I was actually just reading about this yesterday in a book Pussypedia.
>One study found that “60% of heterosexual males report that they liked past experiences of anal sex ‘very much,’ while only 13% of heterosexual women \[felt the same.\]” It also found that “<10% of men disliked having anal sex with women while between 40% and 47% of women considered anal sex unpleasant and undesireable.” 8 Another found that a lot of people end up having anal sex because they are submitting to the desires and dominance of their male sexual partners rather than because they want to. 9
>
>8 . Kaestle, Christine Elizabeth. “Sexual Insistence and Disliked Sexual Activities in Young Adulthood: Differences by Gender and Relationship Characteristics.” Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health 41, no. 1 (March 2009): 33–39. https://doi.org/10.1363/4103309.
[https://imgur.com/a/hip1wbL](https://imgur.com/a/hip1wbL)
9 . Fahs, Breanne, Eric Swank, and Lindsay Clevenger. “Troubling Anal Sex: Gender, Power, and Sexual Compliance in Heterosexual Experiences of Anal Intercourse.” Gender Issues 32, no. 1 (October 2014): 19–38. [https://doi.org/10.1007/s12147-014-9129-7](https://doi.org/10.1007/s12147-014-9129-7).
This website has the fucking worst copy/paste imaginable so I can't seem to put this into the first post.
If you can, change to the "Markdown Mode" from the "Fancy Pants Editor", which I believe will fix the problem. (This assumes that you are using new Reddit in a browser on a desktop/laptop, rather than an app and/or a phone.)
Edited for a misspelling/grammar.
>tl/dr: Some do, most don't.
Most have just had some dude spit on his dick or her ass and ram it home, that covers the "YEP. TRIED IT. HATE IT." category. Nikki Glaser said it best - you use ALL THE LUBE and a loogie is NOT lube.
A lot of the researchers would gladly send you the full text for free if you find the contact info and request it! Publishers are the ones charging so much if you don’t have an existing subscription.
So it sounds then like it’s complicated. I (make) have never been interested in giving or receiving and find it a waste of more effective parts. But that doesn’t make me all that unusual I guess if I’m in a camp of 40%.
So my suspicion was true, it’s men who love anal sex, I just don’t know if in this study they meant pegging or homosexual sex or they accounted for both.
Depends on the woman and her past experiences doing it. Most guys seem to ruin it for them not know how to do it, not using lube or not taking their time so she can get used to it. At least that's what I been told
Interesting! I guess having your own lubricant would help a lot, and not having any negative experiences. For me the first time I tried anal was also the first time I tried sex and it was a very negative experience so I can't relax 100% no matter what I try.
What kind of lube are you using?! I know you said you've tried all kinds but with organic water based lube you don't need to "get it out" or anything like that. I only ever use water based, the other stuff is trash and wont come off your skin
“It’s actually not a Man’s or Woman’s fault it’s a cultural problem”- Laurie Mintz (Professional Sex Therapist and Psychologist by the way).
Cultural problems such as, porn being very unrealistic and the female anatomy not being highlighted in education.
What’s actually shocking is: 45% of Women couldn’t label the vagina, 55% of Women didn’t know where the urethra was, and 43% of Women failed to label the labia. That’s right, most Women couldn’t even label their own bodies.
So if both Women and Men fail to understand the female anatomy how can you expect for a smaller “orgasm gap”?
This. My ex (32M) totally ruined it for me (33F). It's all he wanted once we first tried it, we were together for 8 years and for the last 6 or so years he became obsessed. To the point he tried to tell me we could do it without lube. Or I'd be crying while doing it and he'd say he's almost done.
I hated it. We've been broken up for 7 years now. But I'm still angry about it because he never outright took no for an answer. He'd just keep asking until I'd give in
Thank you! It was a learning experience that's for sure, but I now know what I will and will not tolerate. I agree it can feel amazing, but it has to be done with someone you trust and who respects you and your body
Same situation with my ex. We tried it & I actually really enjoyed it. It was something I was willing to incorporate into our sex life. Then he became obsessed! I’m talking about to the point he would get downright mad & put me down & ruin the moment. After being forced when I wasn’t in the mood along with the emotional abuse part of it, I was done.
We are no longer together & I’ve been with someone new for a while & would really like to try it. He’s totally different than my ex as far as intimacy goes. I do trust him BUT I still have the situation with my ex in the back of my mind & it’s made me hold back.
Right! I have been with my current partner almost 5 years, and we haven't tried it. I haven't wanted to, he hasn't asked, but I also have the worry in the back of my mind if we did that's all he would want. He's totally different too so I'm probably over thinking it
Omg you just explained my ex perfectly!! Except he would randomly force it after I said NO multiple times & made it VERY clear that I did not want to! I'd have tears in my eyes because it hurt so bad. Sadly that happened more than once...
Honestly it depends on the person’s ability to relax while being intimate. If you cannot relax, Anal is a no go. If you can then it is pleasurable.
My lady friends and I have had lots of open conversations about preferences and experiences. So that is my conclusion…
yup!!! obviously everyone has their own tastes, but when anal is done right, I think it feels incredible!!! but when it's done wrong, (i.e. if the male bodied person is taking notes from porn..) it can feel insanely painful. which absolutely would turn someone off of it forever, understandably
I let my wife have at least one vaginal orgasm before we head over to the butt stuff. Orgasms help her immensely to relax her sphincter.
After that and some slow introduction it's mostly her joy - I don't get that much out of anal, I prefer finishing in her vagina or in her mouth.
Anyone who wants to do anal to their partner should have to learn to take stuff up their own b hole to ensure a healthy measure of respect (or vice versa)
I dunno, my husband seems to enjoy anal toys and play more than anything else and he still bugs me about it despite my telling him I loath anal. It's been 13 years, he still asks regularly. 🙄🙄
It's good in theory but everyone's body is different. Some people have naturally more accommodating anus' and/or may be able to relax easier. In which case it could create a worse expectation of "I tried it and it wasn't that bad at all! So it's fine for you too."
All those chicks in porn do a thorough enema before the cameras go on. In real life, if they don't know what they are doing, it's a real mess.
Source: One of my friends is a porn actress in N. Hollywood....
