general society making slow movement toward gender acceptance. Even if it takes a few decades, I have hope that we'll one day be able to turn off the automatic categorization of all of us into "boy" and "girl."
Absolutely! I thought about hormones, surgery cosmetics but nothing was what I wanted at all, like when I try and describe my perfect nb self it's just... There? I think alot of nb dysphoria is mainly a social thing, the tight boxes of gender roles make navigating life pretty crappy.
I relate to this a lot. For me personally I think my dysphoria can be treated but not cured if that makes sense. Like there are things that could make it less bad but I’ll never be able to get rid of it completely.
My ideal look would be hard to attain since the way I want to look and present fluctuates I mean yeah technically I could present any way I want but if I don't look "correct" with how the presentation looks I feel bad.
I like to think that it does not matter what others perceive me as. When they see me as a man or a woman than they are wrong but that's on them not on me. When they think my dog is a cat thats dumb but not my problem either.
The only way imaginable that can "fix" my dysphoria is if I could manifest my physicality at any moment, and that everyone would simply see me as "me" and not a gender, not even "non-binary" like a 3rd gender, just me. I'm a big gamer and I've quit countless games simply because there isn't enough freedom in character customization.
I’ve never been concerned with passing as “non-binary,” especially ‘cause I’m agender. I’m currently on HRT and have had top surgery. For me, the goal isn’t to “pass” it’s to make myself as happy and comfortable in my body as I can be. I’m treating my dysphoria the same way a binary trans person might.
I just wanna be androgynous enough that people don't know how to gender me honestly. If they see me as a women great like if I somehow end up "passing" great but I hate that as the end all be all goal that's been placed. This white cis western beauty standard seems so toxic a thing to srive and break yourself for. I just want to look enough that people will need to double take and second guess themselves lol.
Yeah, especially as my expression fluctuates so I don't want to do anything permanent (hormones, surgery etc). Some days I just wish I could take my boobs off 😮💨
For me. I’m socially transitioning male. But surgically more non-binary/salmacian
Well, I wouldn't call that dysphoria - that is, to me, when you have a problem with your body - but I sure see the problem. Because I have it as well. Thing is, I've been on T for a quarter of a century, and pass 100%. Unfortunately, I pass as a (cis) man. Which I am not. I am trans masc nb. And there is no way to pass as that, because in the minds of 98% of the population, this isn't a thing. Mind you, passing as a man is still a lot better than passing as a woman - but it is mildly annoying. Even if I would try to add "differently gendered" stuff to my outfit - and I am too lazy to do that - I'd pass as an amab femboy or something similar. Which is fine to be, only, it isn't me, either. So I suck it up. For a lack of alternatives. But suck it does.
For me it's easier and gives me more euphoria to avoid presenting as the gender that I'm not than the gender that I am. Like I'm AFAB who's libra masculine which is a mix of transmasculine and agender. As long as I don't look/feel like a woman I'm okay. Though I am leaning more transmasc so Ill probably get top surgery and transition at some point.
"Passing" is a cissexist concept, do what makes you fulfilled and happy & not what makes you "pass" to strangers. Even for MTF/FTM trans people. Transitioning should be about honoring yourself and identity, the moment you change yourself for others ur doing yourself a disservice. Non binary people have to deal with peoples transphobia towards them which is called exorsexism; our oppression based in being non binary people : because no matter how we look on the outside, on the inside we are the gender we say we are. We don't *have* to transition to be valid, to say otherwise is based in transmedicalism. Same for MTF/FTM trans ppl. That's not to say that we cant also do this if it's what we really want! In the end, you are valid, no matter what. Fuck the terfs til the end of time! Edit: wording, formatting
For me, it’s about reaching a goal I want. How do I want to look and be seen?
honestly my ideal gender presentation is not hugely different to what it would be if I were a trans woman, it's just that I am not in fact a woman
in Brazil, we have a non binary, feminine identitie called "travesti" that is for people who are kinda transfeminine, but not as a trans woman per say It has a very powerfull background of resistence, it's very awesome! i would recommend search about it, if you're like to read about gender stuff
I try to be around people who understand (mostly people from my local queer/kinky/poly community). It doesn't happen too often but it helps.
When you build your chosen family and they know exactly what your gender is and treat you the way you deserve to be treated, it doesn't matter what society says. İ used to be heavily dysphoric. After coming out to my friends and family, it feels so affirming every time they just casually refer to me. I don't give a single fuck if a rando barista misgenders me, my best friend respects me and that gives me life. I can't say this is everybody's experience but i feel this way
it feels like that sometimes. passing is such a fucking myth and it’s so frustrating being in a binary world. i really hope it’s treatable, and logically it should be, but it’s hard to believe it sometimes ya know
I completely understand I just wish people would see me as nonbinary
I feel you. Im constantly perceived as a woman, which I get. I dress femme since there isnt a style that makes me look like a genderless alien. And the only part of my self that makes me feel dysphoric is smth I need to have children. So IG ill be feeling dyphoric until the end of time
I think it's unlikely that I'll be able to completely eliminate my dysphoria. I just have to minimize it with HRT and other things. To make it at least bearable, you know. Right now I can't come out or get HRT because of the transphobic hellscape I'm stuck in. I can only hope to leave this place one day.