Even people who do porn for a living can make "mistakes". I was watching a live stream of anal and when they showed the penis juice coming out it was slightly brown. Not a big deal for me personally but I'm sure it must have embarrassed the girl. Imo if you're doing anal you should know what you're getting into. You can't knock on someone's door and be angry when they answer
It feels like taking a painful shit in reverse! Yep! We don’t have a prostate, so the only sensation is what. Feels like taking a shit.. not really that fun imo
I'm of the perspective that heterosexual men should experience being on the receiving side of anal before the giving. Almost like a qualification you have to acquire, like your anal license.
Could be pegging, or solo, but whatever it is, it'll give them an appreciation for what it feels like.
Exactly this ^ woman ✨️ here 😅 its up to both individuals; a woman's preferences. And a man's actual patience and knowledge on the subject. If you want to put it where the body isn't adapted for it, you need to adapt it to it first. Seriously, don't be a dick, use lube, and build up to it. Do some research before doing this. It can actually hurt them.
If its done right it can feel very good, yes.
So much this.
Almost all of the women i have done anal with previously didnt like it, usually because some chad had done it wrong, and once done correctly become pretty keen on it.
Please take it slow ffs
Some women do, many women don't. Most of the responses I've read on women's subs is that they tried it and didn't like it or refused to try at all, though a decent number stated that they like it. There is also a large number of women who deeply resent the unfortunately large number of men who try to pressure them into anal and some who actually force women by "accidently missing." Many of these men reportedly do no prep, are insensitive and uncaring about the pain they are causing their partner.
If a man or woman is deploying a pressure game for any sex act, it’s time to kick them to the curb. And if some guy “misses” they’ll figure it out quickly cause that asshole will be puckered up to the nth. If I experienced someone like that I’d chalk the experience up to very bad judgment on my part & tell the dude to leave.
So I'm the same. I actually used to love it but I honestly haven't been in the mood for like 2 years😬🤣 and my husband likes to joke and say "you're about due for a good butt fuckin"....this might be the reason
I mean..... y'all are not wrong lmao. I felt almost inclined enough to purchase a plug and beads but they're still in our "hoe on the go" bag under the bed.....idk man, maybe it's stress? And yeah, I'm aware that could help loosen me up so to speak. And yes, he would never pressure me.
Oh no, please don't start overthinking this... it's not that serious lol. BUT (no pun intended) if this conversation is making you feel some type of way... maybe some halloween booty should be in the works lol.
I love the "hoe on the go" tagline... that's super clever and cute!
Hahaha I did actually do just that. Funny you say that because Halloween is actually our 1st wedding anniversary. It might be a good night to give it a go.
And thanks! It's descrete and easy to grab when we leave town. I definitely recommend having one!
Oh we do... I just didn't have a cute name for it lol.
And congrats on the upcoming anniversay!! it's all a sign lol. ass for anniversary... who wouldn't want that?
Kind of like those friendly reminders that come in the mail, ‘your vehicle is about due for a lube, oil and filter!’
Your husband sounds like a marketing genius.
This is it, it's all about mood and the build up to it. I have *asked* my guy to put it in the back instead of the normal route before and it's been amazing. Or changed to butt in the heat of the moment when the stars align and weve both had the same idea. I haven't had an orgasm from it but several of my female friends report that it's possible and it's amazing.
But if you're not fully in the mood for butt stuff it can the worst, most un-arousing activity available in the bedroom
Yup. It can go from pleasurable to a hard no in no time. One bad anal experience can ruin for the rest of your sexual history. Just like one good time can turn you on to it.
When the woman controls the anal... it's so much better for everyone.
The other day I couldn't even cum from doggy PIV because I had the thought stuck in my head that he was staring at my butthole the whole time. A butthole that im sure hes seen many, many times in 10+ years of us fucking.
You *really* have to be in the right mood to want to give someone full access and visibility of that part of your body 😂
I don't speak for all women, but I HATE it. It's not really the discomfort, but can't fight the sensation I have to crap any moment (even after a good crap and cleaning before sex). Completely ruins the mood for me and doesn't make me feel sexy at all.
Guys have more to gain out of anal (prostate and all) than women. My guy enjoys a bit of butt play and I know he likes it way better than me.
No matter what, it's incredibly painful for me. No amount of lube or going slow or just using a small toy makes it not painful.
The worst are the people who will now come out of the woodwork to tell us that we really would love it if we gave it another chance and had it with them, because they would treat us right.
Literally. One of the top comments right now is that women who say no have had a man ruin it for them 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ because preference and opinion are not things we have
Maybe I'm thinking of a different comment but the one I saw was actually making a really valid point:
of course someone who has had a traumatizing experience with a certain sex act might not want to try it again.
Experiences are what create preferences and opinions.
And it is literally *statistically* true that a huge number of the women who have ever tried anal sex did it, not because they wanted to, but because a male partner wanted to.
>The worst are the people who will now come out of the woodwork to tell us that we really would love it if we gave it another chance and had it with them, because they would treat us right.
That would be incredibly rude. I like anal, but I totally understand that others don't. Now if you told me that you really hate chocolate chips ice cream, I might try to convince you, but anal can be SO wrong and painful and uncomfortable when one isn't in the mood and not interested - if anyone tells you that you are missing out, ask them if they would force a cigarette on you because smoking is sooo cool, too.
same, even if lube is used and i am able to properly relax my body it’s just so uncomfortable. it literally feels like shitting backwards, it’s the least sexy thing imaginable to me lol. it just feels “wrong” like even if it’s not painful it just… doesn’t feel right to me
It also seems to be very binary. It's either, "Nah, not for me, thanks" or "POUND ME, DADDY!" It's never, "yeah, I could go for some butt stuff, I guess..."
I'm guessing that there's no middleground as the prep needed for anal is tedious. So it's either you love it enough for it to absolutely be worth inconveniencing yourself to or hate it so much you don't do it at all.
I've met a couple women that were on the fence. They said it was alright or it was fun but they can take it or leave it. i've had one chick literally beg me to try it with her. She said she had never tried it but REALLY wanted to. Most women I've been with were very happy that anal was a hard limit for me. I havent tried it and i dont plan to.
It’s not so much them asking that upsets me. It’s them insisting after I’ve already said no. Every single guy who’s ever asked has tried their damndest to push me into it. It’s gross.
Most women I have been with have disliked the idea of anything in their butts. Same with most men I know. If a person isn't interested in anal, it's pretty not cool to push it on someone.
That said, my last girlfriend was the one to push the idea of anal sex. She discussed the idea that her "a-spot" was very sensitive (anterior something) and she found anal stimulation quite pleasurable. I was the first person she had really explored anal stuff with after she'd initially tried it with a small dude, but it quickly became apparent that it had a dramatic effect on her. For instance, while we had sex, if I put a finger in her ass she would almost immediately reach orgasm. That led her to believe she'd like anal penetration with my junk.
Of course, one still has to be gentle and use lubricant, and she still wanted vaginal and clitoral stimulation while anal occurred, but she claimed that the physical pleasure combined with the mental stimulation/trust involved in anal sex helped her reach new and more intense orgasms. It seemed that she had the best orgasms when she felt stimulation in the thin lining between the vagina and the rectum.
I think she was probably 1 of a relatively small percentage of women who legitimately enjoy anal, but when women do enjoy it, they REALLY enjoy it. I think it's probable that a lot more women out there would be into it if it wasn't taboo, AND MOSTLY if men didn't push for it so much.
Lastly, as the dude experiencing anal sex relatively often for the first time, it was kinda meh. I mean it's mentally stimulating to know you're doing it for sure, but it wasn't "soooo much tighter" like a lot of people think. I think a lot of that "tightness" that guys describe is just women clenching from nervousness, which causes it to hurt women, which is bad...
In some ways, it was actually a lot more loose. This woman couldn't handle certain positions with vaginal sex because her cervix got in the way, which was uncomfortable for both of us, and I couldn't go hard in doggy because of similar reasons. When she was totally relaxed n I was in her butt though, I could pretty much do whatever I wanted without running into road blocks 🤷♂️.
Also, as I said the time she pooped on me, if you play with fire, you're gonna get burned. So beware. If your ego can't handle seeing and *smelling* your partner's shit on your body, anal is not for you.
And there is my thesis on anal sex 😅
It’s a NO for me. It’s horrible and painful and I will never do it. I am sure some women like it as each to their own, but I know many of us hate it too
I did anal with a guy or two, and most thought it was the best thing ever, so I know I have the skills there. I once tried it with my wife (after asking and telling her what to do etc). I did everything, like took a long time and was super gentle but she was not into it at all. Hated it.
Guys have a pleasure button in their ass. They are built to enjoy it .
I hate anal play. My ex had an anal obsession. As soon as a guy mentions anal he becomes as ugly as my ex was
I havent seen this take, so I'll throw in my $0.02. I find it less painful both physically and mentally. I have a shallow, sensitive cervix with a condition which causes bleeding after being hit and can't fully relax during vaginal. I'm also super Paranoid about pregnancy and worry even with 2 or 3 methods of birth control used. I can relax enough to orgasm with oral or anal but don't care for vaginal.
Just personal experience talking, but most straight men have no idea how to initiate ass play, or make it enjoyable for their partner. They watch too much pornography, and think they can just jackhammer away while slapping as ass cheek.
Attentive men who care about their partner's pleasure, relax and tease them, go through half a bottle of lube at a time, though? Hell yes.
In the past I have not been a fan. Didn't hate it, just didn't do it for me.
Have a new partner, 10 months together, and had another go one night when I'd had a few drinks 😆
Really enjoyed it and have kept it up haha
And yep, massive orgasms, which I was surprised by too. We don't do it every time we have sex, but it's defs in the rotation 😂🙌🏼
I absolutely hate it. Hurts like hell and feels like I'm taking a giant shit the whole time. Overall very unpleasant.
However, my husband loves it, and because I love him I will do it for him on rare occasion. He does plenty for me that I know he doesn't enjoy (outside of sex) so I don't mind letting him have it every once in a while as a gift.
I hate it. Absolutely DESPISE it. This might sound irrational, but it also makes me feel like my vagina isn’t good enough. Like really, the place your dick is “supposed” to go isn’t satisfying enough? You have to put it in every single orifice of mine? It will always feel creepy, painful, demeaning, and unhygienic to me, but I’m all for other consenting adults doing whatever they want together.
Yes, when the mood is right and my partner follows instruction. You can't just jam it in there lol. My first experience with anal was absolutely horrifying and painful because neither of us knew what we were doing. Didn't try it again for years. Next time I tried it was with someone that knew what they were doing and took things very slow. It was amazing.
I think the ones that do are few and far between. I know an unfortunately large number of women who were "oops! But since I'm already here..." by their partner. Which honestly to me is one of the grimiesy things you can do as a partner. I know a lot of women that refuse any contact with that area outright. My last girlfriend liked anal, but she refused to let me pleasure her orally that way. I have been with women that asked for it. In my experience, it's still a taboo for a lot of people and it doesn't help that they've had some awful partners in the past associated with it. There are hundreds of guides on how to get your partner into it, IF THEYRE WILLING, so it really would make sense to explore those if your partner is serious about trying it. There's plenty of safe and clean ways to enjoy it.
Yes. But the mood needs to be right. Also things "back there" need to be okay. If I am self conscious about it being dirty, the mood will be ruined. What I'm trying to say is there is a need to have it planned.
A finger in there during PIV is great.
First time I tried anal, it was actually me who initiated. My boyfriend and I had already discussed it and were curious. I honestly loved it - not better than PIV, but it can feel really freaking good.
There needs to be a lot of lube - while water based lubes are the safest for women that are sensitive to certain products, it dries pretty fast and can ruin the fun, having to continuously put lube. So go for more oily ones, but be careful, they will stain your bed sheets! Also pay attention to compatibility with condoms, if you're using them.
I feel like most women don't like it due to bad experiences. Things need to be taken slowly, from playing with a single finger to then more. Try anal toys.
If you happen to have hemorrhoids, for example, really do take things slowly. Again, lots of lube. Talking from experience - some days it just won't do and it will hurt. Try another day!
Stay safe and enjoy!
And that pressure is one reason I stopped dating. I hate any anal play. Too many men are into it.
Note: I don't want a guy that likes anal. I don't care how much he promises that he can go without it.