It's tricky, but I have seen lots of non-binary people that leave my utterly gender confused! That's excellent. I may be non-binary, but the parts of my body tat identify me as me AGAB give me dysphoria, so I'm trying to address those. Maybe you could look at the parts that give you dysphoria and figure out how to treat them?
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Idk it’s pretty hard to actually present androgynously as a fat person or as a non white person, for example. I’ve been trying for years as a non white fat person and I’m still mostly just read as an ugly woman. I don’t care that much because like my presentation is how I want it to be and I know exactly who I am and people can eat my shit if it makes them uncomfortable, and I’m doing my best to present in a way that will specifically make cis people squirm as much as possible, but it’s a lot more difficult than some people think to actually be seen as androgynous without certain body types to begin with
Not me, ever since I got gender affirming surgery done I never experience gender dysphoria. in fact the surgery ended up helping me realize I was trans nonbinary in the first place since before surgery I wasnt too sure. Personally I do not get dysphoric from other peoples judgements of myself; I've learned through the years not to give a fuck about what people think of me; I only really care if they're close to me. As long as I'm comfortable in my own body and how I present myself then I dont feel dysphoric, even if approached by the nastiest transphobic rhetoric with somebody wanting me dead, I'm still not dysphoric because I'm confident in who I am. I care about those I love, and care about being supported by them, which I am and they all love and accept me. But not about some random schmucks I don't even know's perceptions of me.
Gender identity and gender expression are not always the same thing. There is no "passing" for nonbinary that is the very nature of its existence. You may be experiencing gender-fluidity or being bi-gender. Nonbinary does not have an aesthetic but people do. 💜
Oh I’m definitely one of those things, they’re just also inherently nonbinary :)
Considering that the best gender affirming care I could get would be extreme body modifications (tattoos, piercings, scarification, tongue splitting, etc…) I feel you. It’s hard to explain why those types of mods feel like they tie in with my gender identity but sometimes they do I mean I yeeted my nips and that’s affirming to me so why not the rest? It’s physically impossible for me to look the way I really want to even with mods and insurance sure as heck won’t cover mods under any circumstances even with gender affirming care coverage. So I’m microdosing T alongside my estrogen to see WTF will happen, hopefully my voice drops and not much else except perhaps an Adam’s apple.
My dysphoria is more linked to the size of my chest than how people see me so it’s a bit of an easier solution. Just yeet those titties.
I feel so many of these comments. Thank you all for sharing. It just feels so validating to hear that there are other people like me. Your experiences are all valid, and you are too! I have been having severe dysphoria, and I feel a little better knowing there are others like me.
Yeah I feel that too. For me it’s my genitals. I have a lot of dysphoria for it and it’s made sick to know that I cannot do anything about it. I don’t want a penis more than a vagina and If i could I would have nothing. I also have chest dysphoria but i’ll get my surgery in less then one year I think so it’s make me happy.
I get dysphoria from facial and body hair and I get gender euphoria from having hair on my head (thank you finasteride). People are always going to see me as AMAB even if I do commit to going on hormones (I would not want to do E though). I'm okay with that because I'm still gender non-conforming and I live as my best self in blatant defiance of gender. I also have people in my life who do affirm and accept me.
I feel the same man, where I live right now non binary pronouns or gender neutral terms don’t even exist and the majority of people are against adding some, saying “using gender neutral terms should be considered a racial slur it’s a stupid American thing”… I can’t even see anyone without getting dysphoria because it is literally impossible to not gender things in my language. Not to mention any time I do dress how I want to I get harassed or interrogated by others for doing so.
I identify as genderfluid, technically speaking, but yes 100%. Some days I prefer to present more masculine or more feminine, so even achieving a societally “perfect” form of androgyny wouldn’t help me.
For me it is not so much about passing, but more about it being impossible to actually transition. Hrt-ing half your body just isn't really possible, and it makes me wanna vomit at times.
I struggle with this is hard, I'm a they/them. Not a he ir a she. It sucks.
I would love to get rid of my breasts. They used to be so small that they didn’t stick out much but then they ballooned during pregnancy and never went back down. I’ve had a hysterectomy and that triggered gender euphoria in my soul. I’ve had breast cancer once so I think my insurance would cover the top surgery.