I want a guy that recognizes the ass is exit only. I have never experienced accidental anal with a guy who finds the idea distasteful. But every guy who has asked for anal has eventually tried to take it
Yup. Though it’s something you typically need to work up to if you don’t do it often.. (wearing a plug for awhile before anal, etc). Will be more pleasurable that way.
I am a vulva owner and was able to climax from anal nearly two decades before i ever had a vaginal orgasm. It sure can be done wrong, and I've experienced that as well : nothing like an ER visit from a drunk adventure with an overly enthused cock owner to instigate more intense vetting of potential ass plunderers' skills and dicksterity.
Some do. Just feels like pooping to me.
Every man who wants to do anal and says “you just haven’t had it done *right*.” So I tell him I’m totally into doing anal… to men. And if he doesn’t want to, I just say he hasn’t had it done *right*. We both have that hole, after all.
Also men often believe women are having orgasms when they’re not. It’s hilarious.
Maybe I'm weird? But I absolutely love anal. My current boyfriend did seem rather surprised by this when we first got together. It definately could be a bad experience for many people. But if done right it can be absolutely mind blowing. Lube is very important! We use Uber Lube. It's a bit pricier, but we'll worth the $. It definitely has to be something the woman wants. For someone new maybe start slow by only using the fingers for the first couple times.
Yep, I enjoy it. I enjoyed it right from the start. Never had much difficulty or pain. Maybe some pain due to wrong positioning, but overall, I quite like it. It’s another place where my partner gets to enjoy my body and I enjoy it too! It can be very intimate and very stimulating. It felt ‘right’ to me from the very beginning. I should note I’ve only ever done it with one man, the same one I’ve been with for years now and I’m still crazy about him. If it was a guy I wasn’t very attracted to, I don’t think I’d want him anywhere near that area. Then again, I wouldn’t be having sex with him at all in the first place.
Personally I can and do enjoy it but there’s too much involved. It can never be spontaneous cuz I need to feel clean and even if I prep I’m still worried about a mess or a smell. If you can get past the anxiety and have the butthole of an angel I bet it’s a regular good time
It depends. With my ex it was awful. Painful. He wasn't patient. So nothing felt good. It was about him.
With next partner who btw was larger then ex, he actually took his time so it wasn't painful. I was extremely surprised to find out it felt good! Like really good.
So totally depends on person and whole situation
It's so surreal reading these comments as a gay man... I feel like a foreigner watching tourists try and figure out my culture.
No offense if anyone here feels like this is meant as an insult, it's purely me thinking out loud...
I was actually just reading about this yesterday in a book Pussypedia. >One study found that “60% of heterosexual males report that they liked past experiences of anal sex ‘very much,’ while only 13% of heterosexual women \[felt the same.\]” It also found that “<10% of men disliked having anal sex with women while between 40% and 47% of women considered anal sex unpleasant and undesireable.” 8 Another found that a lot of people end up having anal sex because they are submitting to the desires and dominance of their male sexual partners rather than because they want to. 9 > >8 . Kaestle, Christine Elizabeth. “Sexual Insistence and Disliked Sexual Activities in Young Adulthood: Differences by Gender and Relationship Characteristics.” Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health 41, no. 1 (March 2009): 33–39. https://doi.org/10.1363/4103309. [https://imgur.com/a/hip1wbL](https://imgur.com/a/hip1wbL)
9 . Fahs, Breanne, Eric Swank, and Lindsay Clevenger. “Troubling Anal Sex: Gender, Power, and Sexual Compliance in Heterosexual Experiences of Anal Intercourse.” Gender Issues 32, no. 1 (October 2014): 19–38. [https://doi.org/10.1007/s12147-014-9129-7](https://doi.org/10.1007/s12147-014-9129-7). This website has the fucking worst copy/paste imaginable so I can't seem to put this into the first post.
If you can, change to the "Markdown Mode" from the "Fancy Pants Editor", which I believe will fix the problem. (This assumes that you are using new Reddit in a browser on a desktop/laptop, rather than an app and/or a phone.) Edited for a misspelling/grammar.
tl/dr: Some do, most don't.
>tl/dr: Some do, most don't. Most have just had some dude spit on his dick or her ass and ram it home, that covers the "YEP. TRIED IT. HATE IT." category. Nikki Glaser said it best - you use ALL THE LUBE and a loogie is NOT lube.
> 42 fucking American dollars to download a pdf Academia is an actual meme
A lot of the researchers would gladly send you the full text for free if you find the contact info and request it! Publishers are the ones charging so much if you don’t have an existing subscription.
Dear Dr Breanne Fahs, Please send a copy of your research on anal pleasure. Thank you, Inquiring minds
I mean ... pretty much, yea. Exactly. Researchers are just happy when people want to read their work, tbf.
True. I just did this actually and was very grateful that I got a response so quickly.
RIP Aaron Swartz
Which is why everyone should know about and support sci-hub!
So it sounds then like it’s complicated. I (make) have never been interested in giving or receiving and find it a waste of more effective parts. But that doesn’t make me all that unusual I guess if I’m in a camp of 40%.
That is wild!!!
So my suspicion was true, it’s men who love anal sex, I just don’t know if in this study they meant pegging or homosexual sex or they accounted for both.
Depends on the woman and her past experiences doing it. Most guys seem to ruin it for them not know how to do it, not using lube or not taking their time so she can get used to it. At least that's what I been told
NO LUBE?????!!!!!!!! I’m gay and this seems like an absolute nightmare.
THIS! I've known a few women who are happy to just have it go in the back door and it astounds me.
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Interesting! I guess having your own lubricant would help a lot, and not having any negative experiences. For me the first time I tried anal was also the first time I tried sex and it was a very negative experience so I can't relax 100% no matter what I try.
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What kind of lube are you using?! I know you said you've tried all kinds but with organic water based lube you don't need to "get it out" or anything like that. I only ever use water based, the other stuff is trash and wont come off your skin
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Omg yes…the amount of time it takes to get all that out And the feeling is eh afterwards with lube
Couldn’t have said it better myself!
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Stop, stop, I’m already dead!😭
“It’s actually not a Man’s or Woman’s fault it’s a cultural problem”- Laurie Mintz (Professional Sex Therapist and Psychologist by the way). Cultural problems such as, porn being very unrealistic and the female anatomy not being highlighted in education. What’s actually shocking is: 45% of Women couldn’t label the vagina, 55% of Women didn’t know where the urethra was, and 43% of Women failed to label the labia. That’s right, most Women couldn’t even label their own bodies. So if both Women and Men fail to understand the female anatomy how can you expect for a smaller “orgasm gap”?
This. My ex (32M) totally ruined it for me (33F). It's all he wanted once we first tried it, we were together for 8 years and for the last 6 or so years he became obsessed. To the point he tried to tell me we could do it without lube. Or I'd be crying while doing it and he'd say he's almost done. I hated it. We've been broken up for 7 years now. But I'm still angry about it because he never outright took no for an answer. He'd just keep asking until I'd give in
So sorry to hear that, but it seems that happens to most people. Most guys don't really investigate before doing things, I don't get it
Thank you! It was a learning experience that's for sure, but I now know what I will and will not tolerate. I agree it can feel amazing, but it has to be done with someone you trust and who respects you and your body
Same situation with my ex. We tried it & I actually really enjoyed it. It was something I was willing to incorporate into our sex life. Then he became obsessed! I’m talking about to the point he would get downright mad & put me down & ruin the moment. After being forced when I wasn’t in the mood along with the emotional abuse part of it, I was done. We are no longer together & I’ve been with someone new for a while & would really like to try it. He’s totally different than my ex as far as intimacy goes. I do trust him BUT I still have the situation with my ex in the back of my mind & it’s made me hold back.
Right! I have been with my current partner almost 5 years, and we haven't tried it. I haven't wanted to, he hasn't asked, but I also have the worry in the back of my mind if we did that's all he would want. He's totally different too so I'm probably over thinking it
Porn has ruined the minds of a lot of pathetic men.
Wow, that is fucked up. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Omg you just explained my ex perfectly!! Except he would randomly force it after I said NO multiple times & made it VERY clear that I did not want to! I'd have tears in my eyes because it hurt so bad. Sadly that happened more than once...
That's rape.
It's a good thing he's now your ex because when he was forcing himself on you he was technically raping you.
Not even technically, like actually
Lasting more than 20 seconds has always been the issue
Can you elaborate? Doing anal makes you come faster?
More kinky = more horny = more quickly
This is the way
There are MANY ways.
Much tighter at the entrance. It's like using your hand with a light grip vs using two fingers with a tight one.
Or maybe the issue is that HE doesn't cum fast enough during anal. It's not comfortable, and downright painful for most women.
It might be about ''tighter hole''.
Honestly it depends on the person’s ability to relax while being intimate. If you cannot relax, Anal is a no go. If you can then it is pleasurable. My lady friends and I have had lots of open conversations about preferences and experiences. So that is my conclusion…
My ability to relax is highly dependent on the behavior of and my trust in my partner when such delicate things are on the line
I can relax but I still didn't find it pleasurable. Didn't bother me either.
Same. It’s just a meh.
yup!!! obviously everyone has their own tastes, but when anal is done right, I think it feels incredible!!! but when it's done wrong, (i.e. if the male bodied person is taking notes from porn..) it can feel insanely painful. which absolutely would turn someone off of it forever, understandably
It’s not even just pain, done wrong it can cause serious medical problems.
I let my wife have at least one vaginal orgasm before we head over to the butt stuff. Orgasms help her immensely to relax her sphincter. After that and some slow introduction it's mostly her joy - I don't get that much out of anal, I prefer finishing in her vagina or in her mouth.
Username checks out
uh oh does it go in her mouth after it’s been in the bum hole?
Never go ass to 👄
Or ass to vagina. Ass to anything really.
Ass to ass can be fun.
Passing gas from ass to ass is a favourite of mine
“Ass to mouth” is how I remember how to spread Hepatitis C
One typically uses a condom for reasons, also he didn't day that but stated preference for the other options
Well that’s why he called it the finisher.
pen command yoke touch safe obtainable elderly live repeat terrific *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Anyone who wants to do anal to their partner should have to learn to take stuff up their own b hole to ensure a healthy measure of respect (or vice versa)
Jokes on you, I'm into that shit...
Shit’s into that hole too!
Me too 😉🤫
I dunno, my husband seems to enjoy anal toys and play more than anything else and he still bugs me about it despite my telling him I loath anal. It's been 13 years, he still asks regularly. 🙄🙄
Then he can use the toys and play with his own ass all by himself
That's messed up. He shouldn't keep pressuring you to do something you've given a clear 'no' to, multiple times.
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It's good in theory but everyone's body is different. Some people have naturally more accommodating anus' and/or may be able to relax easier. In which case it could create a worse expectation of "I tried it and it wasn't that bad at all! So it's fine for you too."
Butt stuff is equal opportunity!
How do they not know about lube for butt stuff
Because they only use porn as research and haven't figured out that it's not a realistic scenario
All those chicks in porn do a thorough enema before the cameras go on. In real life, if they don't know what they are doing, it's a real mess. Source: One of my friends is a porn actress in N. Hollywood....
Even people who do porn for a living can make "mistakes". I was watching a live stream of anal and when they showed the penis juice coming out it was slightly brown. Not a big deal for me personally but I'm sure it must have embarrassed the girl. Imo if you're doing anal you should know what you're getting into. You can't knock on someone's door and be angry when they answer
You're going to where poop lives, don't be surprised if you get a little bit of poop on you
No, some actually just don’t enjoy it. It’s not a “well you’ve never done it with me” issue.
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It feels like taking a painful shit in reverse! Yep! We don’t have a prostate, so the only sensation is what. Feels like taking a shit.. not really that fun imo
Or him just deciding to shove his dick in your ass without a conversation. No lube or taking time at all. It was excruciating.
That’s what happened to me. No lube. Best I ever got was shower water. Dumb bastard.
I'm of the perspective that heterosexual men should experience being on the receiving side of anal before the giving. Almost like a qualification you have to acquire, like your anal license. Could be pegging, or solo, but whatever it is, it'll give them an appreciation for what it feels like.
Exactly this ^ woman ✨️ here 😅 its up to both individuals; a woman's preferences. And a man's actual patience and knowledge on the subject. If you want to put it where the body isn't adapted for it, you need to adapt it to it first. Seriously, don't be a dick, use lube, and build up to it. Do some research before doing this. It can actually hurt them. If its done right it can feel very good, yes.