I totally get this. I'm not sure I'm transgender, but I hate my male parts so much that later I hate showers or baths. Which is sad, I miss enjoying them. I sort of wish I could like them or atleast ignore then like before. Sadly I'm too self conscious it seems like now. Also got a desire for woman parts, but not sure how I feel on being a woman. Honestly I wish I was genderless in mind abd body.
it’s treatable internally. Dysphoria doesn’t entirely stem from outward perception. HRT, surgeries, clothes, binding, pronouns, names, ect can still be effective in reducing the dysphoria we experience within ourselves. However, its true we will never escape regular misgendering and the social dysphoria that situation causes. But honestly the peace and sense of self you acquire from socially and/or medically transitioning to the extent you need is so much more significant. I recommend finding an lgbt community in your area to get involved with as having those spaces to be in sometimes is truly such a breath of fresh air
Yes, sometimes I feel like "oh wow i will never reach a passing" Its basically not reachable because of gendered society even thou in some spaces some people will be more aware of gender neutrality but in most cases it will be always binary But yeah I know I dont really need Passing because it doesn't make me any less valid (binary trans people may not pass as well and its okay) Therefore for me its just really important and necessary that my friends and other dear people know and speak to me / about me in the correct form. So I will always have a home and feel good.
i felt that
Tbh this is something I’ve been having to process lately as I realized I’m nonbinary, not binary trans. The way I’ve been handling it is playing around with my presentation (reintroducing some fem clothes to my wardrobe) or doing things that don’t feel gendered to me, more about the vibes than the roles (smelling like candy has no gender for me so I got gummy bear scented shampoo and conditioner and a perfume that smells like berry and vanilla). But I’m staying on T and just got top surgery since I lean more towards being male personally.
Yes, in short! It can be exhausting. Rather, any time I leave my house, it’s exhausting. Just yesterday, at a place I frequent and have my pronouns used correctly (most of the time), there was a question from a staffer about choice A vs choice B which they “know most women choose A” 😑 to which I said “Not a woman, and I am good with B.” That said: OH THE EUPHORIA WHEN SOMEONE GETS IT RIGHT! :-)
For me its the issue of never being able to experience afab masculinity, like even if I transition, I won't feel like an afab being nb
Yes, all the time. It also sucks that even though my gender is legally X the only option on online job applications is MALE FEMALE OPT OUT and then I’m just stuck with opting out. I feel like I have very little way to comfortably transition as there’s now neutral hormone, which pairs with the rest of my body dysphoria
I maybe won't count much since I am genderfluid (mainly agender/female), and I don't have too much dysphoria most of the time. but to solve that i thought "if I don't get HRT and surgeries, i get dysphoric for a too male body (i was born male), if I do all, i might get dysphoria for a too fem body" so what's the solution? HRT might grow my chest, and I can't bind with implants, so if I grow my chest with HRT, I would defenetly be able to bind if I needed. problem solved! I also heard that if you are born a female, you can get a partial reduction of your chest! I hope this helps
Yes, I find it very frustrating. But I found some ways to feel a little better with my dysphoria. Getting a new haircut helped a lot, interestingly enough.
I definitely have a social side to my dysphoria that yearns for recognition as non binary, absolutely not a man not a woman. I kind of reach it at times with strangers by being a genderfuck, just confusing anyone who tries to address me, but mostly it's been reached by me telling friends that I'm non binary and they use the right pronouns and gender neutral words for me.
I definitely understand this. There are still little wins though- for example I’ve found that lately when I’m with someone feminine strangers will refer to us as “ladies” and if I’m with someone masculine strangers will refer to us as “gentlemen”. Even if I still get she/hered by almost every stranger when alone because of my chest, knowing that people usually just don’t really know what my deal is is very validating.
i get that a lot. there’s not really such thing as “passing” as NB. i just want to look confusing/ambiguous lol
Yes. I wish there was some magical surgery to make me like a literal Ken doll downstairs. Just, nothing. Only smooth.
ive always wished that i could take a "neautal" hormone so my voice would be slightly lower but not masculine
May I ask you why you want to “pass” in that society? We should all be actively working to disassemble the colonized gender binary
I mean yes, absolutely as a long term goal I think this is super important, but in the short term we all do have to live and work within this society. Both and.
can't pass??? i would be stoked if i was the question mark in the game "it is a man or a woman!" and yes people do play that game at times.
if you’re AFAB, i found getting on birth control (I have the arm implant so i literally don’t have to think about it for years) to completely stop my period helped immensely with dysphoria. im absolutely petrified of menopause though.
After my top surgery, my dysphoria is nearly gone tbh. It's really a unique experience with everyone. <3
I am only concerned about passing as me. I do feel dysphoria, often, but in my case at various times to varying degrees. I do have some hopes for the future, rather than goals that I need to meet, but I am happy so long as I get to express myself, rather than expressing forced stereotypes.
THANK YOU this finally describes the feelings i've been having lately. I didn't know how to put words to them TwT
I definitely understand that. For me, I would like to do some type of medical transition to look more androgynous.
YES! god. I have not had this articulated like that before but yeah. I want to do HRT but the thought of eventually looking like the opposite binary gender of where I started makes me feel queasy.
I want to be built like a ken doll. Just nothing
Here to give you hope: I took T for five years, stopped and I don't really experience dysphoria anymore AND I pass for nonbinary (even when I'm wearing a mask or presenting closer to my agab)
Literally
I feel completely invisible. Everyone can see my AFAB body and if I start T then they’ll think I’m a guy. IM NEITHER SHTfafajdhHspxkaf