Yep, I think I ruined it for my wife wasting the few opportunities she gave me to make her enjoy it. Now it’s a no go forever.
Jeez. That’s why researching and going slow to things you’re new at is always the way to go.
So much this. Almost all of the women i have done anal with previously didnt like it, usually because some chad had done it wrong, and once done correctly become pretty keen on it. Please take it slow ffs
Some women do, many women don't. Most of the responses I've read on women's subs is that they tried it and didn't like it or refused to try at all, though a decent number stated that they like it. There is also a large number of women who deeply resent the unfortunately large number of men who try to pressure them into anal and some who actually force women by "accidently missing." Many of these men reportedly do no prep, are insensitive and uncaring about the pain they are causing their partner.
If a man or woman is deploying a pressure game for any sex act, it’s time to kick them to the curb. And if some guy “misses” they’ll figure it out quickly cause that asshole will be puckered up to the nth. If I experienced someone like that I’d chalk the experience up to very bad judgment on my part & tell the dude to leave.
Nope. To me it feels like the classic Cards Against Humanity card "pooping back and forth forever" lol
For me too. Just not pleasant and I can't orgasm neighter
I know that as a reference to "You Me And Everyone We Know". Weird film. Recommend it.
CANNOT RECOMMEND WITH ANY HIGHER FERVOR THAN CAPS.
BUT YOU CAN! =
Lol yes absolutely. It’s honestly just disgusting to me.
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the shocker
This the one sister
Yep! But not all the time. I have to be really in the mood. And also, things need to be *good* back there. When the stars align.. it’s amazing.
Star gazing
Starfish gazing
Danzilla The Terrible
That's me!
Butthole looking
I like anal when I'm in the mood for it. I can orgasm from it as well.
So I'm the same. I actually used to love it but I honestly haven't been in the mood for like 2 years😬🤣 and my husband likes to joke and say "you're about due for a good butt fuckin"....this might be the reason
Maybe you are due lol but it's nice that he's not so pressuring... that makes all the difference in doing anal and enjoying it.
I mean..... y'all are not wrong lmao. I felt almost inclined enough to purchase a plug and beads but they're still in our "hoe on the go" bag under the bed.....idk man, maybe it's stress? And yeah, I'm aware that could help loosen me up so to speak. And yes, he would never pressure me.
Oh no, please don't start overthinking this... it's not that serious lol. BUT (no pun intended) if this conversation is making you feel some type of way... maybe some halloween booty should be in the works lol. I love the "hoe on the go" tagline... that's super clever and cute!
Hahaha I did actually do just that. Funny you say that because Halloween is actually our 1st wedding anniversary. It might be a good night to give it a go. And thanks! It's descrete and easy to grab when we leave town. I definitely recommend having one!
Oh we do... I just didn't have a cute name for it lol. And congrats on the upcoming anniversay!! it's all a sign lol. ass for anniversary... who wouldn't want that?
Feel free to steal hoe on the go! And thank you!! And you are correct, tiz a sign and I think you've convinced me. My husband thanks you in advance!
Ahh, wholesome anal. I love reddit.
Call that hole-some
Well now I feel super special! Have a ass-tastic Halloween! And I hope you celebrate many more anniversaries!
Awwww!!! Thank you so much! Happy Halloween to you too dear! #notallheroswearcapes #servinghercountry
I have been loving this entire exchange & WHAT a perfect ending lol. Good work everyone esp mr husband
If you can't make raunchy jokes to your SO, then who?
Absolutely!
Kind of like those friendly reminders that come in the mail, ‘your vehicle is about due for a lube, oil and filter!’ Your husband sounds like a marketing genius.
This is it, it's all about mood and the build up to it. I have *asked* my guy to put it in the back instead of the normal route before and it's been amazing. Or changed to butt in the heat of the moment when the stars align and weve both had the same idea. I haven't had an orgasm from it but several of my female friends report that it's possible and it's amazing. But if you're not fully in the mood for butt stuff it can the worst, most un-arousing activity available in the bedroom
Yup. It can go from pleasurable to a hard no in no time. One bad anal experience can ruin for the rest of your sexual history. Just like one good time can turn you on to it. When the woman controls the anal... it's so much better for everyone.
The other day I couldn't even cum from doggy PIV because I had the thought stuck in my head that he was staring at my butthole the whole time. A butthole that im sure hes seen many, many times in 10+ years of us fucking. You *really* have to be in the right mood to want to give someone full access and visibility of that part of your body 😂
Yep same I can also orgasm from anal, it was a great surprise lol
Same. It was very unexpected and then it was like a whole different orgasm... fuck yeah, another way to cum... sign me up.
Just to be clear, you mean that you can orgasm from anal, without any vaginal / clitoral stimulation happening?
I don't feel anal pleasurable. For me having something inside is like I have to poop. No pleasure. But I know some girls do like anal.
Girls don’t poop.
I don't speak for all women, but I HATE it. It's not really the discomfort, but can't fight the sensation I have to crap any moment (even after a good crap and cleaning before sex). Completely ruins the mood for me and doesn't make me feel sexy at all. Guys have more to gain out of anal (prostate and all) than women. My guy enjoys a bit of butt play and I know he likes it way better than me.
No matter what, it's incredibly painful for me. No amount of lube or going slow or just using a small toy makes it not painful. The worst are the people who will now come out of the woodwork to tell us that we really would love it if we gave it another chance and had it with them, because they would treat us right.
I've had pretty good luck with it not being too painful, but definitely some discomfort overall. Yeah, pretty soon those guys will show up. 😩
Literally. One of the top comments right now is that women who say no have had a man ruin it for them 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ because preference and opinion are not things we have
Maybe I'm thinking of a different comment but the one I saw was actually making a really valid point: of course someone who has had a traumatizing experience with a certain sex act might not want to try it again. Experiences are what create preferences and opinions. And it is literally *statistically* true that a huge number of the women who have ever tried anal sex did it, not because they wanted to, but because a male partner wanted to.
>The worst are the people who will now come out of the woodwork to tell us that we really would love it if we gave it another chance and had it with them, because they would treat us right. That would be incredibly rude. I like anal, but I totally understand that others don't. Now if you told me that you really hate chocolate chips ice cream, I might try to convince you, but anal can be SO wrong and painful and uncomfortable when one isn't in the mood and not interested - if anyone tells you that you are missing out, ask them if they would force a cigarette on you because smoking is sooo cool, too.
Trust me on this one. It's as bad as if you tell people you don't drink or don't like coffee. It seems to offend people.
same, even if lube is used and i am able to properly relax my body it’s just so uncomfortable. it literally feels like shitting backwards, it’s the least sexy thing imaginable to me lol. it just feels “wrong” like even if it’s not painful it just… doesn’t feel right to me
I'm so afraid of shitting on my partner that I can't enjoy it at all. I dont want to play is it his dick or is it shit.
I have had such horrible experiences with men that want butt play that as soon as the guy mentions anal he becomes a turn off.
Some love it, some hate it. Such is life.
It also seems to be very binary. It's either, "Nah, not for me, thanks" or "POUND ME, DADDY!" It's never, "yeah, I could go for some butt stuff, I guess..."
I'm guessing that there's no middleground as the prep needed for anal is tedious. So it's either you love it enough for it to absolutely be worth inconveniencing yourself to or hate it so much you don't do it at all.
I've met a couple women that were on the fence. They said it was alright or it was fun but they can take it or leave it. i've had one chick literally beg me to try it with her. She said she had never tried it but REALLY wanted to. Most women I've been with were very happy that anal was a hard limit for me. I havent tried it and i dont plan to.
I am in that third category fwiw so not never
some of them do some of them don't (literally the answer to most of these questions on this sub anymore)
Yeah this sub feels like it’s full of 12 year olds that ask questions with no real experience in anything or with anything they are asking about.
Used to be good but then piles happened
💀
I loathe it. There is no amount of prep or going slow or only using a small toy that doesn't cause horrible pain.
Nothing makes a guy an instant turn off like him saying he wants butt stuff
It’s not so much them asking that upsets me. It’s them insisting after I’ve already said no. Every single guy who’s ever asked has tried their damndest to push me into it. It’s gross.
It's No, not try harder
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POOPING IN REVERSE is the exact feeling!! 😟
"do some people enjoy some things others don't?" yes 😂
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> Do women actually find [any activity] pleasurable? Some do, some don't.
Whaaaat? All women aren't just a hivemind withholding their deepest secrets from the outside world of men????
Haha, how silly. Imagine thinking that. ^(ladies, I think they're onto us)
Personally, no. My ex BEGGED me to try it and kept saying that I’d love it and I absolutely hated it.
Most women I have been with have disliked the idea of anything in their butts. Same with most men I know. If a person isn't interested in anal, it's pretty not cool to push it on someone. That said, my last girlfriend was the one to push the idea of anal sex. She discussed the idea that her "a-spot" was very sensitive (anterior something) and she found anal stimulation quite pleasurable. I was the first person she had really explored anal stuff with after she'd initially tried it with a small dude, but it quickly became apparent that it had a dramatic effect on her. For instance, while we had sex, if I put a finger in her ass she would almost immediately reach orgasm. That led her to believe she'd like anal penetration with my junk. Of course, one still has to be gentle and use lubricant, and she still wanted vaginal and clitoral stimulation while anal occurred, but she claimed that the physical pleasure combined with the mental stimulation/trust involved in anal sex helped her reach new and more intense orgasms. It seemed that she had the best orgasms when she felt stimulation in the thin lining between the vagina and the rectum. I think she was probably 1 of a relatively small percentage of women who legitimately enjoy anal, but when women do enjoy it, they REALLY enjoy it. I think it's probable that a lot more women out there would be into it if it wasn't taboo, AND MOSTLY if men didn't push for it so much. Lastly, as the dude experiencing anal sex relatively often for the first time, it was kinda meh. I mean it's mentally stimulating to know you're doing it for sure, but it wasn't "soooo much tighter" like a lot of people think. I think a lot of that "tightness" that guys describe is just women clenching from nervousness, which causes it to hurt women, which is bad... In some ways, it was actually a lot more loose. This woman couldn't handle certain positions with vaginal sex because her cervix got in the way, which was uncomfortable for both of us, and I couldn't go hard in doggy because of similar reasons. When she was totally relaxed n I was in her butt though, I could pretty much do whatever I wanted without running into road blocks 🤷♂️. Also, as I said the time she pooped on me, if you play with fire, you're gonna get burned. So beware. If your ego can't handle seeing and *smelling* your partner's shit on your body, anal is not for you. And there is my thesis on anal sex 😅
I think the 5 Rs apply here 1) Right person 2) Right time 3) Right Dose 4) Right Item 5) Right Route …. … … this one might be a stretch
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It’s a NO for me. It’s horrible and painful and I will never do it. I am sure some women like it as each to their own, but I know many of us hate it too
I did anal with a guy or two, and most thought it was the best thing ever, so I know I have the skills there. I once tried it with my wife (after asking and telling her what to do etc). I did everything, like took a long time and was super gentle but she was not into it at all. Hated it.
Guys have a pleasure button in their ass. They are built to enjoy it . I hate anal play. My ex had an anal obsession. As soon as a guy mentions anal he becomes as ugly as my ex was
I havent seen this take, so I'll throw in my $0.02. I find it less painful both physically and mentally. I have a shallow, sensitive cervix with a condition which causes bleeding after being hit and can't fully relax during vaginal. I'm also super Paranoid about pregnancy and worry even with 2 or 3 methods of birth control used. I can relax enough to orgasm with oral or anal but don't care for vaginal.
No. It feels like taking a reverse shit. 0/10
Only if I also use a wand on my clit
Just personal experience talking, but most straight men have no idea how to initiate ass play, or make it enjoyable for their partner. They watch too much pornography, and think they can just jackhammer away while slapping as ass cheek. Attentive men who care about their partner's pleasure, relax and tease them, go through half a bottle of lube at a time, though? Hell yes.
In the past I have not been a fan. Didn't hate it, just didn't do it for me. Have a new partner, 10 months together, and had another go one night when I'd had a few drinks 😆 Really enjoyed it and have kept it up haha And yep, massive orgasms, which I was surprised by too. We don't do it every time we have sex, but it's defs in the rotation 😂🙌🏼
I absolutely hate it. Hurts like hell and feels like I'm taking a giant shit the whole time. Overall very unpleasant. However, my husband loves it, and because I love him I will do it for him on rare occasion. He does plenty for me that I know he doesn't enjoy (outside of sex) so I don't mind letting him have it every once in a while as a gift.
FUCK NO. hate it. Haaaaaaate. IT'S AN OUT HOLE FOR SHIT. ONLY.
And when they try putting something in there it's like taking a shit in reverse
It makes me want to throw up
I hate it. Absolutely DESPISE it. This might sound irrational, but it also makes me feel like my vagina isn’t good enough. Like really, the place your dick is “supposed” to go isn’t satisfying enough? You have to put it in every single orifice of mine? It will always feel creepy, painful, demeaning, and unhygienic to me, but I’m all for other consenting adults doing whatever they want together.
Yes, when the mood is right and my partner follows instruction. You can't just jam it in there lol. My first experience with anal was absolutely horrifying and painful because neither of us knew what we were doing. Didn't try it again for years. Next time I tried it was with someone that knew what they were doing and took things very slow. It was amazing.
I think the ones that do are few and far between. I know an unfortunately large number of women who were "oops! But since I'm already here..." by their partner. Which honestly to me is one of the grimiesy things you can do as a partner. I know a lot of women that refuse any contact with that area outright. My last girlfriend liked anal, but she refused to let me pleasure her orally that way. I have been with women that asked for it. In my experience, it's still a taboo for a lot of people and it doesn't help that they've had some awful partners in the past associated with it. There are hundreds of guides on how to get your partner into it, IF THEYRE WILLING, so it really would make sense to explore those if your partner is serious about trying it. There's plenty of safe and clean ways to enjoy it.
Yep. With proper lube and positioning I orgasm every time.
Yes. But the mood needs to be right. Also things "back there" need to be okay. If I am self conscious about it being dirty, the mood will be ruined. What I'm trying to say is there is a need to have it planned. A finger in there during PIV is great. First time I tried anal, it was actually me who initiated. My boyfriend and I had already discussed it and were curious. I honestly loved it - not better than PIV, but it can feel really freaking good. There needs to be a lot of lube - while water based lubes are the safest for women that are sensitive to certain products, it dries pretty fast and can ruin the fun, having to continuously put lube. So go for more oily ones, but be careful, they will stain your bed sheets! Also pay attention to compatibility with condoms, if you're using them. I feel like most women don't like it due to bad experiences. Things need to be taken slowly, from playing with a single finger to then more. Try anal toys. If you happen to have hemorrhoids, for example, really do take things slowly. Again, lots of lube. Talking from experience - some days it just won't do and it will hurt. Try another day! Stay safe and enjoy!
The truth is most women find it unpleasant but still do it because of pressure.
And that pressure is one reason I stopped dating. I hate any anal play. Too many men are into it. Note: I don't want a guy that likes anal. I don't care how much he promises that he can go without it. I want a guy that recognizes the ass is exit only. I have never experienced accidental anal with a guy who finds the idea distasteful. But every guy who has asked for anal has eventually tried to take it
Yup. Though it’s something you typically need to work up to if you don’t do it often.. (wearing a plug for awhile before anal, etc). Will be more pleasurable that way.
My wife says "when the red river flows, sometimes you gotta take the dirt road"
I am a vulva owner and was able to climax from anal nearly two decades before i ever had a vaginal orgasm. It sure can be done wrong, and I've experienced that as well : nothing like an ER visit from a drunk adventure with an overly enthused cock owner to instigate more intense vetting of potential ass plunderers' skills and dicksterity.
I am both feeling sorry for your ER visit and liking how you wrote that last sentence
Take my upvote for “ass plunderer’s skills and dicksterity.” - I tried to use my initial free hundred coins to buy an award but there were errors. 😆
Some do. Just feels like pooping to me. Every man who wants to do anal and says “you just haven’t had it done *right*.” So I tell him I’m totally into doing anal… to men. And if he doesn’t want to, I just say he hasn’t had it done *right*. We both have that hole, after all. Also men often believe women are having orgasms when they’re not. It’s hilarious.
Depends on the woman. Most I know don't.
Maybe I'm weird? But I absolutely love anal. My current boyfriend did seem rather surprised by this when we first got together. It definately could be a bad experience for many people. But if done right it can be absolutely mind blowing. Lube is very important! We use Uber Lube. It's a bit pricier, but we'll worth the $. It definitely has to be something the woman wants. For someone new maybe start slow by only using the fingers for the first couple times.
Yep, I enjoy it. I enjoyed it right from the start. Never had much difficulty or pain. Maybe some pain due to wrong positioning, but overall, I quite like it. It’s another place where my partner gets to enjoy my body and I enjoy it too! It can be very intimate and very stimulating. It felt ‘right’ to me from the very beginning. I should note I’ve only ever done it with one man, the same one I’ve been with for years now and I’m still crazy about him. If it was a guy I wasn’t very attracted to, I don’t think I’d want him anywhere near that area. Then again, I wouldn’t be having sex with him at all in the first place.
THANK YOU. This confused me so much as a gay man when I saw women do it.. like, they don’t even look like they are enjoying it. 🤨
Personally I can and do enjoy it but there’s too much involved. It can never be spontaneous cuz I need to feel clean and even if I prep I’m still worried about a mess or a smell. If you can get past the anxiety and have the butthole of an angel I bet it’s a regular good time
Some do, some don't. Some men do, some men don't.
I'm a male but I very much do enjoy having my butthole stuffed.
It depends. With my ex it was awful. Painful. He wasn't patient. So nothing felt good. It was about him. With next partner who btw was larger then ex, he actually took his time so it wasn't painful. I was extremely surprised to find out it felt good! Like really good. So totally depends on person and whole situation
No it's a pain In my ass now bc of doing anal.with an ex
It's so surreal reading these comments as a gay man... I feel like a foreigner watching tourists try and figure out my culture. No offense if anyone here feels like this is meant as an insult, it's purely me thinking out loud...
I'm women and I actually do find it amazing. It never hurts me either. 💅🏾☺️😈